Junior Mbeki

Junior Mbeki
Assessment Rubric for Creative Essay – Home Language (50 Marks)
Criteria:
1. Content & Planning (30 Marks)

2. Language, Style & Editing (15 Marks)
3. Structure (5 Marks)
Essay: "You Learn New Things When You Listen"
Content & Planning (Response and Ideas)
 Upper Level: 22–24

o Score: 16–18
o Comments:
 The essay addresses the topic and provides some thoughtful insights on
the importance of listening.
 Ideas are fairly coherent but could be more developed and organized.
 The introduction and conclusion are present but not very compelling.
 Some examples and explanations are provided, but they are not
particularly strong or detailed.
 The essay is reasonably well-organized, though there are some lapses
in clarity and flow.
Language, Style & Editing (Tone, Register, Style, Vocabulary)
 Upper Level: 11–12

o Score: 7–8
o Comments:
 Tone and vocabulary are mostly appropriate for the topic, audience,
and context.
 Some grammatical errors and awkward phrasing detract from the
overall quality.
 The essay uses basic vocabulary and simple sentence structures,
lacking rhetorical devices and varied sentence patterns.
 Some errors in grammar, punctuation, and spelling are present, but
they do not severely impede understanding.
Structure (Paragraph Development and Sentence Construction)
 Upper Level: 4
o Score: 3
o Comments:
 The essay has a basic structure with an introduction, body, and
conclusion.
 Paragraphs are present but not well-developed; some sentences are
choppy and lack coherence.
 There is some logical development of ideas, but the overall structure is
not strong.
Mark Breakdown
1. Content & Planning: 16-18/30

2. Language, Style & Editing: 7-8/15
3. Structure: 3/5
Total Score: 26-29/50
Identified Mistakes and Corrections
1. Introduction:
o Original: "In this essay I will talk about the things you learn when you listen
alternatively."
o Correction: "In this essay, I will discuss the things you learn when you listen
attentively."
2. Grammar and Punctuation:
o Original: "Lending someone your ear and listening to what they have to say to
you is very important because it might be important or maybe it might not but
at the end you would have learned something new."
o Correction: "Lending someone your ear and listening to what they have to say
is very important because, regardless of whether it seems significant, you will
have learned something new by the end."
3. Sentence Structure:
o Original: "Even someone else feels encouraged to talk to you if you listen to
him or her precisely and it is a win for both of you, you learn new information
while the other person gets to say what is in his or her chest."
o Correction: "When you listen attentively, others feel encouraged to talk to you,
creating a win-win situation where you learn new information, and the other
person gets to share what is on their mind."
4. Word Choice:
o Original: "Learning to listen has helped me a lot because there are new and
extraordinary things that I have learned by only just keeping quiet and
listening to someone else."
o Correction: "Learning to listen has greatly benefited me, as I have discovered
many new and extraordinary things simply by being quiet and listening to
others."
5. Repetitiveness:
o Original: "Silence is one of the powerful components of life that can change
the world because there more you are silent you have all the time to listen and
as you listen you get to learn new things."
o Correction: "Silence is a powerful component of life that can change the
world. The more you embrace silence, the more time you have to listen and
learn new things."
Revised Essay:
You Learn New Things When You Listen
In this essay, I will discuss the things you learn when you listen attentively. It all starts with
the power of silence; as one would say, listening is a skill, not a talent, and that skill is
acquired by unleashing the power of silence within oneself.
When there is total silence in your surroundings, there are many things you can learn.
Lending someone your ear and listening to what they have to say is very important because,
regardless of whether it seems significant, you will have learned something new by the end.
When you listen attentively, others feel encouraged to talk to you, creating a win-win
situation where you learn new information, and the other person gets to share what is on their
mind.
Learning to listen has greatly benefited me, as I have discovered many new and extraordinary
things simply by being quiet and listening to others. I also believe that respect is another
important aspect of life that has helped me learn to listen. As my mother says, listening to
someone speak symbolizes respect, and once again, you learn new things.
Silence is a powerful component of life that can change the world. The more you embrace
silence, the more time you have to listen and learn new things.
Final Comments:
The essay has been revised for clarity, coherence, and grammatical accuracy. While it
demonstrates some understanding of the topic and presents relevant ideas, it still lacks depth
and a more sophisticated use of language and rhetorical devices. Further improvement could
be made by developing more detailed examples and enhancing the overall structure and flow
of the essay.
Final Score: 29/50

Junior Mbeki

Uploaded by

Copyright:

Available Formats

Junior Mbeki

Uploaded by

Document Information

Copyright

Available Formats

Share this document

Share or Embed Document

Sharing Options

Did you find this document useful?

Is this content inappropriate?

Copyright:

Available Formats

Junior Mbeki

Uploaded by

Copyright:

Available Formats

Junior Mbeki

Assessment Rubric for Creative Essay – Home Language (50 Marks)

1. Content & Planning (30 Marks)

Essay: "You Learn New Things When You Listen"

Content & Planning (Response and Ideas)

 Upper Level: 22–24

Language, Style & Editing (Tone, Register, Style, Vocabulary)

 Upper Level: 11–12

Structure (Paragraph Development and Sentence Construction)

1. Content & Planning: 16-18/30

Total Score: 26-29/50

Identified Mistakes and Corrections

Final Score: 29/50

You might also like