Let Me Love Myself

Deficiency is innate

Let’s start with deficiency. Let’s discover the reason we feel stressed and unhappy if we don’t have what others have. Here, we fall into the trap of focusing on what we lack and not what we have. Being ungrateful is the greatest sin for me because we take for granted everything we have and direct our thoughts to what we do not possess. If we think deeper, everything we struggle to acquire is of material nature such as a new fast car, a bigger house, new clothes, whatever has to do with perishable acquisitions. We are led to forget and not realize that everything that makes us complete and happy, is inside us. Let’s start discovering the journey that leads to our inner inclusiveness and wholeness!

We were born on this planet and the axis of the earth has an inclination of 23 degrees towards its revolving axis. This makes it move in an elliptical orbit. Consequently, we were born on an elliptical planet and it is a natural law that we will always lack something. There will always be something missing from our lives. This should become a fact and not an elusive purpose.

It is worth wondering why instead of wasting our vital energy, thoughts and power to fight in order to acquire what we lack, we still can’t get used to this fact, accept it, and live in harmony with this natural law that governs this planet for thousands of centuries. What is the reason our mind goes directly to inadequacies, instead of enjoying the countless gifts we were given?

It is all a matter of energy direction. Energy has existed on this planet for millions of years. Only when energy was directed through the cable, were we able to enjoy the benefits of electricity. The same rule applies to us. Only when we direct our energy towards the right direction will we be able to enjoy the benefits which will enlighten our lives. If our cable is full of holes, our energy will be wasted without producing light. In other words, if we focus on what is missing from our lives and chase phantoms, we can’t make full use of our powers and finding peace and our purpose is a midnight dream.

It is such a shame to spend a whole life in misery just because we do not have something, while inside me, a whole world of powers, talents, skills remain locked. It is unfair for ourselves to use the key of our hearts trying to unlock the wrong doors. Our heart and soul always show us the way. We need to keep calm and listen to your inner voice calling us.

Reasons we experience

deficiency in a painful way

Let’s take things from the beginning. Before we were born, in the belly of our mothers, we experienced full wholeness. In our first and unique experience on this planet, we were given everything we needed, before even asking for them. We lived in our paradise. No external fact could influence us. Cold or heat, a sunny or a cloudy day, a cheerful or a mean neighbor, could not affect our mood.

All these experiences are locked in a black box, very well hidden in our subconscious, but the key is missing. The paradox is that these experiences have the power to influence us to a greater extent than we can imagine.

From the first moment of our birth, lack of something starts. We are cold, hot, thirsty and hungry; we feel lack of security, lack of love, lack of material things. The child must cry in order to ask others to cover their basic needs. This comes to full opposition to the previous living conditions, where the ultimate coverage of our needs prevailed and was taken for granted. We were thrown out of our paradise but we still can’t realize that we are a small universe and have to find our own orbit and not stumble on orbits of other universes. It is strange, though, that as we grow older and realize what happens, we are stubbornly stuck to the embryonic phase and continue complaining for things we do not have until we die instead of working towards standing on our own feet.

We see many people being so attached to the past that their discussions, their thoughts and their practices concern mainly the past. They have forgotten the hard times and remember only those good old days. It is alright with that as long as we don’t refuse to walk forwards. We evolve only by looking ahead. The loss we experience with our birth still chases our present. Our work should focus on how to overcome painful situations and try to exploit our dynamic power inside us instead of being stagnant to the past. The same rule applies with memories that are painful to remember. The solution here is to stop and think what this painful experience has to teach me. If we think even deeper, the body of ours that is affected, is our sentimental one, and if don’t overcome it in time, it is going to show its effects and pain on our physical body too.

Now, it is our chance to understand that this loss, this pain, this hardship was our freedom. Our defeat is our teacher. Let’s remember the lesson and forget pain. How else can we learn? If we realize how many times we fall over until we learn to walk, we will see that it is not so terrible. Nobody would like to have a mum telling us that we must stop trying to stand up and walk because we are going to fall over and hurt our knees. We would still be in bed! I am sure you can’t even imagine it. I am also sure that it used to be more painful than what we are going through.

Through the lack we experience, we have been stuck to the idea that every deficiency is terrible. We tend to long for things we don’t have and we forget to admire or value the ones we have.

We must understand why feeling badly is easier that feeling happy. First of all, bad situations are easier to happen. Take a relationship for example. It takes two to start a relation but it only takes the will of one to break up. The feeling that we cannot predict a difficult situation makes us anxious. This is because we cannot realize that this unpredictable situation which hurts us is on our way. We must overcome it and get out of it wiser than when we entered.

In addition, fear has existed since people lived in caves. It comes from our archetypes. The period we had to fight with wild animals. The utopia is that fear still exists. But now, I live in a house not a cave. Fear is the child of our mind. It has occupied a very comfortable seat in the middle of our minds and it resists being dethroned. Nobody wants to lose his comfort and authorization; likewise fear will always try not to lose its prominent position on your mind.

We need to understand the mechanism and start thinking of the positive side of uncomfortable events so that fear gets the message that there is the possibility of being replaced with a positive feeling. In order to achieve this, we must work towards it and start sending the message to our brains that fear is unwanted. Bit by bit, we will see that the message has been received.

Understanding negativity

It is time everyone showed our power. It is time we understood the utopia of our problems. Who persuaded me that the purpose of live is marriage? Who planted the belief that money is the only key to happiness on my mind? Who defined that the only way to be respectable is a high salary and an expensive car? The most certain thing is that we were not born with these beliefs.

Only if we realize that all my problems stem from the past, and all our anxieties concern the future, will we be able to understand that we lose the present. What’s the point of worrying about things that are over, or things that may never happen? We expect our life to belong to the present, and we do exactly the opposite. Time is not linear but circular. That’s why we may realize that our life makes circles. Just like the planets. Time is infinite moments of the present. Every moment of the present is a new now. Only when we are able to enjoy every moment of now, will we get rid of fear, anger, and guilt! Don’t forget that others taught you to feel this way; it is their planted thought on your mind. What we have to realize is that we have hard times because others put problems on our way. We try to solve problems that are not ours.

It often happens to go to the cinema with my friends and think of the clothes I have to wash the next day. As a result I miss valuable moments of relaxation. There is no way to enjoy tender moments with my partner when I think of the office appointments scheduled for next day. Once again I miss moments that could accompany me for the whole day. All this is my choice, but nobody taught me to undertake my responsibilities. It is easier to put the blame on my life, job, boss, Jupiter. Unchain your mind and fully consciously enjoy every moment of now to the full. That’s why it is called present. Every moment of present is a unique present. You always have the option to choose what to enjoy and what to let upset you. Remember that seat on your brain that waits for happiness to sit.

If every choice of yours is the voice of your inner soul, then it is a matter of time to dethrone fear and stress, giving the seat to happiness and optimism. It is up to you. It takes rehearsals over and over again until you achieve it. It is the same mechanism as everything else we learn. In order to learn music it needs rehearsals, in order to learn how to build a wall it takes time, in order to learn how to write it takes years. How else can you learn? The same rule applies to everything.

Can you think of the internal meaning of it? In order a poet to write a poem he needs to know how to write, but not all people who know how to write can write inspired poems. It is up to our passion, will and hard work. Whoever wants to reach a destination, a first step and the stamina to proceed is necessary.

Another way to fight the misery of deficiency is to adapt to the conditions I meet on my way. Think of dinosaurs. They were the conquerors of this planet, but they have disappeared when they could not adapt to new conditions. Man is not the strongest creature, neither does he fly higher, nor jumps longer. What saves him is the ability to adapt to new environment by using his brain and his will to survive.

Let’s try to apply this fact to our everyday lives. Let’s adjust ourselves with or without money, in cold or hot weather, married or single, and so on. We must not forget that evolution requires changes. Every change has something to teach us. Let’s stick on the lesson and not the pain. Let’s stop thinking over and over again the things we are deprived of. There is no need to be deprived of the joy of my soul to adapt to new conditions, new experiences, new chances, just because I don’t want to change my routine. And they ought to change. If things did not change, we would still live in caves.

Try, for example, to hold a piece of paper which is as light as feather. It looks easy. After some time, your arm will start hurting you. The paper is not heavier but your arm is hurting you more and more. You have the option of remaining in the same position or alter it by changing the hand that holds the paper. You have the option of suffering from tendinitis or achieve your goal. The whole trial is just to teach you that when you are hurt, change stance. It is so simple and it is a pity to see people to refuse to change and adapt to new situations. Why does pain attract us and we believe that this is the right situation?

Who taught you that life is a painful procedure? Who told you that life is full of hardships and problems we have to suffer without being able to overcome them? Who told you that this is our destiny? Who taught you that every difficult situation must throw you in a swampland and there is no way out? The only certain thing is that you were not born with these beliefs. If we start realizing that all these problems are our teachers in order to be wiser and stronger then we would welcome them and we would be able to see the collateral beauty. They are the lesson we had to learn as we had misunderstood something. They are our guides to show us that someone else has put his psychological state on us.

I admit it is not easy to adapt to new data. But you have to, if you want to survive. Joy will come. It is waiting just outside the door. You only have to decide to open the door and welcome it. Stop looking back at the past, and don’t think of tomorrow. Whoever created you, wants you happy. Pain is the way to reach your destination. It is the lesson you have to study. Pain is the procedure to walk along the long twisted road in order to reach the top.

A good way to stop negative thinking is, every time that an uncomfortable thought crosses your mind, immediately turn it into something positive. For instance, don’t say that you don’t have enough money for a bigger house. Instead, you can say that you get by perfectly now. Don’t say I find my job boring, but be thankful you have a job. Don’t think of perfect bodies; think that your body can carry you wherever you want. Don’t feel unhappy because your eyes are not blue; feel grateful that your eyes allow you to see. Stop thinking that you are not happy enough, but feel safe and resilient you are alive with thousands of opportunities open up in front of you, waiting from you to open the eyes of your soul to experience them. With persistence and hard work everything you want to achieve is feasible.

All in all, be thankful and grateful for all you have. Think of how many millions of people out there wish to have what you don’t appreciate, what you have and take it for granted. Never forget that no significant feat was easy. Don’t stick to the problems. Discover your inner strength, your own will, your own goals, your own destination, listen to your own soul, your own inner voice and go get them.

Let’s open our eyes, admire the infinite blue of the sky and inhale the gift of living the present. Feel blessed you have the chance to do things to help humanity any way you can. Everyone is necessary on this planet. There are not good or bad jobs. This is the game of the society. It is the trap. Follow your own way and think that dead fish follow the tide. You have to realize that you have everything needed to create your own way. It does not matter if others don’t approve of it just because they can’t feel or understand it. We all go to the same destination, but we don’t follow the same way. Everyone has to place his own little stone in order to build the big feat of humanity.

Be sure to have placed your own little stone there. Be part of this world and not an observer. Suppose that you are sitting on the bleaches of a stadium watching athletes to train. It seems easy to judge or criticize their performance. Their training looks even easier. I can give them advice or shout at them when their record is not the desired or the expected one. When I get into the truck I will understand that it is not easy but hard work is the key to success. Don’t be afraid to get into the truck of your own life, break your own record, and get the great satisfaction of success.

The more you try the better results you are going to have. But try. Stop watching life passing in front of you. Be part of it. Be part of the team of humanity and help as much as you can. Do it with all your heart and you will see that negativity will be thrown out of your mind. Your happiness levels are going to rise significantly and you are going to feel that life is a present. Happiness comes when we have tried hard and achieved things we have chosen.

Anger

Have you ever thought why we get angry? Why do we feel upset? What fuels this negative feeling? Is there a way not to allow some situations or people to affect our life? Let’s untangle the truth and see the reasons we chose to afflict our mental health.

Many people think they are deceived; their good heart is to blame as others do not appreciate their help or others underestimate them and this makes them stop moving. All these feelings come to your brain just to make you feel a victim, start complaining while feeling you can do nothing to avert the situation.

The awareness of the situation is half the way to our salvation. The longer you keep your anger inside you, the more time you lose, the more energy you waste and the more you torture yourself. It is a matter of time to reach a point you focus on every negative and troubled state that there is no room in your mind for positive thoughts and worthwhile experiences. It’s no wondering the same adverse and gloomy thoughts flood our head over and over again. Not only do we allow our energy to be wasted and feel weaker and sadder, but also we feel that there is no way out.

The key point is to realize what anger is. It is a fire that burns in your chest. The longer we keep flames lit inside us, the greater part of you it is going to destroy. The dilemma you face is, if you let it out, you are going to burn others; on the other hand, if you keep it hidden in the inner part of you, it is going to burn your soul. You start feeling stressed not knowing what to do. Have you ever realized that it is not a lose - lose situation? Either odds or even, you are a loser. And the choice is yours. You actually know that it is really unimaginable that whatever course of action you adopt, it leads you to distress and misery.

It goes without saying that you think of others’ reaction. You do not want to spoil your perfect image. If we think deeper, we are going to realize that our image is more important than our soul. Why should I care to such a destructive extent about what others think of me? And here I ask you! Is it possible to be likeable to everyone? Does it serve any purpose? What makes me happier? Do I love myself or wait for others to love me? Do I admire my qualities or leave it to the taste of others to admire me. Do I choose to get to know who I am and respect myself or expect others to discover my inner beauty? You can easily realize that this leads you to a dead end. You have to transmit the message to every cell of your body that you love them, you respect them and you are their leader not their enemy.

The longer it takes us to realize it, the longer we put the blame on any external factor, just to cover our own weakness. For example many people’s mood depends on the weather. They have headaches when it is cloudy, they are in a bad mood when it is rainy and when summer comes they can’t stand heat. How logical is it to bet bottom dollar on the weather, your rude neighbor, or the retrograde motion of Hermes. An external circumstance deprives you of the ability to stand on your feet and feel happy. Have you ever looked deeper inside you and wondered if it is their fault or yours that let them affect your inner balance and happiness? Why do you choose to let others drive your soul’s vehicle? Why do we let others choose the way we are going to follow?

It is an undeniable fact that we were not born with the self serving objective to feel ill- disposed. It only takes conscience to conceive that you are the only one responsible for this uncomfortable state. It needs work to take up the driver’s seat. The vehicle is yours and it is the best gift you have ever been given.

Fighting aggression

The key to fight anger is to comprehend that every difficult situation brings you before two doors. You