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    The Vagina Break: and 9 other breakthroughs
    The Vagina Break: and 9 other breakthroughs
    The Vagina Break: and 9 other breakthroughs
    Ebook132 pages1 hour

    The Vagina Break: and 9 other breakthroughs

    By Andrea Wallace

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    About this ebook

    Vulnerable, moving, and powerful. This book shares the 10 breakthroughs that the author went through on her journey to overcome a tumultuous past of sexual and physical abuse. She also shares the many losses that helped her discover her true self. Her breakthroughs are analyzed under the lens of the psychological theory developed by Erik Erikson's eight stages of psychosocial development. The author tells her story through anecdotes and original poetry to connect emotions in a heartfelt way. This is clearly a woman's story of how a woman becomes a woman.

    This book allows you to see into the deeply personal process of self-discovery. This is a story for not only survivors, but students of life. Although the journey was at times exhausting, the author always understood that each step took self-reflection and ownership. Her breakthrough of becoming the woman she needed to be was "The Vagina Break". This is her story, and this is her journey.
    LanguageEnglish
    PublisherBookBaby
    Release dateDec 20, 2021
    ISBN9781667820767
    The Vagina Break: and 9 other breakthroughs

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      Book preview

      The Vagina Break - Andrea Wallace

      A picture containing text, underwear, underpants Description automatically generated

      © 2021 Andrea Wallace

      ISBN: 978-1-66-782076-7

      All rights reserved. This book or any portion thereof may not be reproduced or used in any manner whatsoever without the express written permission of the publisher except for the use of brief quotations in a book review.

      Table of Contents

      Hope and Security

      Stages 1-3

      Breakthrough 1: Andi

      Breakthrough 2: Superman

      Breakthrough 3: Clark Kent

      Breakthrough 4: Voice and Choice

      Hope begets Confusion

      Stages 4-5

      Breakthrough 5: Mommy

      Breakthrough 6: Child Guilt

      Breakthrough 7: The Vagina Break

      Breakthrough 8: Mourning is Great!

      Confusion Begets Love

      Stages 6-7

      Breakthrough 9: To thine own self be true.

      Breakthrough 10: Harvest Season

      Words Unspoken

      Ain’t I a Woman

      Naked

      The World’s Whore

      Intimacy

      I fucking Hate you

      Time

      He Calls

      Strangers

      Homeless

      Lay Your Burdens Down: The Penitence

      The awakening

      The Rebirth

      I Apologize

      The Lover In You

      No Rhyme No Reason

      Normal

      I’m Falling

      Don’t Ask

      Inhale Exhale Breathe

      My Muse

      Possibilities

      Come away with me

      After the Love has Gone

      Love Trends

      A Stoned Heart

      Reflections

      Mourning

      The Patient One

      The Precious Ring

      Running

      Conditions of Clarity

      Death Becomes You

      The War of Despair and Hope

      Will they Cry

      I have no more Poetry

      I’ve Forgotten

      Reclaiming Time

        During undergraduate studies, I took classes in psychology and child development. One of the theories I most believed in and accepted was Erik Erikson’s eight stages of psychosocial development. According to Erikson, a person develops through eight stages throughout life, each stage centered around a psychosocial crisis. The success of that stage revolves around the previous stages. A person can become successful within that developmental stage at the time, or with work master it later during another stage. A healthy psychosocially developed adult has successfully developed each stage. What this means in summary, is if you don’t work on your crap while you can, it will just be a pile of crap waiting for you later. So, this is my attempt to deal with my crap and take you on the journey of my breakthroughs. This is not a scholarly look into psychological and social development. In this book, I will not speak to what this doctor has said and what this article has said. In it, I have spoken my truth of how I developed to become a woman. A woman full of life, full of love, and full of reflection. I do not consider myself broken nor do I believe I was ever broken; what I do believe is that I only understood pieces of myself. I see myself as a beautifully created quilt, each piece having its own story its own purpose. My job was to unravel those stories and pieces and begin to understand them as it relates to me as a whole. Sometimes, while writing this, I unraveled even more; as is life, you are constantly unrevealing and unraveling new things. Life is a learning process. So sometimes, I will bring to you a new thought or a new insight that occurred to me while I was writing. Instead of polishing it, I chose to keep these things as raw as allowed. I want you to see my process. I had to do the work to say, Now I understand, then connect it to the next piece. So no, I was never broken, but the job becomes exhausting, and it takes self-reflection, ownership, and patience to deal with each piece in its truth. So, at times I may have felt broken but that was just my breakthrough. My breakthrough of becoming the woman I needed to be, what I call the Vagina break.

      I’m in Mourning

      I’m in mourning for all the diamonds in the rough

      Told to be queens without given the means

      I’m in Mourning

      For the morning souls who woke up with the sun’s heat

      On their faces but a coldness in their hearts

      I mourn for the little girl who’s left aimlessly to walk her own path

      I mourn the teenage girl who looked for herself amongst the street rubble

      I mourn the woman who found herself picking up shattered glass

      That resembled her dreams

      I mourn for the vagina that gave birth to hopelessness

      And false notions

      I mourn for all things broken

      Because even with all lives mattering

      Your healing was overlooked

      Hope and Security

      Stages 1-3

      Stage 1- Trust vs Mistrust

      Stage 2- Independence vs Shame/doubt

      Stage 3- Initiative vs guilt

      Breakthrough 1: Andi

      If I am to begin with the theme of stages, stage one is trust vs. mistrust. This is the most important stage, as it sets the individual’s personality and modes how they perceive the world. The question at this stage is, Can I trust the people around me? Successfully passing this stage enables a person to have an established trust in their environment; whereas unsuccessfully passing this stage causes anxiety, fear, and a distrust of one’s environment.

      Like with most stories of youth, this one is secondhand. I was there but too young to remember, though I believe I felt it. I believe I absorbed it into my essence, and it molded me and shaped my being. The story was told to me countless times—first by my sister, then my aunt, and even my father told me bits and pieces. So, I take it for what it deems to be. The truth.

      My mother had been in an unrequited love type of marriage. She became a young mother with my sister, and now eight years and some months later, she was pregnant with me. My father didn’t want her. She was once a trophy girlfriend, now reduced to a nagging bitch. She had hoped that I would bring back the love, so I was her hope. When my father found out about the pregnancy, he would later tell me, he was happy because he said he was hoping I was a boy, as was my mother. I don’t know why my father hoped for a boy so badly—maybe he felt he needed a namesake. I truly don’t understand the fascination of having boys specifically over girls. I don’t know how their relationship was during my mother’s pregnancy, but I assume they shared some happiness. Finally, my birth arrived, and to spare you the drama of it all, I’ll just say that all my parents’ hopes disappeared. I was not hope, I was despair. My father looked at me and frowned, Another girl. He walked away and out of our lives. I wish that I could have been the glue

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