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Assertiveness

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Vijaya Sawant,PMP, OCP
Vijaya Sawant,PMP, OCP

The document discusses assertiveness and how to communicate effectively. It defines assertiveness as having the courage to express one's thoughts, feelings, and needs honestly. An assertive person is direct but also understands other perspectives. In contrast, aggressive people ignore others' views and passive-aggressive people manipulate covertly. The document provides tips for assertive behaviors, such as making requests using clear descriptions and expressions of feelings rather than accusations.

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AssertivenessAssertiveness is the courage to beourselves and show the world our likes anddislikes, our thoughts, feelings, andshortcomings. It's about communicatinghonestly with family, friends and colleagues.As we become more assertive, we dropthe mask and show our true selves. Weproclaim: "This is who I am, this is what I feel,and these are my needs."
AssertivenessWhen faced with interpersonal problem, some peoplemay feel inferior to others or fear their power. Underthese conditions they are likely to suppress theirfeelings or openly rebel and strike out in anger. Neitherresponse is truly productive.The objective of Assertiveness Training is to help people to develop effective ways of dealing with a variety of anxiety producing situations.
Assertive PersonAssertive people have the following characteristics: They feel free to express their feelings, thoughts, and desires. They know their rights. They have control over their anger. It does not mean that they repress this feeling. It means that they control it for a moment and then talk about it later in a logical way. They have a good understanding of feelings of the person with whom they are communicating.
Aggressive PersonTHE AGGRESSIVE PERSON• Expresses point of view arrogantly, as if no other is possible.• Tends to dismiss or ignore the opinions and feelings of others.• Believes one's own needs are most important.• Feels powerful when dominating others, later guilty or remorseful as people draw away.Example: "Anyone with any sense would know that's a ridiculous point of view."
Passive/Aggressive PersonTHE PASSIVE/AGGRESSIVE PERSON• Agrees to others' demands, then avoids by makingexcuses, forgetting and being late.• Denies personal responsibility for their actions, usesaccusatory statements.• Tries to get his/her own way by being manipulative• Fears rejection and confrontation.Example: "Yes, I know I promised to meet you at 9.00,but Anthony kept me talking. I'm really sorry."
BEHAVIOUR ASPECTSAssertive people are Direct, honest andexpressive. They feel confident, gain selfrespect, and make others feel valued.
BEHAVIOUR ASPECTSAggressive people may humiliate others,and unassertive people elicit either pity orscorn from others.
Assertive people learn to• Express their feelings,• Ask for favours,• Give and receive complements,• Request behaviour changes, and• Refuse unreasonable requests.
When confronted with an intolerable situation Being assertive involves 5 stages. Stage Example1. Describe the behaviour. “When you do this.....”2. Express your feelings. “I feel..........................”3. Empathize. “I understand why you....”4. Negotiate a change. “I want you to ...........”5. Indicate consequences. “If you do(don’t ), I will....”Not all the steps may be necessary in all situations.
Body language as related to assertive behaviour:Eye contact and facial expression: Maintaindirect eye contact, appear interested and alert, but not angry.2. Posture: Stand or sit erect, possibly leaningforward slightly.3. Distance and contact: Stand or sit at a normal conversational distance from the other.
Body language as related to assertive behaviour:4. Gestures: Use relaxed, conversational gestures.5. Voice: Use a factual, not emotional tone of voice. Sound determined and full of conviction, but not overbearing.6. Timing: Choose a time when both parties are relaxed. A neutral site is best.
EFFECTIVE ASSERTIVE BEHAVIOURAssertive behaviour generally is most effectivewhen it integrates a number of verbal and nonverbal components.Appropriate gestures, congruent facialexpressions are essential, and strong butmodulated voice tone and volume will beconvincing. Perhaps most important is thespontaneous and forceful expression of anhonest reaction.
MAKING REQUESTSOne useful technique is the Describe, Express,Specify and Outcome script. These four stepscan be used when learning to make anassertive request.The intent is to frame the situation, say what'swrong, make your request and predict anoutcome.
DESCRIBEBefore making a request, define the situation. What's going on?Helpful description:Assertive person: "It's been a long time since we went out for dinner together."Unhelpful description:Passive/passive, aggressive person: "Why don't you ever take me out to dinner any more?"
EXPRESSHere and now, express how you are feeling inthis particular situation:Assertive: "I miss you…“Passive/passive, aggressive: "You don't loveme any more."
SPECIFYIndicate what you would like to happen:Assertive: "I would love to go out on Saturday."Passive/passive, aggressive: "I don'tsuppose you're free on Saturday, either…"
OUTCOMEDescribe the outcome you'd like to achieve ifthe other person went along with your request:Assertive: "It would be a great chance for usto catch up and spend some time together.“Passive/passive, aggressive: "Like always,you're letting me down."
Assertiveness1. Assertive responses are characterized by the use of``I'' statements instead of ``You'' statements.2. Assertive responses are usually effective in gettingothers to change or reinforce behavior.3. Assertive responses run a low risk of hurting arelationship.4. Assertive responses neither attack the other's self-esteem nor put him on the defensive.5. Assertive behaviour prevents ``gunny sacking,'' i.e.,saving up a lot of bad feelings.

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Assertiveness

  • 1. AssertivenessAssertiveness is the courage to beourselves and show the world our likes anddislikes, our thoughts, feelings, andshortcomings. It's about communicatinghonestly with family, friends and colleagues.As we become more assertive, we dropthe mask and show our true selves. Weproclaim: "This is who I am, this is what I feel,and these are my needs."
  • 2. AssertivenessWhen faced with interpersonal problem, some peoplemay feel inferior to others or fear their power. Underthese conditions they are likely to suppress theirfeelings or openly rebel and strike out in anger. Neitherresponse is truly productive.The objective of Assertiveness Training is to help people to develop effective ways of dealing with a variety of anxiety producing situations.
  • 3. Assertive PersonAssertive people have the following characteristics: They feel free to express their feelings, thoughts, and desires. They know their rights. They have control over their anger. It does not mean that they repress this feeling. It means that they control it for a moment and then talk about it later in a logical way. They have a good understanding of feelings of the person with whom they are communicating.
  • 4. Aggressive PersonTHE AGGRESSIVE PERSON• Expresses point of view arrogantly, as if no other is possible.• Tends to dismiss or ignore the opinions and feelings of others.• Believes one's own needs are most important.• Feels powerful when dominating others, later guilty or remorseful as people draw away.Example: "Anyone with any sense would know that's a ridiculous point of view."
  • 5. Passive/Aggressive PersonTHE PASSIVE/AGGRESSIVE PERSON• Agrees to others' demands, then avoids by makingexcuses, forgetting and being late.• Denies personal responsibility for their actions, usesaccusatory statements.• Tries to get his/her own way by being manipulative• Fears rejection and confrontation.Example: "Yes, I know I promised to meet you at 9.00,but Anthony kept me talking. I'm really sorry."
  • 6. BEHAVIOUR ASPECTSAssertive people are Direct, honest andexpressive. They feel confident, gain selfrespect, and make others feel valued.
  • 7. BEHAVIOUR ASPECTSAggressive people may humiliate others,and unassertive people elicit either pity orscorn from others.
  • 8. Assertive people learn to• Express their feelings,• Ask for favours,• Give and receive complements,• Request behaviour changes, and• Refuse unreasonable requests.
  • 9. When confronted with an intolerable situation Being assertive involves 5 stages. Stage Example1. Describe the behaviour. “When you do this.....”2. Express your feelings. “I feel..........................”3. Empathize. “I understand why you....”4. Negotiate a change. “I want you to ...........”5. Indicate consequences. “If you do(don’t ), I will....”Not all the steps may be necessary in all situations.
  • 10. Body language as related to assertive behaviour:Eye contact and facial expression: Maintaindirect eye contact, appear interested and alert, but not angry.2. Posture: Stand or sit erect, possibly leaningforward slightly.3. Distance and contact: Stand or sit at a normal conversational distance from the other.
  • 11. Body language as related to assertive behaviour:4. Gestures: Use relaxed, conversational gestures.5. Voice: Use a factual, not emotional tone of voice. Sound determined and full of conviction, but not overbearing.6. Timing: Choose a time when both parties are relaxed. A neutral site is best.
  • 12. EFFECTIVE ASSERTIVE BEHAVIOURAssertive behaviour generally is most effectivewhen it integrates a number of verbal and nonverbal components.Appropriate gestures, congruent facialexpressions are essential, and strong butmodulated voice tone and volume will beconvincing. Perhaps most important is thespontaneous and forceful expression of anhonest reaction.
  • 13. MAKING REQUESTSOne useful technique is the Describe, Express,Specify and Outcome script. These four stepscan be used when learning to make anassertive request.The intent is to frame the situation, say what'swrong, make your request and predict anoutcome.
  • 14. DESCRIBEBefore making a request, define the situation. What's going on?Helpful description:Assertive person: "It's been a long time since we went out for dinner together."Unhelpful description:Passive/passive, aggressive person: "Why don't you ever take me out to dinner any more?"
  • 15. EXPRESSHere and now, express how you are feeling inthis particular situation:Assertive: "I miss you…“Passive/passive, aggressive: "You don't loveme any more."
  • 16. SPECIFYIndicate what you would like to happen:Assertive: "I would love to go out on Saturday."Passive/passive, aggressive: "I don'tsuppose you're free on Saturday, either…"
  • 17. OUTCOMEDescribe the outcome you'd like to achieve ifthe other person went along with your request:Assertive: "It would be a great chance for usto catch up and spend some time together.“Passive/passive, aggressive: "Like always,you're letting me down."
  • 18. Assertiveness1. Assertive responses are characterized by the use of``I'' statements instead of ``You'' statements.2. Assertive responses are usually effective in gettingothers to change or reinforce behavior.3. Assertive responses run a low risk of hurting arelationship.4. Assertive responses neither attack the other's self-esteem nor put him on the defensive.5. Assertive behaviour prevents ``gunny sacking,'' i.e.,saving up a lot of bad feelings.