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Research Paper

Edith Huerta

Pacific Oaks College

HD 300 Early Childhood Themes and Life Cycle Issues

Professor Dan Beaman

October 7, 2021
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Children of all ages can be greatly impacted by the divorce of their parents. Whether they

are raised in single parent households since they were born or later had a shift in their family. It

is important that children have a good and stable relationship with their parent(s). Studies have

shown that not only do children have a more positive outlook on life they are also better at

forming new relationships with others. Comparing the children who have a relationship with one

or both parents to a child who does not have a good relationship you can see how it can be

stressful and emotionally difficult for the child. I have come across and have observed a few

children who come from a “broken home.” A few have voiced how much it impacted them not

only emotionally but also academically. Many of their problems stem from their non-existent or

strained relationship with one or both parents. One child I knew had a very poor relationship

with his father and it caused him to behave bad in school and could not keep friendships for very

long. He was labeled as a “bad kid” all over school, which I always found unfair. I think that

when a child causes trouble to the point where they are labeled a “bad child” it is almost like a

cry for help. They often do what is done to them for example children who tend to pick fights

without being provoked, most likely have the same done to them.

Going back to the child I knew the same thing was happening to him and no one had the

slightest clue. He would always be at school late after we were dismissed and was never doing

his best academically. He was never aggressive with other students, but you could tell at times he

would be frustrated and did not say why. This continued up until high school where he

eventually had to be transferred to a continuation school in order to graduate because of how far

behind he was academically. It was not until recently when he was comfortable enough to say

that for years he was being physically abused by his father. His parents divorced when he and his

siblings were young, and he was the only one who stayed to live with his father. His mother had
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no idea of the things he went through as a child up until he was able to find his own home. To

this say I do not think his mother knows nor do I think he ever confronted his father about it. It

was heart breaking to know that all this time he was being hurt and never said a thing to anyone.

Or that something could have been done if adults or even his friends, me included, asked the

right questions.

I have made it a habit to make it known to my siblings or any children I have constant

contact with, that it is okay to speak up and remind them that they are not alone. Even I

experienced hardships due to my father not being around when I was younger. My mother was

always distant because she had to work two jobs so she can support my sisters and myself. I

thank God everyday for my amazing mother because she did everything possible to make sure

we had what we needed. She never spoke badly of my father and made sure we treated him with

respect whenever he would come to visit us. We adored him every time he showed up

unexpectedly or for our birthdays with an amazing cake with our favorite princess. Years later

we found out by accident at our cousin’s funeral that he was married with four other children.

We were in denial and kept telling ourselves that the reason why he acted like he did not know

us was because he was mourning the loss of his nephew. Of course, that was far from the truth. It

was all confirmed by the rest of our family that everything we ever knew was not entirely true.

The reason he stayed away was not because of work, it was because of his perfect family. He

never answered his phone around us because he would be caught in a lie, and never kept our

numbers saved in case someone got ahold of his phone. Even to this day my mother refuses to

talk bad about him and I love her for that. Despite everything she has gone through for us, she

made sure we always seen him as a perfect father. When in reality he was far from it.
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To this day he has not had the nerve to confirm all of this even though we have seen on

multiple occasions that it is true. My siblings, mother and I have all been verbally harassed by

his daughters and wife. I do not blame them for being angry because I am too, but we have no

fault in the doings of their father. He is the only one to blame here, we are all victims of his lies

and deceitfulness. This has caused me nothing but pain and anger along with abandonment and

trust issues. Being able to know where my hurt comes from allows me to work on my issues. I

have come a long way from the hurt that began from all those lies, and I still have much to heal

from. I find it a lot easier to cut the people who hurt me out of my life. There is no reason why

someone who loves you should cause you so much hurt. If they did not want to lose you, they

would not have done what they did to you. I think it is so important for children to learn that it is

okay to not like your parents or family members, but it is impossible to heal in the same place

you were hurt. That is why it is very important to me that children in the foster care system get

the help they need and that they actually go to a better home.

In today’s world we see many children who come from broken homes. It is almost rare to

find a child who came from a two-parent household. There is nothing wrong with either one but

it does tell a lot of why the child is they way he or she is. We as a nation should be doing more

for the children who need more help. We fail children every single day by not helping them

become the best they can be. They often find themselves in predicaments to gain a sliver of

attention from one or both parents. The outcome is endless when children do not have a stable

relationship with their parents. Day to day it is seen all over the news, and we ask ourselves why

terrible things continue to happen, but we fail to realize that we are the reason it happens.

In the book “Why are all the black kids sitting together in the cafeteria” it goes over so

many valid points but a chapter that stuck out to me was chapter 8, finding a voice. Even though
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they spoke about stereotypes, they also spoke of not being heard and that got to me. These

children find their voice at times and we adults fail to listen. Their cries for help can be a small

gesture that they make or on word that is said. It is there for one second and if we miss that one

cry the children will not try to reach out again because they do not feel heard.

Researching the statistics of one parent households or suicides that come from it were

alarming. It is something that we hear almost every day, but we push it aside. Eighty-five percent

of children with behavior disorders come from fatherless homes. In 2019 over twenty-nine

thousand children live with a single divorced parent. We can do so much to make all these

children feel loved and wanted instead of causing them more pain. The only one who truly

suffers in the case of a divorce, or one parent household are the children. We should be doing

more for the children who feel excluded on mother’s or father’s day.
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References

Gonzalez-Mena, J. (2008). Diversity in early care and education: Honoring differences and
practice in building bridges. McGraw-Hill.

Published by Statista Research Department, & 20, J. (2021, January 20). Children living with
single divorced parents U.S. 2020. Statista. Retrieved October 11, 2021, from
https://www.statista.com/statistics/681209/us-children-living-with-single-divorced-parents-
by-
age/#:~:text=This%20statistic%20shows%20the%20number%20of%20children%20living,
You%20need%20a%20Single%20Account%20for%20unlimited%20access.

Statistics. The Fatherless Generation. (2010, April 28). Retrieved October 11, 2021, from
https://thefatherlessgeneration.wordpress.com/statistics/#:~:text=Nearly%2020%20million
%20children%20%2827%20percent%29%20live%20in,each%20year%20experience%20t
he%20divorce%20of%20their%20parents.

Tasner, A. the A. M. (2019, July 29). Why a parent-child relationship is important. The Pillars
Christian Learning Center. Retrieved October 11, 2021, from
https://www.thepillarsclc.com/why-a-parent-child-relationship-is-important/.

Tatum, B. D. (2010). "Why are all the black kids sitting together in The Cafeteria?": And other
conversations about race. Accessible Pub. Systems PTY.