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T˙ Lon˘n Chronicle
12 MAR 2016
Third Time
Unlucky Local
Killer Strikes
Again
By JESSICA FAREY AND POLLY
PRITCHARD
On Thursday 10th March at 2348,
Scotland Yard police were called to
the scene of a suspected homicide,
near "Johnny’s", a bar in the Soho
district. The body has since been
formally identified as that of Amelia
Jane Green, an 18 year old student
studying locally. Her family have
been informed, however are yet to re-
lease a formal statement.
Friends of the late Miss Green
have taken to social media to ex-
press their grief and paid tribute to
the teenager, an aspiring author with
"potential.. so much talent to give".
Numerous flowers have already been
laid at the scene of the tragic event,
the community coming together in
dark times.
The chief of the London
Metropolitan Police, Bernard Hogan-
Howe, has addressed the public,
whose fears are high this violent
and graphic murder closely resembles
those of Rebecca Maynard and Lewis
Lochhead, making it the third in just
over two months. He has issued a
warning, advising people in Eastern
London to stay safe and avoid going
out in the area unless necessary. The
police are appealing for any witnesses
or people who may have any leads on
to the whereabouts of this twisted
killer.
Reuters
International
Moose Count
Underway
By BOB O’BOBSTON
The UN-sponsored International
Moose Census got off to a flying
start today with hopes for an increase
in the worldwide moose population
compared to last year’s disapointing
figures. Among the traditional early
reporters were Egypt, returning fig-
ures of six moose, a twenty percent
increase on 2011’s figures of five, and
Uruguay whose moose population re-
mains stable at eleven.
According to Robbie McRobson,
head of the UN Moose Preserva-
tion Council, worldwide moose num-
bers are expected to grow markedly
on last year due to the traditional
moose strongholds of Canada and the
United States, with the larger de-
veloping moose ecologies also poised
to make gains. The largest percent-
agege increase in moose will likely
come from China”, says McRobson,
The Chinese government has invested
heavily in moose infrastructure over
the past decade, and their committ-
ment to macrofauna is beginning to
pay dividends”. Since 2004 China has
expanded moose pasture from 1.5%
of arable land to nearly 3.648% and
moose numbers are expected to rise
to 60,000 making China a net moose
exporter for the first time. This is
good news for neighbouring Mongo-
lia, a barren moose-wasteland whose
inhabitents nonetheless have an insa-
tiable desire for the creatures. The in-
crease in Beijing-Ulanbataar trade is
anticipated to relieve pressure on the
relatively strained Russian suppliers,
but increase Mongolia’s imbalance of
trade with its larger neighbour.
Historically the only competitor
to China in the far eastern moose
markets has been Singapore but the
tiny island nation is set to report a
net loss, expecting a decrease of more
than five percent on last year’s 50,000
moose counted. The head of Singa-
pore’s Agency for Agriculture, Jing-
Feng Lau, explained to an incredu-
lous Singaporean parliament yester-
day that bad weather had contributed
to this season’s poor showing, most
notably when a cargo of 150 moose
were swept out into the Indian ocean
in a monsoon.
Yet again the global demand for
moose will be met largely by the
US and Canada. The recession-hit
States is taking comfort in its moose
growth figures with gross production
expected to break 700,000 and net ex-
ports to grow by 2%. The worldwide
dominance of Canada shows no signs
of abating though with this year’s
moose population expected to match
last year’s record figures of one hun-
dred million billion.
Europe’s rise as an international
moose power will slow slightly this
year as a response to the European
Union’s move towards standardising
the European moose. Stringent qual-
ity controls are holding back the de-
velopment of the eastern european
populations compared to last year
when they contributed significantly
to europe’s strong growth figures.
Norway, which is not an EU member
but has observer status, strengthed
in numbers relative to the Euro area
with numbers of Norweigian moose,
known locally as elk” expected to rise
for the tenth consecutive year, partic-
ularly thanks to a strong showing in
the last quarter.
As moose season reaches its close,
researchers world wide are turning to
science in an attempt to boost next
year’s figures. NASA stunned the
scientific community today with the
announcment of their discovery that
the moon is significantly smaller than
previously believed. This conclusion,
which is the conclusion of a ten-
year collaborative project, will have
profound implications for the moose
The London Chronicle 12 MAR 2016 2
community as the gravitational field
is now known to be of the right
strength to support moose in orbit.
According to John Johnson, head
of the NASA Moon Sizing Experi-
ment the first delivery of moose into
low moon orbit could be achieved as
early as the third quarter of next year.
The technology to nurture moose in
space is available now”, he said, ”all
that is needed is political will”.
Granny wins
World Wrestling
Championship
By ROY MCROYSTON
Records were smashed in
Nicaragua’s World Wrestling Cham-
pionship last night as 78-year-old
Maud Johnson, grandmother of five,
became the first woman for fifty-six
years, and the oldest competitor ever,
to claim the gold medal. She walked
away with her million dollar share of
the prize money, runner up Tommy
Thompson from Nigeria taking half a
million, and third place New Zealan-
der John Smith receiving a warm
handshake from the umpire.
Having started the tournament a
rank outsider she began to impress
in her second match when she took
US number three Ron Ronson by sur-
prise and subdued him in twenty sec-
onds with her unique move that has
been dubbed "Maud’s Death Grip".
The injection of a new wrestling style
into the tournament was welcomed
by spectators and Johnson’s pre- and
post-match breakdances have proved
entertaining to fans. However, she
was still not expected to win in
round three last Wednesday, facing
off against title-holder Paulo "Spine-
Snapper" Lutti, of Vatican City. Un-
derdog Johnson was soon showing her
worth with stamina and agility easily
matching last year’s winner. Lutti’s
experience paid off initially as he took
the first two rounds, but as John-
son became more confident her su-
perior strength came to the fore and
she clawed back two rounds to take
the contest into a decider. By this
time Lutti’s body language indicated
that he already felt overawed by the
pretender to his crown, and the new-
comer took advantage of this to en-
gage a mutual headlock which she
held for three hours until the Vat-
ican man retired from exhaustion.
The next seven matches were barely
a contest as the news of Johnson’s
supremacy overawed all her oppo-
nents who became too indimidated to
fight properly.
Nigerian Tommy Thompson is
also a relative newcomer to the
wrestling scene, but with his 210lb
frame he was expected to fare well
against Johnson who weighs in at
only 90lb. However Johnson’s lithe
and slender, some would say scrawny,
figure belies her agility and strength
which she demonstrated by holding
Thompson above her head several
times during the bout and throwing
him into the crowd once. With the
scores tied at 2-2 time ran out and the
contest went to a panel of judges to be
assessed. They awarded Thompson a
C grade whilst Johnson received an
A, becoming the first grandmother to
ever win the title.
The new champion explained her
success as the result of a strict train-
ing regimen instituted by her coach
and grandson five-year-old Sammy
Johnson. "I’ve been drinking ten
raw eggs for breakfast every morning,
sprinting fifty miles a day and carry-
ing my daughter’s car to the end of
the road and back whenever I felt my
arthritis was OK" she said. Sammy
added "I always knew she could do
it. She’s my grandma.". The young-
ster is also her manager and has re-
portedly arranged sponsorship deals
which will dwarf her one million dol-
lar prize fund. Her new contract with
headband designer Nike alone is set
to earn her fourteen billion dollars
over the next year. She will also be
promoting Tupperware, Halliburton,
the Republic of Macedonia, and Gala
Bingo. Her continued participation in
the sport is not assured as she wants
to spend more time on her bungee-
jumping business, and knitting. Ev-
eryone here at the World Champi-
onships, however, hopes for her re-
turn.

More Related Content

Newspaper

  • 1. T˙ Lon˘n Chronicle 12 MAR 2016 Third Time Unlucky Local Killer Strikes Again By JESSICA FAREY AND POLLY PRITCHARD On Thursday 10th March at 2348, Scotland Yard police were called to the scene of a suspected homicide, near "Johnny’s", a bar in the Soho district. The body has since been formally identified as that of Amelia Jane Green, an 18 year old student studying locally. Her family have been informed, however are yet to re- lease a formal statement. Friends of the late Miss Green have taken to social media to ex- press their grief and paid tribute to the teenager, an aspiring author with "potential.. so much talent to give". Numerous flowers have already been laid at the scene of the tragic event, the community coming together in dark times. The chief of the London Metropolitan Police, Bernard Hogan- Howe, has addressed the public, whose fears are high this violent and graphic murder closely resembles those of Rebecca Maynard and Lewis Lochhead, making it the third in just over two months. He has issued a warning, advising people in Eastern London to stay safe and avoid going out in the area unless necessary. The police are appealing for any witnesses or people who may have any leads on to the whereabouts of this twisted killer. Reuters International Moose Count Underway By BOB O’BOBSTON The UN-sponsored International Moose Census got off to a flying start today with hopes for an increase in the worldwide moose population compared to last year’s disapointing figures. Among the traditional early reporters were Egypt, returning fig- ures of six moose, a twenty percent increase on 2011’s figures of five, and Uruguay whose moose population re- mains stable at eleven. According to Robbie McRobson, head of the UN Moose Preserva- tion Council, worldwide moose num- bers are expected to grow markedly on last year due to the traditional moose strongholds of Canada and the United States, with the larger de- veloping moose ecologies also poised to make gains. The largest percent- agege increase in moose will likely come from China”, says McRobson, The Chinese government has invested heavily in moose infrastructure over the past decade, and their committ- ment to macrofauna is beginning to pay dividends”. Since 2004 China has expanded moose pasture from 1.5% of arable land to nearly 3.648% and moose numbers are expected to rise to 60,000 making China a net moose exporter for the first time. This is good news for neighbouring Mongo- lia, a barren moose-wasteland whose inhabitents nonetheless have an insa- tiable desire for the creatures. The in- crease in Beijing-Ulanbataar trade is anticipated to relieve pressure on the relatively strained Russian suppliers, but increase Mongolia’s imbalance of trade with its larger neighbour. Historically the only competitor to China in the far eastern moose markets has been Singapore but the tiny island nation is set to report a net loss, expecting a decrease of more than five percent on last year’s 50,000 moose counted. The head of Singa- pore’s Agency for Agriculture, Jing- Feng Lau, explained to an incredu- lous Singaporean parliament yester- day that bad weather had contributed to this season’s poor showing, most notably when a cargo of 150 moose were swept out into the Indian ocean in a monsoon. Yet again the global demand for moose will be met largely by the US and Canada. The recession-hit States is taking comfort in its moose growth figures with gross production expected to break 700,000 and net ex- ports to grow by 2%. The worldwide dominance of Canada shows no signs of abating though with this year’s moose population expected to match last year’s record figures of one hun- dred million billion. Europe’s rise as an international moose power will slow slightly this year as a response to the European Union’s move towards standardising the European moose. Stringent qual- ity controls are holding back the de- velopment of the eastern european populations compared to last year when they contributed significantly to europe’s strong growth figures. Norway, which is not an EU member but has observer status, strengthed in numbers relative to the Euro area with numbers of Norweigian moose, known locally as elk” expected to rise for the tenth consecutive year, partic- ularly thanks to a strong showing in the last quarter. As moose season reaches its close, researchers world wide are turning to science in an attempt to boost next year’s figures. NASA stunned the scientific community today with the announcment of their discovery that the moon is significantly smaller than previously believed. This conclusion, which is the conclusion of a ten- year collaborative project, will have profound implications for the moose
  • 2. The London Chronicle 12 MAR 2016 2 community as the gravitational field is now known to be of the right strength to support moose in orbit. According to John Johnson, head of the NASA Moon Sizing Experi- ment the first delivery of moose into low moon orbit could be achieved as early as the third quarter of next year. The technology to nurture moose in space is available now”, he said, ”all that is needed is political will”. Granny wins World Wrestling Championship By ROY MCROYSTON Records were smashed in Nicaragua’s World Wrestling Cham- pionship last night as 78-year-old Maud Johnson, grandmother of five, became the first woman for fifty-six years, and the oldest competitor ever, to claim the gold medal. She walked away with her million dollar share of the prize money, runner up Tommy Thompson from Nigeria taking half a million, and third place New Zealan- der John Smith receiving a warm handshake from the umpire. Having started the tournament a rank outsider she began to impress in her second match when she took US number three Ron Ronson by sur- prise and subdued him in twenty sec- onds with her unique move that has been dubbed "Maud’s Death Grip". The injection of a new wrestling style into the tournament was welcomed by spectators and Johnson’s pre- and post-match breakdances have proved entertaining to fans. However, she was still not expected to win in round three last Wednesday, facing off against title-holder Paulo "Spine- Snapper" Lutti, of Vatican City. Un- derdog Johnson was soon showing her worth with stamina and agility easily matching last year’s winner. Lutti’s experience paid off initially as he took the first two rounds, but as John- son became more confident her su- perior strength came to the fore and she clawed back two rounds to take the contest into a decider. By this time Lutti’s body language indicated that he already felt overawed by the pretender to his crown, and the new- comer took advantage of this to en- gage a mutual headlock which she held for three hours until the Vat- ican man retired from exhaustion. The next seven matches were barely a contest as the news of Johnson’s supremacy overawed all her oppo- nents who became too indimidated to fight properly. Nigerian Tommy Thompson is also a relative newcomer to the wrestling scene, but with his 210lb frame he was expected to fare well against Johnson who weighs in at only 90lb. However Johnson’s lithe and slender, some would say scrawny, figure belies her agility and strength which she demonstrated by holding Thompson above her head several times during the bout and throwing him into the crowd once. With the scores tied at 2-2 time ran out and the contest went to a panel of judges to be assessed. They awarded Thompson a C grade whilst Johnson received an A, becoming the first grandmother to ever win the title. The new champion explained her success as the result of a strict train- ing regimen instituted by her coach and grandson five-year-old Sammy Johnson. "I’ve been drinking ten raw eggs for breakfast every morning, sprinting fifty miles a day and carry- ing my daughter’s car to the end of the road and back whenever I felt my arthritis was OK" she said. Sammy added "I always knew she could do it. She’s my grandma.". The young- ster is also her manager and has re- portedly arranged sponsorship deals which will dwarf her one million dol- lar prize fund. Her new contract with headband designer Nike alone is set to earn her fourteen billion dollars over the next year. She will also be promoting Tupperware, Halliburton, the Republic of Macedonia, and Gala Bingo. Her continued participation in the sport is not assured as she wants to spend more time on her bungee- jumping business, and knitting. Ev- eryone here at the World Champi- onships, however, hopes for her re- turn.