ANGER MANAGEMENT

Anger - An unpleasant emotion which leads to equally unpleasant

consequences when left unchecked. Mostly ends up in an extreme emotional
response to something that disturbs us.

Damages - In moments of anger, we make poor decisions. We lose sense of

rationale and our emotional intelligence ceases to exist. At times we feel pure rage,
the blood pounding in our veins and our muscles tense and angry. Anger seems to
hijack all our common sense and makes it impossible to make good decisions when
we are consumed by this emotion. Later we regret as to how badly the situation was
handled.

Anger Management - To become someone with self-control, emotional

intelligence and with the discipline needed to take control and manage anger. It is
also about choosing what kind of person you want to be.

First Step - Accept that your anger is a problem.

Avoid Excuses - You may have valid reasons to be angry. But, expressing that
anger in an unreasonable and unacceptable way can cause damage. Do not use an
excuse for your behaviour. It is not worth hurting the people around you especially
your loved ones emotionally, verbally or physically. Those kinds of scars can take a
long time to heal, if they ever do heal at all.

Using Anger - Anger can have many different functions and purposes. Do you
use it to drive you, energise you, inspire you or the opposite? That is entirely
dependent upon how you handle the situation and your anger.

Healthy Anger Well channelled anger leads to seek out solutions and
communicate with those who can help instigate change. When it is aligned with your
values, emotional intelligence, integrity, passion, love and beliefs, it can motivate you
to take positive actions without having to rely on aggressive, domineering behaviour
at all. People who experience healthy anger know that violence and arguments are
never the answer, so this is never an option for them.
When anger is brought out in intimate relationships, it can result in a
discussion of problem areas and lead to creative solutions.

When does it start to get bad and ugly?

An example is a sleeping lion. Everything is alright until something sets you
off and you fly into a rage. This is when your anger becomes toxic because other
people start to find it difficult to be around you. They always have to be on their
guard, nervous and anxious, careful about the way they behave and the things they
say. They don’t feel safe being around you. This is when anger turns from good to
bad and ugly.
 If we are angry and hungry, angry and ill, angry and tired, angry and feeling
persecuted, angry and misled, angry and cold, angry and anxious, angry and out in
the desert sun…..any of these combinations can make it harder for us to allow our
rational understanding of the situation to take appropriate action.

HOW TO CONTROL BAD AND EXPLOSIVE ANGER

The goal here is to learn to respond better without jumping to anger as your
first immediate response. To be able to walk away from situations which would have
normally aggravated you, without losing control. The more you learn to control your
anger, to express it in much healthier ways, the better it will be for your health, your
happiness and your relationships.

Start by following:
• Acknowledge your anger issues
• Explore the reason behind it - Explore and connect with the core reason of
anger. It is very often a response that is meant to cover-up other feelings
which you may have. What are those feelings? Jealousy? Embarrassment?
Hurt? Shame? Insecurity?
• Changing the way you think - Don’t expect other people to ‘accept’ your
anger because this is who you are and this is part of your personality. Other
people should not have to tolerate or conform to your expectations. Think
about how good it will feel for the people around you not to always be
cautious and wary about when you’re going to lose your cool next.
• Practice deliberately slowing down - Practice slowing down your thoughts
down to make sure that you are in control, not your thoughts, at every step of
the way even when you’re on the verge of getting angry. This can be
achieved through practice. For ex., when you read/write something, read it
slowly and deliberately and focus on what you are reading/writing.
• Learn to walk away - By disengaging yourself from the situation and
allowing yourself some breathing space to calm your nerves, you are taking
mature approach in handling any person or situation.
• Distract yourself - When you recognise your triggers, it makes it easier to
put a stop to it, to deflect your attention elsewhere until you have forgotten
about what it was threatening your temper. You need to distance yourself
from the triggers as far as it takes, until you are properly distracted enough.
• Let go of the need to be right always - To put an end to anger or prevent it
from escalating, somebody needs to make a move in the right direction. Why
not you?
• Use visualisation - Each time that you feel your anger is threatening to
break through the surface, you need to stop immediately, close your eyes
and start to visualise. Visualisation is an effective way to learn to relax and it
will help remind you of the goal that you need to accomplish. Being able to
visualise and see your end goal will remind you of why you are doing what
you are doing and help you to stay on course.
 • Exercising both mind and body - It is a way of redirecting those feelings of
anger towards a healthier release mechanism. Yoga is one of the best
exercises because it combines both physical and mental training in one go.
• Do something that makes you happy - Simply doing something which
makes you happy is one of the best methods of getting rid of unhappy
feelings. Indulge in a passion or a hobby. Throw yourself into an activity that
you love. With an happier state of mind, it makes it easier to think with a
clearer head.
• Breathe mindfully - Practice mindful breathing by sitting in a relaxed
position, close your eyes and focus on each breath. Breathe deeply in and
out, slow and steady, focussing on each inhale and exhale. Focus on the air
flow. Breathe in deeply through your nose and exhale through your mouth.
• Keep a journal - It is possibly the safest outlet for you to release your
feelings of anger without hurting anyone or yourself in the process. Your
journal is a place where you can record the things that happened to you and
pour out all of your feelings of anger until you feel better.

Managing anger with Emotional Intelligence

EI can help to manage long-term anger and re-examine your angry thoughts
with its following five components:
• Self-awareness
• Self-regulation
• Empathy
• Social skills
• Motivation

o Self-awareness - It allows you to view your emotions from an objective

standpoint, to take a step back and reflect on why you’re feeling such a strong
emotion called anger. It allows you to make the connection between your
heart and head so that your reactions are not ruled entirely by your emotions
(heart).
o Self-regulation - It helps you control your responses, to stop you from
reacting impulsively from a place of anger. It works together with self-
awareness. By being fully aware of your anger, its triggers and its causes, it
puts you in a much better position to determine what you need to do and what
the best approach would be by regulating your behaviour when you are angry.
o Empathy - Ability to put yourself in the other person’s shoes to understand
where they are coming from. It is not just about your anger; it is about them. If
your are feeling angry, what about them? Through empathy and social skills
you come to an understanding.

Expressing your anger in healthy ways with communication skills

Good communication skills require two things: that you are active, good
listener and you see things from the other person’s point of view (like empathy).
Expressing your anger effectively through communication skills is not so much about
what you say but how you say it. The louder you speak, the less you will make
yourself heard. The angrier you are, the faster and louder you tend to speak. These
two aspects are what you need to start working on if you want to avoid irritating the
person you’re talking to. In addition follow these also:
• Keeping it short and concise - This way, you get your point across and say
what it is you want to say while still sticking to the facts and key points.
• Highlight your empathy - By repeating his point of view and clarifying your
understanding you can effectively handle an angry conversation.
• Manage your tone of voice - Make sure your volume is not escalating with
every sentence that you speak. A challenging exercise to master in the
beginning but it can be done with patience and practice.
• Under no circumstances should you be forceful - Do not force the person
you’re in conversation with to go along with your way of thinking. Be firm but
still remain calm and respectful even though you may be feeling angry.

RELAXATION TECHNIQUES, LETTING GO AND FORGIVENESS

Getting angry can certainly make your blood boil and your blood pressure
rise, which is why it is important to learn how to relax and calm your nerves before
things spiral out of control. High BP is a condition that is for life, and once that
happens, you’re looking at a lifetime of medication just trying to keep it under control.
Is your anger worth risking your health like that? No, most certainly not.

Relaxation Techniques
• Exercise - It helps to elevate your mood and make you feel good and happy
by increasing endorphin hormone level. It gets body fitter and stronger and
increase energy levels. You will be able to accomplish so much more in a day.
• Yoga – It focuses mainly on three main principles to help you achieve a state
of calm: meditation, deep breathing and controlled physical activity. It focuses
on building strength through slow and controlled movements without straining
the muscles much.
• Meditation - It teaches you to be mindful of everything that is going on
around you, to be present and in tune with what is happening around you at
this moment.

Learning to forgive
Forgiveness is an act of being the bigger person. It takes great inner strength
to truly forgive wholeheartedly without expecting anything in return. Do it for your
peace of mind. It does take time. Follow a role model. Learn as much as you can
from them, the way they forgive and what they do to move past their anger. It is a
skill you must learn, like riding a bicycle.
Getting all the information can help you during the process of forgiveness. For
example, you’re feeling angry at a friend over an argument, but you didn’t realise that
prior to the argument, that friend just undergone something very stressful. Knowing
the information that you didn’t know makes it easier to forgive if you can empathise
with them.
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