socialur mecnierebaTa seria

ENGLISH
ACADEMIC WRITING

Maya Kalandadze

Tbilisi
2007
English Academic Writing prepared and published
by support of the Center for Social Sciences
Author: Maya Kalandadze

Foreign Expert: Dr. John Harbord, Director of Academic Writing Center at

Central European University, Budapest

Technical edition and cover design: George Bagrationi

© socialur mecnierebaTa centri, 2007

© Center for Social Sciences, 2007

q. Tbilisi, 0108, T. WoveliZis q. # 10

Tbilisi, 0108, 10 T. Chovelidze Street.

contact@ucss.ge
www.ucss.ge

wignis momzadda da gamoica `socialur mecnierebaTa centris~ (Center for

Social Sciences) mier, OSI – Zug da budapeStis Ria sazogadoebis institutis
umaRlesi ganaTlebis mxardaWeris programis (HESP) finasuri xelSewyobiT.

The book has been developed and published by the Center for Social Sciences,
sponsored by the OSI-Zug Foundation and the Higher Education Support Program
(HESP) of the Open Society Institute Budapest (OSI).

ISBN: 978 - 99940 - 873 – 5 - 8

EAN : 9789994087358

ISSN: 1512- 4576

 English Academic Writing Course

Course Description and Objectives

The Academic Writing Course focuses on development of academic writing skills of MA students of Social
Sciences, by raising awareness of, practicing and reflecting upon the conventions of written texts. In addition
the course will help the students become familiar with genres of and enhance skills related to critique,
argumentation and research-based writing. MA students will acquire an awareness of and ability to use
effectively the discourse patterns of Academic English, improve critical reading and thinking skills, have an
opportunity to develop writing process through generating ideas, drafting, peer evaluation and teacher
grading, learn to take into consideration the expectations of their readership with regard to academic
discourse conventions. Students will also learn how to incorporate the work of other authors into their own
writing according to existing requirements of academic practice. The course will cover four main genres of
academic writing: argumentative essay, critique, position paper and research paper. Upon completion of the
course the students will be familiar with the conventions of writing research papers in English academic
community in the chosen field of study .

3
 Table of contents
1. The Process of Writing............................................................................................................................. 5

2. The Argumentative Essay ........................................................................................................................ 7

3. The Critique ........................................................................................................................................... 20

4. The Position Paper ................................................................................................................................ 43

5. The Research Paper .............................................................................................................................. 59

6. How to Write a Research Proposal ........................................................................................................ 72

7. Thesis Writing Guidelines ...................................................................................................................... 81

4
 1. The Process of Writing
In this chapter we will focus on the process of writing. The process of writing generally consists of the
following stages: prewriting, drafting and revising.
In the prewriting stage, writers take time to think about their topic and generate ideas. They also spend
some time focusing and planning the piece of writing.
Generating Ideas. Sometimes a student is frustrated because he/she can not think of anything to say about
the topic. In this section, you will learn a number of strategies and techniques for generating ideas.

Invention Techniques

Brainstorming
Brainstorming is a way of associating ideas and stimulating thinking. To brainstorm, start with a word or
phrase and let your thoughts go in whatever direction they will. For a set period of time, do not attempt to
think logically but write a list of ideas as quickly as possible, putting down whatever comes to your mind
without looking back or organizing. After the set time is up, look over what you have listed to see if any of the
ideas are related and can be grouped. You can use brainstorming to focus on a particular topic or to develop
more examples or ideas for your essay in progress.

Education

primary curriculum*

secondary timetable*

high workload*

BA degree MA degree*

degree BA course

certificate of secondary education MA course*

diploma education fee*

lecturer* education facilities*

student* computer lab*

pupil sports facilities*

homework* canteen*

tasks* clubs

presentations* teacher

On the basis of the above example we can see that the writer has marked with an asterisk the ideas that
he/she could use to write a description of an MA course at a particular university or institute.

Task 1.
Using the above example write a paragraph about either undergraduate (BA) or graduate or (MA) courses at
your university.

5
Free-writing
Free-writing is writing without stopping. It means writing whatever comes to your mind without worrying
whether your ideas are good or the grammar is correct but the ideas should be related to the topic. Its
purpose is to free your mind to let it make associations and connections. So when you freewrite do not
interrupt the flow of your ideas. Write them as they come to you. Do not cross anything out. When you
freewrite set a time limit. After you have finished, reread what you have written and look for interesting ideas
or insights that might be useful to you in your writing.

WH-questions
When newspaper reporters write articles, they try to answer the following questions in the first sentence of
the report: who, what, when, where, why and sometimes how. You can use the same questions to
generate material for your writing. Asking these questions allows you to see your topic from different points
of view and may help to clarify your position on the topic. To use this technique, write out as many WH-
questions as you can. Then answer them as fully as you can.

Clustering
Clustering is making a visual map of your ideas. It frees you from following a strictly linear sequence, thus it
may allow you to think more creatively and make new associations. To use this technique, begin with your
topic circled in the middle of a sheet of paper. Then, draw a line out from the circle and write ideas
associated with it. When you have finished, study your map to find new associations about your topic and to
see the relationship of ideas.

Task 2:
Look at the diagram below. The diagram is a visual map of the topic Transition to democracy. Add some
more changes caused by the transition and then decide what sub topic you would like to write about, then
cluster or group the ideas and write a paragraph.

Transition to democracy
political changes economic changes social changes

changes of political system changes of election system unemployment

middle class well-off/rich people transition to market economy

effects on retired people

6
 2. The Argumentative Essay
Argumentative Essay Syllabus

Class Topic Course Objectives

I Course Introduction Introduce students to the course syllabus and band scale.
The Stages of Writing Familiarize students with main stages of writing process and practice
Process generating ideas.
Introduce students to pre-writing techniques and practice them.
Enable students to understand the structure of a paragraph and a
topic sentence
II The Argumentative Essay Enable students to understand the main features and the role of each
Structure element of an argumentative essay.
III Composition Skills To assist students in clear reproduction of their ideas in written form.
Writing Workshop Provide students with the experience of drafting and receiving peer
feedback on a piece of writing
IV Analyzing Results of the The teacher distributes the graded assignments and analyses the
Previous Class results
More Practice
V Test I Writing argumentative essays

Introduction to Argumentation1
Nearly every piece of academic writing is in some way argumentative. You are required not only to
paraphrase other people’s ideas but also to use them to argue in favor of your own opinion. Your decisions
about which information to include, whom to quote, which methodology to use should depend on what
position you support and what your case is.
It is important to note that your writing should be convincing for your readership. It means you need to
develop means or strategies to express your opinion and ideas effectively. Therefore studying argumentation
assists you to understand and gradually learn and employ these strategies. The process of producing a clear
and convincing argument helps a writer to mature as a thinker and a critic because written argumentation
facilitates the development of such important mental skills as developing and organizing ideas, evaluating
evidence, observing logical consistency and expressing yourself clearly and laconically.

1
Adapted from “Academic Writing for Graduate Students”, CEU Center for Academic Writing 2005

7
Micro-level Argumentation – Paragraphing

1. What is a paragraph?
A paragraph is a group of sentences that support and develop a single idea or one aspect of a large and
more complex topic. The paragraph performs three functions:
• it introduces a new topic (or aspect of a topic) and develops it
• visually and logically, it distinguishes the present (new) topic from the previous one and from the
following one
• as a result of this, it shows a logical relation between the sentences within the paragraph

2. The Structure of a Paragraph

Like the essay as a whole, a paragraph has a structure, which includes an introductory or a topic sentence, a
development of this topic sentence, and a conclusion.

a. The topic sentence

Most paragraphs will have a topic sentence. The topic presents the subject of the paragraph; the remainder
of the paragraph then supports and develops that statement with carefully related details. Because it
introduces the subject that the paragraph is to develop, the topic sentence is typically the first sentence of
the paragraph. It is effective in this position because the reader knows immediately what the paragraph is
about.
Example:
Much has been written about the social problems caused by the transition to democracy in Central Europe.
(In certain situations, however the topic sentence may appear elsewhere. For example in an argumentative
essay in the introductory paragraph, the topic sentence is the thesis statement [see the definition of a thesis
statement below]).

b. Expansion or restatement
It is very common after the topic sentence for writers to develop further or expand their main idea. This may
also involve a more detailed or qualified restatement of the topic sentence.
Example:
Indeed, in the long term, it may be that the social problems of transition will in fact prove more difficult to
overcome than either political or economic issues.

c. Limitation
Another common strategy after the topic sentence is to immediately limit or narrow the paragraph or a
precise aspect of this topic which will be discussed.
Example:
Amongst these problems, however, some of the most serious are those experienced by women, whether this
be in the family or in the workplace.

d. Illustration
A frequent feature of good paragraphs is that having made a claim in the topic sentence and elaborated it,
the writer then brings examples or evidence to support his or her claim. This can be very helpful in
persuading the reader of the validity of the writer’s position. In academic writing, this illustration may well take
the form of quotation from or reference to research carried out by others.
Example:
Research by Hofstetter and Igel (1995), for example, has shown that women in former East Germany
experienced considerably higher rates of depression and resorted more often to psychiatric help in coping
with social change than their male counterparts.

8
e. Analysis
Of course it is not enough to simply drop an example. Having given an example, the writer must then analyse
and demonstrate what the example proves and what can be learnt from it.
Example:
While one can not of course dismiss the possibility that these figures are skewed by men’s refusal to seek
help for fear of appearing “weak”, nevertheless, comparable research in Hungary (Randoni 1997) suggests
that the areas in which the greatest social change has occurred, notably the conflict between breadwinning
and childrearing, are areas where women are more involved than men.

f. Conclusion
Finally, the writer needs to “finish off” the paragraph, usually concluding with a sentence that either reiterates
or states modified from the idea presented by the topic sentence. Effective paragraphs rarely finish with an
example.

Example:
Clearly then, the study of the social effects of transition should not neglect gender as an important factor for
consideration.

3. The Features of a Paragraph

Through the component parts that make up a paragraph there are three features that are common to all
good paragraphs. These are coherence, cohesion and adequacy of development.

a) Coherence
The entire paragraph should concern itself with a single focus, as expressed in the topic sentence. If it
begins with one focus or major points of discussion, it should not end with another or wonder within different
ideas. The sentences should lead on from each other logically so that each one answers the question that
comes into the reader’s mind when they read the sentence before it. If the reader has to go back to read
again two or three times to understand what you have written, this is an indication that the paragraph is not
coherent and that sentences do not logically flow from one another.

b) Cohesion
In a cohesive paragraph, each sentence relates clearly to the topic sentence and to the sentences on either
side of it. Cohesive devices such as transition words (first, for example, however) or reference words (this,
the question, she) make clear to the reader both where the paragraph is going and how each sentence
relates to the others. A cohesive paragraph also highlights the ties between old information and new
information to make the structure of ideas or arguments clear to the reader.

At the beginning of a new paragraph you should check that any previous pronouns (he, she, it) or definite
references (this matter, the problem) which refer backwards in the text can be understood within the
paragraph and do not require to go back to the previous paragraph.

c) Adequate development
The topic introduced in the topic sentence should be discussed fully and adequately. Academic writing
demands a thorough and careful analysis.

9
Tasks

Task 1.
Identify a topic sentence in the following paragraphs:

Paragraph 1
The maintenance of order in pre-state societies is rooted in a commonality of material interests. The greater
the amount of common interests, the less need there is for law-and-order specialists. Among band-level
cultures law and order stem directly from the relations between people and the natural habitat from which
subsistence is derived. All adults usually have open access to this habitat: the rivers, lakes, beaches,
oceans; all the plants and animals; the soil and the subsoil. In so far as these are basic to the extraction of
life-sustaining energy and materials they are communal "property."

Paragraph 2
Though the United States has spent billions of dollars on foreign aid programs, it has captured neither the
affection nor esteem of the rest of the world. In many countries today Americans are cordially disliked; in
others merely tolerated. The reasons for this sad state of affairs are many and varied, and some of them are
beyond the control of anything this country might do to try to correct them. But harsh as it may seem to the
ordinary citizen, filled as he is with good intentions and natural generosity, much of the foreigners’ animosity
has been generated by the way Americans behave.

Paragraph 3
Anthropology is the study of humankind, especially of Homo sapiens, the biological species to which we
human beings belong. It is the study of how our species evolved from more primitive organisms; it is also the
study of how our species developed a mode of communication known as language and a mode of social life
known as culture. It is the study of how culture evolved and diversified. And finally, it is the study of how
culture, people, and nature interact wherever human beings are found.

Task 2.
Look at the following text about Leonardo da Vinci. The first sentence of each paragraph has been removed.
The sentences are listed in the box below the text. Match them with the correct paragraphs.
The Genius of Leonardo
1. He was the illegitimate son of a Florentine lawyer and property owner. His artistic bent obviously
appeared at an early age for when he was 15 he was apprenticed to the painter Verocchio. In 1472
he was accepted in the painters' guild in Florence, where he remained until 1481.
2. And among his early drawings were many sketches of mechanical apparatus and weapons,
evidence of his interest in, and knowledge of things mechanical.
3. His artistic achievements in Milan reached their peak with the mural “The Last Supper' completed in 1497.
4. In the 1490s he began monumental treatises on painting, architecture, human anatomy and
mechanics. He set down his observations on these themes in voluminous notes and sketches, which
he would later assemble in his notebooks. There remain of his notebooks a prodigious 7000 pages,
all in characteristic 'mirror-writing'.
5. He then went back to Milan and entered the service of the French King Louis XII. Later he was to
work in Rome with Raphael and Michelangelo on designs for the new church of St Peter. In 1516 he
settled in France, at Cloux, near Amboise, where he died three years later.
6. He was no mere theorist advancing fanciful ideas. He was a practical man, who designed things that
would work, because he could see how they would work.
7. There is no evidence that Leonardo actually built the machines and mechanical devices he sketched
and described. And in many cases their practical importance remained unrealised and unrealisable
for centuries. There was neither the demand for them nor the technology.

10
Match the following sentences with the above paragraphs.
a. Leonardo returned to Florence in 1499, where he painted that most famous painting The Mona Lisa'
(1503).
b. Between 1482 and 1499 he was employed in the service of the Duke of Milan, to whom he was
painter, sculptor, musician and \ technical adviser on military and engineering matters.
c. In whatever subject he studied, Leonardo laid absolute faith in the evidence of his eyes.
d. Leonardo da Vinci was born in 1452 in Vinci, a small village in Tuscany.
e. And it is in his 'things', his machines, that we are interested in this book.
f. By then Leonardo's expertise with paint brush and palette, pen and pencil was already well advanced.
g. But his creative energies now were turning more and more to scientific and literary pursuits.

Task 3.
Put the sentences below in the correct order to make a coherent and cohesive paragraph.
a. For these reasons, therefore, it must have seemed perfectly logical to our ancestors for childcare to
fall principally or entirely to women.
b. A woman, for example, might not be strong enough to kill wild animals or to undertake heavy
physical work such as mining.
c. In an era when effective contraception did not exist, further reason for the woman’s role as a career
is undoubtedly the fact that women constantly bore and breast-fed babies, thus confining them
physically to the home.
d. In most societies, even up to twentieth century, the work necessary to the survival of the family unit
and of the larger community was divided between the sexes, with men going out to hunt, or later to
earn money, while women remained at home to care for children and “keep house”.
e. In earlier times, when physical strength was important for survival, one can perceive a clear logic to
this division.
f. As these physically burdensome duties fell to her partner, the woman would inevitably be left with
those duties that centered on the home.
g. Traditionally, looking after children is a task that has been carried out by women.

Task 4.
Divide the following text into paragraphs:
Language and social reality. Does language create or simply communicate reality? Anthropological
linguists Edward Sapir and Benjamin Whorf have suggested that language not only expresses our
thoughts and perceptions but also influences our perception of reality. According to Sapir-Whorf
hypothesis, language shapes the view of reality of its speakers (Whorf, 1956; Sapir, 1961). If
people are able to think only through language then language must precede thought. If language
actually shapes the reality we perceive and experience, then some aspects of the world are viewed
as important and others are virtually neglected because people know the world only in terms of the
vocabulary and grammar of their own language. For example, the Eskimo language has over
twenty words associated with snow, making it possible for people to make subtle distinctions
regarding different types of snowfalls. A language such as English, which does not make these
distinctions, considers them less important. If language does create reality, are we trapped by our
language? Many social scientists believe that the Sapir-Whorf hypothesis overstates the
relationship between language and our thoughts and behavior patterns. While acknowledging that
language has many subtle meanings and that words used by people reflect their central concerns,
most sociologists contend that language may influence our behavior and interpretation of social
reality but does not determine it.

11
Structure of an Argumentative Essay2
An argumentative essay consists of four parts: an introduction, a presentation of you case, anticipating
objections and refuting them, and a conclusion.

a. Introduction
In most types of writing in the beginning a writer introduces the subject which he/she deals with. An
introduction usually starts with general and finishes with specific. The following elements commonly appear
in an effective introduction: the introductory statements should be interesting enough to make your reader
want to keep reading. You may present some data, figures or make a provocative statement. You also
should lead your reader into the topic and focus on the specific area you will be discussing so as to prepare
for your thesis statement. Your thesis statement is typically the last sentence of your first paragraph and it
serves as the controlling force of your essay. The argumentative thesis takes a side of an issue. Frequently,
too, it proposes a course of action often expressed with the modal should. For example in the argument for
physical education courses, the thesis for a paper on this topic might be – “universities should require their
students to take physical education courses”. It is important to remember that in English academic writing it
is normal and even desirable to tell your reader what side of an argument you are going to take. This is done
in your thesis statement.

b. Presenting your Case

Once you have laid the ground for the discussion in the introduction and outlined the position you intend to
adopt, the body of the essay is the arena in which you present your case and try to persuade your reader
that you are right. A well-presented case will convince the reader that because certain facts are true and
because certain beliefs are shared between writer and reader, the reader should therefore accept the writer’s
conclusions as being valid and acceptable.

The most common way of presenting a case in academic writing is to make an assertion or claim and then
provide evidence to support it, usually but not always in the form of facts or examples. It is equally possible,
however, to start with a review of evidence and a sample situation (support) and then to draw a conclusion
(claim) from them. The following paragraph from an essay on censorship provides an example of the “claim-
support” approach:

Censorship, by its very nature, goes against the principles of a democratic society. [Claim] It is fundamentally
undemocratic because it limits freedom of expression and allows the few to dictate what the many may – or
may not – view, read or listen to. [Support] For example, removing a controversial book from circulation in a
public library, for whatever reason, cuts its author off from a large number of readers who have no other way
to access the book. At the same time, the select group of individuals who decide to pull something off the
shelf is, in effect, telling the general public that it may not read the book. [These two examples develop the
supporting sentence]. This action, therefore, is more in keeping with a “dictatorship” than a democracy.
[Restatement of initial claim].

Behind these basic building blocks of claim and support lies the assumption on which a claim in based.
Assumptions are the philosophical or moral views we hope others in our society, including our reader, will
share. Most of the time, we hope that our reader will share our assumptions. If this is not the case, then we
will need to argue differently; our assumptions themselves will then become claims and will need to be
supported.

c. Anticipating objections
The conventions of English academic rhetoric, unlike those of some languages, require the writer at some
stage to acknowledge the opposing view. A common approach is to present your own views, then consider
critically the views of the opposition, though it is equally possible to start with the views you disagree with

2
Adapted from “Academic Writing for Graduate Students”, CEU Center for Academic Writing 2005

12
and criticize or reject them in order to make space for you own position. It may at first appear contradictory or
detrimental to your position to show the other side of the argument; however, there are a number of good
reasons for acknowledging the opposition:
• If you do not anticipate objections, you are deliberately suppressing the evidence against your case, and
this lack of objectivity will very likely lose you your reader’s sympathy. Remember that you are trying to
persuade your reader to agree with you, not deceive them agreeing.
• Your argument will have more credibility if you acknowledge the opposing side. As in any situation where
you are trying to persuade someone of something, there will be people who disagree with you. By
anticipating their objections and showing how those objections are less valid or well grounded than your
own views, or how your awareness of these views has led you to modify your position, you strengthen
your own case.
• The practice of including the opposition refines critical thinking, forcing you as a writer to situate yourself
within an ongoing debate and realize that other points of view not only exist, but also have validity.

Common techniques for dealing with objections

As a general rule, you should start by identifying the opposing position. It is worth doing this as thoroughly
and fairly as you can, given the space available, because misrepresenting or trivializing the opposing view is
likely to earn you the sympathy of only the most uncritical reader. Once you have stated the opposing view,
you will want to do one or more of the following:
• suggest solutions to the challenges that the opposing view poses to your argument.
• point out weaknesses or problems in the support or warrant underlying the opposing claim
• make concessions to the opposing view and suggest a compromise position or solution
The following example from an argumentative essay on censorship illustrates how anticipation of the
opposing argument can serve to strengthen your own thesis: several paragraphs are developed in which it is
argued that censorship is a “bad idea”, perhaps for several different reasons. Following this, the writer might
include a paragraph (or more) on the following lines, acknowledging the other side of the argument and
making some concessions:
While censorship is dangerous to free society, some of the concerned citizens who are in favour of
censorship may have valid points when they object that children should not be exposed to television
violence. [Concession made and an objection anticipated] Indeed, often there is too much violence on
television. [Concession and point of agreement] Perhaps the answer is for all networks to establish the same
guidelines of self-censorship. [Compromise solution offered] If the networks were more responsible and tried
to avoid material that is poor in taste, governmental officials, religious groups, and concerned parents might
not feel the need to be involved in their decisions at all.
The above paragraph might come after the introduction. Where you place the counter-argument, how much
space you devote to it and how you deal with it are just some of the choices you make when writing an
effective essay.

d. The Conclusion
Particularly as you have already said in the introduction which side you are going to take, many students are
often unsure what to write in the conclusion. The conclusion is a very important part of the essay because it
sums up the thesis and the evidence in favor of it, leaving your reader with a clear picture as to the position
you have taken and why. It is not advisable at this stage to start introducing new ideas that have not already
been raised in the body of the essay. It is also unwise to use your conclusion as a kind of “now here’s what I
think” section. By doing so, you are likely to give the impression that anybody can think whatever they want.
While this is in principle true, remember that your purpose is not just to tell your reader what you think, but to
persuade them that what you think is in fact a valid position that they might also wish to adopt, or at least
acknowledge. It is thus rather counterproductive at this stage to suggest that neither side is better than the
other.
Common features of a conclusion to an argumentative essay are:

13
Synthesis of the Argument: In the conclusion you should restate and summarize briefly the main points of
your argument. Try to show the reader how the points you made and the evidence and the examples you
used fit together to prove your argument.
Restatement of Thesis: Restate in other words and stress the importance of your original thesis statement as
the entire essay has been spent arguing and supporting this point.
Concluding statements: This section signals the end of the essay and leaves a final impression on the
reader. Below are some suggested approaches to writing concluding statements:
• Discuss the future of the subject at issue. This can emphasize the importance of your essay. It may also
help the reader to apply the new information or see things more globally.
• Give your reader something to think about, perhaps a way to use your essay in the “real” world
• Refer back to your introductory statements in order to “frame” your paper and bring the reader full circle
• Do not bring up a new subject which has not been discussed by you in the essay yet.

Task: Now look at the band-scale for an argumentative essay on the next page. Evaluate and grade the
sample essays that follow the bandscale, individually, and then compare your evaluation with another
student. When you have finished your discussion, write a short evaluation of each of the essays justifying the
grade you gave to each essay.

14
Band-scale for an Argumentative Essay

Excellent(5) Good(4) Poor(3) Unacceptable (0)

Introduction contains Introduction contains Introduction states the Thesis is vague or
detailed background some background thesis but does not unclear. Background
information, a clear information and states adequately explain the information is either
explanation or definition the thesis of the paper background of the missing or fails to
of the problem and a which is well developed. problem. There are explain the problem.
Structure/ development

well-developed thesis. Supporting paragraphs supporting ides which are There are supporting
The main paragraphs use may lack detail and not well-developed and paragraphs but they
clearly appropriate details development but ideas lack either detail or contain irrelevant
to support or illustrate the are relevant to prove the illustration. Refutation is information or lack
thesis. Refutation thesis. Refutation missing or vague. detail.
paragraph acknowledges paragraph is weak, Conclusion summarizes Refutation is missing.
the opposing views and because it does not the main points but is Conclusion is
summarizes the main effectively refute the repetitive. repetitive.
points effectively refuting opposing points.
them. May concede with Conclusion summarizes
one of them. Conclusion main points but there is
summarizes the main some repetition.
points without repetition.
Essay displays unity and The essay displays good Low level of unity and There is considerable
Unity and Coherence

coherence. Ideas flow unity and coherence, coherence. lack of unity and
logically and transition although there is some coherence
words are used lack in smooth flow of
appropriately. ideas.
Paragraphs develop topic Transition words are
adequately smoothly sometimes not
introducing new topic of adequately used.
another paragraph
Essay displays consistent Essay displays adequate Sentence structure is Simple sentence
facility in the use of but possibly inconsistent simple. There is no structure, noticeably
language, demonstrates facility with syntax. The variety. Contains inappropriate word
syntactic variety and word choice is mostly grammar errors and choice obscuring
Language

appropriate word choice. correct and does not inappropriate word meaning/understanding
Essay is free from obscure choice which sometimes . Accumulation of
grammar errors. meaning/understanding. obscure grammar errors.
Punctuation and Capitalization is correct. meaning/understanding.
Capitalization are correct. Some mistakes in
punctuation.

15
The following essays have been written by CSS students and contain different kinds of mistakes.

Sample Essay One

GLOBALIZATION – POSITIVE OR NEGATIVE?

If a person living in the beginning of the twentieth century or earlier could see today’s world with
all its opportunities of instant communication, easy travel to remote places, Internet and so on, I
believe he/she would be tremendously shocked. And there is nothing surprising about that.
Today’s world is really shocking! We have got accustomed to it, but the globalized world of a total
interdependence is really unprecedented phenomenon in history.
Much debate has been going on for a long time on whether the globalization is positive or
negative and still the society has no sure answer on that question. In this essay I will try to show
why globalization is more positive than negative, and why we should not refuse to take advantage
of the many benefits it brings, because of some potential harms.
Even the hard core opponents of globalization cannot deny that it has brought tremendous new
opportunities for our country. First, many talented Georgian students got the opportunity to pursue
their studies abroad through various international educational programs now operating in our
country or by directly applying to the colleges and universities through the Internet and so on. In
today’s world you do not even need to be physically present at some college to get degree from it;
you can simply study through the Internet (distant learning). All these have created the whole army
of western educated progressive young individuals in our country, who are good professionals and
eager to contribute to the development of their country. Second, globalization helps to develop
national science. After opening up our country for the global relationships Georgian science, mostly
humanities, has grown substantially. A lot of Georgian scholars in political science, psychology,
sociology, international relations, health care, etc, have gotten fellowships and grants from foreign
donor organizations to pursue their research/increase their qualification in Georgia or abroad. Also
a lot of original books have been published in this sphere and much more have been translated.
Third, finding foreign partners and making business with them has become much easier. One can
sell or buy various goods simply through the web. Many gifted Georgian entrepreneurs have set up
viable businesses in Georgia largely due to their ability to make connections with the foreign
partners and attract investments. The United Global Technologies (UGT) is a good example. This
very strong IT company started out 5 years ago as a small Georgian-American firm. Now its annual
budget exceeds 500,000 USD. Unfortunately, such examples are not many, because of internal
problems our country is experiencing, that create the unfriendly environment for foreign investors.
Obviously, in a normal situation the globalization and free access of Georgian firms to global
markets can bring our country a lot of good.
Globalization can help in several other ways as well. The most important is that the global
economic interdependence, the increased international travel and cultural exchange deepens the
global understanding and strengthens peace among nations.
The opponents of globalization say that it decreases the influence and importance of a national
state. Well, this can be hardly argued, but let us ask a main question: is the decay of a national
state that harmful for the individuals in this or that state, taking into account the benefits
globalization inevitably brings to this people? After all, the notion of a “national state” is pretty new
for the humanity. Its history starts after the treaty of Westphalia in 17th century. Before that people
identified themselves with their king, church, religion, or historically formed community, and not
with some abstract notion of a “national state”. The key element of their national identity was their
cultural unity. The very good example of this is our own history. Different parts of Georgia were

16
included in different states and kingdoms in various times, but Georgians always identified
themselves with their compatriots across the “borders” and not with Turks, Persians, Mongols, etc.
I think we should separate a national state and national culture/identity as two different, although
now closely interconnected, factors. The specific character of modern time makes it impossible for
the state to be the main determinant of individuals lives as it used to be centuries ago. And this
cannot be ascribed solely to globalization. It’s a historic regularity we cannot change. But what is
really important, to my mind, is the question, whether the globalization poses any threats to
national culture and identity/unity or not. Well this is very important argument of the opponents and
if it proves to be true, I will strongly oppose globalization myself. But I believe that the access to
various ideas and cultural attitudes helps to revitalize the national culture and makes it more
dynamic. So, I do not see any direct negative effects on identity. Although I cannot deny that there
might be some hidden and indirect ones, which may cause some problems in perspective. In order
to avoid this, it is absolutely necessary to come up with some mechanisms to regulate the
penetration of globalization into our country. The role of state is indispensable in that regard. Thus,
what I said above should not be understood as a total rejection of state as such. It remains very
important for the society despite the centrifugal tendencies of modernity.
In conclusion, I would say that the globalization is very complex and multifaceted phenomenon. It
is very difficult to affirm its solely positive or negative role. But I think it brings more positive results
to society in general than negative ones. And the main good thing is that it contributes to
development and peace. But to contain possible harms it might cause, such as crisis of national
identity, etc, it must be somehow restricted and regulated by the individual states.

Sample Essay Two

Globalization

Globalization is the process, which remains actual in the modern world. To globalization process is
typical the increase of mutual relations between countries and the hasten of economical, political
and cultural processes with an enormous quantity. But not every country and the culture is
participating equally in the process of globalization. People think that powerful countries have
some kind of advantage in the process of globalization and the small countries are losing their
independence quality and cultural originality. That is why most people in the world think, that what
small and weak countries could do against the globalization.
Problem of globalization is too hard for Georgia, this process is necessary for us but it is also
dangerous. After USSR Georgia had to live in such era when reinforcement of the globalization
process was so powerful. In that case it is incredible that Georgia will say no to all goodness that
comes with globalization. We should not be afraid of globalization, because we have so reach
cultural heritage and the potential to develop this culture. In this case globalization could not do
any harm to our national interests. On the other hand we should be involved in globalization with
economical development process. If we make the right choice about our economical, political and
geographical potential, we will get all that profit that comes with that process. And if we refuse to
globalization for its challenge, it will be negative for us.

17
In-class writing assignment:
The aim of this task is for you to write an argumentative essay. Everyone should write an essay
under the same title. The teacher will write several titles on the board3 and ask you to vote on the
one you prefer. The one that gets the most votes will be the one everyone writes. Below are some
suggested titles from different disciplines.

Society:
1. Is it ethical to withhold the truth from dying patients?
2. Should women have the same right to work as men?
3. Is advertising fundamentally deceptive?
4. Should tobacco advertising be banned?
5. Is bribery (or nepotism) ever justified?
6. Should the less developed countries be encouraged to develop high technology?
7. Does a mother’s job have a negative effect on children?
8. Is divorce always bad for children?
9. Is television viewing harmful for children?
10. Does drug testing violate civil rights?
11. Should tobacco smoking be more closely regulated?
12. Should soft drugs be legalized?

Society and Mass Media

13. Are Georgian values being shaped by mass media?
14. Does media coverage of war promote understanding of the issue?
15. Should pornography be protected as free speech?
16. Do Presidential TV ads manipulate voters?
17. Is public television serving public interest?
18. Can media technologies increase citizen participation?

Clashing views on controversial moral issues

19. Is feminism a positive value for society?
20. Does the society have an obligation to care for the less well off?
21. Is abortion immoral?
22. Should capital punishment be abolished?
23. Do rich nations have an obligation to help poor nations?

Political issues
24. Do we need a strong presidency?
25. Should Georgia be a parliamentary republic?
26. Does the government regulate too much?
27. Should we have lenient or tough approach to crime?
28. Do we need tougher gun control laws?
29. Must America be the world power?
30. Has the world become a more dangerous place to live?
31. Should the US abandon its superpower role?
32. Do nuclear weapons maintain peace after 9/11 or pose a threat?
33. Should Georgian government focus on restoration of territorial integrity?

3
The teacher should remember that the title of an argumentative essay should be arguable and that it is necessary to set
a time and word limit depending on the chosen topic.
18
 34. Should Georgian join the EU?
35. Is Islamic fundamentalism a threat to political stability?
36. Is self-determination a right of all nationalities?

Group peer evaluation model

1. Reading Aloud
The writer reads aloud the introduction twice. Other students in the group listen and take notes on:
A. Assumptions the writer had made;
B. Beliefs the writer holds (these can be explicitly stated or implied);
C. The tone of the introduction.
Note: Only the writer speaks during the activity. Others should listen and take notes, but not interrupt the
writer.

2. Silent Reflection
Others reflect on their notes in preparation for responding to the writer in two stages:
A. First, under the Principle of Charity: think of ways you can help the writer by suggesting what
direction the essay should take, as well as relevant evidence, examples or justification.
B. Next, under the Principle of Devil’s Advocacy:
Think of ways you can constructively criticize the writer by suggesting relevant reasons, examples and
evidence.

3. Structured Response
A. Students, in turn, apply the Principle of Charity (help the writer).
B. Students, in turn, apply the Principle of Devil’s Advocacy (give the writer constructive criticism).
Note: The writer does not speak during the activity. He/she should listen and take notes, but not interpret the
others as they respond. In addition, no discussion should take place.

4. The Writer Responds

The writer proposes his/her intentions in light of the Structured Response
Note: Only the writer speaks during the activity. There should be no discussion.

5. Repeat Steps 1 through 4 with the next writer.

19
 3. The Critique
Critique Syllabus
Class Topic Course Objectives

I Critical reading and critical Students are introduced to the course syllabus and band-scale
writing
Introduction to the main Students read and discuss the original article by M. Bunting “We
features of a critique have been here before” and a critique N1 and N2, write an outline
of the above critiques and become aware of the elements of a
critique.
II Paraphrasing Students become familiar with main conventions of paraphrasing,
and do related tasks.
III Summarizing Students become aware of distinction between paraphrasing,
summarizing and quoting. They read an article on “Cramming”
and analyze sample summaries.
IV Quoting Students are introduced to conventions of quoting
V Practice workshop on Students identify the main, key points and summarize the article
summarizing “Who are smarter – boys or girls” using the appropriate
techniques.
VI Evaluation-reflection Students are introduced to evaluative language. They will analyze
the article “Who are smarter” and assess evidence brought to
support claim, position themselves in relation to author’s ideas
and write their own evaluation.

What is a critique?
A critique is a close reading and written evaluation of a single academic text.4 Critique is a French word that
means critical assessment (positive, negative, or a mixture of both). Critique assignments are employed by
instructors for the following purpose:
• to try and ensure that students actually do reading assignments
• to assess the students’ understanding
• to develop skills of analytical/critical reading in their students
• to train graduate students to integrate the assigned reading with other reading they have done,
especially by making comparisons.
• to give students a better sense of the scholarly expectations in their chosen field.
The main component parts of a critique are: introduction, summary, evaluation and conclusion. In the first
part of a critique a writer introduces the topic. Summaries focus on an accurate account of the content of the
original article. Critiques require that students also learn to express their evaluative comments within their
field’s accepted standards of judgment. It is important that critique be fair and reasonable.
There is different emphasis on a critique in different fields. In the humanities, attention may focus on how
interesting the arguments are, in the social sciences on methodology or on the results of the study. The
present course restricts itself to teaching how to critique articles, but the skills acquired by the students
during this process will be useful for them in analysis of other types of academic texts such as chapters,
whole books, etc.

4
Swales, J. and Feak, C. (1994) “Academic Writing for Graduate Students”. USA: University of Michigan.
20
Task 1.
Below you are introduced to the critique syllabus and band-scale. You will read the article by M. Bunting “We
have been here before” and identify the key points. Then read Critique N1 and Critique N2 and write an
outline of each of them.

Band-Scale
Excellent Good Poor Acceptable Attempted
Unacceptable
Paper shows the writer's Paper reflects the writer's Paper reflects only Paper reflects
profound understanding good understanding of basic understanding of misunderstanding of
Comprehension

of the points in the given the assigned article the assigned article. the article. Writer is
article There are some unable to differentiate
misconceptions, main points.
reflecting rather
superficial
understanding
Writer exhibits excellent Writer is able to critically There is an attempted Writer fails to give
ability to identify key evaluate the key points, evaluation of the evaluation or
Evaluation

points. Paper reflects which is well reflected in assigned article. assessment

writer's critical thinking the paper Inappropriate or
about the article insufficient details to
support or illustrate
generalization
Clear, well-organized Paper is well-organized, There is an incoherent Serious disorganization
paper containing but may lack some clarity structure. Paper at this or non-development.
Structure

introduction, evaluation and coherence in a few level may even lack No continuity -jumping
and summary, including places conclusion. from one | point to
brief review of the main another
points and restatement of
the writer's evaluation
Writer shows excellent Paraphrasing of the main Noticeably Choice of words and
ability to express the points is good, but paper inappropriate tone - not tone. Accumulation of
author's position and key contains more references professional. Paper errors in sentence
Language

points in the article in the (words in parenthesis) contains some errors structure and syntax.
writer's own words. and quotations than it that obscure meaning Simple language word
Paper demonstrates should. Paper choice which does not
syntactic variety. It is demonstrates some correspond to |
error free and maintains syntactic variety and professional tone
professional tone range of vocabulary
Writer uses correct tone, Writer uses correct tone, There are some Does not follow the
Mechanics

spacing, maintains spacing, maintains fairly mistakes in choosing prescribed format.

appropriate length appropriate length either correct font,
spacing or length

21
We’ve been here before
Netties elbow aside their elders and lay claim to the future. People said just the same about nuclear power.

Madeleine Bunting
The Guardian, Thursday February 24, 2000
Thank God there are the first signs of internet heresy. The chorus of internet enthusiasm had
been drowning out all dissenting voices. As people rabbit on about how it will revolutionize the way
we live, work and play, it’s enough to make you choke over your keyboard. The infectious hysteria
generated by the net has many characteristics in common with evangelical Christians or Jehovah’s
Witnesses – that manic gleam in the eye of utter self-certainty. They have seen the future, it is
heavenly, and they are to inherit it. No wonder their eyes are shining: mine would be too on that
ticket.
If it is only a matter of abundant enthusiasm it would be forgivable, but it’s not. The more sinister
dimension of web mania is totalitarian. Opting out is not an option, we are sternly told. Massive
advertising of dot com companies is manipulating, goading, encouraging and intimidating us into
net literate. Keep up or else – the threat is deliberately vague. It is reminiscent of the ideologies of
the 30s in which millions of Russians and Germans were assured in huge propaganda exercises
that they were marching towards a new dawn.
That may sound rather exaggerated but there is a parallel. We have seized upon the net as the
Big Idea for the millennium... Just as we were told we had reached the end of history and the end
to competing political systems, the net began to balloon into a vast, utopian ideology. We junked
social engineering as an agent of achieving social justice with the collapse of communism and all
that was available to fill the vacuum was the net.
The underlying rationale was that while we may have given up on economic egalitarianism, in its
place we would put equal access to information. This is New Labor’s equivalent of Marie
Antoinette’s cake; for the unemployed or those in dead-end, badly paid jobs, “let them surf the net”.
One of the palpably false promises of this utopia is this claim to egalitarianism. Plenty of people
will get left behind in this revolution and in time that will give a whole, new, horrifying meaning to
social exclusion; if we all go online for our banking, you can forget the local bank branch. Without
access online, you’ll be back to stuffing your pound notes under the mattresses. The elderly will get
marginalized. Not to mention millions in the developing world still struggling to find the chalk for
blackboards, let alone a laptop.
The promise of utopian new down is promoted with a vested interest in the net – such as
advertising agencies who stand to gain from massive dot com advertising, investors making
millions in the biggest gold rush since the wild west, the manufacturers of the hardware, software
or the young turks who see scope for a thousand coup d’etats as the net literate revel in their rise
to power. Openly contemptuous of those scrambling to catch up, the netties take particular delight
in exposing the ignorance of their seniors, whom they are in the process of ousting; so the most
powerful, elder statesmen of an institution is ridiculed for fumbling his/her web.com, downloading
or emailing an attachment. The propaganda is that the net is a race, only winners count and boy,
oh boy, are there going to be a lot of losers.
This is not the first time we have put our faith in technology to deliver us a better future.
Remember Harold Wilson white heat rhetoric? The way we talk about the net now is not so
different from the excitement over nuclear power in the 50s, when it promised limitless, cheap,
clean fuel – and look at the mess we will be clearing up in Sellafield for centuries to come.
We should be able to manage a modicum of calm by now; we have had plenty of technological
revolutions in the past 150 years – railways, electricity, telephones, radios, television and rockets.
Compared to many of these, the internet is no big deal. Agreed it changed distribution system and
will revolutionize retailing, but so what? This is a difference of access and speed, not content.
I will be able to download a new novel on some fluorescent mobile phone one day, but what
difference does that make to the most important bit – the experience of actually reading it? None. I
may order my food, books and clothes over the net but the products are exactly the same; I don’t
necessarily gain much in convenience, because the advantages of shopping at midnight in bed (
surely there are better things to do there at that time?) are outweighed by the hassle of going to a
postal depot to pick the parcel up.

22
 Netties hate all this stuff. What about the speed, they cry. Just a few taps on the keyboard or the
phone pad and you have everything at your fingertips. This is the secret of our mass love affair
with the net: we have bought into a collective fantasy of omnipotence. We can have anything we
like in the world, and have it now. The truth of the matter is that you still have to pay for a lot of it
(air tickets and so on), and a lot of it is not worth having. But speed appears to compensate for
many shortcomings. Speed is about potency; doing things quickly is seen as having real value
because we are so time-poor.
We have fallen for all this before, as the New Statesman revealed in a superb quote: “The
inhabitant of London could order... sipping his morning tea in bed, the various products of the
whole earth and reasonably expect their early delivery upon his doorstep; he could at the same
moment and by the same means adventure his wealth in the natural resources and new enterprise
of any quarter of the world, and share, without exertion or even trouble, in their prospective fruits
and advantages.
This may sound like a great description of e-commerce and day trading, but it was JM Keynes in
1900 on the invention of the telephone. The omnipotent fantasy which has regained its hold on our
imagination is the combination of power with quick global reach without undue effort.
When your sandwich bag (there is no escape) tells you “in two minutes, once you’ve logged on to
the xxx.com website, you can get yourself a few quid”, it is holding out an offer of potency. It is
telling you that you can operate effectively and quickly in the marketplace. No wonder we are all
marching happily into this rosy dawn. What could be more seductive in a capitalist culture where
we so often feel powerless over our lives at home and work?
Eventually we will all wake up with a blistering e-hangover, our savings will have disappeared in
the dot com crash, we will have piles of parcels at the post office which we can’t be bothered to
pick up, we will have gone to the high street for clothes because nothing mail-ordered ever fitted
anyway, and we will have ranked in relative impact the internet revolution somewhere above
articulated lorries but well behind railways, the telephone and broadcasting.

Critique 1: Madeleine Bunting - We've been here before

Madeline Bunting's essay "We've been here before", published in the Guardian in 2000, focuses on the
impact of the internet or more precisely of the "hysteria generated by the net" in the present. In her opinion,
the enthusiasm about the net changed into a real totalitarian mania, and in future the development of is
technology can become a bad thing for humanity.
The author compares the propaganda supporting the development of the Internet with the nazi and
communist ideologies of the 30's, and like in any totalitarian ideologies the development of the Internet can
produce some important negative consequences. First of all the Internet development can lead to the
exclusion of people especially the elders even though the propaganda supporting the Internet claims that
this offer "equal access to information". In order to demonstrate this, Bunting gives the example of a person
unable to operate online for banking and thus obliged "to stuff his pounds notes under the mattress". Bunting
so argues that behind the words sustaining the net system there are many economic interests and the
promises of the net is nothing more than a Utopia.
Another argument against Internet, given by Bunting, is the fact that this is not the only case in which
humanity put its faith in technology in order to have a better future and failed. In this context, she makes an
analogy with the trust end the excitement over nuclear power in the 50's. Finally this huge technical
development heavily contaminated the environment. Thus compared to other technological development in
the past 150 years as railways, electricity, or the phone the Internet is not a important thing, without any
doubt the Internet technology is going to cause some changes but according to Madeline these are not so
important "is a difference of access and speed, not content". For example, the possibility to download a
novel, which is offered by the Internet, does not make much sense as long as the more important the
experience of actually reading it. The same thing is true of e-commerce. The advantage of saving time
buying at midnight online is an illusion because it outweighs by the disturbance of going to a postal depot to
picks up the parcels. Bunting points out ironically that there are better things to at midnight. Concluding the

23
advertising of the net utilities create "a collective fantasy of omnipotence" because this kind of propaganda is
much noise for nothing.
Evaluating Bunting's opinions, first of all the author exaggerates by considering that the web mania
totalitarian and comparable with communist and nazi ideologies. Similarly, as it is said in the title “we’ve been
here before” the fact that there are other cases in which man realized that he was wrong by sustaining the
development of a technology such as the nuclear power in the 50s, is not a sustainable argument against
internet development. Basically, the link between these two problems doesn’t make any sense. This means
the history is always going round and that the man is able to decide which phenomenon is the repetition a
terrible thing and which is the repetition of a good one.
In Bunting's argumentation the advantages offered by the Internet technologies are rejected. She tries to
show only the adverse parts of the Internet but even so the demonstration is unconvincing. Of course it is
more important to read a novel than to download and store it in the memory of a computer but the most
3ortant is to have access to that novel. The same thing is also happened with the e-commerce. The author
emphasizes to much the inconveniences of the e-commerce without mentioning that it can be an alternative
way to make shopping. For example it could be easier to buy by net a thing which cannot be found for
example in your town.
In conclusion, the way in which the author tries to demonstrate that the propaganda for the development of
the internet technology has become a totalitarian message ends up being a protest against the internet
facilities.

Critique 2: Critique of We've been here before by Madeleine Bunting

Madeleine Bunting is a columnist at The Guardian, one of the leading British dailies. Her essays mostly
cover social and politico-economical issues, usually focusing on global subjects. We’ve been here before is
one of her articles in this field, analyzing the impact of internet technology to the humanity as the hole.
The article argues that modern Internet technology is not going to change the world, although it has any
negative consequences for the global society. Bunting warns us, that we should not be so enthusiastic about
the new virtual era. She suggests that it brings many threats and has a little to offer in return. She maintains
that the Internet is used almost solely for profit raising reasons. The World Wide Web is nothing it a tool in
the hands of multinational corporations, which use it to further expand their business. According Bunting,
another negative side of the e-revolution is that it does not narrow, but on the contrary, widens a social gap.
Bunting argues that the ones who stay out of the "dot com" world are inevitably left behind and socially
excluded. She maintains that we should be concentrating on social problems in our as well as other
societies, rather than further developing the e-world. Bunting also emphasizes that the web-revolution is not
going to change the basis of our lives. "This is not the first time we have put our faith in technology to liver us
a better future", she says. She argues that the net is only "a vast Utopian ideology" created to fill the vacuum
of social justice. To summarize, Internet is not solving our problems, but is creating a new ones.
It is clear that the essay is strongly directed towards its audience - supporters of the left political spectrum.
Although Bunting clearly identifies contemporary social problems, she is not always able to support her
arguments and to suggest any viable options how to solve those issues. Furthermore, she faultily links all the
problems with Internet technology. The author gives us a false analogy, comparing Internet to totalitarian
mania. On the contrary, Internet fights totalitarism, helping to open borders and gives an opportunity for the
citizens of the dictatorships to reach the free world. Internet users are not a sect, as the author suggests. It is
neither a religion, nor a Utopia; it is only a means of communication and data transfer, Bunting also
exaggerates threats and ignores positive sides of the Internet. Computer technologies are not merely a tool
to raise profit. Yes, they help to foster business, but also serve as a powerful tool for non-profit
communication and education. Bunting ignores the fact that modern technologies help us to communicate in
seconds for a very low price, as well as to save money and paper reading online newspapers, creating virtual
exhibitions, publishing online books and organizing e-conferences.

24
 Bunting also presents us a false dilemma and makes her readers to choose between social justice and
met. According to her, computer technologies create a social gap. However, she leaves us with a false
dilemma, namely, either stay connected and be enslaved in a world of transnational corporations or help the
elderly and the third world. Therefore her readers might never conceive that internet technologies give us an
opportunity to work from home, help to socially integrate the elderly and the disabled, and is an easily
accessible source of knowledge. In contrast to the author's view, spread of Internet technology and computer
liteacy helps to solve many social problems rather than creating new ones.
In summary, Bunting correctly identifies some of the contemporary social problems, but does not give ay
suggestions how to solve them. She only leaves us with an assumption that ''internet hysteria" is not going to
change the way we live and denies the advantages of Internet and dooms the world to a "dot com crash".
Nevertheless, she is right by stating that only form, but not content is changing. Hence, if Ms. Bunting admits
that the computer is not a monster, why should she be afraid of it and think about technology in categories of
the beginning of the 19l century, as the Luddites did?

Paraphrasing
Task: To understand distinction between quoting, paraphrasing and summarizing.
Quotation must be identical to the original, using a narrow segment of the source. They must match the
source words for words and must be attributed to the original author.
Paraphrasing involves putting a passage from source material into your own words. A paraphrase must be
also attributed to the original source. Paraphrased material is usually shorter than the original passage,
taking a somewhat broader segment of the source and condensing it slightly.
Summarizing involves putting the main ideas into your own words, including only the main points. Once
again it is necessary to attribute summarized ideas to the original source. Summaries are significantly shorter
than the original and take a broad overview of the source material.
Quotations, paraphrases and summaries serve many purposes. You might use them to:
1. provide support for claims and add credibility to your writing
2. refer to work that leads up to the work you are now doing.
3. give examples of several points of view on a subject
4. call attention to a position that you wish to agree or disagree with
5. highlight a particularly striking phrase, sentence or passage by quoting the original
6. distance yourself from the original by quoting it in order to inform readers that the words are not your own
7. expand the breadth of depth of your writing
Writers often intertwine summaries, paraphrases and quotations.

Writing Paraphrases
Often in doing academic work, you will find yourself needing information from material (source) to use in
some form in a paper you are writing. Paraphrasing is using your own words to report someone else’s
material or ideas. A paraphrase allows you to use another writer’s material to support a point you are making
in your own work without using the other writer’s exact wording.

When to use paraphrasing

When you want to change the style or the language used in the original, either to make it easier to
understand or to make it fit better in your own piece of writing.

Difference between a paraphrase and summary

Unlike a summary, a paraphrase is usually a bit shorter than the original and both the words and the
sentence structure of the original are changed.

25
Steps to Effective Paraphrasing:
1. reread the original passage until you understand its full meaning.
2. set aside the original and write your paraphrase
3. check your rendition with the original to make sure that your version accurately expresses all the
essential information in a new form.
4. use quotation marks to identify any unique term or phraseology you have borrowed exactly from the
source.
5. record the source (including the page) on your note card so that you can credit it easily if you decide
to incorporate the material into your paper.

Some examples to compare:

The original passage:
Students frequently overuse direct quotation in taking notes, and as a result they overuse quotations in the
final (research) paper. Probably only about 10% of your final manuscript should appear as directly quoted
matter. Therefore you should strive to limit the amount of exact transcribing of source materials while taking
notes.
Lester, James D. Writing research papers. 2nd ed. (1976): 46-47.

A legitimate paraphrase:
In research papers students often quote excessively, failing to keep quoted material down to a desirable
level. Since the problem usually originates during note taking, it is essential to minimize the material
recorded verbatim (Lester 46-47).

An acceptable summary:
Students should take just a few notes in direct quotation from sources to help minimize the amount of quoted
material in a research paper.

A plagiarized version:
Students often use too many direct quotations when they take notes, resulting in too many of them in the
final research paper. In fact, probably only about 10% of the final copy should consist of directly quoted
material. So it is important to limit the amount of source material copied while taking notes.
The following stages may be useful in paraphrasing:
1. Read and understand the text.
2. Make a list of the main ideas
a. Find the important ideas – the important words/phrases. In some way mark them – write
them down, underline or highlight them.
b. Find alternative words/synonyms for these words/phrases – do not change specialized
vocabulary and common words. Sometimes the original may contain a non-technical
expression that you find particularly striking. In this case you do not need to change that
special expression, but put quotation marks around it to show that you are using exactly the
same words as the original.
3. Change the structure of the text
a. Identify the meaning relationship between words/ideas – e.g. cause/effect, generalization,
contrast.
b. Express these relationships in a different way.
c. Change the grammar of the text, change nouns to verbs, adjectives to adverbs, etc., break
up long sentences, combine short sentences.
4. Rewrite the main ideas in complete sentences. Combine your notes into a piece of continuous
writing.
5. Check your work.

26
 a. Make sure the meaning is the same.
b. Make sure the style is your own.

Example 1:5
“It has long been known that Cairo is the most populous city on earth, but no one knew exactly how populous
it was until last month”.

Paraphrase:
Although Cairo has been the world’s most heavily populated city for many years, the precise population was
not known until four weeks ago.

Example 2:
“In 1972 Charles Berlin and a partner opened a hazardous waste incinerator. Often it was overloaded,
smothering (creating a dense cloud of dust, smog) the countryside in acrid smoke so dark and dense that
firemen on the horizon would take it for blazing houses and race over”.
Here is a part of a paper on the problem of getting rid of toxic waste. In this section of the paper the writer is
trying to show that burning waste has negative effects on the environment. If you need to use for example
the first sentence in your writing, you can do it in the following way:
Your writing is: “...While it is obvious that poisonous materials which may be the by-products of
manufacturing must be destroyed somehow, we must be very careful of how we destroy them. Otherwise we
may find ourselves in a situation like that of a small town in New England in 1972, when a plant. owned and
operated by Charles Berlin and another man, was built to burn hazardous waste.
Notice that hazardous waste does not have to be changed because this is a technical expression. Although
you must normally change the original wording, you may use a technical term from the original if there is no
word to substitute for it.

5
Adapted from Leki, I. (1998). Academic Writing. Exploring Processes and Strategies. UK: Press Syndicate of the
University of Cambridge.

27
Practice Exercises in Paraphrasing

Task. On a separate piece of paper, write a paraphrase of each of the following passages. Try not to look at
the answers on the next page. After you have finished paraphrasing, check your version with the Possible
Exercise Answers. Notice how the sources are documented. More information about documenting sources is
given in Chapter on APA Format. At this stage you do not need more information because you are studying
critique of a single article.
A. “The Antarctic is the vast source of cold on our planet, just as the sun is the source of our heat, and
it exerts tremendous control on out climate,” Jacques Cousteau told the camera. “The cold ocean
water around Antarctica flows north to mix with warmer water from tropics, and its upwelling help to
cool both the surface water and our atmosphere. Yet the fragility of this regulating system is now
threatened by human activity”. From “Captain Cousteau”, Audubon (May 1990):17.
B. “The twenties were the years when drinking was against the law, and the law was a bad joke
because everyone knew of a local bar where liquor could be had. They were the years when
organized crime ruled the cities, and the police seemed powerless to do anything against it.
Classical music was forgotten while jazz spread throughout the land, and men like Bix Beiderbecke,
Lousi Armstrong, and Count Basie became the heroes of the young. The flapper was born in the
twenties, and with her bobbed hair and short skirt, she symbolized, perhaps more than anyone or
anything else, America’s break with the past. “ From Kathleen Yancey, English 102 Supplemental
Guide (1989):25.
C. Of the more than 100 bicycling deaths each year, three-fourths are caused by head injuries. Half of
those killed are school-age children. One study concluded that wearing a bike helmet can reduce the
risk of head injury by 85 percent. In an accident, a bike helmet absorbs the shock and cushions the
head”. From “Bike Helmets: Unused Lifesavers,” Consumer Reports (May 1990):348.
D. “Matisse is the best painter ever at putting the viewer at the scene. He’s the most realistic of all
modern artists, if you admit the feel of the breeze as necessary to a landscape and the smell of
oranges as essential to a still life. “The Casbah Gate” depicts the well-known gateway Bab el Aassa,
which pierces the southern wall of the city near the sultan’s palace. With scrubby coats of ivory,
aqua, blue, and rose delicately fenced by the liveliest gray outline in art history, Matisse gets the
essence of a Tangier afternoon, including the subtle presence of the bowaab, the sentry who sits
and surveys those who pass through the gate”. From Peter Plagens, “Bright Lights”. Newsweek (26
March 1990): 50.
E. While the Sears Tower is arguably the greatest achievement in skyscraper engineering so far, it’s
unlikely that architects and engineers have abandoned the quest for the world’s tallest building. The
question is: Just how high can a building go? Structural engineer William LeMessurier has designed
a skyscraper nearly one-half mile high, twice as tall as the Sears Tower. And architect Robert Sobel
claims that existing technology could produce a 500-story building”. From Ron Bachman, “Reaching
for the Sky.” Dial (May 1990): 15.

28
Practice in Paraphrasing: Possible Exercise Answers
A. According to Jacques Cousteau, the activity of people in Antarctica is jeopardizing a delicate natural
mechanism that controls the earth's climate. He fears that human activity could interfere with the
balance between the sun, the source of the earth's heat, and the important source of cold from
Antarctic waters that flow north and cool the oceans and atmosphere ("Captain Cousteau" 17).
B. During the twenties lawlessness and social nonconformity prevailed. In cities organized crime
flourished without police interference, and in spite of nationwide prohibition of liquor sales, anyone
who wished to buy a drink knew where to get one. Musicians like Louis Armstrong become favorites,
particularly among young people, as many turned away from highly respectable classical music to
jazz. One of the best examples of the anti-traditional trend was the proliferation of young "flappers,"
women who rebelled against custom by cutting off their hair and shortening their skirts (Yancey 25).
C. The use of a helmet is the key to reducing bicycling fatalities, which are due to head injuries 75% of
the time. By cushioning the head upon impact, a helmet can reduce accidental injury by as much as
85%, saving the lives of hundreds of victims annually, half of whom are school children ("Bike
Helmets" 348).
D. Matisse paintings are remarkable in giving the viewer the distinct sensory impressions of one
experiencing the scene first hand. For instance, "The Casbah Gate" takes one to the walled city of
Tangier and the Bab el Aassa gateway near the Sultan's palace, where one can imagine standing on
an afternoon, absorbing the splash of colors and the fine outlines. Even the sentry, the bowaab
vaguely eyeing those who come and go through the gate, blends into the scene as though real
(Plagens 50).
E. How much higher skyscrapers of the future will rise than the present world marvel, the Sears Tower,
is unknown. However, the design of one twice as tall is already on the boards, and an architect,
Robert Sobel, thinks we currently have sufficient know-how to build a skyscraper with over 500
stories (Bachman 15).

29
Quotation6
In quoting you are using not only another author’s ideas or material but also that author’s exact words. When
you are asked to write a critique on a particular article you will probably summarize most of it, paraphrase
especially important points and quote section that not only are important but that have been written in an
especially striking way.
On the other hand when you are asked to develop your own ideas, you may use another writer’s material to
support your ideas. But you should remember that your paper should not become simply a collection of ideas
and quotations from other sources. Use paraphrases and quotations to support your points not to substitute
them.
Quoting a source is somewhat complicated because of all the conventions that must be followed. In the
simplest form when you use someone else’s exact words, you put quotation marks on either side of the
quoted material. The quotation marks are placed after the final period “------------------------“.
How to introduce a short quotation: if the quotation is relatively short, the brief introduction works:

Example: The ancient Greeks never saw a need to justify wars that were waged outside the walls of the city
state. As Hannah Arendt points out in On Revolution,
“we must turn to Roman antiquity to find the first justification of war, together with the first notion that there
are just and unjust wars”. Yet the Roman conception of a just war differs sharply from more modern
conceptions.
You could, however, strengthen your analysis by demonstrating the significance of the passage within your
own argument, introducing your quotation with a full sentence would help you assert greater control over the
material.

Example:
The Ancient Greeks never saw a need to justify wars that were waged outside the walls of the city state. In
On Revolution, Hannah Arendt points to the role of the Romans played in laying the foundation for later
thinking about the ethics of waging war: “we must turn to Roman antiquity to find the first justification of war,
together with the first notion that there are just and unjust wars” (12). Yet the Roman conception of a just war
differs sharply from more modern conceptions.
Observe the punctuation used to introduce the quotation. When you introduce a quotation with a full
sentence, you should always place a colon : at the end of the introductory sentence. When you introduce a
quotation with an incomplete sentence, you usually place a comma after the introductory phrase:

Example:
Arendt writes: “we must turn to Roman antiquity to find justification of war...”

Example:
Arendt writes that “we must turn to Roman antiquity to find the first justification of war...”
How to let your reader know that you have altered your sources:
If you need to alter your quotation in any way, be sure to indicate just how you have done so. If you remove
text, then replace the missing text with an ellipsis ...

Example:
In the Mirror and the Lamp, Abrahams comments that the “diversity of aesthetic theories .... makes the task
of the historian a very difficult one” (5).
Do not use ellipses if you are merely borrowing a phrase from the original:

6
Adapted from Leki, I. (1998). Academic Writing. Exploring Processes and Strategies. UK: Press Syndicate of the
University of Cambridge.

30
Example:
In “The Gettysburg Address” Abraham Lincoln reminds his listeners of the principles that had inspired the
creation of a “new nation” (1).
If you need to alter or replace text from the original, enclose the added text within square brackets. You may,
for example, need to alter text to ensure that pronouns agree with their antecedents.
Do not write: Gertrude asks her son Hamlet to “cast your nighted color off” (1.2.68).
Square brackets allow you to absorb Gertrude’s words into your own statement: Gertrude asks her son
Hamlet to “cast [his] nighted color off” (1.2.68).
The following verbs are commonly used to introduce quotations:
argues writes points out
maintains suggests insists
states claims demonstrates
concludes comments notes
observes counters implies
says explains reveals
There are other ways to begin quotation:
In the words of X,...
According to X,...
In the X’s view
Finally if you are quoting more than about 50 words or three lines (which is not recommended in a critique),
separate the quoted lines from your own text by indenting the entire quote, notice that when the quotation is
set off in this way, quotation marks are not used. (a block quotation). In the Word you need five spaces on
both the left and the right sides and centered on the page.

Task:
Find examples of quotations in Critique 1 and 2. What is the purpose of each quotation? How are the
quotations introduced? Are there examples of strengthening the writer’s opinion, striking phrases that the
writer wants to retain or “scare quotes”. How are they integrated into the writing?

Summaries and how not to plagiarize

Summaries involve shortening the original and capturing the key ideas. When you want to include only the
main ideas from another author’s work it will probably be appropriate to summarize the information.
You should understand something about using published sources. What authors write, their ideas and their
words are considered to be their property. If you want to use someone else’s ideas or words it is important in
academic writing to give credit, or to write whose ideas, words you are using. If you do not follow conventions
of quoting and giving credit you are considered to be stealing or plagiarizing someone else’s ideas, words or
sentences. Plagiarism is considered quite a serious offense.
Ilona Leki suggests that to write a good summary, you should keep the following in mind:7
1. read the original carefully
2. mention the source and the author at the beginning of the summary
3. state the author’s main ideas without distorting them or adding your own
4. state the author’s most important supporting evidence or subpoints without distorting them. Do not
include details.
5. Use your own wording. Occasionally, however, a phrase in the original may be especially striking,
interesting or controversial. In this case you may use the author’s exact words if you put quotation
marks around them (see the previous chapter on quoting).
6. Do not include your own ideas or comments. The summary should include only the author’s ideas.
7. Periodically remind the reader that you are summarizing someone else’s ideas.

7
From Leki, I. (1998). Academic Writing. Exploring Processes and Strategies. UK: Press Syndicate of the University of
Cambridge.

31
Task 1:
Read the text below and summarize it in one sentence. As with most summaries use present tense. Then
label each paragraph with a subheading indicating the subject discussed in that paragraph. The first three
paragraphs have been done for you. When you have finished, compare your subheadings with those of your
classmates. If the headings for any paragraph are quite different from you peer’s version, reread that
paragraph and select the heading that best states the subject of the paragraph.

The Dangers of Cramming

Midnight, and the spiral notebook is barely half full. The rest of its pages, scribbled with organic chemistry
equations, litter the dormroom floor. Every few minutes the figure hunched over the desk tears away another
page, having memorized as much as he can, and passes it on to his friend. And thus the two roommates
continue all night, dropping the pages to the carpet after each has absorbed his fill.
Welcome to the all-night cramming session, which most students resort to at some desperate point in
their college careers. Armed with the energy of youth, they simply ignore their bodies’ cries for sleep, trying
to fend off fatigue with doses of coffee or, occasionally, drugs. Teachers and parents have long argued that
cramming does more harm than good – and the latest research into sleep needs and patterns suggests that
they are right.
For some people, disruptions in the regular sleep cycle can cause temporary intellectual lapses – and
stimulants can set off severe side effects. Thus, for every student who manages to memorize the chemical
synthesis of bona-S-rubber at 5 a.m. and then triumphantly finds that precise question on his test at 9, there
are more than a few who lament the “obvious” answers they blew on a multiple-choice exam because they
“just couldn’t focus”. The outcome of all-nighters is unpredictable because the impact of sleep loss varies
widely. “Some people are markedly impaired by even a small decrease in sleep time”, says David Buchholtz,
a neurologist and sleep therapist at The Johns Hopkins Hospital in Baltimore, “while others can go without
sleep for a few nights without any demonstrable loss of performance”. People also have vastly different
minimum requirements: a full night’s rest can range from 4 to 10 hours. It is critical, experts stress, for each
person to know how much sleep he needs.
Heavy use of stimulants can compound the problem. Many students assume that large quantities of
coffee or a few amphetamines will increase alertness; they don’t. In fact, stimulants merely disguise – briefly
– a reduced capacity to grasp, retain, and retrieve information. “Caffeine does not correct the cognitive
impairment caused by lost sleep”, Buchholtz says. “A person may be awake, but he’ll have to deal with
intellectual deficit, and concentration won’t be there. He can actually have “microsleeps” and stare at the
same word for five minutes."
Nor are unpredictable naps the only penalty of substance abuse. Coffee drinkers should watch out for
Caffeine Intoxication Syndrome, an onset of anxiety, panic, headaches and a frustrating inability to sleep.
Most people would have to drink about 10 cups to fall into this condition, but some are so sensitive that it can
hit them after only 2 to 3 cups. Speed [an amphetamine] is far more hazardous. Overdoses can lead to
auditory hallucinations and paranoia. In addition, according to Larry Alessi, assistant professor of psychiatry
at The Johns Hopkins Medical School, "if someone uses speed for many weeks and then stops, he may
'crash' into severe depression."
Unless a person abuses his body with stimulants, he should be able to snap back fairly quickly from an all-
nighter. One full night of rest will usually produce complete recovery from up to 48 hours of sleep deprivation;
normal, healthy people have been known to stay awake for as long as a week without lasting ill effects. On
the second night, there is usually an increase in REM (rapid eye movement) sleep, the phase in which
dreaming occurs. Normally, REM sleep is beneficial, but some people report particularly graphic and
disturbing nightmares associated with a sudden increase in REM.
Then there are the problems of students who want to get a good night's sleep before an exam but just
can't. Stress often promotes insomnia. It may cause the reticular activating system, the structure in the brain
that is responsible for alertness, to stay on too long; this prevents sleep-inducing mechanisms from doing
their job. What do experts advise a student who finds himself tossing and turning for a half hour or so on the

32
eve of a test? He should get up and try an ordinarily relaxing activity, like snacking or watching television,
until he is tired. Some people find that making notes about what's worrying them can exorcise those
concerns until the morning.
Sleeping too much, authorities agree, should not worry most people. Even after an extended night of
"rebound" sleep, the brain arouses itself when its needs have been fulfilled. Clinically depressed people do
often retreat into slumber to avoid the waking hours, but true clinical depression is accompanied by other
noticeable symptoms such as loss of appetite, decreased self-esteem and even thoughts of suicide.
In the end, the best formula to follow when finals arrive is one that students have been taught for years—
moderation. There will surely be times when excelling, or perhaps just passing, requires pushing bedtime
back, but any major changes in sleep patterns should be made cautiously. As Buchholtz suggests, “The key
is keeping perspective and not ever overdoing it”.
(Keith Ablow, Newsweek on Campus, May 1985, p.9) 8
Label each paragraph with a subheading indicating the subject discussed in that paragraph. The first three
paragraphs have been done for you.
1. introduction – description of a cramming session
2. cramming, more harm than good
3. temporary mental lapses
4. ________________________________________
5. _________________________________________
6. _________________________________________
7. _________________________________________
8. _________________________________________
9. _________________________________________
10. _________________________________________

Task 2:
Now write a short summary (100 to 150 words) of this article. Remember that the summary should be in the
present tense. Begin by mentioning the original source. Here are possible ways to include the source:
In his article entitled “The Dangers of Cramming”, Keith Ablow informs us that ..
states
claims
shows us
Or:
In “The Dangers of Cramming”, Keith Ablow indicates
discusses
explores
Or:
The article “The Dangers of Cramming” by Keith Ablow examines the negative effects ....
Continue the summary, using your list of subheadings and your groupings as a guide to help you remember
the main points covered in the article. At least once in your summary, remind your readers that you are
summarizing by using a phrase like the following:
The author goes on to say ...
Or:
Ablow also reports that...
Or:
The article further states that....

8
Reprinted from Leki, I. (1998). Academic Writing. Exploring Processes and Strategies. UK: Press Syndicate of the
University of Cambridge.

33
Task 3:9
Read the following summaries of this article. Each summary has good features and some weaknesses. Look
back to the section which contains the points to keep in mind to write a good summary. After you have
finished reading each summary, list its strong and weak features.

Summary 1
In “The Dangers of Cramming”, Keith Ablow explains that students who try to stay up all night studying for
exams are probably doing themselves more harm than good. Most of these students did not bother to study
hard enough during the term and when exams come they feel they have to try to catch up and learn
everything all once. The problem with disrupting normal sleep patterns in this ay is that the students may fall
into a temporary intellectual lapse, id after the exam the next day they lament the obvious answers they blew
because they just couldn't focus. Ablow points out that using stimulants to stay awake can be dangerous
because they can cause unexpected side effects. On the other hand, most young people can recover from
an "all-nighter with one good night's sleep. Some students suffer from not being able to fall asleep when they
re nervous and others may worry about sleeping too much, but the author advises moderation and regular
sleeping habits as the best

Summary 2
Contrary to what many students think, staying up all night to studying for an exam is not very efficient. Such
a disruption in sleeping habits can actually make the student less mentally alert the next day and cause
"microsleeps," in which the student cannot concentrate. Taking drugs to help stay awake can cause
"Caffeine Intoxication Syndrome" with accompanying headaches and feelings of anxiety, according to
neurologist and sleep therapist David Buchholtz of The Johns Hopkins Hospital in Baltimore. Although for
most people it would probably take at least 10 cups of coffee to produce this syndrome, some people are so
sensitive that they can develop unpleasant side effects with only 2 or 3 cups of coffee. In most young people
other kinds of sleep disorders are rare or temporary and one good night's sleep can get them back to normal.
As with many other things, the best advice is to not make major and drastic changes in sleeping habits and
always think in terms of moderation.

Summary 3
According to Keith Ablow in The Dangers of Cramming," if you stay up all night trying to study for an exam, you may
find yourself the next morning actually less prepared for the exam than if you had just gone to bed, gotten a good
night's sleep, and taken your chances with the exam. The reason is that major disruptions in sleep patterns can
cause a lack of mental alertness, so that even if you studied for the exam you may not be able to remember much
the next day. Furthermore, no matter what people say about not needing much sleep, scientists know that everyone
needs a good night’s sleep before a big day, usually 7-9 hours. Stimulants used to help students stay up all night
may trick the students into feeling awake even when their minds are going to sleep on them and they stare vacantly
for minutes at a time. In addition, even mild stimulants such as caffeine can cause unpleasant side effects if taken in
too great a quantity. Moderation is the watch word. Study during the whole term, not just before the exam; you are
sure to do better in school if you don't overdo it.

Summary 1
Strong points Weak points
1. _______________________ 1. _______________________
2. _______________________ 2. _______________________
3. _______________________ 3. _______________________
4. _______________________ 4. _______________________

9
Task adapted from original material in Leki, I. (1998). Academic Writing. Exploring Processes and Strategies.UK: Press
Syndicate of the University of Cambridge.

34
Summary 2
Strong points Weak points
1. _______________________ 1. _______________________
2. _______________________ 2. _______________________
3. _______________________ 3. _______________________
4. _______________________ 4. _______________________

Summary 3
Strong points Weak points
1. _______________________ 1. _______________________
2. _______________________ 2. _______________________
3. _______________________ 3. _______________________
4. _______________________ 4. _______________________

Sample Answers:
Summary One: It begins by properly citing the title and the author of the article, but sentence 2 “Most of the
students did not bother to study hard enough during the term and when exams come they feel they have to
catch up and learn everything at once” – editorializes (introduces an opinion into facts).
Sentence 3 “The problem with disrupting...” This sentence uses words directly from the original but the
summary does a good job of correctly interpreting and focusing on the major points of the original.
Summary Two: The author and the title of the article are not mentioned at the beginning. The summary
contains too much detail (the name and affiliation of the doctor; the number of cups of coffee needed to
produce side effects). The main idea is interpreted correctly, however.
Summary Three: Although summary three cites the author and the title correctly, the first sentence “if you
stay up all night trying to study...” and the third sentence “Furthermore, no matter what people say about not
needing much sleep, scientists know that everyone needs a good night’s sleep before a big day, usually 7-9
hours” these sentences contain inappropriate editorial comments with misinterpretation (7-9 hours) The rest
of the summary correctly interprets the original until the last sentence “study during the whole term, not just
before the exam; you are sure to do better in school if you don’t overdo it” – this sentence again editorializes.

Task 4:
Summarize the article “Who are smarter – boys or girls”. Read the original carefully. Your summary should
not exceed 150 words. After you have finished writing exchange summaries with your peer. Evaluate each
other’s summaries using the following guidelines:
1. Is the source given correctly at the beginning of a summary
2. Do you agree with your peer’s notion of the main idea
3. How did your peer express the main idea
4. How did you express it?
5. Are the main subtopics included?
6. What are they?
7. Are there any details that can be eliminated?
8. Are there any editorial remarks or misinterpretations?

35
Who Are Smarter—Boys or Girls?
Scientists Probe the Roots of Abilities That Seem Linked to Sex
Before you read, consider the following questions:
1. If you went to a coeducational school as a child, did boys or girls generally seem smarter? Were
boys or girls generally better behaved? What do you imagine was the reason for this?
2. Who is better in math, boys or girls? Who is better in language? Who is more sensitive? Who is
more aggressive these characteristics innate, or do children learn to behave in certain ways? Are
there exceptions? What happens to the exceptions?
This reading from Current Science discusses the different between boys and girls in the United States from
the point o of intelligence. It points out that girls start school more prepared physically and mentally than
boys. Later, however, men get better jobs. The reading explores the idea that society teaches little boys to
be independent and aggressive even from the time they are very young. Little girls are taught to be
dependent and obedient; society does not reward them for being aggressive and pendent. Little girls
respond by not developing that side of their nature, while boys do not develop the gentle side of their nature.
Only boys are good at science.
Girls have better vocabularies than boys.
Girls have good memories.
Boys are good at building things.
Now wait. Don't start those letters to the editors ye may not like what you've just read. But it's true. There
are exceptions, but here are the facts. On the average, males score higher on tests that measure
mathematical reasoning, mechanical aptitude, and problem-solving ability. Females show superior ability in
tests measuring vocabulary, spelling, and memory
Although these test scores are the facts, they are n< changeable—not anymore. For scientists are learning
U one is locked into certain abilities at birth because of sex one scientist, "Nothing is impossible for a human
being to be or to do if he or she really wants it."
Studying the Baby. Scientific studies have focused on observing and testing young babies to trace the
development of different abilities.
A scientific team headed by Jerome Kagan, Harvard psychologist, is studying the thinking ability of ll'/2-
month-old children. The test is a simple one. The baby, while seated on its mother's lap, watches a "show"
on a puppet theater stage.
In Act I of the show an orange cube is lifted from a blue box and moved across the stage in a zigzag path.
Then it is returned to the box. This is repeated six times. Act II is similar, except that the orange block is
smaller. Baby boys do not react at all to the difference in the size of the cube, but girls immediately begin to
babble and become excited.
The scientists interpret the girls' babbling and excitement as meaning they are trying to understand what
they have just seen. They are wondering why Act II is odd and how it differs from Act I. In other words, the
little girls are reasoning.
This experiment certainly does not definitely prove that girls start to reason before boys. But it provides a
clue that scientists would like to study more carefully. Already it is known that bones, muscles, and nerves
develop faster in baby girls. Perhaps it is early nerve development that makes some infant girls show more
intelligence than infant boys.
Scientists have also found that nature seems to give another boost to girls. It is usual to find baby girls
talking at an earlier age than boys do. Scientists think that there is a physical reason for this. They believe
that the nerve endings in the left side of the brain develop faster in girls than they do in boys. And it is this
side of the brain that strongly influences an individual's ability to use words, spell, and remember things.
By the time they start school, therefore, little girls have a head start on boys. Memorizing, spelling, and
reading are just what they're good at.
Boys Learn Aggression. But what has been happening to baby boys all this time? They have been
developing that secret weapon called aggression. This secret weapon makes them strivers, go-getters,
independent.

36
 What produces this aggression in little boys? Male hormones play a part. But the mother seems to make
the biggest contribution.
A team of psychologists discovered this by placing mothers and their one-year-old babies in a special
observation room filled with toys. Then they took notes on everything the mothers or babies did. This is a
sample of those notes, taken during the observation of a boy and his mother.
“Baby learns against mother. Looks up at her. She speaks to him. She turns him around. He walks away,
picks up a toy cat. Goes to mother, drops cat, and leans against her. Looks up at her. She turns him around."
From these notes and from interviews with the mother, the scientists concluded that while the mother
keeps her daughter close she unconsciously trains her son to investigate—to become a problem solver.
A Second Lesson. As the boy grows, he gets another boost in his aggression lessons—the "be-a-man"
problem. As a baby and a young child, he spends most of his waking hours with his mother. His first strong
attachment is to his mother. He models himself after her.
But soon he begins to get some confusing commands from his mother. "Don't be a sissy!" "Boys don't cry."
"Boys don't walk like that." And so there is a new problem. He is somehow different from his model. But what
is the difference? All he hears are "don'ts." He struggles to find out what the "do's" are.
When the little girl and boy meet in the first grade, it is the old story of the tortoise and the hare all over
again. While the girl collects A's in spelling, the boy is working at problems— "how to get a C in spelling,"
"how to be a man." Like the tortoise, the boy plods ahead, gaining more and more experience in problem
solving. Like the swift-footed hare, the girl glides through the first few grades, losing the chance to learn
problem solving at an early age.
Aggression Runs Our World. In the world we live in, the aggressive person is usually the one who gets
the big salary, the good job, the prizes. And since men are trained at an early age to be aggressive, they are
the ones most often picked for the key positions.
But many believe this situation is wrong. They think women have an equal contribution to make in science
and industry. Teachers and scientists suggest that girls be given aggression lessons in school. This does not
mean that every little girl should learn to box. Games that teach competition and problem solving are one
suggestion.
Another scientist believes that boys may get too much training in aggression. A little more affection from
their mothers might make them gentler. And the world needs gentleness, just as it needs aggression.

37
Evaluative Language
In a critique you will need to express criticism by saying what the author should have done but did not do.

Example 1:
Therefore it would have been better if Brown had either illustrated his claim, or restricted his discussion to
the United States.

Example 2:
A sentence of two giving the historical background for this would have been helpful.

Example 3:
This article could have been more convincing if the author had related his findings to previous work on the
topic.
Notice the structure of these conditionals. These conditional refer to an unreal situation in the past. Note that
the past perfect is used to help establish the time frame . Past unreal conditionals are common in critiques
because the texts being critiqued have already been put into final form: published. There is no opportunity to
revise the text in light of the criticism because the time frame is closed. Since these conditional express
something that is impossible, linguists and philosophers often call them counterfactual. Present unreal
conditionals, on the other hand, describe a hypothetical situation in the present.
But in the consultations with your writing instructor you may hear a sentence such as:

Example 4:
Your paper would be stronger if you included some additional information on...
In the above sentence it is clear that the possibility for revision still exists. The time frame is open.

Example 5:
Although this is interesting and important paper, the author could have given more attention to the fact that
his model of consumer choice is based entirely on US data.

Example 6:
The author should have provided more data about his sample.
Notice that should expresses a strongly negative comment, while could is less strong. Should have is a
criticism, could have is more a suggestion, might have is a week suggestion.

Critical Reading Towards Critical Writing

Critical writing depends on critical reading. Most of the papers you write will involve reflection on written texts
– the thinking and research that has already been done on your subject. In order to write your own analysis
of the subject you will need to do careful critical reading of sources and to use them critically to make your
own argument. The judgments and interpretations you make of the texts you read are the first steps towards
formulating your own approach.

Critical Reading: What is it?

To read critically is to make judgments about how a text is argued. This is highly reflective skill requiring you
to “stand back” and gain some distance from the text you are reading. (You might have to read a text through
once to get a basic grasp of content before you launch into an intensive critical reading). The key is this:
• don’t read looking only or primarily for information
• don’t read looking for ways of thinking about the subject matter
When you are reading, highlighting, or taking notes, avoid extracting and compiling lists of evidence, lists of
facts and examples. Avoid approaching a text by asking “What information can I get out of it?” Rather ask

38
“How does this text work? How is it argued? How is the evidence (the facts, examples, etc) used and
interpreted? How does the text reach its conclusions?

How Do I Read Looking for Ways of Thinking?

1. First determine the central claim or purpose of the text (its thesis). A critical reading attempts to
assess how these central claims are developed or argued.
2. Begin to make some judgments about context. What audience is the text written for? Who is it in
dialogue for? (This will probably be other scholars or authors with differing viewpoints). In what
historical context is it written? All these matters of context can contribute to your assessment of what
is going on in a text.
3. Distinguish the kinds of reasoning the text employs. What concepts are defined and used? Does the
text appeal to a theory or theories? Is any specific methodology laid out? If there is an appeal to a
particular concept, theory or method, how is that concept, theory, or method then used to organize
and interpret the data? You might also examine how the text is organized: how has the author
analyzed (broken down) the material? Be aware that different disciplines (i.e. history, sociology,
philosophy, biology) will have different ways of arguing.
4. Examine the evidence (the supporting facts, examples, etc) the text employs. Supporting evidence is
indispensable to an argument. Having worked through Steps 1-3 you are now in a position to grasp
how the evidence is used to develop the argument and its controlling claims and concepts. Steps 1-3
allow you to see evidence in its context. Consider the kinds of evidence that are used. What counts
as evidence in this argument? Is the evidence statistical? literary? historical? etc. From what sources
is the evidence taken? Are these sources primary or secondary?
5. Critical reading may involve evaluation. Your reading of a text is already critical if it accounts for and
makes a series of judgments about how a text is argued. However, some essays may also require
you to assess the strengths and weaknesses of an argument. (If the argument is strong, why? Could
it be better or differently supported? Are there gaps, leaps or inconsistencies in the argument? Is the
method of analysis problematic? Could the evidence be interpreted differently? Are the conclusions
warranted by the evidence presented? What are the unargued assumptions? Are they problematic?
What might an opposing argument be?

Some Practical Tips

1. Critical reading occurs after some preliminary processes of reading. Begin by skimming research
materials, especially introductions and conclusions, in order to strategically choose where to focus
critical efforts.
2. When highlighting a text or taking notes from it, tech yourself to highlight argument: those places in a
text where an author explains her analytical moves, the concepts he/she uses, how he/she uses
them, how he/she arrives at conclusions. Don’t let yourself foreground and isolate facts and
examples, no matter how interesting they may be. First, look for the large patterns that give purpose,
order, and meaning to those examples. The opening sentences of paragraphs, can be important to
this task.
3. When you begin to think about how you might use a portion of a text in the argument you are forging
in your own paper, try to remain aware of how this portion fits into the whole argument from which it
is taken. Paying attention to context is a fundamental critical move.
4. When you quote directly from a source, use the quotation critically. This means that you should not
substitute the quotation for your own articulation of a point. Rather, introduce the quotation by laying
out the judgment you are making about it, and the reasons why you are using it. Often a quotation is
followed by some further analysis.

39
Critical Reading

Task 1:
You will critically read a very short report from the field that everybody in the class has at least some
familiarity with: English as a second language. Then answer the questions in Task 2.

ESL Spelling Errors10

Lee S. Tesdell
Edited by Ann Fathman
Canada College

Introduction
This study investigated spelling errors in composition written by Students from different language
backgrounds at Iowa State University. Fifty-six writing samples were collected: nine from Arabic speakers,
ten from Chinese speakers, twenty from Malay speakers, and seventeen from Spanish speakers. All of the
students had scored 80-89 (inclusive) on the Michigan Test of English Language Proficiency and all had
achieved a minimum of 500 on TOEFL. They were all enrolled in academic programs at Iowa State during
the 1981-1982 school year.

Methods
Four hypotheses were tested: 1) that ESL students at this proficiency level would make more spelling errors
than native speakers, 2) that the ESL students would make more habitual errors (real mistakes) than slips
(misspelling which are corrected elsewhere in the same composition), 3) that at this proficiency level there
would be more spelling errors among the speakers of languages that use the Roman a alphabet (Spanish,
Malay) than among the speakers of languages that that do not (Arabic, Chinese), and 4) that ESL students
would err more frequently in the medial position of the word than initially or finally.

Results
The results showed that for the four language groups the error percentage mean was 1,88% of total words;
native speakers exhibit 1,1% error rate (Chedru and Gerschwind, as cited in Wing and Baddeley 1980).
Second, the research showed that the “slip” mean for all languages was .19 errors. while the habitual error
mean was 3.66 errors. Third, contrary to Oller and Ziahosseiny’s findings (1970), the difference between the
non-Roman and the Roman alphabet language error percentages was found to be insignificant. Fourth, it
was found that the means for error position of all four groups were as follows: initial was .428 errors, medial
was 2.61 errors, and final was .66 errors.

Discussion
The results of this study suggest that we have no evidence that spelling pedagogy should vary from
language to language group. The ESL students made more “real mistakes” than slips, which indicates that
the spelling skills of ESL students of all language backgrounds need to be improved. Further studies of
spelling errors of other language groups and proficiency levels would help the classroom teacher of ESL to
understand more about how to confront spelling problems.

10
Reprinted Swales, J. and Feak, C. (1994) “Academic Writing for Graduate Students”. USA: University of Michigan.

40
Task 2:
Look at the criticisms of Tesdell’s report below. Decide whether each one is reasonable and unreasonable.
1. Iowa State University may not be a typical institution; therefore, the research should have been
carried out across a range of universities.
2. Fifty six writing samples is too small, especially when we remember that students are drawn from
four different language backgrounds.
3. There should be equal members in each subgroup.
4. It is important to know more about the academic programs in which the students were enrolled, as
this may affect the results.
5. In the second hypothesis, the criterion for distinguishing “slips” and “habitual errors” will not work well
if the writing samples are short. In short samples, there will be little opportunity for words to be used
more than once.
6. Given the sample size the difference between 1,88% and 1,1% is unlikely to be statistically
significant.
Do you have any other criticism of Tesdell’s report that you consider fair and reasonable? Work in a group to
come up with at least two more.

A grammatical note about negative inversion:

Example:
Not only has the author presented some valuable new information, he has also presented it in a very clear
and coherent manner.

Example:
In no case does the author provide any substantial claim.

Task 2:
Complete these sentences commenting on the article Who are Smarter: Boys or Girls?
1. Particularly important was the assumption that ...
2. Especially interesting is an example about ...
3. Much less expected in the (comparison) conclusion on ...
4. Especially noteworthy is the suggestion that ...
5. Not only has the author undermined ____________ but also exaggerated ____________________.

Task 3:
Write a critique on “Who are smarter: boys or girls?” using you revised summary. Add your comments
following the above steps.

Task 4:
Discuss your papers in pairs. Rate each other’s work on the basis of the Critique Band-scale. Give suggestions
how to improve the paper. Do not forget to talk about both strengths and weaknesses of your peer’s critique. The
revised paper (final draft) should be send by e-mail to your English Academic Writing instructor.

Task 5: (optional in-class activity)

Below is a critique written by one of the participants of the EAW course, printed here with the kind permission of
the author. First work individually and evaluate the critique according to the band-scale. Compare its summary
with you own one. Then work with your partner, discussing strengths and weaknesses (if any), mistakes
(grammar, spelling, punctuation, linking words, etc). Break the critique into four parts: introduction, summary,
evaluation/comments, and conclusion to see if all the parts are presents and adequately developed.

41
Critique of "Who are smarter - boys or girls?"11

In the article "Who are smarter - boys or girls?" the author discusses the differences which exist among boys
and girls and maintains the idea, that girls are more prepared physically and mentally thap boys when they
start school, but later men get better jobs. The reason of this is that boys are tought to be independent and at
the same time aggressive, while girls are inspired to be more dependent.
In summary girls are developing the gentle side of their nature and that's why they can not find good jobs
and on the contrary boys do not develop the gentle side of their nature, they are more aggressive and
independent and acting in such a way they become the active members of the society.
The author brings examples to prove his position. He speaks about the testing which was done by Harvard
psychologist - Jerome kagan and according to which it turned out that 11 month-old girls start reasoning
before boys of the same age. The article lacks arguments. Author should bring other reliable facts and examples
to make this idea more acceptable for readers and to prove that he is right. However, he relies on true facts
proved by scientists when he says that girls start talking at an earlier age than boys do and girls have better
vocabularies and memory than boys, while boys are good at science and building things. However, it must be
mentioned, that the first computer programmer was a lady. So, there are some other facts showing that women
are also good at science. The number of women, who are professors, scientists is very high.
The author asserts that boys are tought to be aggressive and that's why they are more successful in their
career than girls do: "So as men are trained at an early age to be aggressive, they are the ones most often
picked for the key positions". This is not a true fact, because we know women all over the world who are very
successful and in some cases more successful than men are. Men and women have similar abilities and
capabilities and the idea that women are not able to be active participants of social life is only illusion,
believed and practiced by men, who also try to make women believe in this false idea. Maybe the main
difference between them is that one is male and another female.
Maybe girls are not tought to be independent and aggressive, but they are quite independent especially in
XXI century and if they were tought this things, they would run the whole world.
In conclusion, both boys and girls can do whatever they want and nothing is impossible neither for girls, nor
for boys if they have desire of doing something, because the differences in their abilities are little.

11
Written by a TSU student. Reproduced with kind permission of the author.

42
 4. The Position Paper
Position Paper Syllabus
Class Topic Course Objectives

1 Introduction to the main features of a Introduction of position paper elements.

position paper Become familiar with and analyze the
elements of a position paper
(reading of structure of a position paper)
Students will identify key features of a well-
written position paper
2 Identification of key issues in two Students are given two articles to identify key issues and
articles. differentiate the main ideas from the secondary ones.
Differentiation of the main from
secondary
3 Practice Students revise the main conventions how to paraphrase
Paraphrasing and practice in paraphrasing
4 Practice in summarizing and quoting Students do revision of summarizing and quoting. Then
they do some practical tasks to enhance their knowledge
5 Analysis of authors' positions Students identify similarities and differences in two
comparing different authors’ articles who write on the same topic.
differences and similarities point-by- Students analyse the authors’ positions and write point-by-
point point comparison of the writers’ opinions.
6 Citation. Mechanics, usage of Students are taught how to cite sources correctly.
appropriate language Students become aware of what appropriate tone and
and professional tone. language is in writing a position paper. They identify the
examples of the above in sample position papers and then
use the same in their writing, revising and editing
previously written papers
7 Workshop Students are given two articles. They have to follow the
above stages (identifying key issues, differentiating the
main from the secondary, etc) and write an outline of a
position paper. Later they write a complete position paper.

The Position Paper – a Definition12

A position paper is a critical examination of texts by one or more authors. The purpose of a position paper is
to introduce, analyze and reflect on important issues, problems and debates in your discipline. In other
words, to examine and respond to the positions authors take. In some ways it is like a critique, but in others it
is not. Both genres are based on your critical reading process. Like a critique, a position paper is a reaction
in writing to something you have read. Unlike a critique, position papers are not written in isolation. Most
focus on more than one essay, research article, or book chapter. These texts may be by the same author,
but more often will be written by different ones. In addition, you will frequently be expected to discuss the
texts in the context of a course; that is, to relate them to the other texts you have been reading.
The following features should be included in a position paper: introduction of a topic, summary,
contextualization, analysis/evaluation and reflection. You may also want to include a few questions for further
discussion. A brief summary is all that is necessary. You do not need to spend a lot of space re-articulating
the major issues. Remember that the primary audience – your professor – knows the texts; she/he certainly

12
Taken from http://www.ceu.hu/writing/position.htm

43
wants to see that you understood the main points, but is more likely to be concerned with how you analyze
the texts, as well as relate them to each other and to the larger issues in your field.
You should certainly express your own opinion. When you analyze, evaluate and reflect on the texts you will
be giving your opinion. But do not confuse a position paper with an argumentative essay. Your purpose here
is to analyze the positions of others, not to persuade an audience that your position is correct.
Although there is no strict formula for a position paper, we recommend you summarize and paraphrase as
much as possible, and use quotations sparingly. For example, if you are going to evaluate an author’s
language (his style, perhaps, or use of jargon) then it is crucial you include a quotation as an example. When
you are analyzing concepts or evidence, however, use your own words. If you do include quotations, we
believe you should also keep them short. In our experience, the long, block quotations you find in research
papers are not appropriate here.
If you have two very long texts to examine but your word limit is short, then first ask yourself why you are
reading these particular texts, and why are doing it at this time in your course. They probably were not
chosen randomly, nor placed out of sequence. Think of your task as discovering the relevance of the texts, in
addition to understanding them. Your insights here may even provide a framework around which you can
write your paper. In addition, try to always stay focused on the larger issues, and avoid getting bogged down
in details. Finally, you will save words by organizing the paper thematically; we often see a lot of repetition in
papers which look at the authors separately.
In a position paper you need to include references. The best place to do this is at the top of page one, below
your title and before your first paragraph. Put a full reference to the texts (first name, last name, title, journal,
publication information, and page numbers). If you quote an author in the body, you should put the page
number in parentheses. However, you probably do not need to include page numbers every time you
paraphrase or summaries something from the texts. Ask your professor for clarification.
Where relevant you should certainly mention other authors and articles/research, but keep in mind the
primary purpose of the position paper is to focus on the texts which have been assigned. Do not spend more
time on a third author than the two you should be discussing. And if you do bring in other writers, be sure to
include a full reference to the source (either in a footnote or end note).

44
Position Paper Band-scale

Unacceptable but
Excellent Good Poor but acceptable
attempted
Writer shows excellent Paper shows the writer's Writer displays some Paper fails to present
Identifica

ability to identify key understanding of key issues ability to identify key key issues of a
issues
tion of
key

issues of a debate of a debate issues of a debate. Not debate.

all issues are identified.

Writer presents Paper demonstrates the Paper demonstrates There is no

comparative analysis of writer's ability to differentiate the writer's attempt to evaluation or
Position, analysis,

a debate. He/she the authors' positions and evaluate the authors' comparative analysis
excellently present comparative analysis positions and make of the authors'
evaluation

differentiates and but the writer's own position comparative analysis. positions. Writer's
examines positions the is not clearly defined. But there are position is not stated.
authors take presenting unsupported general There are
his own well-defined statements and inappropriate and
position therefore the position insufficient details.
of the writer is vague.

Writer relates the Paper does not relate the There is no attempt to Writer does not relate
Understanding
the relevance

assigned articles to the assigned articles to the other relate the assigned the assigned articles
of the texts

other texts/ or show tests, although there is an articles and the key to other texts and it is
ability to relate the attempt to relate the issues to issues in them to a clear that the writer is
texts to larger issues in larger context. larger context unable to
the field contextualize
(contextualization)

Writer shows excellent Writer shows good ability to Writer shows some Paper contains too
ability to paraphrase, paraphrase; quotations are ability to paraphrase, many quotations.
and quotations
Paraphrasing

uses quotations where used adequately, but not therefore paper is Writer fails to
necessary, but sparingly. abundant with words in paraphrase
sparingly, uses own parenthesis and in adequately
words in analyzing quotations, which are
concepts or evidence sometimes used
inadequately.
Position paper is well- Position paper is generally Paper shows some No evidence of
organized (containing well-organized and logical organization of appropriate structure.
introduction, developed but lacks any of ideas which are not Paper lacks structural
analysis/evaluation/ the components or one of the fully developed. One of components. Serious
Structure

reflection and a brief components (introduction, the components is disorganization or

summery) Transitions evaluation and summery) is missing or there it is underdevelopment.
are used to enhance not adequately developed. difficult to identify all
organization. Writer Transitions sometimes do not the structural
demonstrates logical contribute coherence – ideas components.
sequencing of ideas. do not flow logically (in some
parts)
Paper contains full There is a full reference to Paper demonstrates No syntactic variety.
reference to the texts the texts. Paper adequate but possibly Serious and frequent
Language use and

(first name, last name, demonstrates good facility in inconsistent facility with errors in the use of
title, journals, the use of language, syntax. May contain language
Mechanics

publication information) exhibiting some syntactic some errors which

It is error free, and variety and range of obscure meaning and
displays syntactic vocabulary. Paper maintains understanding.
variety and appropriate professional tone, although
word choice, thus some parts may contain word
maintaining choice inappropriate for the
professional tone prescribed tone.

45
Sample position paper 1

In this position paper, the writer is examining a series of articles by two writers in a key journal. Notice how
the student summarizes and comments on the debate. In addition, take a look at the use of quotations; many
more than we recommend have been included, but the student has chosen to place them in the notes. Do
you agree with this choice?

Loose Federation in a Dysfunctional State:

Disintegration or Functionality of The Russian Federation?13

Herd, Graeme P. "Russia: Systemic Transformation or Federal Collapse?" Journal of Peace Research, vol.
36, no.3, 1999, pp.259-269

Alexseev, Mikhail A. "Decentralization Versus State Collapse: Explaining Russia's Endurance" Journal of
Peace Research, vol.38, no.1, 2001, pp.101-106

Herd, Graeme P. "Russia And The Politics of 'Putinism'" Journal of Peace Research, vol.38, no.1, 2001,
pp.109-112

The Russian Federation featured high on Western policy-makers' agenda, as turbulent financial and
economic events followed the demise of Communism. With the recent financial 'meltdown' of 1998
overcome, should one expect the Federation's imminent collapse, or indulge in optimism at its survival to this
date? There appears to be reason for both.

Writing in 1999, Graeme P. Herd predicts imminent disintegration of the Russian Federation. Russia's
economy and politics were badly shaken by the financial and monetary 'meltdown' in August of the previous
year. Budgetary federalism collapsed, Yeltsin's charismatic figure was gone, his patronage networks
undermined. The Duma left to rule had little political authority. In the midst of a political vacuum and an
economic crisis, "no new mechanisms [were] being developed to maintain the balance of power within the
federation" (Herd, 1999, p260). The August crisis had acted as a catalyst to decentralization - an informal
process begun in the years before 1998. He traces the loose nature of the center-periphery relationship in
federal Russia to the collapse of Communism: economic turmoil followed, threatening regions' economic
survival. Self-reliance was urged onto those previously subject to centralized planning. They began to be run
by local elites and interest groups. Russia's regions increasingly asserted political, administrative and
economic independence during the 1990s [1]. When the central government proved helpless against the
'meltdown' in 1998, crisis management fell once again to regional governors, further strengthening the shift
to decentralization. The integrity of the Federation was thereby weakened, to a point in the near future when
the Federation would de facto disintegrate into a confederation.[2]

Herd's prediction of federal disintegration draws on the shattering effects of the 1998 Meltdown on the
center's ability to govern the whole effectively. If, however, the focus is shifted away from the (now
overcome) 'meltdown' in 1998, some find little reason to worry despite the recent turmoil. Mikhail Alexeev
interprets Herd's proofs of federal disintegration as proofs of State endurance. Writing three years after the
August 'meltdown', Alexeev has seen the 1998 crisis come and go, another instance of the difficult
metamorphosis into a post-Soviet order. While the event scarred Russia, it left unshaken the country's
administrative modus operandi, in place since the early 1990s. The post-Soviet democratic constitution of
December 1993 endowed the federal system with the administrative flexibility necessary to preserve the
Federation, i.e. to keep the center and the periphery together. To those regions threatening separation,
Yeltsin granted privileges.[3] To all, he offered enough independent political and economic decision-making
to 'buy' their loyalty. His occasional resort to violence [4] did not change the fact that regions had strong
incentive not to seriously undermine the state and its federal structure. This technique of "strategic

13
This and the next sample paper are taken from CEU’s web page on Position Papers
<http://www.ceu.hu/writing/position.htm> with the permission of the Center for Academic Writing.

46
bargaining" granted flexibility to center-periphery relations otherwise based on such regulations [5] as
assured Moscow administrative and political leverage over the periphery. Ethnic heterogeneity within and
among regions is another argument of endurance: clashing interests among the different ethnicities disabled
them from unifying behind a strong anti-Russian (i.e. anti-centrist) pro-independence movement [6]. Alexeev
thus tries to demonstrate that - in the early 1990s - political circumstances and Russia's administrative setup
had insured the State against separatism and the regions' unified opposition to the center. The federal
modus operandi (Herd calls it "constructive ambiguity") strikes Alexeev as a viable system.

'Regionalization' as a stable and functional modus operandi does not significantly challenge Herd's
predicament of federal disintegration. By arguing the appropriateness of decentralization in a country like
Russia, Alexeev rather upholds Herd's claim that federal disintegration (i.e. disintegration of a system where
regional independence is limited) is irreversible. Terminology differs because Alexeev mistakes Herd's idea
for state disintegration, never considering federal disintegration per se. Nevertheless, Alexeev's
decentralization and Herd's 'federal disintegration' are one and the same if one realizes that decentralization
causes federal disintegration.[7]

While direct opposition between the two is missing, the juxtaposition of points of view enlightens the reader
on the complexity of the Russian Federation. Alexeev's analysis of divergent interests and of the center as
the focus of regional lobbying counterbalances Herd's idea of center's "splendid isolation" vis-à-vis a
homogenous 'periphery'. Ethnically heterogeneous and unequal in terms of natural resources, regions'
incentives and demands are different. Ethnic regions lobby against the interests of the non-ethnic ones,
while conflicting interests exist within individual regions as well, and probably within the 'center' too.

In 2001, Herd brings up another issue: is the modus operandi evoked by Alexeev functional? Herd disputes
its being a 'modus' in the fist place. Yeltsin's checks and balances from the early 1990s are a tool rather than
a system, he claims. They are unreliable because used arbitrarily by presidential figures for personal political
gain rather than Russia's economic efficiency. Secondly, the challenge of this system's functionality draws on
the criminal factor. Corruption and crime which after 1998 were a form of crisis management, have since
turned into a raison d'être of much of the regional elites.[8] Alexeev confidently calls for greater cooperation
[9] of the center with "formal and informal regional institutions", disregarding the fact that the latter may be
rotten basis for future development. If "criminal activities distort the transition to market economy and the
international standing of a state"[10], can regional decentralization be the answer to Russia's troubles? He
also fails to give evidence of enforcement of measures making up the center's presumed leverage.

Dialogue remains imperfect because arguments unveil crucial weaknesses. Alexeev abounds in examples
from the early 1990s - an exceptional time of political change and much defined by the circumstances. Are
the same workings in effect now that leaders have changed, the disillusionment is rising, and the West more
weary? Moreover, it is arguable to what degree Western support dissuades regional separatism, for two
reasons: firstly, the West may react differently in case of another Chechnya, and secondly, separatist
movements may be upheld by other, non-European countries. On the whole, Alexeev offers little evidence of
the system working after 1998, focusing his analysis on the immediate post-Soviet scenario.

Herd's persuasiveness is similarly undermined by lack of detail. He hopes to answer "when a federation
become a confederation" without mentioning the administrative center-periphery power split-up. Herd speaks
of the will of elites to preserve the status quo, yet offers neither examples nor reasons for their motivations.
In the same paper, he refers to both, "a controlled", and a "largely uncontrolled disintegration" without strong
evidence for either. His concluding preoccupation with security issues undermines the importance of the
main theme of the text: emanating from a crisis-ridden Russia, soft security threats to the West are an
inevitability which undermines the importance of whether the Federation transforms or collapses.

Let us, in fact, question the importance of claims made. Alexeev's argument, however faulty at times, is of
use to Western policy-makers as it examines causes and perspectives of Russia's endurance. He attacks
the crucial issue of State collapse even at the risk of inadequately responding to Herd's argument in 1999.
Herd, on the contrary, focuses on systemic transformation [11] - a matter of more interest to a jurist. So what

47
if federal integrity is undermined? In what ways is preservation of federal integrity related to preservation of
Russia as a state? Which system is more economically beneficial to the whole? Even as Herd focuses on
security - crucial to decision-makers - he fails to analyze the impact of systemic transformation (federation
vs. confederation) on the nature of soft security threats to the West.

The underlying question in the debate on the endurance of the Russian State is that of Russia's economic
endurance. Russia's critical post-1998 economic situation ought to be the principal, if regrouping into larger
regional blocks (1999).

Endnotes
1) Decentralizing traits noticed by Herd are the following: unconstitutional local constitutions, regional loyalty of military
structures, diminished state economic regional presence, flourishing regional information and communication
networks, and regions' independent foreign policy-making.
2) As an alternative to the confederation scenario, Herd also mentions the possibility of regions regrouping into larger
regional blocks (1999).
3) "Yeltsin tolerated declarations of sovereignty by Russian autonomous republics and regions, introduced gubernatorial
elections in 1996, and issued disproportionately large subsidies, tax breaks, and soft credits to federation units that
declared sovereignty and had more days lost to protests and strikes", (Alexeev, 2001).
4) "Yeltsin threatened Tatarstan with military intervention in 1993, and used excessive military force in 1994-96 in
Chechnya", (Alexeev, 2001).
5) "Moscow acquired the power to switch fiscal transfer policies; exploit disputes over resource allocations among
budget donor and recipient regions and within regions; appoint the chiefs of police, the procurator's office, and the
Federal Security Service; challenge or ignore regional laws that technically contradict the Russian Constitution; grant
or withhold export-import and tax privileges; set the costs of energy supplies and transportation through state-
controlled 'natural monopolies' [...]; influence the courts (thus posing an impeachment threat to governors); and
generate legislative initiatives setting the limits on the governors' terms in office", Alexeev 2001.
6) Alexeev evokes two other political circumstances which insured the Federation against collapse: firstly, the West
supported Yeltsin's post-Communist Russia as a whole, and secondly, secessionist political leadership which had
emerged in the center had discredited regional anti-Russian separatists movements.
7) Consider the following thought by Herd: "[...] by incorporating such diversity and embracing constructive ambiguity,
confederalizing tendencies are unleashed upon the framework of federal governance", 2001.
8) "According to Russian Interior Ministry reports, organized criminal groups control about 50% of Russian private
enterprises in addition to about 60% of state enterprises", Herd 2001.
9) "The resilience of the Russian Federation depends [...] on the ability of the center to live with regional diversity and to
nurture a necessarily slow ground-up evolution of formal and informal institutions that mediate center-periphery
grievances and disputes", (Alexeev, 2001).
10) Herd, 2001.
11) "Whilst the Russian state might be sustained by such power relations, the federal system of governance is
undermined [...] by ad hoc and de facto arrangement that constituted pax Yeltsinica", Herd 2001.

48
Sample position paper #2
In the first example, there was a clear connection among the three texts. To someone reading Benjamin
Barber and Stephen Kobrin for the first time, however, the link(s) may not be as apparent. While you have
not read the original texts, how do you think this student did in relating the two author's positions to the larger
issue?

Globalization: A Transition to What?

Barber, Benjamin R. Introduction to Jihad vs. McWorld (New York: Ballantine Books, 1996)

Kobrin, Stephen J. "Back to the Future: Neomedievalism and the Postmodern Digital World Economy,"
Globalization and Governance (London: Routledge, 1999.

After the bloody clashes between anti-globalization protesters and the police in Genoa, globalization is once
again on the world's agenda and it is here to stay. A dream to some and a nightmare to others, globalization
is a widely debated issue among journalists and scholars, among intellectuals of all profiles, business people
and decision-makers alike. Benjamin R. Barber, Walt Whitman professor of political science, and Stephen J.
Kobrin, professor of multinational management, both join the discussion, each giving his own vision of what
the post-modern future of this globalized world might look like.

In "Jihad vs. McWorld" Barber's fragmented and at the same time integrated world is "terminally post-
democratic" (20). It is pulled apart by two opposing forces: disintegrating ethnic hatreds and unifying
mechanisms of global economy, none of which cares much for civic society and civil liberties. In Barber's
terminology Jihad stands for the blind parochialism of any kind, but primarily for tribal instincts that tear
countries apart and cause bloody wars. McWorld epitomizes the world of consumerist capitalism unified by
commerce, entertainment and consumerism that knows no borders. Although Jihad seems like a more
obvious threat to democracy, McWorld is no less dangerous because both are enemies of the sovereign
nation states and of democracy. Barber warns that democracy might be collateral damage from the
confrontation between globalization and parochial fragmentation.

While Barber is primarily interested in the fate of democracy, Kobrin gives a great deal of attention to the
problem of state sovereignty in the increasingly integrated world. In "Back to the Future: Neomedievalism
and the Postmodern Digital World Economy" the key issue is the anticipated transformation of state
sovereignty into new forms of political loyalty. Kobrin argues that sovereign state as we know it-firmly defined
within certain territorial borders-is about to change profoundly, if not to wither away. National markets are too
small to be self-sustainable which challenges the meaning of territorial boundaries between states.

Both authors acknowledge that sovereignty, defined as unambiguous authority, is threatened. Whereas
Barber finds that alarming, Kobrin takes this as a historical inevitability; modern state system, based on
mutually exclusive jurisdiction, may be an anomaly rather than a historically privileged form of political
organizations. Kobrin argues that we should look at the medieval world for the answers to how the future
might look like. Medieval analogy offers a world of overlapping multiple authorities and absence of fixed
boundaries. It is a world of multiple political loyalties-to emperors, to the pope, to feudal lords-which are
complex rather than linear. Kobrin's modern analogy is European Union, with its overlap of national, regional
and supra-national authorities.

The medieval metaphor seems attractive, but Kobrin forgets that the world of the Middle Ages was highly
decentralized rather than unified, and in that sense radically different from our own. Medieval feuds, as
economic units, were self-sufficient and isolated-everything that modern markets are not. Kobrin himself
argues that the integrated economy requires a strong central authority, perhaps not yet in the form of world
government but certainly through stronger international organizations such as WTO. Clearly, this is a
different kind of authority than a pope or an emperor might have had in medieval world. Is medieval analogy
applicable at all? If we follow Kobrin's reasoning, it appears that the new world will require more rather than
less authority. Nation-state's sovereignty may be eroding, but, as a result, we have an increasing supra-
national authority instead of a loose authority of the medieval type.

49
Barber, on the other hand, may be launching an artificial dichotomy. While McWorld sounds like an apt
metaphor for globalization, Jihad seems to be a superficial, emotionally charged term with multiple
meanings. Barber draws on Yeats and Mary Shelly to define this "heritage of race," the force of tribal
instincts, ancient hatreds, and fundamentalism. Although doubtless poetic, the concept of Jihad, as
described by Barber, is confusing. He takes a few examples of ethnic conflict, such as Bosnia or Rwanda,
and declares they are but a manifestation of the tribalisation phenomenon, but he does little to support his
thesis. Did Bosnia really fall apart because of ancient, tribal hatreds? Barber overlooks the fact that peoples
of Bosnia have been living peacefully with one another much longer than they have waged wars. Reducing
complex conflicts to an oversimplified, poorly defined phenomenon such as Jihad helps Barber support his
shaky Jihad-McWorld dichotomy but does little to persuade the reader that Jihad exists as such.

Barber's and Kobrin's views seem diametrically opposite whereas it may simply be that they are considering
different issues. There is little common ground between them in terms of problems they are interested in.
They both take McWorld for granted, though. Neither challenges globalization nor tries to imagine the world
as something other than globalized, digital, and integrated. Even Barber who laments over the
destructiveness of Jihad admits that McWorld is the winner in the long run. Although they have different
agendas, they are telling essentially one and the same thing-the future belongs to McWorld. What with
democracy, Barber asks? Everyone will be a consumer, but what will happen to citizens? For Kobrin,
however, the problem does not exist; just as we have civil societies within states today, in the future they will
be replaced by global civil society with its mixture of state and non-state actors, NGOs, transnational
movements.

Are Barber and Kobrin debating at all? Their visions of the world in the future are not mutually exclusive.
Barber comes up with a bold notion that not even nations constitute main players today, but tribes. His
description of balkanization, tribalization and awakening of atavistic forces among peoples evokes images of
dark Middle Ages. Barber warns that our civilization is beginning to resemble medieval past in which the
world consisted of warring fiefdoms unified by Christianity; in our world, Bosnian Serbs and alike wage their
ethnic conflicts while both the aggressors and the victims eat the same BigMacs, wear jeans and watch
MTV. It seems that he is also looking at the world through medieval prism, albeit from its dark side. It is
precisely the dark side that Kobrin avoids confronting. He is intentionally focused on the practicalities of
managing the world in the future so he lefts out of the picture the unpleasant details. Fragmentation is one of
the issues that he chooses not to consider although he acknowledges that some authors, such as Kaplan
offer a less optimistic vision of the world torn by refugee migration, private armies, collapse of nation state
and civil order with it. Kobrin's only response to this grim prophecy is little more than hope: "One hopes that
such an age is not part of the neomedieval metaphor, that a new and more terrifying barbarian is not on the
horizon" (183). Walled communities and private security forces that he admits appear increasingly today
could be, Kobrin still hopes, only "ephemeral products of a world in transition and not a permanent
characteristic of the postmodern era" (183).

50
Citing sources
One of the most important aspects of academic writing is making use of the ideas of other people. This is
important as you need to show that you have understood the materials that you have studied and that you
can use their ideas and findings in your own way. In fact, this is an essential skill for every student. Spack
(1988, p. 42) has pointed out that the most important skill a student can engage in is "the complex activity to
write from other texts", which is "a major part of their academic experience." For this reason, any academic
text you read or write will contain the voices of other writers as well as your own.

In your writing, however, the main voice should be your own and it should be clear what your point of view is
in relation to the topic or essay question. The object of academic writing is for you to say something for
yourself using the ideas of the subject, for you to present ideas you have learned in your own way. The
emphasis should be on working with other people’s ideas, rather than reproducing their words. If your view is
not clear, you will be told you have not answered the question or something similar. It is essential therefore
that it must always be clear whose voice is speaking.

There are two main ways in which you can show your view (Tadros, 1993):
negatively lack of mention of any other writer
positively first person pronouns ("I")
comments and evaluations ("two major drawbacks", "of no great merit")
It will always be assumed that the words or ideas are your own if you do not say otherwise. When the words
or ideas you are using are taken from another writer, you must make this clear. If you do not do this and use
another person's words or ideas as if they were your own, this is plagiarism and plagiarism is regarded as a
very serious offence.
The ideas and people that you refer to need to be made explicit by a system of citation. The object of this is
to supply the information needed to allow a user to find a source.
You need to acknowledge the source of an idea unless it is common knowledge in your subject area. It is
difficult sometimes to know whether something is common knowledge in your subject or needs
acknowledging. In general, if your lecturer, in lectures or handouts, does not acknowledge the source you
can assume that it is common knowledge within your subject.
The object of academic writing is therefore for you to present your ideas in your own way. To help you do
this, however, you will need to use the ideas of other people and when you do this, you need to say where
the words and ideas are from.
There are several reasons for:
1. You need to show that you are aware of the major areas of thought in your specific subject. This
allows you to show how your contribution fits in, by correcting previous research, filling gaps, adding
support or extending current research or thinking.
2. You need to support the points you are making by referring to other people's work. This will
strengthen your argument. The main way to do this is to cite authors that agree with the points you
are making. You can, however, cite authors who do not agree with your points, as long as you
explain why they are wrong. Do not make a statement that will cause your reader to ask, "Who
says?"
3. If you are a student, you need to show that you have read and understood specific texts. You need
to show that you have read around the subject, not just confined your reading to one textbook or
lecture notes.
4. You must not use another person's words or ideas as your own so you need to say where they are
from.
You usually do this by reporting the works of others in your own words. You can either paraphrase if you
want to keep the length the same, summarize if you want to make the text shorter or synthesize if you need
to use information from several sources. Do not forget, though, that the central line of argument, the main
voice, should be your own. This means that you will need to comment on or evaluate any other works that

51
you use. If you do not do this, you will be accused of being too descriptive, of not being critical or analytical
enough, or of not producing a clear argument.
There are two ways in which you can refer to, or cite, another person's work: a) by reporting or b) by direct
quotation.

a) Reporting
This simply means reporting the other writer's ideas into your own words. You can either paraphrase if you
want to keep the length the same or summarize if you want to make the text shorter. See Reporting:
Paraphrase & Summary for more information. There are two main ways of showing that you have used
another writer's ideas:
integral
According to Peters (1983) evidence from first language acquisition indicates that lexical phrases are learnt
first as unanalyzed lexical chunks.
Evidence from first language acquisition indicating that lexical phrases are learnt first as unanalyzed lexical
chunks was given by Peters (1983).
OR non-integral
Evidence from first language acquisition (Peters, 1983) indicates that lexical phrases are learnt first as
unanalyzed lexical chunks.
Lexical phrases are learnt first as unanalyzed lexical chunks (Peters, 1983).
If you want to refer to a particular part of the source:
According to Peters (1983, p. 56) evidence from first language acquisition indicates that lexical phrases are
learnt first as unanalyzed lexical chunks.
(At end of essay)
References
Peters, A (1983). The units of language acquisition. Cambridge: Cambridge University Press.

b) Direct Quotation
Occasionally you may want to quote another author's words exactly. For example:
Hillocks (1982) similarly reviews dozens of research findings. He writes, "The available research suggests
that teaching by written comment on compositions is generally ineffective" (p. 267).
(At end of essay)
References
Hillocks, G. (1982). The interaction of instruction, teacher comment, and revision in teaching the composing
process. Research in the Teaching of English, 16, 261-278.
If you do so, keep the quotation as brief as possible and quote only when it is necessary. You must always
have a good reason for using a quote - and feeling unable to paraphrase or summarize is never a good
reason. The idea of an essay is for you to say something for yourself using the ideas of the subject; you
present ideas you have learned in your own way. The emphasis should be on working with other people’s
ideas, not reproducing their words. Your paper should be a synthesis of information from sources, expressed
in your own words, not a collection of quotations. Any quote you use should not do your job for you, but
should add something to the point you are making. The quote should support your point, by quoting evidence
or giving examples or illustrating, or add the weight of an authority. It should not repeat information or
disagree with your point.
Reasons for using quotations:
1. quote if you use another person's words: you must not use another person's words as your own;
2. you need to support your points, quoting is one way to do this;
3. quote if the language used in the quotation says what you want to say particularly well.
Reasons for not using quotations:
1. do not quote if the information is well-known in your subject area;
2. do not use a quotation that disagrees with your argument unless you can prove it is wrong;

52
 3. do not quote if you cannot understand the meaning of the original source;
4. do not quote if you are not able to paraphrase the original;
5. do not use quotations to make your points for you; use them to support your points.
If you decide to use a quotation, you must be very careful to make it clear that the words or ideas that you
are using are taken from another writer.
This can be done in several ways, either integral or non-integral:
Widdowson (1979, p. 5) states that "there is a good deal of argument in favor of extending the concept of
competence to cover the ability to use language to communicative effect."
According to Widdowson (1979),"there is a good deal of argument in favor of extending the concept of
competence to cover the ability to use language to communicative effect" (p. 5).
According to Widdowson, "there is a good deal of argument in favor of extending the concept of competence
to cover the ability to use language to communicative effect" (1979, p. 5).
According to one researcher, "there is a good deal of argument in favor of extending the concept of
competence to cover the ability to use language to communicative effect" (Widdowson, 1979, p. 5).
(In all cases at end of essay)
References
Widdowson, H. G. (1979). Explorations in applied linguistics. Oxford: Oxford University Press.
When you are using a direct quotation of a single phrase or sentence, quotation marks should be used
around the words, which must be quoted exactly as they are in the original. However, note the following:
1. You may wish to omit some of the author’s original words that are not relevant to your writing. In this
case, use three dots (...) to indicate where you have omitted words. If you omit any of the author’s
original words, make sure you do not change the meaning.
He stated, "The ‘placebo effect,’ ... disappeared when behaviors were studied in this manner" (Smith, 1982,
p. 276), but he did not clarify which behaviors were studied.
2. If you need to insert material (additions or explanations) into a quotation, use brackets, ([...]).
Smith (1982) found that "the placebo effect, which had been verified in previous studies, disappeared when
[his own and others’] behaviors were studied in this manner" (p. 276).
3. If the material quoted already contains a quotation, use single quotation marks for the original
quotation (‘...’).
He stated, "The ‘placebo effect,’ ... disappeared when behaviors were studied in this manner" (Smith, 1982,
p. 276), but he did not clarify which behaviors were studied.
4. If the direct quotation is long - more than two or three lines, it should be indented as a separate
paragraph with no quotation marks.
According to Smith (1982, p. 276): The "placebo effect," which had been verified in previous studies,
disappeared when behaviors were studied in this manner. Furthermore, the behaviors were never exhibited
again, even when real drugs were administered. Earlier studies were clearly premature in attributing the
results to the placebo effect.
(In all cases at end of essay)
References
Smith, G. (1982). The placebo effect. Psychology Today, 18, 273-278.

Secondary sources
In all cases, if you have not actually read the work you are referring to, you should give the reference for the
secondary source - what you have read. In the text, you should then use the following method:
According to Jones (as cited in Smith, 1982, p. 276), the ....
(At end of essay)
References
Smith, G. (1982). The placebo effect. Psychology Today, 18, 273-278.

53
Language Focus: Reporting - Paraphrasing and Summarizing
Reporting uses paraphrase and summary to acknowledge another author's ideas. You can extract and
summarize important points, while at the same time making it clear from whom and where you have got the
ideas you are discussing and what your point of view is. Compare, for example:
Brown (1983, p. 231) claims that a far more effective approach is ...
Brown (1983, p. 231) points out that a far more effective approach is ...
A far more effective approach is ... (Brown, 1983, p. 231)
The first one is Brown's opinion with no indication about your opinion. The second one is Brown's opinion,
which you agree with, and the third is your opinion, which is supported by Brown
Here are some more expressions you can use to refer to someone's work that you are going to paraphrase:
If you agree with what the writer says.
The work of X indicates that ... The work of X reveals that ...
The work of X shows that ... Turning to X, one finds that ...
Reference to X reveals that ... In a study of Y, X found that ...
As X points out, ... As X has indicated ...
A study by X shows that ... X has drawn attention to the fact that ...
X argues that ... X points out that ...
X makes clear that ...
If you disagree with what the writer says.
X claims that ... The work of X asserts that ...
X feels that ...
If you do not want to give your opinion about what the writer says.
According to X... It is the view of X that ...
The opinion of X is that ... In an article by X, ...
Research by X suggests that ... X has expressed a similar view.
X reports that ... X notes that ...
X states that ... X observes that ...
X concludes that ... X argues that ...
X found that ... X discovered that ...

Quoting
Sometimes you may want to quote an author's words exactly, not paraphrase them. If you decide to quote
directly from a text, you will need an expression to introduce it and quotation marks will need to be used:
As X said/says, "... ..." As X stated/states, "... ..."
As X wrote/writes, "... ..." As X commented/comments, "... ..."
As X observed/observes, "... ..." As X pointed/points out, "... ..."
To quote from X, "... ..." It was X who said that "... ..."
This example is given by X: "... ..." According to X, "... ..."
X claims that, "... ..." X found that, "... ..."
The opinion of X is that, "... ..."

Concluding
After quoting evidence you reach a conclusion:
The evidence seems to indicate that...
It must therefore be recognized that...
The indications are therefore that...
It is clear therefore that ...
Thus it could be concluded that...
The evidence seems to be strong that...
On this basis it may be inferred that...
Given this evidence, it can be seen that...

54
Citing sources: Tasks

Task 1
Summarise Tyler's definition of culture.

Source
Culture … taken in its wide ethnographic sense is that complex whole which includes knowledge, belief, art,
morals, law, custom, and any other capabilities and habits acquired by man as a member of society. The
condition of culture among the various societies of mankind, in so far as it is capable of being investigated on
general principles, is a subject apt for the study of laws of human thought and action.
(Sir Edward Burnett Tylor (1871) Primitive Culture. London: J Murray.)

Write your answer here

______________________________________________________________________________
______________________________________________________________________________
______________________________________________________________________________
______________________________________________________________________________
______________________________________________________________________________
______________________________________________________________________________

Task 2
Incorporate the quotation in the text at a suitable point. Decide on a suitable place to include the quotation.
Make any changes necessary to the text.

Quotation
In this context saying thank you is very rude, for it suggests first that one has calculated the amount of a gift
and second, that one did not expect the donor to be so generous.
(Robert Dentan (1968). The Semai: A non-violent people of Malaya. New York: Holt, Rinehart and Winston.
Page 49.)

Text
To express gratitude for the portion received indicates that you are the kind of person who calculates how
much you are giving and taking. Thus to call attention to one’s generosity is to indicate that others are in debt
to you and that you expect them to repay you. It is repugnant to egalitarian peoples even to suggest that they
have been treated generously.

Write your answer here

______________________________________________________________________________
______________________________________________________________________________
______________________________________________________________________________
______________________________________________________________________________
______________________________________________________________________________
______________________________________________________________________________

Task 3
Incorporate the quotation in the text at a suitable point. Decide on a suitable place to include the quotation.
Make any changes necessary to the text.

55
Quotation
I postulate that the physical and social environment of the young child is perceived as a continuum. It does
not contain any intrinsically separate ‘things’. The child, in due course, is taught to impose upon this
environment a kind of discriminating grid which serves to distinguish the world as being composed of a large
number of separate things; each labeled with a name. This world is a representation of our language
categories, not vice versa.
(E. Leach (1964). Anthropological aspects of language: Animal categories and verbal abuse. In a book of
article edited by E. H. Lenneberg New directions in the study of language (pp. 23-63). Cambridge, MA: MIT
Press. The quote is from page 34)

Text
Anthropologists have one popular view of categorization. According to this view, there is no basis for our
category structure in the world itself. Instead this structure is imposed by categorical processes of the human
mind, which in turn depend upon experiences within a particular culture. Thus the categories we use to
distinguish varieties of flowers are simply those used by other members of our culture.
Write your answer here.
______________________________________________________________________________________
______________________________________________________________________________
______________________________________________________________________________
______________________________________________________________________________
______________________________________________________________________________

Task 4
Incorporate a quotation from Swales in the text at a suitable point. Decide on a suitable place to include the
quotation. Make any changes necessary to the text.

Quotation
...the "true" discourse community may be rarer and more esoteric than I once thought....
(J. Swales (1993). In an article "Genre and engagement", published in the journal Revue Belge de Philologie
et d'Histoire, 71, pages 687-98. This quotation is from page 695.)

Text
Swales has recently withdrawn slightly from his original conception of the discourse community.
Write your answer here.
______________________________________________________________________________
______________________________________________________________________________
______________________________________________________________________________
______________________________________________________________________________
______________________________________________________________________________

Task 5
Incorporate the quotation from Willis in the text at a suitable point. Decide on a suitable place to include the
quotation. Make any changes necessary to the text.

Quotation
If the students start speaking in their own language without your permission ... it generally means that
something is wrong with the lesson.
(J. Willis (1993). In a book titled Teaching English Through English, published in Harlow by Longman in
1983. This quotation is from page xiv.)

56
Text
Teachers and researchers in English as a second language have, on the whole, been concerned to minimize
code-switching in the classroom, taking it that the switching either indicates a failure to learn the target
language or an unwillingness to do so.
Write your answer here.
______________________________________________________________________________________
______________________________________________________________________________________
______________________________________________________________________________________
______________________________________________________________________________________
_____________________________________________________________________________________

57
Answer to task 1
Tyler (1871, p. 1) defines culture as consisting of patterns of behavior as well as patterns of thought.

References
Tyler, E. B. (1871). Primitive culture. London: J Murray.

Answer to task 2
The original was:
As Robert Dentan explains, to express gratitude for the portion received indicates that you are the kind of
person who calculates how much you are giving and taking.
In this context saying thank you is very rude, for it suggests first that one has calculated the amount of a gift
and second, that one did not expect the donor to be so generous. (Dentan, 1968, p. 49)

Answer to task 3
The original was:
One view of this, popular among anthropologists, has been expressed as follows:
… the physical and social environment of the young child is perceived as a continuum. It does not contain
any intrinsically separate ‘things’. The child, in due course, is taught to impose upon this environment a kind
of discriminating grid which serves to distinguish the world as being composed of a large number of separate
things; each labeled with a name. (Leach, 1964)
According to this view, there is no basis for our category structure in the world itself. Instead this structure is
imposed by categorical processes of the human mind, which in turn depend upon experiences within a
particular culture. Thus the categories we use to distinguish varieties of flowers are simply those used by
other members of our culture.

References
Leach, E. (1964). Anthropological aspects of language: Animal categories and verbal abuse. In E. H.
Lenneberg (Ed.) New directions in the study of language (pp. 23-63). Cambridge, MA: MIT Press.

Answer to task 4
The original was:
Swales has recently withdrawn slightly from his original conception of the discourse community, arguing that
"the 'true' discourse community may be rarer and more esoteric than I once thought’ (1993, p. 695).

References
Swales, J. (1993) Genre and engagement. Revue Belge de Philologie et d'Histoire, 71, 687-98.

Answer to task 5
The original was:
Teachers and researchers in English as a second language have, on the whole, been concerned to minimize
code-switching in the classroom, taking it that the switching either indicates a failure to learn the target
language or an unwillingness to do so. Willis (1981: xiv), for instance, suggests that 'If the students start
speaking in their own language without your permission ... it generally means that something is wrong with
the lesson.'

References
Willis, J. 1981. Teaching English through English. Harlow: Longman.

58
 5. The Research Paper
The Nature of Research Writing14

During this MA course, you will have to write various types of paper. In part, these will require the skills
already addressed in the critique-writing section of this course, such as summary and evaluation of other
articles. Many assignments will also involve you in developing an argument of your own in relation to the
work of others. The most common of these, and perhaps the most important, is the research paper. In its
essence, the research paper imitates the research article, an article published in a journal in the discipline. At
this stage in your academic career, it may sound like a big challenge to write a publishable article, but it is
certainly not impossible. More importantly, writing research papers is practice for writing the publishable
articles that your department hope you will produce later. MA students are often referred as 'junior
researchers'. This can be a helpful way of seeing yourself when you are trying to write your research paper:
you are learning to write like a fully-fledged researcher.

Many students find the thought of contributing something new rather daunting. Novelty does not necessarily
mean developing a major new theory, however, it does mean that you are expected to add something to the
existing body of research, not just collect and repeat other people's work. There are many ways to express
this 'novel' aspect: your contribution may be a new insight in an existing debate, the application of an
established theory to a new area, an expression of disagreement with a certain position argued by another
writer, or an extension of a previously developed line of enquiry.

A kind of review that you may have to write for an MA course, however, particularly when working on your
thesis, is the literature review. A literature review is a piece of writing in which you 'review' previous research
in your chosen field to show the reader how your own research-in-process relates to what has been written
to date and justify your research by clearly expressing in what way the paper contributes to the existing body
of literature. A literature review is not usually a free-standing paper but more commonly serves to pave the
way for a subsequent chapter or section that presents the author's own research or analysis. Some of your
professors may set assignments that look at first sight like a free-standing literature review but do not appear
to have an obvious purpose comparable to that described above. If you are unsure of the purpose of an
assignment you have been set, we always recommend that you go back to the professor who set the task
and discuss it with him or her. This will usually clarify any misunderstanding - and probably help you get a
better grade than you would by trying to guess what the professor wants.

Research papers, however, remain the key genre in graduate study. Depending on the professor, they may
vary in length from 2500 to 5000 words, but all have in common that they involve you in solving a problem,
theoretical or practical, by doing some sort of research, usually library research (reading, comparing and
applying the work of others), though a few may require you to carry out empirical research (gathering primary
data in some form and processing it). The process of producing a research paper involves several stages,
and is not necessarily linear - you may have to go back and repeat some stages.

Initial research
In order to get a feel for what you might write about, you need to read around the area you are interested in.
Part of this, naturally, will be the set readings for the course, but you will certainly need to go beyond these.
Your course tutor may be able to help you here in suggesting further titles. In part you may also be able to
trace earlier articles cited in the set reading and read these, but of course this will not help you to find more
recent research.

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59
Developing a research question
As you read, you will begin to get a feel for what is central (the questions everyone is talking about) and what
is marginal (the aspects hardly anyone pays attention to), for what has been done and what has not been
done. You may notice that one particular strand of research has overlooked a particular event, factor or
process; that you know of a real-world situation that poses problems for the explanations offered by theorists,
or presents an interesting case; that a problem you know of could be better understood through a particular
theoretical perspective; or that there is something else which has not been done, not been done extensively
enough or not been done in the best way it could have been. Gradually, you will be able to formulate the gap
or lack you see in terms of a 'puzzle', an unanswered question which your research will attempt to answer.
This is your research question, and it will act as the driving force of your paper, helping you to decide what
else to read, how to structure your argument, and how to relate yourself to the sources you have used.

More reading (and note-taking)

This is where the serious reading starts. The reading you did so far served simply to frame the problem.
Once you have found your research question, you can begin to read in a much more targeted way, hunting
for just those articles or parts of articles and books that are relevant to the answering of your question. As
you read, you will be focusing and noting down specifically those parts of others' work that are relevant to
your question, skipping over or only reading hastily those parts that address broader issues. As mentioned
above, this is not a simple linear process: your new reading may force you to refine or modify your research
question, and this in turn may give your subsequent reading a new direction.

During the whole process of researching and writing, it is important to take effective notes. There are many
ways of note-taking, including annotating photocopies, highlighting key information (possibly in different
colors) filling in an outline, using reference cards and others. Whichever way you choose, you will need to
use the information later, so do write down all the bibliographical details and page numbers at this stage.
This can save a lot of time and effort (and avoid accusations of plagiarism) when you come to use these
sources in developing your claims. It is also generally not a good idea to copy out large chunks of the original
text, even if computer technology makes it easy to do so nowadays. Doing so increases the temptation to
patch together your paper out of the quotations of others, making it less of your own work. We have
discussed quotation, paraphrase and summary of the work of others in more detail, including the issue of
plagiarism.

Identifying the structure of your research paper

Apart from the obvious fixed components of the paper - the introduction and the concluding section - it is
hard to identify a common structure across disciplines. In the natural sciences, Swales notes that a pattern of
Introduction-Methodology-Results-Discussion is common, where the need for a research experiment is
identified, the method to be used is described and justified, the results laid out and the meaning of those
results discussed. This pattern is much less universal in the social sciences, even when empirical research is
involved, and is largely irrelevant to disciplines such as history or law. Besides, as we have mentioned, many
papers you write will not involve primary data gathering experiments, so this model is not so helpful. Instead,
in the social sciences and humanities, the structure of the paper tends to be dictated by the nature of the
problem. Will the background context to a situation or an event need to be explained? Will two theories need
to be compared for relevance? Will a case need to be analyzed? The answers to these questions will help
determine the structure of your paper.

Some people like to start by drafting an outline of how their paper will develop, breaking it down into parts
and then working on each of those parts. This has the advantage that it allows you to see the different parts
of the paper and how they relate and build on each other. You can see those areas that need more
development or clearer organization, and the outline acts as a visual representation of the whole paper.
Others prefer initially to draft more freely, then to select, revise and reshape from what they have written and
see how an outline evolves from their attempts to answer the question. Whichever way you use, there will

60
come a time when you need to plan the structure of your paper and fit the thoughts and ideas you have so
far into that framework. Not planning the structure of your paper at all may lead to a piece of writing which is
a 'stream of consciousness' - a wandering exploration of where your thoughts took you. While some writers,
such as Derrida or Foucault, are brilliant and knowledgeable enough to do this and pull it off, it is not a
strategy calculated to achieve a good grade at MA level.

Writing a first draft

Although you will have a lot of reading to do, we recommend that you don't wait until you have finished
reading the last article before you put pen to paper or finger to keyboard. Drafting in itself is part of the
process of thinking. By putting your ideas down on paper, you will gain insights as to how different aspects of
the question relate to each other in a way that rarely occurs simply from reading. The view that the
researcher sits alone with his or her books fermenting an idea for an article until it is complete, then dashes it
off on paper in a few hours is a rather naïve one. Writing is a messy process of drafting ideas, thinking about
them, doing more reading, changing your mind, reorganizing stuff and gradually getting nearer to the final,
polished paper. Some people like to draft initially with pen and paper, while others are very comfortable
getting their first thoughts down straight onto the computer; this is a matter of personal taste.

In helping gather your thoughts, probably the most important part of your paper is the introduction, because it
outlines what you intend to do and why. So many students have difficulty with this crucial part of the paper
that in the final section of this course we devote a whole lesson to the structure of introductions. For now it is
enough to say that a well-drafted introduction can help clear your mind and enable you to see the best
structure and development for your paper. It also helps you to outline for yourself how you will relate to the
work of others, and to prevent others' research from taking over your paper. For this reason, although some
writers recommend you write your introduction last, we usually suggest you draft the introduction early on,
then go back and revise it when the paper is written.

Final comments
Writing research papers, then, constitutes a key part of learning for the 'junior researcher' and this part of the
course is designed to help you acquire this skill, addressing the use of sources, the structure of introductions
and conclusions, and other important issues.

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Introduction to a Research Paper15
For many students, the introduction is the most difficult part of the research paper to write. This is perhaps
because it requires you to have a clear idea of the purpose of your paper, how it stems from previous
research in the field, and how it offers something new that contributes to that field. This contribution will
usually be quite small, but it will be there, and it has to be made clear. The introduction is the part of your
paper where you have to argue for your research, to persuade your reader that it is justified.
Many research papers follow the pattern 'situation-problem-solution-evaluation'. In other words, they
describe a situation, identify something in that situation that is problematic, discuss a suggestion as to how
this situation might be solved, and finally evaluate whether this solution is effective or not. The purpose of
the introduction is to show the main features of this problem solving, and the key point in the introduction is
the hinge on which the paper turns from identifying a problem to explaining how it will be solved. Extract 1
below shows this movement (in bold).

Extract 1
"While there has been extensive research into occurrence of wartime rape in Bosnia, and several writers
have considered the role of the military in organizing and maintaining 'rape camps', to date little research
has been carried out as to the involvement of the civilian administration. In an attempt to redress this
balance and shed light on this neglected area, this paper will investigate the role of civilian
administrative organs in Srebrenica and Vukovar in the phenomenon of wartime rape. It will be shown
that..."

Problem Solution
little research has been carried out as to this paper will investigate the role of
the involvement of the civilian  civilian administrative organs in
administration Srebrenica and Vukovar...

Having identified the problem, the writer immediately puts forward a solution, which is at the same time, the
purpose of the paper. In this way, the identification of the problem or puzzle (what is it we do not
understand?) acts as a kind of springboard which enable the writer to introduce the purpose of the paper (the
thesis statement). Of course, in order to be able to understand the problem, we need to know the situation in
which that problem has arisen. It is not enough to start a paper with the words 'There is little research...' The
reader might reasonably reply, 'why should there be any research?' In some languages, a writer may make
unexplained statements that provoke the reader wonder 'why is he saying this?' The writer will then, hoping
she has the reader's interest, later provide the answer to those questions. In English, the opposite pattern is
more common. The writer will anticipate that certain statements will puzzle the reader, and prepare the
ground so that when the statement comes, the reader is not surprised or confused. Consider the following
examples. Which do you find is more reader friendly?

a. This paper recommends improvements to the Mongolian constitution. The constitution, drafted in
1992, has been shown to have severe defects and it is important to identify these and offer solutions.

b. The Mongolian constitution, drafted in 1992, has subsequently been shown to have severe defects.
This paper will identify these defects, showing how they arose, and provide some tentative solutions.

In order to anticipate our reader's question 'why should there be any research?', then, we need to identify the
field and the area of the research as in some way important, interesting, or central (i.e. it has been the centre
of research attention). If we look again at extract 1 above, we can see how the author (very briefly) does this
when she writes:
"While there has been extensive research into occurrence of wartime rape in Bosnia, and several writers
have..."

15
From Academic Writing for Graduate Students, CEU Center for Academic Writing 2005

62
Thus she shows that the area is central and important because 'there has been extensive research'.
In this way, the first few sentences of a research paper typically move from the general situation to the
specific topic the author will focus on. They mention what has been done (to show the area is interesting,
and that they are familiar with previous research), then they show what has not been done in order to
prepare the reader for the thesis statement in which the author explains the aim of the paper to fill the
research 'gap' or solve the problem or puzzle that has been identified. This raises in the reader's mind the
question 'how will you do this?' For this reason, most introductions end with a brief outline of the structure of
the argument (sections of the paper) and/or the methodology to be used. In this way, the author has
successfully 'introduced' the reader to the topic, aims and structure of the paper, so that s/he is well prepared
to understand what follows.

Moves in Introductions
John Swales has identified a typical pattern for the development of introductions to research papers using
what he calls moves. Although Swales original research was carried out in the hard sciences, research by
others has shown that this pattern of moves is broadly similar across many disciplines, including the social
sciences. The table below is adapted slightly from Swales’ original model.16

Move 1: Establishing the subject (Citations required)

a. by showing that the general research area is important, central, [optional]
interesting, problematic, or relevant in some way
b. by moving from general to specific [optional]
c. by introducing & reviewing relevant items of previous research [obligatory]
Move 2: Identifying a research problem (Citations possible)
a. by indicating a gap or by adding to what is known [obligatory]
b. by presenting reasons for conducting the research [optional]

Move 3: Presenting the present work (Citations possible)

a. by stating the purpose of the paper (usually a thesis statement) [obligatory]
b. by presenting research questions or hypotheses [optional]
c. by describing the methodology used [optional]
d. by announcing principal findings [optional]
e. by stating the value of the present research [optional]
f. by indicating the structure of the research paper [optional]

Task
Now analyse the two introductions below taken from journals in two different social science disciplines. Try to
identify the above moves in each introduction. Compare your findings with another student before reporting
to the class.

'Normative' power Europe: a realist critique17

Adrian Hyde-Price

INTRODUCTION
Since the end of the Cold War, liberal and idealist notions have shaped much of the discourse of
European Studies and International Relations. Particularly influential have been conceptions of the European
Union (EU) as a 'civilian' or 'normative' power, committed to 'civilizing' international relations as part of a
wider transformation of international society (Duchene 1972; Hill 1990; Manners 2002). Such liberal-idealist
views regard the EU as a novel and uniquely benign entity in international politics which serves as the
harbinger of a Kantian foedus pacificum. Central to such liberal-idealist arguments is the claim that the apparent
weakness of the Union as an international actor – its lack of coercive instruments and its consequent
reliance on declaratory politics and 'soft power' – in fact constitute the very sources of its strength. Such

16
Swales, J. (2005). Research Genres: Explorations and Applications. Cambridge: CUP.
17
Journal of European Public Policy 13:2 March 2006, p.235-251

63
arguments fit comfortably with a view prevalent in European policy-making circles that while Europeans may
not come 'from Venus' (Kagan 2003), nonetheless there is a distinctive 'European' approach to international
politics that favours diplomacy, persuasion, negotiation and compromise, in contrast to the rather more
martial (and 'Martian') American approach which is more prone to using military coercion.
This article offers an alternative theoretical account of the EU as an international actor. It differs sharply
from liberal-idealist concepts of 'civilian' and 'normative' power which seek to explain the international role of
the EU from the perspective of actor-based ontologies and interpretivist epistemologies. The problems with
such liberal-idealist approaches are threefold. First, they are reductionist in that they seek to 'explain
international outcomes through elements and combinations of elements located at national or sub national
levels' (Waltz 1979: 60). Second, they suffer from liberal-idealism's perennial weakness, namely 'the almost
total neglect of power' (Carr 2001: cv). As Hedley Bull noted, the civilian power concept was a contradiction
in terms because 'the power of influence exerted by the European Community and other such civilian actors
was conditional upon a strategic environment provided by the military power of states, which they did not
control' (Bull 1982: 151). Third, they are explicitly normative, in that they regard civilian and normative power
as a 'good thing'. The problem here is that when the object of study is seen as embodying the core values
one believes in, it is difficult to achieve any critical distance. In contrast to such reductionist and explicitly
normative approaches, this article presents a systems level analysis rooted in the structural realist tradition of
International Relations. Neorealism is one of the most sophisticated and influential theories of international
politics, yet there have been few attempts to apply it to the EU's foreign, security and defence policy.
European integration, and the Common Foreign and Security Policy (CFSP)/European Security and Defence
Policy (ESDP) in particular, are 'hard cases' for neorealist theory (Waltz 1979: 123), which tends to
emphasize the obstacles to co-operation within a self-help system. Nonetheless, whilst structural realism
cannot explain the fine-grain of European foreign and security co-operation, it has considerable explanatory
power in elucidating the nature of the EU as an international actor and the underlying dynamics of the
CFSP/ESDP.

The Myth of the ‘Puck Bunny’: Female Fans and Men’s Ice Hockey18
Garry Crawford and Victoria K. Gosling

Introduction
This article provides a consideration of female followers of men's UK ice hockey, with specific focus upon
the supporters of The Manchester Storm. The study of sport fans remains an area still relatively under-
researched in contemporary academic literature (Wann and Hamlet, 1995). Moreover, Jones and Lawrence
(2000) suggest that what little research there is has either considered sport fans as a homogenous mass or
has focused almost exclusively on issues of supporter violence and hooliganism. In both cases, issues of
gender and the marginalized position women occupy within many sport fan communities have been largely
ignored. The study of sport, Scraton and Flintoff (2002:30) suggest, has always been dominated by a
'malestream' approach, which has largely ignored the role and location of women in sport; this can be seen
not only in women's marginalization in consideration of sport participation, but also in the lack of empirical
research on women as fans of sport.
The majority of discussions surrounding the contemporary nature of sports audiences have tended to
focus on changes within the nature of supporter groups within a social class framework, where changes in
the gender composition of audiences are largely seen as part of a process of 'bourgeoisification' rather than
considering the role and location that attending sport plays in the lives of female supporters. The vast
majority of the literature that does consider gender and sport fans in the UK has focused (almost exclusively)
on the underrepresentation of women attending 'live' professional football games. However, this literature
has often been popularist in nature and lacking any substantial empirical or theoretical foundations. For
instance, the Sir Norman Chester Centre for Football Research (SNCCFR) annual Fan Surveys (of
attendees at 'live' Premier league games in England) provide some quantitative data on English Premier
League female football supporters, such as suggesting that women on average constitute only around 14
percent of 'live' audiences at Premier League football matches in England (SNCCFR, 2000). However, as
Jones and Lawrence (2000) suggest, little research exists on the meaning of 'fandom', and academic debate,
particularly, is largely devoid of any consideration of the importance being a sport fan has to women.
Consequently, this article considers the nature of contemporary sports audiences primarily from the
perspective of gender, and, more specifically, considers why UK men's ice hockey has proved so popular in
attracting a high proportion of female supporters. In particular, this article considers the place and location of
female supporters within the supporter base of the British ice hockey team, The Manchester Storm, and

18
The Myth of the ‘Puck Bunny’: Female Fans and Men’s Ice Hockey, Garry Crawford and Victoria K. Gosling, Sociology,
7 2004; vol. 38: pp. 477 - 493.

64
questions the assertion expressed by many male interviewees that female followers of men's ice hockey
largely constitute little more than 'groupies' or (more specifically) 'puck bunnies'.
The term 'puck bunny', which is applied almost exclusively to female ice hockey fans, implies that these
supporters are 'inauthentic', not 'dedicated' in their support, and are more interested in the sexual
attractiveness of the players rather than the sport itself. The male ice hockey supporters interviewed in this
research reinforced these views. However, data from the female interviewees suggests that female fans are
largely dedicated in both their support and their loyalty for 'their' team and are very knowledgeable about the
sport generally. Moreover, the attractiveness of players appeared to play no significant role in attracting
female fans to the sport. This article also addresses why women attend ice hockey in the UK in such high
proportions (especially when compared to other male mass spectator sports such as football), and argues
that women are encouraged to attend 'new' arena-based sports, such as ice hockey, by the perceived safety
and opportunities offered by contemporary sports venues.
This article draws on 37 interviews with British ice hockey supporters (19 male and 18 female), and over
three years of participant observation at ice hockey games around the UK and the USA. Interviewees were
selected from names and addresses supplied by respondents to two Manchester Storm supporter
questionnaires conducted in 1998 and 1999, which sampled individuals attending 'live' games at the
Manchester Arena, members of the official supporters club, and those visiting an unofficial supporter web
site.
Both surveys offered a prize of a signed team jersey and this encouraged a large proportion of
respondents to provide contact details. The surveys provided a large sampling frame of over a thousand
Manchester Storm supporters from which the interviewees could be selected. It was decided that a full range
of supporters were to be interviewed, ranging from the most to least dedicated; therefore interviewees were
selected on the basis of their answers to three key questions on the survey. These were: how frequently they
attended games, how important ice hockey was in their lives and how important the team's success was to
them. A diversity of interviewees was then selected ranging from those who regularly attended games and
rated these as highly important (on a five point likert scale) to those who had only attended one or two
games and viewed ice hockey as relatively unimportant in their lives.
This article does not aim to provide broad generalizations across all sport fan communities, but rather to
provide a consideration of the experiences and attitudes of a sample of Manchester Storm supporters. This
research highlights the importance of gender relations in constructing and shaping the complex position that
women occupy in sport supporter communities.

65
The Thesis Statement19
One of the most important elements of the introduction is the thesis statement. This is the sentence where
you present the purpose of your paper. It needs to be clear, explicit and precise. Below is a list of points to
help you check that your thesis statement is well written. For the purposes of exemplification, we use an
imaginary thesis statement.

Sample TS:
This paper will attempt to discuss some aspects of the Mongolian 1992 constitution.
1. Does your TS state the ultimate goal of your paper, i.e. what you hope to achieve?
The sample TS is weak because it only tells what will be happening during the paper, not what will be
achieved. The purpose of your research is not to discuss, but to use discussion (or better, analysis or
evaluation) as a way of deciding how things are or what should be done - it is a means, not an end.
Improvement 1: This paper will attempt to evaluate the effectiveness of some aspects of the Mongolian
1992 constitution.
2. Does your TS precisely define the scope of your research?
Again, the sample TS is weak because it only tells us of the intent to look at some aspects of the constitution
- we don't know which ones. Always try to define as narrowly as possible the aspects of the research topic
that you will consider, so that both you and your reader know what you are doing and what you are not
doing.
Improvement 2: This paper will attempt to evaluate the effectiveness of the Mongolian 1992 constitution,
focusing specifically on the legitimacy of the constitution making process and the question of constitutional
continuity.
3. Do you avoid hedges that cast into question your competence as a researcher?
Hedges (cautious language) are often used in academic writing so as not to imply that the author has found
the only correct answer but is rather offering a valid interpretation; however, the place for hedges is not in
your thesis statement. Do not tell the reader that you will 'try', 'attempt', or 'make efforts' to do something;
simply tell them you will do it. They can then judge for themselves how successful you are.
Improvement 3: This paper will attempt to evaluate the effectiveness of the Mongolian 1992 constitution,
focusing specifically on the legitimacy of the constitution making process and the question of constitutional
continuity.
4. Does your TS at least hint at the sort of results/conclusion you will reach?
Although you are not obliged to, it can be very helpful, again both to you and your reader, to indicate what
you hope/intend to find at the end of your research. At the planning stage you may not be able to answer this
question, but by the time you revise your draft introduction, you should know and be able to express your
findings briefly. Our sample TS fails in this respect completely, as it makes no reference to findings. The
sample can best be improved by adding a second sentence, but if you can express your TS in a single
sentence that indicates what you expect to find, so much the better.
Improvement 4: This paper will evaluate the effectiveness of the Mongolian 1992 constitution, focusing
specifically on the legitimacy of the constitution making process and the question of constitutional continuity.
It will be shown that the roots of the present political crisis lie in the failure of the powers involved in the
process to ensure a legitimate constitution.
Further examples for evaluation
Task: Here are some more thesis statements from student writing. Evaluate and rewrite them if
necessary, using the checklist questions.
1. This paper aims to cast light on the question of US fundamental interests that have guided its foreign
policy towards Israel from 1980 till the present day, which will be achieved through a statistical
analysis of the single case study.

19
From Academic Writing for Graduate Students, CEU Center for Academic Writing 2005

66
 2. This paper links the process of the political change of a state with the rules of diplomatic interaction
and distinguishes the indicating parts of these rules, exploring their use and meaning.
3. The aim of this paper is to show how museum organization privatizes the historical and political
discourse through the institutionalization of public memory, that is, to reveal the institutional
character of the museum, using the example of the Ludwig Museum Budapest.

What is a Review of the Literature?

A review of the literature is the part of your research paper or thesis where you link your research question to
“the literature”. By the “literature” we mean those relevant books and articles written by accredited scholars
and researchers that address or touch on the question you have chosen. Your purpose in the literature
review is to show the reader how your own research-in-process relates to what has been written before.
Typically, it is the stage where, having identified a problem (in the introduction, for example), you assess if
and how that question can be answered by looking at the findings or methods of existing research. The
result could be, depending on your discipline, and your question, for example that you find that existing
research can provide useful tools that can be applied or adapted to the problem you have identified.
Alternatively you might find that existing research has either overlooked or inadequately your question, or not
used suitable methodological tools in answering that question. This latter conclusion could lead you to
propose further investigation of the question with empirical research and gathering new data or with new
methodological tools. This you will then do in the subsequent parts of the paper.
As you can see from the above, the literature review is rarely a free-standing text, but an integral part of a
larger scholarly work. Some students may confuse the literature review with the ‘referat’, a genre popular
during the Soviet period. The purpose of the referat was for the student to demonstrate that she has done all
the necessary reading that the professor required in one area of the subject and in the best case could show
how the various pieces of research were related to each. In other words it was an overview, not a review.
A review goes beyond gathering and synthesizing previous research. You do need to show that you have
identified and synthesized relevant information, but you also need to critically evaluate it according to the
guiding concept you have chosen. “Evaluate” here does not only mean asking “is it good or bad?”, though
you will want to negatively evaluate any articles that you assess as poorly argued or based on inadequate or
biased research. In the literature review, evaluation mean applying the previous research to your question:
Does it answer the question? Does it provide valid tools to answer the question? Does it provide better
insights into your question than other articles? In this way your review will show the reader not only what
literature exists, and your qualitative evaluation of that literature but also your conclusions from having
evaluated that literature in relation to your research question. Like any other part of a research paper or
thesis, the literature review has an argument: it makes a claim in relation to your research question (eg. that
that a particular approach will achieve the best results, that a particular theoretical framework is most
suitable to explore an issue, or an issue has not received the attention it deserves), and uses the results of
your library research as evidence in support of that claim.
Simply put, preparing a literature review involves three main stages:
• identifying potentially useful articles and books and summarizing the relevant content from them
• applying analysis to identify whether studies are methodologically valid and unbiased
• organizing what you have found from your research into a section or chapter which moves your paper or
thesis forward from the identification of a problem (in a previous section or chapter) towards the potential
solution of that problem (in subsequent sections or chapters).
Of these three, the last stage is in many ways the most demanding. To use a metaphor, the first two stages
are like collecting materials to build a house; the last stage is the actually building of the house itself. Good
materials are important, but the best bricks and mortar won’t ensure that your house is well built. Only careful
planning, design and consideration of what kind of house you need will achieve that.

67
Questions to Ask Yourself About Your Review of Literature20
1. Do I have a specific thesis, problem, or research question which my literature review helps to define?
2. What type of literature review am I conducting? Am I looking at issues of theory? methodology?
policy? quantitative research (e.g., studies of a new or controversial procedure)? qualitative
research.
3. What is the scope of my literature review? What types of publications am I using; e.g., journals,
books, government documents, popular media? What discipline am I working in; e.g., political
science, psychology, sociology, international law?
4. How good are my information seeking skills? Has my search been wide enough to ensure I've found
all the relevant material? Has it been narrow enough to exclude irrelevant material? Is the number of
sources I've used appropriate for the length of my paper?
5. Is there a specific relationship between the literature I've chosen to review and the problem I've
formulated?
6. Have I critically analyzed the literature I use? Do I just list and summarize authors and articles, or do
I assess them? Do I discuss the strengths and weaknesses of the cited material?
7. Have I cited and discussed studies contrary to my perspective?
8. Will the reader find my literature review relevant, appropriate, and useful?

Questions to Ask Yourself About Each Book or Article You're Reviewing

1. Has the author formulated a problem/issue?
2. Is the problem/issue ambiguous or clearly articulated? Is its significance (scope, severity, relevance)
discussed?
3. What are the strengths and limitations of the way the author has formulated the problem or issue?
4. Could the problem have been approached more effectively from another perspective?
5. What is the author's research orientation (e.g., interpretive, critical science, combination)?
6. What is the author's theoretical framework (e.g., psychoanalytic, developmental, feminist)?
7. What is the relationship between the theoretical and research perspectives?
8. Has the author evaluated the literature relevant to the problem/issue? Does the author include
literature taking positions she/he does not agree with?
9. In a research study, how good are the three basic components of the study design (i.e., population,
intervention, outcome)? How accurate and valid are the measurements? Is the analysis of the data
accurate and relevant to the research question? Are the conclusions validly based upon the data and
analysis?
10. In popular literature, does the author use appeals to emotion, one-sided examples, rhetorically-
charged language and tone? Is the author objective, or is she/he merely 'proving' what she/he
already believes?
11. How does the author structure his or her argument? Can you 'deconstruct' the flow of the argument
to analyze if/where it breaks down?
12. Is this a book or article that contributes to our understanding of the problem under study, and in what
ways is it useful for practice? What are the strengths and limitations?
13. How does this book or article fit into the thesis or question I am developing?

20
D. Taylor, University of Toronto Health Sciences Writing Centre, “Writing a Literature Review in the Health Sciences
and Social Work” http://www.hswriting.ca/handouts/lit-review.asp

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Task 1
Now use the checklist on the previous page to evaluate the literature review below: 21

Foreign policy learning: the case of Vladimir Putin — Literature review

The problem of political and international learning is a fairly recent one. Robert Jervis and Ernest
May for the first time explicitly addressed the question of how political leaders learn in the mid
1970s, although some authors claim that Karl Deutsch’s work on security communities can also be
read as a study of learning among states22. The research on learning crystallized as an
independent program in the late 1980s: puzzled by the sudden reversal of the Soviet foreign policy,
scholars were looking for new ways to theorize change in International Relations (IR). The valuable
contributions of George Breslauer, Philip Tetlock, Joseph Nye and Ernst Haas helped to establish
key concepts, identified slippery allies, and offered useful suggestions for constructing empirical
studies23. As a result, learning program has gained momentum throughout the 1990s. Moreover,
as constructivism came to prominence, alongside mainstream works there also appeared studies
discussing the issue of cognitive change from a reflectivist perspective, for example, John
Katzenstein’s edited volume24. A rich variety of surveys covering different aspects, types, and
stages of learning available today is a clear indication of the fact that the program has been
flourishing over the couple of last years, which serves as an encouragement for young scholars25.
In a following overview, I shall first introduce key concepts and definitions, then discuss the issues
related to choosing appropriate methodology and constructing the design of empirical research,
and conclude by pointing to potential pitfalls that exist within learning research.
There is a uniform agreement among scholars, taken in its widest sense, learning denotes
cognitive change in beliefs as a result of the observation and interpretation of experience26. Most of
the authors also agree that it is necessary to distinguish at least two different dimensions of
learning: firstly, there are changes that affect agents beliefs about casual laws and strategies for
action; secondly, we may also encounter changes in ultimate goals, underlying norms, and overall
understanding of situation. Levy labels these two categories causal and diagnostic learning, Nye –
simple and complex learning, Haas refers to adaptation and learning, Risse et al. suggest the
distinction between instrumental and social learning27. Complex learning is considered to be a
higher and more significant form of learning, because it has a more considerable effect on policies
and actor behavior28. An alternative to this content-oriented notion of change is structure-oriented

21
Reproduced with the kind permission of an MA student at Central European University
22
Robert Jervis (1976) Perceptions and Misperceptions in International Politics. Princeton, New Jersey: Princeton
University Press; Ernest R. May (1973) “Lessons” of the Past: the use and misuse of history in American foreign policy.
Oxford: Oxford University Press; Karl W. Deutsch (1957) Political Community and the North Atlantic Area: international
organization in the light of historical experience. Princeton, New Jersey: Princeton University Press.
23
George W. Breslauer and Philip E. Tetlock (eds.) (1991) Learning in U.S. and Soviet foreign policy. Boulder et al:
Westview Press; Joseph S. Nye, Jr. (1987) ‘Nuclear learning and US-Soviet security regimes,’ in International
Organization, 41 (3), pp.371-402; Ernst B. Haas (1990) When Knowledge is Power: three models of change in
international organizations. Berkeley, California: University of California Press; see also Richard Ned Lebow and Thomas
Risse-Kappen (eds.) (1995) International Relations Theory and the End of the Cold War. New York: Columbia University
Press.
24
Peter J. Katzenstein (ed.) (1996) The Culture of National Security: norms and identity in world politics. New York:
Columbia University Press.
25
See Jeffrey T. Checkel (1997) Ideas and International Political Change: Soviet/Russian behavior and the end of the
Cold War. New Haven: Yale University Press; Thomas Risse, Stephen C. Ropp, and Kathryn Sikkink (eds.) (1999) The
Power of Human Rights: international norms and domestic change. Cambridge: Cambridge University Press; Andrew
Farkas (1998) State Learning and International Change. Ann Arbor, MI: University of Michigan Press; Andrew Bennett
(1999) Condemned to Repetition? The Rise, Fall, and Reprise of Soviet-Russian Military Interventionism, 1973–1996.
Cambridge, Massachusetts: MIT Press; Russell J. Leng (2000) Bargaining and Learning in Recurring Crises: The Soviet-
American, Egyptian-Israeli, and Indo-Pakistani Rivalries. Ann Arbor, Michigan: University of Michigan Press.
26
Jack S. Levy (1994) ‘Learning and foreign policy: sweeping a conceptual minefield,’ in International Organization, 48
(2), p.283; Jeffrey W. Knopf (2003) ‘The importance of international learning,’ in Review of International Studies, 29 (2),
pp.185-207., p.190.
27
Jack S. Levy ‘Learning and foreign policy’, p.283; Nye ‘Nuclear learning’, p.380; Haas When Knowledge is Power, p.3,
23, 36; Jeffrey T. Checkel (2001) ‘Why Comply? Social Learning and European Identity Change’, in International
Organization, 55 (3), pp.556-7.
28
Jeffrey W. Knopf ‘The importance of international learning’, p.189.

69
categorization. Thus Tetlock point to the possibility of defining learning as “change in the cognitive
structure of one’s image of the international environment <…> in the direction of greater complexity
and greater capacity for self-criticism”29. Complexity may lead to a more nuanced decision-making,
but it also impedes changes in underlying beliefs, because any discrepant information can be
accommodated by existing structures. The real problem with the structural approach, however, lies
in the fact that complexity is often context-dependent and unevenly developed across different
areas, which makes structural change difficult to assess from the outside perspective30. In short,
then, the initial definition of learning still leaves a lot of questions to be clarified.
Much like any other problem-area within IR, learning research can be divided along the
rationalist/reflectivist fault-line. Scholars approaching subject from a rationalist perspective are
preoccupied with explaining events and, as a rule, rely on positivist methodology31. In contrast,
reflectivists adopt an internal perspective on things: they seek to understand the events and thus
rely on sociological methods. Thus driven by positivist concerns, Levy, Nye, Haas (plus a score of
other authors) point to the dangers of identifying learning with changes that researcher personally
approves of, or measuring it according to the subjective standards of effectiveness32. Wendt and
Fearon also point to another structural limitation of rationalist approach: according to them,
rationalist explanation is based on the formula ‘Desire + Belief = Action’33. For mainstream
scholars, beliefs in this formula are open to revision, in fact, the more accurate causal believes an
individual entertains, the more likely he is to succeed in action. In contrast, individuals’ desires and
preferences remain constantly fixed throughout the period of (inter)action. As a result the majority
of rationalist approaches precludes the possibility of complex learning, i.e change affecting
fundamental goals and constitutive ideas that give rise to desires in the above-mentioned
formula34. Reflectivist approach also faces certain problems: while historically a great deal of
constructivist research was concerned with identity formation, interest change, and the interaction
between the two, the process of learning was often taken for granted and, consequently,
neglected. Lately, this shortcoming was addressed by a greater attention to the process of social
learning and norms diffusion. All the same, constructivist did not manage to come up with a
coherent theory of social learning and instead continued to rely on insights about individual
learning borrowed from psychology, sociology, and organizational theory35. The lack of
comprehensive causal explanation, further increases the risk of projecting learning, where none
has occurred.
Besides methodological underpinnings, every research design has to specify two other important
dimensions: the level of analysis and the underlying ontological assumption36. The first requirement
refers to the different levels of explanation employed in IR: we can approach events from a point of
view of individual, bureaucracy, state, or international system. Explanation referring to international
system would be very comprehensive, but lacking in detail and nuance, while focusing on
bureaucracy would produce rich and compelling account, but at the expense of a bigger picture.
Optimally, the choice of level of analysis should be done with regards to the kind of task at hand. In
the ‘learning’ literature one finds a variety of research designs: Knopf, Barnett, Adler and many
contributors to Katzenstein’s volume look at the learning of states37; Haas and Checkel focus on
learning within multilateral organizations and epistemic communities38; Gross Stein, Hopf and May

29
Philip E. Tetlock ‘Learning in U.S. and Soviet foreign policy’, in George W. Breslauer and Philip E. Tetlock Learning in
U.S. and Soviet foreign policy, p.22, p.32-5.
30
Jack S. Levy ‘Learning and foreign policy’, p.294-6.
31
See Steve Smith (2001) ‘Reflectivist and constructivist approaches to international theory,’ in John Bayliss and Steve
Smith (eds.) The Globalization of World Politics. Oxford: Oxford University Press, pp.226-7.
32
Joseph S. Nye, Jr. ‘Nuclear learning’, p.380; Ernst B. Haas When Knowledge is Power, p.20; Jack S. Levy ‘Learning
and foreign policy’, pp.291-2; See also Philip E. Tetlock ‘Learning in US and Soviet foreign policy’, pp.51-2.
33
James Fearon and Alexander Wendt (2002) ‘Rationalism vs. Constructivism: a skeptical view,’ in Walter Carlsnaes,
Thomas Risse and Beth A. Simmons (eds.) Handbook of International Relations. Sage Publications, p.59.
34
See Alexander Wendt (1999) Social Theory of International Politics. Cambridge: Cambridge University Press, pp.326-
7.
35
Jeffrey T. Checkel ‘Why Comply?’, p.561.
36
Martin Hollis and Steve Smith (1990) Explaining and Understanding International Relations. Oxford: Clarendon Press,
pp.7-9.
37
Jeffrey W. Knopf ‘The importance of international learning’, pp.185-207; Emanuel Adler and Michael Barnett (2000)
Security Communities. Cambridge: Cambridge University Press; Peter J. Katzenstein The Culture of National Security.
38
Ernst B. Haas When Knowledge is Power, Jeffrey T. Checkel Ideas and International Political Change.

70
explore learning in individual cases of Gorbachev, Brezhnev, and American leaders39. One obvious
difference among (between?) these studies is time-span: whereas individual learning happens in
the course of a couple of years, organizational change takes a decade and more, while shifts in
state identities evolve even longer. The studies also differ in empirical design: individual learning is
easiest to capture, gauging bureaucratic change is most difficult.
Once we choose the appropriate level, it is also necessary to specify the ontological dimension,
that is to choose between individualistic and holistic approaches. A holistic account, for example
neo-realism, would argue that foreign policy change or shift in leadership’s preferences is a rational
adjustment to changing structural conditions40. Moreover, under identical conditions, all units would
respond to these changes identically. In contrast, individualist explanation contends that learning
causes units to respond differently even to similar changes. The difference between the two comes
down to the question whether learning can significantly affect behavior: holists downplay such a
possibility, whereas individualists forcefully assert the impact of cognitive change41. Unlike other
methodological issues, this disagreement has to be resolved in favor of individualism, for it would
be difficult to make a meaningful contribution to understanding the process of political learning, if
one from the very beginning assumes that it plays an insignificant role in international politics. In
short, before embarking on an empirical research, it is important to specify not only ones tools, but
also starting points.
Similarly to any other emerging field, learning program contains potential pitfalls that one should be
aware of. The principle difficulty concerns a distinction between the instances of genuine learning
and changes in policies or actor behavior effected by some other factors. As Levy points out,
changes might occur if “a leadership succession, election, or political realignment” hands power to
a new leader with different values and cognitive beliefs42. In other words, empirical research design
should not neglect the initial knowledge and preferences of political actors. Secondly, one has to
be aware of the fact that actors often allude to historical experience or particular norms moved by
purely instrumental considerations. In fact, as Risse, Ropp, and Sikkink show in their study,
genuine learning very often is preceded by rhetorical change43. To reduce the possibility of such
error, a research should incorporate the comparison of agent’s statements across time and
different audiences. Yet, one also has to bear in mind that rhetorical action, simple and complex
learning do not fall within discrete phases, but rather form a continuous process. As a result, it
might be difficult to draw unambiguous boundaries between these stages, but that just makes
research all the more challenging and exciting process. In conclusion, I think that existing studies
and methodology offer a rich and fruitful ground for exploring the process of foreign policy learning
and hold a credible potential of contributing to a more dynamic understanding of international
relations.

39
Janice Gross Stein (1995) ‘Political learning by doing: Gorbachev as uncommitted thinker and motivated learner’ in
Richard Ned Lebow and Thomas Risse-Kappen International Relations Theory, pp.223-258; Ted Hopf (1991) ‘Peripheral
visions: Brezhnev and Gorbachev meet the “Reagan Doctrine”, in George W. Breslauer and Philip E. Tetlock Learning in
U.S. and Soviet foreign policy. pp.20-62; Ernest R. May “Lessons” of the Past.
40
Philip E. Tetlock ‘Learning in US and Soviet foreign policy’, p.24.
41
Jack S. Levy ‘Learning and foreign policy’, p.297.
42
Jack S. Levy ‘Learning and foreign policy’, p.299; see also Philip E. Tetlock ‘Learning in U.S. and Soviet foreign policy’,
p.47-50.
43
Risse et al. The Power of Human Rights, p.12, 25.

71
 44
6. How to Write a Research Proposal
Most students and beginning researchers do not fully understand what a research proposal means, nor do
they understand its importance. To put it bluntly, one's research is only as a good as one's proposal. An ill-
conceived proposal dooms the project even if it somehow gets through the Thesis Supervisory Committee. A
high quality proposal, on the other hand, not only promises success for the project, but also impresses your
Thesis Committee about your potential as a researcher.

A research proposal is intended to convince others that you have a worthwhile research project and that you
have the competence and the work-plan to complete it. Generally, a research proposal should contain all the
key elements involved in the research process and include sufficient information for the readers to evaluate
the proposed study.

Regardless of your research area and the methodology you choose, all research proposals must address the
following questions: What you plan to accomplish, why you want to do it and how you are going to do it.

The proposal should have sufficient information to convince your readers that you have an important
research idea, that you have a good grasp of the relevant literature and the major issues, and that your
methodology is sound.

The quality of your research proposal depends not only on the quality of your proposed project, but also on
the quality of your proposal writing. A good research project may run the risk of rejection simply because the
proposal is poorly written. Therefore, it pays if your writing is coherent, clear and compelling.

This paper focuses on proposal writing rather than on the development of research ideas.

Title:
It should be concise and descriptive. For example, the phrase, "An investigation of . . ." could be omitted.
Often titles are stated in terms of a functional relationship, because such titles clearly indicate the
independent and dependent variables. However, if possible, think of an informative but catchy title. An
effective title not only pricks the reader's interest, but also predisposes him/her favorably towards the
proposal.

Abstract:
It is a brief summary of approximately 300 words. It should include the research question, the rationale for
the study, the hypothesis (if any), the method and the main findings. Descriptions of the method may include
the design, procedures, the sample and any instruments that will be used.

Introduction:
The main purpose of the introduction is to provide the necessary background or context for your research
problem. How to frame the research problem is perhaps the biggest problem in proposal writing.
If the research problem is framed in the context of a general, rambling literature review, then the research
question may appear trivial and uninteresting. However, if the same question is placed in the context of a
very focused and current research area, its significance will become evident.
Unfortunately, there are no hard and fast rules on how to frame your research question just as there is no
prescription on how to write an interesting and informative opening paragraph. A lot depends on your
creativity, your ability to think clearly and the depth of your understanding of problem areas.
However, try to place your research question in the context of either a current "hot" area, or an older area
that remains viable. Secondly, you need to provide a brief but appropriate historical backdrop. Thirdly,
provide the contemporary context in which your proposed research question occupies the central stage.

44
From http://atrc.net.pk/resources/project_course/proposal_writing_guide.html

72
Finally, identify "key players" and refer to the most relevant and representative publications. In short, try to
paint your research question in broad brushes and at the same time bring out its significance.
The introduction typically begins with a general statement of the problem area, with a focus on a specific
research problem, to be followed by the rational or justification for the proposed study. The introduction
generally covers the following elements:
1. State the research problem, which is often referred to as the purpose of the study.
2. Provide the context and set the stage for your research question in such a way as to show its
necessity and importance.
3. Present the rationale of your proposed study and clearly indicate why it is worth doing.
4. Briefly describe the major issues and sub-problems to be addressed by your research.
5. Identify the key independent and dependent variables of your experiment. Alternatively, specify the
phenomenon you want to study.
6. State your hypothesis or theory, if any. For exploratory or phenomenological research, you may not
have any hypotheses. (Please do not confuse the hypothesis with the statistical null hypothesis.)
7. Set the delimitation or boundaries of your proposed research in order to provide a clear focus.
8. Provide definitions of key concepts. (This is optional.)

Literature Review:
Sometimes the literature review is incorporated into the introduction section. However, most professors
prefer a separate section, which allows a more thorough review of the literature.
The literature review serves several important functions:
1. Ensures that you are not "reinventing the wheel".
2. Gives credits to those who have laid the groundwork for your research.
3. Demonstrates your knowledge of the research problem.
4. Demonstrates your understanding of the theoretical and research issues related to your research
question.
5. Shows your ability to critically evaluate relevant literature information.
6. Indicates your ability to integrate and synthesize the existing literature.
7. Provides new theoretical insights or develops a new model as the conceptual framework for your
research.
8. Convinces your reader that your proposed research will make a significant and substantial
contribution to the literature (i.e., resolving an important theoretical issue or filling a major gap in the
literature).
Most students' literature reviews suffer from the following problems:
• Lacking organization and structure
• Lacking focus, unity and coherence
• Being repetitive and verbose
• Failing to cite influential papers
• Failing to keep up with recent developments
• Failing to critically evaluate cited papers
• Citing irrelevant or trivial references
• Depending too much on secondary sources
Your scholarship and research competence will be questioned if any of the above applies to your proposal.
There are different ways to organize your literature review. Make use of subheadings to bring order and
coherence to your review. For example, having established the importance of your research area and its
current state of development, you may devote several subsections on related issues as: theoretical models,
measuring instruments, cross-cultural and gender differences, etc.
It is also helpful to keep in mind that you are telling a story to an audience. Try to tell it in a stimulating and
engaging manner. Do not bore them, because it may lead to rejection of your worthy proposal. (Remember:
Professors and scientists are human beings too.)

73
Methods:
The Method section is very important because it tells your Research Committee how you plan to tackle your
research problem. It will provide your work plan and describe the activities necessary for the completion of
your project.
The guiding principle for writing the Method section is that it should contain sufficient information for the
reader to determine whether methodology is sound. Some even argue that a good proposal should contain
sufficient details for another qualified researcher to implement the study.
You need to demonstrate your knowledge of alternative methods and make the case that your approach is
the most appropriate and most valid way to address your research question.
Since there are no well-established and widely accepted canons in qualitative analysis, your method section
needs to be more elaborate than what is required for traditional quantitative research. More importantly, the
data collection process in qualitative research has a far greater impact on the results as compared to
quantitative research. That is another reason for greater care in describing how you will collect and analyze
your data. (How to write the Method section for qualitative research is a topic for another paper.)
For quantitative studies, the method section typically consists of the following sections:
1. Design -Is it a questionnaire study or a laboratory experiment? What kind of design do you choose?
2. Subjects or participants - Who will take part in your study ? What kind of sampling procedure do you
use?
3. Instruments - What kind of measuring instruments or questionnaires do you use? Why do you
choose them? Are they valid and reliable?
4. Procedure - How do you plan to carry out your study? What activities are involved? How long does it
take?

Results:
Obviously you do not have results at the proposal stage. However, you need to have some idea about what
kind of data you will be collecting, and what statistical procedures will be used in order to answer your
research question or test you hypothesis.

Discussion:
It is important to convince your reader of the potential impact of your proposed research. You need to
communicate a sense of enthusiasm and confidence without exaggerating the merits of your proposal. That
is why you also need to mention the limitations and weaknesses of the proposed research, which may be
justified by time and financial constraints as well as by the early developmental stage of your research area.

Common Mistakes in Proposal Writing

1. Failure to provide the proper context to frame the research question.
2. Failure to delimit the boundary conditions for your research.
3. Failure to cite landmark studies.
4. Failure to accurately present the theoretical and empirical contributions by other researchers.
5. Failure to stay focused on the research question.
6. Failure to develop a coherent and persuasive argument for the proposed research.
7. Too much detail on minor issues, but not enough detail on major issues.
8. Too much rambling -- going "all over the map" without a clear sense of direction. (The best proposals
move forward with ease and grace like a seamless river.)
9. Too many citation lapses and incorrect references.
10. Too long or too short.
11. Failing to follow the APA style.
12. Slopping writing.

74
Task 1
On the next pages are two proposals for MA theses. Working in a group with two or three other students and
using criteria you have taken from the above reading, evaluate these two proposals. Be prepared to give a
short report to the class on how effective you find them. Bear in mind that the reading above refers to PhD
proposals and that the MA proposal will therefore require less detail, so the samples should not be criticized
for this. Both proposals included extensive reference lists, but to save space, the second has been reduced
to one page.

Sample Proposal 1
Successful industry building in transition countries: FDI or local effort?
Software industries in Bulgaria, Estonia and Romania.

Thesis Proposal
Introduction
After more than fifteen years of economic transformation for most of the transition countries
from the former Soviet block, the results are mixed and some of the lessons are ambiguous. While
all countries from the regions of Central and Southeast Europe and the Baltics demonstrated
progress towards successful economy-building, differences and divisions emerged between the
countries in terms of economic excellence, macroeconomic stability, and industrial development.
While a general agreement has surfaced as to the basis of arrival at the former two categories,
namely through a series of measures including liberalization, institution-building, privatization and
optimization of public finances promoted in those transition countries by the European Union and
international institutions such as the International Monetary Fund and the European Bank for
Reconstruction and Development, the road to arrive at industrial development has not been so
clear-cut. Transition countries had broken up with the extensive industrialization model promoted
during communism, which had successfully developed industries but at the expense of
technological backwardness and environmental disasters. No blueprints, however, are available as
to how to arrive at successful industry development in the era of knowledge economies.

Debate
Within the academic and political debate on industry development, two camps are
discernible – those promoting foreign direct investment (FDI) and those negating the positive effect
of FDI on local industries and populations and advocating local-effort industries instead. First, FDI
has widely been sought as a source of economic and industrial growth. In the domestic political
arenas, the question has not been whether, but how, to attract FDI, the presumption being of its
crucial role for the development of transition economies. Such an accommodating attitude has
found support in the academic debate on industry development where FDI has been regarded as a
source of technology and knowledge transfer, and thus a basis for industrial and economic
development. Exploring the technology transfer through FDI in transition countries, Damijan and
all claim that the effects of FDI are significant and provide the most important source of productivity
growth to local firms.45 Examining the literature on FDI and international technology transfer, Saggi
classifies different sources of technology transfer that define the impact of FDI on local companies
and on economic growth, arguing that the effect of FDI in the host country is positive.46 Another
perspective on FDI has been provided by Gereffi, who explores global production systems and
commodity chains. In his model of export roles as stages of development, production in foreign
plants (FDI-based industries) represents the middle two stages along global commodity chain
integration, associated with export-processing assembly and component supply, and seen as
having both positive and negative features for the host country.47 The successfulness of industry

45
Joze P. Damijan and all, “Technology Transfer through FDI in Top-10 Transition Countries: How Important are Direct
Effects, Horizontal and Vertical Spillovers?” William Davidson Institute Working Paper 549 (2003).
46
Kamal Saggi, “Trade, Foreign Direct Investment and International Technology Transfer: A Survey,” The World Bank
Research Observer 17, no. 2 (2000): 191-235.
47
Gary Gereffy, “Global Production Systems and Third World Development,” in Global Change, Regional Responses,
ed. Barbara Stallings (Cambridge: Cambridge University Press, 1997), 100-142.

75
development based on FDI has been demonstrated in Chandler’s examination of Japan and
Taiwan’s development of consumer electronics and computer industries. In both countries, the
initial drive to their industries was based on Western investments or joint ventures with Western
‘first-movers’ that brought the capital and knowledge.48 Finally, a more recent success of industrial
development is exemplified by the Irish software industry, which developed in the 1980s and 1990s
into a multibillion-dollar industry and which some researchers such as O’Hearn claim was mostly
based on multinational corporations.49
The second camp on the issue of successful industry building, however, emphasizes the
drawbacks of FDI dependence and advocates the benefits of development of industries based on
local efforts instead. Examining the impact of FDI on eight transition countries, Mencinger shows
that productivity growth based on FDI may be limited by the small size of the countries and the
concentration of FDI in trade and finance. Additionally, he claims that foreign companies may limit
domestic upgrading by limited links with local companies and through the creation of monopolistic
market situations.50 Malairaja and Zawdie, O’Riain and O’Hearn all show that industry development
based on multinational companies may not bring extensive benefits to the host economy and
population because of the location of production in the lower-end, low-value added and low-wage
activities.51 Malairaja and Zawdie question the successfulness of such an industry development
based on a lack of promotion of local innovative capacity and knowledge transfer. Similar doubts
are expressed by Csaba, who question the sustainability of the effect of FDI.52 A number of authors
thus advocate endogenous industry-creation. Analyzing the development of the microcomputer
industry in Brazil, Hirschman advocates the reinvention of industrial processes in the terms of “the
classic infant-industry argument” as a way to build knowledge and industrialize, as well as
stressing the importance of reinvention as a source of innovative capacity building.53 Similarly,
O’Riain examines the local-effort part of the software industry in the Ireland, emphasizing its
integration into the global economy by providing upper-end software products and employing
highly-qualified staff, in contrast to the FDI-based part of the industry that he claims is positioned in
the lower end of the software development cycle, employing mainly non-qualified personnel and
with few links to the local economy.54 In his analysis, therefore, the local industry proves more
beneficial to the host economy and population.
While the debate between the two camps has been present in terms of general industrial
development, the question of the advantages of FDI- or local effort-based industrial development in
the context of a transition economy has not been explored. Despite the great number of criticisms
for the assumption that FDI is not a panacea for economic development, most transition country
governments take it for granted the unconditional need to attract foreign multinational companies,
no matter what the price. What is important to see, however, is whether local-effort based industry
development does not have advantages over a FDI-based one.

Research question
My thesis will examine the grounds for successful industry development in transition
economies, focusing on the two factors of entrepreneurship fostering industry: FDI and domestic
investment and effort. The distinction will thus be made between industries in particular countries
that are predominantly based on FDI or local effort, with the aim of establishing which of those
industries has developed most successfully.

48
Alfred D. Chandler Jr., Inventing the Electronic Century: The Epic Story of the Consumer Electronics and Computer
Industries (The Free Press: New York, 2001).
49
Denis O’Hearn, “Globalization, New Tigers and the End of the Developmental State? The Case of the Celtic Tiger,”
Politics and Society 28, no. 1 (2000): 67-92.
50
Joze Mencinger, “Does Direct Foreign Investment Always Enhance Economic Growth? KYKLOS 56, no. 4 (2003):
491-508.
51
Chandra Malairaja and Girma Zawdie, “The ‘black-box’ syndrome in technology transfer and the challenge of
innovation in developing countries: The Case of International Joint Ventures in Malaysia,” International Journal of
Technology and Sustainable Development 3, no.3 (2004): 233-251; Seán Ó’Riain. “The Flexible Developmental State:
Globalization, Information Technology, and the Celtic Tiger,” Politics and Society 28, no. 2 (2000): 157-193; O’Hearn,
“Globalization, New Tigers.”
52
Laszlo Csaba, “Transition in and towards Europe: Economic Development and EU Accession of Post-Communist
States,” Zeitschrift fur Staats- und Europawissenschften 2, no. 3 (2004): 330-50.
53
A. O. Hirschman, “On the Political Economy of Latin American Development,” in A Propensity to Self-Subversion
(Boston: Harvard University Press, 1995): 154-188.
54
Ó’Riain. “The Flexible Developmental State.”

76
 Based on the rating of success indicators developed in order to measure the
‘successfulness’ of the respective industry, it will be possible to establish the industry which is
better developed. Relating it to the type of entrepreneurship of the particular industry – FDI or local
effort, I will in turn be able to establish which entrepreneurship factor leads to the development of
more successful industries in transition countries and thus where state efforts need to be
concentrated.

Methodology
In order to answer the question posed in the thesis, I will examine one particular industry in
the three countries that demonstrate different variations of FDI-based and local-effort-based
industry. The research will focus on the software industry in particular, as an example of a high-
value, knowledge-intensive industry that is particularly desirable in transition countries. The three
countries that are chosen as cases represent variations of the two different types of industry
emergence: in Bulgaria, mostly local-effort involving, ICT education-based software industry has
emerged; in Romania and Estonia, major multinational companies have invested in local
subsidiaries, the difference between the two cases being that in the former, FDI is directed in the
software industry while in the latter, foreign corporations invested in other knowledge-intensive
industries potentially conducive to software industry development. Through an analysis of the
industries in these three countries, developed in different contexts, the paper will look at the major
success factors for industry development in transition countries.
It is important for the purpose of the examination to define how the ‘success’ of an industry
will be measures. To this purpose, two groups of indicators will be examined. First, the indicators
related to the economic value of the industry will be determined – number of people employed and
their share of total employment; product specialization, R&D intensity and value-added of the
production; production and export values; linkages to the local economy; and innovation and
innovative potential. Then, the factors related to human capital development will be established
and analyzed – wages in relation average nominal ones and staff development in terms of
education and training. The goal will thus be to establish the value of the industry for both the
economy and the human capital engaged in the industry.
The examination of the success indicators will be complemented by interviews with officials
from the government and software business associations in the three countries. Thus, I will be able
to establish, on the one hand, the government perception and strategy towards the software
industry in terms of foreign/local investment and effort and its effects on the local economy and
human capital, and, on the other hand, the business evaluation of the government strategy and
their perceptions and attitudes towards the importance of the industry for the economy.

Contribution and importance

On the basis of the examination as described above, it will be possible to establish whether
an FDI- or a local-effort-based industry development is more advantageous to transition
economies. Such a finding might serve as a basis for recommendation for reorientation of state
policies, either towards a greater emphasis on attracting FDI or towards local industry development
policies, such as promotion of education and infrastructure, and investment in research and
development. In any case, it will constitute an important contribution to the general debate on
industrial development and economic growth.

Bibliography
Chandler, Alfred Jr. Inventing the Electronic Century: The Epic Story of the Consumer Electronics
and Computer Industries. The Free Press: New York, 2001.
Csaba, Laszlo. “Transition in and towards Europe: Economic Development and EU Accession of
Post-Communist States.” Zeitschrift fur Staats- und Europawissenschften 2, no. 3 (2004):
330-50.
Damijan, Joze P., Mark Knell, Boris Majcen and Matija Rojec. “Technology Transfer through FDI
in Top-10 Transition Countries: How Important are Direct Effects, Horizontal and Vertical
Spillovers?.” William Davidson Institute Working Paper 549 (2003).

77
Gereffi, Gary. “Global Production Systems and Third World Development.” In Global Change,
Regional Responses, edited by Barbara Stallings, 100-142. Cambridge: Cambridge
University Press, 1997.
Hirschman, A. O. “On the Political Economy of Latin American Development.” In A Propensity to
Self-Subversion, 154-188. Boston: Harvard University Press, 1995.
Malairaja, Chandra and Girma Zawdie. “The ‘black-box’ syndrome in technology transfer and the
challenge of innovation in developing countries: The Case of International Joint Ventures in
Malaysia.” International Journal of Technology and Sustainable Development 3, no.3 (2004):
233-251.
Mencinger, Joze. “Does Direct Foreign Investment Always Enhance Economic Growth?” KYKLOS
56, no. 4 (2003): 491-508.
O’Hearn, Denis. “Globalization, New Tigers and the End of the Developmental State? The Case of
the Celtic Tiger.” Politics and Society 28, no. 1 (2000): 67-92.
Ó’Riain, Seán. “The Flexible Developmental State: Globalization, Information Technology, and the
Celtic Tiger.” Politics and Society 28, no. 2 (2000): 157-193
Saggi, Kamal. “Trade, Foreign Direct Investment and International Technology Transfer: A
Survey.” The World Bank Research Observer 17, no. 2 (2000): 191-235.

Sample Proposal 2
Designing Parking Policy in Cluj-Napoca:
an Econometric Model for Determining the Optimal Parking Fee

Introduction
The demand for parking spaces is continually increasing as a consequence of the exponential
growth of auto-vehicles purchases all over the world. According to the Eurostat Statistics (2004)
the registered number of personal auto-vehicle in Romania in 1990 was 1,290,000 and by the end
of 2001 the figures rich the level of 3,226,000. For the same years in Poland the number of
personal cars has increased from 5,261,000 to 10, 503,000. Similar trends are identified in all other
European counties and United States as well. Taking into consideration that on average a car is
parked for 90% of the time and used in traffic for the remaining 10% (Calthrop 2002: 2) this further
aggravate the situation.
Parking becomes problematic when more than one car is cruising for a parking space at the
same time. With limited space, often vehicles are parked on unmarked spaces, or areas designed
for other activities, such as green zones. Once a car is parked there is no incentive for the owner to
move it. The consequences of an increasing demand for parking spaces compared to a rigid
supply account for congestion, pollution, and subsequent negative effects for population, private
actors and the economy as a whole. Local governments often intervene on the parking market by
regulating the allocation of scares resources such as parking spaces.
Parking policies can be seen as a tool for local governments in order to achieve at least three
objectives. The first one is to increase social welfare by reducing the monetary and time costs of
searching for a parking space (see Calthrop 2002, Anderson and de Palma 2002, Arnott and
Rowse 1999). The second refers to attracting more funds to the local budget, from pricing parking,
in order to further invest in capital projects for parking development, i.e. build new parking houses,
underground parking (Shoup 2002). The third one deals with discouraging individuals to relay on
the use of personal auto-vehicles and to internalize the negative externalities produced by cars in
traffic, by increasing the marginal cost of parking fees (see Calthrop 2002, Calthrop and Proost
2004).
The common instrument in achieving these objectives is the parking price. Analyzing the
contextual problems that local governments (LGs) face, designing a parking policy consists of
determining the optimal parking fee. The aim of this paper is to develop an econometric model in
order to calculate optimal parking fees in Cluj-Napoca city, Romania. Why is this necessary? The
answer comes from analyzing the current parking policy in Cluj-Napoca. LGs failed in achieving the
social optimum by implementing the present public parking policy. The traffic and parking
conditions are the same as would have been without any government intervention. In light of all
this problematic aspects a new or a revised parking policy is needed.

78
Theoretical framework
This part of the paper will present the theories of market failures and reasons for government
intervention on the market. This section will provide the theoretical equipment in order to clearly
understand why in the case of parking spaces (which are common goods) government has to enter
the market and to implement various public policies. Another theoretical aspect will consist of the
debate in the literature regarding traffic policies in general and parking policies in particular. Given
that parking spaces represent a market failure and LGs have to correct it, the theory of parking
policies will allow for an evaluation of the current parking policy in Cluj-Napoca and provide
necessary knowledge to further develop a set of recommendations in order to alleviate the present
problematic situation.
The theory of market failure is “concerned with the conditions under which the competitive
market allocations will be inefficient” (Le Grand 1991: 425). In a perfect competitive market there is
always a Pareto efficient or optimal allocation of goods, i.e. the distribution of resources in the
market cannot be adjusted to make someone better off without making somebody else worse off.
In addition, in this market no firm has a monopolistic position and the consumers have the
possibility to choose from a large range of goods and services. There are several situations or
conditions under which these assumptions do not hold. Weimer and Vining (1999: 132)
dichotomize the conditions for market failures on ‘traditional market failures’ and ‘other limitations
of the competitive model’. There are four acknowledged market failures in the first category: public
goods, externalities, natural monopolies, and information asymmetries. The second category of
market failure consists of: the problem of thin markets, the preference problems, uncertainty ones,
and macroeconomic dynamics (1999, 2005: ch. 6).
When there is market failure and no self-correction, the government intervenes in order to
correct the errors. According to Weimer and Vening (1999) governments enter the market through
generic policies. It may consist of: liberalization of the market, the introduction of taxes and
subsidies, reaching different settlements, providing public goods through other mechanisms than
on the free market etc.
For allocating parking spaces LGs can use two basic instruments (see Shoup 2004, Calthrop
and Proost 2000):
1) time constraints – by regulating the amount of time a car can be parked
2) money constraints – introducing fees for public parking spaces.
But given the fact that time constrains can easily be broken (Calthrop and Proost 2000), the
authors (see Rufolo and Bianco 1998, Shoup 1999, Shoup 2002) in this field argue in favour of the
second option, that is introduction of an optimal parking price. The parking fee will reflect the true
social cost that travellers have to pay for deciding to have a trip by car. First, paying for the parking
space for the amount of time they use it, as a rent on land (Shoup 1999). Second, internalizing the
negative externalities they produce: adding to their private cost (i.e. the cost of fuel, the cost of
wearing the car) the costs of pollution, congestions they impose on other individuals (see Anderson
and de Palma 2002, Calthrop and Proost 2004). Subsequently, authors such as Arnott et al.
(1990), Calthrop (2000), Lindsey and Verhoef (2000) are interested in parking fees as a second
best solution for charging travellers for congestion they produce in traffic. In the absence of road
pricing as a charge for congestion, parking fees may account for an instrument in the hands of LGs
to efficiently price congestion.
Depending on the particular context, LGs can use parking policies in achieving various
objectives they consider important for the local community. However, regardless of what objective
they choose, the most important aspect is increasing social welfare. If this is not the case, then
either LGs fail to take the right decision (which may lead to government failure, see Weimer and
Vining 2005), or misimplement the policy. In both cases a re-evaluation of the policy is needed.
Research Question
What will be the optimal LGs intervention on parking market (i.e. parking policy) in Cluj-
Napoca, Romania?
Hypothesis
The introduction of a parking price, at the real social cost, would lead to increase in social
welfare.
Methodology
The methodology used in this paper can be decomposed on the following category:

79
1. Case study: the research focuses on the parking policy in Cluj-Napoca, Romania. This is the
case because the current policy is inefficient and needs to be re-evaluated.
2. Interviews and document analysis: for collecting data on the above mentioned case, semi-
structured interviews with various LGs and other stakeholders were conducted. Along with the
interviews other picies of information were gathered by document analysis technique (official
documents and newspaper articles).
3. An econometric model: in order to design an optimal parking policy (the price for parking) an
econometric model will be constructed.

Reference List
Anderson, Simon P. and André de Palma. 2001. The Economics of On-Street Parking: Road
Congestion and Driver Search
http://www.virginia.edu/economics/papers/anderson/Parking2604.PDF
Anderson, Simon P. and André de Palma. 2002. The Economics of Parking: Road Congestion and
Search for Parking, http://www.parking-net.com/Upload/Library/en-
US/The%20Economics%20of%20Parking%20Road%20Congestion%20and%20Search%2
0for%20Parking.pdf
Arnott, Richard, Andre de Palma and Robin Lindsey. 1990. A Temporal and Spatial Equilibrium
Analysis of Commuter Parking, Discussion Paper No. 884,
http://ideas.repec.org/p/nwu/cmsems/884.html
Arnott, Richard, Andre de Palma and Robin Lindsey. 1991. “A Temporal and Spatial Equilibrium
Analysis of Commuter Parking”, Journal of Public Economics, No. 45, p. 301-335
Arnott, Richard and John Rowse. 1995. “Modeling Parking”, Department of Economics, Working
Paper No. 350
Arnott, Richard and John Rowse. 1999. “Modeling Parking”, Journal of Urban Economics, 45, p.
97-124
Böbel, Ingo and Casimir de Rham. 2004. “Road Pricing, Traffic Congestion and Economic Welfare:
A Note”, International University of Monaco,
http://ideas.repec.org/p/wpa/wuwpmi/0411001.html

(Bibliography continues – 33 items)

80
 55
7. Thesis Writing Guidelines
The following are the guidelines that should be used by students at the Center for Social Sciences when
writing their master’s thesis. These guidelines are based closely on those for MA theses at Central European
university and the document is take from CEU’s website:
http://www.ceu.hu/downloads/ceu_thesis_guidelines.doc
The thesis is the single most important element of the master’s degree. It is a test of the student’s ability both
to undertake and complete a sustained piece of independent research and analysis, and to write up that
research in a coherent form according to the rules and conventions of the academic community. A
satisfactory thesis should not only be adequate in its methodology, in its analysis and in its argument, and
adequately demonstrate its author’s familiarity with the relevant literature; it should also be written in correct,
coherent language, in an appropriate style, correctly following the conventions of citation. It should,
moreover, have a logical and visible structure and development that should at all times assist the reader’s
understanding of the argument being presented and not obscure it. The layout and physical appearance of
the thesis should also conform to university standards.
The purpose of this document is to outline the standard requirements and guidelines that a master’s thesis
should adhere to in the area of organization and writing skills in order to be accepted at the CSS. These
guidelines will not touch, or only tangentially, on questions of methodology and content, as these are likely to
be subject specific, but will be limited to those issues that are generally true across disciplines. For
information on discipline-specific requirements, deadlines for submission, and for documents required in
preparation for the thesis, such as proposals, outlines, or annotated bibliographies, students should consult
their professors.

1. Thesis Language and Format

At the CSS the thesis should be written in English. Quotations should normally be in English, with the original
language included in a footnote where appropriate. Exceptions to this may be made when issues such as the
wording of the original language or the difference between different translations are under discussion. Other
exceptions are short phrases in Latin or French typically used in English, such as ‘raison d’être’ or ‘inter alia’
which should be written in italics. For specific guidance in this area, students should consult their supervisor
or another member of their department. Book titles, magazine titles, and newspaper titles may appear in their
original language as long as English translations are given in parentheses or in a footnote. Georgian, Cyrillic
and other non-Latin scripts should use their Latin equivalent. Where more than one transliteration style
exists, a single style should be used consistently. Students should consult their academic writing instructor or
advisor concerning proper transliteration procedures.

1.1 Ordering of parts

Parts of the thesis should be ordered as follows:
1. Title page Required
2. Copyright notice (if required by department)
3. Abstract or executive summary (as required by department)
4. Acknowledgements or dedications Optional
5. Table of contents Required
6. List of Figures, Tables or Illustrations Where required
7. List of Abbreviations Where required
8. Body of the thesis Required
9. Appendices Where required
10. Glossary Where required
11. Bibliography/Reference list Required

55
From http://www.ceu.hu/downloads/ceu_thesis_guidelines.doc

81
Students should consult their department as to whether any other discipline specific components should be
included and if so where.

1.2 Layout and Appearance

The thesis should be computer printed on white A4 paper, single-sided, in Times New Roman,
Garamond or Arial 12pt. Double-spacing should be used in the abstract and text of the thesis. Single spacing
should be used in long tables, block quotations separated from the text, footnotes, and bibliographical
entries. Paragraphs should be indented, or an empty line left between paragraphs, depending on
departmental requirements.
Margins should be one inch or 2.5 cm on all sides, and page size should be set to A4, not US letter.
Pages should be numbered at the bottom in the centre, using Arabic numerals (1, 2, 3) starting with the first
page of the thesis proper (i.e. the first page of the introduction). Pages prior to this should be numbered with
lowercase Roman numerals (i, ii, iii.)
Chapters should start on a new page, but sections and subsections should not.
See the sample thesis page at the end of this document for an example of page layout.

1.3 Structure of initial parts

1.3.1 Title page
The title page should provide the following information in the following order:
• The full title of the thesis
• The candidate’s name
• The department and name of the university
• The statement: “In partial fulfillment of the requirements for the degree of Masters of Arts/Sciences”
• The supervisors’ names
• The place of submission (Tbilisi, Georgia)
• The year of submission
See the sample title page at the end for an example of title page layout.

1.3.2 Declaration of Authorship/Copyright Notice

Some departments require a declaration of authorship or copyright notice. Students should consult their
department for the specific wording.

1.3.3 Abstract or Executive Summary

The abstract should be between 100 and 250 words, depending on departmental requirements. It should be
written in the present tense and should normally include the following information: (1) a statement of the
problem the research sets out to resolve; (2) the methodology used; (3) the major findings. Other information
is optional unless required by the department.

1.3.4 Acknowledgements
This is an optional page acknowledging people who provided the author with assistance in the thesis project,
notably, but not only the thesis supervisor.

1.3.5 Table of Contents

The thesis must have a table of contents page listing chapter headings, section headings and sub-headings,
Appendices and references as well as their corresponding page number. The ‘Table of Contents’ feature of
Microsoft Word (or other word-processing software where permitted by the department) should normally be
used to create a table of contents and this should be done after final editing so that pages referred to in the
table of contents are correctly numbered.

82
1.3.6 List of Figures, Tables or Illustrations
If appropriate, a separate list of figures, tables, or illustrations should be included on a separate page
immediately following the table of contents.

1.3.7 List of Abbreviations

If the thesis makes use of a large number of abbreviations that may be unfamiliar to a reader, providing a list
of them can act as a useful guide.

1.4 Structure of final parts

1.4.1 Appendices
Appendices may be needed for formulae, maps, diagrams, interview protocols, or any similar data that are
not contained in the body of the thesis. These should be provided after the conclusion in the logical order
they are mentioned in the main body. A list of appendices should be drawn up, each being given a
consecutive number or a letter, and placed in the table of contents. If there are several appendices each
should receive a title. If the thesis includes non-paper appendices such as computer data, software, or audio-
visual material, students should consult departmental guidelines as to how to append and refer to these.

1.4.2 Glossary
A list of special technical words or acronyms may be necessary. This is particularly true if the subject deals
with a new area with a specialized vocabulary that the average reader in the discipline might not be familiar
with, such as the Internet. This list should come after the appendices.

1.4.3 Bibliography/Reference List

A list of the sources used in the thesis must be supplied which complies with the same departmental style
guidelines used in the body of the thesis – this list should include only those sources cited in the thesis.

2. Structure of the thesis

The thesis should be divided into logical chapters and include an introduction and a conclusion. The
introduction and conclusion may or may not be counted as chapters, depending on departmental
requirements. Excluding the introduction and conclusion, the thesis will normally be expected to have not
less than three and not more than six chapters, unless this has been agreed with the supervisor. The
chapters should reflect the nature and stages of the research.
Depending on the department, the introduction and conclusion may either be given titles and counted as the
first and last chapter, or alternatively be entitled ‘Introduction’ and ‘Conclusion’ and the first chapter after the
introduction numbered Chapter 1.

2.1 Organisation of the thesis

2.1.1. Introduction
The thesis should begin with a general introduction presenting an overview of what the thesis is about and
situating it in the existing research. The introduction should show why the topic selected is worth
investigating and why it is of significance in the field. This will normally be done with reference to existing
research, identifying areas that have not been explored, need to be explored further, or where new research
findings justify a reconsideration of established knowledge. Having precisely defined the research problem,
the introduction should propose a response to this problem, normally in the form of a solution. This response
will be formulated as a thesis statement, in one or two sentences, and should make explicit the objective of

83
the research, not simply state an intention to explore or discuss. The thesis statement may (typically in the
second sentence, if two sentences are used) include a brief indication of the author’s position or overall
findings, where permitted by the department. If the nature of the research and the department require, the
chosen methodology may also be introduced after the thesis statement. The final section of the introduction
should briefly outline the structure of the body of the thesis. Where appropriate, this can be linked to and
follow logically from the description of the methodology.

2.1.2. Conclusion
The introduction and conclusion are closely related to each other, thus students should take care in drafting
and revising to ensure that these parts reflect and do not contradict one another. The conclusion should
provide answers or solutions – to the extent this is possible – to the questions or problems raised in the
introduction. The argumentation of the thesis should be summarised briefly, and the writer’s main argument
or findings restated clearly, without going into unnecessary detail or including additional arguments not dealt
with in the body. The conclusion will normally be expected to return to the wider context from which the
thesis departed in the introduction and place the findings in this context. The writer should, if appropriate,
elaborate on how the research findings and results will contribute to the field in general and what sort of
broader implications these may have. There is no need to hide the limitations of the thesis to the extent that
these are appropriate to a work of this type (e.g. constraints of space, depth of research, etc.). Suggestions
may be made for further research where appropriate, but this is not a requirement. It may be that some
disciplines (notably mathematics) require a different approach to this part of the thesis. In such cases the
discipline specific guidelines should overrule these guidelines.

2.1.3. Literature Review

Depending on the discipline and the nature of the research, the existing literature may be reviewed in the
introduction or part of a chapter, or a separate literature review chapter may be appropriate. The purpose of
the literature review is to summarize, evaluate and where appropriate compare those main developments
and current debates in the field which are specifically relevant to the research area, according to the guiding
principle embodied in the thesis statement. In effect, the literature review shows that the writer is familiar with
the field and simultaneously lays the ground for subsequent analysis or presentation and discussion of
empirical data, as appropriate. Well-selected sources should convince the audience that research gaps have
been identified correctly and that the writer has posed the right research questions, which will then be further
addressed in subsequent chapters. Rather than simply summarizing other authors’ work, the chapter should
make clear the writer’s position in relation to the issues raised. The literature review should have a logical
structure (whether by chronological, thematic or other criteria) and this should be made explicit to the reader.
Like any other chapter, the literature review chapter should have its own introduction and conclusion.

2.2 Appropriate use of headings and subheadings

Headings should be distinguished from the surrounding text by a larger point size, a different font, bolding,
italics, or a combination of these. All headings of the same level should use the same style, and headings at
lower levels should be less prominent than those at higher levels.
Example:

CHAPTER 2 – TITLE (ARIAL BOLD SMALL CAPS 18

POINT )
2.1 Heading for section (Arial Bold Italic 14 point)
2.1.1 Heading for sub-section (Times Bold 14 point)
2.1.1.1 Heading for part of sub-section (Arial Bold 12 point)
All headings should be left-aligned, except chapter headings, which may be centered. A heading at the
bottom of the page must have at least two full lines of text below it. Otherwise, the heading should begin on

84
the next page. Captions related to visual material (graphs, tables, maps) should appear on the same page as
the material itself. Chapter and section headings should be consistently numbered according to the
numbering system recommended by the department. It should not normally be necessary to go beyond three
levels of sections.
Examples:
Chapter I, section A, subsection 1, sub-subsection a)
or
Chapter 1, section 1.1, subsection 1.1.1, sub-subsection 1.1.1.1
All tables and figures should also be numbered, either sequentially within each section e.g. 1.1, 1.2 and then
restarted sequentially in the next section e.g. 2.1, 2.2. Alternatively, they can be sequentially numbered from
Table 1, Table 2, etc., throughout the whole work.
Headings should clearly reflect what the chapter or section is about, and should be expressed in the form of
a concise noun phase (normally less than one line), not a sentence. Information which is present in a higher
level heading need not be repeated in a subordinate heading. Where possible, headings at the same level of
hierarchy should have similar structure (e.g. 3.1 Common Law, 3.2 Continental Law, and not 3.1 Common
Law, 3.2 The Supreme Court).

3. Text Development and Coherence

The thesis should be written for a reader who is a specialist in the discipline but not necessarily a specialist
on the specific topic or question, even if the immediate supervisor is a specialist in exactly this narrow topic.
The writer should take care to ensure that sentences and paragraphs flow logically from each other and do
not demand knowledge the reader might not be expected to share in order to make these relationships clear.
Where there is doubt as to the connection between two ideas, the onus is on the student to make this explicit
not on the reader to try to deduce the connection.

3.1 Paragraph Development

A paragraph is a text unit of several sentences dealing with a single issue, topic or aspect. It should not
therefore (except in special circumstances), be a single sentence, nor should it deal with a range of topics.
The paragraph should develop one idea, through illustration or analysis, to a conclusion. It should normally
start with a topic sentence indicating what it is about, develop this topic through further sentences until the
topic is concluded and a new topic or a different aspect is ready to be broached. In linking sentences
logically and coherently to one another, the writer should ensure that transition devices (e.g. however,
similarly, in consequence, etc) are used appropriately wherever there is a danger that the connection
between two sentences may be unclear. Reference back to previous sentences (e.g. this, these, such, this
question, these issues, this situation) should also be used wherever it can help make the flow of logic
clearer. When an already mentioned theme and new information about it are dealt with in one sentence, the
theme should normally come first and the new information second, so as to facilitate the reader’s
understanding.
For more detailed guidelines on paragraph development, students should refer to the CEU Center for
Academic Writing webpage http://www.ceu.hu/writing/para.html.
3.2 Transition between paragraphs
Although a well-structured paragraph is a unit in itself, paragraphs should also logically develop and flow
from each other using devices similar to those that link sentences within the paragraph. Where the reason for
a shift of topic or approach might be unclear to the reader, this should be explained. Sections, like
paragraphs, should have both coherence and cohesion, and should make use of appropriate linguistic
devices to lead the reader logically and clearly through the stages of the writer’s analysis or exposition.

85
4. Language and Style
The thesis should be written in an appropriate formal academic style. While it is not possible to prescribe the
use or avoidance of the first person or the passive, or the length of sentences, students should make efforts
to use online resources such the http://www.ceu.hu/writing/style.html to assess whether their written style is
appropriate to their discipline. Excessive or superfluous use of jargon or technical terms should be avoided
and any term or acronym that would not be understood by a non-specialist reader within the discipline should
be explained and/or included in a glossary. The thesis should wherever possible use gender neutral
language, avoiding the use of male-specific words such as ‘man’ or ‘chairman’ where these could be
considered inappropriately exclusive or discriminatory.
Students should make every effort to ensure that the thesis is free from grammatical, lexical and punctuation
errors. Not only should a computer spellchecker be used, but the student should also proof-read the thesis to
check that errors do not remain that are not detected by the spellchecker. The thesis should consistently use
either American or British spelling but should not alternate between the two. Students should also be aware
that the punctuation rules of English are almost certainly different from those of their own language and
should familiarise themselves with and apply the rules of English.
When using numbers in the text, numbers up to one hundred should normally be written in words, and if the
first word of a sentence is a number it should be written in words. Numbers above one hundred are usually
written as numerals (101, 102). For precise guidance, students should consult the style manual
recommended by their department.

5. Use of sources and citation style

All source materials, primary or secondary, published or unpublished that are the intellectual property of
authors or institutions other than the writer of the thesis must be credited and correctly cited in full, including
illustrations, charts, tables, etc. Failure to do so constitutes plagiarism and will result automatically in a failing
grade. Students’ attention is draw to the following extract from CEU’s policy document, “Academic
Dishonesty and Plagiarism” which applies equally to academic work at the CSS.
Plagiarising, that is, the offering as one’s own work the words, ideas, or arguments of another
person without appropriate attribution by quotation, reference or footnote [is a violation of the
academic integrity code]. Plagiarism occurs both when the words of another are reproduced
without acknowledgement, and when the ideas or arguments of another are paraphrased in such
a way as to lead the reader to believe that they originated with the writer. It is the responsibility of
all University students to understand the methods of proper attribution and to apply those
principles in all materials submitted.56

5.1 Use of Citation Styles

All citations should include a reference in the body of the text to the author as well as an entry in the
reference list. How this should be done is indicated by the APA citation style (see section on APA style
below).

5.2 Quotation, paraphrase and summary

Source material should be quoted where the precise wording is specifically relevant or significant, and the
quotation always clearly marked as required by the citation style, including page numbers. Sources may be
paraphrased or summarised where exact wording is not essential, but care should be taken not to change
the original meaning through paraphrase, and all paraphrased and summarized sources must be fully cited,
including page numbers. Where a quotation has been changed (for example, capitalization, punctuation,
emphasis changed or a pronoun replaced by a noun), the changes should be clearly indicated according to
the citation style used.

56
“Academic Dishonesty and Plagiarism,” as printed in Administrative Policy Papers, (Central European University,
1996) no.25.

86
Although interaction with existing research in the field is a requirement for all academic writing, no part of the
thesis should normally consist purely of summarizing the work of others, unless approved by the supervisor.
Summarized or quoted source material should not be left to stand on its own, but should be introduced,
explained, analyzed and the purpose of its use made clear. Where different sources are compared or
contrasted, it should be made explicit to the reader both that this is being done and why.
Care should be taken to ensure that the reader is in no doubt as to where a cited author’s ideas end and the
comments of the author of the thesis begin. Where there is doubt, the cited author’s name (or s/he) can be
used in the sentence with an appropriate verb reporting what that person has said so as to distinguish it from
the ideas of the author of the thesis.

5.3 Data Commentary

Where data is provided in the form of charts, figures or tables, it should be effectively commented. This
includes not only a clear reference in the text to the table or figure in which the reader can find the data (e.g.
‘as table 1 shows’), and a summary of what the data shows. Trends or irregularities should also be
highlighted and the more important findings separated from those that are less important. The commentary
should not simply repeat in sentences all the information presented in the diagram but should also discuss
implications, problems and/or exceptions in relation to the data in question. As with any other material taken
from the work of other researchers, the source of the table, graph, illustration, figure or related materials
must be stated at the bottom or in a footnote as specified in the departmental style guidelines.

Concluding comments
It is the duty of the student to ensure that the thesis meets the standards described above, and the duty of
the supervisor and department to ensure that the student takes the necessary steps to meet these
requirements. Where a thesis fails to meet the requirements in one or more areas, it may be returned for
revision and resubmission, or in the case of plagiarism, a failing grade awarded. Students are encouraged to
familiarize themselves with the above guidelines and to seek help from the support facilities provided by the
university whenever necessary and in good time.

87
Sample Title Page

Socio-political and Economic Issues in

Post-Communist Georgia

By
Anna Other

Submitted to
XXX University
Department of…..
In partial fulfillment of the requirements for the degree of Master of …

Supervisor: Professor Mary Brown

Tbilisi, Georgia
2007

88
Sample page of thesis

Chapter 1: Causes of Nuclear Proliferation

A number of seemingly convincing explanations has been offered to account for the
reasons why countries decide to develop nuclear weapons. However, nobody challenges the
argument that perception of external threats plays a fundamental role in driving the countries to
develop their nuclear weapons programs. This chapter assesses these different explanations and
argues in favor of the traditional, security threat-based explanation as the most pertinent to the
Indian-Pakistani conflict.

1.1 Alternative Theoretical Explanations for Nuclear Proliferation

Acquisition of the nuclear weapons provides states with a powerful means of leverage in
international conflicts. Different theories in the realm of International Relations suggest alternative
explanations for the causes of nuclear proliferation. While all of them contribute to our
understanding of why nations want nuclear weapons, the explanation provided by the realist/neo-
realist school still dominates all the others. It argues that the external threats perceived from the
real or potential adversaries, especially nuclear ones, force the states to acquire nuclear weapons
to be able to protect themselves by threatening to retaliate in kind, which in turn, causes a security
dilemma. This explanation appears to be the most relevant and applicable to the Indian-Pakistani
case9 for the reasons that will be further elaborated here.

1.1.1 The Security Threat-Based Explanation

While the debate in IR theory over the causes of states’ decisions to acquire nuclear
weapons and engage in an arms race is divided, many policymakers and most international
relations scholars agree on the traditional and perhaps the most powerful and convincing
explanation...

89
 57
APA Format
In-Text Citations: The Basics
What follows are some general guidelines for referring to the works of others in your essay.
Note: APA style requires authors to use the past tense or present perfect tense when using signal phrases
to describe earlier research. E.g., Jones (1998) found or Jones (1998) has found...

APA Citation Basics

When using APA format, follow the author-date method of in-text citation. This means that the author's last
name and the year of publication for the source should appear in the text, E.g., (Jones, 1998), and a
complete reference should appear in the reference list at the end of the paper.
If you are referring to an idea from another work but NOT directly quoting the material, or making reference
to an entire book, article or other work, you only have to make reference to the author and year of publication
in your in-text reference.

In-Text Citation Capitalization, Quotes, and Italics/Underlining

• Always capitalize proper nouns, including author names and initials: D. Jones.
• If you refer to the title of a source within your paper, capitalize all words that are four letters long or
greater within the title of a source: Permanence and Change. Exceptions apply to short words that
are verbs, nouns, pronouns, adjectives, and adverbs: Writing New Media, There Is Nothing Left to
Lose. (Note that in your References list, only the first word of a title will be capitalized: Writing new
media.)
• When capitalizing titles, capitalize both words in a hyphenated compound word: Natural-Born
Cyborgs.
• Capitalize the first word after a dash or colon: "Defining Film Rhetoric: The Case of Hitchcock's
Vertigo."
• Italicize or underline the titles of longer works such as books, edited collections, movies, television
series, documentaries, or albums: The Closing of the American Mind; The Wizard of Oz; Friends.
• Put quotation marks around the titles of shorter works such as journal articles, articles from edited
collections, television series episodes, and song titles: "Multimedia Narration: Constructing Possible
Worlds"; "The One Where Chandler Can't Cry."

Short Quotations
If you are directly quoting from a work, you will need to include the author, year of publication, and the page
number for the reference (preceded by "p."). Introduce the quotation with a signal phrase that includes the
author's last name followed by the date of publication in parentheses.
According to Jones (1998), "Students often had difficulty using APA style, especially when it was their first
time" (p. 199).

Jones (1998) found "students often had difficulty using APA style" (p. 199); what implications does this have
for teachers?
If the author is not named in a signal phrase, place the author's last name, the year of publication, and the
page number in parentheses after the quotation.
She stated, "Students often had difficulty using APA style," (Jones, 1998, p. 199), but she did not offer an
explanation as to why.

Long Quotations
Place direct quotations longer than 40 words in a free-standing block of typewritten lines, and omit quotation
marks. Start the quotation on a new line, indented five spaces from the left margin. Type the entire quotation
on the new margin, and indent the first line of any subsequent paragraph within the quotation five spaces
from the new margin. Maintain double-spacing throughout. The parenthetical citation should come after
closing punctuation mark.
Jones's (1998) study found the following:
Students often had difficulty using APA style, especially when it was their first time citing sources. This
difficulty could be attributed to the fact that many students failed to purchase a style manual or to ask their
teacher for help. (p. 199)

57
From http://owl.english.purdue.edu/owl/printable/560/

90
Summary or Paraphrase
If you are paraphrasing an idea from another work, you only have to make reference to the author and year
of publication in your in-text reference, but APA guidelines encourage you to also provide the page number
(although it is not required.)
According to Jones (1998), APA style is a difficult citation format for first-time learners.

APA style is a difficult citation format for first-time learners (Jones, 1998, p. 199).
Because long explanatory notes can be distracting to readers, APA style guidelines recommend the use of
endnotes/footnotes. In the text, place a superscript numeral immediately after the text about which you would
like to include more information, e.g.:
Scientists examined the fossilized remains of the wooly-wooly yak.1

Number the notes consecutively in the order they appear in your paper. At the end of the paper, create a
separate page labeled Notes (with the title centered at the top of the page). Below are examples of two kinds
of notes.

Evaluative bibliographic comments

1
See Blackmur (1995), especially chapters three and four, for an insightful analysis of this extraordinary
animal.
2
On the problems related to yaks, see Wollens (1989, pp. 120-135); for a contrasting view, see Pyle (1992).

Explanatory or additional information considered too digressive for the

main text
3
In a recent interview, Weller (1998) reiterated this point even more strongly: "I am an artist, not a yak!" (p.
124).
Reference List: Basic Rules
Your reference list should appear at the end of your paper. It provides the information necessary for a reader
to locate and retrieve any source you cite in the body of the paper. Each source you cite in the paper must
appear in your reference list; likewise, each entry in the reference list must be cited in your text.
Your references should begin on a new page separate from the text of the essay; label this page References
(with no quotation marks, underlining, etc.), centered at the top of the page. It should be double-spaced just
like the rest of your essay.

Basic Rules
• All lines after the first line of each entry in your reference list should be indented one-half inch from
the left margin. This is called hanging indentation.
• Authors' names are inverted (last name first); give the last name and initials for all authors of a
particular work unless the work has more than six authors. If the work has more than six authors, list
the first six authors and then use et al. after the sixth author's name to indicate the rest of the
authors.
• Reference list entries should be alphabetized by the last name of the first author of each work.
• If you have more than one article by the same author, single-author references or multiple-author
references with the exact same authors in the exact same order are listed in order by the year of
publication, starting with the earliest.
• When referring to any work that is NOT a journal, such as a book, article, or Web page, capitalize
only the first letter of the first word of a title and subtitle, the first word after a colon or a dash in the
title, and proper nouns. Do not capitalize the first letter of the second word in a hyphenated
compound word.
• Capitalize all major words in journal titles.
• Italicize titles of longer works such as books and journals.
• Do not italicize, underline, or put quotes around the titles of shorter works such as journal articles or
essays in edited collections.

Reference List: Author/Authors

The following rules for handling works by a single author or multiple authors apply to all APA-style references
in your reference list, regardless of the type of work (book, article, electronic resource, etc.)

Single Author
Last name first, followed by author initials.

91
Berndt, T. J. (2002). Friendship quality and social development. Current Directions in Psychological Science,
11, 7-10.

Two Authors
List by their last names and initials. Use the "&" instead of "and."
Wegener, D. T., & Petty, R. E. (1994). Mood management across affective states: The hedonic contingency
hypothesis. Journal of Personality & Social Psychology, 66, 1034-1048.

Three to Six Authors

List by last names and initials; commas separate author names, while the last author name is preceded
again by "&"
Kernis, M. H., Cornell, D. P., Sun, C. R., Berry, A., & Harlow, T. (1993). There's more to self-esteem than
whether it is high or low: The importance of stability of self-esteem. Journal of Personality and Social
Psychology, 65, 1190-1204.

More Than Six Authors

If there are more than six authors, list the first six as above and then "et al.," which stands for "and others."
Remember not to place a period after "et" in "et al."
Harris, M., Karper, E., Stacks, G., Hoffman, D., DeNiro, R., Cruz, P., et al. (2001). Writing labs and the
Hollywood connection. Journal of Film and Writing, 44(3), 213-245.

Organization as Author
American Psychological Association. (2003).

Unknown Author
Merriam-Webster's collegiate dictionary (10th ed.).(1993). Springfield, MA: Merriam-Webster.

NOTE: When your essay includes parenthetical citations of sources with no author named, use a shortened
version of the source's title instead of an author's name. Use quotation marks and italics as appropriate. For
example, parenthetical citations of the two sources above would appear as follows: (Merriam-Webster's,
1993) and ("New Drug," 1993).

Two or More Works by the Same Author

Use the author's name for all entries and list the entries by the year (earliest comes first).
Berndt, T.J. (1981).
Berndt, T.J. (1999).
When an author appears both as a sole author and, in another citation, as the first author of a group, list the
one-author entries first.
Berndt, T. J. (1999). Friends' influence on students' adjustment to school. Educational Psychologist, 34, 15-
28.
Berndt, T. J., & Keefe, K. (1995). Friends' influence on adolescents' adjustment to school. Child
Development, 66, 1312-1329.
References that have the same first author and different second and/or third authors are arranged
alphabetically by the last name of the second author, or the last name of the third if the first and second
authors are the same.
Wegener, D. T., Kerr, N. L., Fleming, M. A., & Petty, R. E. (2000). Flexible corrections of juror judgments:
Implications for jury instructions. Psychology, Public Policy, & Law, 6, 629-654.
Wegener, D. T., Petty, R. E., & Klein, D. J. (1994). Effects of mood on high elaboration attitude change: The
mediating role of likelihood judgments. European Journal of Social Psychology, 24, 25-43.

Two or More Works by the Same Author in the Same Year

If you are using more than one reference by the same author (or the same group of authors listed in the
same order) published in the same year, organize them in the reference list alphabetically by the title of the
article or chapter. Then assign letter suffixes to the year. Refer to these sources in your essay as they
appear in your reference list, e.g.: "Berdnt (1981a) makes similar claims..."
Berndt, T. J. (1981a). Age changes and changes over time in prosocial intentions and behavior between
friends. Developmental Psychology, 17, 408-416.
Berndt, T. J. (1981b). Effects of friendship on prosocial intentions and behavior. Child Development, 52, 636-
643.

Reference List: Books

Basic Format for Books
Author, A. A. (Year of publication). Title of work: Capital letter also for subtitle. Location: Publisher.

92
NOTE: For "Location," you should always list the city, but you should also include the state if the city is
unfamiliar or if the city could be confused with one in another state.
Calfee, R. C., & Valencia, R. R. (1991). APA guide to preparing manuscripts for journal publication.
Washington, DC: American Psychological Association.

Edited Book, No Author

Duncan, G.J., & Brooks-Gunn, J. (Eds.). (1997). Consequences of growing up poor. New York: Russell Sage
Foundation.

Edited Book with an Author or Authors

Plath, S. (2000). The unabridged journals (K.V. Kukil, Ed.). New York: Anchor.

A Translation
Laplace, P. S. (1951). A philosophical essay on probabilities. (F. W. Truscott & F. L. Emory, Trans.). New
York: Dover. (Original work published 1814).

NOTE: When you cite a republished work, like the one above, work in your text, it should appear with both
dates: Laplace (1814/1951).

Edition Other Than the First

Helfer, M.E., Keme, R.S., & Drugman, R.D. (1997). The battered child (5th ed.). Chicago: University of
Chicago Press.

Article or Chapter in an Edited Book

Author, A. A., & Author, B. B. (Year of publication). Title of chapter. In A. Editor & B. Editor (Eds.), Title of
book (pages of chapter). Location: Publisher.

NOTE: When you list the pages of the chapter or essay in parentheses after the book title, use "pp." before
the numbers: (pp. 1-21). This abbreviation, however, does not appear before the page numbers in periodical
references, except for newspapers.
O'Neil, J. M., & Egan, J. (1992). Men's and women's gender role journeys: Metaphor for healing, transition,
and transformation. In B. R. Wainrib (Ed.), Gender issues across the life cycle (pp. 107-123). New
York: Springer.

Multivolume Work
Wiener, P. (Ed.). (1973). Dictionary of the history of ideas (Vols. 1-4). New York: Scribner's.
Reference List: Other Print Sources
An Entry in An Encyclopedia
Bergmann, P. G. (1993). Relativity. In The new encyclopedia britannica (Vol. 26, pp. 501-508). Chicago:
Encyclopedia Britannica.

Work Discussed in a Secondary Source

List the source the work was discussed in:
Coltheart, M., Curtis, B., Atkins, P., & Haller, M. (1993). Models of reading aloud: Dual-route and parallel-
distributed-processing approaches. Psychological Review, 100, 589-608.

NOTE: Give the secondary source in the references list; in the text, name the original work, and give a
citation for the secondary source. For example, if Seidenberg and McClelland's work is cited in Coltheart et
al. and you did not read the original work, list the Coltheart et al. reference in the References. In the text, use
the following citation:
In Seidenberg and McClelland's study (as cited in Coltheart, Curtis, Atkins, & Haller, 1993), ...

Dissertation Abstract
Yoshida, Y. (2001). Essays in urban transportation (Doctoral dissertation, Boston College, 2001).
Dissertation Abstracts International, 62, 7741A.

Government Document
National Institute of Mental Health. (1990). Clinical training in serious mental illness (DHHS Publication No.
ADM 90-1679). Washington, DC: U.S. Government Printing Office.

93
Report From a Private Organization
American Psychiatric Association. (2000). Practice guidelines for the treatment of patients with eating
disorders (2nd ed.). Washington, D.C.: Author.

Conference Proceedings
Schnase, J.L., & Cunnius, E.L. (Eds.). (1995). Proceedings from CSCL '95: The First International
Conference on Computer Support for Collaborative Learning. Mahwah, NJ: Erlbaum.

Reference List: Electronic Sources

Article From an Online Periodical
Online articles follow the same guidelines for printed articles. Include all information the online host makes
available, including an issue number in parentheses.
Author, A. A., & Author, B. B. (Date of publication). Title of article. Title of Online Periodical, volume
number(issue number if available). Retrieved month day, year, from
http://www.someaddress.com/full/url/
Bernstein, M. (2002). 10 tips on writing the living Web. A List Apart: For People Who Make Websites, 149.
Retrieved May 2, 2006, from http://www.alistapart.com/articles/writeliving

Online Scholarly Journal Article

Author, A. A., & Author, B. B. (Date of publication). Title of article. Title of Journal, volume number. Retrieved
month day, year, from http://www.someaddress.com/full/url/
Kenneth, I. A. (2000). A Buddhist response to the nature of human rights. Journal of Buddhist Ethics,
8.Retrieved February 20, 2001, from http://www.cac.psu.edu/jbe/twocont.html
If the article appears as a printed version as well, the URL is not required. Use "Electronic version" in
brackets after the article's title.
Whitmeyer, J.M. (2000). Power through appointment [Electronic version]. Social Science Research, 29, 535-
555.

Article From a Database

When referencing material obtained from an online database (such as a database in the library), provide
appropriate print citation information (formatted just like a "normal" print citation would be for that type of
work). Then add information that gives the date of retrieval and the proper name of the database. This will
allow people to retrieve the print version if they do not have access to the database from which you retrieved
the article. You can also include the item number or accession number in parentheses at the end, but the
APA manual says that this is not required. (For more about citing articles retrieved from electronic
databases, see page 278 of the Publication Manual.)
Smyth, A. M., Parker, A. L., & Pease, D. L. (2002). A study of enjoyment of peas. Journal of Abnormal
Eating, 8(3). Retrieved February 20, 2003, from PsycARTICLES database.

Nonperiodical Web Document, Web Page, or Report

List as much of the following information as possible (you sometimes have to hunt around to find the
information; don't be lazy. If there is a page like http://www.somesite.com/somepage.htm, and
somepage.htm doesn't have the information you're looking for, move up the URL to
http://www.somesite.com/):
Author, A. A., & Author, B. B. (Date of publication). Title of document. Retrieved month date, year, from
http://Web address.

NOTE: When an Internet document is more than one Web page, provide a URL that links to the home page
or entry page for the document. Also, if there isn't a date available for the document use (n.d.) for no date.

Chapter or Section of a Web document

Author, A. A., & Author, B. B. (Date of publication). Title of article. In Title of book or larger document
(chapter or section number). Retrieved month day, year, from http://www.someaddress.com/full/url/.
Engelshcall, R. S. (1997). Module mod_rewrite: URL Rewriting Engine. In Apache HTTP Server Version 1.3
Documentation (Apache modules.) Retrieved March 10, 2006, from
http://httpd.apache.org/docs/1.3/mod/mod_rewrite.html

NOTE: Use a chapter or section identifier and provide a URL that links directly to the chapter section, not the
home page of the Web site.

E-mail
E-mails are not included in the list of references, though you parenthetically cite them in your main text: (E.
Robbins, personal communication, January 4, 2001).

94
Online Forum or Discussion Board Posting
Message posted to an online newsgroup, forum, or discussion group. Include the title of the message, and
the URL of the newsgroup or discussion board.
Frook, B. D. (1999, July 23). New inventions in the cyberworld of toylandia [Msg 25]. Message posted to
http://groups.earthlink.com/forum/messages/00025.html

NOTE: If only the screen name is available for the author, then use the screen name; however, if the author
provides a real name, use their real name instead. Be sure to provide the exact date of the posting. Follow
the date with the subject line, the thread of the message (not in italics). Provide any identifiers in brackets
after the title, as in other types of references.

Computer Software
Ludwig, T. (2002). PsychInquiry [computer software]. New York: Worth.58

USE OF IBID.
When references to the same work follow each other without any intervening reference, even though they
are separated by several pages, the abbreviation ibid, (for the Latin ibidem, "in the same place") is used to
repeat the preceding reference. Any changes in volume and/or page number(s) must be indicated following
ibid. However, if the reference is to the same volume and page number as the preceding reference, then
nothing follows ibid. Ibid may not be used to repeat part of a preceding reference.
Examples:
•J. N. Hook, The Teaching of High School English, 5th ed., (New York, 1982),
pp. 176-177. [Note: The first and therefore complete reference to the work.]
ibid [Note: Since there are no intervening references, the second mention of the work requires only ibid. Note
that since ibid, is never preceded by any other word, it is always capitalized. Also since footnote # 2 refers to
pp. 176-177, no page numbers need be indicated.]
ibid., p. 39. [Note: Since there have been no intervening references, ibid, is still correct; this time it refers to a
different page. As long as there are no intervening references, ibid, may continue to be used.]

USE OF OP. CIT.

Reference to a work that has already been cited in full form, but not in the reference immediately preceding
should include the author's last name (but not her first name or initials unless two authors by the same last
name have already been mentioned in the paper), and the abbreviation op. cit. (for the Latin opere citato, "in
the work cited"). In most of these entries, op. cit. is followed by the page designation.
Examples:
'Van Wyck Brooks, The Confident Years: 1885-1915 (New York, 1955), p. 87.
Frederick J. Hoffman, TTie Twenties (New York, 1965), pp. 189-190.
3Brooks,op.cit,p.8l.
[Note: Since there was an intervening reference, op. cit. must be used and the new page designated.]
USE OF LOG CIT. Loc. cit. (for the Latin loco citato, "in the place cited") is used in lieu of ibid, when the
reference is not only to the work immediately preceding but also refers to the same page. Loc. cit. is also
used in lieu of op. cit. when reference is made to a work previously cited and to the same page in that work.
Hence, loc. cit. is never followed by volume and/or page numbers. When it takes the place of ibid, loc. cit. is
capitalized.
EXAMPLES OF FOOTNOTE ENTRIES USING IBID.,
OP CIT., AND LOC. CIT.
'Jacqueline Sweeney, Teaching Poetry (New York, 1995), p. 93.
2J. N. Hook, The Teaching of High School English, 5th ed. (New York, 1982). pp. 66-67.
3/b/d, pp. 138-139.
[Note: Refers to work by J. N. Hook. If the reference had been to the same pages, loc. cit. would have been used.

95
List of References
1. “Academic Writing for Graduate Students”, CEU Center for Academic Writing 2005
2. Swales, J & Feak, C (1994). “Academic Writing for Graduate Students”. USA: University of Michigan
3. Leki, I (1998). Academic Writing, Exploring Processes and Strategies. UK: Press Syndicate of the
University of Cambridge.
4. Position Paper. http://www.ceu.hu/writing/position.htm
5. Loose Federation in a Dysfunctional State: Disintegration or Functionality of the Russian Federation?
6. Globalization: A Transition to What? http://www.ceu.hu/writing/position.htm
7. Swales, J. (2005). Research Genres: Explorations and Applications. Cambridge: CUP.
8. Nature of Research Writing. Academic Writing for Graduate Students, CEU Center for Academic
Writing 2005
9. 'Normative' power Europe: a realist critique. Sample L: Sociology Volume 38 Number 3 July 2004
10. Introduction to a Research Paper. CEU Center for Academic Writing 2005
11. What is a Review of the Literature? From http://www.hswriting.ca/handouts/lit- review.asp
12. The Thesis Statement. “Academic Writing for Graduate Students”, CEU. Center for Academic
Writing 2005
13. What is a Review of the Literature? http://www.hswriting.ca/handouts/lit-review.asp
14. How to Write a Research Proposal.
http:/atrc.net.pk/resources/project_course/proposal_writing_guide.htm
15. Thesis Writing Standards. http://ww.ceu.hu/downloads/ceu_thesis_gi-uidelines.doc
16. APA Format. http://owl.english.purdue.edu/owl/printable/560

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