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Second+string

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Louis Sihler
Louis Sihler

Roland is a shy man who spends much of his time in a virtual reality basement apartment that he has created. He helps out at a Mother's Day Out program where he enjoys interacting with the young children. His friend Lyle is trying to help Roland meet women and move on from his past as a backup quarterback in high school. Lyle takes Roland to a speed dating event, dance club, and bingo night in an effort to help him socialize more, but the attempts are unsuccessful. Roland enjoys his time at the Mother's Day Out program interacting with the children.

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SECOND STRING Written by Steven E. Bates 1760 N. Bass Dr. Mt. Juliet, TN 37122 615-330-0821 Stevebates32@comcast.net
“SECOND STRING” FADE IN: EXT. HIGH SCHOOL FOOTBALL FIELD A banner reads:”Welcome to Homecoming” “Dance to Follow”. Seventeen-year-old ROLAND STARLING stands on the sideline, his uniform swallowing his slight frame. He watches and hopes for his chance to finally get in the game. He glances at HEIDI THOMAS who jumps, kicks, leading fans to cheer the team to victory. Will she look at him? She doesn’t. His gaze interrupted by starting QB and star of the team, LANCE MARTIN who comes to the sideline, helmet in hand. LANCE Birdlegs! Where’s Birdlegs!? Other team members point to Roland. LANCE (CONT’D) Birdlegs, get me a chin strap. Nerdy water girl, JULIE MATHEWS, hands Lance a cup of water. ROLAND My name is Roland, and I’m not the equipment manager anymore. I’m your backup. Do I need to go in? LANCE No! I need a chin strap!(under breath) My backup. ROLAND Lyle’s the new equipment manager. LYLE HENSON enters with a double handful of chin straps. LYLE What kind do you like? LANCE I don’t have time for this. Lance grabs Roland’s helmet, shoves his at Roland. LANCE (CONT’D) Take care of that before I come off the field again.
Lance looks over at Heidi who is looking at him. LANCE (CONT’D) Hey, babe. See you got your flower. See you after the game. Heidi smiles, proudly shows off her orchid corsage. Roland watches them, Lance addresses him. LANCE (CONT’D) Don’t just stand there you moron! Fix my helmet! I got a game to win! Whistle blows. He runs back onto the field. Roland prays to disappear. He looks at Heidi. Embarrassed for Roland, she looks away. Julie looks back and forth from Roland to the ground. She wants to encourage him, comfort him, rescue him. She offers a cup of water, he rejects it. EIGHT YEARS LATER INT. ROLAND’S BASEMENT APARTMENT Roland’s basement apartment is essentially a virtual reality studio. It now looks like a busy gym. His slender frame is now muscular and toned as he works out strenuously. He finishes a set of squats and re-racks the weights. INT. ROLAND’S BASEMENT APARTMENT - LATER Roland’s basement now looks like a board room full of people. He’s on the hot seat. DIRECTOR I can’t explain it. Your apps are well designed, function perfectly, but they just aren’t very popular. Roland is very disappointed. INT. ROLAND’S BASEMENT APARTMENT - LATER Roland wears a karate outfit. An INSTRUCTOR bows to him and his CLASSMATES. They deliver punishing blows to the dummies in front of them. 2.
INT. ROLAND’S BASEMENT APARTMENT - LATER Roland’s serious face reflects in his glass and chrome high tech wonderland. He sits at a computer and puts finishing touches on a new app. INT. ROLAND’S BASEMENT APARTMENT - LATER Roland runs a marathon. He stays with the pack then shows off, breaking away. Suddenly, LYLE walks into the path of a projector and blocks the images. ROLAND Dude! Get out of the way! LYLE Why? You’re not going anywhere. ROLAND You’re ruining the effect! Lyle picks up the remote and flips through the basement images like he’s trying to avoid commercials on a TV. Roland turns off the treadmill. LYLE Let’s see where you’ve been today. Karate, board meeting, gym ... Lyle hits the old high school yearbook window and immediately sees the senior picture of perky-cheerleader Heidi. LYLE (CONT’D) Ooh, a little trip down memory lane. How far did we get this time? Roland tries unsuccessfully to confiscate the clicker. Lyle clicks again on the yearbook window and finds a senior picture of muscle-bound LANCE... and another, a football-uniformed Lance hugging Heidi... and yet another... But with Roland’s face superimposed on Lance’s body. 3.
LYLE (CONT’D) Really? I figured you might use something like that for target practice. Where’s that virtual reality pistol? ROLAND Come on man, be cool. LYLE When’s the last time that skin saw the sun? ROLAND You need to get out of here so I can get ready. LYLE Ready? ROLAND Mother’s Day Out. LYLE Oh yeah? Where’s mommy taking you? ROLAND Funny. LYLE Why do you keep going there? ROLAND To be with my peeps. LYLE Preschoolers? ROLAND What can I say, they’re genuine, honest, no pretense. And the games they play.. are for fun. INT. MOTHER’S DAY OUT Roland arrives and is mobbed by three and four-year-old kids. ROLAND Hey, how are you guys! He makes it a point to touch each one on the head or shoulder to acknowledge them as he calls them by name. 4.
ROLAND (CONT’D) Hey BRANDON, LAUREN, ELISE, give me five DANIEL, alright GRACIE . . . He then acknowledges Julie, who is looking on with admiration. They feign formality. ROLAND (CONT’D) Hello, Miss Julie, how are you this fine day? He kisses her hand. She responds as a southern belle. JULIE Why Master Roland, I do declare you have just made my day. He snaps back to serious. ROLAND No, really, things good here? JULIE Yeah, yeah, we’re good. As usual the kids are glad to see you. ROLAND I should get to my adoring fans. JULIE And the kids would like to see you too. I, Uh, I need to run some paperwork to the office. ROLAND Sure. Take your time. Julie exits. Roland gets in the floor with the kids. ROLAND (CONT’D) What do you guys wanna build? BRANDON A rocket ship! LAUREN No, a pony! DANIEL Lets build a big wall so I can tear it down with my bulldozer! 5.
ROLAND Wow, those are great ideas! Why don’t we build a fort so all the little people can be safe. DANIEL And then I can tear it down with my bulldozer! There is a knock at the door. ROLAND You guys get started and I’ll let Miss Julie back in. The kids begin building. Roland opens the door to find a beautiful woman, Rachel. His mind goes blank, knees get weak. ROLAND (CONT’D) You forget...oh, you’re not Julie. RACHEL Neither are you. ROLAND No, uh, uh, I’m uh, I help out . . some, well, a lot, actually I’d say, regular is more accurate. RACHEL Well, do you have a name or should I just call you, Mr. Regular? ROLAND You can call me that, or, Roland, Roland is my name but, Mr. Regular, has a nice ring to it, I guess. RACHEL Don’t think I know another Roland. ROLAND Me neither. It’s, uh, kinda unusual, well, maybe not unusual so much as, uh, yeah, unusual I guess. RACHEL So, I take it Julie is gone? ROLAND Yes, I mean no, well, sort of, for a minute. (MORE) 6.
She took some papers to the office but will be here, in a minute, or maybe two. I, should probably get back to the kids. RACHEL Actually, I need to pick up Sophie. ROLAND Oh, really? Already? I mean, we were just about to build a fort. RACHEL (slight laugh)I’m sure she’ll be sad but I really need to get her. ROLAND Oh, ok, uh, do you like, sign something to get her out or, I’ve never, Julie usually handles . . Julie shows up and saves him. JULIE Hey Rachel. You need Sophie? Roland takes the opportunity to vanish. RACHEL She has a doctor’s appointment. JULIE Nothing serious, I hope. RACHEL Oh no, just a check-up. JULIE I see you met Roland. He helps us out . . RACHEL Yes, regularly I’m told. Roland seems shaken but glad to be building a fort. JULIE Yeah, he’s great. The kids love him. RACHEL I can see that. ROLAND (CONT'D) 7.
JULIE I’ll get Sophie for you. Oh, have you decided on a date yet for the Kidz Biz party? RACHEL Not yet, but I will. As Julie gets Sophie she whispers to Roland. JULIE Relax. You did great. INT. ROLAND’S BASEMENT APARTMENT Roland and Lyle play a video game on his virtual reality screen and eat delivery pizza. LYLE Man, I know I give you a hard time, but I totally get it. Simple, systematic, predictable. I mean, in the real world, every day’s a crap shoot. ROLAND So, what are you saying? You want to build a room like this? LYLE Uhhh, No. Me gotta be out there with “my homies!” I’m just saying I see how it fits, you know, for you. Door buzzer. Roland switches the projector to a surveillance camera. Sees parents, ED and SANDY. He buzzes them in. ED Oh, Lyle, we didn’t know you were here. We’ll come back later. LYLE No need pops, we got no secrets here. ED Well,... Ed looks to Sandy, she reluctantly nods approval. ED (CONT’D) Son, what would you say this room is worth? 8.
ROLAND What? Ed tries to pick up a computer. Roland moves to stop him. ED How much of this is permanent? ROLAND Uhh, what’s going on? SANDY Roland, we’ve decided to move into the new retirement community. LYLE Duuude, that place is dope. I painted a lot of those units. ROLAND Yeah, dad. If that’s what you guys need to do, that’s great. SANDY The only way we can afford it is if we sell this house, so we need to put it on the market soon. ROLAND Wait. You guys don’t need to put it on the market. Let me buy it. ED Well, son, we talked about that and frankly, we think you need to move on from this place too. Maybe then you’d, get out more. SANDY You know, be around people, maybe meet a nice girl, settle down. ROLAND I’m perfectly fine right here. Besides, I’ve spent a fortune building out this basement. LYLE My man speaks the truth. SANDY Lyle...just, shush a minute. 9.
ED We know you would like to stay here. But our concern is what your mom said. We think it’s best ... LYLE What if I got him out more, helped him meet some ladies, maybe find him a girlfriend. SANDY You’re gonna help him? LYLE Absolutely! I’ll hook him up with a girl in no time. I know lots of ways to meet women. ED But, you’re always here. LYLE You just think I am. When I leave here, I’m a real ladies man. ROLAND Come on Dad, just give us a chance. ED We need to have some work done to the rest of the house to get it ready to sell. We’ll need to get as much out of it as possible. Those places are expensive. ROLAND I’ll do my best to match any price. ED We’ll see what you’ve accomplished by the time we get it ready. ROLAND Thanks guys. LYLE You won’t be sorry. Ed and Sandy exit. Roland looks at Lyle. ROLAND Dude, I’m screwed. I’ll never come up with that kind of money, much less a girlfriend. 10.
Lyle goes to the computer. ROLAND (CONT’D) What are you doing? LYLE You a favor. I can’t help with the green but the quickest way to maximize your exposure to the most women “burning” for a good man is FLAMING HEARTS. How tall are you? ROLAND 5”11”. I don’t want to parade myself on the internet. LYLE Weight? ROLAND I don’t know, 165, 170. Those things don’t actually work. LYLE Hair-brown, eyes-hazel. ROLAND Eyes are brown too, technically. LYLE Hazel sounds more exotic. ROLAND Why do I feel like we’re signing up for a cattle auction? LYLE This is just one step in the game plan. You ain’t seen nothin’ yet my friend. ROLAND Good. Cause I got no faith in this. EXT. SIDEWALK ON WAY TO SPEED DATING Lyle pulls on Roland’s sleeve, dragging him down the block. LYLE This is step one of the “Roland Starling Dating Project.” It’s called speed dating. They do it in the movies all the time. 11.
ROLAND Dude, I’m terrible in situations like this. I freeze up, my mind turns to, turns to, turns to . . . LYLE You’ll do fine. INT. SPEED DATING The ladies are seated, guys standing, all are anxious. HOST Alright, you guys know the rules so let the dating begin! The guys go to the women, have a seat, and begin talking. Roland sits and stares at his first prospect, GOTH GIRL’s black lipstick matches her eyeliner and nail polish. GOTH GIRL Sooo, your place or mine? ROLAND Uh... Lyle hands ANGRY FEMINIST a business card. ANGRY FEMINIST Basically, I’m looking for a man that realizes, I don’t need a man. No woman does. Roland tries to look interested in HYPOCHONDRIAC’s freckles. HYPOCHONDRIAC I have this mole on my arm, do you see it, the one with black hair growing out of it. I have one on my back and my chest just like it. Do you think it’s cancer? I think it’s cancer. Let me show you the one on my chest. CHAIN SMOKER barks a hacking cough and then lights up. LYLE Uh, I don’t think you’re supposed to smoke in here. CHAIN SMOKER What? You a NARC or something? 12.
INT. DANCE CLUB Roland and Lyle enter the club. ROLAND Dude, you know I can’t dance. LYLE Just do what I do. Roland and Lyle are on the dance floor. Roland, petrified, only moves enough to keep from being hit by others. Lyle flails like a man possessed. Roland sits in a booth with two drunk girls. Lyle brings another round. LYLE (CONT’D) Here we are, ladies! The girl seated beside Roland chugs her drink and... pukes in Roland’s lap. INT. BINGO HALL All of the women are in their eighties. Roland looks at his card, hides it. Lyle’s eyes light up. LYLE Bingo! My man has bingo! Roland flushes with embarrassment. ROLAND Yeah, I, uh, I got it. One of the regulars catches Roland’s eye. OLDER LADY Mama likes a winner. She flashes a wink and a smile. INT. BOWLING ALLEY A “Coed Singles Night” sign hangs overhead. The guys are greeted by their new partners, two butch-looking girls that could likely eat them as a snack between games. BUTCH 1 You guys ready to roll some balls? 13.
The guys look at each other and gulp. INT. HEIDI’S PLACE Six-year-old LOUIS sits at a table with a newspaper photo of guys playing soccer. He works on his version of that picture. Heidi enters, loaded down with supplies for the soccer field. HEIDI Louis, I thought I told you to get ready. LOUIS But I’m not done with my pictures. HEIDI Doesn’t matter, uniform on now! He heads to his room. She clumsily stacks her load by the front door. Louis re-enters the room, uniform in hand. LOUIS Will you help me? HEIDI You’re a big boy, you can . . . LOUIS Please. HEIDI Just because we’re running late. She begins helping him. LOUIS When is soccer going to be over? HEIDI I thought you liked soccer? LOUIS Not really. I suck. HEIDI Louis, where did you learn that word? LOUIS Soccer. Heidi’s look says she’s onto him. 14.
HEIDI You need the exercise. LOUIS I thought if I played soccer my dad might come watch, but he didn’t. Heidi stops, grabs Louis’ chubby face, looks him in the eye. HEIDI That’s not your fault. You’re a great soccer player. He just doesn’t know you’re playing, and he doesn’t know what he’s missing. But you know what, we don’t need him. I will be at every game you ever play. Now, you grab your soccer ball and meet me at the car. EXT. COMMUNITY CENTER SOCCER FIELDS The place is covered up with kids and parents, many of them single moms. Roland and Lyle are seated in bleachers. LYLE I can’t believe your sister talked us into this. ROLAND She was right about one thing, there are lots of single moms. LYLE Dude, we don’t need crumb crunchers cramping our style. And we don’t need to settle for somebody’s leftovers, we deserve smokin’ hot, childless women. Like that. Lyle nods toward a group of hotties tightly toned where they need to be, with just enough jiggle to capture the imagination. The guys are stunned. LYLE (CONT’D) Do you recognize the lead dog? Roland quickly recognizes Heidi, who leads the pack, flanked by long time BFF Rachel. ROLAND Still perfection. The women glide past them, ignoring them. 15.
Trailing behind is a brood of 5-7 year old kids, decked out for soccer, punching, pulling and poking one another. The worst behaved kid is Louis, Heidi’s son. LYLE But did you see what was behind? ROLAND Behind, in front, it all looked good to me. LYLE I mean what was following them. I gotta be honest man. They looked great but the kids... ROLAND Kids are a piece of cake. It’s the women that scare me. Roland follows Heidi with his eyes until she is seated in the bleachers. He is transfixed for the rest of the time. LYLE Which team is your niece on? ROLAND Huh? Oh, uh, over there, red jerseys. The only other thing he notices is that her son is a terror. He obeys no one. Instead of playing soccer he chases bugs, blows dandelions, plucks handfuls of grass and throws them in the air as he spins in circles until he is so dizzy he falls. But Heidi is the focus. The games come to an end, Roland makes another observation. ROLAND (CONT’D) Huh. They’re chick magnets. LYLE What? Who? Where? ROLAND Coaches, they’re like rock stars. Dude, how do we get a coaching gig? Roland’s eyes once more find Heidi. She talks with Louis’ coach. Even though she seems unhappy, he’s getting face time. LYLE Let’s start, “Operation Hot Mama!” 16.
INT. HEIDI’S CAR Heidi and Louis are on the way home. LOUIS Why are you mad at my coach? HEIDI I’m not mad. I just don’t think he treats all the kids the same. LOUIS It’s ok mom. I don’t care if I don’t play much. It gives the kids who like it more time to play. HEIDI It’s still not right. EXT. COMMUNITY CENTER SOCCER FIELDS Roland and Lyle sit in bleachers watching Roland’s niece, BONNIE, play soccer. Her dad, CHRIS, is the coach and her mom, AMANDA helps on the sideline. Bonnie has the ball and breaks hard for the goal. Everyone in the bleachers stands to watch, except Roland. He sits on the end enjoying an unobstructed, though distant view of Heidi. Heidi argues with the coach. Louis chases a butterfly. Bonnie takes a shot, sails wide. Crowd groans, sits down. LYLE You gotta teach that girl how to shoot. Roland snaps out of a trance. ROLAND Huh? LYLE Did you for real not see that? Your niece just missed a wide open shot. ROLAND Oh, no I didn’t see it. LYLE Bro, where are you? 17.
Roland’s attention drifts back to Heidi. The coach is yelling at the ref. Lyle discovers what Roland’s looking at. LYLE (CONT’D) Oh, never mind. Suddenly, a look of concern overtakes Heidi’s beautiful face. Louis runs onto the field and kicks the ball out of bounds, away from the sideline his team is on. It looks as if he is going to pick the ball up to bring it back. Instead, he picks it up and runs onto the next field and kicks that ball out of bounds and continues to kick it toward the highway. Everyone is yelling at him. Heidi realizes he is not coming back. Her face goes from concern to terror. She launches. Roland realizes the same and fears he will run onto the road chasing the ball. He must catch him before that can happen. Louis chases the ball into the road. He stops and stares at an oncoming car. The driver slams on the brakes and just before impact, Roland makes a diving tackle and he and Louis go rolling into the ditch. With traffic now stopped, Roland emerges from the ditch with Louis, kicking and screaming. Heidi is hysterical. LOUIS Put me down! Why did you knock me down like that, my mom is gonna . . Heidi meets them at the side of the road. HEIDI Louis! Why did you do that?! You scared the crap out of me! Roland quietly hands Louis to his mom. She begins to cry uncontrollably as she holds her son. HEIDI (CONT’D) Don’t you ever do anything like that again, do you hear me. You scared me to death. I love you so much, please, don’t do that again. Roland walks away as a crowd of other parents and kids begins to gather. He walks straight to Lyle. ROLAND Let’s get outa here. 18.
LYLE But. . . ROLAND Let’s go. Now. They walk away as the crowd tightens around Heidi and Louis. INT. MOTHER’S DAY OUT Roland sits in the floor with several boys building a fort out of blocks. Julie kneels beside him. JULIE My sister-in-law told me that superman made an appearance at the soccer fields yesterday. ROLAND Blue leotards, cape, ... JULIE A guy they’d never seen before risked everything to save a kid’s life, then disappeared. ROLAND Isn’t that what superheroes do? JULIE Or, they could go on to be a role model for a group of kids at Mother’s Day Out... You’re a good man, Roland. INT. HEIDI’S PLACE Louis draws a picture of his near accident while Heidi flips through the boy's scrapbook. HEIDI Do you understand that you could have been hurt really bad, maybe even killed? Do you have any idea what that would do to me? LOUIS Who’s the man who knocked me down? HEIDI That man saved your life. We should be grateful and thank him. 19.
LOUIS But he made me scrape my arm. HEIDI He kept you from being hit by a car. He’s a hero. LOUIS My dad would have saved me, if he had been there. HEIDI Maybe. But like I’ve told you before, all we need is each other. Don’t you forget that. EXT. ROLAND’S PARENTS YARD Roland teaches Bonnie the proper way to shoot a soccer ball. ROLAND Don’t poke it with your toe. Hold your foot straight up and down, hit the ball with the top of your foot. BONNIE That feels weird. ROLAND It will for a while. But it’ll feel great when the ball hits the back of the net. She kicks the ball correctly. Roland’s dad, Ed, and her mom, Amanda, come out onto the porch in time to see the action. ROLAND (CONT’D) There you go. Good job! Amanda comes down from the porch. AMANDA Think you can do that again? Bonnie runs to get the ball. AMANDA (CONT’D) You know, you should consider coaching a team. ROLAND You really think so? Seems a lot different from teaching Bonnie. 20.
AMANDA You can do it. It’d be good for you. Bonnie, we gotta meet your dad. Tell Uncle Roland thank you. BONNIE Thanks Uncle Roland. She gives him a hug. ROLAND You can thank me by scoring a goal on Saturday. Bonnie and Amanda head for their car. EXT. COMMUNITY CENTER SOCCER FIELDS Roland and Lyle cautiously approach the fields. Roland hides behind a hat and sunglasses. LYLE Why the “Hide from Heidi maneuver?” You should want her to see you. ROLAND I just don’t want anyone to make it a big deal. I’d feel weird. Heidi rushes to Roland with her BFF Rachel in tow and gushes. HEIDI Ooh, you’re him aren’t you? You’re the one that saved my son. ROLAND Well, uh . . . Heidi gives him a bear hug. Roland’s body stiffens, arms straight down by his side. HEIDI Thank you sooo much! You saved my baby’s life! Her hug tightens, she sways side to side. HEIDI (CONT’D) I’m so glad I found you, I thought you were gone forever. Roland is petrified. Her hug lingers. 21.
Lyle looks at Rachel, slightly raises his hands, as if to say say, “us too?” Rachel shakes her head “no”. RACHEL I’m good. Heidi breaks her embrace, grabs Roland by the shoulders, looks him in the eyes and passionately says- HEIDI You’ve got to come watch Louis play, he has to thank you. Come on, you can sit with us. She grabs his hand and drags him out of frame. Lyle offers a hand. Rachel pockets her hands, marches off. EXT. SOCCER FIELD They watch the game for a short time. (Rachel, Heidi, Lyle and Roland) Louis is in the game but he pays little attention to what’s going on. He’s picking flowers, playing with bugs. COACH Louis! Get in the game son! Heidi looks at Roland, a little embarrassed. HEIDI He’s really smart but his attention span is kinda short. Louis turns and looks at the other kids bunched around the ball. Suddenly he begins to run toward the group. HEIDI (CONT’D) Oh good, he’s getting in the game. Louis jumps into the middle of the swarm, knocking several kids to the ground. The teen-aged ref begins blowing his whistle. Louis kicks the ball down the field, pushes a couple of kids out of his way and takes the ball toward the goal. As he approaches the goal he releases an angry scream. The goalie is frightened and runs toward his mom. Louis kicks the ball into the goal and begins to celebrate. The ref is still blowing his whistle and waving off the goal. The coach throws up his hands, walks onto the field and begins screaming at the teen-aged ref. 22.
COACH Are you kidding me! This boy finally gets in the game and you’re gonna take his goal away! The Supervisor comes onto the field to calm everyone. SUPERVISOR Bill! You know how much trouble I have getting ref’s. You can’t scream at them. COACH I hope you’re not paying this one! He’s not worthy of the whistle. SUPERVISOR Alright Bill, this is the third time this season. That’s enough. Coach turns and walks away as he continues to yell. COACH You’ll beg me to come back, just like you did this season. He stops and addresses the parents. COACH (CONT’D) But you know what, I’m done! You’re kids are spoiled little brats! And you guys are so busy squeezing into you skinny jeans, sucking down your over priced latte’s and making love to your smartphones, these kids don’t stand a chance! He walks toward the parking lot, still yelling. COACH (CONT’D) I can’t take it anymore! I don’t deserve this! I can be treated like crap at home! The supervisor approaches the parents. SUPERVISOR Well, needless to say, he won’t be back. You guys just have one more game so I guess you’ll just forfeit and call it a done. Hopefully we can find another coach before next season. Hope your kids had fun. 23.
The supervisor walks away. One of the parents speaks up. PARENT 1 Anyone ever coached before? PARENT 2 I wouldn’t know where to start. PARENT 1 It’s just one game, wouldn’t be the end of the world if we forfeit. PARENT 3 We haven’t won a game all year. PARENT 4 But I feel like we’d be teaching our kids to quit if we do that. LYLE I may have an answer to your, “Coaching conundrum”, my buddy over here was a player back in the day. I think he’d make a solid coach. Parent 1 looks at Roland. PARENT 1 Really? You know what you’re doing? PARENT 3 Wait a minute, we don’t know anything about this guy, and we’re gonna trust him with our kids? HEIDI He risked his life to save my Louis, that’s good enough for me. PARENT 4 I knew I’d seen him before. RACHEL And he’s a “regular” helper at Mother’s Day out. PARENT 1 So all in favor- All the parents say “I”. 24.
PARENT 1 (CONT’D) We practice on Tuesday, Coach. The parents express appreciation. The crowd is dispersing. Heidi and Louis hang around until the others have gone. HEIDI Roland, this is Louis. ROLAND Hello Louis. Have you forgiven me for tackling you last Saturday? LOUIS Mom says you saved my life. Guess I gotta forgive you. My dad woulda done it but, he wasn’t there. Heidi mouths the words- HEIDI Never is. Then speaks up. HEIDI (CONT’D) Show him your picture. Louis hands Roland the picture he drew. Roland takes the picture and sits on a bench with Louis standing beside him. ROLAND Wow, you do this by yourself? LOUIS Yeah. HEIDI Yes, sir. LOUIS Yes, sir. ROLAND I like this Louis, great job. Louis pulls on his mom so he can whisper in her ear. She’s a little embarrassed but she knows she has to ask. HEIDI He has a scrapbook at home and, well . . . 25.
ROLAND I tell you what, you can have this one back if you promise to make me one to put in my scrapbook. Deal? LOUIS Deal. INT. ROLAND’S BASEMENT APARTMENT Roland mirrors a soccer trainer doing drills for beginners. Lyle sits to the side, stuffing his face with pizza. LYLE I’d say “Operation Hot Mama” is off to a good start. Did you see that hot blonde? No ring. I looked. ROLAND Let’s just try to teach these kids something about the game this week and not worry about getting a date. LYLE But that’s the whole point. We help the urchins so the moms will notice and be willing to date us. ROLAND Let’s just try and do a good job with the kids and go from there. LYLE Look, I know you think you got an in with Heidi but, in case you haven’t noticed, she doesn’t recognize either of us from high school. She does, you’re toast. ROLAND I’ll be toast long before that. INT. JULIE’S PLACE Julie is on her iPad checking her Kidz Biz sales numbers. JULIE Wow, top ten this month. I may actually be good at this. 26.
Then she sees an ad for a free week on the dating site FLAMING HEARTS. CLICK! She then searches for Roland. Surprise! His profile appears. She writes him a message. JULIE (CONT’D) Hello Roland. I am surprised to find your profile here. I’m considering doing the same . . . EXT. COMMUNITY CENTER SOCCER FIELDS Roland has the kids in 2 lines taking turns dribbling toward the goal and shooting. He offers encouragement but the kids get bored and some begin wandering off. Lyle tries to gather them up. That becomes a game. The parents on the sideline look discouraged. Roland calls all the kids together. ROLAND Hey guys, who wants to play knockout? PLAYER What’s that? ROLAND See the square made by the cones? You stay inside that square, dribbling you ball, and try to kick someone else’s ball out of the box. PLAYER What if your ball gets kicked out? ROLAND You go get it, count to five as loud as you can, then come back in the box and start dribbling, trying to kick someone else’s ball out. The kids play the game, they all participate and have fun. The parents look on with approval. Roland has the kids doing other more conventional drills and making good progress. After practice some of the moms hang around to talk. More seem to want to talk to Roland which bothers Lyle a bit. Roland is trying to get free so Heidi can talk with him, she seems to want to but is not very aggressive. 27.
MOM Great practice coach! That’s the most they’ve learned all season. ROLAND Thanks. She leans in and speaks in a quiet voice. MOM If you’re looking for dinner, I’ve got a, hot dish waiting for you. She stuffs a piece of paper in his pocket as she walks away. He looks up, Heidi and Louis walk toward their car. Heidi glances over her shoulder but keeps walking. Roland gathers his things and finds a drawing from Louis with his clipboard. EXT. COMMUNITY CENTER SOCCER FIELDS The kids are playing their best game of the season. ROLAND Has everyone played about the same? Lyle shows him the clipboard. LYLE I’ve been keeping up with it. We’re right on schedule. The ref blows the whistle signaling the end of the game. The team and parents are gathered around Roland and Lyle. LYLE (CONT’D) Four different players scored goals today. Everyone played really well. PARENT 1 We just lost by one goal. That’s the best game of the season! PARENT 3 Let’s give it up for Roland! The parents and kids all cheer. PARENT 1 And Lyle! There are a couple of unenthusiastic responses. 28.
As the group breaks up and heads to their cars, several single mom’s gather around Lyle, flirting and having fun. Heidi makes sure she and Louis are first to get to Roland and she cuts him out, away from the group. Louis gives him a hug and so does Heidi. HEIDI You’re the only coach Louis has ever listened to. Will you meet us to do some private lessons. I’ll be glad to pay . . . ROLAND Whoa, wait a minute. Of course I’ll help him but I won’t accept any payment. The money, well, I don’t need you to pay me. She hands him a card with her info. HEIDI Call me. We’ll set up a time. EXT. COMMUNITY CENTER SOCCER FIELDS On the way to the car Roland and Lyle are handed a flyer about the next season, basketball, starting in 2 weeks. Coaches Needed. Lyle pulls out business cards and begins dealing them as if surrounded by women clamoring for them. LYLE Yeah baby! Operation Hot Mama shifts into overdrive! INT. GYM AT COMMUNITY CENTER Roland is in the gym when Heidi and Louis arrive. Louis immediately begins running and acting wild in the empty gym. Heidi, Roland-very awkward. They don’t know whether to shake hands, hug, wave - they finally just skip the greeting. ROLAND So, what’s our goal today? HEIDI You’re in charge. ROLAND Ooo-k. Any tips on, uh, Louis. 29.
HEIDI Like... ROLAND Well, we know he’s big for his age, and active, very active. Roland looks at Louis who is at the other end of the gym, jumping and kicking the pad on the gym wall. ROLAND (CONT’D) Just wondering if his dad was big, athletic ... HEIDI You’re the only person he’s ever listened to. That’s why we’re here. ROLAND Ok. Louis! Hey, Louis! No response. Roland dribbles the ball to that end of the gym and shoots a lay up. Louis is still jumping and kicking. LOUIS Nice shot. ROLAND Can you shoot like that? Without a word, Louis runs to the ball, throws it as hard as he can and the ball goes nowhere near the goal. LOUIS Nope! Back to jumping and kicking. Roland patiently picks up the ball, dribbles to the basket and shoots. ROLAND I’ll shoot, you defend. First one to 10 gets their pick from the vending machine. Without a word Louis bounces off the wall and cat-quick he slaps the ball from Roland’s hands. LOUIS Me, 1 - you, 0. INT. COMMUNITY CENTER VENDING AREA Roland, Heidi and Louis, in front of the vending machines. 30.
HEIDI Peanuts or crackers, no sugar. LOUIS Nothing. Louis stomps out of the room. ROLAND Sorry. I didn’t know the rules. HEIDI Not your fault. You did well. Again on Thursday? INT. SPORTS STORE Lyle is looking at basketball shoes when TERESA, one of the moms from the soccer team comes in with her son, KEVIN. TERESA Excuse me, were you one of the new coaches at the commun . . . LYLE Community center, yeah. Getting ready for basketball. Lyle makes a quick move with an invisible ball and then takes a shot. TERESA I know nothing about basketball shoes. Would you mind helping Kevin pick out a good pair? I can treat you to pizza after and then, maybe my place for . . dessert. INT. TERESA’S APARTMENT Lyle and his new friend are passionately kissing. Lyle stops her, holds her face in his hands and sincerely tells her - LYLE I hope you’ll be patient with me, I’m, kinda new at this. Major turn on, she begins kissing him passionately. 31.
INT. GYM AT COMMUNITY CENTER A crowd of kids, parents and coaches are present for the basketball tryouts and draft. Lyle and Roland walk past Teresa, she flashes a seductive smile. Lyle shyly waves and then hides behind Roland. LYLE That’s her. What should I do? ROLAND You said she was amazing. LYLE What do I know? I’m a rookie. I need more experience, like, with more women. She wants to own me. The kids are dribbling, passing, shooting. Coaches are taking notes. Parents watch nervously, some are oblivious. Louis looks to be the worst kid in the gym whether your looking at talent, skill or discipline. Supervisor blows his whistle. SUPERVISOR I’m pleased to announce we have two new coaches this season, enabling us to involve more kids than ever before. Let’s hear it for Coach Roland and Coach Lyle! The group applauds. Teresa catches Lyle’s eye with a flirtatious wave and wink. It kinda freaks him out. SUPERVISOR (CONT’D) They’ll get the first two picks in today’s draft. Who’s going first? LYLE Roland, Coach Roland will go first. ROLAND Oh, really? You can go . . . LYLE No, you go, you go first. ROLAND Ok. Now? SUPERVISOR Yes. Go ahead. (to crowd) Listen up everyone. The first pick in this years basketball draft is.. 32.
ROLAND I uh, I pick Louis Thomas. The buzz in the gym falls to a hush. SUPERVISOR You . . . sure? ROLAND Yeah, I’m sure. Louis Thomas. Louis is playing alone in a corner of the gym. Heidi realizes what has just happened, covers her mouth with her hand, begins to cry. She then comes out of the stands, gets Louis and takes him to center court. After the immediate shock, a parent begins to applaud and the others quickly join in. By the time Heidi gets Louis they are all standing and cheering. The Supervisor gathers the coaches. SUPERVISOR Boys, this has never happened before. COACH 1 He can be all high and mighty if he wants, I’m going for the best available player. The others seem to agree. SUPERVISOR Hang on, I think we have an opportunity to make a statement here. I want you all to pick the lowest kid on your list in the first round. After that you can go to the top. By now Louis is hamming it up for the crowd. COACH 1 Only if everybody promises, I don’t want to be hoodwinked. Everyone agrees. SUPERVISOR This will make it look like we really put the kids first, which is how we say this league operates. 33.
INT. LOBBY OF COMMUNITY CENTER Heidi approaches Roland and hugs him, Louis follows suit. HEIDI You have no idea what this means to, to Louis, to most of the kids and parents in the program . . to me. It’s unbelievable. ROLAND I just wanted to be sure he was on my team, that’s all. Lyle is surrounded by single moms from his new team. Teresa gives him the stink-eye since he didn’t pick her son. LYLE Sorry, the other coach got him first. One of the other single mom’s take’s him by the arm and turns him around so she has his full attention. Back to Heidi with Roland. HEIDI Louis and I have a weekly tradition of making a special dinner and watching a good movie. It’s always been just us, but he wants to invite you to be our first guest. ROLAND I would be honored. INT. ROLAND’S BASEMENT APARTMENT Clothes are laid out all across the room. Roland looks into a full length mirror as if he is modeling his outfit for an audience. He hears the door open but does not compromise his gaze. His sister carefully enters. AMANDA Roland? Are you OK? ROLAND Yeeaah, no. AMANDA It looks like a goodwill threw up in here. 34.
ROLAND I’m deciding what to wear, no, no I’m not deciding, I’m considering. I’ve never had to do this before. It’s nerve-wracking! AMANDA Going out or staying in? ROLAND Staying in. AMANDA Just the two of you? ROLAND And Louis, her son. AMANDA Dinner? ROLAND And a movie, G-rated animation I’m sure. She hands him a pair of jeans and a button up, then takes the button up back and hands him a polo shirt. ROLAND (CONT’D) You sure? AMANDA You don’t want to come on too strong, look desperate or scared. ROLAND But I am. AMANDA But you can’t show it. INT. HEIDI’S PLACE Doorbell. Heidi’s a little nervous. HEIDI Oh, there he is. How do I look? LOUIS Like a fancy mama! 35.
HEIDI Not exactly what I was going for but it’ll have to do. Heidi opens the door and in walks Roland with a live orchid. HEIDI (CONT’D) Hi, Roland, I’m so glad you could make it. ROLAND This is for you. He holds the plant out toward her. HEIDI Oh, orchids, my favorite. How’d you know? ROLAND Just, lucky, I guess. Heidi takes the flower toward the kitchen. ROLAND (CONT’D) I knew I should have worn dress slacks and a button up. I’ll be right back . . . HEIDI No, you look fine. ROLAND Fine, yeah, I’m going to change. HEIDI You look great, actually. You couldn’t be better. Come, sit down, dinner’s ready, I just have to get it on the table. LOUIS Are you my Dad? HEIDI Louis! ROLAND What? Dad? No, that’s not possible. I’m no ones dad. Don’t get me wrong, anyone would be proud, lucky, ecstatic to be your dad, honored. But, it’s just, I’m not. 36.
LOUIS I’m accepting applications . . . She grabs him by the shoulders. HEIDI Help me get the food. INT. ROLAND’S BASEMENT APARTMENT Roland and Lyle sit quietly playing a video game. Finally, Lyle can’t take it any longer. LYLE It’s like I’m in an alternate universe. This woman... ROLAND Which woman, Teresa? LYLE No, Kathy. ROLAND Oh, another new one. LYLE It’s like I’m in Hot Mama Heaven! She just, she knows things. Things I never heard of, never thought of! ROLAND That doesn’t set the bar very high. LYLE Oh, well Mr. Man of the World. How was your night? She know who you are yet? ROLAND I’m hoping by the time it comes up it won’t matter. The kid was there. LYLE Mine shipped the kid to her mom’s. ROLAND Dinner was geared to Louis. LYLE We went to a great restaurant. Fabulous Menu! 37.
ROLAND We watched some animated movie, I don’t really know what it was. LYLE We had a movie playing in the background, if you get my drift. ROLAND Even when he went to sleep, the movie kept playing, like we were actually watching it. LYLE At some point the movie kicked off and there was just white noise. Lyle provides sound effects. ROLAND But all in all, it was the best night of my life. LYLE Yeah, the best night ever. ROLAND We’re in way over our heads. LYLE Yeah, this can’t last. INT. LIVING ROOM - KIDZ BIZ PARTY The room is jammed with EVERYTHING kid. Estrogen abounds. Julie’s upline leader is there decked out in KB gear. KB DIAMOND Your sales numbers are among the best in my downline. Keep this up and before long you’ll be a Diamond, just like me! JULIE (insincere) Can’t wait. KB DIAMOND What do you see in this room? JULIE Well, some friends, some of their friends, a few ... 38.
KB DIAMOND All of them are dollar signs, sales, stepping stones, rungs on the K B ladder to the top! You do want to get to the top, don’t you? JULIE Oh, wow, I thought I did. KB DIAMOND Of course you do! You want to be a Diamond, wear the diamond, drive the Diamond de Ville. She flashes a pic of her KB tricked out caddy. JULIE I thought I’d just help mom’s and pay off my school loans. KB DIAMOND But you have potential for more, so much more. Do you see it. JULIE Actually, I kinda do. INT. GYM AT COMMUNITY CENTER Roland’s basketball team’s first practice is underway. ROLAND Louis will be our first defender and Jet, you be the first offensive player. A little one on one. Roland tosses the ball to his best player, JET. ROLAND (CONT’D) Take it to the hoop. Jet dribbles the ball twice and Louis snatches the ball away. JET Get off me punk! ROLAND He’s just playing good defense. JET He fouled me. 39.
ROLAND I don’t think so. Try it again. Jet takes the ball to the other side. Two dribbles and Louis snags the ball again. Jet grabs it back and tries to dribble to the other side. Again, Louis grabs the ball. Jet elbows him in the nose. The back of his head smacks the floor and blood flows from his nose. INT. HEIDI’S PLACE Roland and Heidi discuss what happened. HEIDI I don’t want my boy to get beat up. If I pull him off the team will you still work with him one on one? ROLAND I don’t think that’s the answer, especially long term. HEIDI Then what do you suggest? ROLAND Promise you won’t get mad? HEIDI Maybe. ROLAND I’m fond of the boy, but he’s tough to deal with. Do you ever discipline him? HEIDI You said he didn’t do anything wrong. ROLAND Jet reacted quickly and aggressively because Louis is constantly harassing him and the other kids. He makes it hard for them to like him. HEIDI I want him to know that I love him, unconditionally. I never had that. 40.
ROLAND Understandable. But you want others to at least like him, don’t you? Heidi is becoming visibly upset. ROLAND (CONT’D) I’ve said too much. But I can identify with the little guy, I think I can help him. But at this point that’s not really my place. Roland stands and heads toward the door. ROLAND (CONT’D) I hope you leave him on the team. INT. LOBBY OF COMMUNITY CENTER It’s kick-off night for the basketball season. Banners and hype abound. Roland scans the crowd, no Heidi or Louis. He notices a banner that says “Autographs-Pro Football Player- LANCE ATWOOD. Lance’s friend, CORY, keeps lines organized. Roland ducks into the crowd to avoid being seen. He then sees Heidi and Louis enter the community center. Heidi sees Lance, her face goes pale. She immediately looks at Louis. He has no idea who Lance is or that he is there. She looks back at Lance and he is staring at her. She quickly looks away and ushers Louis into the crowd, out of the lobby. INT. GYM AT COMMUNITY CENTER The scoreboard gives evidence of a blowout. Roland meets his brother-in-law, Chris, at center court. ROLAND You left your two best players in the whole game. CHRIS Everybody played league minimum. And trust me, that Williams kid you got, his dad is not gonna be happy unless he gets a lot more court time than he did today. ROLAND Well, I just think . . . 41.
CHRIS Not gonna be happy. In front of the bleachers, Lance finds Heidi, forces a hug. LANCE Kept an eye on the boy. He has the size and with his genetics he’s got to have some raw talent, but you gotta get him in the gym more. Lance sees Roland going to the bench to get his clipboard. LANCE (CONT’D) Hey Birdlegs! Tough game. Reminds me of high school gym class . . . ROLAND My name is still Roland. Heidi can’t believe she hadn’t recognized him before now. HEIDI Birdlegs ... LANCE I don’t remember you ever playing this game. ROLAND We were on different levels. LANCE I got a little time on my hands so, I can give you some help if you’d like. I mean, I was all state. ROLAND I think we’ll be fine. LANCE Hey, it looks like you’ve buffed up a little. Been pumping iron? ROLAND I try to work out some. LANCE Still keeping those birdlegs covered up though. As he walks away, Roland says- 42.
ROLAND It’s cold outside. EXT. PARK Heidi and her friend Rachel have their kids at the park. While the kids play on the playground they walk briskly around the perimeter, keeping the kids in sight. RACHEL I saw you talking to Lance after the game. Did it feel like high school all over again? HEIDI It didn’t feel like anything. RACHEL Don’t tell me that. Did you forget all those double dates. I saw you from the back seat, I heard you from the back seat. I . . . HEIDI That was a long time ago. It’s taken some work but honestly, I feel nothing. And why should I? We’ve moved on. That’s what people do when they grow up. RACHEL And Louis’ coach? HEIDI Is Louis’ coach. Louis likes him. They’ve connected, a first for Louis. He’s good for him. INT. MOTHER’S DAY OUT Julie and Roland are putting out the morning snack. JULIE Remember when I told you about the home based business I was starting? ROLAND Yeah, I’ve already got enough business endeavors. 43.
JULIE No, I’m not recruiting you. But I did think you might help me with some marketing ideas. ROLAND Oh, well, yeah. I’ll tell you what, I’ll take a look and see if I can help if you’ll help me. JULIE With...? ROLAND Relationship stuff. I’m in way over my head. JULIE Oh, well, sure. Julie is blind-sided by this request and her face is telling. INT. GYM AT COMMUNITY CENTER Roland arrives for his one on one with Louis. He is shocked to see Lance working with Louis and Heidi on the sideline. He turns to leave when Heidi hurries to talk to him. HEIDI Roland! He keeps walking. HEIDI (CONT’D) Roland, wait! He stops but does not turn around. She catches up to him. HEIDI (CONT’D) This is not what it looks like. He was here working out when we got here and started showing Louis some basketball stuff. I told him we were meeting you and he would have to stop when you got here. Louis couldn’t wait to meet you today. Louis runs up and gives Roland a hug. LOUIS Hey, Roland! 44.
HEIDI Coach Roland. LANCE Birdlegs! I warmed him up for ya. ROLAND It’s Roland. Thanks. LANCE And Birdlegs, be a sweetheart and drop the boy by Heidi’s when you’re finished. I’m taking her to dinner. HEIDI Oh, no, I wasn’t . . . LANCE I won’t take no for an answer. Lance moves to usher her out. She pulls away. LANCE (CONT’D) Come on now, it’s just dinner, we’ll beat em home. She looks at Roland. ROLAND It’s fine. I’ll call when we finish. They exit. Roland and Louis go to work on basketball. ROLAND (CONT’D) Defense is your strength. We need to work on offense. LOUIS Do you like Lance? ROLAND Come on. Offense. LOUIS I don’t. He’s a show-off, and he’s mean. ROLAND Try dribbling with your right hand, ten times in a row. 45.
LOUIS Last night, he made my mom cry. He’s a bully. Does he bully you? I think he does. ROLAND Dribble ten times with your right and then see what you can do with your left. INT. ROLAND’S CAR Roland and Louis are in the car, in the driveway of Heidi’s house. Roland hangs up the phone. LOUIS Are you calling the right number? Should we knock on the door again? ROLAND What would you like for supper? INT. CHUCK E. CHEESE Louis is acting out. He pushes kids off of rides and away from games, he steals their tickets. Roland’s had enough. He grabs all his tickets and heads for the redemption counter. LOUIS Then get me some more tickets cause that’s what I want. ROLAND Pick from the prizes on the second row or the glass case. LOUIS I told you the one I want. Enough is enough, Roland picks him up and carries him out, kicking and screaming. INT. ROLAND’S CAR Heavy rain. Roland tries again to call Heidi, no answer. LOUIS Since I didn’t get a prize will you stop at Walmart and get me a toy. 46.
ROLAND I’m trying to call your mother. They drive past Walmart. Louis sees a Dollar General ahead and starts screaming. LOUIS I gotta go! I gotta go! ROLAND Go where? LOUIS Number 2! I gotta go number 2! Now! INT. DOLLAR GENERAL It’s pouring rain. Soaking wet, they enter in a panic. ROLAND Where’s your men’s room? Louis sneaks away. CLERK Sorry, no public rest rooms. ROLAND Sir, we have an emergency here. CLERK Sorry, no public rest rooms. Louis is now examining toys for his final selection. ROLAND Look, it’s not for me. This boy desperately needs to go, number 2! CLERK What boy? Roland realizes Louis is not longer with him. ROLAND He’s probably in a corner making a mess that you will have to . . . The clerk quickly presents the key. CLERK All the way to the back. Straight down isle 6. 47.
Roland snatches the key and sets out to find Louis. Louis holds a large truck strapped in cardboard packaging. ROLAND Come on, I got the key. LOUIS Naa, I’m ok now. We can just pay for this truck and be on our way. ROLAND What? LOUIS I don’t need to go now. Bad gas. I do that sometimes. ROLAND You are going to the bathroom. And we are not buying that truck. Louis rips open the packaging. LOUIS Oops. We have to buy it now. Roland tears the truck from his grasp, tosses it on the shelf, picks Louis up and heads for the bathroom. LOUIS (CONT’D) Help! Somebody help me, please! I don’t know this man. He’s making me go in the rest room with him! Help! EXT. POLICE STATION Roland is the first through the door, followed by Heidi dragging Louis and Lance bringing up the rear. LANCE Hey Birdlegs, first time in the slammer? HEIDI I am so sorry. I lost my phone and, I thought you already knew that soft drinks make him crazy. LANCE Bet you won’t forget that one, right, Birdlegs. 48.
HEIDI I’m just glad we got it all straightened out and, you won’t have to register as a sex offender. Roland keeps silently walking away. LANCE Can we give you a ride to your car? Louis runs to Roland and hugs him around the waist. LOUIS I had fun, Coach. Thanks! Roland takes a deep breath, his heart melts a little. He ruffles Louis’ hair. Louis returns to Heidi. Roland walks on. INT. MOTHER’S DAY OUT He enters the room, gloomy and depressed, and is immediately mobbed by the kids. He offers little response. JULIE Someone left their happy face at home today. DANIEL Come on Mr. Roland. We’ve been waiting for you to build a fort! LAUREN No, he’s the daddy doll! She shoves a male “Ken” type doll in his hand. LAUREN (CONT’D) Hello there Mr. Daddy doll. He plays along but with no enthusiasm. ROLAND Hello Miss Mommy doll. LAUREN How was your day? Not to be left out, Sophie interjects with her own doll. SOPHIE Yes, dear, how was your day. 49.
LAUREN No, Sophie, go play somewhere else. SOPHIE I can play with him too. Roland sees a macho action figure close by and ditches the first doll for the new one. He now has some swagger. ROLAND Ladies, ladies, no need to fight. There’s plenty to go around. He walks his action figure over to Lauren’s doll. ROLAND (CONT’D) I’ll have dinner with you tonight. He walks his action figure over to Sophie’s doll. ROLAND (CONT’D) And we’ll do a movie tomorrow. LAUREN But I wanna go to the movies! ROLAND There’ll be time. Just be patient. Julie intervenes. JULIE Snack time! All the kids jump up and hurry to the snack table leaving Roland with all the dolls. Julie speaks softly to him. JULIE (CONT’D) Get your issues worked out during snack time, and we can talk if you’d like. But these kids deal with enough drama at home. Julie walks away. Roland speaks to the action figure. ROLAND You might be on to something. He puts the doll down. ROLAND (CONT’D) Hey Julie, didn’t you play basketball in high school? 50.
JULIE Just church league. INT. GYM AT COMMUNITY CENTER Roland makes two introductions. ROLAND Guys, this is my friend Julie. She’s going to be helping us out. Also, I’ve developed an app to help you with the fundamentals and flow this game. Parents, please let your kids spend 30 minutes a day playing with this app and let’s see if it makes a difference for us. Lance is with Heidi in the bleachers and comments. LANCE An app? That’s his answer to getting his butt kicked every week? MONTAGE of kids using the app at home and in the park. They are playing games, starting to win. Julie, Roland working together, having fun. Lance is in the stands with Heidi. Roland flirts with some of the other moms and even though it’s awkward, they are still responding positively. Lyle is with a different woman every time we see him. INT. GYM AT COMMUNITY CENTER - LATER 52 They are playing Roland’s brother-in-law’s team again. The score board shows the score is tied, time almost gone. Louis steals the ball, throws it to Jet who makes a shot just as the buzzer sounds. Team, fans go crazy. ROLAND Louis, I’m so proud of you. Without your defensive play today there’s no way we could have won. LOUIS Thanks, coach. Heidi and Lance walk up as he’s praising Louis. 51.
LANCE Yeah, but we gotta keep working on your offensive performance. That’s what’ll get the chicks attention. Heidi elbows him and gives him the stink-eye. LANCE (CONT’D) What? Emily, another single mom, walks up to Roland with her son. EMILY Are you ready? ROLAND Yeah. He grabs his clipboard and ball bag. ROLAND (CONT’D) See you at practice. He exits with Emily. Heidi watches him leave. Julie watches, seems surprised, disappointed. INT. ROLAND’S PARENTS DINING ROOM A family dinner including Lyle. ED Seems our boy came out of seclusion to become the talk of the town. CHRIS Luck. Pure luck. SANDY Either way Roland, we’re proud of you. And you too, Chris. LYLE Best of all, Roland got an in with his high school sweetheart. SANDY Is that right? ED Didn’t know you had one of those. 52.
AMANDA Nobody knew. LYLE Cept me. ED Who is she? We’d like to meet her. ROLAND It’s not a big deal. LYLE He’s just about to marry her, that’s all. I’d say the “Roland Starling Dating Project’s” a success! ROLAND No, it’s far from that. AMANDA Wasn’t she with . . . Chris nudges her and cuts her off. CHRIS Her son had a lot to do with you guys beating us. LYLE Roland’s been working with him, special sessions, one on one. Sandy looks Roland in the eye. SANDY Tomorrow evening, dinner, everyone’s invited. ROLAND Tuesday night after practice, dessert only, you and dad. SANDY Done. EXT. ROLAND’S PARENT’S HOUSE Roland approaches the front door with Heidi and Louis. 53.
ROLAND I really appreciate you doing this. I’ll straighten it all out... HEIDI Roland, it’s ok. INT. ROLAND’S PARENTS DINING ROOM Roland, Heidi and Louis are greeted by his “huggy” parents. SANDY So glad to meet you, Heidi! Mom goes in for the hug. ED Hi Louis! He gives him a hug. Ed and Sandy trade “hugee’s”. SANDY Oh, Louis, aren’t you handsome! And so big for your age. ED Hello Heidi! I’m Ed. Roland wants to crawl under the table. ROLAND Uh, mom, what’s that I smell? Sandy looks at her watch. SANDY It’s a surprise! Not done yet. LOUIS Are you guys my grandparents? SANDY Maybe I should check, don’t want it to burn. Sandy makes a quick exit. Heidi looks to Ed. HEIDI I’m so sorry. Sometimes he just blurts out things and . . . 54.
ED Louis, we are not your grandparents but anyone would be honored to have you as a grandson. Sandy re-enter the room. SANDY Not quite ready. Awkward silence. ED Would you like the nickel tour? You can start in Roland’s room. It’s really something. HEIDI You still have a room here? ED It’s more like his own apartment. HEIDI You live here? INT. ROLAND’S BASEMENT APARTMENT Roland leads Heidi and Louis into his room. ROLAND It’s more like a laboratory where I happen to sleep. The technology in this room is cutting edge. Here, let me show you the VR system. He fires up the projection system and instantly Heidi’s senior picture flashes on the wall. He gets so shaken that he can’t get it turned off. LOUIS Mom. It that you? INT. ROLAND’S PARENTS LIVING ROOM When Roland, Heidi and Louis return to the living room, his parents are dancing to sixties music. Roland is mortified. Dad grabs Heidi, Mom grabs Louis. ED Hey! Know how to swing dance? 55.
HEIDI Always wanted to learn. SANDY Come on Louis! Louis starts dancing like a wild man. Ed pairs Roland with Heidi, begins teaching them dance moves. EXT. PARK Lance and Heidi watch Louis on the playground. He is such a misfit, he mostly plays by himself. LANCE He’s not even trying to play with the other kids. Louis grabs a ball away from another kid. When the kid tries to take it back Louis pushes him down and throws the ball across the playground. LANCE (CONT’D) Heidi, I think it’s time for me to step up and do my part. HEIDI So, why now. What’s in it for you? LANCE I can’t just do the right thing? Lance quickly walks away and takes Louis to a grassy area and tries to teach him some football. LANCE (CONT’D) You need to know how to get in a three point stance. LOUIS Why? LANCE Because that’s how most football players start a play. Lance gets in a three point. LOUIS Why can’t I just stand up? I like standing up better. 56.
LANCE This is a better starting position. Try it. Louis tries to get in a three point and falls over. LOUIS That’s not better. LANCE You’re not doing it right. LOUIS I tried to do it like you did. LANCE Well, you didn’t. You didn’t do it right. Louis runs toward his mom. LOUIS Mama! INT. HEIDI’S PLACE Lance, Heidi are on the sofa, Louis on the floor watching a movie, eating popcorn. Lance reaches over, pulls Heidi close but she pulls away. He gives her a “why not” look. She nods toward Louis. Lance nods toward the kitchen. Lance and Heidi go to kitchen to talk. LANCE What’s the deal? HEIDI No PDA in front of Louis, in fact, not with him in the house. LANCE Ok. Let’s get a baby sitter. HEIDI Won’t stay with one. LANCE You’re kidding, right? HEIDI He’s never had a baby sitter. 57.
LANCE Rachel? HEIDI Nope. LANCE Your mom? HEIDI She moved away before he was born. Some guy she met on the internet. LANCE There’s gotta be somebody. HEIDI The only person I think he would stay with is Roland. LANCE There you go. HEIDI No way. LANCE Why? HEIDI I’m not gonna ask him to watch Louis so we can . . be alone. LANCE Wait. Am I like, the odd man out? HEIDI No, no it’s not like that. LANCE Then how is it? Louis busts into the room. LOUIS Mom, this is your favorite part! HEIDI Ok. Pause it, I’ll be right there. Louis quickly exits. 58.
LANCE I’m remembering now why we never got together. HEIDI You don’t have a clue. Never did. Heidi exits the room. INT. GYM AT COMMUNITY CENTER Roland’s basketball team gets a big win. Roland and Julie hug. Everyone celebrates. Emily is waiting for Roland to finish with the congrats. Lance is not there. Heidi approaches Roland. Julie watches. HEIDI Great game, coach. It’s been a great season. Roland goes for a handshake, Heidi goes for a hug, awkward. ROLAND Louis played well. HEIDI He has you to thank. ROLAND He’s come a long way. HEIDI Roland, can we talk. They step away from the crowd. HEIDI (CONT’D) Roland, Louis really misses spending time with you and . . ROLAND I’ll try to spend more one on one time with him at practice. HEIDI We were wondering if you would like to do another dinner and movie night with us. Tomorrow night? We, uh, we’d both like to see you. He glances at Emily who is watching him, puzzled. 59.
ROLAND Yeah, ok. I’ll be there. Heidi exits. Julie approaches. JULIE What was that about? ROLAND Just talking about Louis. JULIE I can’t help you if you won’t tell me the truth. Julie exits. Emily looks on, “what the heck?” INT. HEIDI’S PLACE Roland, Heidi and Louis are clearing the table. ROLAND Great meal. Louis, did you help? LOUIS I’m helping now. ROLAND And doing a fine job, proud of you. HEIDI Why don’t you go get the movie ready and we’ll be right in. LOUIS OK. He exits. Roland takes a load to the sink, sets them on the counter and turns back right into Heidi. ROLAND Oh, excuse me. They do a little dance to go around each other, both begin to laugh and in a surprise move, Heidi gives him a big hug. HEIDI I’m really glad you’re here. ROLAND Me too. Roland and Heidi enter the living room. 60.
LOUIS Movie ready to go. Suddenly, someone unlocks the door and tries to enter but the chain is latched. Heidi opens it. It’s Lance. HEIDI I thought you had a team meeting. LANCE Turns out it’s a social event and all the guys are bringing dates. I had a personal shopper pick you out a fancy dress so we can go. HEIDI Now? LANCE Yes, now. HEIDI I have a guest. LANCE Who, ole Birdlegs. He won’t mind. Will you Birdlegs. You can watch a movie with the boy and we’ll be back before it’s over. That’s ok with you, right? LOUIS Yeah, coach Roland. We can watch the movie. That’ll be fun! ROLAND Well, sure. I can watch a movie with Louis. HEIDI We’ll hurry. I should be back soon. ROLAND Yeah, no problem. We’ll be fine. INT. LOUIS’S ROOM Movie’s over. Louis is in his PJ’s. LOUIS Coach Roland, you gonna tuck me in? 61.
ROLAND You’ll have to teach me how. LOUIS Piece of cake. Louis kneels beside his bed. LOUIS (CONT’D) First, you get down here like this. Roland starts to kneel. LOUIS (CONT’D) No, the other side. Roland moves to the other side. LOUIS (CONT’D) Now hold your hands like this. Louis folds his hand for prayer, Roland follows. LOUIS (CONT’D) You pray and then I’ll pray. ROLAND Ok. Lord, thank you for a good day. I appreciate you letting me hang with my buddy Louis tonight. I had a good time. In Jesus name, Amen. LOUIS You don’t pray much do you? ROLAND Actually, I do. I just kept it short so you can get to bed. LOUIS Ok. My turn. I’ll keep it short too. Hi God, this is Louis. Thank you that we had a good day and I didn’t get in any trouble. I had fun tonight with coach Roland. Help mommy get home safe and don’t let Lance make her cry, cause it makes me real mad when he does. I guess I’m done now. Amen. He climbs into bed. Roland pulls the covers up. 62.
LOUIS (CONT’D) Coach Roland, will you leave the lamp on and stay with me till I go to sleep. I never done this without my mom being here. ROLAND Sure thing, buddy. INT. HEIDI’S PLACE Roland, cleaning the kitchen, Heidi arrives, crying. ROLAND You ok? HEIDI I’ll be fine. ROLAND You sure? I mean, if you need to talk I . . . Heidi turns and lays into Roland with a kiss that makes his toes curl. Caught him completely off guard. ROLAND (CONT’D) Would you mind if we did that again. I was totally not expecting that and I’d like another chance to make a first impression. HEIDI I thought you did great but . . She passionately kisses him again. And the passion continues. They bust into the living room and onto the sofa. HEIDI (CONT’D) Do you have any protection? ROLAND What? HEIDI Protection. You know . . . Roland stands up and heads to the door. 63.
ROLAND I got a carry permit, I practice a lot, but I wasn’t sure how you’d feel about me bringing it in here. But I’ll be right . . . Louis enter the room. LOUIS Mommy, is that you? HEIDI Yes, baby. I thought you were asleep. LOUIS I was. But I needed to see you so I can sleep good. HEIDI Ok sweetie. Come on I’ll tuck you back in. ROLAND So, should I go . . . HEIDI No. I’ll be right back. Heidi disappears into Louis’ room. Almost immediately Roland hears someone rustling the doorknob of the front door. Before he has time to react the door swings open and in walks a very drunk Lance. ROLAND Shoulda got the gun. They stand and look at one another is silence for a moment. ROLAND (CONT’D) She’s putting Louis back to bed. LANCE I can wait...Figured you’d be gone. ROLAND We were just, talking. LANCE I’ll tell her you said bye. ROLAND I’ll stick around and tell her. 64.
Heidi enters. Sees Lance. ROLAND (CONT’D) He uh, has a key. LANCE We need to talk. ROLAND I’ll wait in the kitchen. LANCE Birdlegs, this don’t concern you. HEIDI It’s ok Roland. You should go. INT. ROLAND’S BASEMENT APARTMENT Roland watches flag football coaching videos. Lyle, not so much. LYLE Hard to believe it’s time for a new season already. ROLAND Who’ll be your first pick? LYLE New kid. Bryson I think. Amazing! ROLAND I haven’t seen him. Fast, quick, good hands, great arm? LYLE Blonde hair, blue eyes, long legs, amazing figure. And good hands, you bet. Hoping to find out if she’s fast and . . . ROLAND Has it come to this? Choose kids based on their mom’s appearance? LYLE Not just their appearance . . ok, mostly their appearance. But this is what it’s always been about, right, meeting hot mama’s and havin’ fun. And I’m excited the field is expanding. (MORE) 65.
But then, you’re stuck on Heidi, even though she’s stuck on Lance. ROLAND I’m over that, looking at all options. But, I heard a lot of kids are not gonna get to play this season because there aren’t enough coaches. LYLE Interesting. You know, I’ve posted several pictures of dates on social media and got a lot of comments. ROLAND We agreed, this is on the down low. LYLE My point is, there are lots of potential coaches out there, they just need a little motivation. ROLAND The answer is no. We get others involved we run a huge risk of the whole thing blowing up. LYLE These guys are just like us. They just need a chance, a strategy. They don’t want to hurt anyone and wouldn’t dare do anything to blow up something that is working for them or their friends. And they’re all gonna meet us tomorrow night at the Silver Steer Steak House to learn about our secret. INT. PRIVATE ROOM AT THE SILVER STEER Roland and Lyle host a dozen guys. Roland notices Lance’s friend Cory is among them. Lyle addresses the group. LYLE Most of you are here because you’re certain I’m not smart enough to have photoshopped the pics I have posted. And it’s my pleasure to introduce you to a guy who is smart enough that I don’t have to photoshop and with a little luck, you won’t have to either. LYLE (CONT'D) (MORE) 66.
Please welcome the brains behind “Project Hot Mama”, Roland Starling. Applause ROLAND This started out as a way for us to meet women. And it has worked well on that level. You guys have known Lyle and me for a long time and you know we have never been chick magnets. But this simple plan has attracted a certain type of woman that you may or may not be looking to attract. GUY 1 If they look like the ones that Lyle posted, I’m interested! Laughter. ROLAND What you can’t tell from the photo’s is that these are single mom’s looking for a good male influence for their kid. And the way we impress and connect with them is by coaching kid’s sports teams. Many of these women are looking for a long term relationship, not a one night stand. And the most important part of this for me has become my involvement with the kids. So, I hope you guys won’t... Lyle interrupts. LYLE But some of them just want male companionship. That’s why I’ve developed this information kit for anyone interested in a membership to this exclusive opportunity. The look on Roland’s face is shock and puzzlement. LYLE (CONT’D) Your joining fee of only $99 will get you this “Operation Hot Mama” starter kit to take home tonight. LYLE (CONT'D) (MORE) 67.
It includes a form to sign up to coach at the community center, tips on how to handle the kids and links to coaching videos for flag football since that’s the season we are about to start. Most importantly there’s an article on what to expect from these single mom’s and tips on how to manage your new situation. Your results will be shocking. I’m telling you guys, I never thought I would have my pick of women but this has opened a whole new world for me. And, for just $19.99 A month you can get updates on coaching videos and articles to help you succeed at your new lifestyle. Now, who’ll be the first to sign up. You would think Lyle was handing out hundred dollar bills at a homeless shelter. Roland is more convinced this is wrong. EXT. FOOTBALL FIELDS AT COMMUNITY CENTER There are new coaches with their teams scattered all over. Roland and Lyle walk to their teams. ROLAND You got a hundred bucks from all these guys? LYLE Bro I coulda got a thousand. Sorry I just sprung that on you. I knew you wouldn’t want to do it but dude, this is a valuable service we’re providing. ROLAND You’re providing. I don’t want any of the money and I don’t want my name on any of the information. This is a bad idea in so many ways. They go to their separate teams. Roland joins Julie, they see quickly there’s a lot of work to do. Kids, parents huddle after practice. Heidi with Lance. LYLE (CONT’D) 68.
ROLAND (CONT’D) Some of you know that I created an app to help my basketball team learn the fundamentals of the game. I’ve done the same for this team. Some of it they can do inside, some you’ll want them to do outside. Let me know what you think. I can make improvements as the season moves along. See you on Thursday. Many parents want to shake Roland’s hand. Emily waits like a jungle cat protecting her kill. Heidi and Lance approach with Louis. Heidi offers a hand shake. HEIDI Thanks for all you do for our kids. I’m glad Louis is on your team. ROLAND He’ll always be on my teams as long as it’s up to me. She takes Louis by the hand and leads him away. Lance puts his arm around Roland, looks at Heidi as she walks away, looks back at Roland and does a “hittin’ that” signal, pats him on the back and walks away. Emily approaches. EMILY I’m done. She marches on. Julie approaches. JULIE Your blindness is exceeded only by your stupidity. Julie exits. Roland, confused and speechless, gathers stuff to leave when the community center supervisor approaches. SUPERVISOR I want to thank you again for bringing us all these new coaches. For the first time ever we did not turn away a single child. ROLAND I’m glad. But it was really . . . 69.
SUPERVISOR There’s a news crew from channel 3 doing a story on the growth of our program and I told them they had to talk to you about how you got all these new coaches. Supervisor wave the news crew over. Lyle walks up. LYLE Hey, is my ride ready to go. SUPERVISOR He’s about to tell this news crew how he got all the new coaches. News crew in place. ROLAND I don’t have anything to say. LYLE He’s shy. But I’ll talk to you. EXT. FOOTBALL FIELDS AT COMMUNITY CENTER - SEASON MONTAGE The banners are up, it’s game day at the fields and we see big plays from several games that are being played. As the games end we see several of the team huddles as they break with a team yell and go their various ways. There are new coaches on every field who are mobbed by single mom’s after the games and every coach leaves the field with a mom by his side, a smile on his face and a kid in tow. INT. LYLE’S VEHICLE Lyle and a new hot mom are passionately kissing. Lyle stops, holds her face in his hands and delivers his line, LYLE Please be patient with me. I’m, kinda new at this. Her face says “isn’t that sweet” as the passion increases! 70.
INT. ROLAND’S BASEMENT APARTMENT Roland is hard at work with his karate class. Lyle eats pizza and talks about their love life. LYLE I don’t know how these movie stars and big time athletes do it year after year. We’ve been at it like, six months. I’m ready to settle on one woman for the long haul. ROLAND Really? LYLE I know, that’s all you ever wanted. It took a while, but I’m there. ROLAND Got anyone in mind? LYLE Not yet. The women I’ve been with so far have been beautiful and all, but, well, I guess there’s a reason they’re SINGLE moms. ROLAND You think any of them would want you as a husband? LYLE Not really an issue. I’m gonna be real careful who the next one is. EXT. FOOTBALL FIELDS AT COMMUNITY CENTER Roland’s team is in the post game huddle. ROLAND Did everyone have fun! TEAM Yeah! ROLAND It’s always more fun when you win. Is the app helping you? TEAM Yeah! 71.
ROLAND You look like you’re learning the game somewhere. Keep it up and I’ll see you at practice. Everybody in. They all stick a hand in and do a team chant. As the team disperses, Louis looks down about something. ROLAND (CONT’D) Hey buddy, you OK? LOUIS I stink at this game. ROLAND Hey, don’t worry about it. You’re a smart kid. You’ll catch on. Everything else ok? Louis shrugs his shoulders and shakes his head. Heidi approaches Louis, Julie approaches Roland. ROLAND (CONT’D) Hey, did you know that Julie is a Kidz Biz rep with a lot of cool stuff for kids and moms. I thought you might help with a party. JULIE I’d love to talk to you about it some time. She hands Heidi and business card. HEIDI Thanks, I look forward to it. Heidi exits. Julie turns to Roland. JULIE Thanks for that. ROLAND How’s the Kidz Biz, Biz? JULIE Going well actually. If Heidi does a party soon I could make Diamond. ROLAND That’s great, I guess. Lyle walks up and interrupts. 72.
LYLE So, who’s mom is this? JULIE Oh, nobody’s mom. ROLAND Julie’s in charge of the Mother’s Day Out program where I help out. JULIE And I’ve been helping with his teams. LYLE And you told me you went to see the preschoolers. Julie, do you need any more helpers? Julie blushes. JULIE Well, I better go. Oh, Roland, big KB meeting tonight. The Diamond draws near, wish me luck. LYLE Maybe I’ll see you again. JULIE Maybe. ROLAND Hope the meeting goes well. Julie exits toward the parking lot. LYLE Dude, you been holding out on me. ROLAND I honestly thought you guys had met. I’m with her a lot. And she went to high school with us. LYLE She’s perfect. ROLAND Yeah...I, guess she is. LYLE I have a sense about these things, especially when they’re into me. 73.
ROLAND No you don’t. You’ve been slapped more than any guy I know. LYLE I’m telling you, she’s gonna be the one. I gotta see her again. ROLAND Dude, trust me, I know her. Not your type. EXT. FOOTBALL FIELDS AT COMMUNITY CENTER Louis is having another rough game and finally runs off the field. Roland sees him but can’t leave the field. Louis keeps running toward the community center. Roland looks to the bleachers, sees Lance go after him. Lance catches up to him in the rest room. LANCE What are you doing? LOUIS I stink at this game! I’m terrible. I’m hurting my team every time I go on the field. LANCE You can’t just run off like that. LOUIS I’m not going back. LANCE Your team needs you. LOUIS They need me to not play anymore. LANCE You can do better, you just gotta try harder. LOUIS I’m trying as hard as I can. LANCE If you go back out there I’ll get you a toy after the game; one of those transfigure things you like. 74.
LOUIS Not worth it. LANCE An hour at Chuck E. Cheese. LOUIS Nope. LANCE Two. LOUIS Why do you care anyway. It’s not like you’re my dad. LANCE If I were I’d do what my old man did to me. I’d yank your pants down and spank your bare butt till it was bright red. That’d get you out there. Louis turns his back to Lance, yanks down his pants and bends over. LOUIS I’m not going back out there. You can’t make me. A grandfather type enters, stops and surveys the situation. Lance hurries out of the room. Louis pulls up his pants as he walks into a stall and closes the door. The game is ending as Lance gets back to the field. He immediately approaches Roland, grabs him by the arm, keeps walking. LANCE We’re going some place to talk. INT. SPORTS BAR Lance, Cory and Roland are seated at the bar. LANCE Give us a couple more down here. The bartender obliges. Roland doesn’t drink so he waits until Lance is distracted by a girl walking by and then swaps his full can with an empty of the guy beside him. 75.
LANCE (CONT’D) That is too fine. Cory, get her number for me. Cory goes to work. LANCE (CONT’D) Heidi, she’s a nice girl and all, and I feel bad about the kid, but he’s an odd little dude, isn’t he. She never disciplines him. My old man would have beat me to a pulp. ROLAND She’s doing what she thinks is best with him. But he’s tough to manage. LANCE I feel like I owe it to her and the kid to give it a go but, I don’t know man. ROLAND It will take a special kind of guy to help her with him. LANCE He loves you, man. He’ll do anything for you. How do you do it? ROLAND He gives me trouble too. LANCE You gotta give me some tips. ROLAND He’s gotta feel like you love him and that you treat his mom well. Cory interrupts the conversation. CORY Dude, I got like a dozen contacts for you. Name, number and some super sweet pics. They all wanta meet you. Take a look at this one. LANCE You know, I’d trade em all for another chance with Heather. ROLAND Heidi. 76.
LANCE What? ROLAND You said Heather but you meant Heidi. LANCE No dude, I haven’t told you about Heather? She’s, she’s the best ever. And LJ, now that’s a real boy, takes after his old man. But she won’t give me the time of day. I screwed up bad man, restraining order bad. CORY Which one you want? I’d like a shot at this one if that’s ok. (to Roland) You wanta pick one? ROLAND Heather... and LJ? LANCE She didn’t always hate me. EXT. FOOTBALL FIELDS AT COMMUNITY CENTER Fourth quarter. Roland’s team is down by a touchdown. Julie is on the bench, helping keep order. JULIE Coach, you have a couple of players that need some more playing time. ROLAND Ok. Send em in for, Ted and Reilly. JULIE Sure you want Reilly out? ROLAND Ok, uh, Jonathan? JULIE Good choice, coach. Game over, Roland’s team celebrates a win. Julie hangs around, seeming to want to talk to Roland. Lyle shows up. LYLE Congratulations, man. 77.
ROLAND Thanks. They are interrupted by Louis. LOUIS Coach, Roland. Roland faces him and kneels to get on his level. ROLAND Yeah, buddy. LOUIS I stink at this game. Will you help me learn the plays and stuff. Roland cuts his eyes to Heidi. She nods her approval. ROLAND Sure I will. We’ll figure out a time to get together and... LOUIS How about right now? Again, Heidi nods approval. Lyle takes advantage of the opening with Julie. LYLE Wanna get some lunch? Julie glances at Roland, back to Lyle. JULIE Sure. Why not. Julie and Lyle leave together. Heidi steps up to Roland. HEIDI He’s really having a tough time catching on to this game. ROLAND I’m having a little trouble catching on myself. Can you explain what’s going on? HEIDI What do you mean? 78.
ROLAND I can’t stop thinking about that kiss and you act like it never happened. Heidi sighs deeply. HEIDI I’m not sure what to say other than, it’s complicated. ROLAND Did it mean anything to you? HEIDI I’m trying to figure things out, ok. When I do, we’ll talk about it. EXT. FRONT YARD Roland and Lyle throwing a football. LYLE If things were going to blow up they would have by now. And it looks as if everyone has a girl and is really happy. Most importantly, they’re paying their monthly dues! ROLAND I still can’t believe . . . LYLE Get over it. ROLAND I’m afraid that at some point, this thing will blow up, and even if Heidi ends up with Lance I don’t want her to think I lied to her. I’d want her to tell ME the truth. LYLE Whatever, dude. I think that’d be a huge mistake. You willing to throw the rest of the guys under the bus to help yourself with a long shot? ROLAND Long shot? 79.
LYLE Be real, man. She’s been into Lance as long as you’ve been into her. They got history, lots of it. And, I’m sorry man but take a look at him and all he has to offer and then, look at you. Ed and Sandy come out on the porch. ED Roland, will you come here a sec? Roland goes to the porch, Lyle follows. ED (CONT’D) Son, we’re very proud of the effort you have made, getting out in the community, making a difference, finding a nice girl like Heidi. ROLAND Dad, I have to say . . . ED Hear me out. In honor of your effort, we had a contract written to go ahead and sell you the house. Sandy presents the contract. ROLAND Is this for real? SANDY We feel like you deserve it. ROLAND I’m still working on the money. ED You don’t have to sign it now. Get it back to us when you can. ROLAND Thanks. Thanks a lot. Ed and Sandy re-enter the house. ROLAND (CONT’D) Oh man, my whole life is a sham, a house of cards. And now the whole thing depends on a long shot. 80.
LYLE If you want a real shot at Heidi then you gotta do something different. Really different. Drastically different. Cause what you’re doing now ain’t working. You gotta become what she really wants, and for now, you ain’t it. INT. ROLAND’S BASEMENT APARTMENT He sits at the computer, alone, googles Lance. Watches video interviews, finds pictures; studies them. Goes to Amazon. ROLAND I’ll show ‘em different. EXT. FOOTBALL FIELDS AT COMMUNITY CENTER Roland shows up at the next game as a carbon copy of Lance. The kids are huddled around an intense Roland before the game. Julie is in the background but close by. ROLAND Win this and we’re in the championship game! Are you guys ready to win! Are you ready to get after those guys, get after them hard! Hit em high, hit em low, drive them into the ground! The kids stare at him with fear in their eyes. KID Coach, are we still playing flag? As the game moves along Roland’s team does well, scores several times and is winning at halftime. Roland acts as if they are losing in his halftime speech. ROLAND Alright guys, we’re gonna turn up the heat in the second half. They’re gonna rue the day they stepped foot on the field with us! KID What does that mean? Louis, other kids, not off the bench much. Julie does her best to keep them focused but even she is getting agitated. 81.
JULIE Coach, you got a few players that need to go in. ROLAND We met league minimum first half. JULIE You’re running up the score. ROLAND Big game. Can’t be to careful. JULIE Who are you, and what did you do with Roland? Roland glances at Heidi, she looks at him but quickly looks away, very disappointed. Louis is bored and sad, drawing in the dirt. He looks at the scoreboard. Two minutes left, four touchdowns ahead. He looks to the bench. ROLAND Alright guys, you’re going in. They run onto the field. First play, one of them trips over his own feet, tosses the ball in the air. A kid from the other team catches the ball and runs for a touchdown. Next play they throw a pass. The intended receiver falls, other team intercepts, returns it for a touchdown. Roland is getting nervous but doesn’t want to yank the kids so quickly. They run a couple of plays. Then the kids get confused. The QB tries to hand-off; no one. He quickly turns the other way, no one there. As he looks the other direction a defender takes the ball from his hands and into the end zone, TD. Again they throw a pass, gets intercepted, Louis quickly pulls the guys flag. Roland calls time out. Huddles the kids on the field. Kids on the bench are standing. Going in? ROLAND (CONT’D) Guys, I have faith in you. All we have to do is stop them on this one play and the game is over. So, get out there and do your best. LOUIS You’re leaving us out there? ROLAND Yes. 82.
KID You sure? ROLAND I trust you. Don’t let me down. They go back to their positions. Louis locks his eyes on the QB. The QB looks over the defense, calls the signals, the ball is snapped and he’s off. He heads for the wide side of the field, confident he can outrun the defenders. Louis squares up with him. The QB tries to shake and bake but Louis is locked on his flag. As he flies past, Louis snatches his flag, the game is over, the celebration begins! ROLAND (CONT’D) Hey buddy, I’m really sorry . . . LOUIS Why did you put us in. We almost lost the game. Do you know how bad we would feel if that happened. Louis walks away. ROLAND I’m really proud of you! Heidi walks to Louis, gives Roland the stink eye and leaves. Lance runs over to Roland, dressed exactly the same. LANCE Congratulations on the big win. And hey, diggin your new style. He pats Roland on the back and runs to catch up to Heidi. Roland sees Julie leave with Lyle without saying goodbye. Emily even walks away with her son without speaking. Roland sits on the bench alone, feeling like a failure. EXT. COMMUNITY CENTER PARKING LOT Heidi and Julie talk. Lance, Louis, Lyle in background. HEIDI What was up with Roland today? 83.
JULIE I’ve never seen him like this. It’s like an alien took over his body. HEIDI By the way, I’ve been talking to a bunch of the other mom’s and we would love to have a Kidz Biz party. I’ll settle on a date and let you know. JULIE Great! Thanks. Heidi walks away. JULIE (CONT’D) Yes! That should put me over the top! Hello Diamond! Goodbye school loans! INT. HEIDI’S PLACE Lance watches Heidi as she moves about the kitchen. LANCE You are so graceful. HEIDI What? Lance slowly moves toward her. LANCE The way you move around the kitchen; it’s like watching a good wide receiver run a route. HEIDI O . . k? LANCE Like, like a ballerina dancing. He slides his arm around her waist, pulls her close. HEIDI Better. He moves in for a kiss. She pulls away. HEIDI (CONT’D) You know the rule. 84.
LANCE The kid’s not in here. HEIDI But he’s in the house. He could bust through that door any second. LANCE Girl, you used to jump my bones anytime, anywhere. HEIDI That’s how I got him. You suddenly want things like they used to be. Well, guess what, things change. LANCE Look, I report to camp soon. It’ll be hit or miss when I’m around. HEIDI Some things never change. His voice escalates. LANCE Football’s my job. HEIDI Then go to work. I don’t remember asking you to invade our world. LANCE I just thought it’d be nice to give it a chance, see what . . . Heidi begins to cry. HEIDI Just go. Get out! Louis busts through the door. LOUIS Mommy, are you ok. HEIDI Yes, sweetheart. Mommy’s fine. LANCE Yeah, she’s fine, so, run along. Louis doesn’t buy it. He’s not leaving. 85.
LOUIS Uh, I’m hungry. HEIDI What would you like? LOUIS I don’t know, what we got? Louis commands her full attention. LANCE I don’t have time for this. Lance abruptly turns, knocks Louis to the floor. LOUIS Ouch! HEIDI Watch where you’re going! LANCE It was . . . Lance gives up and storms out the door. EXT. FOOTBALL FIELDS AT COMMUNITY CENTER Roland’s team is practicing to prepare for the championship game. He is still in “Lance mode”. Things aren’t going well. ROLAND What is wrong with you guys today?! You haven’t done anything right! KID I think we’ve been about the same as always coach. ROLAND No, no you haven’t. You guys stink and my team doesn’t stink. LOUIS We’re doing our best, coach. JULIE Coach Roland just wants to make sure you guys know this is an important game. 86.
ROLAND Make sure you get the update to the app. Work hard this week! Hands in. The team huddles up tightly and sticks in a hand. ROLAND (CONT’D) Who’s the best! TEAM We are! ROLAND Who wins! TEAM We do! The huddle breaks, kids scatter. Heidi approaches. Julie watches from a distance. HEIDI Hey coach. Interesting practice. ROLAND You, need something? HEIDI Would you like to come over for dinner tomorrow night? ROLAND You and Lance need a baby sitter? HEIDI Fair enough. How about your parents house? I’d love to see them again. INT. ROLAND’S PARENTS HOUSE Roland watches as Ed dances to the oldies with Heidi and Louis and Sandy sit, looking through his scrapbook. LOUIS This is my favorite. He shows her the picture he drew of Roland saving him. Amanda, Chris, Bonnie and Ryder enter followed closely by Lyle and Julie. Greetings and hugs all around. All are seated in the dining room. The bell rings and the trading begins; they are playing Pit. 87.
Amid the action, Roland finds himself looking at Julie. His face says, “I should be with her.” She catches him looking and flashes a coy smile. Game ends. Julie goes into kitchen. Heidi follows. HEIDI I didn’t realize you would be here. JULIE Last minute invite. Typical Lyle. HEIDI And he doesn’t mind the way you and Roland look at one another? JULIE And, what way would that be? Heidi gives her a “you know” look and exits. Heidi and Louis stand at the door, preparing to leave. LOUIS Wait. He runs to give Sandy and Ed a hug and a kiss on the cheek. He then pulls Roland down to speak privately. LOUIS (CONT’D) Sometimes I pretend you’re my dad and Sandy and Ed are my grandparents. Roland whispers back. ROLAND That makes me feel very special Louis. But don’t tell anyone else. They might not understand. Louis nods his head in agreement, delivers a big hug. Heidi and Julie discretely exchange looks before they exit. EXT. HEIDI’S PLACE When Heidi and Louis arrive home, Lance is in the drive. LANCE Why didn’t you answer your phone? Where have you been? 88.
HEIDI I’ve been busy. Lance follows closely, chirping in her ear. LANCE Doing what? HEIDI Having fun. You should try it. LANCE With who? HEIDI Anyone you’d like. He grabs her arm, spins her to face him. LANCE You know what I mean. She pulls loose, walks away. He’s back on her heels. HEIDI Come back when you’ve calmed down. LANCE I’m ca . . . He’s so close he trips her. She falls to the ground. Louis goes off and starts kicking, hitting and screaming at Lance. LOUIS Leave my mommy alone you big jerk! No one makes her cry but you! Lance helps Heidi up. He then grabs Louis and holds tight. HEIDI Don’t you dare hurt him! LANCE I just want him to calm down! HEIDI Louis! Stop! Settle down. He stops flailing. LANCE I’m gonna put you down now. Stay calm, it’ll be ok. 89.
Lance kneels as he sets Louis down to be on his level. As soon as the grip loosens, Louis spins and screams - LOUIS I hate you! He spits in Lance’s face, runs to the house. Heidi follows. Lance sits back on his heels, slouches forward. This is not how he intended for this to go. INT. MOTHER’S DAY OUT Julie and Roland talk about game night. ROLAND That game really brought out the competitor in you. JULIE I can scrap with the best of ‘em if it’s something I want. ROLAND Speaking of which, what about Lyle? Is he something you want? JULIE Lyle’s fun. But hey, you finally got with Heidi? ROLAND She’s got a great kid but, it’s not what it looks like. Julie’s face-”Then what is it?” She then exits. EXT. PARK Roland and Lyle talk about life as they test a new battle app that Roland is developing. LYLE I’m gonna ask her to marry me. ROLAND What? Really? 90.
LYLE Playing the field has been fun but I’m ready to settle down, have a real relationship. I owe it all to you my friend. ROLAND Don’t you think you’re rushing into this? Maybe you should slow down, give it some thought. LYLE Already thought about it. It’s what I want to do. ROLAND What if she doesn’t feel the same? LYLE Oh, she does. Trust me. ROLAND Are you sure? Have you asked her? LYLE No need too. It’s written all over her face every time we’re together. ROLAND What about when you’re not together? Lyle is confused. ROLAND (CONT’D) I was with her this morning at Mother Day Out. She practically asked me out. LYLE You hittin on my girl? ROLAND What? No. LYLE How did she “practically” ask you out? Either you do or you don’t. ROLAND Look, I told you, not your type. 91.
LYLE How can you know that? I don’t even know what my type is. ROLAND She said you’re fun but that was it. Dude she’s not that into you. And frankly, I wanna ask her out. LYLE You’ve known her since grade school and just realized that? ROLAND Dude, I just got the nerve to date anybody. This is all new to me. LYLE Look, I know things with Heidi haven’t worked out the way you hoped, but that doesn’t mean you have to destroy my life! Good grief man, I thought you were my friend! ROLAND I am! That’s why I’m telling you, she’s not serious about you. I’m taking a shot. EXT. FOOTBALL FIELDS AT COMMUNITY CENTER Whole league turns out for the Championship Game. Julie assists Roland who is still dressed as Lance. Amanda, runs into Heidi. AMANDA Big game today! HEIDI Hope they do well. Amanda leans in. AMANDA Listen, I want to thank you for hanging in with Roland long enough for him to get the house deal done. I know he can be difficult, but this was important to him and I appreciate you making it happen. Amanda quickly exits leaving Heidi confused. Heidi moves on toward the bleachers, runs into Roland. 92.
ROLAND Louis here? HEIDI Under protest. ROLAND Really? HEIDI After the last game and practice? Are you kidding? What has happened to our lovable nerd? Heidi leaves. Roland thinks, looks at his watch, runs off. Heidi takes a seat in the stands, obviously saving a seat and looking for it’s proposed occupant. New coaches are in the stands with their new girlfriends. Roland returns having changed clothes, back to his usual. He then shocks everyone by starting the game with his second string. Parent 1 and his wife are seated in front of Heidi. PARENT 1 What the heck is he doing? His wife elbows him. PARENT 1 (CONT’D) Look! He’s starting the second string! Elbow again. PARENT 1 (CONT’D) He’s just handing them the game! She elbows him again as she turns to Heidi. WIFE Louis played such a good game last week. He’s one of the reasons we’re in the championship today. PARENT 1 Are you kidding. He realizes his wife is not talking to him, then realizes she is talking to Heidi and completely changes his tune. 93.
PARENT 1 (CONT’D) Louis is a great player. There’s not a bad player on the whole team! Roland is huddled with the boys on the field. ROLAND Ok boys, you’re doing well. Now, let’s play good defense and get the ball back. In quick succession, Louis pulls three flags, the other team pulls three, scoreboard shows all zero’s, score and clock. ROLAND (CONT’D) Great job guys. Go take a rest and let your team mates have a shot. The kids are exchanging places. Parent 1 quietly- PARENT 1 Thank goodness. In quick succession, Roland’s team scores a TD but fails on the extra point. Scoreboard shows 6-0. Then the other team scores and makes the extra point. Scoreboard, 6-8, halftime. Roland’s halftime speech. ROLAND I’m really proud of all of you. You’ve worked hard all season and you’ve come a long way. We’re doing great today. We’re in this game. We can win this. You can do this! Roland plays the subs to start the second half. PARENT 1 What? The other guy has played his starters the whole time. WIFE Aren’t you glad all of our kids are getting to play? PARENT 1 Huh, oh, uh, yeah sure. The other team scores on their first possession and makes the two point conversion making the score 16-6. ROLAND Huddle up guys. I have an idea. 94.
Then, to everyone’s surprise, Roland’s second string breaks a reverse for a touchdown. Extra point good. The score 16-14. The fourth quarter begins, first team back in the game. It’s a defensive battle. No one scores until, with one minute left in the game Roland’s team picks off a pass and runs it in for a score. The extra point is good making the score 16-22. The other team gets the ball with under a minute to go. They break a couple of good runs and get a first down. They call time out with just enough time for one last play. ROLAND (CONT’D) Louis, you’re in. I want you to rush the quarterback. As soon as the ball moves, go as hard as you can and pull his flag, ok, lazer focus, nothing stops you, nothing distracts you. On the final play of the game the quarterback fakes a hand off to the running back but Louis isn’t fooled. He goes straight for the QB, pulls his flag just before he throws a pass for what looks like a game winning touchdown. The ref blows the play dead. REFEREE The quarterback’s flag was pulled prior to the forward motion of the throw. The touchdown is not good and time has expired. Roland’s players and parents go wild. The kids carry Louis off the field on their shoulders as the hero of the game. SUPERVISOR Will the coach of the winning team please come forward to receive the championship trophy. Crowd stands and cheers as Roland goes to receive the trophy. SUPERVISOR (CONT’D) Roland, I know you and your team have worked hard for this. You certainly gave us an exciting game. Congratulations to you and your team on a great season. Again, the crowd responds with great favor as Roland victoriously holds the trophy over his head. 95.
Meanwhile, Lance walks onto the field, takes the microphone. LANCE I would like to add my congratulations to Roland and his team. I have watched them work very hard and frankly, I’m surprised at the progress they’ve made. Roland, you’ve been an amazing coach, which makes this hard to do. I’m sorry to be the one to have to bring this to everyone’s attention but it has to be done in order to preserve the reputation or our community center. As you all know, this is where I grew up. So when I heard of someone abusing some of our folks, I had to respond. Roland has been the architect of a plan called “Operation Hot Mama”, designed to take advantage of many of the mothers of kids involved in the programs of this fine center. Yes, it resulted in many coaches joining the program. But at what cost. Have the kids really been served when all the coaches were after was a superficial relationship with their mom’s. I’m trying to keep this G rated for the kids but I think everyone knows what I mean. I’m sure the community center will do the right thing and, again, I hope all you ladies will be ok. A number of the women pull away from the guy they have come to respect and care about and look at them with disgust. Other parents are shocked at the news. SUPERVISOR Ladies and gentlemen, this is the first I have heard of this. I promise you we will get to the bottom of these allegations and take the appropriate steps to correct the situation. Roland is in shock. He looks around at all the arguments that have started between the coaches and their girlfriends. He wants to speak but doesn’t know what to say. He sets the trophy down and walks away. Julie follows from a distance. 96.
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  • 1. SECOND STRING Written by Steven E. Bates 1760 N. Bass Dr. Mt. Juliet, TN 37122 615-330-0821 Stevebates32@comcast.net
  • 2. “SECOND STRING” FADE IN: EXT. HIGH SCHOOL FOOTBALL FIELD A banner reads:”Welcome to Homecoming” “Dance to Follow”. Seventeen-year-old ROLAND STARLING stands on the sideline, his uniform swallowing his slight frame. He watches and hopes for his chance to finally get in the game. He glances at HEIDI THOMAS who jumps, kicks, leading fans to cheer the team to victory. Will she look at him? She doesn’t. His gaze interrupted by starting QB and star of the team, LANCE MARTIN who comes to the sideline, helmet in hand. LANCE Birdlegs! Where’s Birdlegs!? Other team members point to Roland. LANCE (CONT’D) Birdlegs, get me a chin strap. Nerdy water girl, JULIE MATHEWS, hands Lance a cup of water. ROLAND My name is Roland, and I’m not the equipment manager anymore. I’m your backup. Do I need to go in? LANCE No! I need a chin strap!(under breath) My backup. ROLAND Lyle’s the new equipment manager. LYLE HENSON enters with a double handful of chin straps. LYLE What kind do you like? LANCE I don’t have time for this. Lance grabs Roland’s helmet, shoves his at Roland. LANCE (CONT’D) Take care of that before I come off the field again.
  • 3. Lance looks over at Heidi who is looking at him. LANCE (CONT’D) Hey, babe. See you got your flower. See you after the game. Heidi smiles, proudly shows off her orchid corsage. Roland watches them, Lance addresses him. LANCE (CONT’D) Don’t just stand there you moron! Fix my helmet! I got a game to win! Whistle blows. He runs back onto the field. Roland prays to disappear. He looks at Heidi. Embarrassed for Roland, she looks away. Julie looks back and forth from Roland to the ground. She wants to encourage him, comfort him, rescue him. She offers a cup of water, he rejects it. EIGHT YEARS LATER INT. ROLAND’S BASEMENT APARTMENT Roland’s basement apartment is essentially a virtual reality studio. It now looks like a busy gym. His slender frame is now muscular and toned as he works out strenuously. He finishes a set of squats and re-racks the weights. INT. ROLAND’S BASEMENT APARTMENT - LATER Roland’s basement now looks like a board room full of people. He’s on the hot seat. DIRECTOR I can’t explain it. Your apps are well designed, function perfectly, but they just aren’t very popular. Roland is very disappointed. INT. ROLAND’S BASEMENT APARTMENT - LATER Roland wears a karate outfit. An INSTRUCTOR bows to him and his CLASSMATES. They deliver punishing blows to the dummies in front of them. 2.
  • 4. INT. ROLAND’S BASEMENT APARTMENT - LATER Roland’s serious face reflects in his glass and chrome high tech wonderland. He sits at a computer and puts finishing touches on a new app. INT. ROLAND’S BASEMENT APARTMENT - LATER Roland runs a marathon. He stays with the pack then shows off, breaking away. Suddenly, LYLE walks into the path of a projector and blocks the images. ROLAND Dude! Get out of the way! LYLE Why? You’re not going anywhere. ROLAND You’re ruining the effect! Lyle picks up the remote and flips through the basement images like he’s trying to avoid commercials on a TV. Roland turns off the treadmill. LYLE Let’s see where you’ve been today. Karate, board meeting, gym ... Lyle hits the old high school yearbook window and immediately sees the senior picture of perky-cheerleader Heidi. LYLE (CONT’D) Ooh, a little trip down memory lane. How far did we get this time? Roland tries unsuccessfully to confiscate the clicker. Lyle clicks again on the yearbook window and finds a senior picture of muscle-bound LANCE... and another, a football-uniformed Lance hugging Heidi... and yet another... But with Roland’s face superimposed on Lance’s body. 3.
  • 5. LYLE (CONT’D) Really? I figured you might use something like that for target practice. Where’s that virtual reality pistol? ROLAND Come on man, be cool. LYLE When’s the last time that skin saw the sun? ROLAND You need to get out of here so I can get ready. LYLE Ready? ROLAND Mother’s Day Out. LYLE Oh yeah? Where’s mommy taking you? ROLAND Funny. LYLE Why do you keep going there? ROLAND To be with my peeps. LYLE Preschoolers? ROLAND What can I say, they’re genuine, honest, no pretense. And the games they play.. are for fun. INT. MOTHER’S DAY OUT Roland arrives and is mobbed by three and four-year-old kids. ROLAND Hey, how are you guys! He makes it a point to touch each one on the head or shoulder to acknowledge them as he calls them by name. 4.
  • 6. ROLAND (CONT’D) Hey BRANDON, LAUREN, ELISE, give me five DANIEL, alright GRACIE . . . He then acknowledges Julie, who is looking on with admiration. They feign formality. ROLAND (CONT’D) Hello, Miss Julie, how are you this fine day? He kisses her hand. She responds as a southern belle. JULIE Why Master Roland, I do declare you have just made my day. He snaps back to serious. ROLAND No, really, things good here? JULIE Yeah, yeah, we’re good. As usual the kids are glad to see you. ROLAND I should get to my adoring fans. JULIE And the kids would like to see you too. I, Uh, I need to run some paperwork to the office. ROLAND Sure. Take your time. Julie exits. Roland gets in the floor with the kids. ROLAND (CONT’D) What do you guys wanna build? BRANDON A rocket ship! LAUREN No, a pony! DANIEL Lets build a big wall so I can tear it down with my bulldozer! 5.
  • 7. ROLAND Wow, those are great ideas! Why don’t we build a fort so all the little people can be safe. DANIEL And then I can tear it down with my bulldozer! There is a knock at the door. ROLAND You guys get started and I’ll let Miss Julie back in. The kids begin building. Roland opens the door to find a beautiful woman, Rachel. His mind goes blank, knees get weak. ROLAND (CONT’D) You forget...oh, you’re not Julie. RACHEL Neither are you. ROLAND No, uh, uh, I’m uh, I help out . . some, well, a lot, actually I’d say, regular is more accurate. RACHEL Well, do you have a name or should I just call you, Mr. Regular? ROLAND You can call me that, or, Roland, Roland is my name but, Mr. Regular, has a nice ring to it, I guess. RACHEL Don’t think I know another Roland. ROLAND Me neither. It’s, uh, kinda unusual, well, maybe not unusual so much as, uh, yeah, unusual I guess. RACHEL So, I take it Julie is gone? ROLAND Yes, I mean no, well, sort of, for a minute. (MORE) 6.
  • 8. She took some papers to the office but will be here, in a minute, or maybe two. I, should probably get back to the kids. RACHEL Actually, I need to pick up Sophie. ROLAND Oh, really? Already? I mean, we were just about to build a fort. RACHEL (slight laugh)I’m sure she’ll be sad but I really need to get her. ROLAND Oh, ok, uh, do you like, sign something to get her out or, I’ve never, Julie usually handles . . Julie shows up and saves him. JULIE Hey Rachel. You need Sophie? Roland takes the opportunity to vanish. RACHEL She has a doctor’s appointment. JULIE Nothing serious, I hope. RACHEL Oh no, just a check-up. JULIE I see you met Roland. He helps us out . . RACHEL Yes, regularly I’m told. Roland seems shaken but glad to be building a fort. JULIE Yeah, he’s great. The kids love him. RACHEL I can see that. ROLAND (CONT'D) 7.
  • 9. JULIE I’ll get Sophie for you. Oh, have you decided on a date yet for the Kidz Biz party? RACHEL Not yet, but I will. As Julie gets Sophie she whispers to Roland. JULIE Relax. You did great. INT. ROLAND’S BASEMENT APARTMENT Roland and Lyle play a video game on his virtual reality screen and eat delivery pizza. LYLE Man, I know I give you a hard time, but I totally get it. Simple, systematic, predictable. I mean, in the real world, every day’s a crap shoot. ROLAND So, what are you saying? You want to build a room like this? LYLE Uhhh, No. Me gotta be out there with “my homies!” I’m just saying I see how it fits, you know, for you. Door buzzer. Roland switches the projector to a surveillance camera. Sees parents, ED and SANDY. He buzzes them in. ED Oh, Lyle, we didn’t know you were here. We’ll come back later. LYLE No need pops, we got no secrets here. ED Well,... Ed looks to Sandy, she reluctantly nods approval. ED (CONT’D) Son, what would you say this room is worth? 8.
  • 10. ROLAND What? Ed tries to pick up a computer. Roland moves to stop him. ED How much of this is permanent? ROLAND Uhh, what’s going on? SANDY Roland, we’ve decided to move into the new retirement community. LYLE Duuude, that place is dope. I painted a lot of those units. ROLAND Yeah, dad. If that’s what you guys need to do, that’s great. SANDY The only way we can afford it is if we sell this house, so we need to put it on the market soon. ROLAND Wait. You guys don’t need to put it on the market. Let me buy it. ED Well, son, we talked about that and frankly, we think you need to move on from this place too. Maybe then you’d, get out more. SANDY You know, be around people, maybe meet a nice girl, settle down. ROLAND I’m perfectly fine right here. Besides, I’ve spent a fortune building out this basement. LYLE My man speaks the truth. SANDY Lyle...just, shush a minute. 9.
  • 11. ED We know you would like to stay here. But our concern is what your mom said. We think it’s best ... LYLE What if I got him out more, helped him meet some ladies, maybe find him a girlfriend. SANDY You’re gonna help him? LYLE Absolutely! I’ll hook him up with a girl in no time. I know lots of ways to meet women. ED But, you’re always here. LYLE You just think I am. When I leave here, I’m a real ladies man. ROLAND Come on Dad, just give us a chance. ED We need to have some work done to the rest of the house to get it ready to sell. We’ll need to get as much out of it as possible. Those places are expensive. ROLAND I’ll do my best to match any price. ED We’ll see what you’ve accomplished by the time we get it ready. ROLAND Thanks guys. LYLE You won’t be sorry. Ed and Sandy exit. Roland looks at Lyle. ROLAND Dude, I’m screwed. I’ll never come up with that kind of money, much less a girlfriend. 10.
  • 12. Lyle goes to the computer. ROLAND (CONT’D) What are you doing? LYLE You a favor. I can’t help with the green but the quickest way to maximize your exposure to the most women “burning” for a good man is FLAMING HEARTS. How tall are you? ROLAND 5”11”. I don’t want to parade myself on the internet. LYLE Weight? ROLAND I don’t know, 165, 170. Those things don’t actually work. LYLE Hair-brown, eyes-hazel. ROLAND Eyes are brown too, technically. LYLE Hazel sounds more exotic. ROLAND Why do I feel like we’re signing up for a cattle auction? LYLE This is just one step in the game plan. You ain’t seen nothin’ yet my friend. ROLAND Good. Cause I got no faith in this. EXT. SIDEWALK ON WAY TO SPEED DATING Lyle pulls on Roland’s sleeve, dragging him down the block. LYLE This is step one of the “Roland Starling Dating Project.” It’s called speed dating. They do it in the movies all the time. 11.
  • 13. ROLAND Dude, I’m terrible in situations like this. I freeze up, my mind turns to, turns to, turns to . . . LYLE You’ll do fine. INT. SPEED DATING The ladies are seated, guys standing, all are anxious. HOST Alright, you guys know the rules so let the dating begin! The guys go to the women, have a seat, and begin talking. Roland sits and stares at his first prospect, GOTH GIRL’s black lipstick matches her eyeliner and nail polish. GOTH GIRL Sooo, your place or mine? ROLAND Uh... Lyle hands ANGRY FEMINIST a business card. ANGRY FEMINIST Basically, I’m looking for a man that realizes, I don’t need a man. No woman does. Roland tries to look interested in HYPOCHONDRIAC’s freckles. HYPOCHONDRIAC I have this mole on my arm, do you see it, the one with black hair growing out of it. I have one on my back and my chest just like it. Do you think it’s cancer? I think it’s cancer. Let me show you the one on my chest. CHAIN SMOKER barks a hacking cough and then lights up. LYLE Uh, I don’t think you’re supposed to smoke in here. CHAIN SMOKER What? You a NARC or something? 12.
  • 14. INT. DANCE CLUB Roland and Lyle enter the club. ROLAND Dude, you know I can’t dance. LYLE Just do what I do. Roland and Lyle are on the dance floor. Roland, petrified, only moves enough to keep from being hit by others. Lyle flails like a man possessed. Roland sits in a booth with two drunk girls. Lyle brings another round. LYLE (CONT’D) Here we are, ladies! The girl seated beside Roland chugs her drink and... pukes in Roland’s lap. INT. BINGO HALL All of the women are in their eighties. Roland looks at his card, hides it. Lyle’s eyes light up. LYLE Bingo! My man has bingo! Roland flushes with embarrassment. ROLAND Yeah, I, uh, I got it. One of the regulars catches Roland’s eye. OLDER LADY Mama likes a winner. She flashes a wink and a smile. INT. BOWLING ALLEY A “Coed Singles Night” sign hangs overhead. The guys are greeted by their new partners, two butch-looking girls that could likely eat them as a snack between games. BUTCH 1 You guys ready to roll some balls? 13.
  • 15. The guys look at each other and gulp. INT. HEIDI’S PLACE Six-year-old LOUIS sits at a table with a newspaper photo of guys playing soccer. He works on his version of that picture. Heidi enters, loaded down with supplies for the soccer field. HEIDI Louis, I thought I told you to get ready. LOUIS But I’m not done with my pictures. HEIDI Doesn’t matter, uniform on now! He heads to his room. She clumsily stacks her load by the front door. Louis re-enters the room, uniform in hand. LOUIS Will you help me? HEIDI You’re a big boy, you can . . . LOUIS Please. HEIDI Just because we’re running late. She begins helping him. LOUIS When is soccer going to be over? HEIDI I thought you liked soccer? LOUIS Not really. I suck. HEIDI Louis, where did you learn that word? LOUIS Soccer. Heidi’s look says she’s onto him. 14.
  • 16. HEIDI You need the exercise. LOUIS I thought if I played soccer my dad might come watch, but he didn’t. Heidi stops, grabs Louis’ chubby face, looks him in the eye. HEIDI That’s not your fault. You’re a great soccer player. He just doesn’t know you’re playing, and he doesn’t know what he’s missing. But you know what, we don’t need him. I will be at every game you ever play. Now, you grab your soccer ball and meet me at the car. EXT. COMMUNITY CENTER SOCCER FIELDS The place is covered up with kids and parents, many of them single moms. Roland and Lyle are seated in bleachers. LYLE I can’t believe your sister talked us into this. ROLAND She was right about one thing, there are lots of single moms. LYLE Dude, we don’t need crumb crunchers cramping our style. And we don’t need to settle for somebody’s leftovers, we deserve smokin’ hot, childless women. Like that. Lyle nods toward a group of hotties tightly toned where they need to be, with just enough jiggle to capture the imagination. The guys are stunned. LYLE (CONT’D) Do you recognize the lead dog? Roland quickly recognizes Heidi, who leads the pack, flanked by long time BFF Rachel. ROLAND Still perfection. The women glide past them, ignoring them. 15.
  • 17. Trailing behind is a brood of 5-7 year old kids, decked out for soccer, punching, pulling and poking one another. The worst behaved kid is Louis, Heidi’s son. LYLE But did you see what was behind? ROLAND Behind, in front, it all looked good to me. LYLE I mean what was following them. I gotta be honest man. They looked great but the kids... ROLAND Kids are a piece of cake. It’s the women that scare me. Roland follows Heidi with his eyes until she is seated in the bleachers. He is transfixed for the rest of the time. LYLE Which team is your niece on? ROLAND Huh? Oh, uh, over there, red jerseys. The only other thing he notices is that her son is a terror. He obeys no one. Instead of playing soccer he chases bugs, blows dandelions, plucks handfuls of grass and throws them in the air as he spins in circles until he is so dizzy he falls. But Heidi is the focus. The games come to an end, Roland makes another observation. ROLAND (CONT’D) Huh. They’re chick magnets. LYLE What? Who? Where? ROLAND Coaches, they’re like rock stars. Dude, how do we get a coaching gig? Roland’s eyes once more find Heidi. She talks with Louis’ coach. Even though she seems unhappy, he’s getting face time. LYLE Let’s start, “Operation Hot Mama!” 16.
  • 18. INT. HEIDI’S CAR Heidi and Louis are on the way home. LOUIS Why are you mad at my coach? HEIDI I’m not mad. I just don’t think he treats all the kids the same. LOUIS It’s ok mom. I don’t care if I don’t play much. It gives the kids who like it more time to play. HEIDI It’s still not right. EXT. COMMUNITY CENTER SOCCER FIELDS Roland and Lyle sit in bleachers watching Roland’s niece, BONNIE, play soccer. Her dad, CHRIS, is the coach and her mom, AMANDA helps on the sideline. Bonnie has the ball and breaks hard for the goal. Everyone in the bleachers stands to watch, except Roland. He sits on the end enjoying an unobstructed, though distant view of Heidi. Heidi argues with the coach. Louis chases a butterfly. Bonnie takes a shot, sails wide. Crowd groans, sits down. LYLE You gotta teach that girl how to shoot. Roland snaps out of a trance. ROLAND Huh? LYLE Did you for real not see that? Your niece just missed a wide open shot. ROLAND Oh, no I didn’t see it. LYLE Bro, where are you? 17.
  • 19. Roland’s attention drifts back to Heidi. The coach is yelling at the ref. Lyle discovers what Roland’s looking at. LYLE (CONT’D) Oh, never mind. Suddenly, a look of concern overtakes Heidi’s beautiful face. Louis runs onto the field and kicks the ball out of bounds, away from the sideline his team is on. It looks as if he is going to pick the ball up to bring it back. Instead, he picks it up and runs onto the next field and kicks that ball out of bounds and continues to kick it toward the highway. Everyone is yelling at him. Heidi realizes he is not coming back. Her face goes from concern to terror. She launches. Roland realizes the same and fears he will run onto the road chasing the ball. He must catch him before that can happen. Louis chases the ball into the road. He stops and stares at an oncoming car. The driver slams on the brakes and just before impact, Roland makes a diving tackle and he and Louis go rolling into the ditch. With traffic now stopped, Roland emerges from the ditch with Louis, kicking and screaming. Heidi is hysterical. LOUIS Put me down! Why did you knock me down like that, my mom is gonna . . Heidi meets them at the side of the road. HEIDI Louis! Why did you do that?! You scared the crap out of me! Roland quietly hands Louis to his mom. She begins to cry uncontrollably as she holds her son. HEIDI (CONT’D) Don’t you ever do anything like that again, do you hear me. You scared me to death. I love you so much, please, don’t do that again. Roland walks away as a crowd of other parents and kids begins to gather. He walks straight to Lyle. ROLAND Let’s get outa here. 18.
  • 20. LYLE But. . . ROLAND Let’s go. Now. They walk away as the crowd tightens around Heidi and Louis. INT. MOTHER’S DAY OUT Roland sits in the floor with several boys building a fort out of blocks. Julie kneels beside him. JULIE My sister-in-law told me that superman made an appearance at the soccer fields yesterday. ROLAND Blue leotards, cape, ... JULIE A guy they’d never seen before risked everything to save a kid’s life, then disappeared. ROLAND Isn’t that what superheroes do? JULIE Or, they could go on to be a role model for a group of kids at Mother’s Day Out... You’re a good man, Roland. INT. HEIDI’S PLACE Louis draws a picture of his near accident while Heidi flips through the boy's scrapbook. HEIDI Do you understand that you could have been hurt really bad, maybe even killed? Do you have any idea what that would do to me? LOUIS Who’s the man who knocked me down? HEIDI That man saved your life. We should be grateful and thank him. 19.
  • 21. LOUIS But he made me scrape my arm. HEIDI He kept you from being hit by a car. He’s a hero. LOUIS My dad would have saved me, if he had been there. HEIDI Maybe. But like I’ve told you before, all we need is each other. Don’t you forget that. EXT. ROLAND’S PARENTS YARD Roland teaches Bonnie the proper way to shoot a soccer ball. ROLAND Don’t poke it with your toe. Hold your foot straight up and down, hit the ball with the top of your foot. BONNIE That feels weird. ROLAND It will for a while. But it’ll feel great when the ball hits the back of the net. She kicks the ball correctly. Roland’s dad, Ed, and her mom, Amanda, come out onto the porch in time to see the action. ROLAND (CONT’D) There you go. Good job! Amanda comes down from the porch. AMANDA Think you can do that again? Bonnie runs to get the ball. AMANDA (CONT’D) You know, you should consider coaching a team. ROLAND You really think so? Seems a lot different from teaching Bonnie. 20.
  • 22. AMANDA You can do it. It’d be good for you. Bonnie, we gotta meet your dad. Tell Uncle Roland thank you. BONNIE Thanks Uncle Roland. She gives him a hug. ROLAND You can thank me by scoring a goal on Saturday. Bonnie and Amanda head for their car. EXT. COMMUNITY CENTER SOCCER FIELDS Roland and Lyle cautiously approach the fields. Roland hides behind a hat and sunglasses. LYLE Why the “Hide from Heidi maneuver?” You should want her to see you. ROLAND I just don’t want anyone to make it a big deal. I’d feel weird. Heidi rushes to Roland with her BFF Rachel in tow and gushes. HEIDI Ooh, you’re him aren’t you? You’re the one that saved my son. ROLAND Well, uh . . . Heidi gives him a bear hug. Roland’s body stiffens, arms straight down by his side. HEIDI Thank you sooo much! You saved my baby’s life! Her hug tightens, she sways side to side. HEIDI (CONT’D) I’m so glad I found you, I thought you were gone forever. Roland is petrified. Her hug lingers. 21.
  • 23. Lyle looks at Rachel, slightly raises his hands, as if to say say, “us too?” Rachel shakes her head “no”. RACHEL I’m good. Heidi breaks her embrace, grabs Roland by the shoulders, looks him in the eyes and passionately says- HEIDI You’ve got to come watch Louis play, he has to thank you. Come on, you can sit with us. She grabs his hand and drags him out of frame. Lyle offers a hand. Rachel pockets her hands, marches off. EXT. SOCCER FIELD They watch the game for a short time. (Rachel, Heidi, Lyle and Roland) Louis is in the game but he pays little attention to what’s going on. He’s picking flowers, playing with bugs. COACH Louis! Get in the game son! Heidi looks at Roland, a little embarrassed. HEIDI He’s really smart but his attention span is kinda short. Louis turns and looks at the other kids bunched around the ball. Suddenly he begins to run toward the group. HEIDI (CONT’D) Oh good, he’s getting in the game. Louis jumps into the middle of the swarm, knocking several kids to the ground. The teen-aged ref begins blowing his whistle. Louis kicks the ball down the field, pushes a couple of kids out of his way and takes the ball toward the goal. As he approaches the goal he releases an angry scream. The goalie is frightened and runs toward his mom. Louis kicks the ball into the goal and begins to celebrate. The ref is still blowing his whistle and waving off the goal. The coach throws up his hands, walks onto the field and begins screaming at the teen-aged ref. 22.
  • 24. COACH Are you kidding me! This boy finally gets in the game and you’re gonna take his goal away! The Supervisor comes onto the field to calm everyone. SUPERVISOR Bill! You know how much trouble I have getting ref’s. You can’t scream at them. COACH I hope you’re not paying this one! He’s not worthy of the whistle. SUPERVISOR Alright Bill, this is the third time this season. That’s enough. Coach turns and walks away as he continues to yell. COACH You’ll beg me to come back, just like you did this season. He stops and addresses the parents. COACH (CONT’D) But you know what, I’m done! You’re kids are spoiled little brats! And you guys are so busy squeezing into you skinny jeans, sucking down your over priced latte’s and making love to your smartphones, these kids don’t stand a chance! He walks toward the parking lot, still yelling. COACH (CONT’D) I can’t take it anymore! I don’t deserve this! I can be treated like crap at home! The supervisor approaches the parents. SUPERVISOR Well, needless to say, he won’t be back. You guys just have one more game so I guess you’ll just forfeit and call it a done. Hopefully we can find another coach before next season. Hope your kids had fun. 23.
  • 25. The supervisor walks away. One of the parents speaks up. PARENT 1 Anyone ever coached before? PARENT 2 I wouldn’t know where to start. PARENT 1 It’s just one game, wouldn’t be the end of the world if we forfeit. PARENT 3 We haven’t won a game all year. PARENT 4 But I feel like we’d be teaching our kids to quit if we do that. LYLE I may have an answer to your, “Coaching conundrum”, my buddy over here was a player back in the day. I think he’d make a solid coach. Parent 1 looks at Roland. PARENT 1 Really? You know what you’re doing? PARENT 3 Wait a minute, we don’t know anything about this guy, and we’re gonna trust him with our kids? HEIDI He risked his life to save my Louis, that’s good enough for me. PARENT 4 I knew I’d seen him before. RACHEL And he’s a “regular” helper at Mother’s Day out. PARENT 1 So all in favor- All the parents say “I”. 24.
  • 26. PARENT 1 (CONT’D) We practice on Tuesday, Coach. The parents express appreciation. The crowd is dispersing. Heidi and Louis hang around until the others have gone. HEIDI Roland, this is Louis. ROLAND Hello Louis. Have you forgiven me for tackling you last Saturday? LOUIS Mom says you saved my life. Guess I gotta forgive you. My dad woulda done it but, he wasn’t there. Heidi mouths the words- HEIDI Never is. Then speaks up. HEIDI (CONT’D) Show him your picture. Louis hands Roland the picture he drew. Roland takes the picture and sits on a bench with Louis standing beside him. ROLAND Wow, you do this by yourself? LOUIS Yeah. HEIDI Yes, sir. LOUIS Yes, sir. ROLAND I like this Louis, great job. Louis pulls on his mom so he can whisper in her ear. She’s a little embarrassed but she knows she has to ask. HEIDI He has a scrapbook at home and, well . . . 25.
  • 27. ROLAND I tell you what, you can have this one back if you promise to make me one to put in my scrapbook. Deal? LOUIS Deal. INT. ROLAND’S BASEMENT APARTMENT Roland mirrors a soccer trainer doing drills for beginners. Lyle sits to the side, stuffing his face with pizza. LYLE I’d say “Operation Hot Mama” is off to a good start. Did you see that hot blonde? No ring. I looked. ROLAND Let’s just try to teach these kids something about the game this week and not worry about getting a date. LYLE But that’s the whole point. We help the urchins so the moms will notice and be willing to date us. ROLAND Let’s just try and do a good job with the kids and go from there. LYLE Look, I know you think you got an in with Heidi but, in case you haven’t noticed, she doesn’t recognize either of us from high school. She does, you’re toast. ROLAND I’ll be toast long before that. INT. JULIE’S PLACE Julie is on her iPad checking her Kidz Biz sales numbers. JULIE Wow, top ten this month. I may actually be good at this. 26.
  • 28. Then she sees an ad for a free week on the dating site FLAMING HEARTS. CLICK! She then searches for Roland. Surprise! His profile appears. She writes him a message. JULIE (CONT’D) Hello Roland. I am surprised to find your profile here. I’m considering doing the same . . . EXT. COMMUNITY CENTER SOCCER FIELDS Roland has the kids in 2 lines taking turns dribbling toward the goal and shooting. He offers encouragement but the kids get bored and some begin wandering off. Lyle tries to gather them up. That becomes a game. The parents on the sideline look discouraged. Roland calls all the kids together. ROLAND Hey guys, who wants to play knockout? PLAYER What’s that? ROLAND See the square made by the cones? You stay inside that square, dribbling you ball, and try to kick someone else’s ball out of the box. PLAYER What if your ball gets kicked out? ROLAND You go get it, count to five as loud as you can, then come back in the box and start dribbling, trying to kick someone else’s ball out. The kids play the game, they all participate and have fun. The parents look on with approval. Roland has the kids doing other more conventional drills and making good progress. After practice some of the moms hang around to talk. More seem to want to talk to Roland which bothers Lyle a bit. Roland is trying to get free so Heidi can talk with him, she seems to want to but is not very aggressive. 27.
  • 29. MOM Great practice coach! That’s the most they’ve learned all season. ROLAND Thanks. She leans in and speaks in a quiet voice. MOM If you’re looking for dinner, I’ve got a, hot dish waiting for you. She stuffs a piece of paper in his pocket as she walks away. He looks up, Heidi and Louis walk toward their car. Heidi glances over her shoulder but keeps walking. Roland gathers his things and finds a drawing from Louis with his clipboard. EXT. COMMUNITY CENTER SOCCER FIELDS The kids are playing their best game of the season. ROLAND Has everyone played about the same? Lyle shows him the clipboard. LYLE I’ve been keeping up with it. We’re right on schedule. The ref blows the whistle signaling the end of the game. The team and parents are gathered around Roland and Lyle. LYLE (CONT’D) Four different players scored goals today. Everyone played really well. PARENT 1 We just lost by one goal. That’s the best game of the season! PARENT 3 Let’s give it up for Roland! The parents and kids all cheer. PARENT 1 And Lyle! There are a couple of unenthusiastic responses. 28.
  • 30. As the group breaks up and heads to their cars, several single mom’s gather around Lyle, flirting and having fun. Heidi makes sure she and Louis are first to get to Roland and she cuts him out, away from the group. Louis gives him a hug and so does Heidi. HEIDI You’re the only coach Louis has ever listened to. Will you meet us to do some private lessons. I’ll be glad to pay . . . ROLAND Whoa, wait a minute. Of course I’ll help him but I won’t accept any payment. The money, well, I don’t need you to pay me. She hands him a card with her info. HEIDI Call me. We’ll set up a time. EXT. COMMUNITY CENTER SOCCER FIELDS On the way to the car Roland and Lyle are handed a flyer about the next season, basketball, starting in 2 weeks. Coaches Needed. Lyle pulls out business cards and begins dealing them as if surrounded by women clamoring for them. LYLE Yeah baby! Operation Hot Mama shifts into overdrive! INT. GYM AT COMMUNITY CENTER Roland is in the gym when Heidi and Louis arrive. Louis immediately begins running and acting wild in the empty gym. Heidi, Roland-very awkward. They don’t know whether to shake hands, hug, wave - they finally just skip the greeting. ROLAND So, what’s our goal today? HEIDI You’re in charge. ROLAND Ooo-k. Any tips on, uh, Louis. 29.
  • 31. HEIDI Like... ROLAND Well, we know he’s big for his age, and active, very active. Roland looks at Louis who is at the other end of the gym, jumping and kicking the pad on the gym wall. ROLAND (CONT’D) Just wondering if his dad was big, athletic ... HEIDI You’re the only person he’s ever listened to. That’s why we’re here. ROLAND Ok. Louis! Hey, Louis! No response. Roland dribbles the ball to that end of the gym and shoots a lay up. Louis is still jumping and kicking. LOUIS Nice shot. ROLAND Can you shoot like that? Without a word, Louis runs to the ball, throws it as hard as he can and the ball goes nowhere near the goal. LOUIS Nope! Back to jumping and kicking. Roland patiently picks up the ball, dribbles to the basket and shoots. ROLAND I’ll shoot, you defend. First one to 10 gets their pick from the vending machine. Without a word Louis bounces off the wall and cat-quick he slaps the ball from Roland’s hands. LOUIS Me, 1 - you, 0. INT. COMMUNITY CENTER VENDING AREA Roland, Heidi and Louis, in front of the vending machines. 30.
  • 32. HEIDI Peanuts or crackers, no sugar. LOUIS Nothing. Louis stomps out of the room. ROLAND Sorry. I didn’t know the rules. HEIDI Not your fault. You did well. Again on Thursday? INT. SPORTS STORE Lyle is looking at basketball shoes when TERESA, one of the moms from the soccer team comes in with her son, KEVIN. TERESA Excuse me, were you one of the new coaches at the commun . . . LYLE Community center, yeah. Getting ready for basketball. Lyle makes a quick move with an invisible ball and then takes a shot. TERESA I know nothing about basketball shoes. Would you mind helping Kevin pick out a good pair? I can treat you to pizza after and then, maybe my place for . . dessert. INT. TERESA’S APARTMENT Lyle and his new friend are passionately kissing. Lyle stops her, holds her face in his hands and sincerely tells her - LYLE I hope you’ll be patient with me, I’m, kinda new at this. Major turn on, she begins kissing him passionately. 31.
  • 33. INT. GYM AT COMMUNITY CENTER A crowd of kids, parents and coaches are present for the basketball tryouts and draft. Lyle and Roland walk past Teresa, she flashes a seductive smile. Lyle shyly waves and then hides behind Roland. LYLE That’s her. What should I do? ROLAND You said she was amazing. LYLE What do I know? I’m a rookie. I need more experience, like, with more women. She wants to own me. The kids are dribbling, passing, shooting. Coaches are taking notes. Parents watch nervously, some are oblivious. Louis looks to be the worst kid in the gym whether your looking at talent, skill or discipline. Supervisor blows his whistle. SUPERVISOR I’m pleased to announce we have two new coaches this season, enabling us to involve more kids than ever before. Let’s hear it for Coach Roland and Coach Lyle! The group applauds. Teresa catches Lyle’s eye with a flirtatious wave and wink. It kinda freaks him out. SUPERVISOR (CONT’D) They’ll get the first two picks in today’s draft. Who’s going first? LYLE Roland, Coach Roland will go first. ROLAND Oh, really? You can go . . . LYLE No, you go, you go first. ROLAND Ok. Now? SUPERVISOR Yes. Go ahead. (to crowd) Listen up everyone. The first pick in this years basketball draft is.. 32.
  • 34. ROLAND I uh, I pick Louis Thomas. The buzz in the gym falls to a hush. SUPERVISOR You . . . sure? ROLAND Yeah, I’m sure. Louis Thomas. Louis is playing alone in a corner of the gym. Heidi realizes what has just happened, covers her mouth with her hand, begins to cry. She then comes out of the stands, gets Louis and takes him to center court. After the immediate shock, a parent begins to applaud and the others quickly join in. By the time Heidi gets Louis they are all standing and cheering. The Supervisor gathers the coaches. SUPERVISOR Boys, this has never happened before. COACH 1 He can be all high and mighty if he wants, I’m going for the best available player. The others seem to agree. SUPERVISOR Hang on, I think we have an opportunity to make a statement here. I want you all to pick the lowest kid on your list in the first round. After that you can go to the top. By now Louis is hamming it up for the crowd. COACH 1 Only if everybody promises, I don’t want to be hoodwinked. Everyone agrees. SUPERVISOR This will make it look like we really put the kids first, which is how we say this league operates. 33.
  • 35. INT. LOBBY OF COMMUNITY CENTER Heidi approaches Roland and hugs him, Louis follows suit. HEIDI You have no idea what this means to, to Louis, to most of the kids and parents in the program . . to me. It’s unbelievable. ROLAND I just wanted to be sure he was on my team, that’s all. Lyle is surrounded by single moms from his new team. Teresa gives him the stink-eye since he didn’t pick her son. LYLE Sorry, the other coach got him first. One of the other single mom’s take’s him by the arm and turns him around so she has his full attention. Back to Heidi with Roland. HEIDI Louis and I have a weekly tradition of making a special dinner and watching a good movie. It’s always been just us, but he wants to invite you to be our first guest. ROLAND I would be honored. INT. ROLAND’S BASEMENT APARTMENT Clothes are laid out all across the room. Roland looks into a full length mirror as if he is modeling his outfit for an audience. He hears the door open but does not compromise his gaze. His sister carefully enters. AMANDA Roland? Are you OK? ROLAND Yeeaah, no. AMANDA It looks like a goodwill threw up in here. 34.
  • 36. ROLAND I’m deciding what to wear, no, no I’m not deciding, I’m considering. I’ve never had to do this before. It’s nerve-wracking! AMANDA Going out or staying in? ROLAND Staying in. AMANDA Just the two of you? ROLAND And Louis, her son. AMANDA Dinner? ROLAND And a movie, G-rated animation I’m sure. She hands him a pair of jeans and a button up, then takes the button up back and hands him a polo shirt. ROLAND (CONT’D) You sure? AMANDA You don’t want to come on too strong, look desperate or scared. ROLAND But I am. AMANDA But you can’t show it. INT. HEIDI’S PLACE Doorbell. Heidi’s a little nervous. HEIDI Oh, there he is. How do I look? LOUIS Like a fancy mama! 35.
  • 37. HEIDI Not exactly what I was going for but it’ll have to do. Heidi opens the door and in walks Roland with a live orchid. HEIDI (CONT’D) Hi, Roland, I’m so glad you could make it. ROLAND This is for you. He holds the plant out toward her. HEIDI Oh, orchids, my favorite. How’d you know? ROLAND Just, lucky, I guess. Heidi takes the flower toward the kitchen. ROLAND (CONT’D) I knew I should have worn dress slacks and a button up. I’ll be right back . . . HEIDI No, you look fine. ROLAND Fine, yeah, I’m going to change. HEIDI You look great, actually. You couldn’t be better. Come, sit down, dinner’s ready, I just have to get it on the table. LOUIS Are you my Dad? HEIDI Louis! ROLAND What? Dad? No, that’s not possible. I’m no ones dad. Don’t get me wrong, anyone would be proud, lucky, ecstatic to be your dad, honored. But, it’s just, I’m not. 36.
  • 38. LOUIS I’m accepting applications . . . She grabs him by the shoulders. HEIDI Help me get the food. INT. ROLAND’S BASEMENT APARTMENT Roland and Lyle sit quietly playing a video game. Finally, Lyle can’t take it any longer. LYLE It’s like I’m in an alternate universe. This woman... ROLAND Which woman, Teresa? LYLE No, Kathy. ROLAND Oh, another new one. LYLE It’s like I’m in Hot Mama Heaven! She just, she knows things. Things I never heard of, never thought of! ROLAND That doesn’t set the bar very high. LYLE Oh, well Mr. Man of the World. How was your night? She know who you are yet? ROLAND I’m hoping by the time it comes up it won’t matter. The kid was there. LYLE Mine shipped the kid to her mom’s. ROLAND Dinner was geared to Louis. LYLE We went to a great restaurant. Fabulous Menu! 37.
  • 39. ROLAND We watched some animated movie, I don’t really know what it was. LYLE We had a movie playing in the background, if you get my drift. ROLAND Even when he went to sleep, the movie kept playing, like we were actually watching it. LYLE At some point the movie kicked off and there was just white noise. Lyle provides sound effects. ROLAND But all in all, it was the best night of my life. LYLE Yeah, the best night ever. ROLAND We’re in way over our heads. LYLE Yeah, this can’t last. INT. LIVING ROOM - KIDZ BIZ PARTY The room is jammed with EVERYTHING kid. Estrogen abounds. Julie’s upline leader is there decked out in KB gear. KB DIAMOND Your sales numbers are among the best in my downline. Keep this up and before long you’ll be a Diamond, just like me! JULIE (insincere) Can’t wait. KB DIAMOND What do you see in this room? JULIE Well, some friends, some of their friends, a few ... 38.
  • 40. KB DIAMOND All of them are dollar signs, sales, stepping stones, rungs on the K B ladder to the top! You do want to get to the top, don’t you? JULIE Oh, wow, I thought I did. KB DIAMOND Of course you do! You want to be a Diamond, wear the diamond, drive the Diamond de Ville. She flashes a pic of her KB tricked out caddy. JULIE I thought I’d just help mom’s and pay off my school loans. KB DIAMOND But you have potential for more, so much more. Do you see it. JULIE Actually, I kinda do. INT. GYM AT COMMUNITY CENTER Roland’s basketball team’s first practice is underway. ROLAND Louis will be our first defender and Jet, you be the first offensive player. A little one on one. Roland tosses the ball to his best player, JET. ROLAND (CONT’D) Take it to the hoop. Jet dribbles the ball twice and Louis snatches the ball away. JET Get off me punk! ROLAND He’s just playing good defense. JET He fouled me. 39.
  • 41. ROLAND I don’t think so. Try it again. Jet takes the ball to the other side. Two dribbles and Louis snags the ball again. Jet grabs it back and tries to dribble to the other side. Again, Louis grabs the ball. Jet elbows him in the nose. The back of his head smacks the floor and blood flows from his nose. INT. HEIDI’S PLACE Roland and Heidi discuss what happened. HEIDI I don’t want my boy to get beat up. If I pull him off the team will you still work with him one on one? ROLAND I don’t think that’s the answer, especially long term. HEIDI Then what do you suggest? ROLAND Promise you won’t get mad? HEIDI Maybe. ROLAND I’m fond of the boy, but he’s tough to deal with. Do you ever discipline him? HEIDI You said he didn’t do anything wrong. ROLAND Jet reacted quickly and aggressively because Louis is constantly harassing him and the other kids. He makes it hard for them to like him. HEIDI I want him to know that I love him, unconditionally. I never had that. 40.
  • 42. ROLAND Understandable. But you want others to at least like him, don’t you? Heidi is becoming visibly upset. ROLAND (CONT’D) I’ve said too much. But I can identify with the little guy, I think I can help him. But at this point that’s not really my place. Roland stands and heads toward the door. ROLAND (CONT’D) I hope you leave him on the team. INT. LOBBY OF COMMUNITY CENTER It’s kick-off night for the basketball season. Banners and hype abound. Roland scans the crowd, no Heidi or Louis. He notices a banner that says “Autographs-Pro Football Player- LANCE ATWOOD. Lance’s friend, CORY, keeps lines organized. Roland ducks into the crowd to avoid being seen. He then sees Heidi and Louis enter the community center. Heidi sees Lance, her face goes pale. She immediately looks at Louis. He has no idea who Lance is or that he is there. She looks back at Lance and he is staring at her. She quickly looks away and ushers Louis into the crowd, out of the lobby. INT. GYM AT COMMUNITY CENTER The scoreboard gives evidence of a blowout. Roland meets his brother-in-law, Chris, at center court. ROLAND You left your two best players in the whole game. CHRIS Everybody played league minimum. And trust me, that Williams kid you got, his dad is not gonna be happy unless he gets a lot more court time than he did today. ROLAND Well, I just think . . . 41.
  • 43. CHRIS Not gonna be happy. In front of the bleachers, Lance finds Heidi, forces a hug. LANCE Kept an eye on the boy. He has the size and with his genetics he’s got to have some raw talent, but you gotta get him in the gym more. Lance sees Roland going to the bench to get his clipboard. LANCE (CONT’D) Hey Birdlegs! Tough game. Reminds me of high school gym class . . . ROLAND My name is still Roland. Heidi can’t believe she hadn’t recognized him before now. HEIDI Birdlegs ... LANCE I don’t remember you ever playing this game. ROLAND We were on different levels. LANCE I got a little time on my hands so, I can give you some help if you’d like. I mean, I was all state. ROLAND I think we’ll be fine. LANCE Hey, it looks like you’ve buffed up a little. Been pumping iron? ROLAND I try to work out some. LANCE Still keeping those birdlegs covered up though. As he walks away, Roland says- 42.
  • 44. ROLAND It’s cold outside. EXT. PARK Heidi and her friend Rachel have their kids at the park. While the kids play on the playground they walk briskly around the perimeter, keeping the kids in sight. RACHEL I saw you talking to Lance after the game. Did it feel like high school all over again? HEIDI It didn’t feel like anything. RACHEL Don’t tell me that. Did you forget all those double dates. I saw you from the back seat, I heard you from the back seat. I . . . HEIDI That was a long time ago. It’s taken some work but honestly, I feel nothing. And why should I? We’ve moved on. That’s what people do when they grow up. RACHEL And Louis’ coach? HEIDI Is Louis’ coach. Louis likes him. They’ve connected, a first for Louis. He’s good for him. INT. MOTHER’S DAY OUT Julie and Roland are putting out the morning snack. JULIE Remember when I told you about the home based business I was starting? ROLAND Yeah, I’ve already got enough business endeavors. 43.
  • 45. JULIE No, I’m not recruiting you. But I did think you might help me with some marketing ideas. ROLAND Oh, well, yeah. I’ll tell you what, I’ll take a look and see if I can help if you’ll help me. JULIE With...? ROLAND Relationship stuff. I’m in way over my head. JULIE Oh, well, sure. Julie is blind-sided by this request and her face is telling. INT. GYM AT COMMUNITY CENTER Roland arrives for his one on one with Louis. He is shocked to see Lance working with Louis and Heidi on the sideline. He turns to leave when Heidi hurries to talk to him. HEIDI Roland! He keeps walking. HEIDI (CONT’D) Roland, wait! He stops but does not turn around. She catches up to him. HEIDI (CONT’D) This is not what it looks like. He was here working out when we got here and started showing Louis some basketball stuff. I told him we were meeting you and he would have to stop when you got here. Louis couldn’t wait to meet you today. Louis runs up and gives Roland a hug. LOUIS Hey, Roland! 44.
  • 46. HEIDI Coach Roland. LANCE Birdlegs! I warmed him up for ya. ROLAND It’s Roland. Thanks. LANCE And Birdlegs, be a sweetheart and drop the boy by Heidi’s when you’re finished. I’m taking her to dinner. HEIDI Oh, no, I wasn’t . . . LANCE I won’t take no for an answer. Lance moves to usher her out. She pulls away. LANCE (CONT’D) Come on now, it’s just dinner, we’ll beat em home. She looks at Roland. ROLAND It’s fine. I’ll call when we finish. They exit. Roland and Louis go to work on basketball. ROLAND (CONT’D) Defense is your strength. We need to work on offense. LOUIS Do you like Lance? ROLAND Come on. Offense. LOUIS I don’t. He’s a show-off, and he’s mean. ROLAND Try dribbling with your right hand, ten times in a row. 45.
  • 47. LOUIS Last night, he made my mom cry. He’s a bully. Does he bully you? I think he does. ROLAND Dribble ten times with your right and then see what you can do with your left. INT. ROLAND’S CAR Roland and Louis are in the car, in the driveway of Heidi’s house. Roland hangs up the phone. LOUIS Are you calling the right number? Should we knock on the door again? ROLAND What would you like for supper? INT. CHUCK E. CHEESE Louis is acting out. He pushes kids off of rides and away from games, he steals their tickets. Roland’s had enough. He grabs all his tickets and heads for the redemption counter. LOUIS Then get me some more tickets cause that’s what I want. ROLAND Pick from the prizes on the second row or the glass case. LOUIS I told you the one I want. Enough is enough, Roland picks him up and carries him out, kicking and screaming. INT. ROLAND’S CAR Heavy rain. Roland tries again to call Heidi, no answer. LOUIS Since I didn’t get a prize will you stop at Walmart and get me a toy. 46.
  • 48. ROLAND I’m trying to call your mother. They drive past Walmart. Louis sees a Dollar General ahead and starts screaming. LOUIS I gotta go! I gotta go! ROLAND Go where? LOUIS Number 2! I gotta go number 2! Now! INT. DOLLAR GENERAL It’s pouring rain. Soaking wet, they enter in a panic. ROLAND Where’s your men’s room? Louis sneaks away. CLERK Sorry, no public rest rooms. ROLAND Sir, we have an emergency here. CLERK Sorry, no public rest rooms. Louis is now examining toys for his final selection. ROLAND Look, it’s not for me. This boy desperately needs to go, number 2! CLERK What boy? Roland realizes Louis is not longer with him. ROLAND He’s probably in a corner making a mess that you will have to . . . The clerk quickly presents the key. CLERK All the way to the back. Straight down isle 6. 47.
  • 49. Roland snatches the key and sets out to find Louis. Louis holds a large truck strapped in cardboard packaging. ROLAND Come on, I got the key. LOUIS Naa, I’m ok now. We can just pay for this truck and be on our way. ROLAND What? LOUIS I don’t need to go now. Bad gas. I do that sometimes. ROLAND You are going to the bathroom. And we are not buying that truck. Louis rips open the packaging. LOUIS Oops. We have to buy it now. Roland tears the truck from his grasp, tosses it on the shelf, picks Louis up and heads for the bathroom. LOUIS (CONT’D) Help! Somebody help me, please! I don’t know this man. He’s making me go in the rest room with him! Help! EXT. POLICE STATION Roland is the first through the door, followed by Heidi dragging Louis and Lance bringing up the rear. LANCE Hey Birdlegs, first time in the slammer? HEIDI I am so sorry. I lost my phone and, I thought you already knew that soft drinks make him crazy. LANCE Bet you won’t forget that one, right, Birdlegs. 48.
  • 50. HEIDI I’m just glad we got it all straightened out and, you won’t have to register as a sex offender. Roland keeps silently walking away. LANCE Can we give you a ride to your car? Louis runs to Roland and hugs him around the waist. LOUIS I had fun, Coach. Thanks! Roland takes a deep breath, his heart melts a little. He ruffles Louis’ hair. Louis returns to Heidi. Roland walks on. INT. MOTHER’S DAY OUT He enters the room, gloomy and depressed, and is immediately mobbed by the kids. He offers little response. JULIE Someone left their happy face at home today. DANIEL Come on Mr. Roland. We’ve been waiting for you to build a fort! LAUREN No, he’s the daddy doll! She shoves a male “Ken” type doll in his hand. LAUREN (CONT’D) Hello there Mr. Daddy doll. He plays along but with no enthusiasm. ROLAND Hello Miss Mommy doll. LAUREN How was your day? Not to be left out, Sophie interjects with her own doll. SOPHIE Yes, dear, how was your day. 49.
  • 51. LAUREN No, Sophie, go play somewhere else. SOPHIE I can play with him too. Roland sees a macho action figure close by and ditches the first doll for the new one. He now has some swagger. ROLAND Ladies, ladies, no need to fight. There’s plenty to go around. He walks his action figure over to Lauren’s doll. ROLAND (CONT’D) I’ll have dinner with you tonight. He walks his action figure over to Sophie’s doll. ROLAND (CONT’D) And we’ll do a movie tomorrow. LAUREN But I wanna go to the movies! ROLAND There’ll be time. Just be patient. Julie intervenes. JULIE Snack time! All the kids jump up and hurry to the snack table leaving Roland with all the dolls. Julie speaks softly to him. JULIE (CONT’D) Get your issues worked out during snack time, and we can talk if you’d like. But these kids deal with enough drama at home. Julie walks away. Roland speaks to the action figure. ROLAND You might be on to something. He puts the doll down. ROLAND (CONT’D) Hey Julie, didn’t you play basketball in high school? 50.
  • 52. JULIE Just church league. INT. GYM AT COMMUNITY CENTER Roland makes two introductions. ROLAND Guys, this is my friend Julie. She’s going to be helping us out. Also, I’ve developed an app to help you with the fundamentals and flow this game. Parents, please let your kids spend 30 minutes a day playing with this app and let’s see if it makes a difference for us. Lance is with Heidi in the bleachers and comments. LANCE An app? That’s his answer to getting his butt kicked every week? MONTAGE of kids using the app at home and in the park. They are playing games, starting to win. Julie, Roland working together, having fun. Lance is in the stands with Heidi. Roland flirts with some of the other moms and even though it’s awkward, they are still responding positively. Lyle is with a different woman every time we see him. INT. GYM AT COMMUNITY CENTER - LATER 52 They are playing Roland’s brother-in-law’s team again. The score board shows the score is tied, time almost gone. Louis steals the ball, throws it to Jet who makes a shot just as the buzzer sounds. Team, fans go crazy. ROLAND Louis, I’m so proud of you. Without your defensive play today there’s no way we could have won. LOUIS Thanks, coach. Heidi and Lance walk up as he’s praising Louis. 51.
  • 53. LANCE Yeah, but we gotta keep working on your offensive performance. That’s what’ll get the chicks attention. Heidi elbows him and gives him the stink-eye. LANCE (CONT’D) What? Emily, another single mom, walks up to Roland with her son. EMILY Are you ready? ROLAND Yeah. He grabs his clipboard and ball bag. ROLAND (CONT’D) See you at practice. He exits with Emily. Heidi watches him leave. Julie watches, seems surprised, disappointed. INT. ROLAND’S PARENTS DINING ROOM A family dinner including Lyle. ED Seems our boy came out of seclusion to become the talk of the town. CHRIS Luck. Pure luck. SANDY Either way Roland, we’re proud of you. And you too, Chris. LYLE Best of all, Roland got an in with his high school sweetheart. SANDY Is that right? ED Didn’t know you had one of those. 52.
  • 54. AMANDA Nobody knew. LYLE Cept me. ED Who is she? We’d like to meet her. ROLAND It’s not a big deal. LYLE He’s just about to marry her, that’s all. I’d say the “Roland Starling Dating Project’s” a success! ROLAND No, it’s far from that. AMANDA Wasn’t she with . . . Chris nudges her and cuts her off. CHRIS Her son had a lot to do with you guys beating us. LYLE Roland’s been working with him, special sessions, one on one. Sandy looks Roland in the eye. SANDY Tomorrow evening, dinner, everyone’s invited. ROLAND Tuesday night after practice, dessert only, you and dad. SANDY Done. EXT. ROLAND’S PARENT’S HOUSE Roland approaches the front door with Heidi and Louis. 53.
  • 55. ROLAND I really appreciate you doing this. I’ll straighten it all out... HEIDI Roland, it’s ok. INT. ROLAND’S PARENTS DINING ROOM Roland, Heidi and Louis are greeted by his “huggy” parents. SANDY So glad to meet you, Heidi! Mom goes in for the hug. ED Hi Louis! He gives him a hug. Ed and Sandy trade “hugee’s”. SANDY Oh, Louis, aren’t you handsome! And so big for your age. ED Hello Heidi! I’m Ed. Roland wants to crawl under the table. ROLAND Uh, mom, what’s that I smell? Sandy looks at her watch. SANDY It’s a surprise! Not done yet. LOUIS Are you guys my grandparents? SANDY Maybe I should check, don’t want it to burn. Sandy makes a quick exit. Heidi looks to Ed. HEIDI I’m so sorry. Sometimes he just blurts out things and . . . 54.
  • 56. ED Louis, we are not your grandparents but anyone would be honored to have you as a grandson. Sandy re-enter the room. SANDY Not quite ready. Awkward silence. ED Would you like the nickel tour? You can start in Roland’s room. It’s really something. HEIDI You still have a room here? ED It’s more like his own apartment. HEIDI You live here? INT. ROLAND’S BASEMENT APARTMENT Roland leads Heidi and Louis into his room. ROLAND It’s more like a laboratory where I happen to sleep. The technology in this room is cutting edge. Here, let me show you the VR system. He fires up the projection system and instantly Heidi’s senior picture flashes on the wall. He gets so shaken that he can’t get it turned off. LOUIS Mom. It that you? INT. ROLAND’S PARENTS LIVING ROOM When Roland, Heidi and Louis return to the living room, his parents are dancing to sixties music. Roland is mortified. Dad grabs Heidi, Mom grabs Louis. ED Hey! Know how to swing dance? 55.
  • 57. HEIDI Always wanted to learn. SANDY Come on Louis! Louis starts dancing like a wild man. Ed pairs Roland with Heidi, begins teaching them dance moves. EXT. PARK Lance and Heidi watch Louis on the playground. He is such a misfit, he mostly plays by himself. LANCE He’s not even trying to play with the other kids. Louis grabs a ball away from another kid. When the kid tries to take it back Louis pushes him down and throws the ball across the playground. LANCE (CONT’D) Heidi, I think it’s time for me to step up and do my part. HEIDI So, why now. What’s in it for you? LANCE I can’t just do the right thing? Lance quickly walks away and takes Louis to a grassy area and tries to teach him some football. LANCE (CONT’D) You need to know how to get in a three point stance. LOUIS Why? LANCE Because that’s how most football players start a play. Lance gets in a three point. LOUIS Why can’t I just stand up? I like standing up better. 56.
  • 58. LANCE This is a better starting position. Try it. Louis tries to get in a three point and falls over. LOUIS That’s not better. LANCE You’re not doing it right. LOUIS I tried to do it like you did. LANCE Well, you didn’t. You didn’t do it right. Louis runs toward his mom. LOUIS Mama! INT. HEIDI’S PLACE Lance, Heidi are on the sofa, Louis on the floor watching a movie, eating popcorn. Lance reaches over, pulls Heidi close but she pulls away. He gives her a “why not” look. She nods toward Louis. Lance nods toward the kitchen. Lance and Heidi go to kitchen to talk. LANCE What’s the deal? HEIDI No PDA in front of Louis, in fact, not with him in the house. LANCE Ok. Let’s get a baby sitter. HEIDI Won’t stay with one. LANCE You’re kidding, right? HEIDI He’s never had a baby sitter. 57.
  • 59. LANCE Rachel? HEIDI Nope. LANCE Your mom? HEIDI She moved away before he was born. Some guy she met on the internet. LANCE There’s gotta be somebody. HEIDI The only person I think he would stay with is Roland. LANCE There you go. HEIDI No way. LANCE Why? HEIDI I’m not gonna ask him to watch Louis so we can . . be alone. LANCE Wait. Am I like, the odd man out? HEIDI No, no it’s not like that. LANCE Then how is it? Louis busts into the room. LOUIS Mom, this is your favorite part! HEIDI Ok. Pause it, I’ll be right there. Louis quickly exits. 58.
  • 60. LANCE I’m remembering now why we never got together. HEIDI You don’t have a clue. Never did. Heidi exits the room. INT. GYM AT COMMUNITY CENTER Roland’s basketball team gets a big win. Roland and Julie hug. Everyone celebrates. Emily is waiting for Roland to finish with the congrats. Lance is not there. Heidi approaches Roland. Julie watches. HEIDI Great game, coach. It’s been a great season. Roland goes for a handshake, Heidi goes for a hug, awkward. ROLAND Louis played well. HEIDI He has you to thank. ROLAND He’s come a long way. HEIDI Roland, can we talk. They step away from the crowd. HEIDI (CONT’D) Roland, Louis really misses spending time with you and . . ROLAND I’ll try to spend more one on one time with him at practice. HEIDI We were wondering if you would like to do another dinner and movie night with us. Tomorrow night? We, uh, we’d both like to see you. He glances at Emily who is watching him, puzzled. 59.
  • 61. ROLAND Yeah, ok. I’ll be there. Heidi exits. Julie approaches. JULIE What was that about? ROLAND Just talking about Louis. JULIE I can’t help you if you won’t tell me the truth. Julie exits. Emily looks on, “what the heck?” INT. HEIDI’S PLACE Roland, Heidi and Louis are clearing the table. ROLAND Great meal. Louis, did you help? LOUIS I’m helping now. ROLAND And doing a fine job, proud of you. HEIDI Why don’t you go get the movie ready and we’ll be right in. LOUIS OK. He exits. Roland takes a load to the sink, sets them on the counter and turns back right into Heidi. ROLAND Oh, excuse me. They do a little dance to go around each other, both begin to laugh and in a surprise move, Heidi gives him a big hug. HEIDI I’m really glad you’re here. ROLAND Me too. Roland and Heidi enter the living room. 60.
  • 62. LOUIS Movie ready to go. Suddenly, someone unlocks the door and tries to enter but the chain is latched. Heidi opens it. It’s Lance. HEIDI I thought you had a team meeting. LANCE Turns out it’s a social event and all the guys are bringing dates. I had a personal shopper pick you out a fancy dress so we can go. HEIDI Now? LANCE Yes, now. HEIDI I have a guest. LANCE Who, ole Birdlegs. He won’t mind. Will you Birdlegs. You can watch a movie with the boy and we’ll be back before it’s over. That’s ok with you, right? LOUIS Yeah, coach Roland. We can watch the movie. That’ll be fun! ROLAND Well, sure. I can watch a movie with Louis. HEIDI We’ll hurry. I should be back soon. ROLAND Yeah, no problem. We’ll be fine. INT. LOUIS’S ROOM Movie’s over. Louis is in his PJ’s. LOUIS Coach Roland, you gonna tuck me in? 61.
  • 63. ROLAND You’ll have to teach me how. LOUIS Piece of cake. Louis kneels beside his bed. LOUIS (CONT’D) First, you get down here like this. Roland starts to kneel. LOUIS (CONT’D) No, the other side. Roland moves to the other side. LOUIS (CONT’D) Now hold your hands like this. Louis folds his hand for prayer, Roland follows. LOUIS (CONT’D) You pray and then I’ll pray. ROLAND Ok. Lord, thank you for a good day. I appreciate you letting me hang with my buddy Louis tonight. I had a good time. In Jesus name, Amen. LOUIS You don’t pray much do you? ROLAND Actually, I do. I just kept it short so you can get to bed. LOUIS Ok. My turn. I’ll keep it short too. Hi God, this is Louis. Thank you that we had a good day and I didn’t get in any trouble. I had fun tonight with coach Roland. Help mommy get home safe and don’t let Lance make her cry, cause it makes me real mad when he does. I guess I’m done now. Amen. He climbs into bed. Roland pulls the covers up. 62.
  • 64. LOUIS (CONT’D) Coach Roland, will you leave the lamp on and stay with me till I go to sleep. I never done this without my mom being here. ROLAND Sure thing, buddy. INT. HEIDI’S PLACE Roland, cleaning the kitchen, Heidi arrives, crying. ROLAND You ok? HEIDI I’ll be fine. ROLAND You sure? I mean, if you need to talk I . . . Heidi turns and lays into Roland with a kiss that makes his toes curl. Caught him completely off guard. ROLAND (CONT’D) Would you mind if we did that again. I was totally not expecting that and I’d like another chance to make a first impression. HEIDI I thought you did great but . . She passionately kisses him again. And the passion continues. They bust into the living room and onto the sofa. HEIDI (CONT’D) Do you have any protection? ROLAND What? HEIDI Protection. You know . . . Roland stands up and heads to the door. 63.
  • 65. ROLAND I got a carry permit, I practice a lot, but I wasn’t sure how you’d feel about me bringing it in here. But I’ll be right . . . Louis enter the room. LOUIS Mommy, is that you? HEIDI Yes, baby. I thought you were asleep. LOUIS I was. But I needed to see you so I can sleep good. HEIDI Ok sweetie. Come on I’ll tuck you back in. ROLAND So, should I go . . . HEIDI No. I’ll be right back. Heidi disappears into Louis’ room. Almost immediately Roland hears someone rustling the doorknob of the front door. Before he has time to react the door swings open and in walks a very drunk Lance. ROLAND Shoulda got the gun. They stand and look at one another is silence for a moment. ROLAND (CONT’D) She’s putting Louis back to bed. LANCE I can wait...Figured you’d be gone. ROLAND We were just, talking. LANCE I’ll tell her you said bye. ROLAND I’ll stick around and tell her. 64.
  • 66. Heidi enters. Sees Lance. ROLAND (CONT’D) He uh, has a key. LANCE We need to talk. ROLAND I’ll wait in the kitchen. LANCE Birdlegs, this don’t concern you. HEIDI It’s ok Roland. You should go. INT. ROLAND’S BASEMENT APARTMENT Roland watches flag football coaching videos. Lyle, not so much. LYLE Hard to believe it’s time for a new season already. ROLAND Who’ll be your first pick? LYLE New kid. Bryson I think. Amazing! ROLAND I haven’t seen him. Fast, quick, good hands, great arm? LYLE Blonde hair, blue eyes, long legs, amazing figure. And good hands, you bet. Hoping to find out if she’s fast and . . . ROLAND Has it come to this? Choose kids based on their mom’s appearance? LYLE Not just their appearance . . ok, mostly their appearance. But this is what it’s always been about, right, meeting hot mama’s and havin’ fun. And I’m excited the field is expanding. (MORE) 65.
  • 67. But then, you’re stuck on Heidi, even though she’s stuck on Lance. ROLAND I’m over that, looking at all options. But, I heard a lot of kids are not gonna get to play this season because there aren’t enough coaches. LYLE Interesting. You know, I’ve posted several pictures of dates on social media and got a lot of comments. ROLAND We agreed, this is on the down low. LYLE My point is, there are lots of potential coaches out there, they just need a little motivation. ROLAND The answer is no. We get others involved we run a huge risk of the whole thing blowing up. LYLE These guys are just like us. They just need a chance, a strategy. They don’t want to hurt anyone and wouldn’t dare do anything to blow up something that is working for them or their friends. And they’re all gonna meet us tomorrow night at the Silver Steer Steak House to learn about our secret. INT. PRIVATE ROOM AT THE SILVER STEER Roland and Lyle host a dozen guys. Roland notices Lance’s friend Cory is among them. Lyle addresses the group. LYLE Most of you are here because you’re certain I’m not smart enough to have photoshopped the pics I have posted. And it’s my pleasure to introduce you to a guy who is smart enough that I don’t have to photoshop and with a little luck, you won’t have to either. LYLE (CONT'D) (MORE) 66.
  • 68. Please welcome the brains behind “Project Hot Mama”, Roland Starling. Applause ROLAND This started out as a way for us to meet women. And it has worked well on that level. You guys have known Lyle and me for a long time and you know we have never been chick magnets. But this simple plan has attracted a certain type of woman that you may or may not be looking to attract. GUY 1 If they look like the ones that Lyle posted, I’m interested! Laughter. ROLAND What you can’t tell from the photo’s is that these are single mom’s looking for a good male influence for their kid. And the way we impress and connect with them is by coaching kid’s sports teams. Many of these women are looking for a long term relationship, not a one night stand. And the most important part of this for me has become my involvement with the kids. So, I hope you guys won’t... Lyle interrupts. LYLE But some of them just want male companionship. That’s why I’ve developed this information kit for anyone interested in a membership to this exclusive opportunity. The look on Roland’s face is shock and puzzlement. LYLE (CONT’D) Your joining fee of only $99 will get you this “Operation Hot Mama” starter kit to take home tonight. LYLE (CONT'D) (MORE) 67.
  • 69. It includes a form to sign up to coach at the community center, tips on how to handle the kids and links to coaching videos for flag football since that’s the season we are about to start. Most importantly there’s an article on what to expect from these single mom’s and tips on how to manage your new situation. Your results will be shocking. I’m telling you guys, I never thought I would have my pick of women but this has opened a whole new world for me. And, for just $19.99 A month you can get updates on coaching videos and articles to help you succeed at your new lifestyle. Now, who’ll be the first to sign up. You would think Lyle was handing out hundred dollar bills at a homeless shelter. Roland is more convinced this is wrong. EXT. FOOTBALL FIELDS AT COMMUNITY CENTER There are new coaches with their teams scattered all over. Roland and Lyle walk to their teams. ROLAND You got a hundred bucks from all these guys? LYLE Bro I coulda got a thousand. Sorry I just sprung that on you. I knew you wouldn’t want to do it but dude, this is a valuable service we’re providing. ROLAND You’re providing. I don’t want any of the money and I don’t want my name on any of the information. This is a bad idea in so many ways. They go to their separate teams. Roland joins Julie, they see quickly there’s a lot of work to do. Kids, parents huddle after practice. Heidi with Lance. LYLE (CONT’D) 68.
  • 70. ROLAND (CONT’D) Some of you know that I created an app to help my basketball team learn the fundamentals of the game. I’ve done the same for this team. Some of it they can do inside, some you’ll want them to do outside. Let me know what you think. I can make improvements as the season moves along. See you on Thursday. Many parents want to shake Roland’s hand. Emily waits like a jungle cat protecting her kill. Heidi and Lance approach with Louis. Heidi offers a hand shake. HEIDI Thanks for all you do for our kids. I’m glad Louis is on your team. ROLAND He’ll always be on my teams as long as it’s up to me. She takes Louis by the hand and leads him away. Lance puts his arm around Roland, looks at Heidi as she walks away, looks back at Roland and does a “hittin’ that” signal, pats him on the back and walks away. Emily approaches. EMILY I’m done. She marches on. Julie approaches. JULIE Your blindness is exceeded only by your stupidity. Julie exits. Roland, confused and speechless, gathers stuff to leave when the community center supervisor approaches. SUPERVISOR I want to thank you again for bringing us all these new coaches. For the first time ever we did not turn away a single child. ROLAND I’m glad. But it was really . . . 69.
  • 71. SUPERVISOR There’s a news crew from channel 3 doing a story on the growth of our program and I told them they had to talk to you about how you got all these new coaches. Supervisor wave the news crew over. Lyle walks up. LYLE Hey, is my ride ready to go. SUPERVISOR He’s about to tell this news crew how he got all the new coaches. News crew in place. ROLAND I don’t have anything to say. LYLE He’s shy. But I’ll talk to you. EXT. FOOTBALL FIELDS AT COMMUNITY CENTER - SEASON MONTAGE The banners are up, it’s game day at the fields and we see big plays from several games that are being played. As the games end we see several of the team huddles as they break with a team yell and go their various ways. There are new coaches on every field who are mobbed by single mom’s after the games and every coach leaves the field with a mom by his side, a smile on his face and a kid in tow. INT. LYLE’S VEHICLE Lyle and a new hot mom are passionately kissing. Lyle stops, holds her face in his hands and delivers his line, LYLE Please be patient with me. I’m, kinda new at this. Her face says “isn’t that sweet” as the passion increases! 70.
  • 72. INT. ROLAND’S BASEMENT APARTMENT Roland is hard at work with his karate class. Lyle eats pizza and talks about their love life. LYLE I don’t know how these movie stars and big time athletes do it year after year. We’ve been at it like, six months. I’m ready to settle on one woman for the long haul. ROLAND Really? LYLE I know, that’s all you ever wanted. It took a while, but I’m there. ROLAND Got anyone in mind? LYLE Not yet. The women I’ve been with so far have been beautiful and all, but, well, I guess there’s a reason they’re SINGLE moms. ROLAND You think any of them would want you as a husband? LYLE Not really an issue. I’m gonna be real careful who the next one is. EXT. FOOTBALL FIELDS AT COMMUNITY CENTER Roland’s team is in the post game huddle. ROLAND Did everyone have fun! TEAM Yeah! ROLAND It’s always more fun when you win. Is the app helping you? TEAM Yeah! 71.
  • 73. ROLAND You look like you’re learning the game somewhere. Keep it up and I’ll see you at practice. Everybody in. They all stick a hand in and do a team chant. As the team disperses, Louis looks down about something. ROLAND (CONT’D) Hey buddy, you OK? LOUIS I stink at this game. ROLAND Hey, don’t worry about it. You’re a smart kid. You’ll catch on. Everything else ok? Louis shrugs his shoulders and shakes his head. Heidi approaches Louis, Julie approaches Roland. ROLAND (CONT’D) Hey, did you know that Julie is a Kidz Biz rep with a lot of cool stuff for kids and moms. I thought you might help with a party. JULIE I’d love to talk to you about it some time. She hands Heidi and business card. HEIDI Thanks, I look forward to it. Heidi exits. Julie turns to Roland. JULIE Thanks for that. ROLAND How’s the Kidz Biz, Biz? JULIE Going well actually. If Heidi does a party soon I could make Diamond. ROLAND That’s great, I guess. Lyle walks up and interrupts. 72.
  • 74. LYLE So, who’s mom is this? JULIE Oh, nobody’s mom. ROLAND Julie’s in charge of the Mother’s Day Out program where I help out. JULIE And I’ve been helping with his teams. LYLE And you told me you went to see the preschoolers. Julie, do you need any more helpers? Julie blushes. JULIE Well, I better go. Oh, Roland, big KB meeting tonight. The Diamond draws near, wish me luck. LYLE Maybe I’ll see you again. JULIE Maybe. ROLAND Hope the meeting goes well. Julie exits toward the parking lot. LYLE Dude, you been holding out on me. ROLAND I honestly thought you guys had met. I’m with her a lot. And she went to high school with us. LYLE She’s perfect. ROLAND Yeah...I, guess she is. LYLE I have a sense about these things, especially when they’re into me. 73.
  • 75. ROLAND No you don’t. You’ve been slapped more than any guy I know. LYLE I’m telling you, she’s gonna be the one. I gotta see her again. ROLAND Dude, trust me, I know her. Not your type. EXT. FOOTBALL FIELDS AT COMMUNITY CENTER Louis is having another rough game and finally runs off the field. Roland sees him but can’t leave the field. Louis keeps running toward the community center. Roland looks to the bleachers, sees Lance go after him. Lance catches up to him in the rest room. LANCE What are you doing? LOUIS I stink at this game! I’m terrible. I’m hurting my team every time I go on the field. LANCE You can’t just run off like that. LOUIS I’m not going back. LANCE Your team needs you. LOUIS They need me to not play anymore. LANCE You can do better, you just gotta try harder. LOUIS I’m trying as hard as I can. LANCE If you go back out there I’ll get you a toy after the game; one of those transfigure things you like. 74.
  • 76. LOUIS Not worth it. LANCE An hour at Chuck E. Cheese. LOUIS Nope. LANCE Two. LOUIS Why do you care anyway. It’s not like you’re my dad. LANCE If I were I’d do what my old man did to me. I’d yank your pants down and spank your bare butt till it was bright red. That’d get you out there. Louis turns his back to Lance, yanks down his pants and bends over. LOUIS I’m not going back out there. You can’t make me. A grandfather type enters, stops and surveys the situation. Lance hurries out of the room. Louis pulls up his pants as he walks into a stall and closes the door. The game is ending as Lance gets back to the field. He immediately approaches Roland, grabs him by the arm, keeps walking. LANCE We’re going some place to talk. INT. SPORTS BAR Lance, Cory and Roland are seated at the bar. LANCE Give us a couple more down here. The bartender obliges. Roland doesn’t drink so he waits until Lance is distracted by a girl walking by and then swaps his full can with an empty of the guy beside him. 75.
  • 77. LANCE (CONT’D) That is too fine. Cory, get her number for me. Cory goes to work. LANCE (CONT’D) Heidi, she’s a nice girl and all, and I feel bad about the kid, but he’s an odd little dude, isn’t he. She never disciplines him. My old man would have beat me to a pulp. ROLAND She’s doing what she thinks is best with him. But he’s tough to manage. LANCE I feel like I owe it to her and the kid to give it a go but, I don’t know man. ROLAND It will take a special kind of guy to help her with him. LANCE He loves you, man. He’ll do anything for you. How do you do it? ROLAND He gives me trouble too. LANCE You gotta give me some tips. ROLAND He’s gotta feel like you love him and that you treat his mom well. Cory interrupts the conversation. CORY Dude, I got like a dozen contacts for you. Name, number and some super sweet pics. They all wanta meet you. Take a look at this one. LANCE You know, I’d trade em all for another chance with Heather. ROLAND Heidi. 76.
  • 78. LANCE What? ROLAND You said Heather but you meant Heidi. LANCE No dude, I haven’t told you about Heather? She’s, she’s the best ever. And LJ, now that’s a real boy, takes after his old man. But she won’t give me the time of day. I screwed up bad man, restraining order bad. CORY Which one you want? I’d like a shot at this one if that’s ok. (to Roland) You wanta pick one? ROLAND Heather... and LJ? LANCE She didn’t always hate me. EXT. FOOTBALL FIELDS AT COMMUNITY CENTER Fourth quarter. Roland’s team is down by a touchdown. Julie is on the bench, helping keep order. JULIE Coach, you have a couple of players that need some more playing time. ROLAND Ok. Send em in for, Ted and Reilly. JULIE Sure you want Reilly out? ROLAND Ok, uh, Jonathan? JULIE Good choice, coach. Game over, Roland’s team celebrates a win. Julie hangs around, seeming to want to talk to Roland. Lyle shows up. LYLE Congratulations, man. 77.
  • 79. ROLAND Thanks. They are interrupted by Louis. LOUIS Coach, Roland. Roland faces him and kneels to get on his level. ROLAND Yeah, buddy. LOUIS I stink at this game. Will you help me learn the plays and stuff. Roland cuts his eyes to Heidi. She nods her approval. ROLAND Sure I will. We’ll figure out a time to get together and... LOUIS How about right now? Again, Heidi nods approval. Lyle takes advantage of the opening with Julie. LYLE Wanna get some lunch? Julie glances at Roland, back to Lyle. JULIE Sure. Why not. Julie and Lyle leave together. Heidi steps up to Roland. HEIDI He’s really having a tough time catching on to this game. ROLAND I’m having a little trouble catching on myself. Can you explain what’s going on? HEIDI What do you mean? 78.
  • 80. ROLAND I can’t stop thinking about that kiss and you act like it never happened. Heidi sighs deeply. HEIDI I’m not sure what to say other than, it’s complicated. ROLAND Did it mean anything to you? HEIDI I’m trying to figure things out, ok. When I do, we’ll talk about it. EXT. FRONT YARD Roland and Lyle throwing a football. LYLE If things were going to blow up they would have by now. And it looks as if everyone has a girl and is really happy. Most importantly, they’re paying their monthly dues! ROLAND I still can’t believe . . . LYLE Get over it. ROLAND I’m afraid that at some point, this thing will blow up, and even if Heidi ends up with Lance I don’t want her to think I lied to her. I’d want her to tell ME the truth. LYLE Whatever, dude. I think that’d be a huge mistake. You willing to throw the rest of the guys under the bus to help yourself with a long shot? ROLAND Long shot? 79.
  • 81. LYLE Be real, man. She’s been into Lance as long as you’ve been into her. They got history, lots of it. And, I’m sorry man but take a look at him and all he has to offer and then, look at you. Ed and Sandy come out on the porch. ED Roland, will you come here a sec? Roland goes to the porch, Lyle follows. ED (CONT’D) Son, we’re very proud of the effort you have made, getting out in the community, making a difference, finding a nice girl like Heidi. ROLAND Dad, I have to say . . . ED Hear me out. In honor of your effort, we had a contract written to go ahead and sell you the house. Sandy presents the contract. ROLAND Is this for real? SANDY We feel like you deserve it. ROLAND I’m still working on the money. ED You don’t have to sign it now. Get it back to us when you can. ROLAND Thanks. Thanks a lot. Ed and Sandy re-enter the house. ROLAND (CONT’D) Oh man, my whole life is a sham, a house of cards. And now the whole thing depends on a long shot. 80.
  • 82. LYLE If you want a real shot at Heidi then you gotta do something different. Really different. Drastically different. Cause what you’re doing now ain’t working. You gotta become what she really wants, and for now, you ain’t it. INT. ROLAND’S BASEMENT APARTMENT He sits at the computer, alone, googles Lance. Watches video interviews, finds pictures; studies them. Goes to Amazon. ROLAND I’ll show ‘em different. EXT. FOOTBALL FIELDS AT COMMUNITY CENTER Roland shows up at the next game as a carbon copy of Lance. The kids are huddled around an intense Roland before the game. Julie is in the background but close by. ROLAND Win this and we’re in the championship game! Are you guys ready to win! Are you ready to get after those guys, get after them hard! Hit em high, hit em low, drive them into the ground! The kids stare at him with fear in their eyes. KID Coach, are we still playing flag? As the game moves along Roland’s team does well, scores several times and is winning at halftime. Roland acts as if they are losing in his halftime speech. ROLAND Alright guys, we’re gonna turn up the heat in the second half. They’re gonna rue the day they stepped foot on the field with us! KID What does that mean? Louis, other kids, not off the bench much. Julie does her best to keep them focused but even she is getting agitated. 81.
  • 83. JULIE Coach, you got a few players that need to go in. ROLAND We met league minimum first half. JULIE You’re running up the score. ROLAND Big game. Can’t be to careful. JULIE Who are you, and what did you do with Roland? Roland glances at Heidi, she looks at him but quickly looks away, very disappointed. Louis is bored and sad, drawing in the dirt. He looks at the scoreboard. Two minutes left, four touchdowns ahead. He looks to the bench. ROLAND Alright guys, you’re going in. They run onto the field. First play, one of them trips over his own feet, tosses the ball in the air. A kid from the other team catches the ball and runs for a touchdown. Next play they throw a pass. The intended receiver falls, other team intercepts, returns it for a touchdown. Roland is getting nervous but doesn’t want to yank the kids so quickly. They run a couple of plays. Then the kids get confused. The QB tries to hand-off; no one. He quickly turns the other way, no one there. As he looks the other direction a defender takes the ball from his hands and into the end zone, TD. Again they throw a pass, gets intercepted, Louis quickly pulls the guys flag. Roland calls time out. Huddles the kids on the field. Kids on the bench are standing. Going in? ROLAND (CONT’D) Guys, I have faith in you. All we have to do is stop them on this one play and the game is over. So, get out there and do your best. LOUIS You’re leaving us out there? ROLAND Yes. 82.
  • 84. KID You sure? ROLAND I trust you. Don’t let me down. They go back to their positions. Louis locks his eyes on the QB. The QB looks over the defense, calls the signals, the ball is snapped and he’s off. He heads for the wide side of the field, confident he can outrun the defenders. Louis squares up with him. The QB tries to shake and bake but Louis is locked on his flag. As he flies past, Louis snatches his flag, the game is over, the celebration begins! ROLAND (CONT’D) Hey buddy, I’m really sorry . . . LOUIS Why did you put us in. We almost lost the game. Do you know how bad we would feel if that happened. Louis walks away. ROLAND I’m really proud of you! Heidi walks to Louis, gives Roland the stink eye and leaves. Lance runs over to Roland, dressed exactly the same. LANCE Congratulations on the big win. And hey, diggin your new style. He pats Roland on the back and runs to catch up to Heidi. Roland sees Julie leave with Lyle without saying goodbye. Emily even walks away with her son without speaking. Roland sits on the bench alone, feeling like a failure. EXT. COMMUNITY CENTER PARKING LOT Heidi and Julie talk. Lance, Louis, Lyle in background. HEIDI What was up with Roland today? 83.
  • 85. JULIE I’ve never seen him like this. It’s like an alien took over his body. HEIDI By the way, I’ve been talking to a bunch of the other mom’s and we would love to have a Kidz Biz party. I’ll settle on a date and let you know. JULIE Great! Thanks. Heidi walks away. JULIE (CONT’D) Yes! That should put me over the top! Hello Diamond! Goodbye school loans! INT. HEIDI’S PLACE Lance watches Heidi as she moves about the kitchen. LANCE You are so graceful. HEIDI What? Lance slowly moves toward her. LANCE The way you move around the kitchen; it’s like watching a good wide receiver run a route. HEIDI O . . k? LANCE Like, like a ballerina dancing. He slides his arm around her waist, pulls her close. HEIDI Better. He moves in for a kiss. She pulls away. HEIDI (CONT’D) You know the rule. 84.
  • 86. LANCE The kid’s not in here. HEIDI But he’s in the house. He could bust through that door any second. LANCE Girl, you used to jump my bones anytime, anywhere. HEIDI That’s how I got him. You suddenly want things like they used to be. Well, guess what, things change. LANCE Look, I report to camp soon. It’ll be hit or miss when I’m around. HEIDI Some things never change. His voice escalates. LANCE Football’s my job. HEIDI Then go to work. I don’t remember asking you to invade our world. LANCE I just thought it’d be nice to give it a chance, see what . . . Heidi begins to cry. HEIDI Just go. Get out! Louis busts through the door. LOUIS Mommy, are you ok. HEIDI Yes, sweetheart. Mommy’s fine. LANCE Yeah, she’s fine, so, run along. Louis doesn’t buy it. He’s not leaving. 85.
  • 87. LOUIS Uh, I’m hungry. HEIDI What would you like? LOUIS I don’t know, what we got? Louis commands her full attention. LANCE I don’t have time for this. Lance abruptly turns, knocks Louis to the floor. LOUIS Ouch! HEIDI Watch where you’re going! LANCE It was . . . Lance gives up and storms out the door. EXT. FOOTBALL FIELDS AT COMMUNITY CENTER Roland’s team is practicing to prepare for the championship game. He is still in “Lance mode”. Things aren’t going well. ROLAND What is wrong with you guys today?! You haven’t done anything right! KID I think we’ve been about the same as always coach. ROLAND No, no you haven’t. You guys stink and my team doesn’t stink. LOUIS We’re doing our best, coach. JULIE Coach Roland just wants to make sure you guys know this is an important game. 86.
  • 88. ROLAND Make sure you get the update to the app. Work hard this week! Hands in. The team huddles up tightly and sticks in a hand. ROLAND (CONT’D) Who’s the best! TEAM We are! ROLAND Who wins! TEAM We do! The huddle breaks, kids scatter. Heidi approaches. Julie watches from a distance. HEIDI Hey coach. Interesting practice. ROLAND You, need something? HEIDI Would you like to come over for dinner tomorrow night? ROLAND You and Lance need a baby sitter? HEIDI Fair enough. How about your parents house? I’d love to see them again. INT. ROLAND’S PARENTS HOUSE Roland watches as Ed dances to the oldies with Heidi and Louis and Sandy sit, looking through his scrapbook. LOUIS This is my favorite. He shows her the picture he drew of Roland saving him. Amanda, Chris, Bonnie and Ryder enter followed closely by Lyle and Julie. Greetings and hugs all around. All are seated in the dining room. The bell rings and the trading begins; they are playing Pit. 87.
  • 89. Amid the action, Roland finds himself looking at Julie. His face says, “I should be with her.” She catches him looking and flashes a coy smile. Game ends. Julie goes into kitchen. Heidi follows. HEIDI I didn’t realize you would be here. JULIE Last minute invite. Typical Lyle. HEIDI And he doesn’t mind the way you and Roland look at one another? JULIE And, what way would that be? Heidi gives her a “you know” look and exits. Heidi and Louis stand at the door, preparing to leave. LOUIS Wait. He runs to give Sandy and Ed a hug and a kiss on the cheek. He then pulls Roland down to speak privately. LOUIS (CONT’D) Sometimes I pretend you’re my dad and Sandy and Ed are my grandparents. Roland whispers back. ROLAND That makes me feel very special Louis. But don’t tell anyone else. They might not understand. Louis nods his head in agreement, delivers a big hug. Heidi and Julie discretely exchange looks before they exit. EXT. HEIDI’S PLACE When Heidi and Louis arrive home, Lance is in the drive. LANCE Why didn’t you answer your phone? Where have you been? 88.
  • 90. HEIDI I’ve been busy. Lance follows closely, chirping in her ear. LANCE Doing what? HEIDI Having fun. You should try it. LANCE With who? HEIDI Anyone you’d like. He grabs her arm, spins her to face him. LANCE You know what I mean. She pulls loose, walks away. He’s back on her heels. HEIDI Come back when you’ve calmed down. LANCE I’m ca . . . He’s so close he trips her. She falls to the ground. Louis goes off and starts kicking, hitting and screaming at Lance. LOUIS Leave my mommy alone you big jerk! No one makes her cry but you! Lance helps Heidi up. He then grabs Louis and holds tight. HEIDI Don’t you dare hurt him! LANCE I just want him to calm down! HEIDI Louis! Stop! Settle down. He stops flailing. LANCE I’m gonna put you down now. Stay calm, it’ll be ok. 89.
  • 91. Lance kneels as he sets Louis down to be on his level. As soon as the grip loosens, Louis spins and screams - LOUIS I hate you! He spits in Lance’s face, runs to the house. Heidi follows. Lance sits back on his heels, slouches forward. This is not how he intended for this to go. INT. MOTHER’S DAY OUT Julie and Roland talk about game night. ROLAND That game really brought out the competitor in you. JULIE I can scrap with the best of ‘em if it’s something I want. ROLAND Speaking of which, what about Lyle? Is he something you want? JULIE Lyle’s fun. But hey, you finally got with Heidi? ROLAND She’s got a great kid but, it’s not what it looks like. Julie’s face-”Then what is it?” She then exits. EXT. PARK Roland and Lyle talk about life as they test a new battle app that Roland is developing. LYLE I’m gonna ask her to marry me. ROLAND What? Really? 90.
  • 92. LYLE Playing the field has been fun but I’m ready to settle down, have a real relationship. I owe it all to you my friend. ROLAND Don’t you think you’re rushing into this? Maybe you should slow down, give it some thought. LYLE Already thought about it. It’s what I want to do. ROLAND What if she doesn’t feel the same? LYLE Oh, she does. Trust me. ROLAND Are you sure? Have you asked her? LYLE No need too. It’s written all over her face every time we’re together. ROLAND What about when you’re not together? Lyle is confused. ROLAND (CONT’D) I was with her this morning at Mother Day Out. She practically asked me out. LYLE You hittin on my girl? ROLAND What? No. LYLE How did she “practically” ask you out? Either you do or you don’t. ROLAND Look, I told you, not your type. 91.
  • 93. LYLE How can you know that? I don’t even know what my type is. ROLAND She said you’re fun but that was it. Dude she’s not that into you. And frankly, I wanna ask her out. LYLE You’ve known her since grade school and just realized that? ROLAND Dude, I just got the nerve to date anybody. This is all new to me. LYLE Look, I know things with Heidi haven’t worked out the way you hoped, but that doesn’t mean you have to destroy my life! Good grief man, I thought you were my friend! ROLAND I am! That’s why I’m telling you, she’s not serious about you. I’m taking a shot. EXT. FOOTBALL FIELDS AT COMMUNITY CENTER Whole league turns out for the Championship Game. Julie assists Roland who is still dressed as Lance. Amanda, runs into Heidi. AMANDA Big game today! HEIDI Hope they do well. Amanda leans in. AMANDA Listen, I want to thank you for hanging in with Roland long enough for him to get the house deal done. I know he can be difficult, but this was important to him and I appreciate you making it happen. Amanda quickly exits leaving Heidi confused. Heidi moves on toward the bleachers, runs into Roland. 92.
  • 94. ROLAND Louis here? HEIDI Under protest. ROLAND Really? HEIDI After the last game and practice? Are you kidding? What has happened to our lovable nerd? Heidi leaves. Roland thinks, looks at his watch, runs off. Heidi takes a seat in the stands, obviously saving a seat and looking for it’s proposed occupant. New coaches are in the stands with their new girlfriends. Roland returns having changed clothes, back to his usual. He then shocks everyone by starting the game with his second string. Parent 1 and his wife are seated in front of Heidi. PARENT 1 What the heck is he doing? His wife elbows him. PARENT 1 (CONT’D) Look! He’s starting the second string! Elbow again. PARENT 1 (CONT’D) He’s just handing them the game! She elbows him again as she turns to Heidi. WIFE Louis played such a good game last week. He’s one of the reasons we’re in the championship today. PARENT 1 Are you kidding. He realizes his wife is not talking to him, then realizes she is talking to Heidi and completely changes his tune. 93.
  • 95. PARENT 1 (CONT’D) Louis is a great player. There’s not a bad player on the whole team! Roland is huddled with the boys on the field. ROLAND Ok boys, you’re doing well. Now, let’s play good defense and get the ball back. In quick succession, Louis pulls three flags, the other team pulls three, scoreboard shows all zero’s, score and clock. ROLAND (CONT’D) Great job guys. Go take a rest and let your team mates have a shot. The kids are exchanging places. Parent 1 quietly- PARENT 1 Thank goodness. In quick succession, Roland’s team scores a TD but fails on the extra point. Scoreboard shows 6-0. Then the other team scores and makes the extra point. Scoreboard, 6-8, halftime. Roland’s halftime speech. ROLAND I’m really proud of all of you. You’ve worked hard all season and you’ve come a long way. We’re doing great today. We’re in this game. We can win this. You can do this! Roland plays the subs to start the second half. PARENT 1 What? The other guy has played his starters the whole time. WIFE Aren’t you glad all of our kids are getting to play? PARENT 1 Huh, oh, uh, yeah sure. The other team scores on their first possession and makes the two point conversion making the score 16-6. ROLAND Huddle up guys. I have an idea. 94.
  • 96. Then, to everyone’s surprise, Roland’s second string breaks a reverse for a touchdown. Extra point good. The score 16-14. The fourth quarter begins, first team back in the game. It’s a defensive battle. No one scores until, with one minute left in the game Roland’s team picks off a pass and runs it in for a score. The extra point is good making the score 16-22. The other team gets the ball with under a minute to go. They break a couple of good runs and get a first down. They call time out with just enough time for one last play. ROLAND (CONT’D) Louis, you’re in. I want you to rush the quarterback. As soon as the ball moves, go as hard as you can and pull his flag, ok, lazer focus, nothing stops you, nothing distracts you. On the final play of the game the quarterback fakes a hand off to the running back but Louis isn’t fooled. He goes straight for the QB, pulls his flag just before he throws a pass for what looks like a game winning touchdown. The ref blows the play dead. REFEREE The quarterback’s flag was pulled prior to the forward motion of the throw. The touchdown is not good and time has expired. Roland’s players and parents go wild. The kids carry Louis off the field on their shoulders as the hero of the game. SUPERVISOR Will the coach of the winning team please come forward to receive the championship trophy. Crowd stands and cheers as Roland goes to receive the trophy. SUPERVISOR (CONT’D) Roland, I know you and your team have worked hard for this. You certainly gave us an exciting game. Congratulations to you and your team on a great season. Again, the crowd responds with great favor as Roland victoriously holds the trophy over his head. 95.
  • 97. Meanwhile, Lance walks onto the field, takes the microphone. LANCE I would like to add my congratulations to Roland and his team. I have watched them work very hard and frankly, I’m surprised at the progress they’ve made. Roland, you’ve been an amazing coach, which makes this hard to do. I’m sorry to be the one to have to bring this to everyone’s attention but it has to be done in order to preserve the reputation or our community center. As you all know, this is where I grew up. So when I heard of someone abusing some of our folks, I had to respond. Roland has been the architect of a plan called “Operation Hot Mama”, designed to take advantage of many of the mothers of kids involved in the programs of this fine center. Yes, it resulted in many coaches joining the program. But at what cost. Have the kids really been served when all the coaches were after was a superficial relationship with their mom’s. I’m trying to keep this G rated for the kids but I think everyone knows what I mean. I’m sure the community center will do the right thing and, again, I hope all you ladies will be ok. A number of the women pull away from the guy they have come to respect and care about and look at them with disgust. Other parents are shocked at the news. SUPERVISOR Ladies and gentlemen, this is the first I have heard of this. I promise you we will get to the bottom of these allegations and take the appropriate steps to correct the situation. Roland is in shock. He looks around at all the arguments that have started between the coaches and their girlfriends. He wants to speak but doesn’t know what to say. He sets the trophy down and walks away. Julie follows from a distance. 96.