A Gal's Guide to Finessing Life

Introduction

H

ave you ever wanted to 'fix' your life and even taken some initial steps but kept finding yourself in the same spot? Some people are lucky enough to have mentors or coaches lecturing them on the difference between goals and dreams. Dreams can't be measured in actions, but a goal has quantifiable steps that inch you closer and closer to the finish line. Let's pretend for a moment that you already knew this concept and have witnessed yourself inching towards and even crossing the finish line for several goals! Then why didn't that solve your feeling of inadequate fulfillment? Because you still needed to learn the truth!

Your life is like a bento box. Have you ever seen one of those?

Illustration by Joan Fodor

The different compartments of this Japanese lunchbox make up the whole, but the contents are separated into their own quadrants. Spirituality; Hygiene, Beauty and Wellness; Relationships with Others; and Coinz are foundational categories of your being that must be poured into from moment to moment.

Once you optimize how to manage yourself, you'll achieve a soft life of fulfillment and operate like a boss chick. Some bento boxes have equally sized sections, but that's like a slow and steady wins the race kind of thing; for a fast life of explosive results occurring all the time, your bento box should dedicate one section to be much bigger than the others.

You remind me of Rihanna. I know you favor her looks, but your aura. I met Rihanna once, and she is a deeply spiritual woman. So powerful.

- Dr. Kimberley

This book will identify the four quadrants, how they lead to a life of fulfillment, and will require you to imagine what you want your life to look like.

You'll be called to examine where your expectations are even coming from. Are you gleaming with desire for images you see in media? Perhaps some things you've read or the descriptions of romance and monetary successes you've heard in songs or movies.

Your five senses: taste, touch, sight, smell, and hearing are responsible for most of your input. You're constantly being programmed by your external environment. Unless you expressly declare a hierarchal order of which influence has authority to dictate, you and whoever's attached to you will be tossed to and fro.

Burning embers of thoughts fall, hoping to land somewhere to combust into a flame and set materials on fire. This can work in your favor if you are conscious and understand the benefits of a controlled fire. (Firefighters identify things that would typically go up in flames in a wildfire and burn them ahead of time as a preventative measure against disaster).

What people have named feelings and emotions always follow thoughts.

Beware of your thoughts, for they become words.

Beware of your words, for they become actions.

Beware of your actions, for they become habits.

Beware of your habits, for they become character.

Beware of your character, for it becomes your destiny.

My feelings ain't as strong as my mind *NEVER.

-Moneybagg Yo

Train your mind to gate-keep what enters into it. All you are exposed to contributes to one or many sections of your bento box, and you are the executive chef. Which of the areas should be the largest? If you want your life to catapult, place your bets on Spirituality.

When your spiritual routine is regularly followed, it's like having a cheat code. Everything else in your other categories flows potently like mini fireworks, splashes of extra sauce, and quicker results than ever!

Whichever section you invest in most doesn't change the fact that all those quadrants are essential!

Hygiene, Beauty and Wellness influence self-esteem and how others perceive you. Relationships with Others and your navigations therein identify you in society. Coinz is the self-help, educational, and financial part of yourself that opens doors for opportunities to build prosperity. Can you see any of those spearheading your existence?

If dressing well with soft skin and angel baby breath is the lead, is that enough of a driving force to assist the other 3 categories toward your self-actualization? Well, they work in tandem with each other, but truthfully, no category except Spirituality runs anything.

Now, walk through that hypothetical:

Lead with Hygiene, Beauty and Wellness to decide in Coinz which captivating domain name to create for your new business idea. You're a hottie, so you use your sex appeal and bomb looks to get advice from your CEO boyfriend. WINNING! You get a rush from the experience and feel powerful, limitless even! He also agreed to partner with you and invest.

Seems like this should be the most significant section in the bento! Okay, so keep going:

You've invested significant efforts into your Hygiene, Beauty and Wellness; thus, your aesthetics allow you to be kind and empathetic towards others since you are so fortunate, and accustomed to gaining favor. People cater to you, you have no hesitation in catering to them; thus, your Relationships with Others thrive. But will this help you in scenarios like setting boundaries with family members?

Fear usually characterizes an inability to advocate for oneself, and if you've struggled with this your whole life, looking cute may not be the solution. Although a lot can be said about a person who keeps up with their looks, like discipline and consistency, does that translate into you saying no when your aunt asks to borrow money for the millionth time without repayment? Being beautiful is not an all-encompassing solution to life.

The question becomes, is life all about balancing everything, or can one area receive the majority investment and predicate the successes of the rest of you?

Throughout this text, you'll get advice tailored to the four quadrants. By exploring what each quadrant comprises and the benefits therein, you will come to the knowledge of two principles:

To achieve fullness of self, you must develop a lifestyle of consistent maintenance of your four cubicles. Lacking in one will reveal deleterious effects.

You can have it all, but without conscious pursuit and awareness of your Spirituality, your fulfillment cannot be sustained.

If number two is intimidating, don't let that seed of thought develop into anxiety or fear. Creating a spiritual awareness is easier than you think, and you will get to that part of the book much later. Keep your hands inside (or out!) the ride at all times, and please enjoy your journey.

How To Read This Book

I

nterpret this text as if someone in your best interest is giving you their advice from personal experiences, but understand they are human and don't have all the answers. Some things may come across as preachy, while others are suggestive. Still, you are entering an experience with great learning potential.

Some things will resonate now, but others will only be applicable once you're in another season of your life. At the same time, even some concepts may turn you off altogether. Push through. If a section seems overwhelming, skip it and go to another page. You don't have to read it from front to back; instead, pick out random pages with optimism that something will speak to your soul and inspire the changes you want to see!

The perspective you're reading is from an attractive 35-year-old woman who grew up in a Christian family with traditions and values. While identifying as a Christian from an early age, the conduct you'll read about has not always followed that, and in fact, will show a breaking away from those values, particularly in the discussion about sexuality and relationships.

Attractive, well-paid and generous older gentlemen tended to gravitate; many situations that should've been departed from resulted in abuse from clouded judgment, a lack of common sense, and rebelling against good counsel. Ultimately, a return to biblical principles and a renewed intimate relationship with Christ emerged and made all the difference. The goal is not to be indoctrinated but rather to learn and interpret lessons so you can make even better decisions.

Personal development is a rollercoaster lifestyle change that can make you feel like you're all over the place. Understand, your progress in one quadrant may not mirror that of another.

The mess that you are is absolutely epic and unique. You are 1 of 1 on this planet, so enjoy the ride and congratulate yourself for even caring to become a better version of yourself. As you grow and recognize your trends and habits, lead with love and gentleness in your self-talk.

You may sometimes feel uncomfortable, but if you follow through with this program, all your dreams will eventually come true. More importantly, what you dream about will evolve to higher levels, and you will become equipped to take action for others, all while living a saucy, fly life of lacking nothing. One of the best feelings in the world is to have what you love and then learn that it's eternally yours! Get into it...

Quadrant 1

Relationships with Others

This quadrant is all about interacting with other humans. To succeed in life, you must figure out various types of verbal and nonverbal communication, physical interactions, and being the director of your mind.

1. Alignment

T

he rules of engagement for relationships have evolved, particularly with the emergence of texting and social media. In youth, you're taught to be courteous in speech with thank you's and please's and asking permission before eating the last piece of cake. You achieve a particular response by using those pleasantries, but there's also something to be desired by being edgy and mysterious. You'll learn that being a teacher's pet may get you better grades, but will you be invited to the sleepover?

What do you want, and where are the people who also like those things? When you align with like-minded individuals, you waste less time explaining yourself and more time living. There's no right way to navigate relationships; it depends on the outcome you desire. How has technology changed things? If you open someone's message and leave them on 'read,' that's considered 'shots fired.' If you're going to not reply to someone, they may slowly stop reaching out to you. So don't be a dinosaur; learn some phone hacks to help you carefully navigate those relationships and generally stick with people who approach technology like you. If you don't massage your friendships, their nature will change, and you may lose access to the benefits of the original dynamic; you have to deposit to withdraw from the relationship. If everyone is talking about the TikTok trend, and you're annoyed because 'social media brainwashes,' know that you're actually being the oddball, not them.

Each relationship requires its own objective. You may want to be promoted or treated with respect by your employer. There is a particular set of behaviors for you to adhere to. With your parents, perhaps you want them to see you as exceptional and reliable. This will dictate your tone of voice, the actions you avoid and engage in, and your methods of communication. No relationship is exempt from the required attention that's called for, even with your pet. If you want your puppy to sit when your voice produces the command, it will take consistent facial expressions, gestures, and other such efforts. This also applies to your relationship with yourself, but more of that will come in the Spirituality chapter.

It must be restated: Your conduct in varying types of relationships may differ, but the required attention that's called for is never exempt. If you look at a cross-section of your romantic, familial, and professional relationships, you'll notice a current that interconnects them all. That current is you. Your thoughts, actions, habits, and character shine through consistently.

"More Than a One-Night Stand

His name was Yelleh (pronounced Yell-aye!), and he was everything. Thick, dangerously dark eyebrows, a dominant and Israeli-accented voice, and his beard was the age I loved, the early forties. The club had been bangin'! Jak was my newest right hand, and she shared my sentiments then. At 3:18 a.m., we were seated. It was grub time at Berri’s, Beverly Hills' hottest pizza spot.

During the week, Berri's was easily approachable, but on the weekend late at night, its dance music blared, and the line wrapped down the block. The valet was full of luxury whips, and being two hot girls was the persuasive element that got you seated right away. I ordered soup.

Jak and I had been introduced by a progressive thinker, and our connection was made instantly. Two kind hearts were practicing lessons of being direct.

‘Soup? I've yet to meet a girl drinking soup here. My name is Daniel, if there's anything you need, it's yours. I own the place,