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Steve Vitto Positive Parenting Part Two

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Steve Vitto
Steve Vitto

Steve Vitto's presentation for Parent Nights at Reeths Puffer Elementary School, Shelby Association for Retarded Children-Shelby Town Hall, & Muskegon, Michigan ARC 2010 Available in English and Spanish svitto@muskegonisd.org

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Positive Parenting Reeths Puffer Elementary PRESENTED BY STEVE VITTO
Lets begin at the end of the journey:Adulthood YOUR CHILDREN What are your dreams for them? What do you want them to be like? What qualities to you hope they will possess? What lifes skills do you believe they will need? What is the most important gift you can give them? What kind of relationship do you want them to have with you?
Hopeful Responses Character Caring Confident Decent Law Abiding Assertive Trustworthy Honest Healthy Drug Free Happy and Well Adjusted Successful
What influences the way you parent? The way you were parented. What you feel is right. How someone has told you to parent. What the research says What healthy adults say What unhealthy adults say
The research is clear. In over 10,000 studies conducted all over the world the most common variable associated with a child having a healty social emotional adjustment is: a. strict disciplne and limits b. consistent punitive consequences for bad behaviors c. being your child’s friend d. rewarding good behavior e. believing that they are loved :
The research is clear. In over 10,000 studies conducted all over the world the most common variable associated with a child having a healty social emotional adjustment is: : e. believing that they are loved by you!!
So how do we get there???? We walk the talk. We model the behavior we want to see in them. We learn how to listen. We learn how to forgive. We teach and guide rather than punish and control. We are consistent and fair We are firm We are fun
Always show your child that they come first, that they are the most import thing in your life "To the world you might be one person, but to one person, you might be the world." -Anonymous
CHILDREN GO WHERE THERE IS EXCITEMENT AND STAY WHERE THERE IS LOVE!
But surely their needs to be consequences, but…. Consequences should be viewed as an opportunity to teach Punitive Consequences are the least effective way to change “bad” behavior So what changes bad behavior? Teaching, loving, guiding, listening, relating, investing time, loving, and enforcing limits that are fair and built on trust!!!!
Social Emotional Development as a Foundation for School & Life Success Some key indicators of school readiness that are linked to social emotional development: Persistence at difficult tasks Ability to express emotions appropriately Ability to make and sustain relationships with peers and adults Confidence Ability negotiate and cooperate in a group setting When children don’t have these skills, they are less likely to benefit from even the best instruction and they are more likely to engage in challenging behavior What we know about social development in preschool and children’s later life success
What about spare the rod??? “The Rod” was intended to be a symbol of guideness. There is no record of Jesus EVER encouraging parents to hit their children!!! What message do we send kids when we hit them? Do we want our children to fear us or turn to us for guidance? Will hitting them when they make a mistake increase the liklihood of coming to us with a problem??? Absolutely NOT!!!
Do parents who hit their kids love them??? Absolutely!!! But we have learned betters ways, and we can change any time we want!!! There is more than one way to get to the end of the journey and hitting by parents sends a message that “violence” is necessary to resolve conflicts. You have to ask yourself, do I want my child to fear me or care enough about me to want to please me? Do I want my child to approach me when he has a problem? Will this happen if fear ia a major disciplne tool? Would you were a child did you lways tell the truth even though you would be spanked or punished? Kids who tell their parents the truth do so out of love, respect, trust and a notion that they will be treated fairly!
Universality of Effective Parenting Approaches ‘ Understanding disciplining’- NFPI Review of research on what works in managing children’s behaviour. Concluded that children fared best with an authoritative approach to parenting, which combined affection and firm boundaries with an encouragement of children’s independence.
Authoritarian Parenting Style Rigid, controlling Demanding Punitive Unreasonable expectations Adult-like job, chores Parent always right Parent makes decisions Little affection, warmth Unexpressed ideas, feelings Parent in control Little encouragement, praise Building Strong Families – Positive Discipline Overhead #1 Less Effective
Permissive Parenting Style Parent avoids control High level of nurturing, communication Few rules, guidelines Inconsistent Parent easily frustrated Few expectations Few demands Few social rules Parent behaves as friend Obedience not encouraged Building Strong Families – Positive Discipline Overhead #2 Less Effective
Authoritative Parenting Style Parent clearly in charge Firm guidelines Flexible boundaries High level of communication Respects ideas, feelings, emotions Mutual respect Teamwork, give and take Parent accepts uniqueness Allows for mistakes Reasonable expectations Appropriate responsibilities Healthy role modeling Encourages independence Affectionate Building Strong Families – Positive Discipline Overhead #3 This is the most effective style supported by extensive research!!!
Alternatives to Punishment Show the child ways to more effectively solve the problem Strongly disapprove (though not forbid) harmful or dangerous behaviors State expectations-teach 3-5 expectations that are consistent with school-wide expecations Show how to make amends or restore the harm they have done to others Give a choice- start with the good thing that can happen for compliance before bring up negative consequences or threats Logical Consequences- be fair with consequences. They should be fair ,reasonable, and relate to the problem behavior Take action when you feel you child has been mistreat by the school , a coach, a relative- but NEVER INFRONT OF THE CHILD. The child and school should always see the school on the same page!!! NEVER DISAGREE WITH THE PRINCPIAL OR CHILD’S TEACHER IN FROMT OF THE CHILD!!!! Let the child experience resoanble consequences Restoration and Forgiveness Use Data to evaluate interventions!!! Building Strong Families – Positive Discipline Overhead #7
The Parenting Tips Booklet Positive Approaches for Challenging Behaviors   Developed by Susan Mack, MA Steven Vitto, MA MAISD Behavioral Consultants A POSITIVE BEHAVIORAL SUPPORTS PROJECT
Basic Principles of Positive Behavior Support “ If you know why, you can figure out how….” All behaviors meet needs Positive approaches teach children a better way to meet needs One of the best ways of teaching desired behaviors is by modeling them When it comes to children, we need to “walk the talk.”
POSITIVE PARENTING BOOKLET TABLE OF CONTENTS Positive Behavioral Support 4 Qualities of Strong Families 5 Keeping it Simple 6 10 Keys to Successful Parenting 7 9 Ways to Make Waiting Fun 9 9 Things to do Instead of Spanking 10 8 Ways to Positively Cope 13 5 Ways to Parent with Finesse 15 4 Ways to Teach your Child Trust 16 General Parenting Tips 17 Teaching Self Control 19 Teaching Kids to Care for Others 20 Doing Chores 21 Doing Homework 23 Getting Along with Brothers and Sister s 24 especting Adults 25 Controlling Temper and Anger 26
TABLE OF CONTENTS Stealing 27 Watching TV 28 Teaching Responsibility 30 Dealing with Tantrums 31 Winning the Bedtime Battles 32 Developmental Stages 36 Reinforcing Good Behavior 37 The Language of Encouragement 41 When to Say “No” 42 Problems with Punishment 43 Consequences that Teach 44 The Dad Influence 46 When Behavior Becomes a Problem 47 When Does a Child Need Mental Health Treatment 48 More Positive Parenting Helpful Tips 50 Where to Turn for Help 52
POSITIVE BEHAVIOR SUPPORTS Positive Behavioral Supports (PBS) recognizes that all behaviors meet needs PBS teaches kids there is another way to approach needs PBS views misbehaviors as an opportunity to teach instead of punish PBS recognizes that behavior doesn’t occur in a vacuum PBS believes that there are no “bad” kids, only kids searching for a way to fit in PBS values teaching self-control instead of external control PBS requires us to provide positive, loving environments that are conducive to learning PBS requires us to develop clear expectations and routines The expecation should be taught at home!! PBS requires us to provide effective consequences that teach as opposed to punishing consequences that hurt
Recognize that all behaviors meet needs. The needs are: To obtain or avoid: Attention Task or Activity Item Person Power and Control Sensory
The Conflict Cycle
Steps for Corrective Teaching Stop the behavior Explain why the behavior is problematic Provide a reasonable consequence (which optimally will involve learning and/or restoration) Model the desired response Have the child practice the desired response Reinforce the child for using the desired response
FOR MORE INFORMATION http ://www.slideshare.net/svittoatmuskegonisd.org/steve-vitto-positive-approaches-for-all-children Bridge4kids.com PBIS.org Casel.org eboard.com.michiganpbs PositiveParenting.com Parentsuccess.com Parenting.org Kidinfo.com/parent_resources/Parenting_tips.html Parentsmart.com Kidsourcectdta.org/parenting http://muskegonisd.org Reach Steve as 231-767-7279 Or [email_address]

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Steve Vitto Positive Parenting Part Two

  • 1. Positive Parenting Reeths Puffer Elementary PRESENTED BY STEVE VITTO
  • 2. Lets begin at the end of the journey:Adulthood YOUR CHILDREN What are your dreams for them? What do you want them to be like? What qualities to you hope they will possess? What lifes skills do you believe they will need? What is the most important gift you can give them? What kind of relationship do you want them to have with you?
  • 3. Hopeful Responses Character Caring Confident Decent Law Abiding Assertive Trustworthy Honest Healthy Drug Free Happy and Well Adjusted Successful
  • 4. What influences the way you parent? The way you were parented. What you feel is right. How someone has told you to parent. What the research says What healthy adults say What unhealthy adults say
  • 5. The research is clear. In over 10,000 studies conducted all over the world the most common variable associated with a child having a healty social emotional adjustment is: a. strict disciplne and limits b. consistent punitive consequences for bad behaviors c. being your child’s friend d. rewarding good behavior e. believing that they are loved :
  • 6. The research is clear. In over 10,000 studies conducted all over the world the most common variable associated with a child having a healty social emotional adjustment is: : e. believing that they are loved by you!!
  • 7. So how do we get there???? We walk the talk. We model the behavior we want to see in them. We learn how to listen. We learn how to forgive. We teach and guide rather than punish and control. We are consistent and fair We are firm We are fun
  • 8. Always show your child that they come first, that they are the most import thing in your life "To the world you might be one person, but to one person, you might be the world." -Anonymous
  • 9. CHILDREN GO WHERE THERE IS EXCITEMENT AND STAY WHERE THERE IS LOVE!
  • 10. But surely their needs to be consequences, but…. Consequences should be viewed as an opportunity to teach Punitive Consequences are the least effective way to change “bad” behavior So what changes bad behavior? Teaching, loving, guiding, listening, relating, investing time, loving, and enforcing limits that are fair and built on trust!!!!
  • 11. Social Emotional Development as a Foundation for School & Life Success Some key indicators of school readiness that are linked to social emotional development: Persistence at difficult tasks Ability to express emotions appropriately Ability to make and sustain relationships with peers and adults Confidence Ability negotiate and cooperate in a group setting When children don’t have these skills, they are less likely to benefit from even the best instruction and they are more likely to engage in challenging behavior What we know about social development in preschool and children’s later life success
  • 12. What about spare the rod??? “The Rod” was intended to be a symbol of guideness. There is no record of Jesus EVER encouraging parents to hit their children!!! What message do we send kids when we hit them? Do we want our children to fear us or turn to us for guidance? Will hitting them when they make a mistake increase the liklihood of coming to us with a problem??? Absolutely NOT!!!
  • 13. Do parents who hit their kids love them??? Absolutely!!! But we have learned betters ways, and we can change any time we want!!! There is more than one way to get to the end of the journey and hitting by parents sends a message that “violence” is necessary to resolve conflicts. You have to ask yourself, do I want my child to fear me or care enough about me to want to please me? Do I want my child to approach me when he has a problem? Will this happen if fear ia a major disciplne tool? Would you were a child did you lways tell the truth even though you would be spanked or punished? Kids who tell their parents the truth do so out of love, respect, trust and a notion that they will be treated fairly!
  • 14. Universality of Effective Parenting Approaches ‘ Understanding disciplining’- NFPI Review of research on what works in managing children’s behaviour. Concluded that children fared best with an authoritative approach to parenting, which combined affection and firm boundaries with an encouragement of children’s independence.
  • 15. Authoritarian Parenting Style Rigid, controlling Demanding Punitive Unreasonable expectations Adult-like job, chores Parent always right Parent makes decisions Little affection, warmth Unexpressed ideas, feelings Parent in control Little encouragement, praise Building Strong Families – Positive Discipline Overhead #1 Less Effective
  • 16. Permissive Parenting Style Parent avoids control High level of nurturing, communication Few rules, guidelines Inconsistent Parent easily frustrated Few expectations Few demands Few social rules Parent behaves as friend Obedience not encouraged Building Strong Families – Positive Discipline Overhead #2 Less Effective
  • 17. Authoritative Parenting Style Parent clearly in charge Firm guidelines Flexible boundaries High level of communication Respects ideas, feelings, emotions Mutual respect Teamwork, give and take Parent accepts uniqueness Allows for mistakes Reasonable expectations Appropriate responsibilities Healthy role modeling Encourages independence Affectionate Building Strong Families – Positive Discipline Overhead #3 This is the most effective style supported by extensive research!!!
  • 18. Alternatives to Punishment Show the child ways to more effectively solve the problem Strongly disapprove (though not forbid) harmful or dangerous behaviors State expectations-teach 3-5 expectations that are consistent with school-wide expecations Show how to make amends or restore the harm they have done to others Give a choice- start with the good thing that can happen for compliance before bring up negative consequences or threats Logical Consequences- be fair with consequences. They should be fair ,reasonable, and relate to the problem behavior Take action when you feel you child has been mistreat by the school , a coach, a relative- but NEVER INFRONT OF THE CHILD. The child and school should always see the school on the same page!!! NEVER DISAGREE WITH THE PRINCPIAL OR CHILD’S TEACHER IN FROMT OF THE CHILD!!!! Let the child experience resoanble consequences Restoration and Forgiveness Use Data to evaluate interventions!!! Building Strong Families – Positive Discipline Overhead #7
  • 19. The Parenting Tips Booklet Positive Approaches for Challenging Behaviors   Developed by Susan Mack, MA Steven Vitto, MA MAISD Behavioral Consultants A POSITIVE BEHAVIORAL SUPPORTS PROJECT
  • 20. Basic Principles of Positive Behavior Support “ If you know why, you can figure out how….” All behaviors meet needs Positive approaches teach children a better way to meet needs One of the best ways of teaching desired behaviors is by modeling them When it comes to children, we need to “walk the talk.”
  • 21. POSITIVE PARENTING BOOKLET TABLE OF CONTENTS Positive Behavioral Support 4 Qualities of Strong Families 5 Keeping it Simple 6 10 Keys to Successful Parenting 7 9 Ways to Make Waiting Fun 9 9 Things to do Instead of Spanking 10 8 Ways to Positively Cope 13 5 Ways to Parent with Finesse 15 4 Ways to Teach your Child Trust 16 General Parenting Tips 17 Teaching Self Control 19 Teaching Kids to Care for Others 20 Doing Chores 21 Doing Homework 23 Getting Along with Brothers and Sister s 24 especting Adults 25 Controlling Temper and Anger 26
  • 22. TABLE OF CONTENTS Stealing 27 Watching TV 28 Teaching Responsibility 30 Dealing with Tantrums 31 Winning the Bedtime Battles 32 Developmental Stages 36 Reinforcing Good Behavior 37 The Language of Encouragement 41 When to Say “No” 42 Problems with Punishment 43 Consequences that Teach 44 The Dad Influence 46 When Behavior Becomes a Problem 47 When Does a Child Need Mental Health Treatment 48 More Positive Parenting Helpful Tips 50 Where to Turn for Help 52
  • 23. POSITIVE BEHAVIOR SUPPORTS Positive Behavioral Supports (PBS) recognizes that all behaviors meet needs PBS teaches kids there is another way to approach needs PBS views misbehaviors as an opportunity to teach instead of punish PBS recognizes that behavior doesn’t occur in a vacuum PBS believes that there are no “bad” kids, only kids searching for a way to fit in PBS values teaching self-control instead of external control PBS requires us to provide positive, loving environments that are conducive to learning PBS requires us to develop clear expectations and routines The expecation should be taught at home!! PBS requires us to provide effective consequences that teach as opposed to punishing consequences that hurt
  • 24. Recognize that all behaviors meet needs. The needs are: To obtain or avoid: Attention Task or Activity Item Person Power and Control Sensory
  • 26. Steps for Corrective Teaching Stop the behavior Explain why the behavior is problematic Provide a reasonable consequence (which optimally will involve learning and/or restoration) Model the desired response Have the child practice the desired response Reinforce the child for using the desired response
  • 27. FOR MORE INFORMATION http ://www.slideshare.net/svittoatmuskegonisd.org/steve-vitto-positive-approaches-for-all-children Bridge4kids.com PBIS.org Casel.org eboard.com.michiganpbs PositiveParenting.com Parentsuccess.com Parenting.org Kidinfo.com/parent_resources/Parenting_tips.html Parentsmart.com Kidsourcectdta.org/parenting http://muskegonisd.org Reach Steve as 231-767-7279 Or [email_address]