MARRIAGE AND FAMILY RELATIONSHIP

Lesson 4: FRIENDSHIP, LOVE AND INTIMACY

Introduction:

People have different views on relationship depending on the kind of relationship that each
person has. In this lesson, the different views and topics about intimacy, friendship and love will be
tackled.

Learning Outcomes:

At the end of this lesson, students will be able to:

1. define friendship, love and intimacy;

2. identify the different barriers that sustain lifelong friendship;
3. discuss the differet types of love;
4. differentiate love and lust;
5. explain the types of intimacy.

What is Friendship?

Friendship is a close association between two people marked by feelings of care, respect,
admiration, concern, or even love. The defining characteristic of friendship is a preference for a
particular person. However, different people may have distinct definitions of and requirements for
friendship. For example, very young children may refer to someone as their “best friend” two minutes
after meeting, while very shy people or individuals from reserved cultures may report having only a
handful of friends during their entire lives.

There’s no absolute definition of what does or does not constitute a friendship. However,
some common traits of friendship include:
 Some degree of commitment, both to the friendship and to the other person’s well-
being.
 A desire for “regular” contact with the other person. “Regular” contact could occur
once every two days or once every two years.
 Mutual trust, concern, and compassion.
 Shared interests, opinions, beliefs, or hobbies.
 Shared knowledge about one another’s lives, emotions, fears, or interests.
 Feelings of love, respect, admiration, or appreciation.

Anthropologist Robin Dunbar theorized there was a limit to how many friendships an
individual can have. In general, most humans have up to 150 friends, 50 good friends, 15 close
friends, and 5 intimate friends. These numbers have shown to be consistent across time, from hunter-
gather societies to the age of social media.

Friendship and Gender

Culture strongly affects people’s understanding of friendship. In the United States and many
other industrialized wealthy nations, women tend to have more friendships than men and to invest
more energy in those friendships. Romantic relationships are, for many men, a sole or primary source
of friendship. So as children grow into adolescents and adolescents become adults, boys may have
fewer and fewer friendships.

Cultural norms suggest that women are “better” at friendship, more communicative, or more in
need of intimacy from friends. This can create a self-fulfilling prophecy in which women are more likely
to have friends. Women also spend more time investing in their friendships. A man might only talk to
his closest friend once every few months, while on average, women in the U.S. tend to talk longer and
more frequently to their friends.

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 Among people in long-term relationships, women tend to do more work to sustain friendships
and other close relationships. This might include sending Christmas cards, remembering birthdays,
making phone calls, and updating friends on major life events.

Researchers are increasingly sounding alarm bells about an epidemic of loneliness.

Loneliness can shorten a person’s life and erode their health. It may even pose greater public health
risks than smoking. This suggests that gender norms about friendships may actually harm men’s
health. As marriage rates decline, men without friendships may feel progressively more isolated.

Gender may also affect whom one chooses as a friend. A 2018 study found that gender
discrimination can decrease the likelihood that a person will form friendships with members of a
different gender. Cross-gender friendships can foster empathy, break down gender barriers, and
undermine gender stereotypes. Gender norms that undermine these friendships may therefore
perpetuate gender stereotypes and misogyny.

Barriers that Sustain Lifelong Friendship

Lifelong friendships can be immensely rewarding. People may draw inspiration from talking to
those who knew them when they were young. Lifelong friends connect people to their history, offer
insight on how a person has changed and evolved, and are often deeply connected to one another’s
families. These friendships offer a sense of permanency and consistency that can be deeply
reassuring at times of ambivalence, loss, or anxiety. Sustaining a friendship across a lifespan,
however, can be difficult. People’s interests and lifestyles change as they age. In childhood, a
friendship might be based upon geographic closeness or a single shared interest. So a move or a
change of interests can affect even long-term friendships.

Some barriers to sustaining lifelong friendships include:

1. Changes in lifestyle. For example, if one friend has a child and a marriage and the other does not,
the two may struggle to relate to one another.

2. Geographic distance. Childhood friends often walk next door or hitch a ride from a parent to see
one another. When time together requires a plane or long car ride, the friendship is harder to nurture.

3. Time constraints. People’s lives tend to become more demanding as they get married, have
children, become caregivers for aging parents, embark on challenging careers, and accrue more
financial obligations. Finding time for friends can be difficult in adulthood, especially when friends
have very different lifestyles or do not live near one another.

4. Cultural values surrounding friendship. In the U.S. and in many other countries, romantic
relationships are treated as the primary and most important relationship. This can cause some people
to value their friendships less as they enter adult romantic relationships.

5. Shifting understandings of friendship. There’s no “right” way to have a friendship. One of the
challenges of sustaining a friendship is finding a shared understanding of what the friendship should
look like—how frequently to talk, what to talk about, how openly to discuss disagreements, etc. As
childhood friends grow up, their desires for their friendships may change. This can leave one friend
feeling like the friendship doesn’t offer enough, while the other friend feels the friendship demands too
much.

When to End a Friendship

Ending a friendship can be difficult. There’s no widely accepted cultural ritual for doing so,
and no mandate that there must be a formal breakup. Some people simply stop talking to their friends,
or drift away from them over time. Because there is no accepted cultural standard for ending a
friendship, there’s also no “right” reason to end a friendship. Some people invest lots of time even in
friendships that cause a lot of emotional pain. Others are uninterested in friendships that present any
challenges at all. Consider ending a friendship when the friendship becomes a barrier to your
happiness or in some way undermines your values or self-worth. Some examples of reasons to end a
friendship include:

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1. A disparity in investment. One friend is willing to invest lots of time and effort in the friendship,
while the other is not willing to do much at all.

2. Lack of emotional support. If a friend does not offer the sort of support you want from the
friendship, consider discussing this with them. If it does not change, it might be time to end the
friendship.

3. Abuse. If a friend constantly insults or mocks you, attempts to sabotage your other relationships, or
physically harms you, you may need to end the friendship. Even if a friend is nice to you most of the
time, threats and other abuse are never appropriate behavior.

The great thing about friendship is that there is no single way to have or be a friend. So if a
friendship is no longer working in its current form, consider changing the friendship rather than ending
it. If your best friend isn’t as supportive as you’d like, you might share less with them and slowly
transition them to an acquaintance, without ending the friendship or removing them from your life. For
help managing friendship issues, deciding when and how to end a friendship, or advice about making
or keeping friends, consider talking to a therapist. As experts on human behavior and relationships,
therapists can offer helpful feedback, gentle nudges, and compassionate support. A therapist may
even be able to help you and a beloved friend hash out long-standing issues.

LOVE

What is Love?

Love is a set of emotions and behaviors characterized by intimacy, passion, and commitment.
It involves care, closeness, protectiveness, attraction, affection, and trust. Love can vary in intensity
and can change over time. It is associated with a range of positive emotions, including happiness,
excitement, life satisfaction, and euphoria, but it can also result in negative emotions such as jealousy
and stress.

When it comes to love, some people would say it is one of the most important human
emotions. Yet despite being one of the most studied behaviors, it is still the least understood. For
example, researchers debate whether love is a biological or cultural phenomenon. Love is most likely
influenced by both biological drives and cultural influences. While hormones and biology are
important, the way we express and experience love is also influenced by our personal conceptions of
love.

What are some of the signs of love? Researchers have made distinctions between feelings of "liking"
and "loving" another person. According to psychologist Zick Rubin, romantic love is made up of three
elements:

 Attachment: Needing to be with another person and desiring physical contact and approval
 Caring: Valuing the other person's happiness and needs as much as your own
 Intimacy: Sharing private thoughts, feelings, and desires with the other person

Types of Love

1. Agape – Unconditional Love

 This is an altruistic, selfless, unconditional love. The Greeks thought it was quite radical,
perhaps because so few people seem capable of feeling it long-term.
 Some people would describe agape as a type of spiritual love. For instance, Christians
believe that Jesus exhibited this kind of love for all humans. He was selfless and sacrificed
Himself so that others could be rid of their sins. He suffered for the happiness of others.

2. Eros – Romantic Love

 Eros is named after the Greek god of love and fertility. Therefore, it is usually associated with
romantic, passionate, and physical love. It is an expression of sexual passion and desire.

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  The Greeks were actually quite fearful of this love, strangely enough. They thought that
because human beings have an instinctual impulse to procreate, that this love was so
powerful and it would result in a loss of control.
 Although the Greeks thought this kind of love was dangerous, it is still the kind of love that is
associated with passionate, sexual love. Even in modern days, some people believe that this
kind of love “burns hot and bright, but it burns out fast.”

3. Philia – Affectionate Love

 The Greeks defined this kind of love as “affectionate love.” In other words, it is the kind of love
that you feel for your friends.
 Ironically, the ancient Greeks thought this kind of love was better than eros (sexual love),
because it represented love between people who considered themselves equals.
 While a lot of people associate the word “love” with romance, Plato always argued that
physical attraction wasn’t necessary for love. Hence, why there are many different types of
love. This type, in particular, is often referred to as “platonic” love – love without sexual acts.

4. Philautia – Self Love

 Philautia is self-love. In our modern day society, most people associate self-love with being
narcissistic, selfish, or stuck on themselves. However, this is not what the ancient Greeks
meant by self-love.
 Self-love is not negative or unhealthy in any way. In fact, it’s necessary to be able to give and
receive love from other people. We cannot give to others what we don’t have. And if we don’t
love ourselves, how can we truly love others?
 Another way to look at self-love is by thinking about it as self-compassion. Just as you might
show affection and love to another person, you must also show that same affection and love
to yourself.

5. Storge – Familiar Love

 Storge can be defined as “familiar love.” Although that’s a strange term, let me explain what it
really means.
 This type of love looks and feels a lot like philia – affectionate love felt between friends.
However, this love is more like a parent-child love.
 Just like philia, there is not physical or sexual attraction. But there is a strong bond, kinship,
and familiarity between people.

6. Pragma – Enduring Love

 The ancient Greeks define pragma as “enduring love.” In other words, it’s almost the opposite
of eros (sexual love). Eros tends to burn out quickly because of its passion and intensity.
However, pragma is a love that has matured and developed over a long period of time.
 The kind of old married couples who have been together since their teenage years and still
hold hands, well, that’s a great example of pragma. Unfortunately, this kind of love is
somewhat rare to find – especially in society today. These days, people seem to think the
grass is always greener on the other side. And therefore, they don’t have the patience or
desire to watch love grow over time.
 This type of love doesn’t require a lot of effort in a relationship. Both people are good at
making compromises, and each of them puts in equal efforts to make the other person happy.

7. Ludus – Playful Love

 Ludus is known as the “playful love.” However, a better way to describe it is the feeling of
infatuation in the early days of romance. If you’ve been in love before, you know what I’m
talking about.
 It’s the butterflies in your stomach, the giddiness you feel when you see your love walk
through the door, and the feeling of never wanting to be without them.
 Studies show that when people are experiencing this type of love, their brain is acting much
like it does if it was on cocaine. In other words, your brain is lit up and active just like
someone who is literally high on a drug. It makes you feel alive and excited about life.

8. Mania – Obsessive Love

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  Mania is not necessarily a good type of love, because it is obsessive. It’s the type of love that
can lead someone into madness, jealousy, or even anger. That is because the balance
between eros (sexual) and ludus (playful) is terribly off.
 Many people who experience this type of love suffer from low self-esteem. They fear losing
the object of their love, and this fear compels them to say or do some “crazy” things in order
to keep them.
 If not kept under control, mania can be very destructive in some cases.

Love Languages

The ancient Greeks weren’t the only ones to study love. A modern relationship therapist, Dr. Gary
Chapman, identified five languages of love through his work with couples over a long period of time.
His book, The Five Love Languages, provides a lot more detail.

In a nutshell, Chapman argues that each of us give and receive love differently, but they all fall into
five categories. And they are as follows:

1. Words of Affirmation
Some people want to hear “I love you” or other positive compliments from their partner. And if they
don’t hear it, then they might feel unloved.

2. Acts of Service
Doing nice things for other people is called an “act of service.” Whether it’s changing someone’s oil,
cleaning the house, or giving a back rub, doing things to help make the other person happy is what
this one is about.

3. Receiving Gifts
Some people value giving and receiving gifts, and some do not. So, if you measure your partner’s
love by how many gifts you are given, then your love language is “receiving gifts.”

4. Quality Time
Other people measure the quality of their love by how much time their significant other wants to spend
with them. If they don’t get enough “together time,” then they might feel unloved.

5. Physical Touch
Finally, some individuals associate love with physical touch. Anything from hand-holding to cuddling,
and even sex count as “physical touch.”

Love Versus Lust

Especially in the early stages of a relationship, it can be difficult to tell the difference between
love and lust. Both are associated with physical attraction and an intoxicating rush of feel-good
chemicals, coupled with an often overwhelming desire to be closer to another person, but only one is
long-lasting: love. Love is something that is cultivated between two people and grows over time,
through getting to know him or her and experiencing life’s many ups and downs together. It involves
commitment, time, mutual trust, and acceptance.

Lust, on the other hand, has to do with the sex-driven sensations that draw people toward one
another initially and is fueled primarily by the urge to procreate. Characterized by sex hormones and
idealistic infatuation, lust blurs our ability to see a person for who he or she truly is, and consequently,
it may or may not lead to a long-term relationship.

For instance, Lana is in a committed relationship with Steve and her sexual desire for him is
waning. She loves and cares for him, but she finds herself feeling restless and dissatisfied with their
physical relationship. When she meets Brendan, she experiences instant feelings of attraction and
longing. The chemical messengers in her brain start sending signals to pursue this new man, even
though she does not know anything about him other than how his presence makes her feel physically.

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Instead of working to improve intimacy with her current partner, she is overcome by lust for someone
new.

The ideal intimate relationship scenario, some might say, involves a balanced combination of
love and lust. After all, lusting after someone is typically an important early phase of a long-term
partnership, and reigniting that initial spark is a practice worth cultivating for committed couples.

Love and Mental Health

Although almost no one can agree on a single definition of love, most people do agree that
love plays a significant role in both physical and psychological well-being. Numerous studies have
demonstrated the benefits of love. Love’s role in mental health is far-reaching, but some examples
include:

 The fact that babies who are not shown love and affection in the form of frequent holding and
cuddling may be developmentally delayed or ill.
 Feeling unloved is strongly correlated with feelings of low self-esteem and depression.
 People who both feel loved by others and who report loving other people tend to be happier.
 Love can play a role in long-term health, and feeling emotionally connected may help
increase immunity.

INTIMACY

What is Intimacy?

Intimacy usually denotes mutual vulnerability, openness, and sharing. It is often present in
close, loving relationships such as marriages and friendships. The term is also sometimes used to
refer to sexual interactions, but intimacy does not have to be sexual. Intimacy can be vital to
maintaining a healthy social life. If you avoid intimacy, you may find yourself isolated or in constant
conflict with others. When fear of intimacy disrupts a relationship, couples counseling or individual
therapy may help.

Intimacy is important because humans are social creatures who thrive on close personal
relationships with others. While intimacy connotes images of romantic relationships, it can also occur
in close friendships, parent-child relationships, and siblinghood.

Types of Intimacy

1. Experiential Intimacy
 When people bond during leisure activities. People may “sync up” their actions in teamwork
or find themselves acting in unison.
 Example: A father and son work together to build a model train, developing a rhythm to their
teamwork.

2. Emotional Intimacy
 When people feel safe sharing their feelings with each other, even uncomfortable ones.
 Example: A woman confides in her sister about her body image issues. She trusts her sibling
to offer comfort rather than using her insecurities against her.

3. Intellectual Intimacy
 When people feel comfortable sharing ideas and opinions, even when they disagree.
 Example: Two friends debate the meaning of life. They enjoy hearing each other’s opinions
and don’t feel the need to “win” the argument.

4. Sexual Intimacy
 When people engage in sensual or sexual activities. When people use the word “intimacy,”
they are often referring to this type.
 Example: Two lovers engage in foreplay, knowing how each other prefers to be touched.

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How to Build Intimacy in Relationships

No matter how long you have been together, it's always important to build your intimacy levels. Here
are some easy, practical ways to strengthen your levels of intimacy in your relationship:

 If you're too tired for sex or even talking, cuddle on the couch.
 Plan a trip to a place neither of you has been. It's fun to experience new things for the first
time.
 Put down the electronics, even if it's just during a meal or while you and your spouse watch a
show together. Indeed, make sure to do this if your partner is talking to you about their day or
an experience.
 Speaking of listening to your partner, make yourself emotionally available to them. If you
absolutely can't manage to do this when they're talking to you, calmly explain why and then
set aside time in the future to listen to what they have to say.
 Send each other articles so that you have something fun and new to talk about. This also
helps build on intellectual intimacy, and it can give you a much-needed mental break if you
have kids or are a caregiver to another loved one.

LESSON 5: UNDERSTANDING GENDER, SEX AND SEXUALITY

Introduction:

Sex and gender are often times used interchangeably. In this lesson differences between sex
and gender will be discussed and a lot more topic related to how an individual understand gender, sex
and sexuality.

Learning Outcomes:

At the end of this lesson, the students will be able to:

1. differentiate gender, sex and sexuality;

2. identify the different dimensions of sexuality;
3. explain the types sex;
4. discuss the types of sexuality;

What is Gender, Sex and Sexuality?

Sex refers to a set of biological attributes in humans and animals. It is primarily associated
with physical and physiological features including chromosomes, gene expression, hormone levels
and function, and reproductive/sexual anatomy. Sex is usually categorized as female or male but
there is variation in the biological attributes that comprise sex and how those attributes are expressed.

The term sex refers to categories (male, female) to which people are typically assigned at
birth based on physical characteristics (e.g. genitals). Some people may be assigned intersex, when
their reproductive, sexual or genetic biology doesn’t fit the traditional definitions of male or female.
The term is often used to mean ‘sexual activity’ or ‘sexual intercourse’. On this website, we use the
term ‘sex’ when talking about males, females, and intersex, and ‘sexual activity’ when talking about
behaviours like kissing and intercourse.

Gender refers to the socially constructed roles, behaviours, expressions and identities of
girls, women, boys, men, and gender diverse people. It influences how people perceive themselves
and each other, how they act and interact, and the distribution of power and resources in society.
Gender identity is not confined to a binary (girl/woman, boy/man) nor is it static; it exists along a
continuum and can change over time. There is considerable diversity in how individuals and groups
understand, experience and express gender through the roles they take on, the expectations placed
on them, relations with others and the complex ways that gender is institutionalized in society.

Sexuality is an important and central part of every human being. A person’s sexuality
includes everything from their biological sex, gender identity and sexual orientation to pregnancy and
reproduction. While sexuality can include all of these dimensions, not all of them are always

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experienced or expressed. Sexuality is influenced by the interaction of biological, psychological,
social, economic, political, cultural, ethical, legal, historical, religious and spiritual factors.

Dixon Mueller’s Dimensions of Sexuality

1. Sexual Partnerships
 Sexual partners are people who engage in sexual activity together. The sexual partners may
be in a committed relationship, either on an exclusive basis or not, or engage in the sexual
activity on a casual basis. They may be on intimate terms (in which case they are often
referred to as "lovers") or anonymous, as in the case of sex with a stranger, a one-night
stand, or a prostitute. A person can be another person's sexual partner even if the sexual
activity is illegal, socially taboo, or otherwise in breach of a trust or commitment. A person
may have more than one sexual partner at any one time, either as polyamory, polygamy or in
contravention of convention.

2. Sexual Acts
 Human sexual activity, human sexual practice or human sexual behaviour is the manner in
which humans experience and express their sexuality. People engage in a variety of sexual
acts, ranging from activities done alone (e.g., masturbation) to acts with another person (e.g.,
sexual intercourse, non-penetrative sex, oral sex, etc.) in varying patterns of frequency, for a
wide variety of reasons. Sexual activity usually results in sexual arousal and physiological
changes in the aroused person, some of which are pronounced while others are more subtle.
Sexual activity may also include conduct and activities which are intended to arouse the
sexual interest of another or enhance the sex life of another, such as strategies to find or
attract partners (courtship and display behaviour), or personal interactions between
individuals (for instance, foreplay or BDSM). Sexual activity may follow sexual arousal.

3. Sexual Meanings
 Sexuality is a word we use to talk about how we understand our bodies and how we
understand our relationships. This understanding includes all aspects of who we are – our
values and beliefs, bodies, desires, relationships, gender and our thoughts and feelings about
all of these. Because our sexuality is made up of so many different components, our
understanding of our own sexuality is ever-changing and unique to each person.

4. Sexual Drives and Enjoyments

 Sex drive, or libido, refers to a person’s desire to engage in sexual activity. A low libido refers
to a decreased desire relating to sex, while a high libido is an increase in desire for sex.

Types of Sex

1. Vaginal Sex
 Vaginal sex is when a penis enters the vagina, is rubbed against the area around the vaginal
entrance or women rub their vaginas together.

2. Anal Sex
 Anal sex is when a penis or sex toy is inserted into the anus.

3. Oral Sex
 Oral sex is when the mouth is used to stimulate someone's genitals, such as licking, sucking
or kissing.

4. Masturbation
 Masturbation means using your hands to stimulate your genitals or your partner's genitals.
Many people masturbate on their own – it’s a good way to find out what you do and don’t like
and where you like to be touched. Partners can masturbate each other in turn or at the same
time (mutual masturbation) or masturbate themselves while the other person watches.

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5. Sexting and Online Sex
 Sexting and online sex means using phone calls, text messages, internet chat rooms, email,
instant messaging or online video chat (such as Skype or FaceTime) to exchange sex chat
with another person or to send explicit pictures or video. It could be your regular partner or
someone you've met online. It can involve talking or flirting or partners can masturbate.
 Some people only use text, others will take pictures or videos of themselves using webcams.
The key to good sexting or online sex is communication and imagination. It's all about
painting pictures in the other person's mind and responding in a sexy way to the things they
send to you.

6. Sex toys
 Sex toys can be used to stimulate you or your partner. They come in different shapes and
sizes and can be bought or homemade. If you use home-made sex toys make sure that it
isn’t going to break and is clean – if you wouldn’t put it in your mouth don’t use it as a sex toy.
 Commercial sex toys are widely available and can be bought online or in shops including
some high street stores.

7. Group Sex
 Group sex is sex with more than one preson at the same time, this might be a 'threesome' or
a sex party. It can involve multiple people having sex together at the same time or regular
partner swapping.
 At times people in a relationship have a sex party with other couples, this is sometimes known
as 'swinging' or a 'swingers party'.

8. Pornography
 Pornography (or porn) is explicit pictures or videos designed to sexually stimulate. They might
be online, on DVD, in a magazine or sent to your mobile phone. Porn has become much more
extreme in the past decade and at the same time, it has become easier to access from a
range of laptops, tablets, and smartphones. In the past, porn might have been described as
explicit images of people having sex. These days, lots of easily-accessible porn consists of
content that is increasingly violent and/or degrading, particularly towards women.

Types of Sexuality

1. Allosexual
 This is a person who experiences sexual attraction.

2. Aromantic
 An aromantic is one of many romantic orientations that describes someone who experiences
little or no romantic attraction to another person.

3. Androsexual
 An androsexual is sexually attracted to men or masculinity.

4. Asexual
People who are asexual have a lack of attraction to other people.

5. Bicurious
 A person who is bicurious is interested in or curious about having sex with someone whose
sex or gender is different from their usual sexual partners.

6. Bisexual
 A bisexual is someone who is emotionally, romantically, or sexually attracted to more than
one sex, gender, or gender identity. This is a term that is sometimes used interchangeably
with “pansexual,” which more specifically describes someone who is attracted to people
without regard to their gender identity.

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7. Demiromantic
 This is a person who has little or no ability to feel romantically attracted to someone until they
form a strong sexual or emotional connection with a person.

8. Demisexual
 A demisexual does not experience sexual attraction until they have a strong romantic
connection with someone.

9. Gay
 A person who is gay is emotionally, romantically, or sexually attracted to people of the same
gender identity. This term is often used by men, women, and non-binary people.

10. Heteroflexible
 People who are heteroflexible often identify as heterosexual but may experience situational
attraction that falls outside of that.

11. Heterosexual
 This term describes people who identify as men who are attracted to people who identify as
women, and vice versa.
12. Lesbian
 A lesbian is someone who identifies a woman or as non-binary who is emotionally,
romantically or sexually attracted to other women. The term is used by women and non-binary
people.

13. LGBTQ
 This acronym is used for “lesbian, gay, bisexual, transgender, and queer.”

14. Pansexual
 A pansexual is a person who has the potential for emotional, romantic or sexual attraction to
people of any gender identity or sexual orientation.

15. Queer
 This term describes a spectrum of sexual identities other than exclusively heterosexual.

16. Questioning
 People who consider themselves questioning are currently exploring their sexual orientation.

17. Same-gender loving

 This is a term that’s used by some people instead of “lesbian,” “gay,” or “bisexual” to explain
their attraction to someone of the same gender identity.

18. Skoliosexual
 A person who is skoliosexual is attracted to people who are non-binary.

LESSON 6: PARENTHOOD

Introduction:

A lot of people might think parenthood is just about having children. However, parenthood is a
long and difficult journey where one does not simply bring a new human life into the world, but leads
them on a journey to adulthood. In this lesson topics about the importance of parenthood and how
responsible parenthood affect the family and society.

Learning Outcomes:

At the end of the lesson, the students will be able to:

1. explain parenthood;

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2. identify the importance of parenthood;
3. discuss the qualities of a good parent;
4. cite the importance of responsible parenthood to the society;
5. identify the consequences of irresponsible parenthood.

What is Parenthood?

Parenthood comes from the Latin for ‘to give birth’. So, parenthood is a quality that is
attached to any being, especially a human being that has given birth to offspring. More specifically,
parenthood means caring for offspring and looking after them. Good parenthood is the practice of
taking good care of one’s offspring and ensuring that they grow up in a safe and happy environment,
are well educated and know the difference between right and wrong.

Parenthood is about accepting that you are primarily responsible for your child’s education,
well-being, safety, emotional maturity and eventual attainment of adulthood. The government only see
your child as a resource they can tax and use to further their agendas, they cannot be trusted to give
your child the love and acceptance their mother and father can give them.

Importance of Parenthood

1. Education
 Our first education comes from our parents. They teach us basic things like tying shoelaces
and counting, and also complement the education that we get at school when we are learning
to read and write. Good parenting means not only teaching children facts and skills, but also
providing a supportive environment for children’s independent learning.

2. Morality.
 Our parents should teach us right from wrong from the very beginning, and what they teach
us can stay with us for life. Parenthood is crucial for developing our morality. Parents can
provide moral guidance on all aspects of life, and good parents are always willing to answer
their kids’ questions about what the right and wrong things to do are in any given situation.

3. Love.
 Our parents should provide us with love throughout our lives, and also teach us to love
others. In many ways, our parents can become the model for how we give love in our later
lives – so, good parenting is very important in this regard as well. It is so important for children
to experience a loving relationship from the earliest years of their life, right through to
adulthood so that when they become adults they are capable of loving others and receiving
love as well.

4. Safety
 Parents ought to ensure that the home is a place of safety for their children. Parenting is
important because it shields children from the dangers of the world. Safety and stability are
very important for children: having enough to eat, staying warm in the winter, being
accompanied by an adult wherever we go and so on are other aspects of staying safe as a
child.

5. Citizenship.
 Parents can help to form children to be good citizens by teaching them civic virtues such as
unselfishness, neatness, truthfulness and willingness to help others. They can also teach
children practical things about being a citizen, such as teaching them how to get around the
neighborhood and telling them whom to call in the event of an emergency. It might be said
that the family home is a microcosm of society, where the values of good citizenship – like
trust, kindness, altruism and respect for and tolerance of others – are just as important as in
the outside world.

6. Teaching parenthood.

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  When they grow up, many people become parents in their turn. And very often, they will look
back on their own childhood days and draw on their memories of their parents in order to
decide how to bring up their own children. Parents provide their children with a model for how
to bring up a child that will stay with that child for life – so it is important that they get it right.

7. Respect.
 Parents can teach their children to respect the views of others, and to respect their elders as
well. Respect for parents can provide a good habit that can then be transferred on to our
relationship with our teachers, employers and other people in similar positions of authority.
Respect should be earned though, of course, and parents ought to strive to be the best
parents that they can be so that their children’s respect is warranted.

8. Support.
 Parents provide life long support for their children. It does not matter how old a child is, they
should always be able to count on their parents to help them out – whether that is with
emotional support after a break up or financial support when they want to put down a deposit
on their first house. The parent child relationship is a supportive relationship that lasts a life
time. From feeding and clothing their children when they are young to providing them with
advice and guidance when they enter university or the job market, parents keep on supporting
their children throughout their entire lives.

9. Reciprocity.
 We all get old, and when we do, we surely want out children to look after us and to provide us
with both the emotional and the material support that we need. If we have been good parents,
there is every reason to suppose that our children will be more than happy to care for us into
old age. This reciprocal relationship is one of the key reasons why good parenthood is so
important.

Qualities of Good Parents

While every child has individual needs, authoritative parenting strategies will benefit almost
every child. Here are some things authoritative parents should include in their parenting.

1. Express Love and Affection

 Although the vast majority of parents love their children, it's important to express your love to
your child. You can do this by being physically affectionate with your child and spending
quality one-on-one time with them.

2. Communicate Effectively
 Good parents talk to and listen to their children. Explain the reasons behind your rules so your
child will understand your values. Listen to your child and be open to hearing their feelings
and suggestions. Reasoning with your child will help them learn self-regulation and how to
behave when no one is watching.

3. Set Limits
 Although it's important to communicate with your child, you are still the parent. Listening to
your children doesn't mean you let them call the shots.
 Lovingly setting and enforcing limits will keep your child safe and encourage them to
internalize your values. Use positive reinforcement as often as possible when you set limits
for your child.

4. Manage Your Own Stress

 Managing your stress can have a big impact on both your relationship with your child and how
happy your child is. Being able to stay calm is one of the most important qualities of a good
parent. If you struggle with this, look into meditation, breathing exercises, or other ways to
manage stressful situations.

5. Maintain a Good Relationship With Your Child's Other Parent

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  Whether you're in a relationship with your child's other parent or not, maintaining a cordial
relationship with them is important. You should always speak kindly and respectfully about the
other parent in front of your child. Resolve conflicts when your child isn't around.

6. Teach Responsibility
 Along with setting limits, you should teach your child to accept responsibility for themselves.
You can do this by encouraging them to:

a) Complete their homework on time

b) Participate in community activities
c) Find ways to help others
d) Accept the outcomes of their good and bad choices
e) Clean up after themselves
f) Do chores that benefit the family
g) These are just a few ways you can help your child develop a sense of responsibility for
themselves and their actions.

7. Be a Good Role Model

 Your child will learn more from watching you than from listening to you. You can't expect your
child to be polite and respectful if you blow up whenever things don't go according to plan.
Model the behavior you want to see from your child, and they'll likely follow your lead.
 Unfortunately, they'll pick up on your bad behaviors as well — so think before you act. Treat
your child the way you want them to treat others.

8. Provide New Experiences

 Within your means, try to provide your child with a wide range of new experiences.
 Support your child's interests with books, lessons, and other resources. Introduce your child
to new activities, places, and people. Let your child try a variety of activities without
pressuring them to choose just one.
 Exploring different cultures and careers can open new doors for your child.

9. Be Positive
 Place more emphasis on what your child is doing right than what they're doing wrong. By
pointing out good behavior, you'll encourage continued good behavior in your child.
 Reacting negatively and criticizing your child is not as effective as praising good behavior.
Catch your child doing something right as often as possible. When you point out your child's
positive traits, they'll think more positively about themselves.

Importance of Responsible Parenthood to the Society

1. Responsible Citizenry
 Parents care for their child’s wellbeing, health, safety and character development especially at
their early years. These will help the child into development and law-abiding adult citizens
thereby making the children contribute to the development of the society.

2. Reduction in Crime
 A responsible parents put in their children good and acceptable societal values of love,
honesty, diligence, contentment and integrity. And these influence the pattern of development
and behaviour of their children especially at adulthood. Thereby reducing the rate of crime in
the society.

3. Healthy Nation
 Children who are given adequate and sound education, right type of food, a decent shelter,
security and unbeatable recreational facilities will spend less in medicine. Thereby
maintaining healthy nation.

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4. Emotionally Balanced Population
 Hence parents put in their child/children the good and balanced emotional control. The child
turnout to seek peaceful and legal means of redress in the society. Thereby improving the
society into development of emotional balanced population.

Consequences of Irresponsible Parenthood

1. Shortage of food and other material needs.

2. Lack of space for the members of the family.
3. Non-provision of formal education for the children.
4. Increased crime rate
5. Divorce and lack of trust
6. Premature deaths

Prepared by:

LILIAN MAE V. JUMALON

Instructor 1

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