Heart and Sell: 10 Universal Truths Every Salesperson Needs to Know

INTRODUCTION

Balancing Heart and Sales

I don’t remember the exact date it happened, but I’ll never forget the feeling.

Five hours into teaching a sales seminar for a client in Mexico, I was convinced I had everyone hooked. I’d spent 15 years as a salesperson developing a system, and though I was new to the training business, my audience had taken to it pretty well. They laughed at my stories. They nodded along with my ideas. I was feeling good.

I’d just finished talking about the importance of what I call Third-Level questions—questions that lead you to the deeper, emotional why behind people’s purchasing decisions—when a salesperson at the back of the room raised his hand.

I like all of this stuff you’re teaching, he said, "but won’t the customer feel sort of, well, manipulated by all of these sales techniques?"

The room fell silent.

I had never been asked that question before and it threw me. My whole mission was to teach ethical behaviors to salespeople. That was the point of my system: building an authentic connection.

I did my best to look confident, however I was anything but. Was this my inexperience teaching me something new, or—and this was the scarier option—was I teaching techniques that were shallow and even manipulative? That wasn’t who I was or what I wanted to be.

I stalled for time.

Let me think about that tonight, I said. And we’ll discuss it in the morning.

Fortunately, that evening I was invited to dinner with the top salespeople at the seminar. An older gentleman introduced himself as Apapacho.

Apapacho? I asked. I hadn’t heard that name before.

It’s a nickname, he explained. It means ‘hugger,’ or ‘affectionate one.’

Apapacho told me a little bit about his background; he’d been with the company for 25 years, was one of its top salespeople, and yet . . .

I have a confession to make, he said. I’ve never received formal sales training. I simply love my customers. I am a student of people. Apapacho had met many of his first customers when their kids were in elementary school. Now, those same children were graduating from college and raising kids of their own. He had been a fixture in their lives, sending holiday cards just after Thanksgiving with pictures of his three dogs.

To them, I guess I’m just Apapacho! he said.

At that moment, I knew I had my answer for the man in the back of the room, and so, the next morning, I jumped right into it.

I want to talk to you about yesterday’s question, I said. "I think you’re right. If you simply use sales techniques and don’t genuinely care for and connect with your customers, you’ll falter. You’ll sound staged, even manipulative. In fact, if that’s the only way you know how to sell, you should find another profession."

The man who’d asked the question nodded. It was hitting home.

"But be careful about going too far in the other direction. If all you have is apapacho—that affection for your customers—and you never use any solid techniques, you’ll probably do well in sales, but not as well as you could," I continued, before sharing my big realization from the night before.

"When you combine proven techniques with apapacho, I said. That’s when you will find true success."

At its core, this is a book about human connection. It’s about how to come from a place of apapacho with your customers—and with everyone you meet. It’s about how to use proven sales skills without losing your authenticity.

Plenty of books will help you maximize your profits and get the most out of your employees. Those books are rife with techniques to ignite and incentivize your sales force, and they have their place in the world.

This is not one of those books.

Instead, this book will change the way you think about what it means to put your heart into what you’re selling. The philosophy in this book is the real game-changer: It’s a shift in perspective, a leap of faith that many of the world’s most successful leaders—in sales, in politics, in any business—have made. Now you can too.

What does it mean to have your heart in selling? It means living in an ethical and principled manner, of course. But more than that, it means genuinely caring about improving the lives and businesses of your customers. It means understanding human needs and behavior, and using that understanding to form an authentic connection, rather than trying to finesse a quick sale. It means leaving space to truly listen rather than bulldozing your way through a meeting. It means listening for the emotion behind the words—and caring about what you hear! Above all, it means living these principles in every aspect of your life.

If you are in a leadership position, selling with heart will increase job satisfaction among your management teams and sales forces. Teams that sell with heart are more open, more receptive, more engaged, and better able to let their passions and talents shine through.

The 10 Universal Truths: An Introduction

During the past 20 years, my colleagues and I have had the chance to work inside many Fortune 500 companies with enviable cultures and superior products. At the height of the market collapse, we helped fledgling real estate companies keep their doors open and regain their competitive edge. We have boosted call center revenue by teaching sales reps the psychology behind their scripts. Our training materials have improved the lives of hundreds of thousands of salespeople and young entrepreneurs—from new recruits to veterans wishing to master their game.

I’ve spent a lot of that time wondering why salespeople selling the same things and following the same processes can have such vastly different results. How can salespeople in the same auto dealership, real estate agents in the same marketplace, and sellers of similar software products produce such different outcomes? Why does one salesperson earn $50,000 per year, whereas another in the same industry earns $400,000?

Seeking answers to these questions, I made it my mission to study top sales leaders and salespeople in various industries.

For each person I studied, I asked myself: What did they say—and what didn’t they say? How did they do it? Did they have secret tricks or best practices they could share?

It turns out that top salespeople have a lot of differences beyond the products they sell and the industries in which they work. Some are educated and some are streetwise; some are effusive, whereas others are shy. Some come from wealth, whereas others have struggled. But they are all the same in one important way.

Beyond knowing what to say and why to say it, the best salespeople know something else; something deeper, more penetrating, and more sustaining.

Talk to successful salespeople and you’ll find that they have one thing in common. They not only lead with their hearts when connecting with others, they also connect deeply to themselves and their own goals and dreams. In other words, they know who they are and what they want out of life. Regardless of what they sell, where they live, or who their customers are, the best salespeople are authentic and filled with a sense of purpose.

This authenticity is more important than ever. If we as salespeople aren’t coming from a place of integrity, customers know it instantly. Today’s buyers, as I’m sure you’ll agree, are savvier than ever, and they’re wary of staged presentations and canned pitches. A recent Gallup poll found that customers consider salespeople such as real estate agents, auto dealers, and phone reps among the least ethical of all professions—only lobbyists and members of Congress ranked lower!

I’ve spent the majority of my career developing systems, models, and templates, but I’d never tell you that there’s a one-size-fits-all method for sales. People are different and complex. Products are diverse. And markets are ever-changing. But though I don’t believe in one-size-fits-all solutions, what I do know is this:

There are a few powerful principles about human behavior that apply to everyone, everywhere, every time. There are truths that help you not only connect with others, but also with yourself and your deeper purpose. They will not only help you do your job more effectively and authentically, they will also help you live a richer and more fulfilling life.

Top salespeople know how to balance heart and sales. They also understand that unless they really know themselves, they’ll never truly connect with their customers—or anyone else, for that matter. They know that what you do matters, but who you are matters more.

These universal truths are all about achieving that balance, and more deeply connecting with your authentic self.

Please don’t imagine that I’ve written this book because my life has been a parade of awards and victories or, conversely, struggle, failure, and pain. It’s been an incredible and necessary combination of both. I’ve always lived my passion. I’ve always put my heart and soul into everything I’ve done. It hasn’t always worked in my favor, but I don’t have many regrets. My sincere hope is to help you find your purpose in life or, perhaps, reignite the passions that once propelled the choices you’ve already made.

Sales can be a tough game. It’s full of rejection, stress, and self-doubt. But once your dreams are more potent than your fears, you will find that your rewards are far greater than your struggles.

This book and the 10 universal truths I’ll share with you constitute a definitive guide to selling more and living with greater pride and purpose. I hope you find it provocative, funny, inspirational, authentic, and, above all, filled with heart.

The 10 Universal Truths

Success starts with the growth equation. Top salespeople share a willingness to take responsibility for their weaknesses, a deep curiosity about their customers and the world, and a desire for mastery. They commit to using what they’ve learned about their processes to continue improving. When you master this growth equation you will not only improve your sales record, you will transform your life.

Emotions drive decision-making. The desire to be loved, to create closeness, look good, feel good, be remembered—even to belong—drives all of our decision-making. Our ability to uncover our customer’s emotional dominant motivators will dictate our success.

Freedom lives in structure. Pilots run through preflight checklists. Free-throw shooters develop rituals to help them hit the same shot time and again. Bakers adhere to time-tested recipes. So why should it be different in sales? Highly successful salespeople have a process they follow and they follow that process every time. It may sound counterintuitive, but structure creates the freedom to act authentically and to create true connection.

In sales, no never means no. Are you paralyzed by fear? Good. Top salespeople know that the more fear they feel, the more important it is to tackle the fear. What you’re afraid to do, you must do. The question you’re afraid to ask, you must ask. In this chapter, we’ll look at getting out on the skinny branches. Failure is inevitable. Resilience is a life skill, one that will fill your soul and your pocket.

Trust begins with empathy. Trust is born of empathy, integrity, reliability, and competency. You need all four traits, but without connecting on an empathetic level, you won’t have a chance to demonstrate the other three. Empathy is the first building block of trust. We can’t pretend to have empathy. Empathy is not about shifting the conversation to what you want to say or judging your customer. It’s about being fully engaged and present to someone else’s emotions.

Integrity matters. Once we cultivate true empathy, we find it impossible to lie to or cheat our customers—or anyone, for that matter, including ourselves. The word sales comes from the old English word for give. When we sell, we must give. We can only maintain trust and enjoy enduring success when we cultivate honorable traits like reliability, competency, and integrity. Eventually, they become part of our character.

Anything that can be told can be asked. When we ask the right questions, we uncover what matters most. Discovery questions uncover customers’ needs, direct their thinking down a path we choose, generate curiosity, and ultimately move them to action. These questions build rapport, gain commitment, and help your prospects sell themselves. Well-crafted questions help us make a point loudly, without having to raise our voice. Good questions create change. Great questions can change the world.

Emotional commitment precedes economic commitment. Most salespeople incorrectly assume that they can create a sense of urgency by threatening scarcity or appealing to greed. But if people don’t want what you’re selling, they won’t care if there are only two left or whether you’re throwing something else in. (Anyone want a stagecoach? It’s on sale today only! And I’ll throw in some horseshoes for free!) In this chapter, I’ll discuss ways to engage customers with stories and build urgency by demonstrating how your product connects to precisely what motivates them.

Removing resistance takes persistence. As soon as a prospect displays resistance, most salespeople drop the price, modify the terms, or otherwise change the offer. But the truth is: only when someone is in a receptive emotional state can you close. This section will include strategies for keeping customers receptive, isolating the toughest customer objections, and uncovering the real and final objection so you can close more deals more quickly.

Looking for wrongs never makes you right. Every day, in every encounter, you have a choice. You can look for what’s right about that person or experience—what’s valuable or productive—or you can look for what’s wrong. When you’re interacting with your associates or your customers, don’t look for reasons why they won’t buy. Look instead for reasons why they will buy. Whatever you look for, be certain you’ll find it!

The Truth About Truths

After a large training event I presented a few years ago, an older man from the front row approached me and told me he’d been coming to my seminars for years.

I’ve listened to all of your CDs, he said. I watch your DVDs every week . . .

I smiled, wondering what he was going to tell me. If a guy is watching and listening constantly to my work, I figured I was due for a big compliment, right?

Wrong.

But I gotta tell you, he continued, your training doesn’t work.

I was shocked. I didn’t know why he was telling me this or why he kept listening to my stuff if it wasn’t working for him!

But I was curious. I asked him to tell me a bit about his process, and he described how he sold. I had to admit: He was a serious student of my work. (Heck, he knew my material better than I did.) It sounded as though he really grasped my approach to sales. He was saying all the right words and asking all the right questions.

Then I asked him to actually show me his presentation—and suddenly the problem was obvious.

Right from the start, it was clear that something was missing. He knew exactly what to say and do, yes, but something was interfering with his ability to execute everything properly. After we talked a little more, I got to the heart of the issue. It turned out that he didn’t actually believe in his product and—even more importantly—he lacked compassion for his customers. It didn’t matter what he was saying; he came across as inauthentic.

I encounter a lot of salespeople who are full of knowledge, but light on results, and I tell them what I told this man:

You can know something intellectually, but that doesn’t mean you can execute it effectively.

I’ve been rock climbing for years. Before any climb, I study the route and learn all about the type of rock. But, believe me, once you’re hanging from a rope at several hundred feet, knowing how to do something and actually doing it are two very different things. Yikes!

The only way any of us can improve our performance is by closing the gap between what we know and what we’re actually doing.

You may have read the summary of the 10 Universal Truths and thought, But I know all this. Of course I know I’m supposed to build trust, ask questions, and take responsibility.

But here’s the tough question: Are you actually doing it? And are you doing it every time or maybe even most of the time?

If not, why not?

It turns out there’s a very good reason.

Tackle Your Tendencies

Like other animals, humans fall into default modes when performing difficult or even life-preserving tasks. Think of these default modes as the path of least resistance: doing whatever takes the least amount of work or mental energy. The moose who visits our backyard doesn’t veer far from the lush grassy patch. Why? It takes more effort to get food from elsewhere. The food is plentiful just where she is.

I first heard the term default mode in my Anusara yoga class. My instructor told the students that everyone has certain tendencies. We default to these tendencies when we aren’t hyper-focused. Why? Because they’re easier. Our bodies naturally default to the easiest positions. We slouch our shoulders, or hang our head, or forget to breathe properly. When we’re not really paying attention, we tend to slide into default mode. With time, in the workplace, these tendencies can lead to dramatic underperformance.

There’s a hard science to explain why. Neuroscientists have discovered a part of the brain they call the default mode network. It becomes hyperactive when we’re in what’s known as a resting state.¹ (This is actually a good thing after work, during a break, or on weekends because this downtime refreshes the brain.)

Using this part of the brain can limit your abilities when interacting with a prospective customer, however. To truly connect, you must wake up out of this state. You must be fully present to sell with integrity and authenticity. Yet, somehow, this state of wakeful rest is where we all retreat to when we’re distracted.

Have You Fallen Into Sales HELL?

H = Habits

E = Ego

L = Lack of knowledge

L = Laziness

HABITS

We default out of sheer habit. Many sales veterans are guilty of this. You’ve been doing something wrong for so long, you can’t see how it wreaks havoc on your performance. Or the action is so subtle that you can’t distinguish the behavior as a hindrance.

Charles Duhigg writes in The Power of Habit that when we repeatedly perform even mundane activities (such as brushing our teeth, brewing our morning coffee, or parallel parking) we form neurological patterns.² The more you repeat a behavior, the more you ingrain the habit. If you are unkind every day, you become an unkind person; if you don’t listen to people, you become self-centered; when you empathize every day, you become empathetic. As the saying goes, we are what