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10 things you may not know about BULLYING

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Ron Graham
Ron Graham

This document provides information about bullying and cyberbullying. It discusses how defining problems incorrectly can prevent solutions. It introduces an approach called NSTAAB that focuses on changing language, perceptions, and moving from control to collaboration. The document outlines signs that a child may be bullying, being bullied, or experiencing depression. It discusses the link between bullying and suicide. It also covers topics like cyberbullying, sexting, grooming and provides statistics. Throughout it emphasizes the importance of monitoring children's technology use, open communication, and educating students and parents on these issues.

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Kelly Karius 10 THINGS YOU MAY NOT KNOW ABOUT BULLYING Shred the label, save a child
Overview  Changes in thought  The suicide epidemic (suicide as a solution?)  Skill-based v. emotional solutions  Not TELL, but SHOW AND TELL
The Problem If you define a problem wrong, or use the wrong steps, it never gets solved. That’s what has happened with bullying. When we call each other bullies or victims, or even worse, say it’s ‘normal’ behavior we move away from solutions.
A Solution  Changing Language  Changing Perceptions Have you ever:  Kicked someone?  Hit someone?  Called someone a name?  Left someone out on purpose?
The New Perception All of us, including adults, young adults and smaller children, use bully actions and victim responses at times. At ALL times, each of us is a bystander.
Introducing NSTAAB • Language Change • System Policy • Move from control to collaboration • Does this consequence contribute to the restoration of a positive supportive climate to the school? • Partner – UKnowKids.com
How NSTAAB Helps Creation of a system Lessons for Schools Website for Schools Book for Parents Policy Reporting System Community Immersions Train the Trainer Camp Program See our Web site for details!
5 SIGNS #1 Using Bully Actions General Tip: Watch for changes. Signs your child is using bully actions: – Your child shows aggressive impulses. – Quick to become frustrated. – Low levels of remorse and empathy. – Actions may be supported. – Blames others. – Lacks insight into consequences.
5 SIGNS #2 Receiving Bully Actions Signs your child is receiving bully actions: – School disruptions – Change in route to school – Negative mood changes when using technology – Withdrawal from peers – Extreme after school hunger – Stealing – Using bathroom immediately
5 SIGNS #3 Using Victim Responses Signs your child is using victim responses: – Anxious and insecure behaviors. Fearful – Cautious responses. Shame. – Lacking in confidence. – Few obvious friends. – Individualistic characteristics. – Provides entertaining responses.
5 SIGNS #4 Depression and Suicide • Over reactive outbursts of crying or anger • sadness, irritability • Loss of interest; withdrawal • Changes in sleep patterns • Changes in appetite or eating habits • Feeling tired or slow • Being restless, anxious, or worried, poor concentration
The Link Between Depression & Bullying • Let’s just talk common sense…no research. – People need people. – People feel rejection deeply, even when they say they don’t. – Each one of us, whatever ‘label’ we ascribe to, or avoid, wants to be loved for the person that we are. – When we are rejected through bully actions, it has an emotional effect. – When we use bully actions, if we REALLY let ourselves think and examine it, it has an emotional effect.
Bullying Statistics 60,000 children miss school every day 1 in 7 Students in Grades K-12 is either a bully or a victim of bullying. 56% of students have personally witnessed some type of bullying at school. 15% of all school absenteeism is directly related to fears of being bullied at school. 71% of students report incidents of bullying as a problem at their school.
5 SIGNS #5 Progress • Try new things • Speak positively about self • Higher tolerance for frustration • Increased persistence • Self motivation • Realistic thinking • Setbacks seen as temporary • Problem solving • Ability to work individually and in teams • Sense of optimism
5 Tools Tool #1 - Communication strategies • Questions • Saying No • Tone of Voice
5 Tools Tool #2 – Esteem Building • Balanced thinking • Calming mind • Watch labels and names you use • Watch self talk they use • Positive accurate feedback • Never say never
5 Tools Tool #3 – Modeling Friend Behavior • Tool #3 – Modeling Friend Behavior • Roleplay • Brainstorm • Practice Skills • Model Skills
5 Tools Tool #4 – Empathy Building • Questions • Allowing sadness • Exposure to others situations • Helping others • Create expectations • Notice kindnesses
5 Tools Tool #5 – Opportunity Provision • Opportunity to practice skills • Opportunity to try new things • Opportunity to help others • Opportunity to choose new friends • Opportunity to experience
Cyberbullying
Child Shaming Don’t be your child’s cyberbully. “How does this consequence contribute to the restoration of a positive climate?”
I start screaming the second mummy sits down for dinner or gets in the bath every single day.
I threw a bowl of pasta on the carpet then I refused to clean it up.
We got toothpaste everywhere in the bathroom.
I wanted to shave the cat.
Since I want to post photos of me holding liquor, I am obviously not ready for social media and will be taking a hiatus until I learn what I should and should not post. Bye Bye
I lie I steal I sell drug I don’t follow the law
Then and Now • Childhood games • The need for involvement • Phones • The value of a moment • Seeking the teachable moment The Growing Personality
Adults and Children • How adults are online search and social media business promotion games close personal texting and calling • How children are online – Social media – snapchat, twitter, instagram, pinterest, myspace… – Copious personal texting and calling ***Cautions: Snapchat, thedirty
What is Cyberbullying? Cyberbullying: Use of internet services for Deliberate, repeated, hostile behavior with the intention of harming another, by an individual or group. Trolling: “Trolling” is making inflammatory, anonymous statements on the Internet for the sole purpose of derailing an online discussion or provoking the other participants in the discussion.
Signs of Cyberbullying • signs of emotional distress during or after using the Internet or the phone • being very protective or secretive of their digital life • withdrawal from friends and activities • avoidance of school or group gatherings • slipping grades and "acting out" in anger at home • changes in mood, behavior, sleep, or appetite • shutting down a social media site
Cyberbullying Stats • - 1 in 5 Canadian Teens have witnessed online Bullying • - 25% of kids between 12-15 have witnessed cyberbullying • - 25% of girls and 17% of boys have witnessed online harassment • - 51% of all teens have had negative experience with social networking • - 16% said someone posted an embarrassing photo of them • - 12% said someone hacked their account Ipsos Reid
What is “sexting”? Sexting is the act of sending sexually explicit messages and/or photographs, primarily between mobile phones.
Stats and Prevention • 33% of youth aged 18-24 have sexted. • 24% of youth aged 14-17 have sexted. • 66% of girls and 60% of boys did it because it was fun and flirtatious. • Teens who use cell phones as a dominant form of communication are more likely to send and receive sexts. **Monitoring, awareness and communication
What is “grooming”? Child grooming refers to actions deliberately undertaken with the aim of befriending and establishing an emotional connection with a child, to lower the child's inhibitions in preparation for sexual activity with the child, or exploitation.
Signs of “Grooming” • “Let’s go private.” • “Where’s your computer in the house?” • “Who’s your favorite band? Designer? Film? Gear?” • “I know someone who can get you a modeling job.” • “I know a way you can earn money fast.” • “You seem sad. Tell me what’s bothering you.” • “What’s your phone number?” • “If you don’t... [do what I ask], I’ll... [tell your parents OR share your photos” • “You are the love of my life.”
Next Steps Visit our Web site Get free trial Educate, Engage, Protect, Share Presentations for Students Then visit cybertip.ca Take your photo (Canadian kids) Q & A
Closing • Handout • Link/password • Bullying Prevention team • Train the Trainer may be coming to your area! • Book sponsors/website sponsorships • Application Opportunity

More Related Content

10 things you may not know about BULLYING

  • 1. Kelly Karius 10 THINGS YOU MAY NOT KNOW ABOUT BULLYING Shred the label, save a child
  • 2. Overview  Changes in thought  The suicide epidemic (suicide as a solution?)  Skill-based v. emotional solutions  Not TELL, but SHOW AND TELL
  • 3. The Problem If you define a problem wrong, or use the wrong steps, it never gets solved. That’s what has happened with bullying. When we call each other bullies or victims, or even worse, say it’s ‘normal’ behavior we move away from solutions.
  • 4. A Solution  Changing Language  Changing Perceptions Have you ever:  Kicked someone?  Hit someone?  Called someone a name?  Left someone out on purpose?
  • 5. The New Perception All of us, including adults, young adults and smaller children, use bully actions and victim responses at times. At ALL times, each of us is a bystander.
  • 6. Introducing NSTAAB • Language Change • System Policy • Move from control to collaboration • Does this consequence contribute to the restoration of a positive supportive climate to the school? • Partner – UKnowKids.com
  • 7. How NSTAAB Helps Creation of a system Lessons for Schools Website for Schools Book for Parents Policy Reporting System Community Immersions Train the Trainer Camp Program See our Web site for details!
  • 8. 5 SIGNS #1 Using Bully Actions General Tip: Watch for changes. Signs your child is using bully actions: – Your child shows aggressive impulses. – Quick to become frustrated. – Low levels of remorse and empathy. – Actions may be supported. – Blames others. – Lacks insight into consequences.
  • 9. 5 SIGNS #2 Receiving Bully Actions Signs your child is receiving bully actions: – School disruptions – Change in route to school – Negative mood changes when using technology – Withdrawal from peers – Extreme after school hunger – Stealing – Using bathroom immediately
  • 10. 5 SIGNS #3 Using Victim Responses Signs your child is using victim responses: – Anxious and insecure behaviors. Fearful – Cautious responses. Shame. – Lacking in confidence. – Few obvious friends. – Individualistic characteristics. – Provides entertaining responses.
  • 11. 5 SIGNS #4 Depression and Suicide • Over reactive outbursts of crying or anger • sadness, irritability • Loss of interest; withdrawal • Changes in sleep patterns • Changes in appetite or eating habits • Feeling tired or slow • Being restless, anxious, or worried, poor concentration
  • 12. The Link Between Depression & Bullying • Let’s just talk common sense…no research. – People need people. – People feel rejection deeply, even when they say they don’t. – Each one of us, whatever ‘label’ we ascribe to, or avoid, wants to be loved for the person that we are. – When we are rejected through bully actions, it has an emotional effect. – When we use bully actions, if we REALLY let ourselves think and examine it, it has an emotional effect.
  • 13. Bullying Statistics 60,000 children miss school every day 1 in 7 Students in Grades K-12 is either a bully or a victim of bullying. 56% of students have personally witnessed some type of bullying at school. 15% of all school absenteeism is directly related to fears of being bullied at school. 71% of students report incidents of bullying as a problem at their school.
  • 14. 5 SIGNS #5 Progress • Try new things • Speak positively about self • Higher tolerance for frustration • Increased persistence • Self motivation • Realistic thinking • Setbacks seen as temporary • Problem solving • Ability to work individually and in teams • Sense of optimism
  • 15. 5 Tools Tool #1 - Communication strategies • Questions • Saying No • Tone of Voice
  • 16. 5 Tools Tool #2 – Esteem Building • Balanced thinking • Calming mind • Watch labels and names you use • Watch self talk they use • Positive accurate feedback • Never say never
  • 17. 5 Tools Tool #3 – Modeling Friend Behavior • Tool #3 – Modeling Friend Behavior • Roleplay • Brainstorm • Practice Skills • Model Skills
  • 18. 5 Tools Tool #4 – Empathy Building • Questions • Allowing sadness • Exposure to others situations • Helping others • Create expectations • Notice kindnesses
  • 19. 5 Tools Tool #5 – Opportunity Provision • Opportunity to practice skills • Opportunity to try new things • Opportunity to help others • Opportunity to choose new friends • Opportunity to experience
  • 21. Child Shaming Don’t be your child’s cyberbully. “How does this consequence contribute to the restoration of a positive climate?”
  • 22. I start screaming the second mummy sits down for dinner or gets in the bath every single day.
  • 23. I threw a bowl of pasta on the carpet then I refused to clean it up.
  • 25. I wanted to shave the cat.
  • 26. Since I want to post photos of me holding liquor, I am obviously not ready for social media and will be taking a hiatus until I learn what I should and should not post. Bye Bye
  • 27. I lie I steal I sell drug I don’t follow the law
  • 28. Then and Now • Childhood games • The need for involvement • Phones • The value of a moment • Seeking the teachable moment The Growing Personality
  • 29. Adults and Children • How adults are online search and social media business promotion games close personal texting and calling • How children are online – Social media – snapchat, twitter, instagram, pinterest, myspace… – Copious personal texting and calling ***Cautions: Snapchat, thedirty
  • 30. What is Cyberbullying? Cyberbullying: Use of internet services for Deliberate, repeated, hostile behavior with the intention of harming another, by an individual or group. Trolling: “Trolling” is making inflammatory, anonymous statements on the Internet for the sole purpose of derailing an online discussion or provoking the other participants in the discussion.
  • 31. Signs of Cyberbullying • signs of emotional distress during or after using the Internet or the phone • being very protective or secretive of their digital life • withdrawal from friends and activities • avoidance of school or group gatherings • slipping grades and "acting out" in anger at home • changes in mood, behavior, sleep, or appetite • shutting down a social media site
  • 32. Cyberbullying Stats • - 1 in 5 Canadian Teens have witnessed online Bullying • - 25% of kids between 12-15 have witnessed cyberbullying • - 25% of girls and 17% of boys have witnessed online harassment • - 51% of all teens have had negative experience with social networking • - 16% said someone posted an embarrassing photo of them • - 12% said someone hacked their account Ipsos Reid
  • 33. What is “sexting”? Sexting is the act of sending sexually explicit messages and/or photographs, primarily between mobile phones.
  • 34. Stats and Prevention • 33% of youth aged 18-24 have sexted. • 24% of youth aged 14-17 have sexted. • 66% of girls and 60% of boys did it because it was fun and flirtatious. • Teens who use cell phones as a dominant form of communication are more likely to send and receive sexts. **Monitoring, awareness and communication
  • 35. What is “grooming”? Child grooming refers to actions deliberately undertaken with the aim of befriending and establishing an emotional connection with a child, to lower the child's inhibitions in preparation for sexual activity with the child, or exploitation.
  • 36. Signs of “Grooming” • “Let’s go private.” • “Where’s your computer in the house?” • “Who’s your favorite band? Designer? Film? Gear?” • “I know someone who can get you a modeling job.” • “I know a way you can earn money fast.” • “You seem sad. Tell me what’s bothering you.” • “What’s your phone number?” • “If you don’t... [do what I ask], I’ll... [tell your parents OR share your photos” • “You are the love of my life.”
  • 37. Next Steps Visit our Web site Get free trial Educate, Engage, Protect, Share Presentations for Students Then visit cybertip.ca Take your photo (Canadian kids) Q & A
  • 38. Closing • Handout • Link/password • Bullying Prevention team • Train the Trainer may be coming to your area! • Book sponsors/website sponsorships • Application Opportunity

Editor's Notes

  1. Awareness of our own actions will allow us not to use bully actions and victim responses…we can break patterns of behavior that have been created. Being a strong bystander takes practice, and I suggest role playing with friends so that we are ready. Even adults, confronted by aggressive behavior, don’t know what to do. Picture an adult seeing domestic violence on a street…how many stop, how many do something? Not many, because we don’t have the practice or the confidence. This dateline program shows really well how we can get carried away AND how bystander behavior affects bully actions. http://insidedateline.nbcnews.com/_news/2011/02/28/6155462-march-6-2011-my-kid-would-never-bully?lite
  2. Handouts – TIPS page aBeanstalk ad Tables of contents
  3. Cyberbullying is defined in legal glossaries as actions that use information and communication technologies to support deliberate, repeated, and hostile behavior by an individual or group, that is intended to harm another or others. use of communication technologies for the intention of harming another person use of internet service and mobile technologies such as web pages and discussion groups as well as instant messaging or SMS text messaging with the intention of harming another person. Examples of what constitutes cyberbullying include communications that seek to intimidate, control, manipulate, put down, falsely discredit, or humiliate the recipient. The actions are deliberate, repeated, and hostile behavior intended to harm another. Cyberbullying has been defined by The National Crime Prevention Council: “When the Internet, cell phones or other devices are used to send or post text or images intended to hurt or embarrass another person."[1][2] A cyberbully may be a person whom the target knows or an online stranger. A cyberbully may be anonymous and may solicit involvement of other people online who do not even know the target. This is known as a 'digital pile-on.'[3]
  4. Ask for guesses…how long does it take a child to learn to clean their room properly?