The H.O.P.E. Tribe: Honoring Open, Perceptive, and Empathic Children: Insights and Practical Strategies for Raising Intuitive, Empathic, and Spiritual Children.

Copyright © 2018 Valerie Lynch.

All rights reserved. No part of this book may be used or reproduced by any means, graphic, electronic, or mechanical, including photocopying, recording, taping or by any information storage retrieval system without the written permission of the author except in the case of brief quotations embodied in critical articles and reviews.

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The author of this book does not dispense medical advice or prescribe the use of any technique as a form of treatment for physical, emotional, or medical problems without the advice of a physician, either directly or indirectly. The intent of the author is only to offer information of a general nature to help you in your quest for emotional and spiritual well-being. In the event you use any of the information in this book for yourself, which is your constitutional right, the author and the publisher assume no responsibility for your actions.

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ISBN: 978-1-9822-0536-2 (sc)

ISBN: 978-1-9822-0535-5 (hc)

ISBN: 978-1-9822-0557-7 (e)

Library of Congress Control Number: 2018906442

Balboa Press rev. date: 06/08/2018

Table of Contents

Dedication

Mission Statement

Purpose and Function

How to Read This Book

Part One: What is the H.O.P.E. Tribe?

Chapter 1 The Journey

How did we get here?

Chapter 2 The Members

Who is a part of the H.O.P.E. tribe?

Chapter 3 The Language

What is the common understanding?

Chapter 4 The Soul Kaleidoscope

How can a metaphor for soulful living guide us?

Chapter 5 The Manifestations

How do I know if my child is a highly sensitive, intuitive, or empathic?

Part Two: Why is the H.O.P.E. Tribe needed?

Chapter 6 The Implications

How does H.O.P.E. show up in our lives?

Chapter 7 The Ways of Protecting

Why do our children need to be protected?

Chapter 8 The Navigating

How do we navigate social beliefs, constructs, and systems?

Part Three: How Do We H.O.P.E.?

Chapter 9 The Action Mindset

How do we live H.O.P.E. and use it in practical ways?

Chapter 10 The Strategies

How can I build H.O.P.E.?

Resources

Works Cited/References

Dedication

This handbook is written for all children, all souls yet to be on this Earth, and the adults who have been entrusted with the care of them. It is for myself, my son, my daughter, my family, and my HOPE Tribe. Many thanks to my ‘home base’, Carol, the woman who believed in me so much that the spill over has given me renewed faith and belief in myself. Thanks to Sylvia, a gentle kind and loving soul that has visited (she resides on the other side) me frequently to give me strength, courage, support, and love on my journey. Thank you to my loving sister for all her emotional support during all the trying times in my life, helping me to seek balance, soulful expansion, and being a shoulder to cry on when the growing pains and ‘the shifts’ caused tears. I love you.

Mission Statement

From spirit to Earth, this book is inspired to help empower adults and children to see the positive outcome of connecting through the power of hope, believing, and trusting in our own experiences. More specifically, this book speaks to creating a HOPE tribe of believers, so that our children can live soul-actualized lives in a way that is productive and meaningful within our current social constructs. Robert Holden said, If you are alive you need help. Too often we stay isolated, disconnected, and alone, especially in parenting. The HOPE Tribe is not just a book, it is a living idea. It is meant to share strategies and insights and be a starting point for people to begin discussing empathic, sensitive, and perceptive children. It is a change agent, a dialogue starter, a shift maker, and a means for parents and others to begin implementing strategies to help their children cope and be the best they can be.

Purpose and Function

This book’s purpose is to be an initial conversation starter, an introduction into a shift that needs to be made in our society’s mindset regarding young people. This book will in no way provide all the information on this topic, however, my hope is that this book will not only give parents some ideas and strategies for fostering their child’s intuitive, empathic and spiritual side, but will also inspire dialogues in families, communities, and schools about how we demonstrate ‘believing’ in our children. After reading this book, I hope people are ‘moved’ to create their own HOPE tribes and to begin conversations of their own about how to live out the tribe’s values. As you read please keep in mind that this is merely a guide and handbook for practical insights and strategies. This is meant to be an easy read that gives ideas for relating, connecting, and building tribes. Further dialogue and research will be useful as well for many topics and ideas discussed in this handbook.

How to Read This Book

When reading this book, it is important to know what you are looking for, your launching point. Some will be looking for immediate strategies for the child in their life. Others will want to take more time and read the book from front to back in an orderly fashion. There is no correct way to utilize this book. It is a resource. The hope is to inspire a parallel process. This parallel process starts with meeting you where you are at, just as you meet a child where they are at emotionally, spiritually, and behaviorally. The goal is to provide support in whatever way you are needing it in this moment.

With this said, it is recommended to read the book in its entirety at some point. In reading the book in its entirety, one will gain a deeper understanding. It will be essential to comprehend the premise of this work and how it relates to the foundational concepts within the strategies. If you find yourself skipping ahead to explore a strategy or a chapter that is ‘speaking to you’, I suggest that you make a commitment to return to the pages you’ve skipped, as this book is about a process. When working with a child it is the process that often leads to the greatest connection and the best use of the strategy.

The book looks at the impact of supports on a child. These supports range from organizing a Tribe of believers, recognizing a style of interacting, the importance of relating between adult and child, and internal supports that a child can integrate for future use. Remain open to where you find yourself and what you are looking for. Soulful inquiry for each member of the H.O.P.E. tribe is seen as paramount. Personal growth and discovery is aimed to be the outcome.

Wayne Dyer states that believing is seeing so believe that you have found this book for a reason. Prepare to believe and see. Take notice of what comes up for you. When we explore deep within we live outwardly more aligned with that energy. This energy creates the way we relate to the world. From this positive energetic plan, we are able to call into existence those in our tribe who will serve our greater good and highest self. Enjoy the process.

Part One

What is the H.O.P.E. Tribe?

Chapter 1

The Journey

How did we get here?

Hope is the conduit for miracles-Gabrielle Bernstein

Let me first share what inspired this book. Gabrielle Bernstein said it best, Hope is the conduit for miracles. This quote changed me as soon as I heard it and has stuck with me in a profound way. It has helped shape how I choose to live my life. I haven’t always been a hopeful person. Believing my limiting and negative self-beliefs has been my habitual pattern until about a year ago. Sometimes it really is life’s greatest pain that brings about the greatest positive change. My family has been through several struggles the past few years and it has rocked my world in a way that required soul level healing and a new way of living and perceiving life. This struggle has forced the issue of seeing how my negative self-talk keeps me from living from a true joyous place. In the past I approached life from a perspective of scarcity rather than abundance. I’ve had to do a lot of soul searching, a lot of tear shedding, and a lot of looking at how my beliefs shape and create my life. Dr. Wayne Dyer has said that ‘believing is seeing’. So true. For if we truly believe we will see. So lately, I have been seeing this book on shelves at book stores, seeing it in the hands of mothers and fathers on airplanes as I travel, seeing it in the hands of teachers as they ponder what is needed in their classrooms, and ‘seeing’ it provides support to all who read it. Our thoughts are powerful tools in our life, and all too often we ignore them, alter them to meet societal views, and change them to a more negative story out of fear. These negative thoughts and stories prevent us from living a self-inspired, soul-actualized life. Living a soul-actualized life is one that is lived based on daily soulful expression, living your unique life purpose, being true to your life’s path while living in deep alignment. A convicted soul-actualized person realizes their strengths, their limitations, their purpose, and how to interact in a world without selling out to false beliefs. My greatest inspiration for this book is a result of a collision between past and present. This collision consists of the past, a glance back in time at my childhood as well as the present, seeing my own children for who they truly are. I am ready to live my best life and my greatest hope is that my children will do the same. For children to really learn to live a soul-actualized life, they need a tribe. They need believers, supporters, and champions for their individual talents, skills, and abilities. Children need people who help them navigate their world and act as facilitators for their own dreams and aspirations. In a material world like the world today, a tribe can help children decipher between operating on a fulfilling soul-level and one that is driven by ego.

Feeling alone, foreign in this world, and separate somehow from my family, as a child I felt incredibly ‘small’. Childhood was emotionally difficult for me. The emotional tension was like a rubber band stretched so thin it threatened to snap. My current reality was so far from an ideal place that I found myself lowering my expectations, falling victim to the destructive programs taught to me, and fearful of making it out. We tend to forget that children are in fact people, too. We try to put an age on when a child becomes a person. For example, when you are an adult you can talk to me about that. or you don’t need to worry about that until you are older. And perhaps my least favorite, you are too young to understand. Parents make similar comments to their children when they themselves are cautious of addressing a certain situation, topic or issue. Examples might include, discussing curfew, a child’s wants, what your child will eat for dinner, where babies come from, why there is mean people in the world, and why natural disasters occur. This projection decreases connection, filling a child’s spirit with guilt for questioning and exploring their own inner wonder. We forget that children are little people, smaller versions of adults. Yes, they need guidance, but they don’t need to be molded out of an attempt to control or out of fear. We can learn so much from our children, their souls completely open. Perhaps this is the fear of parents? If we open the dialogue, will we lose our own identity as the person in charge. What might happen if we let go and lose control? The irony is that this may be the best lesson of all and children have the power to teach it. All too often our world tries to treat children as extensions of their parents or change them into who the world thinks they need to be. As my children would say, children become like little minions. Children can be left feeling like they are here to do someone else’s work and not their own. The meaning of ‘work’ here is a child’s soul purpose, their life calling, their imprint on this world, their legacy, and what they have to offer. I do not ascribe to the parenting mentality of ‘do as I say not as I do’ nor do I believe that children should ‘be seen not heard’.

Nothing is worse, at least in my humble opinion, than feeling completely alone even when surrounded by people. I felt alone as a child and rarely felt understood. As a young child I remember desperately trying to get my parents and siblings to see and acknowledge me. So desperate for connection, my seeking mind and spirit did what it needed to survive, it allowed me to see that I was not alone. What I termed, because that was the only understanding I had at the time, an imaginary friend was not imaginary at all. She was my spirit friend, someone who I grew very close to and someone who joined my very own hope tribe. Despite my family’s efforts to tell me ‘my friend’ didn’t exist, I would not listen. I listened to music with her, set a place at dinner for her each night, and talked with her daily. I called her ‘Cinco’. Yes, like the number 5 in Spanish. The synchronicity is that the number 5 in numerology is a number that represents the five senses, including sight, hearing, touch, smell, taste, as well as the five elements, we know them as earth, air, fire, water, and spirit. The number 5 also brings attention to how change is inevitable if we wish to learn and explore. Cinco had dark eyes, dark hair, and dark skin. She is beautiful. You see she is still here, with me, encouraging me to keep going, put my thoughts on paper so the world may hear my voice. A voice that so long ago was told was too tiny but now holds the power to fuel a revolution for children. Some would say that my imaginary friend was just a symbol or a therapeutic representation of a stressful or tumultuous time in my life. Those who know the deeper story know that I am a survivor of childhood abuse and trauma. I had to face these questions and accusations. Was she real or imaginary? According to common beliefs backed by articles, imaginary friends are just that… imaginary. But I knew Cinco was different. While she was there to share my deepest pain and to comfort me in times of overwhelming loneliness, like many say about their imaginary friends, she also had a body, mind, heart and soul. I could see her in the corner of my pink walled room, a shy timid concerned young girl, giggling joyfully to cope with her own anxiety. She became my trusted sidekick, attending school with me, sharing stories and ideas, giving me a sense of security that something imaginary could never do. A warmth would come over me, a slight tearfulness evoked by true connection filling my eyes. A true connection that came from the spirit realm. A child who had come, fully in spirit and soulful expression, to do what no one else could. Cinco knew me, all the in’s and outs, all the scary stuff, my deepest fears and dreams, she held them for me, waiting for the right time to unleash them and allow my own soul to serve. Our connection is deep and our purpose intertwined. No one can discredit her realness and while not all children who claim to have an imaginary friend will be experiencing a spirit or soul from the other side, some will. This does not mean that we need to bombard our child with questions that create a sense of concern about their experience, it simply means we must be open to the idea that their experience holds possibilities of contact with another realm.

Fast forward a year. I began to have more experiences where I would hear a song on the radio and have ‘apparitions’ (unknown to me at the time of what they actually were called) and ‘people’ would appear. I could see them in their lives as if it was happening in the moment, but I knew the people were no longer living in the physical realm. They had crossed over, passed away. Interestingly enough, I was never afraid and always felt at peace with these ‘visitors’. In ways I felt safer with them than with people in my own physical realm. Their visit was one of peace and brought a message of hope. I remember during Desert Storm the song ‘Show Me The Way’ by Styx would be played on the radio often, even nightly at one point. I would hear it and soldiers would line up in my room. It was an odd feeling as a child, not sure what to make of it. It was as if they were right there with me. Even with an active imagination, I knew this was different than creating something in my mind. This experience, and others, would guide me later in life. Even today I get chills as I write this, fully aware of how these memories propel my desire to connect with others about life beyond what we perceive as real and by bringing awareness to these experiences.

It was a big concept for a young girl to understand, only 12 years by this time. Show Me the Way became my guiding force, a song that encompassed my experience and was shared with others often. It played an integral part in my process of healing my past trauma, the war that raged within me. Here are a few lines from the song that speak to my experience, lyrics that signal the need for a HOPE Tribe.

…And I feel this empty place inside so afraid that I’ve lost my faith

Show me the way, show me the way

Take me tonight to the river

And wash my illusions away

…That I wake up each morning and turn on the news to find we’ve so far to go

…And if I see your light, should I believe

Give me the strength and courage

To believe that I’ll get there someday

The lyrics shine an illuminating light on the need for this HOPE tribe guide. A guide for finding hope within a tribe of believers, those not afraid to remain childlike, curious and open to the mysteries of life. As implied in the song, we do not want our children to lose faith. We can’t afford for them to. Intuitive and empathic children have such meaningful roles to play in our society and in our communities. The world is full of illusions, ones that try to ignore our spiritual nature and make life something more material and ego focused. The HOPE tribe wants to dispel these illusions and move from an ego-focused mindset to a more open, holistic, love inspired, and soul engaged way of living. The children of tomorrow are the holders of this idea. The adults of today will either inspire or hinder this work. Children must be encouraged to live out their inspiration in a way that touches the masses and speaks to the interconnectedness of all. The HOPE tribe becomes about putting hope into action. To live H.O.P.E. is to Honor Open Perceptive and Empathic children in a way that values them for who they are, promotes their growth, gives meaning to their experiences, and allows them to live out their soul’s meaningful work. For the past 17 years, Show Me the Way has been my mantra, my prayer, my guiding light. The words remind me of who I am, what I stand for, my hopes and fears, and my deep desire to help heal others. For now, my soul’s purpose is to give back in a way that honors children’s stories while offering helpful strategies to promote intuitive and empathic living.

As a child an Angel came to me. She visited often, and I enjoyed her presence. She sat with me. She had a maternal energy, comforting and nurturing me in difficult times. One day, ridden with heartache caused by intense loneliness, she sensed my deep despair. She came to me and gently said, someday I will guide you home. Like a guardian angel, she assured me that she would help me find my place in this confusing world. Under her wings, I would find my home. This powerful journey is not over by any means, however, I believe she has delivered her promise. I am home. It is through this delivered promise that I remain hopeful and trust that the process will continue to heal, not only my wounds but the wounds of the world around me.

My childhood, full of events once thought ‘random’ but now wholeheartedly known as orchestrated by a loving universe, led me to the idea of the HOPE tribe. These events, too many to name, may seem small to my audience yet in the mind of a growing girl attempting to make sense of a dark and often hopeless world, were profound. As a sixth grader I remained after school to talk with my teacher. This event that in the moment seemed miniscule, changed my life forever. This profound event, will forever stay etched in my memory, providing me so many gifts and remarkable learning about life. My teacher never openly shared that he was homosexual, but I ‘knew’. This knowing would be confirmed years later when I returned to the elementary school for a brief visit. This ‘knowing’ is something I am good at. Even back then, as a child, and still holds true to this day, I can tell people about their siblings, past events, their emotional state and all sorts of personal information. I did not know how I knew, I just ‘knew’. And on that day when I returned, I knew I needed to make my knowing known. My sixth-grade teacher was sitting at his desk. I approached him. Tears welled up in my eyes. Looking puzzled, he asked if I was okay. I assured him that I was but that I had something to share with him. The words leapt from deep within almost without pause. I told him that his twin brother was okay, happy, safe, and in Heaven. My teacher began to cry. He was engaging in a process of his own knowing about life. I was unaware that his brother had passed away. and he was grieving, wanting a sign of peace and hope. Sharing this message, facilitated by spirit, brought him that very peace and hope he was desperately seeking. It was a beautiful feeling, a real-life miracle. This miracle continues to spur me on. This experience has helped me learn to trust myself, take risks and recognize the healing power of connection. I never shared this story with my parents, and most of the time I have kept these things about myself hidden. I felt completely torn between living a life I thought I had to and living the life I thought I was meant to. I remember thinking that I wanted to be with people, connect to their stories, and help ‘heal the world’. As a young child, the best way for me to honor this side of myself was simply just to share that I wanted to be a nurse and help people heal. I felt like super woman. I could use a gift to change the world for