How to

heal your
wounded
inner child
A step by step beginners
guide on healing from
childhood trauma
A bit about me...
I grew up with parents who were emotionally
unavailable; both were traumatised by events
that happened in their own childhoods, and
unknowingly passed their trauma onto me.
As a sensitive child, growing up in this
environment was very challenging, I blamed
myself for their problems and believed it was
my responsibility to fix them. I suppressed
my own needs, and became a chronic
perfectionist and people pleaser to cover up
my painful feelings of worthlessness. As an
adult these traits manifested themselves
both physically and mentally through a
variety of issues including OCD, addiction,
agoraphobia, panic disorder, CPTSD, anxiety
and depression.

In July 2019 I had a mental breakdown. I could

not keep pretending I was OK anymore. For
years I’d convinced myself that my childhood
had not impacted me. And I did everything in
my power to cover it all up. From the outside
everything looked great, had an amazing
career, long term relationships, bought a
house, always seemed 'happy'. But on the
inside I was dying.
I could not run away from my childhood
trauma anymore, all the years of binge
drinking, drug taking, partying caught up with
me and I hit rock bottom. I lay on the floor for
weeks, I could barely move - it was like the
pain I’d been avoiding all my life finally came
to the surface, and it was in these moments, I
realised, I had no idea who I was - I had no
sense of self.

This was both the scariest and most rewarding

experience of my life. I had to grieve my old self,
I had to learn who I was, how to love myself, like
truly love myself from the inside out. I had to
accept that I wasn't perfect, accept that it was
OK to make mistakes, accept that I had flaws. I
had to forgive myself, learn to trust myself,
unlearn all of the negative core beliefs I
developed in childhood and completely rewire
my brain.

How did I do this? By learning about inner

child healing. These healing steps I’m going to
share with you have completely revolutionised
my life. I never would have believed I would be
where I am now since my breakdown. I've gone
from surviving to thriving. Why? Because on a
deeper, spiritual level I knew I deserved better
and I believe that you deserve better too.

Jen xx
Before diving in...
This guide is not a replacement for
therapy. I'm not a therapist, a
counsellor, or a psychologist - the
information I will be sharing with you
is from my own lived experience.

If you are struggling with your mental

health speak to your GP, and if you
have a therapist, speak to them about
inner child healing.

This is deep work, if you feel

overwhelmed with feelings take
gentleness breaks. This guide is not to
be rushed, you have all the time in the
world with this. Try not to binge the
whole guide, break it up, maybe focus
on one step a day.
The Steps
1. Acknowledge
2. Connection
3. Validate
4. Discovery
5. Playtime
6. Inner monologue
7. Reparenting
8. Forgiveness
9. Acceptance
10. Group work
Acknowledge 1.
The first step is to acknowledge that 1)
your past has caused you pain and 2)
you have a wounded inner child -
everyone has an inner child, however
not all of us have a wounded one.
If you grew up around emotionally
unavailable adults who regularly criticised,
judged and shamed you it's likely yours is
wounded, as growing up in an environment
like this impacts our emotional development
causing parts of us to be frozen in time.

The following traits are signs your inner

child is wounded; you get defensive, you are
reactive, you take things personally, you
struggle naming feelings, you isolate when
upset, you never ask for help, you people
please, you are a perfectionist.
Connection 2.
Many of us grow up as people
pleasers, meaning we only feel ‘good’
when making others happy - we've
spent our lives putting other people's
needs before our own, to the point we
don't know what our needs are.
This step is all about connecting to your true
self, as that is what inner child healing is all
about. Finding out what we like, what we don't
like and what our true values are. Right now,
it's likely that who you are, is a projection of
what someone else wanted you to be.
Buy a journal that is dedicated to your inner
child healing work, ask yourself these
questions 5 every day 1) How am I feeling
today 2) What did I struggle with today? 3)
What did I do well today? 4) What do I need
5) How do I give myself what I need
Validate 3.
As children we were often shamed for
having emotions, we were shut down,
shouted at and made to believe that
how we felt, was wrong. As adults, we
now do the same thing to ourselves,
because we've internalised our parents
voices and now they are living rent
free inside our heads.
In this step we make a choice to stop
shaming ourselves and instead start
showing ourselves kindness and
compassionate instead, this is where we
begin to take the power back, and create a
safe space to grieve our pain.

The next time you feel upset or angry about

something, rather than denying or
questioning your feelings, hold your hand on
your heart and say out loud ‘It’s OK to be
upset, I understand why you feel this way’.
Discovery 4.
Many of us have no idea who we are
because as children our parents saw us
as extensions of them, rather than
unique individuals, so we ended up
doing things that got their validation,
rather than what bought us joy.
Self discovery is key when healing the
inner child, as it creates a safe space for
them to express themselves, and move
away from shame, an emotion prevalent in
families of emotionally unavailable adults.

Write a list of all of your favourite things e.g.

walking, watching films, drawing (ideally
stuff you like doing alone) and make a
promise to yourself to set aside 30 minutes
do at least those things this week.
Playtime 5.
Every time we play, we heal a part of
our soul. So many of us grew up in
homes where we were taught to be
seen and not heard, so playtime was
not 'allowed'. .
Play is so important for our emotional
wellbeing. It's where true happiness is
born. Playtime is not just for kids, it’s for
everyone. It's what being a human is all
about. Play brings us into the present
moment. It reminds us how awesome it is
to be alive!

Playtime is doing something just for the fun

of it, whether that’s roller skating in the
park, playing football with the kids, dancing
round the house in your PJs, playing loud
music, singing in the shower - whatever
makes you feel alive! Get some playtime in
your life - make it a priority!
Inner monologue 6.
As mentioned in step 3, many of us
have a shaming inner voice because
we’ve internalised our parents
judgemental voices. As children we
believe what our parents say to be true
and this is what leads to our feelings of
low self worth.
We all have an inner critic, however most
of us have a toxic one, would you speak to
someone else the way you speak to
yourself? The good news, it doesn't have to
be this way.
Next time you make a mistake, bring
awareness to the voice in your head, what is
it saying, where have you heard those words
before? Then remind yourself, that what this
voice says is not true. Speak back to this
voice and say ‘Thank you but I don’t need
your help anymore’ and repeat until the
voice starts to fade away.
Reparenting 7.
If our parents did not meet our needs
as children, we spend our adult lives
looking for that 'special someone' who
is going to come and rescue us and it
causes havoc in our lives as we are
essentially allowing a child to pick our
romantic partners..
The truth is that no one is coming to
rescue us, you might meet someone and
they make you feel good at first
(honeymoon period) but it soon wears off.
The harsh reality is that you are the only
one that can rescue you, no one else, not a
partner, a parent, you.
In your journal write a list of all of the
loving attributes you would love a person to
have. And when you have the list, have a
think about how you can become this person
to yourself.
Forgiveness
8.
Many of us who grew up in families
where the parents were emotionally
unavailable and on a subconscious
level, we blamed ourselves for how we
were treated.
Part of inner child healing is realising that
we put so much pressure on ourselves to
be the fixer, rescuer and therapist for our
family, and as much as this helped us
survive our childhood, we do not need to
do this anymore.

Remind yourself this on a regular basis; it is

not your responsibility to fix everyone, it’s
time to let yourself off the hook, you do not
need to prove your worth, or try to get
anyone else's validation other than your
own. You are a flawed human being, who has
made some mistakes, you do not need to be
perfect, and you are not responsible for
other peoples emotions.
Acceptance 9.
This step is one of the most powerful
with inner child healing, not only is it
about accepting yourself, but it’s about
accepting others too. Once you start
practicing this, your life will start to
change.
Looking at yourself is not easy, which is
why most people don’t do it. There will be
parts of you that you don’t like, this is
totally normal! No one is perfect, no one.
So stop holding yourself up to these
ridiculously high standards and accept
that you are just a flawed human being.

Next time you start judging yourself harshly

for making a mistake or doing something you
think is ‘shameful’ or ‘wrong’, remind yourself
that it’s OK to do stupid shit sometimes.
Practice 10.
Inner child healing takes practice, it’s
a mindset shift and it takes time, don’t
rush it - if you spend 30 mins a day
working on it and you’ll see results
pretty fast. This type of healing gets
right to the core of the issue, which is
why it works!
These steps are not linear, some days you
will have some of them nailed, other days
none, but that’s OK. It’s progress, not
perfection and you just need to take it one
day at a time.

To achieve the best results with inner child

healing it’s best to do it with a group, a coach
or a registered therapist. Healing alone can be
very isolating, knowing that other people are
on the same path is very powerful and
Top Tips
My top tips on healing the
wounded inner child:
Give yourself permission to feel all of
your feelings no matter how difficult
they are
Allow yourself time and space to get to
know yourself
Treat yourself the same way you would
a good friend
Surround yourself with people who
make you feel alive, remove people who
do not support you
Journal everyday, check in with
yourself regularly
Stop taking yourself so seriously, allow
yourself to make mistakes and learn
from them
Learn how to have fun, whether that’s
playing in the park, climbing trees
playing computer games, whatever
makes you smile - and do it regularly.
Make sure you are eating and sleeping
well