Emotion Regulation

Subject Emotion regulation
Agenda:
- Discuss use of medication
- The pan-model
- Phases of handling anger
- Select exercises to do at home
Introduction: Anger
Anger is a base emotion, which is fundamental and which we all experience sometime. Becoming angry can help us to set limits and stand up for ourselves.
However, anger can become problematic if it comes out in an extreme way or if someone gets stuck in their anger, without doing something with that
emotion. Anger is often a defense against things that hurt or frustrate us. Sometimes these things are unavoidable. In those situations it is key to find a
healthy way to handle your emotions and express your anger in an healthy way.
It can feel as if anger comes on suddenly and intensely, in a burst of rage. However, when you look back on a situation you will often find that anger built up
over a series of events. Leading up to your outburst, the metaphorical straws were stacked up high and that’s why that last one ‘broke the camel’s back’. It
helps to become more aware of the different steps that lead to an angry outburst.
Skill: Keeping the pan from boiling over
On the next page you see a model that we call ‘het pannetjesmodel’, literal translation: ‘the pan model’. The model uses the metaphor of a pan boiling over
to illustrate that we go trough different stages of increasing heat/pressure before we eventually “boil over”.
By filling in the model, you can gain insight into the different stages of anger. You can learn to better recognize these stages and how to prevent (further)
escalation. Or, if you do “boil over”, how to cope with that.
Aside from anger, this model can be used for other intense emotions as well. For instance, for sadness.
The pans represent the intensity of the emotion you feel. The first pan is your most neutral state of being and the last pan in the most intense anger (or
other emotion) you have ever felt.
Step 1: Fill in the first five rows of the model. Start with the first pan: what are your feelings, bodily sensations, thoughts, what do you do or what are you
inclined to do when you feel calm or neutral? Then fill in the last pan, your most intense anger. When you’ve filled in the two outer ends of the scale, fill in
the middle three pans. Emotions never go straight from neutral to a total explosion (even though it can seem that way). Therefore, it’s important to fill in
the three in-between steps as detailed as possible.
Tip: If you find it difficult to fill in, let the psychologist and people close to you help you. You can also indicate the intensity of emotions on a scale from
0-100.
Step 2: Ask yourself at which stage your control over yourself and your behavior slips. This is the danger zone, the stage you don’t want to reach. Draw a
line ahead of this pans column. That way it’s visibly clear this is the line you don’t want to cross.
Step 3: Fill in the last two rows of the model. In the first column: describe what you and others can do so you stay in that state of mind. In the other four
columns: describe what you and others can do to move towards the mental state of the first pan. The most important column to fill in is the one that comes
before you cross the line you drew. Because this is the last phase where you still have grip on the situation and on yourself. The fifth column is also
important to fill in. At that stage you have little control over yourself, but what can your environment still do to bring the situation to an end as well as
possible?
Tip: Involve the people close to you, when filling in the last row. Ask them what they are willing to do for you, they might also have ideas you hadn’t thought
of yet.
On the last pages you’ll find the model on two pages. If you need more space, you can stick these two pages together for a larger model. What’s also added
on at the end is an example of a filled in model, for you to draw inspiration from if you get stuck. Do note: this is an example illustrating how anger
develops in someone else. For you there will probably be completely different feelings, bodily sensations and such.
Form: Keeping the pan from boiling over
Skill: Gaining awareness and bringing about change in daily life
Filling in the model will give insight into the escalation of emotions from neutral to intense anger. You’ve also thought about ways you and
those around you can best respond in every stage of that process.
A next important step is to apply what you have learned in real-life. To do this, you will need to learn to become aware of the stage you
are currently in, so you can act accordingly.
This awareness can be created in many different ways. One example is by asking yourself what emotional state you are in, on set times.
You could, for instance, register what pan you’re in every day at 10AM and 7PM. You can do this by making a list and filling it in as
shown in the example below:
Day Time Pan
Monday 10:00 1
Monday 19:00 3
Tuesday 10:00 2
Tuesday 19:00 2
Wednesday 10:00 1
… … …
Together with your psychologist you can determine what’s a realistic and useful frequency for you to register. Aside
from that it is also important to be aware of the model when your emotions are escalating at the moments that
aren’t these set times. Often, this registration exercise helps to be more aware during the day (so at the more difficult moments as well)
and to respond accordingly. There might be more ways that you can think of to keep the model at the forefront of your mind.
Think about this (possibly together with your psychologist) and write it down in the following table:
How can I be(come) aware of my -
mental state at difficult moments?
-
How can I ensure that others execute -

the agreed upon behavior as we
planned in the model? -
-
Homework
- Fill in the model.
- Discuss the filled in model with others for their input and to confer with them on possible ways to fill in the last column ‘What can others
do?’.
- Execute the registration exercise (skill: gaining awareness)
- Fill in the table on how to gain awareness and change your behavior and that of others to increase chance of the model’s successful
implementation in daily life.
-
Example: filled in model
Example: model (XL)

Emotion Regulation

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Emotion Regulation

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Subject Emotion regulation

Skill: Keeping the pan from boiling over

Skill: Gaining awareness and bringing about change in daily life

Day Time Pan

How can I ensure that others execute -

- Fill in the model.

- Execute the registration exercise (skill: gaining awareness)

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