It is important for everyone, including young people , to save money for their future.

To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement?

It is a common belief that saving money for the future is a crucial thing that people should
do, especially the young generations. From my perspective, I absolutely concur with this
point of view and the reasons for my statement will be pointed out in this essay.

Saving money is a vital part of our life and it is a good habit that everyone ought to have for
their own life. Future is full of uncertainty and unpredictable situations which can create a
financial burden or financial stress in the future if we do not keep a portion of our expenses.
Moreover, setting aside money can be beneficial in the long run, specifically your long-term
goals and saving money can make your dream come true whether doing your educational
plans or setting up a business.

On the other hand, keeping your money aside instills individuals, especially the youngsters,
a sense of discipline and responsibility since they need to learn how to manage financial
stability and spend it reasonably. In addition, the ability to manage our money can also
reduce stress and anxiety as they are given financial freedom and the ability to make their
own financial decisions, resulting in positive effects on mental health.For example, a recent
study has shown that people who learn how to save money at the very young age having the
ability to control their finance better and they are more likely to gain success in life than who
do not.

In conclusion,keeping a budget provides the opportunities for them to enhance mental well-
being as well as the ability to manage finance reasonably. Therefore, everyone, including the
young generation should acquire skills in saving money for a safer future.

Nâng cấp lập luận

Introduction: It is a common belief that saving money for the future is a crucial thing that
people should do, especially the young generations. From my perspective, I absolutely
concur with this point of view and the reasons for my statement will be pointed out in this
essay.

Feedback for Introduction:

Clear Position: The introduction effectively states a clear position by agreeing with the
importance of saving money for the future, especially for young generations. This sets a
strong foundation for the argument that will follow.

Relevance: The introduction is relevant to the essay question as it directly addresses the
importance of saving money for the future. However, it could be more specific in addressing
the broader context of the question, which asks about the extent of agreement with the
statement. Consider adding a brief mention of the reasons why saving is crucial, such as
financial stability and long-term goals, to enhance relevance and set up the argument more
effectively.

Brief Overview: The introduction lacks a brief overview of the main points that will be
discussed in the essay. Including a sentence that outlines the key reasons why saving is
important, such as the benefits for financial stability, long-term goals, and mental well-being,
would provide a clearer roadmap for the reader and enhance the introduction's
effectiveness.
Improved Introduction: The notion that saving money for the future is a vital aspect of
personal finance, particularly for young generations, is widely accepted. I firmly agree with
this perspective, and this essay will explore the compelling reasons why saving is essential
for securing financial stability and achieving long-term goals. By discussing the benefits of
saving, including its impact on financial security, mental well-being, and the development of
responsible financial habits, this essay will argue for the importance of saving as a crucial life
skill for individuals of all ages.

Main Point 1: Saving money is a vital part of our life and it is a good habit that everyone
ought to have for their own life. Future is full of uncertainty and unpredictable situations
which can create a financial burden or financial stress in the future if we do not keep a
portion of our expenses. Moreover, setting aside money can be beneficial in the long run,
specifically your long-term goals and saving money can make your dream come true
whether doing your educational plans or setting up a business.

Feedback for Main Point 1:

Argumentative Logic: The argument effectively highlights the importance of saving money
for future financial stability and long-term goals. It logically connects the uncertainty of the
future with the need for financial preparedness, which is a sound and relevant point.

Overgeneralizations: The statement that saving money can make dreams come true is
somewhat overgeneralized. While saving can contribute to achieving long-term goals, it is
not a guarantee of success or the fulfillment of dreams. This could be softened to
acknowledge that saving is one of many factors that can contribute to achieving goals.

Relevance and Effectiveness of Supporting Ideas: The idea that saving can help with
financial stress and long-term goals is directly relevant and effectively supports the main
point. However, the argument could be strengthened by providing more specific examples or
scenarios where saving has led to positive outcomes.

Unclear or Ambiguous Expressions: The expression "setting aside money can be

beneficial in the long run" is somewhat vague. Clarifying what specific benefits are derived
from saving, such as financial security or the ability to pursue long-term goals, would
enhance clarity.

Unwarranted Assumptions: The assumption that saving will automatically lead to the
fulfillment of dreams or long-term goals may not account for other factors that also influence
success, such as personal skills, market conditions, or economic policies. Acknowledging
these factors would provide a more balanced view.

Overly Assertive Language: The definitive statement that saving can make dreams come
true could be moderated to reflect the complexity of achieving long-term goals. Phrases like
"can contribute to" or "may help" would be more appropriate.

Overall Evaluation: Well Extended and Supported

Suggestions for Improvement:

Detail Specific Benefits: Expand on the specific benefits of saving, such as reducing
financial stress, increasing financial security, and enabling the pursuit of long-term goals.
This would provide a clearer understanding of how saving contributes to overall well-being.
Introduce Counterpoints or Challenges: To provide a more balanced argument, briefly
discuss potential challenges or limitations of saving, such as the need for discipline and the
impact of inflation or economic downturns.

Clarify and Specify: Use more precise language to describe the benefits of saving, such as
"can help reduce financial stress and increase the ability to pursue long-term goals."

Improved Main Point 1: Saving money is a crucial aspect of our lives, as it helps us
prepare for the uncertainties of the future and achieve our long-term goals. By setting aside
a portion of our income, we can mitigate financial stress and ensure that we have the
resources needed to pursue our aspirations, whether it's further education or starting a
business. This habit not only provides financial security but also fosters a sense of discipline
and responsibility, which are essential for managing our finances effectively and making
informed decisions about our financial futures.

Main Point 2: On the other hand, keeping your money aside instills individuals, especially
the youngsters, a sense of discipline and responsibility since they need to learn how to
manage financial stability and spend it reasonably. In addition, the ability to manage our
money can also reduce stress and anxiety as they are given financial freedom and the ability
to make their own financial decisions, resulting in positive effects on mental health.For
example, a recent study has shown that people who learn how to save money at the very
young age having the ability to control their finance better and they are more likely to gain
success in life than who do not.

Feedback for Main Point 2:

Argumentative Logic: The argument effectively links saving money to the development of
financial discipline and responsibility, which can lead to reduced stress and anxiety. The
connection between financial management and mental health is well-established, making the
argument logically sound.

Overgeneralizations: The statement that saving money at a young age leads to better
financial control and success in life might be an overgeneralization. While it's a common
assumption, it doesn't account for individual differences in financial literacy, economic
conditions, and personal choices that can also influence financial outcomes.

Relevance and Effectiveness of Supporting Ideas: The example of a study showing the
benefits of early savings is relevant and supports the argument well. However, the argument
could be strengthened by discussing how these benefits manifest in different contexts, such
as in different economic environments or among individuals with varying financial literacy
levels.

Unclear or Ambiguous Expressions: The expression "keeping your money aside instills
individuals" is somewhat vague. Clarifying what specific aspects of financial management
are instilled (e.g., budgeting, saving, investing) would improve clarity.

Unwarranted Assumptions: The argument assumes that financial discipline and

responsibility directly lead to reduced stress and anxiety. While this is a common
association, it overlooks the complex interplay between financial management and mental
health, which can be influenced by many factors beyond financial literacy.

Overly Assertive Language: The definitive language used in stating the benefits of saving
at a young age could be softened to acknowledge that while saving is beneficial, it is one of
many factors that contribute to financial stability and success.
Overall Evaluation: Extended and Supported but Over-Generalized

Suggestions for Improvement:

Detail Specific Financial Skills: Expand on the specific financial skills that are developed
through saving, such as budgeting, investing, and financial planning. This would provide a
more detailed understanding of how saving contributes to financial stability.

Introduce Counterpoints or Challenges: Acknowledge potential challenges or limitations

of saving, such as the impact of inflation or the need for financial education to effectively
manage savings. This would provide a more balanced view of the topic.

Clarify and Specify Expressions: Use more precise language to describe the benefits of
saving, such as "developing financial discipline and responsibility" instead of "instilling
individuals."

Balance the Argument: Soften the language to reflect the complexity of financial
management and its impact on mental health. For example, instead of stating that saving
leads to success, suggest that it can contribute to a higher likelihood of success, depending
on various factors.

Improved Main Point 2: Saving money is crucial for individuals, particularly the young, as it
fosters financial discipline and responsibility. This habit not only helps manage financial
stability but also reduces stress and anxiety by providing financial freedom and the ability to
make informed decisions. For instance, research has shown that those who learn to save at
a young age tend to have better financial control and are more likely to achieve success in
life. This underscores the importance of saving as a key factor in developing a secure
financial future and promoting mental well-being.

Conclusion: In conclusion,keeping a budget provides the opportunities for them to enhance

mental well-being as well as the ability to manage finance reasonably. Therefore, everyone,
including the young generation should acquire skills in saving money for a safer future.

Feedback for Conclusion:

Clear Answer: The conclusion effectively summarizes the main points discussed in the
essay, emphasizing the benefits of saving money for mental well-being and financial
management. It clearly states the importance of acquiring saving skills for a safer future,
which aligns well with the essay's thesis. This clear restatement of the key arguments helps
to reinforce the writer's stance and provides a strong closure to the essay.

Relevance: The conclusion is relevant to the essay's discussion and addresses the main
points raised. It effectively ties back to the initial statement about the importance of saving
money for the future, especially for young people. However, it could be enhanced by briefly
recapitulating the specific reasons why saving is crucial, such as the reduction of financial
stress and the development of financial discipline, to further reinforce the argument and
make the conclusion more impactful.

Improved Conclusion: In conclusion, saving money is essential for both mental well-being
and financial management. It provides a sense of security and discipline, which are crucial
for a safer future. Therefore, it is imperative for everyone, including the young generation, to
develop the skills of saving for a more stable and prosperous life.
Task Response
Band Score for Task Response: 8

Answer All Parts of the Question:

Detailed explanation: The essay effectively addresses the prompt by clearly agreeing with
the statement that everyone, including young people, should save money for their future.
The introduction establishes the writer's stance, and the body paragraphs provide reasons
and examples to support this viewpoint. The points made about financial discipline and the
long-term benefits of saving are relevant and well-articulated.

How to improve: To enhance the response further, the essay could explicitly acknowledge
any counterarguments or alternative viewpoints regarding saving money. This would
demonstrate a more nuanced understanding of the topic and provide a more balanced
discussion.

Present a Clear Position Throughout:

Detailed explanation: The position taken in the essay is clear and consistent. The writer
states their agreement with the importance of saving money and maintains this perspective
throughout the essay. The use of phrases like "I absolutely concur" reinforces this clarity.

How to improve: While the position is clear, it could be strengthened by reiterating the main
argument in the conclusion. A more explicit restatement of the thesis would help to reinforce
the writer's stance and ensure that the reader is left with a strong impression of their
viewpoint.

Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:

Detailed explanation: The essay presents several ideas about the importance of saving
money, including financial discipline, stress reduction, and the potential for achieving long-
term goals. The use of a specific example—a study showing that young savers manage their
finances better—adds credibility to the argument.

How to improve: To further enhance the support for ideas, the writer could include more
specific examples or statistics. For instance, elaborating on the study mentioned or providing
additional real-life scenarios would strengthen the argument and make it more persuasive.

Stay on Topic:

Detailed explanation: The essay remains focused on the topic of saving money for the
future, with all points directly related to the benefits of this practice. There are no significant
deviations from the main topic, which contributes to the overall coherence of the essay.

How to improve: While the essay stays on topic, the writer should ensure that each point
made is directly tied back to the main argument. For instance, explicitly linking the benefits of
saving to the prompt in each paragraph can enhance clarity and reinforce the relevance of
each point.

Overall, the essay demonstrates a strong understanding of the task and presents a well-
structured argument. By incorporating the suggested improvements, the writer can elevate
their essay to an even higher standard.
Coherence & Cohesion
Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 8

Organize Information Logically:

Detailed explanation: The essay presents a clear argument in favor of saving money, with
a logical progression of ideas. The introduction effectively sets the stage for the discussion,
stating the writer's agreement with the prompt. The body paragraphs are organized around
distinct themes: the importance of saving for future uncertainties and the benefits of financial
discipline. For instance, the transition from discussing the necessity of saving to its
psychological benefits is smooth, showcasing a well-structured argument.

How to improve: To enhance logical flow, consider using more explicit linking phrases
between paragraphs. For example, at the beginning of the second paragraph, a transitional
phrase like "Firstly" or "To elaborate further" could clarify the progression of ideas.
Additionally, integrating a brief summary of the previous point before introducing a new one
can reinforce the logical connection between arguments.

Use Paragraphs:

Detailed explanation: The essay effectively uses paragraphs to separate different ideas,
which aids readability. Each paragraph focuses on a specific aspect of the argument, with
the first paragraph introducing the topic and the subsequent paragraphs expanding on the
benefits of saving money. However, the conclusion could be more distinct, as it currently
blends into the final body paragraph.

How to improve: Strengthen the conclusion by clearly delineating it from the body
paragraphs. A clear topic sentence that summarizes the main argument of the essay would
reinforce its purpose. For instance, starting the conclusion with "In summary" or "To
conclude" would signal a transition and help the reader recognize the closing argument.

Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:

Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a good use of cohesive devices, such as
"Moreover," "On the other hand," and "In addition," which help to connect ideas within and
between paragraphs. These devices effectively guide the reader through the argument.
However, there are instances where cohesion could be improved, such as the transition
between discussing financial discipline and mental health, which feels slightly abrupt.

How to improve: To diversify the use of cohesive devices, consider incorporating a wider
range of linking words and phrases. For example, using "Furthermore" or "Consequently"
could enhance the flow between ideas. Additionally, ensuring that each cohesive device is
followed by a clear and relevant example or explanation will strengthen the connection
between ideas. For instance, after mentioning the benefits of financial discipline, a more
explicit link to mental health could be made by stating, "This financial discipline not only
fosters responsibility but also contributes to reduced stress levels."

Overall, the essay demonstrates strong coherence and cohesion, with clear organization and
effective use of paragraphs and cohesive devices. By implementing the suggested
improvements, the writer can further enhance the clarity and flow of their argument.
Lexical Resource
Band Score for Lexical Resource: 6

Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:

Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a reasonable range of vocabulary, with

terms like "financial burden," "financial stress," and "discipline." However, the vocabulary is
somewhat repetitive, particularly in phrases like "saving money" and "financial." The use of
synonyms or more varied expressions could enhance the richness of the language. For
instance, instead of repeatedly using "saving money," alternatives like "setting aside funds"
or "financial prudence" could be employed.

How to improve: To improve lexical variety, the writer should practice using a thesaurus to
find synonyms and related terms. Additionally, incorporating idiomatic expressions or
collocations related to finance and savings could elevate the essay's lexical range. For
example, phrases like "nest egg" or "fiscal responsibility" could be integrated.

Use Vocabulary Precisely:

Detailed explanation: While the essay generally conveys its message, there are instances
of imprecise vocabulary usage. For example, the phrase "the ability to control their finance"
should be "the ability to control their finances," as "finance" is typically used in a broader
context, while "finances" refers specifically to personal financial matters. Additionally, the
phrase "the young generations" could be more accurately expressed as "young people" or
"youth."

How to improve: To enhance precision, the writer should focus on the context in which
certain terms are used. Reviewing grammar rules regarding countable and uncountable
nouns can help clarify usage. Engaging in exercises that emphasize the correct application
of vocabulary in context can also be beneficial.

Use Correct Spelling:

Detailed explanation: The essay contains several spelling errors, such as "keeping a
budget provides the opportunities" (should be "provides opportunities") and "youngsters"
(should be "young people" for consistency). These errors detract from the overall clarity and
professionalism of the writing.

How to improve: To improve spelling accuracy, the writer should develop a habit of
proofreading their work. Utilizing spell-check tools and practicing writing frequently can help
reinforce correct spelling. Additionally, creating a list of commonly misspelled words and
reviewing them regularly could be beneficial.

In summary, while the essay demonstrates a solid understanding of the topic and presents
coherent arguments, improvements in vocabulary range, precision, and spelling will help
elevate the Lexical Resource score. Engaging in targeted vocabulary exercises, practicing
precise language usage, and implementing effective proofreading strategies will contribute to
a stronger performance in future writing tasks.

Grammatical Range & Accuracy

Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 7
Use a Wide Range of Structures:

Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a good variety of sentence structures,

including simple, compound, and complex sentences. For instance, the use of phrases like
"especially the young generations" and "the ability to manage our money can also reduce
stress and anxiety" showcases some complexity. However, there are instances where
sentence structures could be more varied. For example, the sentence "Saving money is a
vital part of our life and it is a good habit that everyone ought to have for their own life" could
be restructured to avoid repetition and enhance sophistication.

How to improve: To diversify sentence structures, consider using more complex sentences
that incorporate subordinate clauses or varied conjunctions. For example, instead of saying
"it is a good habit that everyone ought to have for their own life," you could say, "it is a good
habit that everyone should cultivate to ensure financial security." Additionally, using more
varied introductory phrases or transitions can help improve the flow and complexity of the
essay.

Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:

Detailed explanation: The essay generally maintains a good level of grammatical accuracy,
but there are notable errors that detract from its overall quality. For example, the phrase "the
very young age having the ability to control their finance better" is awkwardly constructed
and should be revised to "those who learn to save money at a very young age have a better
ability to control their finances." Additionally, punctuation issues, such as missing commas in
"In conclusion,keeping a budget provides the opportunities," hinder clarity.

How to improve: To enhance grammatical accuracy, it is essential to proofread the essay

for common errors, particularly in subject-verb agreement and sentence structure. Practicing
the correct use of commas, especially in compound and complex sentences, will also
improve clarity. Consider revising sentences for clarity and coherence, ensuring that each
clause is correctly structured and punctuated. Engaging in grammar exercises focused on
common pitfalls can also be beneficial.

By addressing these areas for improvement, the essay can achieve a higher level of
grammatical range and accuracy, potentially moving towards a Band 8 score.

Bài chữa tham khảo

It is widely acknowledged that saving money for the future is an essential activity that
individuals should engage in, particularly the younger generations. From my perspective, I
strongly agree with this viewpoint, and the rationale for my position will be elucidated in this
essay.

Saving money is an essential aspect of our lives, and it is a beneficial habit that everyone
should cultivate. The future is fraught with uncertainty and unpredictable situations, which
can impose financial burdens or stress if we do not set aside a portion of our income.
Moreover, saving money can be advantageous in the long run, particularly for achieving
long-term goals. Whether pursuing educational plans or starting a business, having savings
can help realize your aspirations.

On the other hand, setting aside money instills individuals, especially young people, with a
sense of discipline and accountability, as they need to learn how to manage their finances
prudently and spend responsibly. In addition, possessing the ability to manage their finances
can also reduce stress and anxiety, as individuals gain financial freedom and the capacity to
make their own financial decisions, leading to positive effects on mental health. For example,
a recent study has shown that people who learn how to save money at a young age tend to
manage their finances better and are more likely to achieve success in life compared to
those who do not.

In conclusion, maintaining a budget offers opportunities for individuals to enhance their

mental well-being as well as their ability to manage finances reasonably. Therefore,
everyone, including the younger generation, should acquire skills in saving money for a safer
future.