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    Grief and Treatment
    Grief and Treatment
    Grief and Treatment
    Ebook166 pages1 hour

    Grief and Treatment

    By Mutea Rukwaru

    ()

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    About this ebook

    The passing of a loved one is a universal experience and every person will experience loss or heartache, at some point in their life. Some people appear upset, some don’t. Grief is individual, dependent on age, gender, developmental stage, personality, their normal stress reactions, the support available, their relationships or attachment, other death experiences and how others react to their own grief around them.

    Children are also affected by death of the significant others and especially those who provide their basic needs of shelter, food, protection and love which are all crucial in their development. Infants experience the feelings of loss in reaction to separation from their main caregiver. When children reach the age of 9 or 10 years old, they have learned that death becomes unavoidable, however, death is final or scary but they believe that death happens most to old people, not to children. Adolescents comprehend that death is permanent, irreversible, affects everyone and they may present with the behaviour that indicates denial. Adolescents become more thoughtful about death as they are now capable of mature/thoughtful reflections on the meaning of life/death. When confronting their own death, adolescents may struggle with their existential questions on the probing, philosophical questions that get down to the nature of who we are or why we are even here. This carries on throughout adulthood, till their end or death.

    All adults fully comprehend the impact of death and the full complex range of responses of different people in different situations increased sensitivity and openness to others and alternate ways of coping. When adults are confronting their own death, they feel anxious and uncomfortable. Some may seek assistance from their elders or spiritual/pastoral leaders.
    Elderly people have gone through a life of change or adaption, which is the difference between old adults and those at earlier stages of development, they begin to expect loss as they ages and they must work through the grief of multiple deaths which provides some preparation for their own passing. Elderly spend a lot of time reminiscing thinking of what they have in their own lives. Often when others die they are left wondering why they are still there. The world becomes lonely, sometimes unfriendly, after the loss of spouse. Sometime they wonder if God has forgotten their files. The elderly begin to anticipate their own death and contemplate the end of life, death becomes a bigger part of life during old age. A large part of aging is experiencing multiple and sequential non-death losses, including the physical changes in family, job, social roles and also working through shifts in their cognitive thinking.

    It is important to note that an individual’s grief reaction is generally determined by the circumstances surrounding the loss, the social support, the cultural influences, media intrusions, whether they are high profile losses or if the individual already has multiple stressors. Generally adult struggle with feelings of responsibility for others and may be ambivalent about meeting own needs. They may perceive tears/sadness as weaknesses or develop an unhealthy need for drugs to numb the pain. Grief becomes complicated as a result of sudden, unexpected or traumatic deaths as grief become more difficult for everyone to understand or comprehend. Some grieving individuals may never know what fully happened. The death or circumstances could have been preventable. The body of the deceased may never be found or look mutilated. Further investigations may be required, the media may be interested due to public curiosity and people must also have to deal with the overwhelming intrusion. Older people are more prone to experience complicated grief in response to the death of a child or spouse.

    LanguageEnglish
    PublisherMutea Rukwaru
    Release dateFeb 23, 2022
    ISBN9781005728069
    Grief and Treatment
    Author

    Mutea Rukwaru

    Mutea Rukwaru is an accomplished author of international reputation.He is an author of 17 bestselling books. He has written widely in the areas of research and family. He has wide knowledge in world of practice having been in the Department of Social Development for 33 years and also being in the world of academia, that is Universities and Kenya Schools of Government.Some of the top selling books include:Anatomy of CrimeFinancial Success Every Family's DreamEducation at CrossroadTraining at its bestMilestones of lifeHow to be a better CounselorThe winning familyThe Tie that bindsHappy though marriedFundamentals of social researchWhat happy couples knowSuccessful time managementStatistics can be funStrong in the stormSnapshot view of Social ResearchSocial Research Methods a complete guidePowerful Proposal, Powerful PresentationUpcoming titles being published by Eureka publishers are: Limits of Medicine, Dreams of my Motherland and A Place to feel at HomeMutea Rukwaru holds a Masters of Arts in Sociology (Counseling) and a Bachelor of Arts (Sociology), Upper Second class honors from Nairobi University

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      Book preview

      Grief and Treatment - Mutea Rukwaru

      GRIEF

      AND TREATMENT

      BY

      Mutea Rukwaru

      ISBN: 978-9966-085-98-6

      Other books by Mutea Rukwaru

      (In order of years of publication)

      Happy though married (2003)

      The Tie that Binds (2005)

      Successful Time Management, the Challenge for the Modern Manager (2006)

      What Happy Couples Know (2006 a)

      Fundamentals of Social Research (2007)

      Milestones of Life (2007 a)

      How to be a Better Counsellor (2007 b)

      Anatomy of Crime (2008)

      Winning Family (2008a)

      Financial Success Every Family’s Dream (2008 b)

      Education at Cross roads (2009)

      Training at its Best (2010)

      Social Research Methods : A Complete Guide (2015)

      Powerful Proposal Powerful Presentation (2015a)

      Statistics Can be Fun (2016)

      Snapshot View of Social Research (2017)

      Strong in the storm (2017a)

      Retirement Dreams (2018)

      Broken Promise (2019)

      Limits of Medicine (2020)

      Social Etiquettes and Manners (2020a)

      The Heartbeat of Fundraising (2020b)

      Better Parenting (2021)

      Published by EUREKA PUBLISHERS

      P.O BOX 1414 – 60200 MERU

      Copyright Mutea Rukwaru 2020b

      All rights reserved. No part of this book may be produced or transmitted in any form or by any means, electronic or mechanical including photocopying, recording or by any information storage or retrieval system, without written permission from the publisher and author except for the inclusion of quotations in a review.

      Cover Design was done by:-

      Freelance Advertising Ltd

      P.O Box 4873 – 00100

      NAIROBI

      Printed by:

      Master print Graphics Limited

      P.O Box 12714

      NAIROBI

      Typeset by:

      Glue Traxkom

      MERU

      Contact:

      Website: www.mutearukwaru.com

      Email: Mutearukwaru2003@yahoo.com

      Cellphone: +254 722 787 099

      Dedication

      To my children JohnMark Mutuma, Annrose Karimi and Michael Muthuri, to my daughter in-law Lucy Mbadi and my son-inlaw Simeon Mutethia, and my grandchildren Munene, Tiffany, Mwendwa and Amarisa. May the thoughts expressed in this book be helpful to you all one day.

      MR.

      Introduction

      The passing of a loved one is a universal experience and every person will experience loss or heartache, at some point in their life. Some people appear upset, some don’t. Grief is individual, dependent on age, gender, developmental stage, personality, their normal stress reactions, the support available, their relationships or attachment, other death experiences and how others react to their own grief around them.

      Children are also affected by death of the significant others and especially those who provide their basic needs of shelter, food, protection and love which are all crucial in their development. Infants experience the feelings of loss in reaction to separation from their main caregiver. When children reach the age of 9 or 10 years old, they have learned that death becomes unavoidable, however, death is final or scary but they believe that death happens most to old people, not to children. Adolescents comprehend that death is permanent, irreversible, affects everyone and they may present with the behaviour that indicates denial. Adolescents become more thoughtful about death as they are now capable of mature/thoughtful reflections on the meaning of life/death. When confronting their own death, adolescents may struggle with their existential questions on the probing, philosophical questions that get down to the nature of who we are or why we are even here. This carries on throughout adulthood, till their end or death.

      All adults fully comprehend the impact of death and the full complex range of responses of different people in different situations increased sensitivity and openness to others and alternate ways of coping. When adults are confronting their own death, they feel anxious and uncomfortable. Some may seek assistance from their elders or spiritual/pastoral leaders.

      Elderly people have gone through a life of change or adaption, which is the difference between old adults and those at earlier stages of development, they begin to expect loss as they ages and they must work through the grief of multiple deaths which provides some preparation for their own passing. Elderly spend a lot of time reminiscing thinking of what they have in their own lives. Often when others die they are left wondering why they are still there. The world becomes lonely, sometimes unfriendly, after the loss of spouse. Sometime they wonder if God has forgotten their files. The elderly begin to anticipate their own death and contemplate the end of life, death becomes a bigger part of life during old age. A large part of aging is experiencing multiple and sequential non-death losses, including the physical changes in family, job, social roles and also working through shifts in their cognitive thinking.

      It is important to note that an individual’s grief reaction is generally determined by the circumstances surrounding the loss, the social support, the cultural influences, media intrusions, whether they are high profile losses or if the individual already has multiple stressors. Generally adult struggle with feelings of responsibility for others and may be ambivalent about meeting own needs. They may perceive tears/sadness as weaknesses or develop an unhealthy need for drugs to numb the pain. Grief becomes complicated as a result of sudden, unexpected or traumatic deaths as grief become more difficult for everyone to understand or comprehend. Some grieving individuals may never know what fully happened. The death or circumstances could have been preventable. The body of the deceased may never be found or look mutilated. Further investigations may be required, the media may be interested due to public curiosity and people must also have to deal with the overwhelming intrusion. Older people are more prone to experience complicated grief in response to the death of a child or spouse.

      Everyone who is bereaved needs time to process the reality or circumstances of the situation. Everyone needs to feel safe, that someone is there for them, respecting them and allowing them to work through the loss in their own way. Allow plenty of time for questions, the expression of time for questions, the expression of feelings, sharing memories or to participate in ceremonies/remembrance activities. It may be appropriate or helpful for them to view the body or even take part in the funeral or memorial service. Children can let off balloons, read a poem or a eulogy, carry flowers and many other things to contribute service and this will help with this grieving process.

      Adults and the elderly should be encouraged to take time to attend to own feelings as well as others provide opportunities for expression/discussion of conflicting feelings, to maintain social connections with their peers or family. Empathic listening and tangible expressions of support with the preparation of meals, or taking care of the elderly family members or childcare. Opportunities to share memories with others are known to be helpful any time.

      For elderly, it may be important to help conduct informal/formal life reviews to emphasize strengths or contributions to life. Help may be required to identity or participate in new activities/roles/relationships. Encourage living wills, making plans for the future or to just sit and talk about their feelings or fears, death or dying. At any point during the grieving process, if a person is presenting complex grief symptoms, they should attend professional help, whether it be a counsellor, a psychologist or a psychiatrist, anyone who deals in helping grieving individuals. Not everyone has the skills to work on such issues as stress or death or grief and in such cases professional help or a support group of sorts would benefit them greatly.

      Table of Contents

      Other books by Mutea Rukwaru

      Dedication

      Introduction

      CHAPTER ONE

      CHAPTER TWO

      CHAPTER THREE

      CHAPTER FOUR

      CHAPTER FIVE

      CHAPTER SIX

      CHAPTER SEVEN

      BIBLIOGRAPHY

      CHAPTER ONE

      Grief

      Definition of grief

      Grief is a feeling that you might have following the loss of a loved one. It can be difficult and stressful. Nearly everyone goes through it at some point in their life. It will take time to process emotions and adjust to coping without that person in your life. It can be very difficult to predict or fully appreciate the impact of a loss. To begin with you may experience shock and disbelief. It is also common to feel emotionally numb for some time after. The strongest emotions will gradually reduce in intensity and frequency over time.

      Grief can also be defined as the natural emotional response resulting from a significant loss- especially the death of a loved one. It is important to note that everyone deals with grief differently. People cry, laugh, busy themselves with work, throw up, or even feel numb. Some recover quickly, while others take their time. Grief is a natural healing process and there’s no right way to do it. For some people, grief can become too painful. It can grow into something totally different, like depression or anxiety. Other times, grief might last for too long, and take over a person’s life for years on end. This is called complicated grief. Normal grief varies greatly between cultures, people and situations. Grief does not always require treatment.

      Grieving is usually associated with the death of a loved one which is often the cause of the most intense type of grief, but any loss can cause grief including:

      Divorce or relationship breakup

      Loss of health

      Loss of a job

      Loss of financial stability

      Miscarriage

      Loss of a cherished dream

      Loss of a friendship

      Loss of safety after a trauma

      Selling the family home

      Family land being auctioned

      A loved one’s serious illness

      Types of grief

      Anticipatory grief

      Aldrich (1974) defined anticipatory grief as grief that occurs prior to a loss as distinguished from grief occurring at or after a loss. Olsen (2014) found that carers of patients with cancer had a heightened awareness of mortality and inability to plan for

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