I Betroth You to Me Forever

The Unusual Marriage of Hoshea and What it

Teaches Us About Our Relationship with G-d

Sure you have your marital issues, but

on the whole you feel so self-satisfied
about how things have worked out
that you would never, in your wildest
nightmares, think you would hear these
words from your husband one fine
summer day: I dont love you anymore.
Im not sure I ever did. Im moving out.
The kids will understand. Theyll want
me to be happy.
Those Arent Fighting Words,
Dear, The New York Times, July 31,
2009

ll throughout Tanach, the

relationship between G-d
and the Jewish people is
often referred to as a marriage. The
revelation at Har Sinai the desert
blooming with flowers, the mountain
over our heads, the seven rings of
Jewish people around the mountain,
the greatest document in the history
of mankind revealed all this is
the marriage of G-d and the Jewish
people; so much so, that every
marriage re-enacts the event with
flowers, chupah, customs of the bride
walking around the groom seven
times and the giving and accepting of
the ketubah the marriage contract.
Shir HaShirim is the great love story
between G-d and the Jewish people
and on the negative side, we read of
the antithesis of that love during the
three weeks and the nine days that
precede Tisha BAv. Eicha haytah
lzona kirya neemanah?, How did a

Rebbetzin Abby Lerner

Director of Admissions,
Yeshiva University High School for Girls
formerly faithful city, [like a faithful
wife], become a harlot, a prostitute?
(Yishayahu 1:21).
This metaphor reaches its most
concrete manifestation in the
prophecy and in the life of Hoshea.
Hoshea, one of the twelve minor
prophets, is, ironically, considered
by the Talmud (Pesachim 87a) as the
greatest prophet of his generation. No
small claim, since some of Hosheas
contemporaries were Amos, Michah
and Yishayahu.

mercy for them. It was not enough that

[Hoshea] did not say this, rather he said
before G-d: Master of the Universe
the entire world is Yours. Exchange
them for a different nation. Said the
Holy One, Blessed Be He: What shall
I do with this old man? I will tell him:
Go and take a woman of harlotry, and
father children of harlotry. Afterward, I
will tell him: Send her away from your
presence. If he is able to send [her away],
I too will send Israel away.

Lets study the first chapter of Hoshea

and a good part of the second chapter.
The Gemara in Pesachim 87a, states
It is interesting to keep in mind
the following:
that the second perek becomes the
haftarah for the weekly portion of
Bamidbar.

What we are going to see is the

marriage of Hoshea to the harlot,

Gomer, as well as the birth of their

children, as part of the great metaphor

of the relationship of G-d and the

Jewish people.
.
The Holy One Blessed Be He said to
Hoshea Builds a Family
Hosea: Your children have sinned!
[Hosea] should have responded They
The prophecy begins with Hashem
are your children! They are the children
telling Hoshea to take for himself
of Your favored ones the children of
Abraham, Isaac and Jacob. Arouse Your a prostitute: Lech kach lecha eishet
znunim. What really happened here?
19

Rabbi Isaac Elchanan Theological Seminary The Benjamin and Rose Berger CJF Torah To-Go Series Tisha Bav 5775

Did Hoshea actually marry this

woman a prostitute? Rambam, Ibn
Ezra and Targum Yonatan hold that
these words to Hoshea were either
symbolic or lived out in a Divine
dream because to say that it really
happened would be an embarrassment
and a humiliation to the prophet.
Abarbanel, siding with the Gemara,
says that in fact Hoshea did marry a
prostitute and did have children with
her!

known of his wifes marriage, seeing

her from a distance with the other
man impacted on him in a way that
hearing the news did not: Because
things seen are mightier than things
heard.
The third verse teaches that Hoshea
married Gomer bat Divlaim and she
became pregnant and gave birth to a
son.

Our commentaries discuss the name

of Hosheas new wife as fraught
Using very powerful language, the
with meaning. Gomer: all can
Abarbanel states:
complete(ligmor) their desire
through her (Rashi). Bat Divlaim:
. Divlaim is reminiscent of the word
It is really a terrible sin to contradict the dibah like the words dibah raah
bad talk about her; bad reputation.
plain meaning of the psukim.
Also divlaim are figs sweet in
According to the Abarbanel, why must everyones mouth like a fig; everyone
the prophet do this?
picks at her, like a fig.
In the fourth verse, Hashem tells
. Hoshea to call his son Yizrael
Things seen have a greater impact on our because Hashem is going to avenge
hearts than things that are heard.
the blood of Yizrael on the house of
Yehu. Yizrael has two contradictory
Almost four hundred years later,
meanings, both of which play out in
Alfred, Lord Tennyson wrote in his
the chapter. It is also a reference to
epoch poem, Enoch Arden, of the
a historical situation. Emek Yizrael
heartbreak of a husband, who was
refers to the hilly fields where the
thought to be dead, as he watches his
king Yehu attacked Achav, who was
wife engaged in a relationship with
notorious for his evil and his idol
her new husband. Although he had
worship. But Yehu was also evil.
20

He, too, was an idol worshipper

and therefore he was condemned
for the insincerity and hypocrisy of
his actions. Yizrael was also the seat
of royalty for the kingdom of the
northern government the ten tribes
who separated from the Kingdom
of Judah and Malchut Beit David.
The verse concludes vhishbati
mimalchut Beit Yisrael, that the
punishment for the ten tribes will
come from the place of the sin itself
the seat of their kingdom. To quote
verse 5: It will happen on that day
that I will break the bow of Yisrael in
the Valley of Yizrael.
In verse six, we are told that Gomer
gave birth to a daughter: vatahar
od vteled bat. Note that verse three
states vateled lo ben, while here it
only states vateled bat without the
word lo. Commentaries suggest that
maybe it was not Hosheas daughter.
And her name? Lo Ruchama
no mercy for her, or even worse,
not even deserving of mercy. This
then becomes the paradigm of the
relationship between G-d with the
Jewish people Ki lo osif od arachem
et Beit Yisrael ki naso esa lahem, I will
no longer have mercy on the Jewish
people that I should continue to
forgive them.

Rabbi Isaac Elchanan Theological Seminary The Benjamin and Rose Berger CJF Torah To-Go Series Tisha Bav 5775

We are reminded of the verse from

Bamidbar 14:19 that carries a request
from Moshe to do the opposite to
forgive the Jewish people (Parshat
Shlach following the incident of
the Meraglim): slach na laavon haam
hazeh kgodel chasdecha vkaasher
nasata laam hazeh miMitzraim vad
hena, Forgive the sin of this people in
accordance with the greatness of your
mercy as you forgave them from the
time of Egypt until now.
We might also look at ki naso esa
lahem which we originally
translated to mean that I will not
forgive them to actually mean ki
esa lahem that I will indeed forgive
them the comfort being that even
in the moments of greatest anger,
Hashem says I will forgive them.
This meaning seems to be borne
out by the next verse vet Beit
Yehuda arachem vhoshatim bHashem
Elokeichem, But I will have mercy on
the House of Judah and I will save
them through Hashem their G-d.
Once again the name of the child
indicates G-ds disfavor with the
House of Israel.
Eheyeh: I Will be There for
You
The next two verses speak of a third
child. Hoshea is told to call his name
Lo Ami (Not My People) because you
are not my people and I will not be
(eheyeh) yours.
The Daat Mikra points out that the
use of the word eheyeh hearkens
back to the sneh the burning bush,
which is the first time the Jewish
people were called ami by Hashem
a term of great endearment: Raoh
raiti et oni ami ..vayomer Elokim el
Moshe eheyeh asher eheyeh, I have seen
the oppression of my people (ami)

and Elokim said to Moshe I Shall

Be as I Shall Be (Eheyeh).(Shmot
3:7,14)

suddenly remember the terrible

present by speaking of what might be
a beautiful future.

Rashi comments there (from Gemara

Brachot) that the name eheyeh
means:

Continuing with the metaphor of

marriage, it sounds like G-d is putting
these good children in between
himself and his sinning spouse. In
. verse four it states rivu bimchem,
rivu, go argue with your mother
I will be with them during this period of
because she is not my wife and I am
suffering as I will be with them during
not her husband.
other periods of oppressions.
Essentially, in Shmot, G-d is saying, I Compare this to the verse in
Yeshayahu 50:1 Aizeh sefer kritut
will be with you on your worst day. I
will not abandon you. But here it says imchem asher shlachtiha?, Where is
your mothers bill of divorce that
the very opposite: Ki atem lo ami, if
indicates that I sent her away?
you will not be Ami My nation, I
In other words, in the chapters of
will not eheyeh be there for you.
comfort in Yeshayahu, G-d says to the
And with this, we begin Perek Bet
Jewish people You are mine! I never
which is the haftarah for Parshat
divorced you!
BaMidbar. The opening pasuk about
mispar Bnei Yisrael, the great number Some say that in our chapter in
of the Jewish people, is the link to the Hoshea, the language of Ki hi lo ishti
vanochi lo isha, for she is not my wife
counting of the Jewish people at the
and I am not her husband might be
beginning of Sefer BaMidbar.
an ancient text of a get. In both of
these verses, the metaphor of G-ds
The Comfort
marriage to the Jewish people is
emphasized.
Lets analyze the nechama, the comfort
that is presented in this perek:
The Disloyal Wife who
Returns
...
:
It doesnt take a lot to understand the
,: metaphor of the wife of HaShem
And it will happen that instead of calling turning to other lovers to other
gods. Lets look at the word mahavai
them not my people, it will be said of
them children of the living G-d. Say in verses 7 and 9:
to your brother Ami (My People) and
...
to your sister Ruchama(Pitied).
.
I
will follow my lovers, those who provide
The negative names of Hosheas
me bread She chases her lovers but
children are turned into the most
cannot reach them, she seeks them, but
beautiful, positive names.
cannot find them.
And then something very strange
The harlot is calling for her so-called
happens: After mention of the future
lovers, but of course she cannot find
of comfort, the chapter takes a
them because they are not loyal to her;
negative turn the way one might
21

Rabbi Isaac Elchanan Theological Seminary The Benjamin and Rose Berger CJF Torah To-Go Series Tisha Bav 5775

Sometimes our
marriage to G-d is
like that. Its only half
a marriage. Only one
party is truly invested,
the other is committed
only to him or herself.
they are not there for her. Compare
this to Megillat Eichah 1:19, where
the city of Yerushalayim calls out for
mahavai my lovers the kohanim
and the zkeinim but hayma rimuni
they are not there for me, they have
deceived me. In Eicha, we ourselves,
the elite of the Jewish people, have
become the unfaithful lovers!
On a very positive note, perhaps the
opposite of our verse Ubikshatam
vlo timtza, she seeks them, but cannot
find them, can be found in the parsha
that we read on Shabbat Nachamu
(Devarim 4:29) Ubikashtem misham
et Hashem Elokecha umatzata! The
parsha there depicts our disloyalty
our worship of other gods our
harlotry. G-d will then abandon us
and scatter us among the nations
and from there we will search for G-d
and we will indeed find Him and we
will repent with great sincerity and
G-d will forgive us and we will be
reunited.

people in the Desert of Sinai. We are

not speaking of a desolate place, but
rather of a secluded place, a place of
no distractions where the beloved will
hear only My voice. A place of romance
where I can speak with her alone.
Comparing the harsh verse 4 Hi lo
ishti vani lo isha, she is not My wife
and I am not her husband, we now
have in verse 18 tikrii ishi vlo
tikrii baali, you will call Me, my
husband and you will not call Me,
my master. A baal is a master but I
will be her husband. There will be
a relationship not dominance.
There is surely a reference here to the
idolatry of Baal of avoda zara.
The Betrothal
We turn our attention now to the last
verses of the haftarah of BaMidbar
famous and romantic verses which
sometimes appear on our wedding
invitations but more famous
because they are the verses that are
recited when tefillin is put on each
weekday morning:

:
:
I will betroth you unto me forever, I will
betroth you to me with righteousness and
with justice and with kindness and with
mercy. I will betroth you to me with faith
and you will know G-d.

In verse 16, the entire tone changes.

This last paragraph of the haftarah
of BaMidbar is HaShems fantasy,
kvayachol His dream of the future.

I will betroth you unto me forever.

Here we have the closure, the
betrothal instead of the divorce (Hi
lo ishti vanochi lo isha). Let us briefly
analyze these two powerful verses:

VHolachtiha hamidbar, I will lead

her to the desert. Here, the desert
is not the place of desolation as it
was described earlier, but rather, a
hearkening back to the experience of
the Revelation of G-d to the Jewish

The Malbim(Hoshea 2:21) discusses

the fact that mishpat, justice, is doing
what is fair shurat hadin, and
that tzedek, righteousness is doing
more than what is required lifnim
mishurat hadin. She, the bride, will
22

bring tzedek and mishpat (reminiscent

of the first chapter of Yeshayahu that
we read on Shabbat Chazon Tzion
bmishpat tipadeh vshaveha btzedaka,
Zion is redeemed with justice and
charity). I, the groom, says Hashem
(according to the Malbim), will bring
chesed (kindness) and rachamim
(mercy). In our verse, chesed parallels
tzedek the lifnim mishurat hadin;
rachamim parallels mishpat that
which is simply fair. The Malbim
suggests that the baal harachamim
(one who is merciful by nature) will
see the downtrodden state of he who
evokes our mercy and he does for him
what he deserves. Chesed, however is
going beyond what is required. The
one who performs chesed doesnt look
to see if the person on the receiving
end needs anything he just gives
it. He doesnt wait until his pity or his
mercy is evoked.
She (Knesset Yisrael) will bring into
this relationship her emunah, her
faith. In turn, says G-d, I will bring to
you the gift of Vyadaat et Hashem,
and you will know G-d. You will not
need emunah, faith because you
will know G-d a greater knowledge
than faith.
Why are these words the seal after
veirastich li, that you will know
G-d? Because, eirusin (veirastich li,
betrothal) is kiddushin harei at
mekudeshet li, but vYadaat et Hashem
is consummation. Vehaadam yada et
Chava ishto, the man knew his wife
(Bereishit 4:1). Yediah is closeness,
love, the ultimate deep knowledge that
symbolizes relationship, knowledge of
the very significance of the other.
Hashem says of Avraham:



.
:

Rabbi Isaac Elchanan Theological Seminary The Benjamin and Rose Berger CJF Torah To-Go Series Tisha Bav 5775

I have known him because he commands

his children and members of his
household to follow him. They follow the
path of God to perform righteousness
and justice in order that God can bring
to Avraham, that which he has spoken
about to him.
Bereishit 18:19
Note how righteousness and justice
are an integral part of this knowledge.
We say of Moshe, Asher yidao et
Hashem panim el panim, He knew G-d
face to face. (Devarim 34:10).
VYadaat et Hashem is the ultimate
consummation of the marriage
between G-d and his sometimes
wayward people.
Are we Committed to Making
the Relationship Work?
At the midpoint of Tisha BAv day
chatzot something happens.
The character of the day changes. We
stand up. The Jewish people don their
tefillin and as they wrap the tefillin
around their finger, like a groom
placing the ring on the finger of his
bride, we recite
even on this day
of destruction: Veirastich li lolam, I
betroth you to me forever. These are
G-ds words to a nation of infidels a
nation that said, I dont love you. I
never loved you. And we said those
words with actions worshipping
the Golden Calf forty days after our
betrothal at Har Sinai!
Veirastich li lolam, I betroth you to
me forever. Here is the problem:
The statement is one-sided. I am
yours but maybe you are not mine!
On the day that the Beit Hamikdash
was destroyed the Kodesh Kadashim
was exposed and there were the
Kruvim in the form of a man and a
woman bound in intimacy. When the
Kruvim were in this position it was an

indication of G-ds love for us (Yoma

54a). On Tisha bAv? At the worst
moment of Jewish history? Yes! There
are a number of responses to this
amazing and profound contradiction.
Perhaps one can respond that the
image that was exposed was Hashem
loving us as the Beit Hamikdash was
being destroyed but we were there
just lying limply in his arms and not
responding.
I am yours, says Hashem but you
are not mine and where are we?
VRadfa et mahaveha vlo tasig otam,
ubikshatam vlo timtza We are
seeking other gods, other lovers, with
perhaps every now and then a halfhearted attempt to return because,
who knows? maybe well give the
one at home a chance as well.
In The New York Times article quoted
above, the wife decides to wait out
her husband. He wants to move out.
She responds: I dont buy it. In the
end, he did not move out. Instead, he
spent the summer being unreliable.
He stopped coming home at his usual
six oclock. He would stay out late and
not call. He blew off our entire Fourth
of July the parade, the barbecue,
the fireworks to go to someone
elses party. When he was at home
he was distant. He wouldnt look me
in the eye. He didnt even wish me
Happy Birthday.
Sometimes our marriage to G-d is
like that. Its only half a marriage.
Only one party is truly invested, the
other is committed only to him or
herself. A while ago someone termed
the problem of texting on Shabbos as
half Shabbos. How aptly named! Its
not just about texting and its not just
about Modern Orthodox Jews.
Were like the husband of the article.
We show up but whenever we
want to with few rules and fewer
23

responsibilities and no passion. Half

davening, half tzniut, half kashrut. In
the marriage, but not really. In many
yeshivot and in many shuls, everyone
is just sitting there, limply, waiting for
the inspiration to just happen, waiting
for the turn-on, for the kavanah, but
investing almost nothing.
It is Hoshea, the prophet who is
married to the unfaithful wife and
then wont leave her, who tells us of
Hashems loyalty to us, the Jewish
people. And it is Hoshea who calls
to us on the Shabbos before Yom
Kippur Shabbos Shuva: Shuva
Yisrael ad Hashem, Return Israel to
Hashem! Yom Kippur is the day
when the second luchot were given. It
is the second betrothal our second
chance. Go back! says Hoshea. It
is not enough for Hashem to betroth
us we also have to want him!
Ubikashtem misham et Hashem
Elokecha umatzata, ki tidrishenu bchol
livavcha ubchal nafshecha You
will seek out G-d from there and you
will find him. Why? Because you will
search for him with all your heart and
all your soul.
vEirastich li bemunah vyadaat et
Hashem. We need to respond to that
with the last words that we read from
Eicha: Hashiveinu Hashem eilecha,
vnashuva G-d return us to you and
we will return. We will finally return
the embrace.
The New York Times piece ends as
follows: My husband tried to strike
a deal. Blame me for his pain. Unload
his feelings of personal disgrace onto
me. But I ducked. And I waited. And it
worked.
The Ribono shel olam is waiting
but only we can make it work.

Rabbi Isaac Elchanan Theological Seminary The Benjamin and Rose Berger CJF Torah To-Go Series Tisha Bav 5775