Questions like these are impossible to answer responsibly without knowing

more information about the individual Christian hoping to be married one

day. There are so many variables with each person that make common dating
tips unhelpful and sometimes even damaging. If you apply the wrong dating
advice to your life, that approach might keep you single for longer, thus having
the opposite effect that you had hoped for.

One of the most amazing truths about the Bible is that it’s commands apply to
all Christians and all times, no matter their individual circumstances and
variables. Christian dating advice, however, should be viewed very, very
different than biblical commands clearly stated in Scripture. The Bible doesn’t
say you must date for 1 year before getting engaged, it doesn’t say you must be
friends for 6 months, it doesn’t say you must only hang out with the opposite
sex in group settings – in fact, the Bible doesn’t say anything directly about
Christian dating or courting.

Certainly there are clear commands and principles in the Bible that should
always shape your Christian dating approach (do not marry an unbeliever, do
not be friends with the world, do not have premarital sex, flee sexual
temptation, etc.), but there is not one Christian dating path that God has
commanded for all Christians.

One of the biggest variables that should alter the Christian dating approach
you are using is your age and spiritual maturity. A 20-year-old single man
should be approaching Christian dating very differently than a 45-year-old
single woman.

So how should your Christian dating approach change the older you get?

The Motives of Your Heart and Your Morality Should Remain the
Same No Matter What Age You Are

Before we talk about how your dating approach should change, I think it is
wise to first talk about what should not change. Whether you are a Christian
single who wants to be married and you are 19 or you are 65, your motives for
marriage and your commitment to biblical morality should be the same.

As I’ve discussed before, it is not wrong to want to be married. As long as

your motives for marriage are to glorify God, then your desire for marriage his
healthy and biblical. Certainly a desire for marriage can be idolatrous and
sinful if your motives are impure, but God is the one who made marriage and
God is the one who puts the desire for marriage on most Christians’ hearts.

Not only should your motive for marriage always be pure, your commitment
to honoring God with your morality must also never waver no matter how old
or young you are. Some Christians fall for the lie, “Well, I’m young so I can sin
now in the relationship because God knows I’m just being an immature kid.”
Others fall for the lie of, “Well those relationship rules are just for kids. I’m a
mature adult so I can sin in these ways because that’s what adults do.”
The clear commands in Scripture are not given to older or younger Christians.
God’s commands are given to Christians. The commands to not have
premarital sex (1 Corinthians 7:2), to not marry an unbeliever (1 Corinthians
7:39), to not commit adultery (Exodus 20:14), and all the commands like these
must always shape your dating approach regardless of how young or old you
are.

So the inner motives and obedience to God should always be the same. Your
practical approach to Christian dating should be altered with your age and
spiritual maturity if you hope to see the best results as possible.

You Should Be More Patient in Practical Ways the Younger You

Are to Meet People

I believe one of the biggest differences in your dating approach that should
change as you get older is the time you allow relationships to develop. When
you are in your early twenties for example, the advice to “just give it time” and
“just try to be friends first” and other advice focused more on patience and
waiting are much more appropriate and wise.

For example, when you are younger, I don’t recommend Christian online

dating. Rather, you should focus on developing all the other social circles in
your life as these other areas of your life are often the way you will meet your
spouse. Going to small group with people your age, going to college, hanging
out with other Christian friends, and joining other young adults in service
projects are very common ways that God ends up brining to Christians
together.

In short, when you are younger, you shouldn’t force it. Let things progress
naturally.

You Should Be More Proactive in Practical Ways the Older You Are
to Meet People

While the above approach certainly would not be a sin to do if you were
getting older, I do believe that is wise to more proactive and intentional about
meeting people the older you get. If the “just wait and see” approach has
happened before the age of 25, I personally would recommend upping the
energy you are putting into dating.

This is really just my opinion, but if you are single and you want to be married
and you are under 25, I wouldn’t feel pressure to be more proactive. There’s
nothing wrong with being more proactive if you are under 25, I just don’t
think it is that necessary. Usually you will just meet someone naturally though
when you are normal, socially active Christian single.

I feel that those who are over 25 are transitioning away from being a “young
adult” and into being a normal adult. With this transition into full adulthood, I
think it is wise to slowly begin to change your dating practices.  Nothing
drastic at first. I’m not saying everyone over 25 needs to freak out, everyone in
the 30s must online date, and everyone in the 40s better higher a marriage
recruiter.

There’s no law or formulas here. My point is that when you become an adult
and you are more spiritually mature, you should feel freer to pursue a
relationship in a more direct and intentional way.

You Should Be More Forward and Move Faster When You Like
Someone as an Older Christian Single

These first two points are really focusing on meeting people. I’m trying to say
that when you are younger you will generally meet potential Christian spouses
more naturally because more people your age are single. When more people
start getting married and you are more mature yourself, it just makes sense
that you are just more active and intentional about meeting people from the
opposite sex.

Another way I believe you should change your dating approach when you are
getting older is the way you interact with someone that you like. When you are
younger, I think it makes more sense to try the “become friends first” rout and
just see where it goes. As you get older, I think it is wiser to be more forward
and to move faster in the relationship than you would have as a young adult.

Why? Because going slow or fast is not the point. The point is to date in a way
that is honoring to Christ, protects your heart, but accomplishes the purpose
of dating which is to see if you two want to get married. In theory, when you
are older your heart should be more mature to date faster without getting hurt
or too high of expectations.

When you are young, you are prone to be naive and get hurt. Hopefully as a
full adult you have learned how to engage in a dating relationship without
being totally crushed if it doesn’t work out. Hopefully you are spiritually
mature enough to discern more quickly if this person is a quality Christian or
not. In short, as you mature you theoretically should not need as much time as
a younger, less experienced Christian might need to gauge your compatibility
with this person for marriage.

You Should Lean More on the Courting Side When Younger and
More on the Dating Side When Older

Perhaps the best way to sum up my beliefs about how your dating approach
should change with age is to say that you should lean more on the Christian
courting side when you are a young adult and more on the Christian dating
side when you are a full adult.

For a full explanation between the differences in Christian courting and

dating, you may want to watch/read this resource What’s the Difference
Between Christian Dating and Courting?
A quick summary is that courting emphasizes guarding your heart, taking
things slow, using a period of friendship before courting, having lots of
community accountability built into the courting relationship, and
emphasizing the desire for marriage early in the courting relationship.

The Christian dating approach, however, focuses more on entering into a

dating relationship faster, being open to dating before knowing the person
really well, and waiting to talk about marriage until the dating relationship has
progressed much further than when it first began.

As you get older and more mature, I think it is wise to transition away from
the Christian courting model and move towards the Christian dating
approach.

Biblical Dating: How It’s

Different From Modern Dating
SCOTT CROFT | March 23, 2012

Looking for a completely countercultural path to marriage? Here’s how

to apply God’s Word to dating, finding a spouse and getting married.

The system today’s young men and women have inherited for
finding and marrying a future spouse leaves a lot to be desired.
We often hear complaints from readers about the confusion, hurt
and sexual sin they’ve encountered despite their best
intentions. Many want to know how they can go about getting to
know someone and eventually getting married without getting hurt
or compromising their faith.
At Focus on the Family, we’ve offered a range of resources and expert advice
bringing biblical principles to bear in this area. Some of the messages we’ve
presented have taken the position that Christians can apply their faith in such a
way that they can still work within the system they’ve inherited. Other messages
have stressed that Christians need to be much more counter-cultural. Joshua
Harris, for instance, has promoted a model of courtship that harkens back to a
model used broadly before modern dating evolved.

People attempting to follow a courtship model within today’s culture, however,

often run into a lot of practical questions, such as, “What if her dad is
unavailable or uninterested in being involved?” or “What do you do when you
live hundreds of miles from your family?”

The goal of this series of articles, beginning with this introduction, is to provide
our readers with a place to bring those questions. Scott Croft is an elder at
Capitol Hill Baptist Church where he teaches a seminar on friendship, courtship
and marriage. He is also an attorney who is used to tackling tough questions.

The answers he brings may be different from anything you’ve heard before. The
topics he’s going to be dealing with are ones in which equally committed
Christians have found different biblical interpretations. Not all will agree with
Scott’s approach, and we invite feedback from anyone who believes there are
better interpretations for the biblical passages Scott draws from.

It’s our hope that this Q&A series will be valuable both for those who think the
Bible gives sufficient guidance for operating within our current system as well as
for those who are looking for a completely countercultural path to marriage.

If you’re reading this, you’re interested in dating. You’ve done it, you’re doing it,
you’d like to do it, or you need to teach somebody else how to do it. Don’t worry.
You’re not alone. In our society, dating has become something of an obsession. It
is expected to be a universal phenomenon. It’s just something you do if you’re
single and of age (and that age is quickly dropping) in America. It is considered
the natural precursor to marriage, and is generally considered something to be
desired, whatever form it might take.

It’s also big business. If you were to Google the word “matchmaker,” you would
receive something in the neighborhood of 21,200,000 responses — with a few of
these outfits claiming to be Christian, but most making no such claim. “Dating”
will get you 790,000,000 hits.

As evangelical Christians, we’re called to be distinct in the ways we think and act
about all issues that confront us and those around us. This topic is no exception.
So is there such a thing as biblical dating? If so, what is it? How can Christians
think differently about this pervasive issue in media and culture? How are we
doing so far?

The answer to that last question is “not well.” Surveys consistently indicate that
professing Christians behave almost exactly like non-Christians in terms of
sexual involvement outside of marriage (in both percentage of people involved
and how deeply involved they are — how far they’re going), living together
before marriage, and infidelity and divorce after marriage. In fact, depending on
which statistics one believes, the divorce rate for professing Christians may
actually be higher than for Americans as a whole. Granted, not all of these people
are evangelicals, but we’re not doing so well either. Indeed, the central issue we
need to confront — and the reason I write and speak on this topic — is that when
it comes to dating and relationships, perhaps more than in any other area of the
everyday Christian life, the church is largely indistinguishable from the world.
That truth has brought immeasurable emotional pain and other consequences to
many Christians. Worse, it has brought great dishonor to the name of Christ and
to the witness of individuals and the church.

It doesn’t have to be this way. For Christians, the Lord has given us His Word,
and the Holy Spirit helps us to understand it. We have brothers and sisters in
Christ to hold us accountable and to help us apply the Word to our lives. If you’re
a Christian, that’s the biblical life you’re called to.

That’s what I hope this column will be about — applying God’s Word to dating,
finding a spouse and getting married.

Scripture Rules
I have to start by explaining the theological doctrine that drives the approach I
want to outline (and advocate). That doctrine is called the sufficiency of
Scripture. Almost all professing evangelical Christians are familiar with and
vigorously defend the doctrine of the inerrancy of Scripture (which states that the
Bible is the authoritative Word of God, it’s true, and it contains no falsity or
error). I certainly agree with the inerrancy of Scripture, but that’s not what I’m
talking about here. The doctrine of the sufficiency of Scripture assumes inerrancy
but then goes a step further. This doctrine simply holds that the Bible is sufficient
to guide and instruct us authoritatively in all areas of our faith and life, and that
there is no area of life about which the Bible has no guidance for us. The
sufficiency of Scripture is taught explicitly and implicitly in many passages, but
perhaps the most obvious is 2 Timothy 3:16-17:

All Scripture is God-breathed and is useful for teaching,

rebuking, correcting and training in righteousness, so
that the man of God may be thoroughly equipped for every
good work.
So how does the sufficiency of Scripture apply to our coming discussions? Well,
many evangelicals who otherwise believe in the inerrancy of the Bible and who
might generally agree with the sufficiency of Scripture have nonetheless
 embraced the world’s ideas about dating. In doing so, some make the argument
that Scripture doesn’t speak to this topic. I believe it does. The Bible speaks
to every area of our faith and life at some level. Some things it talks about
explicitly, like salvation or sanctification or marriage or elders. The Bible guides
us in some areas by broader, more general principles and ideas we can build on as
we strive to live the Christian life in practical ways. In either case, no area of life
falls totally outside of the guidance and authority of God’s Word.

My point is that we cannot simply state that the Bible “doesn’t mention dating or
courtship,” and then think we’re off the hook to pursue this area of our lives
either on the world’s terms or however seems best to us without diligent,
submissive reference to God’s Word. If the doctrine of the sufficiency of
Scripture is true, then God’s Word does have authoritative guidance for us about
how we might best glorify God in this area of our lives. That means our
conversation has to be a biblical conversation. I mention the sufficiency of
Scripture as part of the groundwork for this column because it’s one of those
doctrines that touches every area of our lives, and it is at the heart of the approach
to dating (and life) that we’ll talk about here.

Biblical Dating
OK. Let’s take care of some basic definitions. We may define biblical dating as a
method of introduction and carrying out of a pre-marital relationship between a
single man and a single woman:

1. That begins (maybe) with the man approaching and going through the woman’s father
or family;
2. that is conducted under the authority of the woman’s father or family or church; and
3. that always has marriage (or at least a determination regarding marriage to a specific
person) as its direct goal.

The Scriptural support for the idea of biblical dating is largely by example and
implication. We will look at a number of passages over the course of our
discussions that support various aspects of biblical dating, but for the moment, let
me just give you some references to study:

 1 Corinthians 6:9-7:19 (command to be pure, seriousness of sexual sin and instructions

regarding marriage)
 1 Thessalonians 4:1-8 (do not wrong or defraud one another in relationships — by
implying a relationship or commitment by your words or conduct that does not actually
exist)
  Song of Solomon 2:7 (“do not awaken love before it pleases” — i.e. before the proper
time, meaning marriage)
 Proverbs 6:20-7:27 (warning to avoid sexual sin and foolish relationships)
 James 1:13-15 (temptation is to be taken very seriously)
 Romans 13:8-14 (love others, work for their soul’s good; don’t look to please self)
 Romans 14:1-15:7 (favor others, not self … value what’s good to their souls)
 1 Timothy 5:1-2 (treat single women as sisters in Christ, with absolute purity)
 Titus 2:1-8 (young men and women should focus on self-control/godliness)
 John 14:15 (if you love Christ, you will obey His commands — read: above your own
desires — and live biblically)

We’ll talk more about these and other passages as we deal with other topics in
this series.

Modern Dating
We may basically define modern dating as a method of introduction and carrying
out of a pre-marital relationship between a single man and a single woman:

1. that begins with either the man or the woman initiating with the other;
2. that is conducted outside the formal oversight or authority of either person’s family or
church; and
3. that may or may not have marriage as its goal and is often purely “recreational” or
“educational.”

Now, the biblical support for the modern approach to dating … (insert crickets,
tumbleweeds, person whistling here)…. That was it. There isn’t any. The very
idea of extended romantic or sexual involvement outside of marriage doesn’t
even appear in Scripture unless it is described as illicit (sinful). Furthermore, it
doesn’t even appear in any society, western or otherwise, in any systematic way
until the 20th century. While the principles supporting biblical dating have their
beginnings with the very structure of the family, modern dating has its origins
with the sexual revolution of the 1960s. It is brand new, and yet, seemingly, it is
all we know.

Differences Between Modern

Dating and Biblical Dating
So what’s the real difference? Here are some fundamentals:

Modern dating philosophy assumes that there will be several intimate romantic
relationships in a person’s life before marriage. In fact, it advocates “playing the
 field” in order to determine “what one wants” in a mate. Biblical dating has as its
goal to be emotionally and physically intimate with only one member of the
opposite sex … your spouse.

Modern dating tends to be egalitarian (no differences between men and women in
spiritual or emotional “wiring” or God-given roles). Biblical dating tends to be
complementarian (God has created men and women differently and has ordained
each of these spiritual equals to play different and valuable roles in the church
and in the family).

Modern dating tends to assume that you will spend a great deal of time together
(most of it alone). Biblical dating tends to encourage time spent in group
activities or with other people the couple knows well.

Modern dating tends to assume that you need to get to know a person more
deeply than anyone else in the world to figure out whether you should be with
him or her. The biblical approach suggests that real commitment to the other
person should precede such a high level of intimacy.

Modern dating tends to assume that a good relationship will “meet all myneeds
and desires,” and a bad one won’t — it’s essentially a self-centered approach.
Biblical dating approaches relationships from a completely different perspective
— one of ministry and service and bringing glory to God.

Modern dating tends to assume that there will be a high level of emotional
involvement in a dating relationship, and some level of physical involvement as
well. Biblical dating assumes no physical intimacy and more limited emotional
intimacy outside of marriage.

Modern dating assumes that what I do and who I date as an adult is entirely up to
me and is private (my family or the church has no formal or practical authority).
Biblical dating assumes a context of spiritual accountability, as is true in every
other area of the Christian life.

Basically, we can make three general statements about modern dating vs. biblical
dating in terms of their respective philosophies:

1. Modern dating seems to be about “finding” the right person for me (as my friend

Michael Lawrence has written on this site, “Stop Test-Driving Your Girlfriend“); biblical dating is
 more about “being” the right person to serve my future spouse’s needs and be a God-glorifying
husband or wife.
2. In modern dating, intimacy precedes commitment. In biblical dating, commitment
precedes intimacy.
3. The modern dating approach tells us that the way to figure out whether I want to marry
someone is to act like we are married. If we like it, we make it official. If we don’t, then we go
through something emotionally — and probably physically — like a divorce. In biblical dating,
Scripture guides us as to how to find a mate and marry, and the Bible teaches, among other
things, that we should act in such a way so as not to imply a marriage-level commitment until
that commitment exists before the Lord.

I’m supremely confident that as we go back and forth in the coming months,
some — perhaps many — of you will disagree (if you don’t already) or be
initially annoyed at some of my statements. Ask yourself why. What are you
trying to hold onto that you think this approach will take from you (privacy,
autonomy, a secular idea of freedom or of your own rights)?

I have a particular challenge for those of you whose main objection is that the
practical details we’ll talk about here “are not explicitly biblical”: think about the
details of how you conduct (or would like to conduct) your dating life. Can you
find explicit support for the modern approach in Scripture? Are there even broad
principles in Scripture that justify the modern vision of dating (or yours,
whatever it may be)? The Bible simply doesn’t give us explicit instructions on
some of what we’ll discuss. Fair enough. In such a situation, we should ask what
gets us closest to clear biblical teaching. In other words, within the many gray
areas here, what conduct in our dating lives will help us to best care for our
brothers and sisters in Christ and bring honor to His name?

That’s it. That’s a basic framework for biblical dating as best I can discern it from
the principles of God’s Word. Now, you’re on. No question is too broad or too
specific, too theoretical, too theological, or too practical. Agree with what I’ve
said, or challenge it. This is how iron sharpens iron.

Just remember one thing: we’re in this together — for His Glory.

4 Truths About Interracial

Dating
Congratulations! You’ve found someone you want to date who wants to date you
back! They’re cute, funny, and sincere with similar interests and values. They’re
the whole package—and then, bonus points! They’re a different skin color from
you!

Actually, you don’t get bonus points for being in an interracial relationship (IRR).
But for all the praise and comments my husband Vaughan and I have received
throughout our relationship (he’s Black, and I’m a Korean American adoptee) about
our future adorable biracial babies and how cool and progressive our relationship
is, you would think we had achieved ultra-super-special dating status.

I get it. Race is certainly a hot topic today, and it seems especially paramount to
Millennials to prove how not racist we are. And what better way to do that than to
actually date someone who is a different race? I mean, way to show the world how
woke you are!

Now, don’t get me wrong. I fully believe we are called to initiate, grow, and
maintain healthy cross-cultural relationships, and that being part of the kingdom of
God means experiencing more than just your little corner of it. If heaven is going
to be a great multitude of people from every nation, tribe, people, and language
worshiping together (Revelation 7:9), and if we are to be praying for God’s will to
be done on earth as it is in heaven (Matthew 6:10), then there should be some
element of being with people different than us here in this lifetime. There is a lot
to be learned and gained from having deep cross-cultural relationships.

But from my experience and from stories of my peers, there is as much desire for
racial justice and reconciliation as there is unhelpful idolizing and fetishizing of
interracial relationships and biracial friends. Below are four truths we need to
understand about IRRs.  

Truth #1: Just because you’re dating

someone who is a different race, culture,
or ethnicity than you doesn’t mean you’re
not racist.
Deciding to enter an IRR doesn’t change prejudice in your heart. You will definitely
bump up against and wrestle with your own stereotypes and racist mentalities
throughout your relationship, but it takes more than a change in your relationship
status to change your misperceptions and biases. And if you are intentionally
seeking out an IRR, you could be contributing to racism by using your significant
other as an object to exploit for your own purposes. How ironic that the thing we
do to show the world we aren’t racist actually ends up perpetuating racism.

Truth #2: An IRR also doesn’t mean you are

contributing to anti-racism or
reconciliation.
Posting a picture of your differently hued boo might get you a lot of likes on
Facebook, and walking hand-in-hand down the street flaunting your IRR to the
world might seem like a contribution to change, but your relationship in and of
itself does nothing to dismantle racist structures and systems. Actually seeing
reconciliation and change in broken spaces takes an active pursuit of justice, truth,
and righteousness in areas of discrimination, racism, and inequality.

Truth #3: Mixed race couples aren’t more

godly than couples who are the same race.
I’ve heard lots of Christian responses about IRRs being a “greater picture of God’s
kingdom” because they demonstrate reconciliation and unity. But does that mean
everyone should marry interracially, since we can more accurately portray the
image of God? Do my friends whose spouses are the same ethnicity not have as
biblical of a marriage as those who are interracial? We would obviously answer
these questions with a big fat no. God isn’t more pleased with me than others
because I’m in an IRR. He is pleased by my pursuit of the kingdom, not by the color
of my husband.

Truth #4: Mixed race couples aren’t

together to produce biracial babies.
It was barely a week into our relationship before Vaughan and I started getting
comments about how adorable our children would be. First of all, could we date a
bit first? Can I get a ring? Chill as a wife for a bit before becoming a mother to
what I presume will be the most adorable, beautiful, precious children ever
because they are Black and Korean? I didn’t really know how to respond to those
comments. Besides the fact that at that point, we were not even close to
considering a future together, was I supposed to feel special that I was dating
someone who was a different race than me? Do I get a gold star for creating the
possibility of bringing biracial children into the world?

I believe with my whole heart that race and ethnicity are a good gift from our
generous God—and that includes all races, not just those that are the minority. But
I also know that sin has twisted all good things, and that even our good and godly
intentions when dialoguing about race have a habit of missing the mark.

We tend to either reduce IRR stories, whether they are our own or others’, to a
party trick (something to show off and exploit rather than understand and love), or
we elevate them to a pedestal where we can worship and idolize them. This is
tremendously dishonoring and harmful to relationships that are already difficult—as
all relationships are!
 What if, instead of either reducing or elevating, we enter in and listen? In listening,
we can understand more fully, lament more deeply, and celebrate more joyously
with our friends. And in understanding, lamenting, and celebrating, we grow closer
to and become more like Jesus.

 Things Healthy Couples Do When

They Date
 Lindsey VanSparrentakCrosswalk.com Contributing Writer
 20171 Feb
 COMMENTS0

It’s a fact: We’re bombarded by dating advice. 

One three-minute glance at a grocery store checkout and you’ll walk away with
hundreds of dating tips, promising the health of your relationship will be something
on par with a Shakespearean classic. (They aren’t wrong, of course, seeing how
Romeo and Juliet panned out.)
Our culture is so desperate for knowing the “surefire” way to make your
relationship last that there’s no shortage of advice out there. Just Google “Things
Healthy Couples Do” and you’ll get over 38 million results! 
But a lot of advice we’re being fed is conflicting. One article tells us that our
relationship failed because we didn’t play hard to get, while another places the
blame on not seeming eager enough.
Not only do most of these tips conflict with one another, they conflict with how
we’re called to live as Christians. Seeking out worldly counsel is going to create a
worldly relationship, and Romans 12:2 reminds us to “not be conformed to this
world, but be transformed by the renewal of your mind, that by testing you may
discern what is the will of God, what is good and acceptable and perfect.” 
Our best bet for a healthy relationship is to seek the Lord for wisdom and
guidance so here are seven things, based on the Word of God, that healthy
couples do.
1. Encourage Each Other Towards Christ
What’s the key difference between a worldly dating relationship and one that’s
godly? That’s right! The never-fail, Sunday school answer: Jesus! 
A relationship that’s Christ-centered and Scripture-focused is going to be a lot
healthier than a similar relationship based on worldly values. By pointing each
other back to Jesus, you’re being proactive against sin, preventing your
relationship from becoming an idol, and “(spurring) one another on toward love
and good deeds” (Hebrews 10:24). 
Start today: Talk about what God has been teaching you lately, share
a Bible verse that recently stood out to you, listen to a sermon podcast together or
ask how you can be praying for one another. 
2. Have Deep Honesty
We all knew the importance of honesty (or at least the consequences of
dishonesty) before we upgraded to shoes with laces. But honesty in a dating
relationship means a lot more than simply not lying. It’s allowing another person to
see the not-so-pleasant baggage that you’re carrying. You know--the type of stuff
you’d be mortified to post on your Instagram. But remember, God’s power is made
perfect in our weakness (2 Corinthians 2:9). 
Start today: Discuss some of your hopes and dreams and your fears and failures. 
3. Spend Time Away from Each Other
One of my biggest pet peeves are couples that morph into one person when they
start dating. Brangelina? Bennifer? TomKat? No, no, no! Your relationship is going
to thrive if you still have your own interests and your own friends!
Remember, Ecclesiastes 4:12 tells us that God comes together with you and
your future spouse to form a cord of three. If you and your boyfriend aren’t two
separate people, your strong braid of three becomes a flimsy little twist of two. 
Start today: Plan a fun adventure with some of your friends and do something your
S.O. wouldn’t particularly enjoy.
4. Take Care of Themselves
A healthy relationship is made up of two people who take care of themselves well.
Yes, we are called to serve one above ourselves (Philippians 2:4), but 1
Corinthians 3:16 tells us that we are “God's temple and that God's Spirit dwells in
(our) midst.” Not making yourself a priority in your own life isn’t honoring to God
and it will leave you feeling spiritually and emotionally exhausted. 
Start today: Create a list of self-care ideas and intentionally schedule time to take
care of yourself. 
5. Seek Out Mentorship
The best teacher is your mistakes. The second best (and much less painful)
teacher is other people’s mistakes. There’s so much wisdom in the body of Christ
that can save you a lot pain, heartache, and sin. Proverbs 13:20 reminds us, “He
who walks with wise men will be wise.”
Start today: Find a couple whose relationship is a few steps ahead of your own
and meet with them as a couple and as individuals. 
6. Believe the Best about One Another
This one can be a tough one! In our fallen world, it’s so much easier to jump to
conclusions than to believe the best in people. This knee-jerk reaction can
intensify in our relationships. But, 1 Corinthians 13:7 tells us, “Love never gives
up, never loses faith, is always hopeful, and endures through every
circumstance.”
Start today: Take 10 minutes to write down a list of reasons you love and
appreciate your boyfriend or girlfriend. You can share the list or keep it as a
positive reminder when times are tough.
7. Grant One Another Grace
What happens when you take one imperfect person and add another imperfect
person to the mix? Exactly! You get an imperfect relationship. 
We’re all going to mess it up big time at some point, but 1 Peter 4:8 commands us
to, “Above all, love each other deeply, because love covers over a multitude of
sins.”
Start today: Ask God for the ability to forgive your partner for any wrong you might
still be holding onto. 
A Prayer for a Healthy Relationship
Father God, thank you for being the ultimate relationship in my life and teaching
me how to selflessly love. I know that I “love because (you) first loved” me (1
John 4:19). I ask for your help to “be completely humble and gentle; be patient,
bearing with one another in love” (Ephesians 4:2). Above all else, Lord, please let
“the words of my mouth and the thoughts of my heart be pleasing to you, O Lord”
(Psalm 19:14), and allow for my relationship to be a healthy testimony to your
goodness, love, and mercy. Amen
10 DATING TIPS FOR CHRISTIAN SINGLES
You are dating an incredibly good-looking guy. You both feel the attraction
building up. What do you do? Now is not the time to decide! It’s too difficult
to think when passion overtakes you. You must decide before you go on
the date what your limits will be.

1) Do not be unequally yoked.

Take 2 Cor. 6:14 seriously.

Don't team up with those who are unbelievers. How can

righteousness be a partner with wickedness? How can light
live with darkness? (NLT)
If you are dating someone who doesn’t have a personal relationship with
Christ, you are playing with fire. If you fall in love, what will you do? Don’t
let the relationship progress to a physical point and then hope you can cut
it off later.

2) Put on the armor of God daily.

You need all the help you can get in today’s world. Are you spending time
with God? Do you depend on Him to meet your needs of love and
security? You can resist temptation if you put on the whole armor of God
(Eph. 6:10-20).

3) Put obedience over passion.

Not everything we do that’s right, feels good. In fact, usually the opposite is
true. It feels incredibly good to give in to passion. But, the authority of
Christ needs to take precedence over your physical drives. Society tells
you to give in to the moment. Christ tells you to be obedient to His word.

4) Physical expression must be appropriate.

Physical touch/intimacy should correspond with commitment. This doesn’t

mean anything goes if you are engaged. Physical touch should be in the
context of a meaningful relationship, not reduced to satisfaction of personal
need.

5) Limits must be set mutually.

Both partners should take responsibility for setting limits. Mutual boundary
keeping reflects maturity.

6) Examine your personal motives.

What is your motivation -- power and control, gratifying your own ego,
meeting a selfish need, or genuine affection?

7) Is there too much physical and too little other?

If the social, emotional, spiritual dimensions are missing or lacking, you are
out of balance. If you can’t stand the person but have a great physical
relationship, rethink the relationship.
8) Less is better.

If one person is uncomfortable with any type of physical expression, don’t

do it. You should respect and honor each other. Don’t push a date to do
anything that makes him/her feel uncomfortable.

9) Be guided by love versus lust.

Love is the fruit of the Spirit. From love comes self-control. Operate in love,
not lust.

10) Allow the Holy Spirit to direct and lead you.

If you feel convicted of certain behaviors, stop doing them.

Special Note: If you are a teen, you must honor your parents and respect
their counsel (Ephesians 6:2-3). You are subject to parental authority.
Don’t be sexually active just because you can get away with it.