Stop Unreality: A Guide to Conquering Depersonalization, Derealization, DPD, Anxiety & Depression

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In accordance with the U.S. Copyright Act of 1976, the scanning, uploading, and electronic sharing of any part of this book without the permission of the author constitute unlawful piracy and theft of the author’s intellectual property. If you would like to use material from the book (other than for review purposes), prior written permission must be obtained by contacting the author at kevinklix@yahoo.com. Thank you for your support of the author’s rights.

Publisher’s Note:

The information contained in this book is not to be construed as medical advice. It is an account of my personal experiences and my interpretation and understanding of the various treatments and therapies I encountered, received, or rejected in my search to find healing. It is sold with the understanding that the author or publisher is not engaged in rendering psychological, financial, legal, or other professional services. If expert assistance or counseling is needed, the services of a competent professional should be sought.

For anyone suffering.

Stop Unreality, Second Edition

A Guide to Conquering Depersonalization, Derealization, DPD, Anxiety & Depression

Kevin Klix

Hi, I have DP/DR

Relax and breathe. You’re safe. I want you to know that by picking up this book, each and every time you feel those feelings of depersonalization, derealization, anxiety, or depression, just remember that this is me, this is you, and we are in this together inside this book. We both want you to get better. We want you to get your life back. So anytime you feel afraid, I’ll be your buddy in your arm or pocket to comfort you back into a peaceful, livable reality. So let’s give this a conscious effort, shall we?

First and foremost, I would like to introduce myself. I’m not a doctor, I’m not a counselor, nor do I personally even think I’m quite educated enough to discuss the topic of depersonalization, derealization, anxiety, or depression (DP/DR/A/D). But I will say that I have been a sufferer of them for many, many years, and have been through a lot of trial-and-error to know enough about a few things on this condition. So rather I should go ahead and forfeit my knowledge, now, and tell you that you should pick up a list of these books: Feeling Unreal by Daphne Simeon, M.D./Jeffrey Abugel; Overcoming Depersonalization Disorder by Fugen Neziroglu, Ph.D/Katharine Donnelly, M.A.; and Stranger to Myself by Jeffrey Abugel. Those books will tell you the science behind DP/DR/A/D. The authors of them are nice, excellent people who have researched the condition for years. Those books will help you as far as that is concerned. I know because they helped me during my time of distress. And I know they can help you, too.

But wait! You may be asking yourself this question: "Why is this author-guy deterring me away from his very own book? Why is he telling me he knows nothing of DP/DR/A/D? Phooey! I’m not going to READ this nonsense!" Well, guess what, it’s true: I’m not a doctor/counselor educated enough on the science behind DP/DR/A/D, but I will say that I can act as your friend. Many years I always asked myself if I was alone with DP/DR/A/D because the feelings themselves are unbearable and dreadfully isolating. They leave you with a sense of loneliness beyond physical imagination.

I am primarily a novelist. That should tell you a few things about me and my writing habits. I’m a good talker and a good listener in my real day-to-day life. I want to be a speaker for you and the entire community of DP/DR/A/D suffers. I want to help you get better, fight off the discomfort of DP/DR/A/D, and give you a sense of hope for a better future. Can you somewhat level with me on that? If that’s something you wouldn’t be opposed to, that’s what I can offer you within these pages.

I can try to describe to you the feeling of DP/DR/A/D if you are not a sufferer. But if you are a sufferer, you’d know that the feeling is always in as-ifs. It’s as if I’m an inanimate object. It’s as if I’m a piece of decaying matter. It’s as if I’m just another life-form aimlessly floating about in a bottomless abyss. It’s as if I’m nothing. The life you feel is basically a non-existent movie that you can’t seem to shake from. You look in the mirror and see yourself as a human, but you don’t feel human. You feel like you lost your sense of Self or your sense of worth. You may feel like you’ll never get out of it or even begin to feel any better about yourself. Trust me, as your new friend, I know those exact feelings.

But let me ask you something that may be an open-ended question in your life: How can you know what you are describing if you aren’t human enough to describe it? This probably sounds strange, I know. But hear me out. The mind often tries to wrap itself around things that it can’t quite fathom to be true. And, in a way, life is baffling, is absurd! "How can I have two arms, two legs, a head, a brain, a body?! These things are not things that I chose to have! Where am I?! This is crazy! How is this life possible?! How can we be living here? What is my purpose?" But that’s why I asked you the first question: How can you know what you are describing if you aren’t human enough to describe it? It implies that you are, in fact, still human, still having a soul, still having a mind, which often times would give me, personally, a sense of comfort during my days when DP/DR/A/D was at its worst peak. So keep that hope alive!

In this book I will discuss the idea of treatment with Mindfulness & Acceptance, Vitamins, Supplements, Medications to take into consideration, and debunking vicious-cycle existential/worrisome thoughts (or Pure-‘O’, as YouTubers sometimes refer to it) that can trigger your feelings of DP/DR/A/D (my personal cause of it all). So, in essence, what I’m giving you in not case-studies—I’m simply a friend. That’s what I’m getting at. I hope you understand.

So, as your new friend, I want to have you do an exercise. Take this book with you, go up to a mirror. Look at yourself. Look at your eyes, your face, your hands. Look at the body you have—you have—nobody else—and be proud of this gift. You are you, and not one person can ever be you. That is an impossibility. And with this, you are your own person. But keep in mind, there are others around you, too, with minds, bodies, spirits, hope, dread, regret, and everything else life has to offer.

You are within life. You are here, and we’re glad you are! So look into that mirror there and say these unwanted words: Hi, I have Depersonalization/Derealization. Say this with a smile. Because, often, we think of it as a bad thing. This is actually a human function that is entirely helpful to you and your survival. But yes, we are going to get to that theory in a later chapter.

Now, I want to explain something. What that previous paragraph described was a grounding technique—or mindfulness. How did you feel afterward? Maybe worse, maybe better, maybe nothing at all. But do not judge it. Accept the feelings and be proud of it, good or bad. That’s what Mindfulness & Acceptance is. That, too, is what we’ll look more into in a later chapter.

I’m here with you today simply to help. If you feel alone right now, just know that I’m a geeky guy behind a word-processor and I have experienced the worst DP/DR/A/D imaginable—in my personal opinion—so don’t feel so alone. I’m here in this book, talking. So just listen, breathe, take in what I have to say, and just see if what I’m saying is total bull or could actually help you with your DP/DR/A/D dilemma. Be open minded to my suggestions. That’s all I ask. If not, it’ll be hard for you to get better.

Also, please note that this book is strictly not something that you can read for simple research on the illness. It is a guide. It will help you to understand more about you. That is the goal of this book. I want us to take the primary focus off DP/DR/A/D and back to you, the sufferer. We will explore things that commonly people with DP/DR/A/D have gone through, we will tackle some emotional feelings you’re possibly having, and we will do our best to get you to be a better, more healthy individual . . . or at least in the right direction. If after this book you feel only slightly better, then that’s okay. That’s all I, or we, can ask for!

Ahhh! Soak it in! Don’t be so serious! Today’s a beautiful day, isn’t it? The sun, or moon, is out, the rain is falling, the heat, the cold, the world all makes sense when you sit down with this book and think about it. This life isn’t at all that scary. Now then, proceed to the next chapter, and anticipate on yourself possibly getting better! Let’s do this!!

Going to a Doctor

Before we go any further, I need you to put this book down, go on Google, somewhere on the web, the phone book, ask a friend, whatever the case, and find a Primary Care Physician (PCP) that can diagnosis you with something accurate. It is possible that you may be suffering from something that is not necessarily DP/DR/A/D (so much for telling myself, Hi, I have DP/DR, in the previous chapter, right?). You could have another mental condition, you could have problems with your thyroid, you could have an Anxiety Disorder, or you could have nothing at all! Which sometimes, unfortunately, that can be the case, despite the fact you have feelings of unreality. My point is this: See a doctor, now! Put the book down, make an appointment right now! I’ll see you soon, my newest friend. . . .

Welcome back! Awesome! Either way, you’re getting some answer by setting up that appointment. Oftentimes doctors don’t exactly know what can be wrong with you, because DP/DR/A/D doesn’t necessarily show themselves as something physical on you. Anxiety, Obsessive–Compulsive Disorder (OCD), Attention–Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder (ADHD), Schizophrenia, all these diagnoses can cause someone to question reality. A perfectly normal person can question their reality and get hit with chronic or acute DP/DR/A/D at any moment! That’s what a predisposition is. It’s the person having a mindset, or idea, that causes them to view things as out of the ordinary or out of their control.

A doctor’s job is to put you back into reality, give you advice, medication, and to make you feel better, right? We all would like to think that, but what we fail to realize is that, sometimes, doctors can have their own agendas in the matter of someone’s health. For example, if a doctor works for a hospital or cooperation, that doctor is a license and a heartbeat, in some cases, to those establishments. That is not to say that all places are like that—I’m not saying that at all—but sometimes doctors can be treated wrongly just the same as you could be treated wrongly at your Place-of-Employment.

Doctors, especially ones working for said corporations, can act as a worker on a conveyer-belt. Yes, they have the schooling and knowledge, and yes, they know information that is vital toward you and your mental health, but sometimes they have to move forward in the line to meet the expectations of the corporation. Small-business practices tend to be a more personable route, but sometimes they don’t have the proper tools necessary to assist you. This can be daunting and discouraging because it leaves you with an idea that it’s impossible to find help from a good doctor, but trust me, they are out there. Some doctors have different styles to the way they treat their patients. For example, if there’s an older woman who is nice and sweet to a nurse, that nurse could subconsciously act really nice and sweet back towards that older woman to make their appointment as pleasant as possible. But then again, you can be a nurse and get a patient, one with true problems that eat them inside, and have lingered for many stressful years, and that patient will act mean or nasty. In some cases, a nurse could be mean back, or they could make a joke to lighten the mood. Doctors act in the same instance because they have to fit the patient to make them feel better. But sometimes (especially if you are in your twenties) or if you talk a certain way, or have a certain worldview, they can categorize you into a patient that is, in their opinion, normal.

It is necessary to bring everything you need to a doctor, including previous tests, previous diagnosis, and to tell them where you personally are in your progress in seeking wellness. This will give the doctor a better understanding of your case before s/he makes their final decision of their diagnosis. It’s grueling, but worth it if you find a good doctor.

One of the ways you can find out about a doctor’s style is by looking at their actions and how they treat you. Are they just giving you a bunch of medication? Are they referring you to a psychiatrist/psychologist? Are they doing both? Are they telling you to eat better? Are they nodding when you are speaking? Are they dressed properly? How do they treat their nurses/assistance? Watch carefully and you’ll notice more than you think about a doctor’s character. You’ll see if they truly care about your health or if they are trying to either take your money, trying to get you out and finish their day or trying to give you an answer for the sake of giving you an answer. The main thing for me personally that was the kicker for finding a good doctor was a doctor that could level with me. I understand, s/he would say. I’ve been through that. Many of my patients have. Having a feeling that you are not alone does help a great deal with DP/DR/A/D. Us sufferers need constant reminder that we aren’t alone. Because we aren’t! We are in a human society with human needs, and doctors are in this society. There needs to be a level of respect from both parties. That’s how you’ll find a great doctor.

What I’m trying to articulate in this chapter is that you may have to go to a few doctors before you find one that can actually help you to get better. This is common and normal of a person struggling with DP/DR/A/D—so do not fret or get discouraged. You are going to go through a lot of doctors, get told a lot of answers before you finally wake up one day and actually feel better. But it’s definitely worth it. Because after DP/DR/A/D, you appreciate life so much more, you appreciate normalcy. So let’s get you there. (Side note: if viewing any exercise on an e-book, draw out what you see on paper, please.)

Looking at what your answers were to the above questions, did it surprise you what you were feeling? I’m going to put more of these around the book to see if you notice a trend that