ENL Couples Worksheets

what I want from a relationship
I have a desire to…

low high
importance importance
Feel connected through talking. 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10
Feel connected through quality time together. 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10
Receive verbal tenderness. 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10
Receive physical tenderness. 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10
Be touched non-sexually. 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10
Have meaningful sex. 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10
Know we’ll stay together and feel secure. 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10
Feel secure in finances. 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10
Feel accepted and valued for who I am. 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10
Feel accepted and valued for what I do. 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10
Feel safe when I share who I am. 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10
Be included in most decisions that affect my life or marriage. 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10
Gain agreement and harmony in decision-making. 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10
Know that he or she needs me. 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10
Be supported in my spiritual life. 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10
Be supported in my desire to give money/gifts to others. 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10
Be supported in my desire to serve others. 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10
Receive genuine praise and affirmation. 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10
Be supported in my desire to have alone time. 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10
Be physically attracted to my spouse. 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10
Know that my spouse is honest and trustworthy. 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10
Receive gifts. 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10
Receive acts of service. 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10
Receive genuine appreciation. 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10
Other: 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10
Other: 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10
Other: 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10
Other. 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10
what I want from a relationship
I have a desire for my partner/spouse to…
low high
importance importance
Be faithful. 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10
Be emotionally healthy. 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10
Develop with me a future plan for our marriage/relationship. 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10
Maintain a mutually vibrant spiritual life. 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10
Apologize and seek forgiveness. 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10
Resolve differences/conflicts/arguments with me. 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10
Provide mutually satisfying communication. 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10
Cope with crises and stress. 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10
Understand my personality and gender differences. 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10
Demonstrate a willingness to change. 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10
Work towards unity with me on how to raise our children. 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10
Be passionate and romantic. 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10
Socially connect with others. 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10
Maintain careful control over his or her expectations. 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10
Share important goals & values with me. 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10
Strive for mutuality and equality in our relationship. 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10
Share negative and positive feelings without delay. 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10
Accept my advice and influence. 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10
Other: 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10
Other: 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10
Other: 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10
Other: 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10
managing my expectations
My partner will meet all my needs for companionship.
Did you believe this in the beginning of your relationship? o yes o no
Do you believe this now? o yes o no
Time will resolve any problems we may have.

If I have to ask for something, it’s not as meaningful.

When there is less romance, that means we have less love for each other.
My partner’s interest in sex must be the same as mine.

We will always do things just like my family did.

Arguing and disagreements are a sign that there is a problem in our relationship.
I believe I know everything there is to know about my partner.

Love is all your need for a great relationship.

Keeping silent about something bothering me is better than causing unnecessary conflict.
I believe I should be my partner’s number 1 priority.

I want my partner to fill every void in my life.

relationship check-in
It might be helpful to have both of you fill this out once a month or so to check in with each other.
1. There is a warm intimacy between us most of the time.

o Strongly Agree o Agree o Disagree o Strongly Disagree
2. I have no trouble forgiving my partner when I am hurt in our relationship.

3. I have no trouble apologizing to my partner when I do something wrong.

4. Any disagreements we have are resolved without hurts or conflicts.

5. Our communication is clear and we understand each other well.

6. I am happy with the amount of quality time we spend together.

7. I feel valued, appreciated, and listened to by my partner.

8. I feel as though we are both on the same page regarding our future together.
9. I am comfortable talking to my partner about personal or sensitive topics.

10. I can be 100% myself in my relationship.

11. I feel as though we know each other very well.

12. I feel as though we are growing in the same direction, and that we share the same values.
13. I am happy with the way you show your love for me.
14. I consider myself happy in this relationship.


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what I want from a relationship

I have a desire to…

Feel connected through quality time together. 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10

Receive verbal tenderness. 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10

Receive physical tenderness. 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10

Have meaningful sex. 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10

Know we’ll stay together and feel secure. 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10

Feel secure in finances. 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10

Feel accepted and valued for who I am. 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10

Feel accepted and valued for what I do. 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10

Feel safe when I share who I am. 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10

Be included in most decisions that affect my life or marriage. 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10

Gain agreement and harmony in decision-making. 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10

Know that he or she needs me. 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10

Be supported in my spiritual life. 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10

Be supported in my desire to give money/gifts to others. 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10

Be supported in my desire to serve others. 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10

Receive genuine praise and affirmation. 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10

Be supported in my desire to have alone time. 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10

Be physically attracted to my spouse. 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10

Know that my spouse is honest and trustworthy. 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10

Receive acts of service. 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10

Receive genuine appreciation. 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10

Develop with me a future plan for our marriage/relationship. 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10

Maintain a mutually vibrant spiritual life. 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10

Apologize and seek forgiveness. 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10

Resolve differences/conflicts/arguments with me. 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10

Provide mutually satisfying communication. 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10

Cope with crises and stress. 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10

Understand my personality and gender differences. 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10

Demonstrate a willingness to change. 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10

Work towards unity with me on how to raise our children. 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10

Be passionate and romantic. 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10

Socially connect with others. 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10

Maintain careful control over his or her expectations. 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10

Share important goals & values with me. 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10

Strive for mutuality and equality in our relationship. 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10

Share negative and positive feelings without delay. 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10

Accept my advice and influence. 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10

Time will resolve any problems we may have.

If I have to ask for something, it’s not as meaningful.

My partner’s interest in sex must be the same as mine.

We will always do things just like my family did.

I believe I know everything there is to know about my partner.

Love is all your need for a great relationship.

I believe I should be my partner’s number 1 priority.

I want my partner to fill every void in my life.

1. There is a warm intimacy between us most of the time.

2. I have no trouble forgiving my partner when I am hurt in our relationship.

3. I have no trouble apologizing to my partner when I do something wrong.

4. Any disagreements we have are resolved without hurts or conflicts.

5. Our communication is clear and we understand each other well.

6. I am happy with the amount of quality time we spend together.

7. I feel valued, appreciated, and listened to by my partner.

9. I am comfortable talking to my partner about personal or sensitive topics.

10. I can be 100% myself in my relationship.

11. I feel as though we know each other very well.

14. I consider myself happy in this relationship.

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