1. THE FIRST FATHER Based on Gen. 4:1-8, 25-26
2. THE FATHER OF THE FUTURE Based on Gen. 7:1-12
3. A FATHER'S FEARS Based on Judges 13:1-13, 24
4. A SUPPORTIVE FATHER Based on Judges 13:1-14, 24
5. FATHER AND DAUGHTER Based on Esther 2:5-11
6. A FULL TIME FATHER Based on Job 1:1-5
7. THE DUTIES OF DADS Based on Prov. 23:13-28
8. THE FATHER'S JOB Based on Luke 15:11-32
9. THE PRODIGAL'S FATHER Based on Luke 15:11-32
1. FAMOUS FATHERS-THEIR FAITH AND DUTIES
By Pastor Glenn Pease
CONTENTS
1. THE FIRST FATHER Based on Gen. 4:1-8, 25-26
2. THE FATHER OF THE FUTURE Based on Gen. 7:1-12
3. A FATHER'S FEARS Based on Judges 13:1-13, 24
4. A SUPPORTIVE FATHER Based on Judges 13:1-14, 24
5. FATHER AND DAUGHTER Based on Esther 2:5-11
6. A FULL TIME FATHER Based on Job 1:1-5
7. THE DUTIES OF DADS Based on Prov. 23:13-28
8. THE FATHER'S JOB Based on Luke 15:11-32
9. THE PRODIGAL'S FATHER Based on Luke 15:11-32
1. THE FIRST FATHER Based on Gen. 4:1-8, 25-26
Ronald and Nancy Reagan had something in common in their
childhood, and that was that they both had fallen fathers. When Ron
came home one day as an 11 year old boy he found his father flat on
his back on the front porch, and there was no one there to help. He
said, "He was drunk, dead to the world. I stood over him a minute or
two. I wanted to let myself into the house and go to bed and pretend
he wasn't there..."
Nancy's experience was even worse. She writes in her
autobiography, "I was told as a child my father wasn't at the hospital
when I was born. It must have hurt mother as much as it did me
when I heard about it. I have no idea how old I was before he saw me
2. for the first time, but I visited him only a few times over the years
before he died in the 1960's. He was my father but I somehow never
could think of him that way because there had never been any
relationship of any kind."
Alcoholism and abandonment was is what our former President
and his wife remember about fatherhood. But it is a mistake to
conclude that only those who are themselves failures are fallen
fathers. The record of the Bible and history will not support such a
conclusion. Being a good father is job that even the most successful of
men fail at. The West German Industrialist Friedrick Flick was a
business genius who built an empire of 300 firms, and a personal
fortune of over a billion dollars. But he had one very conspicuous
shortcoming. He could not control his own children. Success in any
area of life is not guarantee that a man will not fail and foul out as a
father.
David was one of the most successful men of the Bible. He was a
man after God's own heart, and he led Israel to power and wealth,
but he left behind a family all messed up because of his failure as a
father. Eli the great priest had sons that would be a disgrace to a
pornographer because they sexually assaulted women as they came to
worship. The list could go on and on, but the point is not to make
fatherhood depressing, but to see that it has always been hard to be a
successful father. There is hope for success, however, even in this
difficult business of being a dad. We want to look at both the
hardness and the hope in fatherhood by looking at the life of Adam.
We want to look at him from 3 perspectives.
I. ADAM AS THE FIRST FATHER.
Adam was at one time the only father on the face of the earth. He
had no Dr. Spock, and even if he did there was no one to call for help.
3. There were no books or articles, nor any examples to follow. He
could not reflect and say this is how my father would deal with me in
this situation. Adam had no training to be a father. Most of us at
least saw a baby before we became fathers, but not Adam. He was
the first man to ever see a baby born. You think its scary now, but
what must it have been for a man who had no experience whatever?
Somehow Adam managed and everybody survived. The male
population of the world was doubled in one day. Now there was
another potential father on earth, and this baby did become the
second father in history, but Cain also became the first to murder.
This did not do anything to enhance the record of the first father. We
will look at this further in the next point. But what we learn from this
experience of the first father is that fatherhood has different stages,
and some of them are easy and some are hard.
Cain, as a newborn baby, was without a doubt the delight of Adam
and Eve. He was the first baby; the first toddler; the first to talk and
walk, and do all the things that make children so enjoyable. It seems
hard to have small children, but this is really the easy time. When
precious little Cain grows up he will become a pain. He ended up
killing their second born. Adam had a host of unusual and
unrepeatable experiences as the first father. For one thing, he was
only one year older than his first baby himself in terms of time.
Adam was only created about a year before Cain was born. Nobody
has ever had this experience. Then, he of course was also the first
grandfather, great grandfather, and great great and so on and on.
Adam was the first in many ways and no one can ever take these titles
away from him.
What we need to see here is that every human being who has ever
lived came out of the body of Adam. He is literally the father of
every person ever born. Eve was taken out of his body and so there is
4. not even one exception. Not even Jesus, for he has called the second
or last Adam. He to came into a body who came from the seed of
Adam. The entire human race is an extension of the body of Adam.
He was the first father of all, and the father of all first.
As the first father he was also the first father to ever lose a child to
death. Millions have since then, but Adam was the first, and this is
one of the hard parts of fatherhood. Daniel Webster, the eloquent
orator, got a letter in his senate office telling of his son being killed in
the Mexican War. He wrote to his second son and said, "I hardly
know how I shall keep up under this blow. I have always regarded it
as a great misfortune to out live my children, but the will of heaven be
done in all things."
From the first family in this world until today the loss of a child
has been one of the hardest burdens to bear. Our heavenly Father
entered into this heaviest of burdens, and He endured the loss of His
Son to death. He was the one Father who did not ever need to
experience this suffering, but he chose it freely that Adam and all the
father of history might, like David, have hope of seeing and being
with their lost children forever, by faith in that Son of God who died
that all might live. Next we look at-
II. ADAM AS THE FALLEN FATHER.
Adam was an ideal man, but he fell before he became a father so
that when Cain was born Adam not only became the first father, but
he became the first fallen father. This means there has never been a
time in the history of man when there was a perfect father. The
heavenly Father was always there, but there has never been an
unfallen human father. The only one who could have changed this
was Jesus, but He never became a father, and so we are stuck with
this reality.
5. There was once an ideal man and woman. There was once an ideal
environment. But there has never been ideal relationship of parent
and child, because there has never been an ideal parent. This could
lead to pessimism if there was no good news to balance things out.
We could end up thinking like Lord Chesterfield who said, "As
fathers commonly go, it is seldom a misfortune to be fatherless; and
considering the general runs of sons, as seldom a misfortune to be
childless." There is much evidence to support his negative conviction
in a fallen world with nothing but fallen fathers and children.
It is a reality that we have to face up to, for all the notable fathers
of the Bible had a very mixed record of success. It was not just Adam
who had good and bad children. Look at Abraham the father of the
faithful. His boys Isaac and Ishmael fought as boys, and their
descendants, the Jews and Arabs, have kept the whole world under
tension to the modern day. David had sons who raped, murdered,
and led rebellion against him. Even his favorite son Solomon, who
became such a notable success, also led Israel into idolatry because of
his many foreign wives. In the New Testament the most notable
father is the father of the Prodigal. He was a good and righteous
man, but he had one son who was a rebel, and the other was a spoiled
snob.
The point is, the easy part of fatherhood is when children are
babies and young. Adam, no doubt, had a ball with his little Cain, for
this was the joyful part of fatherhood. But when a child grows up to
be independent fathers feel the burden of their role. How can they
keep their children on the right path? Adam couldn't do it, and most
of the fathers of the Bible could not do it. Cain became his deepest
pain, and as a fallen father Adam learned by experience how God was
hurt by his own disobedience. When a father sees a son rebel and
hurt everyone he loves, then a father begins to taste of the pain of
God. It is a terrible way to get an education in the depth of spiritual
6. pain, but there are few fathers who escape this lesson in suffering.
Is there any value in such pain? Yes there is, for it makes the
fallen father realize that the only solution to the fall of man is grace.
You can't beat sin out of man, nor can you teach it out, or train it out.
The only answer is forgiveness. God forgave Adam, and one of the
most amazing stories of grace we have in the Bible is God's
preservation of Cain. If capital punishment was ever called for, it
was in the case of Cain. But God put a mark on Cain to protect him
so that no one would kill him. To do so would result in suffering
vengeance 7 times over. The only ultimate answer to sin is
forgiveness. There is no other way to get rid of it. It is the only
answer of the heavenly Father, and it is the only answer the fallen
father has that will make a difference in the world, and in their
families. Forgiveness was the only reason the family of man survived,
and the only way any father can keep his family alive is by the power
of forgiveness. Adam knew how to receive it and give it, and this
leads to our third point-
III. ADAM AS THE FAITHFUL FATHER.
We do not have a lot of evidence to evaluate the family life of
Adam, but what little we do have is quite revealing as to his positive
role as the father of human family. He was down, but not out. He did
not say that this is such a lousy world to raise kids in that he refused
to have them. He obeyed God's command to be fruitful and
reproduce. We do not know how many children he had, but with the
three clearly named and then the general statement that he had other
sons and daughters, we have an absolute minimum of 7, and it was
likely much higher than that. It could have been dozens.
His record of faithfulness to his family is unsurpassed. Adam was
married to the same woman for 930 years. This was the longest
7. marriage in history. Methuselah lived 39 years longer than Adam,
but he did not get married and have his first child until he was 187,
and so he was no where near the record of Adam. This means also
that Adam was a father longer than any other man who ever lived.
But more important, his fall did not make him the scum of the earth.
He was not a bad man, nor a bad father. He was fallen and not
perfect, but a fallen and imperfect father can still do a lot of things
right, and Adam did.
He saw to it that his two boys got a religious education. Both Cain
and Able grew up and brought offerings to the Lord. They were
taught to honor God and make sacrifice to Him. Adam saw to it that
his boys learned a positive respect for their Creator. To be sure,
Cain was only externally respectful while his heart was far from God,
but he knew the right way. Able was the righteous son, and he did
what was pleasing to God. It was a 50-50 ratio of success and failure
for Adam. The point is, he made sure that his children knew the way
that was pleasing to God. A father cannot impose his faith on his
children and make them love and honor God, but he can make sure
that that option is one of their choices. If they do not take the right
choice, the father has still fulfilled his role.
Some fathers are blamed for their sons bad choices, but Adam is
not blamed for the evil choice of Cain. We can't say Adam left him
such a poor example that it was inevitable that he went the wrong
way. Able did not go that way, but went the way he was taught. We
have every reason to believe that Adam was a great father, and was
one who lived his life in fellowship with God, and in obedience to His
will. He fell, but he did not go on in rebellion. He was grateful for
God's guidance, and when he saw Eve bring forth another son he
acknowledged God as the giver of this new life to replace the son he
had lost. It was the line of Seth that brought forth the righteous in a
world of great corruption. Enoch who walked with God and the
8. righteous Noah whom God used to preserve the human race were just
two examples.
Adam produced the fallen race, but he also produced the righteous
race of those who sought to live in obedience to God. There is no
escape being the evidence, for he was a fallen but nevertheless a
faithful father, and he did a great job of teaching and being an
example of righteousness. In Gen. 5:3 we have this interesting text
that says Adam was 130 years old when Seth was born, and it stresses
that this son was in his likeness, and in his own image. Seth
apparently looked just like Adam. This was not said of his first 2
boys. He was a chip off the old block, and this was a great
encouragement to Adam. Some of him would live on in his son even
though he knew he had to die because of his sin. Fathers love it when
their children look like him. Richard Armour wrote-
My day-old is plenty scrawny,
His mouth is wide with screams, or yawny,
His ears seem larger than he's needing,
His nose is flat, his chin's receding,
His skin is very, very red,
He has no hair upon his head,
And yet I'm proud as proud can be,
To hear you say he looks like me.
Adam was proud of Seth and rightly so, for Seth carried on the
tradition of his faithful father, and he was a righteous man in a fallen
world. It is very good news that it is possible to be a major force for
good in a world that you have made so bad yourself. All of us are
spotted with adamic muck. We have contributed t the fallenness of
our world. We have all been part of the problem, but by the grace of
God we can still be part of the answer, and a major part of the
answer is in being a faithful father. Just hanging in there trying to
9. have an impact on our children's lives, even when some of them are,
like Cain, going off the deep end of rebellion, is what being a faithful
father is all about.
When you have two sons and one becomes a homicide victim, and
the other is the murderer, you would have a tendency to call it quits
on the role of fatherhood. Adam did not choose defeat in this
pessimistic situation. He said I will try again, and because he was
faithful there was a line of the human race worth saving when God
judged the world. Had Adam given up on fatherhood because of
failure it would have been the end of history for man. We are
ultimately saved by the last Adam, the Lord Jesus, but let's not forget
there would have been nobody to save had it not been for the
faithfulness of the first Adam.
Adam is just a prime example of what God can do through a fallen
father who will be faithful in spite of his fallenness. Fathers can have
such a powerful influence on the future because of how they impact
their children. All of Cain's line perished in the flood, but the line of
Seth survived, because even a fallen father can have a powerful
impact on the future.
However you may find fault with the Bible movies of Cecil B. De
Mille you can't escape the fact that he has made parts of the Bible
well known to millions who otherwise may never have known a thing
about the Bible. His father use to read a chapter of the Old
Testament and the New Testament to him every night. He read to
make an impact on his son, and this he surely did. De Mille reflecting
on his father's reading wrote, "He painted a great picture as he read,
and the picture came to life before your eyes. Some of those pictures
I brought to life again in later years. I have been able to recreate
them on the screen." A fallen father faithful in is honoring of the
Word of God will have an impact on His children for good.
10. Some of the greatest influence for the good of the family in our
world today are the result of fallen fathers who were nevertheless
faithful fathers. Dr. James Dobson is one of the most notable. He
says his father had all kinds of faults, but he also said this at his
father's funeral. "This man whose body lies before me was not only
my father and my friend, but he was also the source of great
inspiration for me. Few people realize that most of my writings are
actually and expression of his views and his teachings. Whenever we
were together, he would talk and I usually took notes. That's the kind
of relationship we had, and his loss is devastating to me." I can
imagine Seth saying something like that at Adam's funeral.
It is true that we must trace the fall of man to Adam, and there is
no way to minimize the harm he brought to the human race by his sin.
But the fact remains that somebody has to have been an example of
righteousness in that beginning generation, and the evidence points to
Adam. God used His influence to send through history a line of fallen
but faithful people whom God used to accomplish His purpose. There
is not another sin recorded in the life of Adam after his fall. His wife
stayed with him for 930 years, and he taught his children to honor
God. The message of his life is that fathering is hard, failure is easy,
but never give up, for fallen though we be, God can use our
faithfulness to accomplish His purpose in the world.
2. THE FATHER OF THE FUTURE Based on Gen.
7:1-12
It is tough to be a father in this world where everything is changing
so fast. In Africa the custom of selling the bride to her future
husband has been challenged for sometime by Christian daughters.
11. They feel it is a evil custom to be sold like an object to the highest
bidder. They have organized protest groups, and Christian girls have
been defying their fathers and refusing to marry for money. The old
people try to frighten the young by saying, "Your children will be
born deformed if the price is not paid," but the better educated
younger generation are not falling for that scare tactic.
So you have fathers caught in a world of transition where the old
just doesn't work anymore and the new is so different that it is
frightening. Every father on the planet faces some of this tension, but
we want to look at the father who faced the most radical transition of
history. Noah saw the whole world of his day disappear, and he was
left as the only father on the planet. He had to begin a whole new
world with his family. No father in history ever carried a heavier
load of responsibility than did Noah.
Adam and Noah are the only two men in history who have this
distinction of being the only father in the world in their time. None of
the three sons who were near 100 years old had any children, and in
spite of a year on board the ark none of them became a father during
that long ordeal. This was clearly not a love boat cruise. We do not
know if they had some birth control method, or if God just closed up
their wombs to prevent any children being born on the ark. They all
had good size families after the ark landed, and so there was no
problem of infertility. So what we have here is an example of family
planning. Either by their own wisdom, or by God's providence they
postponed their families until the circumstances were favorable.
We read in Gen. 11:10 that Shem waited 2 years after the flood to
begin his family, and he was 100 years old. His descendants had their
children in their 20's or 30's, but he waiting until they were settled,
even in his old age. So we see that the whole issue of family planning
is based on the circumstances. There is no support for the thinking
12. that it is such an evil world to bring a child into that people should not
have children. If Noah would have thought that way, we never would
have heard of him, and he would not have become the father of the
future. Noah had children in the worst of times, for they were the
only hope of bad times better. There is biblical support for not
having kids because the world is evil. However, there is support for
not having children when there is grave danger, and their presence
would be a threat to themselves and the well being of their parents.
If you study the ages of the fathers in the Bible, you discover that
those who waited for the right time were often the best fathers. Older
fathers are not looked down on, but are heroes in the Bible. Noah is
the prime example. If you study chapter 5, you will see the record of
10 fathers who became fathers from the age of 65 for Enoch to 187
for Methusalah. But then you come to Noah who went for 313 years
longer than Methusalah to become a father. Noah was, to the best of
my knowledge, the oldest man in the Bible to become a father, and
the oldest in history.
I was just barely 21 when I became a father, and the majority of
people in our culture who become fathers do so in their 20's or 30's.
But here was Noah who lived 500 years before he became a father,
and each of his 3 boys lived to nearly 100 before they became fathers.
The end result of all this late fatherhood was that there were no
children on the ark. God is saying by His providence in this whole
matter that there are times and places where children are not a good
idea. They are the future, to be sure, but the ark was no place for
kids, and God saw to it that there were no kids in that dangerous
situation.
Today and all through history the ark and children have been
linked. It is probably the number one story for children, but God
prevented there being any children on the actual ark. Noah and his
13. wife had to live for a century without grandchildren, and each of the
boys had to live 3 times longer than the average father of their day
without children just to keep the ark child free. It is hard to look at
these facts and escape the conclusion that there are times when family
planning is definitely God's will. That is what Jesus was getting at in
Matt. 24:19 when he said, "How dreadful it will be in those days for
pregnant women and nursing mothers." He was warning Christians
not to have children just before 70 A. D. when they would have to flee
the judgment of God on Jerusalem. Like Noah, they were wise if they
postponed their family until after the storm. A time of judgment is
never a good time to become a father or a mother.
Noah fathered the 3 fathers who fathered the human race all over
again, but on the ark he was the only father in the world. Can you
imagine babies and toddlers on the ark? These little creatures will
gag at the sight of good food, but then go and drink the dog's water
and lick the cat. They will stick every dirty thing they can find in
their mouth. With several thousand animals around it would be a full
time job just in life saving prevention. God spared these 4 couples
from parenthood, for on their survival the whole future depended.
There is a lot we don't know, of course, about what kind of father
Noah was, but we have strong evidence that Noah spent a lot of time
with his family.
If you read Gen. 7:11 you will see that Noah was in the 17th day
of the second month of his 600th year of life when the flood started,
and in 8:14 we read that he was in the 27th day of the second month
of his 601st year of life when the flood was over, and he stepped out
onto dry land. That means that for 1 year and 10 days Noah was
locked in with his family without monopoly, checkers, or a stereo.
They were a busy family caring for their zoo, but they had plenty of
time to be with each other. It was a family group of 8 people. It was
the only small group in the world, but it was enough. All anyone
14. really needs is to be a part of a small group of loving and caring
people to be a healthy and happy person.
You do not have to be popular, famous, or successful in the eyes
of the crowd, but you do need to be a part of a small group where you
are loved and accepted, and that is what they had on the ark.
Everybody in the world was in their small group supporting and
encouraging one another as they rode out the world's worst storm.
Now you might object that Noah had no choice in the matter. He was
forced to be with his family and not off selling souvenir miniature
arks to the masses who would come to see the strange sight. It was,
no doubt, the tourist attraction of the world, and Noah could have
made a fortune. He could have become a workaholic neglecting his
family, but the evidence clearly reveals that Noah spent time with his
family even before the flood forced them into the ark.
Look at these amazing facts. Noah was a great man of prayer.
He is linked with Daniel and Job as the 3 great intercessors of the Old
Testament, and yet he could not by prayer save a single soul outside
of his 3 sons and their wives. Noah's father Lamech died just 5 years
before the flood, but Noah had brothers and sisters alive, but as their
oldest brother he could not persuade them to join him in the ark. He
preached for over 100 years and did not win a single convert. He had
tree cutters, carpenters, and helpers of all kinds, but as their boss he
never won a single one by his authority.
As a preacher and a prayer warrior, and as a brother and a uncle
Noah could not save a single person. All of his success in saving
people was as a father. By his role as a father he saved his sons and
their wives. His greatest success in life was as a father. Had he failed
as a father there would have been no future. His boys were old
enough to be independent of Noah, and like the rest of his family and
the community could have told him to go jump in the lake. But they
15. did not do so. They were a close family, and so we see the evidence of
Noah being a father who spent time with his sons, and he won their
love and loyalty.
Many fathers, when their family is grown up, realize that if they
had to do it over again they would have spent more time with them.
It goes so fast, and this opportunity to love the children while they are
children is gone before you realize it. The wisest fathers in the world
are those who somehow get an insight into the value of spending
quality time with their children. Children know how much you love
them in proportion to the amount of time you spend with them. H.
Thompson wrote,
Look at him!
He spends time as if
He were a millionaire!
It's golden sands he heaps
Upon his children as if
They were his heirs.
Awake! Do you not know
The problems of the world await?
Whence thy puritan pride?
Work does not wait nor time or tide!
I gaze upon him to despise
But turn and envy, yea greed, and surprise.
For he spends time as if
He were a millionaire.
Here is a man who knows a good investment when he sees it.
Noah invested in his boys, and the payoff was that he saved the world
and became, not only the best father of his day, but the father of the
future. By his fathering he made possible a future of the human race.
One good father in a wicked world was all God needed to save the
16. future of mankind. Good fathering is one of the best investments any
man can make in the future. Noah could have made a fortune, and he
could have had the biggest house in town. He already had the biggest
boat, but he could have given his life to the acquiring of material
possessions, and none of it would have made it into the future. But he
invested in his children, and they became the future. All of us are a
part of history because of this one father who gave time to his family.
We are not here just because of our own father. We are here
because of father Noah, and because of his effectiveness as a father.
Had his three boys said, "Forget it dad. We are not going to move
into that stupid boat." That would have been the ultimate in birth
control and zero population growth, and the end of the world without
a miracle of God. But they did not say that. They joined together as a
family and rod the ark into the future-our future. One good father is
all it takes to have a future yet today. Invest in your children and the
future will be better.
The paradox is that Noah was not the father with the large family.
Three sons was not a large family in that day. He did not even have
any daughters of his own. He was not unique at all in terms of the
number in his family. What made him unique was that he was
righteous in a wicked world. He gave his children a foundation in
faith. God chose him because he would assure that the future would
have people in it that worshiped Him and sought to know His will.
You can give your kids everything on earth, but if you do not give
them this kind of foundation in faith you can never be the best kind of
father.
We can assume that Noah had many of the common experiences of
fatherhood. It can often be a chore to raise kids. L. D. Stewart said a
man is not really a father until he has pulled his first Lincoln log out
of the toilet bowl. He had to pull an assorted variety of toys out of it,
17. and that is part of fatherhood. But all of the things you do to save
things from children and save them from themselves, are of no lasting
value for the future if you do not give them a foundation of faith in
God. Without an eternal perspective there is no ultimate future.
Noah was a great role model for his children, for he was able to be
the only man alive who remained faithful to God when his whole
culture was calling him a fool. That had to be hard, but he stood fast
and did not conform to the world for the sake of making it easier for
his family. The boys were likely teased by other kids in the
neighborhood. They were the non-conformists in their culture. It
would have been tempting to back away and tell God you could not
build the ark because it was too much pressure on the family. But
Noah obeyed God whatever the cost. "Let the world laugh and
humiliate us, we are going to do the will of God." This was his
attitude, and by it he saved his family. Had they had a different kind
of father they would have perished with the rest of the world.
Here was a father who put God first in his life. He chose to be a
miserable minority going against the grain. His boys probably did
complain at times that it was very difficult to put up with the
mockery. Noah had to do a lot of encouraging to keep them faithful.
This is the hard part of fatherhood-the keeping children committed to
God's way when the world says it is folly. But a good father is one who
does not go by what is popular, and what the polls say, but by what
God says. He made it clear to his family that God's will was always
first for that family, and whatever the cost, that was the way they
would live. May God help each of us fathers have this kind of
commitment so that our children always know where we stand, and
commit themselves to carry this faith into the future. Noah was the
father of the future of all of us, but all of us fathers are the fathers of
the future of our children and generations to come until God ends
history with the coming of His Son to begin eternity.
18. 3. A FATHER'S FEARS Based on Judges 13:1-13, 24
According to the Guiness Book of Records the last Emperor of
Morocco, Moulay Ismail, who lived 100 years from 1627 to 1727 was
reported to have fathered 548 sons and 340 daughters for a grand
total of 888. He would, no doubt, say amen to the brief poem of
Wilhelm Busch, "Becoming a father is easy enough, but being one can
be rough."
This may be true for many and even most, but that fact is,
fatherhood is not easy for a large number of men in the Bible, and in
our contemporary world. We tend to think of the mothers who can't
have children, and we say poor Sarah, poor Rebekah, and poor
Rachel. This is legitimate compassion for these barren women, but
seldom to never do we hear the same compassion for Abraham, Isaac,
and Jacob. Abraham is the most famous father in all of history, but
he could not become a father for decades. The husbands of barren
women we now know may be the ones who are infertile. But
regardless of the cause, it is just as hard to be a non-father as to be a
non-mother.
We have many records of this in our day. Tom Holman, a
clinical psychologist, wrote an article entitled Becoming A Father The
Hard Way. Not only was he infertile, but his wife had endometriosis
and was forced to have an hysterectomy. After years of trying they
both had to give up their dream, but they couldn't let it die. They
finally flew to India where a 4 year-old girl Sumi was placed in their
care, and they became parents. Doctors, lawyers, pastors,
professional people, and blue-collar people of all kinds are going
through the struggle every day to make their dreams of parenthood
come true. It is seldom seen, however, as a father's struggle.
19. Michel Robinson, a teacher and associate editor of Nurturing
News: A Quarterly Forum For Nurturing Men, writes about his
wife's miscarriage. All of their friends used him as a mere conduit
through which messages were forwarded to his wife, as if the loss was
only hers, and he was a mere observer. It was a miscarriage of his
fatherhood as well, but nobody saw his loss, and nobody felt his
sorrow and anger. This is going on everyday around the world, and
we are all guilty of being insensitive to a father's battle to become a
father. We want to look at the father of the strongest man whoever
lived in this message. He was Manoah the father of Samson. His wife
was sterile and he had to live with a dying dream and the fear that he
would never get the chance to be a father. But God intervened and
promised he would have a son who was to be a very unique son. No
sooner is this biggest battle won and his fatherhood guaranteed when
we see Manoah expressing a second fear of fathers.
I. THE FEAR OF FAILURE.
The son is only a promise, but already Manoah is filled with
anxiety. He is overcome by his inadequacy to be a father. In verse 8
he cries out in prayer, "O Lord, I beg you, let the man of God you
sent to us come again to teach us how to bring up the boy who is to be
born." This was pre-Dr. Spock days, and nobody had a book on the
market on how to raise a miracle baby as a Nazarite. Manoah was
feeling pre-father panic, for he had no idea of how to be a father.
This is a common fear of fathers. Most new fathers know more about
a car than a child. Being a father is so much trial and error, and
there are no erasers.
D. L. Stewart in Fathers Are People Too says that they teach you
in high school how to find the square root of pi, but not how to find
the key to the bathroom when your wife is out and your 3 year old is
locked inside with the water running under the door. In college they
20. teach you how to put together a term paper on 18th century
journalism, but nobody teaches you how to put together a 10 speed
bike as your 12 year old stands there expecting dad to know
everything. It is natural for fathers to fear failure, for you can be a
good man, a great man, and even a godly man, and still not know
much of anything about raising a child. Manoah was a man of God,
but his godliness did not give him confidence. He felt a desperate
need for instruction. Here is a father to be who is the hungriest
father I know of in all the Bible for knowledge and wisdom
concerning how to raise his son to fulfill the role God had for his life.
His fear of failure was not a defect, but it was an asset that
motivated him to seek for answers. His fear of failure was a big
factor in his being a successful father. It is not only okay, it is
wonderful to feel inadequate and fearful as a father if it moves you,
like it did Manoah, to seek for help in raising your child. Notice in
verse 12 that he asks the Angel of the Lord what is to be the role for
the boy's life and work. Here's a father that recognizes that he plays
a major role in what his sons future will be. He wanted to know what
to do to fulfill God's will for his son.
In the history of the Presidents of the U. S. we have the unique
record of a father who prayed and labored, and made many sacrifices
for the sake of his son that he might rise to a place of importance. On
the night of Aug. 2, 1923 this father woke his son in the night to
inform him that President Warren Harding had died and that he was
to now become the new President. Calvin Coolidge wrote of this
event: "My wife and I at once dressed. Before leaving the room I
knelt down and, with the same prayer with which I have since
approached the altar of the church, asked God to bless the American
people and give me power to serve them."
He at once examined the Constitution and discovered that his
21. father as a notary republic was qualified to administer the oath of
office. And so in a small farm house room lit with a flickering
kerosene lamp with only his wife and a senator Dole, who happened to
be only a few miles away, Calvin Coolidge was sworn in as President
of the United States by his father. He wrote, "I do not know of any
other case in history where a father has administered to his son the
qualifying oath of office which made him the chief magistrate of a
nation." He was a unique father indeed, and he died 3 years later
with his son in office. There are parallels with Manoah, for he was
the key person who prepared Samson for his role as leader of Israel.
If you read the whole story, you see the personal interest Manoah
showed in Samson all through his life. He also died while Samson was
in office. Judges 16:31 says that after Samson led Israel for 20 years
he was brought back and buried in the tomb of Manoah his father.
Here is one of the great father-son stories of history. As a
sidelight it is a of interest to note that in that same verse of 16:31 that
Samson had brothers, and so once there was a breakthrough Manoah
and his wife had a good size family. Fear in moderation is a
motivation that helps fathers become what God wants them to be.
Fathers should fear they will not know how to raise their children
right. This motivates them to read, listen, and seek for wisdom to do
so.
Almost all fathers fail to praise their children enough. We tend
to be the disciplinarians and so we develop the eagle eye for what they
do wrong, and we neglect seeing what they do right. How often do
you catch your children doing something right and then reward them
with praise? If you seldom catch them doing something right, you
will all to often catch them doing something wrong. We do not have a
record of how Manoah raised Samson, but we know Samson was
never to drink alcohol of any kind, and so Manoah had to be an
example to his son.
22. I read a true but terrible story of a father who had to witness the
scene of his daughter's death in car accident in which she had been
driving after drinking. He was so angry that he wanted to kill the
person who gave his daughter alcohol.
When he got home he went to get a drink himself and found a note
from his daughter instead of his bottle. It said, "I know you would
want me to have a good time tonight daddy, so I borrowed your
bottle." The do what I say and not what I do formula is not very
effective. Your children will become what you are, and not what you
say. Manoah's fear of failure to raise his son properly made him
become the example that his son needed.
Ten thousand young people die each year in alcohol related
accidents, and many thousands more take their lives because of
alcohol. These terrible statistics can be traced to the fact that too
many fathers do not have enough fear of failure in raising their
children. Manoah was no perfect father, and his son was far from a
perfect son. He was a major problem to his parents and his God, but
the fact is, he did fulfill his major purpose in God's plan because he
had a father who cared desperately that he fulfill that plan. His fear
of failure made him more successful as a father. Next we see that he
had to face the most dreaded fear of all fathers-
II. THE FEAR OF FREEDOM.
I do not know how strong Samson was as a boy. Maybe he was
taking Manoah down in arm wrestling when he was only 4. But the
real problems began when Samson became old enough to make his
own decisions about life. This is really scary when children come to
the age of freedom, and you loose control over their lives. The best of
fathers face this with fear, for their sons and daughters are then free
to make the biggest mistakes of their lives.
23. Samson had excellent parents and good godly training, but we
read in chapter 14 that he impulsively fell in love with a young
Philistine woman, and he wanted her for his wife. They tried to
reason with him and point out all the young girls among his own
people, and how foolish it was to seek a mate among the
uncircumcised Philistines, but it was all in vain. He wanted this girl
and no one else. Fathers and mothers have to endure this kind of
scene over and over as their children fall in love with people they
would not choose. Seldom can a father accept right away the free
choices of his children to marry people that seem to be unfit for their
child's mate.
R. G. Le Torneau in his famous autobiography God Runs My
Business told of how his father was opposed to his getting involved
with Evelyn Peterson. They met in Sunday School and liked each
other. His father came right out and said, "Look here, my lad, that
girl is not for you." Her father was equally opposed to the
relationship. After several years of hassle these two lovebirds took
matters into their own hands and eloped. They went to Mexico and
got married. Their fathers tried to get the marriage annulled, but
they could not do so, for it was perfectly legal. It took 6 years before
there was reconciliation.
Robert and Evelyn went on to have 5 boys and 1 girl. One of
their boys died at 4 months, and another as a young man. But their
family made one of the biggest impacts on American Christianity of
any family in our history, and the impact goes on yet today. The
point is, fathers can be totally opposed to the free choices of their
children, but it is wise to see that once a free choice is made, parents
need to cooperate with their children, for it could be God's will even
if it seems like a mistake to you. That is what chapter 14 says of
Samson's seemingly stupid choice for a wife. God willed it for
judgment on the Philistines. Manoah hated it, but we see him going
24. with Samson and cooperating in the decision.
I have known of Christian fathers who have rejected their child
for marrying someone they did not approve of. I cannot see any
biblical basis for this. The Christian father always has an obligation
to love his child and work with them to bring good out of any
situation. It is frightening that a child has the freedom to choose to
follow a foolish path in life. It is terrible that a father has to give up
control and let them be free to do so. A child can use their freedom
to do all sorts of stupid and sinful things, but a wise father will not let
his fear of freedom make him forget that he also has freedom as to
how he will respond to choices he feels are foolish. God chose to
respond to the foolish use of freedom by His children by providing a
way for them to be forgiven and restored to His fellowship.
Manoah choose to respond to Samson's unwise choice by
maintaining fellowship with him, and 14:10 says that he went down to
see the woman. He was open to cooperation even though he did not
life what was happening. Many parents face this choice. To fight the
free choice of their children, or to cooperate to try and make the best
out of a situation they do not approve of. This is the wise way, for it
keeps the door open to let God work for good even in the most
negative settings. Parents need to remember that when a child makes
a bad decision they are still free to make other good decisions.
Chapter 14 reveals that Samson was a very thoughtful and caring
son even as they traveled to see the woman he wanted to foolishly
marry. He scooped honey out of the caress of a lion and shared it
with his parents. There was a good and harmonious relationship even
though Samson was doing what they hated. Manoah was a father who
did not demand one hundred per cent to be pleased with his son.
Samson made some bad choices with his freedom, but he also made
some good ones, and Manoah was pleased with the good ones.
25. Mark Giorgino tells of the father who reminded his son of the
best Father's Day gift he ever gave him. It was when the son was 10
years old and his father was in the store. The son picked up some
cigars and stuffed them in his pocket. The father said, "I knew you
had no money and I felt bad when I realized you were going to run
out of the store without paying. But then I saw you pull out the cigars
and put them back. The next day you stayed out playing all day
because you had no gift for Father's Day. You thought I would be
hurt, but you were wrong. When you put those cigars back and
decided not to steal, you gave me the best present I ever received
from you.
Freedom is a fearful thing, but it is also the most delightful thing,
for it is by freedom that good is chosen as well as evil. Samson made
some bad choices in life, but he also made some good ones that
accomplished God's purpose in Israel. A good father may fear the
freedom of his children, but he should also treasure it and keep in a
good relationship with his children so that their freedom can always
be a potential asset as well as a liability. The Prodigal's father never
shut the door to his foolish son, even though he used his freedom for
folly. The result was that the Prodigal also used his freedom to come
home and make good choices that led to happiness for both father
and son.
Conrad Hilton, the multimillionaire of Hilton Hotel fame, tells in
his autobiography of over sleeping one morning and waking up to
hear his father saying to his mother, "Mary, I do not know what will
become of Connie. I'm afraid he will never amount to anything. He'll
sleep his life away." Hearing of his father's fears concerning him
threw a fear into him, and he seldom over slept again for the rest of
his life. He learned to enjoy work like his father did. It took him
some years, but he came to the point where he understood his father's
concern for him that often made him resentful. But he did come to
26. that point, and that is why fathers and sons need to be like Manoah
and Samson. They need to agree to disagree where they differ, and
not let the lines of communication go dead.
People who want one hundred per cent or nothing will usually get
nothing. They expect more than God does. They have over reacted
to the fear of failure and the fear of freedom. They refuse to accept
the reality of failure and freedom, and the result is they guarantee the
very things they most dread. Manoah gives us a wiser example. He
feared failure and freedom like all fathers, but he faced his fears and
decided that no matter how real they were he would not let them rob
him of his freedom to go on relating to his son in love, no matter what.
The result was that Manoah and Samson were a father and son team
who lived together and lie buried together-united in life and in death,
and this in spite of differences and a father's fears.
4. A SUPPORTIVE FATHER Based on Judges 13:1-14,
24
Tal Bonham writes about how one night he slipped a poster under
the doors of each of his two teenage sons. The poster said-
Attention teenagers!
If you are tired of being hassled by
Unreasonable parents,
Now is the time for action!
Leave home and pay your own way
While you still know everything.
His boys got the message, and they all had a good laugh. It is a
common fantasy of parents, however, to dream of the day when the
27. kids are all grown up and able to leave the home and make it on their
own. Bonham tells of finding the essay on When The Kids Finally
Leave Home. He does not know the original author, but he added
some of his own thoughts, and this is what he wrote: "Some day when
the kids finally leave home, things are going to be a lot different
around our house. The garage won't be cluttered with bicycles and
garbage bags on their way to trash cans. I'll be able to park both
cars in just the right places and never again stumble over
skateboards, a bag of rabbit food, and egg shells from the garbage
bags that someone forgot to tie."
"Some day when the kids finally leave home the kitchen will be
incredibly neat. The sink will stay free of dirty dishes. The garbage
disposal won't get clogged up with rubber bands, paper clips, or a
stray spoon. The refrigerator won't be crowded with 4 cartons of
milk-all opened and half used. We won't loose the tops of jelly jars or
catsup bottles anymore. The honey will stay inside the container, and
no one will wonder again what's going to explode next in the
microwave oven." He goes on like this for 8 more paragraphs and
ends up feeling lonely for the kids who have finally left home.
In a nut shell the essay is saying that you can't live with them,
and you can't live without them. Kids have always been costly to
raise, and not just in money, but in nervous energy. Imagine what it
must have been like to raise Samson, who was a giant size Dennis the
Menace. Manoah, the father of Samson, was a typical father even
though he had the most non-typical son in the Old Testament.
Samson was the strongest man in history, and so I suppose he was
taking poor Manoah down in arm wrestling by the time he was 6 or 7.
I remember that is when I realized I was not young anymore when my
son could take me in arm wrestling. Before that I was the big daddy
and sons were merely kids to play with. But when they get stronger
than you, you know they are no longer kids.
28. I don't know when this happened to Manoah, but it would be a
shock to have a pre-teen beat you. So Manoah had a unique child
who was one of a kind when it came to strength. But he had all the
typical battles of the typical father that we want to examine for it can
be a comfort and a challenge to see the battles he faces in fatherhood.
His first battle was the battle of-
I. INFERTILITY.
This is a common battle in the Bible and in our contemporary
world. All of the fathers of Israel had this battle-Abraham, Isaac and
Jacob. Millions of men today have a battle in becoming fathers
because of their own infertility, or that of their wives. The Bible deals
with this problem a lot so we can be aware and sympathetic with
those who long to be mothers and fathers, but who cannot because
their bodies do not function normally. In Bible times there were no
fertility drugs, and so all that people could do was to pray that God
would pave the way to parenthood.
Getting from being a non-father to becoming a father was often
the hardest battle, and it still is. I have 2 grandchildren who are the
result of a long and frustrating battle with the aid of experts.
Fatherhood and motherhood are not always easy, but are the results
of long and agonizing battles. It is important that we recognize this
and not assume that anyone can become a parent if they so choose.
Manoah's wife was sterile, and he never would have been a father but
by the grace of God. Fatherhood is a gift of God. Samson himself
never received this gift. He had a wife briefly, and he had a number
of lovers, but there is no record of any child. He is one of the greats
of faith in Heb. 11, but never a father. This is a comforting message
to those who never become fathers, because it means they can still be
great people of faith. The second battle he had was more universal.
It is the battle of-
29. II. INFERIORITY.
As soon as he got the word that he was to be a father he went to
God with a prayer of passion in verse 8. "O Lord, I beg you, let the
man of God you sent to us come again to teach us how to bring up the
boy who is to be born." The thought of the responsibility of raising a
son made Manoah feel like a man trying to thread a needle while
wearing boxing gloves. He didn't have a clue on what to do as a
father. He felt totally inadequate and inferior. He knew that babies
come without a set of instructions, and so he is begging God to give
him some guidance before the baby comes. Here is your typical
father who feels totally unprepared for the task of being a father.
Fathers feel this inferiority more than mothers because they do
not have any conspicuous natural relationship to the child. Mom has
the built in breast- feeding, and so she has the natural hugging and
cuddling instinct to begin with, but poor dad has to learn everything
from scratch, and so his first prayer is HELP! There is good reason
for the feeling of inferiority, for the fact is, nobody knows for sure
how to be the ideal father. There are some basics to have a shot at it,
but anything is possible in a world of free-willed beings like we are.
The Bible reveals every possibility in the genealogy of Jesus in Matt.
1:7-8.
1. Rehoboam the father of Adijah. This is a bad father begetting a
bad son.
2. Abijah begat Asa. This is a bad father begetting a good son.
3. Asa begat Jehoshaphat. This is a good father begetting a good son.
4. Jehoshaphat begat Joram. This is a good father begetting a bad
son.
The point is that fathers can do all that is right and their sons can
turn out to be rebels. Or they can do all that is wrong and their sons
30. can turn out to be saints. There is no necessary connection between
what a person is and how his parents did at parenting. Dr. Dobson
stresses this over and over because he sees so much unnecessary guilt
in parents with rebel children, and a lot of pride in others do not
deserve it, for they were no better parents than those with the rebels.
The father of the Prodigal Son was an ideal father, for he
represented God. But the fact is, neither of his boys earned any merit
badges for being great sons. Each was worse than the other in
different areas of life, but dad loved them both. This is the bottom
line, and Manoah learned this key lesson. He loved Samson even
though he did not always agree or approve of his behavior. God
never did send the angel back to give him a plan on how to raise his
son, but he did become a good father. Samson was something of a
rebel, but he always came to dad for help. He loved and respected his
father and wanted his approval even when he was going to marry a
Philistine girl. This incident leads us to look at the third battle
Manoah fought.
III. INCAPABILITY.
That is the inability to know what is best for your child because
you don't know what God's plan is for their life. In chapter 14
Samson comes to dad and mom telling them he has to have this
Philistine girl for his wife, and he wants their help. They, of course,
are as shocked as you would be if your son came home and announced
that he wanted to marry a Hindu Gypsy. In verse 3 they try to argue
him out of this foolishness. They say, "Isn't there an acceptable
woman among your relatives or among all our people? Must you go
to the uncircumcised Philistines to get a wife?"
All parents assume they know what is the best type of mate for
their children, and often they are right, but in this case God had a
31. special plan for Samson, and he wanted this marriage to be arranged.
In verse 4 we read, "His parents did not know that this was from the
Lord, who was seeking an occasion to confront the Philistines." God
has plans for children that dads are incapable of knowing, and the
result is that dads often fight the will of God for their children.
Monoah did for a while, but he decided to go along with Samson's
wishes when he could not be talked out of it.
This is a very touchy area of fatherhood. How do you know when
to give in to a child's independence and let them choose their own
direction? This is very hard for fathers to do, and many of a father
has failed here because of their incapability of understanding that
God's plan differs from their own dreams. Take the father of Leslie
Fallan for example. He is the wealthy owner of a West Coast
drugstore chain. When his daughter Leslie chose to earn a master's
degree in art history he was furious. "What a waste," he shouted at
her. "What money is there in that?" She began to write articles
about Los Angeles opera, ballet, and symphony. She finally got a
by-line on the front page of the Times. She was ecstatic and phoned
her father to share the good news. All he could ask her was, "How
much did they pay you?"
Free-lance writers do not get much, but she was thrilled to get
this front- page scoop. Her father's obsessions with money as the only
thing that mattered caused her to hang up and never call him again.
Leslie went on to write 4 books, hundreds of articles, and she became
a success in her chosen field. But she has never talked to her father
since that day of his rejection of her choice of professions. His failure
to be supportive made him a failure as a father. This kind of
foolishness is more common than you would ever dream. The world
is filled with successful people who have no relationship with their
father because dad did not like their choice. Manoah did not like
Samson's choice either, but he was wise enough not to ruin their
32. relationship over it.
Our heavenly Father does not slam the door on us and say to
never return if you are going to make that stupid decision. He keeps
the door open always no matter how many foolish things we choose,
for He is ready at all time to welcome the Prodigal home and
celebrate that return. God does not say, as so many fathers do,
choose my way or we are through. The father loved both the Prodigal
Son and the self-righteous elder son. They were both failures as
persons, and they made terrible choices, but dad never shut the door
on either of them. That is being a successful father. It is being one
who loves his kids no matter how many choices they make that he
does not like. Edgar Guest has always been one of my favorite poets,
but sometimes poetry can be very superficial, as in the case of his
poem on the successful father. It is true and relevant to millions, but
it assumes that if your child is not in an honored place that you are
not successful.
"Old man Green you've never heard of.
Papers never used a word of
Him or anything he did.
Seems as though his light was hid-
Just a carpenter who made
Odds and ends and liked his trade.
But somehow his wife and he
Managed it most faithfully
And with what small sum he earned
Many things his children learned.
"Those Green boys," the teachers said,
"Have the stuff to get ahead."
That is all there is to tell,
33. Boys and girls are doing well.
Each with courage and with grace
Fills in life and honored place.
This the old man's praise, if needed,
"As a father he succeeded."
The fact is, the father of the Prodigal and elder son was a great
success, as was Manoah, because they loved their sons when they were
not in honored places, but despised places, and making choices that
were not approved. Any dad can love his kids when they are choosing
just what he desires that they choose. The real heroes are those
fathers who go on loving and helping their children when they are
making, what is to them, all the wrong choices.
In chapter 14 we are told that Manoah went with Samson to see
the girl he chose. He did not say, "Go ahead if you must and marry
this Gentile dog, but don't expect me to ever gaze on her face." I
know Christian fathers who have said this kind of thing, and they cut
themselves off from their children and grandchildren. Somewhere
they got the idea that fathers are people who get their own way or
they don't play the game. This is not wise fatherhood. When Manoah
could not persuade Samson to change his mind he said, "Okay, I'll
support you in your choice and help you make it work." Bad choices
can still work out if people love and cooperate. Many marriage fail
because the family does all it can to fulfill their own prophecy that it
won't work.
Manoah said, "I don't like it, but I'll help my son make the best of
his choice." Here we see the ability of a father to be tender and
loving even if he is incapable of understanding the plan of God. This
is an example of love never failing. You cannot go wrong if you love,
even if you don't like and don't understand what is going on. Fathers
can be just as compassionate as mothers. Mothers tend to get all the
34. credit for tender mercy, but dads can match it if they chose.
President Franklin Roosevelt had a son named Elliot who often
provoked his parents to acts of judgment. He wrote of one such
occasion: "I remember when I did get punished. Mother use to take
me to father's study, sit me down, and say, 'Franklin, this has gone far
enough. You have to teach Elliot a lesson.'
After mother left, father would instruct me to yell while he beat the
daylights out of his desk with a ruler. Soon mother, hearing my
anguished cries, would run back in, begging father to stop." Here
was a case where dad was merciful on a level that was even ahead of
the mother.
Manoah was incapable of making things go his way. He was
incapable of changing Samson's mind. He was incapable of knowing
the will of God in this unusual situation. But the one thing he was not
incapable of was the choosing to love, and this is the choice he made.
That is what makes him a good and successful father. Every father is
incapable in many ways, but every father is also capable of making
the best choice of loving their children regardless of their choices.
The battle of fatherhood never changes. Here is a description of
children: "Children now love luxury, they have bad manners,
contempt for
authority, they show disrespect for elders and love to chatter in place
of exercise. Children are now tyrants not slaves of the household.
They no longer rise when an elder enters a room, they contradict
their parents, chatter before company, gobble up their food at the
table, cross their legs and tyrannize their teachers."
This is not a report from your local PTA, but it is the reported
complaint of Socrates in 400 B. C. The battle of fatherhood has
always been the same. God has had to love disobedient children from
the beginning because that is the only kind there was to love. It has
35. never been different, and never will be until the new heaven and new
earth. So earthly fathers need to learn to love unlovely children to be
God-like fathers. Samson made a lot of mistakes, and though he was
a hero, he was also a moral failure, and sometimes downright stupid.
But he had a father who never forsook him, but let him know that he
was loved and supported. That is what every child needs and
deserves from a father.
One of the things that has impressed me is the number of people
who have told me of the long-range impact on their lives of negative
remarks they received as a child. One told of being compared with
her sister. "That is the pretty one," they said as they pointed to the
sister. This woman felt inferior the rest of her life because of that
remark. Every adult needs to recognize that children take words
seriously, and you may be kidding and mean nothing by it, but if you
say something negative about a child it can influence them for life.
Dads especially need to be positive in the words they say to and about
their children. God is to be our example. He did not say a lot to
Jesus when He was on earth in the flesh, but what He did say was
always positive and supportive. At His baptism the heavens opened
and a voice said, "You are my Son, whom I love, with you I am well
pleased." Then on the Mount of Transfiguration God spoke from the
cloud, "This is my Son, whom I love. Listen to Him."
Jesus received praise and approval from His Father in heaven.
This is a gift you cannot buy. John Drescher, one of the greatest
authors of the 20th century, says that if he could go back and raise his
children over he would be more free to express words of praise and
appreciation. Children need to be scolded too, but few parents give
adequate praise for the good behavior of children. Drescher writes,
"Probably no other thing encourages a child to love life, to seek
accomplishment, and to gain confidence more than proper, sincere
praise." He says another thing that fits Manoah. Samson always saw
36. his father and mother united and never divided. Drescher says that
the number one thing a child needs to see is that dad loves mom. This
gives a child a sense of security and stability they can gain in no other
way. The best training you can give your child as a father is letting
them see how much you love their mother. Your kindness and
thoughtfulness to her will have a greater impact on them than
anything else you do.
Samson is not portrayed as the best son, but his father is
portrayed as a good father. In spite of his inferiority and incapability
he loved Samson's mother, and he loved his son. He gave him his
support, and we see that the key to being a successful father is simply
being a supportive father.
5. FATHER AND DAUGHTER Based on Esther 2:5-11
George Barnell, a Jew living in North Carolina, back in 1871
fathered one of the most unusual daughters in Americans history.
Jane Barnell grew up to become the famous Lady Olga, the bearded
lady of the circus. She had a thick beard hanging 13 and a half
inches, and also a large mustache. The beard started to grow when
she was 2 and at 4 she was being displayed, and 65 years later she was
still going strong.
When Jane was a toddler, and her father was out of town on
business, her mother took her to the Great Orient Family Circus, and
came home without her. When the father returned home he was
frantic. He appealed to the police, and North Carolina and
surrounding states were scoured, but the circus and Jane had
vanished. They had gone to Europe. It was several years later in a
37. Berlin orphanage that the father finally found her, and brought her
back to the United States. She grew to adulthood on a farm where
she shaved just like the young men. At 21 she was persuaded to let
her beard grow and enter the circus. She did, and spent the rest of
her life traveling the world as an exhibit to the curious.
The story of Mordecai and Esther is also a story of a Jewish
father and daughter, but with this distinction that Esther was as
unusually feminine as Jane was unusually masculine. Esther was one
of the most beautiful girls that ever lived. She was the Miss Universe
of her day. She was the most beautiful girl in the Persian Empire,
which included most of the known world.
Our focus on this Father's Day is not upon Esther, however, but
upon Mordecai. A contemporary bitter male said, "The only
thoroughly masculine domain not yet invaded by women is growing a
mustache." He obviously never saw Lady Olga, or the many other
bearded ladies of history. The real uninvaded domain of masculinity
is fatherhood. No woman can beat a man at this role, for no matter
how good she is with children, she is always a good mother, and not a
good father.
Mordecai was an excellent father event though there is no record
of his having any children of his own. Esther was his adopted
daughter. We have established in a different message that you do not
have to give birth to a child to be a good mother. The same holds
true for being a father, and Mordecai is proof of this. Joseph was
also a good father to Jesus, even though he did not actually father
Him in the sense that He was from his seed. That is the easiest part of
fatherhood. The real challenge is to so love a child that it becomes a
mature and balanced adult with a solid foundation of spiritual
principles to guide them through life. Mordecai was this kind of
father to Esther.
38. Most all of the Bible accounts of fathers are those who deal with
fathers and sons. Here we have a rare case of a father and daughter
combination. And what a combination they were! They saved Israel
from destruction, and they changed the course of history. It is of
interest to note the balance of the Bible where we see any
combination of people can be used of God to accomplish His purpose.
In the New Testament it is Mary the mother and Jesus the Son, with
the father only faintly in the picture. Here in the Old Testament we
see Mordecai the father and Esther the daughter, with the mother not
in the picture at all. God can, and does, use any combination, for any
of them can be winners.
It is important to see this, for life is complex and uncertain. There
are all kinds of ideals that are best, but the fact is, they are not
attained by millions. I don't know why Mary had to raise her family
without Joseph, nor why Mordecai had to raise Esther without his
wife. Nor do I know why there are so many other less than ideal
family situations. All I know is that there is good news, for any of
these less than ideal situations can be used of God for His glory, and
for His purpose, and life can be full of blessings. Let's look at some
examples of how Mordecai was a successful father in a less than ideal
situation. He gave to Esther three things that made her a successful
daughter, and him a successful father. First of all he gave her-
I. AID IN ADOPTION.
Esther was of a minority race, in a foreign land, and a pagan
culture, plus she was an adopted child. Adoption can be less than the
ideal simply because there are complications in the minds of adopted
children. They tend to struggle with insecurity, and their self-esteem.
The father is in danger of trying to protect them so much that they
become over dependent. On the other hand, to so push them into
independence that they feel rejected and unloved. It is a tough job
39. maintaining just the right balance so an adopted child can feel
adequately loved, and still press on to be mature and independent.
This, of course, is the same battle all fathers have, but with an
adopted child there is an added complexity. Blessed is the father who
can provide the aid that is needed.
I have not known many adopted children, but the few I have
known have all struggled to some degree with their self-image. It
takes a wise father to help them see and feel that they are just as
loved, and just as valuable, as their own seed. Mordecia clearly
succeeded with Esther, for she was a loving daughter, and one who
could be fully independent of Mordeica. She could listen and follow
his guidance, and was as beautiful within as she was on the outside.
This is not to say that the father of an adopted child not turning
out well is a poor father. Some of the finest fathers fail in attempting
to reform a rebel. Andrew Jackson as President of the United States
had to write this letter to his adopted son Andrew Jr. He was in
trouble already at age 14, and by 25 he was a heavy drinker and
deeply in debt. He wrote this on April 14, 1835.
"I now address you with the fondness of a father's heart.
How care then you ought to be to shun all bad company,
or to engage in any dissipation whatever and particularly
intoxication. When I reflect on the fate of your cousin
Savern, reduced to the contempt of all by his brutal
intemperance I shutter when I see any appearance of it
in any branch of our connection."
When General Jackson died he was 24 thousand dollars in debt
due to his rebellious unheeding son. I do not believe he was a bad
father. Mordecai may have failed with this son also. All I am saying
is, that in a less than ideal situation he did succeed with Esther. She
40. adapted to a life that was full of tragedy and sorrow as her people
were carried away captive, and her parents were taken in death. We
are not told if they died from violence or natural causes, but either
way she was left an orphan in a foreign land. Mordecai aided her in
adapting to her circumstances, and she became a beautiful
well-rounded person. It would have been easy to become bitter and
hateful toward the Persians. Mordecai had to teach her not to hate
the Gentiles she lived among, and she did adapt and learn to love
them. The second thing we see that Mordecai did for her is that he
taught her the-
II. ACCEPTANCE OF AUTHORITY.
Esther became the Queen, and she had more power in the snap of
her finger than Mordecai had in his whole life. He was nobody in
terms of real power, and yet Esther obeyed his authority, and did not
reveal that she was a Jew. Her loyalty to her father's authority is a
key factor in God's providential plan to save the Jewish race. Had
Mordecai failed to teach Esther to accept authority, and to be loyal to
authority, the whole plan of God would not have worked out as it did.
One of the greatest tragedies of life is a father who does not win
respect for his authority from his children. It is a recognized fact
that a major cause of the breakdown of the American family is the
loss of authority by dads. A little girl inquired, "Mommy, if the stork
brings babies; if Santa brings our presents; if the Lord gives us our
daily bread, and Uncle Sam our social security, what is daddy good
for."
It is no joke when kids really feel this way. Colonel Farley,
founder of Boy's Ranch says 90% of the youth who come to him come
from homes where there was little or no influence of the father.
Between 80 and 90% of the boys in Boy's Town come from the same
41. type of home. Judge Leibowitz of Brooklyn's highest criminal court
has concluded that the number one factor in criminality is failure of
the father's role.
If a father does not influence his child to respect authority, the
opposite is what will take place, and they will reject authority. They
will tend to become problem makers in society. Diogenes the Greek
was said to have stuck the father when the son swore. He was
illustrating the direct influence of the father on the son. Weak
influence of fathers is a major cause of weak people in all areas of life.
Studies show that 94% of veterans under treatment or psychiatric
reasons experienced father rejection.
We need to balance out what we are saying here by looking at the
total picture revealed by the book of Esther. Strong influence of
fathers is not necessarily good either. There is another father in this
book by the name of Haman, who is the enemy of Mordecai. The
whole book is like a Hatfields and Macoys type story, for it is about
two fathers and their children who are determined to eliminate each
other from the map of Persia.
Haman had all of the advantages. He had 10 sons, and Mordecai
had only one daughter. Haman had position and power, and all
Mordecai had was hope in the providence of God. The point I want
to make here is that Haman was basically a strong father. This book
reveals that he had a powerful influence on his sons, and they did
respect his authority. They joined him in his battle of bigotry, and
gave their lives because of their loyalty. Because evil fathers can
teach their children good principles, we need to rise above the secular
level to see a Christian father's duty. Doubtless, there are fathers in
the Mafia, and other underworld organizations, who teach their
children strong respect for authority, and they become loyal people to
the cause of crime. You can't even be good at being bad without
42. respect for authority.
We need to see, therefore, that no father has done his job well until
his child respects the highest authority, which is the authority of God.
Haman failed because his sons obeyed only human authority, and they
were loyal to folly that was contrary to God's will. Mordecai taught
Esther to respect his authority also, but his authority was based on his
obedience to God's authority. We see this in chapter 4 where Esther
begins to waver in her obedience to his authority. He responds by
lifting her sights to a higher level, and by getting her to focus on the
providence of God. In 4:14 Mordecai says, "For if you keep silence
at such a time as this, relief and deliverance will rise for the Jews
from another quarter, but you and your father's house will perish.
And who knows whether you have not come to the kingdom for such a
time as this?"
Esther was moved by this to go ahead and risk her life trusting in
the providence of God. The lesson is clear: No father can be the final
authority, for all fathers fall short of the glory of God. Only those
fathers who give their children an ultimate foundation can be called
good fathers in the biblical sense. A good father is a fallible father
with faith in the infallible Father in heaven, and he passes on this faith
to his children. This means a good father does not need to be uptight
about his weaknesses and failures, for he does not have to pretend he
is perfect and infallible. The respect for his authority is not based on
its infallibility, but on his respect for the authority of God.
A Christian father needs to be honest about his own mistakes, and
not try to pretend that he is always right. Joseph Bayly, the popular
Christian author, has raised 7 children. He has punished them when
they were innocent. He has failed to tell them he is sorry. He has
inflicted pain by his ignorance. He sat one of this little boys on a log
in the woods to rest. He had short pants on and there was poison ivy
43. all around the log. You can imagine the fun dad had trying to be
innocent and intelligent after that. Bayly says there is no escape from
guilt. He had to travel so much when his little girl was small that
when he came home she would not recognize him when he wanted to
hold her. The point is, he did not need to fear that his failures would
cause his 7 year old to be out pushing sweet old ladies in front of
cement mixers. They were taught that human authority is to be
respected in so far as it conformed to God's authority, as revealed in
His Word. this is the goal of all who would be truly successful fathers.
The final value we see imparted by this first rate father is-
III. ABUNDANCE OF ATTENTION.
Note verse 11 where the text says that every day Mordecai
checked on Esther to see how she was doing. Not every weekend, or
every month, but every day. She is a married woman, and she is the
Queen of the Persian Empire, yet Mordecai does not let a day go by
without letting her know he is concerned. This gives us a strong hint
as to the kind of father he was. He was an available father. In our
busy world nobody seems to have enough time to do all that should be
done, and the result is fathers are often not available to their
children.
Children , by their very nature, are not interested in doing what
matters for even the long run, let alone eternity. They specialize in
the trivial and the transient. In other words, kids love to do what is a
waste of time. That is contrary to adult intelligence. We cannot
waster time, and so we are always trying to make all time count. The
fact is, it is very biblical, for we are told to redeem the time. The
problem is that we become legalists, and we forget that Jesus also
taught we must become as little children. There is a time to waste
time. That is, we must learn to enjoy doing things like children love,
which are very momentary fun as an end in itself.
44. I must confess that I have struggled with this for years, and even
as I preach it, I do not always practice it. I am conditioned by the
philosophy that we must try to kill two birds with one stone, and
make every moment count. Don't waste time, or time will waste you.
I still believe these things, but more and more I realize that it is an
error to fail to balance this thinking with a childlike love for the
enjoyment of the present. Jesus had time in His short life, and even
shorter ministry, to enjoy living. He had times of fun, fellowship,
laughter and song. He took time out from healing and preaching to
go fishing. We always miss the boat when we take our eyes off Jesus,
and push any truth to an extreme.
This comes home to you when you read that Boswell, the famous
biographer of Samuel Johnson, who said he would never forget the
day his father took time out of his bush schedule to take him fishing.
It is a highlight of his life, and he learned so much. Boswell's father
kept a diary, and when he died it was found, and that day that meant
so much to his son had this entry in it. "Gone fishing today with my
son; a day wasted."
Maybe it was wasted in the sense that he got nothing done, but if
getting nothing done is what it takes to be available to your child, and
make them feel your attention and care, then nothing is what needs to
be done. This is not the kind of nothing that Aristotle defines when he
said that nothing is what rocks dream of. That is really nothing, but
the nothing of wasting time with your child is really something. It is
an investment in the future. A father who cares enough to waste time
for his child's sake will produce a child who will redeem the time for
God's sake.
Availability is the key to being a good dad. One daughter tells of
an interesting thing her father did as she was growing up, and he was
her only parent. When she started school he gave her a dime and
45. said, "Patty, I want you always to keep this dime in your purse.
Anytime you need me, you call the plant. Tell them you want to talk
to your dad, and I guarantee they will let you right through." Many
years later she wrote, "There is no way I could tell you what that ten
cent piece from my father meant. Even when I didn't need him, just
to know I had it in my purse made me feel secure." Little things can
help your child feel secure because they give them that sense of access
to your care and concern.
This is what Mordecai did for Esther. He made it clear that he
was always available. So often you read of a father, or see one
playing the role on television, who gets a phone call for a business
obligation just as the family is ready to go on vacation. So often they
choose the business obligation rather than the family obligation, and
the family feels that they are always secondary. Mordecai may have
had many other things to do, but he made contact every day with
Esther. She knew he was always available. He wanted to know how
she was. A father needs to be informed about his children. When dad
knows what is going on in the life of his child, that child feels loved. A
study found that a high percentage of children do not even know what
their father does for a living. This indicates very poor
communication between fathers and children. Too many fathers feel
they cannot waste time by being available to their children.
A group of 300 7th and 8th graders kept accurate records of just
how much time dad spent with them over a two week period. The
average came out to only 7 and a half minutes per week. Many only
saw their father at the supper table, and many did not see him at all
for days at a time. One of the best gifts any dad can give a child is
what Mordecai gave to Esther. It is sometime every day showing
them attention. Mordecai did it for his daughter who was a grown
woman. How much more is it needed for those still in childhood.
May God help us as fathers to see the wisdom of Mordecai, and make
46. sure our children feel that we are available to them on a regular
basis. This is the key to being the father our children need.
6. A FULL TIME FATHER Based on Job 1:1-5
A Berlin policeman was crossing the street when a robber raced
by him with an angry store manager in hot pursuit. To the surprise
of hundreds of on lookers the policeman didn't make a move. The
robber got away and the police department was flooded with calls
from indignant citizens. When the policeman was called before his
superiors he explained his actions, or rather his lack of action. When
the robber ran passed him he had only 3 minutes of duty remaining
that day. He knew he couldn't capture and arrest the man in that
short of time, and so he didn't even try. The officials were not
impressed with his logic, but they did respect his right to be a
clock-watcher. They gave him a 7 weeks suspension in jail where he
could watch it all he wished.
There are many jobs you can leave, but jobs, which involve you in
moral issues and services to human need, are almost always full time
jobs. Fighting crime does not consume all of your time if you are a
policeman, but you can never be indifferent to time and be a good
policeman. Fighting disease does not take all of a doctor's time, but if
he is a good doctor he will never be indifferent to disease. A teacher
cannot be always overcoming ignorance, but a good teacher is ever
concerned about ways of doing so. We could go on with other
professions, but the point we are making is that some jobs are not
mere appendages to life, but are a very way of life. Some jobs are
just ways of making a living, but others are ways of living in
themselves.
47. Fatherhood is one of these fulltime jobs that become a way of
life. It is not a way of making a living, but a living so as to make a
way. That is, a way for children to realize the full potential of all God
has made them to be. Adam Reiter wrote-
You got t' keep a-workin at th' job of bein' Dad.
You'll find its most th' stiffest task, y' prob'ly ever had.
You got t' play th' game yourself, an' not jest point th' way.
T' kids when they're a-learnin' how t' live er else they'll stray.
There ain't no lay-offs an' no strikes, an' you can't up an' quit.
Y' sign up for a lifetime job. Y's got to do yer bit.
Modern studies reveal that many, if not most, of the problems of
youth are due to part time fathers in the American home. The kind
of woman a girl becomes, and the kind of man a boy becomes depends
in large measure of their father image. Some go so far as to say that
the most important thing a mother can do for her children is to guide
them in loving and respecting their father. This is no easy task if the
father himself is not impressed with his responsibility as a father.
This does not mean that all the father's time is consumed with his
children. But it does mean that his whole way of life must involve the
interest of his children. Children are to the father what crime
prevention is to be policeman; health is to the doctor, and what
learning is to the teacher. A full time father is one whose children
become a part of his way of life.
Job was that kind of a father. He is not only a great example of
faithfulness in suffering, but he is an ideal full time father. Often the
two go together-fatherhood and suffering. It often takes the patience
of Job to tolerate children. None of us can complain, however, in
comparison to Job. He had 7 boys and 3 girls. Full time fatherhood
does not mean we need to be literally having children all the time.
Ten was an ideal number in Job's day, but in our day it would be
48. consider extremism.
Job was not only famous he was also very rich. These are two
other ways we would have difficulty in imitating him. Job had none of
the problems that come from lack of resources. He represents a
father of the upper class, and so he had different problems than most
of us do. Job had need of nothing and so we can sympathize with his
ten children. It is hard enough to buy father's anything today, and so
I can't imagine what frustration it was back then. Being wealthy as
they were, however, it may not have been a problem. The reason it is
a problem today is that it is hard to find anything that is both nice
and cheap at the time. An unknown poet said it this way:
On Father's Day we honor dad
To give his heart a lift.
Tis just like Mother's Day, except
He gets a cheaper gift.
I suppose that an account of a modern Job would read, "And he
had 7000 ties and 3000 sport shirts." Before we look at what made
Job a full time father we want to clear up a popular misconception.
People usually think of Job, if they ever think of him at all, as an old
man. All the evidence, however, indicates that he was a fairly young
father. It is implied that all of his children are yet unmarried, and
there are no grandchildren mentioned. When the sufferings of Job
are over he is still youthful enough to beget another large family. The
book ends by telling us that he lived 140 years, saw his sons have sons,
and died an old man full of days. This clearly indicates he is young
father as we examine his example. There are two things Job did
which made him an ideal father. These two things all of us must do to
be good dads.
I. HE FACED THE REALISTIC FACTS OF LIFE.
49. The first fact Job faced up to squarely was that his children were
sinners. In verse 5 Job says, "It may be that my sons have sinned,
and cursed God in their hearts." Job was no blind indulgent father
who felt his boys were too good to every go wrong. He was a godly
man and provided them with everything, and if any kids could ever
grow up free of sin, it would be Job's kids. They had the ideal
environment, the ideal parents, and everything life could offer. But
Job was not so naïve as to think his kids were perfect. The father who
feels that his children are in no danger of going wrong is obviously a
part time father. He is a father who doesn't know human nature. A
wise father assumes that his children can go wrong.
Nothing is so pathetic as a parent who is blind to the sins of his
children. I have seen parents so blind that even when all the
neighbors and the police report to them that their boys are stealing
refuse to believe it, and accuse society of persecuting them. These
boys, of course, went from bad to worse. They lived like angels at
home, but demons at large. Mothers are as guilty as fathers, but
fathers ought to know better. A mother has never been a boy, and so
she has some excuse for her blindness, but every father has been a
boy, and so he has no excuse.
Job was a realist, and he knew the weakness of human nature and
the power of sin, and the result was that he was a better father. Only
those fathers who face up to the dangers their children will encounter
will be able to give wise and effective guidance. The father who
thinks his children will never go wrong will never bother to warn
them, or make provision for their restoration when they fall. We can
be thankful that God is no such father. Job was no foolish father.
Someone said, "Nearly every man is a firm believer in heredity until
his son makes a fool of himself." Job was wise enough to know that
the best of sons can make fools of themselves. He did not close his
eyes to it, nor was he determined to disown them if they did.
50. Job made provision for dealing with the problem of sin if it
should arise, and this is God-like fatherhood. In Job's age the father
was the priest of the home. There was no temple, no clergy and no
official religious organization. Dad was the priest, the preacher, and
the Sunday school teacher. The church and the home were one, and
no man could be a good father who was not also a man of God. If the
father failed to deal with sin, the children didn't have a chance. Time
has changed radically, but this principle never changes. Children
with a father who is a spiritual man, and one who helps them deal
with the issues of sin and forgiveness have the best chance in life of
experiencing God's best. We will look at this more clearly in a few
moments.
Job not only faced the realistic fact that his children could sin,
but also face the realistic fact that he had to risk letting them sin.
Every father must take the same risk that God took. As our heavenly
Father God risked the chance of sin. He had the power to prevent it,
and he could have forced Adam and Eve to do what was right. He has
the power to force all of us to do His will, but He is not that kind of a
Father. He is a Father who wants children who are righteous, who
love Him and obey Him by choice. If God cannot make us good by
force, then God forbid that we as earthly fathers think we can do so
with our children. Job had more power then all of us put together,
but he knew better. He knew that youth was a risky age of life, but
that a father has no alternative but to accept the risks. The father
who demands that his children live on an adult level and avoid the
foolish risks of youth is being unrealistic, and he is courting failure as
a father.
Youth are youth, and this does not mean that they must do all
kinds of terrible things, but it does mean they must have the freedom
to choose between folly and wisdom. Job may have thought all the
feasts his children were having were foolishness and totally
51. unnecessary. He knew they were a risk, and yet he did not forbid
them. Many in Job's shoes would have put an end to all that
nonsense. All kids every want to do is have fun. That is the complaint
of parents in all ages. Youth are fanatics for fun. The fact is,
however, that father's who fight it and who fail to recognize the need
for fun in youth will not have much fun in being a father. One of the
most foolish things we do as fathers is to demand that our children
stop acting like children. We are all guilty to some degree, but when
we become excessive in this demand we rightly deserve the poets
criticism.
What unjust judges fathers are, when in regard to us they hold
That even in our boyish days we ought in conduct to be old,
Nor taste at all the very thing that youth and only youth requires,
They rule us by their present wants, not by their past long-last
desires.
A realistic father like Job recognizes that he must take the risk
and let his children be children. Fun is not wrong, but it is a good
thing that can often lead to wrong. The only way to eliminate the risk
is to forbid what is not in itself wrong, but which can lead to it. Job
chose to let them have their parties and indulge in their fun, and risk
doing wrong. Not all fathers would dare take this risk in our world
today, for the dangers are greater than ever, but a father like Job can
always risk it because of the second thing he did, which we want to
examine. He faced the realistic facts of life and could take the risks
involved because-
II. HE FURNISHED A REALISTIC FAITH FOR LIFE.
Job knew he couldn't prevent his children from sinning, but he
could prevent them from wanting to. Faith is the answer, and not
force. God does not force us to give up sin. He gives us, instead, the
52. wisdom to see the superiority of righteousness. This is what Job did
for his children, and this makes any man a full time father, for no
man can prove to his children that godliness is the greatest unless he
is godly himself. A great father must be a godly father.
Job was a father who gave his children an example of what
godliness was. The very first verse tells us that he was blameless and
upright, and he was one who feared God and turned away from evil.
It is not only what you do but what you are that makes you a good
dad. Job was doing plenty for his children just by being the man of
God he was. A father does great disservice to his children when he
fails to become the best man he can be before God. That is why ideal
fatherhood is such a full time job. Everything you are and do affects
what you are as a father.
The more you become a man of God the better father you will be.
Many point out that even preacher's kids can go bad, and no one can
refute that. Preachers do a lot of stupid things in raising children. I
know two personally who had sons who committed suicide. Pastors
make all the same mistakes as everyone else. They are two strict or
too lenient. However, the fact is, that in Who's Who In America
there are more children who come from the homes of preachers than
any other profession. The statistics do not reveal all the failures, but
they do reveal that the majority of children raised in a home where
Christ is exalted, and His Word honored, become adults who are
strongly motivated to make their lives count for God and man.
You can give your children everything, but if you do no furnish
them with a realistic faith for life, as Job did for his children, you will
have deprived them of life's best gift. Job set before his children an
ideal example of godly living. That is what we mean by a realistic
faith. It is a faith that works and is not a mere matter of pious words.
Few things are more pathetic than a father who tries to force his
53. children to obey moral principles that he does not obey himself. Most
children will do what you do and not just what you say. I know of
fathers who are disgusted with their children because they lie, cheat,
smoke and swear. They are frustrated because they cannot beat it
out of them. The problem is that these boys admire their dad, and he
does all of these things, and even boasts of his clever lies and
deception. His children are only following his bad example. His
words are worthless, for they are unreal. What is real is what he
does. And unknown poet put it-
All in vain is splendid preaching,
And the noble things we say,
All our talk is wasted teaching
If we do not lead the way.
We can never, by reviewing
All the sermons on the shelves,
Keep the younger hands from doing
What we often do ourselves.
Any father who fails to live his faith just as well save his breath.
Children imitate what is, and not what ought to be. Children of bad
fathers can still find good examples of faith to follow, but every father
should want to be that ideal for his own children. A full time father is
one who is aware that all he is and all is becoming involves his
children, for what he is greatly influences them. Earl Rudisill in his
book For Fathers Only writes, "When children see their father
restrain himself in times of stress, respect their time and projects,
stand for the right, and take spiritual and moral principles seriously,
they are easily and unconsciously receiving inspiration and direction
of the greatest value."
The best thing any father can do for his children is to receive
Christ as his Savior. If he had done that, the next best thing he can do