The document discusses taking responsibility and moving away from blaming others. It describes a meeting the author facilitated where executives were pointing fingers at each other instead of taking responsibility. The author later caught themselves also blaming others. To become a progressive leader, blaming cannot be tolerated and responsibility for one's actions and results must be accepted. The document provides steps to overcome the habit of blaming, such as being aware of defensive reactions, responding thoughtfully instead of impulsively, being honest with oneself, maintaining positive relationships, serving as a role model, and maintaining a grateful attitude.
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Recently, I was asked to facilitate a
meeting and offer coaching to 20
executive members at a
company’s strategic conference.
As I sat quietly and observed
everyone in the room, I began to
notice that all conversations seemed
to revolve around placing blame.
Can you picture the setting? A long
oval office with 20 people,
separated in 3 departments, and
each of them pointing fingers when
asked why things weren’t
progressing as planned. I must
admit that sitting at this gathering
revived my
memories of being a corporate
refugee .
Now, as if this experience
was not enough, the very
next day I heard the same scenario
from an entrepreneur I was
coaching.
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To make matters worse, at the end of that same day, I caught myself
playing my OWN BLAME GAME! It was a revelation for me and even
though my intellectual mind knew that blaming others for my
circumstances was not a healthy habit, I ended up doing it anyway.
Why do we do this? What
positive result does it bring?
Why is it so hard to stop?
Wouldn’t we be better off if
we ceased and desisted?
I reflected a bit on my
own blaming pattern and
was able to find some
interesting correlation to
the results that I want to
have and the results I was
receiving.
Blaming others is one of the worst
things you can do in relation to
emotional integrity.
It is distantly related to an
addiction. Pretty soon almost
everything that does not happen
according to your liking
becomes someone else’s fault.
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If you want to become a
progressive leader - if
excellence and success
is your motto in life -
then blaming others
cannot be tolerated.
Once I reached this
firm realization, I
implemented several
steps to help me
overcome the blaming
addiction and take
responsibility for myself.
Be aware. Too often we fail
to notice that we are playing
the blame game. It’s a
natural defense mechanism.
Paying attention to how
we respond when
questioned about our
actions or performance is
the first step in taking
responsibility.
Respond responsibly.
Just as blaming is a
defensive move, so is
reacting. Rather than react
- we should respond
While we might want to
react immediately with
a burst of anger, stop
and consider the
choices. We have a
choice
of reacting impulsively
or responding
cautiously to the
situation. What
will your
choice be?
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Be honest. Let’s face it - some
people simply like to place blame in
order to be relieved of responsibility.
That shows a huge lack of self-
honesty.
Case in point:
one client, who made a six-figure income, was
stuck in debt. He lived far beyond his means and
was very casual with his finances, causing himself
and his family to suffer. When I asked the question
“Who else is paying the price for your financial
irresponsibility ”, his answer was SILENCE.
My question caused him to be honest
with himself, and triggered
him to take drastic actions in
order to improve his financial life.
Lying to yourself only causes the
problem to get worse… not better.
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Don’t burn bridges. What happens to
relationships when you place blame?
You are unlikely to earn forgiveness.
You are more likely to alienate yourself
from your coworkers, peers, vendors and
others by pointing fingers.
Not only will you ruin relationships,
but you will also lose the trust of
people who you work with.
Be a good role model. When others see you
accepting responsibility for your actions - and
when they see the extraordinary results you are
getting -you make the statement that blame
placing is not acceptable behavior. By doing so,
you help promote an atmosphere of harmony
and integrity.
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Have a positive and grateful attitude.
Being a progressive leader means being a
highly effective leader, and accepting
nothing less than excellence from yourself
and others.
If you are grateful for all the things that
happen in your life (good and bad) you
simply cannot hold angry feelings toward
others, or place blame where it does not
belong
It takes practice to reach that level
but progressive leaders
understand that the payoff is high!
Accepting responsibility for your
actions, and those of your team, lends a
loud message to others that…
“I am a strong leader,
capable of handling my
own actions and those of
my team. I do not play
games. I am fully
prepared for the
challenges of my job,
and additional
responsibilities that
come with all future
promotions.” Now isn’t
that better than, “But
James said he was
going to…?”
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Carole is President and Executive
Coach of Progressive Leadership,
offering executive coaching,
organizational development
consulting and leadership
development training.