A 16 YEAR OLD GIRL

By:MAYA
Blurb:
Hi I’m Maya and well this is my story. I wouldn't like to call this a memoirs
because I'm not that old in fact I got all my life to live considering I just
turned 16.But at my age already I feel like my whole life has been 1 big
roller coaster ride i know it sounds cliché but just like a roller-coaster ride
I’ve had my share of highs and my lows which have both molded me into
the person I am today.
From the very first time I saw my mom being beaten by dad to watching my
bro become a drug addict and even being beaten by my dad myself and
not feeling safe around him of fear of being raped. I've experienced it all.
Half of the stuff that I speak about no one really knows about me, yes there
are a select few that do know but even they don't know the full story.
This is the story of my deepest darkest secrets as some may call it, the
story of a little girl who’s pain has been caused by a man she calls dad a
man she looks up to even at this moment because well he still is my dad .I
may not approve of all the things he has done but i do love him as my dad.
This is the story of a girl who is sick and tired of crying herself to sleep on
so many nights because well i was alone with no one turn to but an
imaginary friend. This is the story of all my truths.
This is my story.....
Worst 10 days of my life:
1) The first living memory I have of seeing mom being beaten

2) the day Joe left me.

3) The Eid where we were forced to play house with dad's mistress
followed by mom getting beaten.

4) The day dad showed promise of actually beating me.

5) The night before Eid where I, mom and Sally were basically homeless.

6) The day dad first told me he loved me.

7) The day Joe went missing.

8) The day dad beat me to a pulp and stripped me naked.

9) The day that dad humiliated mom by standing up for one of his whores.

10) The day I realised that I wasn't safe in my own house because my dad
was a fucking pervert and pedophile.
Prologue:
I'm a 16 year old girl whose felt oppressed all 16 years of my life.
I'm a 16 year old girl who loathes her own father.
I'm a 16 year old girl who's thought more about suicide during the cover of
night than live on another day.
I'm a 16 year old girl who's begged and pleaded with God to end her misery
and yet more came tumbling her way.
I'm a 16 year old girl who's spent her life crying about it than actually living
it.
I'm a 16 year old girl who's been silenced all her life because I was just a
16 year old girl and didn't know better.
I'm a 16 year old girl who always put up a brave face as a front just so
people wouldn't find out about my crappy life.
I'm a 16 year old girl who's heart has been ripped out of her so many times
that you'd expect it to stop beating.
I'm a 16 year old girl who had to learn to be a mother to another human
being while I myself was still a child.
I'm a 16 year old girl who's spent her life wiping her mother tears away but
with no one to wipe hers away.
I'm a 16 year old girl who was raised by a mother who taught her to be
independent and yet she does the opposite.
I'm a 16 year old girl who had to live with the burden of knowing that she
was the reason her mom was being beaten.
I'm a 16 year old girl who's had to live with the notion that I had to be my
mom and sisters saviour.
I am a 16 year old who just wants to be given the opportunity to be a 16
year old girl.
I'm a 16 year old girl who says you will not break me down.
I'm a 16 year old girl who says I am better than you, than this.
I am a 16 year old girl who refuses to live in a world dominated by men who
think that it is ok to abuse women just because we have different
appendages.
I am a 16 year old girl who says down with the patriarchy, down with toxic
masculinity, down with raping our woman and girls. Down with murdering
our woman and girls.
I'm a 16 year old girl who says enough is enough.
I'm a 16 year old girl who says you can't hurt me anymore, I won't allow you
to.
I'm a 16 year old girl who says this is my story because you no longer have
power against me.

This is the story of my 16 year old self....

CHAPTER 1: Meet the parents:
Why don't I begin from the beginning: I have a mom and dad who once
upon a time used to be in love and got married at such a young age, mom
was 15 and dad was 18.When i was younger and sometimes now still my
mom would tell me, how dad used to chase her around town just so he
could get her attention but then she'd pretend like she didn’t notice him
eyeing her. To me this seemed like one of those fairytale moments most of
us so desperately yearn for, including me.But I guess all fairytales come to
an end.
And at some point during their life the love that they so passionately shared
slowly turned into this deep hate that even i can’t explain. I mean how do
two people who loved each other just suddenly despise each other.
To be honest i don’t really know exactly when things went wrong between
them, but from the furthest memory i have of the 2 of them together,
they’ve never really been much of a married couple. Always on each other
throats and bringing out the worst of each other. They’d be 2 feet away
from each other and yet they'd scream at each other, as if they were miles
away and all for the most stupidest thing.
For example dad would come home late(only later do I realise late nights
were an indication of cheating) and wouldn't find food out so he'd yell for
mom and mom would yell back:"its in the oven you just need to warm it up
“but dad already grumpy from whatever he'll whole he crept out from
(definitely not work) would yell for her to do it ,but mom as tired as she
was and it also being in the middle of night, would still walk out of bed to
warm it up for him ,but then for some unfathomable reason dad would find
something wrong with the food ,and well they'd start screaming at each
other to a point where you'd swear someone would be murdered that night
if they didn’t stop. Eventually dad would loose his temper and mom being
who she was ,wouldn't back down either ,which ultimately leads to her on
the floor bleeding while dad storms out of the house yelling for everyone in
the neighborhood to hear.
And so u can only imagine that I've always had a hard time growing up. I’ve
basically grew up trying to wipe moms tears away, but no matter how hard i
try i can still see the sadness in her eyes. It’s like it’s become a part of her
being, i mean she tries so damn hard to pretend that its ok, and i know she
only does that for me and my siblings, and sometimes I blame myself but
mostly I blame him.
Because to be frank my dad’s a lying cheating bastard.Now don’t get me
wrong i love my dad i mean he is my dad after all ,it’s just that i love my
mom more ,and not because she gave birth to me ,just the fact that she's
,well my mother: the person who shared a bed with me until i was 9
because i was afraid of the dark and didn't like being in my room alone, the
person that woke up in the middle of the night to help me switch on the
bathroom light because I was too short to reach it, the one who always
protected me from my father's wrath when he showed sign of turning his
attention to me, the one who was always by my bedside whenever I was
sick or feeling down and well so much more.
I'm not trying to say my dad hasn't been a great dad in fact he kind of has
been in his own way, it’s just that with him all the bad outweigh the good.
For starters he isn’t really home much and for good reason to, or that's
what he keeps telling us. I mean, i get that he has to work to put food on
the table and ensure we get an education , but i don’t think a person works
till about 23:00.
And let’s not get started on the emotional side because for that I'd rate him
a 0.He has never really been there for me.I mean how could he if I barely
see him ,and when I do see him his starting a bloody war with mom, and
even back in the earlier days when we all still lived together and he was
actually home ,all he'd do is shout at an 8 year old me to be quite and stop
fussing with my then 10 year old bro.so as u can see I'm not really fond of
my dad and I have good reason not to be, and I'm afraid it gets worse over
the years.
CHAPTER 2:Non-existent siblings:
Let's forget about my parents for a while because I forgot to mention my
siblings. I have 5 siblings excluding me but I only really consider 2 of them
as real siblings.
The other 3:The first born my sister and the 2 almost twins(almost meaning
9 months apart, because the second 1 was in a rush to be born) haven't
really been there for me and therefore have never really played big roles in
my life. Besides having the title of being called my siblings they've always
just been in the background. And by that i mean: Where were they when
dad was beating up mom? Where were they when an 8 year old me was
trying to protect mom from the lashes that dad kept giving? Where were
they all those nights when mom cried herself to sleep because she thought
we were asleep? Did they not really care or did they enjoy seeing mom in
pain all the time?

In fact where are they now as I speak. They out living their lives as adults
as they probably should be, but it still hurts that they could just sit back and
let all this happen ,I mean i was a kid ,I still kind of am, but I'd always try to
protect mom from him even when she'd push me away I'd still go to side
and try to take some of the beating for her, and what about my crying?
What about all the times I begged them to do something, to make him
stop? But they never did, they just stood idly by while mom got battered
and i wailed my lungs out, pleading.
They could've done something, anything but they didn’t. They just watched
everything happen from the side lines.
So it’s even pointless for me to mention their names...
CHAPTER 3: Peas in a pod:
Then we have Joe my annoying older brother who's always been on my
nerves from the day I came into the world. Me and Joe have always been
together, when the other 3 were so stuck up on growing up, me and Joe
were living our childhood, from sneaking out of the house when mom
wasn't looking so we could go play outside in the rain, to learning how to
ride bikes together and occasionally him combing my hair when he wasn't
annoying.
But my fondest memory of Joe and me was when he tried to be
Spiderman.it was hilarious. We had just watched the movie Spider-Man
and him being about 9 wanted to show a 7 year old me that he could be
just like Spiderman, so he climbed to the top of the bunker bed that he
shared with the younger almost twins. He basically wanted to jump from the
top, but missed a step and he fell flat down to the floor. I couldn't stop
laughing, even thinking about it now makes me laugh, but then he wouldn't
get up and started crying. So i had to go call mom and it turns out he broke
his arm and had to wear a cast for about a month.
I still can't believe he flipped it and made it my fault, he told mom I was the
one that told him to do i.e. mean i didn't tell him not to do it, i might have
even encouraged him, but he was the one that wanted to be Spider-
Man.He made his choice and well there are consequences to be paid.
We gave mom a hard time growing up considering we were always
bickering and arguing as siblings do, well at least we did, like cats and dog
as my mom would put it.
CHAPTER 4: Shoulder to cry on:
To be honest Joe never really cried that much, I was the one that did most
of the crying. Maybe it was because at one stage he said: “I don't cry
because you do enough crying as it is and if I were to cry then who'd wipe
away your tears."
But even though he didn’t cry I always knew he felt the same way I did. He
was the only one that really understood what I was going through and how I
was feeling.
And on those really bad nights where mom who had just been beaten is
asleep, and dad is nowhere to be seen, and I couldn’t stop crying, Joe
would tell me about how things weren't always like this between them. I
don't know if that is true because as far as I'm concerned they'd never
really loved each other. Joe would say: “When I grow up I'm going to get us
out of here, I promise, me, you and mom."
But u sees that was Joe's greatest mistake: he promised me something he
couldn't deliver and the naive little girl at that time believed him, I really
did...

But all in all when we weren't listening to our parents bickering and
quareling.And weren't in the middle of one of their fights.
On those very rare occasions we actually had a great childhood. Me and
Joe.
CHAPTER 5: Froggy:
Growing up I looked up to Joe because even though his been through so
much in his own personal life his always pushed through. Considering all
the stuff going on with mom and dad as well.
Not many people know this but When Joe was little when I was just a little
baby he got into an accident and he lost 2 off his toes, and as a result of
that his 1 foot is bigger than the other and his always had to fill the one
shoe with material so it would fit, and to make it worse when he was around
8 he got bit by a dog on the same leg and due to that he walks sku.
Growing up he wouldn't let anyone see his feet, he’d always wear socks
and he never wore slippers, not even around the house.so as a little joke
I'd always make fun of him by calling him froggy.My froggy.I wasn't being
mean in fact it was to make him feel better about himself and I'd always tell
him it was actually kind of cool. Because it was and I still loved him even
though he was a foggy.
But one day I might have taking it a bit too far when I basically called him a
cripple and told him no one would love a frog. I mean i was really angry but
I didn't mean it.I was really sorry considering the fact that I know how it gets
to him when people stare and make fun of him for walking sku.I'd never
ever thought of it as a disability and I did apologise and well he did forgive
me.Because in the end he'd always be my froggy no matter what
CHAPTER 6: Mathematical problem:
But the thing I loved about me and Joe was that no matter how much we'd
fight deep down we really loved each other and we both hated people
messing with our sibling. Like for instance and I'm not very proud of my
reaction to the situation:
I was in grade 4 in the middle of a math’s class, last period of the day in the
last 10 minutes: I hear this boy making fun of how Joe walks and I literally
saw red.I was so damn mad.Like, how dare he make fun of Joe! And to
make things worse he had the audacity to actually laugh.No one gets to
make fun of Joe and actually laugh about it.ONlY I CAN DO THAT!

Next thing I do is jump on him, knocking him to the ground and just start
hitting him. I know it doesn’t sound so dramatic but bear in my mind that
even though I was ten I was actually the size of an 8 year old and the boy
in question was 3 times my size. So you can only imagine.

So I'm still on top of this boy on the ground hitting him and then I feel the
maths teachers hands pulling me away from the boy ,but I kept on trying to
get another shot at him, but I seem to be missing all my shots, so that
makes even madder if that's even possible, so I start yelling at
him:"never,ever make fun of my bro!"

At that point the maths teacher looses it with me ,because most of all he
was dissapointed in me, like he'd never expected me to behave in such an
atrocious manner(me being his star student and all).So he yells at me:"Stop
it, thats enough!"
I don't know what happened so let's just say his words knocked some
sense into me.So when I finally do cool down and get back to my seat the
bell rings, but we have to stay in for another 15 minutes due to my apparent
misconduct...
My class probably hated me that day for keeping them in late but I didn't
really care.At that moment all I know is, is that scumbag deserved it.
So if u were in my class in grade 4 I'm really sorry, that was not my finest
moment.But I will not apologise for hitting that dude because to be honest
he had it coming.
Well I did apologise the next day but that's only because my mom forced
me to ,and its not like I meant it.Its like Adele says in one of her songs:"Just
because I said don't mean i meant it."
CHAPTER 7:Moment of weaknes:
Lets fast forward to about a year later with the arrival of my baby sis Sally
who I adore.Funny thing with Sally is: we'll she kinda was/is a mistake.And
I say this because ,we'll my parents weren't sleeping in the same bed in
fact they slept in different rooms(my dad had moved into my older sis's
room).
So,I don't even knw how it happened because as far as I was concerned
they couldn't stand each other,they basically loathed each other. so wat
ever might have happened to let them forget about the enmity they shared
only God knows.but during that moment of weakness where they both let
their guard down sally was born.
And obviously the 11 and1/2 year old me at the time was completely
oblivious to how that 1 moment of weakness could change my life.Because
with that one moment of weakness came peace and solitude.My parents
stopped fighting and ultimately my mom got beaten less and less.

So moment of weakness or not it was a blessing in disguise Or so I

desperately hoped for it to be...
CHAPTER 8:Big sis here I come:
Considering the fact that my whole life i despised being the last
born,because well: no one ever took me seriously,they always treated me
like a baby and never told me anything important and even if they did i
always found out last.
So as u can imagine I'd always wanted a baby sis or bro ,it really didn't
matter to me,as long as "I "wasnt the baby anymore.So during the first 7
months of pregnancy not knowing that i was going to be a big sis,because
again no one told me.I was basically constantly nagging my mom to have a
baby because i was so tired of living with the injustice of being the last
born,not knowing that my wish had already come true.
When I finally did find out, only 2 months away from the delivery date.I was
ecstatic.
I wasnt a baby anymore! I was going to be a big sis!Me!
From then on it was down hill for him I went into total baby rampage: I
learned everything u needed to knw about babies from changing diapers,to
the right way to give them a bath,how to check the temperature of their
formula,the right way to hold them.You name it I learnt it.
I even went as far as buying a present for the baby.Mom and everyone else
thaught I was being a bit too much ,but for me it was was a matter of:What
kind of big sis would I be if I didn't buy the baby their first present?So I
ended up buying her an oversized elephant which is still way to big for her,
even now.
CHAPTER 9:Repeat of a gender mismatch:To be or
not to be?
Every weekend from when i first found out there was a baby on the way I
forced mom to go shopping with me,where we only baught girl clothing,
even thaugh none of us knew the gender ,which was really hypocritical of
us considering the fact that, that has happenned once before:
Before Joe was born my mom only baught girl clothing.Don't ask me
why because I don't knw either.I guess she wanted to have another girl
after having those almost twins who were both boys.I guess she thaught
that if she baught girl clothing it would magically be a girl.
So long story short Joe had to wear girl clothing for most of his infant
periond.And ironically enough mom always said that even thaugh he
wasn't a girl he actually looked like one.
So here we were making the same mistake...

But luckily for us we didn't have a repeat of the Joe incident and it was
actually a girl.which was super great since I basically told my mom if she
had a boy I wouldn't love the baby.
Ofcourse that was a lie,because deep down even while saying those words
I knew:that boy or girl I would've done anything for this baby.
But thank the heavens it was a girl.
CHAPTER 10:Our little miracle:
Most 11 and 1/2 year olds in my shoes would have probably been
upset.Why wouldnt they be?I mean, a new uninvited guest was
coming into their lives.They didnt ask for this.And due to the popular belief
that last borns are spoilt rotten,and a new baby means a transfer of love
and time from them to the baby.This is actually true in most cases.
But for me, if I had know sooner that a baby meant my mom would get
beaten less then I'd have given up all the love that was given to me just to
have this baby come into our lives sooner.
Sallys birth meant a step in the right direction for my family and for a
millisecond it was, i actually felt like we were an actual family in as long as i
can remember.Because when she arrived in the family, everyone was
happy even Joe, considering he didn't want her as he'd once said:"wat is
wrong with u people how could u bring this thing into our lives?"
We were actually happy, my mom wasn't crying in the middle of the night's
because she thaught I was asleep and couldn't hear her, instead the only
crying we heard was sallys,as an indication that she was hungry.Dad was
home a lot earlier.I mean granted it was to see Sally but he was home, and
that was enough.I actually believed that Sally would heal my family. I mean
she'd gotten to Joe who was recently always grumpy and mad at the
world.I mean if she could make him smile then shorely we'd be ok, we'd be
better than ok, we'd be a family.A happy family.
CHAPTER 11:Back to reality:
Unfortunately it didn't last.Within days of sallys birth my dad had to
leave.He had some business he needed to do in Uganda. And well my
mom was left to fend for her cubs.I tried as much as I could to help her
around the house,because if I didnt no one else would.I mean that's when
Joe started hanging around the wrong people and got swept up into a life of
drugs, so he was barely home.After school he'd just disappear and only
reappear in the middle of the nght when everyone was asleep.
Mom tried to talk him out of his state but as a teenager like we all do,he
didn't really give a damn.
And so mom eventually gave up.I mean, what more could she do?She still
had an infant and me to take care of.And with a husband that would not
return for a couple more months ,she needed to find a way to put food on
the table.Either that or well, we starve.
So she enrolled Sally who was bearly a month old into a day care centre
while she went to go look for a job. She eventually found one as a maid
,which granted I wasn't so thrilled about, but as they say beggars can't be
choosers, and it did put food on the table.Yes,I hated seeing my mom work,
especially since she had just given birth,but due to that: there was not a
single day where any of us went to bed hungry.So for that I am grateful to
her.
CHAPTER 12:Workload:
So there i was, the now 12 year old me watching my mother work herself
to the core just so she could take care of us.
Mom worked 7 days a week from 08:00 to 17:00 on week days and 08:00
to 13:00 on weekends. Looking at those times you'd think that she had a
hectic schedule but that's not wat hurt.Wat hurt was: the fact that when she
came back home she still had to worry about Joe's sudden rebellious
behaviour ,me and a 2 month old Sally,while dad was nowhere to be seen
on his so called business trip.

On most nights even thaugh she so desperately needed the sleep,she

wouldn't go to bed untill Joe came back.And by the time she did hit the
sack,she still couldn't catch a break because occassionally Sally, who as
sweet as she was, and hardly ever cried that much,would wake up in the
middle of the night to breast feed,and formula was definately not an option.
(considering Sally was only 2 months old and couldn't handle formula).
CHAPTER 13:Im ghosted:

While mom was drowing herself in work I'd try to reach out to my older sis
to ask if she could help out, but on the numerous occassions I'd called it
always seemed to go to voicemail ,and at some point i just stopped calling.
I mean how many more times could i call ,like i got the message she clearly
wanted nothing to do with us. I mean she could call at any time she
wanted,even if it was to find out if mom was ok, if we were ok,but she didnt.
I get it, she had her own life and she too had just given birth but that didn't
mean she could shove us aside like we didn't exist.
Sometimes i think to myself and wonder if she had picked up even one of
my calls maybe things would've been different.I knw its not her fault but
aren't we family. Like does she not give a damn about us.I geuss not.
And I probably shouldn't have but when I'd decided to stop calling her I'd
completely written her off. She was no longer my sister. I mean,she was
never really a sister to me, she just carried the title but didn't knw wat it
meant.
Growing up I'd always craved that sisterly bond with her and maybe i had
a role to play in her coldness towards me,but damn she was the worst big
sis ever.And i kinda hate her to be honest, not because of the beef
between us ,but the fact that she'd let it come between her and mom.I
mean, i wasn't calling her for me (because she had made it clear to me a
long time ago that she disliked me)but for mom,clearly she cared about
mom.Didnt she?

I guess all the missed calls answer that question...

CHAPTER 14:Sis becomes mom:
So things were really bad at home but no matter how hard they got the only
person I really felt for,was Sally.Sure she didn't understand what was go in
on all around her, but I don't think anyone her age should've gone through
that.She had a dad she'd barely seen since she was born and a mom she'd
only see at night.

She'd practically been raised by the people at day care centre for the first
few months of her life.And I didnt want that for her.I wanted her to be
loved,to feel like she belonged.And at some point I'd decided that no matter
how hard shit got at home I wouldnt let her carry any of those burdens on
her shoulders.So I kinda became her mom not that I could replace mom
because no matter how hard I try I'd never be able to.I just did it because I
wanted her to have a better life,a life filled with only pure happiness,unlike
mine.
So whenever I was home I'd spend most of my time with her.I'd even
moved her crib into my room so she wouldn't disturb mom.And whenever
she cried Day or night I was there ,and i wanted her to know that.I wanted
her to know that someone loves her.I loved her.I did before she born, I do
know and I'd always love her.
CHAPTER 15:Contact with dad:
For the 6 months that dad was away on his so called business trip he'd
occassionally call mom and ask to speak to us but on those very rare
occassions id make myself scarce or pretend to be doing homework.And to
be honest we all knew he wanted to speak to sally which was pointless
since she'd barely said a single word but how would he know that since
he's been absent in her life.
I know it was wrong of me but I was mad at him and I blamed him for
everything that was happening.I mean even If it was for business how
could he just up and leave his wife who had just given birth alone with 2
other kids to look after, and that too without leaving money behind. What
did he expect us to eat and wat about sally:Sally was a baby she needed
things like diapers.

And he expected his calls if one would even call them that to fix things.My
family was falling apart and wat was he doing ,he was in another country
visiting relatives.

How ironic he can't even look after his wife and kids but has time to look
after distant relatives.if anything he was a bloody coward trying to run away
from his responsibilities.
CHAPTER 16:Froggy erased:
With dad abroad Joe was loosing it.When ever you'd look into his eyes all
you'd see was emptiness because at this point he was pumping himself
with so many drugs that you'd swear the real Joe was dead.I Didnt know
wat to do for him, should I have told mom . I mean she noticed the late
nights but she knew nothing about the drugs,and I don't even blame her.I
mean she was always so busy trying to put food on the table,that I guess
that whenever she looked into his eyes she never saw what I saw.How
could she? Because their eyes were basically mirror reflections of each
other. And i didnt wanna bother her,considering all the stress she'd been
under.

I knew if I did nothing I'd loose Joe: my froggy, and yet for some reason I
thaught if dad came back things would change.Joe's only doing this
because dads not here but boy was I wrong.Joe was doing that because he
was hurting just as much as I was and for him the drugs were an escape
because he didn't know how to make the pain go away.So I guess the
drugs did erase the pain but with that ,they erased joe ,my froggy

To this day I curse myself for not telling mom about the drugs. But wat
could I do I was at a crossroad:Damned if I do, Damned if I dont.
So ultimately I was doomed to be Damned..
CHAPTER 17:Dad returns:
When dad eventually decides to Grace us with his presence things start of
weird at home, It's like everyone's walking on eggshells.No one knew
exactly wat to do but at least we were all togetger.Dad doesn't say much
about his trip but shows us lots of pictures of the amazing time he had
while we were here going through hell.But at least theirs no shouting, and
Joe looks sane enough considering the state his been in, the past couple of
months.Mom well she doesn't look happy or sad she's well, blank.Sally
however is as happy as u could ever be ,because for her,her dad's
home.But for how much longer.
CHAPTER 18:Moms acting weird:
So here we were again pretending to be a happy family with dad back in
the picture.But I guess theirs only so much pretending we could do.

Barely a month after his back dad already starts with his old tricks of
coming home late which is no surprise to me.Once an ass always an
ass.Mom however ,never really minds that much,which is a bit weird
coming from her.Moms never really been one to accept things even thaugh
she knows she'll probably get beaten.She's always stood her ground.So I'm
was a bit taken back by her sudden quietness to his late night stays.
I mean she's never really been up front to him about his dealings but when
she thinks no ones listening she'll mumble little comments in swahili
like:Wat does he see in those sluts is he that desperate."
So her sudden acceptance of his cheating really got to me.Was she
suddenly ok with it?Was she sick?At some point I'd even thaught that she
was loosing her mind.I mean why the sudden change of heart?
CHAPTER 19:Independency:
While dad continued living the bachelor's life mom continued working as a
maid, she'd never really told him she had a job and he didn't ask,so I guess
it wasnt a big deal.I mean i once asked her why she was working since dad
was back and she merely replied:"I'm just so sick of relying on your dad,I
know its not the most convenient job but its something and look at it this
way maya, your dad keeps throwing money at these sluts and have u
noticed how asking him for money is such a big task lately."

I didn't really know how to reply to that which which is really shocking since
I always have a response.But all I know is I was actual proud of my mom
for taking her life back.In fact I was inspired by her.yes I knew that when
dad found out he'd be furious, but I also knew that it was time for my
mother to stop living in his shadow.He's never gonna change and so
maybe she should.
CHAPTER 20:Moving backwards:
With everything that was going on at home at that moment I'd always find
myself thinking back to the first time I'd ever really seen my dad beat my
mom.I don't even think that was actually the first time but it was the furthest
memory I had of him beating her.And from wat I've heard from Joe it
definately wasn't the first time.

I don't know why I chose to remember it at that moment because I'd

honestly thaught it had been erased from my memory ,and considering the
fact that: well things weren't that bad at home.Yeah dad wasn't home and
we all knew why.Joe was still out and about getting high.

But mom was doing great, besides worrying about Joe she seemed
happier.She was actually spending more time with me and Sally which was
amazing.For the first time in a long time I had a mom, my mom.I could
actually be a child and i didnt have to be sallys mom because Sally could
actually have a mom,a real mom.

That shouldve enough for me right?I mean one would expect me to be

happy and not be dwelling on the past.Because for as long as I can
remember I would've died to see my mom like that.

But yet there I was in the middle of the night thinking about that
incident.And I remember feeling so mad.In fact I still am.But I didn't know
who to be mad at.

Should I have been mad at him for cheating and beating my mom for
bringing it up?Should I have been mad at myself for not protecting mom?Or
should I have been mad at the women who he cheated with, because she
had pretended to be my mom's friend while secretly stabbing her in the
back.

I really don't know who to blame or be mad at but the one person that I knw
that is definitely not to blame is mom.She's always just been the victim,his
punching bag if I can call it that.

So that night I thaught back to that beating and i remember crying myself to
sleep, just for the mere fact that he was the reason I felt that way ,he was
the reason i couldn't get that beating out of my mind, and the reason that
that beating will always stick with me for the rest of my life as a beating to
remember...
CHAPTER 21:A beating to remember:the actual
beating:

When i was about 9 my dad used to give lifts to these 2 kids who went to
the same school as me.At the time I just thaught my dad was being nice
and considerate because well: my mom knew their mom and they were
kinda friends.Little did I knw that he was screwing their mom.And if i think
about it now it was actually for quite a while because as far as i remember
we'd been giving them lifts for almost a year.And I don't really know at what
point they started hooking up but the point of the matter is:he was screwing
one of moms friends.And for me that was down right disrespectful.

So basically what happened was we were nearing end of term and you knw
how after exams no one really goes to school.I mean wats the use.But the
kids in question wanted to go to school for some or other reason and me
and Joe obviously didn't.And my mom kinda forgot to tell dad that we
weren't going ,so in the morning he gets a call from that bitch telling him
that she was waiting for him to pick up her kids ,more like waiting for him to
screw her if u ask me.

So dad gets mad and starts yelling at mom,but mom tries reasoning with
him:"Wats the point, they not doing anything".
But dad doesnt back down either:"Wat'd you mean their not doing
anything,if that's the case then why are her kids going!"
Mom:"I don't know why her kids are going and why u asking me why don't u
ask her when you head over there to screw her!"
At that point dad looses it completely
and starts hitting mom.

If u ask me i didn't really know what they were arguing about to me it

seemed like they were arguing about why me snd Joe weren't going to
school while that bitch's kids were.I knew nothing about what my mom
meant by "screwing".I mean i was only 9.I doubt even joe knew wat they
were arguing about,I mean he was 11.

So while dad keeps beating mom little old me a nd Joe try protecting mom
from his lashes but mom kept pushing us away while yelling:"let him hit me
he thinks i dont know that his sleeping with her"
Dad keeps taking shots at her thaugh and me well i start crying and
begging my mom to stop but she won't
Mom:"How could you do this to me, do u have any idea all the things
people are saying about me"
With every word that mom said it seemed like dad was getting madder a nd
that meant the shots were harder.At one point mom was on the floor a nd
dad started kicking her with his leg.A nd then Joe said something that no
one expected:"Maya get your bag and get into the car we going to school."
Dad stopped hitting mom after that and just simply walked out of the door
leaving mom bruised,battered and bleeding while I continued to wail.
CHAPTER 22:A beating to remember:Mom has had
enough:

After dads disapearance from the bloody crime scene I quickly rushed to
mom's side and instead of comforting her I cried some more.I don't know
how long I sat with mom on the floor wailing but eventually mom got up and
decided she'd had enough and was leaving him.So she started packing
clothes and stuff and was like we leaving now and so I did just that I
started packing and when I was done.She looked at me and she told
me:"Everythings gonna be ok,we gonna look for a job and me and you are
gona be together."

I didn't know what to tell her so i simply nodded my head.What did she
expect me to say?So we did wat she said me band mom.We went job
hunting.

You guys are probably wondering:Wat about Joe?To be honest i don't

really know because after my dad walked out he did too.He might have
probably gone to our neighbour's house.I don't know.

But during our job hunting expedition I'd asked mom:"What about Joe
what's gonna happen to him?"
Mom:"He'll probably stay with dad"
Me:"Why couldn't I stay with dad?"
Mom:"Because your a girl and I can't trust you alone with your dad:"
CHAPTER 23:A beating to remember:Going back:

Mom and i carried on walking around town looking for a live in job but no
one was interested in hiring someone with a kid.So after some time I got
really tired and mom could see it too, so we decided to take a break.

As I sat with her on the side of the road with my head in her lap.I kept
thinking about joe and dad.I mean:What did this mean for them?Were mom
and dad getting divorced?Would i see Joe again?Would i see dad again?

I know it was really stupid of me to be thinking about dad but I couldn't help
it.I knew I hated him for what he did to mom and i probably would all my
life.

In that moment i also realised that it was selfish of me to be thinking about

myself considering the fact that I wasn't the one that got battered and
bruised,but I couldn't help it.I was a 9 year old girl who'd just seen her mom
bleed right in front of her while her dad kept beating her.

When I finally lifted my head from moms lap I saw her wince as she nursed
her index finger.I felt so ashamed of myself during that moment.I was so
caught up in my feelings that I'd forgotten that dad had stepped onto mom's
index finger, and clearly it was sore from the look on moms face.So I did
wat i had to do and practically dragged mom to the clinic to get it checked
out.Yes she argued with me the whole way there about how unreasonable I
was being ,because it wasn't so sore.

But we did eventually get there and mom did have it checked out.The
doctor said that even thaugh she'd broken a bone she'd be ok
because given time it would heal.And so he gave her one of those fancy
finger guards and told her to avoid putting pressure on it.

After our little visit to the clinic,thank God it wasn't serious, mom and me
continued wondering the streets while mom figured out what to do.We
were basically at a crossroad. Do we go back home or do we carry on
searching?

Inevitably after about an hour of aimlessly wondering the streets mom

decided that it was probably best that we went back home and so we did.

We went back to a life filled with more cheating,more beatings,more yelling

but mostly more sadness and tears...

Looking back at that moment I don't know if coming back was a good idea
because it wasn't like my dad changed.The cheating continued the
beatings did to.So sometimes i wonder maybe we should've searched for a
while longer.Who knows, maybe then I'd be singing a different tune right
now.
CHAPTER 24:Dirty laundry:
So fast forward to after that night that I spent looking back on some really
dark times,to about 3 years after the actual incident took place.Because as
expected nothing had changed.He was still a lying cheating bastard.

But this time it was different.Mom clearly didn't give a damn anymore and
dad stopped coming home.
I mean its not like he'd been home that much because the only time he was
home was when the world was asleep.But this time he stopped coming
back completely.

So when mom realised he wasn't home anymore, they had this really
serious conversation in the middle of the night, that I wasn't supposed to
hear.Mom basically told him that if he was out messing around then he
should stay away from her.Only later do I realise that this conversation
was in reference to STIs.

But dad not being home wasn't really a bad thing because for some reason
,when dad wasn't home ,mom actually smiled all the time.So I'm kinda
glad that he didn't come back home and I kinda didn't want him to come
back.

But occasionally he'd pop up at home with a bag of dirty laundry for mom
to wash.If you ask me that was down right disrespectful.And if I were in her
shoes I wouldve thrown his bloody laundry at him.But mom actually
washed his laundry,she'd even iron it for him.

I don't know why mom put up with his crap, but all I know is:Moms always
been too good for him.She's just too nice,and that leads to her being taken
advantage of.Don't get me wrong theirs nothing wrong with being nice.Its
just that, theirs a limit.And at some point you need to realise when people
don't deserve your kindness.
CHAPTER25:Elephent in the room:
So dad was back home living with us again. Who would have thaught?And
honestly I didnt really know how I felt about him moving back.All I knew
was:I was confused.I mean, I was just getting used to the idea of not
having him around and mom had just found her happiness.

But atleast mom and him weren't at each others throats like usual,but i
think thats mainly because mom avoided him at every turn.She basically
pretended like he didn't exist and barely spoke to him unless
neccessary.And by neccessary I mean reminding him to pay our school
fees.

So things were a bit tense ,but to be honest:When have things never been
tense, with mom and dad in the same room?With them it always seems like
there's an elephant in the room.And this time, we all knew who the
elephant was.

All I'm saying is:Couldnt he have stayed in whatever hell hole he'd been in
for the past couple of months?Because clearly none of us wanted him
around,besides Sally of course.But to be honest Sally was just 1 and a
half,so of course she'd want her dad around.

Like was he not seeing what he was doing to us.Every time he came back
home from work the atmosphere would automatically turn cold.And what
about what he was doing to mom? He was slowly turning her
recently found smile upside down again.

Everyday he was home I could see the life being drained out of her. And
not for the first time either.I was loosing my mom again,Sally was loosing
her mom again and i hated that feeling.But I mostly hated him, because he
was the reason I felt that way.He was taking my mom away from me.

Again..
CHAPTER 26:New year,new beginnings:

So here we were approaching the beggining of another year.Another year

that would be filled with cheating, sadness, crying and occassionally blood
would be added into the mix.

At this point of my life I had stopped hoping for change to magically come
our way,I'd realised that in order to get away from this life ,I needed to do
something.

I needed to pull up my socks and make something of myself.I wasn't a little

girl anymore.I couldnt hide behind mom anymore.I needed to learn to stand
on my own two feet.

If not for me,then for mom,because shorely I couldn't stand around and
watch her get beaten all the time.And if I wouldn't do it for her,then I'd do it
for Sally,because she deserved a better life.And what kind of big sis would I
be,if I didn't want what was best for her?

So that year as I prepared myself on the first day of school.The first day of
grade 7.I promised mom and Sally that things wouldn't always be like
this.That I was going to be their night in shining armour,because I was
going to go to school and make something of myself so that they could live
better.So that we could live better.

But I guess the cards weren't really in my favour that year.Because in that
year alone my family went through so many difficulties that to this day that
was one of the worst years of my life.And to be honest I don't even know
how we survived that year.
Because that was a year of turmoil....
CHAPTER 27:A year of turmoil:Only the beginning:

Right from the bat things started going wrong for my family.Firstly if any of
you can remember we were still living with dad.And living with dad meant
mom was always sad.And with mom sad,no one was really happy,including
Sally.

And Joe not being home all the time wasn't really helping the situation.And
yes, mom still didn't know about the drugs,so ultimately she'd concluded
that Joe was acting up because he was a teen.

You'd think that, that was the right opportunity for me to tell mom about the
drugs but I couldn't.Because some small part of me wanted to believe that
she was right.

Maybe Joe was acting up because he was a teen.This was all just a
phase.I mean how much more drugs can he pump into himself.Sooner or
later he'd come to his senses and realise that the drugs aren't helping.

But sadly for me he never did realise it.And from then on,Joe
went spiraling out of control.I mean he'd kinda been erased about a year
ago,but from then,it only got worse....
CHAPTER 28:A year of turmoil:Robbery or pettiness:

Life wasn't so bad the first 2 months of the year.I mean besides the fact
that mom and dad couldn't stand each other.Life was pretty good.It was
quite and uneventful (minus Joe's drama).

But one night something unexpected happened.In the middle of the night
someone broke into our house and broke the back mirror of dad's car.

At first everyone thaught that it must've been a thief trying to break in but it
was only later that we found out that it was some bitch that dad was
screwing.

At first I had a hard time wrapping my mind around the idea.I mean firsty
how did she know where we lived?What did he do to make her angry?Why
did she choose to break his cars window ,of all things?

But all was revealed after a while by the man of the hour himself:What
happenned was that dad cheated on her,and obviously when she found
out,she decided it was a great idea to get revenge.And what better way to
get her revenge then to target his car because she knew how much dad
loved his car.

It was really hard to comprehend.Like was my dad such a huge ass.He

bloody cheated on mom with this lady just to go cheat on her with someone
else.Like what the fuck.

And why tell the women where you live?Like what if she decided to do
something drastic,the women was clearly crazy,I mean she literally broke
into our house and broke your car window.Who knows what else she's
capable of.

He should've thanked his lucky stars she didn't hurt anyone of us,besides
him ofcourse.I mean, clearly he would have deserved it.

Anyway that situation happened and let's just say karmas a bitch because
my dad actually had to toil to get the money to have the window fixed.
CHAPTER 29: A year of turmoil:Joe looses his
marbles:

So life moved on after that.Dad obviously stopped seeing that bitch.I'm not
so sure if he stopped seeing the other one thaugh(the one that he cheated
with). And frankly i didnt care because that was his problem not mine.

So it was a Saturday and mom was out working and wouldn't be back for a
couple more hours,and i was home babysitting Sally as usual.I was in the
kitchen getting sally something to eat and Joe was in the living room
watching some show on tv.

You all probably thinking:Why is Joe home?I was just as

surprised.Considering that it was a Saturday so he should've been out with
friends,and well he never really is home.But nevertheless he was home
and i don't know why, but it was good to see him.

So after feeding Sally me and her head to the living room and as soon as
we hit the couch Joe decides to leave.Which kinda annoyed me, but I
decided to push that feeling aside.

I then change the channel to Jim jam because Sally loves it.And me and
her spend the next half an hour watching tv.

Next thing I know Joe's snatching the remote from my hand and changes
the channel.Then Sally starts crying because Joe changed the channel.So
then I start yelling at him to change it back,because sally won't stop wailing.

Then he starts yelling at me to make her stop crying because she's making
his head hurt.At this point I'm just glaring at him,because he made sally cry
and I hated seeing sally cry.

Then he did something that took me by suprise:he motioned for

Sally,meaning he wanted to carry her.I didnt know what to do because
honestly I didnt trust her with him.I know he was sallys bro but I just couldnt
risk it.I mean 1. he was angry and 2.He was clearly high.So for Sallys own
safety I put her into her baby walker.

But my action just made him madder.Because after that he started yelling
at me:"I just wanted to pick her up You know."
Me:"You can't pick Sally up,because you're high,I mean look at you."
Joe:"Don'tell me what I can and can't do,and stop acting like sally's only
your sister and I'm just some stranger."
Me:"Then maybe you should act like her brother and actually be there for
her."
Joe:"Just shut up,you so annoying."

At that point I'd had it with him so I went looking for Sally who had walked
all the way into the kitchen.But Joe clearly wasn't done with me,because he
followed me into the kitchen.In the kitchen I found Sally and I took her out
of the baby walker,when at the corner of my eye I saw the fridge fall over.It
fell right on top of sallys baby walker.

Joe had pushed it over.I couldn't believe it.Joe had pushed the fridge over
and Sally, she could've been hurt.I could've lost Sally.

Me:"Why did you push the fridge over!?"

Me:"Sally could've gotten hurt!"
Joe:"So!All you care about now days is sally"
Me:"Joe you need to stop this ok,how can u even say that sally's just a
baby"
Joe:"Sally!,like wats so special about her!"
Me:"Maybe because she's your baby sister."

I was really afraid of Joe then.Mom wouldn't be back for another 2

hours.And I knew that I couldn't stay in the house with him for that long.So
I did what I had to do to protect not myself but Sally.I took the knife that
was on the kitchen counter and I held it at arms length pointing it at him.

Then Joe started laughing because he thaught I was messing around.

Joe:"You won't do it."
Me:"Joe,I dont want to do this.Just let me and sally go."
Joe:"Why should I ..."

I couldn't stand around waiting for Joe to make up his mind so I quickly
rushed to the kitchen door that led to the backyard and once outside I
locked Joe in.

But I couldn't just stay there because Joe would probably go looking for the
keys to the front of the house.So me and little old Sally went to our
neighbours house where we awaited moms arrival.

I had never been afraid of Joe before that.I mean why would I be he was
my froggy.But that day I realised that the Joe that I knew and grew up with
was long gone and I had to live with that.I couldnt keep holding on to the
past,because I needed to look out for Sally now.
CHAPTER 30:A year of turmoil:Saving Joes butt:

As expected mom gets back home 2 hours later and well,we had to explain
the fridge on the floor and sallys broken baby walker.I knew if I told mom
the truth she'd be mad at Joe and then she'd probably tell dad and who
knew how dad would react.So I did what I had to do,and took the blame for
the whole scenario.

I explained that it was an accident.That I was the one who'd pushed it over
while looking for sallys ball because she'd thrown it underneath the
fridge.Mom clearly wasn't buying my story and when she asked Joe where
he was.I quickly interjected that he was asleep in his room the whole time
and this was the first time he was seeing the mess.And when she asked
why we left the house.I told her our neighbours kids wanted to play with
Sally so I decided why don't me and sally go there instead.

After answering all of moms questions I think she finally believed me.And
that was the last we spoke of it.Mom called dad to come home early so he
could help her get it up right again and to see if anything was wrong with
it.But the fridge was just fine.Sallys baby walker not so much.Mom was
really mad about that,but Sally ended getting another one,so it wasn't so
bad.

And as for Joe.He owed me one.Big time.I could've thrown him under the
bus,but I didn't ,because I knew that both mom and dad would be furious.I
get that he was high but he practically tried to murder a baby.Not just any
baby,our baby sister.

And whatever way you look at it,high or not I'm just glad Sally was
ok.Because she's the only one I really cared about.
CHAPTER 31: A year of turmoil:Tensions run high:

After that, life went on, as its supposed to.I mean Joe still didn't want to
quite drugs.So I'm only guessing that he found what he was looking for in
them.

And at home life was was ok.As ok as it would ever get with us. Mom and
dad weren't really fighting or arguing but you could see that none of them
were happy.And occassionally mom would worry about Joe.
Sally was happy thaugh.So that was enough for me.And me,well I was
partly happy.

I mean I still had my own problems to deal with, without having to worry
about them.You see I had an aptitude test that I was writing the next day.It
was for placement in a highly ranked highschool that Joe attended and God
willing I would too.Joe wasn't too thrilled about me enrolling there but that
was his problem, not mine.

Because for me getting into that school meant that I was one step closer to
delivering on the promise that I had made to mom and Sally.And unlike
Joe,I didn't make promises that I didn't intend on keeping.

That aptitude test was literally my make or break momet.If I blew that test
then it would be the end for me.So I needed to bring my A-Game.

So while I was stressing my head off about that test,my parents where at it
again. There weren't really fighting or anything but you could literally feel
the tension between them.Like God,could they give it a break.We got that
they couldn't stand each other.But were they that oblivious to me freaking
out.
I don't know what got into me but at that point I was just so mad at them
and I basically yelled:"Would you guys stop it,if you really can't stand each
other then don't be in the same room as each other,like grow up.Some of
us have real problems."

And then my sister did the last thing any of us expected:She started
laughing,like proper baby laugh.I don't know why but after that I started
laughing too.But the weirder thing is,after that laugh I was no longer
mad,stressed or freaked out.

I'm not sure if any of the tension between my parents disappeared that
night but I didn't give a damn about that anymore. That was their tension to
solve,not mine.

And my aptitude test actually went good the next day.So I was happy.
CHAPTER 32:A year of turmoil:Religion comes into
play:

I kind of left out a very important aspect about my family.You see, mom and
dad don't really share the same religion.Dads Christian and moms
Muslim.Me and 4 of my siblings are Muslim and Joe's Christian. I dont
really know how they worked that out but thats my life.

Growing up I never really minded ,in fact it was actually kind of cool.I got to
experiance 2 different religions.I mean granted I'm more Muslim.But I've
been to a church a couple of times in my life.I was even there when joe
got baptised.And i practically celebrated Easter and Christmas with joe and
dad every year.And dad has never minded me making salaah,going to
madrassah and even celebrating Eid every year.So as you can see dad
and mom having different belief systems wasnt really an issue.

But sometimes when dad got really mad at mom he'd bring religion into the
picture.Often he'd say things like:"Is that what your religion teaches you to
do."
And mom being holy would be offended,as she should be.

Sometimes it would get as far as dad saying that mom always making
salaah and reading the Qur'an every chance she got was the reason for
her being so hot headed.

And sometimes on our way to school dad will tell me things like:"don't let
your mom and her religion lead you down the wrong path.I mean you don't
want to be like her.Look at her."

So you can only imagine how that made me feel.I didn't want to pick
sides.Especially when it came to religion.
As if things weren't bad enough on their own when they were just fighting.

But bringing God into the picture.Like could things get any worse.
CHAPTER 33:A year of turmoil:1)Not a very Eid
mubarak(The meaning of Eid):

If u are a Muslim you already know that Eid is a really important day for us
muslims because it holds a lot of religious purpose.But I don't really want to
get into that.So besides the religious aspect of Eid,it really holds a special
place in my heart because to me it meant a whole lot more.

Eid was the one solid day that I actually really had my mom.Because on
Eid no matter how hard things were at home she was always happy.And it
was on that day each and every year,from as far back as I can remember,
that I could actually be a child,that I was actually able to recieve my
mom's undevided attention and love:

Whether it was helping her out in the kitchen while she prepared a feast fit
for a king,Or just going out to the park with her,and having her watch me as
i played on the swing,Or even sometimes just staying in at home with her
and doing the most basic thing like watching a movie.

Eid meant quality time with mom.Because even thaugh it was never
anything fancy,I didn't care.Because the fact of the matter was,I was with
mom and that was enough.

And it was always on Eid that me and mom formed my most special
memories.
Memories that looked at from an ordinary persons point of view wouldn't
seem so special.But to me they were everything.

And she knew it too,because every year a few months prior to Eid she'd
start fussing with me about what I wanted to wear.And we'd go
shopping for the perfect dress for the perfect day.

We'd obviously always end up buying a fancy dress that I'd probably only
get to wear on that day and after that it just got stuck in my closet ,because
their wasn't another day fancy enough for it.She'd still buy it for me
thaugh.And I loved her for that.Just the simplest fact that she knew how
much I loved fancy dresses,and actually baught them for me.

And besides the actuall dress she'd still get me all dolled up the day before
by taking me to go get my hair done and to put mehndi on.Which was a
plus because if you haven't noticed I'm a real girly girl,so getting my hair
done and putting mehndi on,really makes my day

So in essence Eid was my favourite day of the year.I loved it even more
than I loved my own birthday
CHAPTER 34:A year of turmoil:1)Not a very Eid
Mubarak(homeless):

So just like every night before Eid mom takes me to the salon to get my
hair done and to get mehndi put on.But this year it takes us longer than
usual because even thaugh I'm at the same salon I always go to,we get
held up.It seemed like this year lots of girls wanted to get dolled up too.So
even thaugh we'd been there since 16:00 we only end up leaving at around
19:30.

So naturally considering what time we left the salon we end up getting

home really late at around 20:00.So when we do get home dad's waiting at
the door and he looks furious.He immediately starts shouting at us.
Dad:"Where have you been!"
Mom:"Maya and I just came from the salon.."
Dad:"Do you take me for a fool,What salon is open at this time of of the
night!"
Mom:"Tomorrow's Eid,so they close very late."
Dad:"Dont lie to me!"
Mam:"I'm not.."
Dad:"You seeing some guy aren't you"
Mom"What?No."
Dad:"Dont test me,just tell me the truth."
Mom:"Look just because you are a cheater that doesn't mean that I am
to,like I got self respect and why would I bring my kids along if was out
seeing some guy.Look it's really late and the kids have had a long day,so
can we please come inside."

Dad obviously wasn't expecting mom's response so I think at that moment

he was just being spiteful because he knew mom was right and he hated it
when mom was right,and well his ego wouldnt let him admit that she was
right.So instead of letting us in he does the complete opposite,he locks
me,mom and sally outside.

Me,mom and sally spend the next 15 minutes sitting outside on the front
door of our house.When dad does eventually open the door he starts
throwing clothing out.Our clothing.After his thrown everything he had he
starts yelling:"I don't want u guys here,get off my property!"
Mom:"Dont be ridiculous,Where'd do u expect us to go at this time."
Dad:"Go back to where ever you came from!"
Mom:"Look,at least let the kids in, and I'll go!"
Dad:"No,they came with you,so they go back with you!"

It was after that, that he shut the door in our faces.

You all wondering where Joe was,to be honest I don't know.He might have
been in the house,he might have not,and even if he was home and he did
witness his mom and little sisters being kicked out of their own home:what
could he have done?And in his high state he wouldn't have been able to do
a thing.

Eventually my mom decided it was best to just go and so as cold as it was

that night we walked all the way to the nearest street where u could catch a
taxi,which was about a 20 minute walk from my house.The three of us got
into a taxi and went to one of moms friends workplace.

Luckily for us the friend was able to help us out and she gave us keys to
her house.Where we spent the night before eid.

So as u can imagine,that Eid was really bad considering it started off on a

rocky note.But we ended up making the most of it because like I said
before no matter how hard things got at home mom didn't let it phase her
on Eid.And plus we had Sally who was always happy, so with her happy we
were both happy.It might not have been a very Eid Mubarak but we had
each other and as always that was enough for me.
And this time it wasn't just me and mom, but Sally too.

CHAPTER 35:A year of turmoil:The pressure is on:

So after that incident of being homeless for the night and practically
spending Eid roaming the streets.We ended up going back home,which if
you ask me was a big mistake,but as usual mom thaught it was a good
idea.

You see at this point mom was only with dad for our sake,because she
had this idea that leaving dad meant that we would practically be
homeless.In the sense that she wouldn't be able to provide for us.

From that day on mom kept repeating the phrase:"You're the only reason I
put up with him,so if you want to help me ,go make something of
yourself."Those words had become my mantra.And i didnt realise it at the
time but whether I wanted it or not,I had just received a whole lot of
unwanted pressure.

I mean how did the world expect me to deal with all this.How do u
comprehend the fact that:I was the reason mom kept clinging to dad and I
was the reason she kept enduring the pain.

She could've walked out on him a long time ago,but I was standing in her
way.I was the one that tied her to him.
So that day when we walked back into dads house.I had a new found
purpose, and I couldn't afford to fail,because mom was counting on me and
I wouldn't let her down.
CHAPTER 36:A year of turmoil:Shit happens but
drugs don't make it easier:

So that scenario carried on for a while at home,but I didnt let it get to me,
because I was more worried about Joe at this point.I mean I know we
weren't talking that much and we'd basically become strangers but I missed
my froggy.And I hated the fact that he was turning into dad,in the sense
that I didn't see him that much because he'd only come back home in the
middle of the night.

At this point with moms hopes on my shoulders I was so foccussed on my

studdies.So one night while I was studying for a test that I was writing the
next day, Joe comes into my room and sits on the floor.I don't know why he
decided to see me,but I wasn't really in the mood for him.Mainly because
he was high and I couldn't handle him like that,especially not that night.

I don't really know wat had gotten into him that night but then he just
started talking:"I'm sick of all this shit with mom and dad, don't they get tired
of it, look at me, look at wat they've done to me,I don't know who I am
anymore"he probably won't even rember telling me this.

But after that one sided conversation all I rember thinking was:We only had
each other and I knew he was hurting but so was I.In fact I was hurting
more because I didn't have an escape route, I couldn't just pump myself
with drugs to make me forgot.I just couldn't and i wouldnt.Unlike him I still
had to take care of mom and Sally because he couldn't.

I'm not saying he wasn't hurting because he was but while he was away
getting high.I still had to deal with the shit he spoke about.He wasn't home
when the shit went down.Because while he was on cloud 9 I was living in
the real fucking world.
At one point during that night I even got mad at him.He had abandoned
me.And that hurt because a few years back wasnt he the one that
promised me he'd get us out of here.

I guess talk is in fact cheap.

CHAPTER 37:A year of turmoil:The big result:

You all wondering what happened to the test I'd been studying for,and to
be honest I don't really remember.Whether I aced it or not that was the
least of my problems.

A few days later when I get home from school mom starts rambling on
about how I had failed the aptitude test that I'd written not so long ago.The
fact that mom was home at that time meant that it was serious,because
mom should've been at work,and I didn't even know the results were out
yet.

When I actually get the chance to put my bag on the floor mom yells at Joe
to read out the results.

You all wondering why mom didn't read it herself.You see mom isn't really
that good with understanding as what she'd call fancy English.So even
thaugh she could read,she had a hard time understanding what some stuff
meant.

Joe, with a smug look on his face calmly tells me that I failed and well it
was off to my second choice.

I was devastated.That couldn't be right. I'd aced those papers,I swear I

did.It felt like my whole life was crumbling down.

Most of you might think I was over reacting,but what you didnt understand
was that getting excepted into that school was my gateway out of this
place.It was a chance for me to do something for mom,for Sally.A better
life.Away from dad.
And there I was hearing that I blew it.Mom wouldn't stop yelling at me.She
herself was just as confused because she too knew that it was impossible
for me not to have been excepted.Like how did that happen.Mom quickly
tried to reassure me:"We can always go back and broker a deal with them
even thaugh you didn't pass the test."

I couldn't believe what I was hearing.Was she serious?I'd be getting

placement there based on money instead of actual merit.Now don't get me
wrong I always wanted to go there,but I would not except handouts.I
wouldn't do it.And to be honest there were a few kids that actually took that
route, but I was just too proud.So I suckcked it up,snatched the letter from
Joe and started reading it for myself.I had to know for myself.

Funny thing is instead of hearing wat Joe had said I actually hear myself
say accepted followed by congratulations.I couldn't believe it,well I actually
did.But that lousy Joe said I didn't get it.When I glared at him he just started
laughing and I swear if mom wasn't there I would've strangled him.

Joe aside,because he was clearly mad at this point. I was ecstatic and so
was mom.So I guess our plan was still on the right track.

Their was still hope.We could do this.We could actually get out of here.Me
mom and Sally.
CHAPTER 38: A year of turmoil:2)Not a very eid
mubarak(Big surprise):

It was Eid again.You all probably thinking: What?You see we have 2 Eids
in a year,and well this was the second one.So there I was feeling happy
because it was Eid.Because I believed that dad would not ruine this one for
me.Not again.I wouldn't allow him to.

So there we were carrying out our normal eid routine:Take showers,make

whudu and then get all dressed up for Eid salaah.When we were all ready
we made our way to the masjid where we made our Eid salaah.

This time mom had made sure thst the day before we went to the salon
way earlier than usual,so as to avoid what happened the last
time.Everything was going according to plan so far.It was turning out to be
a dramaless day.Which was amazing.

But this time things were a bit different thaugh,because after salaah mom
had to work,because she couldn't get off.Normally what would happen is
after salaah mom would cook a feast.She'd make all her Tanzanian
specialities,and it was great.

But this year was different so after salaah me and Sally went back home
while we waited for mom to get back.Because even thaugh she she
couldn't get off she'd be back earlier and we'd still have time to go to a
theme park,because I thaught Sally would like it,it being her first time.

So there I was at home with Sally,both of us all dressed up,waiting for mom
to get back.But when mom got back at around 12:00 you could see that
she was in no mood to go to a theme park.She was furious.
Me seeing mom like that frightened me.I mean mom didn't get mad on
Eid.So I decide to confront her about it.But she basically screams my head
off:"What is it!?"
Me:"We not going ,are we?"
Mom:"No,we not going and you have your dad to blame for that."
Me:"What did dad do?"
Mom:"Forget it it's not your problem.Why don't we just go out to a
restaurant for lunch? "

I didn't know what to do.The day was quickly turning into the worst Eid
ever.First mom has to work,then our outing gets cancelled and to top it off
moms furious with dad.

I know you all thinking I was being selfish but I wasn't.Considering what the
other Eid was like this year,we needed things to run smoothly that day.I
needed it.I was just so sick and tired of nothing going my way.All I asked
for was one day.One day to just be happy,to see mom happy.But no,I
couldn't even have that.

We did end up going out for lunch thaugh just like mom promised.But
neither of us were really in the mood.Both of us clearly only went to make
Sally happy,so we decided to go to Mc Donalds because Sally likes the
toys you get in the happy meal.And I honestly wasn't in the mood to go
anywhere fancy.

After that we headed back home.And as if things weren't bad already,what

we saw just made the day a whole lot worse.

Dad was in the house which was not a surprise since he comes home early
on Eid.Don't ask me why.But that wasn't the problem,the problem was the
lady with him.Dad had braught a women into our house.Like how dare
he,the bitch didn't even look older than my big sis who was in her
twenties.Like had dad lost his mind?She could've been his daughter.Like
what the fuck.

At that moment I honestly thaught my eyes were deceiving me.I mean I

knew dad was a cheat but his never brought any of his floozies home.And
one that was as young as she was.

I literally walked into the house and walked straight into my room,I was not
going to be apart of this madness.

Outside my room I could hear dad introducing her to everyone:mom,Joe

and even Sally.Like were these people insane.This wasn't normal.And that
bitch: Couldn't she see that dad was married?
He had kids.And he could've been her dad.Maybe it's just me but why
would you wanna mess around with a married man,who's probably the
same age as ure dad if not older.
CHAPTER 39:A year of turmoil:2)Not a very Eid
mubarak(mistress plays house):

That bitch actually ends up spending the rest of the day with us.The whole
time there she presented that what was happening was actually
normal.How was any of this normal?Was I the only sane person in the
house?

What got to me most of all was that:she had the audacity to pick up
Sally.She actually payed with Sally,obviously Sally didn't mind.But come
on:Sally didn't understand any of the things that were going.

I respected her more when she didn't know about us.When she didn't know
he was bloody married and had 6 kids.Yeah, 3 were adults,but come
on.She was a fucking who're if you ask me.
CHAPTER 40:A year of turmoil:2)Not a very Eid
mubarak(Whore):

And if that wasn't bad enough she stayed over for dinner as well.Way to
overstay her welcome.Didn't she have have any where better to be?Like
maybe breaking some other family up.

I clearly didnt want her there and I didnt see what dad saw in her.Ok she
was way younger than mom.But besides that,dad clearly didn't have taste.

I mean she was as thin as a stick and not to be mean but not too good on
the eyes either.So i'm guessing that's why she smothered her face with so
much
make-up.What did she have that mom didn't because if you ask me,mom
packed way more than she could ever handle.

Even after giving birth 6 times mom still had a smoking hot body and
curves to die for.And God when she dressed up she was a real stunner,one
look and boom your hypnotised.

But I guess because he never really deserved her he couldn't see her
worth.
She was right in front of him and yet he kept on looking at skanks.Talk
about lack of standards.And anyway that's his loss,because she's always
been too gud for him.
CHAPTER 41: A year of turmoil:Open your eyes:

So the bitch finally leaves and dad decides to give her a lift home.Like does
she fucking not have feet or are they too precious to walk.

Maybe it's a good thing he went along because I was furious with him,like
how dare he bring another women into our house,if she can even be called
that,because compared to mom,she was a child.

I was literally heating up and when I look at mom she looks no better then
me.But instead of anger theirs sadness in her eyes.Raw sadness.

At that point Joe decides that its a great idea for him to disappear into the
night.And honestly I didn't give a damn, because if that's how he wanted to
make himself feel better then he might've well pumped himself with all the
drugs in the world.

So me and mom are left alone with Sally and when I finally ask if shes ok
she merely stares at me with her soulles eyes. So I try again.
Me:"Ma"
Mom:"Yes"
Me:"So dad,did u know about that,the woman?"
Mom:"Yes,I saw them together earlier today on my way back home from
work"
Me:"U did?Is that why you were so mad earlier on"
Me:"Maya,just leave it,you won't understand,maybe you will one day when
you older,inshaallah your husband's isn't like your dad."

That was basically the end of our conversation.But what Mom didn't
understand was,I did understand even at the age of 13.I think I might've
understood more than she did.Dad was cheating on her with that bitch,and
earlier on she'd seen them together in dad's car.And in some way she felt
betrayed,because deep down my mom was secretly hoping that one day
he'd magically come to his senses and notice her.Because well,she still
loved him.But its not real because she's clinging to the past of when they
really were in love or she thaught they were.But in honest fact,their
relationship has always been one sided.

The past was gone and she needed to accept that,so that she could live in
the present.Dad would never change.In fact he was always the same.Its
just that in the beginning when mom thaught they were in love,dad was
testing the waters with her."Grooming her".He never loved her, and he
never would.

And mom needed to get that into her head.She needed to wake up and
smell the coffee before it was too late, if it already wasn't.She needed to
wake up from what ever dream she was in and and open her eyes,because
they were clearly closed.
CHAPTER 42: A year of turmoil:2)Not a very Eid
mubarak(Who's the real man of the house?):

About half an hour later dad comes back home and well he just starts
yelling at mom.Me and Sally were on the couch watching Barney.Mom
immediately asks him what his talking about but dad won't listen and
continues yelling:"Whats this I hear of you working!"
Mom:"I don't know what you talking about"
Dad:"Dont lie to me,Sandra told me me she saw you with a mop in your
hand!"

So the bitch had a name afterall.But forget about that bitch because clearly
she's a snitch as well.

For the past year and a half I'd been dreading this conversation.As you
know moms never stopped working even after dad did come back from his
trip.I'd always known that sooner or later dad would find out And when he
did all he'll would break loose.And I was right.

Mom:"I was going to tell you.it's..."

Dad:"You were going to tell me!Do you know how disrespectful this is,what
will people say about me,that I can't take care of my own wife that she has
to go work.It'll be a scandal,and that too as a maid!Like wat do u take me
for!You will go and quite your job tomorrow!I will not allow this!Do u hear
me! "
Mom:"No I won't,you act like me having a job is such a bad thing,and I
understand that me being a maid isn't convenient for you and doesn't meet
your standards,but it puts food on this table.Where do think all this food
comes from?Did you really think you were paying for it?You haven't paid a
single cent towards groceries in this house since u came back from
Uganda.Yes I've been working during that time and I'm glad I did,because
while you were out there throwing money at relatives I was working night
and day to make sure our kids don't go hungry,that including Sallys
neccesaities like diapers,formula and food.I did all that.And even when you
did come back,every time I asked you for money to go buy groceries what
did you say to me,you yelled at me for being a pain,So my bad for not
wanting my kids to go hungry while u threw your money at women like
her.So no!I will not leave my job!Because I have children who depend on it
because their dad isn't man enough."
CHAPTER 43: A year of turmoil:2)Not a very Eid
mubarak(Redirection of anger):

I couldn't believe what I was hearing.Was that mom speaking?Half an hour

back you'd swear she'd lost her voice and yet there she was ,standing her
ground.I was so proud of mom.She was standing up to dad.Like really
standing up to him.

While I was contemplating how happy I was for mom,dad was slowly
loosing it.We all know by now what happens when dad looses it:Mom gets
beaten.And that's exactly what happenned he literally took of his belt and
started lashing at her.

I didn't know what to do.But what I did know was I didn't want Sally to see
any of this.So I quickly took her to my room and as a distraction I played
nursery rhymes for her on my tab.While Sally was distracted I headed back
to the crime scene where dead kept the blows coming.I could already see
the marks on moms hands and I could also see that she was holding back
tears.

I decided then that I wasn't going to be the little girl that cowered behind
her mom's back while she got beaten.Mom had protected me so many
times before that it was my turn to return the favour.I mean dad would
never hit me.So if I were to come between them he'd stop hitting mom.

So that's what I did,I rushed to moms side and I stood as a barrier between
them, mom kept trying to push me aside but I wasn't going to let that
happen.I was her protective shield against him.So whether she wanted my
life line or not I would stand my ground.And like I said,dad would never lay
a hand on me.Never.
And i was right dad did stop when he saw me in front of him protecting
mom and I could see him let his guard down.But that only lasted a
second.After that momental sign of life I saw something else in his
eyes.Hate.Anger.

And this time it was directed at me.He actually looked like he'd turn his
lashes to me.And I think from behind me mom saw it too.Because just
when dad was about to hit me with his belt she pulled me aside and took it
for me.

I couldnt believe it.That lashing was meant for me.Dad wanted to hit me.He
would've if mom didn't get in the way.Moments ago I would've sworn on the
moon and stars that dad would never lay a hand on me let alone think
about it. And yet there I was. I had come so close to a first real beating
from dad.

I quickly got out of my head because I realised I needed to put a stop to his
madness.So I yelled:"just stop it dad,its enough,moms not quiting her job
and instead of looking at it the wrong way,look at this way,you won't have
to worry about lots of stuff anymore,like food,I mean aren't you the one
that's always complaining about money and how mom does nothing,well
this is her doing something.So instead of hitting her you should be thanking
her."

I guess my words got through to him because he actually looked sane

again,well not sane per say but he stopped glaring at mom like he'd murder
her.So I guess it had worked.

I then took mom's hand and dragged her to my room where I locked the
door behind us, because to be honest I didn't trust him at that moment.
So it was a case of better safe then sorry.
CHAPTER 44:A year of turmoil:2)Not a very Eid
mubarak(Realisation):

I'd never really been scared of my dad untill then.Yes he'd beat mom which
I hated,But I'd never been afraid of him.Because there was always this tiny
part of me that believed he'd never hurt me,because he loved me and well,
I was his daughter.

But that night I remember feeling afraid,really afraid.I was afraid of my

dad,of living in the same house as him.

After I helped mom put a cream on her scars we all went to sleep in my
room.Sally in her crib while me and mom shared my bed.

I didn't really sleep much that night.Just contemplated how that was
definitely the worst Eid of my life because obviously it went on the top 3 of
worst days of my life.

I remember thinking back to the day when mom said that she couldn't trust
dad with me.Was this what Mom was referring to?

And then my mind drifted to that bitch Sandras age.I mean she was
basically my older sisters age and yet dad was clearly screwing her.If he
could screw her what about me?I mean we werent that far off in age.What
happens as I grow older.Would have to live with the constant fear that
theirs a possibility that my dad could rape me.I mean we hear about these
things all the time.Could I be a victim of such a crime?

My mind was clearly not in the right state of mind because how could I think
of my dad in that way.But then I thaught to what happened earlier.I mean i
did think he wasn't capable of hitting me but look at how that turned out.

With that thaught in my mind as I quietly(so as not to wake Sally and mom
up) cried myself to sleep again,like so many times before I found myself
thinking about the first time my dad has hit me....
CHAPTER 45: A year of turmoil:Eid comes to an
end(Corporal punishment):

You see,dad has hit me once before but I don't really count that time.

You know how sometimes as an African growing up our parents hit us as

punishment, for misbehaving.It was the same scenario, and to be honest
I've gotten hiding from mom on countless occassions growing up.I mean its
not a big deal.U misbehave so their are consequences,that kind of thing.

I was 8 and me and Joe who was then 10 were arguing about
something.Which is no surprise.I started screaming at Joe because we was
really getting to me.

Me:"Joe give it back its mine!"

Joe:"No it's not,its mine"
Me:"Joe don't lie you know its mine"
Dad:"Will you 2 stop it,Joe just give it to her."
Joe:"But its mine"
Me:"Ma!tell Joe to give it to me."
Mom:"Joe,Give it to Maya your ones in your room"
Joe:"No this ones mine."

At that point dad's had enough of our quareling and he snatches the pencil
out from Joe's hand,breaks it in two and then throws it across the room.

Dad:"Happy now!"
Joe and me glare at each other because now the pencils broken and I stick
my tongue out at him and we at it again

Joe:"Your such a lier maya,"

Me:"No I'm not.Ma!Joes calling me a lier"
Joe:"Lier,lier,pants on fire."

Dad who had already had it with us looses it more and well me and joy both
get hiding:

Joe takes it quite well if you ask me.When it was my turn I literally ran
behind mom's back begging her to do something,but try as she might to
keep me hidden behind her back away from him,dad eventually gets hold
of me.

But what worse was,while I was getting hiding I actually peed in my pants
and if you add the crying as well, let's just say it was horrible.

Joe never really let me forget that,in fact he even went as far as telling our
neighbours how I humiliated myself by peeing in my pants while getting
hiding.Even years after that I never heard the end of it from Joe.

And worst of all is: the pencil was actually mine.Because that night just like
mom said Joe found his in his room..

So besides that incident dad's never really hit me.And so him showing sign
of their being a possibility that, that could change. It frightened me.I was
frightened of what my dad was capable of.
CHAPTER 46: A year of turmoil: Calm after the
storm:

So the truth was out in the open.Dad finally knew that mom was working.
Granted things weren't pretty when the truth came out but it was out,and we could all
move on.

And we did.Even thaugh dad wasn't to pleased about it,they had reached an agreement
that mom would take care of all household costs and dad was responsible for education
and the mortgage on the house.And if u ask me that was the best descission they'd
made so far.

Granted things were really tense between them.But they managed.They mostly avoided
each other,but for me them avoiding each other was so much better than seeing them
fighting.Yes they occasionally gave each other looks that suggested they wanted to
claw each others eyes out,but things were quite.

And quite meant no scars on moms body.So I was happy.

CHAPTER 47:A year of turmoil: Things look up:

A week after the Eid incident dad decides to move out.He had simply
decided that he was sick and tired of living under the same roof as mom.He
basically sat us down and calmly stated that he was moving out because
he needed a new start,away from moms drama.

To be honest that was the best descission he had made in a really long
time,considering everything that had happened.So dad was moving
out.And this time it looked like it would last.This time he left nothing
behind.He packed up all his clothes and walked out the door.

He never really did tell us where he was moving to,so I'm guessing that he
was moving in with that bitch Sandra.But I didn't really.The fact of the
matter was, he was gone.

It felt like I could breathe again because clearly I couldn't handle being in
the same house as him.I mean after that incident where he almost beat
me,I was clearly afraid of him.I spent every waking moment fearing that
he'd beat me.And I didn't like feeling that away.

I was actually really happy.It looked like luck was on our side after all.Dad
was gone.

And with him gone maybe things would look up for Joe as well.I mean what
more could go wrong.Things were actually looking up for us,anything was
possible at this point.
So I guess it was back to just me,mom,Sally and Joe (if and when he
decided to grace us with his precence).Like its always been.
CHAPTER 48: A year of turmoil: Joe goes AWOL:

Fast forward to a month later.Life was great.Mom was always out and
about smiling.Sally's crib even got to move back in with mom.And me I was
at my best,besides occassionally worrying about Joe.

You see,Joe was becoming more and more relentless as the days went
by.Anything you said to him resulted in you getting your head bitten off.And
you could actually see from his eyes that he was high all the time ,add the
extremely late nights and you got yourself a recipe for disaster.

One night thaugh Joe didn't come back home.I know that because when I
woke up the next morning he was nowhere to be seen.You see there was a
routine we had every morning.Whenever I woke up Joe would be in the
kitchen just about to finish his cereal.That morning Joe wasn't there.

Most of you are thinking maybe he woke up earlier or maybe I woke up

late.But it wasn't the case because I checked the time and when I went into
his room,his bed was clean.Maybe he decided to clean his bed?Wrong
,Joe never cleaned his bed.In fact I was the one that cleaned his bed for
him.

At that point I was freaking out.What if Joe had an overdose and was in a
ditch somewhere?What if he was mugged and then beaten?What if he was
kidnapped?
What if he was murderd?

My froggy could've been anywhere at that point.I mean in the kind of world
we live in anything's possible.So I rushed into moms room to tell her the
news.Mom completely looses it when she finds out.And she immediately
starts cursing herself for not staying up to wait for him like she usually
does.I don't really blame her I mean she probably dosed of at some point
during the night.

Mom in complete freak mode rushes into his room and starts looking for
something I don't really know what exactly,but I just see her flinging stuff
across the room,clothing,books,anything and everything.When she doesn't
find what she's looking for she yells at me to bring me her phone and then
go wake Sally up.So I do just that.

When I hand her phone she immediately calls dad who rushes over.When
dad arrives mom's in a complete state.She's crying on the floor.Dad starts
yelling at mom for being so stupid but mom won't even look at him.

When mom finally gets her emotions in order she tells me to go shower
because I was going to school.I don't even know why she insisted on my
going since I was already an hour late.But to not make a bad situation
worse I do what I'm told. Then I head outside where they all waiting for me
in the car.

I didn't even have breakfast..

Apparently mom and dad where headed to his school to see if he was
there,and well they basically decide to leave me stranded at school.

Joe was not home…..

That was just one of many incidents where Joe had completely lost hiS
mind due to the fact that his body was pumped with so many drugs he
couldn't think straight.and for a while it worked he was still much pumping
drugs but he wasn't hurting me or Sally. And their was pierce and quite.

But that all quickly changed when 1 day Joe didn't come back home I mean
we were all used to him coming home late but he'd always come back my
mom began to worry and so did I so she phoned my dad and let him
knw.The next day my mom and dad went to his school and asked everyone
that knew him if they knew where he was but no one did and well instead of
finding out his location they found out from a friend that he was basically a
drug addict.I'd always known from the beginning but of course I'd never tell
my parents and looking back now, maybe I should have maybe then it
wouldnt have gone so far.So cpbaducally for the next few days my parents
do everything to try to find him but come up empty the newspaper refuses
to label him as missing because we'll its hasn't been 48 hrs.I remember the
one time I went with my mom and we were just handing flyers out of his
picture to anybody and ever body but came up with no luck.
CHAPTER 49:A year of turmoil: Awaiting news:

I don't know how I survived that day at school,considering I was extremely

late and couldn't stop worrying about joe.I mean wat if I'd lost Joe.What if I
snever go to see him again?I know we've never really been that close the
past couple of years but I still loved him.I mean he was my froggy.And I
don't think I could handle loosing him,and I wasn't talking about drugs this
time,I mean really loose him.

So naturally the first thing I do when I get home is ask for an update on
Joe.I don't know what I was expecting to hear from my parents but I clearly
was not expecting what they told me...
CHAPTER 50:A year of turmoil: The secret comes
out:

What happened was:

When they arrived at school they immediately headed to the office.It was
there that they asked the receptionsist if Joe was at school.The receptionist
checked out with Joe's class and as I had suspected he wasn't at school.

When mom heard the news she went into total melt down mode.she
literally started crying in the middle of the office.The receptionist must have
felt sorry for because she then went to Joe's class where she found a
group of people that were suspected to be Joe's friends.

Those so called friends were then sent to the office where they were
questioned about Joe:When questioned about Joe's whereabouts they all
replied that they had no idea where he was,when questioned if Joe had
been acting strange lately or perhaps hanging around the wrong group of
people they all replied that they new nothing about that.

Mom was clearly not buying their story so she demanded to see the
principle,and would not take no for an answer.The principle was then
braught into the office. and all of a sudden they all start talking.

From the moment the principle walked into the room they turned their back
on Joe.They sold Joe out and spilled everything they knew.They told mom
and dad everthing.From the drugs to joes apparent bragging of his late
night endaveours spent getting high.
CHAPTER 51:A year of turmoil: Denial turns to
blame:

At first mom wouldnt believe it.She simply refused to accept that Joe was
taking drugs.She swore up and down that Joe would never go anywhere
near those things.She had even taken things as far accusing all the
witnesses of being complete liers.She was so convinced that it was a case
of mistaken identity.

I think mom reacted the way she dud because deep down she felt like
she'd let Joe down.That somehow it was her fault.Because all this time she
had dismissed Joe's behaviour as normal.To her it had seemed like Joe
was being your regular teenager.Doing things to despise your
parents.Attention seeking as she'd once called it.A phase that would
eventually wear off as he grew older.

But what failed to realise was that our circumstances at home weren't that
normal.So naturally Joe couldn't act like your regular teenager.He needed
a way to blow off some steam and sadly he saw drugs as the solution.
CHAPTER 52:A year of turmoil: Cool,calm and
collected:

Dad however was as cool as can be.Once the group of boys were sent
back to class.Dad thanked the principle and receptionist and he and mom
left the school premises.Once in the car he simply told mom to get over
herself because her feeling sorry for herself wasn't helping the situation.

To be honest in the beginning I was actually impressed with dad.I mean I

had expected him to loose his temper or something.But this.I had never
seen this side of dad before.Normally he was the one that was quick to
jump to conclusions.

From the moment they had entered the office he was just calm.It was as if
he hadn't just found out that his son was missing and was apparently taking
drugs.And at some point I'd actually considered that maybe he just didn't
care, or that maybe he was glad that Joe was missing.

I know some people say that in difficult situations it's always good if one of
the parties involved keeps sane.But from my understanding when in the
moment all logic gets thrown out the window.Maybe it's just me but he was
too calm for my liking.
CHAPTER 53:A year of turmoil: Visit to the station:

At some point during the ride back home mom gets her bearings.She
immediately yells at dad to turn the car around because they were going to
the police station.Dad actually complies with mom and turns the car
around.That was another surprise to me.

At the police station mom tries to lay a missing persons case but the police
won't open one since Joe has bearly been gone for 24 hours which annoys
the crap out of mom.But keeping her cool she calmly tells the police officer
they were dealing with that they couldn't wait for 24 hours because who
knew what could happen to Joe during that time period,if nothing hasn't
already happened.The police officer unfortunately doesnt budge but rather
advises mom and dad that if Joe doesn't show up in 2 days time they were
more than welcome to open the file then.

I couldn't believe it I mean I know that theirs this 48 hour rule with missing
cases,but this wasn't just anyone this was joe.I know that's what everyone
says,but I just couldnt handle something happening to froggy.

Thinking about it know Joe's case aside, the 48 hour rule is actually kind of
dumb in my oppinnio.I know there's also the fact that Joe was a
teenager,and it is often believed that we do this kind of thing all the time,but
we eventually find our way back home.So in essence to spare the police's
valuable time they've enforced the 48 hour rule.

I'm not saying that those scenarios don't take place,because they probably
do.But what happened to better safe than sorry.I mean we live in a very
dangerous world where every second matters.A second could literally
symbolise your death.And isn't it the police's job to reduce deaths, well at
least unneccesary deaths that could've been prevented if they actually did
something.
CHAPTER 54:A year of turmoil: Newsroom:

After not much luck at the police station mom was basically grasping at
straws.So she decide to do the next big thing that popped up into her
head.Heading to a newspaper office.I mean people read the newspaper all
the time.

So that war they did they went to a local newspaper office where they
asked to have a story about Joe written because he was missing.

The newspaper unfortunately declined because they said that because

mom and dad hadn't really opened a case yet it was basically not worthy to
be published.

Like wow is that what the world had turned int?A 15 year old boy was
missing and the paper didn't care because it wasn't a juicy enough
story.What ever happened to being decent human beings?Clearly there
weren't any left.And it really was a jungle out there...
CHAPTER 55:A year of turmoil: The story reaches my
ears:

So there I was listening to mom narrate that whole story to me while I made
my own little comments about how I felt about everything.I still couldn't
believe that we couldn't rely on the police or media.Like my bro was
missing and no one was willing to help look for him.I don't even remember
how I felt at that moment because I think I had just lost my sense of feeling
anything. Froggy was gone and there was no way of finding him
apparently.
CHAPTER 56:A year of turmoil: Making a descission:

I didnt know wat to do.My mind was all over the place.Like do we just sit
and wait and hope that Joe reappears or do we get out there and do some
of our own searching.

Dad was clearly opposed to searching for Joe because he believed that we
were overdramatising the situation.To him Joe was out with a bunch of
friennds doing what boys do at his age.But as some point he'd get tired of it
and then come back home.

Mom on the other hand wasn't so sure,because she had a feeling that Joe
wasn't planning on coming back home and well she was worried that he
wouldn't be able to rough it out on the streets.

Soon after that dad decided that we had wasted enough of his time and
that he had to go work.He basically left us stranded.It was about 16:00 at
this time.

I don't know why but the more I stood there waiting for Joe to magically
walk in through the door the more anxious I got.I couldn't just stand there
and do nothing.So I did the next best thing,I went snooping around in our
photo album looking for a very recent photo of Joe.When I had found what I
was looking for I ordered mom to get up because we were going to look for
Joe.
CHAPTER 57:A year of turmoil: The search for Joe
begins:

I didn't know what I had expected mom to do but I was glad that she had
agreed to come along.During our search we never really did any heavy
searching,We just walked the streets showing everyone that passed us
Joe's picture.We went to every shop,every salon,every internet cafe but no
one had seen Joe.

Like how is it possible for a 15 year old to just vanish.Surely someone must
have seen or heard something.We walked those streets till the Sun went
down and even after it went dark.I wouldn't give up.We had to find Joe,we
just had to.

I know it was selfish of me considering Sally was still only 1 and a half and
she ws probably exhausted.But we couldn't just stop looking.Id even cary
her on my back if she wanted sleep but we had to keep moving.And we did
just that we carried on searching.
CHAPTER 58:A year of turmoil: Consequences of
being a girl:

It was getting darker by the second and we still had no sign of Joe.I was
beginning to loose hope I could feel Joe slip away from me with every
second that passed.

Mom was starting to loose it again but this time she wasn't worried about
Joe but me and sally.
Mom:"Maya,maybe we should go back home, its getting really late."
Me:"But ma we still haven't found Joe."
Mom:"We can't do anything now,what if something happens to us."
Me:"What do you mean,we're just fine."
Mom:"You not listening to me.It's really dangerous out at night especially if
your a girl,and you not a little girl anymore."
Me:"But Joe."
Mom:"I know but you can't help Joe if something happens to you,and I
might not be able to protect you if something were to happens,do you
understand what I mean,and besides maybe Joe decided to come back
home."

I didn't know how to respond.I mean I knew that being a girl has always
had its cons,living with my mom all these years. Mom was really backward
thing when it came to gender.She still had the mindset that a womens duty
was to cook,clean and take care of the kids.So growing up she'd drilled this
into me.Joe could go and do whatever he wanted but I couldn't do anything
without asking for permission and even than she'd have to triple check if I
would be safe.When it came to chores around the house Joe didn't have to
lift a finger while I was basically forced to.So growing up I was always
moaning about how unfair it was that just because I was a girl their were all
these rules I needed to follow.Dont sit like that,always dress decently,stay
away from boys.On and on it went.I mean its not like I chose to be a girl.

But that night I'd realised that there was more to it than just household
duties and the etiquettes that came with the gender. Because unfortunately
we lived in a world where being a girl meant that you were never safe.You
could literally be on your way home and then find yourself being raped and
murderd.

We were practically living in a war zone where you had to constantly look
over your shoulder.No place was safe and no one could really be trusted
including relatives.
CHAPTER 59:A year of turmoil: Joe's really gone:

Taking what mom said into consideration I eventually gave in and decided
that going back wasn't such a bad idea.And maybe mom was right,maybe
Joe was at home waiting for us at the gate.

With Joe in mind we practically rushed back home.It took us about an hour
to get back home but we eventually go there.And as expected Joe was
nowhere in sight.

To be honest I was a little dissapointed to not see Joe at the gate even
thaugh that thaught was in the back of my mind the entire journey home.

I was crushed,because this meant that Joe was really gone.He wasn't
coming back.He'd given up on me,on us.It felt like a part of me had been
ripped out.Joe was ripped out of my life.

That night I didnt get a single second of sleep in because I was still clinging
to the hope that maybe Joe would walk through the door and just start
laughing because it was one big fat joke.But that didn't happen.And even
after mom had dosed off sometime during the night I still stayed awake.

I'd only gone to sleep at 05:00 in the morning after I had made my morning
prayer.And 2 hours later I had to get back up because wether Joe was
missing or not, life carried on.I had school to go to because life didn't care
whether you were going through crap.It never stopped moving.Not for
anyone and certainly not for me even thaugh I so desperately wanted it to.
CHAPTER 60:A year of turmoil: A dreadfull week:

That week was one of the worst weeks of my life.I couldn't stop thinking
about Joe and whether he was ok wherever he was.

Mom was slowly slipping away from me too.So as always when mom
started slipping away I needed to pull up my socks.I basically needed to
become sallys mom again.Because well if I didn't look after her no one else
would.

You all probably wondering what about the search for Joe.After the first
night of Joe not being home dad had begun singing a different tune.He too
began worrying about Joe.So he began a search party for Joe.They looked
every single night for Joe with no luck.

But to be honest no matter how much dad looked for Joe I still blamed him
for Joe's disappearance.If only he had cared from the beginning and took it
seriously.In actual fact everything Joe was going through was his fault from
the drugs to the late nights.Because Joes behaviour was a result of how
dad treated us.

That whole week I had been confined to stay home while mom and dad did
all the searching.They said that someone needed to be home if Joe ever
decided to come back home.But boy was the waiting killing me.

So as a distraction I'd always play with Sally because as usual her smile
always brightened my day.But seeing mom and dad come back home
every day without Joe,it felt like my heart was being trampled on.Every day
spent going to bed without seeing joe on his phone listening to music was
torture.
I know I had always complained about the noise but in that week I would've
given anything to hear it again.He could've turn the volume to super loud
and I wouldn't have minded,as long as he was home.

I just missed Joe so much,my heart couldn't take another day without him.I
just wanted to have my froggie back.Like could the world not understand
that?Or did it just enjoy seeing me in pain?

How much more could it take from me?I had nothing left to give.Joe and
sally were all that I had left but there it was taking Joe away from me.
CHAPTER 61: A year of turmoil: Joe's sudden
reapearence brings a twist:

One day thaugh after a whole week of constantly searching for Joe on my
way back from school.I saw Joe.It was really him.Joe was back!I couldn't
believe it. I had prayed for this moment every single day during the past
week.God had heard my prayers.

I practically ran out the car door to give Joe a hug almost knocking him
over.Joe not wanting me anywhere near him practically shoved me off
him,when dad got to Joe he basically started screaming at Joe.
Dad:"Where have you been!"
Joe:"I'm not here to cause trouble,just came to get my things."
Dad:"What did you say!"
Joe:"Just open the door for me and let me get my stuff and you guys will
never have to deal with me again."

Did I hear correctly.Joe was leaving.He didn't come back to stay.How could
he just decide to leave?What about me?What about Mom?What about
Sally?What happened to I'll always be there for you and I'll get us out of
here?He promised.He just can't leave me.

At that point I start yelling at him too.

Me:"Joe you promised!You can't leave me."
Joe:"I can and I will,You guys are wasting my time ,I have places to be."
I start crying.
Me:"Joe,please!Please!You can't leave me!You promised!"
Joe:"Grow up Maya,that was a long time ago,and not everything is about
you!I'm doing this for me,because I'm sick of all you guy's shit!"
Dad:"So you think you're a man now,that you can take care of yourself
fine,but just know if you leave you are never to come back here!Do you
hear me."
CHAPTER 62:A year of turmoil: Dead serious:

Dad then proceeds to open the door and Joe casually walks inside and
goes to his room where he packs all his stuff.Mom who notices the
commotion quickly comes over outside where me and dad are waiting for
Joe.
Mom:"What's going on,did you find Joe."
Dad:"Do not start with me,this is all your fault,you've always been too soft
on them,
look at him,did you see the way he spoke to me."
Mom:"So Joe's here,my baby is here."

Mom clearly ecstatic by Joe's appearance heads back inside.I'm guessing

that she went to go speak to Joe,maybe drop some sense into him.

Whatever mom went to do it clearly didn't work because 15 minutes later

Joe comes back outside with a bag in his hand and literally walks past us.

Joe wasn't messing around.He was dead serious.This was his last
straw.He'd trully had enough.I couldn't just let Joe walk away from me.I
mean shorely he still cared for me as his baby sister?
CHAPTER 63:A year of turmoil: Family reunion:

At that point mom decides to join us again and well she tells Joe to stop
walking.
Mom:"Joe don't you take another step,come back hear right now."
Joe however sent falling for it.
Mom:"Joe!I know about the drugs!And I'm sorry I didn't notice sooner,I
know you were hurting and that was my fault,I should've paid attention to
you.I'm really sorry,but this what you doing won't make things any better.If
you come back I'll try my absolute best to make things better.Things will be
different this time."
Joe:"That's what you always say!"
Mom:"That is true,but think about this if you leave where will you go,you
just a kid,How long do you expect to live on the streets."
Joe:"I managed just fine this past week."
Dad:"You got lucky..."
Mom:"Can you just shut up,I'm trying to have a conversation with my
son,so stop pretending like you care all of a sudden."
Joe:"There you go again."
Mom:"I'm sorry.That won't happen again,if you were home lately you
would've realised that your dad had even moved out 2 months back,I don't
know if you remember that."
Joe:"He did?"
Mom:"Yeah and things have been better,just ask maya."
Me:"They have,like we doing so much better please don't go."
Joe:"No more arguing or fighting?"
Mom:"None."

Joe then turns around and well he gives mom a hug and starts crying.Joe
actually cried.It has been a while since I saw Joe cry.And seeing him cry
made me cry.

You all wondering what about dad,well he couldn't have left our house fast
enough.One minute he was standing besides me and the next he was in
his Carr speeding off.And I didn't give a damn.

All I cared about was Joe and well he was back.Feeling a bit left out I
headed to join the hug and I felt so welcome.You could literally feel all the
love we shared for each other.We were a family.A real family,one that
didn't include dad.

My family was finally complete.

CHAPTER 64: A year of turmoil: Surprise visitor:

After that things were really great at home.Joe stopped taking drugs which
was great because then he was actually home A lot more.Mom had to go
find another job because she got fired from the other one when she had
taken a week leave searching for Joe.But she eventually got back on her
feet.I was so happy.We never really saw dad that much besides when he
was dropping me off at school and taking me back home.Joe obviously
decided against travelling with dad and chose to rather take a taxi everday.

A few days later thaugh dad showed up at home and announced that we
were having a guest over.That was a surprise to us all.Like what we he
doing here and who was this surprise visitor.But we all obliged and
prepared ourselves for whatever was coming our way.
CHAPTER 65:A year of turmoil: Family intervention:

I couldn't believe my eyes.The surprise visit was a psychologist.I didn't

know dad believed in that stuff,let alone knew one.But there he
was.Apparently we were having a family intervention to delve into Joes
problems.

So that's what we did that night for about 5 hours all we did was speak
about Joe and how our behaviour effected him.At one stage me and Joe
had to write a list of things that we wanted the other person to do for us.On
Joe's list he'd asked that I stopped being the golden girl because he
believed mom and dad loved me more thsn him.I didn't really know how to
feel about that one but I promised that I'd try for his sake.On my list I
basically asked him to be my froggie again.The big bro I'd always loved
growing up.

So if you ask me I thaught that session went really well.We really delved
deep into our emotions.We didn't really talk about mom and dad and how
they fighting effected us,and that's ok because well if they weren't living in
the same house then it wouldn't happen again.So it was a case of lets
leave all that in the past and just move forward.

I was really proud of Joe that night he'd showed me who the real Joe was.I
just hoped and prayed he'd stay that way and not go back into those dark
times.
CHAPTER 66:A year of turmoil: A new dawn for Joe:

After the intervention Joe still went for regular meetings with the
psychologist,but this time it wasnt a family thing,he had to deal with it on his
own.

At one stage he'd even started thinking about his future and what he
wanted to do career wise.He eventually decided to do the engineering on
aeroplanes.His psychologist was even kind enough to put in a good word
for him with people that he knew that worked in that industry.After that ever
Saturday Joe was off learning more about his interest.

I was so proud of him.Joe was pulling his life back together and he seemed
so willing to put in all the work.After everything he'd been through he was
still fighting back.He was still standing.We were still standing.As a family.
CHAPTER 67: A year of turmoil: The end of primary
life:

With Joe's life coming together nicely for him I was saying goodbye to a life
of my own.It was the last 2 weeks.You all wonderimg why I was still going
to school ,i mean exams were over.

I just felt like I needed to say goodbye properly to my school.Because it

was here that I had formed some pretty special memories with some very
special people in my life.They might not hsve known anything about what I
was going through at home but they were always there for me.

And considering how hectic this year had been I just needed to say
goodbye properly to them.So me and my squad had decided to come to
school every day for those last 2 weeks and we made so many more
memories.

We danced like crazy in the library and thaugh we werent that good,we
enjoyed ourselves.There was a game or 2 of spin the bottle where some us
were forced to do some pretty crazy things.

All in all besides the one time in grade 6 where I was forced to kiss a guy
friend on the cheek that was one of the craziest week of my life.It was good
crazy thaugh.

It was one of the best ways to end off a bitter sweet moment.
CHAPTER 68:A year of turmoil: Late December
madness:

Joe was at it again.I couldn't believe him. He'd just gotten his life back
together.To make matters worse we were just a few weeks from the
beginning of school next month.

I couldn't handle his bullshit anymore. Theirs only so much I can do for
him.It's like the saying that goes you can't help someone who doesn't want
to be helped.I'd tried everything to help him but he wouldn't accept my
help.He'd even stopped going to this therapy sessions and apparently
dropped out of the aeroplane programme.

This time I didn't care if he'd hate me for snitching on him.From the word go
I told mom everything.I couldn't afford to be dealing with his shit alone.I
was going to highschool in a few weeks.And all I knew is Joe needed to get
his shit in order before the year ended.

He'd be in grade 10 next year so he needed to get his head in the

game.Not for me but for himself.This was his life after all.And he couldn't
afford to be playing with it this way.
CAPTER 69:A year of turmoil: Ending the year off:

I know my life's always been messy but that year things just kept coming at
us from every angle.It was like the world wanted to see us fail.To see us
come crumbling down.
We'd been through so many challenges and obstacles but somehow we
always kept coming back up.

To be honest I don't even know how I managed to pass grade 7 that

year,let alone survived it.At so many different points during that year I'd felt
like I couldn't take anymore of the pain, heartache and constant struggle to
get back up every morning.And as soon as I had just wrapped my mind
around one situation another was thrown my way.

Somehow thaugh,by the grace of God we'd managed to pull through as a

family. Granted Joe was starting his tricks again,but I had hope that we
could get him on the right path again.As a family we could overcome
anything.A family that didn't consist of dad of course.

That year we had taught the world a valuable lesson.If it really wanted to
see us on our knees then it needed to try a little harder.Because it didnt
matter how many punches it kept swinging our way because we'd always
find a way to avoid them. And to be honest it chose the wrong family to pick
a fight with.Because together we were the equivalent of Mohammed Ali.
CHAPTER 70: Highschool begins on a rough
note(Transport drama):

I couldn't believe it.It was here.My first day of highschool.From the moment
I got out of bed I was ecstatic,because this day marked the beginning of the
rest of our lives.This day meant that I was one step closer to changing our
lives and finally getting rid of dad.There was still hope.we still had a chance
of a normal life.

So as I would normally do I went to stand outside while I awaited for dad to

arrive.When Joe came outside he literally walked straight past me.

At that point I was confused.Was he taking a taxi.Why would he do

that?We went to the same school.I mean one would assume that the fact
that we went to the same school now,meant that he didn't need to travel by
taxi anymore.

But knowing Joe I shouldn't have been surprised.Always wanting to do

things the hard way.If you ask me I think he probably did it to spite
dad,which was a bit childish of Joe.I mean I get that he hated dad and
therefore wanted to see as less of him as he possible could,I did too.But
Joe took it to a whole nother level.

With that said I wasn't going to be the one that confronted him about it.I
didn't need the unneccesary drama.Not today.

When dad arrived and I got in the car the first thing he asked was where's
Joe and I simply replied he took a taxi.Dad was clearly mad.You could
literally see it on his face.And when he thaught I wasn't paying attention he
mumbled to himself:"I'm not gonna let a kid disrespect me like this."I didnt
really know what dad meant by that statement but from what it sounded like
Joe had clearly pissed dad off.

I did arrive at school in one piece thaugh so clearly someone was looking
out for me.With family drama out of my mind I focused on the first day of
the rest of our lives.
CHAPTER 71: Highschool begins on a rough
note(Car mania):

The day at school had been completely uneventful except that Joe was
really late which was weird considering he had left home 30 minutes before
I did.

I wasn't keeping an eye on him or anything I just happenned to notice

because in the hall everyone who was late was made to stand.So it was
the case of you couldn't miss him even if you were blind.

So when it was time to go home after a long day I went to wait for dad and
when he arrived I climbed into the car.I'd expected dad to start driving but
he was cleary waiting for someone else.He was waiting for Joe.And I didn't
know how I should've felt about that.

In the back of my mind I somehow knew that Joe would rather take a taxi
than go home with dad.But some bigger part of me wanted Joe to be the
bigger person.I mean I'm the one person that knew exactly how he felt.I too
would rather not see dad at all even during these short drive sessions.But
we can't always be bitter all the time.I mean dad was clearly not living with
us anymore so no harm was being done.I just hoped Joe saw things from
my persective and decided that it was time to be the bigger person.

So we waited for Joe for about 25 minutes. When dad spots him he tells
him to get into the car.I was so tense at that moment.
Things could go either way.I mean with Joe and dad things always turned
ugly.I crossed all my fingers and desperately hoped that Joe got into the
damn car.Because besides having them pull each others eyes out the last
thing I wanted was for them to cause a big scene in front of everyone.

Joe clearly thinking what I was thinking got into the car.But as soon as, we
were a good enough distance away from the school he all but yelled for
dad to stop the car.

I guess I was right all along Joe clearly couldnt be the bigger person and I
know I shouldn't be thinking this but he was just like dad.I was so
disappointed in Joe.I honesty thaught that what happened in the morning
was just a moment of childishness.A petty act to get on dads nerves
because Joe clearly knew how to push dads buttons.

Like couldn't they just be civil with each other for once?I'd even be ok if
they pretended to be civil.I mean the ride back home wouldn't even last 20
minutes.All they needed to do was sit in the same car without making a
scene.

Dad who was clearly not in the mood to have a repeat of the morning and
he did the next big thing.He locked the car doors.I couldn't believe it.At that
moment I was freaking out.Things had taken a complete turn.There was no
knowing what would happen next. Dad could literally do anything to Joe at
this point.

Joe however was clearly determined to put up a fight.Honestly at that point

i thsught he was just beeing stupid and looking for reaction from dad.He
was clearly asking for it.

He then yelled at dad even louder to open the door and stop the car.Dad
wasn't budging thaugh.He just kept his cool and kept on driving.Joe clearly
not taking the hint kept on screaming at dad.At one point he had even
turned to shaking the car door as if that would make it magically open.

We spent that whole ride home like that.One would swear that the whole
world could've heard Joe's constant screaming.And when he wasnt
screaming he was shaking the car door.But dad didnt look like he gave a
damn.So I guess this was his way of getting revenge,of teaching Joe a
lesson.
CHAPTER 72: Highschool begins on a rough
note(hidden stash):

You can only imagine what it was like sitting in the back seat watching as
that whole scenario unfolded.I honestly didn't know what to do.In my
opinion they where both acting really childish and were just looking for a
reason to get on each others nerves.But by the grace of God(as always)
we made it be back home in one piece.

When dad finally opened the door Joe all but ran out of the car into the
house.He was clearly furious.Dad who was supposed to be leaving
followed him into the house. He was just as furious as joe was,if not more.

Disgusted by their behaviour I simply followed suite.I was right behind

them.But I wish I wasn't so quick to follow them in. Because we were
clearly walking into the lions den.And inside all hell would break loose.

When I finally got to the kitchen everyone was still.Their should've been
screaming and yelling.Or did I misunderstand all the anger they had for
each other a few seconds ago.Was that it?They'd just magically cleared all
the bad blood between them.So focussed on Joe and dad I was completely
oblivious to mom,who standing in the middle of all this madness.She was
waving a stash of cash in the air.

I was so confused why was mom waving a bunch of 100 rand notes in the
air.Did we win the lottery?I thaught mom thaught gambling was
haraam(wrong).Nothing was making sense to me.

Then mom did something totally out of the blue.She threw the money at
Joe and it landed at his feet.What the fuck was going on?No one was
saying anything but clearly something was wrong.

Dad who was just as confused as I was just stood there blankly staring at
mom,Joe and occasionally the money that was scattered on the floor.Mom
however was in a world of her own,you could clearly see the
confusion,anger and hurt in her eyes.Yet she found the courage to ask
what most would assume was a really simply question.

Mom:"Joe,where did you get the money from?!"

CHAPTER 73: Highschool begins on a rough
note(Spring cleaning uncovers real dirt):

What was mom talking about?I mean Joe didn't even have a part time job
so where would he even get the money from?And why wasn't Joe saying
anything?He just stood there staring at mom as if that answered her
question.

Dad:"Joe,is that money yours?"

Joe:"It's not mine."
Mom:"Dont lie to me Joe!If its not yours then why did I find it in your room?"
Joe:"You went snooping in my room!"
Mom:"I was not snooping,I went in there to do some spring cleaning."
Joe:"You went through my stuff?"
Mom:"Me going into your room isn't the point.Where did you get the money
from?Did you steal it?"
Joe:"I didn't steal it.I worked for it."
Mom:"You don't even have a job."
Joe:"I do."
Mom:"Why didn't you tell me you got a job and what exactly do you do."
Joe:"Just something me and my friend started and the money isn't mine its
his."
Dad:"What friend."
Joe:"Someone I know."
Dad:"What do you guys actually do to earn that much money?"
Joe:"It's not a big deal its just something on the side."
Mom:"Something on the side.Joe stop messing with me ok.This isn't a
joke.Tell me where you got the money from or I'll be forced to phone
whoever this friend of yours is."
Joe:"You wouldnt do that."
Mom:"Dont test me Joe."
Dad:"That's enough.Joe you better tell me where you got the money from
or I'm dragging you and this money to your friend and then both of you are
going to jail."
Mom:"Theirs no need for that.Joe just tell me the truth."
Dad:"I dont have time for this crap."

It was then that dad started collecting all the money that had accumaled on
our kitten floor and when all of it was off the floor he literally dragged joe
out of the house by the ear.Joe resisted of course but dad clearly had the
man power.So Joe was essentially fighting a loosing battle.When they got
to the car dad all but threw him into it.

Mom:"What are you doing.Don't you dare handle my son like that."
Dad:"Don't start with me.Not another word."

That's when dad got into the car and rode off into the sunset with Joe.Who
knew what he would do to Joe.I honestly feared for Joe's life.Mom was
clearly just as worried as I was.I mean we both knew very well that when
dad was mad he was capable of anything.And this time he wasn't just mad
he was furious.Blood would definitely be spilt.I was just hoping it wasn't
Joe's.
CHAPTER 74: Highschool begins on a rough
note(Anticipation):

Naturally me and mom went into panick mode as soon as dad rode off.We
were clearly freaking out.But to keep our cool we both needed to find
distractions.I had turned to wrapping my school books while mom paced
around the house making dua for Joe's safety.

The waiting was torture.Every second that passed I felt like ripping the
wrapping paper apart.I felt like I needed to be doing something but I wasnt
sure what.I mean I was still trying to figure out where Joe got the
money.And the fact that dad who was already mad at Joe from the moment
Joe got into the car earlier on was even madder.Dad was clearly not
thinking straight and neither was Joe.

And honestly that combination was a disaster in the making.Who knew how
either one would behave.So help me God Joe kept his cool because if he
pushed dad too far over the edge,not even God could help him then.
CHAPTER 75: Highschool begins on a rough
note(The truth about dad and talk of being sent
abroad):

An hour later they both come back into the house.Dad was yelling at Joe.

Dad:"I just don't understand you.Why would you do that?What have you
ever asked of me that I didn't buy for you?"
Joe:"That's your problem.Whenever you look at us,your kids,your own flesh
and blood all you think about is money.How expensive we are and so on.
The only thing you've done for me all your life is throw money my
way.Whether it was paying for my clothing,education etc.But besides that
all you've been good for was hurting mom.You've never really been my
dad.Not the way a real dad should be.And I just feel sorry for you,because
you still think you're the victim."
Dad:"You kids are so ungratefull.I do everything for you guys.I work my ass
off everyday and this is the thank you I get. Next you gonna tell me I was
the reason you started selling drugs."
Joe:"Yes,because I would rather sell drugs than to take another cent from
you.I wanted nothing to do with the filthy money you kept on shoving in
front of my face."
Dad:"You could've gone to jail if you were caught."
Joe:"That didn't matter. I'm just so sick of living with your bullshit. You beat
mom to a pulp and its her fault not yours.You cheat on mom and yet you
act like their's nothing wrong with what you doing.You even have the
audacity to bring one of them into our home.You always think you the good
guy when in actual fact you're the bad guy."
Dad:" What do you want from me?What more do you want me to do?You
clearly don't appreciate what I do for you..."
Joe:"There you go again.."
Dad:"I don't know what to do for you.Maybe I should send you to Uganda."
Joe:"Please do.You'd actually be doing me a really great favour because
then I'll never have to lay eyes on you again. I'd go anywhere if that meant I
was away from you.The further the better."

It was then that Joe decided to excuse himself and went to his room where
he locked himself inside.

You all probably wondering What the fuck is going on.They sending Joe to
Uganda?I was just as confused.I mean they were gone for only an hour
and now Joe's being sent abroad.Things had gotten out of hand way to fast
and we needed to fix it before it got worse.
CHAPTER 76: The hour that changed Joe's life:

You all probably wondering what had happenned in that 1hour,well here's
the basic low down:

When dad had ridden off with Joe he'd forced Joe to tell him where this so
called friend of his stayed but Joe wouldnt sell out his friend.So dad already
pissed with the situation drives them to the police station where he asks
one of the officers to lock Joe up.The police officer clearly confused asks
what's the crime.At that point dad realises he can't neccessarilly tell the
officer that Joe had a stash of cash with him.I mean what does Joe having
money with him prove?So dad opts for:"I just wanna teach him a lesson."

The police officer clearly insulted that his time had been wasted tells dad
that they don't do that,and that Joe and dad should just go home and sort
their problems out.

Joe however does something unpredictable.He tells the police officer that
dad is abusing him and that he'd been forced to come here.The police
officer now intrigued because child abuse is a big deal starts questioning
dad.Dad obviously denies all the allegations but Joe had so called proof of
the abuse.

When dad had pulled Joe bye the ear earlier he had created some kind of
bruise or scar.Joe shows it to the police office but apparently it was bearly
visible so the officer now annoyed kicks them out of the station.

Once outside dad and Joe get into a screaming contest.They just keep
yelling at each other about what had happened inside.They were both
clearly angry that the other person had tried to get them arrested.
When they finish screaming each others heads off.Dad asks Joe the big
question.
Dad:"Where did you get the money,the truth please."
Joe:"Fine,I sell drugs."
Dad:"You're a drug dealer.But why?Did you really need the money?"
Joe:"Maybe.And you don't have to pretend like you care about me or what I
do in my life.Theirs no point in trying to be a dad now anyway.Can we just
go home."
....
CHAPTER 77: Highschool begins on a rough
note(The blame game = more Joe being sent away):

When Joe was gone dad started yelling at mom.

Dad:"This is all your fault!You always allow him to do whatever he wants!"
Mom:"Do not blame me for this I had no idea that's what he was doing."
Dad:"How could you when you are busy working!"
Mom:"This has nothing to do with me working,we both know that Joe's
problems were because of you.So if anyone should feel guilty its you."
Dad:"So you talking back at me!"
Mom:"Look can you just go.I'll talk to Joe on my own."
Dad:"I'm not going anywhere.I've made my descission I'm sending him to
Uganda to go live with my family."
Mom:"What?You can't do that!You can't send my child away!I will not let
you!"
Dad:"I wasn't asking for your permission.

Dad had clearly made up his mind,and it didn't matter what mom and I said
.Joe was going to Uganda.

But I didn't expect him to arrange everything for that night.But that's dad for
you.His never been one to beat around the bush.So if he said he was going
to do something you could bet your life on him doing it.
CHAPTER 78: Highschool begins on a rough
note(prepations are made):

As soon as dad had made up his mind he started making phone calls.Mom
obviously tried changing his mind every second chance she got but dad
wasn't budging.

Soon dad was heading into Joe's room to tell him to pack his bags and joe
clearly happy about the descission did just that.When Joe was done
packing dad and him went to go see a travel agent about Joe's visa and the
earliest plane that left for Uganda.

I couldn't believe how fast things were moving.So I prayed for them to slow
down.But the more I prayed the faster things developed along.

In a matter of 2 hours my house had been filled with close relatives who
had come to bid Joe farewell.While everyone was fussing over Joe in the
living room I had locked myself in my room.I just couldn't face any of
them.They were pretending as if Joe being sent away was a great idea.And
I just didn't get how my brother being taken away from me could be great.

I know it was selfish of me to be thinking about myself but I couldn't help it.I
mean after that night I'd never see Joe again. How did they expect me to
process that?I mean how did I simply just part with a piece of my heart?I'm
not saying they weren't hurting but they'd get over it after a while.But me,
I'd always be able to feel his absence in my heart.That pain would never go
away.I mean did they not realise how much pain taking joe away from me
would cause or did they just no care?
CHAPTER 79: Highschool begins on a rough
note(Abandonment):

At 20:00 it was time for Joe to leave.And I remember crying and begging
Joe to not leave me.I mean how could he just leave me?

But Joe didn't seem to care.No matter how much I wailed he still ended up
getting into the car.He didn't even say goodbye.He simply just walked away
from me.Joe had abandoned me and that hurt more than anything.His
willingness to just walk away from me shattered my heart.

And after feeling sad and sorry for myself I remember feeling mad at the
world.I mean why was it that it kept on taking from me?What had I ever
done that was so wrong that the world hated me so much?I'm not saying I
was an angel but there were people out there in the world like my dad that
were doing despicable things and yet I was the one being punished.

I hated the world at that moment but I hated my dad and Joe more.But the
thing is I didn't know who I hated more between the 2 of them:Dad for
coming up with the idea or Joe for going through with it.But all I know is on
that day they stole the last piece of happiness I had left.

I remember crying myself to sleep that night.I don't think I'd ever cried that
much in my life than on that night.I cried for everything that was taken away
from me,and everything that would be taken away from me.

Because knowing dad he'd always find a way to make me hurt.It's like his
whole life's purpose was to make me feel miserable.And clearly the world
had his back.
CHAPTER 80:17/03/2018

It was exactly 2 months, 60 days, 3 600 hours, 216 000 minutes and
12 960 000 seconds since I last saw Joe on that fateful day when dad sent
him away.

It was Joe's birthday.He was turning 16 and I wasn't even there to spend it
with him.I couldn't even wish him happy birthday.And that made me miss
him even more.I just wished he was here.

But not matter how much I wished,Joe was gone.I needed to learn to live
without him.I needed to get used to the the idea of him not being
around.Because as hard as it was for me to accept his absence,life went
on.And we can't keep holding on to the past because then we forget to live
in the present, and we miss out on so much more than we were holding
onto.

But more than feeling sorry for myself I felt sorrier for Joe.I mean I could
still have my usual birthdays but he could never get his back.This would be
the first but certainly not the last birthday he'd have to spend alone,so
many miles away from home.

Him being away from us meant that he'd miss so many special moments
like this. He'd never get to receive presents from us on his birthday,never
get to see me and mom again and never get to see Sally grow up.He'd just
miss out on our entire lives.

His 15 years of life with us would ultimately become a thing of the

past.Distant memories that would perish after a few years,like they never
happened in the first place.
CHAPTER 81:Joe's life in Uganda(Boarding school):

When Joe arrived in Uganda he was immediately sent to a boarding school

where he was expected to complete his schooling.

You all probably wondering,why boarding school?You see in Uganda the

quality of education in a boarding school is much higher than that of a
public school.So dad always wanting what was best for us when it came to
education chose the best for Joe. But if you ask me,all the money that dad
was pouring into Joe's education there was wasted.

Joe who had bearly been there for a full term was already causing
trouble.He had gotten into a fight with one of the students he shared a
room with.Apparantly the other student was going through Joe's stuff and
Joe hated people touching his stuff.So when Joe found out he got mad and
basically beat the poor guy up.

This obviously caused a huge spectacle for the other kids,and soon
teachers were braught into the picture to try and stop the brawl.

I know it wasn't necessarily Joe's fault,and I didn't expect him to do nothing

but Joe took it way too far.And if you ask me,the only people who gained
from that whole situation were the other kids.For them it was a case of
break time entertainment and something interesting to talk about for the
next week or so.

And like they say,all actions have consequences and Joe would soon be
facing them big time.

The school body had zero tolerance for fighting.So ultimately they decided
to suspend Joe for a month.And after that they'd reconsider whether he
deserved to come back.

I know it wasn't my place to judge Joe but I couldn't help it.Joe was in one
of the best schools in Uganda and he blew it over a guy snooping through
his stuff.Like come on Joe!He needed to learn to grow up. Sometimes
people did things that you didnt like but that didn't mean you could loose
your temper with them.

I mean whatever happened to talking it out like normal,decent people?I was

just so dissapointed in Joe.I thaught that a change of scenery would help
knock some sense into him but I guess I was wrong.I mean how do you
even get suspended after 3 months,and over something so senile?

At that moment he reminded me of dad and how irrational and impulsive he

could be.I guess it was a case of,he is his father's son after all because the
apple doesn't fall far from the tree.
CHAPTER 82: Joe's life in Uganda(A month spent on
a farm):

After Joe was suspended dad sent him to live on a farm with his family.Joe
wasn't too thrilled about this of course but he needed to get over
himself.Because as far as I remember he braught this onto himself.

During the 1 month period he was on the farm, moms phone kept ringing
with calls from her in-laws.Nothing but bad news.

Joe was being his old rebellious self who didn't like taking orders from
anyone.And dad's family didn't like being disrespected by a kid,but they
couldn't really beat Joe up.So they'd take it out on mom.Telling her she
needed to control her son,but mostly blaming her for his behaviour.

I thaught that was so unfair at the time.I mean moms not the one who was
misbehaving.But I was yet to realise that being a mom meant that when
your child misbehaved you were the one that was blamed.

No one cared about the circumstances you were faced with.All they did
was question the manner in which you raised your child.And if that wasn't
bad enough, everyone else started gossiping about you.Little comments
like:"Did you see what her son did,and she lets him get away with it,What
type of mother is she."

Instead of trying to help make the situation better or asking what they could
do to help they added fuel to it.It was just an endless cycle that never
ended.

But what none of them realised was that mom had nothing to do with Joe's
actions.Yes she was his mom but it wasn't like she forced him into doing all
those things.And no matter how much mom tried talking to Joe,he never
listened.And as cliche as thus sounds everything mom said to him always
seemed to go through one ear and out the other.Because according to him
she didn't give a damn about him.

My heart broke for Joe in those moments.I mean how could he not see that
mom loved him?In fact besides me,mom was the only one who trully gave
a damn about him.

And for his sake I hoped he got that into his thick skull before it was too
late.They were on the same team afterall,and the sooner he realised that
and stopped fighting against her but with her,the better.Not for mom or
me,but for himself.
CHAPTER 83: Joe's time in Uganda(An ego gets in
the way):

After Joe's 1 month suspension he was sent back to the boarding

school,where he would receive his judgement.

I was so anxious for him,so to ease myself I stared daggers at moms

phone.If eyes could kill and phones were living things mom's phone
would've been dead(A gruesome bloody murder).I know you all thinking
chill out but thats the thing I couldn't.How could I?Joe's education was
hanging in the balance.

But while I was slowly tearing my hair out from all the waiting,on the other
side of the continent Joe was about to make the biggest mistake of his life.

Naturally Joe had to go into the principles office where him and the so
called victim were forced to act civilised with each other.Joe was then
basically orderd by the principle to apologise to the victim and promise that
he would never do something that scandalous and disruptive ever again.

But Joe being his usual self took the mention of an apology as a bruise to
his ego.And Joe loved his ego too much to simply just sit back and let it be
trampled on like that.So he did wat the egotistical Joe would do.He refused
to apologise.

But that wasn't enough for Joe because when he felt like his ego was being
threatened all he'll went loose.Joe then went on and on about how insulting
it was for him to be expected to apologise,and how they should've been
thanking him for beating up the guy.Because according to him they
should've been asking him to beat the pimp harder.
I know how that whole scenario sounds.It still sounds so riduculous to me
even now. If the principle wasn't the one that told mom this story I would've
thaught they were conspiring against Joe like he'd told me when he called
later that that day.

I didn't really know who to believe.Joe or the principle?Joe didn't

neccessarilly deny the allegations but he swore up and down that it wasn't
a fair hearing.That they were out to get him.I mean I knew how Joe was,so
I didn't have a doubt in the world that he'd refused to apologise.I mean i'm
his sister and I've never heard him apologise to me so why would he start
with a total stranger,that clearly had it coming.

And to make things worse he spun the whole story around making himself
the victim of some unfair trial.I was so annoyed with his attitude but I guess
just leave it to Joe to turn beating a guy up into a good thing.

I don't even need to explain the outcome because we all know that after
that shocking display of arrogance and lack of respect towards authority
Joe's suspension was turned into an expulsion.He was basically orderd to
then pack his bags because he was being kicked out.It was time for him to
to hit the road.And honestly I don't feel sorry for Joe.I mean what did he
expect?For them to congratulate him and hand him a noble peace prize?

Joe really needed to learn that in life we all do things that we don't want to
do and sometimes we have to suck up to people we don't want to.But that's
life.So I don't know what world Joe was living in but he needed to get off his
high horse so he could finally live in real world with real people.
Having an ego that costs you an education is a pretty useless ego.Because
the truth of the matter is,no one really cares about your ego when you living
off the streets.So for his sake I hope protecting his beloved ego was worth
loosing an education.
CHAPTER 84: Joe's time in Uganda(an alarming
phone call):

So after Joe's expulsion he was sent to live with one of my moms sisters
because as you all know my dads family wasn't too fond of him.Over here
Dad was trying yo find him a good school.Technically speaking no other
school would be better than the one he was expelled from,but beggars
can't be choosers.

So out of desperation dad had him enrolled into a public school.Nothing's

wrong with public schools its just that in Uganda it doesn't offer the best
quality education if anything at all.But Joe would have to deal with it.

2 weeks from the beginning of his school term Joe phones me.He actually
phones mom and asks to speak to me.So anyway he sounds weird,and I
was surprised since he never wanted to speak to me before.He starts of by
specifically asking me to not tell mom and dad about our conversation.
Joe:"This stays between us,mom and dad can't know."
Me:"Ok,what's going on,are you ok."
Joe:"Promise me."
Me:"Just tell me what's wrong."
Joe:"Ok fine but I can't talk now.Phone me tomorrow using this number."
Me:"Ok but why..."

He'd hung up on me.I was so confused.Was he in some kind of

situation?And why didn't he want mom and dad to know?

Hehadput me in a difficult position.My parents and Joe.Who Should I side

with?Where did my true loyalties lie?What part of my bloodline ran
deeper?The brother sister type,or the daughter type?I didn't know what to
do.But what i did lnow was that I was going to call him tomorrow just like he
instructed.And untill then I needed to come up with a plan of action.
CHAPTER 85: Joes time in Uganda(Do or die):

Phoning Joe seemed like an easy task.All I needed to do was punch his
number into my phone and then press the call key.It couldn't have been
simpler.More like it couldn't have been harder.Since I'd decided last night
that my loyalties lied with I needed to find a way to get airtime.I mean I
couldnt let him down.

I could've easily asked my parents but that would make them suspicious.I
mean I never called anyone. And Joe specifically asked me not to tell them
about the call.I could've also used some of my pocket money but R20 isn't
enough to makeva long distsnce call and I had a feeling that me and Joe
would be talking for a while.

When mom got back home from work I asked her to give me
R50.Obviously she was a bit concerned with what I wanted to do with the
money.
Mom:"Tell me what you want and I'll buy it for you."
Me:"Just give me the money and ill sort the rest out."
Mom:"Tell me what you want."
Me:"I can't."
Mom:"Ok then suit yourself."

I couldn't just let mom walk away this was important and I couldn't ask dad.I
mean he was staying with us anymore and secretly I was too proud to bring
myself to do it.
Me:"Mom please,it's really important."
Mom:"I get that do tell me and I'll buy it for you."
Me:"Ok fine,I need R50 airtime."
Mom:"Who you calling?"
Me:"Maa please!"
Mom:"Tell me who you want to call?"
Me:"Forget it.I hate you,you ruin everything for me."
Mom:"You'll thank me one day,I can't have you walking here one day with a
belly."
Me:"I don't even have a boyfriend!"
Mom:"He doesn't have to be your boyfriend to get you pregnant.I know how
you kids are today."
Me:"Says the woman who had her first child at 16."
Mom:"Yes I did,but I was married,so unless the guy marries you you are
not coming here with a baby."
Me:"And what a lovely marriage you have."
Mom:"Thats not fair."
Me:"You want to know what's not fair?The fact that you won't buy me
airtime!!"
Mom:"You not angry about the airtime.Tell me the truth.What's wrong"
Me:"Nothing,just stay out of my life!!!"

We had left it at that.I went into my room where I stayed the whole night
and mom stayed clear of me.I was so mad.Joe would probably think I didn't
care about him.And the was no way in hell I'd tell mom about the call.So I
ended up going to sleep clueless about the fact that,that missed call was
the reason that I would never hear from my brother again for a whole year.
CHAPTER 86 :17/01/2019: A full year spent without
Joe:

It was exactly a year since Joe was sent away.

A full year spent missing my big bro every second chance I got.A year that
was filled with constant heartache because I didn't know whether Joe was
really ok.I mean once a month he'd call but I never really got to speak to
him and the one time he actually wanted to speak to me, I had messed
things up.

I had spent every second or third day that year crying myself to
sleep,thinking about how his life had taken a complete turn for the worst.I
still didn't get how so much could happen in 1 year.A year before that
things might've not been that great between us but atleast Joe was here.

I didn't even know who to blame for the series of incidents that had
occurred during that year.Did I blame dad, mom, myself or Joe?Who was
the villian of the story?Was there even one villian or did we all play a role in
what happened.

Maybe if we'd all payed more attention to Joe and his feelings.Maybe if dad
was less hard on him and mom a little harder on him.Maybe if dad hadn't
been too quick to send him away.

Who knew maybe things would've been different.I would still have a
brother,Sally would get to grow up with him.And every time we looked at a
picture of him Sally wouldn't look so confused ,and mom wouldn't look like
she'd drop dead on us from complete heartache and longing for her son.
Maybe we couldvr pulled off being a family.An actual familt,not just bits and
pieces that were scattered between two different countries.

I hadn't even heard from Joe since that call I didn't make 3 months
ago.Who knew what Joe was up to now.Because of the simply fact that I
couldn't make a simple phone call Joe had gone rogue.And this time was
different.I mean how do you look for a 16 turning 17 year old who was
Mike's away from you.In a whole different country.Who knew if he was ok.

I just prayed to God that the this year was a little nicer towards Joe.God
only knew how much he needed it.And that wherever he was God looked
out for him because I couldn't.I really hoped God would be able to answer
my prayers because than I could actually stop crying myself to sleep.And
honestly I don't think my body could handle another tear drop let alone
another 12 months of complete utter misery worrying about Joe.
CHAPTER 87: Transport issues:

The first few months of my grade 9 year were drama free.I hardly cried that
much anymore which was a good sign.I didnt even cry on hus birthday,and
for me that's a huge achievement.I mean I still wasn't so sure about Joe's
safety but I had left that in God's hands.

One day after school though dad tells me that he his planning on flying to
Uganda for a few weeks to go look for a Joe.Dads sudden urge to go there
made me realise the seriousness of the matter.So that made me worry.I
mean how did I know that Joe was alive and well.For all I know he could be
dead.

So while dad was out for a few weeks I needed to find a transport
driver.This drove mom insane because the last time she got me a transport
driver she nearly beat the man up,because he thaught he was making
moves on me.Obviously nothing happened.Its just that mom thinks that I'm
a bit too friendly and she hates that.If she had things her way id never be
able to speak to a guy.But if I'm honest has always been way over
protective of me when it came to men.And for good reason too considering
the type of country we live in.But sometimes it got too much.

So anyway I was dreading going with transport because I was afraid of

what crazy scenarios mom woukd get into her head.But this time I didn't
have a choice.Either that or walk to school.And it would only be for a few
weeks.To be fair that was exactly how long I lasted with the other driver.So
fingers crossed.
CHAPTER 88: News of Joe's appearance then
disapearance creates a spark:

A few weeks later dad comes back as promised bearing not so good
news.Apparently he was able to track Joe down but unfortunately Joe got
away.I didn't know how to feel about this.I mean how did a 17 year old just
manage to get away.

Me:"What do you mean he got away."

Dad:"He got away.."
Me:"No,your lying.You let him get away.How do I even know you went
there looking for Joe?"
Maya:"Maya enough."
Me:"Its true.I mean you never wanted him here.That's why you sent him
away."
Dad:"I sent him away to get him away from his life of drugs."
Me:"Dont lie!!Joes not the first kid to start taking drugs but you don't see
other parents shipping off their kids to some strange country!!"
Dad:"Uganda isn't strange that's your birth place and you've been there so
many times."
Me:"You ruined Joe's life!!"
Dad:"Joe ruined his own life."
Me:"Its you and those people you call your family.They practically kicked
Joe out.You all the same!"
Dad:"Those people are your family too..."
Me:"They are no family of mine,if they were the wouldn't have kicked Joe
out."
Dad:"I am not going to argue about this with a kid."
Me:"I don't know where Joe is and its all your fault."
Mom:"shhh.."
Dad:"If you want someone to blame blame your mom and her so called
sister.All she had to do was watch Joe.He was there with her for a few
weeks and look his gone."
Me:"You always right!No ones ever wrong!!Why can't you just admit that
you were wrong,if you hadn't sent him away none if this would've
happened."
Dad:"I've had enough!!"

That's when he walks out the door and drives off.To this day I stil believe
that everything that happened to Joe and is happening to Joe is his fault.It
always has been and always will be.Yes granted that Joe had played his
own role in the matter,infact even me and mom had played a role.But the
truth remains that he is the ultimate villian of our story.

Me and dad weren't on speaking terms after that but I didnt care.So when I
stopped going with transport and started going with him again it was
awkward.The only words I spoke to him was when I was telling him what
time school came out.And I was ok with that.I had said everything that
needed to be said.And if he expected an apology from me,he was out of his
mind.
I mean not a single word that I had said was a lie.So if anyone should be
apologising it certainly wasn't me.
CHAPTER 89:nudes=jail time:
One would think that the whole Joe drama would make him swear off
woman but it didn't.In fsct I think it made him more desperate to get
screwed.Clearly he wouldnt get it from mom so as always he turned to a
bunch of whores.But I guess even that wasn't enough for his
appetite.Things were so bad that occassionally he turned to looking at
nudes.Disgusting if you ask me.And the one time his disgusting ways
caught up to him.

Im not really sure what happened between them but from what I'd heard
from mom and my uncle it was somewhere along the lines of her finding
some incriminating pictures of another women on my dad's phone.(For
those of you who are confused incriminating pictures are nudes).

So long story short she wasn't to pleased about it and well she confronted
dad about it but he tried to play it off as cool.At some point I guess she lost
it and well she grabbed dad's phone from his hand and literally threw it
against the wall.Obviously the phone didnt survive the accident.And well
dad short tempered as he was lost it too.He thaught he could pull a mom
move on her by hitting her.But she was not having any of it and well she
basically went walking to the police station and laid a charge.Dad still
seething followed her to the police station.Which if you ask me was really
stupid of him.Because as soon as he got there he was thrown into a cell
and had to spend a night there.
CHAPTER 90:Girl power:
You all probably wondering about what happened to the woman.I really
don't know. It's like she just disappeared into thin air.We never saw her
again.

I know I should've been happy because we'd finally gotten rid of her.But to
be fair wether she was gone or not it didn't really matter because the
damage had been done.It's not like her disapearence could make me
forget that she'd been screwing my dad and well breaking up my family.
Maybe not breaking it up because how can you break something that's
already broken.So maybe it was the case of adding fuel to a fire,but still.

For the two years that she was screwing dad I hated her,in fact I still
blamed her for some of my parents problems.But in that moment I kinda
looked up to her because she was able to do something that mom couldn't
in all the years she was with dad.She stood her ground and she didn't
accept any of his bullshit.And for that I say snaps to you girl.Like respect all
the way.
CHAPTER 91:A fucking joke:
So dad had spent a night in jail.And everyone was fussing over him when
he got released the next morning.But me I didn't give damn.

On our way to school when we stopped to pick up this kid my dad gives a
lift to because we go to the same school.(No he was not screwing the boys
mom).His mom was actually my grade R teacher and well she needed a
helping hand and mom always being so nice forced dad into it.

So there we were waiting for the boy in question to come out,and dad for
some reason tries to have a father daughter moment with me.As if his ever
really cared that much about me or my feelings. So anyway,he starts
rambling on about how when he was in jail the night before he only thaught
about me,Joe and Sally and how everything he does is for our best interest
and that his trying his best.The whole time his talking I'm rolling my eyes so
far back in my head you'd swear they'd pop out the back any moment.

But then he starts crying,like really crying,like a fucking baby for that
matter.For a second when I looked at him I wanted to feel sorry for
him because that was the first time I saw dad cry.But only for a second
because after that second I was mad.How could he do that to me?How
could he try to make me feel sorry for him by putting me in that situation?

And I just remember thinking: Does he fucking think that his crocodile tears
make everything ok.After everything we've been through because of him.Is
he fucking kidding me!

And even after all that he still had the bloody audacity to tell me that he
loved me and all my siblings.At that point I lost it but lucky for him the boy
we were waiting for showed up.Dad then quickly dusted himself of leaving
me awestruck.

The one time I see my dad cry and he tells me loves me,is spent sitting in
the passenger seat of his car 15 minutes before school starts on the day I
have a paper to write.The universe was clearly fucking with me that day.
CHAPTER92: My Dad's a criminal:
So I ended up spending the next 10 minutes sitting next to a man who
I depised at that moment.Like how dare he pretend as if he were the
victim.

Firstly he behaved as if he'd been wrongfully arrested.When in actual fact

he was guilty.What did he expect her to do?She clearly knew her worth and
wouldn't stand for his crap.To be honest I think that he'd gotten so used
to dealing with mom,who had always taken his bullshit lying down.And at
some point during his life he reached the conclusion that there was nothing
wrong with it.When in actual fact everything was fucking wrong with it.

Besides the actual reason behind why he had spent the night in jail,he had
the audacity to say that everything he did was for us.

Was beating mom all those times for us?When he went around screwing all
those women was that for us as well?He was bullshittimg and he knew
it.None of that was for us ,because they never really was an us to begin
with.

And him loving us was hilarious.I don't know what he was on that morning
but clearly it was the cheap stuff.I mean who was he fucjing kidding?If my
memory serves me right,he didn't know what love was.In fact the word love
shouldn't even escape his escape his foul mouth.He never really cared
about any of us.To him we'd always been burdens.Responsibities that he
needed to take of but never really wanted to.

You know how most dad's get this sparkle of proudness in their eyes when
you ask them about their kids well my dad's never had it.When you'd ask
him about us all you'd see is dissapointment in his eyes and after that,the
first word he utters is "money."
So if that was what he was referring to when he said he loved us,I wanted
none of it.

I was so mad at him.I mean how could he just sit there and pretend as if he
was the one that had been wronged.At that moment I actually cursed the
world for not keeping him in that prison cell longer.He was a downright
criminal that deserved to be in jail.
He was a murderous thief who'd stolen everything I had and loved.He stole
my childhood,my mother and my froggy ,and if that wasn't enough he'd
murderd my mom's soul.Because ever since froggy left its like she's no
longer here.

And poor Sally he just keeps taking from her too,she's never really had a
dad or a mom and then he had to take froggy away from her too.Like what
did she ever do do deserve this.

If there was justice in this world he'd pay for everything he did.I mean,how
could he get away with it?

He was a criminal and criminals deserved to be locked behind bars.But I

dont think even a jail cell had enough room for him and hus crimes,he
needed to be thrown down the deepest pit of hell.
CHAPTTER 93:I throw a tantrum:
If you want to know about the paper I was writing that day,I honestly can't
remember.Whether I passed it or not it doesn't really matter that much.I
mean how did the universe expect me to write a maths paper in my state.

Anyway paper aside I had the crappiest day.I guess all my days are pretty
crappy but this one went on the top 15 list.So obviously as per my schedule
crappy days equaled me crying myself to sleep.But this time I wasn't just
feeling sorry for myself and the situations the world kept putting me in.I was
mad.I was mad at dad,the world,my mom.I was just mad at everyone and
everything including myself.

I was so mad that I started screaming my heart out.Mom startled by the

sudden noise comes into my room.

Mom:"Maya are you ok?"

Me:"I'm fine,go back to sleep."
Mom:"Did something happen,Did someone do something to you."
Me:"I'm fine!"
Mom:"Please tell me what's wrong,I can't help you if.."
Me:"Just shut up!You keep saying that I should tell you what's wrong,but it
really doesn't matter,because even when I do tell you all you tell me is that
theirs no use feeling the way I do,because crying doesn't solve anything
right!"
Mom:"I.."
Me:"You what?That's right you never do anything!You always let him get
away with everything!Why?!"
Mom:"You know why,its because if you."
Me:"Stop using me as a way to hold onto dad!Just tell me the truth!You still
love him!And I don't get why?!I mean how could you love a monster like
him!Don't you see what his doing to you!To me!"
Mom:"Maya,I'm sorry..."
Me:"I can't do this anymore mom!I can't!I wanna be happy!I don't want to
feel like this anymore!Please!"
Mom:"I don't know what to do for you."
Me:"Lets go,well leave right now.Pack up whatever you can and well take
Sally and go."
Mom:"We can't do that."
Me:"Why not!Please mom!I'm begging you!Please!"
Mom:"I can't."
Me:"I hate you!!I hate all of you!!"
Mom:"Dont say that,I'm doing this for you."
Me:"No you not!How can this be for me."
Mom:"You still too young to understand."
Me:"No mom I understand just fine!You guys took everything away from
me!"
Mom:"I.."
Me:"Why do you think Joe's gone!Because of you!Both of you!You took Joe
away from me!!"
Mom:"There was nothing I could do..."
Me:"Theirs always something mom!You just stood there and let him take
Joe away!How could you!!How do I even know that you won't let him take
me away when he decides I've become a nuisance!"
Mom:"I'd never let him take you away."
Me:"I hate you!!!!"
Mom:"Maya.."

That's when I covered myself with my blanket and cried some more.Mom
tried pulling the blanket away from me but I wouldn't let her.After an hour of
me crying and mom just sitting there she got the hint and left my room.

I know I shouldn't have said those nasty words to mom but in that moment I
trully did hate her.I felt like instead of fighting for us she was just an
onlooker.I know that's not neccesarily true because mom has always
protected me against dad,but I can't help how I felt in that moment.
CHAPTER 94: The silent treatment:

I know it was really petty of me but I didnt speak to mom that whole week.I
basically ignored her.My routine was go to school, come home,eat lunch,do
homework,eat dinner and go to bed.For a whole week that's all I did.Mom
stayed clear of me which was the best thing she did for me at that time.

We had basically become complete strangers living in the same

house.Sally was our only link to each other because occassionally Sally
would try to get us to talk to each other but I wouldn't do it.

Judge me all you want but I was still mad at

mom.I mean I hadn't heard a word from Joe in months and dads bullshit
wasn't helping the situation.I just had so much on my plate and I felt like
mom wasn't doing much.Obviously that's not true but what did you expect
from me.
CHAPTER 95: Making up with mom:

After a week of being mad at mom I had come to the conclusion that
being mad at mom wasn't helping.My anger wasn't going to bring Joe back.

And if I was honest with myself I was more mad at myself than mom.I mean
I was the one that couldn't handle a simple phone call.And I guess I was
taking it out on mom.
She was like my scapegoat because I couldn't come to terms with the fact
that it was my fault.

When I was finally ready to let my anger go I seemed mom out in the
kitchen when she got back from work.
Me:"Maya."
Mom:"Are you hungry."
Me:"No, I just ate."
MIom:"I can make you something if you want.You way too thin you need it."
Me:"I'm fine."
Mom:"Sure.Ok fine.I'll just make for me and Sally."
Me:"I'm sorry."
Mom:"For?"
Me:"You know."
Mom:"No I don't."
Me:"Maa."
Mom:"Just kidding.It's ok I know you didn't mean it.You were just angry.And
I know how much its killing you to apologise.You just like your dad in that
department."
Me:"No I'm not!I'm nothing like him."
Mom:"Ok fine,chill.I don't want you getting mad at me already.You just said
sorry.We don't want to inconvenience your ego twice in one day.It might
not survive."
Me:"Haha,really funny."
Mom:"You know you shouldn't get angry fast, its not a good look on you."
Me:"Maya.."
Mom:"I'm serious have you seen what it does to your face,and your
nose,its hilarious."
Me:"This is so not funny."
Mom:"(Laughing)See you doing it again."
Me:"What you making?"
Mom:"scrambled eggs."
Me:"Make me some."
Mom:"I thaught you already ate."
Me:"I did."
....
Just like that everything was ok with me and mom again.We were pitch
perfect.Like nothing ever happened.
CHAPTER 96 :A bit of my story reaches the first
human ears:
We were coming to the end of term 3 abd as always my dchool has what
we call MR and Mrs.Its basically a beauty pagent to see whos the best
looking couple.

So I don't know why but I wasn't really feeling it that year like I did last
year.From the moment I got to class I was Moody.I kept to myself and tried
not to talk to anyone.And no I was not on my periods.

Things were going good besides the fact that I was moody but somewhere
along the line I started crying.I wasn't like out right crying just silent
tears.Obviously the two people sitting close to me asked if I was ok and at
first I tried to play it off but I couldn't.For the first time in my life I told people
about my family issues.Well I mostly spoke about Joe disappearing and
how sad I was because I didn't know if Joe was dead or alive.

Just as people were starting to stare my way because well I was causing a
scene.I mean how could you miss a girl crying while her friend tried
comforting her by rubbing her back.But luckily for me I was saved by the
announcement for us to make our way down to the hall for the even.

I quickly composed myself and put on a brave face.I couldn't believe I had
actually told people from school about my problems.That was the first time I
actually told a real live person let alone people.But as soon as I got into the
hall I put my problems aside and tried to enjoy the show,but I couldn't.My
day was already ruined.I guess I can put this on the list of things dad kept
taking from me.
CHAPTER 97: Best December:
We were coming to the end of our December holiday.And as far as
December holidays went that was one of my favourites.I mean we didn't
end up going to Uganda or Tanzania as usual because dad couldn't afford
it but I really enjoyed it.

As December holidays went it was pretty uneventful,mom was still working

so I had to babysit Sally untill she came home.But I didnt mind at all.Why
would I?I mean Sally was the apple of my eye and the more time I got to
spend with her the better.

And plus me and Sally slept in through most of the day so when mom came
back home around 16:00 our day had just begun.We'd first help mom cook
dinner.
Well she'd cook,I'd watch and Sally would do all the tasting.After dinner
we'd watch some tv together and then we'd play all sorts of games from
monopoly to charades to snakes and ladders.

Obviously the games didn't really last long because Sally would feel left out
because she couldn't play.And Sally loved being the centre of attention so
ultimately she'd cause a huge scene by pushing our tokens over ever few
minutes.

Mom and I eventually gave in to her cry for attention and decided to
humour her.She always was very eager to tell us something,andshe always
had something to say.Mom says she takes after me in that department and
I actually agree with her on that.I can be a chatter box at times.

So naturually on most days Sally would just start babbling about random
things and me and mom would pretend to be listening to her.But on those
very rare exciting nights Sally would feel like showing off some of her non-
existent dance moves.So me and mom would put some music on and
she'd sort of dance.It was hilarious.She'd even try to sing along to the song
.But she never did manage to get the lyrics right or the tune of the song.It
was a complete catastrophy if you ask me.But the best catastrophy I had
ever seen.When mom went to bed me and Sally stayed up a little longer
watching YouTube videos and playing criminal case on my tab.

For most this might seem like one of the most boring and uneventful
December holiday ever but for me that was by far the best December
holiday of my life,even though we never got to go abroad.If I had known
that staying home for a December holiday would be that fun.I would have
given up all those trips to Uganda/Tanzania in a heartbeat.Just so I could
experiance one day that was spent that December.

You all wondering where's dad.During the whole of December I only saw
dad on christmas.Call me heartless if you want but instead of hoping to see
more of him I was hoping to never see him again.At least not before school
started.I mean I didn't want him ruining one of the best holidays of my
life.But as always the universe had other plans for me.
CHAPTER 98:Dad moves back in:

It had been nearly 2 years since dad stayed with us.And to be honest those
were the quitest 2 years of my life.Besides the time I yelled at mom and
threw a tantrum there wasnt any yelling and screaming at night.So I guess
my life was ok.

But dad obviously couldn't help seeing us peaceful so one day in the
middle of the night he just shows up saying that his moving back in.Again.

I wonder what happened this time.I mean couldn't he just let me have my
moment. Like did he really have to gate crash my holiday.Up untill he
showed up I was having one of the best December holidays of my life.

From then on I was practically forced to spend my last few weeks of holiday
under the same roof as him.And as you all know by now,him and mom
being in close proximity with each other never ends well.

So I wasnt suprised that on thst samr night they got into an argument.All I
could say was mama mia here we go again...
CHAPTER 99: Personalised lullaby:

The first week spent with dad wasn't so bad.Obviously they argued almost
every night but it never reached the point where dad had to do damage
control(beat mom up).So in my eyes we were ok.But after just a week of
him being back they got into a huge argument.

Me and Sally were in the living room watching television and apparently
dad didn't like the idea of us being up so late.So he tells me to switch off
the tv and orders me to go to bed.But as soon as I switch off the tv Sally
starts crying.So dad gets mad and starts yelling at me to make her stop.

Mom then walks in and starts yelling at dad for making Sally cry.While mom
and dad are at each others throats I'm trying to get Sally to quite down.I do
everything I can,I even turn to bribing her with free access to my tab but
she just won't stop wailing.And her consistent wailing makes them scream
at each other louder.

To be honest I don't even remember what exactly they were arguing

about.Maybe they weren't even arguing about me and Sally being up
late.And to be honest I didnt want to wait around to find out so I drag a
wailing and resisting Sally into my room where I basically force her to
sleep.

I can't believe that I had forced my 3 and half year old sister to sleep while
she was crying her lungs out.But to be fair I was stuck between a rock and
a hard place.I mean I didn't want her to hear any more of our parents
yelling than she already had.So it was a case of desperate times call for
desperate measures.
Naturally it broke my heart seeing Sally fall asleep with tears in her
eyes.Seeing her like that made me feel like crying.But I didnt.Because I
needed to be strong for her.Well I could at least pretend to be strong for her
sake.Their was no use having her seeing me break down.My conscience
wouldn't allow me to.

But as soon as Sally was fast asleep and in baby dream world I cuddled
with her and cried.I cried my heart and soul out while I held Sally close to
me.She was the only thing keeping sane.I eventually drifted off to sleep
listening to my silent crying mixed with my parents yelling mixed with Sallys
heartbeat.

How lucky was I to fall asleep listening to my own personal lullaby?

CHAPTER 100: The beauty of Sallys innocent heart
and soul:

The next morning I wake up to Sallys screaming and tugging at my blanket

Sally:"Maya,wake up!wake up!Wake up!"
You'd think she'd want to sleep in after last night.But no Sally had to be
awake at 09:00,and that meant I had to be awake wether I liked it or not.

Mom and dad were obviously not home.I mean they still had to go to
work.So naturally I had after I got up I had to make Sally her breakfast.After
force feeding Sally her breakfast we sat on the couch as she watched Tally
tubbies. Normally I would've gladly watched along with her but sadly I had
other things on my mind.

I mean I couldn't just be a carefree 3 and a half year old like she was.I
really wish I could but I couldn't.And that's why I love kids.But Sally in
particular of course.I mean she has the biggest and most forgiving heart
I've ever met.For example she could be super mad at me one second. Like
pulling my hair,crying and yelling at me and all this for not giving her what
she wants.But the moment I apologise and give her what she was yearning
for,she simply just wipes away her tears,apologises for pulling my hair and
yelling at me and then hands me her pinky to shake.And all i have to do is
shake her pinky finger with my pinky finger.Once thats done she gives me
a kiss on my cheeks,lips,nose and forehead.She even smiles at me
afterwards.

But sometimes she's the one who's in the wrong.And even then you just
need to giver some time alone, and after a while she'll come begging to
apologise.I don't even need to force it out of her.I mean who begs to
apologise,shouldn't it be the other way around?To top that all off she never
lies.I've never in all the years I've known her heart her lie.Whenever mom
wants to know who messed something in the house she asks Sally.And
even if she's the culprit she'll stand there all shy and go:"I did."

I'm still amazed by her every day.I mean how do you just brush of
everything like its just water under the bridge.When ever I'd ask her if we
were friends just seconds after our war shed always reply best
friends.Granted sometimes shed say no at first snd be like im breaking up
wiyh you but when i make a show to be really upset shed go:fine,were
friends,best friends,forever."

Sometimes she makes me feel like I'd imagined our whole quarrel.Because
with her its like nothing happened.She goes from crazy nad to giggles and
smiles faster than I can blink.

Like who does that?How do u forgive and forget that easily?If it were me in
her shoes I wouldn't have spoken to her for at least a day.That's probably
one of the main things that separates me from her. Sally never holds a
grudge.But unfortunately for me,my heart just aint big enough.I mean theirs
only so much I can take.And to be fair I'm not fighting over changing the
channel,getting peoples attention,a tablet or candy.I'm fighting over the
heartache that has been caused to me countless of times.So forgive me if
I'm not so forgiving and willing to forget so easily.
CHAPTER 101:My own angel:
In the midst of daydreaming about Sallys beatiful heart I take a wrong
turn.Because from having happy memories of me and Sallys frenemy I start
thinking about how I can't stay there anymore.

To be honest I dont know how I got to that point but once I got the idea I
stuck with it.I left Sally who was still engrossed with whatever was playing
on tv and headed to my room where I packed my backpack with as many
clothes as I could fit in.When that was done I sneakily walked out the door
and locked Sally in.I know that was very risky.I mean how do you leave a 3
and a half year old home alone?

To stop myself from going mad with guilt and worry I comforted myself with
the fact that mom and dad had their own keys so Sally would be ok.I mean
it wasn't like she was some kind of prisoner.She'd just have to wait till
16:00.It wasnt do bad,and it was already 12:00.

But Sally aside the whole thing was a bad idea and I knew it.I mean I was
running away from home and I didnt have a clue where I was going.

I dont know if what happend next was fate or just pure coincidence but
whatever it was to this day I am thankful for it.She just saved saved me
from making the biggest mistake if my life.

Just as I was about to walk away I see Sally at the gate.She asks me
where I'm going and out of fear of telling her that I'm leaving her I ignore
her and continue walking.But then she starts crying and that makes me
stop.I mean Sally isn't much of a cried.Obviously she cries but its hardly
ever the heart stopping and blood boiling kind

I mean this sure as he'll wasn't Sallys cry for attention or give me what I
want cry.This was real.This was gut wrenching and heart smashing.I could
feel her pain all the way down to my bones,and that gave me chills.I mean
she was wailing because somehow she knew that I was leaving her. And
she was absolutely right.At least I was trying to but her wailing wasn't
helping.It just made my decision so much harder.
But as soon as I gathered up some courage and the ability to sort of try to
mute her wailing and try to soften the ache in my heart.My feet began
moving.I walked all the way out our front yard and about 10 steps into the
unknown.I could still hear Sally crying though but then again even a deaf
men would be able to.

Every part of my body ached.I mean what did I do?Walk away?I was
stuck.I really wanted to leave but I also couldn't handle hearing Sally cry
like that.In the end my heart made the descission.It just couldn't stand
hearing Sally like that.Stoping Sallys wailing was more important to me
then the supposed freedom that would've came from running away.So
naturally I turned around and I went back.

When I got to the gate Sally was still wailing so I sat on the front gate and I
reached for her hand between the bar's of the gate.I don't know why I dint
open the gate but I just didn't.Sally then sat down too on the opposite side
of the gate.She still cried but it wasn't as loud anymore.

We probably sat like that for an hour or two and the whole time none of us
moved.Sally had stopped crying somewhere in between that time so we
just sat in silence.I mean still didn't know what to do.And this time Sally
made that decision for me.
Sally:"Open."
She clearly meant the gate but we both knew she didn't want me to leave
and apparently I didnt want to either.Not anymore I didnt.

Who knew one word could hold so much power over me.Hearing her say
that literally braught me to tears.But in my rage of tears I actually did
manage to open the gate.As soon as I do Sally rushes towards me
knocking me over.She then gives me the tightest hug and smothers me
with kisses all over my face.

After our very emotional reunion I carry her inside and instead of wanting to
watch tv she says:"undown."Which in her language meant she wanted me
to pick her.So I lay on the couch with her rested on top of me.She never
said a thing.She just lay there.She looked so peacefulfor someone who'd
cried their lungs out seconds ago.Who said angels didn't exist?
CHAPTER 102: Soulmate:
Mom had always said me and Sally had this unbreakable bond between us
ever since she was born.I kinda always did believe it with all the little things
she did.

Like how mom would spend an hour trying to get her to eat and it would
take me 15 minutes,and without yelling at her or forcing her.Like how she
only ever gives me kisses to the lips.How whenever I feel sad she always
lays down with me and tells me not to cry.How she always shares her
candy with me and when she goes out to buy something edible she never
eats it untill she gets back home so we can eat it together.How she always
woke up in the morning just so she could see me off to school because
when she didn't she got cranky.And the one time when I was really sick
and I was asleep mom told me she cried so much it was as if she was the
patient not me.

But up untill that point I only knew it but never really felt it.It was only then
that I could see how much she loved me.Just the simple fact that she
looked so peaceful with her head on my chest.She didn't even care about
the cartoon that was playing all she wanted was me.My presence made her
happy.It always has.And how could I take away the one thing that really
made her happy?

I'd always loved Sally from the moment I first laid eyes on her in that
hospital room.But it was only in that moment that I realised that I loved
Sally more than life itself.I would give anything for her.So even thaugh my
life was pretty crappy I'd stick it out for her,even if it killed me. Never in a
million years would I let Sally live without me.We could be starcrossed
lovers and I still wouldn't abandon her.I mean I for one knew how that
felt,and I wasn't going to let her experiance that.Because afterall she was
the Juliet to my Romeo.

My other half.
CHAPTER 103:Mom finds out:
A couple of hours later I get woken up by mom.I didn't even know I had
fallen asleep.My sudden movement wakes Sally up.It's mom.She's back
from work.

Mom clearly suspicious of me and Sally sleeping on the couch asks:"Are

you sick."
Me:"No,I'm fine.What time is it"
Mom:"16:10."
Me:"Oh ok."
Sally:"Mommy."
Mom:"Did Sally eat her lunch."
Me:"No she didn't."
Mom:"Maya,come on you know Sally needs to eat,how many times do i
have to tell you not to baby her,Force her uf you have to.You know she's
really underweight for her age, so please."
Me:"I know,sorry we fell asleep.I'll go get her something to eat now"
Mom:"It's fine I'll do it."

Mom begins walking away in the direction of the kitchen.

Me:"Ma,I tried to runaway."

She turns around.

Mom:"What!?"
Me:"I'm so sorry.."
Mom:"Are you ok!Did something happen!?"
Me:"No nothing happened I didnt do it.Sally started crying for me ...."
Mom:"It's ok.."
Me:"You not mad?"
Mom:"No I'm not mad."
Me:"Are you going to tell dad?"
Mom:"No,you didn't do it,so we're fine,I'm glad you didn't.You know how
much I love you right.I know the past few days you've been blaming me
for..."
Me:"I know its not your fault mom,I'm really sorry."
Mom:"As long as you ok.You must be hungry?"
Sally:"Porridge!"
That's when me and mom start laughing.Sally has never willingly asked to
be fed.You literally had to bribe her into eating.But I didn't blame her,she
hadn't eaten in ages.

As I continued to laugh at the turn of events I felt myself calm down.It was
as if I could finally think clearly.My thaughts weren't cloudy anymore
because all my problems had flown away with my laughter.

That night dad didn't come back home and its a good thing too,because I
don't think I would've been able to handle seeing him.Not then at least.

So that night as I lay my head in moms lap and Sally a bit jealous of the
affection I was receiving was trying to get me away from mom.She was
constantly yelling that I was too old for that but I remember thinking I dont
think I'll ever be too old for this.And in that moment with just the three of us
in the house it felt like all was right in the world.Like the world was
straightening itself out after a major storm.But to be honest as long as I had
mom and Sally by my side I'd always find a way to be happy again.
CHAPTER 104: Current year:
So here we were again,the beginning of yet another year.This time I was
going to grade 10.And as always I was optimistic because another year
meant that I was one year closer to making my dreams a reality,and that
meant that I was one step closer to getting mom and Sally away from dad.

But unlike the previous years this year actually started off on a really good
note.I mean I still hadn't received word from Joe and I was still crying
myself to sleep at night worrying about him.And mom was constantly
watching my every move because she was afraid I'd run away.And to be
honest I didnt really trust myself either.Who knew maybe the next time I'd
decide to run away with Sally.But besides me and Joes drama it actually
seemed like this year would be a great year.

I mean Sally was going to school.More like kindergarten but still.She'd

been looking forward to it ever since we went stationery shopping a few
weeks ago.I know mom was still worried and thaught it was a bad idea
since Sally wasn't even 4.But technically speaking she would be soon,mom
just needed to give sally another 4 months.

So from the looks of things we were going to have a wonderful year.But

looks can be deceiving and this was only the beginning. So who knew what
the rest of the would bring.And you know what they say,don't count your
chickens before they hatch. Imean we should all know by now that life is
unpredictable.
CHAPTER 105:Sally's big day:

I was so excited for Sally it was her first day of school.That's like one
of most important days of anyone's life.Most kids would've cried their eyes
out begging to not go to but Sally was as cool as can be.I guess she takes
after me in that sense.

So mom had to obviously come along on the trip to help Sally settle in.Dad
wasn't to happy about that but that was his problem. I wasn't going to let
him ruin sallys day.But what was so cute was when we reached her school
she gave me a kiss on the cheek got out of the car and said:"I'm going to
school now,like you."She then waved goodbye to me.

Obviously mom and dad were confused because most of the time when
Sally spoke it seemed like she was mumbling a bunch of words
together,that shouldn't even be in the same sentence together.But over the
years I've mastered her language.I'm practically the only one who
understands what she's saying half the time.And to be honest it makes me
feel special.It's like me and Sally have our own secret language that no one
but me and her understand.

As Sally was waving at me I felt like a proud mamma bird seeing her chick
fly out into the world.Obviously I was kind of sad because it's never easy to
let go of your young.But I was proud.

When I got back home from school Sally practically attacked me,she
clearly couldn't wait to tell me about all the new things she'd done.She'd
talked the whole night of nothing but school.How she'd coloured in her
colouring book and how she wrote in her book.But she mostly spoke about
all the songs they sang.
Soon after that the house was filled with her voice resinging all the songs
she could remember.Obviously she'd get stuck at a verse and would be
like:"aggh!I don't know."For me that was super cute,she looked really sad
about it like her forgetting the words was the end of the world.

But most surprising and interesting of all was that she'd made a friend.She
couldn't stop talking about her.It was Sabrina this and Sabrina that.Sabrina
likes this and Sabrina said that.It was like they'd known each other
forever.It seemed like I didn't carry the title of best friend anymore.

To be honest I was kind of hurt.I mean I wanted her to make friends her
own age but at the same time it's always just been me and her.Ever since
she could actually construct proper sentences I was her best friend,sister
and sometimes mom.I was practically her everything.

So it kind of hurt that someone she'd met a few hours ago could replace
me that easily.I know you all thinking that that Sabrina girl could never
replace me and I know she can't because well I'm me,one of a kind.But
jokes aside I was kinda jealous of a 4 year old.I mean it was because of her
that I'd have to settle for second best.

Life really threw me a curve ball with that.I mean how do I process loosing
my sis to a 4 year old?But I guess that's life for you.I was being dumped by
my almost 4 year old sister and I had to learn yo accept that.
CHAPTER 106:Potty mania:
But in all the commotion of news Sally had forgot to mention a really
important detail.She'd pee'ed in her pants because she was afraid to tell
the teacher she needed to go to the bathroom.

So when mom picked her up she was advised to start making her wear
diapers again. Mom obviously refused.I mean why put sally on diapers
again?Sally hadn't worn diapers since she was 1,and she was so used to
her potty by now.

You all probably thinking that 1 is a very early age to start potty
training.And no it wasn't to save costs on diapers it actually is a really
funny story.

So it goes like this:When Joe was little mom potty trained him at the
recommended age of 2.But Joe took a while to get used to the potty
because he didn't feel comfortable on it.When Joe got a little older when he
was around 3 and a half he'd pee and poo wherever instead of using the
potty.Gross I know.But really funny.I never let Joe firget it.I think mom
should've put it him back on diapers but mom wouldn't.She thaught he was
too old for diapers.

You guys need to also realise that mom was still living in Uganda at the
time.And in Uganda all the neighbourhood kids would play outside in the
streets together.So whenever Joe messed wherever he found a place mom
was called to do the cleaning. Mom obviously went and cleaned up after
Joe but the problem was that mom had this weird idea that some of the
times it wasn't even Joe.Because when she'd check Joe so she could clean
him up his was as clean as can be.Mom obviously didnt say anything to the
other moms shejust went with the flow untill Joe finally grew old enough to
know that you should use the toilet.

But secretly mom made a vow that she'd never go through that again with
any of her other children which included me at the time.So I was potty
trained from when I was just 6 months old.She had this whole schedule
where every hour she'd place me on the potty to do my business,and over
time I got used to it.When I started talking she taught me to tell her when I
needed to go and I did.No Joe drama.Another funny story:The word "toyi"
was my first word which actually means toilet in Uganda or in this case
potty.

12 years after my birth Sally comes along and its the same drill with her.6
months and she begins potty training. And just like me by 1 Sally was off
diapers.But Sally was a bed wetter and mom couldn't handle waking up
every hour during the middle of the night to take Sally to her potty so she
made an exception with Sally.Sally was allowed to wear a diaper at
night.But as Sally grew older she stoped bed wetting because just before
she went to bed she'd go use the potty.

So as you can see mom was not about to have another Joe incident so she
simply told the teacher Sallys toilet schedule. Obviously it took Sally a
couple of weeks to get used to the teacher so occassionally she still pee'ed
in her pants and mom was forced to carry an extra pair of pants with her.
CHAPTER 107:Extra bagage to weigh the car down:

I kind of feel like an idiot.Why don't I learn?I keep hoping that things at
home would change,that dad would automatically just stop being an ass.
But as you know by now nothing ever goes good in my life good.And I was
right.Dad clearly still had no respect for mom,which wasn't suprising to say
the least.But I didnt expect him to be so obvious about it.I mean show
some respect for me if not for mom.Like God.

If you already guessed that it was another woman then you were spot
on.So he'd started his I'm just helping her out game again.And thinking
about it now dad really needed to find a better cover up story, because no
one was buying his whole mother Teresa act.

Basically he started giving lifts to this lady and her kids.Her kids went to my
old primary school which really wasn't that far off from my highschool.Call
me petty or whatever but I didnt want those kids anywhere near
me.Whenever we picked them up I'd make sure that I sat as far as possible
away from them. I mean I know they had nothing to do with what was
happening between dad and their mom but I kinda hated them.Dad was
even really nice to them which pissed me off even more.I mean it was bad
enough that he was screwing their mom but now he had to play their
dad.That was just disgusting.Like he clearly felt no shame.

To this day I thank the Lord that Sally didn't have to see any of that.Thank
the Lord he had the decency to drop Sally of at school first before picking
his skank and her kids up.Sally wouldn't have minded ofcourse.I mean she
wouldn't understand what was going on,but I still prefer that she didn't have
to see any of it.She was just too young to be subjected to dad's disgusting
behaviour.
But besides being disgusted by dads behaviour I was actually creeped out
by the whole situation.If you guys remember a few years back the same
scenario unfolded.Same school,same number of kids(2)and dad was
screwing the mom.I dont know if it was just a coincidence or the universe's
sick way of bringing back the past.Call me crazy if you want but I seriously
thaught the universe was playing mind games with me.

Anyway this time was different though because instead of just giving the
kids a ride he was giving their mom one too.I couldn't believe him.And the
witch clearly had no self respect,she even had the fucking audacity to sit in
the front seat right next to dad.I know you all thinking that I'm overearcting.I
mean its just a seat?WRONG.Because with my dad her sitting in the front
seat proved a lot.
CHAPTER 108:Dads cars have allergic reactions to
mom:

You see dad and his car well all the cars that he has ever owned were
kind of allergic to mom.I say allergic because dad hated mom being in
his cars.Mom was basically not allowed to sit in his car unless
absolutely neccesarily.Even after all the years they'd been together
from as far back as I can remember mom either walked or took a taxi
depending on the distance.She'd literally walk or take a taxi,when her
husband had a car in the garage.I don't even know what to call that.

But of course there were occassions were mom really needed a ride
so she'd phone dad and ask him.No he didn't leave her hanging he'd
actually go and pick her up. But looking back at it now maybe she
would've been better off if he'd left her hanging.Because trust me
when I say that the other options would've caused her less
heartache.If you ask me I don't think getting a ride from him was
worth all the indignified,ruthless,scornful and hurtful words that he
hurled at her the whole time she was in his car.

The minute mom stepped foot in his car he started yelling at her
about how busy he was and how mom didn't understand the value of
his time among other nasty things that shouldn't even be
mentioned.One would swear that moms presennce in the car was like
having an uninvited guest over.One you despised but didn't have the
heart to tell,out of fear of being rude.But I guess dad never got the
memo on how to treat your guests because he clearly didnt have a
problem telling mom how he felt about her even thaugh it hurt her.He
literally broke moms soul with all the nasty things he'd say to her
face.Things like:"You are my biggest regret.I can't believe I fell for
your bullshit."

Till today I still don't get what the big deal is.I mean mom even made a
note to never sit in the front seat because the one time she did he all
but threw her out and orderd her to go to back because he was afraid
she'd curse his car.That's the most ridiculous thing I've heard,I mean
mom would just be sitting on the seat not preparing some weird
concoction to have him bewitched.

But the thing that disgusted me was that dad didnt mind all these
tramps sitting in his car.He was practically their personal
chauffeur.Like god!He wouldn't let his own wife in the car but he
gladly opened those doors for bitches like Sandra.Like wow.Talk
about being hypocritical.
CHAPTER 109: Chasing after a hoe:

So here we were on yet another morning where we had to go pick up that

bitch.But this particular morning we were running a bit late.But to be honest
haven't we all had those mornings where you overslept for some reason
because you didn't hear the alarm and by the time you get out of bed you
practically running around like a headless chicken to try and get ready as
quickly as possible.

So I'd basically had one of those morning's and somewhere in between me

running around like a headless chicken dad gets a phone call from her.He
tells her his on his way and because of that call I end up missing breakfast
that morning.

Anyway when we are approaching her street I catch a glimpse of her.But

from the looks of things she'd decided that she couldn't wait for us because
then she and her kids climb into a car.Dad obviously sees what I'm seeing
so he phones her but she doesn't pick up.

You'd think that dad would get the idea but I guess dads ego was
hurt.From all the years I've known dad he was a cheating bastard that
didn't like to share his cake with anyone else.That's why his always
clinched on tightly to mom even though he never really wanted her
anymore.He was like a little insecure kid who didn't want to share his toys
with anyone else.Because I guess he thaught that that would make him
less of a man.

So instead of just driving me to school considering that I was already late

he follows the car that they climbed into.I was really annoyed then.I fucking
missed breakfast and I'm late and his chasing after that bitch like a little lost
puppy.For a man his age he needed to get his shit together.Like how
desperate can he be?

So there we were following a strange car, but somewhere during the traffic
we loose them then dad starts taking random routes trying to catch up with
them.But we end up driving all the way to the kids school without any sign
of them,but dad still hangs around for a minute or two before things finally
click in his head.He then drives me to school with a sunken look on his
face.

Obviously by the time i resched school I was super late,but I wasn't even
worried about that anymore. I was just fucking pissed at dad.So what if she
decided to hitch a ride that's her own bloody business.I mean wow.

And considering how his always treated mom I hated that bitch even more.I
mean what did she give dad that made him chase after her like that?The
only thing I could think of was that she was probably giving it to him real
good.I mean what else could it be.

That day I secretly hoped and prayed that one day one of his lousy hoes
would cheat on him.Then we'll see how much his manhood likes that.He'll
be a laughing stalk,and I'd be the one that laughs the hardest.Because you
know what they say:"Karma's a fucking bitch!"
CHAPTER 110:I become a snitch:

So after the whole late to school drama I decide to tell mom about the hoe.I
know I shouldn't be snitching and should rather keep my nose out of their
business.But I trully believed that mom deserved to know.

So during our mother daughter talk I brought out the topic of dad seeing
another woman.At first mom doesn't seem to mind but then she asks:"How
do you know?"
Me:"Dad gives lifts to her and her kids."
Mom:"What do you mean he gives them lifts."
Me:"He drops them off to school every day."
Mom:"How long has this been happening?"
Me:"two weeks."
Mom"Do you know who the lady is."
Me:"No not really,have never met before."
Mom:"Her name?"
Me:"I don't really know,but she mentioned that she used to teach and now
she does tuition."
Mom:"Thanks for telling me,Maya."
Me:"Please don't tell dad I told you."
Mom:"Dont worry about that,its our secret."

So there you have it I'd officially become a snitch.But technically speaking

dad never said anything about not telling mom,so I didnt really do anything
wrong.And if I'm honest,my loyalties lie with mom,they always have.So in
my mind I was just looking out for mom and I kinda of owed her
that,considering that she's always looked out for me.
CHAPTER 111: Her royal highness:

You guys might think that I shouldn't have told mom,but if I think about it
now mom would've found out either way,so I'd basically done her a favour.I
mean dad wouldn't have told her so the only other way that she would've
found out was catching them red handed.And that I think would've been
much more painful for her.

But mom aside,I Still can't be live dad went back to giving her lifts.I mean
after what she'd done.Kill me if you want but I just didn't understand how he
just let it slide.But I think I have a pretty good idea of how age was able to
get her claws back into him(she made it up to him by sleeping with
him).And you know what they say about make-up sex.So clearly she'd
outdone herself in that department.

So anyway we were still giving her lifts.But this time instead if dads usual
car dad was driving me to school with a bakki.

I should probably explain the whole bakki situation:So my dad's a mechanic

and sometimes if he doesn't finish a customers car and it's really urgent
he'd bring the car back home to finish it up there instead of staying up late
at the workshop.So this time it was a bakki.

So we were on our way to pick them up and the minute she saw the bakki
she had that hell no look on her face.I gues she thaught that a bakki was
beneath her,too low class for her.Like who did she think she was?The
queen?

Dad however completely oblivious to her reaction suggests that they sit in
the back of the bakki.She automatically refuses so dad then suggests that I
should sit in the back while her and her kids shared the front
seat.Unbelievable! Why should I sit in the back?That's so unfair!Just as I
was about to voice my wining.
Bitch:"It's ok,we'll walk."

That statement really put a spin on things,that together with the manner in
which she carried herself.She simply just walked off with her kids.No
thanks but no thanks,no goodbye,or I'll see you when I see you.Her walking
away was a reall punch in the face for dad.

As soon as they had walked quite a distance dad begins fuming,because

clearly he'd been disrespected.I didnt really care about his anger though,I
had my own anger to deal with.I mean he would've made me sit in the back
if she didnt say no.Like how dare he?I'm his daughter aren't I?And yet he'd
throw me to the curb for that bitch.So much for the father daughter bond.

The whole way to school dad was mumbling on about how disrespectful
that was and how he'd stop giving her lifts because she was spoilt and that
nothing was wrong with a bakki.I think dad was talking to me when he was
mumbling but I was clearly in a world of my own and I wasn't in the mood to
talk to him,considering what he would've done to me.

And to be honest I always try to switch myself off when dad starts rambling
about stuff.It's always best to not get involved. Rather let him get it all off
his chest while he thinks that I'm listening to him. Obviously I catch wind of
the basics but the rest is just banter that gets carried away by the wind.

I'm not trying to be rude or anything but when it comes to dad and women
talk I don't want to hear about it.He is a grown ass man and he shouldn't
even be looking to his 16 year old daughter to comfort him in that
department.He braught it onto himself and he needed to get himself out of
it.

And I couldn't afford to get caught up in his love webs.So I'd stay quite and
try to focus on my my happy place untill we got to school.As soon as we do
I tell him what time I come out and practically escape his clutches.
CHAPTER 112: Skin and bones tries body shaming:

So the situation with the lifts was still going on even after that scandalous
incident, and I was getting more and more annoyed with that bitch by the
day.I mean I'm a really nice person but she shore as hell knew how to push
my buttons.I mean didn't she get that I didnt want to make small talk with
her.

She was always on my case about something.It never ended.I think she
was trying to form a bond with me.But what she didn't get was that I wanted
nothing to do with her.She was nothing to me but some hoe I had to deal
with because dad was screwing her.So if she thaught that asking me
questions about my life and trying to make small talk with me me would
make me like her,she was dead wrong.Nothing she did or said would make
me like her.

I obviously answered all her questions even thaugh some of them were a
bit inaproprite.I mean I didn't want to be rude to my elders and mom taught
me better.

But this one time she caught me by suprise.I really wasn't expecting her to
ask me this.Like really?She'd asked me if I was pregnant because
according to her I was gaining some weight.Like what the fuck!Was she
serious?And I know I'm gonna sound like a bitch with my next statement
but she really pissed me off:Just because she opened her legs for every
man she comes across regardless of whether his married or not doesn't
mean that the rest of us are just as loose as her.

Like what the fuck?I was 16 for Pete's sake.And just because I was gaining
a little weight that didn't mean I was pregnant.
Sometimes people gain weight. It's part of life and shoot me if I didn't have
the time to look after my figure.I mean I got more important things to do
then excercise.

And honestly I've always believed that your body size shouldn't define
you.Women come in all shapes and sizes,and for her to be body shaming
me because she was a skinny ass bitch was very hypocritical of her.And if
you ask me someone needed to give her a sandwich or two before she
turned into a living skeleton.

And even though I gained a little weight I shore had a more smoking hot
body than her.I mean at least I had curves while she was as straight as
stick.And as far as I'm concerned guys don't really want to feel skin and
bones if you know what I mean.
CHAPTER 113:First meeting:
So as you guessed I was still mad at that bitch.She'd practically tried to
body Shame me.She's bloody lucky I didn't voice all my thaughts and let
her get away with it scratch free.I just measly replied:"I should probably hit
the gym soon."But that earned me a snicker from her.At that point I was
really annoyed.Like I couldn't roll my eyes back enough to show how I
felt.But lucky for her again she was saved by our arrival at my school.

But let's forget about me,because while I was at school Mom was about to
meet the devil in carnate.From what mom told me when she got back home
from work,mom knew her personally.

So basically mom was on her way home and while passing a group of
ladies she hears talking of being with a man.But mom never one to poke
her nose in other people's business keeps walking but that bitch recognises
mom and stops mom for a quick chat where the bitch let's her encounter
with dad slip.Not really sure what she said because mom wouldn't tell me.

Anyway even after all that the bitch still had the audacity to ask mom if I
needed a tutor.More like a way to weasel her way into my family.Mom
obviously tells her no and she gracefully says goodbye and carries on
walking home.

I can only imagine what it was like for mom.I mean I know it's not the first
time dad's cheated and moms found out.But I don't think finding out gets
any easier.I mean how do you get used to hearing that your husband's a
bastard?And that too with someone you know.I actually feel sorry for
mom.Like really sorry for her.She doesn't deserve this.

But to be brutally honest mom kind of has a role to play in everything.I

mean why does she just keep letting him walk all over her and then when
his down and out she takes him back in?When she's going to realise that
dad's never going to change? She's practically placed herself in a cycle
with no end unless she decides to put an end to it.And I hope for her sake
it's soon.
CHAPTER 114:Going around in circles:
So as you guessed dad was still planning on being their personal chauffeur
despite all the empty claims he'd made the other day.So I only guess they'd
sorted their issues out.

This time we were back with dad's car and what do you know.All of a
sudden walking wasn't an option anymore.So I gues that meant that dad
was back in business.

The rest of the week was very uneventful, but then sometime during the
next week mom and her met again.This time in the lions den.

So for someone reason unknown to me mom needed to go to the school

office.I didn't even know she was coming along untill she'd walked out the
door with sally.Dad was clearly just as surprised because before she'd
even set foot into his car he'd asked where she was off to.
Mom:"I need to go to the office."
Dad:"Why didn't you tell me yesterday you were going."
Mom:"Did I have to tell you."
Dad:"Yes,you could've warned me."
Mom:"Why should I be warning you,do you have something to hide."
Dad:"No I'm not hiding anything,just get into the car."

And the circus was about to begin.Lord have mercy on us.It was way too
early for this.The whole way to sallys school things were tense.I felt like my
head was about to explode.But thank God Sally got to escape when we
reached her school.Mom decided to take Sally in today instead of me,which
was great.They clearly needed the space to cool off.

While waiting for mom to get back dad was loosing his temper.I don't really
get what he was mad at.I mean he was the one that was cheating and
about to be caught.

When mom got back the heat automatically rised up again.Mom knew what
game dad was playing and she was basically taunting him.She was
watching dad like a hawk,and she never took her eyes off him even thaugh
she was sitting in the back seat.Dad was lucky she was only staring at the
back of his head because Lord have mercy if she were to stare at his eyes.

I dont know how she was able to multi task like that.But besides having an
eye out for the back of dads head she had her other eye on the road.She
was constantly on the lookout,she even noticed the slightest
misplacement.Like the supposed wrong turn dad took.

Mom:"Why are we taking this road?It's the longer way,you missed the turn."
Dad:"I know,I just felt like changing my usual route."
Mom:"Why?"
Dad:"Cant I change my usual route."
Mom:"It just seems so sudden and you always like using the same route,so
I'm just surprised."
Dad:" You act like im committing a crime."

Round and round they went,with the same question.The conversation was
clearly going nowhere but none of them was willing to back down out of
fear of seeming weak.It was getting tiring.They were like two five year olds
fighting over who won a stupid little game.I mean couldn't dad just end all
all our misery by telling her the truth.Mom clearly knew he was lying no
thanks to me.But he wouldn't admit it which made mom even more angry
and pushy.

I was loosing my cool and my mind and it was only 07:00.Could the day get
any worse?
CHAPTER 115:Sidechick starts a fire:
I guess the day could get worse because soon we'd reached our
destination and were awaiting the arrival of our VIP guests.

Mom:"What are we doing here?"

Dad:"Picking up someone."
Mom:"Who?"

That's when the stars of the show arrived.At least the bitch was able to see
that she was not wanted and she seemed to be turning around.Probably
deciding that walking was a better option.But the damage was done.

Mom:"Come in well give you a ride."

Bitch:"Were good,well walk."
Mom:"Walking now will only make you late."
Bitch:"ummm..."
Mom:"Just get into the car."

The bitch finally realising that she was not getting out of this decides to go
with the flow.But instead of opening the front door she opens the back.

Mom:"Why don't you sit in the front,its too crowded over here."
Bitch:"I'm sure well fit."
Mom:"I don't think so.And anyway its not like you haven't sat there before."

Way to throw some shade.I couldn't believe mom had said that.But that
moment of proudness for mom was soon shattered because dad who'd
been quite the whole time finally graces us with his voice.

Dad:"Just sit in the front."

She relunctly does but for show she drags her daughter in the front with
her.Mom looses it then.I do to.I mean during all the weeks that I've known
her she has always sat in the front with dad and now all of sudden its no
longer an option.She even had the cheek to force her daughter to sit
between her and dad.I mean who does that?Who uses their own daughter
as a cover up for their own lies?

Mom:"I'm not some idiot.You don't need to use your child like that.Do you
think having her sit between you will distract me from what's going on
between you two.Shame on you two.Disgusting!"
Bitch:"...."
Mom:"What you don't have anything to say.Just the other day you had so
much to say about my husband.Why don't you tell us all again how good
my husband is to you....
Don't tell me you don'tremember.Ok I guess you need to have your brain
checked out by a specialist."
Bitch:"You misunderstood me."
Mom:"I know what I heard.And unlike you I have a pretty good memory.But
I don't really care that my husband is screwing you or that his throwing his
money at you.All I ask is that if you want to meet up with him don't do it
while my daughter is around.Because unlike you I don't like subjecting my
kids to this type of behaviour.He can still give your kids a ride.But if you
want a ride from him get it when my daughter isn't in the car."
Dad:"Can you please keep quite you making a noise."
Mom:"I'm making a noise,look at her.What do you call this..."

That's when we pulled up to the kids school and them and their bitch of a
mother walked out.First time she'd ever left the car with her kids.And I'm
glad she did,because from the look on moms face mom would've wringed
her neck in two if they'd spent another minute together.She basically just
walked out of there like nothing happened.

But my parents were far from done fighting.She'd started a fight that only
my parents could finish.And we all knew how far they could take it.I just
hoped they didnt have to do it with me in the car.But when have they ever
cared about whether or not I was listening.But just this once I wanted them
to care.I mean it was way too early but I guess it was their way of saying
good morning to me.
CHAPTER 116:Mom grows somes balls:
As soon as they left dad who had been mostly quite the whole time turns
on mom.

Dad:"Don't you ever talk to her like that again!"

Mom:"I shouldn't talk to her like that.Why not?"
Dad:"Dont push me!"
Mom:"Or what?!You going to beat me up like with the first woman you were
giving rides to!I'm not afraid of you anymore!
You can beat me up all you like if that makes you feel better but I'm not
going to keep quite!"
Dad:"We'll see about that when we get home."
Mom:"Why wait till we get home why not stop the car and beat me
now?!What you waiting for!?You know what I can't believe I fell for your
bullshit!You're no man!You just a coward.You've always been one!"
Dad:"I'm a coward?And yet you still stick around!"
Mom:"(laughing)I'm not with you anymore,in fact the only reason I'm with
you is because of Maya.You already took Joe away from me and therefore
I will not let you take her away from me too.So stop fooling yourself
because I want nothing to do with you."
Dad:"Then fine we'll get a divorce!"
Mom:"(more laughing)Your making a fool out of yourself in front of your
own daughter.We both know that won't happen,because your obsessed
with me.You obviously don't want me but you also don't want me to move
on to someone else."
Dad:"You don't know what you talking about."
Mom:"Why else didn't you divorc me by now...?
Look we don't feel anything towards each other but hate and we can't get
divorced because we each have our reasons.And I don't expect you to
deprive yourself because you aren't getting any from me.But when trying to
fill up your urges try to not let Maya be around.I mean for once in your life
act like her father."

That was a lot to take in.I had zoned out of their conversation a long time
ago but it didn't stop my tears from streaming down my face.I didn't know
what else to do.I mean how do I live with the fact that the reason my
parents were stuck together was me?How do I live with the fact that mom
was giving dad permission to go messing around?It was just too much to
handle.
CHAPTER 117: Melt down at school:
As soon as we reach the school I all but run out of the car mom quickly
catches up to me and tells me to stop crying.

Mom:"Maya crying won't help anything ok,and you at school you shouldn't
be crying just go wash ure face in the bathroom or something,get it
together,we don't want people knowing our personal problems ok."

Mom then leaves me to go into the office.I end up doing exactly what mom
said though.I rush into the bathroom where I cry for a while before I quickly
regain my cool and head out to class.I was already late so I needed to
hurry.On my way to class I get stopped by two of my friends who were
worried about me because a couple of girls told them they saw me crying in
the bathroom.

Their fussing over me just made me loose it again.They kept asking me

what was wrong but I just couldnt tell them.That's when the tears came
pouring down again but luckily we were really close to the second
bathroom so I rushed into it with them where I cried for less then a minute
while they kept asking what was wrong.But as I had trained myself to,I kept
repeating that I was ok while I fixed myself up.When I was ready the three
of us headed to class.

I know I cry a lot at home when I think the whole house is asleep but I've
never cried about my problems at school.I've always managed to keep my
cool,because even though things were bad at home I never let it project at
school. I know most kids my age hate school but I've always loved going to
school and funny enough it never had anything to do with
education.Granted education was really important to me but I loved going
to school because it made me feel free.Like I could stop holding my breath
and actually breathe.It's my sanctuary.The one place I can really be myself
and not have to worry about Joe,dad,mom or even being a mom to Sally.I
can just be me,Maya.

But yet there I was letting him steal something else from me..
CHAPTER 118:Fake it till I make it(The mask is put
back on):

When I head into class I greet my teacher, apologise for being late and
take my paper from her desk.Oh I forgot to tell you,I was writing my
Afrikaans essay final draft that day.

To be honest seeing that folio paper put everything into perspective for
me.I needed to get my head in the game.So I quickly composed myself and
wrote that Afrikaans essay while trying my utmost best to get my emotions
together.But there were times during that essay where I could feel my tears
trying to escape,but I always managed to blink them away and in essence
avoided creating a scene.I mean I didn't need my class seeing me cry.

So I spent the next 80 minutes of the Afrikaans lesson finishing my essay

and then listening to my friends ask me if I was ok and if I wanted to talk
about it.I know I could've easily told them about my problems and how my
dads a real asshole but I didnt.Because I was so scared of being judged
and pitied by them.I didn't want them to feel sorry for me or look at me
differently.Becsuse trust me if I had told people about the shit that I had to
face at home everyone would act differently around me,including close
friends.They'd start treating me like some delicate object that needed to be
watched out for so I didnt break.They'd start walking on eggshells around
me as if any sudden movements from them would result in a melt down.So
believe me when I say that that's the last thing I wanted.And plus I'd always
dealt with it on my own.I was doing just fine.Just two more years and I'd
wouldn't have to deal with him.

So as usual I put on my big girl pants and a smile on my face and I told
them I was just fine.There was no need to worry about me.I wasn't fine of
course but they didn't need to know that.That was my little secret.It always
has been.
CHAPTER 119:Romance novels are my solitude:
You know how most kids can't wait for the school holidays?From the
minute the term starts their timer starts ticking for the end of term.But its
not like that for me.My timer actually starts ticking for school to start.Its not
that I dont have stuff to do in the holidays because theirs plenty.

When I was younger me and all the neighbourhood kids including Joe
would play all sorts of games outside and it was fun while it lasted but then
I'd have to go home and listen to mom and dad bickering and fighting.I was
literally stuck with them with no escape 24/7 .Mom never used to work then
so she was home all the time so we'd spend lots of time together.She
actually even played with me.That's why all the neighbourhood kids loved
her because while their mom's were cooking and cleaning my mom played
with all of us.Anything and everything from skipping, monkey in the middle,
hopscotch,you name it.So it wasnt that bad.Things only got bad when dad
came home.Because that's when mom who was so happy playing snakes
and ladders with me a few minutes ago turned mad.One would swear she
wasn't the same person.

As time went on I grew older and mom being overly protective of me

stopped me from going out that much.So I was basically stuck doing
nothing but watch tv and play games on my phone.Mom had stopped
playing with me.I don't really know why and I didnt push her about it.So as
you can imagine holidays became more and more boring.Now I was just
stuck at home the whole day and then in the evening I'd listen to a show
from both of them.I was always the guest of honour.Lovely late night shows
they always put on for me.If only someone told them I didn't enjoy listening
to a single one of their shows.

Not all the school holidays were filled with arguing and fighting thaugh.I
mean during the Dec holidays we'd normally fly out to Uganda or
Tanzania.So mom and dad wouldn't fight as much as pretence for their
families.Which I hated.I mean why did we need to pretend to be this happy
little family when we weren't?But their weren't fighting so I guess December
wasn't so bad.

I grew even older and then I found a new pass time.To this day I thank
whoever created books.Best idea ever!God bless you wherever you are.I
completely fell in love with reading and books.Not only where they
entertaining they actuall got me through my parents screaming contests.

Whenever mom and dad would start bickering I'd just lock myself in my
room and read.I'd read untill they stopped fighting and even after they did
I'd read some more.Reading became my lifeline.It helped me forget about
the shit going on in my life and instead made me feel sorry for the shit
going on in the characters life.It made me forget I even had problems.

Granted I mostly read romance novels and most people that know me have
always asked me if I read anything besides romance novels,so to answer
their question, I do.But I prefer romance more because they give me hope
that maybe true love does exist.

And yes I know life doesn't work out the way books do.So I'm not expecting
love to neccessarily be the same way it's projected as in books but
something close to that.I'd even accept the tiniest fraction of that picture.I
just need to know that not all relationships are doomed to work out the way
my parents did.And that maybe just maybe I'll be able to find true love one
day,someday.

But the downside of reading was that when I closed a book whether it was
romance, fiction,fantasy or whatever,the calmness and peace that I had
felt while reading the book would immediately get crushed with the closing
of the book.I was abruptly braught back into my reality.It was like a rude
awakening.The universe's way of telling me:"That's not the real world
sweety.Your life,this is real,so you better get used to it."
Thing is I could never get used to it.I don't think I will ever be able
to.Because no matter what the universe says I will fight it.This is only my
life now,things change. And I will make sure they change in my
favour.Because I deserve a better life than this.
CHAPTER 120: 15 minutes returned:

After the whole lift drama dad had stopped "helping" her out.I was actually
quite shocked the next day when we didn't take the route to her house.But
all was forgotten by the second day.

That was one of the mos monumental moments of my life.Wow!Like for

once in his life dad actually listened to mom.The cherry on the top was the
fact that they were over.I mean I'm not really sure if he was still meeting up
with her behind close doors but as far as I was concerned she was out of
my life,so that was good enough for me.

I actually do see her sometimes even now still but its always passerby
vibes,but she she never seems to see me.No I'm not stalking her.I can't
help if I just happen to see her when I'm out.I mean it's not my fault that my
eyes seem to have special radars for her.And to be fair how am I supposed
to forget her after everything she's done.Forget her and dad I'm talking
about me.I still feel insulted by her little weight joke that was not do
funny.But no need to dwell on her because she's not worth it.

It took a while for dad and me to get back to our schedule but we did.I'm
not really fond of my dad but sometimes during those rides to and from
school I feel like I actually have a dad.I mean if I had to look on the bright
side of things atleast I have 15 minutes with my dad(granted not all of them
are good)and that's more thsn I can say for some kids.Some kids arent
fortunate enough to even have a second with their dad's let alone 15 min.I
know I probably sound like a spoilt brat who's being ungrateful.I mean
atleast I have a dad,atleast his alive and healthy, atleast he didn't walk out
on me.
But with dads case id rather be a spoil brat any day.With dad there is no
bright side to look at.Just plain darkness.So excuse me for being ungrateful
but I don't think that two 15 minute rides a day can or will ever be able to
change a whole life's worth of heartache.And I know that I'm not the first
teenager to have daddy issues but I just can't help how I feel.

But ouf of this theirs onr thing im trully grateful for:atleast I didnt have to
share one of those 15 minutes with that skank anymore,because she'd
already taken up too many of my 15 minutes.And sorry for her but I wasn't
planning on sharing them with her.She needed to go get her own 15
minutes.
CHAPTER 121: Pre-lockdown drama:

So the whole lift drama was finally over and things were looking up with me
and dads 15 minute routines do all as good on that front.But things weren't
so good at home as usual.Their was no physical fighting but the other type
was clearly evident.

It had been a few weeks after the lift incident and one night mom and dad
were at each other and dad decided that it would be best if he didn't spend
the night home.I didn't even know that dad had left untill the next morning.I
was probably fast asleep with Sally.I mean it was a school night and I
needed my 8 hours of sleep.

The next morning I get up and moms shouting at me to hurry up.When I

look at my phone its 06:30.
Me:"It's only 06:30"
Mom:"Your dad's outside,and you know he doesn't like to wait."
Me:"But.."
Mom:"Get into the shower now!"

Not to make a bad situation worse I got into the shower and 15 minutes
later when I'd just gotten out of the shower I hear mom and dad arguing.

Dad:"Whats taking her so long!"

Mom:"Shell be here soon."
Dad:"I don't have time for this crap!Don't you guys no how to keep time.I've
been waiting over here for 30 minutes!"
Mom:"Look its not my fault that you decided to not sleep at home.And I will
not allow you to take it out on her."
Dad:"How dare you talk to me like that!Maya!!"
Mom:"Can you stop shouting none of us are deaf."
Dad:"None but you.You such a disgrace!Maya!!!"

It was just way too early for this bullshit.I mean I could hear him in fact the
whole neighbourhood could.When I ws finally dressed I headed to the
kitchen to grab my breakfast but I found dad there watching me.

Me:"I'm just having breakfast,we still have time its only 07:00.
Dad:"Get in the car!"
Me:"But my breakfast..."
Dad:"I said get in the car!"

That's was flippen bullshit.I mean he can't deny me breakfast.I know it was
stupid of me to back chat but I ws really hungry.I mean I hadn't eaten in the
last 8 hours.And I get really cranky if I don't eat breakfast.So being my
usual stubborn self.

Me:"Ok fine,but I'm taking my tea and toast with me."

Dad:"What?!"
Me:"In the car,I'll eat it on the way.
Mom:"Maya just leave the tea and toast."
Me:"But mom..."
Dad:"I said get in the car."
Me:"I'm not going unless I've eaten!"
Mom:"What are you doing?"

Dad starts dragging me trying to get me out of the house but know I'm
mad.I mean what the fuck does he think his doing?He can't force me to go
with him.
Me:"Let go!!"
Mom:"Please your hurting her."
Dad:"Shut up!!"
Me:"Dont tell her to shut up!You shut up!"
Mom:"Maya keep quite."
Me:"Why!?"
Dad:"You think you tough!"
Me:"I don't need you to take me to school!I have feet!"
Mom:"Keep quite."
Dad:"Fine then!From now on you take yourself to school!Well see how long
you last!"
Me:"Best idea ever!"

That's when he grabs Sally and drives off with her.He was probably going
to drop her off at school.

Mom:"What is wrong with you.Do you always have to say what you
thinking.Can't you keep your mouth shut!"
Me:"Why should I God gave me a mouth so I'm using it."
Mom:"Thats why I can't leave!Imagine me leaving you alone with him!He'd
probably murder you!"
Me:"Maybe you should try standing up to him more!You keep doing
nothing!And I'm sorry if I don't want to be like you!I can't keep quite!"
Mom:"But look at what your big mouth did.How you going to go to school
everyday."
Me:"I'll take a taxi."
Mom:"No you won't its dangerous!Your a girl,its not safe."
Me:"Mom ill be fine.Relax,No one will want to kidnap me..."
Mom:"This is not funny!Just be safe."
Me:"Ok."

That's when I walked out the door and headed to the nearest road where I
could take a taxi to school.To be honest it wasn't that bad.I mean I wasn't
kidnapped or snything.So you see there was nothing to worry about.I even
managed to get to school only 20 minutes late.

Things at school went smoothly.Went to all my classes,hung out with my

friends.It was just another day in Paradise for me.Well untill I heard that
school would be closing due to some virus.Most of my peers were
elated.Why wouldn't they be,I mean there would be no school for a while.

But me I was dying inside.Because that meant that I'd be stuck at home
with dad.My own home would turn into some kind of prison cell.There was
no escaping him.And after what happened this morning I had it coming.
CHAPTER 122: Lockdown begins(night time affairs):

The first few weeks of lockdown weren't that bad everyone kept to
themselves.Well actually I spent my days with mom and Sally and dad
spent his alone.Occassionally dad would yell at us to keep it down but that
was it.

Obviously my nerves were all over the place.I kept waiting for when he'd
finally want to take his revenge.I mean dad wasn't one to forget such forms
of disrespect.I know some may say that I was becoming paranoid.But his
dad.I couldn't just accept that he'd somehow changed overnight.

I prayed every night for the lockdown to just end.I mean yeah I was
enjoying spending time with mom and dad.But I was also freaking out,I was
on the verge of paranoia.Sometimes during the night when id open my
eyes for a few seconds I felt like someone was watching me.I thaught i was
going crazy.But one morning I woke up and I was covered with a second
blanket.I mean i speciffcally remered that I only had one blanket the night
before.So when I asked mom she said it wasn't her.So by process of
elimination it had to be dad and I was right.Apparently he came to check up
on me and thaught I was feeling cold.That worried me.I mean his never
ever checked up on me.So I told mom.And mom started worrying too.I
know he didn't do anything but I was still afraid.I know his my dad,but these
things happen all the time.And mom always warned me about dressing
decently.

What did she expect from me I dressed decent when I was not home so I
think I deserve to dress comfortable in much own home.I mean it wasn't
anything revealing.Regular old shorts and crop tops.
But I guess mom was right in that department.I know I didnt know for sure
that that's what he was thinking but better safe then sorry.

But besides the weird night hellusinations,we were 2 months in and not a
single scene had been caused.And that was a huge Guinness world record
for dad.
CHAPTER 123:Escape gone wrong:
So the whole night thing happened and from then on I took mom's advise
and stopped wearing shorts.I even started locking my door so there weren't
any more late night visits to my room.I think things were ok after that.

But one night just as my paranoia was slowly fading dad finally let his true
colours shine.That night dad was sort of drunk which suprised me.Dad
hardly ever drank.I culd literally count the number of times I saw him drink
on one hand.So in his drunken state he called Sally over and tried giving
her sip.

Me:"Sally come here."

Sally:"Daddys giving me juice."
Me:"Come here,I'll give you juice."
Dad:"What is wrong with you leave the child alone!"

I then go and grab Sally and walk her to the kitchen where I get her real
juice.To be honest I expected dad to come barging into the kitchen yelling
at me but he didn't do any of that.In fact he was right where I had left him.I
guess he was too drunk to do anything.

Anyway 2 or 3 hours later me and Sally start fighting over what to watch on
tv.Sallys sreaming at me because that's what she does when she wants
something.I'm trying to reason with her,because I just want to watch one
show and then she can watch what ever she wants.I literally start pleading
with mom to get Sally to stop but but she just sits there and laughs.Atleast
mom got to watch tv,and it wasn't even through a tv screen.

Feeling fed up I decide to put an end to it, so I grab the remote and change
the channel.This makes Sally mad so she starts crying.The kind that
breaks your eardrums.Really annoyrd with her I change it back just to get
her to stop making tgat noise.But no she doesn't stop, in fact she cries
louder.

A couple of minutes later dad walks in and starts yelling.

Dad:"Can't you see she's just a kid."
Me:"I changed it back."
Dad:"Dont talk back!"
Mom:"Maya go to your room."
Not wanting to aggreviate the situation,
I actually end up leaving.Mom and dad obviously start fighting the moment
I'm out of sight,which made me feel like crap.I mean did I really have to
watch the stupid show.In fact I won't even get to watch it anyway.All I did
was make dad angry.I just gave them another reason to hate each other.I
was the reason they were fighting.I've always been the reason for their
fights.Whether I did it intentionally or not.I was the root of all their problems.

So while I'm in my room trying to drown out their shouting I remember that I
left Sally behind.I should've just left her there because when I go to get her
I'm greeted by he'll itself.

Dad:"I told you to go to your room!"

Me:"I just came to get..."
Mom:"Maya just go..."

I couldn't be there anymore.I know mom meant,go to your room but I

remember thinking I'll just go and get out of their lives.So I went back into
my room and this time I packed a bag with clothes.

When I went back into the living room mom and dad were still arguing.But I
didnt really care.I wasn't going to be here anymore.I wouldnt have to listen
to this again.I know I had promised myself that I wouldn't leave without
Sally.But I think I deserved to be selfish.I mean shouldn't I be number one
on my agenda.I mean I can't keep putting other people's happiness in front
of mine even if one those people was my 4 yesr old sister.

Mom:"Maya where you going?"

Me:"I'm leaving,I don't want to be here anymore!"
Mom:"You don't know what you saying.."
Dad:"You want to go!!Then go!!"
Mom:"Don't listen to him Maya,put the bag down."It's late.."
Dad:"What you waiting for go!!"

I started walking to the door, but just 5 steps from my original position and I
felt dad pull me back roughly.I tumbled backwards and landed on the
floor.Mom quickly rushed to my side and formed a barrier around me.
Mom:"What are you doing!!"
Dad:"She thinks she's tough!You want to leave right!Then go!!But if you do
you not going with anything!
Me:"Fine!!I don't need anything from you anyway!
Mom:"Shut up Maya,keep quite!"

I take of my bag and throw it on the floor I push mom away from me and
stand up to start walking again.But again dad grabs me and throws me to
the floor.
Dad:"That includes the clothing you have on."
CHAPTER 124:Striped butt naked:
I couldn't believe my ears.Dad was serious.For a second I felt like I should
just do what mom does,be passive.But that's just not who I am.I was
determined to leave.So I stopped myself of every last piece of clothing I
had on untill I was in my underwear and bra alone.

Mom:"Maya what are you doing!"Don't do this!What do you think you doing
shes your daughter!!How can you make her do this!!
Dad:"The underwear as well!"

So as humiliated as I felt I took it off.I stood but naked in front of my dad.

When I finally unclasped my bra and it had dropped to the floor I walked
past him making my way to the door.I didn't even think about the fact that I
would be heading out in the dark naked.I was a flippen 15 turning 16 year
old and I was ready to walk out of my house naked in the middle of the
night.Who knew what would happen to me that night.The chances were
high that I would be raped,but I didnt care about any of that.All I cared
about was getting as far away from my dad as possible.

But I guess dad felt challenged by me.I don't think he expected me to go

throuh with it.I think deep down he wanted me to apologise and beg for his
forgiveness.But sorry for him,because I'd never beg him for
forgiveness,becsause I did nothing wrong.

So if stripping me down naked wasnt enough just as I was opening the

front door he grabbed me and this time he threw me against the wall.Mom
obviously came running to protect but dad was already on me.He was
beating the crap out of me.But instead of protecting myself I let him.I don't
know why but I kept yelling:
Me:"Hit me!!!"
Over and over again and he did.When mom made it to my side she took
some of my blows but I kept pushing her aside yelling:
Me:"Move mom,let him hit me!!"
Mom:"Keep quite!!"
Me:"No,let him hit me!!!

I don't know how long that carried on for but the blows kept coming at one
point he even started stamping in my head with his foot but I still didn't
protect myself.My mom still calls me crazy for that.She seriously thinks I
had a death wish that night and she swore he would've killed me.Maybe
she's right,maybe I did have a death wish.I mean it wouldn't be the first
time that I thaught killing myself would've been easier.

Anyway when dad finally looked like he had, had his fill I stood up and
walked out into the front of the yard.But clearly I was wrong about dad.He
ens up following me into the front yard with a wet mop in his hand.When i
reach the gate obviously it's locked.And now I'm cornered again.Dad starts
hitting me with the mop pushing Mr into the gate.

Dad:"You want to leave right!!Then go!!Get out of my life!Goooooooo!!!!

Me:"Wheres the key!"
Dad:"Go look for it yourself."
Mom:"Maya what you doing,just stop this!"
So i turn to go back into the house but he still keeps hitting me.By the time I
get to the door he manages to block my entrance.

Me:"I want to go in,to look for the key!"

Dad:"You will not step foot into this house!
Me:"Exactly so let me get the key and I'll go!"
Dad:"You decided to walk out right well you should've thaught about that."
Me:"Fine!"

I head back outside and find a spot to sit on in the front yard.I end up
spending the next hour sitting in my front yard in the middle of a cold night
completely naked.Mom and Sally were forbidden to see me but mom found
a way to get to me.
Mom:"Why are you doing this."
I hated seeing mom like that,her eyes were blood red and she looked
horrible.Like she'd just been in a war.
Me:"I want to leave."
Mom:"Are you crazy.You can't.."
Me:"I want to leave."
Mom:"Please,don't do this to me,I already lost Joe."
Me:"I want to leave."

That's when dad walks out and standing a few feet away from me.He starts
talking about how disrespectful I am and how I'm hurting him.To be honest
I wasn't even listening to half the rubbish he was talking about,because I
already knew that it was total bullshit.It was the same old lecture:I work so
hard for you guys,everything I do is for you.Flippen bullshit.

Me:"I want to leave!"

Dad:"Where you going to go."
Me:"I want to leave!!"
Dad:"You.."
Me:"I font want to be here with you,I want to leave!!!"
Dad:"Fine then I'll leave."

That's when he opens the gate and a screaming shouting me tries to get
out but he pushes me and I fall down to the groung while he makes his
escape.By the time i get bsck up hid long gone.

I don't know why but I start banging on the gate yelling let me out!!!You
can't do this to me!!!Let me out!!!
CHAPTER 125:Consequences are felt:
For 5 full minutes all I do is yell and bang as hard as I can on the gate.But
then my head starts hurting,like really hurting.And when I touch it my hand
comes back bloody,and given my phobia for my own blood I become
hysterical and start yelling at mom:

Me:"Maa!!I'm bleeding!Pleas do you have the other key!I need to get to the
hospital!
Mom:"Calm down its probably just a scratch!
Me:"Ma,it hurts!"
Mom:"I know you'll be fine.Come let's go inside and I'll get you cleaned up."
Me:"I'm not going inside!
Mom:"Stop being so stubborn."

I don't know why but going inside seemed like a good idea and not to get
cleaned up which I need since my head was dripping blood but I had other
plans of my own.So I need up going inside and the first thing I did was look
for my phone.I needed to call the police.I mean I was beaten to a pulp by
my dad.When mom found me in my room frantically searching for
something she was concerned.

Mom:"What are you looking for?"

Me:"My phone."
Mom:"Why?"
Me:"I'm calling the police,please help me look."
That's When mom who had been standing in my doorway comes to my
side.
Mom:"You can't do that."
Me:"Why not.His a criminal."
Mom:"His also your father."
Me:"He doesn't know what it means to be a father!"
Mom:"You not thinking straight."
Me:"Do you enjoy being beaten up."
Mom:"Ofcourse not."
Me:"If I do this we might have a chance to be free of him."
Mom:"Then what!Who'll look after you and Sally!!"
Me:"You have a job..."
Mom:"Dont be stupid,my job can bearly put food on the table!What about
school."
Me:"Well figure it out!"
Mom:"You not thinking straight becsuse you head hurts.You don't know
what you saying!Just forget all this jail nonsense ok!"
Me:"But.."
Mom:"But mom what,I told you to keep quite,but you just wouldnt now
look!You have to stop being so hotheaded.Your a girl soon you'll be
woman.What happens when you get married,and I'm not there to protect
you."
Me:"Who says I'm going to get married.And anyway theirs no way in he'll
I'm going to marry a guy like that."
Mom:"Did you think I knew that this would be my life once I got married.I
was your age when we got married.And you know he said he loved me.."
Me:"I know,but this isn't love,and thst was a long time ago.
Mom:"Lets go check out your head."

So that's what we did we went Ingo the bathroom Where Mom soaked my
head with salt and warm water.That thing hurt.And to be honest I have a
low pain acceptance rate.So naturally I cried the whole time.When mom
was done she made me take a bath in the same warm and salt concoction
to help my bruising.Lucky thing I'm generally dark in complexion.I mean i
could still see the marks but they weren't that visible if you looked at them
from a distance.

Once I was done I headed into moms room where I just laid my head on
her lap while Sally lay hers on my mine.
Mom:"I just hope I'm still alive when you get married.So I can help you heal
your wounds."
Me:"If I do get married I won't let my husband abuse me."
Mom:"Thats what we all say."
Me:"I'm serious,if he lays a hand on me I'm divorcing him."
Mom:"Then you should prepare yourself for lots of divorce cases."
Me:"Its not funny."
Mom:"Just saying you too hotheaded for marriage,and men don't like being
questioned."
Me:"I just don't get why you have to listen to everything a guy says without
questioning him,even if his wrong."
Mom:"You just got beaten up and you might need to have your head
checked up tomorrow and you still insist on speaking your mind.Lord help
you.Why can't you be like other girls."
Me:"What do you mean like other girls.You know me, I'm not like
that.What's the big difference between a man and a women,its just that we
have different appendages."
Mom:"Its more than that.What about religion."
Me:"Does religion say that its ok for a man to beat up his wife and strip his
own daughter of her dignity and then beat her too."
Mom:"Lets just leave it.I won't be changing your mind anytime soon.Maybe
I won't even have to stay alive."
Me:"What you talking about?"
Mom:"Sally can help you heal you wounds."
Laughter.

Me:"Really mom."
Mom:"Thats only if you'll even allow her into your house.Who knows your
husband might leave you for her."
Me:"Gross mom,Sallies 12 years younger than me and she's my sister."
Mom:"Exactly she's 12 years younger than you.What's that song you listen
to?"
Me:"Which one?"
Mom:"Youngblood."
Me:"Ewe mom..That's not what the songs about."
Mom:"I'm kidding.Inshaallah you'll find a nice husband who treats you
right.Because if he touches you he shouldn't be worried about a divorce but
me."
Me:"Thanx mom."
Mom:"Its really late get some sleep."

I don't know how but I managed to get some sleep that night.Not right away
ofcourse.I ended up staying awake untill I heard dad get back home.And
after a while I fell asleep.My last thaught before I fell asleep was inshaallah
I find someone nothing like my dad if I do get married.
CHAPTER 126:Shower attack:
The next morning I got up and dad was out in the front yard washing his
car.Wow!So I guess his not going to apologise.Anyway I decide that its
best to avoid him.Not that I was afraid of him,because technically speaking
how am I supposed to fear someone who always picks on people who he
knows have no power against him.I guess he hadnt herad the saying,go
pick on someone your own size.His a coward if you ask me.

Anyway I spent that day in my room because mom thaught it would be a

good idea if we weren't in the same room,since we were forced to live
under the same roof.

Nothing dramatic took place the whole day untill I decided to take a
shower.I had just taken my clothes off when he barges into the bathroom.I
just didnt get it,did he loose all his sense of decency the night before.He
had never done anything like that before.I mean i didn't even expect him to
do that.I mean wasn't the decent think to do wait or go use the other
bathroom.I mean the water was running do clearly he could hear that
someone was taking a shower or about to.And he knew very well that it
was me, because Mom had her own bathroom in her room.

I was really weary of him at that point because one mom was out.She had
gone to buy groceries and that meant I was alone in the house with
him.Realising that I was still stalk naked in front of him I grab my towel
close the taps and put my dirty laundry in the basket.

Suddenly I wasn't in the mood to take a shower anymore.So I rush out of

there and head into my room where I lock myself in untill mom gets back
home.

When mom gets back home I tell her everything.I mean that is her husband
and she deserved to know that I don't feel safe around him.

Me:"Maya,when I was in the shower dad walked in."

Mom:"What do u you mean?"
Me:"I was going to take a shower and then he walks in."
Mom:"For real."
Me:"I wouldn't lie about this."
Mom:"I know.I'm sorry.."
Me:"What you going to do?"
Mom:"I guess I can't leave you home alone anymore."
Me:"Maya,this isn't a joke,I don't trust dad."
Mom:"I'm not joking."
Me:"Think about it mom,yesterday he makes me take off my clothes and
today his walking into the bathroom while I'm about to shower.What could
happen tomorrow."
Mom:"I know,buts its not my fault you actually took off your clothes."
Me:"Wow,thanx mom."
Mom:"I'm just saying,what did you expect."
Me:"Just make sure he doesn't do it again."
Mom:"It won't happen again."

I really hoped for moms sake it didn't happen again.Because I couldn't live
in a house where I didn't feel safe.I wouldn't.It's bad enough thst I have to
guard myself against outsider.So she shouldn't expect me to do that in my
own house.The one I should feel safe.I mean it's just sick.My own dad.The
man who helped create me.Disgusting.
CHAPTER127: Paedophile and pervert in the house:
For the next few weeks I didn't get a repeat of that.Mom tried her absolute
best to be around when dad was in close proximate with me.And I stopped
using the general bathroom altogether.I started using moms bathroom and
even then I made sure to close both doors.The bedroom door and the
bathroom door.

I know it was a bit much but I didnt feel safe with him in the house.And to
be honest I'm glad I took all those precautions.I mean whom knew what he
was capable.I was so afraid for my well-being that I never went to sleep
without locking my bedroom door again.I meant it wouldn't be the first time
that he crept into my room.And I doubted that this time it would be
innocent.Mom was just as paranoid as I was.I mean she's always been
paranoid about my safety but this time she had every right to be.We were
clearly facing a huge threat.

So things weren't that great.I was watching my own dad like a hawk.But
one day I let my guard down.Not exactly since mom was in her bathroom
and I needed to take a shower so I decided to go back to using my one
again.So I'm in the shower and guess what.Dad walks in.So do the first
thing that comes to mind and scream,then I grab my towel and quickly
cover myself up.

A few minutes later mom's in the bathroom.She too had a towel wrapped
around her.She'd just gotten out of the shower.
Mom:"What are you doing get out!!"
Dad:"I didn't do anything,I just wanted to use the bathroom."
Mom:"When Maya is inside!Get out!!"
Dad:"You making a big deal out of nothing."
Instead of standing there and watching them go back and forth I get out of
there and head to moms room where I complete the rest of showere.

I was really afraid now.I mean once is an honest mistake but twice.It was
just unacceptable.So when mom came back in I went all crazy.
Me:"Maa,he has to go!!"
Mom:"What were you doing in that bathroom?!"
Me:"I wanted to take a shower and you were using your bathroom.But
that's not the point.Yo have to talk to him!"
Mom:"I..."
Me:"You what,he has to know that what his doing is unacceptable."
Mom:"Ok,I'll talk to him."
Me:"Can you please go get me clothes from my room."
Mom:"His not gonna do anything to you."
Me:"I don't know that anymore!"Please!"
Mom:"Ok fine."

When mom brings me my clothes a few minutes later I quickly get changed
and then drag her to the living to speak to dad.
Mom:"What are you doing?"
Me:"You said you going to speak to him,so come let's go."
Mom:"Now?"
Me:"Yes now,I want to sort out everything now.The sooner the better."

Seconds later we in the living room.

Mom:"Joe you can't be walking in on Mays when shes taking a shower."

Dad:"You still on that."It's not a big deal."
Me:"It is a big deal..."
Mom:"shhh.."
Dad:"Its not like its the first time I've seen you like that."

Wait what did he say.Was I hearing right.Was he referring to the time he

made me strip naked or the other shower incident.I was at a loos for
words.Was my dad one of those psychopath paedophile stalkers that
looked in through unsuspecting girls windows while they showered?

Mom:"What do you mean?"

Dad:"Nothing forget about it."
Me:"Do you watch me when I shower?!"
Mom:"Maya.."
Me:"No mom the guy you call your husband is a bloody paedophile!!
Dad:"Watch those big words of yours.I never did anything."
Mom:"Maya lets go.."
Me:"Why!!"
Dad:"Look if I wanted to hurt you I would've done that a long time ago don't
you think."
Me:"Your disgusting!!What type of father are you!!"

That's when mom drags me away into my room and shuts the door behind
us.
Me:"What was that!Did you hear him!"
Mom:"I did,and I'm going to take Cate of it.I just need you to calm down."
Me:"Dont tell me to calm down tell that to your disgusting husband."
Mom:"Maya please.I'm going to go talk to him and sort all of this out.But
you need to stay here and calm down,freaking out won't help anything."

Mom then basically walks out the door.I couldn't believe it,before that whole
I'm leaving incident my own dad was secretly spying on me every time I
took a shower.How the fuck did I not notice.And for how long was this
going on without my knowing.Did mom know.Ofcourse she didn't.But know
we all knew.It's one thing living another same roof as him when I didn't
know.But know that I did I didnt want to be anywhere near him.It's either he
left or I did.And I wasn't messing around this time.
CHAPTER 128:Results:
I don't really know what mom and dad were talking about but for her sake I
hope she was telling him where to get off.I know its not easy hearing that
your husband had Bern keeping an eye on your 15 turning 16 year old
daughter while she showered.But for my sake she needed to forget the fact
that he was her husband.I mean I'm her daughter.She gave birth to
me.Surely I weigh more value to her than he does.

So while I was racking my brain over the fact that my dad was a paedophile
mom came back into my room 30 minutes later.
Me:"And?"
Mom:"As soon as this lockdown thing is sorted his moving out."
Me:"For real."
Mom:"Yes.You dont have to worry.You just have to stick it out for a little
while longer."

That was the best news I heard that day.I mean granted I still had to wait
for the lockdown scenario to blow over but I could handle that.I'd just have
to go back to using moms bathroom and locking all doors.I could survive
that.I mean how long could the lockdown go on for?
CHAPTER 129:Dad moves out for good:
So the lockdown situation took a little longer than I had expected but it did
eventually end.About a month after that incident dad finally moved out.

I mean I was elated that he was moving out but the other part of me was
afraid for the woman he was moving in with.I mean who knew how bad
he'd treat her.But you know what they say sometimes its ok to think about
yourself.And I deserved it.

So the next few months that was left of this miserable school year I only
saw dad when he took me to school and braught me back.And instead of
having our usual civilised drives I became hostile towards him.I mean I no
longer had any respect for him as my father.And to be honest I didn't trust
myself to be left alone with him.So I only spoke to him when I needed
to.This included telling him when I wasn't going to school and informing him
of my visions to study abroad.

I know I said I'll be selfish but Sally clearly missed having dad around.Every
morning when he came to pick us up she was do elated to see him.And
that broke my heart.Because honestly Sally has always loved dad,infact
she loved him more than she loved mom.So so,e part of me felt like I was
taking something special away from her.But the bigger part of me knew that
she was better off without him.And she'd get used to it eventually.I mean
him not staying home was for her own good.
CHAPTER 130:Present day:
When school was over and we finished writing our last paper I never saw
him again.From my last exam paper till today I only saw him 10 times.And it
wasn't like I wanted to.It was a case of my circumstances demanded I see
him.

So this brings me to my present day.I currently spend all my days sitting at

home with my now 4 and a half year old baby sister Sally while mom goes
to work.In fact go this year I don't plan on being here anymore.

God willing I'm planning on finishing my schooling abroad.I'm not running

away this time.Well I kinda am,but this time it has more to do with my
actual education.I actually trully believe that this is the right opportunity for
me.And I guess the fact that it's a traveling school is just the cherry on the
top.

As far as Joe is concerned about 2 months ago he made contact with me

and my parents.It was well overdue considering that I hadn't heard from
him for nearly two whole years.I'm glad he got in touch and I'm glad his
doing ok.I mean I don't support any of his life choices.And if you asked me
he shouldnt have dropped out of school.But his 18 now,so that means his
an adult and by now he should know the difference between right and
wrong,and he should be able to make his own descissions.And it really
doesn't matter wether I agree with him or not.It's his life afterall so he
should live it as he wishes.To this day I'm really sorry about how his life
turned out because of dads selfish actions, but as much as much as I'd like
to blame dad for his role at some point we all need to take responsibility for
our own auctions.

Mom and Sally are goodSally passed her first year at pre school and she
was top student.I'm really proud of her for that.It just proves mom
wrong,her big head is infact not a waste of space.Shes actually got a brain
somewhere in there.

Mom on the other hand uses every second chance she gets to try and
make me rethink my going abroad for school.But I don't plan on changing
my mind.I know she's going to worry about me all the time if I do get
accepted but she'll just have to live with it.And as harsh as this sounds I
can't be her crutch anymore.So her non-existent brokrn leg needs yo heal
soon.Because she needs to learn to stand on her own too feet.

But besides that mom needs to look at the bigger picture.I mean if I get
accepted to this school that means that dad won't have a hold over her
anymore.She'll be able to start her own life.I'll be out of the picture and with
me out of the picture there is no picture to holf on to.So instead of being
against the whole idea she needs to get on the train and move along with
it.I mean my dearly waished for acceptance is win win situation.And its not
like she won't see me again.I'll be back after every two months for holiday.

So as you you can see the new year brings lots of desperately needed
gifts.I mean things could change for my family and hopefully it's for the
better.But let me stop right there before I jinx anything.I mean we all know
that life is unpredictable.So I leave the rest of my life in God's hands where
it has always been.....
Additional words from author:
All names given to me and me and anyone mentioned in thr book are
fictional.But the events that took place are all true.If you a friend of mine
you'll be able to work out who's who.If you don't know who I am that's also
cool since I'd like to say anonymous.I hope you enjoyed my book.And
please bear in my mind I'm not a writer this is my first book so if you don't
like it that's ok.Because the only reason I wrote this book was to release
some of the unwanted baggage I'd been carrying around for so long.I know
I'm not special in fact so many other girls my age go through the same
thing if not worse.In fact I was luck to get out of it with no physical scars for
example being raped.But I honestly think i went through all the emotional
stages.I don't want anyone's pity all I want is to get my story out there.To
break the silence.And considering the fact that I consider myself a huge
feminist I can't expect other women and girls to share their stories while I
keep mine hidden.That would be really hypocritical of me.And you know
what thry say practice what you preach,So this is me foing just that.If
anyone felt like they related to my story in any way im glad i could help.I
know its not my place to say this but keeping quite and bottling it up inside
doesn't help the situation infact it only makes it worse.I dont want to sound
like I'm preaching but I think i know how it feels.Like I'm thankfull for my
imaginary friend who was there but the fact if the matter is he couldn't really
respond back and even if he did it was my imagination formulating what I
wanted him to say.So it's good if you have an outlet like a diary or
imaginary friend like me but you can only carry on like that up to a
point.One day it'll become too much where you feel like your about to burst
unless you tell someone.So to avoid reaching that point confide in
someone you trust I promise you you'll feel a whole lot better.I know I did.

Here's to ending the silence because one of my favourite feminist Mona

Elathway once said patriarchy feeds off silence,it loves silence.And I totally
agreee with her.I mean the only reason my dad had such a huge hold
against me was because he knew I'd never tell anyone about it and that
meant he coukd carry on with his shifty behaviour because there were no
consequences to be paid.But then I decided to speak up.I might not being
to be doing it upright and in his face but its no longer a secret.I feel free.I
know it sounds cliche but I actually do.I feel like my life trully begins after
this book because before this book I was just a shell of who I'm meant to
be.And I font want to be a shell anymore I want to be me.The real full
me.So go out there and speak your truth in your own unique way.And font
let snybody makr you feel worthless.Becsuse the only person that can
make you feel like that is you.Stand strong and always keep
fighting.Because your whole life is waiting for you.
Acknowledgements:
Firstly I'd like to thank everyone who knows my true identity. To everyone
who has supported me through the process of writing this book. To my
mom who’s always been there for me no matter how bad it got, I love you
so much mom you mean everything to me.I know I don't say this a lot but I
appreciate you, and I font blame you for any of things that have happened.
To my brother I'd like to say that I wish I'll be able to see you soon, I really
miss you and I'm sorry for always bring that little annoying sister. To my
little sister I just wish that you font have to grow up under the
circumstances I did. I know you'll probably remember some of the things
you saw and they might stick with you for a while but you will be able to
deal with them. And I'm really sorry that till today you still can't forget the
day dad hit me and stripped me naked. I know at the time it was just a joke
to you, but I'm really sorry you had to see that. I’d also like to say a really
big thank you to my best friend Who walked with me through my whole
writing process. I know it wasn't easy for considering i had made you my
editor. But I really appreciate you, because more that my editor you were
actually the first real person I opened up to about everything. I love that you
never once judged me and you actually listened to me.Thank you so much
I mean the whole reason I even finished the book is because of you. And
finally I'd like say thank you to my imaginary friend. I know his not a real
living person but to be honest he was there for me.Thank you for listening
to all my sob stories in the middle of the night and being the one person
that told me everything is going to be ok.I know that I was a real bother bit
thank you for being there because without you I don't think I would be able
to survive. I know Joe always made fun of you and thought I was crazy
growing up but to me you were always real. I know I don't confide in you a
lot anymore but you still real. Thank you so much my old friend and
confidont.