Emotional Intelligence - Session 6 PDF
Emotional Intelligence - Session 6 PDF
Emotional Intelligence - Session 6 PDF
Activity 3.1
Select a possibility from the list below to provide others in your team an
opportunity to express their thoughts and feelings and explain how the process
would work.
f Training sessions
f Daily journal
f One to one meetings
f Difficult conversations
f Build time into meetings
for moans
f Build optimism
f Specific goals.
Restorative justice
Restorative justice is actually an approach to criminal justice where the
emphasis is not on punishment but on repairing the damage that has been
caused. It focuses on the needs of both the victim and the offender, where
the two come together to agree a resolution to the matter. Resolutions
can be incredibly innovative and enlightening and can build and strengthen
relationships.
It works just as well in community situations including the workplace. A
restorative meeting takes place when somebody or a group of people have
caused harm or offence to another person or another group of people. It is a
controlled conversation in a calm environment that is mediated by somebody
impartial and usually of higher authority than those involved. Ground rules are
set at the beginning by which all parties around the table must abide in order for
the conversation to run smoothly.
The idea of the restorative meeting is to enable those that have been harmed or
offended to explain to the person that has caused the harm how their behaviour
made them feel and why. It also gives the person that has caused the harm
to explain to the person they harmed how they felt and why they behaved the
way they did. It gives both parties the opportunity to reflect on their emotional
responses to the situation and think about what they could have done differently.
It also gives both parties the opportunity to tell each other what they need from
the other person to repair the situation and what they need to do themselves to
resolve the matter.
Restorative meetings can be quite powerful when two colleagues come face to
face to discuss their emotions and feelings. Often the true extent of the harm
caused and the emotions felt are not realised until discussed directly with those
involved. Often the person who has caused the harm has little or no idea of the
impact their behaviour and emotions have had on others and it can be a sincere and
honest lesson learned for future behaviour and emotional responses.
Restorative meetings cannot be forced upon individuals; the conversations must be
honest in order to be meaningful and truly restore the harm that has been caused.
If one of the parties is reluctant to take part they are unlikely to say what they
really feel which will render the meeting useless. Talking openly about feelings in
the workplace is quite a difficult concept to grasp and get involved with for a lot of
people but it can be a truly liberating and enlightening experience for all involved.
Even for the person chairing the meeting, particularly if you are the manager of
those involved as it gives you more of an insight into their psyche and helps you
understand their behaviour further. Whilst the outcome of the meeting is ultimately
up to those involved, by acting as mediator you can subtly steer the conversation to
ensure that the result is satisfactory to you as their manager.
It is worth taking time to consider practical aspects to a restorative meeting in
order to make it as successful as possible, such as:
f Time when are you going to hold the meeting?
how long after the incident has occurred too soon and emotions may not
have settled sufficiently to have a rational conversation and/or each party
may not have had enough time to reflect on their emotions. too long and the
impact of the behaviour may have been forgotten
time of day at the end of a busy shift and parties may not give their full
attention. you should also take into account key times in the working day
when the parties involved need to be completing time-specific tasks
restorative meetings can go on for some time depending on the amount of
people involved, the extent and severity of the incident up for discussion, and
the personalities of those involved. ensure you schedule plenty of time so the
meeting is not rushed or you run out of time and a resolution is not reached
in or out of work time taking colleagues off the shop floor at the same time
might cause them embarrassment, but bringing them into the workplace in
their own time might also cause resentment and inconvenience
f Location practical things to consider include:
size of the room is it big enough for the number of people involved?
furniture in the room:
is there a table and is it an appropriate size and shape?
are there enough chairs and are they sufficiently comfortable?
if there are windows in the room are there blinds to keep prying eyes
out?
temperature of the room if the room is too hot or cold it will be a
distraction
noise:
if the room is on a thoroughfare people passing are likely to be a
distraction
sound travels, particularly if the conversation gets heated and voices
become raised you dont want other people in the workplace to hear the
discussion
on or off site?
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Restorative meeting
Guide for chairpersons
Opening:
f Introduce yourself and your role in the organisation (if necessary)
f Inform all parties that you are only there to chair the meeting and are
totally impartial
f Explain the purpose of the meeting an incident has occurred that has
affected all the parties involved in some way and you are all here to resolve
the matter
f Inform everyone that they will all have an opportunity to speak but must
wait until it is their turn and must not talk over or interrupt anyone else
whilst they are speaking
f Explain the presence of the minute taker (if you have one) is to record the
conversation and that they will all receive a copy of the minutes and a copy
will be placed on their personnel file
f Reassure all parties that the meeting is private and whatever is said during
the meeting will not be repeated to other parties
f Encourage honesty and transparency.
Questions:
1. What happened?
2. What were you doing before it happened?
3. What were you thinking before it happened?
4. How did you feel before it happened?
5. What were you thinking when it was happening?
6. How did you feel when it was happening?
7. What did you do after it happened?
8. What were you thinking after it happened?
9. How did you feel after it happened?
10. What do you think about what happened now?
11. How do you feel now about what happened?
12. How do you think other people felt about what happened?
13. Who has been affected by what happened?
14. What could you have done differently?
15. What do you need to do to resolve the matter?
16. What do you need others to do to resolve the matter?
It is up to you, or indeed the parties involved, who starts the speaking. If the
incident was quite serious and affected a large number of people, the answer
to the question that asks, Who has been affected by what happened? can
have quite a significant impact on the understanding of the parties involved,
particularly if you make a visual representation of the all those affected, either
by writing a list of names or drawing a diagram.
What did you do after it I apologised to the customers I was serving and
happened? then went into the back to put their order in.
What were you thinking That he was nuts. And I wondered whether the
after it happened? customers might complain and what I would tell
them if they did.
How did you feel after it I was physically shaking right after. He really
happened? scared me. And I was quite embarrassed for him
because he made a real fool of himself. And then
I was worried about the extra shifts he had said I
had been given because Im at uni on those days
and cant do them.
What do you think about Now I know the reason for it I can understand
what happened now? how Henry felt but I still think it was a bit much.
How do you feel now I feel bad for Henry.
about what happened?
How do you think other The customers in the restaurant were quite
people felt about what shocked and I think some were a bit frightened.
happened? I think others thought it was quite funny. I know
the supervisor felt awful when he realised hed
made the mistakes on the rota and had sent
Henry home without explaining. Jason was really
worried about him.
What could you have done I maybe should have tried to calm him down and
differently? take him into the back but I was just so surprised
by what he had done.
What do you need to do to I need to accept Henrys apology and get to know
resolve the matter? him properly. Id also like to offer him a couple of
my shifts because Ive got loads of deadlines for
uni coming up and I havent got time to do them.
What do you need others Id like Henry to apologise to Jason.
to do to resolve the
matter?
Questions to Jason
How did you feel before it I was looking forward to my break and my
happened? dinner.
What were you thinking That this isnt like Henry and wondering why
when it was happening? he was being so aggressive. Nothing normally
bothers him.
How did you feel when it I was worried about Nell and what she thought
was happening? of Henry. And I was embarrassed for Henry
because all the customers were watching. Then I
was annoyed at his comment about me fancying
Nell, because I dont.
What did you do after it I carried on working. I didnt get to take my
happened? break because after Henry went we were short
staffed.
What were you thinking I was wondering what made him do it.
after it happened?
How did you feel after it Worried about Henry. And embarrassed for
happened? him. And embarrassed about the comment he
made about me fancying Nell. After what had
just happened to her I didnt really think it was
appropriate for me to say, Oh, by the way, I
dont fancy you. So then I felt awkward for the
rest of the shift.
What do you think about I wish hed told me about his financial problems.
what happened now? Id have lent him some money or offered him a
couple of my shifts.
How do you feel now about I feel sorry for Henry.
what happened?
How do you think other I think everyone was just really surprised. I know
people felt about what Nell was quite scared by the experience.
happened?
What could you have done I maybe shouldnt have waded in. I think I made
differently? the situation worse.
What do you need to do to I need to make sure Henry knows Im here for
resolve the matter? him if he needs any help. And I also need to tell
Nell that I dont fancy her.
What do you need others I want Henry to apologise to Nell and for Nell
to do to resolve the to give another chance to find out what a nice
matter? guy he really is. I also want Henry to tell my
girlfriend that I dont fancy Nell and that he just
made it up.
In this sort of scenario, where the incident is quite serious and a number of
people have been involved, it is useful to leave the question about who has been
affected until the end for all parties involved to answer collaboratively because
often each party has a different view on who was affected and why, and it has a
greater impact when combined.
You can see that the emotions and needs of all of the parties involved are quite
similar, each one feeling empathy for each other and wanting to try and repair
the situation themselves. Restorative meetings can also reveal personal issues
that are hindering the performance of colleagues or that as a manager you
can respond in a supportive manner. For example, you could offer Henry some
additional shifts or give him an advance in his wages to help with his financial
problems.
Activity 3.2
Identify a situation in the workplace with which you have dealt that involved the
behaviour and/or emotions of a colleague(s) affecting others in the workplace
where a restorative meeting could have been held to help those involved
understand the effect of their behaviour and emotions on others.
Imagine that you chaired a restorative meeting between the parties involved
and document their responses in the tables below.
What happened?
What happened?
What happened?