the bar chart shows the percentage of people in the United Kingdom per age group

without any qualification.

The provided bar chart delineates how the proportions of UK residents owning no
qualifications varied across 6 diverse age groups and genders in 2009

Overall, it is readily evident that there were generally more unqualified men than women with
no qualifications in the younger age groups while the opposite was true for the older age
groups. Notably, it is the oldest age group that held the largest percentages of unqualified
individuals in both genders while the opposite was true for the youngest one.

In terms of males, numerous differences in the percentages of non-qualified males among

examined age groups could be seen. To be specific, the elderly emerged as a clear leader
with a significant figure of about 17%, followed by 10% of the 40-49 age group. Additonally,
a close similarity could be seen in the percentages of the 25-29 age group and 30-39 age
group, with the figures of approximately 8%. Following this, 20-24 individuals accounted for a
lower proportion of roundly 8%, minimally higher than about 7% of the teenagers.

Turning to females, females were seemingly more qualified than males. In particular, the
elderly maintained the highest rank in females, with exactly 20%, considerably outnumbering
nearly 11%, 7% and 6% of the 40-49, 20-24 and 17-19 age groups respectively. Finally, the
figures for unqualified females from 25-39 years old were equally nearly 8%.

Sửa lỗi ngữ pháp nâng cao

Here are the grammatical errors identified in your essay, along with corrections and
explanations:

Error: "in 2009" Correction: "for 2009" Explanation: The phrase "in 2009" suggests a
specific point in time, while "for 2009" indicates the data pertains to that entire year, which is
more appropriate in this context.

Error: "there were generally more unqualified men than women with no qualifications"
Correction: "there were generally more unqualified men than unqualified women"
Explanation: The phrase "with no qualifications" is redundant when you have already stated
"unqualified." The correction clarifies the comparison between men and women without
unnecessary repetition.

Error: "the opposite was true for the oldest age groups" Correction: "the opposite was true
for the younger age groups" Explanation: The original phrase is confusing because it
implies a contradiction without clear context. The correction clarifies that the opposite
situation applies to the younger age groups, maintaining coherence in the comparison.

Error: "numerous differences in the percentages of non-qualified males" Correction:

"numerous differences in the percentages of unqualified males" Explanation: The term
"non-qualified" is less commonly used in this context. "Unqualified" is the standard term to
describe individuals without qualifications, making the sentence clearer.

Error: "Additonally" Correction: "Additionally" Explanation: This is a typographical error;

the correct spelling is "Additionally," with a single 'd.'

Error: "20-24 individuals accounted for a lower proportion of roundly 8%" Correction:
"Individuals aged 20-24 accounted for a lower proportion of approximately 8%" Explanation:
The phrase "20-24 individuals" is awkward. Using "Individuals aged 20-24" is clearer.
Additionally, "roundly" is less common in this context; "approximately" is more precise.

Error: "the elderly maintained the highest rank in females" Correction: "the elderly
maintained the highest percentage among females" Explanation: The phrase "highest rank
in females" is vague. "Highest percentage among females" is more specific and accurately
describes the data being discussed.

Error: "nearly 11%, 7% and 6% of the 40-49, 20-24 and 17-19 age groups respectively"
Correction: "nearly 11%, 7%, and 6% for the 40-49, 20-24, and 17-19 age groups,
respectively" Explanation: A comma should be added before "and" in a list of three or more
items (Oxford comma). Additionally, "of" should be replaced with "for" to clarify that these
percentages correspond to the respective age groups.

Error: "the figures for unqualified females from 25-39 years old were equally nearly 8%"
Correction: "the figures for unqualified females aged 25-39 years were approximately 8%"
Explanation: "From 25-39 years old" is awkward. "Aged 25-39 years" is more concise.
Additionally, "equally nearly" is unclear; "approximately" is more straightforward.

By addressing these errors, your writing will become clearer and more professional. If you
have any further questions or need additional assistance, feel free to ask!

Task Achievement
Band Score: 6

Explanation: The essay provides an overview of the main trends in the data, but the
information is not always appropriately selected. For example, the essay states that "the
elderly emerged as a clear leader with a significant figure of about 17%" for men, but this is
not the highest percentage in the data. The essay also includes some irrelevant details, such
as the specific figures for each age group.

How to improve: The essay could be improved by focusing on the most important trends in
the data and providing more relevant information. For example, the essay could highlight the
fact that the percentage of unqualified people is generally higher for men than for women,
and that this trend is reversed for the oldest age group. The essay could also provide more
specific comparisons between the different age groups.

Coherence & Cohesion

Band Score: 6.0

Explanation: The essay arranges information and ideas coherently, demonstrating a clear
overall progression. The main comparisons between genders and age groups are logically
presented. However, there are instances where cohesion within sentences appears
mechanical, and some references are not clearly defined. While paragraphing is present, it is
not always logical, particularly in the transition between discussing males and females.

How to improve: To enhance coherence and cohesion, the writer should focus on using a
wider range of cohesive devices more effectively, ensuring that transitions between ideas
are smooth and logical. Additionally, improving the clarity of referencing (e.g., ensuring that
pronouns clearly refer back to specific nouns) would strengthen the overall coherence.
Finally, organizing paragraphs more distinctly around central topics would help clarify the
structure of the essay.

Lexical Resource
Band Score: 6.0

Explanation: The essay demonstrates an adequate range of vocabulary relevant to the

task, with attempts to use less common terms such as "delineates," "proportions," and "non-
qualified." However, there are noticeable inaccuracies in word choice and collocation, such
as "the elderly emerged as a clear leader" and "maintained the highest rank," which may not
convey the intended meaning effectively. Additionally, there are some spelling errors (e.g.,
"Additonally" instead of "Additionally") and issues with word formation (e.g., "roundly 8%"
should be "approximately 8%"). These errors do not severely impede communication but do
detract from the overall clarity and sophistication of the vocabulary used.

How to improve: To enhance the lexical resource score, the writer should focus on
expanding their vocabulary range and ensuring precise word choice. Practicing the use of
synonyms and collocations can help in conveying meanings more accurately. Additionally,
proofreading for spelling and grammatical errors before submission would improve the
overall quality of the writing. Engaging with a wider variety of texts can also help in
developing a more natural and sophisticated control of vocabulary.

Grammatical Range & Accuracy

Band Score: 6.0

Explanation: The essay demonstrates a mix of simple and complex sentence forms, which
is a requirement for Band 6. While the writer attempts to use a variety of structures, there are
noticeable grammatical errors and some awkward phrasing that can obscure meaning. For
instance, phrases like "the elderly emerged as a clear leader" and "the opposite was true for
the youngest one" could be clearer. Additionally, there are errors in punctuation and some
inaccuracies in the use of articles and prepositions (e.g., "the percentages of non-qualified
males among examined age groups could be seen"). These errors do not significantly
impede communication, but they are frequent enough to prevent a higher score.

How to improve: To achieve a higher band score, the writer should focus on the following
areas:

Increase Sentence Variety: Incorporate a wider range of complex sentence structures while
ensuring accuracy.

Proofreading: Carefully check for grammatical errors and punctuation mistakes to reduce
their frequency.

Clarity and Precision: Aim for clearer phrasing and more precise language to enhance
overall readability.

Consistent Use of Terminology: Ensure consistent and accurate use of terms related to
the data presented, which will help in conveying the intended meaning more effectively.
Bài chữa tham khảo
The provided bar chart delineates how the proportions of UK residents without any
qualifications varied across six distinct age groups and genders in 2009.

Overall, it is evident that there were generally more unqualified men than women in the
younger age groups, while the opposite was true for the older age groups. Notably, the
oldest age group exhibited the largest percentages of unqualified individuals for both
genders, whereas the youngest age group showed the lowest percentages.

In terms of males, several differences in the percentages of unqualified individuals among

the examined age groups can be observed. Specifically, the elderly emerged as a clear
leader with a significant figure of approximately 17%, followed by 10% in the 40-49 age
group. Additionally, a close similarity can be seen in the percentages of the 25-29 age group
and the 30-39 age group, both at around 8%. Following this, the 20-24 age group accounted
for a lower proportion of roughly 8%, which was slightly higher than about 7% for the
teenagers.

Turning to females, it appears that women were generally more qualified than men. In
particular, the elderly maintained the highest percentage among females, at exactly 20%,
considerably outnumbering nearly 11%, 7%, and 6% for the 40-49, 20-24, and 17-19 age
groups, respectively. Finally, the figures for unqualified females aged 25-39 were also nearly
8%.