Malwande Thikazi

Malwande Thikazi
Malwande Thikazi.
Grade 11.
When you listen, you learn new things!
When you listen, you learn new things. This is very important because listening
helps you understand what others are saying and thinking.
My mom always tells me to listen carefully when my teacher is speaking. One day,
I was sitting in class and my teacher was talking about fractions in math. I was
about to tune out because I thought I already knew about fractions. But then I
remembered what my mom said, so I listened carefully. And guess what? I learned
something new! I didn't know that fractions could be added and subtracted just like
numbers.
Listening is also important when you're playing with your friends. If you don't
listen to each other, you might get confused and do the wrong thing. Like in a
game of tag, if you don't listen to the person who is "it" and they say "you're out!",
you might keep playing and get in trouble!
So, listening is very important. You learn new things, you learn from your
mistakes, and you have more fun with your friends. My mom was right, listening is
one of the best ways to learn!
Marking the Essay:
Content & Planning (30 marks)
 Score: 13/30
Evaluation:
 Response and ideas: The essay stays on topic, explaining how listening can lead to learning
new things. However, the ideas are simple and lack depth.
 Organisation: The essay has a basic structure with an introduction, body, and conclusion but
needs more development and complexity.
 Awareness of purpose, audience, and context: The purpose and audience are clear, but the
context is basic and doesn't demonstrate a mature understanding.
Improvements:
 Expand on examples and provide more detailed explanations.

 Include more sophisticated ideas and deeper reflections.
Language, Style & Editing (15 marks)
 Score: 7/15
Evaluation:
 Tone, register, style, vocabulary: The tone is appropriate for an essay, but the style and
vocabulary are basic. There are few errors, but the language is not compelling.
 Word choice: Basic vocabulary with simple sentence structures.
 Language use and conventions: Few grammatical errors, but the writing lacks sophistication.
Improvements:
 Use more varied and complex vocabulary.

 Improve sentence structure and use rhetorical devices to enhance the writing.
Structure (5 marks)
 Score: 2/5
Evaluation:
 Development of topic: The topic is developed, but the details are basic and not sufficiently
elaborated.
 Paragraph development and sentence construction: The paragraphs are logically ordered,
but the sentence construction is simple.
Improvements:
 Develop paragraphs with more detail and complexity.

 Use varied sentence structures to improve readability.
Corrected Essay:
When you listen, you learn new things
Listening is a crucial skill that allows us to gain new knowledge and understand others'
perspectives. It is not just about hearing words but understanding and processing the
information being shared.
My mother always emphasizes the importance of listening carefully, especially in school.

One day, while my math teacher was explaining fractions, I felt I already knew everything
about the topic and was tempted to tune out. However, remembering my mother's advice, I
decided to pay attention. To my surprise, I discovered that fractions can be added and
subtracted just like whole numbers. This was a new and valuable piece of information that I
would have missed had I not listened.
Listening also plays a vital role in our interactions with friends. When we don't listen to each
other, it can lead to misunderstandings and confusion. For example, in a game of tag, if you
don't hear when the person who is "it" says, "you're out!", you might continue playing and
disrupt the game. By listening carefully, you ensure that you understand the rules and can
enjoy the game without causing any trouble.
Overall, listening is essential not only for learning new things but also for effective
communication and enjoyment in our daily activities. My mother was right—listening is one
of the best ways to learn and grow.
Final Score:
 Content & Planning: 13/30

 Language, Style & Editing: 7/15
 Structure: 2/5
Total: 22/50

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Malwande Thikazi

When you listen, you learn new things!

Content & Planning (30 marks)

 Expand on examples and provide more detailed explanations.

Language, Style & Editing (15 marks)

 Use more varied and complex vocabulary.

 Develop paragraphs with more detail and complexity.

When you listen, you learn new things

My mother always emphasizes the importance of listening carefully, especially in school.

 Content & Planning: 13/30

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