THE

PSYCHOLOGY
OF
HIGH
SELF-
ESTEEM
WORKBOOK

NATHANIEL
BRANDEN, Ph.D.
Important
To begin—Please save this workbook
to your desktop or in another location.
How to Use This Interactive Workbook

How can you get the most out of this interactive workbook? Research has shown that the more
ways you interact with learning material, the deeper your learning will be. Nightingale-Conant
has created a cutting edge learning system that involves listening to the audio, reading the ideas
in the workbook, and writing your ideas and thoughts down. In fact, this workbook is designed
so that you can fill in your answers right inside this document, or take a sheet of paper, or
notebook and do the exercises at your desk. By the end, you’ll have your own personal success
system.

The sentence-completion technique, which makes up the majority of these exercises, was
developed as a tool to bring about self-discovery, self-expression, and self-healing. It is a
remarkably effective way of doing a form a therapy at your own pace and on your own time.
With repeated use, the exercises in this program will bring you greater insight and a deeper
understanding of a very important person in your life. And that person is you.

For each session, we recommend the following:

n Preview the section of the workbook that corresponds with the audio session, paying
particular attention to the exercises.
n Listen to the audio session at least once.
n Complete the exercises right in this workbook.

Don’t just listen to this program — devour it! Strategies don’t work unless you use them. Test and
use the strategies that make sense to you, consistently, over time — until they become habits.
Listen to it more than once. Listen for the key ideas that you can use to impact your attitudes,
actions, and results. True change takes focus and repetition.

Let’s get started!

 TABLE OF CONTENTS

Introduction

Living Consciously
Exercise 1 . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .1

Self-Acceptance
Exercise 2 . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .2
Exercise 3 . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .3
Exercise 4 . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .4

Assessing Behavior
Exercise 5 . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .5

Liberation From Guilt

Exercise 6 . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .6
Exercise 7 . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .7
Exercise 8 . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .8
Exercise 9 . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .8

Integrating Your Younger Selves

Exercise 10 . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .10
Exercise 11 . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .12

Living Responsibly
Exercise 12 . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .13
Exercise 13 . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .14
Exercise 14 . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .15

Living Authentically
Exercise 15 . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .16
Exercise 16 . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .17

The Difference It Makes

Exercise 17 . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .18
Exercise 1
Living Consciously
Prepare two lists. In list 1, identify the areas in your improve on with regard to your level of consciousness.
life in which you operate with the most consciousness. Meditate on what seems to be difficult about staying
In list two, note the areas in which you operate with in high-level mental focus in these areas.
the least consciousness. Identify at least three areas to

LIST 1: LIST 2:

Then for each of the areas in list 2, write: your thoughts, write six to 10 endings. Repeat these
The hard thing about staying fully conscious here is: … steps for the three sentence stems that follow.
and then, as rapidly as possible, and without censoring

The hard thing about staying fully conscious here is:

The good thing about not being fully conscious here is:

If I were to stay fully conscious here:

1
 Exercise 2
Self-Acceptance
Write six to 10 endings as rapidly as you can for conflicts with another. None of your endings are
each of the following sentence stems. Don‘t worry carved in stone. This is merely an exercise — an
if your ending is literally true, or if one ending experiment.

It’s not easy for me to be self-accepting when I:

It’s not easy for me to admit that:

One of my emotions I have trouble accepting is:

One of the thoughts I tend to push out of my mind is:

One of the things about my body I have trouble accepting is:

If I were more accepting of my body:

If I were more accepting of the things I have done:

If I were accepting of my feelings:

If I were more honest about my wants and needs:

The scary thing about being self-accepting is:

If other people saw me being more self-accepting:

The good thing about being self-accepting might be:

I am becoming aware of:

I am beginning to feel:

As I learn to stop denying my experiences:

As I breathe deeply and allow myself to experience self-acceptance:

2
Exercise 3
Self-Acceptance
It takes courage to admit that we like ourselves — that will allow you to explore this issue and figure
faults or no faults, shortcomings or no shortcom- out where you now stand.
ings. Here is a simple sentence-completion exercise

One of the things I dislike about myself is:

One of the things I like about myself is:

I like myself least when I:

I like myself most when I:

Mother gave me a view of myself as:

Father gave me a view of myself as:

When I feel disliked:

When I’m proud of something no one else cares about or understands:

If I were to admit how much I secretly like myself:

The good thing about pretending to dislike myself is:

The scary thing about admitting that I like myself, faults or no faults, is:

I am becoming aware:

If any of what I’m writing is true:

If I were willing to breathe deeply and allow myself to experience the joy of being:

3
 Exercise 4
Self-Acceptance
Make a list of six facts about yourself that you have dif- doesn’t mean liking. Then, for each item, write six to 10
ficulty accepting completely. Remember that accepting endings for each of the following sentence stems.

The hard thing about accepting _______________________(fill in the item) is:

If I were to accept _____________________ (fill in the item) completely:

If it turns out that the truth is the truth, whether I accept it or not:

I am becoming aware:

4
Exercise 5
Assessing Behavior
The maintenance of personal integrity is of great im- Here is a sentence-completion exercise to help you
portance to our self-evaluation. When your behavior explore this issue. Write six to 10 endings for each
expresses your professed values, you have integrity. sentence stem.

I most feel I have integrity when I:

Sometimes I diminish my integrity when I:

I like myself most when I:

I like myself least when I:

When I fail my standards, I tell myself:

It would be easier for me to live up to my standards if:

5
 Exercise 6
Liberation from Guilt
Think of some negative attributes you ascribe to your- yourself. Here is an example: I am not friendly, but I
self. Then, for each item, think of three situations in life am friendly with people who seem lonely. I make
in which you do not exhibit it and actually manifest the friends with the grocer and others I see when I do
opposite behavior. Do this exercise by making notes for errands. I am friendly with animals.
every negative trait you’re inclined to attribute to

6
Exercise 7
Liberation from Guilt
In Exercise 6 you examined the negative attributes which you manifest them. Now think of three alter-
which you ascribe to yourself, and the situations in nate responses you might bring to those situations.

7
 Exercise 8
Liberation from Guilt
Think about some action, or inaction, for which you Don’t allow self-criticism or self-censorship to inter-
reproach yourself. Then complete the following sen- fere. Let the ending write themselves, whether or not
tence stems, writing six to 10 endings for each one. they initially seem to make sense.

If I were to look fully at what I did (or failed to do):

When I did what I did, I told myself:

One of the things I might learn from the experience is:

If I were willing to see what I see right now:

One of the ways to avoid this mistake in the future is:

If I were to remain as conscious as I am right now:

I would like myself more if I:

When I act against what I understand perfectly well:

I am becoming aware of:

As I become more willing to understand what I am writing:

8
Exercise 9
Liberation from Guilt
Two factors seem present whenever we experience as our shortcomings. Here are some sentence stems
defensiveness or guilt about positives: fear of self- to help explore this issue. Write six to 10 endings for
responsibility and fear of isolation or aloneness. It each one.
takes courage to be honest about our assets as well

If I have trouble accepting any asset of mine, it might be:

When I feel defensive about positives:

The scary thing about admitting my pride in my accomplishments is:

When I encounter envy or jealousy:

If I hide who I am through fear:

If I am asked to apologize for my good goals or intelligence, or possessions or

achievements (direct your completions to the most pertinent stem for you):

If I were to admit the things for which I feel proud:

9
 Exercise 10
Integrating Your Younger Selves
When unrecognized, misunderstood, rejected, or awareness of your child-self and facilitating
abandoned, a child-self can turn into a “trouble integration. Write six to 10 endings for each
maker” that obstructs our growth as well as our en- sentence stem, working as rapidly and uncritically
joyment of living. Sentence-completion work is an as you can, inventing when need be to keep the
advanced and powerful tool for awakening your momentum going.

When I was ten years old:

If I recall how the world seemed when I was very young:

If I recall how my body felt when I was very young:

If I recall how people seemed when I was very young:

With my friends I felt:

When I felt lonely, I:

When I felt excited, I:

If I recall how life seemed when I was very young:

If the child in me could speak, he/she might say:

One of things I had to do to survive as a child was:

One of the ways I treat my child-self as my father did is:

One of the ways I treat my child-self as my mother did is:

When the child within feels ignored by me:

When the child within feels criticized by me:

One of the ways my child-self sometimes gets me into trouble is:

I suspect I am operating out of my child-self when I:

If my child-self were to feel accepted by me:

Sometimes, the hard thing about fully accepting the child within is:

If I were more forgiving of my child-self:

I would be kinder to the child within if I were to:

10
If I were to listen to the things my child-self needs to tell me:

I am becoming aware:

When I look at myself from this perspective:

11
 Exercise 11
Integrating Your Younger Selves
Here is a more advanced way to work on the terri- each sentence. This exercise is effective for exploring
tory opened up in the sentence stems of Exercise 10. your child-self at any age — right through the
As usual, provide six to 10 endings to complete teenage years.

When I was five years old:

One of the things my five-year-old self needs from me and has never gotten is:

When my five-year-old self tries to talk to me:

If I were willing to listen to my five-year-old self with acceptance and compassion:

If I refuse to be there for my five-year-old self:

At the thought of reaching back to help my five-year-old self:

12
Exercise 12
Living Responsibly
Avoiding self-responsibility victimizes us. It leaves us It places our life back in our own hands. Sentence
helpless. By contrast, embracing self-responsibility completion brings the point home with speed and
can be an exhilarating and empowering experience. clarity.

Sometimes, when things aren’t going so well, I make myself helpless by:

The good thing about making myself helpless is:

Sometimes I try to avoid responsibility by blaming:

Sometimes I keep myself passive by:

Sometimes I use self-blame to:

If I took more responsibility when working:

If I took more responsibility for the success of my relationships:

If I took responsibility for every word I say:

If I took responsibility for my feelings:

If I took responsibility for my actions, moment by moment:

If I took responsibility for my happiness:

If the only meaning in my life is the meaning I am willing to create:

If I were willing to breathe deeply and fully experience my own power:

If I were willing to see what I see and know what I know:

Right now it is very clear that:

13
 Exercise 13
Living Responsibly
Imagine a scale from 1 to 10, with 10 signifying what bility. Rate yourself on each item listed below. Then
you would regard as optimal self-responsibility and 1 provide endings to the sentence stem on the bottom
signifying the lowest conceivable level of self-responsi- of this page.

________ Your health

________ Your emotions

________ Your choice of lovers

________ Your choice of spouse

________ Your choice of friends

________ The level of consciousness you bring to your work

________ The level of consciousness you bring to your relationships

________ Your way of treating people in general

________ Your intellectual development

________ Your emotional development

________ Your character

________ Your happiness

________ Your self-esteem

One of the ways I can take more responsibility with regard to (whatever the area)
is to:

14
Exercise 14
Living Responsibly
If there are areas in your life, right now, in which you sponsibility are the areas in which you like yourself
practice a higher level of self-responsibility than you least. The following sentence completion will verify
do in others, those are the areas in which you like this for you.
yourself most. The areas in which you most avoid re-

I practice great self-responsibility when I:

I most avoid self-responsibility when I:

When I am self-responsible, I feel:

When I avoid self-responsibility, I feel:

If any of what I am writing is true:

I am becoming aware:

15
 Exercise 15
Living Authentically
Using, once again, a scale from 1 to 10, with 10 1 representing the lowest level conceivable, rate
representing the highest level of authenticly and yourself on each of these items.

________ I generally am honest with myself about what I am feeling, accepting

my emotions, experiencing them, without necessarily being compelled
to act on them.

________ I generally am honest with others about my feeling in contexts in which

talking about feelings is appropriate.

________ I consciously strive to be truthful and accurate in my communications.

________ I talk comfortably, openly, and straightforwardly about the things I love,
admire, and enjoy.

________ If I am hurt or upset, I talk about this with honesty and dignity.

________ I stick up for myself and honor my own needs and interests.

________ I allow other people to see my excitement.

________ If I know I’m wrong, I acknowledge this simply and candidly.

________ I feel that the self I experience internally is the self I present to
the world.

16
Exercise 16
Living Authentically
How might you feel, how might you experience completion, writing six to 10 endings for each of
yourself, if you chose to live more authentically? the following.
You can explore this territory further with sentence-

The hard thing about being honest about my feelings with others is:

The hard thing about being honest about what I’m feeling with myself is:

If I strove for truth and accuracy in my communications:

If I talked openly about the things I love, admire, and enjoy:

If I were honest about feeling hurt, angry, or upset:

If I were willing to show others my excitement:

If I were honest about it when I knew I was wrong:

If I were willing to let people hear the music inside of me:

When I think of what I surrender for fear of being condemned:

When I think of what I surrender for fear of being laughed at:

If I were willing to experiment with being a little more authentic every day:

17
 Exercise 17
The Difference It Makes
The following sentence-completion exercises will tell this program so far — and will show you areas to
you a good deal about what you have absorbed from work on further.

If I look at the criteria by which I judge myself:

If no one can give me good self-esteem except myself:

If I choose to understand what good self-esteem depends on:

One of the things I can do to raise my self-esteem is:

If I do not exist to serve other people:

If other people do not exist to serve me:

If my life belongs to me:

If I really do have a right to exist:

If self-sacrifice won’t buy me self-esteem:

I am becoming aware:

If I allow myself to understand the meaning of living consciously:

If I am not yet fully ready to live consciously:

If I were willing to know what I’m doing when I act:

If I were willing to see what I see and know what I know:

As I learn to accept myself:

One of the things I need to learn to accept is:

As I give up fighting myself:

As I breathe into my feelings rather than resist them:

As I learn to own my actions:

I am becoming aware:

If it turns out that living with guilt is a cop-out:

18
If I were tilling to forgive myself:

As I seek to understand why I act as I do:

As I learn to live by my own standards:

If I refuse to apologize for my virtues:

If I am honest about my assets:

If I take pleasure in myself:

If I admit that I like myself:

As I learn to embrace my child-self:

As I learn to embrace my teenage-self:

If I disown the person I once was:

If I make friends with all the parts of me:

I am beginning to see that:

If I take full responsibility for my actions:

If I take full responsibility for the things I say:

If I persist in blaming other people:

If I insist on seeing myself as a victim:

If I accept that my happiness is mine alone to achieve:

As I learn to be more honest about what I think and feel:

As I learn to be more honest about my wants:

When I think about some of the lies I have to live by:

When I am ready to give up those lies:

If I need time to learn to live with integrity:

If I were willing to give myself the time I need to learn:

If I were willing to let people hear the music inside me:

If I were willing to show people who I am:

As I learn to simply be myself:

19
 If I deal with other people with respect and benevolence:

If I give others the good will I want them to give me:

If I allow myself to understand what I’ve been hearing:

If I accept that I may not yet be ready to let all this knowledge in:

If I give myself permission to grow at my own speed:

If this is the beginning of a great adventure:

20
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