THE PINK FENCE

By

Marshall Vaughan

Rough First Draft

November 2009

(polished Dec 2013)

(This might have to be an animated movie.)

 1.

FADE IN:

INT. BEDROOM – MORNING

This is a modern bedroom for a little boy. JOHHNY (12 years

old) lies in bed.

JOHNNY (V.O)
This may not be the easiest story to
tell but I feel that I need to tell
it. You may not believe it but it
happened.

The door opens. The MOTHER (CINDY) comes in.

MOTHER
Johnny, time for school.

JOHNNY
(moans)
Oh. I don’t feel so good. I think I got a
fever.

CINDY
(feels his forehead)
You do feel rather warm. Well, I guess you
better stay home today.

JOHNNY
Ok.

CINDY
Do you need me to stay with you?

JOHNNY
No Mom that’s ok. I think I can take
Care of myself.

CINDY
All right baby.
(kisses forehead)
You get some more rest.

Cindy leaves. Johnny closes his eyes.

 2.

EXT. HOUSE – DRIVEWAY

Cindy gets in her car and drives off to work.

INT. JOHNNY’S BEDROOM

Johnny looks out his window. He sees his mother drive off.
He smiles and gets out of bed.

INT. LIVING ROOM

Johnny sits on the couch and watches cartoons. He eats a

bowl of ice cream.

INT. JOHNNY’S BEDROOM

Johnny reads a comic book. He throws it aside. He looks

bored. He gets up and wanders around.

INT. HALLWAY

Johnny walks out of his room. He sees his sister’s room. He

opens up the door.

INT. SISTER’S ROOM

Johnny comes in. He looks at the various posters and

pictures on the wall. He gets to her dresser. He opens one
of the drawers and finds a diary. He sits down on her bed
and starts reading it. He laughs and throws it aside.

He looks into the open drawer. In it are his sister’s

underwear and bras. He takes one of the bras and holds it
up. He is in awe as he looks at it. He feels the texture of
it.

There is a mirror above her dresser and he puts the bra

against his chest to see what he would look like.

He looks at a pair of his sister’s underwear.

 3.

INT. HALLWAY

Johnny comes out of his sister’s room wearing only the

underwear and bra. He models himself in front of the closet
mirror.

JOHNNY (V.O.)
I know. You’re probably thinking to
yourself, “What the hell wrong with
this kid?” Just wait.

He itches his chest. He decides to take it off but has a

hard time unstrapping it. He finally just takes the bra
over his head.

He gets a wedgie from the underwear. He goes to pull it out

of his crack and rips the back of the underwear.

JOHNNY
Uh oh.

He turns around and looks at his back in the mirror. There

is a big rip in the back of the underwear.

JOHNNY
Oh shit.

Johnny goes back into his sister’s room.

JOHNNY (off)
OH SHIT!

Johnny comes out of his sister’s room wearing his regular

clothes. He holds the ripped underwear in his hands.

JOHNNY (V.O.)
I figure here I’ve got three options:
1) Put it back in my sister’s drawer
and hope she doesn’t notice,
2) Throw them away, or 3) Burn them.
(beat)
I decided to burn them.
 4.

INT. GARAGE

Johnny comes in. He looks around a shelf. He finds some

gasoline and grabs it.

INT. LIVING ROOM

Johnny comes through with the gas. He goes to the fire

place and grabs some matches. He still holds the ripped
undies.

EXT. BACKYARD

The wind blows. In the backyard is a patio, with a roof

over it. There is a short fence that marks the end of the
patio and goes onto the grass. On the patio is a table with
some chairs. A big barbecue grill is at the center of
everything. On the side, written in red, it says “BURN BABY
BURN.”

Johnny comes out, and puts the undies on the ground. He

takes the gas and pours some on. He pours a little too
much. He places the gas can on the patio table. He takes a
match and lights it. He holds it above the undies for a
second and then drops it.

FOOM! The undies go up in flames. Johnny almost gets burned

from the panty inferno. He looks at the flames, stunned.
The flames get picked up by the wind and start burning
the fence.

JOHNNY
OH SHIT!

EXT. SIDE OF THE HOUSE

Johnny runs around the corner and goes to a hose. He turns

on the water, grabs the hose and runs back.
 5.

EXT. BACKYARD – FENCE

Johnny comes out with the hose and goes toward the fence.
The hose catches a few feet away from the fence and Johnny
falls. Johnny tries to tug the hose free.

EXT. SIDE OF THE HOUSE

The hose gets tugged off screen

EXT. BACKYARD – FENCE

Johnny tugs furiously. He pulls too hard.

EXT. SIDE OF THE HOUSE

The hose gets ripped off the faucet and water bursts
everywhere.

JOHNNY
(defeated)
Goddammit.

He throws the hose down.

EXT. BACKYARD - FENCE

Johnny runs back to the fence, now burning steadily,

carrying a bucket of water. In his rush he spills the
majority.

He tosses the water on. Little effect. He runs back to the

faucet, off-screen.

A minute later he is back with the bucket, running to put

out the fire. He's almost got it now. He runs back for his
third bucket. The wind is dying down. The elements are on
his side.

He runs carefully holding a ninety-nine percent full

bucket. He stops just short of the fence. He assesses the
flames to get the exact spot needed. He douses the fire
with his water.
 6.

A pillar of smoke fills the yard. The fire is out. Johnny

breathes easier.

JOHNNY (V.O.)
What the fuck am I going to do
about this?

Johnny looks at the fence.

JOHNNY (V.O.)
Burnt fence. Really burnt fence.
Think Johnny, think. Think think think.

Johnny thinks furiously.

JOHNNY (V.O.)
Paint.

INT. GARAGE

Johnny comes in, looking around. Where's the paint? He

shuffles through some junk, creating a mess.

Ah ha! He finds the paint. Only one can. Pink.

JOHNNY (V.O.)
Pink. Fucking pink.
(beat)
Do I paint it pink and try to
explain it to my dad?
(beat)
Or do I not paint it and try to
explain that to my dad?

Johnny pauses. He takes the bucket out to the backyard.

EXT. BACKYARD - FENCE

Johnny sets the paint down in front of the burnt ass fence.
He grabs the brush and is about to get started.

JOHNNY (V.O.)
Wait. I don't want to mess up
this shirt. It's my favorite.
 7.

CLOSE-UP: JOHNNY'S SHIRT

It reads "When I Die I Want To Be Buried Upside Down... So

The Whole World Can Kiss My Ass!" It shows a picture of a
donkey in place of the word "Ass".

JOHNNY (V.O.)
I had to change.

INT. GARAGE

Johnny comes in and goes to the sink. There is a shirt

hanging on the edge. He picks it up.

CLOSE-UP: SHIRT

"Kiss Me I'm Wearing A Mustache!" Drawing of a thick

mustache.

JOHNNY (V.O.)
Deep down I knew this was my
father's pride and joy--aside
from his barbecue. But it's
hanging here on the sink. Must
mean he uses it as a rag now.

Johnny shrugs. He takes off his Ass shirt and places it on

the washing machine. He puts on the mustache shirt. It's
way too big. Almost looks like he's wearing a night gown.
He tucks the shirt into his shorts so as not to trip.

EXT. BACKYARD - FENCE

Johnny grabs the brush and starts painting.

JOHNNY (V.O.)
Have to work fast. Parents get
home at 6:00. Sister usually hangs
out at her friend's house.

SUPERIMPOSED: A clock shows the time. 2:34.

FADE TO:
 8.

EXT. BACKYARD - FENCE

The fence is now entirely painted. Pink. The pink fence.

SUPERIMPOSED: The clock. 4:18.

The sun shines brightly. Johnny wipes sweat from his

forehead. He hangs out his tongue. He just wants to
collapse. He needs to rest. Not thinking, he leans against
the fence. The newly painted fence.

Johnny yawns and stretches. His hand hits the wet paint. He
looks at his hand curiously. He realizes his latest error.

JOHNNY
Shit.

He steps away from the fence and turns to look. We see that
the back of his shirt is now almost completely covered in
pink paint. There is an outline of his body where he leaned
up against the fence. Johnny takes off the shirt and looks
at the damage done.

JOHNNY
Oh shit.

JOHNNY (V.O.)
Dad's favorite shirt.
(beat)
Dumb ass.

INT. GARAGE

Johnny throws the shirt in the washer.

JOHNNY (V.O.)
What else was I going to do?

He opens the cabinet above the washer. There are about 5

bottles with all the labels so worn and torn you can't read
them. Johnny takes one. He unscrews the cap and smells
inside. He thinks. Smells again. Smells good enough. He
pours the bottle’s contents into the washer. He messes with
the settings and starts the machine.
 9.

JOHNNY (V.O.)
I didn't know what the hell I was
doing but didn't care. I just wanted
to end it and watch some cartoons.

INT. LIVING ROOM

Johnny plops down on the couch and turns on the TV. He

flips through to find some cartoons. Underdog (the cartoon,
not the fucking Jason Lee movie) comes on. Johnny smiles
and puts the remote down.

JOHNNY (V.O.)
Underdog. Hell yeah. Underdog is
the bomb.

Johnny enjoys his leisure.

FADE CUT:

INT. LIVING ROOM

Johnny has fallen asleep. The washing machine, off screen,

beeps. He wakes up with a stir. He hears the beeping.

INT. GARAGE

Johnny comes in and goes to the washing machine. He opens

the lid and takes out the shirt.

It is now completely pink. Johnny freaks the fuck out.

JOHNNY (V.O.)
I'm dead. I'm a dead man. What the
fuck am I going to do?

Johnny slumps down. He thinks it over. He gets up and

throws it in the dryer. He fiddles with the switches and
presses ON.

JOHNNY (V.O.)
Might as well dry it.

FADE TO:
 10.

INT. GARAGE

The dryer is almost done.

SUPERIMPOSED: The clock reads 5:34.

Johnny comes in and waits for the dryer to end. He's so

nervous if he wasn't 12 years old he'd be smoking.

DING! Johnny opens the dryer and takes out the shirt. It's
nice and dry. Nice and pink. There's no way he's going to
survive his father's thrashing if he finds this shirt.

If he finds it.

Johnny looks around the garage for a place to hide it. He

sees a box on a shelf marked "Baby pictures". Perfect. He
stashes the shirt behind the box.

EXT. DRIVEWAY

A car pulls up. The parents have arrived.

SUPERIMPOSED: The clock reads 6:00.

INT. LIVING ROOM

Johnny sits on the couch, alert to his parents arrival. The

TV is on and a rerun of some old show plays. He pretends to
care.

The front door opens. His parents (CINDY and DAN) talk
aimlessly.

DAN
Nukes. We need to fucking nuke 'em.

CINDY
That won't solve anything. We'd be
killed along with them.
 11.

DAN
I would rather die than have to look
at those fucking rose bushes.

CINDY
Hey, Johnny. How are you feeling?

DAN
What, were you sick or something?

JOHNNY
I'm fine now.

DAN
What were you sick with? Meningitis?

CINDY
Meningitis? How would that happen?

DAN
I don't know. I'm not a doctor.

JOHNNY
I just had a little cold. Or flu.
Something.

DAN
Cold? How can you catch a cold?
It's October.

Johnny shrugs. Dan looks at him, suspicious as always.

Johnny knows it's only a matter of time before they see the
fence. The pink fence.

Cindy has gone to their bedroom to drop off her purse and
has come back out and starts to undress, unbuttoning her
blouse to reveal a purple bra.

DAN
What the fuck are you doing woman?!?
You undress in the bedroom, not in
front of the boy!

Johnny is embarrassed. Cindy shrugs and goes back to the

bedroom. Dan looks back to Johnny.
 12.

DAN
You sweating?

JOHNNY
Side effects of my flu/cold.

DAN
Why you waste your time inside?
There's a beautiful view outside.

Dan starts to walk to the backyard. Johnny's eyes widen.

Dan opens the curtain to the patio and breathes in his

view. It takes him a moment but he sees it.

DAN
What the fuck?

JOHNNY
What's up?

Dan opens the sliding glass door to the backyard. Johnny

remains.

DAN (O.S.)
Why is the fucking fence pink?!?

Pause.

JOHNNY
Oh, that. It's no big deal.

He's nervous as all hell. Dan sticks his head in, expecting
an answer.

JOHNNY
Well, you see, I figured the best way
to recover from my sickness would be
to-- to stay active. I saw the fence--

DAN
Active? Active is sports. Boxing.
Mowing the lawn!

Cindy comes out, dressed more casually now.

 13.

CINDY
What's all the fuss?

DAN
Your son decided to paint our
fence pink.

CINDY
(to Dan)
Why would he do that?

DAN
Because he's insane.

JOHNNY
I think it looks nice.

DAN
Have you even looked at it?

JOHNNY
Of course.

DAN
I don't think you have.

He grabs Johnny and gets him off the couch.

DAN
I think you need a closer look.

JOHNNY
You're hurting me!

DAN
Good.

They go to the backyard. Cindy follows, mildly concerned.

EXT. BACKYARD

Dan drags Johnny outside.

DAN
Here, take a real good look!
 14.

With all his might, he throws Johnny at the pink fence.

Johnny hits the fence hard, knocking it over. Johnny cries.
Cindy screams.

CINDY
Aaaaahhhhh!

She runs towards the fence.

We see on the other side of the fence was a plant. A plant

that has now been partially crushed. It's an ugly plant.
Didn't look good at all.

JOHNNY
(weak)
Mommy... I hurt...

Cindy goes to pick up Johnny.

CINDY
My plant!

She tosses Johnny aside as if he were a cigarette butt. She

only cares about the ugly plant. Johnny hurtles towards the
rose bushes that never get pruned.

JOHNNY
(slow motion)
Sssshhhhiiiitttt!!!

CRUNCH! In he goes.

Cindy still cares only about her ugly plant. She bends down
to grab the fence. She turns into some super woman and
lifts the fence back into place. She steadies the fence
with her foot while she pulls the ugly plant out by the
roots. Once she has her baby safe she steps back. The pink
fence falls with a thud.

Johnny is in some serious pain as he crawls out of the rose

bushes.

Dan stands there, watching the whole ordeal.

Silence for a few beats.

 15.

DAN
I'm hungry. Who wants barbecue?

Pause.

JOHNNY
(in pain)
Me.

CINDY
(in grief)
Sounds good.

DAN
Good.

INT. BATHROOM

Johnny stands at the sink, removing thorns from his body.

He washes the blood off his arms and face.

INT. LIVING ROOM

Johnny comes out from the bathroom. Dan is looking under

the sofa cushions.

DAN
Have you seen my favorite shirt?

Pause.

JOHNNY
Which one is that?

Dan looks at Johnny as if he were a decrepit bum.

DAN
"Kiss me I'm wearing a mustache."

JOHNNY
Oh yeah.
(beat)
Haven't seen it.
 16.

DAN
Ah, it's just as well. It was a
pretty stupid shirt. I don't even
wear my mustache anymore.

JOHNNY
(laughs)
It was pretty stupid.
(laughs more)
I got to tell you. I wore that
shirt when I painted the fence.

DAN
Well, where is it?

JOHNNY
I had to hide it.

DAN
Why?

JOHNNY
I'll show you.

Johnny goes to the garage. Dan waits impatiently.

Johnny comes back with the pink shirt. He holds it up for

his dad to see.

JOHNNY
I tried washing it and turned it
completely pink.

Dan grabs the shirt. Johnny continues laughing. Dan looks

at his favorite shirt with sorrow. The sorrow turns to rage
as Johnny keeps yukking it up.

DAN
You son of a bitch!

Dan hits Johnny with the shirt. WHAP! Johnny stops

laughing. Dan continues to beat him while Johnny screams.

Cindy comes in, still holding her ugly plant.

CINDY
Stop that!
 17.

Dan stops and looks to her.

JOHNNY
Oh thank God.

Johnny crawls over to his mother. She kicks him furiously.

Johnny grunts.

CINDY
You need to buy me a new plant.

JOHNNY
What?

CINDY
You destroyed this and are getting
me a new one.

JOHNNY
But it was dad who destroyed it. He
threw me against the fence.

DAN
Because you painted it pink!

CINDY
Exactly.

Johnny is dumbfounded.

JOHNNY
Ok. We'll get it this weekend.

CINDY
No. Tonight. Now.

JOHNNY
But the store's probably closed.

CINDY
They're open for another 20 minutes.

JOHNNY
How do you know that?
 18.

CINDY
GO!

JOHNNY
(cowers)
Ok.
(pause)
Will you give me the money?

CINDY
How much do you have in your
piggy bank.

DAN
$72.19.

Johnny looks to him. Dan shrugs.

CINDY
GO!!!

Johnny scampers away.

EXT. STREETS

Johnny rides his bike to the store, muttering to himself.

JOHNNY
--mustache wearing son of a--
undressing floozy-- goddamn pink
fence--

Something makes Johnny stop. He holds his hand up and

winces in pain a little. He looks to see he has a thorn in
his palm.

JOHNNY
(still muttering)
Damn roses--

He takes the thorn out and throws it out in front of him.

CLOSE UP: The thorn lands a good ten feet in front of him.
 19.

Johnny continues riding in anger. Suddenly Johnny is thrown

from his bike. He screams out. He lands on the ground with
a THUD. He lays there for a moment.

JOHNNY
Goddamn thorn.

He gets up and dusts himself off. He looks at his watch.

Times running out. He looks to his bike. Tire’s completely
blown. He leaves it there and takes off running.

EXT. FLOWER SHOP

Johnny has been running the whole way to the shop. He gets
to the door panting.

INT. FLOWER SHOP

The OWNER is closing up as Johnny bursts in.

OWNER
We're closing.

JOHNNY
Please--I need--a plant--

OWNER
Do you know which one?

Johnny pauses. What's the name?

JOHNNY
I don't--don't know exactly--
the name.

OWNER
(impatient)
What does it look like?

Beat.

JOHNNY
It's really ugly.

This infuriates the Owner.

 20.

OWNER
Ugly? Ugly?! There are NO ugly
plants! Each plant has beauty!
Plants are life! Life is
beauty!
(pause)
Get out! You are banned for life!

Ah fuck.

EXT. STREETS

Johnny walks home, defeated. He passes his bike and picks

it up. He's lost in his thoughts. Doesn't know what to do.

A dog barks. He looks towards it. The dog stands on a lawn.

He barks at Johnny. When he has Johnny's attention the dog
looks towards a plant on the lawn.

An ugly plant. Johnny is stunned. The ugly plant. His

mother's favorite. The plant sits in a pot on the lawn.
Free for the taking.

Johnny looks around. Nobody in sight. He sets his bike down

and walks towards the lawn. He keeps an eye on the dog.
This must be some sort of a trap. Johnny picks up the
plant. There seems to be a glow coming from it.

EXT. STREETS

Johnny walks his bike with one hand and holds the ugly
plant with the other. He beams, triumphant.

INT. HOUSE

Johnny comes in, holding the plant behind his back.

JOHNNY
I'm home!

CINDY
Did you get it?
 21.

Johnny reveals the gift. Her face lights up.

CINDY
Oh Johnny!

She eagerly grabs the plant. She dances with it.

EXT. BACKYARD

Dan cooks up some barbeque. He hums a delightful song.

JOHNNY
What cha cooking?

DAN
Burgers.

Johnny's sister (DEANNA) reads a book.

DEANNA
Heard you were sick today.

Johnny jumps a little.

JOHNNY
Didn't see you there.

DEANNA
Whatever.

DAN
These'll be ready in a minute.
Johnny, go get some plates.

Johnny goes inside. Deanna continues reading as Dan

finishes off the cooking. Johnny comes back and sets the
plates.

DAN
Cindy! Food's ready.

Cindy comes out, still clutching onto the ugly plant. Dan
brings over the food as everybody sits down.

JOHNNY
These are steaks.
 22.

DAN
That's right.

JOHNNY
You said you were cooking burgers.

DAN
Same animal.

Dan sits down to eat. Johnny can't help but notice the burn
mark on the ground. The underwear. It's right between him
and Deanna. Johnny sweats a little.

DAN
Damn good steaks.

JOHNNY
(nervous)
Yeah.

DAN
Why are you sweating?

JOHNNY
It's hot.

Dan shrugs. Johnny looks down to the burn mark again.

Deanna notices.

DEANNA
What are you staring at?

JOHNNY
Nothing.

DEANA
What's that burn mark?

JOHNNY
What burn mark?

DEANNA
That looks like underwear!

Johnny gets real nervous.

 23.

DEANNA
Did you burn my underwear?!

JOHNNY
No.

DAN
Now look here Johnny.

Johnny looks at Dan.

DAN (CONT'D)
Did you burn your sister's underwear,
set the fence on fire and then
paint it pink to cover it up, all
the while ruining my favorite shirt?

Pause.

JOHNNY
No.

DAN
Well there we go. Deanna, stop
making up wild stories.

DEANNA
But--

DAN
I said "There we go." Now let's
enjoy our dinner.

They eat in silence for the time being.

EXT. HOUSE - FRONT DOOR

A hand rings the doorbell.

EXT. BACKYARD

DING DONG! Everybody looks up.

 24.

DAN
(to Cindy)
You expecting anybody?

Cindy, still clutching on to her ugly plant, shakes her

head. Dan gets up.

DAN
This better be fucking good.

INT. HOUSE - FRONT DOOR

Dan looks through the peephole.

POV: A COP stands at the door, serious look on his face.

DAN
(silently)
Shit.

He hurries to the backyard.

EXT. BACKYARD

The family is at attention when Dan comes out.

DAN
It's the 5-0.

JOHNNY
Huh?

DAN
The police mothafucka.

CINDY
(nervous)
What does he want?

DAN
Fuck if I know.

Dan looks to Johnny.

 25.

DAN
Where did you get that plant?

Johnny is silent.

DAN
Please fucking tell me you bought
it proper like.

Johnny lowers his head.

DAN
Damn.

Cindy looks to Johnny.

CINDY
(shocked)
It's stolen?!?

Johnny nods silently.

CINDY
Well he's not going to take it
from me.

She runs off.

DAN
Where the fuck you goin woman?

CINDY
To hide.

Cindy runs to the side of the house. A ladder sits against

the wall. She scrambles up that shit one-handed on account
of still clutching the ugly plant.

The family watches dumbfounded. Once she's on the roof she

crouches low so as not to be seen. Dan thinks it all over.

DING DONG!

EXT. HOUSE - FRONT DOOR

The door opens and Dan comes face to face with the cop.
 26.

DAN
Hello officer. What can I do you for?

COP
We have a report of a plant thief.

This cop is one suspicious mother.

DAN
Plant thief?

COP
Don't play dumb with me. We have an
eye witness that says a little boy
stole a plant and brought it here.

DAN
That sounds quite absurd.

COP
You do have a little boy here,
don't you?

DAN
Well yes, my son.

COP
Do you know him to be a botany
heister?

DAN
No.

COP
Might I have a look around?

DAN
Well my family and I are eating
dinner now…

COP
Won't be a minute.

The cop forces his way in.

 27.

EXT. BACKYARD

Johnny and Deanna try to act calm and pretend to eat. The
cop and Dan come out.

COP
Quite a scene.

He sees the fallen pink fence.

COP
Why the fuck do you have a pink
fence?

DAN
To be different.

COP
That is absurd. It's not even
standing up.

DAN
It's really different.

COP
Humph.

The cop strolls along. He notices the burn mark on the

ground. He looks to Deanna.

COP
Young lady, please don't burn your
under-britches. Thems valuable commodity.
Take responsibility for your actions.

Deanna’s face says it all.

The cop walks around the yard a bit, looking over their
plants. None of them match the description he was given. He
gets near the side of the house.

COP
Well I guess old lady Henderson was
smoking a little bit too much
"medicine" earlier this evening.
This all looks--
 28.

EXT. ROOF

Cindy starts to lose her footing. She kicks some gravel

accidentally.

EXT. BACKYARD

COP
--in order.

Gravel sprinkles onto his head. He stays calm.

COP
Or so it seems.

He looks up to the roof. Can't see anything from his

vantage. He sees the ladder. Looks back to the family.

COP
You all haven't been very straight
coming with me now.

He walks towards the ladder.

Dan looks up to the roof where he can see Cindy. He's quite
nervous.

The cop climbs the ladder slowly.

COP
I won't be finding any sort of plant
up here will I? An... ugly plant?

EXT. ROOF

The cop pokes his head up.

POV: Cindy holds the potted plant above her head.

COP
Oh shit.

Cindy brings that pot down in a flash. CRASH!

 29.

EXT. BACKYARD

The cop falls off the ladder. The family is in shock. The
cop's body lands right next to the fallen pink fence. His
head hits the fence and his neck snaps.

Shock all around.

Deanna is the first to break the silence with a blood

raping scream. Dan is quick to cover her mouth. Don't want
to attract too much attention. Johnny is numb.

Cindy climbs down the ladder. She sees the dead cop. Looks
to her family.

CINDY
My bad.

DAN
(to Deanna)
You OK?

She nods her head. He removes his hand from her mouth. She
breathes in deeply.

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!

DAN
Dammit, stop!

He slaps her mouth. She stops, lips trembling. Johnny is

still a statue.
JOHNNY (V.O.)
Words cannot express what is going
on in my head.

DAN
All right, we didn't want this
to happen, but it happened.
(beat)
The way I see it, we have three
options. Bury the body. Or chop
it up. Or... move to Mexico and
change our name to Sanchez.
 30.

CINDY
Sanchez? We're not becoming Mexicans.

DAN
OK scratch that one. Burial or
hack job?

Silence.

DAN
Deanna, get me my ax.

EXT. BACKYARD

Cindy sits on the grass, caressing her ugly plant. Dan has
moved the body away from the fence to make this easier.
Johnny sits next to his mother, not sure if this shit is
for real or not.

Deanna, in silent hysterics, comes in to hand Dan his ax.

DAN
Careful with that ax Deanna.
(takes it)
This could get messy. Don't want
your clothes to get dirty.

Deanna sits down next to Johnny.

Dan lifts the ax. The first chop is the hardest. He brings
it down to separate the head from the body. Blood spurts
briefly. The head rolls away.

DAN
Wow. That was pretty easy. I thought
there would be some sort of guilt or
something. Nothing. I mean, he's
already dead. It's like chopping
firewood.

He continues chopping.

The cop's head has parked itself in front of the rest of

the family, staring at them. The children are fucked for
life having to watch this. Cindy's chill.
 31.

Dan starts to sing. Because why the fuck not.

DAN
Breakin' rocks in the... hot sun.
I fought the law and the... law won.
I fought the law and the... law won.
I needed money cause I... had none.
I fought the law and the... law won.
I fought the law and the... law won.

I left my baby and I feel so bad,

I guess my race is run.
She's the best girl that I've... ever had.
I fought the law and the... law won.
I fought the law and the...

He pauses chopping to do some vocalized air guitar with the

ax.

Johnny and Deanna are just completely dumbfucked.

Cindy on the other hand, sings along during the “I fought

the law and the... law won” lines.

DAN (CONT'D)
Robbin' people with a... six gun.
I fought the law and the... law won.
I fought the law and the... law won.
I lost my girl and I lost my fun.
I fought the law and the... law won.
I fought the law and the... law won.

I left my baby and I feel so bad,

I guess my race is run.
She's the best girl that I've... ever had.
I fought the law and the... law won.
I fought the law and the...
BIG FINALE!
(more air guitar)
I FOUGHT THE LAW AND THE... LAW WON!
Woo! Good night Cleveland!

He throws the ax down like a mic. He's done. Deanna cries.

JOHNNY (V.O.)
I’m either going to die tonight or
spend my life in jail.
 32.

Cindy claps. This snaps Johnny into place.

JOHNNY
What the fuck is going on?!?
You just chopped up a dead body!
A cop! And mom killed him!

DAN
Hey that pig had it coming. He
was going to expose us.

JOHNNY
Expose us? I stole a plant. There's
no real crime in that.

DAN
Exactly.

JOHNNY
But...

He really can't top that.

CINDY
Now what?

DAN
Well we have to get rid of the
body parts. We should throw them
in the river.

JOHNNY
What river?

DAN
All right… we'll bury them in the
desert.

DEANNA
What desert?

DAN
Fine.
(pause)
We'll scatter them. So they can't
be traced back to us.
 33.

He takes a leg and throws it into a neighbor's yard. Then

he grabs a piece of the torso and throws it into the other
neighbor's yard.

DAN
We'll throw all the pieces in our
neighbors' yards.

JOHNNY
What? The neighbors will see!

DAN
But they won't call the cops. Cops
will think they killed the cop.

Pause.

JOHNNY
This makes no sense.

DAN
Just shut up and throw.

Dan continues to toss the limbs. Johnny reluctantly helps,

only so that this can be over with.

All that remains is the severed head, which still stares at

Deanna and Cindy.

DAN
Well that settles that.
(to Cindy)
What's the matter with you?

CINDY
My beautiful plant doesn't have a
pot anymore.

Dan thinks. He grabs the cop's head. With his bare hands he
scoops out the brains. He sits the hollow head on the lawn,
upside down.

DAN
There you go.
 34.

Cindy looks at it. It does look like a pot. She puts the
plant in the severed head. She sighs with relief.

Frame freeze.

JOHNNY (V.O.)
OK. I admit this is all pretty
far fetched. I mean really,
this is some fucked up shit.
But this is how it went down.

The scene continues.

DAN
We're not out of the woods
yet. This fence is covered in
blood.

This is true.

DAN (CONT'D)
There's no use trying to repaint
it and then trying to set it back
up.
(pause)
We have to burn it.

Johnny stares straight into the camera with a classic "I-

can't-believe-this" look.

DAN (CONT'D)
This fence really didn't serve
any purpose anyway. It just sat
there.

JOHNNY
So we gonna set it on fire here?

DAN
Don't be a fool boy. We have to
chop it up and burn it in the
old baseball field.

JOHNNY
Of course more chopping.
(beat)
Just don't sing this time.
 35.

Dan gives Johnny a hateful look. He starts chopping. Deanna

has calmed down quite a bit down. Johnny sits next to her.
They talk quietly.

DEANNA
This is pretty fucked up.

JOHNNY
Yeah.

DEANNA
Why'd you have to paint that fence
pink?

Johnny shrugs.

DEANNA
I need to start doing drugs. Fast.

They sit in silence.

EXT. CAR PORT

Dan opens the trunk of the family car. Johnny is behind him
with a handful of bloody pink wood. He dumps it in. Deanna
comes up with more wood to dump. Then Cindy.

DAN
That it?

Cindy nods.

DAN
Good. Let's get a move on. It
must be 1 AM or something.

JOHNNY
Can't we just stay here? Why do
we all have to go?

DAN
We're a family. Things like this
build character.
 36.

INT. CAR - MOVING

The family drives out to the baseball field. Dan hums "Take
Me Out To The Ballgame."

Cindy is without her plant. It would be might suspish for

her to carry a severed head with an ugly plant sticking out
of it. She's content.

EXT. OLD BASEBALL FIELD

Their car pulls up. Everybody exits. Dan pops the trunk.

DAN
OK we want to just make a nice small
pile so nothing gets out of control.

Johnny and Deanna glance at each other to acknowledge the

irony.

They all drop their wood. Cindy kicks some pieces here and
there to make sure it's not scattered.

DAN
Good.

He takes out a can of gasoline from the trunk and pours it

on. He tosses the can. He produces a match. Lights it.
Holds it for a second. Tosses it. Flame on.

They all stand there to watch the fire. Dan pulls out a
pack of smokes and puts one in his mouth. He steps near the
flames to light it. Inhale. Exhale.

Johnny looks at him. Dan smiles.

DAN
Want a drag?

JOHNNY
Sure.

CINDY
Dan!
 37.

DAN
Ah what the heck. He's nearly a man.
I mean shit, he’s already an
accomplice to murder, might as well
start smoking.

Johnny takes the cigarette and takes a drag. Sure to be one

of many in his years to come.

Johnny passes it back and Dan takes it. He puts his free
arm around his son. Johnny goes with it.

JOHNNY (V.O.)
This was the most I had ever
bonded with my father. If you
haven't picked up on it, he's
not that easy-going all the time.

DEANNA
How long will we let it burn?

DAN
I guess that's good enough. Go
get the water.

Deanna goes to the trunk and looks in.

DEANNA
We don't have any.

DAN
Bummer.
(beat)
Johnny, go up to the 7-11 and
buy some water.

JOHNNY
Sure thing pops.

He walks off.

DAN
Don't dawdle.

Johnny hurries his steps.

 38.

INT. 7-11

Johnny comes in. No customers, just the lonely Arab holding

down the fort. Johnny goes to the back and grabs two big
jugs of water and hauls them to the counter.

ARAB
What you doing out so late?

JOHNNY
Long story.

ARAB
Four twenty.

Johnny reaches into his pockets. Empty. He tries again.

Nothing. Goddammit.

JOHNNY
Sir, I seem to have forgotten my
money. I'm just going down the street
and I swear I'll come back with
the money.

ARAB
You come back with money, I'll give
you the water.

JOHNNY
Look I need this water right now.

Johnny's losing it.

ARAB
No money, no water.

The Arab leans in for emphasis when he says this. Johnny

snatches his shirt real fierce.

JOHNNY
Motherfucker you don't know what
I've been through today.

ANGLE - UNDER THE COUNTER

The Arab's hand reaches for his shotgun.

 39.

ANGLE – BACK TO SCENE

JOHNNY
I saw someone die today. Let's
not make that two.

The Arab whips out the shotty quickstyle but Johnny plucks
it out of his hands.

JOHNNY
I'm taking this. And the water.

He tries to grab the water but can't quite do it due to

holding the gun.

JOHNNY
What type of car you drive?

ARAB
What?

JOHNNY
(sticks gun in face)
Your car. Is it stick or automatic?

ARAB
Automatic.

JOHNNY
Keys.

He holds the gun steady. He ain't dicking around. The Arab

hands it over.

JOHNNY
Thank you.
(pause)
Now help me load the car.

EXT. 7-11

The Arab puts the water in the trunk. Johnny still has the
shotgun on him.
 40.

JOHNNY
Believe me when I say this. I
will return your car.
(beat)
I'm keeping the gun.

INT. CAR - MOVING

Johnny drives down the street back to the baseball field.

Because he's so short he can barely see over the wheel.

EXT. STREET

A cat crosses the street.

INT. CAR - MOVING

Johnny doesn't see the cat. Loud screech from the feline.
Johnny doesn't give a flying fuck.

EXT. BASEBALL FIELD

Johnny pulls up and gets out. He takes out a jug of water.

The fire is out already.

JOHNNY
What the fuck?

DAN
Yeah turns out there was a hose.
Still works.

Johnny is pissed. He grips the shotgun. Dan gets a little

nervous.

DAN
Son… hand over the gun.

JOHNNY
No.

Pause.
 41.

DAN
Son, we love you.

JOHNNY
Fuck you.

DAN
Young man! You need--

JOHNNY
SHUT THE FUCK UP!

He does.

JOHNNY
YOU GUYS ARE INSANE! MURDEROUS,
WHACKED OUT PSYCHOPATHS! YOU
FUCKING NUT BAGS, ALL OF YOU.
FUCK YOU.

Pause.

JOHNNY
Jesus Christ. To think, this all
started just because I tried on
Deanna's underwear.

Whoops. Johnny realizes what he said.

DEANNA
I KNEW IT!

Fucking pervert.

FADE OUT.

THE END