Sexaholics

Anonymous

SA
Sponsorship
 Sexaholics Anonymous
Statement of Principle

We have a solution. We don't claim it's for every-

body, but for us, it works. If you identify with us and
think you may share our problem, we'd like to
share our solution with you (SA 2).
In defining sobriety, we do not speak for those
outside Sexaholics Anonymous. We can only
speak for ourselves. Thus, for the married sexahol-
ic, sexual sobriety means having no form of sex
with self or with persons other than the spouse. In
SA's sobriety definition, the term "spouse" refers to
one’s partner in a marriage between a man and a
woman. For the unmarried sexaholic, sexual sobri-
ety means freedom from sex of any kind. And for
all of us, single and married alike, sexual sobriety
also includes progressive victory over lust
(SA 191-192).
Passed by the General Delegate Assembly
February 2010

The only requirement for SA membership is a de-

sire to stop lusting and become sexually sober
according to the SA sobriety definition.
Any two or more sexaholics gathered together for
SA sobriety according to the SA sobriety definition
may call themselves an SA group.
Meetings that do not adhere to and follow Sexahol-
ics Anonymous' sobriety statement as set forth in
the foregoing Statement of Principle adopted by
the General Delegate Assembly in 2010 are not
SA meetings and shall not call themselves SA
meetings.
Addendum to the Statement of Principle passed by
the General Delegate Assembly on July 2016.

Cover logo trademark of Sexaholics Anonymous

Copyright ©2012 Sexaholics Anonymous, Inc
All rights reserved.
 Good sponsorship, which should be
made a way of life in the group, is
most important for group recovery.
We dedicate ourselves to the
newcomers, but they should be
willing to take direction. Having ‘our
way’ is what got us to where we
are. Our best thinking is what
brought us to where we were when
we came in. We who are sober
should give the newcomers solid,
specific direction as to how to get
out of their feelings and into the
security and safety of sober support
by working the Steps with them
(Practical Guidelines for Group
Recovery 7).

Introduction
For most members of Sexaholics Anonymous,
regardless of our length of sobriety,
sponsorship is a cornerstone of our recovery
program. Sponsorship, as understood in all
Twelve Step fellowships, is practiced in two
ways. First, we seek a fellow member who is
farther along in recovery than we are and ask
that person to be our sponsor. Then we, in
turn, give freely of our time to members who
are looking for a sponsor.

Sponsorship is the practice of taking direction

in working the Steps and, in turn, helping
others to work the Steps. Relying on the
guidance of a sponsor relieves us of the
burden of trying to figure things out alone.
Sponsorship is spiritual fellowship in action. In
working with a sponsor, we find relief from
loneliness, doubt and indecision; in sponsoring
others, we share the joy of seeing others

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recover. In addition, the practical experience
we gain in taking direction from another
member helps us to find the courage, when
the time comes, to carry out the will of our
Higher Power when our Step Eleven prayers
give us that knowledge.

Taking Direction from a Sponsor

I needed someone who could see me
better than I could, even though he
might have had some problems of
his own. (Everyone I used as a
sponsor had imperfections big
enough to turn me away if I wanted
such an excuse.) It was my reaching
out and taking direction that
worked. I made regular contact and
followed directions. It helped make
me teachable and saved me a lot of
grief and time (SA 162).
Many of us come into Sexaholics Anonymous
with multiple character defects, which we
encounter as we work the Steps. One of those
defects is a problem with authority. We often
have difficulty surrendering to a Higher Power.
The idea of surrendering our will and our lives
to someone or something other than
ourselves brings back memories of conflicts
with parents, bosses, and other authority
figures. Words such as “obedience” or
“yielding” or “submission” were fighting words
for us – ideas we thought we needed to resist
if we were to be whole persons.
The idea of submitting to sponsorship reopens
all those authority conflict issues from our
past. We wonder at the outset, “Will this
person try to tell me what to do in my life?
What if he asks me to do something I feel
would be detrimental to me or my family, such
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as abstaining from sex in my marriage or
attending a meeting every night of the week,
or giving up my free time to do Step work with
others in the fellowship?”
We knew that for sponsorship to work, it
would mean developing the ability to take
simple direction. We came to believe that
having ourselves for a sponsor was a symptom
of the insanity we brought with us to the SA
program. Our first step, therefore, was to
“fire” ourselves and seek someone more
mature in sobriety and recovery than we were.

Does My Sponsor Have to Be a member

of SA?
Many early members of SA had no choice but
to seek sponsors in other Twelve Step
fellowships for guidance in working the Steps.
Fortunately, today we have a broad base of
members who are qualified to be sponsors
and who welcome the prospect of sponsoring
newcomers. In addition to finding sponsors at
local SA groups, members find sponsors at SA
international conventions, regional
conventions, day-long meeting marathons,
and through phone contact. In seeking a
sponsor, newcomers are encouraged to look
primarily for someone to direct them in
working the Steps from an SA perspective, and
in carrying the SA message of recovery to
others. For their part, SA members who
sponsor others should be willing to impress
upon newcomers the importance of studying
SA literature, because that is what describes
SA sobriety and recovery, and distinguishes SA
from other fellowships offering recovery from
sex addiction.

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Member Share: I Can’t Do it Alone
“Anyone who defends himself has a fool for a
client.” This aptly describes my experience
with sponsorship. Although I often forget, I
cannot get or stay sober alone. I have heard
many times in the fellowship that there is
power in the group that goes beyond the
power of individuals. I have also found that
this is true when I meet with my sponsor.
When we are together, something happens
that goes beyond rational explanation. There
is a Power there that is not in evidence when
each of us is alone.
My sponsor has helped me to see things I
might otherwise have never seen. His advice is
often so right on target that I think he can read
my very soul. I have had the same experience
with my sponsees. They come with a problem
or they need help working the Steps, and I find
myself offering feedback or direction that I
have never heard of or even thought of
before. My Higher Power is present in both
cases and takes over if I am willing.
My sponsor also helps me see the insanity of
my thinking that I miss when I try to go it
alone. Part of sponsorship is having someone
to share ideas with, to check in with, so that I
can avoid the craziness. My best ideas got me
to where I needed SA. I need a sponsor to help
me stay in the solution. I cannot achieve or
keep sobriety and recovery alone.
See also, "Getting an SA Sponsor” (SA 72.)

Taking Direction from a Higher Power

We have found another great benefit of
sponsorship. We discovered over time that
following a sponsor’s direction is good practice
for following the direction of our Higher

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Power, especially for those of us who do not
easily take direction. We know this is a
spiritual program and that we must pray “only
for knowledge of God’s will and the power to
carry that out.” But how will we know God’s
will for us and be able to carry it out if we
won’t take direction from a sponsor? How can
we turn our will and our life over to the care of
God – as suggested by our Third Step – if we
can’t take direction from someone in the
fellowship who has taken the path before us?
God’s will for us so often is spoken through
human beings – especially through our fellow
SA members – that we need to learn to listen
to others and carefully consider their input. It
is also clear from the multiple references to
the words “sponsor” and “sponsorship” in
both the SA White Book and the AA Big Book
that sponsorship was originally envisioned as
the norm and not the exception in our
program of recovery.

Member Share: Sponsorship Helps Me Be

Obedient to God
I was rebellious over authority by the age of
six. When my father told me he was going to
send me to a military academy where they
whipped disobedient boys like me into shape, I
protested that if he did, I would run away. This
was so distasteful to me that when I grew up, I
chose a course of study that exempted me
from military service, even when all my friends
were being drafted.
Meanwhile I thought I had a better way to deal
with authority figures. If I could use my mind
to master much of their expertise, I could earn
their respect to the point where they would
relate to me as a peer rather than as someone
subordinate to them. This strategy worked

5
well in college and graduate school, where
professors would ask me to assist them with
projects rather than criticize my work as
inferior to theirs. Later I noticed this strategy
worked with therapists who assumed that I
merely needed reminding, encouragement,
and support rather than confrontation,
intervention, and a refusal on their part to
cooperate any longer in my pretended
willingness to grow.
Now, in SA recovery, I have an opportunity to
deal with this problem as I work under a
sponsor and sponsor others. I am convinced
some of us never get a sponsor because, like
me, we rebelled against authority.
Until and unless my sponsor asks me to do
something unreasonable, shaming,
humiliating, illegal, dishonest, or harmful to
myself or others, I believe that I should follow
his direction as a means of growing in
obedience to God. If my sponsor’s life needs
correction, that is the responsibility of his
Higher Power and his sponsor, not me. I have
only to take my own inventory and humbly
learn to submit to someone with greater
knowledge of how the SA program works than
I have. I get angry and resentful at times, even
spiteful that I cannot claim “higher authority”
through some grievance procedure. But when
I surrender that anger and resentment,
perhaps a thousand times before I give it up, I
regain my serenity and set out to learn what

I am responsible.
When anyone, anywhere
reaches out for help,
I want the hand of SA
always to be there.
And for that: I am responsible

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The Twelve Steps of Sexaholics Anonymous

1. We admitted that we were powerless over

lust—that our lives had become unmanage-
able.
2. Came to believe that a Power greater than
ourselves could restore us to sanity.
3. Made a decision to turn our will and our
lives over to the care of God as we under-
stood Him.
4. Made a searching and fearless moral inven-
tory of ourselves.
5. Admitted to God, to ourselves, and to an-
other human being the exact nature of our
wrongs.
6. Were entirely ready to have God remove all
these defects of character.
7. Humbly asked Him to remove our shortcom-
ings.
8. Made a list of all persons we had harmed,
and became willing to make amends to
them all.
9. Made direct amends to such people wherev-
er possible, except when to do so would
injure them or others.
10. Continued to take personal inventory and
when we were wrong promptly admitted it.
11. Sought through prayer and meditation to
improve our conscious contact with God as
we understood Him, praying only for
knowledge of His will for us and the power
to carry that out.
12. Having had a spiritual awakening as the
result of these Steps, we tried to carry this
message to sexaholics, and to practice these
principles in all our affairs.

The Twelve Steps and Traditions are adapted

with permission of Alcoholics Anonymous World
Services, Inc. ("AAWS"). Permission to adapt
and reprint the Twelve Steps and Twelve Tradi-
tions does not mean that AAWS has approved
the contents, of this publication, nor that AAWS
agrees with the views expressed herein. AA is a
program of recovery from alcoholism only. Use
of the Twelve Steps and Twelve Traditions in
connection with programs which are patterned
after AA, but which address other problems, or
in any other non-AA context, does not imply
otherwise.
The Twelve Traditions of Sexaholics
Anonymous

1. Our common welfare should come first;

personal recovery depends on SA unity.
2. For our group purpose there is but one
ultimate authority—a loving God as He
may express Himself in our group con-
science. Our leaders are but trusted serv-
ants; they do not govern.
3. The only requirement for membership is
a desire to stop lusting and become sex-
ually sober.
4. Each group should be autonomous except
in matters affecting other groups or Sex-
aholics Anonymous as a whole.
5. Each group has but one primary pur-
pose—to carry its message to the sexa-
holic who still suffers.
6. An SA group ought never endorse, fi-
nance, or lend the SA name to any relat-
ed facility or outside enterprise, lest
problems of money, property, and pres-
tige divert us from our primary purpose.
7. Every SA group ought to be fully self-
supporting, declining outside contribu-
tions.
8. Sexaholics Anonymous should remain
forever non-professional, but our service
centers may employ special workers.
9. SA, as such, ought never be organized;
but we may create service boards or
committees directly responsible to those
they serve.
10. Sexaholics Anonymous has no opinion on
outside issues; hence the SA name ought
never be drawn into public controversy.
11. Our public relations policy is based on
attraction rather than promotion; we
need always maintain personal anonymi-
ty at the level of press, radio, films, and
TV.
12. Anonymity is the spiritual foundation of
all our traditions, ever reminding us to
place principles before personalities.
Alcoholics Anonymous, on whose principles
of recovery the fellowship of Sexaholics
Anonymous is based, has published a com-
prehensive pamphlet on Sponsorship that
has proven invaluable for many in SA. This
pamphlet is highly recommended for SA in-
dividuals and groups. Complete order forms
for AA Publications are available from Gen-
eral Service Office of Alcoholics Anonymous,
Box 459, Grand Central Station, New York,
NY 10163.
SA adaptation © 1982, 1984, 1989, 2001 SA
Literature. Reprinted with permission of SA
Literature.
Quotes from Sexaholics Anonymous are
acknowledged by the use of the initials SA
and the page number. Copyright 1982,
1984, 1989, 2001 by SA Literature. Used
with permission of SA Literature.
This pamphlet includes material adapted
from an article on sponsorship published in
Essay, March 1994.

If you think you may have problems with sex

or lust addiction, we invite you to join us at
an SA meeting. Look for Sexaholics Anony-
mous in your local phone directory, call SA
International Central Office toll free (in the
USA) at 866-424-8777, or visit our web site
at www.sa.org. Online meetings and remote
contacts are also available.
Additional copies of this pamphlet and a
literature list can be ordered from:
SAICO
P.O. Box 3565
Brentwood, TN 37024-3565

Phone: 615-370-6062
Fax: 615-370-0882
E-mail: saico@sa.org
Website: http://www.sa.org