•••Intro•••

ZANELE

Phew! Today is theee day. I am going to marry the

love of my life. Every girls dream, its been good
12 years waiting for this day. Going back to the
day he asked my hand in marriage. It's still so
fresh in my memory.

I took a last glance on the mirror. I look like a

dream, this is exactly how I have always pictured
it. The dress, make up, the crown, the veil, heels,
the pearls, flowers and the shoes. I attended at the
soft knock on the door. My aunt came in as
summoned and softly closed it behind her. She
shed a tear, rather tears of joy.

Aunty: Your mother would've been so proud

Me: She is proud, she's watching over me. I carry
her along with me.
Aunty: The people are waiting
Me: I am ready.

She extended her hand. I placed mine on it and

walked out. We stood at the door, butterflies!

The soft instruments made their beautiful melody

and she walked me down the aisle. He couldn't
stop smiling, I was looking at him under the veil.
He shook hands with aunty, she placed my hand
on him. She cried as she made her way to sit
down.

We said our vows. Reception. And we called it a

day. We moved to our new fully furnished
mansion. The family and friends wished us all the
best. My husband was all over me.
Me: If you want us to get to our new house in one
piece you will stop kissing me
Him: I can't help it
I giggled as he tickled me.

Hi. My Name is Zanele Mkhosi, now Zulu. Am an

orphan my aunt is my only family left. She raised
me as her own since she has no kids. Mother never
told me about my father. No one knew who my
father was. At the age of 16 in standard 8 I met
Nkazimulo Zulu who happened to be my
boyfriend, fiancé, now my husband. We've stayed
together against all odds. He always says "no one
can break what God has brought together" judging
by what we've been through. He's right.

ZIMASA

Lying here, not knowing what to do. Thinking of

where I'm gonna go and submit my cv next. My
previous employer is probably the reason behind
the reason why I haven't been called to any
interview. Why did I even put up her numbers as
my references? That woman hates me. If I was on
life support, she'd pull out the plug and charge her
phone. I shouldn't have crashed her car when she
fired me but there's no undoing that now. She
knows how to get on my nerves and I was pretty
much fed up with her bullshit. I failed to sell that
ugly match box, 3 months on listing but nobody
wanted that old hag of a house. Who still buys a
little house that needs massive renovations for a
million? She is such a huge fat fucking dreamer.
And then she had a nerve to tell me I don't know
how to do my job, she called me all sorts of
names. I lost it and I slapped her. It was an honest
mistake, she was being disrespectful. It was only
the 5th time I hit her and I was already on my final
warning. And Just like that, I got fired. There is no
fairness in this world. I tossed a little stone at her
windscreen and that cheap thing broke.

I'm just glad that case is over with. I paid R30 00.
R10 000 for the lawyer and R20 000 for the
damage. It was all I had and now I am broke as a
mutherfucker. If it wasn't for Martha. I'd be
homeless.

She gets in carrying grocery bags, followed by 2

guys. Our neighbours. They greet me,

Me: Hello.

Sabelo: You're always sleeping.

Me: What do you want me to do? Chase the air

like you every morning?

Sabelo: If you want to.

Me: Oh please.
Sabelo: We'll see you later Martha.

Martha thanks them and they walk out. This soccer

star wanna be is annoying. He thinks he's Neymar.

Me: You should've called.

Martha: I was about to when they showed up.

Me: Oh.

Martha: Any luck?

Me: Nothing.

I get up and help her pack the food into cabinets.

Martha: My son is starting school next month. I
am gonna need help with the rent and groceries.

Me: Are there any vacancies at your work?

Martha: My work?

She seems a bit surprised.

Me: Yeah. The shifts are crazy but at this point, I'd
do anything cause its good money.

Martha: Friend.

Me: Yes.

Martha: I'm not just a waitress there.

Me: What else?

Martha: Stripping.

Me: No!

I laugh.

Me: You do pole dancing half naked?

Martha: Yes.

Me: All the money you get is from miserable

married men?

Martha: Yes.

Me: How come you've never told me?

Martha: I don't know. Its not something you can
just say.

We've been friends for 4 months. We met when we

were renting out this apartment. We just hit it off
and here we are now, friends. Because I'd rather be
homeless than to back to Alexandra, not after I
told them that I was elevating in life and would
never be like them.

I would be a laughing stock. They'd eat my name

for breakfast, lunch and supper. And honestly I
would rather be a stripper than go back there.

Me: Tell me when they need a new hoe.

Martha: They do.

I am employed!

I am Zimasa Hlongwane. That's pretty much it…

•••1 year later•••

01
ZANELE

Mulo: My mother is coming over

Me: Again?

Mulo: Yes. Please Cook something nice and

prepare a room.

Me: Am working late today

Mulo: Okay. I'll ask Brenda to do it. See you later.

I love you

Me: I love you more

I put the jewellery on and made my face up.

Brenda came in with breakfast.
Brenda: Sorry for not knocking madam

Me: Its okay ma. How are you today?

Brenda: Am fine. Sir has asked me to prepare a

room and food for your mother in-law. The thing
is I can't. My son is not well at home.

Me: Sigh Okay. Just change the linen. She's gonna

change it anyways. I'll buy food on my way back

Brenda: Thank you madam.

Me: Pleasure ma. Are you okay?

Brenda: Am fine
Me: Financially?

Brenda: Am still covered ma'am thank you.

Me: Knock off as soon as you finish up and take

your son to the Dr.

I poured my coffee on a flask. I departed. When I

got to work. All eyes were on me. I rushed to my
office. Whew! Where's this girl!

She walked in.

Me: And then?

Lilly: You're in deep shit

Me: Huh?
Lilly: Mr Carlson is breathing fire.

Me: What have I done?

Lilly: The team has been dragging their feet.

Remember the deliveries to Zim?

Me: No, don't tell me they were delayed

Lilly: Your guess is right. 4 of them, worth 3.5

million. The clients pulled out

The door roughly opened. He had this deadly look

I almost shit my pants. I stood up and extended my
hand for a shake.
Mr Carlson: I don't need your hand. I need an
explanation to why the hell my company has lost
3.5 million and 2 reliable clients!

Me: Am sorry Sir. Its been 2 weeks without

reports I had no idea

Carlson: You better start acting like the CEO or

else you'll be fired with immediate effect. In 5
years I've never lost clients nor that much amount
of money. If you're having troubles at home please
fix them!

Me: Yes Sir

He walked out. Woow!

I've never seen him this angry and I was now
angry at the staff for not reporting for 2 weeks.

I called a meeting. Addressed them and sent out

the drivers to drive to Zim and deliver after I had
begged the clients not to take their business else
where. Even promised personal visits. Well it
worked on my favor. Exactly 6pm I knocked off,
tired to the toe. I drove home longing for a bath
and sleep. I noticed a different car as I parked. Oh
dear Lord help me

I'll just cook there's no other way cause am not

spending another second on this car.
I found them laughing in the patio. Smells like she
cooked. I gathered all my strength and walked to
them.

Me: Dumelang mma.

Her: Yey Mulo you should've seen how surprised

she was... Oh hello

Me: Am sorry you found no food prepared for you

to eat I...

Her: No wonder my son is so skinny. I had to

make sure I come back as soon as possible to feed
him

Mulo: Wine? Anyone?

Me: No babe thanks I had a long day I need a bath
and rest

Mma: Are you pregnant?

Us: What?

Me: No no mma I just don't do well with wine

when am tired

Mma: Mmmmmnmh

I left them there. Dear Lord Its gonna be one long

ass week. She never liked me and probably never
will. I soaked myself on hell water. The door knob
moved.

Me: Its locked babe

Mma: Why do you lock? This isn't your house

Shit!

I quickly took a towel and hid myself. I unlocked.

She moved me out of the way.

Mma: You're enjoying his money neh.

Me: What money mma?

Mma: Look how fat you're getting, all this

luxurious house to yourself, the cars he's bought
you. What is it that my son isn't giving you?
Me: Where's this going?

Mma: You owe him

I chuckled.

Me: Owe him what exactly?

Mma: A child! You owe him a child!

Me: Mulo & I haven't...

Mma: I've always knew you were barren

She must be kidding me! Owe him? The cars he
bought? Does he even know how much a car
costs? She must not start with me. I went back to
the tub...

…..

ZIMASA

If someone came up to me right now and asked me

what am I doing here? I wouldn't answer them
because I really don't know. Martha thought it was
best remedy to get over my boyfriend that I'm
going to break-up with next week because I
deserve better. I deserve someone who's gonna
treat me like a queen, love me like one and respect
me like one. Not this soccer star that is on every
tabloid with different women every week but me.
But I love him. And I understand his reason for not
putting me out there, I like privacy and being
known that we're together. We'll never find peace.
Our relationship will have more than just us. We
won't enjoy it.

I would stay a little longer to be polite but its

chewing with his mouth wide open and talking and
laughing with it still there. I have stopped eating. I
can't down anything with this sight. Its all kinds of
disgusting. And this is by far the the worst blind
date I've been on. Mr “All bout himself” was better
than this ill mannered disgusting human being!

I hate Martha more than ever right now. I've been

trying to call her and sent her numerous texts but
she's not here to save me. How did I even get to
agree to this madness? I don't know what annoys
me the most now, the meat stuck on his teeth or
the dried mucus on his nostrils.

Simon: And there was this time when my mom

and I went to visit my dad. I cried when they
wanted me to sleep in my room. I ended up
sleeping with them, they couldn't even touch each
other.

I just wish he can stop talking about his parents.

My ears are burning of hearing my mom this, my
dad that. Ugh somebody come and rescue me!
Simon: Are you full?
Me: Yeah. I'm just gonna get a takeaway. We
should get the bill anyways.
Simon: Are you bored?
Me: No. I'm just tired and it's late.
Simon: If that's the case then cool.
He called the waiter. My cheeks feel like they are
gonna fall off with this smiling.

The bill arrives. We split it, after he gives me the

look. The look of “aren't you paying up?”
 I get up and pull my dress down. A dress
reserved for special occasions. I wasted it for this
nonsense. We walk to the door and my uber is
already here, thank God.

Me: Thank you for an amazing night. This is me

Simon: Pleasure all mine.
He leans in for a kiss, I give him a cheek. He
opens the door for me. I hop in. He closes the
door. I thought this night will never be over.

I wake up and I'm on my couch, there's a bottle of

beer in my hand. My head is not letting me
breathe. I fight to get my body up and it‟s a full
house. There bottles all over the floor. I just can't
seem to stop letting Martha get to my head. I have
been trying to quit drugs when I'm not working for
the past month but somehow she always brings
them back and convince me to take them.
I shake her foot hanging loose on the other couch.
She murmurs no.

Me: Who are all these people?

Martha: I don't know.

Me: Martha! Wake up!

Martha: Leave me alone.

Me: Aisuka marn. Wake your friends and tell them

to leave. You know Sabelo is gonna kill me if he
finds all these people here.

Martha: Sabelo is probably sloshed somewhere in

those high profile clubs. His team won yesterday,
there's noway he's gonna show up
Me: Even if that may be the case, get these people
out of here. I need my space.

Martha: Fine.

I grab a clean gown and slippers and go to the

bathroom. I need a very hot shower to bring my
body back to life.

I jump a little and my body tenses up when strong

hands firmly grip on my breasts, momentos breath
hit my nostrils as soft kisses land on my neck.

Sabelo: Hi.

Me: Hi. I didn't hear you come in.

Sabelo: You were lost in a moment I guess.

he's gently massaging my nipples. I put my right
foot on top of the other and rub it as the pleasure
goes down to my clit. I feel him grow hard on my
butt, we're the same height, he's the only short
sexy man I've ever laid my eyes on. And we're
perfect just the way we are.

His right hand lets go of my boob and slowly go

down to my freshly shaved vagina. I open a bit for
him to go in and he does. He starts from down and
goes up to the clit that's now throbbing hard, one
thing about this man, he's good at romance but
horrible in fucking but I love him so I can stand it.

I squeeze my thighs when he slowly massages my

clit and moan.
Sabelo: You love that, don't you?

Me: Its you that I love.

He chuckles and stops and turns me around. He

hungrily kisses me, his dick is poking in between
my thighs, he pushes it inwards and it rubs my
pussy lips. He's made me cum just with this, he's
sort of aware of his insufficient pleasure in
penetration because he always makes sure that I
cum before we have sex.

He pushes one leg aside and put his dick in, right
on my clit and rubs it in circles. I am feeling the
urge to pee but it won't come out. I hold on to him,
he's kissing me and pinching my nipple with his
free hand, I am grinding now. I am on my toes, I
am at the door of cuming, I push the penis down
and it slips me.

Me: Fuck me without mercy babe.

I whisper. He pushes me against the slippery wall

and try his best to do what I asked but its just not
right. I am frustrated.

Me: I wanna be on top.

He pulls out and sits on the floor. I get on top and

fuck him till I cum, sometimes when I am not
tired, this is how I get to have good sex, by getting
on top.
We get up and resume showering. He never shows
up after his games unless they lost. Its always
alcohol and friends.
Me: Is everything okay?
I ask as we dry ourselves.
Sabelo: No.
Me: What's up?
Sabelo: I Do ypu love me?
Me: Ofcourse I do. How could you even aak that.
Sabelo: Because Skhumbuzo saw me snorting in
the restrooms.
Me: so?
Sabelo: He's threatening to expose me and babe if
he does, mt life, our lives are over.
Me: What are you going to do?
Sabelo: i am asking you this out of desperation.
Please seduce him. Film while you have sex, i
need to have something against him to make sure I
am safe.
I am lost for words. He is holding me but i do not
feel him. How many times do I have to go out pf
my way to fix his life in order for him to see thar
that love him!
02
ZANELE

I startle when Khosi slides into the chair opposite

me. I wipe my mouth.
Me: You scared me.
Khpsi: I realize. What's eating you up?
Me: Is it not Mama Zulu. That woman lives to get
under my skin.
Khosi: Is she still talking about a baby?
Me: Can you believe it? I'm so angry.
Khosi: Talk to Nkazimulo. Tell him to get his
mother in line. She has no right to abuse you like
that. No right.
Me: Nkazimulo is too soft on his mother. He just
said he'll talk to her last night when I told him and
I know he just said it softly she did not get it at all.
She had a nerve to say I owe hima child for that
luxurious house, and cars he's bought me.
Khosi: Seriously? She is out of her mind. We are
grabbing drinks after work with abo Given and
Simon. You can join us.
Me: Gladly. I can't go to that house early.
Khosi: Stop poking that salad. Eat, I am meeting
babe downstairs. I'll see you after lunch.
Me: Okay love. Send my love.
Khosi: I will.
She gets up and walks out. I close the salad
container and drink water. Can it be next week
already!
….
ZIMASA
We woke up 4 hours ago but we haven't said a
word to each other. I have nothing to say to him. I
have ironed my clothes for later. He comes out of
the bathroom, smelling good like he's not full of
shit.
Sabelo: I'm gonna go to the mall, do you need
anything?
Me: Yes.
Sabelo: What is it?
Me: For you to not come back here.
He stopped and looked at me.
Sabelo: Is this about what I asked?
Me: Ofcourse Sabelo! You want me to have sex
with a man, and record it.
Sabelo: Yes! How hard can it be? You know very
well that I took an oath that I shall never use drugs
while working for The Kings boys. Do you know
what this could do to me? It wouldn't only get me
fired but it will also ruin my whole career. No club
would ever want me. We would lose all of this,
this apartment, gone, your car, gone. Everything,
gone!
He takes a deep breath.
Sabelo: Now decide what is hard, having sex with
Skhumbuzo or losing the nice life. And while you
decide, call this lady. She needs a pa. Its about
time you stopped being a stripper, its not good for
my image.
Me: Oh really? When did start to realize that?
Sabelo: We-
Me: Get out. Just get out.
He takes his phone and walks out. I sit down on
the bed and cry….
….
NKAZIMULO
She stumbles in with her heels in hand. Out of all
days, she chose today to come home late and
drunk.
Zanele: I thought I'd find you in bed.
Me: Doing what while you were not home?
Zanele: Sleeping.
Me: Where were you?
Zanele: Out with friends. I needed to clear my
head.
Me: And you do not call to inform me.
Zanele: You would've came and ruined my fun.
Where's your mother?
Me: Upstairs. .
Zanele: Did you talk to her?
Me: I did.
Zanele: Then why is she still here?
Me: You ask her. I'm tired. I'm gonna go to bed.
Are you hungry?
Zanele: No thanks. I ate.
Me: Let's go to bed then.
I take her bag and heels and we walk up to the
bedroom. We go take a shower, every night for the
past 8 years we do this. Even when we're mad at
each other, this is where everything gets resolved.
I pick her up when we're done and carry her to the
bed. I lay her down and get on top of her and kiss
her. She stops me.
Zanele: Babe I'm too drunk and tired.
Me: Ok.
I kiss her forehead and get off.
Me: Sleep.
I cuddled her and drifted to sleep…
…
ZIMASA

Around 00:00 the club clears out. I go to the

changing room as soon as the group of men I was
dancing for leave. I count all the money and take
Razo's cut to him and keep mine. I find Martha
taking her drugs when I come back.
Martha: Hey. You want: some?
Me: No. I'm leaving.
Martha: So early?
Me: I've made Razo's money and I am happy with
my tips.
Martha: Okay. I'll see you at home.
I take my bag and leave. I get into my car and sit
there for a while. Men are coming in and out of the
club. I take my phone and call Sabelo. He doesn't
pick up, I try him until he answers.
Sabelo: Sthandwa sam.
Me: Sabelo do you love me?
He yawns.
Sabelo: Is this-
Me: Just answer the damn question Sabelo.
Sabelo: Yes. I do love you.
Me: But not enough love?
Sabelo: Babe what's up?
Me: Does each time I give myself to a man to save
you, makes you love me more?
Sabelo: Zimasa.
Me: No. Answer me.
Sabelo: Don't do it. I'll find another way.
Me: Will you answer me!
Sabelo: I love you. That's what I know. I really
really love you.
Me: Is loving you and doing all of this for you
going to be worth it at the end of the day?
Sabelo: It will. Just trust me.

I hang up and drive off to Rosebank where

Skhumbuzo stays…
…
In the morning I woke up first and drove to my
place. I stayed in the shower for an hour crying. I
no longer feel sorry for myself because I keep
doing this to myself. Over and over again. Why
won't I leave him? Why do I let him do these
things for him?
I feel a cold hand over my cheek as I start falling
asleep. I open my eyes and Skhumbuzo smiles. I
jump.
Me: What the hell!
Skhumbuzo: I couldn t stop thinking about you.
Me: What about me?
Skhumbuzo: What you did. Why don't you leave
this guy?
Me: Get out.
Skhumbuzo: You deserve better than Sabelo. If a
man is capable of asking you of such then that man
does not love you nor respect you. I will not tell on
him. Not because of anything but because of you. I
care about you. I never stopped.
Me: Thank you.
He tosses a drive at me.
Skhumbuzo: It has the restroom footage.
Me: How do I know there isn't another one.
Skhumbuzo: There isn't. Thank you for last night, I
needed that.
I nod. He motions to the door and closes it behind
him. I take the drive and take a deep sigh and calls
Sabelo….
….
ZANELE
I arrive at work and everyone is full of energy.
And I can't even walk. I come across Simon. He
grabs my bag and pull me by hand until we get to
my office. I take off the sunglasses, he laughs.
Me: This is all your fault.
Simon: What time did you get home?
Me: Around 9 to 10. My husband was angry.
Simon: He shall remain strong. A human needz
that every once in a while. He knows that.
Me: He doesn't drink.
Simon: At all?
Me: He used to and he quit.
Simon: Is he born again?
Me: No. It was creating problems for us so h3 quit.
Simon: True love.
I laugh.
Me: You could say.
Simon: I'll see you later, yeah?
Me: Come around with coffee.
Simon: I will.
He walks off. I feel my inside twist and I rush to
the toilet. Nothing comes out. I hate hangover. I
call Lilly in. She gets in, in a minute.
Me: Order me a smoothie to beat this hell of a
hangover and make me strong black coffee while
at it.
Lilly: Sandwich?
Me: Just coffee.
She walks out. I feel like I am dying. I call
Nkazimulo.
Mulo: Mama wasekhaya.
Me: Babe I'm dying.
Mulo: Order those green juices you drink.
He chuckles.
Me: Its not funny. I just asked Lilly to order one
for me. Can we have lunch together today?
Mulp: Ofcourse my love.
Me: Please fetch me around 11, I can't drive like
this.
The door roughly open up. I freeze.
Zodwa: You need to help me.
Me: Mageba, I'll call you later.
Mulo: Is that someone crying?
I hang up. I never thought I'd see her again.
Me: Zodwa? What are you doing here? You know
you are not supposed to be here!
Zodwa: I didn't know where to go. You were the
only person I could think of. Zanele please help
me.
Her baby won't shut the hell up. And I know
exactly who she is running from and why and I do
not have any intentions of helping her.
Me: You need to leave Zodwa. You knew very
well you shouldn't reproduce. Do not get me
involved in such.
Zodwa: I was young. I didn't know what I was
doing.
Me: Well there is only one way out of it. Give it
up.
Zodwa: I can't. She had killed my husband. I can't
lose my child too. She is all I have. Siena plea-
Me: Don't call me that!

I take my phone and call security.

Zodwa: I am begging you. Just get me out of the
country please.
Me: Mr Mtshali, please rush to my office.
I hang up and look her dead in the eye.
Me: If you do not leave right now. Security will
throw you out like a dog that you are. Who the hell
do you think you are betraying Nomalanga?
Zodwa: I did not mean what I said! I was only 18;
what did I know!
Me: You knew you wanted a good life, a husband
to love you and only you. What changed!
Zodwa: I wanted my own family.
Me: And preferred losing everything?
Zodwa: I did not know that it still stand!
Me: What does forever mean to you? Just give her
that damn child and get your life back.
Zodwa: No.
The security came in.
Mr Mtshali: Is this her?
Me: Yes. Never let her in.
Zodwa: Siena please!
She cries as they pull her away. I close the door
and walk to my desk. I hear the door open. I turn,
Its Mulo. I fake a smile and welcome him in. Some
things can never stay buried, no matter how hard
you try….
O3

ZANELE

He keeps stealing glances. I know he wants to ask

but he won't cause he's him. I clear my throat and
drink my wine that doesn't taste as good today so
does this food. I love this place for their exquisite
steak and salad but today it tastes like rubber and
its bitter.
Me: When is your mother leaving?
Mulo: I don't know.
Me: You should ask her so I can prepare myself
ukuthi how long am I gonna be uncomfortable in
my own home.
Mulo: But don't you think it is time we had one?
Me: Excuse me, what?
Mulo: A child. Its been 13 years Zanele.
Me: So? That's a certificate for a child?
Mulo: No but as normal people, we should have a
baby by now.
Me: No. I am not ready for a child.
Mulo: I'll wait.
He takes my hand and kisses it. I smile.
Me: We should go on holiday.
Mulo: Not now. My boss's wife is in town.
Me: Can't they get another driver to stand in?
Mulo: You know he trusts me and only me.
Me: Maybe you should just quit and we'll look for
something here for you.
Mulo: Don't ruin this good moment.
I nod and chew my rubber steak.
Mulo: Who was that woman?
Me: What woman?
Mulo: The one that was dragged out of the
building when I came in.
Me: I didn't see her.
Mulo: Babe they said she was at your office.
Me: Probably one of the beggars. At what time are
you going back to work?
Mulo: 4pm. I thought we could go for a ride after
lunch if you have time.
Me: I do.
He smiles.
Me: I know I have a sex debt.
He laughs.
Mulo: Of course madam. Thought you forgot.
Me: How could I? I could really use some energy
transfer.
Mulo: Say no more cause I booked us a room. .
I laugh. He's so wild. I call the bill and I pay
before he tries to take over. And I take my bag, we
walk out holding hands…
….
ZIMASA

I was getting ready for work when he arrived and

he's been following me around since then. Its been
2 hours. I walk out of the shower and dry myself
and walk out. He's on my tail. I was mad when he
arrived but now I feel like laughing. I laugh.
Me: Quit that face.
Sabelo: You are mad at me.
Me: I am but this is crazy. Are you gonna follow
me to work?
Sabelo: Yes. If it'll get you to forgive me then yes.
Me: Come here.
I hugged him.
Me: There isn't a thing I wouldn't do for you.
Anything to save you from anything or anyone.
Sabelo: I know my love and I appreciate you. Do
you want a new car?
Me: No. I want a steady relationship. Something
solid. A relationship that will give me peace. I
wanna sleep at night and know that wherever you
are, you love me.
Sabelo: You got it.
We pinky swear and kiss. He takes off the towel
and lay me down on the bed and pulls me to the
edge of the bed, my legs on his shoulders and his
head buried deep inside my thighs. I moan softly
as his tongue trail in circles around my clitorial
area and he sucks my it I squeeze my breast pull
him in with my legs. He feasts on me until I almost
cum. He's up on my lips kissing me and fingering
me quick, I have the urge to pee but it won't come
out. He's in. I didn't see him wearing a condom.
He's humping.
Me: Sabelo.
He kisses me.
I push him off my mouth. He's humping hard.
Me: Sabelo you forgot the condom.
His hand go under me and he grabs me tight and
moan. I lay there like a corpse. This man just nut
in me. Deliberately.
He's sweating and panting like he's been running
for 30 minutes while it was just 5 minutes nyana in
a vagina.
Me: Get off me.
I push him, he rolls over and chuckles. I get up.
Sabelo: Why are you mad? Didn‟t you get youe
orgasm?
Me: Fuck orgasm. Where is the condom?
Sabelo: Shit I forgot. I'm sorry. Aren't you
preventing? I saw a card.
Me: That's not the point! You could infect me with
STDs.
Sabelo: What?
Me: You're a fucking whore. All these hoes you
were with last night, who knows what you did with
them.
Sabelo: Its me. Nothing happened.
Me: You're a fucking liar.
Sabelo: Babe.
Me: Aisuka. Go away.
I go to the bathroom and lock myself in. He
knocks.
Sabelo: I'm sorry babe. I swear I never cheat on
you.
Me: What about those women you're seen with
every time?
Sabelo: Nothing is going on. Its just harmless fun
and I promise I'm gonna stop hanging out with
them.
Me: I'll see you tomorrow.
Sabelo: No. We're going out.
Me: I'm going to work .
Sabelo: Ok I'm driving you there. I'm gonna be a
customer for the night.
I open the door.
Me: Really?
Sabelo: Is that a smile?
Me: You went to school for softening me up.
Sabelo: I love you.
He hugs me in and kisses me.
Me: We should freshen up.
Sabelo: Yes ma'am.
I close the door and we get under the shower…..
….
ZANELE
One thing about my husband, he will be out for
hours after sex. You could clear the whole house
out and he wouldn‟t hear a thing. I just finished off
some paperwork and sent it to Lilly. And now I
don't know what to do to myself.
A knock on the door came. I get up to open. I find
a box on the floor. This is unlike my husband. I
pick it up and close the door.
I can't help but smile thinking of what he could
have possibly bought.

I gasp and throw the lid away when I see our

picture with a knife stuck on Zodwa's face. I pick
it up to see the writing underneath.

“She who shall betray the sisters, or help a

deceiving sister will pay the greater price"
My tears warm their way down. Mulo moves, I
close it and take it out to the trash outside. I sob
while holding on to the trash bin...

**1 month later**

ZIMASA
I wait for everyone to cash and go in. He's already
smiling alone.
Me: A good night?
Razo: Extraordinary.
Me: Cool.
I put the bag over his table.
Razo: Fuck no.
Me: Fuck yeah. Now give me my cut and I will be
out of your way.
Razo: You think its that easy?
Me: You said it was a once off thing!
Razo: Well not anymore.
Me: Razo please. I can not sell this and also come
to work every single day.
Razo: Do you know who are we selling this for?
He wouldn't hesitate to kill us if we do nor sell this
for him.
Me: Give me the rest.
He pulls a bag out of his safe and give it to me.
Razo: That's 30K.
I take it and my money and walk out.

One fateful night here at the club a man asked me

to keep his bag for him. I don't remember what
happened after that but I woke on top of the
counter, 4 scary men looking at me. I lost that
damn bag. It had money he said. I told him I'll
replace it he declined. He said I will repay him by
running these damn abortion pills. I am now a
seller of baby killers. Heaven and me will never
meet.

I find Sabelo waiting for me outside. He's been

taking me here and fetching me whenever he can.
When he's busy he sends his brother.

I never told him about the side business or what

happened that night.
I toss my bag in the boot and hop in. We kiss and I
fasten my belt.
Sabelo: I've got a running stomach.
Me: You need to go to the toilet?
Sabelo: Yes.
I give him my key. He hops out. I put on music
And text Martha. She found a man and moved out.
I know she will be back in a month. She does it
every time. I startle when I see a light flash on my
window. It‟s a policeman.
I roll down the window.
Policeman: Please step out of a vehicle.
Me: Why?
Policeman: I've got to search this car.
Me: Do you have a warrant?
Policeman: Ofcourse I do. Step out.
Me: I would like to see it.
He whips a paper out and gives it to me. I runr my
eyes through and I sigh and steps out.
There is probably drugs in this car.
Police: Please open the boot.
Me: This isn't my car. I don't know how to-
Sabelo: What the hell is going on here?
Me: They want to search the car.
Sabelo: Step away from my car. Get in the car
Zimasa.
Me: No.
Policeman: Is this your car?
Sabelo: Yes.
Policeman: Open the boot please.
The pills! The abortion pills!
Sabelo presses his key and the boot open. I hold on
to his arm.
Me: There are-
Policeman: Clear!
He says to his buddies that I didn't even notice
were there.
Policeman: Thank you.

He walks away. I need to pee....

04

ZIMASA

We drove to his house last night and when I am

here. I am madam. I woke up to lavish breakfast, i
ate and was ran a bath for and now I am watching
TV while my feet are getting massaged. Not to
forget the mimosas. Not that I can't have all this at
my place. I just prefer saving. Because I may be
just a stripper, and a soccer player's girlfriend but I
am very smart with cash. Oh and a drug dealer
now. Nonetheless, I do not blow cash for nothing
like Sabelo. He'd spend his last cent on a pair of
sneakers.
My phone rings. Its Martha. She remembered I
exist.
Me: Hi stranger.
She sniffles. I sigh.
Me: Ask for the key next door.
Martha: Thank you friend.
Me: You welcome.
She hangs up.

Sabelo walks in, smelling fresh, nivea man all over

the lounge. I need to leave. I have been avoiding
him since he asked me why did I seem scared
when the police searched the car. He kisses me
and sits next to me.
Me: How was practice?
Sabelo: It was hectic. Where should we go today?
Me: My place. Martha is back.
Sabelo: So?
Me: She is not okay.
Sabelo: She must be strong. Today is our day.
The lady takes her equipment and leaves us. My
feet are rejoicing.
Me: She's always there for me when you make me
cry. It is only fair that I return the favor.
Sabelo: Or you're just running away from me.
I chuckle. I hope guilt isn't written on bold letters
on my forehead.
Me: That's crazy.
Sabelo: I thought trust was a thing between us.
Me: It is.
Sabelo: Then tell me about this.
Me: You went through my bag?
He tosses the little pill at me.
Sabelo: To find the answer, yes.
Me: You're full of shit, you know that?
Sabelo: What is this? Don't get mad.
Me: You went through my bag. Without my
permission!
I get up and go to his bedroom. I find my bag on
top of the bed, opened. I take out jeans and top. I
dress up and zip the bag. I am fuming. He's
standing by the door when I turn. He closes it and
lock.
Sabelo: The truth. Now.
Me: Open this door right now.
Sabelo: Just tell me the truth and I will open.
Me: There is nothing to tell Sabelo. Just open the
goddam door!
He sits down and pat the space next to him.

I lean on the wall.

Sabelo: We can do this all day.
Me: I am not in the mood for this.
Sabelo: Ok.
He takes off his shoes and lays on the bed and
pWe drove to his house last night and when I am
here. I am madam. I woke up to lavish breakfast, i
ate and was ran a bath for and now I am watching
TV while my feet are getting massaged. Not to
forget the mimosas. Not that I can't have all this at
my place. I just prefer saving. Because I may be
just a stripper, and a soccer player's girlfriend but I
am very smart with cash. Oh and a drug dealer
now. Nonetheless, I do not blow cash for nothing
like Sabelo. He'd spend his last cent on a pair of
sneakers.

My phone rings. Its Martha. She remembered I

exist.
Me: Hi stranger.
She sniffles. I sigh.
Me: Ask for the key next door.
Martha: Thank you friend.
Me: You welcome.
She hangs up.
Sabelo walks in, smelling fresh, nivea man all over
the lounge. I need to leave. I have been avoiding
him since he asked me why did I seem scared
when the police searched the car. He kisses me
and sits next to me.
Me: How was practice?
Sabelo: It was hectic. Where should we go today?
Me: My place. Martha is back.
Sabelo: So?
Me: She is not okay.
Sabelo: She must be strong. Today is our day.
The lady takes her equipment and leaves us. My
feet are rejoicing.
Me: She's always there for me when you make me
cry. It is only fair that I return the favor.
Sabelo: Or you're just running away from me.
I chuckle. I hope guilt isn't written on bold letters
on my forehead.
Me: That's crazy.
Sabelo: I thought trust was a thing between us.
Me: It is.
Sabelo: Then tell me about this.
Me: You went through my bag?
He tosses the little pill at me.
Sabelo: To find the answer, yes.
Me: You're full of shit, you know that?
Sabelo: What is this? Don't get mad.
Me: You went through my bag. Without my
permission!

I get up and go to his bedroom. I find my bag on

top of the bed, opened. I take out jeans and top. I
dress up and zip the bag. I am fuming. He's
standing by the door when I turn. He closes it and
lock.
Sabelo: The truth. Now.
Me: Open this door right now.
Sabelo: Just tell me the truth and I will open.
Me: There is nothing to tell Sabelo. Just open the
goddam door!
He sits down and pat the space next to him. Iull
out his phone and play fifa. I sit down and count
my money. He raise his head like a stupid snake
that he is.
Sabelo: Since when do you make that much?
Me: Since I let men touch my vagina.
I don't know why he is talking to me.
Sabelo: That is not funny.
Me: I am not trying to be funny. Open the door
please.
Sabelo: No. Hell Zimasa! These are fucking drugs!
What do you do? Sell them? Do you know how
dangerous that is?
Me: No but I'm sure you are going to tell me since
you use them.
Sabelo: That's low
Me: And you're high.
I put the money back to the bag and get up. I take
the key from his pocket.
Sabelo: If you walk out that door, that will be the
end of us.
Me: Seriously?
Sabelo: Yes. I can't be with someone who does
not trust me. And I cannot trust.
Me: These are not drugs. They are but no those
type of drugs. Its abortion pills.
He sits up right.
Sabelo: What?
Me: Yes. Now, can I go?
Sabelo: No. We're spending the day together.
Where did you get them?
Me: Its a long story.
He pulls me to sit on his lap.
Sabelo: We have the day to ourselves, don't We?
I nod.
Me: Remember when I didn't call you to fetch me?
He nods.
Me: The previous night, a man asked me to keep
his bag....

I tell him what happened....

....
ZANELE

I recognize the voice on the radio so I stop.

interviewer: So, any children to expect soon?

She laughs.
Nomalanga: Soon? I am 48.
Interviewer: It is never too late. Mrs Jones, Mr
Jones I am very honored to have spent my
morning with you and so does the listeners at
home.
Nomalanga: Thank you.
He switches off the radio. I walk on to the kitchen.
He gets up and joins me.
Mulo: Successful women are sexy and attractive
but they are not the kind of women to be with
when you want a family.
Me: What's that supposed to mean?
Mulo: Nomalanga Jones. One of the richest
women in Africa, but no child. She's even reached
menopause.
Me: Life isn't about kids.
Mulo: Kids are a proof that you existed! They are
precious. Sweet and cute.
Me: And they cry.
Mulo: Which is part of their nature.

My home has turned into this baby talk

environment. All he talks about is children. He
even visit orphanages now in Wednesdays which
used to be my day. His mother has Succeded in
making him need children that he could barely
afford.
Me: Their nature sucks. And enough about the
baby talk
Mulo: Why do you hate children so much?
Me: I do not hate them! We do not need them!
Mulo: I do. I want them. 3 of them.
Me: Then let's adopt.
Mulo: You must be kidding me. I want my own
kids!
Me: Who's gonna look after them?
Mulo: Us.
Me: I work.
Mulo: Maybe you should quit that job because all
this money you make have you feeling like the
man of this house.
Me: Don't even try drag my job into this.
Mulo: Whatever Zanele.
He takes his cup of coffee and head outside to the
garden. I toss the cloth away. I can't stand the
smell of this coffee. I pour it on the sink and drink
water. I eat my porridge

I hear people laughing. I go to check. He's with his

brother. They come in.
Pele: Makoti.
Me: Pele.
We shake hands.
Pele: How are you? You look ravishing. Am I
going to be an uncle?
I laugh but I am annoyed.
Me: No you'll not be.
Pele: That's sad.
Me: I'll tell Mma Zuma to make you guys food. I
am headed to the doctor.
Pele: Thank you.
They walk on to the lounge. I go to take my bag
and drive away...

....
ZIMASA

He won't stop kissing me. He is happy today.

Sabelo: Do you really have to go?
Me: Ofcourse baby. But I don't want but I have to.
Sabelo: We should just move in together.
Me: My gran would haunt me. There is nothing
she hated more than that.
Sabelo: She'd understand we're in love.
Me: She would not. She only understands
marriage. That's love to her.
He kiss my hand.
Sabelo: I had a really good time.
Me: Me too. Thank you.
I take my teddy bear and my bag.
Sabelo: Don't you want me to walk you in?
Me: No. Its late. You should go home.
Sabelo: Ok. I love you.
Me: I love you too.

I close the door and walk inside the building. I

hear him drive off. I take the lift.

I unlock and go in. I lock. There are bags on the

floor and someone sleeping on the couch.

I throw teddy on the chair and go to my room. I

bump into Martha in the passage. I am frightened.
Me: If you are here then who is on the couch?
Martha: Your sister.
Me: My sister?
Martha: Yes. She said something about being
kicked out of res.
Me: Oh. Guess what?
Martha: You've finally left Sabelo.
Me: Why do you hate him so much!
Martha: Because he's fucking hippohead.
Me: Whatever. We spent the day together,
outdoors, kissing, holding hands. Our love has
grown so strong just in a month. We even went
house viewing.
Martha: He probably wants you to do something
for him.
Me: Fuck you.

I go back to the lounge and shake Amber. She

peels the blanket off her head. She's sleeping with
her make up.
Me: Why are you sleeping with make up?
Amber: I was too sleepy to wipe it off.
Me: Does your mom know you're here?
Amber: No. And she must never know.
Me: Why were you kicked out?
Amber: I threw a party. I just need shelter until I
am done with my exams.
Me: Cool. We will talk in the morning.
Amber: Thank you.

Martha walks in.

Amber: Does she have clothes?
Me: Yes but she does not wear them.
Martha: My rich cousin is dead.
Me: The one from Pretoria?
Martha: Yes. She committed suicide. Who am I
going to run to when I need cash? Or maybe I can
fuck her husband.
Me: Martha!
Martha: What?
She laughs and cries. I get up and hug her.
Martha: I really loved him.
Me: Who?
Martha: My boyfriend
Me: I thought you're crying for your cousin.
Martha: No. I'll cry for her on the funeral.

I give up...

05

ZANELE
I fix my scarf when 2 little boys pass by. I hate
waiting. Especially in such a shady environment.
Finally someone comes out. He comes and stand
before me.
Him: A scarf in this heat? Go in.
I hold my bag tight and go in. It is reeking of
weed. The smoke makes it hard to see, the light is
almost not on. They aren't even paying attention to
me. A lady wearing only her panty and heels come
out of one of the doors carrying drinks on a tray.
Me: Hi. I am looking for Cousin.
Her: What do yoh want?
Me: To talk to him.
Her: Bitch say what you want. Weed or Coke?
Me: None of that. I need to speak to cousin.
Her: Over there.
He is surrounded by women. I walk to them. He
kissing another while fingering another one. I'm
gonna throw up.
Me: Cousin.
One of the girls come to me.
Her: Daddy you didn't say there was someone
joining us today.
Me: Don't you dare touch me with those hands.
I say as she extend her claws to touch me.
Her: Ohh she‟s feisty. I like her already.
Cousin: Give us space.
They move off him. He stands up with a boner and
extend his hand that was buried in a women's
vagina.
Me: I'd rather not.
Cousin: You shouldn't be here, should you?
Me: I need pills.
Cousin: Which ones?
Me: Termination.
Cousin: I nolonger run that business here. I have a
girl selling them for me.
He takes out his phone and call out numbers for
me.
Cousin: If you get caught with them. Don‟t
mention me or my girl.
Me: Understood.
I hurry back to the door and I appreciate the fresh
air. I get in my car and drove off. My phone rings.
I ignore it. It‟s Mulo. I left home in the wee hours
of the morning. I could not stay a second longer in
that bed with this thing in my stomach. I call the
girl. She answers in a sleepy voice.
Me: I got your contact from Cousin.
Her: I'll send you the address.
Me: Can‟t we meet somewhere private?
Her: I'll send you the address.
She hangs up. I slow down and a text comes
through and I drive to the location…

….
ZIMASA

I wash my face and brush my teeth. I take my back

pack and phone. I check on Martha. We drank
until 2am. And right now I have to go meet a
client. This woman probably slept dreaming of
terminating.
I drive to the location I sent her. I get there and
wait. I am sleepy as hell. I adjust my seat down.
I am woken up by a knock on the window. I roll in
down.
Him: Hi.
Me: Hi
Him: Are you okay?
Me: Yeah I'm good. Just waiting for someone.
Him: Okay.
Me: Thanks.
He smiles and go away. I take my phone and call
her. She answers.
Me: I'm here.
Her: I just arrived.
Me: White Corolla.
I hang up. A black G wagon parks next to me. A
woman hoops out. This is who I wanna be in life,
either by a rich husband or on my own.
Why is she coming here? It can't be her. Oh my
God. She hoops in and give me an envelope.
Me: It‟s only R500.
Her: Keep the rest for yourself.
I take out the pill and give her.
Me: cut it into 4. Drink one piece now and another
one in 3 hours.
Her: Do you have water?
Me: No.
She's fucking married! She probably had an affair
and fell pregnant.
Me: Rest when you get home.
Her: Thank you.
She hops out and put on her glasses and gets into
her car and drove away. I count the money. It‟s
R2000. Why couldn't she go do it at a
professional? I put my R1500 on my boobs and
drive off to Sabelo's….
….
ZANELE
I stop by the lake and cry. I take the test out of my
bag and step out of the car and crash it with the
stone crying. Almost ruined my life.
Me: I'm sorry Nomalanga. I don‟t know what
happened. I am really sorry. I will make it worth
your while.
I hear a car. I get up, its Nkazimulo. I throw the
pregnancy test into the water. He pulls up behind
mine. It‟s not him but Pele. Why is he still here?
Pele: Are you okay?
Me: Yes. Just stopped to dip my feet but I've
changed my mind.
Pele: Bafo is worried about you.
Me: Just needed a breather.
I open my door and hop and drive ahead. I almost
lost all this. I chose this place because of the lake
and all these beautiful trees. It was just a bush but I
turned it into this and I don't know what I would
do if I lost all this.

I am truly not in the mood for anything today. I fill

a jug with water and go to my bedroom. I put it on
the pedestal and wear a pad and a robe and get in
bed. I hear the door open.
He shakes me. I keep my eyes clothes.
Mulo: You just walked in. You can't be asleep.
Me: I want to sleep.
Mulo: Open your eyes.
I do. There are pads in his hands.
Mulo: Did you read the news today?
Me: No.
Mulo: The woman that was being dragged out of
your work place was found dead with her baby.
Needles stuck in their eyes. How cruel can people
be.
Me: That's sad.
Dear Lord that could've been me. But I told her to
sacrifice it!
Mulo: And another news, you haven't used these in
2 months, you're moody and you only drank coffee
twice in that 2 months, and your breasts. So I
bought this.
He takes out a pregnancy test.
Me: You must be joking.
Mulo: I'm not. Go on and test. Prove me wrong.
Me: I am not pregnant!
Mulo: See? You're a ticking bomb. Go test.
Me: I won't.
I sit up right.
Me: I am tired of your little obsession over kids
that you can never afford. You're a driver
Nkazimulo, who's gonna look after that child? Me?
Because R8 000 is not enough to raise a child. R8
000 Alone is for the nanny. Who is gonna pay for
clothes? Food? Doctor? Toys? Me? You can't
afford a child Mulo. Get that into your thick skull.
Do you want your child to grow up like you did?
Not enough? Maybe if you found a better job that
paid you real money we would talk of having that
freaking child! But now you're a chauffeur for a
man your age. He is doing good for himself and
that doesn't even move you. “my boss, my boss".
If you ever raise that baby issue ever again. I'm
gonna leave you. You'll never see me again. Ever!
Mulo: Zanele. All I want is to be a father.
Me: What! I don't want a child. I work hard. I
provide for us, that isn't enough for you? When
you work your ass off to have a good life you don't
have time for kids! Not that you'd understand.
I take my phone and walk out of the bedroom. A
child this, a child that. Hhai suka….
ZIMASA
I regret coming here. Sabelo told me when I was
the gate that he's at his mom's there‟s. A funeral. I
bath and change into sunny day clothes and drive
myself to Mall of Africa to have brunch. I have
money to spend.
“This morning on the show we have Nomalanga
Jones the…”
I switch the radio off. Everywhere! It‟s her.
Billboards! Tv shows! Radio! News papers!
Magazines!
A day never passes by without seeing her forever
young face or hear her voice. My morning is
ruined now. I text Martha to meet me at the mall.

Nx bloody Nomalanga Jones. I was having a great

morning. I see my guy friend with a female when
I sit down at the restaurant. He doesn't see me so I
don‟t see him too.
I get attention from the waiter. I order coffee
although I can do with a stiff. I read through the
menu. Indecisive people should not be given
menus because right now my head is going crazy. I
don't know what to order. I startle when someone
bangs my table.
Me: You could've killed me.
He laughs and kiss my cheek and sits down.
Me: I thought you were with someone.
Lufhuno: Yeah. She is at the ladies.
Me: Bae?
Lufhuno: Kind of.
Me: Do you like her?
Lufhuno: I do. We haven't seen you in a while.
Me: I know. I'm in a tight space. But I will show
up soon.
Lufhuno: I miss hanging out with you.
Me: Me too. How is Kutlwano?
Lufhuno: She is fine and she has started asking
questions. That school is ruining things for me. I
laugh.
Me: She's 6. She's bound to.
Lufhuno: Yeah I guess.
The bae comes back.
Lufhuno: I‟ll see you, Yeah?
Me: Send my love to baby K.
Lufhuno: She doesn't approve of that anymore.
Me: Such a drama queen.
Lufhuno: Just like her mom.
Me: She will not survive this world then.
Lufhuno: Her mother is doing it. She will too. I‟ll
see you
Me: Bye.
He walks away. Martha arrives. She loves free
bees.
Martha: Who is that?
Me: Lufhuno.
Martha: The one of a cute daughter you used to
baby sit?
Me: Yeah.
Martha: Oh he's improved. Look at those muscles.
Me: He is taken.
Martha: I'd still fuck him.
I laugh.
Me: You need God.
Martha: I have him. Can you come with me to my
cousin's funeral?
Me: Ofcourse babe. No need to ask.
Martha: Thank you. Who has a betve to hurt a
baby though?
Me: That‟s what hurt me the most. Why kill a
child?
Martha: I am suspecting her husband. Phela he
was a househusbabd. Zodwa did all the providing.
Maybe she wanted out and he killed her.
Me: Even his own blood?
Martha: Men rape and kill their own blood every
day in South Africa.
Me: I guess you're right.
We order and I listen to how much of a trash her
ex is until there is commotion. People take out
their phones. Sabelo appears with a hun in his hip,
A movie star, Sydeny Jones, Nomalanga Joneses
step daughter. The people are asked to calm down.
He is led to a table and people are being moved
away from him.
Martha: I bet you gonna say let's go.
Me: No. I'm waiting for my food.
Martha: Lets go up there and fuck him up.
Me: No. That's his cousin.
Martha: Ow?
He kisses her lips. Martha raise her brow.
Martha: Cousins with benefits perhaps?
Me: Just stop looking at them.
Our food arrives. I take a bite of my toast and I
chew it for straight 5 minutes. What does this man
want from Me? This is the funeral?
Martha: Yes. His dick is gonna be buried in her
Did I think that loud?
I pay the bill and head out.

I get to my car and take out a knobkerrie and look

for his car. I find it after 30 minutes and smash the
Windows until I am satisfied and I walk back to
my car, get in and drive off. If police come to my
place I'm gonna smash them too…

06

ZIMASA

I am almost done with this bottle and if the police

do not arrive in the next minute they will find me
blacked out.

I pour the remaining cider and drink it all down. I

should be calm by now. I have realized that I am
not satisfied with what I did. I should've burnt it.
The door handle moves. Took them long enough.

It's him. The nerve of this man. I pull the knife out
of the drawer.
Sabelo: I would put that away if I was you. There
is police behind me.
Me: You called cops on me?
Sabelo: What were you thinking?
Me: I was thinking of a man that I helped become
who he is today cheating on me.

I laugh.
Me: I am such a dumb bitch. A fucking stupid
bitch!
Sabelo: Calm down and put that knife away.
Me: Or what cheater?
Sabelo: You're drunk.

She walks in, walking the Gert walk.

Sydney: This is the crazy woman that smashed my
car.
Me: That was my man's car and who are you
budging in here pointing those satan nails at me?
Police officer: Ma'am. You're under arrest.
Me: For what?
Police officer: For breaking Miss Sydney's car.
Me: I broke my-
Sabelo: It was hers! You smashed hers Not mine.
Dammit Zimasa.
Me: Ah Fuck off wena.

Mr officer put cuffs on me.

Me: I'll see you around bitch!
I say to Sydney's face and we are out.
Me: Fuck them both. And you Mr officer if you
have a problem. Nobody wanna see us together-
Police officer: Ausi I am gonna ask you to stay
quiet.
Me: Is akon's song gonna be used against me in the
court of law? Got it.

He shoves me into the car and lock the door.

Me: Safa ayphel'isizwe sunbeams ohh hhaa.....

I sing as the van goes away...

....

ZANELE

The pains were not as excruciating yesterday but

now I was dying. Heavy bleeding and I could feel
my energy drop and I could not go to a Dr or clinic
or hospital or anywhere that would be evidence to
Nomalanga that I was pregnant. I have not seen
Mulo since yesterday after our little quarrel and its
only for the best because I don't want to explain
why am I like this right now. I sent Linda to the
mall to get me sanitary pads and more energy
drinks and she has been gone for 3 hours.

I get up and use the last strength in me to go to the

bathroom. I pass by the mirror and I do not even
take a glance at myself because I hate me so much
right now. I hate my messed up my face looks. I
hate everything!

I sit on the toilet seat and cry thinking about what

is going to happen to me if Nomalanga finds out
because she always know when someone has
betrayed the sisters.

I hears knock. I quickly compose myself and say

come in. Linda comes in.
Me: Seriously?
Linda: It's the end of the month. You know how it
gets.
Me: You should've woken up earlier Linda. I do
not pay you to be late! Bring my things.

She walks out and come back with a plastic with

energy drinks, pain killers and pads.
Linda: Should I tell Masimo to make you food?
Me: Get out of my sight Linda.
She walks out. I stand up and go under the shower
and wash myself for the 3rd time today. I can't
seem to erase all this dirt of falling pregnant. I still
do not understand how it happened. I made sure
that everyday at 10am I take the pill.

I drink pills afterwards and take a nap on fresh

linen as they kick in. I just want this nightmare to
be over....

....
ZIMASA

When the alcohol wore off, I realized I am not the

bad bitch I was when I was drunk yesterday.

I am hungry and I need a hot bath cause I feel like

shit. An officer calls out my name.
Officer: Are you gonna come or you're still
enjoying the cell?
I get up like lightning and rush to him.
Officer: Collect your stuff from the front desk.
Me: Thank you so much Sir.
I run on the hallway just in case he changes his
mind.

I get to the front desk and take my things and they

make me sign some things I do not bother reading.
I just wanna be out of here.
Officer: Can I not see you here for at least the next
5 months?
Me: You will not
Officer: That's what you said the last time.
Me: I mean it this time.
He laughs and I walk out. How do I get home from
here? I see Lufhuno talking on the phone. Thank
God!

I walk to him. He brings me close to him until he

gets off the phone.
Lufhuno: Hi.
Me: I haven't bathed today.
Lufhuno: I can tell.
I hit him. He laughs.
Me: I was arrested.
Lufhuno: I know. What is wrong with you and
cars?
Me: That's one thing people treasure so it's a better
way if getting back at them.
Lufhuno: You're lucky Sydney and I have a very
good relationship.
Me: You did this?
Lufhuno: Yeah. I begged her to drop the charges.
Get in.

I hop in.
Me: ohhh this machine.
he does too and we drive off.
Lufhuno: I know right. You've been very distant
lately. I even bought a house.
Me: It's only been 2 months.
Lufhuno: That's a lot. You should come over some
time.
Me: I'll definitely will.
Lufhuno: So, why did you smash her car?
Me: I thought it was my boyfriend's.
He laughs.
Lufhuno: He cheated?
Me: Didn't she tell you the story?
Lufhuno: No. Not that I was interested in it. I just
wanted her to drop the charges.
Me: Are you smashing her?
Lufhuno: Used to.
I laugh.
Me: I knew it. You're such a whore.
Lufhuno: My whoreness just paid off. I offered to
fix it but she told me to not worry.
Me: That means you fucked her good. Keep up
the good work.

I pat his shoulder. He laughs and takes a turn at

garage that has Steers.
Me: You're such a life saver.
Lufhuno: You know I am. I'll go in and get us
something to eat. Fill up.
Me: I want large everything.
Lufhuno: Where does all that food go?
Me: My butt.
He laughs and go away. I jump to the drivers seat
and drive forward....

I fill up and wait for him to come out and we drive

off. I stuff myself up and I feel alive again.

When we get to my place, Martha is outside

hanging laundry.
Me: Thank you.
Lufhuno: You know I got you.
Me: I'll see you soon.
Lufhuno: I hope so.

I smile and get off.

Lufhuno: Stay out of trouble and leave people's
cars alone.
Me: I will.
He chuckles and drive off. I head in. Martha has
moved from from the balcony. I find her ironing.
The house looks spotless and smells of lavender.
Me: And then?
Martha: One of those days.
Me: Where is Amber?
Martha: At the mall to do groceries with Sabelo.
Me: Oh. I'll go bath.
Martha: I'd Fuck him till he.... Ooh I don't know
but I'd Fuck him till he does something.
Me: Who?
Martha: Your guy friend. God he's so snacky.
When he showed up here this morningI just froze
when he called my name. I just pictured him
calling my name in his sleep while he rolls over to
cuddle me.
I laugh.
Me: What did he want?
Martha: You. I told him you're arrested he said
he'll get you out. He loves you.
Me: He is a good friend of mine of course he does.
Martha: I also want a hot friend like him.
Me: Cute boys are Fuck boys Martha. Think of
Your fragile heart chile.
She laughs.
Martha: Go wash the jail off.

I go to my room. I hear Sabelo's laughter as I get

into my room. I am done with him.

I take my clothes off and put them in a basket and

wrap a towel around me and take my cosmetics
and head to the door. It opens. He closes it behind
him and leans on it.
Sabelo: Hi.
Me: Hi. I'm on my way to the bathroom.
Sabelo: She's not my girlfriend.
Me: I don't wanna hear it honestly.
Sabelo: It was-
Me: I am done Sabelo. I am done being your fool.
I am tired of your lies. I honestly did some
thinking in there. I asked myself if is it worth it to
be with someone who keeps me at the edge? Make
me act out of my character and have me sleeping
in a jail cell only 3 months apart? And I came to a
conclusion that it is all not worth it because one
day Sabelo, one day you will leave me for
someone else and it's inevitable. From here on, I
will pay my rent and my car installment. I wish to
never see you here.

He moves off the door and I go out and rush to the

bathroom. I get in there and cry. I love him I
really do but this is not healthy....
07

ZIMASA

it's been 5 days and I am still feeling like I did

Monday morning. I missed him the moment I told
him to go away and it doesn't help that he hasn't
tried to contact me or showed up to beg me back.
I haven't even been to work. I have just been
pushing the pill around and that was enough to get
Razo to agree that I take a week off and come back
tomorrow for the jazz night. The club is booked
by rich folks and their trophy wives. And I have to
be a hostess for the night.
I blow my nose and check my phone for the 100th
time since the last 10 minutes. There is nothing but
facebook and instagram notifications. I take my
things and go to take a shower hoping I do not
bump into Martha.

I find her brushing her teeth. It's too late to turn

back.
Martha: Get in. I'll act like I don't see you.
Me: Thank you.

I go in and turn on the shower.

Martha: Are we still going to my cousin's funeral?
It will be a good place to cry it all out.
Me: We are going.
Martha: Let's leave tonight.
Me: OK.
She walks out. I bathe and Amber gets in, doesn't
acknowledge me, brush her teeth and walk out.

Martha comes in with flowers and little paper bag.

My heart smiles.
Martha: Special delivery.
Me: Who is it from?
Martha: Probably Sabelo.

I wiped my hands and took the card.

"#Guyswithmansions"

Sabelo wouldn't send this. It looks more like

Lufhuno. I chuckle. He's so stupid.

I take the paperbag. There is a little box. There's a

note inside it.
"This is a special invitation to my place. When you
come please do show this at the gate. Looking
forward to seeing you "

Me: It's Lufhuno.

Martha: What is he saying?
Me: He bought a house. He is inviting me over.
Martha: Then you should go. Staying here will
only depress you even more.
Me: No. I am not ready to visit anyone's house.
Tomorrow after the funeral I am gonna drive back
and prepare for work.
Martha: Lufhuno cares about you. The least you
can do is pay him a little visit. You guys used to be
close.
Me: We are grown ups. We have lives to live.
Martha: Streynji.
Me: Don't do that.
Martha: I'll take the invitation.
She walks out. I follow her going to my room to
throw a pity party for myself....

....
ZANELE

I have searched for him everywhere. Sent out a

word to his brothers and friends but none of them
knew where he was. My only option now was his
mother. Time was slow. On a normal day, it be
lunch but I have been sitting on this meeting for
the past hour. And I can not wait for it to be over.
My body is here but my mind isn't. I am thinking
of anything that could've happened to him. I was a
bit harsh but he knows I did not mean all that. I
was just frustrated by the fact that I was pregnant.
Mr Kenan: And since we all agree that we buy
new 8 trucks. We should have them delivered by
next month. Thank you ladies and gentlemen.
Finally. I get up and head out before anyone tries a
small talk. I am really not in the mood.
Me: Any meetings?
Lilly: Yes.
Me: Cancel them.
Lilly: Yes ma'am.

I go in to my office and pack my things....

My phone rings as I drive off. It is Nomalanga.

My palms sweat. I answer.
Me: Hello
Nomalanga: Hey. You haven't replied.
Me: On what?
Nomalanga: I sent you an invitation on your mail.
Me: What is the occasion and when?
Nomalanga: Jazz night. Tomorrow evening.
Me: I'm sorry. I have had an insane week. My
husband is missing. I haven't got time to do
anything.
Nomalanga: Oh my. Why didn't you call? Let's
hope he is fine.
Me: Yeah. I am driving to his mom's.
Nomalanga: Do not hesitate to call if you need
help.
Me: I will.
Nomalanga: OK bye.

I hang up and take a deep breath....

I am in awe when I approach and I see a double

storey house amongst RDPs. Did they sell their
house? I have not been here since the day I got
married. I park in front of the gate and wait for
any human to show up so I can ask.
Luckily two old ladies show up from a double up.
I greet them when they pass me by.
Them: Yebo.
Me: I am looking for the Zulu household.
One of them: This is it. Aren't you Nkazimulo's
wife?
This is embarrassing. I shake my head no. She
nods and they walk on. I hop out and head to the
little gate. It is not locked. I go in. There he is,
playing with kids, rolling on the grass like a fool
that he is.

I push the bloody child off him. It cries in pain, I

don't even care. I need this man to explain to me
WTF!

He is paying attention to the kid. Rubbing it's

knee.
Mulo: Askies ne? Go to the slide. I'll you guys
there.
They run off. What is this? A creche?
Me: Whose kids are these?
Mulo: Hello. These are the kids my mom teaches.
Me: Seriously. You never told me you extended
the house.
Mulo: I didn't have to. As my wife you would've
known.
Me: Don't start with me Mulo. Where did you get
money to build this house?
Mulo: I am employed, aren't I?
Me: Oh please.
Mulo: If my wife won't let me use my money on
her. I will use it on a woman who raised me. And
what you did to that child was harsh.
Me: Can you please come home? I was worried
sick about you.
Mulo: Why? Wena go find a husband of your
dreams and leave me in peace.
Me: Look, I'm sorry about what I said. I was in a
bad space and I took it all out on you. I'm really
sorry.
Mulo: I do not forgive you and I will never. I will
come back to your house when I have calmed
down. For now, decide if you really want me as
your husband or not. If you do, ask yourself if
you will let me be the man of the house or not. If
your answer is not yes then never bother me.
Me: Are you threatened by the kind of money I
make?
Mulo: I am threatened by the kind of person you're
becoming. You're nothing like the woman who
loved and respected me despite of my monthly
salary.

He picks up the toys and walk away. I am frozen.

Something is not right. He has never. I mean
ever! Let me not have my way.
Me: Do you still love me?
He turns.
Mulo: I love you.

He disappears to the house and his mother comes

out. She looks at me. I look at her. We are
looking at each other. She shakes her head and go
back in and close the door. I walk out, my eyes
blurry. I get in my car and try to start it but it
won't, my hands are shaking. I cry silently.....
....
ZIMASA

I wish Martha hadn't cleaned this room. Now I

have nothing to do to deal with my broken heart. I
can't do this anymore. I get up and put on
sneakers and a hoodie. I take my car keys. And
my door opens. I freeze.
Sabelo: Do not say anything. Just listen.
I nod.
Sabelo: I am not with Sydney. It was a publicity
stunt. She has a movie coming out in a week and
she asked me to be pretend boyfriend to get people
talking. I didn't tell you because you would've said
no and I wouldn't have been able to do it. I don't
want to lose you Zimasa. I would never do that to
you.

I know he would. He has done it before.

Sabelo: With Mpumi, it was just plain stupid of
me. I will never do you dirty like that. I am sorry.
Me: I do not trust you Sabelo.
He takes out his phone and shows me the emails. I
sit down and read them all. He is telling the truth.
He was approached by the production company.
Why do I always jump into conclusions?

But it's Sabelo. He has done this before and I guess

I believe in 'history repeats itself' too much.

I look at me beside me.

Me: I'm sorry.
Sabelo: It's fine.
Me: I am really sorry babe.
Sabelo: I'm sorry too, for not telling you.

He moves the braids off my face and kisses. I turn

to him and sit on top of him and we kiss. He
unbuttons my jean and stands up with me and
throws me on the bed. I take off my pants, he's
already naked. Fat dick ready and shit.

I open my legs wide.

Me: Condom.
He chuckles and take it out of his pocket and put
in on. He lays on his back and I climb on. He rest
his hands on my hips and guide me as I go in
circles, up and down. This isn't really my favorite
thing to do in sex world but he likes so I do it.

Sabelo: I missed you.

He says in between the soft moans in my ear. I am
laying on top of him now, clapping my ass like I
am at work, clapping in for people's husbands. He
is gripping me hard, I know my job is almost done
here. I do not even enjoy sex with this position. It
is just for him. I increase my pace. He is calling
my name loud. We switch positions. He pounds
me lightly.
Me: Fuck me harder baby! Harder.
The house is quiet. I hope Martha and Amber are
out. Music plays. They are here. He cums. Finally.
Sabelo: I love you.
He says and get off. I am dripping sweat. He is
too and I can't miss the wide smile on his face.
Sabelo: I need water.

I wear my robe after wiping myself and head out.

Nothing could've prepared me for the stares I get

when I walk in.
Granny: Zimasa
Me: Hello Gogo. What brings you here?
Gogo: A taxi.

Martha is focusing on her phone. Amber is

snuggled up in Gogo, staring at me.

She heard all that? I go back to the bedroom.

Sabelo: Haw baby?
Me: My grandma is here. And she heard all that.
Sabelo: Shit.

I laugh but I'm shaking.

I hear a knock.
Gogo: We miss fuck me harder come make me tea
we need to talk. I don't have all day.

We giggle. Oh my goodness. I hope she forgets

about it soon....
08

ZIMASA

My dad used to say if I grow up to be like my

grandma I would be in trouble. She shouts at
everyone for anything. She always want to see a
cup of tea before her even if she won't drink it.
She screams for the the whole neighborhood to
hear if you're still in bed by 6am. Only her sons
can remind her that we are in the 21st century.

The cup of tea she requested is getting cold. I have

been changing positions because she has been just
staring at me for the past 15 minutes. I am done. I
get up.
Gogo: Sit down.
I do.
Gogo: Nolizo's husband told me he saw you at a
hookers place dancing for men while naked. Is it
true?
Me: Me? I would never do that. He might have
mistaken me for someone else.
Gogo: Explain that man in the room.
Me: He is my boyfriend.
Gogo: Can't you visit his place and do your sins
there? What example are you setting for your little
sister?
Me: He-
Gogo: Ei shut up. Let the ladies in and go put on a
decent dress and a doek.
Me: What is happening?
Gogo: Amber!

Amber comes rushing.

Gogo: Make tea. Wena, go dress up.

I ask no more. I get to my room and Sabelo is

nowhere to be found. This man. I look for a dress
in my laundry basket and a scarf. I put it on and I
hear a very vibrant voice sing on top of its lungs.
Oh God.

Its a full house. Some of them are in uniform.

Gogo pulls me to the center and force me down.
They sing even louder and there are hand on my
head. They are praying in tongues. Apparently I
have a demon. They ask God to deliver me and
find me a husband that will accept me with my
dark past and shaking my butt for married men.
They tell him I do not know what I am doing, I
am just blinded by the unnecessary need of roots
of all evil. They ask him to make me stop having
sex and keep myself for marriage.

After what feels like 3 days they say amen and I

am free. Amber and Martha serve them tea and
scones. After they are done finishing our food
Gogo asks us to drive them back to Tembisa.
Me: Let's just pack our things for the funeral.
Martha: Oh about that. There won't be a funeral.
They will cremate her. We don't have to go.
Me: Okay.

I get to spend tonight with my man!

....
ZANELE

I have taken 8 baths without him and I feel empty.

We usually take long on Fridays because we
usually watch a movie if not reading a book but
today I only spent 15 minutes there. It's close to
11pm, way past my bedtime but I just won't feel
asleep. He is on my mind. I miss him so much.

I get out of bed and go to my beauty room. I pull

the calabash out of my last drawer and my red
candles. I take the ash from another one and make
a circle with it and get inside it and light my
candles around the calabash. I stir the mixture
inside it until I get the urge to beat it fast, it forms
a foam.
Me: A star. Shine Siena's way. I sacrificed the
blood of betrayal to the home of the sisters and I
believe I shall never go to bed hungry, cold and
without my husband. In exchange of my child's
blood and life I demand Wealth, my husband to
wake up wherever he is and come straight home to
my arms where he belongs, I demand my boss to
give me ownership of that company, I demand
wealth and for my husband to never mention
children. He must l loathe them like I do . It's me,
Siena, a rose amongst thorns.

I cross fingers before opening my eyes and the

candles are all put out. My demands were granted.
I did the right thing, I sacrificed the blood of my
fetus to the wealth of the sisters. I was scared
things might have changed.

I put my things back where they stay and lay there

and wait for Nkazimulo's voice screaming my
name.....
......
I can hear the rain. There is cold breeze hitting my
skin but I feel so warm. I am within his warm
arms like I should be. I am in our bedroom. I
didn't hear him come home or bringing me here.

I bring his arm to my face and kiss it.

Me: You're home.
Mulo: There is nowhere I would rather be. I
missed you so much last night. I couldn't stay there
a minute longer.
Me: I am glad you're home.

"Breakfast"
Ketchup says with her tiny voice outside the door.
Mulo: Come in.

She place it next to the window where we usually

have our breakfast on Saturday morning. We can
see the lake from there. The birds and every living
thing that lives in these fields give us a warm
view.

She walks out and Mulo jumps out of bed and I

already know he's going to eat something on my
plate. He takes the bacon and go to the bathroom.
Me: Grow up!
He laughs. I get up too and follow him in. He
hands me my toothbrush and we brush our teeth.
Our love has always been beautiful and real. I
hate it when I have to do what I did last night just
to get him back to me. It's manipulative but I do
not know what life is without him. He is my
everything.

We kiss before sitting down.

Mulo: This is the best house we have ever lived in.
Me: That's because we built it from scratch.
Mulo: It's so beautiful. Like you.
I blush.
Me: Stop.
Mulo: Let's attend the jazz night.
Me: You know about it?
Mulo: Yes. It will be a kick start to our make up
session.
Me: Or you're just obsessed with Jazz.

He's crazy about a saxophone. If it was up to him

he'd know how to play. Every year on his
birthday. I invite a jazz crew to make his day.
And he doesn't get tired of it.
Mulo: Are we going?
Me: Yes we can. Let me RSVP quick. I hope I
am not too late.
Mulo: Already did.

He kisses my hand and we focus on eating...

....
ZIMASA

I wake up around 10 and I feel lighter and

energetic. Martha budges in.
Martha: You've got a visitor.
Me: Who?
Martha: My loml.
Me: Lufhuno?
Martha: Yes. Come. I just made him breakfast.
Freshen up. Don't come to my man smelling of
doggy styles and missionary positions.
Me: Get out.

I hop out of bed and put on a robe.

Sabelo: Y'all are friends again?
Me: He bailed me out. I owe him.
Sabelo: Nobody asked him to. And I was gonna
get you out.
Me: I don't really understand what the matter is.
Sabelo: The matter is him getting out of jail and
now coming here. The next thing I know you will
be babysitting his child and I do not get to see you
as often as I'd like because of it. You don't want to
have a child of your own but you babysit his and
even take it shopping.
Me: You're just being dramatic.
Sabelo: I am not.
Me: I stopped visiting Lufhuno. I distanced myself
from him and his daughter as you wished. What is
the problem now? Yes he's here and I know it
must be important because he would have called.

I walk out to shower and come back to an empty

bedroom. He's exhausting. I get into clean clothes
and walk out to the lounge. I find them laughing.
Me: Hello.
I sit down next to him.
Lufhuno: You smell nice.
Me: Thank you.

He always smells nice and looking clean. If he

wasn't my friend I would find him attractive.
Martha: Sabelo is full of shit.
Me: What did he do?
Martha: He came here and talked nonsense. You
must speak to him. He can't be talking to another
child like that. This isn't his house.

She gets up and disappear to her room.

Me: I'm sorry about whatever he said.
Lufhuno: I was gonna ask you to babysit Kutlwano
for me tomorrow but he said you guys have plans.
Me: We don't. You can bring her.
Lufhuno: No. I can't bring my child to a place with
such people. I'll find a babysitter. Keep well.
He gets up.
Me: Lufhuno.
Lufhuno: It's fine.

He head out. I take a deep sigh. What is wrong

with Sabelo?

....
NARRATED

The club was packing up. Two girls were by the

entrance handing drinks to people coming in.

When Nomalanga Jones and Nathan her husband

came. Their bodyguards came in first and searched
for anything or anyone dodgy and then brought
them in. The crowd cheered. They led them to
VIP section where Mulo and his plus one Pele
were.

They bodyguards went to stand by the door.

Nomalanga: Mr Zulu. Where is Zanele.
Mulo: She got her periods and the cramps seemed
worse. She is very sad. I had to show up. This is
my brother Pele Zulu.
Nomalanga: Nice to meet you.
Pele: Likewise.
They shook hands.
Nathan: Gentlemen. Let's get ourselves a drink.
My love, your ladies just came in.
Nomalanga: I'll see you later.

She took her phone out of her bag while heading to

the bathroom. It rang for quite some time before
she answered.
Zanele: Hello?
Nomalanga: Are you fucking kidding me?
Zanele: I'm sorry. I can't even do anything. I am
dying.
Nomalanga: It is full moon you idiot! When we
go to the dam. I need to find you there.
Zanele: Fine.

She hung up and clucked and fixed her make up....

....
ZIMASA

I wait for these guys to get out and they do. I walk
in and place the bag on the floor next to him.
Me: You did not say I'll be nursing around
Nomalanga Jones.
Razo: Is there a problem?
Me: Yes there is. I can't.
Razo: Ei Zee please don't stress me. I am already
stressed.

Sizwe comes in.

Sizwe: He is unavailable too.
Razo hit his glass on the wall.
Razo: Fuck! That bloody chancer is gonna pay.
How dare he runs with my money. Where am I
gonna get someone to play so late?
Me: Play what?
Razo: Get out.
Sizwe: I have a cousin who plays Saxophone.
Maybe he can get us his teacher.

I turn before I reach the door knob.

Me: You need someone to play a saxophone?
Razo: Why are you still here?
Me: I can play for them.
Razo: This is not the time Zimasa.
Me: I am serious. I can. I learned from the best.
Sizwe: Do you have it here with You?
Me: No. It's at my grandmas house.
Razo: Great! Get the duck out of here. Both of
you!

We follow each other out. We part ways and I go

to the changing room. I do not see myself tip-
toeing behind that Nomalanga Jones. I have seen
how she treats waitresses and I will knock her
dead if she does that to me.

I put on my mask on and I am ready to serve her

30 000 alcohol. The door opens. It's Razo. He
tosses a dress at me.
Razo: Let your hair loose and don't wear any
shoes. Sizwe will bring the saxo. Don't Fuck this
up for me Zimasa. These people paid me good
money.
Me: I won't.

I put the dress on. It does fit perfectly but not

something I'd wear. I like it simple. Elegance
isn't my stuff. Sizwe comes in. He hands me the
saxo and walk out.

"Always close your eyes when you get your hands

on it. The audience could distract you. "

My dad would say whenever he taught me how to

play. I haven't touched it since he died. I just have
not found the strength to play. I have never played
for an audience before.

I get on the stage and sit on the bar chair placed on

the spotlight.
"Posture. Posture is very important. Look alive and
sexy. Your shoulders are your biggest
communicator. Keep them up"

Sizwe: As Mrs Zulu requested. Please welcome

on stage Zimasa Hlongwane.
They clapped. This is it.
I close my eyes and play my dad's favorite song,
Glorious nights.

At first I am nervous and regret doing it but I get

on with it and the next station is the zone and
nothing could stop me now. I even stand up and
bless their ears.

I open my eyes and they lay on Nomalanga

leaving. I continue to play with my eyes open. And
end it. I spot Sabelo and Sydney. I am not even
gonna let that get to me.

They cheer and clap. I bow and get off the stage
leaving Sizwe welcoming a band into the stage. I
am shaking. I can't believe I just did that.

I bump into someone. It's Nomalanga Jones.

Me: Sorry.
Nomalanga: Watch where you're going!
Me: I said sorry.
Nomalanga: Aren't you the low life that ruined my
child's car? My girl you're lucky my daughter has a
good heart. I would have ruined you.

I walk away. I don't have time for this. I get to the

changing room and wear my clothes and take my
bag. I walk out.

I get in my car and drive off.

I call him on the way and he sends me the address.

By 10pm I am at his gate. He let's me in and he is
waiting outside.

I get off and the first thing he does is hug me and

break down.
Lufhuno: It's okay. Shhh.
Me: He keeps on hurting me. Over and over
again.
Lufhuno: I'm sorry.

He is my safe place. Always have been since we

were 7. I can't believe I let Sabelo get between us.
I am the worst friend but he never gives up on
me....
09

ZIMASA

His legs is on my ribs and my foot is touching his

chin. What happened? I punch his foot.
Me: Get off me.
He doesn't even move.
Me: Lufhuno!
“You gonna have to do more than that” says a little
voice. She closes the door and motion to the table
and pick up crayons. Those were not there last
night.
Me: When did you come in?
Kay: 07:40. He said we will go to church but since
you're here. I think we are not.
Me: How are you?
Kay: I am fine thank you. Why were you crying
last night?
Me: Someone hurt me.
Kay: A boy?
I chuckle.
Me: Yes.
Kay: Sorry. My daddy will deal with him. He's a
hero.
Me: I know. He's just scared of rats.
Kay: That‟s why we moved here. He saw a eat in
our old house.
I laugh. Such a tall big man but scared of such a
tiny thing.
Kay: You can use that to wake him.
Me: No Kutlwano he's gonna die.
I move his big leg off me and hop off the bed. I put
on his slippers and pull Kutlwano out. We get to
the kitchen and his fridge is empty.
Me: Has he done any groceries?
Kay: No. We eat cornflakes in the morning and
gogo or aunty Melody brings my lunchbox.
This guy.
Me: Let's go freshen up and go eat breakfast. Its on
me.
Kay: Can you help me with my homework later?
Me: Yeah sure.
We go to the bath room and bath. I miss these
days. How close we used to be. How she would
hug me randomly but she hasn't seen me in 2
months but she did not or show any excitement to
see me, not that I blame her.
I carry her to her bedroom when we're done. I put
her on the bed and look for clothes.
Kay: When are you going to have a child?
Me: Never
Kay: Why?
Me: They ask too many questions.
She giggles.
Kay: Please tell daddy to bring me a little sister or
brother. I am tired of playing alone.
Me: That will teach you independence.
I dress her up.
Kay: I wrote my mommy a letter.
Me: You can write?
Kay: Yes. My teacher wrote it for me I copied.
She takes out an envelope from her school bag.
She gives it to me. I open it.

PLEASE VISIT ME SOMEDAY. I PROMISE

YOU. I AM A GOOD CHILD.
XOXO
Me: Oh my love.
I hug her.
Me: She will visit someday. I promise.
Kay: Does she not miss me?
Me: She does. And she loves you but she is
working; for you. So that her and daddy can put
you in good schools and give you a best life. She
still writes every week right?
She nods.
Me: That means she loves you. Never question
that. She trusts daddy with you. She knows you're
well taken care of.
Kay: Thank you.
Me: Give me a smile.
She smiles.
Me: That's my girl. Let's go beg daddy for some
clothes.
…..
ZANELE
He woke me up with breakfast in bed and now we
are on our way to Nelspruit to visit my aunt. He
just said we should this morning and I wasn‟t
going to let it slide because He has never
suggested we visit my aunt. Ever.
I have not seen her in 6 months. She is going to be
delighted to see me.
Me: Are you still smiling about last night?
Mulo: No. I am smiling about that day I drove here
with my mother's car after you dumped me.
I laugh.
Me: My heart was so broken when I heard you
were arrested.
Mulo: I was hurt I couldn‟t get to you. I was gonna
spend a second night not talking to you. I've
always loved you.
Me: We've always been inlove.
He takes my hand and kisses it.
Me: I still pinch myself whenever I think of how
far we've come. 13 tears later, still inlove like we
just kissed for the first time yesterday.
Mulo: I told you. No man could ever break what
God tied together.
Me: And I did not believe it at first but now I do.
He smiles and I connect my phone to the bluetooth
and play Tony and Baby face's album. Its our
favorite. We have a long way ahead….
…
ZIMASA

Just like old times except, we are not holding her

hands because she is old now. Every place we've
passed is packed. Have Sundays lost their family
day touch?
Me: Lets get in here. We will wait if we have to.
Lufhuno: Wherever you guys wanna eat.
Kay: I really don't care where we eat as long as I
will see an egg going to my mouth.
She does a dramatic fall. I panic a little before
realizing its her being a drama queen. Exactly like
her mother.
Me: Hi.
Lady: Hi. Please be seated. We do not have a free
table for now.
Me: What about the kids section?
Lady: Its Empty.
Me: Can we use it? The little one is dying now.
Lady: Only her.
Me: She has a sickness. We have to keep a close
eye.
She sighs and lead us to kids section.
Lady: A waiter will come shortly.
Me: Thank you.
Kay: God please forgive the lies aunty Zee just
told the lady. She is just starving.
I look at Lufhuno. His eyes are closed too. They
must be kidding me.
Me: Amen.
They open eyes. His phons rings. He walks out.
Me: Do you have friends?
Kay: No. I prefer my own company.
How old is this child?
Me: I see.
Kay: Why did you not visit anymore?
Me: Because….i have been working.
Kay: Aunty Melody works but she visits.
Me: Perhaps her job does not make her travel
much.
Kay: Oh. I missed you. I wrote you a letter but you
never responded
Me: I never received it. Its probably still on the
mail. I will check.
Lufhuno gets it. He looks sort of guilty.
Me: What's up?
Lufhuno: That was mom. She needs me home
urgently. Can you look after her?
Me: Yeah…yeah sure.
Kay: No.
Me: What?
Kay: I will go with daddy.
Lufhuno: Baby I-
Me: Its okay. Let me walk you guys to the car.
You can bring it later.

We walk out to parking. He fastens her at the back.

Me: She is very upset with me. I will try to visit
more often.
Lufhuno: We would love that. Be good okay?
We hug. He gets in the car and they drive off.
I request an uber. And in a split second it Is here. I
hop on and it drives off.
…
When I push the door open I remember why I went
to Lufhuno's at first. My heart drops. I hate it here.
Martha is sleeping on the couch wit her ass
exposed. I cover her with a sheet and walk on to
my bedroom. I need to collect everything that is
Sabelo's and burn it.

Amber walks out of the bathroom as I am about to

open my door.
Me: Hi.
Amber: Hey. Where did you sleep?
Me: At Lufhuno's house.
Amber: Sabelo slept here.
Me: Ok.
I push the door open. He is sitting on top of the
bed with a glass of something in his hand.
I toss the bag behind him and walk to the wardrobe
to look for something to wear. I feel naked in this
hoodie I turned into a dress.
Sabelo: Where did you sleep?
Me: Somewhere.
Sabelo: Answer the damn question Zimasa.
Me: You lost the right to question me a long time
ago.

I pull out everything that is his. He stands up and

finish what's left on the glass and walk to the other
side of the bed.
Sabelo: Where did you sleep Zimasa?
Me: That's none of-

The glass lands above my eye and blood runs

down. I pick it up and send it back flying. He
ducks it. It hits the wall.
Me: Get the fuck out.
Sabelo: Need I remind you who pays for this
place? Answer the damn question I asked!
Me: Fuck off.
He charges towards. I rush to the door. He trips me
and I fall. He locks the door and put the key in his
pocket.
Sabelo: I don't want to do anything I am going to
regret Zee. Just tell me where you were.
It shouldn't be that difficult.
Me: Go to hell.
I drag myself up.
Sabelo: Whose hoodie is this?
Me: You‟ve got a nerve you know that? You were
with that fake ass Sydney last night and you think
you have a right to question where was I last night
and hit me? Really?
Sabelo: I was out there getting us money. Were
you?
Me: You think I am a fool. That's your problem.
Give me the key!
Sabelo: Not before you tell me where were you
Me: I was at Lufhuno's. The keys.
Sabelo: What did I say about that fat nigga?
Me: I might have forgotten when I saw your
tongue stuck in Sydney's throat.

I motion to the chest of drawer to look for a spare

key. He grabs me and slap me countless Times
before throwing me on the bed and hit me with a
belt. I try to get up but he pins me down with a
knee on my lower abdomen and continue hitting
my thighs.
Me: Martha! Amber!
He covers my mouth and sit on my stomach.
Sabelo: I told you to stay away from him. Why
won't you listen to me!
Me: Sab…sab…elo. I ca….n't brea….

He hardens his grip. Dear God, not in the hands of

a man…..
…..
ZANELE
I see cars as we approach. What is happening.
My hair shrinks. This can't be good. I hop off
before the car even turn off. And I run inside. All I
see is sad faces. There are police everywhere. I
push people away as I make my way to the front.
The police stop me.
Me: No. This is my aunt's house. I need to see
what is going on!
Police: You mean the woman who stayed here?
I nod.
Police: I am so sorry ma'am but she is no more.
Me: No. No. No. No!!!!
Mulo catches me before I fall.
Mulo: What happened bra?
Poloce: She was murdered. Her eyes were taken
out and needles stuck. Red candles around her.
Real witchcraft.
Me: Why did you bring me here?
Mulo: I don't know. I just….
His gift can not be back. It can't. I did not attend
the full moon ritual for the first time last night. It
cannot be a crime.
I excuse myself. I call Nomalanga.
Nomalanga: I am in a middle of a family lunch.
Me: My aunt is dead Nomalanga, killed by
amantombazane. Explain this to me.
Nomalanga: I do not control anything
amantombazane do. You must've done or said
something to betray the sisters.
Me: And Mulo led me here that means his gift is
back.
Nomalanga: Check yourself out. You must have
done something. And if you do not do it quick.
You may wake up to a letter getting fired.
Me: I did not attend the fullmoon ritual.
Nomalanga: Then do what is right.
Me: I can't. She's the only closest thing I have and
he is gonna be shuttered. Doesn't it count that my
aunt is dead?
Nomalanga: I am afraid not.
Me: Oh Lord…

I hang up. Nkazimulo would never recover the

death of his mother. I hate her but I love him more
than I hate her. There must be another way.
I jump when he touches me.
Me: Lets go somewhere quiet. I need to process all
this.
He nods and open the door for me…
11
ZANELE

I was pacing up and down. Pele had just left. I call

him again, it takes me to voicemail.
Me: Mageba. I know how hard this must be for
you but please come back home. I am going crazy
here.
I hang up. His phone has been off the whole day
and it was now close to 8pm. I call Pele.
Me: When you find him please call me right away.
Pele: I will.
I hang up and go upstairs to take my calabash and
candles and drive to where Nomalanga said we
will meet….
….
ZIMASA

I was not in the mood for dancing tonight. Infact I

haven't had the energy to since I agreed to be
someone‟s wife. It just felt wrong. I just couldn't
wait for 9:30.
Razo grabs me from the pole and carry me to the
changing room. He puts me down.
Razo: Your grandma is here.
Me: What?
Razo: Yes.
He laughs.
Razo: Change and go play the sax. Just a sly gogo.
Me: I hate Sabelo yazi.
Razo: Go play.
Me: Thank you.
I change quickly and take my saxophone. I let my
braids loose and walk barefoot. My eyes wander
when I walk to my chair on the spotlight. He is not
here today. I see her at the back, my gogo is the
worst. I know she made a promise to her son but I
am over 21 and I cam make my own decisions.
I start playing and I spot him far away drowning in
a glass of something. He usually sits here on the
front and look straight at me. And I stare at him
until I am done. And today he is not in his usual
spot so I close my eyes and play.
After 30 minutes I take a break and walk to him. I
will not even entertain Mamthembu.
I sit next to him and order a juice.
Me: You were not on your usual spot today.
Him: So?
Me: Are you okay?
Him: Please drink your juice and let me be.
He is not wearing his ring. He must be going
through a divorce.
I do as told and go back to the stage after finishing
and continue playing….
….
ZANELE
We form a circle and each one of us light a candle.
Nomalanga starts with the praises. We hum until
she is done.
Nomalanga: I don't have anything to ask for
Mantombazane. I am still satisfied.
Khosi: I wish for my mother inlaw to die.
Me: I wish for nothing at the moment.
Zondeni; Zandile, and Angel asks for nothing too.
We get up and pour our ashes on the holes we dug
and go away without looking back…
…..
ZIMASA

We were quiet all the way home last night and

even now, I did not see a reason to talk to him.
I make myself breakfast and eat and go bath and
he wakes up after I dress up. He comes and kneel
before me.
Sabelo: I did not tell her to go there.
Me: Get out of my way.
Sabelo: My mother is coming here today. She has
to find you here.
Me: I am going to fetch her.
Sabelo: So early in the morning?
Me: Its 11:55.
Sabelo: Shit!
He gets up and rush to the shower.
Sabelo: wait for me!
I take my bag and his car keys and walk out. I see
Martha's car. I stop. I haven't seen her in 2 weeks.
She stays in Waterfall now with her dead cousin's
husband. They bumped into each other once at a
mall and from there on they started spending time
they decided to be a couple and he made her quit
being a stripper, he bought a new house and they
live there now. Its sad how the man who truly
loves her have to be her cousin's husband but ke,
fate!

I hop out. She does too. We hug. I don't know

since when because we love each other but
hugging is not a thing for us.
Martha: I am so happy to see you.
Me: I am too. Is everything okay?
Martha: Yes…no no. I don't know but I saw
Sabelo and Amber coming from a gynae.
Me: Yeah she's pregnant. She asked him to drive
her there.
She takes a deep breath.
Martha: That's a relief. I thought they were too
cosy. And I really wouldn't put it past him. He can
not be trusted.
Me: I know but he is a changed man and my
sister? He wouldn't.
Martha: I am glad. Where are you headed? I
wanna tag along.
Me: To fetch Sabz mom. Get your car inside then.

I wait for her in the car and she comes back. We

drive off.
Martha: I hope that didn't come out as me trying to
cause troubles between you guys.
Me: You were just looking out for me. I know.
Martha: I just do not trust him. I fear him on your
behalf.
I chuckle.
Me: My guard is down and that means I have
nothing to worry about. Things are beyond good
between us Martha. His phone does not even have
a password. He's not that Sabelo anymore.
Martha: If you say so mama. Anything from
Lufhuno?
Ugh that cry baby. He cut me off after I told him
about the engagement. He moved out og his house
and I do not know where he is and I couldn't
careless about him. I am just worried about Kay.
Me: Nothing.
Martha: Are you even trying to find him though?
Me: He's an adult. When he is done being selfish.
He will contact me.
Martha: That‟s another thing about you when
things are going well with Sabelo. You forget
about everyone else. Its not right.
Me: That is not true and you know that.
Martha: It is. When is he paying lobola?
Me: Soon. He was still gathering money.
Martha: hmmmm…
….
ZANELE
I wake up and go to relieve myself in the bathroom
and go downstairs to check if he's back. He is not.
I go back up and search every room and there is no
sign of him.
I go to the bedroom and take my phone. There are
missed calls from Pele from last night. I call him
back. He takes his time to answer.
Me: Please tell me you found him.
Pele: I did and the elders are wondering why you
are not here sitting on the mattress as you should.
Me: You know I do not believe in that.
Pele: What you believe in became invalid the day
you wedded into this family. We will be expecting
you.
I hang up and pack my suitcase and call Lily while
at it.
Lilly: Ma'am?
Me: Book me a flight to Cape Town.
Lilly: For when?
Me: Asap.
Lilly: I am not sure that's gonna happen.
Me: Try a jet then. Before 12pm
Lilly: I will try my best.
I hang up and go into the shower….
….
ZIMASA
We did groceries when we got to the mall and his
mom came and we drove home. And now I
making lunch for mu sweet mother inlaw. He
comes in. He was not here when we arrived. He
greets his mom and Martha. My phone rings. I
answer.
Me: Mtase.
Amber: Mtase. Hey. I am not sure I can come.
Me: Seriously Amber. When last did I see you?
Amber: I know I know and I am not proud of it. I
will make it up to you I promise.
Me: You better. Keep well okay
Amber: I will.
I hang up. Sabelo hugs me.
Me: That was Amber. I invited her for lunch and
she cannot come, again.
He kisses me
Sabelo: I'm sorry. She is probably busy and yoi
know how pregnant people be like.
Me: I don't know.
Sabelo: Maybe its about time you fell pregnant so
you'd know.
Me: never.
I attend to my pots.
Sabelo: You really wanna have your first child at
30?
Me: Even 35 isn't too bad.
Sabelo: You want our child to have a gogo
mother?
I laugh.
Me: Stop convincing me. I might just give you that
baby.
Sabelo: I would quit my job and be a stay home
dad.
I laugh.
Me: We're not having a child any time soon.
Sabelo: I thought you loved me.
Me: Oh I love you so much. That is why I just
want us to be by ourselves and enjoy each other
before we add a member.
Sabelo: I love that.
We kiss. His mom calls him.
Her: Do we have to vacate? We are non existent
here.
Sabelo: Oh no. We are just used to being alone.
Let me take you on a tour.
Her: thank you.
They walk away. Martha comes and sit on the bar
stool.
Martha: I never thought I'd see the day.
Me: Me too.
They started speaking to each other about 8
months ago. When Sabelo quit his degree on his
last year to pursue his football career that was so
unclear. His mother disowned him. I became the
mother. I worked extra hours to pay my rent and
his. To buy him cocks, to buy him clothes and give
him pocket money. An outsider might say I am
sucking him dry by allowing him to pay my rent
and car installment but he is here today because I
believed in him. I went to the ends of the earth for
him to get signed up at Kings Football Club.
Martha‟s phone rings.
Me: Seriously? You need to grow up and change
that Barbie world song.
Martha: Never bitch! Hey love.
She walks away. I attend to my pots. I have to
make an impression. If this food does not turn out
to be what I think it will be then I will be ruined….
…..
MULO

I followed her from our house until she got to the

airport. At a time that I need her the most in my
life. She was going away on business. I lost my
mother and she is not gonna be here for me. I was
there for her until her aunt was buried. I had to be
at work but I asked a week off so that I can be
there for her.

I did not have the strength to stop her. She knew

exactly what she was doing. I drove here. I used to
come here a lot when I was in high school. I loved
seeing the white families. It inspired me to get
married and have my own family but here I am. 30
years old with no chils or a dog even. I thought I'd
have 3 or 4 kids bt now but kids only became my
wish not hers.

It was still the same old view with little changes of

dustbins. There were families as usual. Laughing,
running around, kissing and hugging. I am going
to have this. Before this year ends. My mother has
died without holding her grandchildren. That was
her only wish; to have grandchildren before she
dies. And we failed to give her that.
My phone rings. Its her. I watch it ring. I have
nothing to say to her now or ever….
11
ZANELE

I was pacing up and down. Pele had just left. I call

him again, it takes me to voicemail.
Me: Mageba. I know how hard this must be for
you but please come back home. I am going crazy
here.
I hang up. His phone has been off the whole day
and it was now close to 8pm. I call Pele.
Me: When you find him please call me right away.
Pele: I will.
I hang up and go upstairs to take my calabash and
candles and drive to where Nomalanga said we
will meet….
….
ZIMASA

I was not in the mood for dancing tonight. Infact I

haven't had the energy to since I agreed to be
someone‟s wife. It just felt wrong. I just couldn't
wait for 9:30.
Razo grabs me from the pole and carry me to the
changing room. He puts me down.
Razo: Your grandma is here.
Me: What?
Razo: Yes.
He laughs.
Razo: Change and go play the sax. Just a sly gogo.
Me: I hate Sabelo yazi.
Razo: Go play.
Me: Thank you.
I change quickly and take my saxophone. I let my
braids loose and walk barefoot. My eyes wander
when I walk to my chair on the spotlight. He is not
here today. I see her at the back, my gogo is the
worst. I know she made a promise to her son but I
am over 21 and I cam make my own decisions.
I start playing and I spot him far away drowning in
a glass of something. He usually sits here on the
front and look straight at me. And I stare at him
until I am done. And today he is not in his usual
spot so I close my eyes and play.
After 30 minutes I take a break and walk to him. I
will not even entertain Mamthembu.
I sit next to him and order a juice.
Me: You were not on your usual spot today.
Him: So?
Me: Are you okay?
Him: Please drink your juice and let me be.
He is not wearing his ring. He must be going
through a divorce.
I do as told and go back to the stage after finishing
and continue playing….
….
ZANELE
We form a circle and each one of us light a candle.
Nomalanga starts with the praises. We hum until
she is done.
Nomalanga: I don't have anything to ask for
Mantombazane. I am still satisfied.
Khosi: I wish for my mother inlaw to die.
Me: I wish for nothing at the moment.
Zondeni; Zandile, and Angel asks for nothing too.
We get up and pour our ashes on the holes we dug
and go away without looking back…
…..
ZIMASA

We were quiet all the way home last night and

even now, I did not see a reason to talk to him.
I make myself breakfast and eat and go bath and
he wakes up after I dress up. He comes and kneel
before me.
Sabelo: I did not tell her to go there.
Me: Get out of my way.
Sabelo: My mother is coming here today. She has
to find you here.
Me: I am going to fetch her.
Sabelo: So early in the morning?
Me: Its 11:55.
Sabelo: Shit!
He gets up and rush to the shower.
Sabelo: wait for me!
I take my bag and his car keys and walk out. I see
Martha's car. I stop. I haven't seen her in 2 weeks.
She stays in Waterfall now with her dead cousin's
husband. They bumped into each other once at a
mall and from there on they started spending time
they decided to be a couple and he made her quit
being a stripper, he bought a new house and they
live there now. Its sad how the man who truly
loves her have to be her cousin's husband but ke,
fate!
I hop out. She does too. We hug. I don't know
since when because we love each other but
hugging is not a thing for us.
Martha: I am so happy to see you.
Me: I am too. Is everything okay?
Martha: Yes…no no. I don't know but I saw
Sabelo and Amber coming from a gynae.
Me: Yeah she's pregnant. She asked him to drive
her there.
She takes a deep breath.
Martha: That's a relief. I thought they were too
cosy. And I really wouldn't put it past him. He can
not be trusted.
Me: I know but he is a changed man and my
sister? He wouldn't.
Martha: I am glad. Where are you headed? I
wanna tag along.
Me: To fetch Sabz mom. Get your car inside then.
I wait for her in the car and she comes back. We
drive off.
Martha: I hope that didn't come out as me trying to
cause troubles between you guys.
Me: You were just looking out for me. I know.
Martha: I just do not trust him. I fear him on your
behalf.
I chuckle.
Me: My guard is down and that means I have
nothing to worry about. Things are beyond good
between us Martha. His phone does not even have
a password. He's not that Sabelo anymore.
Martha: If you say so mama. Anything from
Lufhuno?
Ugh that cry baby. He cut me off after I told him
about the engagement. He moved out og his house
and I do not know where he is and I couldn't
careless about him. I am just worried about Kay.
Me: Nothing.
Martha: Are you even trying to find him though?
Me: He's an adult. When he is done being selfish.
He will contact me.
Martha: That‟s another thing about you when
things are going well with Sabelo. You forget
about everyone else. Its not right.
Me: That is not true and you know that.
Martha: It is. When is he paying lobola?
Me: Soon. He was still gathering money.
Martha: hmmmm…
….
ZANELE
I wake up and go to relieve myself in the bathroom
and go downstairs to check if he's back. He is not.
I go back up and search every room and there is no
sign of him.
I go to the bedroom and take my phone. There are
missed calls from Pele from last night. I call him
back. He takes his time to answer.
Me: Please tell me you found him.
Pele: I did and the elders are wondering why you
are not here sitting on the mattress as you should.
Me: You know I do not believe in that.
Pele: What you believe in became invalid the day
you wedded into this family. We will be expecting
you.
I hang up and pack my suitcase and call Lily while
at it.
Lilly: Ma'am?
Me: Book me a flight to Cape Town.
Lilly: For when?
Me: Asap.
Lilly: I am not sure that's gonna happen.
Me: Try a jet then. Before 12pm
Lilly: I will try my best.
I hang up and go into the shower….
….
ZIMASA
We did groceries when we got to the mall and his
mom came and we drove home. And now I
making lunch for mu sweet mother inlaw. He
comes in. He was not here when we arrived. He
greets his mom and Martha. My phone rings. I
answer.
Me: Mtase.
Amber: Mtase. Hey. I am not sure I can come.
Me: Seriously Amber. When last did I see you?
Amber: I know I know and I am not proud of it. I
will make it up to you I promise.
Me: You better. Keep well okay
Amber: I will.
I hang up. Sabelo hugs me.
Me: That was Amber. I invited her for lunch and
she cannot come, again.
He kisses me
Sabelo: I'm sorry. She is probably busy and yoi
know how pregnant people be like.
Me: I don't know.
Sabelo: Maybe its about time you fell pregnant so
you'd know.
Me: never.
I attend to my pots.
Sabelo: You really wanna have your first child at
30?
Me: Even 35 isn't too bad.
Sabelo: You want our child to have a gogo
mother?
I laugh.
Me: Stop convincing me. I might just give you that
baby.
Sabelo: I would quit my job and be a stay home
dad.
I laugh.
Me: We're not having a child any time soon.
Sabelo: I thought you loved me.
Me: Oh I love you so much. That is why I just
want us to be by ourselves and enjoy each other
before we add a member.
Sabelo: I love that.
We kiss. His mom calls him.
Her: Do we have to vacate? We are non existent
here.
Sabelo: Oh no. We are just used to being alone.
Let me take you on a tour.
Her: thank you.
They walk away. Martha comes and sit on the bar
stool.
Martha: I never thought I'd see the day.
Me: Me too.
They started speaking to each other about 8
months ago. When Sabelo quit his degree on his
last year to pursue his football career that was so
unclear. His mother disowned him. I became the
mother. I worked extra hours to pay my rent and
his. To buy him cocks, to buy him clothes and give
him pocket money. An outsider might say I am
sucking him dry by allowing him to pay my rent
and car installment but he is here today because I
believed in him. I went to the ends of the earth for
him to get signed up at Kings Football Club.
Martha‟s phone rings.
Me: Seriously? You need to grow up and change
that Barbie world song.
Martha: Never bitch! Hey love.
She walks away. I attend to my pots. I have to
make an impression. If this food does not turn out
to be what I think it will be then I will be ruined….
…..
MULO

I followed her from our house until she got to the

airport. At a time that I need her the most in my
life. She was going away on business. I lost my
mother and she is not gonna be here for me. I was
there for her until her aunt was buried. I had to be
at work but I asked a week off so that I can be
there for her.
I did not have the strength to stop her. She knew
exactly what she was doing. I drove here. I used to
come here a lot when I was in high school. I loved
seeing the white families. It inspired me to get
married and have my own family but here I am. 30
years old with no chils or a dog even. I thought I'd
have 3 or 4 kids bt now but kids only became my
wish not hers.

It was still the same old view with little changes of

dustbins. There were families as usual. Laughing,
running around, kissing and hugging. I am going
to have this. Before this year ends. My mother has
died without holding her grandchildren. That was
her only wish; to have grandchildren before she
dies. And we failed to give her that.
My phone rings. Its her. I watch it ring. I have
nothing to say to her now or ever….
12
ZIMASA
On Sunday we went to church and had family
lunch. It was amazing. I got a glimpse of what my
marriage life will be and that's exactly how I
would like to spend my Sundays.

He carried me to bed and we bathed together. He

told me how much he loves and appreciates me.
He said he's happy about the hospitality I gave his
mother. As if I had a choice of treating her bad.

I was in a good until I got here and saw her cakey

face. Her attitude is truly repulsive. I watch the
clock as it moves and jump up when it gets to 12. I
take my bag and head out.
Tabitha: Hello? Where is that road leading?
Me: To lunch.
Tabitha: Where is mine?
Me: On its way.
Tabitha: Who is going to bring it to me cause those
guys always leave it on the reception
Me: Because that's what you pay for.
Tabitha: Bring me my lunch before you go eat.
You get paid for that.

She slams the door. I go away.

I find Amber talking to Lebo.

Lebo: Oh here she is.
She puts the phone down.
Me: Hi baby mama. Look at you glowing
Amber: Hey.
We hug.
Lebo: I did not know you had a sister.
Me: I do. I have 3 more. From different mothers.
My father was quite a busy man.
We laugh.
Amber: I am here to take you out on lunch.
Me: Oh really? That's awesome.
Tabitha's food arrives.
Me: Please call her to come and fetch her food.
Lebo: You gonna get fired wena.
Me: Bye boo.

We had out. We use my car. She seemed drained

by something though.
Me: Are you okay?
Amber: I am. I'm just forever exhausted.
Me: It will be over soon sis. How far are you now?
Amber: 5 months.
Me: See? Only 4 left.
Amber: That sounds like a decade. Pregnancy is
very exhausting. You will feel it one day.
I laugh.
Me: Looking forward to it. Sabelo is on my neck
about a child.
Amber: Do not let him pressure you. A child is a
big commitment. You cannot have one just
because he wants it. You both have to want it.
Me: True but in marriage we compromise
Amber: You are not married yet.
Me: But soon to be.
Amber: I am still struggling to understand why
you agreed to marry him after he beat you till you
ended up in hospital.
Me: oh Amber just let it go.
Amber: Its absurd Zimasa.
Me: He apologized and made up for it.
Amber: What if he does it again?
Me: He will not. I just wish everyone can just stop
judging him. You do not know him like that.
Amber: We have been watching and we've seen he
is not a good for you. How many times has he
been on female scandals since you dated?
Me: Did you wanna have lunch or you came to
talk shit about my fiancé?
Amber: I came to have lunch while I tell you that
Sabelo is not a good man.
Me: Well he is not yours. Let him be my bad man.
I do a uturn at the cross roads and drive back to
work. I stop next to her car.
Me: I've lost my appetite.
Amber: I'm sorry.
Me: Get the hell out of my car Amber Hlongwane.
Out!
She hops out. I go and park and head inside. I see
Lufhuno stand up as I get in. I pass him and get
into the lift.
Tabitha: Come here Zimasa.
I stop.
Me: Yes?
Tabitha: Where is my lunch?
Me: Did you not fetch it?
Tabitha: I have a P.A.
Me: Well 12pm to 12:45 I am not working.
Tabitha: Do you still want this job?
Me: You are full of shit do you know that? You
think working for you is nice? I work here because
I need the money. If I did not, I would've quit after
3 hours being here. You may have grown up in a
home full of slaves, but this is not how you treat
people. Have you realized how unhappy every one
is here? You think its cute to keep every one on
their toes? Its not that they are scared of you. They
are scared of losing their jobs and not being able to
look after themselves and their families. I'll collect
my things.
Tabitha: You better.
I walk to my station and start packing….
…..
ZANELE
Thamsanqa joins me for lunch. I do not know of a
better view than eating and watching the sea. The
birds flying around. It is all heaven.
He kisses my cheek and sit down.
Me: I didn't think you'll wake up after last night.
Thami: I am a steel. No hangover formed against
me shall prosper.
I laugh.
Me: I should be leaving in 2 hours.
Thami: You want me to drive you?
Me: If you do not have anywhere to be.
Thami: No. I'll be fetching my bambino later after
school.
Me: How old is she now?
Thami: She's 6.
Me: Thank you for coming here. I really needed
that fun.
Thami: I could never let you be on your own in
Cape Town while I am here I just wish you came
with Mulo.
Me: Maybe we'll both come next time.
I check my phone. There was no text nor missed
calls from him. I know he is distracted but it is not
like him to not try to get to me. What am I doing
wrong? The death of his mother had to make him
love me more. But instead he is slipping away
from me.

I face it down and continue eating.

Thami: Are you guys okay?
Me: Who?
Thami: You and Mulo. This never happens. You're
never apart.
Me: We're fine.
My phone rings. Its him. My heart skips a beat.
Me: Mtwana.
Mulo: Come back home.
Me: I am.
He hangs up. I put my phone in my bag.
Me: Please drive me to the airport.
He laughs.
Thami: What did that man feed you?
Me: Stop asking me things please.
He helps me carry the suitcase. And we drive to
the airport….
….
ZIMASA
I drive to his place because mine would depress
me. The house is clean and awfully quiet. I throw
myself on the couch and turn on the tv. There is
nothing interesting playing so I take a nap.

I wake up to him squeezing me. He's sleeping

behind me. I didn't hear him come in. I move a
little.
Sabelo: Don't go.
Me: Its 5pm.
Sabelo: Yes. Lets sleep a little more.
Me: I need to see what we'll eat.
Sabelo: We will eat fastfood.
The door bell rings. He grunts. I laugh.
Me: Go attend the door. I need to pee.
I get up and rush to the bathroom. I do my
business and go back. I find him reading a brown
envelope.
Me: What is it?
I take it from him. He snatches it back.
Me: O-kay.
Sabelo: Its confidential.
Me: Oh.

He disappears to the bedroom. I go to the fridge

and take out a bottle of water. And drink….
…..
ZANELE
I got home and started cooking. It us close to 6pm
and he can get it anytime. I lay the table.
The door swings open. His coat is hanging over his
shoulder as always. I meet him halfway and hug
him.
He doesn't hug me back. I let go.
Me: How did the funeral go?
He goes on to the table and dish up and sit down to
eat. I join him.
Me: I'm sorry I could not come. I had to go away
on business.
He says nothing.
Me: Nkazimulo Zulu.
He takes the tab controller and play Hhashi
Elimhlophe very loudly.
Me: I'm gonna go to bed.
He takes out his phone and call someone.
Mulo: Hhei Bafo. There is food here. Come with
the crew.
Me: Not in my house.
Mulo: Bring beer.
Me: Pele I dare you!
Mulo: Oh that's a helping lady. My wife is in Cape
Town. Ok I'll see you soon.
Me: Nkazimulo do not start with me.
He whistles and sing along to Mgqumeni now. I
really hate it when those ill-mannered hard core
Zulu friends of his come here. They always leave
this house a mess, not to mention the maskandi
and ukusina. They broke my tiles the last time they
were here.

I go upstairs to my beauty room. Something is not

right with this man. I need to fix him...

13

ZANELE
I woke up alone. There was still maskandi
blasting loud as I headed down. I found them
sleeping on my white couches with their dirty
shoes up on them, not to mention the broken
glasses on the floor and spilled beer. I called
Tamia to come in and clean. I drove to work and
right now I am regretting coming here. I should've
worked at home. Lilly brings me another cup of
coffee. It was standing in for wine or anything
alcohol because my marriage is falling apart and I
cannot drink at work.
Lilly: After how long should I bring another one?
Me: 15 minutes or 13
Lilly: Right.
She walks out. I need to call this man. I take my
phone and it rings. It's Nomalanga Jones. I
answer.
Me: Nomalanga.
Nomalanga: Siena.
We have a problem.
Me: What is going on?
Nomalanga: Your husband was here. Wasted is an
understatement. I just told my husband to drive
him home.
Me: I am trying to not be there for him but it's hard
to see him like this.
Nomalanga: You're doing that for your marriage.
Me: He is not talking to me Nomalanga. He called
his friends over. I went to the beauty room and he
didn't even come to bed.
Nomalanga: Give him space or else this will be all
for nothing. We waited for an entire 6 months for
this. Do not ruin it.
Me: I won't. It just does not feel okay to take a
bath by myself and sleeping alone.
Nomalanga: The full moon will come back soon
and you make all your demands and they shall be
done.
Me: I know. Let me call him.
Nomalanga: Don't. Let him be.
I sigh.
Me: OK. Talk to you soon
Nomalanga: Our talks have become constant .
Me: I noticed. Bye.

I hang up and block her number. We shouldn't be

communicating this much. It is against our rules. I
drink my coffee and look at our picture frame that
has pictures of us from the very first day we
started dating. We captured everything. Mr
Carlson comes in.

I stand up to shake his hand.

Mr Carlson: Can we go to lunch?
Me: Ofcourse.
Mr Carlson: You will find me at reception.
Me: Okay Sir.
He smiles and walk out. We never talk one on one
and I couldn't have said no. He is my boss and
that would have been rude. I pack my things....

....
ZIMASA

The sun stings my poor fragile eyes. I grunt and

turn around.
Sabelo: It almost 12. Wake up.
Me: Let me be please.
Sabelo: Why aren't you at work? Did you take a
day off?
Me: Yes. A permanent day off.
Sabelo: You quit?
Me: Yes I did.
I lean on the continentals.
Me: I have enough money now. When are you
going home to pay lobola?
Sabelo: About that.
He sits down and caress my cheek.
Sabelo: I've been thinking. What is the rush?
What is he saying to me?
Me: What does that mean?
Sabelo: It means we have a whole lifetime to
spend. Why rush into marriage. We've never even
spent a week together. Let alone nights.
Me: That's because I work for us Sabelo.
Sabelo: You used to. I got the money and now you
quit a day job to go back to stripping?
Me: I was gonna stay at home until I figure
something out.
Sabelo: We should put this whole marriage thing
on hold.
Marriage thing? My heart is shattered. I can feel
the tears forming. My phone rings. I take it
quickly. Its grandma.
Me: Hi gogo.
Gogo: My girl. I just found your message. I am so
proud of you. We will be waiting for an official
letter that has a date and we will start preparing.
He stands up and walk to the window.
Me: Thank you gogo. Can I call you back shortly?
Gogo: Ofcourse my darling.
I hang up.
Sabelo: So, you told your grandmother?
Me: I did.
Sabelo: And you did not discuss it with me first?
Me: Its what we agreed on at first before that
envelope arrived.
He chuckles.
Sabelo: You think it has anything to do with this?
Me: Does it not? Everything was perfect before it
arrived. You were looking forward to our wedding
and then it arrives, you hide it and leave in the
middle of the night and come back now to tell me
we should put everything on hold? Are you
shitting me?
Sabelo: Do you see why we should put this
wedding on hold? There is no trust between us or
atleast on your side. What kind of marriage would
it be if you do not trust me!
He walks to the door.
Me: That's all you do. You run away every time.
Coward!

I take off the fucking room and throw it across the

room. I tolerated that spoilt brat Tabitha trying to
collect enough money to have a beautiful wedding
only for him to put it on hold!
Me: I hate you Sabelo. I hate you!!
I curl myself and hold on to the pillow and cry….

5 days later….
I have not seen him or heard from him and it was
only for the best. I did not want to see nor talk to
him. I have been ignoring Gogo's calls and
everyone's. I had nothing to say to them all. I was
throwing myself a pity party all these days.
Only eating, crying and sleeping for an entire 5
days. And now I am done mopping around. I need
to clean up. I have taken out the first load of
laundry and now I am cleaning our bedroom that
was a pigsty for the past few days. Martha just
won't stop calling me!

I hear the door bell. I ignore it and continue

cleaning. They finally give up and I sigh. What if
he is not safe wherever he js? I would never
forgive myself if anything happened to him.
I take my phone and sit down. I send him a text
first to see if it goes through. It does so I call him.
He answers and say nothing.
Me: Sthandwa sami. Are you okay?
He says nothing.
Me: Sabelo I'm sorry okay. Please come back
home. It's been 5 days.
Sabelo: I need a breather and I believe you do too.
Me: I don't. I just need you here with me baby
please.
Sabelo: I need atleast 2 weeks away from you
Zimasa. Please give me a bit if space.
Me: Fine. I love you.
Sabelo: I have to go.
Me: I said I lo-
He hangs up. He has a very short temper. I hate
that about him.
The door wide opens. Its Martha.
Me: How did you get in and what is chasing you?
Martha: We need to go. Right now.
Me: What?
Martha: You need to see this for yourself.
Me: What? I am really busy Martha.
Martha: Where is Sabelo?
Me: He's out.
Martha: I don't know what kind of game he is
playing but the woman that was here as his mother
is just an old hooker that would do anything for
cash.
Me: Are you jealous of my life Martha?
Martha: Excuse me?
Me: Yes. Are you? Why do you always have
something horrible to say about my man?
Martha: Because you're stupidly inlove to notice
that Sabelo is using you.
Mr: For what?
Martha: I don't know! But he is. I just saw the
woman at Cousin‟s cabin. I asked who she is and
they told me she is one of the hookers and has
been since she was a little girl, she has no kids nor
a qualification. What I know is that Sabelo's
mother is a qualified teacher. Is she not?
Me: I see what you are doing and its not gonna
work. Get the fuck of my house.
Martha: My door will be open when you finally
see him for who he really is. I hope it won't be too
late.
She walks out. I close the door. What is she so
against our relationship?

14

ZIMASA
Me: I know you said its only for 2 weeks but I
miss you so much babe….i haven't slept a wink. I
don‟t know if I am strong enough to go 2 weeks
without you. Please send me a text at least so that
I'll know you're okay.
I drop and sob silently. Why is he doing this to
me? He knows I am not that strong. I rest my head
on the pillow….
….
ZANELE
I shake him gently. He opens his eyes and stare at
me. I clear my throat.
Me: Morning.
He just stares. What is wrong with him?
Me: I am sorry I couldn't come to the funeral. I
was scared of seeing you like that. You know how
I am. Its enough now with this mute in this house.
What can I do to make it up to you?
He peels off the duvet and head to the bathroom. I
sigh and follow him. I find him pooping.
Me: Since when do we use our bathroom for
pooping?
He whistles.
I go out. He is on a mission to test my patience.
We have a bathroom for doing number 2 because
we eat in our bathroom!

My phone rings as I dress up for work.

Me: Mrs Zulu
Caller: Its Khosi.
Me: Friend. Hi.
Khosi: What are you doing later today?
Me: Nothing I hope.
Khosi: Victor is coming home. I am making a little
welcome home party with just friends and family.
I would like for you and Mulo to be there.
Me: We will be there babe.
Khosi: Thank you love. I'll text you all the details.
Me: Ok. I'll see you later.
I hang up. He comes out.
Me: That was Khosi. She is inviting us for a party.
Victor is coming home.
He dresses up.
Me: Fuck this! How long are you gonna sulk like a
little child? I get the message! Cut it out Mulo.
He motioned to the door.
Me: If you walk out that door, this marriage is
over.
He turns and look at me.
Me: Yeah I thought so. Are you ready to be an
adult?
He opens the door and walk out. Nkazimulo
Proffesor Zulu just walked out after I threatened to
end this marriage if he dare does that. I feel heat.
Tears rush down. I fail to stand. I collapse on the
chair and cry. My marriage is over. I punch
Nomalanga's numbers with my hands trembling.
She answers on the second ring.
Me: Did I do the right thing? Was it what I was
supposed to do cause if it was. Things would not
be like this!
Nomalanga: What has that man done now?
Me: He hates me Nomalanga. I can see it in his
eyes. I repulse him. He walked right out of the
door after I said our marriage will be over if he do
so. And he did!
Nomalanga: Your life is so dependent on that man
you do not even know what to do with yourself if
he's being a little bitch. I told you to let him be!
Me: Well I can't!
Nomalanga: It be over soon Siena. Go stay at a
hotel and amantombazane will fix everything. In
no time you will have your husband back.
Me: Oh God.
Nomalanga: And stop crying.
She hangs up. She doesn't understand. I get up and
fix my ruined make up. I can't live without him. I
would give up anything right now to get him to
talk to me….
….
ZIMASA

My phone rings. I was planning on not waking up

today. I search for it under the blanket. I find it and
it has stopped ringing. It was Lufhuno. What does
he want!

I toss it on the other side and continue sleeping. It

rings again. I grunt and take it.
Me: What!
Kay: I'm sorry i-
I sit up right.
Me: Baby? Hi I am sorry. I thought-
Kay: It was my dad? So its true?
Me: What?
Kay: That you want nothing to do with us
anymore.
Me: That is not true.
Kay: Why don‟t you visit us anymore?
Me: I have been busy but I will come this week.
Kay: You are just saying.
Me: I'm not. I promise you.
“Kutlwano! What did your dad say about using his
phone!”
Kay: I'm sorry mommy i-
Melody: You're sorry nothing, go take your bag
we‟re leaving….
I hang up and take a deep sigh. I hop out of bed
and make it and go to take a shower….
I hear a knock as I enter the kitchen after bathing. I
go to open. Its 3 men I have never seen before. My
heart beats faster.
Me: Can I help you?
Man: Yes. I am detective Nhlapho. Are you miss
Hlongwane?
Me: Yes I am.
Nhlapho: Can we come in?
Me: Uhm…yeah sure.
They in. I offer them seats and make them juice.
Nhlapho: I hope your fiance put you on the
picture.
Me: Picture of what?
Nhlapho: Of working with us. We have been
trying him on the cell for the past days with no
luck so we figured it was time to get you to work.
Me: I understand nothing right now.
Nhlapho: Sabelo was caught with drugs months
ago so we gave him 2 options, does he go to jail or
help us get the drug lords.
Me: Okay and where do I enter?
Nhlapho: In auditioning as a stripper in his house.
You will be protected at all times. Are you in?
Me: Of course.
He takes out a little paper.
Nhlapho: This is his address. Remember miss
Hlongwane, be careful he is a very dangerous man.
If he finds out that you work with the police he
will kill you. So, do not contact us. We will.
I nod. They get up and I walk them to the door. I
close it and take a deep breath. I need water. I
rushed to the sink and pour it in the glass and
drink.

I drop the glass when I feel a hand touch me.

Sabelo: Hey hey hey it's me.
He hugs me.
Sabelo: Its me. What's up?
Me: I thought it was…the police.
Sabelo: Police?
Me: Yeah. Do you care to explain.
Sabelo: I didn't want to stress you but I am
handling it.
Me: Are you? How?
Sabelo: I don't know but I will find a way soon.
Me: That's funny cause he said I was the plam to
catch him.
Sabelo: What?
Me: Yes. I have to throw myself into the wolves to
keep you out of jail.
Sabelo: That's absurd. That was his suggestion. I
would never make you do anything to save my ass
again. You did enough of that. I am gonna do this
myself or go to jail and serve. Just not putting you
in danger.
Me: I will do it. .
Sabelo: You won't. I will not allow it.
Me: The detective said its been months. If yoh
really had a shot at catching hjm, wouldn‟t be done
by now?
Sabelo: I am trying my best.
Me: Let me do it.
Sabelo: I really don't want you to but fine.
Me: What brings you here? I was experimenting
you after 2 weeks.
Sabelo: I missed you. I couldn't even sleep last
night.
He picks me up and place me on the counter.
Sabelo: You cried till you fell asleep, didn't you?
I feel tears come again. I nod. He kisses me.
Sabelo: I'm sorry.
Me: Its okay. I can be a bit of a mess sometimes.
Sabelo: I love you regardless.
He pushes me back and pull my thong down and
pushes my legs apart and eat me out gently.
God knows we're so inlove….

15

ZIMASA

There were 5 girls ahead of me now. I have been

here since 5am and the line was already very long.
The unemployment rate is really high in SA. These
were not just hookers or women who had no life
bur people with degrees but won't find jobs.
When I bring my eyes up from my phone. There's
now only two of us. This house is to die for. Thugs
get all the good things in life.
Man: Hey! Are you here to look around or you are
looking for a job?
I stand up. It is already my turn. I get up and
follow him. We enter the stripping room. It is
heaven. The man I am here for is sitting down
there puffing expensive cigars. I get on stage and
take off my dress and spray myself and walk
around the pole and start dancing. I had to swallow
my pride and call Martha to come and teach me a
few tricks because she is really good at it. I did not
tell her why I wanted to learn a few more tricks
because she does not approve of anything I do for
my man.
I bow when I am done.
Man: Please follow me.
I pick up my dress and follow him. He takes me
where the rest to the ladies were.
Man: The judge will come shortly. Good luck.
Us: Thank you.
We sit and wait. I text husband that we are now
waiting for results. He wishes me luck.
The judge walks in. He points at me and other 4
girls and tells us to follow him. We follow him
out.
Him: I really loved your performances but you
perform for boys in high school. Here I need
energy. I need eye contact. I need nudity. Who on
earth wears a boy leg to pole dancing? I need to
see some ass and almost a vagina or a pussy lip. I
need a nasty performance. A performance that will
leave Madonna with a boner.
Me: I can try again.
Him: I am afraid you can't
Me: Please. I really need this job.
Him: You came try again in a month or two sis I'm
sorry. Thanks for stopping by.
He walks back inside. The other girls are gone
 I walk away with tears threatening my eyes.
Sabelo is gonna be so upset. The drive home is
shorter. I am at the gate before I can even process
this. There are cars infront of our house. I am
assuming it‟s the police. I stay in te car for good
10 minutes and hop out when I am ready to see the
disappointed look on his face.

Its really them. I greet.

Sabelo: Before you even sit down. Are you in?
I shake my head.
Sabelo: Shit.
Me: But I will keep going back until they take me.
Nhlapho: It's gonna be suspicious.
He turns to Sabelo.
Nhlapho: This is bad news for you Ndoda. If we
haven't got him in 2 weeks. I will have to back out
from our deal.
Me: Mr detective. I promise you, I will work my
way in.
Nhlapho: As long as you do not get caught
because if you do. We can't protect you.
Me: I won't get caught.
They stand up.
Nhlapho: I will be awaiting your call.
We nod and they leave. He goes to the kitcheb and
drink water.
Me: I am going to fix it.
Sabelo: Just let me go to jail.
Me: No. Jesus Sabelo.
My phone rings. Its Embers mom.
Me: Hey mah.
Mom: Zimasa. A mere call my child? Or a please
call. Nothing?
Me: I've been busy mah I'm sorry.
Mom: Aisuka wena. Your sister's boyfriend is
coming to pay demages and pay lobola next week.
Come home.
Me: That‟s great I will come. I'll call you later ma.
Mom: I know you won't.
Me: I will.
I hang up before she tells me I won't. Its really
hard to go home after my dad left. That house is
full of his memories and I can not stand that.
Me: That was Amber's mom. Her boyfriend is
coming to pay damages and lobola.
Sabelo: Wow that's great.
Me: It is.
Sabelo: Soon that will be your people.
Me: I know.
He kissed me.
Sabelo: Go get some rest. I will go buy us food
Me: You are my hero.
I go to our bedroom to change….
….
ZANELE
I left home a day ago. I was praying it will be like
Nomalanga said. I kept fighting the urge to call
him, hoping he shows up here but nothing.

I decided to work from here today. I am not in the

mood to be out there. I order food and put my
laptop away.
I get up and stretch. I hear a knock. That was fast.
I go and open. My heart skips a beat. He is
carrying a bag.
Me: Hi.
Mulo: Can I come in?
Me: Uhm yeah sure.
I make a way for him to get in. He does and tosses
his bag over the couch. Okay. I close the door and
walk slowly to him. He takes off his jacket and
trousers.
Mulo: You forgot to tell me we're staying in a
hotel.
Me: I figured you needed your space.
Mulo: Did I say that?
Me: Not in so many words.
Mulo: Come here.
Me: No.
Mulo: You started this remember?
Me: I said I am sorry.
Mulo: Is that what our lives have become? You
deliberately disrespecting me and apologizing all
the time?
Me: No.
Mulo: If you keep treating me like this I will go
out there and seek for I don't get at home. Be a
wife, do not try to be a man too. 2 bulls can never
stay in one kraal so decide what are you in this
marriage.
I nod.
Mulo: Don't cry.
I nod and tears rush down. He comes and hugs me.
Mulo: I love you but you make it so hard to be
with you now. We used to be so happy Zane. What
is happening to us?
Me: I'm gonna change I promise.
He wipes my tears and leans down to kiss me. We
kiss slowly. He picks me up and walk with me to
the bed. I missed him. I missed his minty breath. I
missed the smell axe all over me. I missed his
weight on top of me. I missed all of him.

We are now both naked. He is rubbing on my clit

gently. We haven't had sex in a very long time. I
grab his penis and shove it inside me. He is taking
too long with the romance and I am starving. He
let's out a trembling breath. I hold him tight as he
goes in and out, increasing his pace and slowing
down. He turns me around after some time and
pump me up till he cums inside me. I am not back
on the pill. I clean myself up and put on my
clothes.
Mulo: And then?
Me: I-
Mulo: I thought you were gonna change.
Me: What does that mean?
Mulo: It means you will stop taking that poison
and we try for a child.
Me: I have to be emotionally ready to have a child
mageba. I can't just fall pregnant because you want
a child.
Mulo: Don't take that thing then.
Me: Fine.
I undressed again and climbed on top of him. He
doesn't like this much but he let's me do it cause I
like it. We kiss and he slides it in. I moan as he
holds me still and fucking my brains out. I love
him…..
….
ZIMASA
After eating I took a nap. I am woken up by a
burning sensation of pee. I rush to the bathroom
and pee. I wash my hands afterwards and go out. I
find my phone ringing. Its Martha.
I sigh and take it.
Me: Hi.
She sniffles.
Me: Martha?
She sobs loudly.
Me: Where are you?
“Martha! Open the door please"
Martha: Go away.
Ms: Keep the door locked. I am coming.
I walk out as barefoot as I am and rush down. I
find Sabelo on the phone. I take the first car keys I
see and run out.
The drive is long and I am panicking. The security
at their gate gives me trouble for a bit annoying me
even more.
Me: Where is she? What did you do to her?
I say as soon as I get in. He points at the hallway. I
head there. I knock.
Me: Friend its me.
I keep knocking.
The door opens. She is a mess. I go in and hug her.
She sobs uncontrollably. I shush her until she
calms down.
Me: What's up?
Martha: I'm pregnant.
Oh.
Me: Don't you want it?
Martha: I do.
Me: Now what is the problem? Why are you
crying?
She starts crying again.
Martha: He is just so ugly friend. I don't want an
ugly baby.
Me: It could come out looking like you.
Martha: No. Ugly man have strong genes. You
know I've always wanted colored kids.
Me: I know babe. I'm sorry.
I hug her. I almost crashed speeding here thinking
he hurt her….

16
ZIMASA
Its been 4 days and I have been coming here every
single morning and afternoon but today it is a do
or die. I left home with a word that if they do not
hire me, he is going down. I made him a promise
the first time I did the unexplanable for him, I told
him there is nothing I would not do for him even if
it meanr putting myself in the face of danger. He
lives with that, i gave him a home in me, I gave
him a mother, I gave him a wife, I gave him a
friend, he trusts me with everything and I cannot
let him down. Not now when we are about to be
husband and wife. He is going to go pay lobola 2
weeks after Amber's. He asked for permission a
day ago. He explained that he said we should wait
because of this….

The door swings open and I stop tapping my foot

on the floor. I stand up.
Him: You can stay out.
He says to the 2 guys with him. His hands are
behind clasped together. He walks to the other side
of the room. There is a table there. He takes out a
gun and put it on the table. I have seen a gun
before, I've had it pointed straight at my head and I
didn't flinch so this is nothing.
Mike: Candy right?
Me: Yes Sir.
Mike: Under cover police?
I laugh.
Me: I wish but no.
Mike: Why are you si determined to work here?
Me: Because I heard you pay right and I am tired
of the peanuts I earn at work.
Mike: Where did you work?
Me: At Razo's?
Mike: The rasta dude?
Me: Yes.
Mike: That's unlike him. How long have you been
there?
Me: Almost 2 years now.
Mike: That's a lot of time hey.
Me: It is.
Mike: Welcome aboard miss Candy. Sushi will
show you around, give you your contact and I will
see you tomorrow evening with a signed contract.
Me: Thank you so much. You don't know how
much this means to me.
He nods and I watch him motion to the door
slowly. He leaves the door open. I take a deep
breath and sit down. A petite lady walks in. She
greets and tells me to follow her.
Sushi: Rule number one of this place, never ever
disckose your identity, starting with this. .
She gives me a butterfly mask. I put it on.
Sushi: Amazing. This way.

She shows me around. Everyone has got their

change room. What a beautiful place. She takes me
to the boardroom.
Sushi: This is Lucas, lawyer. Our workers lawyer.
You either read the contract with him for better
understanding or you can take it home, your
choice.
Me: I will take it home thanks.
Sushi: Excellent. Did you understand everything
else I told you?
Me: Yes I did.
Sushi: Great. My job here is done. He's gonna
explain a few things for you.
I smile and nod. I just wanna be out of here. She
walks out. Lucas clears his throat. I sit down.
Lucas: Whatever it is that you won't understand
do not hesitate to give me a call, okay?
Me: Okay.
He gives me the contract and his card. I head
out….
…..
NKAZIMULO ZULU
Ma: Nkazi hel….
Me: Mah!
Zanele pulls me back.
Zanele: The current is too strong Mulo. Stop
please.
Me: She is my mother. I need to save her.
She makes me face her, I feel powerful love fill
my heart. I love her deeply and she is in control of
me.
Zanele: You need to let her go. She is gone. Let
her rest.
Tears escape my eyes. She hugs me. She calls my
name loudly I jump and fall off the bed. She seems
ready for work.
Zanele: what's going on? You were crying in your
sleep.
Me: I was dreaming of mother.
Zanele: What was she saying?
Me: Nothing. She was drowning and I could not
help her. You stopped me.
Zanele: I don't know what to say. You probably
thinking about her too much. Let her go.
Me: You said exactly that. How much did we
drink last night?
I get up.
Zanele: You opned almost every bottle in the bar.
Me: Shit.
I open the door to the bathroom.
Zanele: Can you drive me to work today?
Me: No. I am already late.
I go back to her and kiss her.
Me: Please request a ride. I'm gonna fetch you.
Zanele: I love you.
Me: I love you.
She heads out. I take my phone and go to the
bathroom. I call Smanga.
Smanga: You better have an explanation why you
are not here
Me: I had too much to drink. Please take the girls
to school.
Smanga: I am driving the Mrs to a hang out.
Me: When?
Smanga: 8:30.
Me: Let me drive her. I won't be able to stand the
noise of those kids today.
Smanga: Nkazi bra. You know we don't get along.
Me: Just try to get along. Just for today.
Smanga: You owe me.
Me: As always.
I hang up and get under the shower. I am really not
looking forward to this day…
….
ZANELE
I am at my happiest. My husband is back at his
senses. We are back at being the Zane and Mulo I
know. Listening to music after work, dance, drink
alcohol and take our late night baths together and
have lunch and lots of sex.
I jump when someone hits my desk. Its
Nomalanga.
Me: Jesus.
Nomalanga: Why are you smiling like an idiot?
Me: Because I am happy. Why are you not?
Nomalanga: Because there is someone threatening
me!
Me: How?
Nomalanga: That they know about
amantombazane. That they are going to let my
husband know and the whole world know. Do you
know what that means for us?
Me: Us? It sounds like a you problem to me.
Nomalanga: Have you lost your mind Siena? If
this person knows of amantombazane then that
means they know you are in it too.
Me: Well you came here, what if you're bugged or
followed? Did you think of that? My life is just
getting back on track Nomalanga. I do not want
any problems.
Nomalanga: Wow.
Me: Yes wow. Get out.
She scoffs and click her heels away. I shall not
have my mood ruined….
….
ZIMASA
When I got home he was not here. I cleaned the
mess that I made when I left in the wee hours of
the morning.

I sped home in excitement just to find no one. I

push the little suitcase to the closet. He gets in. He
throws his gym bag on top of the bed. He passes
me without a word and disappear to the bathroom.
I let him be. I fold the remaining clothes until he
comes out bathed.
Sabelo: Please pack me some clothes.
Me: You going somewhere?
Sabelo: Yes.
Me: For how long?
Sabelo: For the weekend.
Me: You just decided today?
Sabelo: Yes.
Me: What's wrong with you?
Sabelo: Are you gonna pack the bag or not?
Me: I won't. And I got that job.
Sabelo: You did?
Then I see a smile. Such a dork.
Sabelo: Come here.
He kisses me.
Sabelo: Let's go out to celebrate.
Me: Aren't you leaving now?
Sabelo: I will leave tomorrow when you leave for
Amber's thing.
Me: I don't think I am going. I have to be at
Mike's.
Sabelo: That is not good.
Me: I will make it up to her.
Sabelo: If you say so.
He picks me up and spin me around.
Me: Put me down!
He throws me on the bed and tickle me.
Sabelo: I don't know what I'd do without you.
You're my light in the darkness.
Me: I know.
Sabelo: You were created for me.
Me: Oh yes I was.
We kiss....
SPONSORED
17
ZIMASA
Today came faster than expected. Just yesterday I
was glad to be in my man's arms, drinking
champagne and listening to him telling me he will
always appreciate me no matter what. It was a
good night. I was so sad when he left today after
we had lunch. I really wished I could go with him
but hey a good future for my kids relies on this.
I put on my mask at the gate and the security let
me in. I look for Sushi inside but she is nowhere to
be found so I head straight to where we found
Lucas yesterday.

I find him busy with some paperwork. I greet and

sit down.
Lucas: Candy right?
Me: Yes.
I hand over the papers.
Lucas: You read and understood.
Me: Yes.
Lucas: And signed?
Me: Yes.
Lucas: This contract can be cancelled any time for
the next 30 days. After that, we will fine you.
Me: I understood that.
Lucas: Shall your identity be leaked, we will be to
blame and we will pay you for it. Please go stand
over there and stare straight at the lenses.
I do as told. The flash almost blinds me.
Lucas: You may go to the changing room.
Me: Thank you.
I walk out and head straight down the hallway.
The doors are labelled. I find mine at the end. So
far away. I go in and close the door behind me.
Clean and smells fresh. A mirror and cabinet. I sit
down on the ottoman. I take out my cell and text
Nhlapho that I am in. I delete the message and
apply lipstick. I change into lingerie and look at
my reflection. I feel my hair shrink. Mike comes
in. He closes the door and lock. He definitely
know. I try to remain aa calm as possible. He
comes straight to me and pull out a knife. He rips
my R800 lingerie apart!
My boobs are left in the open. This is sexy….focus
Zimasa. Focus!
I get back to being scared. He takes my mask off.
He's staring deep into my eyes. I wish my vagina
did not react to this but what on earth with scary
man? I am literally going for an orgasm.
Mike: Who sent you?
Me: Detective Nhlapho.
He let's go of me.
Shit! Shit. Shit. Shit. Shit!
Me: I mean no one.
Mike: What did you do little girl?
Little girl? Is that how he sees me? I could literally
fuck him till midnight right now and right here!
Me: I don't know what you mean.
Mike: I mean Nhlapho would never ask anyonr to
come here undercover unless he really hates them
that he wants them dead.
Me: What do you mean?
Mike: I mean I could kill you, get rid your body
and you'd never be found. Why would he put you
under so much danger?
Me: Its for my boyfriend. He cut a deal with the
police.
Mike: Me in exchange for his freedom?
I nod.
Mike: Do you know that he does not love you?
Qaluyiva!
Me: You don't know me.
Mike: But I know you're stupid.
Me: Are you killing me or?
Mike: Not yet. I might need you. I'll tell sushi to
bring something to wear.
Me: I quit.
Mike: Then I'm gonna have to kill you. Tell them
you are still trying to get close to me.
He says calmly and head to the door. I finally
breathe. My boobs have been staring at him the
whole time. I sit down, my knees are weak.
How did he know? I just wanna be out of here….
….
ZANELE
I hate waiting. 5 minutes is my maximum waiting
time. More than that its abuse.
The little girl comes out finally.
Her: She is out of the meeting.
Finally. I get up and head into her office. She finds
me pouring water.
Me: I found the address you've been getting the
texts from. The number is registered unde no
name. So I'm guessing it was bought from the
somalian shops.
Nomalanga: Thank you.
Me: Please try to stay away Nomalanga. I mean it.
Nomalanga: I was desperate and afraid. You know
I trust you Siena and I knew you could come up
with a solution. Thank you.
Me: Okay I'm gone.
She smiles and nods. I walk off.
I get in my car and speed off. I am late for our
dinner date. I know he is a bomb now.
I arrive at the restaurant. Luckily he is not here yet.
I head straight to our table. I order a glass of red
wine as I wait. 5 minutes later he walks in.
Mulo: I'm so sorry.
He kisses me.
Me: I was also late. It's been 5 minutes.
Mulo: Whew! I almost shit my pants.
We laugh.
Me: I am starving.
Mulo: Me too. I haven't had anything since
breakfast. Smanga forgot to fetch the kids from
school. I just fetched them.
Me: No!
Mulo: He's so stupid. And Kyla has a new friend.
Me: There's 3 of them now?
Mulo: Imagine. The drop offs are tiring But I
wouldn't trade them for the world. Such an
amazing smart little girl. She is 6, stays with her
father. She does not know her mother but they
write each other letters, she loves her father that's
what I picked up.
Me: What is her name?
He laughs.
Mulo: We got caught up in the conversation I
forgot to ask. Let's order.
His face is always full of joy when he talks about
the little girls he drives but today, he's over the
moon. Sometimes I wish I could give him children
but I know he would never get it from anywhere so
there is no pressure nor fear that he might come
home with a pregnant woman….
….
ZIMASA
Around 9pm. I knock off. I drive straight home.
Devastated. I need a glass of wine, or 2 or 3 or
even the whole bottle. He was smiling at me the
whole time I danced which made more scared
cause I felt like anytime he's gonna shoot me off
the fucking pole.
I get home and turn on the lights. I head straight to
the fridge and take out my cider and drink it up. I
feel the nerves calm. I try calling Nhlapho, he does
not answer. I take another bottle and go collapse
on the couch. What is my life becoming?....
…..
SABELO
I get off the phone and it rings again. Its Nhlapho.
I hope he has good news for me.
Me: Make my night Nhlapho.
Nhlapho: I'm so sorry chief. He did not kill her.
Me: What do you mean he did not kill her? Your
assured me he will!
Nhlapho: Well he didn't. I just got a report that she
was seen driving in to your home.
Me: Do you know what does that mean for me? I
don't want to live my life with my wife and child
dodging that psycho's threats and curses. Stage a
break in and fucking kill her. By tomorrow
morning I want her dead.
Nhlapho: I am on it.
I hang up. So much for a smart cop. I drink the
remaining brandy in my glass….

18

ZANELE

“Noma kanjani wedali wami ngeke ngikushiye.

Ngikuthanda unjalo. Noma bekuthuka bethi
awugezi, unuka umlomo ngikuthanda unjalo"
We sing out loud, holding on to each other and
throw ourselves on the bed.
Me: Is it me or our bed feels a bit stiff.
Mulo: I think we're in the wrong room.
Me: We counted doors
Mulo: We miss counted. Our bedroom is not a 3rd
door on the righ its on the left.
We giggle.
Me: Shit.
Mulo: Let's camp here.
Me: Oh God I need to pee.
Mulo: Want me to help you take your clothes off?
Me: Please.
He rolls off and falls. He laughs.
Me: Mulo!
Mulo: We shouldn't have smoked that shit. My
head feels heavy.
Me: Its gonna take a miracle for me to get up.
I feel myself floating. He's carrying me.
Me: Oh I love you my zulu warrior.
Mulo: I love you too my spear.
Me: Are body shaming me?
Mulo: Okay sorry. I love you shlangu sami.
Me: Thank you geba.
He puts me down and help me take my dress off
and I finally pee. Whew….
…..
ZIMASA

I am woken up by a sound of something breaking.

Is Sabelo back? I get out of bed and and go to
check. I stop at a first step when I se two men
tiptoeing to the room downstairs. One of them has
a gun in his hand. Others are breaking everything
before them. I walk backwards until I am at his
study door. I open it carefully and lock. I look for
a olace to stay and there is nothing except for the
desk. I go and hide behind it. How did they get in?
My mind comes back and I take the phone and call
Sabelo. He picks up immediately.
Me: Babe.
Sabelo: Zimasa.
Me: There are people here.
Sabelo: What do they want?
I see that envelope he received days ago. A paper
is peeping through “Marriage Certificate…”
written in bold letters.
Sabelo: Zimasa? What do they want?
I pull it out. I run my eyes on it. I see his name. I
see Amber‟s. I sit butt flat. I read from the
beginning. This is a mistake. This is…this is a
mistake. I pull the drawers and look for Lord
knows what but I find it, a memory stick. I turn the
computer on, my hands are sweating and shaking.
He would never do that to me. Ever!

His lockscreen is a scan printout. He changed his

password. I take the phone and call him again.
Sabelo: What are you doing in my office Zimasa?
Did I grant you permission to go there?
Me: I am in danger Sabelo.
Sabelo: Zimasa its after Midnight. I am sleeping. I
really don't have time for you games.

I hang up. I hear footsteps outside. I sit still. My

heart is beating out of my chest. The door is
kicked open.
"There is no one here"
He says in almost a whisper.
"Have you searched the whole room? He said she
is here. She called him with his office phone. Look
behind the desk"

I pinch myself. I need to wake up from this

nightmare. What does he mean ge said i am here?
What is going on?

I feel a hard object hit my head i become dizzy and

fall on my face. I am pulled by my feet.

I feel cold finger tips touch my butt as my

underwear is pulled down and my legs are spread
apart, I want to fight but I cannot. I want to beg
him but I can't. He inserts himself and humps, and
humps, and humps, and humps, and humps,
roughly. He is holding in to me. Tightly, his arm
wraps around my neck and he pulls it tight. This is
it. This is how my book ends, i am dying.
He stops and get off.
"What are you doing?"
"He said we could do anything we like to her. I
couldn't resist this"
"Without a condom? Your dna is all over her now.
Just fucking shoot her already."

I am not scared anymore. I was, few minutes ago

but now I have accepted my fate. A gun goes off, I
feel a sharp sting on my back, another one, and
another one. I can't move. I feel like I'm going to
di……..
…..
MARTHA
I yawn and turn and I see him.
Me: Do you really have to be the first thing I see in
the morning?
Mulalo: Because we share the bed babe. Good
morning. Breakfast is served.
Me: I can make my own food thanks.
Mulalo: How long are you gonna do this?
Me: For as long as I live.
Mulalo: Isn't that your friend's house?
I turn to the tv. It is Sabelo's house. I turn up the
volume.
“Reporting live from the soccer star's house. It is
believed to have been a break in where the accused
raped and tried to kill the live in maid of Mr
Sabelo. She was found earlier today By the
neighbor who was walking her dog and rushed to
the hospital. The accused are still on the run…”
I jump on my feet and take my phone and vall
Zimasa. I didn't know they had a maid. Where they
were? It goes through voicemail.
Me: You need to drive me there.
He takes his keys and we follow each other out. I
pray she is safe wherever she is. I try calling
Sabelo on the way but he doesn't pick up. I am
even more frustrated now….
….
MULO
I turn the tv off. What has this world become? At
night when you should be sleeping, you are going
to people's houses to vandalise their belongings
and abuse women. This is twisted.
She gets in walking slowly. The hangover got her
bad. She sits on my lap.
Zane: You woke up early.
Me: I couldn‟t sleep in that bed a second more.
Zane: Is there anyone in this house?
Me: Not yet. I made myself coffee.
Zane: Aibo where are people paid to do that?
Pearl: Here ma'am. I'm so sorry. I am Sabelo's
neighbor so I was trapped.
Zane: Who is Sabelo?
Me: Super stricker of kings fc.
Zane: why was pearl trapped?
Me: Because there was a break in at his house.
They raped and tried to kill his maid. She was
found this morning.
Zane: That's awful. But how does one break in into
a fucking estate? Is that what you paid a million
for Pearl?
Pearl: I am still wondering cause our houses have
alarms.
Me: Perhaps she forgot to set hers.
Zane: Still. This soccer star must tell the truth. He
knows what happened there.
Me: Okay enough about this. Pearl please prepare
us something with chilli.
Pearl: Coming right up.
Zane takes my coffee and drinks it. I lean back on
the chair and listen to my slowly pounding head.
Yesterday was fun. We have been having so much
fun lately and I am enjoying every bit of it. It feels
good to have my bestfriend back…
….
MARTHA
I sit beside her and hold her hand and cry. She
doesn't deserve what happened to her. She is
bruised and looks lifeless. She looks like the heart
monitor is going to stop any time.

I have been here for over 5 hours. Still in my

pyjamas. When I arrived at the scene they told me
the “maid” is Zimasa Hlongwane so I rushed here.
I arrived an hour after she went into the theatre.
Those bastards are gonna pay.
Me: I love you Zee.

A Dr comes in.
Dr: Miss i am afraid 10 minutes is over.
Me: Is she gonna be fine?
Dr: I can't say for now. But what we can do for
now is pray she recovers. She lost a lot of blood
but she is a fighter. So many hours without help?
She could've been dead.
I squeeze her hand and get up.

I walk out. I find Mulalo outside. He hugs me.

Mulalo: She is going to be fine.
Me: I am upset. I see Sabelo and whomever walk
in. The nerve of this man. I move from Mulalo and
stop him.
Me: What are you doing here? Why were you not
home?
Sabelo: Move out of my way Martha.
Me: I'm gonna fucking kill you. A maid? Really?
Is that what she is to you? Get the fuck out of here
Sabelo.
Sabelo: Dude, hold your bi-

I slap him. He tries to slap back but Mulalo stops

him.
Mulalo: You don't want to mess with my woman.
The security is already here.
Mulalo: Please get this man out of here.
Sabelo: I want to see Zimasa!
Me: Well fuck off!

They drag him out. Mulalo holds my hand and we

walk out....
....
SABELO

I get into the car.

Me: Did the news people get that?
Nhlapho: They did.
Me: Get your boys to finish the job.
Nhlapho: I will. I have a Dr friend in there.
Me: Let me go.
Nhlapho: All the best man.
Me: Thank you.
He hops off. I drive off. My phone rings. I put on
an earpiece.
Me: Babe.
Amber: We just saw the news. What happened?
Me: I don't know.
Amber: Can you guys postpone?
Me: No no no. We are coming.
Amber: Everyone is going crazy here Sabelo. This
won't go as good.
Me: Zimasa is gonna be fine love I promise.
Amber: I'll see you later. We love you.
Me: I love you more.

I hang up and drive straight home to fetch my

mother.....
19
ZANELE
He comes down smelling fresh and looking good. I
thought we were spending the evening indoors.
Me: And then?
Mulo: Duty calls sthandwa sam. My boss needs
me.
Me: Isn't Smanga on duty?
Mulo: He is but when he goes to Soshanguve he
only needs me.
Me: can't he drive himself? Its 7pm for Christ's
sake.
Mulo: I will be back before 10.
Me: Since when is Sosha around the corner?
Mulo: I will be back before 10.
He kisses me and take his phone.
Me: You really don't need this job you know that?
Mulo: I could be a stay home dad but there is no
child.
Right!
He smorks and walk to the door. I sit and fight the
urge to go to the beauty room. I really want him to
quit that job I don't don't want to use that method.
I change the channel and watch whatever it is that
is playing. I will stay here until he gets back…..
….
The next morning I wake up and he is behind me
snoring. I did not hear him come back. I am
starving. I move his arm over me and get up. I find
Pearl filming her cooking tutorials. I slide into the
chair. She takes out a plate and dish up for me. I
thank her and eat. He hugs me from behind. He
smells of cigaratte, mixed with mint and berries.
Me: You smoked again last night?
Mulo: Just for the guys.
Me: What do you guys usually do in Sosha?
Mulo: I can't tell you that. Hey Pearlie.
I laugh. She hates that.
Me: But I am your wife. You can tell me.
Mulo: I'd rather tell pearl. You are such a
phenomenal woman. You'd use that against him to
fire me.
I laugh.
Me: Why are you making me a bad guy?
Mulo: Because I know you very well Mrs Zulu.
Did you sprinkle a love potion today on these eggs
P? They taste heavenely.
Pearl: It‟s an increase my salary potion actually.
We laugh.
Mulo: Are not satisfied with your salary anymore?
Pearl: Kinda.
Mulo: Your next salary will increased.
I look at him. He's serious. Is he still stoned? We
pay her enough. He does not look my direction at
all. Its days like these where I just wanna strangle
him…..
….
AT MIKE‟S
He summons Sushi to his office. She comes in a
moments later.
Mike lifts his eyes from the papers.
Mike: Is who am I seeing?
Sushi: Nhlapho.
Mike: Is he still here?
Sushi: Yes.
Mike: Please let him in.
She walks out and Nhlapho comes in. He attempts
to sit.
Mike: Stand.
Nhlapho: I'm on duty.
Mike: Good. Whose the girl‟s real name?
Nhlapho: Which girl?
Mike: The one you sent here. What is her name?
Nhlapho: I-
Mike: Don't even try lying to me.
Sushi comes in panting. She gives Mike her ipad.
Mike: Wait outside Nhlapho.
He walks out again.
Mike: What happened to her?
Sushi: There was a break in. She was raped and
shot, left to die.
He gets up and head out. He grabs Nhlapho by his
collar and push him back in and slap him.
Mike: Did you have anything to do with it?
Nhlapho: I don't know what you are talking about.
He slaps him again. He runs to the corner. Mike
take his gun out.
Nhlapho: I-
Mike pulls the trigger and shot at his thigh. He
cries and fall down.
Mike: Tell your folks officer down.
He crouches before him.
Mike: God forbid anything happens to her. I now
have a task for you. You have to keep her safe.
Shall anything happen to her, you will die.
He stands up straight and they walk out with
Sushi.
Mike: Go clean up the mess in my office.
He says to his bodyguards….
…..
MARTHA

I finish eating. He smiles. I wish he could just stay

out of my face. I take the car keys.
Mulalo: I am driving you.
Me: No. You're going to work.
Mulalo: And I am going to drop you off at the
hospital on my way to work.
Me: Fine let's go.
….
I hate how busy the road is during lunch times. We
arrive at the hospital. He drops me off and leaves.
I get in and head straight to where she is. The ward
is empty. I won't let myself panic I look for a nurse
or a Dr I can find. There is none in sight. I head
down the hallway. A dr comes out of one of the
doors.
Me: Excuse me….excuse me. Do you perhaps
know where is the lady that was on that recovery
ward?
Dr: No ma'am I don't. Dr Phewa might know. His
office is up there.
I rush back. I pass a family crying. I hope God
doesn't do that to me. She's all I have. She
wouldn't leave me here by myself. I am already
crying when I reach the Drs office. I knock. He
lets me in.
Me: I am looking for my sister that was-
Dr Phewa: Are you Martha?
Me: Yes.
He gives me a little paper.
Dr Phewa: A good friend of your sister moved her.
She woke up and responding very well to
medication. In 4 weeks time, she will be herself
again. The good friend said she is in danger so I let
her take her. That's the address.
What friend? I am her only friend. I nod and walk
out. I request a ride there. It is already there when I
get out of the hospital. I get in.
“Sabelo Mtshali. I never took him as a husband
material. He's trending for the tragedy that
happened to his maid and his lobola ceremony talk
about a real influencer"
They laugh.
Me: Can you turn it up please.
He does.
“This weekend is definetely his. And Amber is so
cute. Their baby is gonna be fire.”
“but a 10 million engagement ring? How much
money does this man have? I hope my future
husband is taking notes”
They laugh again.
“Man! Well congratulations to the Kings boys
super striker Sabelo Mtshali and Amber
Hlongwane. We should invite them some day”
“Yeah we should. The next song is by Dumi
Mkokstad Ziphozenkosi. Enjoy….”
I really wish Zimasa listened to anyone other than
her stupid heart. I suspected it but I hoped it was
nothing. Zimasa will never recover from this.
Amber? Not after how she put her through varsity
and did everything for her. She's so ungrateful….
…..
ZIMASA
I open my eyes and scan the room. I have drips
connected in me, a heart monitor and I am laying
in bed but this isn't the hospital. It‟s a luxurious
room. I can't move. My body is numb. I try to say
a word but nothing comes out. What happened to
me?

The doors open. 2 women walk in. The other one

rushes to me but stops before she could reach the
bed.
Her: I almost hurt you
Another one: She does not know who you are. We
had to inject her to move her cause she would have
felt massive pain in humps.
They seem to know me. I can't keep my eyes open.
They keep on talking and I drift away….
….
ZANELE
Mulo decided to visit Nomalanga‟s husband so I
had to tag along. Now we were the spare wheels
listening to them talk about soccer we know
nothing of. Nomalanga calls me to come help her
in the kitchen.
Me: Since when are they close?
Nomalanga: I thought you'd know.
She doesn't seem fine.
Me: Are you okay?
Nomalanga: I am.
Me: You don't look okay.
She looks up and sniffles.
Nomalanga: It‟s the year of soul sacrifice for me.
I gasp.
Me: Is it him?
Nomalanga: No. Its Sydeny.
Me: Oh no Nomalanga. Can't you like use a cow in
her place?
She shakes her head.
Nomalanga: I have been doing it for the past 4
decades. This sacrifice is the final one and it has to
be human blood.
Me: I'm so sorry. Where is she?
Nomalanga: Out with friends. I have been
dreading but now I have a deadline.
Me: When?
Nomalanga: Tonight.
Me: Oh Nomalanga this makes me sad.
Nomalanga: And to think I accepted that
legitimate son of his thinking they would pick him
drives me nuts.
She excuse herself. Amantombazane know how
much she loves Sydeny. They wouldn‟t have
chosen Bongani…..
20

MARTHA

Days have passed. It's been 4 weeks now and she

is not showing any signs of gaining her memory. I
go to Sushi's every morning and return in the
evening. I stay with her, just watching her, I pray
for her. I cry, although I try so hard not to but it is
just too much sometimes. She is the only friend I
ever made and never judged me for the kind of
lifestyle I led. She has always been there for me.
We have our fights, which friends do not?

I get out of the tub. I longed for this. My phone

rings. I dry my hands and take it. It's Sushi. My
heart beats faster every time she calls.
Me: Hi
Sushi: Hey. She is awake and she keeps saying she
wants Sabelo. Who is that?
Me: I'm coming.

I hang up. I'm fuming. I dress up quickly and look

for Mulalo. He is nowhere in sight. I go to the
lounge and take the keys and walk out. I get in the
car and drive out....

I arrive at Mike's. I head straight to the room

Zimasa is in. There is Mike and Sushi trying to
calm her down.
Mike: Please try talking to her.
They walk out.
Me: What do you want Zimasa?
Zimasa: I want Sabelo.
Me: What for?
Zimasa: That is none of your business. Take me to
him!
Me: Then go!
I head to the door. I don't even know why I came
here. I close the door and cry.
Sushi: Who is Sabelo?
Me: Her boyfriend .
Sushi: Should we let her go?
I nod.
I want her to get there and see for herself that I
was right.....

.....

ZANELE

I throw the shovel down and follow it.

Khosi: We could've got someone to do this for us.
Me: And kill them too afterwards?
Khosi: Where is Nomalanga held up? Try calling
her.
I call her.
Nomalanga: I'm not sure I can do this
Me: You must be kidding.
Nomalanga: She -
Me: Sisi you are not doing this just for yourself.
Our lives are on the line here if you do not do it.
Khosi: And she is gonna die anyways
Nomalanga: You don't know how this feels like.
Khosi: Yes we don't but in 3 years time we will
know so get Sydeny here. We have husbands to
go to.

She snatches the phone out of my hand and hang

up.
Khosi: She is full of shit.
Me: Let's light the candles as we wait.
We ignite the 100 candles and wait an hour more.
We get up when we see the lights. She parks
under the tree. She hops out and Sydeny does too.
They come towards us.
Sydney: O-kay. What is going on here ladies?
Me: Did your mom not tell you?
She shakes her head. I look at Nomalanga. She
looks cold.
Me: If this does not happen now, we will be still
here by sunrise.
Nomalanga: This is where it ends Sydney.
Sydney: What?
Nomalanga: Your life.
Sydeny: What does-

She gasps when Nomalanga pulls out a sword.

Sydeny: Mom. Mom what is going on?
Nomalanga: I'm so sorry baby.
She close her eyes and stab her. She runs away.
Great! We run after her. She is crying and
holding the wound. Khosi catches her and pin her
down.
Sydney: Aunt Khosi what did... What did I Do?
I'm so-

Nomalanga reaches us.

Me: Finish her off
She is crying too. Khosi takes the sword and stick
it right into her heart and take it out and stick it
into her throat and out again and everywhere. We
wait for her to die which takes forever. We carry
her to the whole we dug. We put her in and put our
capes on. We hold our calabashes.
Nomalanga: Mantombazane I give you your
sacrifice. Her soul for our strength, wealth and
husbands that love Us, and only us. Feed
yourselves with fresh innocent blood.
We pour ashes into the grave and stand up. We
take shovels and start filling up the grave. It is
close to 4am. We could've done this a month ago
but we had to wait for the full moon....

.....
MARTHA

I miss my baboon. It's mad at me for driving alone

at night. I woke up to make him breakfast but still
he's not talking to me. I thought a way into a man's
heart is through his stomach. I bring him a bottle
of water, he loves water. In a world full of juice,
alcohol and coke, he loves water.

He takes it and drink. I rest my head on his

shoulder and look at his busy laptop screen.
There's a knock at the door. I go and open. It's
Zimasa's gran. How did she know where I live?
Me: Gogo
Gran: My child. Please take me to Zimasa. I can't
live this long without my grandchild.
Me: Uhm...ok please get in. I will go dress up.
Gran: Thank you.
She gets in. I have been in touch with her keeping
her updated all this long....

.....
ZIMASA

I wheel myself to the door after Sushi helps me out

of the car. I knock. There is laughter and the door
opens. Her smile fades away. I smile.
Me: Hi. Is it safe to come in?
She is just staring at me.
Me: Amber?
Amber: Yeah sure.
Her stomach looks like its gonna blow. I wheel
myself in. He stand up and meets me halfway.
Me: Hi.
Sabelo: Hi.
Me: We need to talk.
Sabelo: I don't think this is the right time.
Me: Tell them to leave.
Sabelo: No. There is Amber's mom upstairs.
Me: Interesting. I just have 1 questions.

Amber comes and stand next to me.

Amber: I'm glad to see you're okay
Me: God's grace sis. Brave of you to live in my
tragedy scene.
Sabelo: Why are you here Zimasa?
Me: I want to know why couldn't you just fuck my
little sister and marry her without trying to kill me.
Sabelo: That's absurd
Me: Why did they know the code to your office
because it locks after 60 seconds and how did they
know I was there?
Sabelo: Can we not do this now? I have company.
He starts walking away
Me: I made you what you are Sabelo.
He stops and turns.
Sabelo: I know and I'm sorry you had to be my
ladder. How much do you want for everything you
did for me?
I chuckle.
Me: You know I have always known that one day
this was going happen. I knew you would turn on
me and treat me like trash, look at me with that
disgusted look on your face, but I never, not even
on my wildest dreams thought the woman who'd
be by your side would be my own sister.
Sabelo: I really tried to love you Zimasa but I
could not. I meant what I said that night, I will
never ever forget what you did for me. And I don't
want you blaming Amber for any of this. She
wanted to tell you sooner but I wouldn't let her.
Now stop embarrassing yourself, name your price
and Fuck off.
Amber: Sabelo!
Sabelo: What? She must tell me how much money
she wants to leave me alone.
Me: I want nothing Sabelo. I'm gonna leave now,
if you don't put a bullet in my head as I turn
around, you will live to regret it Sabelo Mtshali.

I turn around and wheel myself out. Amber calls

after me. I stop.
Amber: I know you hate me. I am truly sorry
mtase. I never planned for any of this to happen. I
tried putting a stop to it the first time it happened
but he would not let me go. I will pay all the
money you used on me in varsity.
Me: When dad was sick, he put me in charge of
y'all. I did that out of goodness of my heart. I did
what every big sister is expected to do.
Amber: I'm so sorry.
She sobs.

I wheel off. Mike opens the door for me. He

carries me inside and buckle me up. He closes the
door. I can't hold the tears. She is going to live the
life I helped build. She is going to have the kids
that should've been mine, the ring, the house, the
cars, my life.

After everything I did for him, living for him. He

saw me worth of death....

......1 YEAR LATER......

21
SABELO
I hold on to him tight and open my eyes. She
smiles.
Amber: Let me take him to bed.
Me: Ok.
She takes him and put him in bed. I put away the
controller and stand.
Amber: I've made lunch.
Me: Thank you.
I take her hand, we walk out. Who knew that one
day I will have the exactly life I have always
hated. Its true that it takes someone really special
to change your outlook on life. We love each
other. I have never loved anyone like this before.
Amber: I was thinking we visit home this
Saturday. We haven't seen her in weeks.
Me: Why doesn't she come here?
Amber: You know she doesn't like that.
Me: An entire weekend alone?
Amber: Aren't you going to Zim?
Me: Shit.
She laughs.
Amber: You should get a pa. What kind of a
captain are you?
Me: And we have practice later today. Let me
remind the gents.
Amber: Don't be long. Your food will get cold.
I nod and head to the lounge. Life has been very
generous to me. I am now the captain. I am at the
light end of the tunnel. In a few months I will be
marrying the mother of my 8 months old Sibusiso
Mtshali….
….
ZIMASA
She removes her leg on top of the other and close
her book.
Vanessa: Our sessions will now be once every
Friday. You're doing very well, be kind to
yourself.
Me: I will be.
Vanessa: I'll see you next week Friday.
I get up and shake hands and I'm out. I find Mike
waiting in the waiting area. He stands up.
Me: Finally.
Mike: How did it go?
Me: Every Friday now.
Mike: See? You're making progress.
Me: I am fine and I have been.
Mike: I don't want you committing suicide because
you didn't deal with your trauma.
I laugh.
Me: I am not that type.
We get in the car. He dragged me here kicking and
screaming about 8 months ago when I suffered
anxiety attack when I heard that Amber gave birth.
It really hit me I won't lie and talking to Vanessa
really helped. I think I would still be a mess but I
could never admit that to Mike who became my
pillar of strength. I could never thank him enough
for everything he has done for me over the year.
Mike: I feel like a burger.
Me: Oh yes Lord!
He laughs and take a turn to Steers. I hate their
short fat fries. They remind me of Sabelo's stupid
dick but he's obsessed with Steers. He says his
drivee influenced him.
He looks for a spot to park. He doesn't like drive
thrus. We get off and head in. We order and wait.
His phone rings, he excuses himself. I need a
phone too. I decided to not have a phone because I
knew I would stalk him and break my heart so I
saved myself the trouble.
He rushes back in.
Mike: Smarties, can you remain behind and uber
home? There is an emergency at home.
I get up.
Me: Is everything okay?
Mike: No. There is a woman who at my houde
claiming to be my baby mama.
Me: shit.
Mike: Yeah I know.
Me: Go.
He runs out. He's fucking dead. That woman does
not play. She whooped him and his hoe 5 months
ago in a restaurant. I don't wanna know what she'll
do to a baby mama.
I sit and wait for the order that takes 30 minutes to
get ready.
I stop when I get outside. Am I gonna use Jesus to
request an uber? I am not really in the mood to be
talking to people. I see a lady get out of her fancy
car, I head straight to her.
Me: Hi.
She locks her doors and greet back.
Me: Can I use your phone?
Her: Uh…
Me: I need to call my friend to fetch me.
Her: Call out her numbers.
Shit.
Me: Can you re quest an uber for me?
Her: I don't have the app.
“Mahosha!”
Her: I think he is talking to you.
I turn. Its one of Mike's drivers. I head to him.
Me: Excuse me.
Him: I am here to fetch you.
Me: My name is not Mahosha. You are full of shit.
Him: Are you gonna get in the car or?
Me: Apologize.
Him: I have somewhere to be sisi.
Me: Didn't your mother….wiat I know you.
Him: Ofcourse you do. Get in the car.
If I had plan B I wouldn't. Who is he to call me
Mahosha.
Me: That was really rude. You can't just call
someone umahosha especially if they are not.
Him: What are you?
Me: I am a stripper.
Him: We call it ukuhosha.
Me: Well it is not!
He rolls up the patition and plays maskandi.
Me: Son of a bitch
….
We arrive at Mike's. He doesn't open the door for
me. I hop out and head to the entrance.
Him: He said you should give me the other burger.
Me: Tell him I said no.
Him: How are you do izinto zakho zobufebe with
a full stomach?
I ignore him and walk off. He wants my soul I can
see.
I meet Sushi about to go out.
Me: Who the hell is that rude bastard?
She laughs.
Sushi: Nkazimulo Zulu. He's Mike's personal
driver.
Me: His mother raised an asshole.
Sushi: He called you Mahosha didn't he?
Me: He did.
Sushi: But I asked him nicely to say that. I'll go
talk to him. He doesn't like driving anyone except
to Mike, his wife and their daughter.
Me: He has no respect for women.

She walks out. I head up the stairs to my luxurious

bedroom. I pick the phone up and call Martha and
open my burger. I brace myself for hearing about
her ugly baby. We laugh at it everytime but we
like it. He's 6 months now, strong as his dad, she
says.
Martha: Hey babe.
Me: Hey. Guess what?
Martha: You and Mike fucked.
Me: Which part of he's my friend don't you
understand?
Martha: The part that you got a boner when he
teared your lingerie apart.
Me: That was a year ago.
Martha: You've seen his dick.
Me: It was an accident you dumb fuck. This phone
could be bugged stop talking about someone's
husband. My sessions are only going to be on
Fridays.
Martha: I'm proud of you. Maybe its about time
you got yourself a phone.
Me: Yeah. I was thinking of it. And going home.
She takes a deep breath.
Martha: Are you sure?
Me: Yeah. Its about time. I can't shut them out
forever.
Martha: Just be sure it is what you want and what
you are ready for.
Me: It is.
Martha: When do you wanna go? I can take you.
Me: This weekend.
Martha: Ok I will take you.
Me: Thank you.
Martha: Anytime babe.
Me: Where is Zamani?
Martha: Out with his father and grandma.
Me: She's there?
Martha: Yes and nice. But I don't buy all this crap.
Me: Just play along.
What could be worse than a monster inlaw and a
mamas boy?
Me: Let me take my meds and nap. I'm working
later.
Martha: Ok bye.
Me: Bye.
I hang up.
This time last year I was laying on this bed almost
lifeless. I was laying here because a man that I
loved and still love with everything in me wanted
me dead. I was laying here with gun wounds
because he wanted me gone so he can stay behind
and marry my little sister. I was laying here raped.
It still hurts. I still get nightmares, I still want to
show up at his door and ask him to just hold me, to
shoot him, to ask him to let me smell me, to stab
him….
I am grateful for Mike, Sushi and Martha. They
were with me through everything. They were
patient with me. They forced me to do anything
that was guranteed to help me heal. I wouldn't
have done it without them….
I pull the box from under the bed. I open it. I don't
know if I'll ever be ready to use them. Although he
hurt me, I don't think I can do him like that. I close
it and shove it back. I pull the fleece and cover
myself….
22

ZIMASA
As soon as my head hits the pillow. There is a
knock at the door. I ignore it. I fell off the pole
earlier. I am not in the mood.
I don't dance for Mike but his rich customers and
the tips are juicy.
“Zimasa" its him. Shouldn't he be at home?
I turn on the bedside lamp and hop out of bed to
open for him. He's leaning on the frame. He could
barely stand.
Me: Did you drink the whole tarven?
Mike: My wife hates me.
Me: So the baby is yours?
Mike: Yes. That sly bitch.
Me: Come in.
He stumbles in. I hold him and walk him to the
couch.
Mike: No. I want the bed.
Me: This isn't your room.
Mike: But its my house.
I laugh and take him to the bed.
Me: Where am I gonna sleep?
Mike: Here with me.
Me: No.
Mike: I don't see you like that Zimasa.
Me: Ouch.
Mike: You're my friend. You're like my little
sister, that's why you were moved to the VIP
section. so come here and sleep beside me. I want
to vent.
Me: Ok take off your shoes.
Mike: Please take them off for me.
I sigh and take them off. I go to the bathroom to
pee and come back.
Me: Okay I'm ready. Who is the baby mama and
where is she from?
No response.
Me: Mike?
He's gone. Alcohol. I slide in beside him…
“Fuck. What time is it?”
I turn around. There is a figure standing at thre
door.
Mike: Was I wearing a jacket last night?
Me: No.
Mike: Nkazi please tell Sushi to make me coffee.
Oh its him. He goes out.
Me: He called me mahosha.
Mike: I talked to him. He's just not friendly to
women.
Me: Then he must practice keeping his mouth
shut. He used to come where I worked.
Mike: Don't mind him. Thanks for letting me sleep
here.
Me: I had no choice.
Mike: Screw you.
I laugh. He walks out. I continue trying to sleep
but there is no luck. I get up and go to the gym…..
…..
ZANELE
My head is pounding. I hate Khosi for this. She
stayed over last night and we drank like we were
not going to work today. Mulo had ti drive me
here. I take another dose. Lilly comes in with my
strong coffee. Its not in drinking temp. I pour
water into it and drink without a stop.
Lilly: You should quit alcohol honestly. This is the
3rd time this week.
Me: Leave me alone. Please get me something hot
and spicy.
Lilly: Ok.
She walks out. I rest my head on the desk.
The door opens as I am about to pass out. The
smell if meat hit my nostrils. That was quick.
A kiss on the cheek. Its my dear husband.
Me: What would I be without you?
Mulo: A rich single woman. I have food, hangover
cure and painkillers.
Me: Thank you ndabezitha.
He takes it all out.
Me: thank you.
Mulo: I'm not gonna be long. Mike is 2 streets
away.
Me: I appreciate this little time I get to see you.
Mulo: We should go to ma's house this weekend.
Me: Okay.
He chockes. I hand him water.
Me: Are you okay?
Mulo: No. What did you do to my wife?.
I laugh.
Me: What are you saying about me husband.
Mulo: That you never agree to anything that
easily.
Me: Perhaps I've changed and we haven't been
there in 9 months so its only fair.
His phone rings.
Mulo: Thank you. Let me go.
We kiss.
Mulo: Drink that mixture.
Me: I will.
He walks out. I drink the mixture. We haven't been
to his mom's house since the cleansing and I hated
every moment of it. I could feel them judging me
for not coming to the funeral. He could see I hated
being there that‟s why he was surorised I agreed to
go spend the weekend there. He's been a good
husband lately, he deserves everything he wants,
plus we haven't had the baby talk in so long so that
is progress. I take out the meat and eat. He's such a
life saver….
…..
ZIMASA
I insert the sim card and turn it on.
Martha: Yay!
Me: Yeah yay! Zam Zam. Did you have to name
him Zamani though?
Martha: Yes. It was my dad's name friend.
Me: Ai mara.
Martha: Wouldn't you name your son Benson?
I laugh.
Me: Hell no. I love him but I would never do my
child like that.
Martha: So. Are you ready for this evening?
Me: I am. Gogo is gonna be home too so it Will be
better.
Martha: Ok.
We eat in silence. I am nervous about going home
but its now or never. I log on Instagram and the
first post is Amber and her son. I swipe right, it‟s a
family picture. They still live at his old place. He
has grown beard and he's fit. I scroll down, I see
Lufhuno and Melody. She is wearing a ring and
holding her tummy. There is a bump, why is
everyone having kids? I go to his profile and there
is not a single picture of Kay.

I go back to Amber's. There's a 1000 pictures of

her, Sabelo and their son. He looks like her which
makes him look like me too.
My phonr is snatched out of my hand.
Martha: Seriously?
Me: I was just-
Martha: You were just nothing. Throw this shit
away right now if you gonna do this to yourself.
Me: I wanted to see her child.
Martha: For what? Zimasa, you have come this far.
Don't drag yourself back to the dark place. Sabelo
and Amber are living their life, happily. Why don't
you want that for yourself?
Me: I do. I just got carried away.
Martha: Take it easy okay?
Me: Its not gonna be easy.
Martha: Lets go buy clothes.
Me: I need heels.
Martha: Now we talking.
We settle the bill and I push the stroller. He's
forever sleeping….
….
SABELO
I walk them in. Its almost 6pm. My flight is in 3
hours.
Me: Sanibonani.
Them: Yebo.
It‟s a full house. Even the gran is here. I give
Sibusiso to her and bid them goodbye. Amber
takes me out.
Me: Is there a ceremony?
Amber: I don't know. I'm actually surprised that
everyone is here.
Me: Just have fun okay?
Amber: We will. Goodluck for tomorrow. We will
be here supporting you.
Me: I have faith we will win.
We kiss. A black G63 drives in. It heads straight to
us. We move off the way.
Me: and who is that?
Amber: Probably malome Britz. A woman hops
out. Its Martha. The passenger door opens too. Its
her, I can tell by the legs.
Me: Let me go.
Amber: Its Zimasa.
Me: Stay out of her way.
Amber: We share a room.
Me: Then go back home.
Amber: That's crazy.
I kiss her and head to my car. She has gained
weight. She cut her hair. I wonder if she finally
used the money I gave her and bought this car. I
drive out…
…
ZIMASA
Very generous of the universe to make Sabelo and
Martha the first people I see when I get home. If I
knew she would be here. I wouldn't have came.
She is behind us. We get in.
Molly: Sis Zimasa!
Mom turns and hold her mouth. They hug me, pass
me around like a joint of weed. I didn't expect this.
Finally the adreneline rush is over and I am seated.
Mom: I am so happy you're home.
Me: I'm happy I am home too.
Gran: Did you she see her boss coming in or he
was gone?
Amber: Who?
Gran: Sabelo.
Amber: She did. He was was happy to see her too.
Me: Sabelo was not my boss gogo. He was my
boyfriend.
They gasp.
Mom: Tell me you are joking.
She looks at Amber. She looks down.
Gran: Amber!
Amber: I thought we agreed Zimasa.
Mom: After everything your sister did for you?
Amber: She refused when I asked to pay her back.
Mom: Were you gonna pay her for her time and
love?
She keeps quiet.
Mom: I can't believe this.
She gets up and any of us know better than to
follow her.
I promised I wouldn't tell them but I am not gonna
protect her after she betrayed me.
I go out too. She grabs me before I can open the
car door.
Amber: Its been a year Zimasa. Why don't you get
over it?
Me: I am over it.
Amber: You're not. Why did you tell them the
truth?
Me: That is me getting over it.
Amber: If I could. I would've made him love you
but he did not. You can't hate me; this was all him.
Me: You're my family. You had a choice!
Amber: What choice?
Me: To leave him the fuck alone! But you didn't;
you hurt me Amber. He tried to kill me, he had me
raped, up to this day I am battling. I can't get a
peaceful sleep without drugs. You had to walk
away. I loved him. You knew that.
Amber: Well it is done. We cannot change
anything now. Accept it and move on.
She walks back inside. I get in the car and drive
off, tears pouring down my face….
23

NKAZIMULO ZULU

Me: I am going to Soweto later.

Mike: I hate it when you are not here. I have to do
everything carefully.
Me: The best advice would be; don't talk or do
business infront of them.
Mike: I try but my business is anywhere
Ndabezitha.
Me: Stay at home.
Mike: I won't. Candy and I are going to a weed
function.
Me: What is it with you and her?
Mike: Nothing.
Me: I found you in her bed.
Mike: Fully clothed.
Me: Don't do that to your wife. She's a good
woman.
Mike: And I am a good man.
Me: Yeah right.
Mike: Its in a man's nature to be occasionally
unfaithful. Not this thing of yours. Zanele is
feeding you bhekamina ngedwa every night.
Me: And I am happy about it. Get off.
He laughs.
Mike: You are rushing home to the same vagina
you've been fucking for 14 years now. Udlisa
iteam.
Me: Tsek. That vagina is very hot thank you.
We laugh. He gets off and I take off. I put on
incandweni. I am late. She calls.
Me: Baby.
Zanele: Mageba.
Me: I already hate what you are going to say next.
Zanele: Nomalanga is going through some things
and I would be a bad friend if I let her be alone.
Me: Are you going to sleepover?
Zanele: Yes. We can leave tomorrow morning. I'm
so sorry. You can come too.
Me: No I'll pass. I will call you later okay?
Zanele: Okay. Thank you for understanding. I love
you.
Me: I love you too.
I hang up and drive to Razo's. Its jazz night. I miss
the lady that used to play the saxophone. Now I
have to abuse my ears with the trash that guy
plays….
…..
ZANELE
I take a deep breath.
Khosi: Did he buy it?
Me: He did.
They laugh. I forgot we had a ritual to perform
tonight. It is gonna be the last bloodshedding ritual
for this year. Its gonna be goats and we get to live
our lives freely for the next 5 years.
Nomalanga: Mulo is truly under your spell. He's
the most stubborn person but too soft on you. He
understands beyond understanding.
Me: He loves me so much naturally.
Nomalanga: Such a good man.
Khosi: So sad he will have no descendants.
Me: Really Khosi?
Khosi: What? Its true.
Me: You know how to ruin a good moment.
I get up and pour some wine. When we perform
this ritual we do confessions. I don't know if I can
confess about the pregnancy…..
….
ZIMASA
“miss…miss you have arrived" I open my eyes.
We are at Mike's gate. So fast. I pay and hop off. I
hope Martha‟s car doesn't get stolen but I can
replace it with all my savings. I am holding my
shoes on my hands. I punch the code and go in. Its
quiet. Its 12am. Why are there no cars here? Plus
its Friday.
I meet a human at the entrance.
Me: Hey…hi.
Her: Hi.
Me: Are we not working today?
Her: We are. Its BEEs day.
Ohhh. Ok. I eave her goodbye. I would kill to be
sober right now. I head straight to my bedroom. I
turn on the lights. There is no electricity. Great!
Did they have to switch off the whole house? Nx
bloody idiots.

I throw the shoes away and take the dress off. I

take my phone out and light my way to the bed. I
climb up and get under the blankets. There's an
unusual smell. Its Hugo Boss. I know someone
who smells like this. They snore. I extend my hand
and lands on a beard. It must be one of the BEEs. I
turn around close my heavy eyes. I can't help the
urge to touch him again. His beard felt really
healthy. I turn around and touch it again. He grabs
my hand. I freeze. He pulls me closer. I can smell
alcohol mixed with mint and cranberry.
Why am I horny? He puts my hand back to his
beard. I don't know what to do. I am picturing him
in my head and he's do beautiful and I am willing
to have sex with him right now. I pull him closer
and kiss him. He doesn't kiss me back but I am not
stopping. He tastes so good. He left a sweet on his
mouth. I get on top of him. He is not moving an
inch. Maybe he is dead. Shit. I stop kissing him.
He is not breathing. Oh my God. I attempt to move
off but he holds me still.
“I have just one question” he whispers.
Me: Yes?
I whisper back.
Him: What are you doing?
I try to get off but he holds me still.
Me: can I get off?
Him: No. Continue with what you were doing.
His hands are on my ass, pressing me against him.
He's hard and….
[REMOVED]
….
I open my eyes and scan the room. I have a light
headache. I roll to the other side of the bed, I smell
the perfume. The memories come flooding. I smile
alone. I smell the sheets. They reek of him. We
had sex until 5am in the morning. We just couldn't
stop. His dick is made of gold. Ok enough. That's a
man I would sit next to today and not recognize
him. Plus he is someone‟s husband.
I don't wanna wash him off but I have a car to
fetch. I get out of bed, I step on a watch. It must be
his. It screams expensive. I toss it on my Jewellery
box.
And head to the bathroom….
…..
ZANELE
I am welcomed by a smell of fresh toast and
coffee. I would kill for for a cup of coffee. We
stayed in the bushes until this morning. Right now
I need a bath and coffee and my bed. I thought I'd
find him here eating.
Me: Morning.
Pearl: Hey. Wasn't expecting you this early.
Me: Well here I am. I couldn‟t stay there a minute
longer.
I take the cup of coffee and head upstairs. He is
not in bed. It looks clean. So I am the one that
always mess it up. He comes out of the bathroom.
Me: So early in the morning?
Mulo: Its 7am. Did you not say we will leave first
thing in the morning.
Me: I did. I was hoping I will sleep a bit.
Mulo: You can. How is Nomalanga?
Me: She's good; she's good. Let me bath quickly.
I'll nap for 2 hours.
Mulo: Okay.
He kisses my forehead and walk into his closet….
….
ZIMASA
I drive in. She must be fuming and I don't blame
her if she is. I spot her under the tree with kids.
She is reading something to them. When did she
become the caring citizen?
I hop off and go to them. I greet and sit down.
They seem really interested in the story.
Martha: And that's how they remained friends. The
end.
Kids: Hha!
Me: Go inside and ask for goodies.
They get up and run inside.
Me: I-
Martha: Did you get enough fresh air?
Me: Uhm yeah. Aren't you mad at me?
Martha: I am. Why didn't you take my calls?
Me: I don't know. I'm sorry.
Martha: I'm just glad you're okay.
Me: I am. We should leave. I will not be able to be
in the same space as her.
Martha: She left after you yesterday.
Me: Oh. Great. Where's Zam-Zam?
Martha: Inside with grams. They like each other.
Where did you sleep?
Me: At Mike's.
Martha: You and Mike.
Me: Stop.
We walk to the house.
Me: I had sex with a stranger.
She stops.
Martha: What!
Me: Shhh. Yes. It was dark, I didn't even see his
face bur I felt what he did to me.
Martha: Damn that‟s wild.
Me: I know right. I get goosebumps just thinking
about it. I can still smell him on me.
Martha: You should look for him.
Me: No.
I laugh and walk on.
Martha: You go ma sex with a stranger.
She laughs. Everything is a joke to this moron but
I love her….

24
ZIMASA
We finish making lunch for every one and finally
sit down to eat. When last did I have so much
food.
Me: I'm already full just by looking at this plate.
Martha: I'm gonna wipe mine clean.
Me: Have you called Mulalo?
Martha: I'll call him later.
Me: Martha.
Martha: He's not gonna take it know.
So last night we went fun hunting. We found a
Sunday chillaz in Yoeville. We went in and drank.
Mulalo kept calling and then we bumped to his
brother. 2 hours later, close to midnight Martha
saw him in the crowd, he spotted us and Martha
said we should run. You know everything is fun
when you're drunk so we ran out to the car.
Wandile was sleeping. We woke him up and drove
off.
It was funny I won't lie but now I realize it was
stupid.
Me: Just call him anyway.
Martha: Ok Dr love.
I chuckle and we eat. I feel so much lighter being
here. I am at peace. I am happy. I had the best
weekend. I just have one thing to do today and I
will live my life to the fullest.
My phone rings. I pick it up. Its Mike. I answer.
Me: Hey.
Mike: What about a „hey Mike, I'm still breathing'
text.
Me: I'm sorry. I went out for drinks last night. I
was meaning to call you.
Mike: How are you? Are you enjoying being
home?
Me: I'm good and coming here was the best
decision. I am so happy Mike. I missed my family
so much and I didn‟t realise it.
Mike: I'm happy to hear that.
Me: How's the madam?
Mike: Still not talking to me. I guess we'll talk
when dna results come back.
Me: Try to soften her.
Mike: I am giving her space.
Me: Hhaibo Mike, space for who? She's 30 times
angry now that you are giving her space.
Mike: Ei I'm going to my mom right now with the
kids.
Me: Turn back! Or better yet, drop the kids off and
buy flowers on your way back
Mike: Ok Dr love.
Me: You're welcome.
Mike: Bye.
Me: Bye.
I hang up and take the plates to the sink. Mom gets
in. It feels like I have been avoiding her. We
hardly talked.
Mom: So you're leaving today.
Me: Yeah. Work
Mom: Do you still dance?
I nod.
Mom: Sbahle opened a firm months ago.
Me: I love what I do ma. The money I make is
satisfying. I know it looks improper but its good
money.
Mom: You've always wanted to be a teacher.
I chuckle.
Me: I did but someone had to help you raise these
kids.
She nods rapidly. She is about to cry. Her world
fell apart when dad died. She sunk deep into
depression, she got fired. We were not going to
live off Gogo's pension money that she had to
split. I had to do what was expected of me, I quit
tertiary and looked for a job and I found one. My
dad's friend had to pull in some favours for me to
get that job. They made it a leadership so I could
have an idea of what property is about. Things
became better for us. I was making good money,
enough to cover us for the whole month. Mom
ended up finding another job so I moved out. I put
Amber in varsity. I was happy to do it. I was
happy to see mom having a lighter load in her
shoulders. When I started stripping I put my little
brothers into model c schools because that's what
my dad would have done. He valued good
education.
Mom: It just hurts me so much to know Amber did
that to you.
Me: Maybe it was fate.
Mom: nonsense. She betrayed her own sister, what
kind of a monster is that?
Me: Its done mom. I've moved on.
Mom: Well I have not.
Me: Aren't you tired of living in this house?
Mom: I'm not leaving my husband's house.
Me: Fine.
I need a powerful pastor to convince her to leave
this house! I know it has all the memories but no.
Mom: I will wash the dishes.
Me: I love you.
Mom: Say that next weekend when you come to
visit.
I laugh.
Me: I will.
I walk to my room. I find Martha and Zam-Zam
ready. I dress up too and we take our bags to the
car. We go back inside to say our goodbyes and
we leave….
….
Martha drops me off at Mike's and drkve on to
face her man when he comes back from work. I
smell him as soon as I open the door. He didn't
come back here, did he?
I open the Windows and spray my perfume. I put
my bag in the wardrobe and walk out to the
receiving room. I find no one so I check my mail.
My order arrived. I take it and go out. I hear
Mike‟s laughter. He must be kidding. I take the
parcel to my changing room and walk downstairs.
He's talking to Sushi. He sees me.
Mike: Look who's back!
He pulls me in for a hug. I feel dizzy just by
smelling hugo boss and mint and cranberry in his
breath. He can't be my stranger.
My stranger did feel like this. Oh ngelosi yobufebe
why have you forsaken me.
I move off him.
Me: Can I use your car?
Mike: Sure.
He hands me the keys and take Sushi's hand and
they go upstairs. I rush out. I find his car. I get in
and fasten the seatbelt. My palms are sweating.
How am I gonna look at him now?
NKAZIMULO ZULU
I find myself awake. I check the time. Its 5
minutes after 3am. This house has spirits. I barely
slept this weekend. Something about Zanele's
presence made me uneasy, excruciating headaches
every time she is too close. I get up and go to the
bathroom. I pee and look at myself in the mirror. I
look sick. She's heavy on my shoulders.
What aura is she carrying? I think this is why I
can‟t sleep. She's overpowering me or is it my
guilt or its this house. I really don't know but
something is definitely going on.
Zanele: You barely slept.
Me: I can't.
Zanele: We can drive home.
We should've left yesterday but Pele said he'll
come but didn't.
Me: The sun is going to be up soon. We can leave
then.
Zanele: We should go to the Dr first thing. You're
anxious.
Me: Some thing is not right with you or this house.
Zanele: What does that mean?
Me: You're heavy on my shoulders. I can feel your
existence as soon as you enter the room and its not
nice.
Zanele: I think your mom‟s spirit is all over this
house.
Me: I'm going to go watch tv.
Zanele: I'm coming with you.
Me: I need to be alone. I want to pray.
Zanele: We can pray together.
I nod. She turns to walk away. I feel lighter. What
is happening to me? I wash my face and head out
too….
….
ZANELE
After praying we cuddled on the couch and fell
asleep. He was acting very strange the past 2 days.
He didn't spend 2 minutes in my presence and the
waking up at night worried me. And this morning
he was not behind me when I opened my eyes. I
found him bathing. I joined him and now we are
eating. He is not his usual self and I am crossing
fingers that this has nothing to do with the ritual.
Mulo: Where were you on Friday?
Me: At Noma's.
Mulo: Jones says you left after 9 and he didn't
know Noma wasn't well.
Me: You called him?
I can't find a lie to tell.
Mulo: Answer the question.
He says calmly.
Me: We went to drink.
Mulo: Was that all?
Me: Yes.
Mulo: Then why am feeling like this? As soon as
you walked through the door Saturday morning I
got this feeling. Whenever you are present my
head pounds and it feels like its going to explode.
The veins are popping out. He's in massive pain I
can tell. I get off the chair and rush to the medicine
cabinet. I look for grandpa. I find it. I pour water
into the glass. I give him.
Mulo: It doesn't help.
He gets up and walk out. I walk upstairs to call
Noma. I find missed calls from Lilly. I send her a
text that I am not coming to work today again
today and call Nomalanga. She takes a while to
answer.
Noma: This isn't the right time.
Me: Mulo is sick.
Noma: And he has created problems for me.
Me: Something didn't go right that day.
Noma: Can we talk about that later?
Me: We can't! My husband is si…
She hangs up. She must be kidding. I text Khosi to
meet me at my house asap. I grab my purse and
walk out. I look for him but he is nowhere in sight.
I call him, his phone rings on the counter. I take it
and rush out to the front. I find him leaning on the
car.
Me: Mulo.
Mulo: Take me to Pele.
Tears are just pouring down his face but he is not
crying. His eyes are bloodshot red.
Me: No I'm taking you to the hospital.
I open the door and help him in. I close and rush to
my door. He is taking deep breaths every now and
then. My hands are sweating. I am trying not to
cry. Focusing on the road but he makes it
impossible. He's in pain. He adjusts the seat back.
He's dying…
SPONSORED
25
ZIMASA

I walk in on them kissing. That means they are

fine now.
Mulalo: Morning
He hands me a cup of coffee.
Me: You are my hero.
Mulalo: You look like death.
Me: I feel like a corpse.
Martha: What is up with you and drinking?
Me: I haven't drank in a year. I am covering the
score.
Mulalo: Let me love and leave you ladies. Zee,
take meds and be unkind to my money.
We laugh. They kiss. He takes his flask and walk
out.
Me: I thought he'll be moody towards me.
Martha: He's not like that. We worked it out. We
good.
Me: I'm glad babe.
Martha: Ready to talk?
Me: Its Mike.
Martha: What did he do?
Me: The stranger. Its him.
Martha: No!
Me: I know. I feel dirty.
Martha: Why?
Me: He's my friend!
Martha: Well it was a mistake.
Me: I need an apartment.
Martha: You can stay here.
Me: No. Lets go hunting.
Martha: The internet is there for a reason.
Me: oh I forgot about that.
I pick my phone. There are missed calls from
mom. I'll call her later. I take our cups and follow
her to the lounge. We sit and eat.
Me: Where is the child?
Martha: At Mulalo's mom.
Me: Oh that's why he said we should be unkind to
his money.
Martha: Yes.
Me: You still putting some away right?
Martha: Yes. I am an inch away from being a
millionaire.
Me: Good girl. I was thinking its about time I used
that money Sabelo gave me.
Martha: I thought you'd never want to use it.
Me: I want to talk to him first.
Martha: And say what?
Me: I need closure Martha.
Martha: I don't think it‟s a good idea. He is rude,
you might come back sad.
Me: I feel like I need to.
Martha: I'm gonna hold your hand. As always.
She squeeze it. I smile. How did I get so lucky…..
…..
ZANELE

I am starting to feel dizzy with the ups and downs

I've been doing for the past hour. No Dr or nurse is
coming out of that room and I am going crazy. My
eyes are swollen and hurting from crying. I bump
into Khosi when I turn around. She holds me. I
cry.
Khosi: He's gonna be fine. Nomalanga is coming.
Me: What did I do wrong?
Khosi: Whatever it is we gonna fix it okay?
Me: You should see him Khosi. He was not
breathing when we got here.
Khosi: He will be fine.
I see Nomalanga getting off the lift.
Nomalanga: How is he?
Me: I don't know. They have not get back to me.
Nomalanga: Did you confess everything?
Me: I did.
Nomalanga: You better be not lying Siena.
Because if I perform this and you did not confess
everything, he is going to die.
Khosi: Zanele! Snap out of it! Mulo's life is on the
line here.
Me: Ok I didn't. What…what do I have to do?
Nomalanga: We have to go.
Me: I can't leave him here.
Khosi: You gonna lose him if we don't leave right
now.
I pick my bag up and follow them….
We arrive in the dam. Nomalanga claps and calls
upon amantombazane. We hum a song as she says
their praises.
After a good 30 minutes a bird lands in her
shoulder. I hold on to my cape.
Nomalanga: The last time we were here, Siena
forgot to mention everything. Please gjve her a
chance to say what she left out. Siena.
Me: Siyabonga mantombazane. I fell pregnant but
I gave the fetus to amantombazane. Forgive me for
not mentioning it. Please save my husband.
Nomalanga cries out. I open my eyes. She's
bleeding on the forehead. The bird is gone.
Khosi: They are angry. How could you not
mention it!
Me: I thought it didn‟t matter since I gave it to
them.
Nomalanga: You were supposed to do that with
us! You have to get him off the spell.
Me: What? No.
Khosi: Do you want him to die? Because he's
gonna fucking die if he is under their spell. They
are in control of him. Get him off the fucking spell
before we all suffer for your selfishness.
Nomalanga: Is there anything of his in the car?
Me: Yes. A hoodie.
Khosi goes to fetch it and come back. She tosses it
to me. Nomalanga stir the calabash. I can't talk.
This could ruin my marriage but I don‟t want him
to die.
The foam forms in the calabash as Nomalanga
beats the mixture inside.
Me: Nkazimulo Zulu. I am setting you free from
the spell of amantombazane.
Khosi: Keep repearing until the foam is gone….
….
ZIMASA

The bedroom is spacious, built in wardrobe, a

bathroom that is also huge. The guest bedroom is
also satisfying. The kitchen has an island, there's
even a laundry room.
Me: I'll take it.
Martha frowns at me.
Agent: Awesome. Lets get the paperwork ready
then.
Me: What do you need?
Agent: ID certified copy, proof of income, and a
payslip.
I take them out.
Agent: You came prepared I see. I will get back to
you tomorrow or Thursday.
Me: Thank you. We can leave now.
Agent: Yes you can.
I pull her out.
Martha: We could've gotten another that you
would have liked more.
Me: I like this one.
Martha: You annoy me.
Me: My ride is here. I'm gonna call you okay?
Thanks for coming with me.
Martha: I regret it but I love you so yeah.
We hug and part ways.
Martha: Don't let him get to you!
Me: I won't.
I get in the car and it takes off. I can't let her come.
It will just get ugly if he disrespects me.
I get nervous the closer we get. I hope he is here
but he cannot not be here. He's the captain.
In a blink of an eye. We are here. I hop out. I see
him. He's shouting at some guys. Maybe this isn‟t
a good time. The whistle blows. They stop
running. I walk straight into the field. The other
guys are picking their bags up and some are
splashing water into their faces while some are
laying on their backs on the grass. He is packing
his. I freeze when I get close to him. I hold the box
tight to my stomach and clear my throat.
He turns and his face changes.
Sabelo: You are never gonna leave me alone, are
you?
Me: I came to get closure Sabelo.
Sabelo: Closure for what? You see the sun is hot
and you decided to come and make it worse.
Me: Why are you so rude! I just came to talk.
Sabelo: About what? I am engaged!
Me: Know what. Its cool. Be the asshole that you
are. I thought you've grown.
He picks his bag.
Sabelo: Never ever come here. What is my team
going to say seeing me talk to a stripper, I am a
faithful man and the mother of my child will not
appreciate it when she hears you were here.
I watch him walk away. I scoff. What a jerk.
I came in peace. And he is attacking me.
I am holding in the tears as walk out of the field.
She is leaning on the car as I approach. She fixes
her shades as I get closer.
Amber: Move on Zimasa. You're starting to get on
my nerves.
I pass her. No marn I can't let this child disrespect
me. I swing back. Someone grabs my hand before
I can slap her. Its Martha.
Martha: You're in enough trouble with the law.
She's not worth it.
I don't know but seeing her makes me cry.
Me: I'm tired Martha. I am tired of her acting like
this is all okay, like I have to just move on like my
own sister didn't take the man I loved!
Martha: The man you loved agreed to be taken.
Let them both go. Right now! I am tired of seeing
that pain in your eyes whenever his name pops up
on the screen. Right now tell her you forgive her
and move on.
Amber: Thank you! Please tell her.
Martha: baby karma knows everyone's address.
They both going to get a visit. Just give it some
time.
Amber: You don't even love him. You are just
after this flashy lifestyle.
Me: I created it okay. I made him what he is today!
Sabelo: You're still here?
He says out of nowhere.
Me: I made you Sabelo and I'm gonna destroy you.
You have one more chance to say you're sorry or
to shoot me as I turn back because if you don't-
Sabelo: What? What are you gonna do? You said
that the last time.
Me: Except for this time, I am not hurt I am angry,
I can walk and I have dealt with the trauma of
bring raped and shot, left to die.
Sabelo: Fuck off.
He opens the door for Amber and closes it.
Martha pulls me away.
Me: What are you doing here?
Martha: I knew he will disrespect you. I came just
to make sure you lose yourself.
We get in the car.
Martha: That „I'm gonna destroy you‟ threat
sounded serious.
Me: It is.
Martha: You must be really angry.
Me: I am.
I fasten the seatbelt and we drive off. He doesn't
know me…..

26

ZIMASA

I hope this finds you well…

File attached

And sent!
I toss my phone on the bed and unwrap the towel. I
just took a setting myself free bath. I needed it
after crying myself to sleep last night and that was
the last time I cried for anything related to Sabelo.
He loves Amber, never loved me. He tries to have
me killed. What more could I want to prove that he
hates me?

Yes I made him what he is and starting from that

email I just sent. I am gonna take him back to
where he should be if I was not there working
triple shifts trying to afford his trips and soccer
boots, pay his rent and buy him food and
cosmetics. I might have been a fool then but not
anymore.

My thoughts are disturbed by a knock on the door.

I hope it's not Mike.
Me: Who is it?
Mike: Its me.
Shit.
Me: I'm half naked.
Mike: What's new? Open up we have to talk.
You know. I was really hoping my stranger is not
him but that sounds like we are about to address
the issue.

I put on my underwear and bra and a robe. I open.

I serve him a smile. He has food.
Mike: That looks fake but Hi.
Me: Hey. Come in.
He does. I close the door. He put the paper bags on
the rug and takes a pillow and sits on top of it.
Me: You came to talk?
He nods.
Me: Maybe we shouldn't. It was a mistake.
Mike: I cheated on my wife Candy. I need to fix it
because she is still not talking to me.
Me: She knows?
Mike: Ofcourse!
I feel hot. I walk to turn the fan on.
Mile: I kinda want the results to come back
negative but I am not the kind of man to walk
away from my responsibilities. I don‟t understand
why she had to go to my house. She could've came
here and told me she has my child. I would've
found a better approach to tell her there is a child
but she had to ruin my marriage.
Me: We're talking about your baby mama?
Mike: Yes. Who could I be talking about?
Me: I don't know, anybody. Friday was BEEs
night so you married men get wild and end up
fucking people in the dark.
He laughs.
Mike: I am not even watching porn these days the
guilt of having a child outside my marriage creeps
on me whenever I look at a woman
inappropriately.
Me: You may have been drunk.
Mike: I wasn't even here. I was at home being a
perfect cheating husband babe.
Okay. This is good news. I take a deep breath. He
frowns.
Mike: Are you okay?
Me: I am perfect. I am just glad you were at home
on Friday because that definitely scored you a
point to your wife.

I sit next to him. He smells of something else

today. I take out food. He's such a junk foodie.
Me: I'm gonna chow fries. Why only one pocket?
Mike: Cause I couldn't wait for another one. We
gonna have to share.
Me: Never.
I get up and run to the bathroom. His phone rings
as he's about to get up. I get in and lock and eat the
fries. He knocks a few moments later.
Mike: Can you please drive me to the hospital?
Me: You have a driver Michael.
Mike: He's in the hospital.
He sounds sad. I open the door. He looks sad.
Me: I'll see you downstairs in a few.
Mike: Thank you.
He walks away. I look for clean joggers and socks
and slippers. I take a jacket and my phone. I don't
need my purse when I go anywhere with Mike. I
see a text from the house agent. I don't have a
reason to move out but I'm gonna take it. Wandile
has a girlfriend now. They can spend time there.
He's daddy's only son and then 3 girls.

I send her the address to send the lease. I haven't

seen Sushi. He's using a sports car today,
awesome. I hop in.
Me: Damn. How many cars do you have?
Mike: 6.
Me: This one is my favorite.
I start it. I fasten the seatbelt and drive away….
….

ZANELE

I have been waiting on the line for the past 30

minutes. I hope I get him this time. I did not sleep
a wink last night. From the dam Noma drove with
me home. I am not supposed to get close to him
until a week later. For the first time since I joined I
felt regret. Mulo is my life. I live for him, he lives
for me, he is my best friend before anything else.
If anything was to happen to him, worse because
of me I would commit suicide.
I have been trying to talk to the drs in charge of
him but none of them was available. Right now I
am crossing fingers I get any of them.
Operator: Dr Dan's office is ready to take your
call.
Me: thank you thank you so much.
Dr Dan: Dr Dan.
Me: Dr Dan its Mrs Zulu. My husband-
Dr Dan: Mr Zulu? I had asked the reception to call
you. You need to come to the hospital ma'am.
Me: Is he awake?
Dr Dan: No
Me: Is he gonna be okay?
Dr Dan: Let's talk in person.
Me: Dr Dan js my husband going to be okay?
He hangs up. Tears flood down. What have I
done?
Noma comes in followed by an indian man. I just
stare at them. He sits down.
Him: Morning madam. My name is Lucinda
Mclord. Your husband's health lawyer.
What on earth is that?
Lucinda: Here on the paper is your husband's
announcements. One of them being taken off the
machines asao shall he ever gets in coma. I called
the hospital this morning to ask about his progress
and they told me he is out of theater but still not
breathing on his own.
I can't control the sobbing. Noma holds me.
Lucinda: I need your signature to get him out of
his misery.
Me: No! He's gonna be okay!
Lucinda: The Drs doubt it Mrs Zulu. Let us not
deprive the man of his wish. He stated here that „I
shall be no bargain to my wife and waste money
for our kids future"
Me: There are no kids and I don't care how much
money I have to use. I don't care if he's there for an
entire year.
Noma: I think you should leave.
Lucinda: As his trusted lawyer. I have a right to go
ahead with the process.
Me: I dare you!
Lucinda: You remain well ladies.
He leaves the papers and head out. He's right. He
has a right to do what his client asked of him. I
can't let it happen.
I take a bat and run after him. I find him opening
his door. I hit him on the head, he falls down,
Noma screams for me to stop as I hit him rapidly,
crying and screaming…..
…..
ZIMASA

We get to the hospital. Its my first time stepping

my stick legs in here.
Me: You must be paying very good if he affords
such health care.
Mike: His wife us a CEO of one of the well
thriving companies in SA.
Me: He's married?
Mike: Yes.
Me: Nice.
He goes to the front desk. I wait behind. There are
snacks in the waiting area.
Me: Are they free?
Nurse: Yes.
I take two lunch bars and a handful of cardberries.
Mike comes back and leads the way. We get on
the lift and get off at the 3rd floor. We're in ICU.
We bump into a Dr when he pushes the door.
Mike: I'm Mike, looking for Zulu Nkazimulo.
Dr: Are you family?
Mike: No
Me: I am his sister
Dr: This isn't a good time.
Mike: We will take just 2 minutes.
Dr: Mr Zulu is awauting his health lawyer to give
us a go ahead to take him off the life support. Only
his family can go in to say their goodbyes.
Me: Dr please. I know this will sound crazy but
my brother and this gentleman here had a thing.
Please let him see his lover for the last time…
I am crying now.
He nods.
Dr: I'm sorry. Only 2 minutes, his wife will be here
soon.
Me: Thank you so much.
He opens the door and we follow him.
My scalp gets itchy just by hearing these beeping
sounds. He looks peaceful.
I call my fake tears. The Dr is staring me.
Me: Oh bhuti wam.
Mike: You shaved him?
Dr: yes. He was going to theatre. I'll be outside.
I sob and take his hand.
Me: Don't leave us here bhuti who is going to take
care of us now.
Mike: Cut it out he's gone.
Oh. I toss the heavy hand down.
Me: Is this the rude bastard?
Mike: Nkazi? Yes.
Me: ugh seriously! Did I just waste my tears for
him?
Mike: He's dying Zimasa.
Me: well good riddance to-
He's crying.
Me: I'm sorry.
Mike: Its breaking my heart that he's dying and he
does not have one thing that he wanted so dearly.
Me: what is it?
Mike: a child. He is my daughter‟s best friend. My
child is gonna be broken. He loves children. You
will never hear him say no to fetching kids or
taking them anywhere.
Me: What happened to him? Why is he here?
Mike: I don't know.
He's rude but now I'm sad for Mike and his
daughter.
Mike: Rest in eternal peace Mageba.
He heads out. His hand hands aside. Now I am
scared to touch it. Why did he say rest easy? He is
not dead yet. I take a deep breath of courage and
slowly take his hand and position it right. The
machines beep lounder, he is having a seizure, the
Dr comes in running, followed by more Drs. They
chase me out, Mike is looking through the small
window. I stand behind him. I see the heart
monitor, the line flattens.

Mike breaks down. I am now crying real tears.

Why is my heart so broken? I feel light, I feel hot,
I can't see anything. I hear someone shouts for help
from afar. Where am I? Why is everything
blindingly white? Am I dead? I can't be dead….
27

ZIMASA

I am getting tired. I have been walking. Now I am

tired, hungry and thirsty. I need to find a place to
rest. I see a tree ahead. Now I can see where I am.
I am where we used to stay when I was little. We
used to come here with my dad and he would tell
me stories under that very same tree. You would
hear mom call out my name and they would fight
about taking me to the bushes cause I could've
been bitten by a snake or whatever my mother was
paranoid about.
I reach the tree. He's laying on his back on the
grass and he's out. The excitement gets better of
me. I jump him with a hug. He startles. I laugh. He
is not.
Me: Dad? Are you okay?
He shakes his head.
Dad: I thought I would never see you.
He hugs me so dearly. I hug him back and cry.
Dad: Its okay. You're with me now.
Me: Amber hurt me.
Dad: That doesn‟t matter any more. You're here
now.
Me: I love her baba. She is my sister but I am just
so mad.
Dad: Shhh.
Me: When you died I-
Wait. What does he mean I am here with him
now? I break the hug and stand up.
Me: I can't be here with you. I…I…I need to be
with mom.
Dad: I miss you. Don't leave me.
Me: No. I can't. I need to leave.
I head back to where I came from.
“Zimasa! Zimasa!”
Me: That's mom. I need to go.
I run.
“Zimasa!”
Me: Mah!
…..
MARTHA

We stop when she responds to her mom calling her

and she gasps for air.
Dr: Please wait outside.
Her mom is praying. I am crying and silently
thanking God. We get out. We hold hands and she
prays….

Its after 7 when the Dr finally comes out.

Dr: You can go and see her.
Mom: What is wrong with her Dr?
Dr: She witnessed a patient dying and her blood
pressure rose but she seems fine now.
Mom: The same thing with her father. Thank you
Dr.
Dr: Be brief okay? She needs to rest.
Us: We will be.
We walk in. She's crying. Her mom hugs her.
Zimasa: It was dad.
Her mom exclaims.
Mom: How selfish is he? Why does he want to
take you away from me!
We are crying now.
Zimasa: My whole body hurts.
Me: Just rest okay. If I could. I would stay here
with you for the rest of the night.
Zimasa: Its okay babe. I'm gonna sleep anytime
soon.
I hold her hand.
Me: You scared us.
She was dying and there was nothing we could've
done except crying that we did.
Mike gets in. He rushes to her and hug her.
Mike: I prayed. For the first time in forever I
prayed. I was asking God why do I have to lose
two friends in one day.
She laughs. That is Zimasa.
Zimasa: Then its not surprising that I an here right
now. This is all your fault. You took me to the
dying man. I witnessed my dad die the very same
way. I cannot handle such.
Mike: I'm sorry.
The door opens.
Nurse: Mr Zuku is ready sir.
Zimasa: Doesn't he have insurance?
Mike: He does.
Zimasa: Why are they saying he's ready? Are you
taking his body home?
Mike: He's not dead. In fact, he is perfect and
getting discharged.
Zimasa: That's good.
Mom: That's our cue.
Mike: I can give you a ride home.
Me: I drove.
Mike: Okay. You drive safe okay?
He hugs me. We bid Zim goodbye and we leave.
Me: We are going to my place. It will be easier to
me here in the morning.
Mom: Thank you. I appreciate your love for each
other. How you drop every thing just for each
other.
Me: We love each other that much.
….
ZANELE

I locked myself in here and broke everything. I am

sleeping amongst the mess. I feel exactly how this
room looks. I hear a soft knock.
Me: Go away Nomalanga.
Nomalanga: Khosi is here.
Me: I just need to be alone. My husbans is dying,
and I have an unconscious man in my lounge that
is definitely getting me arrested when he wakes
up.
Nomalanga: I finished him off.
I get up and storm to the door. I open.
Me: You must be shitting me.
Nomalanga: Wear boots cause we have a body to
bury.
Me: Do you think Nomalanga? He could've told
someone he's coming here! Fuck!
Nomalanga: You were gonna go to jail!
Me: And now I won't? Why are you so stupid
Nomalanga! Oh my God. I never…I never
should've listened to you. I never should've let you
convince me to join this craziness. I wouldn‟t be-
Nomalanga: Take those words back right now
Siena.
Me: You ruin everything Nomalanga. You're
ruining my life!
Khosi: geez. What's up? I've packed the shovels.
What are you two fighting about now.
Me: he killed him. I would've talked to him when
he woke up.
Nomalanga: He's an indian not your fellow Swati
person.
Me: Yes and you fucking killed an indian man. Do
you how those people use voodoo?
Nomalanga: Are you coming with us or-
I shut the damn door and grab my hair and scream.
She's ruining my life….She' ruining me….i am
ruined….
**
1 MONTH LATER

ZIMASA

It is true that seeing the possibility of death

changes how see and do things. One of the days
after being discharged I went to my bank to see
what could I get for my mother's birthday and
surprisingly it was a house renovation because this
girl wants to die there but I went home Yesterday
to convince her for the last time to move out. I
moved to my place 3 weeks ago but I don't sleep
there. I can't get myself to be alone. I tried but I
found myself at Mike's around 1am so I decided
one step at a time.

I give her a cup tea and sit down.

Mom: That be not alcohol
Me: It is love. Its Saturday.
Mom: So?
Me: I need a plug.
Mom: Drink coffee.
Me: Mom you have to get used to the fact that I
am 27 now not 15.
Mom: You're still child!
Me: Ok I'm not drinking anymore.
I put the glass of wine down. I need her to be
happy to have this conversation. I give her my
phone.
Me: Swipe left.
Mom: Whose house is this?
Me: Could be yours.
Mom: Zimasa.
Me: It‟s a safe neighbourhood. 15 minutes away
from a mall. And 10 minutes away from Melo's
school. Its perfect mom.
Mom: Its expensive and you're already doing
everything here. Its really beautiful but we are
happy here.
Me: Amber and I can't even come home at the
same time because we have to share a room, its
getting smaller for us.
Mom: But you grew up here.
Me: Mom please be open to change. I dance every
night and that is to give you and my siblings a
good life. Let dad go. He's not just in this house
but he's everywhere you would go.
She's weeping. I go and sit next to her.
Me: You deserve a new house that has no spirits.
Why do you want the least of the fruits of your
labour girl?
Mom: I will talk to your gran. If she gives me a go
ahead. We can move.
Me: That means we are moving cause gogo
agreed!
Mom: I'm gonna go call her. You lie a lot.
I laugh. I love her. She gets up and heads to the
hallway. My phone rings. I hesitantly take it. I
don't like being called by unknown numbers.
Me: Hello.
Caller: You're speaking to Ivy Mogorosi from
Daily sun. I just received your email. Is this legit?
Is this really thee Sabelo Mtshali?
Me: In flesh.
Ivy: And these are minors.
Me: You got it. What took you so long to respond!
Damn I almost leaked that myself. Put it into good
use.
Ivy: This is gonna be epic.
Me: Pleasure all mine.
I hang up. Well well well. Is this a perfect day or
what?
I drink mom's coffee. I can't stop smiling. The
ladder doesn‟t only takes you up. It also takes you
down….
……
ZANELE

Frustrated. Suicidal. Tired. Annoyed. Angry.

Scared.

My house has turned into a flippin day care!

The noise!
I close my laptop. I need a quiet place to work.
He's still in bed but his friends are up turning
everything upside down.

I startle when he kisses my cheek.

Mulo: Morning.
Me: Morning.
Mulo: Why do they wake up so early.
Me: They are kids.
Mulo: I had another dream.
The baby talk is back and I just want to scream.
He's been dreaming of his non dying spirit mom
giving him a child and he is convinced I am
pregnant or yet to be but I went and tied my tubes
2 weeks ago. I don't need another mistake.
Me: What was she saying today?
Mulo: The baby had drowned. Remember that
dream I had months ago when she was drowning?
Me: Yes I do.
Mulo: Today she was drowning because she was
looking for the baby you tossed in a very strong
current river.
Me: Me? Why am I always the villain in your
night movies?
Mulo: I don't know. Maybe you would abort it
since you hate kids.
Me: Nkazimulo!
Mulo: Seriously. You loathe kids. You can't even
hide it. I hope you do no such thing because I'd
murder you.
I chuckle. He does not seem like he is kidding.
Me: Come on. I wouldn't do that.
Pearl come in and gives him a plastic.
Mulo: Pele suggested I seek traditional help with
this dream. But first, you have to test. If you're not
pregnant then I'll go to isangoma to get
explanation cause it could not mean a serious
baby. It could be a tikoloshe.
Me: So those are tests?
Mulo: Yes.

I sigh and take them and my phone go to the

bathroom. I pee and dip two and wait.
What if he goes to the Sangoma and they tell him
about Amantombazane and the baby and
everything I've been up to? No I can't let him go
there. I text Khosi to call me. She calls
immediately.
Me: Can't I get him back under the spell? He wants
to go see a Sangoma.
Khosi: No. He still get the migraines. He need to
be completely fine before you take him back.
Me: Did you hear me? He wants to go to a
Sangoma.
Khosi: Follow him. You'll weigh the vision down.
He will only see other things not amantombazane.
Me: Yoh thank you. I am in deep shit without the
spell. There are kids all over my house, breaking
my things.
Khosi: Be patient. Atleast he still loves you.
Me: yeah. I guess that‟s what matters at this point.
Mulo: Are they ready?
I hang up and turn to him.
Me: They must be.
He takes them and his face drops. He scratches his
head.
Mulo: I could never get used to this. It breaks my
heart the same every time. Because every time I
have this hope that they might come back positive
but every time its this freaking single line!
He throws them across the room.
Mulo: Even if its just one. Just one child, to stay
up all night shushing it, changing diapers, feeding
it a bottle. Just one chance of being call baba
Zanele. With the amount of sex we have there's no
fucking way you do not catch. You're probably
doing something to not fall pregnant.
Me: What? Why-
Mulo: Because you hate kids! That's why. I almost
died Zanele. Had God not bring me back I would
have died like a dog. No one to carry on my
legacy. I need a child Zanele and if you will not
give me one then I'm gonna have to take a second
wife.
Me: You wouldn't dare.
He walks out.
Me: Mulo!
I follow him.
Me: Nkazimulo Zulu I am talking to you.
He is out of the bedroom. A second wife? I lose
the ability to stand, my head spins. I fall down and
cry….

28
ZIMASA
„Uma ujehova evula iminyango. Akeeeeekho
ongavala…‟
I sing along loudly. When God says yes, not a
single soul can say no because he is God and he
makes the unable able. A year ago I did not see it
possible to be this happy. I didn't see myself out of
that misery. But as always, imvana came through
for me and I am getting ready to go sign and get
the keys to my mother's new house. I have been up
and down the past 6 days trying to get it done asap
before she changes her mind. And today is the
morning that South Africa gets to know that their
captain is a pedophile. What a worst time to be
known for that.

I take my bag. Satisfied!

I don't want anything ruining my mood today…..
….
MIKE
I hear Kyla screaming in excitement and that could
be one reason, Nkazi. I take my coat and go down.
I find them laughing.
Me: Go wait in the car.
Kyla: But daddy we are still greeting each other.
Nkazi: We will continue in the car.
She nods and walks off.
Me: Ndoda. Where have you been?
Nkazi: I needed a breather.
Me: excuse me.
Nkazi: what?
Me: You? You needed a breather without your
wife? Are we dying?
He laughs.
Nkazi: Uyaphapha wena. Did she contact you?
Me: Yes. She did not believe that I didn't know
where you were.
Nkazi: I'm sorry. Let me take the girl to school.
We've got a lot of catching up to do.
My phone rings. It Zimasa.
Me: Candy bar.
Zimasa: You fetched the car?
Me: No I didn't….oh the driver is back. He must
have fetched it.
Zimasa: I am gonna be late for my meeting now.
Let me request.
Me: No he'll take you wherever you are going.
He clears his throat and wave goodbye.
Me: He's coming now. Go wait in the gate.
I hang up and follow him.
Me: Please take Candy on your way and take her
wherever she is going after you drop Kyla off.
Nkazi: That's not on my payroll.
Me: It is now.
Nkazi: Is she your girlfriend?
Me: female friend.
Nkazi: Doesn't she have money to uber?
Me: She is the lady friend I came with to the
hospital. You owe her one.
Nkazi: Well she was paying for when I fetched her
from steers.
Me: Just go Zulu and please do not call her
mahosha.
Nkazi: I am not in the mood today.
Me: Good.
He gets in the car. I blow Kyla a kiss and walk
back inside as they drive off.
Enhle: Who is candy bar?
Me: Zimasa.
Enhle: Why does she have a pet name?
Me: Its her disguise bame. You should meet her.
You'd love her.
Enhle: You could be fucking her for all I know. I
don't wanna make a fool out of myself.
Me: I am not. She wants to meet you. She loves
Sax as you do.
Enhle: Breakfast is ready.
The results came back positive and now we are
just housemates. I sleep in a different room. I am
not even pressuring her to forgive me. Cheating is
one thing but a child? Its unforgivable and I am
ready and I deserve whatever decision she will
make…..
…..
ZANELE
I try his phone. It rings. I was not expecting that.
He left after our fight and kept his phone off. I
hardly slept the past few nights. I couldn't help but
think if he is already seeing that second wife. I fear
what could happen while I wait for him to
completely heal. God knows if he meant what he
said, I would take him back under the spell. He
would rather die than take a second wife that
would be able to give him children at that.

I would mean nothing to him. That child would

become the center of his world. Why am I even
think of this. He would not do that to me. He said
that because of anger….hopefully.

He doesn't answer but its good to know he is okay.

“Come home.”
I send and call Lily in.
Me: Please buy me coffee.
Lily: I can't stand the smell of that place. Can I
send someone else?
She's pregnant.
Me: Yes you can. I forgot.
She chuckles and nod…
What if I faked pregnancy? Just to keep him
grounded until he is fine to be put under the spell.
Yes, in that case he wont look for a second wife.

Me: Lily!
She gets in rushing.
Me: Please pee on this.
Lily: Uh….
Me: Please. I will double your salary.
Lily: Amen.
She takes the pregnancy tests and go out.
“I have news"
I send it to him again. This should help….
…..
ZIMASA

The car pulls up in front of me. I was starting to

get worried. I open the door and hop in. The
partition is down. There is Kyla, I know her but we
have never really spoke.
Me: Hi.
Kyla: Hi.
The car takes off.
Me: So you always sit like this by yourself?
Kyla: No. My uncle doesn't seem to like other
people.
Me: Oh.
Kyla: Are you going to work?
Me: No. I am going to buy my mom a house.
Kyla: That's beautiful. Where do you work?
Me: At a strip club.
Kyla: What is a strip club?
Me: A place where adults-
The partition slides up. It‟s the rude bastard. I was
planning on having a good day today.
Him: Kyla put on the headphones.
She does as told. He adjusts the rearview mirror.
Him: So you do drugs too?
Me: What I do is none of your business.
Him: Well it if you gonna tell a child that you're a
mahosha.
Me: Stop the car.
Him: Its freeway.
Me: Stop the fucking car you ill mannered asshole.
Have you ever seen me sleeping with different
men? Because as far as I know a mahosha is a
hooker which I am not!
He whistles. I try to open the door but it is locked.
Him: I knew you were on crack. Do you think you
gonna live if you hop out of a speeding car? Be
humble please.

I wipe my tears. Honestly he should have died. I

hate him.
We drop Kyla at school. She wishes me a goodday
and I do too. She reminds me if Kay. I miss her so
much, Lufhuno blocked my calls and on social
media. He is not driving off.
Me: I am late.
Him: Well go and get on a taxi. I am waiting for
her to get to her friends.
I sigh. And then he takes off.
Me: Why are you so rude?
Partition!
Me: You don't even know where I am going you
asshole!
The car stops. A few moments later the door
opens.
Him: Get out.
Me: This isn't my destination.
Him: It is now. You can't call me an asshole. Get
off and non-assholes will drive you wherever you
are going.
He must be kidding me. Its starts raining
Me: This is not your car.
I use the door on the right to get out and is this a
driver's door?. He's still closing the other door. I
hop in and take off.
Him: Yey wena mahosha
Me: Mahosha ke mmao
He must put some respect on women…..
SABELO
I always look forward to days where there is no
practice. I get to spend time with my family. I
wake up and check the time. My phone is off. I put
it on the charger and get out of bed. I pee and dress
up. I go out to see my favorite people. She gets in
running. There is noise from outside.
Me: What's up?
Amber: Its journalists.
Me: What do they want?
She takes a deep breath.
Amber: You haven't seen it, have you?
Me: What?
She gives me her phone. It‟s a footage of me at
Cubana with those bloody kids I literally sweat.
This-this isn't good. We got rid of this. Zimasa
deleted every copy.
Me: Shit. Shit. Shit!
Amber: People are fuming on twitter Sabelo. They
are calling you all sorts of names. This is bad.
Me: I don't care about that. My career Amber. My
career is over.
Amber: What were you thinking!
Me: I was high and drunk but Zimasa fixed it.
Amber: What do you mean?
Me: She…She went and got the footage. She told
me she deleted every copy.
Amber: And you're sure she didn't keep any?
Me: She wouldn't….would she?
Amber: Sabelo. You're so naïve.
I'm gonna kill her!
I run upstairs and switch my phone on. Missed call
notifications come in flooding. I dial Zimasa. It
goes through.
Zimasa: Sabelo Pedophile Mtshali.
Me: You fucking whore. What did you do?
Zimasa: Kept my promise. I made you right,
therefore I shall destroy you. Happy new year
bitch.
She giggles and hang up. I groan and hit the
bloody phone against the wall. Conniving bitch!
SPONSORED

29

NKAZIMULO ZULU

He keeps looking at me and shaking his head. I

would entertain him if it was any other day but it is
today and I am fuming. That skimpy clothes
wearing satan will get to know me today. If it was
not for the heater I would be dead by the cold
now. I walked from the highway until I got to
Pele's work. 5 hours of my day wasted, just like
that!

Luckily he had spare clothes so I changed after

having to explain myself and get laughed at.
Me: How far is this place exactly?
Pele: We are here.
Me: Great.

He dragged me here cause I don't wanna know

what that dream means... I don't know maybe I am
scared of finding out the meaning.

Me: He must be rich.

Pele: R2000 consultation
Me: He's crazy.
Pele: He is very precise. He tells the things as
they are.
Me: He better.
Pele: Today we are finding out why don't you get
peace at night.
Me: How long are the queues?
Pele: We have an appointment.
My heart is racing as we get out of the car. Zanele
is going to flip when she finds out I really came
here. She does not believe in tradition.

Pele: Hhaibo ndoda.

Me: Is this really necessary?
Pele: It is. Come.
He pulls me. We take off our shoes and a lady
gives us slippers. He has a snake. No black
person would pay R2000 just for ukuhlola unless
he has a snake that attracts people to come here.

"Zulu brothers! Been waiting for y'all"

What on earth is this. Y'all? Is he gay?
Him: Sit over there.
We sit on the mats. Yoga mats. This is a circus.
He's rich because he's gay not because of what he
does.
Him: Thwasana food and my drum!
He sits opposite us butt flat on the cold ass tiles.

The Thwasana brings food and the tiny drum. He

takes a wing from the platter and shove it to us.
My father would go crazy over this platter.
Him: Your father made a special request. He said I
should remind you both his favorite food so that
he can come to your houses more often.

Okay maybe he is really good at what he does. He

drums, softly and close his eyes. I take a foot and
eat.

He laughs.
Him: So your wife Denys you children Jacob.
I look at Pele.
Pele: Yes.
Him: He needs to answer for himself.
I clear my throat
Me: Yes.
Him: Your mother. She is the bad bitch. You
have a baby on the way. The mother is 5 weeks
pregnant. That is why you've been dreaming of a
child....ai ai ai what the hell Bantu abadala! And
that child is in danger. When your wife finds
out...hhhei hhhei your wife Nkazimulo. Your
wife!

He throws the drum down.

Me: What do you mean when my wife finds out?
Him: The girl you slept with in the dark. I can't see
her face cause its dark but she is carrying your
child and you need to keep her safe because the
people watching over your wife are very strong
and dangerous. That is why she frowns the baby in
the dream. She doesn't have to find out Zulu. Get
up right now and go find the girl and take her
somewhere safe.
My head is spinning. My heart is literally in my
throat. I am shivering. I have a child on the way?
Me: We need to go.
I get up and head to the door.
Him: Watch out for your wife!
I will deal with her. For now I need to find that
woman. I get behind the steering. Pele gets in and
hugs me.
Pele: Who is she? I need to buy her whatever she
needs. She turned you on, you slept with her and
came inside her? You cheated on Zanele? Hhai
Bafo I am proud of you. I was certain she fed you
something.
Me: First of all she could be a mahosha and
secondly, I don't know who the hell she is. And
right now I am sick because I love her even though
I do not know her. I cannot even touch Zanele
excited. I cannot wash her off, she is all I think
about and I don't even know her. Worse she could
be a mahosha but I am praying she is not.
Pele: I really don't care who she is. She gave you
a boner and that's what matters right now.
Me: Did you hear isangoma se gay said the baby's
life is in danger. I need to go to Mike's right now.
Pele: Drive.

He takes and deep breath and laugh. It's going to

be a long night.....

....
ZANELE

I was hoping I will find him home but the house is

quiet. I take off my heels and throw the bag over
the couch and go to the kitchen. I pour a glass of
juice and drink. Is he slowly slipping away from
me? What is going to become of me if I lose him?
That pregnancy test needs to work on my favour. I
need my husband Home, loving me and
worshipping the ground I walk on.
I gave everything up for this man to be mine
forever. Unspeakable things. I will never just sit
and watch him slip away.

I take my keys and head out....

.....
ZIMASA

after my meeting I came to Martha to choose

furniture for the house. Mom will get the keys on
her birthday. After hours of staring at the screen I
fell asleep and I just woke up to pee.

Martha: Did you drink alcohol?

Me: No. Just water. I have been peeing all day.
Martha: Pregnancy did that to me. I see you have
a new watch.
Me: I want to sell it but I just said let me feel what
it's like to wear a R100 000 watch. My stranger
left it behind.
Martha: Oh Cinderella vibes.
Me: We would've came for it by now if he cared
about it so he doesn't and I'm gonna sell it.
Martha: For how much?
Me: 50k.
Martha: It looks new Zim. At least 75K.
Me: Yoh hhai be easy on my customers.
I look at it. It is quite a masterpiece. I like it.
Me: I'm gonna keep it.
Martha: Are you falling in love with your
stranger?
Me: I think about it sometimes but no I don't love
it. I just wonder.
Her phone notifies. She laughs.
Martha: #arrestmtshali. People are fuming.
To be honest.... The adrenaline rush is over. I am
starting to question if this is worth it? Turning into
someone I'm not Just because of Sabelo? he hurt
me but it feels like there is nothing I could do to
make him feels the pain I felt. This could get him
off the team but another one may hire him.
Me: Did I do the right thing?
Martha: Ofcourse. Sabelo isn't even remorseful he
deserves this.
I nod. It's late.
Me: I am working later. I should get going.
Martha: I thought we were gonna have dinner
together.
Me: Keep some for me in the fridge and I will
come tomorrow morning. I need to take the car
back.
Martha: I'm sad.

I hug her. She walks me out. Mulalo gets off his

car.
Mulalo: Hi.
Me: Hi and bye.
We fist bump.
Martha: Drive safe.
Me: Thanks baby.

I get in and drive off....

....
MIKE

I find him drinking my scotch and sitting on my

chair.
Me: Mr Zulu.
Nkazi: Remember that day you said I only Fuck
one vagina? Well you say that at every chance you
get but I am talking about the last time you said it.
Me: Uh-huh.
Nkazi: Well I found myself in a different vagina.
Me: What do you mean?
Nkazi: I slept with someone that day. Here.
I laugh. He is not laughing. He is fucking serious.
Nkazimulo fucking someone else other than that
huge head Zanele? No ways.
Me: I don't believe that.
Nkazi: Well she is pregnant with my child.
Me: Who is it?
Nkazi: I don't know that's where you come in. Tell
them to test
Me: There is 20 of them.
Nkazi: Mike please.
Me: Fine. I'll go tell Sushi.
Nkazi: Thank you. I'll go chill in the balcony
....
An hour later Sushi gets in with a huge container.
Me: Nkazimulo!
He comes in. He rubs his palms together.
Sushi: All these tests are negative or they could be
less than 4 weeks.
Nkazi: it's been a month.
Me: Did everyone test? These are 19.
Sushi: Oh. That should be Candy. She's not-
Candy: Mike I-

She stops.
Candy: I will come back later.
Sushi: No come. We are doing urine tests.
Candy: What's up?
Me: Just take the stick and go pee on it.
Candy: I'm not on drugs.
Me: I know but just to be sure.
Candy: I'll bring it later.

She takes it and walk out.

Nkazi: It can't be her.
Me: Why? She was here that night.

I leave him and go to the club....

....
ZIMASA

I pee and dip it in and leave it on the counter and

go out. I startle when I bump into him.
Mike: Are you done?
Me: I am waiting for it.
I take off the watch and throw it on top of the bed
and kick off the heels and go back to the
bathroom. I need glasses.
Mike: Are you okay?
Me: No. This-

I take it and sit on the toilet seat. I look at it. Two

bold lines. Tears drops land on it. Mike is not
here anymore. I sob quietly. What have I done?
There's a knock.
Me: Not now.
The door opens.
Me: I said not now!
It's the rude bastard.
Me: Not now okay. Get out.

He has my stranger's watch in his hands.

Him: This is the worst thing that has ever
happened to me.
Me: Put it down and get the hell out!

He puts it on top of the counter and walks out.

How? We used a condom. I am not gonna have a

child whose father I do not know. And I know
very well that I don't want a child but what if.... I
get up and go out. I find Mike sitting on the bed.
Me: Do I lose my job?
Mike: Yes.
Me: I will go pack my stuff.
Mike: Come here.
He holds me.
Mike: Are you okay?
Me: No.

Tears just pour down.

mike: He's gonna take care of you.
Me: Who?
Mike: Nkazi.
Me: The rude bastard?
He nods
Me: You think I'm gonna keep it and give it to him
for adoption?
Mike: What do you mean I think you can keep it?
Me: I'm still deciding Mike. This is new to me
okay? I don't even know who the father of this
child is!

He frowns and looks beyond me. I turn. He's

leaning on the door frame.
Nkazi: She was crying. I don't know what to say to
crying people. And I never thought in my wildest
dreams that I would have a child with umahosha.
I'm still shook.
Me: Mike please get this man out of here. I might
kill him.
Nkazi: I am staying over.
He gets in and close the door. I pick my bag up
and walk out.

I am not keeping a married man's child. The last

thing I need is being kept away from my child
because married people do that all the time. Men
do it all the time!
SPONSORED
30
ZIMASA
I am woken up by someone shaking me. I rub my
eyes and yawn and turn to see who this special
person is to disturb my sleep.
I close my eyes and shake my head when I see his
bearded face.
Nkazi: It is 11am.
Me: Can you leave me alone please?
Nkazi: Yeah. After we've confirmed if I am going
to be a daddy or what.
I remember my tragedy. Oh no it wasn't a
nightmare. My stranger is the rude bastard. I liked
the man I imagined him to be not this rude
motherfucker.
Nkazi: Are these sleeping pills?
Me: How can I help you Bhuti?
Nkazi: Are you trying to abort my child na Candy
Jar?
Me: Its Candy Bar!
Nkazi: I don't care really. I bought 3 more tests.
And booked you an appointment. If they come
back positive we will go. 2pm.
Hhai ngiyalingwa!! I am being tested.
Me: Which perfume do you use?
There is noway he can afford that rolex. He is a
driver for heaven's sake. He could not be my
stranger.
Nkazi: Hugo boss. I wore it that day. I had a sweet
in my mouth and you started this whole mess.
Its really him. I have no energy to talk honestly.
Me: Where did you get the watch?
Nkazi: My wife bought it for me. She's filthy rich.
I open my hand and he gives me the little plastic. I
go to the bathroom and pee on the sticks.
Me: What is this?
Nkazi: Its biltong. I searched on the internet they
say It kills time while you wait for the results.
I sigh and pull one out and take a bite.
Nkazi: Look I know this whole thing is shocking
but please do not abort it. I will even pay you to
keep it and give it to me when its born and you can
continue with your life. Life is full of surprises I
know. One day you're the most loyal man on earth
and later that day a mahosha kisses you in your
sleep and boom she is pregnant and now you're at
her bathroom door begging her to not kill your
sperm but she might cause she hates you but you
are ready to do anything for her to keep the baby.

I actually thought he's gonna be nice and apologize

for calling me mahosha but he still continues.
They are still positive. A part of me wished they
would come back negative. I am not for this.
Nkazi: What do they say?
I open the door.
Me: they say abort it mahosha.
He grabs me.
Nkazi: What do I have to do for you to keep it for
me?
Me: nothing. Go get your wife pregnant dude.
How did it even happen? Did you stealthing me?
Do you know that is serious offense? I could get
you arrested.
Nkazi: The condom teared in the morning and it
was too late when I realized.
Me: Leave please.
Nkazi: No.
Me: Nkos yam lendoda.
His phone rings. He looks at it and answer.
I go back to the bathroom. I need to see
Lufhuno…..
…..
ZANELE
He comes in running shouting my name and stops
when he sees me. His lips curve into a side smile. I
asked Noma to call him and tell him I ate poison.
Me: Hey babe.
Mulo: I love the emergency.
He takes off his jacket and comes to me on the
counter. I open my thighs for him to stand in
between. He is looking into my eyes, for a second
I am at peace. I see happiness in his eyes, he is
beautiful and happy to see me. He undo the robe
and takes it off. My breasts are pointing straight at
him. He smells of sweat and deodorant. He cups
my right breast and kiss me. I know it won't last
long. It doesn't last long when he hasn't had me in
days. He is kissing my neck while gently
squeezing my boob. I moa softly. I missed him.
Our sex life has only been with each other. We
were each other's firsts and hopefully lasts.
He inserts his two fingers in my….
[REMOVED]
….
He comes back with the wipes and clean us both
and he lays on the couch and open his arms. I lay
on top of him. He kisses me.
Mulo: I did some thinking while I was away.
Me: You did?
Mulo: Yeah. You're only 31. That's the age of
gathering everything before starting a family at 35
so. Kids are not important to me more than you
and your happiness are.
Me: Thank you sthandwa sam.
We kiss and I lay my head on his chest
I raised Lily's salary for nothing. I feel at ease….
…..
ZIMASA
I munch on the burger and hit the damn thing
again. Boxing is actually stress decreasing . I don't
feel as frustrated as I was when I started punching.
Martha comes in.
Martha: Oh you're still alive.
Me: I don't understand. Why me? He has a fucking
filthy rich wife why did it have to be me!
Martha: Maybe if you stopped talking in riddles
things would be easier for me to understand.
Me: First of all he is rude. Why would I want to
have a child that would probably be like him. The
world has enough problems it does not need
another him.
Martha: Who! Leave my boyfriends punching bag
alone and sit down and talk to me.
I am literally raining. This is not sweat. I take the
gloves off and take a towel and wipe my face.
Me: The stranger is the rude bastard.
Martha: No!
She is laughing.
Me: And for some odd reasons I am fucking
pregnant! 4+ weeks. What the fuck does that even
mean?
Martha: You're what!
Me: Preginant! With a married man's child and he
wants me to keep it.
Martha: What do you wanna do?
Me: Terminate.
Martha: Whatever you decide you know you have
my support.
Me: But he needs it Martha. Mike cried in the
hospital saying there is nothing he wanted more
than being a dad. It doesn't feel right that I want to
terminate but he's married! What if he keeps me
away from it? Or keep me around but as an aunt? I
would die.
Martha: Talk to him. Tell him how is this gonna
go if you are going to keep it.
Me: I could never be able to talk to him he is just
beyond rude. I need a bath.
Martha: Should I make another burger now that
you are eating for two?
She winks.
Me: Just fries. These were 4.
Martha: It was a whole bowl! Geez.
I laugh and head to the bathroom. I am conflicted.
I turn the shower on and undress. I hear a knock at
the door.
Martha: Babe you have a visitor.
Me: Here?
I wrap a towel and go open. Its Amber.
Me: What?
Amber: Sabelo is here to talk to you.
Me: Leave please. I am really not in the mood.
Amber: We didn't come here to fight.
I sigh and nod. I put back the sports bra and tights
and I follow her all the way out.
He is leaning on the car.
Me: Hi.
Sabelo: Hi. I came to apologize.
Me: Ok.
Sabelo: You kept every thing?
Me: I did.
Sabelo: I trusted you Zimasa.
Me: I did too.
Sabelo: How did it help you to leak that video?
Me: Were you not suspended? I thought I read
something like that in the morning. If you want me
to give you these copies then you should beg me
Sabelo. Apologize sincerely not this.
Sabelo: Babe this is stupid. I am not going to
grovel to this pathetic bitch. You are seeking
relevance and-
I head back inside. I don't have time for this….
…..
I spray my hands and the music starts. Martha
came to watch me today. She paid R3000 just to
watch me dance. The room is blue today. I am
going through emotions. I start dancing. I am lost
in the zone, nothing makes everything better than
doing what you love.
I am floating. Someone is carrying me. What on
earth!
We are out and he puts me down.
Me: What the fuck dude!
Nkazi: You are not gonn hang on poles zobufebe
with my child. What are you even wearing! People
aren't supposed to see your stomach. All I am
asking for is just 8 months of your life then you
can go and hang on poles all you want.
Me: This is my job okay! I need to be here to make
sure my family is fed! I have to be here to make
sure this child is gonna be fed and have shelter
because I am not be a married couple‟s victim.
Nkazi: I am going to take care of you and the baby
and you are not going to be anyone's victim. You
are pregnant. And that pole yoma-
Me: Call me mahosha one more time in gonna-
Nkazi: Fine. What is your name?
Me: Candy.
Nkazi: Ok Candy. That pole is dangerous. You
could fall and lose the baby.
He covers me with his jacket quickly when some
guys appear.
Nkazi: And stop wearing these undone
underwears. Where were you when I came to take
you to the doctor?
Me: Can you buy me a burger?
Nkazi: ok.

He zips the jacket and leads the way.

We get in the car. This jacket smells like him that
night.
Nkazi: Are you gonna stop to be a mahosha?
Me: Its stripping!
Nkazi: I don't care. How much do you make a
night?
Me: R15-R30K
Nkazi: Oh you're very cheap.
Me: What are you gonna say to your wife?
Nkazi: Leave that to me.
Me: Don‟t take it away from me shall I decide to
keep it.
Nkazi: You haven't decided?
Me: No. You're an asshole.
Nkazi: You don't get to kiss me in my sleep. And
ride me all night until the condom tears and now
you're pregnant and you want to kill my hard
earned sperm?
Me: I was sexually frustrated okay. I was just
having fun.
Nkazi: With a man in the dark?
Me: I am a single woman. I can do whatever I
want with whomever. Unlike you married man
who had sex with a stranger in the dark.
Nkazi: Well I thought you were my wife until the
alcohol worn off and I realised the tennis boob I
was holding wasn't hers.
Me: Why are you so mean! You make me angry.
He puts earphones on and sing. What did I do
wrong dear Lord. How is this whole thing going to
work? I imagined my stranger to be sweet not
think

SPONSORED

31

ZIMASA

The Sunday I have been impatiently waiting for is

here. I am nervous and happy. I am afraid
something could go wrong. Zamani is on my back
because Martha has no time for him. She is busy
making sure everything is perfect. I invited
Amber. I am not sure she will come but I did invite
her. This is our home.

I am kind of sleepy. I didn't sleep well. The rude

bastard drove around with me all night and took
me back to Mike's after the club was closed. 2am.
He said I will go hang myself on the pole yobufebe
with his child if he takes me back while the club is
still open.

So crazy of me to have the furniture delivered

yesterday. They interior designer is doing pretty
well. Her team is almost done and I am in tears. I
go outside. The deco is up. In fact everything is
done now. I have to change and go fetch mom. I
go back inside and take my suitcase from the
lounge and pull it to my bedroom. I don't have a
bed yet. Only the ottoman that was limited edition.
I take out a dress and heels and my make up bag.
I go out to Amber's room. It has a bed. I don't
want her making excuses why she won't stay over
if she comes. I place Zam-Zam on the bed and do
my make up. And then dress up. I don't see myself
with a huge belly. But it is still very flat. I'm glad
I'm gonna be slaying on my mom's birthday
pictures.

I pick Zam-Zam up and go out. I look for Martha.

I find her talking to Mihlali and Mike. She is
shouting at them actually.
Martha: The men are supposed to braaing meat not
drinking alcohol behind cars.
Mulalo: But we have money.
Martha: So?
Mike: We don't braai. We hire people to do that.
Martha: Le useless.

I chuckle.
Me: I brought him. I am going to fetch the family.
Martha: OK. Call me when you're close so we can
gather.
Me: OK I will.

I hired a big car to accommodate them. I head to

the gate. I parked it outside. This is a safe
neighborhood.

I hop in and fasten the seatbelt. The knock on the

window startles me. I roll it down.
Me: What are you doing here?
Nkazi: Brought my boss. Where are you going?
Me: Somewhere.
Nkazi: Get off I'm going to drive you.
Me: I can drive myself thank you.
Nkazi: I insist. You can't drive, you are pregnant.
Me: Exactly. Not disabled.
He snatches the keys off my hand.
Nkazi: You will not drive a car until you give
birth. What if you crash? Cause I am 100% sure
you are a horrible driver.
Me: Is this how the next 8 months is gonna be if I
decide to keep it?
Nkazi: You haven't decided?
Me: No. Bring the keys. I'm gonna be late.
Nkazi: Move to the other side.
Me: Okay. Just don't talk to me okay.
Nkazi: Oh amazing.

I unbuckle and move aside and fasten again. He

gets in and does the same and starts the car and
drive away.
Nkazi: Why are you wearing fake eyelashes?
I look out the window. I will not let him ruin my
day today.
Nkazi: Those face paints might not be good for the
baby. Where are we going?

I type the location and put the phone on the holder.

Nkazi: Aw bazosibamba inkunzi ke la.

His phone rings. He takes it answer.

Nkazi: Babe.... Uhm no.....you can go, my boss is
very busy these days plus he has a new girlfriend I
am driving her now and she is always going
somewhere so this is gonna be me until they break
up..... OK enjoy I love you.... Bye.

Nkazi: Why are you looking at me?

I shake my head and turn up the volume. Married

men.....

.....
ZANELE

it's been a while since Khosi and I went out and

do our best friendy things. Everything has been
about amantombazane and I truly miss to chill and
catch up with my best friend.

Mulo is on a jolly mood since he came back and

every now and then he tells me he loves me. I
thought he would get mad when I told him I'm
going out with Khosi. He is very selfish with
Sundays. They are his days, we sit, talk, eat,
drink alcohol, force him to watch rom-coms and
have sex all day long.

She walks in and scream and dance. I booked us

this apartment.
Khosi: I miss Varsity when I see that.
Me: I stole it from Mulo's stash.
Khosi: He's gonna kill you.
Me: It'll be worth it.

We laugh. I pour it into glasses and we drink up.

Khosi: Wooooo! Keep them shots coming babe!

I laugh and pour some more.....

......
SABELO

I buckle Sibu up and Amber comes. I take her

bags and put them in the boot. We get in the car.
Me: Do we have to go?
Amber: Yes babe. It's mom's birthday and I can't
not be there.
Me: But Zimasa bought that house.
Amber: Just stay out of her way okay?
Me: I'll try but she is ruining my life and I'm so
angry.
Amber: Sabelo please.
Me: I will behave.
Amber: And don't smoke that thing.
Me: I won't.

We drive off....

......
ZIMASA

He stops aside the road and hop out. He's peeing.

Great. He comes back and resumes driving.

Me: Third house

Nkazi: Now I have to count?
Me: Stop.
He pulls up. I hop out and head to the gate. They
are locking the door.
Me: Birthday girl!
Melo runs to me. I pick her up.
Me: Hi.
Melo: You are beautiful. Can I use a lipstick?
Me: Not yet. You will when you turn 13.
I put her down. She is heavy.
Mom: We thought we were gonna be late.
Me: You're in time. Happy birthday.
Mom: Thank you.

We hug.
Me: Let's go. The restaurant is waiting for us.
Wandile: Can I drive?
Me: We have a driver.
Mom: You love wasting money.
Me: It's not wasting if it's for my family.
I take her hand and we walk out. Finally. We get
to leave this neighborhood!

She greets Nkazimulo. I hop at the back with them

and we drive off.....

.....
I let Martha know we're close. She has been asking
how far is this restaurant really. I have been
ignoring her.

We stop.
Me: Driver.... This door won't open itself.
He hops out and comes to open. We get out.
Me: Thank you.
Nkazi: I did this for your mother.
He whispers. I chuckle and walk towards the gate.
It slides open and....

"SURPRISE!!!!! "

She gasps and hold me.

Mom: What is this!
Me: Your house my love.
She covers her mouth with her hands and cries. I
hold her. She hugs me and cries for a good 5
minutes. I am staying strong.
Mom: Thank you Ngwane. Ngyabonga Masumpa.
Me: I promised your husband that I will take care
of you. This is me doing exactly that.
Mom: God bless you my Angel.
Martha: Okay Mrs Hlongwane. Enough crying we
have a party to dance for before it rains.
Me: She's right. Let's go!
I have no friends. It's Mike, Enhle, Mulalo,
Martha, and Gogo.

We head in to the tent. She sits on her chair. She's

still crying. Amber and Sabelo walk in. The DJ
plays a song. Let the party begin......

.....
Everyone is drunk. I am too. I have been drinking
Savanna a bit. Yoh hha a imagine not drinking all
this time. I haven't seen him since he dropped us
off. Martha is virgin, Zam-Zam is with Gogo.

I disappear to my room to drink and come back

again. Wandile comes to me.
Wandile: There is a guy asking for you outside.
Me: Tall?
Wandile: Not too tall.
Me: OK.
Who could it Be?

I walk there. He's talking to Martha. She blushing

all the way. Why is she such a whore! Mulalo is
just right there.

Me: Hi.
Martha: Oh you're here babe. I kept him company.
Me: Thanks.
She goes back to Mike and Mulalo. Enhle is
sloshed. She is laughing non stop.
Lufhuno: Great house.
Me: Thank you.
Lufhuno: Well done.
Me: Thank you. We can go to the back. It's loud
here.
He nods and we walk to the back. We sit on the
grass.
Me: I thought I'd never see you again.
Lufhuno: Me too but you sounded like you really
need to talk.
Me: I do.
Lufhuno: What's up?
Me: I'm pregnant Lufhuno.

It's not bright enough to see his face but I know

he's biting his lower lip.
Me: It was just fun and here I am. He's married.
He desperately needs a child and it would be so
selfish of me to terminate it.
Lufhuno: Do you want to keep it?
Me: I don't know what I want.
Lufhuno: We were kids when we made that
promise. Melody is pregnant too so I guess we're
even now. Although he's married.
Me: Yeah I know. I am so conflicted. I'm afraid I
won't get to be of it's life. I can't...
Lufhuno: Hey hey hey.... Set an agreement. And
everything shall be okay.
Me: What if it complicated?
Lufhuno: I will be here for you.

He hugs me.
Lufhuno: I miss you so much.
Me: I miss you too.
We break the hug. He gets closer and our lips
meet. He pulls me close and make me sit on top of
him. He's grabbing my ass and slides his hands
under the dress. I'm horny it must be the savanna.
I am grinding against him, he's hard. I want to
pull it out and have him Fuck this stress out of me
at the back of my mother's new house.

He goes down to my neck and I am moaning

lower.
"Zimasa"

I gasp and fall off Lufhuno.

Sabelo: I've always known you were fucking him.

You fucking jerk!

He jumps on Lufhuno and punch him, he fights

back. I pull my phone from my bra and turn on
the flash for them to see clear. I don't want anyone
punching the air......oh no I should be stopping
them.
Me: Sabelo! Lufhuno stop! HELP!!!
SPONSORED

32
ZIMASA

I keep yelling but they are not stopping. I can't try

to stop them because they might hurt me.
Mike jumps in between them and push them apart.
Mike: Seriously!
Lufhuno: He started it.
Sabelo: You were taking advantage of her.
Me: Whoa whoa whoa. Why do you care? I am
none of your business, I am not Amber. Let this
fine man take advantage of me all he wants. Mind
your own damn business.
Sabelo: You're drunk, you shouldn't be making out
with-
Me: Pssst!
Mike: You're bleeding. Get a wet cloth. You come
with me.
He says to Sabelo. I take Lufhuno's hand and walk
with him inside. He has a cut on his lip.
Me: There is no dettol yet.
Lufhuno: I will wash it off with just water its
nothing.
I sit on the toilet and watch him clean himself. He
wipes his whole face with a towel. The bleeding
has stopped.
Me: I'm sorry he hit you.
Lufhuno: Are you still fucking him?
Me: Not that its any of your business but no.
Lufhuno: Then why did he attack me?
Me: I don't know Lufhuno. Go and ask him.
Lufhuno: I'm leaving. Melody is probably
wondering where I've gone.
Me: Can I come see Kay?
Lufhuno: No.
Me: Lufhuno please
Lufhuno: Its been a year Zimasa. Let her be okay?
She is starting to like Melody, you coming back
only to leave again will break her and change
things between her and Melody.
Me: I love her Lufhuno and I wasn't just away for
a year. I was healing okay.
Lufhuno: You left before that. You chose him over
us.
Me: Melody didn‟t want me there!
Lufhuno: Who has ever Zimasa? But is that a
reason to abandon us? Is it?
I look down.
Lufhuno: You are not answering me because you
know that wasn't the reason you abandoned us, it
was because of him. You shut me out because he
didn't want me, you kept hurting my child over and
over again just to please him! You can do it to me
but my child? I will never let you any where near
her until you're ready to be there forever.
He walks out. Tears drop. I go out and head to
Amber‟s room. I find her son crying. I take my
dress off and get under the covers. I put him on
my chest and shush him…..
….
I am woken up by a tickling sensation on my
boobs. I rub my eyes. He's sucking on my boob. I
scream! He startles and cries. Whose baby is this!
I fall off the bed. Fuck!
He's checking up on me. Oh its Sibu.
Me: I'm fine dude. You scared me.
He giggles and sits. I get up.
Me: Where did your mom sleep if you're still here?
He is hitting the pillow. Just like his father, never
paying attention. I dress up and pick him up. Last
night ended very horrible. I still have to speak to
Lufhuno.

There is laughter coming from the lounge.

The aroma of whatever it is hits my nostrils, my
stomach rumbles same time.
Me: Morning.
Everyone: Morning.
Me: Anyone seen Amber?
Mom: No.
I hand her the baby.
Me: Where's gran?
Mom: Outside. Go help Martha make breakfast,
she must not do everything by herself.
Me: I'm going.
She doesn't ask about the fight. Good because I
have no explanation.
I head to the kitchen area. It is an open plan. My
family loves talking so this is a perfect house for
them. Now mom can shout at Melo in the lounge
or dining area while she is in the kitchen. I take an
apple from the dinning table and munch on it.
Martha: That's my best friend.
Me: Why did you not wake me up?
Martha: You told me to go away when I did.
I laugh. I take the eggs and beat them.
Martha: What happened last night with Sabelo and
Lufhuno?
Me: Ugh don‟t remind me. Sabelo found us
making out and he jumped him.
Martha: No!
She laughs.
Me: Lufhuno is mad at me.
Martha: So you guys got hots for each other?
Me: I was drunk.
Martha: He wasn't. He definitely have hots for
you. I told you.
Me: He has a fiance.
Melo: Sis Zimasa. There is a lady asking foe you
outside.
Martha: Go wash your face. Your eyeliner is all
over the place.
Me: Why do I feel heavy!
Martha: That is Savovo for you.
I hate her.

I go to my room and take out make remover wipes

and wipe my face. I change into comfortable
clothes and go out. There is no lady here. I hear
gran crack up. I walk there, I bet she is busy at the
garden.

Oh shit! Kana I'm pregnant and this moron is the

father. Oh fuuuck! I wonder what's on me that's
gonna harm this ugly today. He is trimming the
flowers. What is he even doing here!
Me: Good morning.
They don't hear me. Why is he making my
grandma laugh?
Me: Sanibonani!
They turn.
Gran: Oh Zim. You are awake. Please tell Wandile
to make us coffee.
Me: Ok.
I go back inside and make coffee and take it to
them. He is not paying attention to me.
Melo: Sisi.
Me: Yeah
Melo: The lady is waiting.
Oh. I thought he was the lady. I follow Melo. She
is sitting on the chair.
Me: Hi.
Lady: Hi. I almost thought I got a wrong house.
Me: No. How can I help you?
Lady: I am your driver. I am taking you to the
airport.
Shoot! I am so unorganised.
Me: I had so much to drink last night. This
completely slipped my mind. Can I go take my
things quickly?
Lady: You have an hour and 40 minutes.
Me: I'll be quick.
I rush inside and straight to the bathroom. I take a
2 seconds shower and go out to my room. I dress
up and take my cosmetic bag and my purse and I
am ready to go.

I go out the back door. We head out the gate and

get in the car. And we drive off…….
…..
SABELO

She is already awake when I wake up. She is busy

on her phone.
Me: Morning
She pays no attention. I go to the bathroom to pee
and come back.
Me: Babe.
She removes my hand from her.
Me: What's up?
Amber: Do you still love her?
Me: Who?
Amber: Zimasa.
Me: Oh please.
Amber: Then why were you fighting for her?
Me: Because he was taking advantage of her.
Amber: He is her best friend! Even if he was, why
did it bother you?
Me: I'm sorry.
Amber: No Sabelo. No!
Me: Babe come on don't cry.
Amber: How can I not? You fought a man for
kissing your ex. If you did not love her you
wouldn't have!
Me: I'm sorry. I was drunk but I promise I do not
love her. Not even one bit.
Amber: I'm gonna go fetch Sibu.
She takes her bag and walk out. Shit!......
…..
ZANELE
I feel like death. I passed by the pharmacy to get
some headache pills. I push the door with my
whole body. Is it usually this heavy?

Pearl is here. She is shooting. Oh dear lord.

Pearl: You are not at work?
Me: I tried trust me I tried but I was sent back
home.
Pearl: You look horrible.
Me: We drank the whole bar last nigh where is the
husband?
Pearl: At work.
Me: Oh. I'll be in my room. Please mix me one of
your hangover smoothies.
Pearl: I'll bring it just now.
The heels feel like bricks. I hold on the rails for
support. By God's grace I make it to the top. My
phone rings. I reach for it in my bag.
Its Noma.
Me: Mfazi.
Noma: Go home right now and head to the beauty
room.
Me: What is going on?
Noma: Mulo. Amantombazane see a child in
Mulo's life and its not yours. Do you know what is
going to happen if he sleeps with someone and
gets them pregnant while he is not under the spell?
The hangover is gone.
Noma: Wash his clothes for this week with our
water and make sure he wears them. If there is a
woman, she will bleed to death if she touches him
or if she touches her.

Tears are stinging my eyes. I hang up and run to

the beauty room. I lock and take out my things. I
light the candles and take a black one. I stick
needles in it and I beat the mixture in the calabash.
Tears are streaming down.
Me: Mantombazane…its me Siena the rising star. I
am not shining enough, I hear you see a child. Let
this candle be whomever might carry that bastard.
Ley her feel the pains of these needles. I want her
to die! Take Mulo back. Be in charge of him. He
would rather die. Ley them both die if he's gonna
do that to me! I demand death to that woman!
Pearl: ZANELE! ZANELE HELP!
I get up and rush out.
Me: What?
Mulo is lying on the floor bleeding from his nose
and ears. He is curling himself..
Me: Babe…whats-what's going on?
I am touching him but he cries loudly.
Pearl: He said he feels needles all over his body
and then he fell and started bleeding. I've called
Pele and the ambulance.

I sit next to him and watch him. If he has another

woman then he must die. If he cannot be mine
alone then nobody else can have him…..
33
PELE

I am driving like a madman. I probably have 20

tickets because the road has cameras everywhere
now. I hope Makhosi Bobo has arrived.

When Pearl called and told me he is bleeding from

his mouth and nose and ears. I called Makhosi
Bobo asap and drove here.

He is outside the gate with his thwasana. I hop off

and rush to him.
Me: Didn't they let you in?
I press the intercom.
Me: Zanele open the gate.
Bobo: I cannot go in there. That bitch got bad
vibes. Your brother is in great danger and so is the
baby. You need to find the mother and feed her
this. I cannot free your brother from this woman
because he locked himself in the day he said I do.
Rub this in his nose and a drop of this in his
mouth. He shall be fine instantly. I am out of here
and never contact me to come to you Zulu. I left a
client at home.
I nod. I look at the sky. I am not going to cry. I
have to be strong. But how! If I lost him it would
be just me without anyone.
The gate slides. I go in followed by the ambulance.

He is lying on the floor. She is sitting next to him

crying. I've always known she did something to
him. I push her off.
I rub the concoction on his nose and open his
mouth and feed him the drop.
She gets up and tries to push me aside.
Zanele: What do you think you are doing?
Me: Ei ei ei! Phuma kimi Zanele. Do you see what
you are doing to him? You're going to kill him.
And if he dies I am gonna kill you. Do you hear
me!
Pearl: Mageba please.
I didn't realize I was pressing her against the
counter. I let go of her. Pearl holds me.
Pearl: Its okay its okay. He is gonna be fine.
I hear a gasp. I turn. He is coughing. I move from
Pearl and pull him up.
Me: Are you okay?
Mulo: No.
He looks lost. His eyes wander around.
Mulo: Where is Zanele?
Me: Hey hey stop.
He's stumbling.
Me: Are you feeling dizzy?
Mull: Let go of me. I need to find Zanele.
She comes out of nowhere. He hugs her for dear
life.
Mulo: I love you. I don't ever want to ne away
from you. I don't want anybody else but you.
Zanele: Its okay. I love you more sthandwa sam.
She brings her eyes up to me and smirks. Nx.
I pick my Keys from the floor and head out. I can't
stand her….
….
ZIMASA

I landed 2 hours ago and I wasn't feeling well. I

concluded the pregnancy is making me sick but its
getting worse. I feel stinging on my lower
abdomen. I kick the fleece off and try to get out of
bed. I am feeling cold. Its still sunny outside but I
am shivering.

I close the window. The pains persist. I hold on to

the couch and take a deep breath. Thee stop. I
check the time. Its still early, some doctors could
still be open. I search for nearby surgeries and
request a ride. I need to pee.
I rush to the toilet and pee. I get out and there is
black hand print on the neat side of the bed. A
little hand. What on earth could be this?
I feel woozy. I try to be strong but I keep getting
pulled to this dark place. I am screaming for help
but my voice isn't coming out. I hear drums,
humming, ululation, I smell fire.
As soon as I realize I am floating in the air. I am
thrown down next to the fire. I open my eyes. I
can't see their faces but they are carrying a very
heavy and scary aura. The fire is burning my skin.
I can't move. They surround me and sing and
dance, drums, I can‟t stand the noise. My tears are
the only thing moving.
“Mantombaze this sacrifice was handed to us by
Siena.”
They cheer up and the flames rise high. She…I can
tell by the voice. She pulls out a shining sword.

The cheering again. She put a foot on my neck and

screams.
“I can't. I can't kill her.”
“Why? Just slaughter her we're hungry!”
“She….she is….oh no. We must only eat the fetus.
She is….”
She falls down.
“You're weak!” another foot on the neck. A much
heavy and stronger one.
I can't see her face either. She tries to slaughter me
but she seems frozen.
“She is right…we can't….mantombazane. hold her
legs. We will have to take the fetus.”

No no no no no. Please! Nkazimulo is going to kill

me! What did I do to them?
My legs are spread apart. I wanna fight but every
part of me is numb…..

I feel a hand being forced into my vagina. I am

screaming in my head, begging them to stop
but….i feel an excruciating pain in my womb as is
I am being ripped.
“I got it. It was gonna be a boy!”
She gets up and dance and place what would have
developed to be our son in a bowl.
“Let her go!”

I gasp. I am on the cold tiles. It was a dream…..no

Why am I on the floor? I try to get up. I am laying
on a pool of blood. My jeans are torn. My heart
races. What happened to me. The abdominal pains
shoot again, stronger. I try to get up. I can't. I am
shivering. I am crying.
Me: Help!!!!
I sob loud. I need someone to hear me and I need
these pains to numb because they are killing me.
Me: Heell….
My body can't take this…light out…..
…..
ZANELE
He is sleeping peacefully. Who the hell does Pele
think he is coming here and feeding him things.
And he is back under the spell. Now I can sleep
freely at night. And if there was a bitch or a child
then amantombazane have dealt with them by
now.

I kiss him and go out. I need to make him his

favourite food because when he wakes up he is
going to be a changed man.
I sent Pearl home after she didn't come clean about
whether she is dating that barbarian Pele Zulu or
not. I could see the way she calmed him down.
Why would he listen to her if they are not fucking.

I put on my earpods and jam to our marriage songs

and start cooking. I am that bitch who always gets
her way. I did not sacrifice my whole family just
for my husband to have a sidechick and a bastard
child….
34

PELE

She calls my name, as I am about to respond she

comes out of the sliding door. She gives me a bowl
of popcorn and kisses me. She sits on the other
chair.
The air is a bit cold but this balcony is where I'd
be.
Pearl: I don't think I can work for her anymore.
Me: But you love it there.
Pearl: Not anymore. You should've heard her
asking me if we are together as if it was any of her
business. I am honestly starting to see that side of
her you always talk about.
Me: I'm worried about him
Pearl: I know. Me too. A part of me wants to
continue just to keep an eye on him.
Me: I don't know what I'd do if anything was to
happen to him.
Pearl: Try to help him. He needs you.
My phone rings. She gets up and head back in.
Me: Mike.
Mike: I can't reach Zimasa. She is not at her place.
They say she left this morning. They don't know
where she went.
Me: Okay thank you.
I tap my foot and clench my fists. Bobo gave me
struct instructions to find her or else something
bad might happen.

I call Nkazi. It rings for a while before she

answers.
Zanele: Mulo is eating
Me: Give him the phonr.
Zanele: We don't take calls while eating in this
home. Call later.
She hangs up. When is this bitch dying!

I warned Nkazimulo about this woman. A month

into their relationship she was already making him
ditch his friends just to be her only friend and he
was head over heels, he did everything she told
him to do. Mother never approved of her and now
I can see the devil mom saw…..
…..A DAY LATER…..
I glance at my watch. He should be here. I have
been failing to reach him yesterday so today he
went back to work and I am camping outside
Mike's place. I see the car approach. He pulls up
and hop out. He opens the door and the little girl
hops out. He opens the gate for her.
No laughing or small talk. Not even a hug or
holding hands. This little girl is Mulo's shining
amor. There is just no way he could not talk to her
unless a lot is happening with him. I hop out as
soon as he close the gate.
Me: Mageba.
Nkazi: Pele
Me: You've been hard to reach.
Nkazi: So you decided to stalk me.
Me: It was the best option. Why are you avoiding
me?.
Nkazi: I'm not
Me: When last did you see the mother of your
child?
He shrugs.
Me: Do you still remember what Makhosi Bobo
said? Are you protecting her?
Nkazi: That makes you happy does it not?
Me: what?
Nkazi: That I cheated on my wife.
Me: Uyangihlanyela ke manje. Did I send you to
fuck that girl?
Nkazi: You're here asking me about her. I don't
care where she is. You've been trying to get
between ne and my wife for so long and I always
let you. Leave us alone.
I grab him and pin him against the car.
Me: Just fucking wake up Nkazimulo! She is
carrying your child! And she could be in serious
danger wherever she is.
Nkazi: Why don't you look for her since you care
so much about her.
He is gone…
I have lost my brother. This isn't him. This is just a
Nkazimulo Zulu shell, there is a stranger in there. I
let go of him, defeated. I walk away from him
slowly…….
…..
ZANELE

It‟s a wine Wednesday with the girls. They

decided to visit me today at work. I brought the
most costly wine on my cabinet and glasses. Lily
outdid herself with the set up. I am impressed. I sit
down and wait for them. They said they are
coming up.

They get in. We hug and sit down. Khosi pour us

wine and we clink the glasses.
Noma: You are glowing.
Me: How could I not? My man is back and ohh
boy did I not this much loving!
They laugh.
Me: I think there was a child and a woman though
but it doesn't matter anymore cause he is never
gonna be with anyone else.
Khosi: Why do you think so?
Me: I told amantombazane I am sacrificing the
baby mama and the baby for him to be back under
the spell without any complications and here we
are, he is back and there are no migraines.
Noma: Aren't you curious who was it?
Me: Not at all. I'd rather not know. Enough about
me. How's everything?
Khosi: Everything is fine on my side.
Noma: Me too except, I've been dreaming a lot
about Sydeny.
Khosi: Let her go and stop beating yourself up.
Noma: Its my husband. He doesn't say it but I can
see he is dying inside. He misses her so much.
Me: He's gonna be fine.
Khosi: Yeah.
Noma: To a good peaceful life.
We raise our glasses and drink…..
…..
PELE

I thought I was gonna wait for long since I do not

have an appointment butt it is now my turn. I sit
before him. He drums.
Bobo: He was given enough rope to hang himself
and he did. Right now he has kicked off whatever
it is that he used to reach the rope and he's
realizing what he's but its too late. No one can help
him off because he started the fire around the
house and locked the door but her….she is not
afraid of fire. She is going to pass through and get
to him and get him off but every now and then he
is going to hang himself and she is gonna keep
getting him off unfortunately the baby is gone.
He gets up and leaves me there confused. I am
trying to make out what he means but I don‟t
understand a thing. I get up and head out…..
.….LATER IN THE DAY……
ZIMASA

I have been awake for hours but I close my eyes

when a dr or nurse comes in. I heard them talking
that I was brought in by a gentleman who works
that who said he found me laying on the floor
when he came to bring me a drink.

I am not ready to wake up and face my pain. I am

not ready to wake up and face my reality. The
pillow is soaking wet. I can‟t stop crying. I touch
my stomach. I sob silently. My head hurts. I turn
to face the other side. I see my phone. I need
Martha. I reach for it. It is fully charged. It was on
top of the bed he must've taken it and charged it.
I call Martha. She does not pick up. I call Mike.
He picks up almost immediately.
Mike: Oh thank heavens. I've been trying to get
ahold of you.
I sniffle. I wish he was here.
Mike: Are you okay?
Me: The baby is gone.
I cry even more. It breaks my heart to say it.
Mike: No Candy. Where are you? What happened?
Me: I‟m in Durban. I ca.e here to clear my head.
To adjust to this journey I waa about to take
and…..I had this dream. All I remember is that it
was bad and I woke up and I was bleeding.
Mike: Please text me the name of the hospital
you're in and I'm gonna be there tomorrow okay.
I'm so sorry my love.
Me: He's going to think I terminated.
Mike: Nobody cares what that dickhead thinks.
Just focus on being okay. I love you.
Me: I love you too. Thanks.

I hang up. I stay for a while in bed and then get uo

and head to the shower. The other patients are
sleeping. I just wanna be out of here.
I get into the bathroom. It is clean. That is why I
prefer bathing in the evening. I fill the tub while I
sit on the edge. I feel lighter. The bleeding almost
killed me. They had to clean me and stop it. I
could feel the pains in the womb. I wish I
remembered what that dream was about.
I close the taps and undress. I get into the water
and sit. I am honestly tired of crying. I don't wanna
think about it but its been on my mind all day. I
have been planning on doing it. I don't know what
might happen if I did it today. It helped me before.
“Zimasa”
My insides turn. It‟s a different cologne but the
cigarette-minty-cardberry scent is taking over. I
wanna bring my eyes up but I can‟t. Why am I so
scared? What is he doing here? How did he know
where I was?
Nkazi: Why are you here?
Me: I'm sick.
I'm so nervous. I wish I hadn't kept on saying “If I
decide to keep it" because now, nothing I am
gonna say will sound true to him.
Nkazi: Why?
He is still standing at the door. He's calm and it‟s a
dark situation.
Me: The baby….its gone. And I promise you I did
not abort it. I was going to stand being controlled
by you for the next….for the next 8 months
because I understood how much you wanted a
child. You are an asshole but I wasn't gonna rob
you off that. I wasn't.

He sniffles. Is he crying? Ohh this is bad.

Me: Nkazi.
He undresses. He better not want us to have a baby
making dance. I gets into the tub and sits, leaning
on the other end.
Nkazi: Come here.
I'm not too sure about this one but I do. I really
need comfort. Even if its from the rude bastard its
okay. Tears are just flowing down his face. He is
the ons that needs comfort.
Me: No you come here.
He does.
I hold him. My legs on the either sides on his
waist. He is pressing me against him and sobbing
so painfully it shutters my heart.
Me: I'm sorry.
Nkazi: It wasn't your fault.
Me: Maybe I shouldn't have tried to be away.
Maybe if I stayed….
He moves me off and cups my face.
Nkazi: Hey, look at me.
I can't!
Nkazi: Zimasa.
My hoe eyes look at him without my consent!
Nobody says my name like this. He literally sent
shivers down my spine.
Nkazi: It was not your fault. I should've been here
to protect you. It hurts but its done. You have your
life back and you can live it as you planned.
Me: Don't you want a child?
He looks down
Nkazi: I'm scared. I'm going to take you home
tomorrow after you get discharged and that will be
the last time we see each other. We can both go
back to our lives and try to forget about all this.
He kisses my forehead and gets up. He's dressing
up. He is leaving the knife in my heart. He is
walking out.

Hhaibo jesu make the tears stop…

SPONSORED
35
ZIMASA

I can't just let him go. I love him and I want to give
him another child if that's what it takes for him to
stay. I get out of the tub and chase after him. I am
failing to run. I can't cry and run at the same time.
“MISS! MISS HLONGWANE!”
I jump when a cold object is placed on my chest.
There's people over me. I am being wheeled. What
is happening?
I am coughing water. I am trying to think what
happened. All I remember is getting into the tub
and thinking of doing it. I must've done it and
hallucinated about Nkazi.
“What happened?”
“She was committing suicide. I told you to put her
through counselling because we saw her medical
history but none of you ever listens to me"
“She's always sleeping when we get to the ward.”
“Pump the water out of her”
Me: I'm fine.
I try to get up. Why is it so bright in here.
Nurse: Miss please stay still.
Me: I said I'm fine! And I wasn't trying to commit
suicide. I was meditating and I got lost in the
moment.
Nurse: Drowning isn't meditation
Me: For you. For me it is.
I get off the stretcher and head out. I don't know
where the ward I was in at.
I go back.
Me: Please take me to my ward.
She rolls her eyes and comes.
Nurse: This way
I follow her. For a moment I thought I was 9ff
Nkazi's bad books but now I'm even more worried
because there is no way in hell he can be that
sweet and understanding. It was too good to be
true. But I am ready for whatever it is that he's
gonna say when he finds out…..
…..
MIKE
I didn't tell him where we are going. I just told him
to come with me to Durban and he agreed after
asking from his wife. I'm wondering if he wouldn't
have came if she said no. Enhle and I stayed up
until midnight trying to get a jet that would've flew
this morning. We didn't find any until the Obins
agreed to swap slots and we took theirs.

The drive to King Albert Luthuli hospital from the

airport is quiet. We are all tired. We woke up at 4.

We get there. He opens the door for Enhle.

Me: I'll find you inside.
Enhle: Okay.
Me: Candy is here.
Nkazi: Doing what?
Me: She lost the baby.
Nkazi: Ok.
Me: Do you wanna come in?
Nkazi: That is not on my-
Me: Forget it.

I leave him there. I am not in the mood for his

bullshit. Not so long ago he was a normal man but
he's this thing I do not recognize. She must have
renewed her bhekamina ngedwa. Nkazi wouldn't
have been so chilled knowing Zimasa is not where
he can see her. His behaviour does not make sense.

I find them hugging and crying. We've lost a baby

before. The wounds are refreshed.
I stand below the bed until they calm down. The dr
gets in and tells her to sign.
Dr: You'll pass by the pharmacy and get your
meds.
Me: Can we buy them?
Dr: Of course.
I take the picture of the meds.
Me: We can go now.
Enhle holds her hand and we walk out….
…..
ZIMASA

I fought to be discharged. I hate hospitals and I

wanted to be alone and deal with this the best way
I know how.

I wasn't really trying to kill myself last night. I

would never do that to people I love.
My heart skips a beat when I see him holding the
door open for Enhle. Why did Mike bring him!
I keep my eyes down until I get in the car. He
slams the door and gets in and drive off. If Mike
does not tell him to slow down then we are going
to die.
Mike: Nkazi. We don't have spare lives.
He slows down. I take a deep breath.
Enhle: We booked in the city center.
Me: We stayed at Umhlanga. All of my stuff is
there.
Mike: Nkazi and I will fetch them.
Me: No. I wanna go there.
Enhle: Great then leave us at gateway so I can get
your meds and groceries.
Mike: Are you gonna be fine?
I nod.
Mike: Leave us at Getway Geba.
The drive is long and quiet.
After what feels like 40 hours we arrive at the mall
and leave the couple and he speeds off. I put the
location and give him the phone.
Me: I-
Partition!
Did he specify at Avis that he wants a car with a
partition? This guy.
He is driving like we have spare lives and there is
nothing I can do about it.
In 30 minutes he stops. We are here. I get off and
head in. I explain myself and ask the lady for the
keys. She gives me and I climb up the stairs. I feel
him behind me. What if he kills me?

I unlock and get in. He does tol and close the door.
I am very brave but right now I am an inch from
peeing myself.
I head to the bedroom. He's on my heels. I go
straight to the wardrobe where my stuff is. He's not
behind me. I let out a trembling breath and take
my purse. That is all I brought
I turn. He is standing on the exact spot I fell on
that day. He's staring at me. I am staring back.
Nkazi: So you decided you were not gonna keep it.
Me: Excuse me?
Nkazi: I didn't stutter, did I?
Me: Please take me to Mike.
Nkazi: We are talking.
Me: Well if you are gonna be an asshole aboug it
then I am not interested in this conversation.
Nkazi: I wanna know what did you do to my child!
Me: Don't raise your voice at me. I beg of you.
Why can't you ask me calmly like a normal human
being?
Nkazi: Calmly? You fucking kill my child and you
want me to be calm?
Me: I didn't kill it!
Nkazi: Oh you did. What were you doing here?
Me: I came to clear my head.
Nkazi: And didn‟t tell me? Or anyone close to
you? That sounds like someone who wanted to do
abortion so far away and lie about getting a
miscarriage.
I so wish that dream was real.
Me: listen here you son of a bitch. I don't owe you
anything. If I wanted to kill that baby I would've, I
was going to kill it that very night I found out. But
I didn't! I was willing to deal with your pathetic
controlling ass because I understood that you
really wanted to be a dad! Tell me why would I
abort it now!
Nkazi: Because you did not want it. That is no
secret. I don't know why I thought I could trust a
mahosha.
I throw the bloody bag at him.
Me: fuck you. Just fuck off you pathetic asshole.
Nkazi: I hate you. With every fibre in me.
Me: Well that makes the two of us. If you want a
child then tell your wife to give you one. Jusf get
the fuck out of my face.
He clucks and head out. Hd slams thedoor.
Me: fuck you!!
I sit on the bed and cry. Seriously? What an
asshole. I wish I remembered what that dream was
about……
……
NKAZIMULO ZULU
They say indoda ayokhali but how does one just
stays strong after losing one thing they would have
given up everything to save. I kept an eye on her
every single time. I made sure she is safe. I don't
understand how she slipped and came here. If only
she didn't try to oppose me everytime maybe the
baby would still be here.
I can't see the road. The tears are clouding my
eyes. I pull up to the side. My phone rings. I wish
she could just leave me alone for a day or 2 or a
week, a month or years. I am tired!
Me: Mamkhosi.
Zanele: Geba. Have you arrived.
Me: Yes. 3 hours ago.
Zanele: You don't sound fine.
Me: I am. Its just the humidity here. You know
how I get.
Zanele: Well say no more cause I am here at.
Southern Sun waiting for you with your
medication.
Me: Here where?
Zanele: Durban.
Shit.
Me: Okay. I'll call you when I'm done here.
Zanele: Okay. Bye baby.
Me: Bye.

I can't just leave her there. I turn back. There is a

lot of conglict going on in my head. I want to run
where Zanele is but the need to go back and take
take Zimasa is overpowering that.

I find her about to sit on the pavement but she

walks off when she sees the car.
Me: Get in the car.
She continue walking.
Me: Get in the car candy jar.
She stops.
Zimasa: Leave me alone. Okay? Just fucking leave
me alone!
She continue walking.
Me: I can't. I am doing my job. My boss is going
to kill me if I leave you here.
Zimasa: Oh imagine a world without you.
Peaceful.
Me: seriously. Get in the car and I'm not going to
repeat myself.
She stops again.
Zimasa: Why? So that you can be mean to me and
call me mahosha? Do you even know my real
name?
Me: No and I do not want to. Get in the fucking
car woman.
Zimasa: See? You don't know what humanity is.
Maybe your wife won't give you children because
she sees that the world does not need another
arrogant bastard like you. I just lost a child, I don't
know how but instead of comforting me you are
accusing me of termination. I would rather walk to
city centre than to be in a car with you.
I stop the car and hop out. She increase her pace. I
run and reach her. I pick her up. She screams.
Me: Not in this neighbourhood. Nobody hears a
thing. I put her in the car and lock the doors while
I go to mine. I unlock and quickly get in and lock
them again before she tries to open it.
Me: Calm down. Would you?

I speed off…
SPONSORED
36

ZANELE

Everything is perfect. These girls deserve a 100%

tip. Time flies. Its his birthday in 3 hours. We will
be having a pre celebration. I booked this lovely
planner to set us a little something intimate. He is
about to knock off. I know this is gonna cheer him
up. I take a picture of me in my robe and send it to
him.
“Waiting to be taken off by you"
I pour a glass of wine and wait for my husband….
….
NKAZJMULO ZULU

I have been sitting here. J don't know what is

going on. I don't know where to go. Its crazy I
know. My wife is just 5 minutes away, I should be
driving there. That‟s where I belong but that
freaking Mahosha just won't get out of my mind. I
am scared I might call her name when I make love
to my wife.

Funny how I felt absolutely nothing for her. I

didn't even care that she existed and pregnant. But
the minute we got to the hospital something
changed. I don't know what It was and I don't
know what it is but I feel this everytime in her
presence. She feels safe to be around. It feels like
it is okay to cry but I could never let myself feel
that. I have a wife. And she's waiting for me in a
hotel room. But I can't go. The lights in her room
are still on. She is still awake, probably crying. Let
me go check on her. I turn my phone off and get
out of the car and lock it. I head in.

I explain myself in the reception and lie that she is

my wife we fought and she won't let me in. She
asked one of the ladies to take me to the room. I
could be a killer. This hotel is not safe.

She opens the door and goes in. She comes out.
Her: There is no one here.
Me: Oh she's probably out for a moment. Can I
wait?
Her: Yes. Security will be out to make sure you-
Me: I wouldn‟t do anything to her.
She nods and walks off. 3 guys come and stand by
the door.
Me: eita.
Them: Sure.
I open the door and go in. It smells of the scent I
try to scrub off me every freaking day. At first I
couldn't get myself to be close to my wife. I felt
like she would smell it too but she did not. It
haunts me and only me.
I hear a sniffle from the bathroom. I walk there.
She is on the phone.
She sees me on the mirror. She wipes her tears.
Zimasa: Babe let me call you later. Okay I love
you.
She put the phone down.
Me: You said you were a single woman.
Zimasa: How can I help you Nkazimulo?
Me: I came to see if you're okay.
Zimasa: Well you can see that I'm fine.
Me: Come here.
Zimasa: Go away please. I want to be alone.
Me: Do you love him?
She takes and deep breath and turns.
Zimasa: Is your bed itchy or does it have thorns?
Me: I came to put you into bed. Its after 10. You
should be sleeping, medication needs to work on
you.
She laughs.
Zimasa: Oh you care now? Funny guy.
Me: I don't. Mike sent me to tell you to go to bed.
Zimasa: Well tell him I don't wanna sleep yet.
Me: Go to bed Candy! Why are you so stubborn!
Zimasa: Because you're trying to control me! Just
stop! I'm gonna tell Mike that I don't want you
popping up in my space anymore because I'm done
with whatever made us communicate. Give me my
space.
Me: I didn't get one thing you were saying. Come,
bed time.
I pull her. She lets me. Good girl. I peel the
blanket off, she gets in. I cover her. She's cute.
Me: You look like a dirty sweetpotato.
Zimasa: Get out.
Me: No. I'm gonna read you a bed time story…but
first. Did you have sex with your boyfriend while
carrying my child?
Zimasa: Yes. Lots of it.
Me: Did he know you fucked a man in the dark
and fell pregnant?
Zimasa: Yes but he said its fine cause there is no
dick as good as his.
Me: So he's okay with you being a mohosha.
Zimasa: Yes. He knows it brings the food to the
table.
Me: Oh he doesn't work?
Zimasa: No. Why would he work? He has a
girlfriend that is a mahosha, she hands in poles
zobufebe and gets paid for it.
She smiles.
Me: Pathetic.
I turn off the lights and sit on the couch….
…..
ZIMASA

OH I won this round. He's full of shit. First thing

tomorrow I am going to tell Mike that I do not wa-

He climbs next to me and pull me closer. He's

wearing only his boxers. I feel my blood rush to
my feet. I am covering my head, I can smell all of
him. I wish I wasn't attracted to him in a kind of a
way. As arrogant as he is I find him very
attractive. The questions that he just asked, I had
fun answering them. I always let him get under my
skin and I could see he was annoyed as he asked
more questions. What is this?
Nkazi: I'm so sorry about the baby. I know what
happened. I saw it when I stood there in that
apartment. I'm sorry you had to go through that. I
know I am an asshole and I will never change but I
am sorry for bringing you into my mess.
If I say anything now the asshole mode is going to
be activated.
Nkazi: I hope you heal. You get to live your life as
planned. I would've loved to have a child with you
though. Its not everyday a man have a child with-
Me: Umahosha.
Nkazi: No. A stranger. Why are you still awake?
Me: Because I'm not sure if you going to strangle
me in my sleep or what.
Nkazi: You're safe here with me. I don't like you
but I wouldn't kill you.

Can he always be this nice?.....

……
NKAZIMULO ZULU

Its 02:35. I walked here. I hoped one of the junkies

will target me and try to rob me and kill me. Not
that I'm tired of living but to avoid what could
happen if I continue to see her.
Seems like its someone's birthday.
She is awake. Drinking wine. She is wide awake.
There is an empty bottle in her feet, the one in the
table is almost empty. I reek of Zimasa and today,
if she gets close she is going to smell her for sure.
Zanele: Happy Birthday love.
Oh its mine.
Me: Thank you.
I don't know but I am disgusted by all these
balloons.
Zanele: What happened to your phone?
Me: The battery died. Mike and I went for drinks. I
just need a bath.
Zanele: You smell very rosey.
Me: Yeah. I hugged Enhle.
Zanele: Can you please look at me?
I take a deep breath and I do look at her.
Zanele: What is going on. I thought you'd be
happy.
Me: Oh. Happy about turning 31 with just a wife
no children? Nice.
Zanele: I thought you didn't want children
anymore.
Me: I just want water and a bed please.
She follows me.
Zanele: So there was a woman and a child?
She is crying. I wish I had tome to honestly nurse
her feeling but today is just not that day dear Lord!
I undress.
Zanele: Nkazimulo!
Me: What!
Zanele: Who was she!
Me: Who?
Zanele: The woman who was going to have your
child.
Me: What woman?
Zanele: That is why you said you were going to
stop pressuring me with a child. You knew you
were gonna have a child with her, you broke the
vows Nkazimulo. You committed adultery. How
could you do this to us? How could you Mulo?
She sobs.
Me: I don't know what you are talking about.

I turn the shower on and get under it. She knows.

Zanele: No woman will have you and get to live.
Do you hear me Nkazimulo Zulu. You are mine!
You belong to me! Its gonna be us till the end. She
was the first and the last to ever get to fuck you.
Do you hear me!?
Me: I hear you.
She slams the door. I turn the shower off. The only
way I can protect Zimasa is to be far away from
her as possible….
SPONSORED

37
ZANELE

I tried to sleep but I could not. In a space of 4

weeks not being under a spell he found a woman
and impregnated her? That is not like my husband.
Under a spell or not, he would never cheat on me
but my gut feeling is certain that there was a
woman and she was pregnant.

I have been watching him sleep. Its almost 6am, he

is about wake up and go to drive another man, who
is his age but calling him boss. I get up and burn
my incense. Today. He is going to tell me the
whole truth when he wakes up. I spread the smoke
all over him and put it out. I pull a chair and sit
beside the bed.
Me: Nkazimulo.
He doesn‟t move. I tap him on the shoulder. He
open his eyes and frown.
Me: Who is she?
He sits up straight and do the nkum nkum sound.
Mulo: Who?
Me: The woman you slept with.
Mulo: I never slept with anyone. What is this
smoke?
Me: Incense. I was meditating.
Why is he aware of his surroundings? He should
be a robot and answering every question truthfully
and doing exactly what I tell him. He takes a deep
breath and comes to sit on the edge of the bed
opposite me.
Mulo: Sthandwa sam.
He takes my hands and kiss them.
Mulo: There is no one. There has never been
anyone and there will never be anyone. Yes I've
thought of it but I've thought of you more, what it
would do to you, to us, our marriage, your
hardwork and people close to us. Or that woman,
would she be happy? Being with a man who does
not love her but wants a child or cjildren from her.
Would she stay? Would she agree? So all the
answers to these questions are no and bad. I do
need a child, desperately. But I do not need it more
than I need you in my life. You're the only family I
have, Pele is here but not as you are. You are very
special to me Mamkhosini. I love you and only
you.

I am crying. He knows how to calm my nerves.

Maybe I have been too caught up in what
Nomalanga saw. I knew that it was possible hence
i felt sure that it did but either way. They are both
dead, even if they were there. So I guess it does
not matter anymore.
Me: I love you too.
Mulo: I am going to quit working for Mike. Can
you talk to your friend for me? Nothing too fancy.
Fixing anything would be fine.
Is he for real? I attack him with a hug.
Me: Are you for real? I will talk to him
Mulo: I am all about you Mrs Zulu. I live to make
you happy.
Me: I love you so much…but why? Why are
quiting?
Mulo: I knocked off at 2am. I got here and I was
accused of cheating, as if.

I laugh.
Me: Let's bath and go eat break fast
Mulo: I think I should go to Mike first.
Me: I will just work till you get back.
Mulo: Ok.
We kiss and I get off him. He gets up and dresses
up….
…..

ZIMASA

I open my eyes. He's not here. Married men!

I hop out of bed and head to the bathroom. My
phone rings as I am about to sit on the toilet. I race
to the bed and take it.
Me: Hey babe.
Martha: When are you coming back?
Me: Today.
Martha: Sabelo was arrested last night. Your sister
called me asking where you are.
Me: She must not dare and try me. She must do
everything I did to keep that man out of jail. That
is the least of their problems. There is a storm
coming their way.
Martha: I've got goosebumps. Oh how are you this
morning?
Me: I am good. Nkazi put me to bed last night
after your call.
Martha: Who is Nkazi?
Me: Oh the rude bastard but he was nice last night
and he comforted me. There is some strong
connection between us but the signal is strong
enough.
Martha: What are you talking about? You like
him?
Me: I don‟t know but I felt it last night when he
held me. Nothing else mattered. I wished I could
stay there forever, he took away all the pain..
Martha: That sounds very deep and fucked up
cause he is married.
Me: I know.
There's a knock at the door. This door, was the
main door unlocked? Oh shit Nkazi. He didn't
lock!
I pull my shorts up and head to open.

Ok.
Me: Hi.
Him: Who are you and what are you doing in my
room?
He reeks of alcohol.
Me: I think you are in a wrong room. This is my
room.
Him: This is my room. I slept here.
Me: Where?
Him: On the couch.
Me: You used the key to get in?
Him: No.
His phone rings. He takes it out and answer.
Him: Shit.
He laughs.
Him: I'm so sorry. I was sloshed last night I think
its because the door was unlocked. My room is
next door.
Me: Its okay. At least you got to the couch.
He chuckles.
Him: Lindo.
Me: Zimasa.
We shake hands.

Such a gentleman. Just ugly…..

…..
MIKE

She sits down.

Enhle: Isn't Zim going to join us?
Me: I'm not sure. Plus she's a sleepy head. She's
probably still in bed.
Enhle: Thanks to her this marriage would be over.
I know you are not that romantic
Me: Aw baby. I am very romantic.
Enhle: In your dreams. I skipped a month.
Me: Why?
Enhle: I don't know.
Me: We had sex once last month.
Enhle: I was not taking the pill because I had
decided to be single.
Me: And you didn't warn me.
Enhle: We were not talking…well I was not
talking to you.
Me: So there could be a baby. My God.
She laughs.
Me: Its not funny Mbalenhle. Well its not too late
to be a deadbeat.
Enhle: Pregnancy differs bave. It could not be like
last time. Plus I was going to tell you we should
have another child that day your baby mama
arrived.
Me: So you want a huge belly?
Enhle: Its worth it. Kayla is 6. We have to have
another child before we hold on too her too much.
Me: Makes sense….but a pregnant wife? Yoh.
She laughs and drink her juice.

There's a knock at the door.

Enhle: Ohh that could be Zim girl.
I told her she'd laugh her. Zim bas this love me
energy, get bored without me kind of vibe..
I get up and head to the door. Its Mulo.
Me: Ndabezitha.
Mulo: Can you come out? We need to talk.
Me: Is everything okay?
Mulo: No.
I go out. He closes the door.
Mulo: I quit.
Me: What?
Mulo: Yes. With immediate effect.
Me: Whoa whoa whoa. What-What are you talking
about?
Mulo: I don't wanna be your driver anymore.
Me: Is this about Zimasa?
Mulo: I don't give a fuck about that Zimasa of
yours. I am doing this for my wife.
Me: You're joking right?
Mulo: I'm done here.
He turns into Zimasa. She is fuming. She slaps
him across the face. This is my cue….
……
ZIMASA
He holds my hand as I am about to slap him again.
Me: I hate you. Do you hear me? I fucking hate
you!
Nkazi: That makes the 2 of us. And don't ever slap
me. I will strangle you to death.
Me: I would like to see you try.
He pushes me out of his way. I can't stop crying…

And I can't just let him go. I chase after him.

Me: Nkazi!
He keeps on walking. Faster.
Me: Nkazimulo Zulu!
He stops immediately. I am tired of running. I get
to him.
Me: Do you not feel it? Is it just me?
Nkazi: Feel what muntu wenkosi.
Me: The connection. Last night, did you not feel it
when you held me? If you do not feel it then why
did you get in bed with me and held me?
Nkazi: I was doing what I was advised to do to
comfort you sisi.
Me: Are you not in denial Nkazimulo?
Nkazi: No. I have a wife that I love. I have done
things in my life but I would never have a thing for
a woman that does your kind of a job okay? You
lack morals.
Me: It sounds like you're trying to convince me.
Nkazi: Mahosha listen here. We may have fucked
and I held you last night but none of it meant
anything to me okay? You got the wrong signal.
Me: Its fine. You keep well.
I leave him standing there. I dry my face. I am not
wasting my tears on this moron. Maybe there is no
connection. He was just there when I needed
comfort….

**3 MONTHS LATER*

SPONSORED

38

ZIMASA

My uterus shakes me up. His hand on my cheek.

His head is leaning on the back of the couch. He's
gone. Every single night when he's here we
promise each other that we won't let it happen
again but every single day it happens and when I
wake him up he's gonna say it is my fault.

I get up. It‟s a few minutes after 1. I turn off the tv

and go to the bathroom. I moved into my place
permanently after we decided to make things
official cause he is always here. Well sometimes if
I am lazy to drive from work I sleep at Mike's but
that has happened 3 or 4 times in the last 10
weeks.
I pee and go to fix the bed. I go back to the lounge
to wake him up.
Lindo: What time is it?
Me: 1am. Come. I've fixed the bes.
Lindo: Shit my neck hurts. You need falling asleep
in the middle of soupies.
Me: You should not let me.
Lindo: I let you sleep thinking I'll wake you when
they end but like every time. I never see them end.
I laugh. I help him up and wait for him to turn so I
can jump to his back. He races to the bedroom and
throws me on the bed. He gets up and take off his
tee. Honey those abs!

He looks so good in capri shorts and he knows it.

He pulls me by my feet and press one knee on the
bed and take my jeans off.

He tosses them on the rug and kneel below the bed

and pulls me to the edge. This is a very nasty man.
He ate me out in the parking lot before our very
first date. If he could I'm sure he'd reside in my
vagina. Sometimes we gave a very serious
conversation with my legs spread, him staring at
me and my vagina. He shaves me. He is very
sweet and as a fallist that I am. I have fallen deeply
in love with him.

My legs are floating on his shoulder he's tongue

deep in me. I am moaning, grabbing the sheet with
one hand while I push his head in, God forbid he
chokes on my clit or it gets stuck on his gap. But
he's careful around it. He's French kissing it. I can't
stay still I am slowly grinding, his one hand goes
up to my boob. I help him squeeze it. Why is sex
so good!

He stops and comes up to my mouth and we kiss.

He's already naked. I feel it. He puts on a condom
and kiss me again and insert himself. I gasp and
hold him tight. He kisses my forehead and move
slowly…..
…..
ZANELE

He flips over and I put the leg up. He holds my

breast as he gets in and humps me for dear life.
Weve been at it for minutes and I just want him to
cum because its after 1am and we are going to
work.
He's kissing my neck.
Mulo: I love you Candy.
He whispers.
Me: I love you too. Ahh…
He turns me to sleep on my stomach now and
pound me hard and he collapse on top of me.
Things has been so smooth, he even gave me a pet
name. He says I am sweet like Candy. So he calls
me by it every time we get nasty.

He gets off after a while. I wipe myself clean. He

is on the balcony smoking. Something is up with
him today. He does not smoke unless he's anxious,
angry or upset.

I put on a robe and go to him. I hug him from

behind.
Me: What is going on?
Mulo: I dreamt of mom.

One thing about that woman. She doesn't want to

die. People who were sacrificed never visit in
dreams because they go to amantombazane. Why
does he still dream of her!
Me: what was she saying.
Mulo: She said, “Never let Candy go. She is here
to save you from your self because you are
dangerous to yourself Nkazimulo. In a few months
things are going to be hard for you. You will
discover a lot of things, that are going to be too
hard to handle or escape but with your by your
side, you won't crumble.”
Atleast I was not a villain.
Me: She was right. I am here to save you from
yourself and to make sure you stand even on hard
days.
He says nothing.
Me: We should sleep there is a lot going on later.
Mulo: Do we really have to go to tjis party?
Me: Yes. Its our friend's birthday. She came to
yours. We can't miss hers.
Mulo: Why pickup Mike's palace? Its full of
omahosha.
Me: They will not be working today.
Mulo: Better. He kills the loose and turns around.
He picks me up ans we kiss.
Mulo: I just things to stay like this forever. Jhst the
2 of us. The last 3 months have been about us and
I missed that.
Me: Me too babe.
Mulo: Let's skip the party and drive to Limpopo. A
little getaway.
Me: We will only stay for an hour there okay and
then we can go.
Mulo: Ok.

He walks back inside…..

….
ZIMASA
He finds me dancing with a butter knife in my
hand.
Lindo: Whoa. Are in good terms?
Me: Why do you ask?
Lindo: I wanna know if its safe to come close.
I laugh. He's funny, that's mostly why I fell inlove
with him.
Me: We are in good terms. Come give me my kiss.
He comes and kiss me.
Lindo: My brother just callled me. My dad is
flying home from England.
He's one of the cool kids. Imagine working just
because you like to not because you have too.
Epic!
Me: So you have to leave?
Lindo: Yes.
Me: I was hoping we'll spend the weekend
together.
Lindo: We can. Please come with me.
Me: I'd love too but I have agreed to play the aax
at Mike's for this lady's party.
Lindo: I will return tomorrow evening then.
Me: Sounds like a plan…or I could just fly tonight
after playing.
Lindo: Your mom.
Eish. Mom summoned me home.
Me: Ai I'll catch a flight tomorrow.
Lindo: I love you.
We kiss.
Me: And I love you
The door I kicked open.
Me: Excuse me!
It‟s the police. Big guns pointed at me.
“Miss Zamisa Hlongwane"
Me: Yes.
“You're under arrest for being an accomplice to
murder”
Me: What?
It all happens too fast. Lindo is telling me to calm
down is coming while I am being dragged away. I
am crying, what is going on!!!.......
39

ZIMASA

I don't know what to say anymore. Not even

screaming that I do not know this woman is going
to be clear enough for them to get it that I do not
know her!
I am hungry and tired. Its almost 2pm. Mike does
not even know that I am here. They left me here by
myself about an hour ago. I keep looking at the
picture. God knows I am not a murderer and I have
never seen this woman in my life.

The door opens. It‟s a femsle detective followed

by a male one that had been questioning me.
Male D: Gained your memory?
Female D: You better talk cause the dark room is
waiting for you if you don't.
Male D: By dark room she means the truth is
gonna be electrocuted out of you.
Me: No please I swear. I do not know her.
There is commotion outside. The door swings
open. It‟s a man that looks like Lindo but a bit
short. He's something in the SAPS community.
Him: I hear you arrest people without warrants.
They look scared. They stutter.
Him: Miss Hlongwane please follow me.
I don‟t need him to repeat. I am on my feet
heading to the door.
He is shouting at everyone. Everyone seems to be
on their toes. We get into an office. He gives me
water. The door opens. Lindo walks in. I get up
and hug me.
Lindo: Can you make it go away?
Him: Take her home. I will deal with this.
He pulls me. What is happening here?

The stares as we head out. I thank God when we

get to the car.
Me: Who was that?
Lindo: My brother. He's a constable.
Me: Am I off the hook?
Lindo: Yes. He said something about you helping
the soccer star get rid of the murder evidence. So
that‟s what makes you an accomplice. Did you?
Me: I might have, not knowing. I really hate that
man.
Lindo: Just don't be that oerson. Never do anything
to save a man's skin, especially something he
brought unto himself.
Me: Now I know.
Lindo: I will wait for you to perform there and go
to your mom's tomorrow then we can fly later. I'd
like you to meet my family. We won't stay at a
hotel.
Me: Really? I'd love too.
He takes my hand and kisses it. What would've
became of me if he didn't have a brother there? I
wish death upon Sabelo. Selling me out? Really?
Such a low life….
….LATER…..
It is packed. Lindo decided against coming here.
He said he will fetch me when I am done playing.
Truth is, I don't wanna be here. I'd be snuggled up
on my mans watching transporter for the 1000th
time. He is obsessed with it.
I go to my room and wait there. There is people
everywhere. I sit infront of the dresser and take out
my red lipstick and apply it. I put on a mask. I put
on a flower clip on my little afro. I text Sushi to
bring me the dress and the sax.

I look so beautiful. I hate playing, I just miss my

dad. I wonder if things could've turned out
different for me if he wad still here. I wouldn't be
here playing Sax. I would probably be overseas.

Amber wouldn‟t have dated Sabelo. I would

probably be married to a whiteman. My father
believed in the western life style that is why he
fought tooth and nail and worked all day long,
only slept for 3 hours in a day just for us to go to
model c schools.

My thoughts are disturbed by a tap on the

shoulder. I turn.
Sushi: We are starting in 5 minutes
Me: Okay.
She heads out. I get up and dress…..
…..
NKAZIMULO ZULU

The air around me changes as we get in. She is

here. I wish we can really spend this hour without
seeing her. I have not seen her in 3 months and I
want it to be years.
We greet whomever we come across and take
champagne glasses. The gents save me from the
group of women I find myself surrounded by.
“Ladies and gentlemen. As our lady of the hour
requested. Please welcome Smoothie Sax"

My heart skips a beat when I send my eyes up

where the spotlight is.
It‟s the way her body moves inside that silly bottle
green maxi dress, the slit keeps revealing her
brown moisturized legs. She may have a mask on
but I am tell by the fearlessness I have in me that
she is in the room. I can tell by the way I feel like
its okay to laugh loud and cry if I want too. She
brings me that…peace within myself. She stops at
the middle of the staircase and starts playing. She
has always been right here before me. I really hate
omahosha but I used to go to Razo's every jazz
night and I thought it was the saxophone that made
ne feel at ease and at peace while it was her, her
presence brought me peace. I am obsessed with the
sax and she plays it so beautifully. If this isn't a
sign that its meant to be then I don't know what
is…..
…….
ZIMASA

I bow as I finish. When I bring my eyes up I see

him. I shift mine from him. He probably doesn't
recognise me.
I run back up as they clap. I get into my room and
change. I take off the mask and call Lindo to fetch
me. Mikes get in as I button the jean.
Mike: Can I be honest?
Me: Yes?
Mike: I was holding a fart that they love it. You're
so incredible.
Me: I learned from the best.
Mike: I can tell. So, you're going to Durban
tomorrow?
Me: Yeah.
Mike: Mo guy seems to be cuffed here.
I laugh.
Me: How could he not? I mean, look at me.
We laugh.
Mike: Ausuka. Let me go and make sure
Nomalanga Jones is happy with our service. She's
so demanding.
Me: This is her party?
Mike: Yes.
Me: Nkazi, is he working for her now?
Mike: No. His wife is friends with Nomalanga.
Me: Oh. Wealthy women.
Mike: And good husbands. So odd.
Me: Men obey where there is money.
He laughs and go out. I receive a text from Lindo.
He's outside. I put my mask back on and start off
at a bathroom. I pee and go out to wash my hands.
There is a lady applying lipstick.

She looks at me, looks in the mirror and then back

at me. I know her, I don‟t know where I know her
but her face is very familiar. It could've been a
magazine.
Her: Sax girl.
Me: Yes
Her: That was beautiful. My husband is so
obsessed with that instrument. Can I have your
numbers so that u can book you one evening.
Me: You can get them from Mike.
Her: Ok. Keep up the good work.
I nod with a smile and follow her out. I use the less
busy door to go out.

Someone grabs me and pulls me to the side and

fucking kiss me. I push him off.
Me: What on earth!
Nkazi: I couldn't help myself.
Me: Your wife is inside Nkazimulo Zulu.
I am not loud but my words are very firm.
Nkazi: I don't want my wife I want you.
Me: What? Nkazi, I am not in the mood for your
mind games. Do you remember what you said the
last time we spoke?
Nkazi: No. What did I say?
Me: You sa-
Nkazi: Can you please kiss me before you tell me
what I said?
Me: You're truly out of your mind or probably had
too much to drink.
I try to walk away but he pulls me back to him and
kiss me, one hand on my ass and the other at the
back of my neck. I am trying to free away but he's
holding me tight. I can't let him to this to me. I
break out. I hear footsteps. Its Lindo. He's walking
away, he saw us. I run after him.
Me: Lindokuhle! Lindo! Babe please stop!

I reach him about to open the door. He hits my

hand off him.
Me: Its not what you think. I swear to you he
kissed me off guard.
Lindo: I'm glad it happened before I took a huge
ass decision.
Me: Lindo you're not listening. He took me by
surprise. I love you Lindo. Please.
He gets in the car. I rush to the oassenger door nut
he takes off as I am about to open. He's standing
there with his hands in his pockets. I hate him. I
hate him!
Me: I wish you die Nkazimulo Zulu. You ruin my
life!

I sob as I get away from his sight. I call Lindo. He

is not answering. The road is quiet. Why won't
anything be good in my life! Nothing is
permanent….

I am walking, crying and texting and calling him.

A car stops beside me. It him. I increase my pace.
He drives slowly beside me.
Nkazi: Let me take you home.
I keep on walking.
Nkazi: I shouldn't have kissed you.
I stop.
Me: Well you did Nkazimulo Zulu. You did and
you have ruined things for me.
Nkazi: What things?
Me: My relationship! You have ruined my
relationship.
Nkazi: Ei ei ei. Get in in the car the streets are not
safe.
Me: You aren't either. I don't wanna do this. I don't
wanna be that girl you take advantage of. I don't
wanna be that girl you go months without seeing
and want to fuck her the day you see her. I am
truly not umahosha Nkazimulo Zulu stop treating
me like one. Yes that night might have been my
fault but that does not mean I do it to every man.
For an entire year I was a mess. The man that I
loved dated my sister, ordered people to kill me,
they raped me. The universe has been so harsh to
me. But that man came and changed everything.
He is everything I want. I lo-
Nkazi: Shut the fuck up. You love him? Not so
long ago you were feeling the connection between
us now you love him?
He's out of the car.
Me: You said I got the wrong signal and I believe I
did.
Nkazi: Get in the car.
Me: No. Go back to your wife and leave me the
hell alone! I am tired okay I had a long day.

A red audi Q7 pulls up. Its him.

Nkazi: Your choice in men is a circus. Imbi
lendoda.
Me: At least he's not an asshole.

He gets back in the car and speeds off. I run to

Lindo and hug him.
Me: I love you.
Lindo: I love you but I am mad and disappointed.
Me: I'm so sorry. Please don't give up on me

I mean it. If he does and let me go. I might wreck a

woman's home and that is not me. The connection
is still there and it is still strong…
40
ZANELE

We are drowning in alcohol now. Its been over 3

hours. Mulo is with the gents. He is probably
having fun cause the way he didn't want to come
here we would be gone by now.
Noma pours herself another glass.
Noma: There is a lot of things I want to do before
the year ends.
Me: That's lovely. For me there is just one
Khosi: What is it?
Me: To have an epic anniversary.
Khosi: Oh yes! Its in a month right?
Me: Yes. I wanna invite the sax girl over
tomorrow night when I tell him. I know he will not
agree to having an anniversary. I want the
planning to begin right away.
Noma: Get your Candy boots on and fuck that yes
out of him.
We laugh.
Me: I will do it all. He dreamt of his mother today.
Khosi: Can she just die?
Me: Well I think he works for us now, finally.
Because she was telling him that he shall never let
go of me.
Noma: No!
Me: Yeah I know. I was afraid that if he keeps
dreaming of her she will end up telling him the
truth. I am not sure if his gift is gone-gone or just
gone.
Khosi: He would know everything that happens on
his house.
Me: You could never be sure. Let me go check up
on him.
Noma: Can you stay 4 hours without seeing him?
Me: I can aibo.
They laugh as I go away. I am drunk. I look for
him amongst the men but he's not there.
Me: Excuse me, have you seen Mulo?
Mike: He's upstairs. Third room
Me: Oh thanks. …..oh Mike. The girl that played
here. Can I get her numbers?
Mike: Uhhh, I don't have them.
Me: She said I will get them from you.
Mike: Ohh she lied. I don't have her numbers.
Me: Ok thanks.

I climb up the stairs. I knock and push the door.

He is sleeping, hugging a pillow. He startles me
when he opens his eyes as I pull the pillow away.
Me: Hey.
Mulo: Hey.
He comes and sits on the edge. He grabs me by my
waist and pull me close. He leans his forehead on
my stomach.
Me: Are you okay?
He shakes his head.
Me: What's up?
Mulo: Love me right.
Me: Huh?
Mulo: I said love me right, never ever let me go.
Never take me anywhere I do not want to go
because….
He lifts his head up and turns me around. He zips
down the dress and let it fall to my ankles. He
kisses my back . I drop the clutch. His fingers and
deep on my stomach.

He turns me around. He looks at me. His eyes are

red. He looks like he's been crying but this man of
mine does not just cry.

He pulls my leg to hop on top of him. I am sitting

on top of him. Staring at each other, this is a
magical moment. I see the love in his eyes. I can
see the fear of losing me.
We're kissing now. His hands are all over my
body. He shifts my underwear aside and he's in. I
hold on to him and ride. His hands are all over, I
am moaning in his ear, he loves that.
Mulo: Don't leave me.
Me: I…won't
I find myself beneath him. He is humping roughly
and hard. He is not okay.
Me: Babe babe, a low down.
He is not stopping.
Me: Nkazimulo Zulu.
He stops. He's panting.
Me: What is going on?
Mulo: Nothing. Can I finish?
Me: No. Not until you tell me what is going on.
Mulo: Nothing is going on. And please don't call
my full name and my surname at the same time. It
reminds me of mom and it breaks my heart.
He continues. I hate it when he's weird. I
participate until he cums……
…..
MIKE

I arrive at the same time as Candy. I get out of my

car. So does she.
Zimasa: Hey.
She attacks me with a hug. She's drunk. So early in
the morning.
Me: You drove drunk?
Zimasa: No. Some guy from the complex did. He
left me at the gate. Such a gentleman.
Me: O-kay. Are you working today?
Zimasa: No. I came to clean my room. I can't stay
in that place.
Me: Why?
Zimasa: Lindo….he broke up with me because he
saw that good for nothing bastard kissing me. So
when we got home he….he said he needed space
to think about this. I mean, I love him. Why would
he be threatened by Zulu? I kept telling him that he
kissed me without my consent but he wouldn't
listen to me!
Me: His loss. Come. You need to rest.
She is talking all the way inside. Luckily Sushi is
up and running.
Me: Please take her upstairs. Be careful.
Sushi: Did you continue the party at home?
Zimasa: Yes. But a pity party.

I laugh. They head up. I water the flowers. I turn

when someone calls my name. Its Zanele. Why is
she here?
Me: Hi.
Zanele: Hey. Have you seen my husband?
Me: No I just arrived.
Zanele: If he gets here please fell him I had to rush
to work.
Me: Ok.
She rushes out. I hate her…..
…..
ZIMASA

Me: See Sushi, I would be sleeping in my man's

arms had that married bastard stayed in his fucking
lane. He kissed me, while his wife was here inside.
Imagine!
Sushi: Men are like that hun.
Me: But my boyfriend might never come back. If
he doesn't come back then I might fuck someone's
husband.
Sushi: Aibo. Stay away from him.
Me: I can't if there will be no one to hold on to. I
need a distraction. Oh wow who cleaned in here?
Sushi: The cleaning ladies. Rest.
Me: Oh yes rest bafwethu.

I throw myself on bed. Oh I missed it so much….

…..
there's a human behind me. Ans not just any
human. The last human I wanna see. His hand is
on my boob.
Me: In the name of the father, the son and the holy
spirit please send your heavenly fire and burn thus
married man who has a boner behind me. I am
honestly tired of him. Amen.
He's snoring. I look at the clock. It‟s a few minutes
after 12am. The alcohol has worn off. Where's my
phone?

I move the ugly hand off me and hop out of bed. I

look for it in my bag. I find it. There are missed
calls from him. I call him back.
Lindo: Sthandwa sam.
My heart pumps the danone
Me: Babe hey. I…I'm sorry I drank after you left. I
just woke up.
Lindo: I love you Zimasa. I talked to my mom this
morning. She enlightened me. Now I know I mean
a lot to you. If I didn't you wouldn't have chased
after me. You would've hopped into his car. I
guess I chickened out because I've heard that
people have unbreakable bonds once they get each
other pregnant.
Me: Well its not true.
He gets up and head to the bathroom.
Me: I love you okay? And I am grateful to your
mom.
Lindo: Can I buy you a plane ticket?
Me: Please.
Lindo: Okay. How did the meeting go with your
mom?
Shit.
Me: I totally forgot about that. Ohh she's going to
kill me. Let me go.
Lindo: You're such a mess. Bye. I love you.
Me: I lo-
He snatches my phone off and hit it against the
wall. I must be dreaming. There is just noway
Nkazimulo Zulu just took my phone and broke it.
There's noway!

We are staring at each other. He looks angry. Well

I am more angry. A tear falls from his eye
Nkazi: You are not going to Durban.
Me: Says you Mr Aeroplane.
I try to walk away from him but he grabs me back
to him.
Nkazi: Don't turn me into something I am not
please. I'm sorry about your phone. I am going to
replace it.
Me: Why did you break it in the first place!
Nkazi: Because you were going to tell him you
love him. You can't keep lying to yourself. .stop
lying to yourself.
Me: I'm not. If you could just leave me alone
Nkazi: You think I want this? You think I want to
lose my mind whenever you're around? I hate this
too because I have always loved my wife, never
ever got turned on by anyone but her. And then
you came! All of that changed. When you are
before me, I can not think of anyone else but you. I
yearn to hold you, to kiss you, to feel the warmth
of your body, to hear you laugh, to be….

He caress my cheek.
Nkazi: To be deep inside you, to hear you moan
my name, telling me you love me.
He is too close. I gulp. Why am I such a hoe? Why
is my clit throbbing. I just told my boyfriend to
buy the plane ticket. If this motherfucker kiss me
now, we're totally fucking.
Nkazi: Mahlongwane. Please let me into your life.
I come with a crazy ass wife but I'll make it all
bearable for you. You are my home Zimasa. I
know that sounds fucked up but you are, you're my
safe place. I feel like I can be a driver and you
would not judge me, I feel like I can cry and you
would let me, and that who I yearn for in my life.
My safe place. The connection has been there, do
you remember how you would not keep your eyes
off mine when you played at Razo's, I felt like
your safe place right? I calmed your nerves and
that's exactly what you do to me.

I bring him closer and we kiss. He picks me up and

put me on the bed and pull my dress up, g string
down, legs up and his head on my vagina. I am
moaning his name as he yearned…..
….
NARRATED

Meanwhile…the phone did not die and Lindo

stayed on the line after he heard a man's voice……

41

ZIMASA
I keep hearing Lindo's voice as Nkazimulo
devours on my honey. My toes curl.
Me: Nkazi….
I cum. I hear Lindo shout my name. Nkazi comes
up to kiss me.
Nkazi: I really want to be inside you.
He whispers.
Me: but?
Nkazi: I was with my wife.
Me: Oh.
Nkazi: I have to go.
Me: Then go.
Nkazi: I am going to make this right okay?
Me: Ok.
He kisses me one last time and get off. I get up and
go to the toilet and come back to an empty room.
This is why I cannot do this.
Let me see how broken is this phone. I pick it up
and press the lock button. My heart stops. I think I
am having a stroke or a heartattack. Its 25:40
minutes and still counting. It is not dead. It has a
crack across the screen….ngelosi yobufebe I have
always been good to you. Why do me like this!

I was not hearing voices. He was really calling my

name. I am crying. Why did I let this happen?
Why do I keep losing my mind over Nkazimulo? I
have a man that loves me for Christ's sake!

I hear a groan and something breaking. He's angry.

Me: Babe
I don't know what I'm doing but I have to do
something.
Me: Lindokuhle….Lindo I'm sorry. It was a
mistake. We didn't have sex okay? He…he didn't
penetrate.
He curse and more things break. I hang up. I am
losing my mind. I need to drive to Durban. I call
Nkazi as I rush down the stairs. He is not picking
up.

“I can't do this Nkazi.”

I send him a text and get in the car. My phone
rings. Its mom. Not now!

Mike knocks at my window. I unlock. He gets in.

Mike: What's up? Been calling you and you didn't
seem to hear me.
Me: Its Lindo. I need to go to Durban
Mike: You can't drive to Durban looking like that
or anywhere for that matter. Go back inside.
Me: If I do not go and fix this. He will never
forgive me Mike you don't understand.
Mike: Whatever it is it is not worth dying for. Let
me take you to your moms.
I nod. I am gonna drive to Durban after I talk to
mom….
….
ZANELE

I rushed home to go to the beauty room. I had not

been there in 2 week cause Mulo is always around.
This morning was my shot. And nothing could've
prepared me for what I saw as I beat the mixture.

I saw him with a woman making love. I could not

see her face but I saw him. I have been sitting here
crying. O have done everything for
amantombazane, if I could give them a piece of me
to make him have eyes only for me, I would.

He gets in. He throws the keys on the couch and

walk on.
Me: Sawbona Zulu.
Mulo: Yebo Mamkhosini. I'm going back to work
Me: Which work?
Mulo: At Mike's.
Me: Is it about her?
Mulo: Who?
Me: You know who I'm talking about.
Mulo: I wouldn‟t have said who if I knew. Why
would you want to ruin such a good morning?
Me: In a space of 6 months, you have gone outside
our marriage twice Nkazimulo.
Mulo: Nalokho ngikuzwa ngawe Zanele. I'm tired.
I want to bath.
I get up and go to him. He moves away.
Me: Why are you getting away?
Mulo: Because you have a knife in your hand.
Me: If you care about whomever she is, you will
end it if it has started, or avoid it if it has not
happened because I will stop at nothing to save my
marriage. Even if it means killing her with my own
bare hands!

I take my bag and head out. I can't be around him.

I need to go to Nomalanga. We need to go to the
river, I need to know why is the spell not taking it's
course…..
…..
MULO.

I get an extreme headache. My heart is pounding

hard. For a moment I thought she was gonna insist
on getting close and he would smell her. How did
she know? If she knew I was with someone there
she would have driven there the minute she found
out.

I take my phone out. There is a text from her.

“I can't do this Nkazi"

“I get it. It was a mistake. I was hangover and

lustful. I'm sorry for leading you on.”
I press send. I need a shot….

……
ZIMASA

Oh wow. What a jerk ass. I delete the bloody

massage and go join mom in the lounge. Mike
dropped me off and left.
Me: Lokshin Bioskop every day.
Mom: They are nice.
Me: We've been watching this one for 4 years
now.
Mom: Ohho.
Me: I am driving to Durban later.
Mom: Zimasa we miss you. You are hardly home.
Me: that's because I am always working or my
boyfriend is here.
Mom: When are you bringing him here?
Me: When he comes to pay lobola.
Mom: Fair enough. I was thinking, are you not
ready to fix things with your sister?
Me: I don't know.
Mom: I love you both and I miss having both of
you in the same house. I miss my kids.
Me: I know ma but Amber is so full of it.
Mom: Please do it for me. I don't want to die and
leave you guys sworn enemies.
Me: I am willing to fix things. For you.
She smiles.

I live to make her happy. I live to keep my father's

last wishes true….
….
ZANELE

we've been waiting for hours. I was not talking. I

could not talk. I only wanted to cry. I stand there
and watch them light the candles. We sit inside the
circle formed in red candles and hold white in our
hands.

Noma: Mantombazane. Siena has a problem. You

did show her that there is a woman. Please reveal
her face so that we can deal with her.

A bird lands on Khosi's shoulder and

communicates with her.
Khosi: Zimasa Hlongwane. And only Nomalanga
can kill her. We need to follow Mulo wherever he
goes. She is a huge threat, she could end your.
Me: Don't you fucking tell me about that. I gave
you everything to keep my marriage perfect!
Khosi: This is beyond our power. The spell washes
off in her presence.
Me: What does that even mean?
Khosi: It means, she is a special one.
Me: Fuck you!
Noma: Siena!
Me: No! I gave them everything Nomalanga! My
whole family! For what? They can't take care of
my husband's nyatsi?
Nomalanga: You k know these things happen, it
happened to me. Calm down. We will find her and
I wll kill her then you will have your husband
back.

I sit down and cry. Zimasa Hlongwane, wherever

you are. Count your days. Nobody messed with me
and live to tell a tail....

42
ZIMASA

Its been a week. I haven't seen nor head from

Lindo. Mike made sure I do not go to Durban after
I told him what happened. He said I should give
him some time to cool off but I am not too sure if
that was a good idea. Why hasn't he called me
back or answered my call?!

I bumped into Nkazi about 2 days ago, he did what

he does most; acting like he doesn't know me and I
really prefer it that way.

Last night I had a very weird dream. This lady was

trying to kill me. She was drowning me in a pool.
It was like Nkazi and I were married and she was
mad at thar fact, so I went to swim. She jumped in
out of nowhere and strangled me. I fought her until
I woke up.
And then again this morning it cane back. She was
chasing me with a knife, Nkazi tied into a chair, he
couldn't help me. She did stab me on the arm but I
killed her.

I regret telling gran about ut. She told me we are

going to a sangoma later. I really do not like
sangomas. They fucking lie….well most of them.
He's gonna say its my great grandma and she
wants me to become a sangoma.

I finish hanging the last load of laundry and sit on

the couch and turn up the volume of music.
Martha: Did you take the nap?
Me: No. I just washed our dirty clothes.
Martha: I am ordering. What are you having?
Me: Hake and chips.
Martha: You and Mulalo and Hake. What is nice
about that thing.
Me: You wouldn't understand. You should really
do the pregnancy test.
Martha: I'd rather see the stomach growing.
I laugh. She's been very weird. Napping every now
and then, getting nauseas.
Me: Yoh mfazi. The labor pains.
Martha: I'm on the pill okay.
Me: Shit ain't guaranteed sis.
Martha: I see you want my soul Zimasa.
She gets up and head to the balcony.
Me: See? You're a ticking bomb.
Martha: Fuck you.
I laugh and check the time. Its 3 hours to 4pm that
gran picked. I need to bath. I get up and head to
the bathroom. I fill the tub and fetch my phone. I
find missed calls from Lufhuno. Haven't heard
from him since that day. I try calling him but it
goes to voicemail.
I undress and get into the tub. Soothing. The door
opens. Its him. He looks like a mess. I get out of
the tub instantly and hug him. He breaks down.
Me: its gonna be okay.
Lufhuno: She lied to me.
Me: I'm sorry.
Lufhuno: I hate her.
Me: Shhh…

After 10 minutes he finally calms down. I wrap a

towel and sit on the edge of the tub while he sits
on the toilet seat.
Me: What happened?
Lufhuno: The baby is not mine. I let her in into my
life. I let her know my child, my family, you! I am
so mad.
Me: Such is life. Her loss, life goes on.
Lufhuno: Babe you don't understand. I paid lobola
for this woman, I bought her a house, and a car. I
loved her.
Me: I'm so sorry.
Lufhuno: I don't know if I'll ever recover from
this.
Me: You will.

I take the towel off and get into the tub.

Lufhuno: How did we get here Zim? Only running
to each other when things are bad.
Me: We grew up.
Lufhuno: This isn't what I imagined.
Me: I started it. Its all my fault.
Lufhuno: Yeah but I didn't fight enough for our
friendship. I let you go easily.
Me: You didn't. You have always been there when
I needed you.
Lufhuno: But this isn't where we should be. I got
my big break and you are not even here to enjoy
the good life with me. It should be you, me and
Kay. Travelling, tasting new food, changing
houses, fighting over which colour to paint the
lounge not this. I really miss you.
Me: I do miss you too but I am not good for Kay.
You were right.
Lufhuno: That- I was wrong. She misses you. Not
a day goes by without asking if I called you. She
doesn't trust me with proof reading letters to her
mom. She was getting there with Melody cause
sometimes she's ask her to help her write it.
I chuckle.
Me: I just need to fix this one last thing and I will
be back into her life, permanently, as promised.

He nods. I really miss them…..

……
ZANELE

Its been a week and we have been taking turns

following him around but he has only been driving
Mike and going to steers and coming back home. I
am even getting tired of it. She answers.
Noma: Mrs Zulu.
Me: I don't think I am gonna do my shift today.
Noma: Hhaibo madam. Why?
Me: If he was really seeing her don't you think
they would have met by now?
Noma: Stop being lazy and go. He's in steers for
now. Go.
She hangs up. I am really not going there. I am
going home to the beauty room to beg
amantombazabe to reveal her face for me cause
this folliwing Mulo around business is taking too
long…..
…..
NKAZIMULO ZULU

I kill the stub when he appears. I don't wanna

kmow about how cancer is going to kill me.
Pele: You still smoke mfana ka Zulu.
Me: Just burning my frustrations.
Pele: Also damaging your lungs.
We fist bump.
Me: Thank you for coming.
Pele: Although I am worried about why are we
meeting on top of a house.
I love this roof top. You can see the most of
joburg. Its peaceful. That's why I love the steers.
Me: I wanted to say this freely.
Pele: Okay.
Me: Yeah. So, you were right. Zanele did do
something to me. To find other women
unattractive.
Pele: I knew it! That bloody bitch.
Me: Yeah.
Pele: How-how did you find out?
Me: I went to her beauty room about a week ago. I
saw a lot of things that are dangerous for you to
know. Even the baby. It was her.
I look up. I can't keep letting tears out whenever I
think of this.
Pele: Shit.
Me: I loved her truly and I still do. I never ever
thought of cheating on her. Why did she have to
put me under a spell that would take my soul shall
I leave her.
Pele: Does this mean your gift is back?
Me: Yes. Since I met Zimasa I think. It comes and
goes. I don‟t know what to do. She knows about
Zimasa and they have been following me around. I
am so afraid that Zimasa might see me and try to
speak to me.
Pele: Mageba, how are you loving umahosha while
you're fed bhekamina ngedwa?
Me: Mom said she is my escaoe and I should never
let go of her but it seems so selfish to get her into
my life with Zanele ready to kill her. And
everytime I see her something in me changes. I go
to her apartment every single night to make sure
she's safe.
Pele: What if they follow you?
Me: They don't. They rest when I am at home. I
leave and come back before Zanele notices.
Pele: Stop going there.
Me: I can't help it.
Pele: We will see if Bobo cannot help you.
Me: He can't. Only Zimasa can. I just need to find
a way to keep her protected while I fix this.
Pele: Do it right away.
I nod.

Now I am not even sure if I ever truly loved

her…..

My phone rings its Zimasa.

Me: Why are you calling me ntombazane?
Zimasa: We need to talk Zulu.
Why is she not saying my full name?
Me: We have nothing to talk about. I have a wife.
Leave me the hell alone.
Zimasa: Nigga your fucking wife tried to kill me
and you going to tell me that shit? By 6:15 Zulu I
need you at my door step.
Me: I am no-
She hangs up.

Did she just call me nigga?

43

ZIMASA

Its 23:40. I have been sitting here waiting for him.

I am not even going anywhere until he gets here.
He has caused me so much pain and as it is I am
being hunted down all because of him.
If he is not here by morning, he will regret the day
he ever set his eyes on me…..
……
ZANELE

I open my eyes. He is staring at me.

Me: Morning.
Mulo: Morning.
Me: Is everything okay?
Mulo: Do I not love you enough?
Me: What?
Mulo: Wrong question. Do I love you enough?
Me: Of course. You've never loved me less.
Mulo: Then why do you think…actually you
sound so sure that there is a woman or there's
gonna be one.
Me: I have seen it at night Mulo. And you said it
yourself, if I do not give you a child you will get a
second wife.
Mulo: I did. Can I trust you Zanele?
Me: Of course you can babe. Why would you even
say that?
Mulo: Zanele you said you will kill a woman. That
was not my wife talking.
Me: I was angry.
Me: You will end up killing a wrong woman. And
if any of the women close to me end up getting
hurt I will leave you Zanele Mkhosi because I
married my best friend. The sweetest woman I've
ever known not a killer.
He brings me closer and kisses my forehead and
hops out of bed. He's protecting her. He is
prepared to leave me if I hurt her…..
…..
MIKE

He almost crash me. The window slides down. He

us wearing shades. There's a cup of starbucks in
his hand. Sometimes he looks possessed.
Me: Uhm Hi.
Nkazi: Get in. You're late.
Me: What's in the cup?
Nkazi: Coffee. What else would be here?
Me: I don't know. You don't look ok.
Nkazi: I am perfect.

I get in on the front.

Nkazi: Since when do you sit here?
Me: Since today. Is this mine?
He nods and drives off. I take the large cup of
coffee and drink. This son of a bitch.
Me: You know I am not drinking.
Nkazi: Oh shit you got the wrong one. Here.
We swap.
Me: why are you drinking at 8 in the morning?
Nkazi: Because I couldn't drink at 6. I had to drive
Kyla to school.
Me: I can't let you drink and drive.
Nkazi: I will drink when I drop you off. How's
Enhle?
Me: She's good.
Nkazi: Oh?
Me: Yeah. It‟s a smooth pregnancy. We‟re in love
and I get sex tenders twice a day.
Nkazi: Happy man. IS Zimasa still seeing her ugly
boyfriend?
Me: Yes
Nkazi: Ohh.
Me: Do you feel anything for her?
Nkazi: No.
Me: I fail to miss the chemistry between you two.
When you're in the same room its so tense but cute
tense.
Nkazi: I don't know what you are talking about.
Me: Ok.
We're here. Whatever it is that is going on between
them they should just work it out. Its starting to get
on my nerves when they ask questions about each
other….
….
ZIMASA

When I opened my eyes and it was the morning

and he was not there, I just bathed and came here.
I forgot my access card and this guy is giving me
troubles with filling the form that I forgot my
access card.

I spot the car coming in. Now is the right time. I

pull him close and kiss him. By the time he pushes
me off he has passed and seen it all. I sign and
leave before this man questions the kiss.

Mike doesn't wait for me. The car drives around

and head straight at me. I stop. I'd like to see him
try. He brakes an inch away from me.
Me: Yeah I thought so.
He hops out and charges at me. He grabs me and
drag me to the car.
Me: Let go of me!
He pins me against the door.
Nkazi: What the hell was that?
Me: What the hell was what Nkazimulo Zulu? Let
me go!
Nkazi: Hhei wena Zimasa. Why were you kissing
him?
Me: How is it your business? You're a married
man. What a single woman does should be none of
your concern okay?
Nkazi: Can you please treat yourself with respect?
Me: Oh no. I am a mahosha, that isn't what I do.
I try to push him off but he pins me and it hurts.
Okay. I want to cry.
Me: You said you saw what happened with the
baby. You knew it was her, didn't you?
Nkazi: How do you know?
Me: Did you know it her?
Nkazi: Zimasa-
Me: Answer the damn question Nkazi!
He nods. I can't help the tears.
Me: I don't know why am I put in this position
Nkazi: I'm sorry okay?
Me: You know she's not a good person. You
knew!
Nkazi: I didn't.
Me: You did! I don't remember what happened
that day, you saw it but you still chased after me.
You keep coming and going!
Nkazi: You don't understand.
Me: What do I not understand?
Nkazi: I am trying to protect you dammit!
Me: From what!
Nkazi: From her, I am trying to protect you from
my wife. She could hurt you and I wouldn‟t know
how to live without you zinasa please.
Me: If there is someone who needs protection from
her it is you Nkazimulo Zulu and only I can. She
cannot get to me but she can get to you and she
could turn you into a monster.
Nkazi: If I ever see you kiss a man I will be that
monster.
He lets go of me and get into the car. Did he hear
what I said?

I need something strong. I can't deal with my life

sober minded right now….
……
NKAZIMULO ZULU

I pull up at the side of the road and get out. I put

my hands over my head. I don't know but I need to
scream loud to ease the conflict inside me. I
wouldn‟t forgive myself if anything happened to
Zimasa. I have seen the kind of devil the woman I
married is.

I wish I've never met Zimasa. My life wouldn‟t e

this complicated.
I take my phone and call her. She doesn't answer. I
need to tell her she means every thing to me. I just
need a little more time then she can be my wife.

I get a light headache. I miss Zanele. I can't fight

it. I am calling her.
Zanele: Sthuli sika ndaba
Me: Have you gone to work?
Zanele: I decided to take a day off. Will you be
here for lunch? I wanna cook.
Me: I wouldn‟t miss that opportunity for the
world. I am not doing anything even now. I am
just gonna drive home.
Zanele: I'd like that.
Me: I'll see you in a few.
Zanele: Ok babe. Let me make breakfast.
I hang up and drive away….
…….
SABELO

I never thought that one day the skeletons in my

closet would be found. I let myself be blinded by
lust amd lost a woman that would've done
anything for me to succeed. Zimasa loved me
truly, she was crazy but the realest. I let Amber
blind me. Here I am today, in an orange overall,
chains on my wrists and also on my ankles, I am
being transported to suncity. Not so long ago, I
was the talk of the town. The best striker The lings
boys has ever had but now I am labeled one of the
dangerous men in South Africa.
When we get there. I just want to make one call
and say I am sorry. She did tell me I will regret it
if I do not shoot her as she turned away….here I
am not regretting that but leaving her for her little
sister, trying to kill her and trying to take her down
with me…..
…..
[LATER IN THE DAY]
ZIMASA
I couldn't stay at Mikes. I drove straight here.
Lufhuno was gone. He spent the night. Kay is at
her grans.

I got here and slept. Its dark outside and I am

hungry. I drink the shot I had poured before I slept
and hop out of bed. I need something to eat!

There's an aroma hitting my nostrils as soon as I

open the door. I rush to the kitchen. He's cooking.
Oh I'm so worried.
Lufhuno: You're awake.
Me: and you're cooking.
Lufhuno: Yes.
Me: I am just glad my kitchen is still intact.
Lufhuno: Thag was an accident.
Me: 3 times? Aowa.
He literally burnt his kitchen 3 times. From there
on I suggested he gets a maid cause wow.

There is a bottle of black rose and tonic water on

the counter. I pour myself some and drink.
Me: Umgowo.
We laugh and clink our glasses.
Lufhuno: We gonna be fine.
Me: I won't. I miss him so much.
Lufhuno: Change and drive to wherever he is.
Me: That….
He's right. I gulp the whole thing and rush to the
bedroom. I need to be a snack….
……
NKAZIMULO ZULU

Today has been a chilled day. I spent it with the

wife. Mike told me to not fetch him, cherry on top.
We are watching fantasy bioskop. I wonder who
writes this shit. Women have wild imaginations.
Me: aw baby. Are you digging the snow pie?
Zanele: Its too frozen!
My heart beats hard. This usually happens when I
see Zimasa or when she is around. I drink water
but it doesn't stop. Zanele comes back. She tries to
sit on my lap but I stand up. I take my phone.
There are 100 missed calls from her. 100!
Zanele: Are you okay?
Me: yeah I am-

“Good afternoon family"

My heart drops. I cannot turn. Zanele stands up.
Zanele: Hi.
Zimasa: My name is Zimasa Hlongwane.
She looks up at me and takes a deep breath and
looks ahead at Zimasa.
Zanele: How can we help you Zimasa Hlongwane?
Zimasa: I came to ask Nkazi why is he not taking
my calls. Oh and I heard from someone that you
were looking for me so here I am. Can I sit? These
heels are killing me.
She giggles. She's drunk
I turn. She smiles at me. Genuine smile. She's so
beautiful.
Fuck what the hell is she doing here?
Zanele is looking at me with eyes full of tears.
What has gotten into Zimasa?
Me: babe I can-
I am disturbed by Zimasa's snore. Zanele rushes up
the stairs crying…..
SPONSORED
44

NKAZIMULO ZULU
I run after her. She is rushing to that witchcraft
room. I increase my pace and get to it before she
reaches for the handle.
Me: We need to talk.
Zanele: About what Mulo? Huh? That you let your
bitch into my house? I don't wanna see you right
now.
She turns and heads for the bedroom. I follow her.
Sje is crying. I close the door.
Zanele: You denied it. This very morning
Nkazimulo and you denied it!
Me: She is not my girlfriend. Wjy would you
assume she is?
Zanele: Because I saw you! In a vision. Making
love to her, I knew her name but I didn't know her.
How could you do this to me Mulo. How could
you!

She throws everything in front of her at me. I stand

there and let, maybe I deserve it. I mean the
woman I fucked in the dark, impregnated, fell in
love with is downstairs, in our house, Zanele's
house. This is her house, not mine. I don't even
know how much it took to be built.
Me: I'm gonna drive her home.
Zanele: No! She is going to sleep here and she will
explain herself in the morning.
Me: I'll watch her.
Zanele: You're going to sleep in your bed
Nkazimulo.
Me: I cannot trust you.
Zanele: I need her to tell me everything. I can't just
kill her.
She strips naked and heads to the bathroom.
Zanele: Are you joining me?
Me: Yes.
I'd rather keep her where I can see her. How did
Zimasa even know where I stay? The gate? Who
opened it for her?
I get under the shower. And hug her from behind.
She holds my hands.
Zanele: What is special about her?
Me: Nothing. As I have said. She is not my
girlfriend.
Zanele: Nkazimulo.
Me: Visions aren't right all the time Zanele.
Zanele: This one was. She's down stairs.
Me: We're not together.
She turns the shower off and turns to me.
Zanele: Do you love her?
Me: What?
Zanele: I asked, do you love her?
She's staring right into my eyes. I am afraid if I lie
she will know.
Me: I love you.
Zanele: I need you to hear you say you don't love
her.
Me: I don't.
Zanele: Love her!
Me: love her.
Her eyes drop.
Zanele: I'm gonna call it a night.
She grabs a towel and dry herself. I do too. I am
not sleeping a wink tonight…..
…..
ZANELE

I take my phone and write a text to Nomalanga.

“This bitch thinks she's tough. She came to my
house, she is here Noma. In my own fucking
house! And he is denying her. Next morning I
want no trace of her in this life. She's sleeping in
the lounge. Be careful with everything you do.
He's a light sleeper"

I send and switch it off. Did he fuck her in my

bed? How else would she know our house. I turn
to face him.
Me: Did you sleep with her in our house?
Mulo: I never slept with her.
Me: How did she know where we live?
Mulo: I don't know.
Me: Please be honest.
Mulo: I am honest. Can we Atleast drive her
home?
Me: No! You don't get to cheat on me and call
shots. I say she stays and that's that.
Mulo: Good night.
He closes his eyes. Nomalanga better hurry and
get this over with and done…..
…..
ZIMASA

I am awaken by noise of people shouting. Can theu

please keep it down! My head is exploding. I am
wearing heels and my date dress. Fuck. I get out of
bed. I need to pee seriously. There's a door on my
right. I cross fingers that it‟s a bathroom.

It is. Thank goodness!

I pee and I realize that this isn't my place. In fact, I

don't know where I'm at. I panic. What if I am
kidnapped. I pull my dress down and rush out.
When I open the door I see no one. I follow the
light until I get to the stairs. I go down and I see
him talking on the phone when I reach the last one.
Nkazi: Mageba, I'll call you back.
He puts the down and comes to me. He's angry.
Okay let me run. I try to but I trip and fall. He
picks me up.
Me: Where are we?
Nkazi: My house.
Me: Doing what?
Nkazi: You tell me Zimasa. She could've killed
you dammit!
Me: She wouldn't have.
He picks my bag and pulls me out. Damn this
house. How rich is this woman!
I get in the car, he does too and drive off. I
remember talking to Lufhuno and he told me to go
to him! I hate alcohol.
Me: Is this my car?
It is my car. I drove here, drunk, I tracked his
phone. Lufhuno tracked his phone. That's how I
got here.
Me: Where is she?
He turns the volume up.
Why am I such a troubled soul?
Me: Did she see me?
I can't remember what happened after I got in the
car and I was not drunk. I must've gotten drunk on
the way.

I decide to sleep.
After what felt like a 5 hours nap. He calls my
name. I jump. We're on underground parking lot.
Me: Where are we?
He holds the door open. I get out and follow him
as he lead the way to the lift that drops us off at
hallway. He uses the master key and push the door
open.
Nkazi: The bathroom is there.
Me: I'd like to go to my place please.
Nkazi: Not after you've refreshed and talked.
Please go bath, the tub is waiting.

Okay. I go there. The water is ready. I undress and

get in. He follows. I bury my body. He leans on
the door and stares at me for some time.
Nkazi: What were you thinking?
Me: I don't know. I really don't know. I am deeply
sorry. I had too much to drink. And I made a bad
decision.
Nkazi: When I got to the lounge in the morning
and you were not there I panicked. I said some
things to her. You shouldn't have came.
Me: Well I did and whatever I said I must have
meant it because drunk people are honest.
Nkazi: You didn't say anything. How am I
supposed to protect you now.
Me: I don't need your protection Nkazimulo Zulu.
Isn't enough? The cat and mouse? Are you not
tired of it?
Nkazi: I am but I cannot just love you and get you
into my life while I do not know how to protect
you!
Me: I do not need protection! But you do. The
more you push me away is the more you Will keep
on losing a tiny piece of yourself every day until
there's nothing left. Ley me in. Let me be your
home, your safe place. Let me protect you. That is
why you love me Nkazimulo….

Holds the door knob.

Me: If you walk out that door….
Nkazi: I don't want to ruin your life.
I get out of the tub and walk to him. He turns.
Me: What if I was made for you. I take the weave
off show him the scar at the back of my head. He
touches it.
Nkazi: Who did this to you?
Me: Do you think you could do more damage than
the one before your eyes right now?
Nkazi: You don't understand that I love you too
much I don't want to see you hurt and crying.
Me: Its part of life.
He turns me around.
Nkazi: There will be people outside. To make sure
you're safe. I will go fetch Kayla from the
tournament and be back as soon as I can.
Me: Make love to me.
Nkazi: Zimasa.
Me: Nkazimulo.
I bend over and give him a clear view of me. He
will not resist. This is vagina. Every man's
weakness.

I feel his hands on my add. He's polishing it. He

runs his finger all the way down to my vagina and
stick it in. I moan. he pulls it out and insert the
dick. I gasp and hold on tight to the toilet seat.
Nkazi: Fuck.
He whispers. I could feel butterflies in my stomach
as he thrusts deeper and deeper……
……
ZANELE

After what felt like forever she comes out of the

beauty room.
Me: Tell me the good news.
Noma: I wish. She was not there when we arrived.
Me: What do you mean?
Noma: I mean she was not there!
Me: You mean to tell me she's still alive?
Noma: She could be. Yes.

Tears fall involuntarily.

Noma: I'm sorry.
Me: No. You don't understand! He loves her!
Noma: Amantombazana are going to fix it.
Me: They will not. She carried him a child, if she
is still alive they will fuck and she is going to
conceive and do you know where that is going to
put me?
I sit on the floor and cry. I am ready. I am ready
for him to die.
Me: I'll make him the sacrifice.
Noma: Whoa.
Me: I will never share my husband. Right now, go
and tell amantombazane I am offering Mulo.
Noma: You do know you cannot take that back
right?
Me: I said do it!
I head out. I don't give a fuck anymore.....
45

NKAZIMULO ZULU

The sun is about to set. She's sleeping, she has

been since we finished taking a bath together after
we had sex. I don't think I wanna go home today. I
don't want this excitement to leave my heart but it
is not fair on Zanele but it is not safe to leave
Zimasa here alone. There could be guards outside
but I cannot rely on them 100%.

I press her nostrils. She struggles to breathe and

opens her eyes.
Me: I cannot stand how much you snore.
Zimasa: So you decided to kill me?
Me: I didn't. I needed a break. Hey.
Zimasa: I need to pee.
She gets up and grab the towel. I follow her.
Zimasa: Put boxers on please. .
Me: Why? Can't you handle this sexiness?
She laughs.
Zimasa: Oh please.
I look her.
Zimasa: What?
Me: What is it that you feel for me
MaHlongwane?
Zimasa: Huh?
Me: Are you here right now because of what you
heard from the sangoma or you're here because
you really want to be here with me.
Zimasa: I have always wanted to be here before I
even knew all that. You kept pushing me away.
Me: Its this conflict inside me. Right now I want to
go to her but I can't leave you alone.
Zimasa : Go. I'll go to my mother‟s house.
Me: No. I want to spend this night with you.
Zimasa: What does it mean for us? Will you not
act like today didn't happen tomorrow?
Me: I won't.
Zimasa: Oh I'm officially a sidechick
She laughs. I bring her close.
Me: For now.
Zimasa: Are you planning on marrying me Mr
Zulu?
Me: I could.
Zimasa: I don‟t see myself having an arrogant rude
husband.
Me: We'll see about that.

I kiss her. I still feel like I am being selfish for

making tjis official. I really don't know which
extent would Zanele go to be my only wife. I told
her Zimasa carried my child. I shouldn't have said
that. It will make her do things she wouldn't have
if she didn't know that……
…..
ZANELE

Me: My mother. My grandmother. My kids. My

chances of bring a mother. My aunt. My mother in
law. My siblings. Everyone I loved. I gave it up.
Its not because I wanted to be wealthy. I did it all
for him. I did it all for him to love me and be only
mine. And I can't even offer him as a sacrifice. If
he decides to marry her. What is going to become
of me. I beg you. I beg you to fight for me.

I run out of words. Tears drop. I put out the

candles and take off the cape. I go to my bedroom.
I did all of this to never be those women who cry
themselves to sleep waiting on their husbands to
come home.
I know today he might not. He was angry when I
left in the morning. It was vividly clear that
whatever she feels for her it is strong. I wonder
what happened to her….CCTV.

I get out of bed and rush to the monitor room. I

search for last night's footage. I see her getting up
from the couch heading up the stairs until he gets
into the guestroom. I fast forward. She slept here.
NOMALANGA!!!!!

He drove away with her, in her car. I walk back to

our bedroom and call him. He doesn't pick up. I
send him a text. I'm going to go crazy. I scream
and break everything I see……
…..
ZIMASA

I wake up alone. Life of a sidechick. I check the

time. I was working last night. Mike is gonna kill
me. Its close to 9am. I call him as I head to the
toilet.
Mike: Baby girl.
Me: Oh you're not mad at me.
Mike: Nope. Nkazi told me you were drunk.
Me: Oh he did?
Mike: yeah. He says hi.
Me: Hi back.
Nkazi: Ntokazi.
Me: Hey. Why didn't you wake me?
Nkazi: I forgot. Don't leave. I'm coming back
Me: Why are you saying that infront of Mike?
“Zimasa Hlongwane!”
Nkazi: Who is that?
Me: I don't know. Let me check
“Zimasa! I know you're in there. Open this fucking
door right now!”
Nkazi: That's my wife. Do not open the door.
Me: ok.

I hang up and wear the robe and open the door.

The first thing I get is a slap across the face. I
return it. She pushes me to the counter I hit my
back. I grab the little flowerpot and toss it at her. It
breaks on her head. She attacks with a toothbrush
holder, it hits me on the mouth I bleed.

We grab each other and fight. She manages to pin

me down and strangle me.
Her: I am going to kill you.
I‟m running out of breath……
……
MIKE

He is driving like a maniac. He is beating the

robots. He is not hearing a word I say.
Me: You said there were guards there.
Oh we're here. He hops out. I turn off the engine
and follow him.
He takes the stairs. I am not doing that….
I ask the lady to take me to the room they are in
and ca the police. She does as told and I take the
lift……

When I open the door. He's shaking her, she is

crying. He is asking her what happened. She is not
saying anything. She has a knife in her hand,
dripping blood. My eyes follow the trail of blood.
Its coming from the bathroom.
Nkazi: Sthandwa sam talk to me. What happened.

I wish I can move my feet but I am afraid of what I

am going to find in the bathroom.

He shakes her harder. The knife drops. She's

shaking.
Nkazi covers her with his coat and sits her down.
Nkazi: Tell me what happened. Is she in there?
She nods.
Nkazi: Is she dead?
She shrugs.

I walk there slowly. Nkazi pushes me out of the

way and get to her first. He is shaking her. She
looks lifeless. I hope she is not because Zimasa
will not escape this one…
SPONSORED

46

SEASON FINALE

ZIMASA

I didn't mean it. She stabbed me first. It was me or

her. I fought. I got the knife and stuck it into her
stomach a couple if times. I didn't mean to hurt
her. Police are everywhere. I am glued on this
coych. There are paramedics, every one is moving
up and down. I wish somebody could just wake me
up from this nightmare.

I have a 5th scar on my body now. I am bleeding

but nobody cares about me, I am still breathing.
She could be dead.

Before he felt sick, he took me to EMnambithi. He

took me to the river. He told me that‟s where I got
my first scar, the one in the head. He said: I
thought you were going to die. I watched your
eyes roll back. I remember running home with you
so tiny and pink in my hands bleeding. I was
crying, calling my mother to come and help me.
The whole neighbourhood came out. They all
grabbed you and we ran to the clinic. 2 hours
away, we kept you alive. I was chased out of the
marathon team because I could not run but that
day I ran, without a break. I ran. You were still
breathing but I was losing you.

The nurses asked nothing but took you away from

me and we waited for the best or worst news. No
amount of water calmed me down. I needed to
know you were okay and you were going to be
fine. Do you know what you did? You survived.
You surprised the doctors. I stayed with you at a
hospital for 6 months. Your mother and I took
turns but I wouldn't leave the hospital. I would
stay, because I felt like something will go wrong if
I did. You're a fighter Mahlongwane. You fought
pain that was way greater than you and that is you
I want to be forever. A strong woman because one
day I am going to be gone and you will have no
shoulder to cry on. The only choice you will have
will be to be strong.

He laughed and took my hand.

If a little me could survive that then there is
nothing I cannot survive. I see a stratcher, she is on
it with an oxygen mask, she is not dead she could
still die but for now she is not and that is
something.
“Sisi are you okay?”
One of the paramedics asks.
“No. She's bleeding”
Says another.
“She's lost a lot of blood. Get the other stretcher!”
Now I feel light. I see him. He is telling me to
keep my eyes open.
Nkazi: Zimasa if you close your eyes I'm gonna
kill you!

Only him can say that to a dying woman…..

……
NKAZIMULO ZULU
They drive away with them. We follow with my
work car. Mike is driving.
Mike: Zimasa doesn't have a good history with the
law.
Me: She won't get arrested. I took care of it.
Mike: What did you do?
Me: I just have to be there when they both wake
up and we discuss what we are going to tell the
police.
Mike: Do you think your wife will let Zimasa not
go to jail.
Me: If she wants Zimasa to go to jail then will go
with her because she started it.
Mike: What are your intentions?
Me: With what?
Mike: Zimasa. I don't want your crazy ass wife
trying to hurt her again.
Me: She will adjust to her presence.
Mike: What does that mean?
Me: Exactly that. I'm done talking.

I adjust my seat back. How did she know where

Zimasa was and that she was alone?

We get to the hospital. We are told to wait. I don't

have time to wait. I need to see them!
…..
Around 8pm, Mike left. I stayed here and I could
not see them. They advised me to go home and
come back in the morning but I stayed. And the
morning staff woke me up. I went to get coffee
and now I am waiting for a doctor to tell me I can
see them.

Noma and Khosi appear out of nowhere. How did

they know about this?
A Dr comes and tell them to follow him. They
don't even greet me. I follow them.
Noma stops and looks at me.
Noma: Where do you think you are going?
Me: Where are you going?
Noma: To see our friend.
Me: My wife? Dr, do not let these women into my
wives ward.
Noma: Unfortunately that is not for you to decide.
That is why she called us here and not you.
I turn away. I look for another doctor. I find her
about to get into Zimasa's ward.
Me: Excuse me.
Dr: Hi. Mr Zulu right, I'm about to check your….
Me: Girl friend. Can I see her?
She nods and open the door. She is wearing a
gown.
Dr: Miss Hlongwane. What are you doing?
Zimasa: I can't- I can't be here.
Me: You're weak.
Zimasa: Take me home. I am fine. Just weak
because-
Me: Because nothing. Sit on the bed and let the Dr
check you out.
Zimasa: She is going to kill me Nkazi. She
could've killed me!
Me: Dr, can I please talk to her?
Dr: Sure. I'll get the nurse to come and put the drip
back.
She walks out.
Zimasa: Take me home. Please.
She is crying.
Me: I will be here until you get discharged.
Nothing is going to happen to you.
Zimasa: You said that yesterday. What did the
man at the door do to protect me!
Me: You opened the fucking door! I told you not
to. She could've killed you, you could've killed her
and I would've lost you. Why don't you understand
that I need you to stay alive so that I can love you!
Why would you want to take you away from me?
Perhaps we are not ready to do this. I told you she
is dangerous. I told you she would hurt you, that is
why I need to stay away from you. I would rather
not have you than to put your life in danger.
Zimasa: You're not doing this shit again.
Me: I have no choice but to.
The nurse comes in. I head out. I see Noma and
Khosi getting into the lift. I go to Zanele's ward.

She is awake. I sit on the chair next to it.

Me: Zanele. I don't know what you said to your
friends but I hope it is not killing Zimasa.
Zanele: You left your side of the bed at home cold
to be with her.
Me: If there is somebody to kill it is me.
Zanele: I slept alone while my own husband slept
in another woman's arms. I cried myself to sleep.
Me: From now on I will be home, in your arms.
Every night. You don't have to worry about
Zimasa anymore. .
Zanele: Did you have sex with her?
Me: No.
Zanele: I am going to have her killed. I don't care
what you say.
I get up and head out. I need the restrooms. She's
testing me…..
…..
ZIMASA

A few minutes after they leave the room. I go out

and look for his wife. I find her 2 wards away from
mine. She is talking to herself.

I get in and close the door.

Me: Now I remember where I know you.
Het: I'm gonna kill you.
Me: And you will be ruined. Do you remember
that little lady you bought abortion pills from?
Her eyes widen.
Me: Yeah. That was me. Small world, isn't? Listen
here you wicked witch, you might have killed my
child but you will never, ever kill me. Now, if you
kill me, the video of you getting termination pills
from me will go viral. A whole CEO buying pills
from black market? Is Nkazi going to stay? Or let
you live? I don't know but it will ruin you babe.
God forbid I die and you had nothing to do with it.
So be a fucking good girl and let me be.

I limp out. I see Nomalanga Jones. She is friends

with Nomalanga Jones? Oh no. I rush before she
can see my face.

Nkazimulo Zulu truly does not deserve me. I am

done…..
*
10 weeks later.....
47

SEASON FINALE

NKAZIMULO ZULU

Me: And then one morning the bunny drove to a

giraffe's house to-
Kayla: Drove?
Me: Yes Kayla it drove because the giraffe lived
so far away. When it got there, it hugged the
giraffe and told her I love you so much. I don't
ever want to lose you. You are my best friend! The
end.
Them: Awww so cute. Read us another one.
Me: Oh no its 20:33. You should sleep.
Kutlwano: We are big girls now, we don't have a
bedtime story.
Me: Oh really?
She nods.
Me: Ok let me switch off the lights then when I go
out.
Them: No!
I laugh.
Me: See? You're little girls. Sleep tight my angels.
Them: Good night.
I kiss their little foreheads and leave the room. I
find the gents still watching football.
Me: Ai I want to watch wrestling now.
Pele: But we are watching soccer. Are your friends
asleep?
Me: Hopefully.

I didn't know women start ordering men around at

such a young age. One day on our way from
school, they told me, didn't ask but told me to
create a bedroom for them in my house where they
will sleep when they come for sleepovers. I was
given 2 weeks to have it done. I did it. Every
weekend they come here. I'm so glad that their
parents trust me with them. These are my best
friends. They don't like it when Pele and Mike are
here because they feel like I give them more
attention. I love them. I would be depressed
without their cute little faces.

My phone rings.
Me: Sure.
Luc: I think she's had one to many drinks.
Me: Take her home. Or the vip.
Luc: Yes sir.
Yes. I am taking care of my woman. The money
that I give her every month she drinks it every
weekend. Very soon I will be paying for rehab. I
have not seen Zanele in 9 weeks. One day I went
to the hospital and she was not there. I appreciate
the distance between us. I strongly believe we
would've killed each other by now.

Reading bedtime stories has become my skill.

They make me sleepy…..
…..
ZIMASA

“The night is still young!”

We sing and down 4 shots in front of us. We were
taken to the VIP because we were buying too
much.
Lufhuno: Ok fuck this. Let's go home.
Martha: Were you not listening? The night is still a
newborn.
We laugh.
Me: Just tell bae to come here. It'll be fun.
Lufhuno: She is Christian. She would never come
to such a place.
Me: Oh ja. Request a ride home.
Lufhuno: I am not leaving you both here.
Martha: Go to Lemonade and come back later.
Me: Ehh. He is going to sleep as soon as he gets
hoke lo. Let's just go. Tomorrow is still a day.

We finish our drinks and follow each other out

dancing….

We have become the lives of every party we go to.

I have been receiving money, I think its from
Lindo. I have been drinking it, shopping and every
useless thing. . It feels so good to chow money you
did not work for. The nerve that men have!
He got married not so long ago. And he thinks its
okay to send me money. I wish he dies so that I
can go and claim he was my provider and I get to
chow his policies.

Our ride arrives. We hop in and I am given the

puking plastic. I am now carsick when I'm drunk.
Wonders shall never end. Some girl made me lick
the tyre one day and assured me that I wouldn‟t.
Did I not mess up my new dress! I hate her.

As much as I have been gowishing over the past

weeks, I am grateful of 1 thing: I fixed things with
my best friend and now both my best friends are
best friends. I love each and every moment with
them….oh here it comes, I hate vomiting! What a
waste of my expensive alcohol!......
…….
As usual. I wake up to a terrible headache. I feel
like I am going to die. Everything is felt, and
remembered. Amber and I physically fought it
landed mom in hospital. She got discharged a day
ago. I just need strength to go home and see her.

I keep on dreaming about that witch but I conquer

her every time. She does not get tired. I am no
longer in her man's life she must learn to leave me
alone. Lately I have been focusing on me, my
happiness and my eork. I bought myself a brand
new car, we went to Zanzibar with Martha. I have
been living, stressed at most rimes but living,
without a men. I have accepted the fact that I have
the worst luck in men and I am going to be single
until I feel the need to like a man again.

I don't want to lie. I had a pity party for about 2

weeks after Nkazi left me, again. I discharged
myself from the hospital. As much as I knew she
wouldn't risk getting exposed, I still couldn't risk
getting killed.

Martha: Zim!
Me: Yah?
Martha: What happened to the booze!
Me: I don't know. Why?
Martha: There is no alcohol here!
Me: I'm coming.

I take off the heels and the dress. I put on a robe

and go out. There are empty bottles. On top of the
counter.
Me: What happened here?
Lufhuno: I think alcohol thieves came here, drank
and cleaned.
Martha: All the alcohol? There's no way.
Me: And cleaned? That's crazy. Call the police.
Lufhuno: No. Let's check with the police. This
complex does have cameras right?
Me: Yeah but hhaibo. This doesn't make any
sense. This alcohol was poured down the sink.
Lufhuno: Whom else has the key besides us?
Me: Mike.

Shit. He wouldn't dare try me. I head back to my

bedroom to bath. I am going to kill a man
today……
……
ZANELE

“The day has come my daughter. When the sun

rose today…it rose with good news. It told me you
were ready…you are now a graduate….you carry
the most powerful ability and that us to control
minds….whatever it is that you want done, it is
going to be done. Your husband, he will remain
yours and yours alone. He shall find no woman
attractive, every woman will smell like a bag of
rotten potatoes. Your marriage has been
strengthened. When you get there make sure you're
the first person to see him; before that girl does
and he shall forget her……
Go home my child…..go home"
She pours ice cold water over my head and I gasp.
I start walking, naked until I get to the hill where I
find Nomalanga waiting for me. She gives me
clothes. I dress up and we walk to the car.

It was a do or share my husband. I went to the

headquarters of Amantombazane. I needed more
strength to be able to control Mulo because that
bitch was going to win. And nobody wins against
me. That is my man!
……
NKAZIMULO ZULU

Mike left with the girls in the morning. I bathed

and now I am driving to mom's house.

I lock the gate. When I turn I see a car speeding

straight into mine it almost hit it. Oh its her.
I smile. She has seen her empty bottles.

Why is wearing heels so early in the morning.

She's angry.
Me: Baby mama.
Zimasa: You piece of shit.
Me: How are you Mahlongwane?
Zimasa: Why won't you leave me alone?
Me: Because I love you.
Zimasa: You stole my key from Mike and got into
my house and emptied my bottles? What the fuck
is wrong with you!
Me: I have my own key and I'm tired of you
drinking alcohol like an idiot. Fine at first I
understood but now? You're becoming an
alcoholic and you could be pregnant
Zimasa: I am not!
Me: I had a dream-
Zimasa: Listen here Nelson Mandela I don't care
what you dreamt okay. Just leave me the hell alone
please!
Me: No. Get in the car.
Zimasa: Fuck off.

She walks away to her car…..

…..
ZIMASA

As I reverse, I see a black G wagon. Its

Nomalanga Jones. As it passes by me, she is also
there.

I reverse and speed off before Nomalanga Jones

sees me…
SPONSORED
48

SEASON FINALE
ZANELE

I am trembling. Noma is trying to calm me down. I

can't. I can't. She saw him first. He's knocking on
the window. I am running out of breath.

Noma: Zano. Calm down

Me: You don't understand!

I open the door on his face, it hits him. I hit him.

Me: Why! Why was she in my house!
He is trying to hold me. I am crying and scratching
him. He grabs both my hands and pins me against
the car.
Mulo: Calm down!
Me: No!
Mulo: Zanele. Look at me. Its not what it looks
like. Please calm down.
Me: I want divorce.
Mulo: No. You're irrational right now. Let's get
inside and talk like adults
Me: I am gone for a few weeks and the first thing I
see when I get home is her! I am done Mulo do
you hear me? Go inside and take everything that
belongs to you and leave my house!
Noma: No. He must leave as he came. Even this
car, leave it. He must walk. Let go of her. You're
full of shit Nkazimulo. After everything she has
done for you, for this marriage, you chose you
thank her with that 18 year old cheap whore?
You're ungrateful. Come sisi.

She pulls me and gets me in the car. I am really

done. He stands still and watch the car as we drive
in……
…..
ZIMASA

My phone rings as I park at the chemist. Its him.

He must just leave me alone.
.I get off and head inside. I buy pregnancy tests. A
text comes through. Its him.

“Please fetch me. Zanele chased me out”

“now how is that any of my business?”

I am stressed. I haven't seen my menses in 2

months now. I could be really pregnant.

“Please MaHlongwane. I will pay you”

I sigh.
“Is Nomalanga Jones there?”
I am not going there if she is. I loathe that woman.
“I am heading to the garage. You will meet me on
the way.” .

Okay better. I drive back.

In 15 minutes, I see him. I turn around. He calls
me.
Me: Yes.
Nkazi: Reverse.
Me: You're a man. Run.
Nkazi: Why are you so evil.
Me: If you're not here in 2 minutes I am going to
leave.
I hang up and look at him on the side mirror, he's
running. Fascinating.

I drive off as soon as he gets in.

Nkazi: She thinks you slept there. .
Me: Its all your fault. Had you not broken into my
house and poured out my alcohol I wouldn't have
came into your house.
Nkazi: Its her house.
He leans back on the seat.
Nkazi: Zanele doesn't see me. She thinks a man
has to have money in order to get respect. Her
words always cut deep. Every once in a while she
reminds me of how of much of a worthless man
am I. How everything is hers, the house, the cars,
and everything. I don't understand why would she
go through so much trouble for me to love her if
she is not willing to respect me as her husband. I
wouldn't have never bring you to where we stay. I
was mad you came there….please exit.

I ask nothing but do as told.

Nkazi: You know I never wished for another
woman. I wished for her to respect me as much as
I respect her.
Me: I'm sorry
Nkazi: Its okay.
He takes the plastic with tests.
Me: Where are we going?
Nkazi: My mother's house. So, you think you are
pregnant.
Me: No but I have to be sure.
Nkazi: When was the last time you saw your
courses? .
Me: I don't know
Nkazi: Zimasa
Me: What? I hate periods okay? So if I do not see
them I get happy. And I wish I am not.
He sighs and turn up the volume…..
…..
ZANELE

I have cried my eyes out and its enough but I

cannot stop. Noma gets in with a veg soup and I sit
up right. Tissues are all over the floor. I can't stop
picturing him with her, making love, laughing with
her, telling her he loves her.
Me: I don't know if I can live without him.
Noma: Do you know what they say?
Me: No.
Noma: Bring your friends closer and your enemies
even closer. Do not let that little girl take your
husband. Call him right now and tell him to come
home and talk. Tell him he can be with her, the
closer she is the easier it is going to be to kill her.
And you will have your man back.
Me: Pretend that I understand she is in his life?
Noma: Yes.
Me: I can't.
Noma: Do you love him?
Me: You know I do.
Noma: Then do it. It will only take less than a
month to take her out.
She gives me the phone.
Noma: Call him.

I do…..
….
NKAZIMULO ZULU

My phone rings. Its her. I put it on silent.

Me: Zimasa
She comes out.
Me: What does it say?
Zimasa: Its negative.
I nod
Zimasa: Where do we stand?
Me: What do you mean?
Zimasa: I mean, who am I going to be in your life
from today onwards?
Me: I want you to be my second wife.
Zimasa: Are you ready for that? Are you not going
to wake up tomorrow and leave again as you
always do?
Me: I am committed.
Zimasa: Do you promise?
Me: I promise. Nothing can keep us apart. I have
seen. You are special to me. I love you
Mahlongwane and I am done playing games.
Zimasa: Swear on your mother's grave.
Me: I swear on my mother‟s grave.
Zimasa: Are you going to stop being rude?
Me: That is who I am but I'll try.
She gives me the tests. They have 2 lines.
Zimasa: No fuss this time okay?

Mother gave me two children in that dream. She

will never be out of my sight. We should get
married before she starts showing.
Zimasa: Did you hear me? I don't want you
controlling me.
Me: I will not.

I unlock my phone.
“ Please fire Zimasa tonight she's pregnant. She
can't be hanging in those deadly poles"

I send to Mike and delete it. I stare at the tests.

This better be not a dream…

SPONSORED

49
SEASON FINALE

ONE MONTH LATER

ZIMASA
Mom thinks things are moving too fast but she is
happy. She has no idea I am expecting. We are
going to break the news after the negotiations. The
„I am pregnant‟ mentality is killing me. I am lazy.
I have been up since 2am to cook, now I would kill
for a bed. There's a lot of surprises today. They do
not know I am willingly getting into a polygamous
marriage.

Amber is here and helping out. We are not

speaking though. She chowing Sabelo's savings
while he rots in jail. Almost every day I get a call
from Suncity and I decline it. I do not want
troubles in my life. And Nkazi is too jealous.

Martha finds me peeing in the bathroom.

Martha: Go to sleep.
Me: I can't. Mom is going to complain.
Martha: Do you want to have dark circles under
your eyes when your inlaws come?
Me: No.
Martha: Then go to sleep. Amber and I got this.
Me: I appreciate this so much.
Martha: You know I'd kill that Zanele for you.
We laugh. Speaking of Zanele, she invited me to
lunch 2 weeks ago after Nkazi told her he is taking
me as his second wife. She told me how much she
is hurt about the whole thing but she agreed
because her husband's happiness comes first.

She left a R1000 on the table for me to settle the

bill when I finished eating. Rich ass wife. Of
course Nkazi kept me in doors for 2 days as a
punishment to put his kids in danger. I can't even
wear heels because they are dangerous. I might
trip and fall and get a miscarriage.

Its too much but I try to be understanding. Mike

and my uncle will be representing me because we
don't have old male relatives any more.
I hope every thing goes well. But it will. Bobo did
his things last night and I am drinking some
concoction he made me to keep me safe. It is a
good thing we don't get to chose our destiny in
life. I wouldn't have chosen Nkazi. I wouldn't have
chosen to be his escape from his evil wife, while
she could continue to do what she does and may
end up succeeding in killing me.

My phone rings as I am about to fall asleep. Its

him. Oh he's talking to me now. He found me
eating cinnamon buns and got mad because there's
a list of things that are not good for pregnancy that
he sent me and the cinnamon is there. So he was
mad at me.
Me: Hey.
He keeps quiet.
Me: Nkazi.
Nkazi: Zimasa.
Me: Hey.
Nkazi: Are you still okay?
Me: I am. Why are you up?
Nkazi: I can't sleep.
Me: What's wrong?
Nkazi: The cinnamon bun you ate.
Me: Its harmless Nkazimulo Zulu. I only ate 2 not
the whole bakery.
Nkazi: Zimasa, you're still on the first trimester.
You should be eating healthy.
Me: I am eating healthy. I just needed sugar.
Nkazi: You must eat normal muffins sthandwa
sam. I miss you.
Me: Come see me.
Nkazi: Pele would kill me. I tried escaping but he
caught me.
I laugh.
Me: I'm sorry babe.
Nkazi: Zanele and Nomalanga are coming to the
ceremony.
Me: I don't want Nomalanga here Mageba.
Nkazi: I know. But that's Zanele's condition.
Me: Then she must not come. I can't be
uncontrollable in my own home. .
Nkazi: I understand.
Me: Thank you. Let ne sleep.

I hang up before he can respond. I want to cry. I'm

not going to be those obeying every thing kind of
second wife. If that's her condition then she must
not come. Its still going to happen either way…..
…..
ZANELE

I am awaken by my phone ringing. Its Mulo. I sigh

and answer..
Me: Mageba.
Mulo: I'm sorry to wake you.
Me: Its okay. Is everything alright?
Mulo: Yes. Pele and Babomncane just left. About
later, Zimasa is not comfortable with Noma
coming.
Me: Haw Geba, who am I going to talk to when I
get there? I know no one.
Nkazi: Bring Khosi at least
Me: Its too short notice. Is it okay if I don't come?
Nkazi: No. You have to come.
Me: I'll see who is available to come with me.
Hopefully Lily isn't too busy.
Nkazi: Let's hope so. I'll see you later then. I love
you.
Me: I love you too.
I hang up and take a deep breath. If she is not
dying today then when!

Noma was going to poison her food today but now

if she cannot come. When is that going to happen?
I want my husband back. I hardly saw him this
week. He was up and down. He spent on one night
here. He's staying at his mom's for now. He says
we fight a lot when we're together. After these
fucking lobola negotiations we're going to a
marriage counselor to advice us on how to deal
with each other. I was hoping she will be dead by
then but now, my plans are disturbed.

I call Noma.
Noma: Hey.
Me: I'm sorry to wake you. That bitch says she
doesn't want you to come to the celebration.
Noma: Why?
Me: He didn't say. How are we going to do this?
She should not be here on Monday.
Noma: Throw a party tomorrow, to welcome her
home.
Me: I can't host a party at such short notice Noma..
Noma: You can and you will.
Me: At least lunch.
Noma: Whatever it is. As long as we will both be
present and I touch her with this.
Me: I don't understand why she can't be killed by
anyone but you. I would've long killed her.
Noma: All in due time my baby. You will get your
husband back. Any new leads with your father?
Me: Nothing yet. Let me wake up and go to the
gym.
Noma: Everything is going to be fine.
Me: It doesn't feel like that anymore.
Noma: Have faith.
Me: I'll try.

I hang up. Finding my father is my marriage‟s last

hope…..
…..
ZIMASA
My mom's side of the family arrives in a quantum.
The rich aunts and cousins in their cars. This side
of the family is very dramatic. I wish my dad had
any close relatives but there is no one. We just
have the Mlotshwa's in our lives and I don't like
them so much. I was called an hour ago to confirm
that I do know the Zulus.

The stretch tent has been up since 5 and the deco is

done. I am watching through the window. I am not
happy with this outfit. Its too tight. Mom comes in.
She is already dressed up. We smile.
Mom: Why are you not dressed?
Me: Its right.
Mom: What do you mean?
Me: I need something else to wear.
Mom: The ceremony is starting in a few minutes
Ngwane.
Me: Do you think I am making the right choice?
Mom: What I think does not matter, what do you
think?
Me: I am not too sure but I love him but its going
to be a hell of a marriage.
Mom: No polygamy is a joy ride. But whatever
happens, just know that lobola or marriage isn't
jail, you can always back out and come back
home.
Me: Thank you mama.
Mom: Your father is proud of you. You took care
of us before you left for a man. I couldn't be more
grateful for you. I love you so much.
Me: I love you more.
Mom: Get ready okay. Your inlaws have started
arriving. I can't wait to see my son in law.
I chuckle.

I get up. She is still here. I can't undress in front of

her. She will see the bump.
Mom: Undress. I will help you put the dress on.
Me: Amber said she will. Please tell her to come.
She smiles and nod. She walks away.
I lock the door and try to be as quick as possible.
My make up is sweating off by the time I am done.
Martha walks in. Just in tine.
Me: Please zip me up.
Martha: Zanele is here with Nomalanga Jones.

My armpits itch.
Me: Please zip me up.
She does and I walk out the door as soon she
finish. I head straight to the tent. Tears are always
gushing down by the time I get to them.

I grab her and pull her to the gate. I don't know

where is this power coming from. I am angry.
Noma: Little girk let go of me!
Me: Why are you here?
Noma: I came to support my friend!
I slap her
Zanele: Zimasa!
People hold her when she tries to hit me.
Me: Why did you bring her here?
Zanele: I'm sorry. She was the only friend
available
Me: I don't want her here. I don't want this woman
anywhere near me Zanele do you hear me? I want
her gone!
Noma: Well tough luck cause I am not going
anywhere. Do you think this is easy for Zanele?
You want her to have no one by her side while she
watches you take her husband away? Think again.
Me: Well if it means having you here then she can
take her husband and you all fuck off
Mphumeleli's house!

I kick the heels off and run off. I don't wanna be

here. I can't be here!
I am getting dizzy. I hear a car honk and tyre
screeching and I am down. Screaming follows…..
“ZIMASA!!!!!!
SPONSORED

50

NKAZIMULO ZULU

Her mother is sitting on the opposite row of chairs.

This isn't how I imagined meeting my mother in
law.

I am still shivering but its 29° outside. My

intestines turned and became ice cold. I can't help
but think of the worst that could've happened if I
didn't brake sooner. We haven't said much to each
other. She is just staring at me. I have been getting
up and going to get some fresh air. And now I am
about to do that cause she hasn't blinked in a
minute. I wonder what is she thinking.
Mrs Hlongwane: If her father was here, he
wouldn't have allowed it.
She says as I get up. I sit down.
Mrs Hlongwane: She meant the world to him. If
you wanted to get to Mphikeleli's good books, you
had to love Zimasa and treat her with kindness.
She had a friend, Lufhuno. Her father adored him
cause we all could see he loved her, he protected
her. With you, he would've chased your people out
the moment they said she is going to be a second
wife because he would've felt like youwill not be
able to give her enough love and polygamous
marriages involve a lot witchcraft and that is not
the life we want for our daughter. I am not too sure
if I should ignore my gut and let you marry my
daughter Zulu. You don't seem to have control
over your wife.
Me: I love your daughter and I wss rushing to your
home to make Nomalanga Jones leave after my
brother told me she had came. I'm really sorry.
Mrs Hlongwane: I am refusing with my daughter's
hand.
Me: Ma-
Dr: Miss Hlongwane?
We get up.
Mrs Hlongwane: I am her mother.
Me: I am her-
Mrs Hlongwane: Nothing. I am family.
Dr: Please come with me.

She follows her. I sit down and stand up again. I

see Zanele coming my way.
Me: Well are you happy now?
Zanele: Happy about what? I came here to offer
support. How is she?
Me: Why do you care? Why did you bring her?
Zanele: I didn't think it would be a problem
Mageba. We were going to stay at the back and
not cause trouble. She came out and dragged
Noma away. Had she been civil, we would be at
her home celebrating your love.
Me: Did you make this happen? Did you do
something for this day to go wrong?
Zanele: Hhaibo Nkazimulo. I am your wife. You
don't get to treat me this way!
Me: I wouldn't put it past you, its not like you're
happy I am marrying her!.
Zanele: Yes I am not but there isn't anything I can
do about it. Right now you're using my card to
settle the bill, I could take it and-
Me: And what?
I take it out.
Me: Take it. Right now. I am sick and tired of you
feeling all superior than me just because you think
you have more money than I do. You're not going
to bully me about that anymore.
Zanele: I shouldn't have came here. This girl
definitely fed you a love potion. And I Zanele Zulu
cannot do anything except sitting and watching
where this is going.
I get up and head to the exit. When I get to the
parking lot. I see her. I head to her. I pun her
against the car with my elbow on her neck.
Me: If anything happens to her. I am going to
fucking murder you. Do you hear me!

Someone pulls me off her. She gasps for air. I am

cuffed and dragged away. I will still kill her if
anything happens to Zimasa and my kids……
......
ZIMASA

“The babies are fine" has been stuck on my mind.

Babies? 2 of Nkazi's genes on this planet? Being
their mother? Raising them? Plus him on top.

And in 9 months time I'm gonna have to push them

out my tiny vagina hole? Why does God hate me
so much?
Mom: Zimasa!
I startle.
Mom: Did you hear me?
Me: what did you say? Sorry I'm just distracted.
Mom: Why didn't you tell me you are pregnant?
Me: We were going to announce it today.
Mom: I am your mother. You're pregnant for a
married man and I do not trust that wife of his.
Me: I have it under control.
Mom: I don't want you to marry him.
Me: What do you mean?
Mom: He is not good for you.
Me: Well, are you not a bit too late to say that?
Mom: No. He has no control over his wife and a
man who cannot put his wife in place cannot be
trusted. He can't protect you from her.
Me: I can protect myself.
Mom: Is this what your father would've wanted for
you?
Me: Mom please don't start. I know what I am
getting myself into. And you need not to worry. Is
he here?
Mom: Maybe.
Me: Give us your blessings. Do you want your
grandchildren to be born out of wedlock?
Mom: If that wedlock has another wife then I do
not mind them being born at home.
Me: I will be fine. We love each other.
Mom: Love isn't enough. Is there security?
Me: There is.
Mom: You could've died if that car hit you. That
seems like witchcraft to me.
Me: But it did not. That means I am protected.
Mom: You really irritate me when you're stubborn.
The dr walks in with a discharge form.
Dr: Monday morning please do visit a doctor with
this note and mama please make sure she doesn't
get too worked up because her sugar levels are a
bit unstable. Shall you feel light headed please
consult a doctor immediately.
Me: I will do.
Dr: Here are your meds. Don't take anything not
prescribed.
Me: Thank you doctor.
Mom takes the meds and put them in her bag. We
still have time to resume the celebration…..

….THE FOLLOWING DAY….

My body hurts. When we got home the party

began, Pele had to go and fetch Nkazi from the
police station. He was trying to assault Nomalanga
Jones.

None of that matters now because we had fun on

our day of reunion. We didn‟t announce the
pregnancy. We'll just tell close friends when we
are ready.
As usual, my full bladder shakes me up. He is fast
asleep. He drank his poor liver out last night and
made us laugh the whole night.

The drive here felt like a Trevor Noah show. He

headed straight to the bedroom and passed out.

I finish peeing and get out. He is not there

anymore. I search for something to wear. I find his
robe. I put it on and head out. He is coming up
with a box.
Me: What is in there?
Nkazi: Come and see.
We walk into the bedroom. He gives it to me.
Nkazi: Open it.
Me: What is it?
Nkazi: Open it.
He looks excited. I pray I like it because if I don't.
That excitement is going to wash off.

I undo the bow and open. Its flowers and a box of

a ring I assume. I take it and open it. It is a pear-
shaped diamond ring.
Nkazi: Do you like it?
Me: I love it babe its so beautiful.
I jump on him. He falls with me.
Me: Haw baby.
Nkazi: You're 3 people. Even superman cannot
carry 3 people at once.
I laugh and kiss him. I send my hand down to his
boxers. He grabs it.
Nkazi: The kids.
Me: What kids?
Nkazi: In your stomach. We will hurt them.
Me: What?
Nkazi: We need a Drs go ahead.
Me: Pregnant women do have sex.
Nkazi: We will have it tomorrow if the doctor if
the doctor says yes.
Me: You're joking.
Nkazi: I'm not. Let me eat you uo.
Me: I want a penis.
Nkazi: It is not safe.
He moves me aside and gets up.
Nkazi: Let's take a bath. Zanele invited us.
Me: I'm not going.
Nkazi: We are going. We're a family now.

He picks me up and goes to the bathroom…..

…..
ZANELE

I position Nomalanga's chair next to Zimasa's. She

can'tvsit next to my husband today and she can't
choose where to sit because this isn't her house. Its
mine and we live by my rules.
Khosi: She will never forget.
Me: She deserves a bit of love before she dies.
Because honestly today has to be the day. I don't
know how long I can keep up with this act.
Sleeping alone burns my skin.
Khosi: Noma is in spirits today. It is going to be
quick.

My phone beeps.
“I am running late hun.”
Me: she is running late. The couple will be here
very soon.

“Zanele!”
Me: Oh they're here. The garden!

They are matching.

Me: You look beautiful.
Zimasa: It was a coincidence.
Me: One thing about him. He wears nothing but
white. Let me see if I can get a matching dress.
This is my friend Khosi. Khosi this is my sister
wife Zimasa.
Khosi: You're so cute.
Zimasa: Thank you.
Mulo: Sidla nini? Ngilambile. Is Ndalo joining us?
Khosi: Yes he is. Let us go change.
Me: Make yourself at home Zee.
Zimasa: Thank you.

We leave them and go inside.

Me: Imagine having to do that for a day more yoh
no. She has to die tonight.
Khosi: Calm down mama.

I wish I could. I really wish I could…..

…..
Ndalo arrives as we finish changing. We introduce
Zimasa and sit down to eat.
Mulo: uhm before we start. I would like to
announce something.
Khosi: You've decided to quit your job and get a
decent one since you have two wives now.
I so wish because he is not getting a cent from me
anymore.

He chuckles.
Mulo: No. I will never quit my job and I can afford
both my wives thank you Khosi.
Afford my foot.
Mulo: We have new family members coming.
I hope he is not saying what I think he is.
Khosi: You're pregnant?
Zimasa: We are.
They look at each other and smile. I try to smile
but I fail.
Khosi: So fast.
Zimasa: It‟s the second time.
Khosi: What happened with the first one?
Zimasa: I got a miscarriage. But there's nothing I
would not do for ny fiance, I decided to give him
another one, got doubled it up this time.

She's looking straight into my eyes brushing her

stomach and the bling in her hands blinds me.
Me: Mulo, can we talk?
“Family. I hope I am not too late"
Her face turns. Noma sits next to her. Now let's see
if those babies are going to live….
…..
ZIMASA
I can't control my breathing but I am trying to
remain calm.
Khosi: How is pregnancy treating you so far?
Me: Its crazy. You know how- oh you guys don't
have kids. You wouldn't know.
Noma: And we don't wanna know. We busy
women aren't interested in falling pregnant.
Especially for married men.
I turn to her.
Me: but you do know how pregnancy feels like
Sizakele Dlamini. Or you've never told your
friends?
Khosi: Okay that's it. You've got a stinking
attittude.
Me: Oh I wonder if I did not inherit it from a
woman who chose a flashy life over her own child.
I am looking her dead in the eye.
Zanele: Mulo get your dog on the leash. Why does
this girl hate my friend so much!
Zimasa: Because I don't want to be in her
presence! I feel like if I am she is going to realize
its me and finish me off!
Noma: Do I look a killer to you?
Me: Yes. You do look like a kiler Siza-
She slaps me.
Noma: Stop calling me that!
I slap her back.
Nkazi holds me.
Nkazi: Calm down Mahlongwane. Calm down.
Me: I was only a child. Why couldn‟t you give me
to mu dad? He wouldn't have stopped you from
joining that stupid cult you sick twisted witch.

I pick up a jug and throw it at her. It breaks on her

forehead, she falls down. I hope she's dead…….
........THE END...............