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How to handle Difficult Conversations

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Deepak Babu
Deepak Babu

The document discusses how to handle difficult conversations in the workplace. It describes common difficult topics like performance feedback, inappropriate behavior, and termination. It also discusses how cultural differences can impact conversations. The presenter provides strategies for having difficult conversations, including exploring all perspectives, focusing on mutual understanding rather than blame, and using open-ended questions to have a productive dialogue. The goal is to acknowledge different feelings and viewpoints, find shared objectives, and work toward resolution through respectful inquiry and problem-solving.

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Deepak Babu Regional Sales Director – Dell Services How to handle Difficult Conversations NAAAP – Milwaukee - Professional Development & Networking Conference June 2016
1.Introduction 2.What would you like to hear? 3.Key Takeaways Speaker 6/6/2016 Difficult Conversations - Deepak Babu 2 Regional Sales Director – Dell Services
What is a Difficult Conversation ? Message Emotions Fear Anxiety Anger Frustration It is unpleasant to deliver and receive.. 6/6/2016 Difficult Conversations - Deepak Babu 4 1,2,3….#,$,@.......
Common Difficult Conversations.. Salary/Money Bad Performance Feedback Inappropriate Behavior Deny an increase Termination I made a big mistake 6/6/2016 Difficult Conversations - Deepak Babu 5
Globalization – The Cultural Dimension Impacts everyday activities at work 6/6/2016 Difficult Conversations - Deepak Babu 6 https://geert-hoftede.com/countries.html
You think you are alone ?? 6/6/2016 Difficult Conversations - Deepak Babu 7 http://www.managers.org.uk/campaigns/difficult-conversations
43% 31% 29% 29% 21% 0% 5% 10% 15% 20% 25% 30% 35% 40% 45% 50% Not knowing how the other person will respond Not being able to get a point across clearly Being in a confrontational situation Getting upset or emotional The other person getting upset or emotional Common concerns 6/6/2016 Difficult Conversations - Deepak Babu 8 http://www.managers.org.uk/campaigns/difficult-conversations
Process of Difficult Conversation 6/6/2016 Difficult Conversations - Deepak Babu 9 Attribution Difficult Conversations: How to Discuss What Matters Most By Douglas Stone(Author), Bruce Patton (Author), Sheila Heen (Author),
Let’s dissect it.. 6/6/2016 10
The “What Happened Conversation” The Feeling Conversation The Identity Conversation Decoding the three Conversations 6/6/2016 Difficult Conversations - Deepak Babu 11 What’s the story here ? How do I feel? What should I do with my feelings?What does this say about me ?
 Explore; Offer your view as perception and interpretation  Good intent doesn’t excuse bad Impact  Shift to a mutual contribution system How to handle it  The Truth Assumptions  The Intention Invention  The Blame Game Crippling Assumptions “What happened” Conversation 6/6/2016 Difficult Conversations - Deepak Babu 12
Have you ever been accused of putting 2 and 2 together and making 5 ? Ladder of Inference 6/6/2016 Difficult Conversations - Deepak Babu 13 https://www.mindtools.com/pages/article/newTMC_91.htm
“The Feelings” Conversation 6/6/2016 Difficult Conversations - Deepak Babu 14
The Identity Conversation 6/6/2016 Difficult Conversations - Deepak Babu 15 Three common identity concepts • Am I competent? • Am I a good person? • Am I worthy of love? Difficult conversations threaten our identity.
Worksheet for preparation 6/6/2016 Difficult Conversations - Deepak Babu 16
Back to the process – Dialogue 6/6/2016 Difficult Conversations - Deepak Babu 17 What can you do? − Notice when concerns are “at play” − Make sure you have a shared goal − Always demonstrate respect
Resolution 6/6/2016 Difficult Conversations - Deepak Babu 18 Use inquiry for learning • Don’t make statements disguised as questions • Don’t cross-examine • Ask open ended questions • Remain authentic Acknowledge the feelings behind any arguments and accusations before problem-solving -- acknowledging is not agreeing
TALK T – Think about framing how you think about the conversation differently. Don’t label it as ‘difficult’. It may be about a tricky subject but, by suggesting solutions or alternatives, you can focus on constructive outcomes A – Always use clear, simple and neutral language. Refer to specific examples and facts L – Listen to what the other person is saying and hear their point of view. Show you care about how they see things K – Keep the focus on the issue, not the person 6/6/2016 Difficult Conversations - Deepak Babu 19 http://www.managers.org.uk/campaigns/difficult-conversations
Thank you 6/6/2016 Difficult Conversations - Deepak Babu 20 Deepak Babu Regional Sales Director – Dell Services @sensibl linkedin.com/in/deepakbabu Please feel free to contact with comments and questions

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How to handle Difficult Conversations

  • 1. Deepak Babu Regional Sales Director – Dell Services How to handle Difficult Conversations NAAAP – Milwaukee - Professional Development & Networking Conference June 2016
  • 2. 1.Introduction 2.What would you like to hear? 3.Key Takeaways Speaker 6/6/2016 Difficult Conversations - Deepak Babu 2 Regional Sales Director – Dell Services
  • 3. What is a Difficult Conversation ? Message Emotions Fear Anxiety Anger Frustration It is unpleasant to deliver and receive.. 6/6/2016 Difficult Conversations - Deepak Babu 4 1,2,3….#,$,@.......
  • 4. Common Difficult Conversations.. Salary/Money Bad Performance Feedback Inappropriate Behavior Deny an increase Termination I made a big mistake 6/6/2016 Difficult Conversations - Deepak Babu 5
  • 5. Globalization – The Cultural Dimension Impacts everyday activities at work 6/6/2016 Difficult Conversations - Deepak Babu 6 https://geert-hoftede.com/countries.html
  • 6. You think you are alone ?? 6/6/2016 Difficult Conversations - Deepak Babu 7 http://www.managers.org.uk/campaigns/difficult-conversations
  • 7. 43% 31% 29% 29% 21% 0% 5% 10% 15% 20% 25% 30% 35% 40% 45% 50% Not knowing how the other person will respond Not being able to get a point across clearly Being in a confrontational situation Getting upset or emotional The other person getting upset or emotional Common concerns 6/6/2016 Difficult Conversations - Deepak Babu 8 http://www.managers.org.uk/campaigns/difficult-conversations
  • 8. Process of Difficult Conversation 6/6/2016 Difficult Conversations - Deepak Babu 9 Attribution Difficult Conversations: How to Discuss What Matters Most By Douglas Stone(Author), Bruce Patton (Author), Sheila Heen (Author),
  • 10. The “What Happened Conversation” The Feeling Conversation The Identity Conversation Decoding the three Conversations 6/6/2016 Difficult Conversations - Deepak Babu 11 What’s the story here ? How do I feel? What should I do with my feelings?What does this say about me ?
  • 11.  Explore; Offer your view as perception and interpretation  Good intent doesn’t excuse bad Impact  Shift to a mutual contribution system How to handle it  The Truth Assumptions  The Intention Invention  The Blame Game Crippling Assumptions “What happened” Conversation 6/6/2016 Difficult Conversations - Deepak Babu 12
  • 12. Have you ever been accused of putting 2 and 2 together and making 5 ? Ladder of Inference 6/6/2016 Difficult Conversations - Deepak Babu 13 https://www.mindtools.com/pages/article/newTMC_91.htm
  • 13. “The Feelings” Conversation 6/6/2016 Difficult Conversations - Deepak Babu 14
  • 14. The Identity Conversation 6/6/2016 Difficult Conversations - Deepak Babu 15 Three common identity concepts • Am I competent? • Am I a good person? • Am I worthy of love? Difficult conversations threaten our identity.
  • 15. Worksheet for preparation 6/6/2016 Difficult Conversations - Deepak Babu 16
  • 16. Back to the process – Dialogue 6/6/2016 Difficult Conversations - Deepak Babu 17 What can you do? − Notice when concerns are “at play” − Make sure you have a shared goal − Always demonstrate respect
  • 17. Resolution 6/6/2016 Difficult Conversations - Deepak Babu 18 Use inquiry for learning • Don’t make statements disguised as questions • Don’t cross-examine • Ask open ended questions • Remain authentic Acknowledge the feelings behind any arguments and accusations before problem-solving -- acknowledging is not agreeing
  • 18. TALK T – Think about framing how you think about the conversation differently. Don’t label it as ‘difficult’. It may be about a tricky subject but, by suggesting solutions or alternatives, you can focus on constructive outcomes A – Always use clear, simple and neutral language. Refer to specific examples and facts L – Listen to what the other person is saying and hear their point of view. Show you care about how they see things K – Keep the focus on the issue, not the person 6/6/2016 Difficult Conversations - Deepak Babu 19 http://www.managers.org.uk/campaigns/difficult-conversations
  • 19. Thank you 6/6/2016 Difficult Conversations - Deepak Babu 20 Deepak Babu Regional Sales Director – Dell Services @sensibl linkedin.com/in/deepakbabu Please feel free to contact with comments and questions