Dating At 45 (NOW 50) and Single – An Insiders Story
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About this ebook
Dating in today’s world is a jungle. Dating in the modern jungle as someone who is older than 45 – now 50 is daunting on the best of days. The world of dating is much different that it was 25 or 30 years ago.
Gone (for the most part) are the days of meeting someone at a bar, supermarket or event. It’s replaced with apps like Tinder and Bumble; sites like Match and Zoosk; and never ending strings of texts and messaging.
Like we do in the modern world, we correct and adapt. The nice thing is being able to use the skills of the forgotten era of conversation. But somehow you need to make them translate to the modern technology fueled methodology.
Then there are the potential partners, and the pratfalls that you encounter. When trying to date age appropriate, we all have baggage. We all need to figure out a way to make that baggage seem attractive.
After seven years in the dating market (and I’m still there) here are some of the lessons I’ve learned and the moments I’ve faced. I hope you find it helpful as you set out on your dating adventures (gulp) as a 50 year old.
Ethan Dreilinger
A single dad and digital media executive in New York City. So much to do, and so much to learn. Hope I can get it close to right.
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Dating At 45 (NOW 50) and Single – An Insiders Story - Ethan Dreilinger
Introduction
What follows here is by no ways a kiss and tell; rather after more than seven years of dating it’s a collection of reflections of what it’s like when you’re 45 (or as I am now 50) and single. None of the names in this book are real, the stories are and no harm is meant to anyone. I hope no one gets offended.
To understand the true scope of this tale we should go back to the very first date I went on after my wife passed away. We had just come back from a ski trip during the second half of an extended Christmas break at school and I met Andrea
at a diner not far from our house.
The date went relatively well, the relationship never went anywhere. Over the years Andrea and I would go out as friends from time to time to share war stories about the dating scene.
Being the newbie to the adult dating scene Andrea explained there would be three types of women I would meet – I suppose she based this on the types of men she met.
There are widows like us,
she said. Divorced and career single.
It seems like a simple statement, but it’s 100% on point and in fact there are subsets to these classes of people – for the purpose of this book women – that makes a difference when thinking about dating later in life.
Prologue
I left the dating world (for the first time) late in the summer of 1990 or so, having met the woman I would marry at a Labor Day BBQ in the backyard of someone I went to college with. It turns out, the person I went to college with went to high school with eventual wife.
For those born into the Internet era, in 1990 almost no one had a mobile phone, the internet
such was a concept sort of manifest by a company called Prodigy. It sort of worked via dial up modems and was based on baud rate.
In other words, there was no online dating. No Tinder. No Match. No sexting. To meet someone you actually had to meet him or her and talk to him or her – bit of a throw back I know.
Fast forward 30 years before I re-entered the dating world, by the time I did, boy did the world change. And so did the way we all approach dating – both north and south of 45 (and now 50).
With ubiquitous smartphones and apps designed around connecting people – some healthier than others – there is no shortage of ways to meet people. However it’s a quantity over quality – and very often a zero sum game.
Chapter One – The Beginning
As Andrea said, there are three types that you’ll meet in mid-life adult dating world, divorced, widowed and career single.
The next layer in the onion is the subsets within those groups:
Divorce:
This comes in several different shades. Most often there is an element of cheating involved in the breakup of a marriage. There are also cases where the couple simply grew apart.