Writing Better Sentences

Writing Better Sentences
A Workshop for Chemistry and Biochemistry November 18, 2013 Dr. Heather Blain Vorhies
Readability
Writing for the Reader
Writing for the Reader

For successful communication, you need to think about the readers needs (rather than the writers needs). This means that you need to think about how your reader best processes information.
How do we best process language?

1. Subject and verb placement 2. Characters and actions (Who is doing what?) 3. Sentence length 4. Sentence complexity
Subject and Verb Placement
Place the subject and verb close together.

All of the proposed work, with the exception of the cross-species look at females of teratospermic species that seems a unique feature of the lack of zona pellucida specificity for sperm binding in the field family, is repetition in the cat of studies in other species preservation.
Rewrite a sentence from one of the sample texts by placing the subject and verb closer together. In addition, try to move the subject and verb to the front of the sentence.
Write this in the Assignment as number 1.
Characters and Actions

Who is doing what?
Whats a character? Whats an action?

A character is the person or thing doing the action. An action is whats happening. In general, we prefer people or concrete things doing the action. As readers, we also prefer concrete actions. Your subject should be a character.
It is believed that there is a lack of understanding when it comes to polymer binding.

Jackson, Snarls, and Biebes argue that there is a lack of understanding when it comes to polymer binding.
Find one sentence in one of the sample articles and revise for characters and actions.
Put this sentence (the original and your revision) as #2 in your assignment.
Sentence Length
Twenty words or less?
Sentence Length
Original The role of calcium blockers in the
control of cardiac irregularity can be seen through an understanding of the role of calcium in the activation of muscle cells. The basic unit of muscle contraction is the sarcomere.
Revision When a muscle contracts, it uses

calcium. If we can understand how calcium affects muscle contraction, we can explain how drugs call calcium blockers control cardiac irregularity.
Take a look at the first few paragraphs in the two sample texts. What is the longest sentence? What is the shortest? Which sentences were the easiest for you to understand?
Number 3 for your assignment:
Write a description of your research in twenty words or less.
Sentence Complexity
Keep It Simple (When You Can)
Sentence Complexity
Avoid slow wind-ups (To find the pragmatic function of the adrenal gland, which may or may not impact kidney function, and which may or may not also impact brain function, a 5-ten test was run with blue dye." Shift difficult technical information to the right Use the simplest wording, with concrete characters and actions, as much as you can
Shift complex technical information to the right.

A determination of involvement of lipid-linked saccharides in the assembly of oligosaccharide chains of ovalbumin in vivo was the principal aim of this study. The principal aim of this study was to determine how lipid-linked saccharides are involved in the assembly of oligosaccharide chains of ovalbumin in vivo.
Find a complex technical sentence from one of the sample texts. Re-write the sentence, shifting the technical information to the end of the sentence.
Include the original and the re-written sentence.
This will be number 4 in your assignment.
Stress and Emphasis

Fred and His Dog
1. Although Freds a nice guy, he beats his dog.
2. Although Fred beats his dog, hes a nice guy.

3. Freds a nice guy, but he beats his dog.
4. Fred beats his dog, but hes a nice guy.

Readers pay the most attention to (in this order) the end position, the main clause, and the longer clause.
What do Stress and Emphasis mean for you?

Place important information in the end position of the sentence. Hide information you dont want your reader to notice in the center of the sentence.
Assignment Number 5: Write a sentence that announces the drawbacks to your research. Use Stress and Emphasis to draw the readers attention away from the bad news about your research.
We have to face a hard problem right from the start. No sentence is good or bad in and of itself. It can only be effectively judged in relationship to the sentences that surround itand perhaps some that surround those as well.
George Gopen, The Sense of Structure

Examples have been taken from George Gopens The Sense of Structure and Joseph Wiliamss Style: Lessons in Clarity and Grace

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What are the main points about readability and writing for the reader?

What are the main points about readability and writing for the reader?

What are some tips for improving sentence length?

What are some tips for improving sentence length?

Writing Better Sentences

Writing for the Reader

How do we best process language?

Subject and Verb Placement

Place the subject and verb close together.

Write this in the Assignment as number 1.

Characters and Actions

Whats a character? Whats an action?

It is believed that there is a lack of understanding when it comes to polymer binding.

Revision When a muscle contracts, it uses

Shift complex technical information to the right.

This will be number 4 in your assignment.

Stress and Emphasis

1. Although Freds a nice guy, he beats his dog.

2. Although Fred beats his dog, hes a nice guy.

4. Fred beats his dog, but hes a nice guy.

What do Stress and Emphasis mean for you?

George Gopen, The Sense of Structure

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