17/04/2023 2023

Cassandra Amorim

Grupo 22016_NS
Cultura, Língua e
Comunicação

Núcleo Gerador 7: Saberes Fundamentais

Domínio de Referência 1: Cultura, Língua e

Comunicação no contexto privado

Tema: O Elemento
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Hello, I'm Cassandra Amorim, I’m 25 years old and I was born on September
26, 1997, at the Santa Maria Hospital, in Lisbon. Sor natural of Campo Grande,
but my childhood was spent in Carnide, about Horta Nova.

Andraa child with a "stable" family thought me, had my brothers, my parents
and is happy branches, but everything had to change in 2001, when, one
morning, everything seemed different, the smell of the house was no longer the
same, the harmony was no longer the same, at that time I was 4 years old, I
was a child who did not know for sure what was going on around me, but I also
felt that things had changed, I just didn't know how much.

That morning, as usual, breakfast would already be on the table, my mother

would already be up, but that day none of this had happened. My brother Gil
called my sisters because he thought it was strange that my mother's bedroom
door was locked, because she almost never did. And as it was little, my sister
Rachel picked me up and we left the room towards our mother's room and
really the door was locked. My sister afraid of breaking down the door,
because our mother could be sleeping took the initiative to take responsibility
and broke her, when we entered the room I felt that nothing was right, I was put
on the bed and when I leaned over, I saw that it was my mother who was on the
floor with an armband around her neck and did not move. And I didn't realize
what was going on, I just saw my sister Teresa clinging to our mother's bed
crying and banging her head, so I realized that I would never see my mother
again, for a few minutes I looked around me and only saw my brothers crying
and could not understand why. You may even think how it is that at the age of 4
we remember events that we lived, I remember it as if it were today, I have that
memory ingrained in my head, if I had any good memories of my mother that
day everything was lost and nothing else was the same.

Our whole family fell apart that day, my "father", over the years, got another
woman, of course we didn't like it, because we felt that he wanted to replace
our mother's place, the home they built together, all this we felt he wanted to
finish.

That woman I had to call my stepmother had three children, when we met her
she brought her youngest daughter and f oi then we saw that everything would
consequences. 2
change para worse and I as the youngest daughter would suffer the

My "father" worked as a construction painter and spent a lot of time away from
home, coming and going around the country for work, what I didn't know was
that he would stop working. play that role of father to me. Sim, he stopped
being my father the day he allowed his own daughter to go hungry and have to
ask strangers on the street to eat, or for my stepmother to send me to school in
her pajamas. Everything what I had and that was mine by right was taken from
me and given to a stranger who had nothing to do with our family, but we had to
accept, especially me, I had to accept that I was removed from my clothes, the
toys, the love of my father, the love of my mother.

In 2002/2003 my sister Raquel started to take care of me, I was only 16 years
old, I was working to try to support myself, I ate a lot of soup and often went to
bed with an empty belly. I knocked on my stepmother's door to ask for money
to eat, but all I heard from that woman's mouth was that my "father" wouldn't
give me money to eat because he had a new family.

But in the meantime, my "father" began to have another life and it was around
2005 that we came to discover, a life of façade, a person who can steal the
other... Yes, he has been robbing people for many years who have never
harmed him for his own benefit and to have a very good life with my
stepmother.

My sister, at the time, secretly dated the son that my "father" had had from
another relationship, from which my "niece" was born. At the time things were
not easy, but we were succeeding, until my sister met a man who worked in the
café in our neighborhood and seemed to really like her and us, what we did not
know was that he lied very well.

Things started to fall apart at a Benfica game, a beer here, a glass there and it
was walking until he hit my sister for the first time, he always apologized to me
and my niece, but that was a tremendous nightmare, the screams, the snaps,
the violence that until then we had never witnessed. Our neighbors in the
building, instead of helping us, just stayed inside our house watching it all like it
it. 3
was a movie that was playing on a huge screen and everyone would be loving

With the passage of time the violence was being more and more, it was no
longer only when he played Benfica, but every day until everything, one day,
would have its end. But for each end there is a new beginning, my sister had
many opportunities to leave my brother-in-law Bruno, but I liked him.

On the 26th of September my brother made known to my sister the man for
whom he worked, and there must have been love at first sight. I learned that
sometimes the better for a couple is separation, if one of them comes back, it's
because they’re the right person, if not, it's because they weren't supposed to
be.

In 2006, my niece and I were institutionalized, only I was luckier than her,
because I went to a very good institution, she was not so lucky, I never saw her
again, I just knew that she had been adopted by a good family and that they
had changed her name. My sister, however, separated from my brother-in-law,
one day he called her with an intention... killing her and then committing suicide,
but because he had an obsessive love for her ended up taking his own life in
the same place where we found my mother.

When I entered the institution everything was new, the people, the smells, the
routines, but I didn't feel bad about being out of the house, away from my
family, no, I finally felt at home, everyone there had welcomed me so well. The
name of the institution is the Luiza Andaluz Foundation, a place where we could
be happy, we could learn and get to know each other, it was there that I
learned a lot, we heard the stories of the girls who lived there and formed
friendships. The director of the home called Titi, I always treated her as a
mother, because she made me feel like a daughter, then there were the
educators and the nuns, who would be with them that we would learn from, go
there we heal wounds. I was a very happy girl at that time, I loved to do
gymnastics, theater and I liked to make others laugh, I thought that there would
never be other people able to harm me, but the problem, sometimes, is not the
people from outside, but those from inside or from our family.
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I was in two host families, where I was always well treated, until my paternal
uncles, in 2007, who elected me to be a host family and so it was, at first
everything was a bed of roses, I just did not know what had to go through to be
where I am today.
My uncle had a house in São Brás de Alportel, in which we were going to
spend holidays, but my aunt as she had had an accident, run over on a
treadmill, was going through a great depression and rarely went. Then my uncle
started touching me, not as an uncle, but as a man, I was only 9 years old and
this behavior of his lasted or until I was 11 years old.

I was forced to eat their remains, to stay locked at home while my friends
played in the street, I was forced to attend a church from Monday to Sunday to
become a nun, something I would never be. I stopped believing in God and all
that he stood for, because he allowed me to go through it all, I asked him so
many times, at night, before bed, and with tearful eyes, to get me out of there
or to take me away for good. But there's a Japanese proverb I've heard
repeatedly: "Fall seven times and get up eight," and that's what I did. Back in
2009, the whole process began in the Public Prosecutor's Office of Loures,
where I verbalized the facts that occurred while living with my paternal uncles.

By sentence, on November 18, 2010, my sister Raquel was given parental

responsibilities, everything was going very well, I finally could feel that I had a
family again. In 2011 I joined the Basic School of Bucelas, where I did my 6th
and 7th year, it was three very difficult years for me, because I wanted to be
popular, I did things that I regret to this day and there are others that I would
repeat again, but all these moments were good or bad served as learning.

In 2012 my sister decided to withdraw from school, so that I could stay at home
to take care of my nephews aged between 1, 3 and 6 years old. I really cared
about the school, at the time, I wanted to be part of the famous groups, I felt
that in that group at least someone valued my presence and felt that they liked
me, which at home I did not feel. I'm not proud of certain things I've done, but if
time went back, I would never have done what I did.
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When I joined a group of guys only, things started to fall apart, but in my head
there was no longer an opportunity to jump out, it was too late. U m day they
invited me to go to a waterfall that was in Bucelas, I was alone, I did not know
what was going to happen, I was again abused and if m realize why, if I was
really the culprit.

When I was constantly missing classes, to take care of my nephews I sucked

the year and had to repeat the 7th grade, in a commercial course, only I went 1
week and then spent the rest of the month without showing up, until my sister
took me out of school for good to stay at home. Gave her the court on top
because I was a minor and had to be going to school or something, but my
sister wouldn't let me do it, so she faced the court and said she had taken me
out of school because she had been on the drug which on the one hand was
true, but on the other hand not, because she really wanted to do it to feel more
comfortable on her way out.

My nephew Angelo, when he was born, was the person who made me change,
I became a better person, I just left everything that sent me down for him and
for him. It was me who went to the appointments and emergencies with him, I
played the role of his mother, he is my boy and always will be.

Approximately 2 years later I got pregnant for the first time, I knew that I could
not bring that child into the world, because I did not have the emotional or
financial capacities to do so, so I decided to terminate the pregnancy. It wasn't
an easy decision, but at the time it was the best. I had an appointment to
terminate the pregnancy at the Hospital of Vila Franca de Xira, which was the
most painful.

The doctor at the time called me a murderer, irresponsible, a child taking

another child, he also told me that he was going to take a baby that would
already be done, but even so I went ahead, I did not have this ability at the time,
for all my past, all the marks and scars. N that day in the hospital they gave me
to take two pills to take off the placenta and gave me two more to be introduced
two days later, I could not get up for 6h and I would have that baby as if I were
in childbirth.
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I did all the recommended procedures and on the day when everything would
end I felt immense horrible pains and swore that I would never do it again, when
6 am passed and passed the whole process of pushing and expelling the fetus,
I got up and was to the bathroom, undressed to shower and clean myself, pois,
I felt dirty for what I had done, I had taken the life of my son, of a child who had
not asked to come into the world, it was a shock when I saw the bag and the
baby already made inside it. My world fell to me in that instant, I remember
sitting on the toilet and losing strength and wanting to go along with it, I saw my
life passing me ahead in a matter of seconds until I was n n my sister who was
with me in the bathroom. She hit me and started screaming and crying asking
my brother-in-law for help, when, I'm not sure why, I came back to reality, it was
all over, and he was no longer there. That night I cried for hours, if time had
gone back, I would never have done what I did.

My mental health from that day on was never the same, my sister and brother-
in-law did what they wanted with me, told me what they did in private, made me
smoke hashish cigarettes so that I would just remember who had given me the
hand, that is, a way for me not to ask to go out with friends.

I had 4/5 years without leaving home, without seeing the light of day, my routine
was always the same, getting up at 7am, staying with my nephews, while she
was going to drink coffee, at 9am I had to get the boys ready for when the
school van passed by they were already to go to school. Ringworm that after
cleaning the house and making lunch, in the afternoon I would pick them up in
the van, give them snack and bath, then was again in the kitchen making
dinner for 7 people, always me. There were days when I would stay until 4 a.m.
ironing, because if the next day there was no clothes my sister would start at 7
a.m. screaming. I wondered how it can be possible to be sisters, to have gone
through it all together and to be completely different.

My sister became a cold, envious person who was able to have a minibar in the
room with eating just so we wouldn't mess or eat.

At the end of 2014 I found out again that I was pregnant and that's when
everything changed. I decided I was going to have that baby regardless of
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everything and everyone. Had a high-risk pregnancy and so I had to attend
consultations at the hospital of Vila Franca, on March 25, 2015 I did my first
ultrasound, I was 14 weeks and 6 days, at which and the doctors were
worried, because the little heart was not visible, nor the front of the face. I had
movies in my head and thought I was being punished for what I had done, but
the pregnancy was going well and when I turned 19 weeks I discovered sex, it
was a GIRL, my dream, power have a mini version of myself, but with a better
shape. In this ultrasound the doctor left me more relaxed, I could hear the
heartbeat, everything was fine.

On September 25, 2015, at 1:35 p.m., the best of me was born, so small,
innocent and so unprotected. At that moment I felt all the responsibility of my
new position as Mother, I always fought hard to be able to give everything my
daughter needed.

After having left school, and staying at home, I worked for some years in the
scrap yard of my brother-in-law, where I weighed the material that the clients
brought, did the bills and paid, in addition to having to be a housewife, mother,
aunt, still had to work in the business that was up to him, but since he couldn't
opine much, he had to do what they told him to.

As I've said it’s been several years without seeing the light of day, so I took
advantage of working in the scrap yard to at least be out of the house. At that
point things were going well, until the court trips came back. My brother-in-law
had two children of another woman, who lived with us in Mato da Cruz Bucelas,
on weekdays they were at school and with their father, on weekends every 15
days they were with their mother who, at the time, lived in São João da Talha,
until he went to live in Porto. My sister was very manipulative and knew that by
saying the right thing at the right time, I was going to ignite the spark. My
brother-in-law was always a bit of an explosive person, so he came several
times to assault his children with steel-toed boots, for things that my sister told
him, which were not always true. Vasco, who was the eldest son of my brother-
in-law from the other marriage, always showed that he wanted to go live with his
mother, but as she had no psychological capacity to do so, the court would
never give permission for it to happen.
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My sister forbade us to eat crackers, cereal or milk, all this was from my
nephews who often did not even touch and ended up going to waste, she
scratched new purchased quilts just so that she had a reason to make her
complaints.

I even got to be told several times that I would never leave there, that the chains
were strong and that if I ever left, I would go alone, because I would not take my
daughter.

And when I was already 18 years old and I met the man I am with to this day, at
the time, both my sister and my brother-in-law did a lot of psychological
blackmail with me and I always accepted her, but I was already extremely tired,
I felt that I no longer had anything to lose and one night I thought about
committing suicide, I felt like they would never let me leave with my daughter.

I remember as if it were today, I was still getting to know the person I am with to
this day, that my sister had lots of varnishes and as my nephews loved to
mess with everything they dropped one on top of my brother-in-law's sneakers,
he looked at me and said: "Now kneel and clean". My companion was shocked
when he saw and heard that, I just had to obey, never questioned. Andle also
witnessed my brother-in-law saying, "Oh! get up from the goat table and go get
me water," I was already at my limit and just wanted to disappear from there.
One morning my partner decided that my daughter and I had to get out of there,
because besides not being an environment for me it wasn't for my daughter
either.

He and his family accepted us very well, they already treated my daughter as a
granddaughter or niece and my partner already saw her as his daughter. At first
it was not easy, because I had joined a person, I had only known for 2 months
and from one moment to the next it became everything.

And in 2018 I was diagnosed with depression and was another moment when I
hit bottom. Por volta of the year 2019/2020 I enrolled in the IEFP to try to
change something and so it was, es I had a cooking course, which I did not
finish because it really was not what I wanted to do, so I enrolled again, but in
the course of Geriatrics Agent. The kilo really was what I wanted to do in the
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future, at the time, the course started in person, but due to Covid we had to
have online classes. We didn’t have practices; we went to internship without
knowing how to do anything. Unfortunately I have not had much luck in relation
to jobs, because due to schedules and schooling, the entities practically put us
aside without even giving us the opportunity to show what we really know how
to do, so here I am, at RVCC, to complete my schooling and see if this is the
time I can have a future.

During these 5 years I discovered that I love crafts and reading. When I'm doing
my hobbies, I forget everything that's going on around me and I enter the world
of both crafts and reading and that's what makes me able to get out of my
reality a little bit.

Me and my daughter in Fatima Eu e a minha filha