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Contents
Be Attitudes
Prologue Be Honest Be Loving Be Patient Be courteous Be considerate Be Fun to Live With Be Desirous Be Forgiving Be Lo!al Be #ne Be $arried Be in Har%on! &ith 'od(s Plan )n *ic+ness and )n Health For Better or For Worse
3 7 23 37 43 52 68 82 1 1"" 1"6 124 13 148

Prologue
,-nd the Lord 'od .or%ed %an o. the dust o. the ground/ and 0reathed into his nostrils the 0reath o. li.e1 and %an 0eca%e a living soul222and the Lord 'od said/ ()t is not good that the %an should 0e alone1 ) &ill %a+e hi% an hel3 %eet suita0le .or hi%(4 5'enesis 267/18 789:2 ,*o the Lord 'od caused a dee3 slee3 to .all u3on the %an/ and he sle3t1 then He too+ one o. his ri0s/ and closed u3 the .lesh at that 3lace2 -nd the Lord 'od .ashioned into a &o%an the ri0 &hich H had ta+en .ro% the %an/ and 0rought her to the %an2 -nd the %an said/ ;<his is no& 0one o. %! 0ones/ and .lesh o. %! .lesh1 *he shall 0e called Wo%an/ 0ecause she &as ta+en out o. $an2( For this cause a %an shall leave his .ather and his %other/ and shall cleave to his &i.e1 and the! shall 0eco%e one .lesh4 5'enesis 2621=24 >-*:2 'od had created the universe and &ith His &onder.ul sovereign 3o&er/ He created all the things in it2 Picture in !our %ind !our o&n 0eginning/ 0ecause actuall! !our ver! 0eginning started &hen 'od created the heavens and the earth2 ). !ou can 3ossi0l! co%3rehend/ even to a s%all degree/ the 3o&er that &as re3resented in the creation/ re%e%0er that it is the sa%e %ight! 3o&er &hich raised ?hrist .ro% the dead/ and the sa%e %ight! 3o&er o. 'od that created !ou2 -.ter 'od had created all the heavens and the earth/ the da! and night/ the &aters/ the light and the dar+/ the vegetation/ the creatures o. the sea/ the 0irds o. the air/ the ani%als o. the earth/ then He 3

said/ ,Let @s %a+e %an in #ur i%age/ according to #ur li+eness1 and let the% rule over222all the earth22245'enesis 1626 >-*:2 -nd so &ith hands o. love and a desire that His last creation &ould 0e the %ost su3erior o. all/ in all &a!s/ 'od s+ill.ull! and lovingl! too+ the si%3le dust o. the earth and .ro% this 0egan %olding &hat &as to 0e %an/ the thing He &as creating in His o&n i%age2 <hin+ ho& care.ull! 'od 3lanned and %olded ever! single little detail o. %an2 <hin+ ho& He lovingl! and 0eauti.ull! constructed a 0rain1 a 0rain that &ould 0e ca3a0le o. 0eing su3erior to ever! other thing 3laced on earth/ having do%inion over all2 <hin+ o. the 0eaut! o. the %o%ent &hen 'od .inished %olding the 3er.ect 0od! .or %an2 <hin+ ho& 'od %ust have loo+ed at and loved this creature/ this %an/ &ho% He had %ade in His ver! o&n i%age2 <hin+ ho& 'od %ust have caressed hi% as He dre& hi% close/ and then in that great %o%ent o. tenderness and love/ 0reathed into his nostrils the ver! 0reath o. li.e2 ?an !ou i%agine 'od right no& so close to !ou that His ver! 0reath can 0e .elt 0! !ou as He 0reathes li.e into !ouA ?an !ou i%agine the love o. 'od at that great %o%ent/ &hen His 0reath &as 3ut into the .irst hu%an 0od! to give it li.eA 'od 0reathed His ver! li.e into %anB ) re%e%0er those 3recious %o%ents &hen %! children &ere 0orn/ &hen ) heard their .irst cries/ and ) +ne& that li.e &as in the%2 Ho& %! cu3 0u00led over &ith Co!B ) .elt at that %o%ent/ in a ver! s%all &a!/ ho& 'od %ust have .elt as He dre& close to Hi% the 0od! He had created and 0reathed 4

the 0reath o. li.e into it/ 0ecause then and onl! then did %an 0eco%e a living soul2 <hen 'od said/ ,)t is not good that the %an should 0e alone1 ) &ill %a+e hi% an hel3 %eet .or hi%24 'od 3lanned that in %arriage the &o%an &ould 0e a hel3/ not a hindrance/ .or %an2 ) thin+ it(s eDtre%el! interesting ho& 'od %ade &o%an2 He could have ta+en a little 3inch o. dirt and Cust said/ ,Poo.B4 and created &o%an2 But He didn(t do it that &a!2 )nstead/ He caused a dee3 slee3 to .all u3on -da% and/ &hile he &as slee3ing/ 'od s+ill.ull! %ade an incision and re%oved one o. his ri0s/ and .ro% this He created &o%an2 'od chose to %a+e the &o%an .ro% an actual 3h!sical 3art o. the %an so that .orever the! should 0e one .lesh2 'od intended .ro% the ver! 0eginning that %an(s hel3 %eet should 0e an actual 3art o. hi% E not a se3arate 0eing/ 0ut eDactl! the sa%e .lesh and 0one that he &as2 -da% and Fve &ere given an a0solutel! 3er.ect %arriage and it re%ained 3er.ect until the! sinned against 'od2 )t is 3ossi0le .or ever! %arried cou3le to enCo! this sa%e 3er.ect relationshi3 toda!2 'od gave us in this 3h!sical stor! o. the 'arden o. Fden a s3iritual stor! o. truth2 Gou see/ 8esus is the garden &here all is 3er.ect &hen He .ull! controls our li.e/ our actions and our thoughts E our %arriage2 8esus is the tree o. li.e &hich gre& 3h!sicall! in the garden and He is the <ree o. Li.e as He 3rovides the .ruit &e eat and 0eco%e1 the onl! .ruit needed .or a 3er.ect li.e E .or a 3er.ect %arriage is love/ Co!/ 3eace/ 3atience/ +indness/ .aith.ulness/ 5

goodness1 against such things there is no la& E there is 3er.ection E there is 8F*@*A Would !ou li+e to %ove 0ac+ into the 'arden o. Fden in !our %arriageA <hen co%e &ith us2 <his 0oo+ is &ritten &ith a desire .or %arriage to return to the original 3lan .or &hich 'od created it2 We have as+ed !ou to visualiHe a loving 'od actuall! 0reathing ne& li.e into !ou/ as He 0reathed li.e into -da%2 But &e ho3e !ou &on(t .all into the sa%e old tra3 that -da% and Fve .ell into a.ter this ha33ens2 Fve &as te%3ted and she ate the .ruit .ro% the tree o. +no&ledge o. good and evil and then shared it &ith her hus0and2 <he Bi0le doesn(t sa! s3eci.icall! ho& she tal+ed hi% into eating it/ or %a!0e it &as Cust a gesture o. love to &ant to share ever!thing &ith hi%/ 0ut &atch &hat ha33ened &hen the! discovered the! had 0een caught2 )%%ediatel!/ -da% 0la%ed Fve/ and Fve 0la%ed the ser3ent2 -nd it(s 0een the sa%e through the centuries2 But it doesn(t need to 0e so2 )n the sa%e &a! that 'od 0reathed His li.e into -da% and he 0eca%e a living soul/ so ?hrist Will 0reathe Hi%sel. into !our %arriage/ and !our %arriage can 0eco%e a living %arriage the &a! 'od intended .or it to 0e2 -s !ou o3en this 0oo+/ read ho& &e could have .allen into the sa%e tra3 as -da% and Fve/ and then read ho& 'od has touched our %arriage2 -s !ou read so%e o. the tra3doors &hich could have caught us/ see ho& the! a33l! to !our o&n %arriage2 When !ou have .inished reading %a! !our e!es have 0een

o3ened as to ho& !ou can reall! %a+e !our %arriage eDcitingB

Be Honest
Would it sur3rise !ou i. ) told !ou there is a great 3ercentage o. adults toda! &ho are %arried E ->D L)7F )<A ) +no& it &ouldn(t sur3rise !ou at all i. ) told !ou there are %an! unha33! %arriages in the &orld toda!2 ) Cust .eel an urge to re%ind 3eo3le ho& eDciting %arriage can reall! 0e/ and to see i. those o. us &ho li+e the institution o. %arriage can 3ass on to others ho& an! %arriage can 0e trans.or%ed into an eDciting &a! o. li.e2 <his 0oo+ is designed to sho& the things to do/ and not the ,no=no(s4 o. %arriage2 ) a% al&a!s on the 3ositive side o. ever!thing/ so it see%ed the thing to do &as to na%e the cha3ters the BE -ttitudes2 ?harles and ) have discovered these are the secrets to a %arriage that(s ha33!/ eDciting/ loving/ sti%ulating/ satis.!ing/ ro%antic and ever! other adCective !ou can thin+ o. to descri0e %arriage in the &a! 'od intended it to 0e2 -ll o. the BE -ttitudes are i%3ortant to a ha33! %arriage2 -s ) loo+ed over the cha3ter titles/ ) tried to 3ic+ &hich one &as the %ost i%3ortant/ and it &as a hard decision 0ecause ) don(t +no& i. an! one is reall! %ore i%3ortant than all the others/ or i. the! all &or+ in conCunction &ith each other2 <hen ) thought a0out %! car2 <he engine is reall! i%3ortant/ 0ut it &ouldn(t do %e an! good i. ) didn(t have &heels on the car/ &ould itA -nd so the &heels are i%3ortant2 But the &heels &ouldn(t do %e %uch good i. ) didn(t have a steering a33aratus/ 7

&ould the!A -nd so on do&n the line2 But there %ust 0e a start so%e&here/ and it see%s to %e this little %atter o. 0eing honest can do as %uch .or %arriage as an!thing else2 <his si%3le little ,Be4 attitude can sto3 %an! 3ro0le%s 0e.ore the! 0eco%e serious2 When ?harles ca%e to $ia%i .or our %arriage/ &e had no ti%e to discover a lot o. things a0out each other/ as %an! cou3les do/ 0ecause o. our unusual courtshi3 5told in the 0oo+ My Love Affair With Charles). But one o. the .irst things ?harles said to %e &as/ ,) &ant us to 0e co%3letel! honest &ith each other at all ti%es2 ) don(t &ant us even to hold 0ac+ a 3iece o. a thought .ro% each other24 )(ll have to 0e honest &ith !ou/ that state%ent reall! shoc+ed %e2 ) &ish ) could recall all the thoughts that &ent through %! %ind concerning this reIuest2 $! .irst thought &as that ) could never tell hi% an!thing that %ight hurt his .eelings2 *u33ose he as+ed %e i. ) li+ed his tie2 Wouldn(t it 0e 3er%issi0le to sa! ,!es4 even i. ) thought it &as terri0le/ Cust to %a+e hi% ha33!A -nd &hile he &as insistent that honest! &as a %ust in our %arriage/ and ) reluctantl! agreed/ ) have to ad%it ) &as secretl! thin+ing/ ,<hat %ight 0e all right .or !ou/ 0ut ) don(t +no& i. it(s all right &ith %e24 Have an! o. !ou &o%en ever 0ought a dress that !ou 3aid too %uch .or/ and then decided !ou &ere going to save the %one! out o. the grocer! %one!/ and not tell him ho& %uch it costA Have !ou ever snea+ed a little %one! out to 0u! so%ething !ou or the +ids &anted/ 0ut !ou &ere a.raid to tell him the truth a0out itA Well/ then 8

%a!0e !ou can understand %! .eelings at that %o%ent2 ) .elt there %ight 0e little situations co%e u3 &here it &ould 0e easier i. ) Cust .orgot to %ention the% to ?harles/ and so ) started o.. not 0eing honest &ith hi% right then 0ecause ) didn(t tell hi% that ) didn(t reall! thin+ that &ould &or+2 *in is such a snea+! little character2 *o%eti%es &e do not even recogniHe it in the 0eginning .or &hat it reall! is2 -nd 0ecause all o. us/ even those &ho s3end t&ent!=.our hours a da! tal+ing a0out 'od and ?hrist 8esus arc su0Cect to the devil=darts2 ) &ant to relate to !ou ho& a ,little 0itt!4 sin al%ost turned out to 0e a %onster2 ) &ant !ou to notice &here it hit E in the area o. %! li.e !ou(d least sus3ect it to hit2 ) received a call .ro% the *an -ntonio ?hristian Wo%en(s ?lu0 to s3ea+ at their %eeting on one o. %! o3en dates2 ) acce3ted and told ?harles/ and this &as .ine &ith hi%2 Fver!thing &as great2 - cou3le o. nights later ) %entioned to hi% that ) thought ) &ould sta! overnight in *an -ntonio in the event one o. the churches there &anted %e to s3ea+ &hen the! heard ) &as going to 0e in to&n2 ?harles didn(t eDactl! li+e the idea o. %! 0eing a&a! .ro% ho%e 0ecause &e had 0een a3art so %uch during our .irst !ear o. %arriage2 He suggested that ) .l! to *an -ntonio/ s3ea+ to the clu0 there/ and then .l! 0ac+ that a.ternoon2 ) &ouldn(t have to 0e a&a! .ro% ho%e/ and this could all 0e done &hile he &as at the o..ice &or+ing/ so ) agreed2 <hen an interesting develo3%ent occurred2 <he ?hristian Wo%en(s ?lu0 in -ustin called/ having heard that ) &as going to 0e in *an -ntonio/ and

as+ed %e to co%e one da! earlier so ) could s3ea+ to their clu0 since ) &as so close to their to&n2 ) .elt strongl! that 'od had called %e there/ too2 *o ) acce3ted 0ecause ) +ne& it &ould %ean )(d 0e a&a! .ro% hone .or onl! one night2 ) +ne& that ?harles &ouldn(t %ind 0ecause he 0ac+s %e u3 all the ti%e in %! s3ea+ing engage%ents2 But instead o. calling ?harles on the tele3hone and telling hi% i%%ediatel!/ ) decided to &ait until he got ho%e that night and then eD3lain to hi% that %! acce3tance o. this date &ould %ean that ) &ould 0e gone .or the one night2 What reall! ha33ened &as ) had done so%ething ) had told ?harles ) &ouldn(t do/ and so/ instinctivel!/ ) decided to &ait and tell hi% at the right ti%e2 )n %! %ind ) rationaliHed that ) &ould have his .avorite dinner 3re3ared and &ould serve it 0! candlelight &hen he ca%e ho%e that night2 ) &ould s%other hi% &ith an unusual nu%0er o. +isses so he &ould +no& that ) loved hi%/ and then ) &ould tell hi% and ever!thing &ould 0e .ine2 Watch &hat ha33enedB ?harles had &or+ed es3eciall! hard that da! and &as eDce3tionall! tired2 He had gotten u3 in the %orning around .ive o(cloc+ to start an earl! da!2 His &or+ load had 0een eDtre%el! heav!/ and he &as eDhausted &hen he ca%e ho%e2 ) s%othered hi% &ith the usual nu%0er o. +isses 0ut 0ecause he &as so tired ) decided this &asn(t the right ti%e to tell hi%/ so ) said nothing2 ) Custi.ied the action 0! sa!ing to %!sel. that ) &ould tell hi% &hen the ti%e &as right2 5<he old devil is so clever in his nast!/ snea+! &a!/ 0ecause he reall! convinced %e it &ould 0e 0ad to tell ?harles &hen he &as so tired/ so ) 3ut it 1"

o.. .or another night2: -ll through the neDt da! ) +ne& ho& ) &as going to tell ?harles/ the eDact &ords ) &as going to use/ the eDact ti%ing/ and ) antici3ated 3utting on a little eDtra o. %! ,?harles4 3er.u%e2 *o ) +ne& ever!thing &as going to 0e all right/ and it &ould have 0een had ) told hi%2 But guess &hat ha33enedB We had uneD3ected co%3an! the neDt night/ so again ) decided it &asn(t the right ti%e E 0ecause ) had to .ill hi% in on the details o. the cou3le &ho &as due .or counseling at an! ti%e 50! the &a!/ their %ain 3ro0le% &as a lac+ o. honest! &ith each otherB: When the! .inall! le.t our ho%e/ it &as too late to tell ?harles2 ) reall! love ?harles/ and ) didn(t &ant to tell hi% an!thing that &ould hurt hi%/ 0ut 0! not telling hi% the ver! instant ) acce3ted the 0oo+ing/ ) &as da! 0! da! creating a situation &hich could have 0een ver! unhealth!/ even though such &as not %! intention at all2 <hen instead o. telling ?harles instantl!/ ) 0egan to 0ur! that little dishonest! &ith %! 0eloved hus0and and .igured ) &ould thin+ o. so%e &a! to tell hi% 0e.ore long2 But instead ) 0uried it dee3er and dee3er 0ecause ) didn(t li+e ho& it %ade %e .eel &hen ) thought a0out it2 ) .elt real dirt! inside/ and Cust tuc+ed the thought .urther and .urther 0ac+ in %! %ind2 We continued tal+ing in various churches and in %an! %arriage counseling sessions/ and one o. the things &e stressed over and over &as co%3lete honest!2 B! this ti%e the devil had so s%oothed *an -ntonio over/ ) reall! didn(t thin+ a0out it too %uch until &e got u3 to tal+ a0out the secrets o. a ha33! %arriage2 When &e reached the 3art a0out co%3lete 11

honest!/ )(d nearl! die2 Jight on the s3ot ) &ould send u3 a Iuic+ 3ra!er to 'od sa!ing/ ,Forgive %e/ 'od/ .or not 0eing honest &ith ?harles2 )(ll tell hi% on the &a! ho%e tonight24 <o get to our house .ro% al%ost an! 3lace in Houston/ &e use a .ree&a!2 >o& Houston is o.ten called the ,s3aghetti cit!4 0ecause o. our %an! &onder.ul .ree&a!s/ all o. &hich have ver! interesting na%es li+e West Loo3/ >orth Loo3/ *outh Loo3/ 'ul. Free&a!/ etc2 But &ould !ou li+e to +no& the na%e o. the .ree&a! &e used to get ho%eA <here(s onl! one/ and it(s called the *an -ntonio .ree&a!2 ) &ould 0e re%inded a0out not having told ?harles ever! ti%e one o. the 0ig .ree&a! signs &ould a33ear2 that said/ ,*an -ntonio/4 onl! 0! this ti%e it loo+ed to %e li+e ,*)>4 -ntonioB ) &ould Cust shudder inside and then )(d sa!/ ,Lord/ no& &hen &e get ho%e tonight/ )(% going to tell ?harles a0out *an -ntonio2 But so%eho& or other &hen &e got ho%e the devil &ould assure %e this &asn(t the night to tell hi%/ that a 0etter night &ould 0e to%orro&/ and so ) &ouldn(t tell ?harles2 *oon a %onth had ela3sed/ and ) still hadn(t told ?harles2 #ccasionall! ?harles &ould re.er to %! s3ea+ing at the clu0 and sa!/ ,)(% so glad !ou(re not going to 0e gone overnight24 <hen )(d reall! cringe inside/ 0ut so%eho& or other the devil %ade %e thin+ that i. ) told ?harles right then he %ight 0e %ad at %e/ so ) &ould tell 'od )(d tell hi% &hen ,the ti%e &as right24 )t(s a .unn! thing/ thought/ no& that ) thin+ a0out it E the devil never has a right ti%e/ does heA 12

We &ent on a tri3 to the Paci.ic >orth&est/ and things reall! 0egan to ha33en2 We continued s3ea+ing o. co%3lete honest! and ever! ti%e &e did/ ) &as torn u3 inside/ and then )(d sa!/ ,'od/ ho& a% ) going to tell hi%A Ho& can ) eD3lain to hi% &h! )(ve held o.. so long telling hi%A4 <he horri0le 3art o. it all is that sin doesn(t get 0etter &ith age E it gets &orseB )t see%ed in ever! church &here &e s3o+e/ in ever! college &here &e s3o+e/ in ever! clu0 &here &e s3o+e/ in ever! deno%ination &here &e s3o+e/ so%e&here along the line the .ollo&ing conversation ensued/ ,*o !ou(re .ro% <eDasA What 3artA Houston/ that(s great2 $! ho%eto&n isn(t ver! .ar .ro% &here !ou are24 -nd o. course/ ) &ould sa!/ ,Where do !ou hail .ro%A4 -nd then ) &ould cringe/ 0ecause 0e.ore the! ever o3ened their %ouths ) &ould +no& their ho%eto&nB )t Cust had to 0e *-> -><#>)#222and it &asB -nd each ti%e ) &ould hear the na%e *an -ntonio/ ) nearl! died2 When ) heard a car radio 3la!ing/ it &as ,*an -ntonio Jose4 or ,Dee3 )n <he Heart #. <eDas4 and ) hadn(t heard those songs .or !ears2 )t see%ed ever! air3ort &e &ent into had a s3ecial 3lane .are and the destination o. all these s3ecials &as222!ou guessed it E *an -ntonio2 What torture &e 3ut ourselves through &hen &e are not co%3letel! honest2 Fver! ti%e ) &ould hear the &ord ,<eDas4 ) &as laden &ith guilt 0ecause ) +ne& &hat &ould .ollo& neDt/ and the 3ros3ect o. telling ?harles 0eca%e a 0igger and 0igger %ountain all the ti%e2 -nd ever! ti%e so%eone too+ us .ro% one to&n to another &e 13

sa& cars .ro% <eDas2 ) &as convinced 0! this ti%e that there &as onl! one cit! in <eDas/ and that &as *an -ntonio/ 0ecause that(s &here all the cars see%ed to co%e .ro%2 We had a reall! unusual eD3erience &hile &e &ere on this tri32 - !oung 0o! had .elt 'od s3ea+ to hi% concerning the healing o. his e!es/ and 0oth ?harles and ) had a great 0urden .or this !oung %an &ho had such tre%endous .aith2 #ne night at a0out 16"" a2%2/ 'od(s Hol! *3irit &o+e %e u3 and laid this !oung %an right on %! heart2 ) started 3ra!ing/ and 0e.ore long/ ?harles &o+e u3 and he/ too/ Coined %e in 3ra!er2 We 0egan tal+ing a0out this !oung %an/ and 'od clearl! indicated &e should go to His Word/ and so &e did2 -.ter %uch reading and .urther 3ra!ing .or his healing/ ) 3ra!ed/ ,'od/ i. there is an! sin in Doug(s li.e/ +no&n or un+no&n/ &hich stands in the &a! o. his healing/ reveal it to hi%/ so that he can 0e .orgiven and cleansed24 <hen ) continued/ ,'od/ i. there is an! sin2224 -nd the &ords/ ,*an -ntonio4 ca%e out instantl!2 ) had 0uried ,*an -ntonio4 dee3l! in %! %ind and &asn(t even thin+ing a0out that &hen 'od(s Hol! *3irit 0rought it 0ac+ into %! %ind2 ) thre& %! ar%s around ?harles( nec+ and/ in 3ra!er to 'od/ the &hole stor! ca%e 3ouring out and ) as+ed 'od to see that ?harles .orgave %e and to let hi% understand ho& things li+e this ha33en2 >aturall! there &ere tears as ?harles laughed and loved %e and said/ ,Hone!/ that(s all right2 Gou 7>#W &hen 'od calls !ou it(s al&a!s 3er.ect &ith %eB4 >o& the horri0le truth &as out2 -.ter having +e3t it 0ottled u3 .or such a long ti%e/ it ca%e out 14

in a %o%ent o. honest soul searching2 -s al&a!s/ 'od(s love 3revailed/ and it &as no 3ro0le% at all2 But thin+ o. all the things that ha33ened2 Because ) had not 0een totall! honest &ith ?harles .ro% the &ord ,go/4 ) had co%3ounded the sin/ had gone through %iser! 0e!ond 0elie. and &as 3lagued 0! guilt2 ). ) had si%3l! told ?harles in the .irst 3lace that 'od &as leading in %! acce3tance o. this date/ there &ould have 0een no Iuestion at all2 -nd the .unniest 3art is this6 &hen ) .inall! had the courage to loo+ at that 3articular 3age in %! date 0oo+/ ) discovered not onl! had ) co%3ounded that sin/ ) had re=co%3ounded it/ 0ecause ) had acce3ted a third date and 3ut it in %! 0oo+ &ithout realiHing it/ &hich %eant t&o nights a&a! .ro% ho%e2 <hat(s the trou0le &ith sin E one leads to another/ and one 0it o. dishonest! creates another 0it o. dishonest! until it 0eco%es i%3ossi0le to +no& &hen !ou(re sinning2 Well/ &e(ve got the slate clean no&2 'od .orgave %e/ ?harles .orgave %e/ and ) learned a lesson2 ?harles said it &as not hard to .orgive that ti%e/ 0ut he said i. ) ever held so%ething 0ac+ or &as dishonest again it &ould 0rea+ his heart 0ecause he %ight never 0e a0le to trust %e enough to 0e sure ) &asn(t deceiving hi%2 -% ) going to hold 0ac+ even a little thought .ro% ?harles againA Gou(d 0etter 0elieve )(% notA -nd to +ee3 %e re%e%0ering the lesson ) learned is the sign ) have to 3ass ever! ti%e ) drive in or out o. our ho%e &hich sa!s ,*an -ntonio24 <oda!/ ) loo+ at the sign and laugh/ 0ut ) don(t see the &ords it has 3rinted on it2 ) onl! see the &ords/ ,Be honestA4 15

by Charles Frances as+ed %e ho& ) ca%e u3on the idea that 0eing co%3letel! honest &ith each other throughout our %arriage &as so vital that ) challenged 0oth o. us to 0e totall! honest &ith each other/ even to a thought or a 3iece o. a thought2 <his desire .or real honest! a33arentl! started in %! dee3 search .or 'od(s 3lan .or %! li.e2 ) 0egan to Iuestion %!sel. as to ho& ) could 0e co%3letel! honest &ith 'od2 ) .ound %!sel. sa!ing/ ,'od/ )(% sorr! .or the thought ) Cust had24 <hen ) &ould sa!/ ,'od/ a% ) Cust sa!ing &ords or do ) reall! %ean )(% sorr! enough to &ant !ou not onl! to .orgive %e/ 0ut to ta+e an! desire out o. %! %ind a0out a recurrence o. the thoughtA4 ) 0egan to see that ) o.ten said Cust &ords and didn(t reall! have a genuine re3entance a0out %! as+ing .orgiveness1 that ) didn(t even have a sincere dee3 desire to have the sin re%oved E Cust a desire to ad%it it to 'od2 <hen ) realiHed there &as a great di..erence 0et&een Cust ad%itting so%ething and o. con.essing &ith an attitude and desire to have all evidence o. the sin re%oved2 -.ter a0out three %onths o. tal+ing to 'od and having Hi% give %e 3lent! o. o33ortunities to recogniHe that ) reall! &asn(t 0eing honest &ith Hi%/ ) acce3ted a %arvelous ne& &a! o. li.e2 -nd each ti%e ) reall! &as sorr! .or 0eing dishonest &ith Hi%/ He &ould re%ove that sin .ro% %! li.e and once again ) &as .ree2

16

*o/ ) &as 3er.ectl! conditioned to 0eing honest &hen Frances and ) &ere %arried2 *ince ) a33l! %! relationshi3 to 'od to ever! 3hase o. %! li.e/ it &as a ver! natural thing .or %e to &ant our relationshi3 &ith each other to 0e the sa%e as it &as &ith 'od2 <here.ore ) said/ to Frances/ ,Let(s 0e totall! honest &ith each other/ even to telling each other ever! thought/ even i. it see%s that it %ight hurt the other(s .eelings24 Being a 0usiness%an &ho is o.ten involved in the settle%ent o. disagree%ents 0et&een %e%0ers o. a .ir%/ ) have discovered that once all the .acts are out in the o3en &here ever!one involved on 0oth sides can ta+e a clear loo+ at the%/ the! are %uch easier to solve2 ) also have noticed that in 0usiness and in church 0usiness %eetings 3eo3le involved o.ten %a+e co%%ents &hich are not Iuite co%3lete2 'enerall! this is so 0ecause the! +no& an i%3ortant .actor in the 3ro0le% and i. the! revealed the truth/ so%eone %ight 0e hurt or %ight have their toes ste33ed on2 <here.ore the in.or%ation 3resented is distorted or inco%3lete2 Here are 3eo3le tr!ing to solve a 3ro0le% honestl! &ith dishonest .acts2 <he result is al&a!s the sa%e E a dishonest ans&er or %ulti3lied 3ro0le%s2 <hin+ a0out &hat Frances Cust said a0out her ,*an -ntonio4 3ro0le% E each ti%e she held 0ac+ the truth/ it %ulti3lied her 3ro0le%s and never gave an ans&er2 <hin+ a0out the attitude %ost o. us have concerning the 3olice2 We instinctivel! thin+/ ,$a!0e he didn(t see %e222%a!0e he didn(t notice ) &as going over the s3eed li%it24 *houldn(t &e 17

instead 0e glad to see a 3olice%anA ). &e are trul! honest/ &e &ill +no& that he is there .or our o&n good2 )t(s &hen &e are tr!ing to cover u3 a little driving sin that &e don(t &ant hi% to see us 0ecause &e don(t &ant to .ace the truth2 ,222<he 3olice%an does not .righten 3eo3le &ho are doing right1 0ut those doing evil &ill al&a!s .ear hi%2 *o i. !ou don(t &ant to 0e a.raid/ +ee3 the la&s and !ou &ill get along &ell2 <he 3olice%an is sent 0! 'od to hel3 !ou4 5Jo%ans 1363/4:2 'od(s Hol! *3irit &as sent 0! ?hrist 8esus to hel3 us/ and i. &e are honest &ith Hi%/ there &ill 0e no desire in our hearts .or dishonest! &ith an!one2 ). so%ething inadvertentl! co%es into our lives &hich causes us to 0e te%3ted not to tell our 0eloved s3ouse/ then &e can 0e 3rett! sure it should 0e told to the%/ 0ecause an!thing that see%s &rong/ is &rong2 Frances( and %! relationshi3 has 0een strengthened ever! ti%e &e share &ith each other so%ething &e .ind hard to %a+e ourselves tell2 *ince +no&ing !ou are al&a!s going to tell !our s3ouse the truth a0out a situation/ !ou naturall! &ill thin+ seriousl! 0e.ore !ou get involved in a &rong2 <he %ore ) a% involved &ith Frances in a0iding 0! our 3ro%ise 5not a legalistic 3ro%ise/ 0ut a 3ro%ise %ade 0ecause &e &anted to %a+e it and +ee3 it: the %ore ) a% a&are o. the i%3ortance and a33lication o. it in our relationshi3 in a ha33! %arriage2 <his is a+in to &hat &e o.ten re.er to as our conscience/ and &hich &e can %ore accuratel! re.er to as the guiding Hol! *3irit He constantl! guards us to 3rotect us .ro% &rong and to re%ind us that He &ill richl! re&ard those &ho serve Hi%2 )n the sa%e 18

0eauti.ul &a!/ 'od has %ade %arriage li+e our relationshi3 &ith Hi%2 When &e are honest &ith 'od/ our relationshi3 &ith Hi% is a %o%ent 0! %o%ent/ hand in His hand &al+1 0ut &hen &e cease 0eing honest/ our relationshi3 &ith Hi% i%%ediatel! 0eco%es strained2 -nother &onder.ul 0ene.it in 0eing honest &ith !our s3ouse is the 3eace o. %ind it gives/ and the .reedo% .ro% guilt or %istrust in each other2 Don(t !ou .eel sorr! .or 3eo3le &ho sa!/ ,) &ouldn(t trust hi% &ith a ten .oot 3ole4A -nd !ou +no& &h!2 He Cust can(t 0e trusted2 ) a% involved .reIuentl! in .a%il! .inances o. clients and .riends/ and this ta+es %e close to their 3ersonal lives2 #n one occasion &hen ) &as out o. the state on an audit/ the &i.e o. one o. %! clients &ith &ho% ) had done a lot o. .inancial counseling called %e2 *he &as ver! distur0ed 0ecause she .elt her hus0and had 0een receiving so%e %one! and &as not letting her +no& a0out it2 Her hus0and &as a %an &ho .elt he should not in.or% his &i.e o. an! .inancial %atters 0ecause she %ight not understand2 *o .ar as ) +no& this %an had not received an! .inances other than his ordinar! inco%e &hich his &i.e +ne& a0out2 Fven i. he had ) could not have divulged the in.or%ation given to %e in con.idence2 Here is the interesting thing <he! &ere 0oth leaders in their church/ &ere *unda! *chool teachers and had 0een %arried .or %an! !ears2 ) don(t +no& &hat all &ent through their %arriage relationshi3/ 0ut it &as a33arent .ro% her attitude as she tal+ed to %e that she si%3l! didn(t trust hi% in this area o. their %arriage2 <his distrust seriousl! distur0ed her2 1

- si%3le honest sharing o. the %atters o. .inances &hich actuall! &ere eIuall! i%3ortant to 0oth o. the% &ould have 0rought the% closer together and &ould have ce%ented their trust in each other instead o. leaving a t&ilight Hone in their %utual trust2 -s a 0usiness%an &ho &or+s a lot in handling estate %atters &ith &ido&s/ ) &ould li+e to sa!/ ,Please/ %en/ &hile !ou are alive/ +ee3 !our &i.e .ull! in.or%ed in all the .inancial %atters &ith &hich she &ill 0e .aced i. !ou die .irst24 *o %an! &o%en have not had the 3rivilege o. learning to handle 0usiness affairs. -s a result the! are le.t in a .rustrating state o. .earso%e 0e&ilder%ent at a ti%e &hen the! don(t even +no& &ho to trust to advise the%2 5Ho& can the! trust strange %en i. the! could not trust their o&n hus0andA: ) +no& a lot o. %en &ho .eel that their 0usiness is not an! 0usiness o. their &i.e2 -nd ) agree chat it is di..icult .or a &o%an &ho has not 0een involved in the actual o3eration o. her hus0and(s 0usiness to 0eco%e involved a.ter he is gone2 >or%all!/ it is 0etter to have 3lans %ade &hile the hus0and is alive .or a 0u!=out or continuation under another %anage%ent so that the &ido& &ill have an inco%e &ithout 0eing 3ut into an un.air 3osition o. ste33ing into a situation .or &hich she is not trained nor Iuali.ied2 ) sincerel! 0elieve that the hus0and should set u3 an a33oint%ent in an organiHed &a! &ith his &i.e at a regular recurring ti%e Cust as he &ould call a 0oard %eeting or sta.. %eeting o. his 0usiness2 He should 3resent to her as clearl! and si%3l! as he can 2"

Cust ho& the 0usiness o3erates/ ho& it is 3rogressing/ so%e o. the %aCor 3ro0le%s/ ho& %uch it is %a+ing and ho& %uch o. the 3ro.its %ust go 0ac+ into the 0usiness and ho& %uch is availa0le .or the 3ersonal use o. the .a%il!2 He can 0uild an enCo!a0le/ .un ti%e o. sharing &ith his &i.e/ the lover he s3ends so %uch ti%e &ith &hile he is %a+ing a living2 Gou see/ !our 0usiness is either a co%3anion .or !ou and !our &i.e or it is a rival to her2 ) thin+ it is &onder.ul .or the t&o to love the sa%e 0usiness instead o. 3ulling a3art 0! not sharing the love &ith &ho% he s3ends over one= third o. his li.e2 Wives/ this %a! 0e true o. !ou i. !ou are a 0usiness &o%an or &or+ a&a! .ro% the ho%e .or 3a!2 <he .a%il! 0udget can 0e 3lanned &ith the &i.e 0eing the chair%an at this sa%e %eeting2 What could 0e %ore i%3ortant than setting aside one evening a %onth to acIuaint and 3lan such an i%3ortant 3art o. !our lives togetherA We thin+ it(s .un2 Frances and ) not onl! share our 0usiness a..airs/ 0ut &e regularl! as+ our seventeen=!ear=old daughter 8oan to s3end an evening &ith us and &e +ee3 her advised o. our inco%e and eD3enditures2 <his 3leasant/ &illing sharing o. the inti%ate details o. our i%3ortant .a%il! .inances has signi.icantl! added to the trust and 3leasure o. our %arriage and .a%il! li.e2 $en/ ) also .ind that &hen the .inancial re3ort at our .a%il! directors( %eeting is on the lean side/ 0oth Frances and 8oan start doing ever!thing the! can to cut corners to hel3 conserve during the 21

.inancial drought2 <he! understand our needs and &ant to do ever!thing in their 3o&er to %a+e ,Po33a4 ha33!2 )(% sure 0ecause o. their interest in the .inances o. our .a%il!/ and their understanding as &ell/ that )(% a %uch %ore enCo!a0le hus0and and .ather2 Gou see/ ) reall! 0elieve in 0eing honest &ith %! .a%il! in .inancial %atters 0ecause it adds %uch trust/ understanding and 0lessings to our %arriage2 )n the >e& <esta%ent 5F3hesians 4625: &e read6 ,*to3 l!ing to each other tell the truth/ .or &e are 3arts o. each other and &hen &e lie to each other &e are hurting ourselves24

22

Be Loving
by Frances )t never ceases to a%aHe %e ho& the Bi0le relates to the current !ear Cust as &ell as it did 0ac+ &hen it &as &ritten2 ) have never as+ed 'od to reveal the solution to an! 3ro0le% &here ) didn(t discover the ans&er had 0een &ritten %an!/ %an! !ears ago/ and !et &as right .or the t&entieth centur!2 F3hesians 5625=28 sa!s/ ,-nd !ou hus0ands/ sho& the sa%e +ind o. love to !our &ives as ?hrist sho&ed to the church &hen he died .or her/ to %a+e her hol! and clean/ &ashed 0! 0a3tis% and 'od(s Word1 so that he could give her to hi%sel. as a glorious church &ithout a single s3ot or &rin+le or an! other 0le%ish/ 0eing hol! and &ithout a single .ault2 <his is ho& hus0ands should treat their &ives/ loving the% as 3arts o. the%selves2 For since a %an and his &i.e are no& one/ a %an is reall! doing hi%sel. a .avor and loving hi%sel. &hen he loves his &i.eB4 )sn(t it reall! great that 'od(s Word is e..ective and 3ositive and real toda!A <hat is eDactl! ho& hus0ands should love their &ives2 -s ?harles and ) are &riting this together/ &e(d li+e to s3ea+ to 0oth o. !ou se3aratel! and individuall!2 -s a &o%an/ not onl! do ) &ant %! hus0and to love %e/ ) &ant hi% to sho& itB >o& ) don(t %ean an! arti.icialit! nor a% ) interested in an! dis3la! o. a..ection that is not sincere2 But it(s so thrilling to 23

%e that ?harles al&a!s &ants to 0e close to %e2 *ince 'od %ade us one/ &e 0elieve it/ and act li+e it2 We al&a!s sit neDt to each other/ and as &e are sharing our love o. 'od &ith strangers/ so%eho& or other/ ?harles( hand al&a!s reaches over and holds %ine2 Fven though his %ind is co%3letel! on sharing &hat 8esus has done in our lives/ this little gesture re%inds %e over and over again that ?harles loves %e in a ver! s3ecial &a!2 -s &e counsel &ith %arried cou3les/ &e o.ten hear a &i.e co%3laining/ ,He doesn(t +iss %e an! %ore24 We tr! to .ind out &hat caused this *ituation to eDist2 )t(s al%ost al&a!s the sa%e t!3e o. ans&er/ ,When &e &ere .irst %arried/ he &anted to +iss %e &hile ) &as &ashing the dishes/ and ) told hi% to let %e alone until ) &as .inishedB4 'irls/ let %e tell !ou/ )(% never too 0us! to sto3 &hatever )(% doing to +iss %! hus0and2 #.ten ) a% in the .inishing stages o. dinner &hen he gets ho%e2 When he co%es into the +itchen he al&a!s as+s &hat he can do to hel32 Do !ou +no& &hat %! standard ans&er isA ) Cust sa!/ ,7iss %e on the 0ac+ o. the nec+ that(s allB4 -nd that(s &hat he doesB -nd never is it a source o. irritation or so%ething that slo&s do&n %! getting su33er2 ). it slo&s do&n getting su33er E 3raise the LordB #ur love is .ar %ore s3ecial than .ood an! da!2 #ne o. the .irst things ?harles learned a0out %e &as that ) don(t &a+e u3 real .ast in the %orning2 ) a% one o. those individuals &ho %a! 0e high octane at %idnight/ 0ut in the earl! %orning hours
=

24

&hile tr!ing to get %!sel. a&a+e/ ) a% not the shar3est 3erson in the &orld2 >o& ?harles could have done one o. t&o things2 He could have gotten %ad and !elled at %e as so %an! %en do/ ,?an(t !ou get !our laH! 0od! out o. that 0ed in the %orning so !ou can .iD %e a decent 0rea+.astA4 or ,) never heard o. an!one so co%3letel! i%3ossi0le to get out o. 0ed2 What(s the %atter &ith !ouA4 ?an !ou see ho& 0eauti.ull! all our da!s &ould start o..A Well/ it Cust so ha33ens that ?harles is one o. those individuals &ho &a+es u3 in the %orning co%3letel! &ide a&a+eB When the alar% rings/ as he reaches to shut it o../ his .eet hit the .loor and he(s got it %adeB He runs right into the sho&er and i. ) ever 3ee+ed into the sho&er )(% sure ) &ould .ind hi% having an eDciting ti%e tal+ing to 'od a0out the great things the! are 3lanning .or the da!2 But ) have never had the courage to 3ut %! .eet outside the covers as earl! as that2 *o !ou see/ so%eone li+e %e could 0e a real 3ro0le% to so%eone li+e ?harles2 But ?harles as+ed 'od &hat to do &ith %e to tr! and get %e going in the %orning/ and 'od told hi% to treat %e the sa%e &a! as 3art o. hi%sel.2 Would he holler at hi%sel. and %a+e his &hole da! %isera0le 0! the nast! things he had said to hi%sel.A >o/ o. course not2 He certainl! &ould tr! to %a+e his o&n da! start o.. 3leasantl!/ so do !ou +no& &hat he doesA He +isses %eB #nceA <&iceA >o/ at least three thousand ti%es/ 0ecause that(s ho& %an! +isses it ta+es to &a+e %e u32 5-t least that(s ho& %an! ) 3retend it ta+esB: >o& as he(s +issing %e &ith those little 25

s%othering +isses/ so%ething is ha33ening &ithin %e2 )(% 0eginning to realiHe that ever!thing reall! isn(t so horri0le at this hour o. the %orning2 ). the da! starts so 3leasantl!/ then surel! there %ust 0e other good things to &a+e u3 to/ and 0e.ore !ou +no& it/ )(ve slo&l! 0ut surel! o3ened %! e!es to a ne& da! and ) discover it(s .a0ulous 0ecause &e(re going to s3end it &ith 'od again2 ) &ill have to let !ou in on a little secret/ ho&ever/ that )(ve learned2 ). ?harles onl! +isses %e one hundred ti%es/ and then starts .or his %orning sho&er and shave/ 0ut ) thin+ ) still need %ore +isses to &a+e u3/ !ou +no& &hat ) doA ) %a+e a real so.t s%ac+ing sound &ith %! li3s &hich sa!s to hi%/ ,?o%e 0ac+ here and +iss %e so%e %oreB4 <hen 0ac+ he .lies to %eB *o%eti%es he &ants to deter%ine &hether )(% a&a+e or aslee3 so he %a+es a so.t little s%ac+ing sound2 Gou(d 0etter 0elieve/ even i. )(% aslee3/ this little love call &a+es %e right u3 and ) ans&er hi% right 0ac+2 *ill!A Well/ %a!0e/ 0ut it 3uts real thrills into our %arriage/ and &e love itB Love can 0e sho&n in so %an! &a!s E and as ) reread the last verse o. F3hesians cha3ter 5 ) .ind6 ,-nd the &i.e %ust see to it that she dee3l! res3ects her hus0and E o0e!ing/ 3raising and honoring hi%24 *o%eho& or other/ ) thin+ &e lost a lot &hen the! too+ the &ord ,o0e!4 out o. the %arriage cere%on!2 Don(t get %ad right no& and sto3 reading/ 3leaseB Let %e share &ith !ou &hat ) get .ro% the &ord ,o0e!24 We thin+ o. this &ord o.ten as a restricting &ord &hen it reall! isn(t2 When &e are %arried/ the Bi0le sa!s &e 0eco%e one. ). this is 26

trul! the case ho& can &e .ail to o0e! ourselvesA )s there an!thing %ore %isera0le than to 0e torn in t&o directions and not +no& &hat to doA Well/ not o0e!ing our hus0ands %eans that the one 'od %ade is s3lit into t&o1 and there.ore har%on! is gone2 Ho& can &e .ail to do &hat our hus0ands &antA *ince &e are 3art o. the sa%e one/ &ould &e not in truth/ desire the sa%e thingsA #0e!ing !our hus0and doesn(t give hi% the right to 0e !our overseer/ &ith !ou 0eing the slave2 #h/ no/ not at allB For i. that(s his attitude/ he(s not o0e!ing &hat 'od sa!s to hi% a0out treating his &i.e as a 3art o. hi%sel.2 *o/ !ou see/ o0e!ing isn(t a 0ad &ord at allB ) thin+ o. all the %ove%ents .or the so=called li0eration o. &o%en2 Gou can have the% E !ou can ta+e the% all and 3ut the% in the ocean or &herever !ou &ant to/ 0ecause ) don(t &ant to 0e li0erated2 ) &ant %! %an to 3rotect %e/ love %e/ cherish %c and ta+e care o. %e the rest o. %! li.e2 -nd then the Bi0le sa!s/ ,Praising and honoring hi%24 ) love to tell the &orld a0out %! hus0and E not onl! a0out the %an ?harles Hunter/ 0ut es3eciall! a0out hi% as a .ollo&er o. 8esus2 >ot all o. us have the o33ortunit! o. telling the &orld a0out our hus0ands2 But !ou +no&/ ) love to tal+ in 3raise o. hi% right to his .aceB ) than+ 'od/ right &hile ?harles is listening to %! 3ra!ers/ .or giving hi% to %e2 ) constantl! a% than+ing ?harles .or all the &onder.ul little things he does .or %e2 5) have a .eeling he enCo!s +no&ing that ) a33reciate all he does .or %e2: 27

Honor hi%A Ges/ ) do2 ) honor his right .or 3rivac! i. and &hen he &ants it2 ) honor his right to have %e 0! his side at all ti%es2 ) honor his right to have %e love hi% all the da!s o. %! li.e2 ) honor his right to 3ut his head on %! shoulder &hen he(s tired2 ) honor his right to &ant his ho%e clean and shin!2 ) honor his right to have his clothes clean and in his closet &here the! 0elong at all ti%es2 ) honor his right to live &ithin our %eans and not cause hi% to &orr! a0out .inances i. ) can hel3 it2 ) honor his right to share &ith %e the inner%ost secrets o. his soul/ +no&ing that ) &ill +ee3 these secrets &ithin the &alls o. %! heart/ never to 0e shared &ith an!one2 ) honor his right to have %c &aiting as his haven o. rest &hen he(s &or+ed hard all da! at the o..ice2 ) honor his right to eD3ect %e to 0e his &i.e at all ti%es2 Do !ou +no& &h!A Because ) love hi% E and ) &ant hi% to +no& it2 by Charles -s ) have let %! %ind .loat hundreds o. hours 0ac+ and .orth through the >e& <esta%ent/ ) .ind an ever increasing de3th to the use and %eaning o. love2 ) .ind that it is the strongest/ %ost 3o&er.ul &ord used in the Bi0le 0ecause it is even used to enco%3ass 'od Hi%sel. &hen it sa!s/ ,'od is love24 When !ou tr! to descri0e 'od/ it al&a!s reverts to ,love24 >o& since 'od is love/ He &ants the ver! 0est .or His children2 'od +no&s ho& %uch ever! hu%an 0eing needs love/ so He created &o%an .or %an2 ,<hen the Lord 'od said/ ;)t is not good that 28

the %an should 0e alone1 ) &ill %a+e an hel3 %eet suita0le .or hi%4 5'enesis 267/18 789:2 *urel!/ 'od in His in.inite &isdo% +ne& ho& %uch ) needed love and ho& %uch ) needed to love so%eone s3ecial2 *o He gave Frances to %e2 *ince &ives are given 0! 'od to %an/ &e should 3ut our &ives 0e.ore all else in the &orld eDce3t 0e.ore 'od and His *on/ ?hrist 8esus2 Because this is the &a! 'od intended it to 0e/ it is eas! .or %e to 3ut %! &i.e 0e.ore %! 0usiness/ .riends/ s3orts/ or an!thing else that %ight hold %! interest2 Ho& can our 3artner +no& &e(re loving or in love i. &e don(t act li+e itA -nd/ also/ i. &e don(t %ention the su0Cect occasionall!A #ne o. the %ost i%3ortant highlights o. %! da! is %! return ho%e at night2 ) al&a!s call Frances i. it(s 3ossi0le at all/ to .ind out i. there is an!thing she needs .ro% the store that ) can 3ic+ u3/ and to let her +no& that )(% anDious to get ho%e to her2 >o %an .eels %ore li+e a +ing than ) do &hen ) drive into our drive&a!2 Frances is al&a!s dressed li+e she is going to a 3art! &hen ) arrive ho%e E her dress/ hair/ %a+eu3/ 3er.u%e/ ever!thing is Cust as though she &ere going right out the door2 But the eDciting thing is the .act that its for %e she has done all this2 <he %inute the car drives u3 in the drive&a!/ she(s at the door &ith her ar%s outstretched &aiting .or %e to run into the%/ and she(s all 3uc+ered u3 .or %e to +iss her2 ) don(t have to as+ her i. it(s all right to +iss her and %ess u3 her %a+eu32 ) don(t have to &onder i. she(s in the %ood to +iss %e2 ) +no& 0! her loving actions and her eagerness to 0e at the door &hen ) get there2 -nd &hat do ) doA ) 2

Cu%3 out o. the car as Iuic+l! as ) can and run as .ast as %! legs &ill carr! %e/ 0ecause the %inute the %otor sto3s and ) o3en the car door/ ) hear a s%ac+ing sound o. +isses alread! reaching %! ears and urging %e to run into her ar%s &here ) +no& the sound 0eco%es loving +isses on %! li3s2 <hen her ar%s sIueeHe %e so tightl! ) Cust %elt into the% and %! &or+da! has ended in a 3er.ectl! 0eauti.ul &a!2 $! evening at ho%e has started &ith love eD3ressed so ver! dra%aticall! %! heart Cust a0out 0ursts out o. %! chest2 )s that an! &a! to greet a hus0andA Gou 0et it isB ) thin+ o. a cou3le ) have +no&n &ho had a great love .or each other and had an al%ost 3er.ect %arriage2 #ne thing/ though/ that &as %issing &as the lac+ o. ,eD3ressed4 love 0! the &i.e2 *he did ever!thing she thought she could to 3lease her hus0and and sho& hi% a +ind o. love2 But she al%ost never told her hus0and she loved hi% and never sho&ed the love in a 3ersonal &a! such as a hug/ +iss or caress2 Ho& %uch 0etter their %arriage &ould 0e i. she &ould onl! eD3ress her love in so%e 3ersonal/ inti%ate &a!2 Frances has descri0ed our ,s%ac+ing love call4 and ) &ould li+e to add Cust one little thing she does that thrills %e to the ver! 0one2 When %! &or+ load de%ands eDtra ti%e/ ) 3re.er getting u3 earl! and going to the o..ice rather than &or+ing late in the evening2 <o leave .or &or+ &ithout +issing Frances even a .e& ti%es Cust isn(t 3ossi0le2 When she is aslee3 and P% dressed and read! .or &or+/ ) ti3toe to her 0edside and &his3er in her ear/ ,Don(t &a+e u3/ Cust let %e +iss !ou24 -.ter a .e& gentle +isses/ ) 3"

so.tl! sa! good=0!e2 But 0e.ore ) can get a&a!/ ) al&a!s receive an a0undant su33l! o. returned +isses .ro% the %ost thrilling girl in the &orld2 ). &o%en &ould Cust learn to %a+e their %an .eel li+e a %an/ it(s a%aHing &hat &ould ha33en to their %arriages2 ). the! 3riHed the +isses o. their hus0and/ it(s a%aHing ho& %an! %ore the! &ould get2 When a &o%an lets her %an 7>#W he(s a %an/ he(ll do an!thing in the &orld .or her2 <he little things are &hat %a+e a %arriage eDciting2 Jecentl! ) &as &or+ing in a 3lace &here it &as ver! inconvenient to go out .or lunch and so Frances %ade %! lunch &hich &as ver! good2 But the ver! 0est 3art o. it &as a little note tuc+ed inside the na3+in &hich si%3l! said/ ,) love !ou/ *&eetheart24 <he second da! &hen ) o3ened %! lunch there &as another little note &hich said/ ,) love !ou %ore toda! than !esterda!24 Frances .reIuentl! leaves little notes &here and &hen ) least eD3ect to .ind the%2 Let %c share one she Cust le.t on %! 3illo& under the 0eds3read &hen she le.t .or a nine=da! tour 5&hich &e ho3e is the last one o. an! length ) &ill not get to acco%3an! her2: When ) &ent to 0ed the .irst night a.ter she le.t/ ) &as &elco%ed 0! the 0eauti.ul/ .a%iliar aro%a o. her .avorite 3er.u%e2 *he had s3ra!ed %! 3illo& lightl! &ith it Cust 0e.ore she le.t= =W#WB <he .unn! thing is ) didn(t discover the note until the neDt %orning/ 0ut this is &hat it said6 ,Dearest ?harles6

31

Well/ %! <iger/ )(% o.. again E and &hile right no& it see%s li+e such a long ti%e/ ) +no& it &ill go 0! Iuic+l!/ 0ecause 'od doesn(t &ant us to su..er a&a! .ro% each other and long .or each other2 *o ever! night &hen !ou la! !our head do&n on this 3illo&/ Cust re%e%0er ) love !ou &ith all %! heart/ %ind/ 0od! and soul/ and )(% glad 'od %ade !ou %ine2 )(% so glad that so%eho& in His great &isdo% He +ne& &e needed each other2 Fven though )(% gone no&/ ) need !ou ever! single %o%ent/ and !ou are there/ in %! heart and in %! %ind all the ti%e2 ,)(ve even s3ra!ed the 3illo& case &ith %! 3er.u%e/ Cust to re%ind !ou that )(% not so .ar a&a!/ as long as ) a% in !our thoughts2 <i%e to run/ %! love/ 0ut ) did &ant !ou to +no& that ) L#9F G#@ ) L#9F G#@ ) L#9F G#@ Gour Wo%an/ Frances24 Wouldn(t that letter do so%ething to an! %an &hose &i.e &rote it to hi%A Gou(d 0etter 0elieve it intensi.ied %! love .or Frances/ 0ecause o. her concern a0out %! &el.are &hile she had to 0e gone2 *ince she is a .ast t!3ist/ )(% sure the note didn(t ta+e her longer than t&o or three %inutes to t!3e2 )t &asn(t the ti%e involved/ 0ut the thought and love &hich 3ro%3ted it that %ade it %ean so ver! %uch to %e2 <hese little things have a &a! o. +ee3ing and %a+ing a %arriage eDciting

32

) have a great love .or counseling &ith individuals a0out their needs and in letting 'od(s Hol! *3irit direct in guiding the% into a closer &al+ &ith 8esus and there0! into a %ore enCo!a0le and ha33! li.e2 #ne o. the .reIuent co%3laints %ade to %e is 0! &o%en &ho have 0een active in church &or+ .or all their lives and &hose hus0ands &ill not go to church and &ill not even listen to the% &hen the! tr! to get the% to 0eco%e ?hristians2 <he hus0ands see% to have little interest in the% an!%ore and 0ecause there is such a vast di..erence in their activities/ the hus0ands .ind little in co%%on &ith the &ives2 - hus0and o.ten gets so involved in his &or+ that he s3ends ver! little ti%e &ith his &i.e2 <oo o.ten he 0egins drin+ing and then/ to the &i.e(s dis%a!/ she sus3ects he is out &ith other &o%en2 #r %ore o.ten he co%es ho%e/ eats and sits in .ront o. the <9 all evening2 <hen the &i.e as+s %e to counsel &ith her a0out &hat to do and as+s .or 3ra!er2 Do !ou +no& &hat %! ans&er usuall! isA ) as+ the &i.e ho& %uch love and a..ection she has sho&n her hus0and2 Ho& long has it 0een since she sho&ed trul! .e%inine love to her hus0andA <his usuall! 0rings a sudden/ shoc+ing re.lection o. the %an! 3ast !ears o. her li.e and she sees she has not %ade it reall! attractive and desirous .or her hus0and to &ant to rush into her ar%s2 -0out the sa%e ti%e she is loo+ing into this 3ersonal %irror she realiHes that her hus0and 3ro0a0l! has 0een loo+ing .or a vision o. 8esus in so%eone2 Because his &i.e has 0een such a 3ious 33

church %e%0er/ he thin+s that she certainl! %ust 0e the real 3lace to loo+2 But i. the &i.e does not sho& love E .or 'od is love E then she does not sho& 'od2 *o/ the hus0and .igures/ i. 'od is ithout love! li+e his &i.e/ &h! should he go to churchA #r/ &h! loo+ .urther .or the 'od &ho le.t his &i.e so lac+ing in a..ectionA ) .eel sure %ost %en are a lot li+e %e2 <he! have a great need and desire to 0e loved and are loo+ing .or so%e &a! to satis.! this longing2 good %oral %an is li+el! to involve hi%sel. in &or+ as a res3ecta0le solution to avoid the 3ull that hits his heart &hen he &ants so ver! %uch to 0e loved and can(t .ind it at ho%e2 He can(t 0elieve it is to 0e .ound in 8esus 0ecause he cannot see 8esus in his religious &i.e &ho doesn(t have love or Co!2 *o he is turned o.. at ho%e and in church2 Love is sho&n in a thousand little &a!s2 <hose .e&er 0ig &a!s are not Iuite as i%3ortant2 <hin+ o. the ti%es !ou could have %et !our hus0and at the door loo+ing !our 0est/ hugged hi% and +issed hi%/ let hi% s%ell a little .resh 3er.u%e !ou a33lied as !ou .reshened !oursel. .or the one %ost i%3ortant in !our li.e2 )t onl! ta+es a little &hile to listen to hi% tell !ou &hat has 0een on his %ind at the o..ice/ sho3 or store or &herever he &or+s2 Gour &elco%e listening ear &ill %a+e hi% .eel 0etter a0out the 0ad things o. the da! and 3roud o. the acco%3lish%ents2 For in this sharing he is %a+ing !ou a vital 3art o. his li.e2 <hen/ as !ou share the events o. !our da!/ he &ill 0eco%e %ore and %ore eager to listen2 )n these &a!s !ou 0eco%e one in activities instead o. 0eing 34

t&o disinterested and a3art individuals .or a0out ten hours o. !our da!2 ) thin+ &e can sa.el! sa!/ ,Love &ithout ceasing/4 Cust as the Bi0le sa!s/ ,Pra! &ithout ceasing24 <r! to thin+ o. little things !ou can do .or !our hus0and tonight &hen he co%es ho%e2 )t %a! shoc+ hi%/ so go gentl! at .irst2 But &ithin a short ti%e !ou &ill 0e a%aHed at ho& he has 0een catching u3 on his &or+ earlier and earlier and is a0le to get ho%e sooner2 ) can(t &ait to get o.. &or+ and rush ho%e to Frances2 'od %ust %a+e a list o. little things .or her to thin+ o. to %a+e %e thrilled and ha33! to 0e &ith her2 B! the &a!/ %en/ ) ho3e !ou have 0een listening &hile ) tal+ed to the ladies 0ecause it(s eDciting and re&arding to do lots o. little things .or our &ives2 <he! need love and a..ection sho&n in a thousand little &a!s2 -nd as &e %a+e an e..ort to 3lease the%/ the! &ill Cust thin+ &e are 3er.ect lovers as &e s&ee3 the% o.. their .eet2 <he dra&ing to our &ives or hus0ands should not 0e unli+e the dra&ing &e .eel to&ard 'od 0ecause it is actuall! the sa%e +ind o. love 'od created &ithin us to de%onstrate His love in a &a! &e can understand2 ?an !ou see &h! ) love Frances so dearl! and &ant to 0e &ith her ever! %inute o. %! li.e and never tire o. herA *he constantl! lets her love .lo& out&ard to others and ) a% so ver! 0lessed to 0e in the center o. her river o. love2 When 8esus said it is 0etter to give than to receive He surel! %eant love2 <he onl! &a! &e can receive love is to &illingl!/ longingl!/ anDiousl! 35

give all o. our love .reel! &ithout thought o. receiving it in return/ &hether &e are s3ea+ing o. love to our &i.e or to 8esus and 'od2 We %ust &ant 'od and ?hrist 8esus %ore than an!thing in our lives 0e.ore &e can even a33roach the love 'od &ants us to give2 But &hen &e .ind the secret o. releasing all our love to Hi% &ithout an! reservation/ then and onl! then can 'od return that love along &ith the a0undant 0lessings He 3ro%ises and gives to us2 )n the sa%e &onder.ul &a!/ &hen &e love our co%3anion through 8esus &e %ust &ant our 0eloved co%3anion %ore than an!thing in our lives eDce3t 'od and our Lord 8esus2 ) a% convinced that love can onl! 0e 3er.ect in %arriage &hen !our love 3asses through 'od to !our s3ouse2 We have 0oth shared ho& &e .eel a0out 0eing loving and &e ho3e !ou have gotten the idea that &e 0elieve not onl! in 0eing loving/ 0ut letting each other +no& ho& %uch &e loveB

36

Be Patient
by Frances What a 0eauti.ul virtue this is2 )sn(t it a good thing that 'od is 3atient &ith usA ?an !ou i%agine ho& %uch His 3atience %ust have 0een tried &hen !ou &ere .irst added to His .a%il!A ?an !ou i%agine ho& He %ust have .elt &hen !ou +e3t .alling 0ac+/ and then scra%0ling to gra0 His hand again/ onl! to turn loose o. it again in !our search .or the things o. the &orldA Do !ou have an! idea o. the 3atience 'od %ust have had to 3ut u3 &ith E &ell/ %a!0e not !ou/ 0ut certainl! %eA When ) thin+ that His 3atience lasted .or .ort!=nine !ears 0e.ore ) .inall! 0egan to see a gli%%er o. light/ ) realiHe %ore and %ore &hat a virtue 3atience is2 *u33ose He had gotten tired and said disgustedl!/ ,#h/ &ell/ she(ll never learn2 *he &ill never get the %essage24 What &ould have ha33enedA ) &ould still 0e out there in the dar+ness o. sin2 *ince &e &ere %ade in the i%age o. 'od surel! &e can ho3e .or so%e o. the sa%e virtues/ and 3atience is one2 When &e .irst get %arried &e are on such a cloud &e close our e!es to the .aults o. the other2 But &hen the hone!%oon is over/ &e co%e 0ac+ to earth again2 )t(s the sa%e thing as &hen &e 0eca%e ?hristians and &e started living in the &orld again2 <he 0u00le 0ro+e and &e reall! 0egan to &onder222<hen as &e did the things 'od told us to do E reading the Bi0le and 3ra!ing/ the eDcite%ent ca%e 0ac+ again2 -nd the sa%e situation a33lies to %arriage2 When &e 0egin to loo+ at each other t&ent!=.our hours a da!/ so%eti%es &e can 37

get discouraged/ 0ut re%e%0er/ i. 'od 3ut !ou together/ there(s certainl! a solution to !our 3ro0le%s2 8ust have 3atience2 )t(s a good thing ?harles has the 0eauti.ul 3atience o. a saint2 ) a%/ 0! nature/ %uch %ore ra%0unctious and i%3etuous than ?harles2 )t Cust isn(t in %e to care.ull!/ 3atientl! 3lan things the &a! he does2 -nother one o. %! great ,un=attri0utes4 is %! ina0ilit! to 0ac+ a car u3 the &a! it should 0e 0ac+ed u32 ) a% all right on a straight road/ 0ut the drive&a! out o. our !ard is as croo+ed as a sna+e2 )t(s the +ind !ou have to 0ac+ out unless !ou can turn the car around in an area that &asn(t designed to turn a car around in2 Fven &hen the car is sitting in .ront o. the door/ &hich leaves onl! a s%all croo+ed area to 0ac+ out/ ) usuall! run over the grass on 0oth sides/ +noc+ do&n the little %etal sign that has our address on it/ and generall! create havoc 0e.ore ) end u3 on the street2 Does ?harles !ell and criticiHe %e .or thisA >o/ he doesn(tB First o. all/ ) ad%it that ) a% not a good/ croo+ed 0ac+er=u33er and &hen ) con.ess it/ he .orgives %e2 He even .orgives %e .or +noc+ing the sign do&n2 <his has ta+en great 3atience on the 3art o. ?harles2 Do !ou realiHe ho& irritated he could get at %eA )n his 3atient/ +ind &a!/ &hen one o. the cars is le.t ho%e .or %e/ he turns it around in the drive&a! and 3oints the nose to&ard the street and then ) have no trou0le2 Do !ou +no& &h! he is so 3atientA Because he is %ade in the i%age o. 'od2 )(% sure his 3atience &ill go on and on and on/ and )(ll +ee3 tr!ing to loa% ho& to 0ac+ u3 ,croo+edB4 38

First ?orinthians 1364 sa!s/ ,Love is ver! 3atient and +ind24 >ot onl! 3atient/ but "ind. *o%eti%es &e %ight 3retend to 0e 3atient/ 0ut the re%ar+s could 0e cutting instead o. +ind2 ) coo+ed on an electric stove .or %an! !ears 0e.ore ?harles and ) &ere %arried2 When ) got to Houston ) discovered &e had a gas stove &hich coo+s a lot di..erentl! than an electric one2 Jight o.. the 0at ) 0urned a hole in the tea+ettle2 >o& that ) thin+ a0out it/ it &asn(t the .ault o. the stove/ 0ut it &as %! a0sent%indedness 0ecause ) .orgot to turn the .la%e o..2 *hortl! a.ter that ) cre%ated a 3an &ith so%e eggs in it2 <he! &ere su33osed to 0e hard=0oiled/ 0ut that &as hardl! the &ord .or the%2 When ) .inall! s%elled the s%o+e &hich ca%e surging through the house/ the 3an had %elted on the stove2 -nd l!ing there/ loo+ing %e right in the e!e/ &ere .our 0lac+ little eggs2 ) said %! usual/ ,Praise the Lord/ an!&a!B4 and tried to air out the house2 8ust a0out this ti%e/ ?harles ca%e ho%e2 ) didn(t tr! to hide &hat had ha33ened 0ecause that(s not 0eing honest2 ) told ?harles &hat ) had done and &e laughed as &e 3ut the re%ains o. the eggs do&n the gar0age dis3osal2 <his situation could have ended u3 &ith all +inds o. 3ro0le%s &ere it not .or the .act that ?harles is 3atient and +ind2 Patient/ 0ecause he 3uts u3 &ith %c1 and +ind/ 0ecause he never sa!s an!thing a0out it2 He doesn(t har0or grudges/ either/ 0ecause he 0elieves )(ll learn 5eventuall!:2 ?harles acIuired a teenage daughter &hen he %arried %c2 We had a cr!ing good ti%e recentl! as &e all stood in court and she legall! 0eca%e his 3

daughter2 Ho& &ould !ou li+e to acIuire a teenager &hen !ou had never had children in !our 3revious %arriageA Ho& &ould !ou have handled a siDteen= !ear=old girlA 8oan got to <eDas on the 22nd o. 8anuar!2 ) had to leave on tour on the 24th o. 8anuar!2 )t(s a good thing the! 0oth had 3atience and +indness/ 0ecause here &ere t&o co%3lete strangers living in the sa%e house/ &ho &ere su33osed to 0e .ather and daughter Cust 0ecause %a%a %arried ?harles2 Here is 8oan in a ne& cit!/ a ne& state/ a ne& house/ a ne& school/ a ne& church/ a ne& dadd!/ and can !ou i%agine ho& she .eelsA -nd then here(s dadd!/ a ?P- right in the heart o. inco%e taD ti%e/ and he discovers that 8oan(s Florida driver(s license isn(t valid in <eDas unless she ta+es driving lessons2 $a%a is out o. to&n/ so ?harles had to ta+e 8oan to school ever! da!/ 3ic+ her u3 a.ter school and then ever! night he had to ta+e her over to driving school so she could get her <eDas license2 He &as getting u3 at 563" in the %orning to get started on his &or+/ then having to return ho%e in order to get 8oan to school at 8 o(cloc+/ then run 0ac+ to his o..ice or &hatever client(s o..ice he &as in/ and +ee3 an e!e on the cloc+ so he could 3ic+ her u3 &hen school &as out2 )t &as a real hectic schedule .or hi%/ 0ut he didn(t co%3lain one single ti%e2 ?harles certainl! eDerted tre%endous 3atience during this ti%e2 *uch a schedule da! a.ter da! can 0e a real drain on one(s energ!/ 3atience and love2 -nd &hile &e(re on the su0Cect o. 8oan ) can(t hel3 0ut %ention the .act that one o. the 4"

contri0uting reasons to the s&eetness o. our %arriage is ?harles( attitude to&ard 8oan2 *o %an! %en %arr! &o%en &ho have children .ro% a 3revious %arriage/ and .ail to recogniHe the .act that the children do eDist and %ust 0e loved as %uch as the! &ould love their ver! o&n2 *o %an! %arriages end u3 on sha+! ground 0ecause 3eo3le do not sit do&n and intelligentl! discuss the treat%ent o. their children2 While children arc certainl! 0eauti.ul gi.ts .ro% 'od/ the! can also create so%e o. the 0iggest haHards in %arriage i. &e don(t eDercise 3atience2 $an! ti%es a lac+ o. 3atience is a lac+ o. acce3ting our %ate .or &hat he or she is2 *o %an! 3eo3le %a+e the %ista+e o. thin+ing the! are going to change their %ate a.ter the! are %arried2 What the! are reall! sa!ing is/ ,)(% going to have $G o&n &a! all the ti%e a.ter &e(re %arried/ 0ecause )($ going to change him.# -s a result/ &e don(t let little things reall! irritate us 0e.ore &e(re %arried/ thin+ing &e(ll change the% a.ter %arriage2 But &hen &e &a+e u3 in the da!light o. %arriage/ &e discover the little things &hich &e thought &e &ould change are still there and &e 0egin to get irritated2 We .orget that the onl! 3erson &ho is a0le to change another(s dis3osition is 8esus ?hrist Hi%sel.2 ). &e are trul! one as the Bi0le sa!s/ &e are letting our le.t hand 0eco%e anno!ed &ith our right hand/ and letting our le.t hand sa!/ ,)(% going to cut !ou o.. 0ecause ) don(t li+e !ou24 ). &e &ould Cust acce3t our %ates .or the reasons &e %arried the% and learn to adCust in har%on! &ith each other to the di..erences &e %ight have/ &e 41

&ould discover %arriage could 0e a lot %ore eDciting2 Wh! don(t !ou %a+e a little list right no& o. the things that irritate !ou a0out !our s3ouse/ and see i. the! didn(t eDist 0e.ore !ou &ere %arriedA <hen tr! eDercising a little %ore 3atience instead o. irritation2 -nd then 0e honest &ith !oursel.2 -s+ !oursel./ ,)s there a real reason .or %! irritation/ or should ) 0e %ore 3atient and +indA4 Did it ever da&n on !ou that love/ understanding and 3atience can do %ore to change undesira0le characteristics than an!thing elseA 'od re%oves the things .ro% our lives that are not 3leasing in His sight through His great love .or us2 When &e .ind ourselves totall! co%%itted to Hi%/ &e &ant to 3lease Hi%2 )n &anting to 3lease Hi%/ the things &hich &e +no& dis3lease Hi% .all 0! the &a!side2 <he sa%e 3rinci3le is true o. a hus0and= &i.e relationshi32 ). &e eDhi0it 3atience in loving our %ates/ and our love is unchanging in s3ite o. their idios!ncrasies/ the! &ill &ant to change 0ecause o. our 3atience and love2 <r! it on !our %ate and see &hat ha33ens2

42

Be Courteous
by Frances ,Love is222never haught! or sel.ish or rude4 5) ?orinthians 1364/5:2 <hat(s &hat the Bi0le sa!sB -nd ho& %an! ti%es do &e ignore 0eing courteous to the ones &e love the %ost or at least the one &e are su33osed to love the %ostA Do !ou ladies give !our hus0and the 3rivilege o. o3ening the car door .or !ou/ or do !ou %adl! rush out o. the house/ o3en the car door and 3lun+ !oursel. in the car 0e.ore he can even catch !ouA #r %a!0e !ou .ool around so long he disgustedl! gets in the car ahead o. !ou and is i%3atientl! &aiting .or !ou to co%e out2 )(% so glad that earl! in our %arriage 'od 3ut into %! %ind2 the idea o. letting ?harles 0e a gentle%an2 -nd o.tenti%es/ it(s our .ault/ !ou +no&/ that our %en are not gentle%en2 <&o da!s a.ter &e &ere %arried in $ia%i/ &e drove 1/2"" %iles to our ho%e in Houston &hich ) had never seen2 We drove into the !ard and around the drive&a!2 ?harles sto33ed the car/ got out/ o3ened the gates/ got 0ac+ into the car/ drove the car ahead/ sto33ed/ got out/ shut the gates/ got 0ac+ into the car and drove it into the garage2 <hen he got out and ca%e around on %! side o. the car and o3ened the door2 <his &as Cust 3er.ect/ 0ecause ) .elt so utterl! .e%inine and loved and 3rotected/ and ?harles .elt so %asculine and 3rotective2 <hen ca%e the second da! ) &as in %! ne& ho%e2 We &ent out/ and did a little sho33ing and &hen &e ca%e 0ac+ ) .li33ed out o. the car real 43

Iuic+l! and o3ened the one side o. the gate2 <hen as ) turned to &al+ to o3en the other side/ ) loo+ed at ?harles &ho had gotten out o. the car to o3en the%2 He &as crushedB His %outh didn(t sa! a &ord/ 0ut his .ace said/ ,Hone!/ ) &ant to ta+e care o. !ou2 Won(t !ou let %e 0e a gentle%anA4 Would !ou li+e .or %e to tell !ou &hat ) didA ) &al+ed right over to the gate ) had o3ened/ ) didn(t sa! a &ord to ?harles/ 0ut ) shut it/ and then ) ran 0ac+ to the car/ got in/ shut the door and sat there as .e%inine as an!thing !ou ever sa&2 ?harles got the %essage2 He straightened his shoulders/ o3ened 0oth gates/ drove the car through/ got out/ shut the gates/ drove into the garage/ o3ened the door .or %e and let %e out and al%ost 0ro+e %! ri0s hugging %eB -nd ) ho3e !ou are interested in +no&ing that ) have never o3ened the car door since that da! and ) never intend to2 ) &ouldn(t de3rive %! 0eloved hus0and o. one o. the greatest 3rivileges a %an has E that o. 0eing the strong one in the .a%il!2 <he Bi0le sa!s/ ,Love is never haught! or sel.ish or rude24 -nd ho& rude can a &i.e 0e &hen she doesn(t let her hus0and 0e the gentle%an he &ants to 0eA #n the other hand/ ho& rude can a hus0and 0e &hen he doesn(t sho& enough love .or his &i.e to 0e concerned as to &hether or not she even gets in the car &hen the! arc going so%e3laceA ?harles al&a!s treats %e li+e a 3recious .lo&er and he doesn(t &ant the 3etals to get crushed E ->D ) L#9F )<B -nd it(s a%aHing ho& %an! 3eo3le notice the &a! he treats %e2 44

>ot long ago &e had returned .ro% a tour and sto33ed at a local store &hich is neDt door to the cleaners2 ?harles said/ ,Do !ou %ind i. ) go to the cleaners &hile !ou(re at the storeA4 ) said/ ,>o/ hone!/ that(s o+a!24 *o he got out o. the car/ o3ened the door and hel3ed %e out2 He held %! ar% as &e &al+ed to the door o. the store &here he o3ened the door/ then said/ ,)(ll 0e 0ac+ in Cust a cou3le o. %inutes/ as soon as ) get the cleaning24 <his is 3er.ectl! nor%al &ith us at all ti%es2 -s ) &ent to the counter/ there &as a !oung %an a0out eighteen or nineteen !ears o. age &ho loo+ed at %e ver! 3uHHled and as+ed/ ,)s that !our old %anA4 ) laughed and said/ ,<hat(s %! hus0and i. that(s &hat !ou %ean24 <hen he said/ ,) don(t 0elieve it2 Peo3le Cust don(t act li+e that an!%ore2 Does he do that all the ti%eA4 ) said/ ,*ure/ he does that all the ti%e24 -nd the +id loo+ed utterl! a%aHed 0ecause he couldn(t 0elieve that %arried 3eo3le still treated each other li+e that2 -0out three &ee+s later &e &ent in the sa%e 7= 11 *tore2 <he !oung %an &as &or+ing again and &hen ?harles o3ened the door .or %e/ he said/ ,Here co%e the loversB4 <hen he added/ ,He(s still o3ening the door .or !ou2 <hat(s reall! coolB4 <he neDt ti%e ) &ent in %! daughter &as &ith %c instead o. %! hus0and/ and the !oung %an said/ ,Where(s the old %anA4 ) told hi% he &as at &or+/ and he turned to the girl &or+ing &ith hi% and said/

45

,<hat(s the one E the one &hose old %an o3ens the car door .or her all the ti%e24 8ust the other da! &e &ent in the store and a ne& girl said/ ,-re !ou the one &hose hus0and al&a!s o3ens the car doorA4 Loo+ at the chain reaction caused 0! the .act that %! hus0and is a gentle%an/ and ) let hi% 0e oneB *o%eti%es &e thin+ it(s .un to Co+e or +id in a critical %anner/ 0ut %a! ) sa! this is eIual to ta+ing a dose o. %arital 3oison i. !ou(re not care.ulA What %a! sound .unn! toda! %ight not sound hal. as .unn! a !ear .ro% toda!2 <&o !ears .ro% toda! the sa%e critical co%%ent %ight end u3 as grounds .or divorce2 )(ve heard cou3les a..ectionatel! call each other 3et na%es and in a .e& !ears the 3et 0eca%e a tiger &ith nast! cla&s2 -n in=the=0eginning loving re%ar+ such as/ ,Frances is such a slo0/ 0ut ) love her an!&a!/ could turn into 0e a nast! cutting re%ar+/ ,Gou slo0/ can(t !ou ever +ee3 this house cleanA4 0e.ore the end o. a !ear &as out2 B! the end o. the second !ear/ instead o. 0eing called 0! na%e/ !ou %ight end u3 Cust 0eing called/ ,He!/ slo0B4 )t %ight sound .unn! the .irst ti%e/ 0ut let %e assure !ou these +inds o. things do not sound nearl! as .unn! as %arriage &ears on2 ) have heard &o%en tell things a0out their hus0ands that %ight have 0een laugha0le at that instant/ 0ut &hich )(% sure cut their hus0ands to the Iuic+2 *o%eti%es these involve *ituations &here &e are not at our 0est .or a %o%ent2 <he other 3artner should never reCoice at a cutting/ hurting situation2 Because &hen 'od %ade us one/ &hen 46

so%ething hurts one o. us/ it should auto%aticall! hurt the t&o o. us/ since &e are actuall! one. ) a% recalling a %an &hose &i.e %ade a %ista+e in their chec+0oo+ 5&ho hasn(tA: and he %ade a state%ent in 3u0lic that ,*he is so stu3id she couldn(t even add t&o and t&o24 #ver the !ears his co%%ents a0out her stu3idit! continued until she &as thoroughl! convinced that she &as stu3id and could never ho3e to 0e an!thing else2 *he al%ost ended u3 in a %ental institution Cust 0ecause o. a cutting re%ar+ &hich sounded .unn! the .irst ti%e it &as said/ 0ut got to 0e a %onster in their %arriage2 5For the records/ the! are no& divorced 0ecause o. her ,stu3idit!4 E and he %arried another ,stu3id4 &o%an2: )s this &hat 'od calls us .orA He sa!s love does not reCoice at &rong/ 0ut reCoices in the right2 -nd 0elieve it or not/ this co%es under the heading o. courtes!2 )sn(t it co%%on courtes! to our %ates to reCoice in their acco%3lish%ents/ and sorro& &ith the% &hen so%ething goes &rongA ). &e are trul! one ho& can it 0e other&iseA *o%eti%es a situation occurs &here one 3artner is 3ut in a 3osition o. 0eing %ore outstanding/ clever/ talented or &itt! than the other2 <he attention o. the &orld 5%eaning !our .riends and neigh0ors: is turned co%3letel! on the one outstanding 3artner2 What ha33ens to the other 3artnerA Does the one 3artner reCoice 0ecause he is getting all the attention or does he 0ring out the outstanding Iualities o. his not=so=outstanding 3artnerA ) have seen cou3les do this/ and it thrills %e2 ) love these trul! outstanding %en &ho 47

constantl! %ention the tre%endous Iualities o. their &ives2 Love doesn(t reCoice at one 3artner 0eing su0%erged &hile the other one rises u32 Love reCoices &hen t&o 3eo3le/ 0ecause the! are one/ rise together2 by Charles ,)n res3onse to all He has done .or us/ let us outdo each other in 0eing hel3.ul and +ind to each other and in doing good24 <hat(s &hat is said a0out courtes! in He0re&s 1"6242 *o%e&here ) have read that 'od created us &ith a desire to do good and ) .eel that &ithin all %en this 0asic desire eDists &hich is reall! signi.icantl! eD3ressed in 0eing courteous to those &e love2 ) +no& ) have a 0uilt=in desire to 0e courteous at ever! o33ortunit! and ) don(t .eel that ) a% a 0it di..erent than an! other average %an2 Being courteous is Cust si%3l! 0eing loving2 'od said to love our &i.e or hus0and2 He even &ent so .ar as to co%%and us to love our neigh0ors1 and then .urther/ even to love the unlovel!2 Ho& can &e sho& love &ithout sho&ing courtes!A ?ourtes! is eD3ressed in the .or% o. good %anners/ and to have good %anners &e should *trive to learn &a!s to eD3ress this to others2 )n Lu+e 14626 are listed the %ost 3recious 3ossessions +no&n to %an6 ,-n!one &ho &ants to 0e $! .ollo&er %ust love $e .ar %ore than he does his o&n .ather/ %other/ &i.e/ children/ 0rothers/ or sisters=!es/ %ore than his o&n li.e E other&ise he cannot 0e $! disci3le24 >eDt to 8esus Hi%sel. %! &i.e is the %ost 3recious 3earl that eDists and ) &ant 48

to cherish/ 3olish/ 3rotect and love that 3earl o. great 3rice2 >ever do ) &ant to treat her &ith an!thing short o. %! ver! 0est/ &hich includes ever! courtes! ) can .ind to give her2 For the %en here are Cust a .e& little courtesies &hich lift u3 !our &i.e &hen !ou eDercise the% enthusiasticall!/ in love/ and Cust 0ecause !ou &ant to6 Ho& a0out 0eing as regular as 3ossi0le in the ti%e !ou co%e ho%e .ro% &or+ at nightA #r calling 0e.ore !ou leaveA #r i. !ou are going to 0e late/ giving her a short callA Ho& a0out Cotting in !our date 0oo+ or %a+ing a note so%e&here that &ill not let !ou .orget an i%3ortant date or event %eaning.ul to herA Ho& a0out thin+ing t&ice E 0e.ore !ou 0u! a ne& set o. gol. clu0s/ or ne& .ishing tac+le E &hat could this 0e used .or i. ) s3ent this on so%ething she &ould li+eA Ho& a0out +ee3ing !our 3ro%ise &hen !ou sa!/ ,)(ll ta+e neDt *aturda! o.. and &e &ill go on a 3icnic or sho33ing togetherA4 7ee3 .ro% letting other things or 3eo3le/ eDce3t in unusual circu%stances/ .ro% 0eco%ing %ore i%3ortant than the one &ho %eans %ost in !our li.e2 Ho& a0out Cust 0eing consistent 0! telling her in &ords and actions that !ou love her %ore than an!thing else in this &orldA Ho& a0out shaving and 3utting on !our 0est a.tershave lotion and shar3ening !our loo+s on !our da! o.. so she can see !ou at !our 0est/ even i. !our 0est that da! calls .or &or+ clothesA

Be courteous and do the things she &ants done around the house &hich !ou 3ut o.. 0ecause !ou are too 0us!2 Ho& a0out ta+ing her out o.ten i. she li+es to do that and treating her li+e the %ost i%3ortant lad! in !our &orldA Ho& a0out volunteering to ta+e her sho33ing/ or suggesting in the %iddle o. the !ear that !ou get so%ething s3ecial Cust .or herA Ho& a0out as+ing her &hat she &ould li+e to do so%e evening/ instead o. s3ending the &hole evening reading the 3a3er or &atching <9A Ho& a0out giving her a hand &ith the children &ithout co%3laining E and doing it all the ti%eA Ho& a0out al&a!s o3ening the car door and seeing to it that she(s inside 0e.ore !ou &al+ around2 and get inA -nd ho& a0out al&a!s o3ening the car door and letting her out o. the carA For the Wo%en Ho& a0out not interru3ting hi% &hen he(s tal+ing/ even i. !ou thin+ !ou can tell the stor! 0etter than he canA Ho& a0out .iDing his .avorite dinner tonight &ith all the little eDtras he enCo!s to go along &ith itA Ho& a0out s3ending a &hole da! cleaning u3 the s3are 0edroo% &hich is al&a!s a %essA 8esus ca%e to 0e a servant2 Ho& a0out &aiting on !our hus0and .or all his &ants and desires .or a &ee+A <hen see ho& %uch longer !ou(ll &ant to do Cust that2

5"

Ho& a0out sta!ing o.. the tele3hone around the su33er hour so he can call !ou and let !ou +no& &hen he(s co%ing ho%eA Ho& a0out restricting !our tele3hone calls to a .e& %inutes at night &hen he(s ho%eA ). !ou have a lot to sa! to a .riend/ call her 0ac+ in the %orning2 Ho& a0out getting rid o. that 3ile o. un=ironed clothes/ or 3utting a&a! all the &ashingA Ho& a0out ta+ing ti%e out right no& to do the little %ending Co0s he(s as+ed !ou to do on his clothesA Ho& a0out 3utting !our hus0and .irst 0e.ore !our children and letting hi% +no& he co%es .irstA Ho& a0out having a good listening ear &hen he co%es ho%e .ro% &or+A Ho& a0out 3ouring !our love into !our hus0and instead o. giving too %uch o. it to !our children=or grandchildrenA

51

Be Considerate
0! Frances Fver! single consideration in this 0oo+ goes right 0ac+ to &hat the Bi0le sa!s2 ,Love does not de%and its o&n &a!2 )n other &ords/ 0e considerate o. !our 3artner2 -nd %arriage is al&a!s a t&o=&a! street2 ?onsideration is necessar! on the 3art o. 0oth 3ersons2 ?harles and ) .ound out even 0e.ore &e &ere %arried/ that 0oth o. us love to give2 )n learning this secret/ &e learned that the secret o. living is giving2 Put the desires o. !our %ate .irst2 )t isn(t i%3ortant to %e &hat ) do/ 0ut is it i%3ortant to %e that the desires o. ?harles( heart 0e satis.ied2 B! the sa%e to+en/ he .eels the sa%e &a!/ and it %a+es ever! situation so %uch easier to handle as it co%es u32 Here are so%e o. the little things that ca%e u3 earl! in our %arriage/ and &hich &ere Iuic+l! resolved 0ecause &e 3ut the &ishes o. the other one .irst2 ) have never 0een the &orld(s greatest house+ee3er2 -s a %atter o. .act/ ) %ight &in a 3riHe .or 0eing a %isera0le one2 For %an! !ears ) eDcused %!sel. .or ) reasoned that ) &or+ed so %uch B Cust didn(t have ti%e to ta+e care o. the house&or+2 -n!&a!/ the dirt &ould 0e there long a.ter ) &as gone2 ?harles( .avorite verse at that ti%e &as/ ,Gou are dust/ and to dust !ou shall return4 5'enesis 361 :2 ) re%e%0er ho& %an! ti%es ) have Cu%3ed out o. 0ed in the %orning/ gotten dressed to go to &or+ and said to %!sel./ ,)(ll let the 0ed air out toda!/ 0ecause ) don(t .eel li+e %a+ing it u3 52

right a&a!24 <hen &hen ) got ho%e that night ) &ould sa!/ ,<here(s no 3oint in %a+ing u3 the 0ed no& 0ecause it(s al%ost ti%e to go to 0ed24 *o the onl! ti%e the 0ed got %ade &as &hen the %aid ca%e on Frida! and changed the sheetsB Fran+l!/ ) don(t li+e house&or+2 For !ears/ )(ve said ) never did li+e it2 -nd .or !ears ) said ) never &ouldB But do !ou +no& &hat ) discoveredA ?harles li+e the house i%%aculate at all ti%esB @gh222&hat &as ) going to doA Was ) going to %aintain %! individualit! and sa!/ ,)(ve never 0een a good house+ee3er and ) never &ill 0e4A Gou had 0etter 0elieve ) did not2 ) said/ ,Lord/ Gou +no& ho& %uch ) hate house&or+/ so &ould Gou 3lease 3ut a desire in %! heart to &ant to +ee3 this house cleanA4 -nd then ) added/ ,-nd Lord/ &ould Gou 3lease sho& %e ho& to do the Co0 e..icientl! and Iuic+l!/ 0ecause Gou +no& ho& %uch ) love ?harles and ho& ) &ant to 3lease hi%24 >o&/ it didn(t all ha33en at one ti%e2 First/ 'od 3ut a 0roo% in %! hand2 <hen/ little 0! little 'od 0egan to sho& %e ho& to +ee3 the house i%%aculate at all ti%es2 With no .eeling o. 3ressure at all/ ) discovered it is Cust as eas! to %a+e the 0ed Iuic+l! as it is several hours later2 ) also discovered that it(s %uch easier to +ee3 all !our cos%etics neat and tid! than it is to let the% get in a 0ig %ess on the counter in the 0athroo%2 ) have learned as ) use each ite% o. cos%etics to 3ut it i%%ediatel! 0ac+ &here it 0elongs2 )(ve learned to ta+e a0out three seconds/ &hen ) leave the 0athroo% a.ter dressing/ to %a+e sure that nothing 53

is le.t in there to detract .ro% the attractiveness o. the roo%2 )t ta+es t&o %ore seconds to %a+e sure that ever!thing is &here it should 0e2 ) also have learned to instantl! 3ut %! shoes a&a! &hen ) ta+e the% o.. instead o. letting the% sit in the %iddle o. the roo% to 0e 3ic+ed u3 5%a!0e: at a later ti%e2 )(ve also learned that &hen ) ta+e o.. %! 0edroo% sli33ers ) can i%%ediatel! sli3 the% into the closet &here the! 0elong/ instead o. letting the% sit so%e&here else2 ) have also learned to .old clothes the %inute the! co%e out o. the dr!er and 3ut the% a&a! right then2 )(ve also learned to get u3 .ro% the ta0le and instantly 3ut the dishes in the dish&asher/ clean u3 the sin+/ stove/ etc2 )(ve also discovered the secret o. 3ic+ing u3 things that accidentall! get 3ut do&n/ and returning the% to their 3ro3er 3lace2 Fven %ore i%3ortant/ )(ve learned not to 3ut the% do&n accidentall!/ 0ut to 3ut things &here the! 0elong right o.. the 0at2 ) have learned to do things instantl! instead o. 3utting the% o.. 0ecause ) don(t li+e to do the%2 )t(s a%aHing ho& %uch .resher and cleaner !our %ind is &hen it is not all 0ogged do&n &ith things !ou have to do/ 0ut hate to do2 ) have also learned ho& to get the %eals read! &ithout creating havoc in the +itchen2 5-s+ 'od to teach !ou the sa%e thing/ )t(s a%aHing ho& %an! 0usinesses He is in2: ) have learned ho& to sit do&n at the dinner ta0le and have the +itchen loo+ as though ) had not coo+ed a single thing2 -s a %atter o. .act/ &hen ) get u3 in the %orning/ the .irst thing ) as+ 'od a.ter our initial 54

greeting is to reall! hel3 %e .l! through %! %orning chores so ) can 0e read! to .ace the &orld at a reasona0le hour &ith all %! little duties 0ehind %e2 -nd o. course/ since ) al&a!s as+ the Lord &hat &e ought to have .or dinner/ ) don(t have to s3end a lot o. ti%e thin+ing a0out that2 Because %! ti%e is at such a 3re%iu%/ and 0ecause &e live Iuite a distance .ro% the store/ ) do %! grocer! sho33ing once a &ee+ and save 0oth ti%e and %one! on car eD3enses 0! sho33ing this &a!2 )t(s a%aHing ho& %uch %ore ti%e !ou have .or ever!thing &hen !ou do this E 3lus the .act that it 3leases %! hus0and &hen things run e..icientl!2 -nd )(ve discovered that +ee3ing house is .un 0esides2 <here are so %an! little areas &here consideration can 0e sho&n i. &e &ould Cust ta+e ti%e to realiHe it2 #ne o. the things ) thin+ is ver! i%3ortant is to 0e dressed &hen %! hus0and co%es ho%e2 -.ter a %an is out in the 0usiness &orld all da!/ i. he co%es ho%e to a &i.e &ho loo+s li+e she has had the sa%e clothes on .or a &ee+/ it(s not the %ost a33ealing sight in the &orld2 When ) +no& it(s close to ,?harles ti%e/4 ) al&a!s chec+ %! %a+eu3 to 0e sure ) loo+ .resh and clean2 ) ta+e a good loo+ at %! hair and %a+e sure it(s in good sha3e2 -0ove all else/ ) %a+e sure that &hatever out.it ) have on loo+s right2 When ) greet hi% at the door/ i. ) have had an a3ron on/ ) Iuic+l! ta+e o.. the a3ron so that he sees %e at %! 0est &hen he gets the .irst gli%3se o. %e a.ter a da! at the o..ice2 $a!0e he doesn(t even notice it/ 0ut ) have .resh cologne or 3er.u%e on &hen he co%es

55

ho%e/ too/ 0ecause ) &ant hi% to have so%ething interesting &aiting .or hi%2 #.ten &hen ) counsel/ &o%en co%3lain a0out the .act that their hus0ands don(t co%e ho%e .ro% &or+ as .ast as the! could and ) al&a!s as+ the%/ ,What do the! have to co%e ho%e toA )s it interesting and a33ealing/ eDciting and res3onsiveA4 <he reason %en don(t hurr! ho%e .ro% &or+ is o.ten 0ecause the! don(t li+e &hat(s &aiting .or the% there2 -nd ) certainl! &ouldn(t li+e to hurr! ho%e to a &i.e &ho hasn(t dressed u3 to loo+ her ver! 0est .or %e/ i. ) &ere a %an2 ?harles does so %an! little things to sho& his consideration .or %c that ) .ind it hard to list the% all2 Because )(% on %! .eet so %uch o. the ti%e/ ) &ear s3ecial nurses( shoes &hich have to 0e tied2 Believe it or not/ %! darling hus0and al&a!s +ee3s %! shoes s3ar+ling &hite and &hen ) 3ut the% on each da!/ he ties the%B <his is onl! a little thing/ 0ut it(s a ver! s3ecial thing to %e/ not 0ecause ) can(t tie %! o&n shoes/ 0ut 0ecause ) +no& he(s not thin+ing he(s too good to do it2 )n that %o%ent &hen he +neels to tie %! shoes/ he sa!s/ ,) love !ou4 %ore than &ords could ever sa! E it sho&s %c there isn(t an!thing in the &orld he &ouldn(t 2do .or %e2 ). %en &ould Cust learn to realiHe ho& %uch these little/ loving gestures %ean to their &ivesB -nd no& )(ll let !ou in on a secret girls2 When ?harles ties %! shoes/ ) al&a!s 3lant a 0ig s%ac+ on his 0ald headB ) .orgot to %ention &hat ?harles does in the +itchen2 $an! %en thin+ the!(re too %asculine to 56

hel3 in the +itchen 0ecause ,that(s &o%an(s &or+24 ?harles discovered that 0ecause &e are one it(s not sissi.ied to 0e in the +itchen &ith %e &hen &e get read! to clear the ta0le a.ter su33er2 He doesn(t .eel he(s too good to Iuic+l! rinse the dishes o.. and hel3 %e get out o. the +itchen/ 0ecause he doesn(t li+e to s3end ti%e a&a! .ro% %e2 We have so%e o. our %ost eDciting discussions a0out the da!(s activities as &e clear the dishes and clean the +itchen .or the night2 )t gives %e %ore ti%e to s3end &ith hi% during the evening/ doing the things &e li+e to do together2 ?harles is al&a!s considerate o. %! 3h!sical condition2 ). he thin+s )(% tired/ he sees to it that ) get to 0ed earl!/ and he %a+es sure that/ nothing &ill distur0 %e i. ) ha33en to 0e overl!=tired and need additional slee32 He doesn(t hesitate to ta+e the s3read o.. the 0ed i. he gets into the 0edroo% .irst/ and neither do )2 Because he is the earl! riser in our .a%il!/ he sees to it that he(s in and out o. the sho&er 0e.ore ) a% read! to get in2 ?harles does not eD3ect %e to 0e his 3ersonal %aid &ho runs a.ter hi% cleaning u3 the %ess he %a+es2 When he .inishes sho&ering and shaving/ the 0athroo% is i%%aculate and not a %ess .or %e to clean u32 *o %an! ti%es these little things arc the source o. the greatest irritation unless &e a33roach the% all in a 3ositive vein2 Well/ no&/ ho& a0out the to3 o. the tooth3aste tu0eA Does he leave it o../ and do !ou do a slo& 0urn 0ecause o. itA #r does she leave it o../ and then &hen !ou go to use it the neDt %orning/ there(s so%e trace o. her rouge right across the end o. the 57

tu0eA *o%eti%es these little irritations o. li.e can 0e easil! solved 0! learning to 3ut the to3 on the tooth3aste2 <hat(s reall! not a %aCor 3roCect i. !ou love !our s3ouse enough2 -nd rather than have endless .ights a0out it/ &h! not 0u! t&o tu0esA -nd then one o. !ou can 0e a slo0 and the other one doesn(t have to &orr! a0out it2 ) +no& a cou3le &ho al%ost got a divorce 0ecause she &as so irritated 0! his leaving the to3 o.. the tooth3aste2 Does he ta+e o.. his clothes and dro3 the% right there and eD3ect !ou to 3ic+ the% u3A Well/ one o. t&o things can ha33en2 Gou can 3ic+ the% u3 and love it and charge it o.. to one o. his endearing little ha0its/ or he %ight discover 5li+e ) did: that it(s %uch easier and %ore considerate to hang the% u3 &hen he ta+es the% o../ or 3ut the% in the dirt! clothes ha%3er2 While 0oth ?harles and ) %aintain our o&n individual 3ersonalities/ &e 0elieve that 0ecause 'od %ade us one! &e should act li+e it and never let our %arriage get lo3sided2 ?harles ha33ens to li+e .or %e to go to 0ed &hen he goes to 0ed2 $a!0e he has had a harder da! at the o..ice than ) have had at ho%e2 $a!0e ) got to slee3 a cou3le o. &in+s longer in the %orning than he did/ and )(% not reall! read! to go to 0ed2 But ) +no& ?harles &ants %e at his side &hen he goes to 0ed/ so do !ou +no& &hat ) doA ) go to 0ed2 >o& i. ) don(t get to slee3 Iuite as .ast as he does/ ) s3end the rest o. the ti%e 3ra!ing and tal+ing to 'od and Cust %editating/ 0ut )(% right &here ) should 0e E alongside %! hus0and2 $an! &ives sit u3 late &atching <92 $an! %arriages &ould 0e a lot %ore eDciting i. the &ives realiHed that their 58

hus0ands li+e to have the% 0eside the% &hen the! go to 0ed2 Ho& a0out the groceries &hen !ou go to the storeA ?harles al&a!s carries the% into the house2 >ot that ) a% not ca3a0le/ 0ut he(s stronger than ) a%/ and lots o. ti%es the 0ags are heav!2 )t(s Cust a little thing/ 0ut as ) have indicated/ it(s the little things that reall! count u32 -nd here(s a good su0Cect E %one!B -re !ou reall! considerate o. the &a! !ou s3end !our %one!A $ost %en &or+ hard and &hen the! .ind their &ives s3ending it .oolishl!/ it doesn(t set &ell &ith the%2 'irls/ &e could all ta+e a .e& lessons in ho& to s3end %ore &isel! the %one! our hus0ands earn2 Did !ou ever thin+ a0out as+ing 'od 0e.ore !ou %a+e a 3urchaseA )t(s a%aHing ho& good a Co0 He can do &ith !our %one!/ and ho& He can cur0 that unnecessar! s3ending2 Li+e all &o%en/ ) li+e to 0u! so%ething unnecessar! once in a &hile/ 0ut )(ve learned that i. ) sa!/ ,'od/ is this necessar!A4 'od reall! ans&ers %e Iuic+l!2 )(ve saved a lot o. %one! this &a!2 'od &ill 3rovide our ever! need E the Bi0le sa!s so/ 0ut 'od doesn(t sa! He &ill 3rovide .or all our .oolish s3ending2 Let(s start de3ending on Hi% a little %ore/ shall &eA *ince %! 0eloved hus0and is a ?P- he has a %uch %ore orderl! %ind than ) have2 -nd one o. the things ) .ound out &as the .act that he li+es to 0e on ti%e2 We have had a lot o. give and ta+e in our %arriage and &e have 0oth learned to do a lot o. things di..erentl! than &e used to2 Where ) used to .l! around at the last %inute hecticall! 5

getting read! to catch a 3lane/ ) discovered this could 0e a great source o. irritation to ?harles2 *o ) Cust %anage to get things organiHed a little 0it 0etter and &e have 0een getting to the air3ort a hal.=hour earl! these da!s2 Because 'od %ade us one/ &e should have a oneness in desires2 But again it(s a Iuestion o. &hether &e thin+ &e should %aintain our individualit! or &hether &e are reall! tr!ing to %a+e %arriage &hat 'od intended it to 0e2 -nd heaven hel3 the &or+ing %an .ro% co%ing ho%e to a 3er3etual gri3er2 <here isn(t an!thing &orse to greet a %an &hen he co%es ho%e .ro% &or+ than a &o%an &ho gri3es a0out all the terri0le things that ha33ened during the da!2 ). !ou have a gri3e to %a+e/ &ait until his tu%%! is .ull o. a good dinner !ou have 3re3ared/ and then %a+e it in love2 But give hi% a chance to get a&a! .ro% the 3ro0le%s o. his 0usiness li.e &hen he gets ho%e/ &ithout having to dread the .irst sentence !ou(re going to sa! 0ecause it(s a negative idea2 'od sa!s not to &orr! a0out the ,cares o. li.e/4 and i. !ou &ill %a+e !our %arriage 3ositive it(s a%aHing ho& the negative things &ill Iuic+l! disa33ear2 What good is it going to do i. !ou gri3e 0ecause the gar0age %en didn(t ta+e the trash toda!A )s that going to %a+e !our %arriage %ore success.ulA )s all the gri3ing in the &orld going to re%ove that trash 0e.ore the %en co%e around againA )s it going to %a+e !our %arriage %ore eDciting and gla%orousA )s it going to give !ou %ore ti%e to gro& u3 in ?hristA Little dail! irritations li+e gri3ing can 0eco%e a tool o. the

6"

devil to +ee3 !ou .ro% tal+ing a0out the things that &ill %a+e !our %arriage loving and eDciting2 Well/ no&/ ) &onder &hat ?harles is going to sa! on this su0CectB -.ter reading &hat ) said a0out hi%/ )(% convinced he(s the considerate one in our house/ and ) &onder &hat he(s going to .ind to sa! a0out &hat ) do to sho& hi% considerationB By Charles We &ere discussing at church recentl! &hat it %eans to 0e totall! dedicated to 8esus ?hrist2 ) love the &a! it is stated in Lu+e 14626/336 ,). an!one co%es to $e/ and does not hate his o&n .ather and %other and &i.e and children and 0rothers and sisters/ !es/ and even his o&n li.e/ he cannot 0e $! disci3le222 *o there.ore/ no one o. !ou can 0e $! disci3le &ho does not give u3 all his o&n 3ossessions24 When 'od(s Hol! *3irit .irst sho&ed %e the %eaning o. this/ ) &as 5and still a%: searching .or ever! &a! ) could .ind to release all o. %! li.e to 8esus .or His .ull and co%3lete control2 ) read and reread this *cri3ture and as+ed 'od to reveal its .ull %eaning to %e2 <hen it ca%e through loud and clear2 ) .irst realiHed that the things 8esus na%ed 5our .a%il!: are the %ost 3riHed earthl! 3ossessions &e can have2 <hen ) &ondered &h! He said &e %ust hate the%2 *o ) as+ed 'od again &hat He %eant and Iuic+l! it ca%e to %e that the greatest distance 0et&een an! t&o 3oints is the distance 0et&een love and hate2 <his %eant that all 8esus &as as+ing o. %e &as to love Hi% %ore than %! greatest 3ossession E that %! love .or Hi% had to 0e 61

as .ar a0ove %! love .or Frances as love &as .ro% hate2 What does all this have to do &ith +ee3ing !our %arriage eDcitingA )t is %arvelous ho& &e can have a greater love .or our &i.e or hus0and i. this love .irst .lo&s through 8esus2 <his %a+es it a 3ure/ health!/ &onder.ul love and it %a+es it 3ossi0le to love our %ate &ith all our heart/ %ind/ soul and 0od! and at the sa%e ti%e love 8esus the sa%e &a!/ onl! to a greater degree2 *o i. &e 3ut our &i.e .irst in all o. our lives/ through 8esus/ then &e &ill 0e eager to 0e considerate o. all her desires2 ) thin+ it(s %arvelous ho& 'od arranged .or us to love Hi% %ost and still let us love our %ates %ost/ tooB -t the ti%e ) a% &riting this cha3ter/ Frances is t&elve hundred %iles a&a! on a nine=da! tour/ one o. the .e& ti%es &here 'od has not allo&ed %e to acco%3an! her2 Because ) had ta+en %! e!es o.. o. 8esus and 3ut the% on %!sel./ ) &as .eeling sorr! .or %!sel. that ) &as not along &ith her/ sharing in the eDcite%ent o. her tri32 #ne o. the things a0out Frances that ) a33reciate the %ost is her consideration o. %! .eelings/ and her concern .or %e &hen she can see that ) a% not u3 &here ) should 0e2 *he al&a!s calls %e &hen she has to 0e a&a!/ and even i. it is 0et&een 3lanes/ she 3hones %e Cust .or a .e& %inutes to let %c +no& she loves %e2 8ust the .act that she is on the loo+out .or tele3hone 0ooths lets %e +no& that she is thin+ing a0out %e2 -nd she al&a!s calls %e the last thing at night 0e.ore she goes to 0ed2 Well/ she called/ and it didn(t ta+e her %uch ti%e to detect the loneliness in %! voice and &ords2 62

-lso it didn(t ta+e %e long to con.ess to her a0out %! de3ressed .eeling2 Fven though it &as late at night and she needed slee3/ she too+ the last ounce o. her energ! and 3u%3ed it into %e and %ade %e .eel so co%3letel! loved2 ) s3ent the neDt da! and night 3utting %! e!es 0ac+ on 8esus and ta+ing the% o.. %!sel.2 Frances &as concerned a0out %! de3ressed .eeling/ and even though &e had discussed it 0e.ore she le.t that &e &ould tr! to hold our dail! calls do&n to a reasona0le length/ she +ne& ho& i%3ortant it &as to %c to have ti%e &ith her on the tele3hone/ to tal+/ to 3ra!/ to love2 *he called %c *aturda! a.ternoon to tal+ .or a .e& %o%ents2 *aturda! night she called %e again to share the eDcite%ent o. the da!2 <he &onder.ul at%os3here o. 'od(s 3o&er at &or+ in 3eo3les( lives so 3er%eated the tele3hone &ires that ) .elt al%ost li+e ) had s3ent the da! &ith her2 *unda! %orning the 3hone rang again/ and in her concern .or %! &ell=0eing/ she had ta+en ti%e out .ro% her 0us! schedule/ Cust to re%ind %e that she loved %c2 $! e!es &ere going 0ac+ to 8esus/ and each one o. these calls hel3ed2 <hen *unda! a.ternoon &hen ) certainl! didn(t eD3ect a call/ she s3ent %ore %one! and ti%e to tal+ to %e again2 Gou see/ she &as so considerate/ &hen ) reall! needed her/ to s3end a s%all a%ount o. ti%e and %one! to 0e as close to %e as 3ossi0le2 ). &o%en &ould onl! realiHe that even though &e are said to 0e the strong ones in the .a%il!/ &e need/ &ant and thrive on consideration .ro% the ,&ea+er4 one in our .a%il!2

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*ince ) .ind it 0etter 0ecause o. %! nature to go to &or+ earl!/ o.ten ) co%e ho%e eDhausted and reall! too tired to 0e the 3leasant 3erson ) li+e to 0e &ith Frances and 8oanie2 Frances Iuic+l! learned that i. ) sli3 o.. %! shoes and soc+s and lie do&n .lat on %! 0ac+ &ith %! ar%s stretched along %! sides/ ) can go to slee3 .or a0out t&ent! %inutes and &a+e u3 co%3letel! re.reshed and sta! that &a! throughout the evening *he al&a!s has dinner read! &hen ) co%e ho%e .ro% &or+/ and &hen she sees %e tired 5and 0ecause she is considerate o. the &a! ) .eel/ she is o0servant a0out this: she ta+es %e 0! the hand/ leads %e to the 0edroo%/ re%oves %! shoes and soc+s/ or &hile ) a% ta+ing the% o.. she re%oves the 0eds3read/ and &ithin %o%ents she has tuc+ed %e into 0ed/ +isses %e/ turns o.. the lights/ closes the 0lac+out dra3es/ and sli3s out o. the roo% .or the t&ent! %inutes( rest ) need2 -t the end o. the t&ent! %inutes ) can de3end on her to a33ear at %! 0edside and a&a+en %e &ith +isses2 >o& let(s see another &a! she could handle this2 *he could i%%ediatel! give %e so%e anno!ing tas+ to do/ or start telling %e a0out the things she has 3lanned .or the evening2 But 0ecause she is considerate o. %! ever! need and desire/ she doesn(t have a single thing .or %e to do until ) have had the little rest &hich is so vital .or %e2 *he could let %e go and lie do&n 0! %!sel./ 0ut &hat %an doesn(t .eel loved and &anted &hen his &i.e .lu..s u3 the 3illo& .or hi%/ ta+es o.. his shoes/ and tenderl! +isses hi% as he lies do&n2 While %ost %en have a ver! inde3endent nature/ do !ou girls realiHe ho& ver! %uch &e love to 0e catered toA 64

>o %an li+es to co%e ho%e to an e%3t! house2 When on rare occasions ) arrive ho%e and Frances is not there to greet %e/ ) al&a!s have a sin+ing .eeling2 #nce in a great &hile she has tried to 3hone %e and ) a% not availa0le/ and she needs to sli3 a&a! to the store2 ) al&a!s 3hone her &hen ) leave the o..ice/ 0ut i. ) don(t catch her 0! 3hone/ ) can al&a!s de3end on .inding a note telling %e &here she is/ letting %e +no& she tried to reach %e/ and then adding so%e little love note2 ) a33reciate ho& ver! considerate she is to tr! al&a!s to do her sho33ing earl! enough to 0e ho%e to &elco%e %e2 *ounds li+e a little thing/ doesn(t itA But then !ou(ll notice all the things that %a+e a %arriage ha33! are the little things2 ) a% sure that all &ives &ash their hus0ands( clothes/ 0ut do !ou do the little eDtra things that let !our hus0and +no& !ou(re thin+ing a0out hi%A ) &as so sur3rised a.ter Frances and ) &ere .irst %arried to discover that she .olds shorts and undershirts together/ so that all ) have to do is 3ic+ u3 one neat 3ac+age and +no& that 0oth are together2 >o& an!one +no&s it isn(t hard to 3ic+ u3 t&o gar%ents to 3ut on/ 0ut ) thin+ it(s Cust an eDtra eD3ression o. love and consideration to do this s3ecial little thing2 <here are %an! little things in this area/ li+e %atching soc+s/ and 3utting di..erent colors in di..erent 3iles2 8ust a tin! little thing/ 0ut it sho&s consideration2 )(% a ha33! s3lasher &hen ) shave and the 0asin is al&a!s a &et %ess &hen ) .inish2 ) then ta+e the dr! &ash cloth and Iuic+l! dr! the chro%e .iDtures and the counter around the 0asin2 <his all ta+es 65

%a!0e .i.teen seconds2 ). it is le.t &et/ s3ots set and are %uch harder to get o..2 ). ) had to start %! dail! &or+ &ith a dirt! loo+ing area/ it &ould not eDactl! 3ut a s%ile on %! attitude2 *o/ ) &ant Frances to enCo! her .irst encounter o. &hat(s le.t o. %e a.ter ) go to &or+2 What do !ou girls do to +ee3 interested in !our hus0and(s 0usinessA -.ter all/ this is &hat earns a living .or !our .a%il!2 -re !ou considerate enough to even learn the na%es o. his associates/ his associates( &ives/ etc2A )t sur3rised %e ho& Iuic+l! Frances learned the na%es o. all o. %! 3artners and their &ives2 -s &e shared the events o. our da!(s activities she didn(t Cust sho& her interest/ she actuall! &as interested in +no&ing all a0out &hat ha33ened in %! li.e2 Frances al&a!s tries to arrange her &or+ and activities so &e can s3end all the ti%e ) have a&a! .ro% &or+ together/ doing the things &e enCo! together2 ) .ind her the %ost eDciting 3erson in the &orld2 ) thin+ i. ever! cou3le &ould see ho& %an! little considerations the! could give to each other and tr! hard to .ind things to do together/ the! &ould all discover that their %ates are the %ost eDciting 3eo3le in their lives2 <he 3riceless 3earl o. %arriage &ould 0e the %ost 3riceless 3ossession in their lives2 )(% &ith Frances ever! chance ) get 0ecause ) &ant to enCo! %! treasure2 ) have had %an! o33ortunities to o0serve the 3ersonal lives o. cou3les and ) see so%e &ith loving/ eDciting lives and so%e &ho are arguing and 0ic+ering and %a+ing shar3/ cutting re%ar+s to each other2 #ne thing ) al&a!s see in these cou3les is that 66

the ones &ho have the eDciting/ loving/ enCo!a0le lives sho& constant consideration .or each other/ and the ones &ho do not get along are rarel! considerate o. each other2 <here Cust is no dou0t in %! %ind that an! ?hristian cou3le can have an eDciting %arriage i. the! reall! &ant to2 Being considerate is one o. the %ost i%3ortant de%onstrations o. love2 8ust .or .un/ &h! don(t !ou sit do&n right no& and %a+e a list o. areas &here !ou can 0e %ore considerate o. !our s3ouse2 Gou never +no& &hat %ight ha33en as a resultB

67

Be Fun to Live With

by Frances ). !ou had to choose one 3erson to live &ith the rest o. !our li.e/ &ould !ou choose !ouA -re !ou .un to live &ith/ or does !our dis3osition su..er at ti%esA Would !ou honestl! 3ic+ !oursel. to live &ithA ,Love222reCoices in the right4 5) ?orinthians 1366:2 <his *cri3ture has 0een and can 0e ta+en to %ean %an! di..erent things/ 0ut right no& )(ve decided to use it in conCunction &ith the Co! o. %arriage2 Love ,reCoices in the right24 -nd isn(t it right to &ant !our %arriage to 0e ha33!/ and isn(t it right to 0e .un to live &ithA Did !ou ever 3artici3ate in a B)' &eddingA Gou +no& the 3lanning/ 3re3aration/ endless .ittings o. dresses/ tal+s &ith the .lorist/ tal+s &ith the %inister/ tal+s &ith the caterer/ Cust tal+/ tal+/ tal+ &ith ever!0od!2 <hen all o. a sudden the 0ig da! arrives2 Gou go to the church and sit do&n and 0e.ore !ou +no& it/ the 0ride is .luttering do&n the aisle/ and 0e.ore !ou can hardl! get co%.orta0le/ she(s .luttering 0ac+ do&n the aisle and it(s over2 ) &onder ho& %an! o. us have 0een to &eddings and %ade the state%ent/ ,)t see%ed so short E 0e.ore ) +ne& it/ it &as overB4 -nd did it ever da&n on !ou &hat an incorrect state%ent this isA )t isn(t over at all/ it(s Cust 0eginning2 <he! have the Co0 o. living &ith each other .or the neDt .ort! or .i.t! !ears/ and &hen ) sa! ,Co04 ) %ean Cust that/ 0ecause to 0e %arried and to 0e .un to live &ith is a regular Co0 68

and !ou have to go to &or+ ever! da! to 0e success.ul2 ?harles and ) cele0rated our .irst ?hrist%as as hus0and and &i.e in a %ost unusual &a!2 #ur daughter 8oan &as s3ending the holida!s in $ia%i2 *o ?harles and ) decided instead o. coo+ing at ho%e .or Cust the t&o o. us &e &ould go out to a nice restaurant and have an eDciting ti%e Cust tal+ing to each other2 We &ould enCo! all the things &hich go &ith a .estive ?hrist%as dinner &ithout having to go to all the trou0le o. coo+ing the%/ and cleaning u3 a.ter&ards2 $id=a.ternoon &e &ent out and got in the car and %ade a ver! interesting discover!B ?harles discovered that &hen he ca%e ho%e the da! 0e.ore/ he had .orgotten and le.t the 3ar+ing lights on2 -s a result/ the 0atter! &as run do&n/ so the car &ouldn(t start2 <his &asn(t a 3ro0le% 0ecause &e have a second car2 Fven though 8oan/ &ho drives it to school dail!/ said it needed so%e &or+ done on it/ &e +ne& it &as in running condition2 We decided 0ecause o. the 3ossi0ilit! o. trou0le in the second car/ &e &ould 3ush the .irst car out into the street/ then &ith the second car &e &ould get it started/ and 0! running it a little/ the 0atter! &ould 0e 0ac+ u3 high enough .or us to drive &herever &e &ere going2 )t reall! sounded so si%3le/ 0ut it &asn(tB -.ter &e had 0ac+ed %! car out/ ?harles got in his/ ) got in %ine to 3ush hi%/ and neither o. the% &ould start2 ) tried and tried to start %ine/ and then ?harles ca%e 0ac+ to see i. he could start it2 -0out thirt! to .ort!=.ive %inutes later

&e &ere still standing in the %iddle o. our street &ith t&o cars &hich &eren(t &or+ing2 Did !ou ever tr! to get a garage on ?hrist%as da!A <he! Cust aren(t o3en/ and ) don(t 0la%e the%/ so &e didn(t even tr!2 Did &e get %adA We did not2 We loo+ed at each other and said/ ,Praise the Lord/ an!&a!24 We 3ushed the cars as 0est &e could 0ac+ to the cur0/ turned and &al+ed u3 the drive&a! to the house singing/ ,)(% *o 'lad <hat 8esus Loves $e24 ) &ent into the +itchen to see &hat ) could .ind in the re.rigerator to coo+ .or ?hrist%as dinner2 While it %ight not have 0een the usual ?hrist%as t!3e o. dinner/ &e loved it2 ?harles said %an! &ives &ould have !elled at their hus0ands a0out 0eing du%0 and leaving the lights on/ 0ut so%eho& or other ) thought the situation &as hilarious2 Here &e sat/ &ith t&o cars/ and neither car in running condition2 <hin+ o. the tension that could have 0een created in a situation li+e this2 <hin+ o. ho& .rustrated 0oth o. us could have 0een2 <hin+ ho& eas! it %ight have 0een to sa! things that could have s3oiled our .irst ?hrist%as together/ 0ut 0oth ?harles and ) thin+ the other is .un to live &ith and so our .irst ?hrist%as &as .a0ulous/ even though it &as a little uniIue2 Being .un to live &ith can certainl! cut do&n on the te%3er eD3losions in an! ho%e2 -nd &hat good do the! do/ an!&a!A ?harles is not %echanicall! inclined/ to sa! the least2 But then ) don(t +no& o. an!one &ho is 3er.ect in everything! do !ouA ). ) &anted the 0est ?P- in the &orld/ )(d call on %! hus0and2 But i. 7"

so%ething is %echanicall! &rong/ ) &ould call .or so%eone else2 #ne *aturda!/ ) had decided to clean the oven and since )(% tal+ing a0out 3eo3le not 0eing %echanicall! inclined/ ) should %ention %!sel. .irst2 $! intentions are al&a!s good/ 0ut %! a0ilit! is not so good2 ) got so .ar/ then ) got stuc+ and couldn(t get one o. the rac+s out2 ?harles decided to hel3 %e/ even though he had &arned %e not to do the Co0/ 0ut to let so%eone &ho +ne& ho& to &or+ on it2 Well/ &e 3ulled and shoved/ and 3ulled and shoved/ and 3ushed and heaved/ and .inall! 0! the sheer strength o. the t&o o. us/ &e re%oved the trou0leso%e 3art2 We %anaged to get the stove cleaned/ and then &hen &e decided to 3ut things 0ac+ together again/ it Cust didn(t .it2 ?harles could have reall! !elled at %e a0out that ti%e/ 0ecause ) had a0out as3h!Diated us &ith the oven cleaner ) &as using2 He had told %e not to do it in the .irst 3lace2 We +e3t loo+ing at each other and sa!ing/ ,Praise the Lord/ an!&a!24 ) still don(t +no& o. an!thing 0etter in a crisis situation than those .our &ords2 We .inall! got the oven 0ac+ together again/ not 0! our o&n cleverness/ 0ut 0! sheer &ill3o&er and 3ra!er 5%ostl! 3ra!er:2 ?harles and ) 0oth decided &e are not %echanicall! inclined/ so &e(re going to leave that +ind o. &or+ to other 3eo3le2 $a!0e the reason &e %ade that grand state%ent &as one o. the things that ha33ened right a.ter &e &ere %arried2 When ) %oved to Houston and into our house/ a.ter a %onth or so/ ) decided in %! good house&i.el! &a! that &e ought to ta+e the &aD o.. 71

the +itchen .loor 0ecause it &as %uch too thic+2 ) told ?harles that ) thought )(d do this/ and he insisted that he didn(t &ant %c doing such hard &or+2 ) thought he &as tr!ing to 3rotect %e since ) &as a 0ride/ so ) decided to go ahead and ta+e u3 the &aD2 -n!one &ho has ever re%oved thic+/ old &aD .ro% a +itchen .loor 5es3eciall! &hen it is a0out siD inches thic+B: +no&s &hat a horri0le Co0 this is2 Houston is &ar% %ost o. the ti%e and it &asn(t onl! &ar% this da!/ it &as H#<2 ) had 0ought so%e o. this %iracle stu.. that !ou Cust 3ut on the floor! let it sit .or three %inutes/ and then ,&his+ it a&a!4 &ith one little s&i3e o. a da%3 cloth2 ) let it sit .or three %inutes2 >othing ha33enedB ) let it sit .or ten %inutes2 >othing ha33enedB ) let it sit .or thirt! %inutes2 >othing ha33enedB ) .inall! got do&n on %! hands and +nees &ith a hard scru0 0rush to tr! to loosen the &aD &ith this &onder.ul %iracle &aD re%over/ and a.ter a0out t&o hours o. intensive scru00ing/ %! 0ac+ &as 0ro+en/ %! hands .elt li+e the! &ere a0out to .all off! and the .loor &as one 0ig stic+!/ gooe! %ess2 B! this ri%e ) .elt li+e cr!ing 0ecause ) +ne& ?harles &as going to 0e ho%e soon and the +itchen &as the saddest %ess ) have ever seen an!&here2 ) rinsed the sa%e little s3ot a0out t&ent! ti%es and it &as still gooe!2 -0out that ti%e/ ?harles drove u3 and ) ran out to %eet hi%/ all s&eat! and s%ell! instead o. %! usual &a!2 He too+ one loo+ at %e and said/ ,Gou(ve 0een tr!ing to ta+e the &aD o.. the .loor/ haven(t !ouA4

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What could ) sa!A ) had to ad%it it 0ecause there &asn(t an! hiding &hat ) &as doing2 Fven though he +issed %e tenderl!/ )(% sure he &anted to sha+e %c real hard .or not doing as he had as+ed %e to2 <hen he decided the onl! thing to do &as to get a co%%ercial co%3an! to co%e in and do it2 But the neDt da! our %aid ca%e to clean our house and she and ) decided a.ter 3utting our heads together that i. ) rented an electric scru00er &ith a steel 3ad on it/ &e &ould get the &aD o.. the .loor2 *o ) sailed out to get the electric scru00er/ thin+ing ho& 3roud ?harles &ould 0e o. %e/ 0ecause &hen ) called a co%%ercial co%3an!/ the! &anted .i.t! dollars to do a .loor the siHe o. %! +itchen .loor/ and ) thought that &as ridiculous2 ) rented the 0iggest .loor scru00er the! had 0ecause ) +ne& this &ould do the Co0 Iuic+l!/ lugged it out to the car/ drove ho%e/ lugged it out o. the car/ and started to &or+2 ) turned the electricit! on and 0e.ore ) +ne& &hat &as ha33ening/ the scru00er had dragged %e all the &a! across the +itchen/ and 0anged into the +itchen ca0inet/ %a+ing a nice dent %ar+2 ) Iuic+l! turned it o.. and .elt li+e ) had a tiger on %! hands2 B! this ti%e %! daughter had gotten ho%e .ro% school2 We decided &e &ould 0oth hold the scru00er and then turn the s&itch on2 We did222and it al%ost +noc+ed 0oth us u3side do&n/ and again it ran into the ca0inet2 >ot onl! did it run into the ca0inet 5as the %achine &as having a &ild/ %ad ri%e %a+ing un=understanda0le circles all over the 3lace:/ it also slo33ed this %iracle &aD re%over and 3articles o. the so.t &aD

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all over the ca0inetsB 5We(re still tr!ing to get it o..2: We decided a.ter this that the 0ig scru00er Cust &asn(t .or us/ so &e cleaned the 0rushes/ and then lugged it out to the car/ too+ it to the store and rented a %uch s%aller one2 We got ho%e &ith the s%aller one/ con.ident that this &ould reall! do itB <hen &e started2 We could control the s%aller one/ 0ut it &asn(t 3o&er.ul enough to do an!thing2 *o &e ran out to the garage and 0rought in all the hard scru0 0rushes &e could .ind2 $iss $oll!/ our 0eloved %aid/ 8oan and ) all got do&n on our hands and +nees and tried to literall! 3ic+ the &aD o.. &ith our .ingernails2 We scru00ed/ &e scra3ed/ &e groaned/ &e strained/ &e 3ra!ed/ &e rinsed/ &e struggled until ) .elt the entire &orld &as a 0ig glo0 o. gu%%! &aD2 We used steel &ool/ &e used 3aint scra3ers/ &e used ever!thing all o. us could thin+ o.2 'ood old $iss $oll!/ she(s such a &onder.ul ?hristian2 )(% sure i. she hadn(t 0een she &ould have Iuit that da! right on the s3ot2 But &e all +e3t struggling/ tr!ing to get the .loor done2 -.ter a da! o. this/ ) &as so sti.. ) could hardl! %ove/ and &e had to leave earl! the neDt %orning on a &ee+end tri3 to a church/ and ) still couldn(t %ove2 $! 3oor 0od! ached the entire &ee+end2 Well/ &e ca%e ho%e a.ter the &ee+end/ and the .loor had 0egun to sho& so%e signs o. a .e& 3laces 0eing 0ac+ to the natural .loor/ 0ut it &as still an inglorious %ess2 -s ?harles started to &or+ in the %orning he said in that ver! s&eet/ 0ut ver! stern &a! he has/ ,Don(t !ou touch that .loor until ) get ho%e2 Pro%iseA4 ) &asn(t a0out to tr! to do 74

an!thing &ith it 0ecause %! %uscles &ere reall! sore 0! this ti%e/ so ) 3ro%ised not to touch the .loor2 -nd ) didn(tB )n the .irst 3lace/ he didn(t have to &orr! a0out %! doing an!thing 0ecause ) &as so sti.. and sore .ro% the unaccusto%ed hard 3h!sical &or+/ that ) could hardl! 0end over to get %! shoes on2 $! shoulders ached/ %! ar%s ached/ %! legs ached/ %! 0ac+ ached and ) &as generall! a %ess2 When ?harles ca%e ho%e that night/ &e Iuic+l! ate su33er/ then he 3ut on his &or+ clothes and started on the .loor2 His hands are so strong he could acco%3lish a lot %ore than ) ever did2 Fven so it too+ al%ost .our hours .or hi% to get the .loor in 3resenta0le sha3e2 -ll this ti%e/ ) &as concerned that he &ould have a heart attac+ and ) 3ra!ed and 3ra!ed and 3ra!ed as he &or+ed and s&eated and &or+ed and s&eated2 Finall! it &as all done2 But 0e.ore it &as/ ) had %entall! 0een counting the cost6 15 or so cans o. %iracle &aD re%over at K32"" 3er can1 4 large 0oDes o. ,aid to re%oving &aD4 at 7 3er 0oD1 rental o. large and s%all &aDing %achines/ $%.&'( 3urchase o. steel &ool 3ad .or %achine/ 8 2 scru00ing 0rushes &ith hard 0ristles/ K42""1 gas .or three tri3s to the store/ K22""1 and this is not counting $iss $oll!(s la0or/ 8oan(s la0or/ %! la0or/ and %ost o. all/ ?harles( la0or2 When ?harles had .inished the .loor/ he e%3tied the 0uc+ets/ &ent and sho&ered/ ca%e out and 3ut his ar%s around %e ver! .ir%l! 50ut oh so s&eetl!: and said/ ,Hone!/ &ill !ou 3ro%ise %e never to do an!thing li+e that againA4 )(ll give !ou three guesses &hat ) said2

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>o&/ can !ou i%agine &hat %an! hus0ands &ould have done had the! 0een in ?harles( shoesA ) a% sure that %an! %arriages have 0een &rec+ed 0! less than this2 But ?harles recogniHed %! %otives in tr!ing to do the Co0 %!sel.2 He &as a&are o. the .act that ) &as cr!ing to save %one!/ even though in the long ri% it cost us .ar %ore than i. &e had had it done co%%erciall!2 He didn(t !ell and screa% at %e2 Because he(s .un to live &ith/ he %ade the %ost o. the situation ) had gotten %!sel. involved in and he 3ulled us out o. it &ithout even a ri33le on the sur.ace or underneath the sur.ace o. our %arriage2 ) shudder &hen ) thin+ o. &hat so%e hus0ands %ight have done under the sa%e circu%stances2 Have !ou ever gotten !oursel. into the sa%e interesting situation &ith these do=it=!oursel. Co0s around the houseA When ?harles and ) .irst 0egan traveling together/ &e 0eca%e a&are o. so%e o. the hardshi3s that eDist &hen !ou travel around2 >o& 3lease don(t %isunderstand %e/ ) don(t reall! consider the% to 0e hardshi3s/ 0ut let(s Cust sa! the!(re eD3eriences2 ?harles and ) sle3t in %an! 3laces all over the @nited *tates during our hone!%oon !ear E so%e ultra elegant/ and so%e/ &ell not so ultra elegant2 *o%e &ere ultra 3rivate and so%e/ &ell so%e not so ultra 3rivate2 But do !ou +no&/ &e(ve had the %ost 0eauti.ul .ello&shi3 in the &orld &ith 3eo3le &hose ho%es have not 0een ultra elegant2 ) a% thin+ing in 3articular o. one ho%e &here &e sta!ed2 When &e got there at night/ &e had had a tre%endous da! consisting o. .l!ing/ &aiting in air3orts/ and then riding 2"" %iles in a car2 <he 76

&eather &as cold and &e had had to get u3 so earl! in the %orning that &e &ere 0oth co%3letel! eDhausted &hen &e .inall! did get to our destination2 -.ter the .irst service &e &ere ta+en to &here &e &ere to sta!/ and &e started to go to 0ed2 ) got into %! nightgo&n .irst and as ) sat do&n on the edge o. the 0ed/ the 0ed colla3sed2 ) said/ ,?harles/ !ou(d 0etter do so%ething a0out this 0ed24 *o/ 'od love ?harles/ he 3ut the slats 0ac+ in and ) sat do&n on the edge o. the 0ed/ onl! this ti%e ) sat ver! gentl!/ and &ould !ou 0elieve/ the bed fell do n again. ) said to ?harles/ ,Hone!/ %a!0e ) &eigh too %uch .or this 0ed2 Wh! don(t !ou lie do&n on it the neDt ti%e !ou .iD it and see &hat ha33ens24 *o ?harles .iDed it again2 He sat do&n222and the bed fell do n again. We decided that %a!0e i. &e got in a horiHontal 3osition and sort o. rolled ourselves into the 0ed it %ight &or+2 *o &e rolled ourselves into the 0ed/ 0ut the bed fell do n again) Poor ?harles/ he &as so2 eDhausted 0ecause &e had had such a hectic da!/ too2 -re !ou a&are &hat could have ha33ened to his dis3ositionA $an! ti%es &e vent our anger on our %ate &hen it isn(t an!0od!(s .ault/ 0ut ) than+ 'od that 0oth ?harles and ) thin+ a0out each other instead o. ourselves2 ) suggested/ ,Hone!/ &h! don(t &e Cust slee3 on the 0ed as it is/ and not 0e concerned &ith the .act that it(s colla3sedA4 and so that(s eDactl! &hat &e did2 We Cust sle3t &ith %e hanging onto one side o. the 0ed/ and ?harles

77

hanging onto %e to +ee3 hi% .ro% rolling onto the .loor2 )t &as Iuite an unusual night2 We could have 0eco%e ver! anno!ed &ith the situation2 We %ight even have 0een irritated that &e didn(t have 0etter acco%%odations than this2 Because ?harles and ) reall! &ant to 0e .un to live &ith/ &e Cust had a good laugh and giggled so loud and hard that it(s a %iracle &e didn(t &a+e ever!0od! u32 <his can reall! do an a&.ul lot .or !our %arriage2 )nstead o. one getting %ad and 3utting the other one co%3letel! on edge/ i. 0oth 3eo3le are relaDed and .un to live &ith it(s a%aHing ho& %uch %ore enCo!a0le it can %a+e !our entire %arriage2 <he thing &e(re tr!ing to 3oint out in this stor! is that i. a hus0and and &i.e stand together in an! situation/ it can 0e .un/ it can 0e enCo!a0le/ it can 0e eDciting/ it can 0e a good eD3erience2 Ho& %an! ti%es/ though/ cou3les do not stand together2 )t(s %e against you! or !ou against me) <his is one o. the saddest things in the &orld &hen cou3les .orget that the! are one! and not t&o2 Pro0a0l! so%e ti%e in !our li.e &hile !ou have 0een on a vacation/ !ou(ve sto33ed at a %otel or hotel/ trailer/ ca0in/ or ca%3ed out &here the acco%%odations &ere not nearl! as good as !ou &ould have li+ed .or the% to have 0een2 8ust thin+ 0ac+ right no&/ &hat &as !our reaction at that %o%entA Was it reall! good/ or &as it reall! 0adA Did !ou ta+e it out on !our %ate 0ecause so%ething &ent &rong that !ou didn(t li+e/ or did !ou 0oth Cust relaD and enCo! it together 0ecause !ou(re .un to live &ithA 78

Well/ &e li+e the &a! &e do it2 We li+e the &a! that 'od has dealt in 0oth o. our lives 0ecause &e 0oth 0elieve that love reCoices &ith the right2 We 0elieve that our %arriage is right/ and are going to +ee3 right on loving it/ in s3ite o. all the little circu%stances &hich 3lague ever! %arriage2 Did !ou ever %a+e a &rong 3urchase and then have to live &ith itA Well/ ) did2 #ne o. the things ) have al&a!s li+ed to do is to slee3 on a hard 0ed2 so.t 0ed can reall! ruin %! rest2 When ?harles and ) &ere %arried/ &e decided to 3urchase a ne& %attress and s3rings .or our 0ed2 ) as+ed hi% &hat +ind he li+ed2 He said &hatever ) li+ed &as .ine &ith hi%2 ) insisted that ) loved a hard %attress/ the harder the 0etter2 He said i. that &as &hat &ould %a+e %e ha33!/ &e &ould get one/ even though he thought 3ossi0l! a %ediu% hard one &ould 0e 0etter2 -nd so &e didB We 0ought the hardest %attress that(s %ade2 ) eDcitedl! &aited .or the %attress to get here 0ecause even though it had .elt a little hard to %e in the store/ ) +ne& that &e &ould get used to it and then &e(d reall! love it2 Well/ the great da! ca%e/ and the %attress arrived2 -s soon as it &as set u3 in the 0edroo%/ 8oan decided to 0ounce on it/ so she 3lun+ed hersel. do&n on it/ eD3ecting to have a nice 0ounce .or hersel.2 *he &ent thudB *he loo+ed at %e %ost 3eculiarl! and said/ ,Don(t !ou thin+ this is a little hardA )t .eels &orse than the .loor24 ) gail! re3lied/ ,>o/ ) don(t thin+ it(s too hard/ 0ecause !ou +no& ) li"e hard %attresses24 *he 3ic+ed hersel. u3/ turned around and tried to test the %attress &ith her hand and it didn(t give even a .raction o. an inch2 ) sat 7

do&n on it and secretl! thought it &as the hardest %attress )(d ever seen2 ?harles called to .ind out i. the ne& %attress had 0een delivered and ) said/ ,Ges24 He as+ed/ ,)s it hard enough .or !ouA4 ) cringed &hen he said that 0ut ) re3lied/ ,Ges/ it(s hard enough/4 &ondering ho& in the &orld &e could slee3 on so%ething that hard2 <hen he said/ ,Do !ou li+e it/ hone!A4 ) said/ ,<he %attress cover is 3rett!2 <he %attress is a little hard/ 0ut &e(ll get used to it24 Well/ ?harles ca%e ho%e and &e couldn(t &ait to tr! out the ne& 0ed2 He %anaged to get his 3aCa%as on .irst/ and 3lo33ed do&n on the 0edB Gou should have seen the shoc+ed loo+ on his .aceB E li+e he had thro&n hi%sel. do&n on a roc+ 3ileB ) don(t +no& &hen &e &ent to 0ed that night/ 0ut ) do +no& &e didn(t sta! there all night2 -.ter a0out .ort!=.ive %inutes or so/ ) said to ?harles/ ,Hone!/ does this %a+e !our shoulders hurtA4 He said/ ,Ges/ it does1 as a %atter o. .act ) thin+ )(ll get out o. 0ed .or a little &hile and %assage %! shoulder24 >eDt it &as %! turn to get out o. 0ed 0ecause 0! that ti%e %! hi3 .elt li+e it had 0een 3aral!Hed2 ?harles hel3ed %e out o. 0ed and &e &al+ed around a little and then &ent 0ac+ to 0ed again2 <his +e3t u3 all night long and &hen %orning ca%e &e decided that neither o. us had sle3t ver! &ell/ 0ut since it &as the .irst night/ &e +ne& the neDt one &ould 0e 0etter2 But it &asn(t2 #. course/ 0edding isn(t returna0le a.ter !ou have sle3t on it/ so &e had no choice eDce3t to learn to slee3 in it/ and so &e did2 We have laughed %ore during the ,0rea+ing in4 3eriod o. the 0ed 0ecause 8"

o. the sore shoulders &e(ve had/ 0ut &e have learned a lot/ too2 We could have co%3lained a0out the 0ed E ?harles could have !elled at %e 0ecause )(% the one/ &ho &anted the hard 0ed/ or &e could have loo+ed on it as a situation to dra& us closer together and that(s &hat &e did2 ) insisted to ?harles that ) &as a real nut .or 0u!ing such a hard %attress/ and 0ecause o. %! 0eing &illing to ta+e the 0la%e/ ?harles has al&a!s co%e to %! rescue and sa!s/ ,)t(s not so hard/ hone!/ it Cust ta+es ti%e to get used to a ne& %attress24 *o together &e have learned to 0e .un to live &ith even &hen !ou(re slee3ing on a roc+ sla02 We laugh a lot E never at each other/ 0ut in Co!/ together. ?harles sa!s )(% .un to live &ith 0ecause ) can laugh at %!sel./ and ) can ad%it that )(% &rong/ and 3raise the Lord/ ) can sa! the sa%e thing a0out hi%2 - sense o. hu%or and the a0ilit! .or each o. us to see ourselves as &e reall! are can hel3 a lot o. 3ro0le%s in %arriage2 Wh! don(t !ou and !our hus0and each %a+e a little list o. the things !ou thin+ %a+e !our %ate .un to live &ithA Ho& a0out %a+ing a list a0out !oursel. and see ho& %an! o. !our characteristics %a+e !ou .un to live &ithA

81

Be Desirous
by Frances -s ) &rote the na%e o. this cha3ter/ %an! thoughts ca%e into %! %ind2 <here are so %an! &a!s this cha3ter could 0e &ritten E a0out ho& to 0e desirous &ith !our %ate/ &hich things to 0e desirous o. in li.e/ &hich line o. desires to 3ursue2 But this cha3ter is reall! not a0out that at all2 'ood old We0ster de.ines the &ord ,desire4 as/ ,to &ish earnestl! .or/ crave1 to eD3ress a &ish .or4 or as a noun/ ,a longing .or the 3ossession o. so%e o0Cect1 an earnest &ish/ a reIuest/ the o0Cect longed .or24 ) li+e Psal% 3764 &hich sa!s/ ,<a+e delight in the Lord/ and He &ill give !ou the desires o. !our heart24 )n other &ords/ He &ill give !ou the thing !ou &ish earnestl! .or2 Pro0a0l! the %ost i%3ortant thing in %arriage eDce3t 8esus is the desire to %a+e !our %arriage 0eauti.ul/ or to %a+e it &or+ as %an! 3eo3le sa!2 )sn(t it .a0ulous to +no& that 'od is hel3ing !our %arriage succeed 0ecause He &ants to give !ou the desires o. !our heartA <hin+ a0out the &ord ,desire4 in %an! other areas o. li.e2 ). !ou(re going to have co%3an! .or dinner/ !ou ,&ish earnestl!4 that the dinner &ill co%e out Cust right/ so !ou 3ut all !our attention/ +no&ledge and s+ill into %a+ing the dinner 3er.ect2 Gou don(t let an!thing co%e 0et&een !ou and the dinner2 <he sa%e thing is true o. an artist &ho 3aints a 3icture2 He 3uts ever!thing he(s got into the 3ainting2 ). he sincerel! does this/ his 3ainting &ill reveal it2 ). he(s Cust sli3shod/ the 3ainting &ill re.lect 3oor Iualit!2 Have !ou ever &atched a 82

s+illed dress%a+er se&A <he dress%a+er doesn(t co%3ro%ise &ith a shodd! sea% or a 3art that(s not cut right E she &or+s on it until it is 3er.ect2 Did !ou ever see a s+illed car3enter %a+e a ca0inet E sanding do&n/ %easuring/ %atching/ until ever!thing is 3er.ectA ?an !ou i%agine the +ind o. car3entr! &or+ 8esus didA Would it have 0een hal.= hearted and slo33!A #. course not2 FDactl! the sa%e thing ha33ens in %arriage2 ). the desire o. our heart is .or our %arriage to 0e as 3er.ect as t&o hu%ans can %a+e it/ it &ill 0e/ 0ecause &e &ill 3ut all o. our attention/ +no&ledge and s+ill into %a+ing it 3er.ect2 $arriage is li+e ever!thing else E !ou can(t do it hal.&a! and eD3ect it to 0e all the &a!2 Gou can(t coo+ !our dinner on the stove i. !ou don(t turn the stove on2 ) could 3re3are the %ost scru%3tious ste& in the &orld/ 0ut i. ) didn(t turn on the 0urner o. %! stove/ ) dou0t i. the ste& &ould 0e 3alata0le2 *o it is in %arriage E &e %ust 0e &illing to go all the &a!2 ). !ou don(t &ant !our %arriage to &or+/ it &on(t2 Gou %ight 0e a0le to endure each other/ 0ut &ho &ants Cust to endure/ &hen 'od 3ro%ises so %uch in %arriageA When 'od gave %e ?harles to 0e %! hus0and/ ) &anted %ore than an!thing in the &orld to have our %arriage 3er.ect2 ) had a desire to attain the ha33iness in %arriage that 'od Hi%sel. ordained2 *o ) &ent into %arriage &ith the idea o. doing ever!thing that &as necessar! ?o secure the desired results2 -s !ou read this 0oo+ !ou &ill discover lots o. 3laces &here ) had to change %! &a!s to +ee3 %! %arriage .ro% getting 3ro0le% ridden2 <he desire has al&a!s 0een out in .ront &ith never a 83

thought concerning &hat ) %ight 0e giving u32 -nd reall!/ isn(t it the sa%e &a! &ith 8esus Be.ore &e 0eco%e ?hristians &e thin+ o. a lot o. the things &e have to give u32 <hen &e discover that 8esus gives so %uch %ore in return that &e reall! haven(t given u3 a single thing2 -nd the sa%e thing is true in %arriage2 $arriage in its true sense gives so %uch %ore to the 3eo3le involved than the! &ould ever have to give u32 ). !ou read %! 0oo+ My Love Affair With Charles! !ou +no& that 'od onl! gave us eleven da!s( advance notice as to &hen &e &ere going to 0e %arried/ and this &as onl! three da!s 0e.ore ?harles &as scheduled to leave Houston to co%e to $ia%i2 <he house that &as to 0e %! ho%e &as still the sa%e as &hen ?harles( &i.e had died2 -ll the .a%il! 3ictures &ere still around2 $an! 3ersonal ite%s &ere still there 0ecause o. a lac+ o. ti%e or reason .or re%oving the%2 Because ?harles had eDactl! the sa%e desire as ) had/ he %anaged to have t&o &onder.ul ?hristian &o%en co%e over and go through the entire house and re%ove an!thing &hich %ight have re%inded %e that another &o%an had 0een ?harles( &i.e2 ) don(t +no& ho& the! ever did it/ 0ut the! didB -nd &hen ?harles 0rought %e into our ho%e .or the .irst ti%e/ there &as nothing to indicate that an!one else had ever lived there2 ?harles recogniHed the .act that &e can(t loo+ 0ac+/ and there0! solved one o. the greatest 3ro0le%s &hich eDists in second %arriages toda!2 8eanne as his &i.e1 ) am his &i.e2

84

*o %an! ti%es/ es3eciall! &ith !oung 3eo3le/ the! &ant to hang on to their 3ast2 He still &ants to go out &ith the 0o!s/ she still &ants to see her girl .riends occasionall!2 >othing in the &orld hurts a %arriage as %uch as the desire to retain 3art o. our 3ast li.e in our 3resent li.e2 ) have never +no&n a %arriage that &or+ed success.ull! &here either one held on to the 3ast2 We &ere counseling &ith a !oung cou3le recentl! &ho had se3arated and she &as on her &a! ho%e to %a%a 0ecause he &as still s3ending nights out &ith the 0o!s2 *he couldn(t understand this/ so she co%3lained2 He re0elled/ got sarcastic and %ean/ and 0e.ore the! +ne& it/ the! &ere at s&ords 3oint2 <he Bi0le sa!s/ ,For this cause a %an shall leave his .ather and %other/ and shall cleave to his &i.e1 and the t&o shall 0eco%e one .lesh4 5F3h2 563 1:2 -nd it %eans not onl! %other and .ather/ 0ut .riends as &ell2 What does a %arried %an have in co%%on &ith a single %anA >ot %uch i. !ou(re honest2 -nd &hat does a %arried &o%an have in co%%on &ith a single &o%anA >ot %uch2 <he single 3eo3le &ill %a+e the %arried 3eo3le envious 0ecause o. their .reedo% E the .act that each has his o&n %one! to s3end/ etc2 *o i. old .riends are to continue/ it %ust 0e on a Coint 0asis/ and not Cust .or the hus0and to continue &ith his old .riends/ or the &i.e to continue &ith her old .riends2 $an! %arriages are %isera0le toda! 0ecause %en li+e to hunt and .ish/ and as a result leave their &ives at ho%e to 0e ,deer4 &ido&s or ,0ait4 .or 85

so%e unsus3ecting sin to co%e into their lives2 @n.ortunatel! ego to%es 0ac+ into our lives &hen our %ate chooses to do so%ething else other than 0e &ith us/ so &e decide &e have to do so%ething/ tooB -nd this is &here the trou0le 0egins2 ) &onder ho& co%e -da% le.t Fve alone long enough .or her to 0e te%3ted 0! the ser3entA ) have heard %en sa!/ ,<he! Cust &ant to get a&a! .ro% ever!thing .or a &hile/4 so the! go hunting or .ishing so the! can relaD2 ) 3ra! that %! hus0and never has the desire to get a&a! .ro% %e2 -nd i. ) &ere a &o%an &hose hus0and &anted to go .ishing and deer hunting to relaD ) &ould loo+ at %! o&n li.e and deter%ine &hat caused %e not to 0e the relaDing agent he needed in his li.e2 *o it all co%es 0ac+ to the sa%e old ,desire4 E do !ou &ant to 0e a good deer hunter/ or do !ou &ant to 0e an eDcellent hus0and2 ). t&o 3eo3le are trul! one/ then their desires %ust 0e the sa%e2 <he! should search out a %utual .un thing/ %a!0e even deer hunting/ together) Gou(ll thin+ )(% 0eing idealistic/ 0ut )(% notB <a+e a good loo+ at the %arriages !ou +no& and see i. )(% not right2 -nother !oung cou3le &e counseled &ith recentl! had gone their se3arate &a!s 0ecause he &anted his .reedo%2 ) as+ed hi% &hat he %eant 0! ,.reedo%24 He said/ ,Freedo% to do &hat ) &ant to do/ to co%e and go as ) 3lease/ and not have to re3ort to an!one24 What he &as reall! sa!ing &as/ ,) &ant to continue in sin/ and ) don(t &ant an!one to inter.ere &ith %! 3leasure in sin24 -ctuall!/ he had no desire to %a+e the %arriage a success/

86

0ecause i. he had/ the desire .or 3leasure outside o. %arriage &ould have 0een gone2 ?harles and ) have all the .reedo% &e &ant2 We can co%e and go as &e 3lease/ and &e don(t have to re3ort to an!one2 <he reason E &e(re .ree to live in 8esus/ there.ore &e have no desire to 0e other than &hat 'od &ants us to 0e2 We have .orsa+en all others/ and cling to each other2 We have no desire to go an!&here/ even to the store/ unless &e are together 0ecause &e 0elieve that 'od Hi%sel. %ade us one2 We can co%e and go as &e 3lease/ 0ecause each o. us 3leases to 3lease the other2 We don(t have to re3ort to each other/ 0ut &e naturall! &ant to share ever!thing that(s ha33ened during the da! &hen &e have 0een se3arated2 ) thin+ %! hus0and is the %ost interesting %an in the &orld/ and ) &ould rather listen to hi% than an!one else ) +no& o.2 *o )(% going to s3end %! ti%e &ith hi%/ and the 0etter ) get to +no& hi%/ the 0etter ) li+e hi%/ so )(% going to continue getting to +no& hi% 0etter2 Frances %entioned to %e the other da! that she thought it &as interesting that all the ne&s3a3er and %agaHine ads 3ertaining to 0eing desirous/ lova0le/ seductive/ char%ing/ gla%orous and interesting &ere all addressed to &o%en/ and she &anted to +no& &h! the! &ere never addressed to the %en2 *he &anted to +no& i. the &orld doesn(t thin+ it(s necessar! .or %en to 0e alluring and desirous/ too2 <he %ore ) thought a0out this/ the %ore ) realiHed the e%3hasis is 3ut on the &o%an to 0e the desirous one2 -nd then %an! %en &onder &h! certain things co%e u3 in %arriage2

87

). a &o%an has to do all the alluring/ char%ing and gla%oriHing so%ething is &rong &ith the %arriageB Wh! should a &o%an do all the attractingA <he %ore !ou give in %arriage/ the %ore !ou get in return/ so %en/ !ou ought to thin+ a0out %a+ing !ourselves %ore desirous2 <here are so %an! tin! little areas &here &e .all do&n2 )s !our deodorant al&a!s doing .ull dut!A Ho& a0out !our 0reathA -re !ou clean shavenA Do !ou tr! to loo+ shar3 and .reshA )s !our hair tri%%edA Do !ou +ee3 a 0right shine on !our shoesA Do !ou &al+ in a slouch/ or do !ou &al+ &ith a 0ounceA Do !ou +ee3 a ha33! eD3ression on !our .ace and eDcite%ent in !our conversation &ith !our &i.e and .a%il!A Do !ou have a 3ositive/ Co!.ul attitudeA )t is a%aHing ho& %an! %en eD3ect their &ives to have all the gla%orous characteristics o. the dating da!s/ and !et the! don(t thin+ the! have to do a thing in return2 #ne o. the 0est 3rinci3les in %arriage that ) +no& o. is/ ,)t is 0etter to give than to receive24 When &e are thin+ing a0out ho& &e can 3lease our %ates/ and ho& &e can 0e desira0le to our %ates/ then &e(re not thin+ing sel.ishl! a0out ourselves and have turned our desires out&ard instead o. in&ard2 FDactl! the sa%e 3rinci3le a33lies &here 8esus is concerned2 ). &e give Hi% our lives/ He gives us 0ac+ so %uch %ore in return2 When &e give all o. ourselves to our &ives/ the! give 0ac+ so %uch %ore in return2 ). !our %arriage isn(t o3erating at that level right no&/ )(d suggest !ou sit do&n and ta+e a loo+ to see &here the trou0le started/ &hen it 88

started/ and &ho started it and then start 0eing honest &ith each other and 0oth o. !ou thin+ a0out 0eing %ore desira0le/ lova0le/ char%ing and interesting2 ) still don(t thin+ all those adCectives a33l! to &o%en onl!2 ). &e %en &or+ed as hard at %arriage as our &ives do/ there &ouldn(t 0e so %an! .ailures2 ). a ne& secretar! ca%e along in !our o..ice/ and things &eren(t going so &ell at ho%e/ the .irst thing !ou %ight 0e te%3ted to do is tr! and %a+e !oursel. ,desirous4 to her2 8ust re%e%0er/ 3racticing 0eing desirous at ho%e 3a!s a .ar greater dividend2 Frances and ) visited in a ho%e recentl! &here the hus0and &as so gru%3! &e &anted to leave the %inute &e got there2 ) &ondered ho& desira0le he thought he &as2 $an! ti%es/2 as the 0read&inner in the .a%il!/ &e thin+ &e don(t have to tr! to 0e desira0le/ 0ecause &e(ve got the &o%an right &here &e &ant her= =de3endent u3on us2 But &h! live on gar0age &hen !ou can have stea+A Ho& %uch ha33ier is !our %arriage going to 0e &hen !our &i.e +no&s !ou(re su33orting her 0ecause !ou love her/ not 0ecause !ou have to 0ecause she(s !our &i.eA 1 loo+ at ho%es/ too/ &here the &o%an does all the disci3lining o. the children/ and the %an Cust sits there li+e a 0u%3 on a log Ho& desira0le are !ou/ not onl! as a hus0and/ 0ut as a .ather &hen !ou let !our &i.e do all the disci3liningA Ho& desira0le are !ou .or !our children to loo+ u3 to &hen the! don(t see !ou 0ehaving as a .ather shouldA Ho& desira0le are !ou in their e!es &hen the! see !ou treat their %other as a servantA Ho& %uch love does !our 8

.a%il! .eel in !ouA ?hildren are 3rett! s%art/ and the! learn .ast2 <urn !our desires to&ard %a+ing !our %arriage an eDciting one and see &hat ha33ens in .ront o. !our ver! o&n e!es2 7ee3 !our thin+ing li+e this/ ,<he desire o. %! heart is to %a+e %! %arriage eDciting24 *a! this ever! da! i. !ours isn(t that &a! right no&/ and it &on(t 0e long 0e.ore it &ill reall! 0e eDcitingB

"

Be Forgiving
by Frances ,). !ou are angr!/ don(t sin 0! nursing !our grudge2 Don(t let the sun go do&n &ith !ou still angr! E get over it Iuic+l!1 .or &hen !ou are angr! !ou give a %ight! .oothold to the devil4 5F3hesians 4626=27:2 <rue/ true/ trueB #. course it is2 Let(s all learn to use the &ords/ ,)(% sorr!/4 o.ten in our %arriage2 <hose t&o little &ords are %agic &ords/ and !et the! are o.ten the! hardest &ords in the Fnglish language to sa!/ es3eciall! to the one &e love2 Have !ou ever 0urned !our hus0and(s toast on the %orning he &as late getting out o. the house/ and there &asn(t ti%e to 3ut in another 3ieceA -s !ou scra3ed it o../ &ere !ou care.ul to sa!/ ,)(% sorr!/ hone!/ that isn(t a ver! good &a! to send !ou o.. to &or+/ is itA4 -nd he %ight sa! 0ac+/ ,<hat(s #7/ hone!2 Don(t &orr! a0out it E )(ll eat an earl! lunch24 ?an !ou i%agine all +inds o. other &a!s this situation could have turned outA He could have !elled/ ,Gou +no& ) don(t li+e 0urned toastB4 and gone out the door/ sla%%ing it 0ehind hi%/ sa!ing/ ,Well/ ) can get a decent 3iece o. toast at the co..ee sho3/4 and then har0ored a grudge all da! long2 #. course/ )(d suggest the &i.e get u3 in ti%e to .iD the toast 3ro3erl!/ and i. she 0urns it/ she can %a+e another 3iece2 But Cust su33osing the situation ha33ened this &a!/ see ho& an! .uture trou0le 1

could have 0een avoided 0! her sa!ing/ ,)(% sorr!/4 and his attitude 0eing one o. .orgivenessA <hin+ o. ho& %uch 'od had to .orgive us &hen &e 0eca%e ?hristians E W#WB $a!0e He didn(t have to .orgive ver! %uch in !our li.e2 )n %ine He had a great 0ig old slate to &i3e o../ 0ut He did it/ &ithout a single co%3laint on His 3art/ 0ut &ith Cust tre%endous love/ love/ love/ and He let %e +no& that He loved %e2 )(% sure i. ) had said to Hi% the da! a.ter ) 0eca%e a ?hristian/ ,'od/ ho& in the &orld did Gou ever %anage to .orgive all that sin at one ti%eA4 'od &ould have ans&ered/ ,What sinA4 Gou see/ He had .orgiven %e and had 0uried it in the dee3est sea/ never to 0e thought o. again2 -nd since &e are %ade in the i%age o. 'od/ let us 3ractice 0ehaving li+e &e &ere %ade in that i%age2 Let(s start .orgiving these little things 0e.ore the! gro& into 0ig things and 0ur! the% in the dee3est sea/ never to 0e thought o. again2 )(ll have to share a .unn! stor! &ith !ou/ even though it reall! isn(t .unn!2 Jecentl! a cou3le &ere divorced 0ecause he said/ ,*he deli0eratel! 0urned %! toast ever! %orning24 Gou can i%agine ho& this started o.. &ith a 3iece o. toast accidentall! 0urned/ and then one thing led to another2 <his %ight sound ridiculous/ 0ut are !ou a&are o. the .act that %ost divorces started o.. 0ecause o. a ridiculous *ituation a long ti%e 0e.ore the %arriage reached the eD3loding 3ointA ) &as 3rivileged to do so%e counseling recentl! &ith a cou3le &ho had 0een to see a divorce la&!er 0ecause the! &ere co%3letel! inco%3ati0le2 <he! couldn(t co%%unicate &ith each other2 <he! could 2

hardl! stand each other(s co%3an!2 Fach criticiHed ever!thing a0out the other2 <he! +ne& that divorce &as the onl! &a! out/ and !et the! 0oth &ere ?hristians2 >o& ho& do &e solve a situation li+e thisA >either ?harles nor ) are 3s!chologists/ 0ut &e do +no& that the love o. 'od can overco%e an! and all situations/ and &e al&a!s tr! to steer clear o. the 3ro0le%s/ and 3oint the 3eo3le to 8esus2 )nstead o. 3ointing to the 3ro0le%/ 3oint to the solution and co%3letel! ta+e !our e!es o.. o. the 3ro0le%2 <his can i%%ediatel! %a+e !ou .orgiving/ 0elieve it or notB <he &i.e in this case &as unusuall! attractive E the hus0and %ore or less ordinar!2 *he had the +ind o. .igure all the %en &ould turn around and loo+ at2 He had a sour loo+ &hich %ight %a+e !ou tend to run .ro% hi%2 ) had 0een invited to their ho%e .or dinner and &hen &e sat do&n to dinner/ it &as 0eauti.ul E roast 3or+/ a33lesauce/ %ashed 3otatoes/ grav!/ 3eas and the usual things that go &ith this +ind o. a dinner/ including hot rolls and 0utter/ and 0lue0err! 3ie &ith co..ee2 -.ter the hus0and said the 0lessing/ the conversation &ent so%ething li+e this6 ,Ho& co%e &e(re having roast 3or+ tonightA Gou said &e &ere going to have tur+e!24 *he said/ ,Well/ the store had nice 3or+ roasts toda! and so %an! ti%es the!(re not availa0le/ and ) +no& ho& !ou li+e 3or+/ so ) thought !ou %ight li+e this .or a change24 He insisted/ ,Well/ !ou said tur+e!/ and since !ou said tur+e!/ !ou should have had tur+e!24

>o& let %e as+ !ou/ &hat di..erence did it reall! %a+eA -nd then he said/ ,Gou +no& ) li+e French .ries/ &h! did &e have to have %ashed 3otatoesA4 -nd she re3lied/ ,Well/ hone!/ 3or+ %a+es such good grav!/ ) thought !ou(d li+e to have that .or a change24 <hen &e got to the hot rolls and he &anted to +no& &h! she had 3ut the% in the 0un &ar%er &hen the! reall! &ere so %uch 0etter i. she &ar%ed the% in the oven2 When &e got to the 0lue0err! 3ie/ he &anted to +no& &h! she hadn(t 0a+ed cherr! 3ie2 -ll o. this &as co%3letel! inconseIuential/ &asn(t itA Were an! o. his co%3laints Custi.iedA -s long as roast 3or+ &as one o. his .avorites/ did it %a+e an! di..erence i. she had coo+ed thisA -nd since he li+ed 0oth %ashed 3otatoes and French .ries/ &h! %a+e such a .ederal case out o. ho& the 3otatoes &ere coo+edA -nd as .or the 3ie/ &hat di..erence does it %a+e i. it &as cherr! or 0lue0err!A ) al%ost got indigestion as ) ate %! .ood 0ecause ) &ondered ho& in the &orld the! had sta!ed together i. that(s the &a! all their %ealti%es &ere eaten2 ) &ould have develo3ed an ulcer long ago/ ) decided2 -nd then ) &atched a ver! interesting situation2 <he! had three children/ all under .ive2 <he great critic &ho a33arentl! .elt li+e he &as doing the% a .avor to co%e ho%e and eat/ did nothing to hel3 &ith the children2 Did !ou ever sit at a ta0le &ith three little children under .iveA )t(s an eD3erience to sa! the leastB -nd all he did &as to !ell at her to +ee3 the +ids Iuiet and to get the% .ed Iuic+l!2 Did 4

!ou ever tr! to ?ut @ %eat .or three +ids at one ti%eA Did !ou ever tr! to +ee3 t&o +ids in high chairs ha33! &hile !ou &ere .iDing 3lates .or threeA -nd did !ou ever have guests in the %iddle o. all thisA <r! it so%eti%e and see &hat ha33ens2 <HF>222he co%3lained a0out the &a! the roast &as coo+ed2 He said it &asn(t done enough2 *he re3lied that since he al&a!s co%3lained 0ecause she 0urned ever!thing/ she had gotten to the 3oint &here she &as a.raid to coo+ an!thing long enough .or .ear it &ould 0e too &ell done or &ould 0e 0urnedB ) decided to inCect a little love into the evening %eal/ so ) ventured the idea/ ,Ho& %an! ti%es did !ou +iss her &hen !ou ca%e ho%e tonightA4 He loo+ed at %e as i. ) had .li33ed %! &ig or so%ething 0ut didn(t ans&er2 ) +e3t Iuiet during the rest o. the dinner2 )t &as nois! enough &ith the t&o o. the% !elling at each other 3olitel! and cuttingl!/ and ) reall! 3ra!ed that 'od &ould give %e an o33ortunit! to tal+ to each one o. the% se3aratel!2 -nd 'od did Cust that2 He let %e tal+ to the &o%an .irst2 *he shared &ith %e the .act that her hus0and &ent out ever! night to so%e sort o. a charit! .unction or Bo! *couts or so%ething o. that nature2 <his le.t her &ith the res3onsi0ilit! o. 3utting the children to 0ed/ getting the house straightened u3/ getting the dishes done/ and then colla3sing 0! the ti%e he ca%e ho%e/ and 0eing co%3letel! .rustrated and read! to cho3 his head o.. at the .irst &ord he said2 ) as+ed her &h! he too+ on these res3onsi0ilities .or ever! night o. the &ee+/ and as+ed her i. she ever &ent along2 *he said that 5

occasionall! she did/ 0ut she &ould have to al&a!s &atch all the children and .or that reason it &as easier to sta! ho%e2 ) as+ed her &hat it &as a0out her that irritated hi%2 ) as+ed her i. she %et hi% &ith love and +isses at the door and she said/ ,He(s Cust not the a..ectionate t!3e24 *he had tried this a cou3le o. ti%es and it didn(t &or+/ so she &asn(t going to do it an!%ore/ and no& the! Cust never 0othered +issing each other2 ) suggested that she have ever!thing in good sha3e &hen he ca%e ho%e the neDt night and greet hi% at the door &ith a real loving +iss2 *he also li+ed to &or+ in the 0usiness &orld and had ta+en a 3art=ti%e Co0/ &or+ing .ive hours a da!2 He had 0een &anting her give this u3/ 0ut she li+ed the .reedo% the Co0 gave her/ and she &asn(t a0out to give it u32 ) as+ed her &hat her relationshi3 to 'od &as/ and had she as+ed 'od a0out the Co0 and &hether or not she should give it u32 *o %an! ti%es &e ta+e the ordinar! run o. the da!(s 3ro0le%s out o. 'od(s hands and tr! to solve the% ourselves/ &ithout realiHing that 'od can solve the% %uch 0etter than &e can2 We had a good long tal+ into the &ee hours o. the %orning and she decided that she had let the 3ro0le%s o. the &orld co%e 0et&een her and her relationshi3 to 'od2 *o ) encouraged her to 0egin 3ra!ing a0out even the %ost %inute little situations/ as+ing 'od to give her direction in all areas2 <hen/ 0elieve it or not/ 'od 3rovided the o33ortunit! .or %e to tal+ to the hus0and alone2 )n tal+ing to hi%/ ) discovered that he &asn(t the 6

a..ectionate t!3e2 His .a%il! had never 0een/ and it Cust &asn(t his nature to 0e a..ectionate2 ) as+ed hi% ho& o.ten he told his &i.e he loved her/ and he re3lied/ ,*he +no&s ) love her24 ) re3lied/ ,<hat(s great/ 0ut ho& o.ten do !ou tell her this .actA4 He he%%ed and ha&ed and said/ ,Well/ ) 0ring ho%e %! 3a!chec+/ and she can use the car &henever she &ants/ and she has ever!thing she needs2 )sn(t that enoughA4 ) said/ ,>o3e/ it(s not enough2 Fver! &o%an li+es to 0e told she(s loved24 <hen ) as+ed hi% i. he honestl! &anted his %arriage to 0e success.ul2 ) as+ed hi% i. he thought 0eing %arried to an!one else &ould 0e 0etter and i. he &anted to turn his three little children loose to 0e raised 0! a %other &ho %ight get %arried again to so%eone &ho could 0e a %isera0le .ather2 -s he sa& &hat the .uture %ight 3ossi0l! hold/ he cried out/ ,Hel3 %eB Hel3 %eB4 We 3ra!ed and as+ed 'od to 0rea+ his ston!/ critical heart and to give hi% instead a so.t/ loving/ tender heart and 'od did Cust thatB Here &ere t&o 3eo3le &ho sincerel! loved each other/ and !et &hose %arriage &as on the roc+s 0ecause the! &ere not loo+ing to 'od as the source o. 3o&er in their %arriage2 Get 0oth o. the% had a sincere desire to 0e ?hristian all the &a!/ 0ut each &as letting ego co%e in 0et&een the%2 Both o. the% gave the%selves in total surrender to 'od/ and it has 0een eDciting to see the% at various intervals and share &hat has ha33ened in their lives2 ) &ould li+e to Iuote Cust a .e& lines .ro% a recent letter .ro% her2

,#h/ ho& 'od +no&s &hat(s 0est .or us E and &e(re Cust too 0lind to see this %ost o. the ti%e2 When !ou sta!ed &ith us ) 3ra!ed that 'od &ould do &hatever He could to %a+e %e s3irituall! &hat ) should 0e2 -nd little did ) realiHe ho& He &ould do it2 Frances/ ) can(t tell !ou ho& %uch ) a33reciate !ou and ?harles .or listening to 'od &hen He sent !ou here2 He +ne& ) needed !ou and !our eDa%3le o. total surrender to Hi%2 Ho& ver! PFJFF?< is His 3lan .or us &hen &e let Hi% have His &a!B ,$! hus0and is a ne& 3erson/ too2 -lthough he &as a little %ore o. a stu00orn 3ersonalit! to &or+ &ith/ 'od in His divine &a! slo&l! and gentl! turned %! hus0and to total surrender2 @3 until no& he &as a.raid to let go .or 'od2 <han+ 'od .or His continued goodness to usB Ho& ver! 3atient He is &ith us/ and ho& undeserving &e all areB4 Where did this %iracle startA )t started &ith each o. the% .orgiving the other/ Cust eDactl! the &a! our li.e &ith 8esus starts/ &ith 'od .orgiving us .or &hatever &e(ve done in the 3ast/ and &i3ing the slate clean2 <his cou3le .orgave each other/ &i3ed the slate clean/ and started their %arriage all over again2 *he .orgave the 3revious coldness o. his heart2 He .orgave her &anting to 0e a career girl2 *he .orgave his criticis%/ he .orgave her lac+ o. love2 )n other &ords/ the! .orgave and .orgot all the things that had +e3t their %arriage .ro% 0eing a success2 -nd &hen ) sa! -LL/ ) %ean ever!thing/ 0ecause no cou3le can trul! start a.resh until ever!thing in the 3ast is &i3ed out in co%3lete .orgiveness/ and 0uried in the dee3est sea/ never to 0e thought o. again2 8

<heir &illingness to .orgive each other ca%e 0ecause o. a surrender o. their total lives to 'od and 0eing &illing to let 'od do &hat He &anted &ith their lives2 ?harles %ade a state%ent the other night &hich ) thought &as tre%endous/ so )(% going to share it &ith !ou2 He said/ ,*alvation is the door through &hich ever! hus0and 5groo%: should carr! his &i.e 50ride: to enter a reall! eDciting %arriage24 <hin+ a0out that state%ent and see ho& eas! that %a+es it to .orgive the 3ast in !our %arriage and start all over again2 Divorce is not the ans&er/ 0ecause !ou ta+e !oursel. &ith !ou in divorce2 Gour %arriage 3artner %a! not 0e the 3ro0le%/ it could 0e !ouB

Be Loyal
by Charles and Frances ) love the Living >e& <esta%ent(s seventh verse in ) ?orinthians 132 ,). !ou love so%eone !ou &ill 0e lo!al to hi% no %atter &hat the cost2 Gou &ill al&a!s 0elieve in hi%/ al&a!s eD3ect the 0est o. hi%/ and al&a!s stand !our ground in de.ending hi%24 )sn(t that a0solutel! 0eauti.ulA <he %ore ) read a0out &hat 'od sa!s a0out love/ the %ore convinced ) a% the &orld certainl! &ould not 0e in the sha3e it is in i. &e all got into the Word o. 'od to hear &hat He has to sa! a0out the &a! &e love our %ates2 ,Gou &ill 0e lo!al to hi%/ no %atter &hat the cost24 Ho& %an! ti%es has a %an ste33ed out to o3en a ne& 0usiness/ and the &i.e &ho is concerned &ith securit! said/ ,) told !ou/ !ou shouldn(t have Iuit !our Co0 &here !ou had securit!2 Gou should have +e3t that regular 3a!chec+ instead o. &asting all o. our %one! going into 0usiness .or !oursel.24 <his could 0e the t!3ical co%%ent &hen a %an has gone into 0usiness .or hi%sel./ and te%3oraril! it loo+s li+e things %ight not 0e going in the right direction2 -0ove all other ti%es/ this is &hen a %an needs a lo!al &i.e2 He needs to +no& that she loves hi% regardless o. &hether he is a success or .ailure in 0usiness2 <he &orld conde%ns us 3rett! Iuic+l! &hen things go &rong2 -nd &ho is a %an going to turn to &hen the going reall! gets tough and the &orld conde%ns hi%A *houldn(t his &i.e 0e right there lo!al to hi%/ 0elieving in hi%/ and standing 1""

her ground in de.ending hi%A *o %an! ti%es a &o%an 0o&s to the 3ressures o. those &ho tal+ a0out her hus0and and agrees &ith the% concerning his 0ehavior2 ) can(t hel3 0ut ad%ire the &o%an &ho stands 0ehind her hus0and all the &a!2 #ne o. the greatest &a!s to sho& lo!alt! to !our s3ouse is never ta+e !our 3ro0le%s outside o. !our o&n ho%e2 Fver! cou3le should honestl! 3ro%ise on the da! o. their %arriage never to include another 3erson in their %arriage E his %other/ her %other/ his sister/ her sister/ his 0est .riend/ her 0est .riend/ 0ut .orsa+ing all others/ cleave onl! to each other2 ). at that %o%ent &hen our love is so great &e &ant onl! to 0elong to each other/ &e &ould 3ro%ise &ith all the .ervenc! o. our hearts never to ta+e a 3ro0le% outside the &alls o. our %arriage/ and %ean it/ %an! 3ro0le%s could 0e avoided2 When &e ta+e a 3ro0le% outside o. %arriage/ &e are 0eing dislo!al 0ecause &e are criticiHing an act or attitude o. our %ate2 ). &e are te%3ted to tell so%eone a0out our hus0and(s .aults/ &e should i%%ediatel! re%e%0er the love &e had .or each other &hen &e stood there 3ro%ising 0e.ore 'od to love each other until ,death us do 3art24 Fven 0e.ore that/ do !ou re%e%0er those tender vo&s !ou gave to each other in secret &ith onl! 'od listening/ 3ro%ising to al&a!s 0e 3atient/ tender and .orgiving/ even in areas o. di..icult!A <he vo&s !ou %ade &ith Cust 'od listening arc as 0inding and sacred as an! ocher vo&s !ou %ight have %ade2 Do not tell !our %isunderstandings outside o. the ho%e 0ecause it onl! increases and eDaggerates the trou0le2 )t never settles it2 <here arc %an! &ho 1"1

&ill listen to !our trou0les and 3retend to 0e !our .riends2 But i. !ou &ill tal+ to 'od a0out !our situation !ou &ill .ind a %uch %ore loving/ listening ear2 Gou &ill .ind so%eone &ho &ill give !ou the true solutions to !our 3ro0le%s and &ho &ill never turn His 0ac+ on !ou2 ). &e &ill re%e%0er that &e are all hu%an/ and each o. us has his .aults and all o. us &ill %a+e %ista+es so%e&here along the line/ then &e can 0e tender/ loving and &illing to .orgive and .orget2 - hus0and loo+s to his &i.e .or encourage%ent/ .or cheer.ulness and con.idence2 >o %atter &hat the &orld %a! sa! or thin+ E 3eo3le %a! .orget hi%/ neglect hi%/ lose con.idence in hi% and turn their 0ac+ on hi%/ 0ut a &i.e %ust not/ 0ecause her love and lo!alt! to her hus0and %a! 0e the ins3iration he needs to +ee3 hi% going &hen the going gets rough2 - &i.e loo+s to her hus0and .or 3rotection in all things2 *o%eti%es our 0odies &ear out 3h!sicall! even &hen &e are still !oung2 *o%eti%es &e have a 3h!sical 3ro0le% &hich changes our dis3osition and attitudes2 <his is a ti%e &hen a &i.e needs her hus0and the %ost/ needs his 3rotection and lo!alt! to a greater degree than usual2 <his is &hen she needs his tenderness/ +indness/ 3atience and understanding2 *he doesn(t need to hear hi% tell other 3eo3le a0out ho& she cannot +ee3 u3 &ith the house&or+ or the children2 - &i.e alread! +no&s this &hen she has 0een 3h!sicall! do&ned E and she needs encourage%ent until she is 3h!sicall! on to3 again2 Jecentl! ) &ent to the hos3ital to visit a &o%an &ho has cancer throughout her &hole 0od!2 Her 1"2

hus0and had 0rought her do&n here .ro% another state2 )nstead o. leaving her to go through the treat%ents 0! hersel./ he sle3t on a so.a in her roo% .or her entire sta! 5and not a ver! so.t so.a at that:2 His lo!alt! to her &as so%ething that &e .elt the %inute &e entered the roo%2 -nd the lo!alt! &as not a .orced thing/ it &as a 0eauti.ul thing2 He &as there 0ecause he loved herB Love should al&a!s encourage lo!alt!2 Lo!alt! should al&a!s %ean loving ,in s3ite o.24 )t %eans loving and understanding &hen our %ate gains an eDcessive a%ount o. &eight .or no good reason/ and see%s una0le to lose it2 Lo!alt! %eans loving our hus0and &hen his hair gets thin or he gets 0ald2 Lo!alt! %eans seeing the 0est in the one &e love2 Lo!alt! %eans devotion to the vo&s &e %ade &hen &e &ere %arried2 @nder the heading o. lo!alt! ) &ould have to 3ut so%ething concerning the disci3line o. children in the .a%il!2 While &e all love our children/ there arc %an! ti%es &hen disci3line can reall! se3arate a %an and his &i.e i. the! are not lo!al to each other2 )n the dictionar! the &ord ,lo!alt!4 is de.ined as ,devotion to a cause24 -nd in this case/ the cause &ould 0e %arriage2 @nderstanding children and ho& to raise the% is a di..icult tas+ at 0est2 When ?harles 5&ho had no children 0! his 3revious %arriage: and ) &ere %arried/ he acIuired %! siDteen=!ear=old daughter2 5*he is no& ours since he legall! ado3ted her2: ) le.t on a ten=da! tri3 the da! a.ter she arrived in her ne& ho%e2 -0out the third da! a.ter ) le.t/ during %! nightl! call ho%e/ ?harles casuall! said/ ,) sa& 1"3

8oan(s 0an+ 0alance o. thirt!=t&o cents in $ia%i/ so ) decided &e had 0etter o3en an account .or her here2 <here &ill 0e ti%es &hen &e &ill not 0e ho%e that she &ill need %one! to 3a! the %an &ho %o&s the la&n/ etc2/ so &e o3ened one toda!24 ) said/ ,Fine/ hone!2 )(ve al&a!s given her %one! to have her o&n chec+ing account E ten dollars or %a!0e .i.teen dollars2 When her s%all needs use it u3/ then ) re3lenish it24 ) casuall! as+ed/ ,Ho& %uch did !ou give her to start the chec+ing accountA4 ?harles re3lied/ ,<&o hundred dollars24 ) nearl! .ainted/ and &hen ) had recovered enough to get %! voice 0ac+/ ) al%ost !elled/ ,?harles222Hone!/222!ou didn(t reall!/ did !ouA *he(ll 0lo& it all 0e.ore ) get ho%e24 ?harles reassured %e that she &as a ver! sensi0le girl and he &asn(t concerned a0out her at all2 ?harles %et %e at the air3ort &hen ) returned .ro% this tri3 during the earl! %orning hours2 ) &as still slee3ing the neDt %orning &hen 8oan &ent to school/ so ) didn(t see her until she returned ho%e in the a.ternoon2 -.ter greeting %c she casuall! said/ ,Gou(d 0etter give %e so%e %one! .or %! chec+ing account/ 0ecause the 0alance is lo&24 $! heart Cu%3ed into %! %outh and ) said/ ,What did !ou do &ith the %one! Dad gave !ouA4 *he loo+ed at %c &ith co%3lete sur3rise that ) should even as+ and said/ ,) 0le& itB ) nearl! died2 ?an !ou i%agine the e%otions ) .elt at that 3articular %o%entA Here ) &as a 0ride &ith a teenage daughter and ) &anted ?harles to love her2 -nd the .irst thing she had done &as to reall! ,0lo&4 all the %one! he had given her .or a 1"4

chec+ing account2 ) &anted the% to get along/ and ) certainl! didn(t &ant to have 3ro0le%s right o.. the 0at/ !et here one &asB #n a tour there is no &a! to 3redict the a%ount o. cash to 0e received2 *o%e love o..erings are large/ and so%e are ver! s%all/ so it(s virtuall! i%3ossi0le even to i%agine &hat the %one! &ill 0e that ) 0ring ho%e2 ) could have ver! easil! ta+en enough %one! out o. %! 3urse and given to her/ and ?harles &ould never have +no&n/ 0ut &as ) 0eing lo!al to hi% i. ) did thisA >ot onl! that/ ) &ouldn(t have 0een honest either/ and as %uch as ) love %! daughter/ ) loo+ed at her and said/ ,<hat(s !our 3ro0le%2 <ell Dad &hen he gets ho%e24 8oan loo+ed at %e %o%entaril! li+e ) had sta00ed her2 Here &as her 0eloved %other &ho &as going to stic+ to her hus0and and &asn(t going to &orr! a0out &hat her dad %ight sa! to herB But she sa& so%ething else222she sa& lo!alt! to the %an ) %arried2 *he sa& lo!alt! 0et&een t&o 3eo3le that 'od had %ade one2 *he sa& lo!alt! 0et&een $other and Dadd! in a &a! that she +ne& she &ould never 0e a0le to 3la! one o. us against the other &hen she &anted so%ething2 *he sa& $other and Dadd! united as one/ and she loved itB Don(t !ou thin+ .or a %o%ent that !our children do not +no& &hen !ou(re not lo!al to each other/ and don(t thin+ .or a %o%ent the! res3ect !ou .or it either2 ?hildren li+e to +no& that the! can de3end on their 3arents 0eing united2 <he! li+e the securit! o. +no&ing that their 3arents are lo!al to each other/ and &ill de.end each other at all costs2

1"5

Be One
by Frances When 'od %ade us one/ He gave us the right to the greatest ha33iness in the &orld/ 0ecause there is no 0eaut! or state o. 0eing on earth to co%3are &ith a %arriage that 'od %ade and +ee3s 0ecause o. its 3er.ection2 ?harles and ) enCo! doing everything together/ and &h! shouldn(t &e &hen !ou realiHe that 'od in His original 3lan created %an and &o%an .ro% the sa%e .lesh/ 0ecause He intended .or our desires/ our a%0itions/ our ai%s/ our ho3es/ our li+es and our loves to 0e the sa%e2 Had 'od intended .or us to have a di..erence in these areas/ he &ould have created us in a di..erent &a!2 He could have ta+en a lea./ a .lo&er/ an a33le/ and .ro% one o. these created the creature called &o%an/ 0ut He did not2 For the eD3ress 3ur3ose o. creating us to 0e one! 'od did a uniIue thing2 <he Bi0le sa!s 'od ,.or%ed4 -da%/ 0ut it sa!s6 ,-nd the ri0222%ade he a &o%an24 it doesn(t sa! He .or%ed the &o%an from the ri0/ 0ut it sa!s the ver! 3art He re%oved .ro% -da%(s side/ He %ade the &o%an2 Had He .or%ed the &o%an/ there %ight have 0een so%ething added/ 0ut the ri0 &as %ade into the &o%an2 )n other &ords/ there &as no outside su0stance/ onl! an integral 3art o. the %an &as used/ there.ore &o%en are literall! one .lesh &ith %an2 When ) realiHed the truth o. this state%ent2/ ) eD3erienced a %ore tre%endous closeness to ?harles than ) had ever realiHed 0e.ore2 >o &onder a %an should love his &i.e the sa%e as 1"6

he loves his o&n 0od!/ 0ecause she reall! is a 3h!sical 3art o. his 0od!2 <here are %an! &a!s 0! &hich ) could 3oint out ho& oneness is 3artiall! achieved2 All the things !ou do together are hel3.ul to&ard the total oneness E attending .unctions together/ s3ending recreation ti%e together/ &or+ing in the !ard together/ discussing .inances together/ and disci3lining the children together2 But )(% going to concentrate on t&o things &hich can 0ring %ore genuine oneness than an!thing else2 ?harles and ) enCo! doing ever!thing together/ 0ut 3ro0a0l! one o. our greatest and %ost eDciting ti%es is the ti%e &hen &e are 3ra!ing together2 <here &as a ti%e &hen ) couldn(t i%agine that 3ra!ing &ould 0e eDciting 50ac+ &hen ) &as an unredee%ed sinner:2 But 3ro0a0l! the closest ti%es &e have are those &hen &e are 3ra!ing together .or the things on our hearts2 $an! cou3les 3ra! at the side o. their 0ed2 We have 3ra!ed there u3on occasion/ 0ut our %ost inti%ate/ 3ersonal/ .ervent 3ra!ers are those &hen &e arc &ra33ed in each other(s ar%s as &e lie in 0ed together2 <his is the ver! last thing &e do at night 0e.ore &e go to slee3 0ecause &e &ant 'od so ver! close to us as the last thing o. the da!2 We than+ 'od .or the .a0ulous da! He has given us/ and 0ecause all our da!s &ith Hi% are .a0ulous/ &e have lots to tal+ to Hi% a0out/ and lots o. things to than+ Hi% .or2 -.ter &e .inish reCoicing &ith Hi%/ &e 0egin to 3ra! .or the reIuests that co%e to our %inds concerning the 3eo3le &ith &ho% &e have co%e in contact during the da! E 1"7

&ho either need to +no& the Lord/ or &ho need a closer &al+ &ith Hi%2 <hen as the Hol! *3irit 0rings 0ac+ into our %inds the conversations and letters o. the da!/ &e 3ra! .or our children and .or those &ho have shared their 0urdens &ith us over the tele3hone2 We 3ra! .or those &ho have shared their heart0rea+ &ith us through letters and .or those &ith &ho% &e have shared the 3lan o. salvation during the da!2 We 3ra! .or 0usiness and household needs2 We 3ra! .or s3eci.ic needs in the churches &here &e have s3o+en2 We 3ra! .or individuals &ho% the Lord la!s u3on our hearts2 We 3ra! .or our .uture engage%ents E .or the churches to &hich &e(ll 0e going2 We 3ra! .or the 0oo+ &e are &riting at that 3articular %o%ent2 We 3ra! .or the areas o. our lives &hich need i%3roving2 We don(t have an! 3articular order o. 3ra!er at 0edti%e/ 0ut &e Cust 3ra! as 'od(s Hol! *3irit leads us2 $an! ti%es &e than+ 'od .or 0ringing us a .resh/ ne& %essage .ro% His Word2 #h/ there are Cust %an!/ %an! things to than+ Hi% .or2 We have also discovered that 0! audi0l! sa!ing these &ords/ ,'od/ ) love Gou/4 or ,) love Gou/ 8esus4 &e receive a .resh a&areness o. 'od/ and it 0rings the 3resence o. 'od so near and dear no one could ever dou0t the .act that He is right in the roo% &ith us2 Practicing the 3resence o. 'od is such a 0eauti.ul/ 3recious eD3erience as &e do it at 0edti%e2 )t(s %arvelous all the ti%e/ 0ut es3eciall! so at 0edti%e/ &hen the lights are2 out/ the house is Iuiet/ and there(s a stillness that see%s to %a+e it easier to reall! hear 'od2 -s &e lie in each other(s 1"8

ar%s and 3ra!/ &e as+ 'od to &ra3 His ar%s o. love around our ar%s o. love/ and to +ee3 us sa.e through the night2 <he %ost &onder.ul &a! in the &orld to go to slee3 is +no&ing that 'od(s ar%s are &ra33ed around 0oth o. ours2 <here(s a closeness to 'od that(s su3ernatural/ and there(s an inti%ac! and closeness 0et&een a %arried cou3le that reall! can(t 0e acco%3lished an! other &a!2 Pro0a0l! the %ost glorious %o%ents o. our %arriage have 0een as &e 3ra!ed2 *o%eho& 3ra!er stri3s a&a! the veneer o. our lives and in ours honest! to 'od &e 0eco%e even %ore honest &ith each other2 -s &e dra& closer and closer to 'od &e dra& closer and closer to each other as &e 0eco%e trul! one2 ). there is an! hostilit! or %isunderstanding 0et&een a cou3le/ there(s no 0etter2 &a! to 0rea+ it do&n than through 3ra!er in each other(s ar%s2 'od is so .orgiving !ou can(t hel3 0ut 0e in the sa%e .orgiving %ood &hen !ou(re tal+ing to 'od &ith !our ar%s around !our %ate2 )n 0ed/ there(s nothing to distur0 E no outside in.luences to ta+e !our attention a&a! .ro% 3ra!er and conseIuentl! hostilit! or %isunderstanding &hen li.ted to 'od 0eco%es in realit! an a3olog! to the other 3erson and since it(s .iltered through 'od/ the 0eaut! o. the %o%ent is unsur3assed2 #.tenti%es as &e are 3ra!ing at night/ 'od(s Hol! *3irit &ho has 0een 3ra!ing .or %e/ 0rings so%ething into %! %ind &hich ) %a! have .orgotten to tell ?harles/ and as ) tal+ to 'od a0out it/ ?harles also hears/ too2 <here(s so%ething a0out night 3ra!er that 0rings all the things o. the da! into recall2 What %ore 0lessed &a! is there to relaD than 1"

Cust tal+ing to the #ne &ho cared enough to let His *on die .or usA 8ust to +no& the 3o&er o. 'od(s love is the 0est slee3ing 3ill ) +no& o./ and &hat a 0eauti.ul &a! to sli3 into slee3/ &ith 'od2 -lthough )(ve concentrated in the 0eginning o. this cha3ter &ith 3ra!ing in 0ed/ &e 3ra! constantl! .or ever!thing as it co%es u32 -s ) %entioned in the cha3ter ,Jight >o&4 o. %! 0oo+ *ot Line +o *eaven! the ti%e to 3ra! .or %ost reIuests is at the %o%ent the! arise2 -s situations co%e u3 in ?harles( 0usiness/ &e 3ra! right then2 -s things are 0rought to our attention &hen &e(re ho%e together/ &e 3ra! right then2 -nd i. during conversation &ith each other/ 'od reveals an ans&er to a 3ro0le%/ &e than+ Hi% right then2 <he other night at the su33er ta0le ?harles 0it his tongue/ and even though &e had to laugh a little as &e &ere 3ra!ing/ &e as+ed 'od to sto3 the 0leeding and the 3ain/ and instantl! it le.t2 We didn(t &ait to see &hat &as going to ha33en/ &e Cust laid do&n our +nives and .or+s/ and 3ra!ed right on the s3ot2 Both ?harles and ) are so de3endent on each other to 3ra! i. there(s an!thing the %atter &ith us at all2 ) should also include in this area our daughter 8oan/ &ho% ) have .ailed to %ention until right no& concerning 3ra!er2 When &e are all three at ho%e/ the 3ra!er includes all three o. us/ and it certainl! gives all o. us a greater .eeling o. love .or each other2 Lots o. ti%es ) thin+ the 3ro0le%s eDist 0ecause 3eo3le don(t de3end on 'od .or ever!thing. <hat(s &h! the! don(t +no& the eDcite%ent and closeness 3ra!er 0rings to a .a%il! relationshi32 We &a+e u3 11"

in the %orning tal+ing to 'od/ and &e +ee3 tal+ing to and than+ing Hi% all da! long22 <he Bi0le sa!s to 3ra! constantl! and the .act that ?harles and ) share ever! 3ra!er 0urden &ith each other/ %eans that our closeness to each other gro&s ever! da!2 When so%eone calls concerning a 3ro0le%/ i. ?harles is tal+ing/ he as+s %e to 3ic+ u3 an eDtension and to agree &ith hi% in 3ra!er as he 3ra!s2 ). ) a% tal+ing to an individual/ ?harles 3ic+s u3 the eDtension and &e 3ra! Cointl! .or the 3erson involved2 $an! ti%es ) &ill 3ra! 3art o. the 3ra!er and ?harles &ill 3ra! the 0alance/ 0ecause &hat 'od doesn(t 3ut into %! %ind/ He see%s to 3ut in ?harles(/ and our 3ra!ers are al&a!s %ore co%3lete 0ecause the t&o o. us 3ra! together all the ti%e2 -nd tal+ing a0out 3ra!er/ did !ou ever realiHe i. the t&o o. !ou are concerned &ith 3ra!ing .or the needs o. !oursel. and other 3eo3le/ there &on(t 0e ti%e to criticiHe each otherA Because &e loo+ to 'od .or ever!thing/ &e have .ound that things Cust don(t co%e u3 that %ight 0e a source o. irritation in our %arriage2 >o&/ ho& do !ou get around to starting this +ind o. relationshi3A $a!0e !ou have never 3ra!ed together E and &hen ) sa! together ) %ean ,out loud24 $a!0e !ou have a reserve a0out doing this2 $a! ) suggest !ou start right no&/ or &henever !our 3artner is ho%e neDtA 8ust hold hands and sa!/ ,<han+ Gou/ Lord .or %a+ing hi% %! hus0and4 E or vice versa/ ,<han+ Gou/ Lord/ .or %a+ing her %! &i.e24 Gou don(t +no& &hat it Will do to !our relationshi3 &ith 'od/ and !ou can(t i%agine &hat it &ill do to !our relationshi3 &ith each other2 111

What i. !ou have never 3ra!ed out loudA Ho& do !ou startA Where is there an eas! starting 3ointA Well/ .irst o. all/ i. 0oth 3arties are interested in %a+ing the %arriage reall! eDciting/ !ou &on(t have a co%%unication ga3/ so it &on(t 0e as hard on !ou as it is on those cou3les &ho have reached a real 3ro0le% in this area2 <al+ to each other/ and suggest that !ou start tal+ing to 'od nightl!2 #ne o. !ou &ill have to start it/ and &hile it should 0e the hus0and/ i. he(s not the 3ra!er &arrior in !our house/ the &i.e can start it2 >o& here(s an interesting thought to re%e%0er2 ). neither o. !ou have %ade a 3ractice o. 3ra!ing out loud/ re%e%0er the %ale ego is stronger than the .e%ale ego and !our hus0and %ight not &ant to ad%it his &ea+ness in this area2 *o !ou %a! have to start the 3ra!ing/ and %a! ) 3lead right no& .or !ou not to sho& o..2 <here is nothing that &ill turn a %an a&a! .ro% 3ra!ing in 0ed .aster than to hear his &i.e co%e out &ith these 0eauti.ul/ care.ull! 3racticed &ords that &ould %a+e an!thing he tried to sa! a%ateurish2 $a+e it si%3le/ and ver!/ ver! short/ and then Cust sa!/ ,Hone!/ !ou(ve Cust got to hel3 %e24 -s+ hi% to give !ou so%e ideas as to &hat !ou should 3ra! a0out2 Je%e%0er &hile this is going on that 'od is real and is &aiting and anDious to hear .ro% !ou2 <hin+ on 3ra!er in this %anner ). !ou and !our hus0and had so%e .riends &ho% !ou hadn(t seen .or so%e ti%e dro3 in and visit !ou/ !ou &ould tell the% the things that had ha33ened since !ou last sa& the%/ &ouldn(t !ouA <r! tal+ing to 'od Cust as !ou &ould &ith so%e other .riend2 'et !oursel. a 112

good 0oo+ on learning ho& to 3ra!2 <here are %an! eDcellent little tracts and %an!/ %an! &onder.ul 0oo+s &ritten on this su0Cect &hich can hel3 !ou tre%endousl!2 <he trou0le &ith too %an! cou3les &ho don(t 3ra! together is the! &ait too long to 0egin 3ra!ing2 <he! &ait until their %arriage is close to hitting the roc+s2 <hen as a last %inute little .lurr! to hold things together/ the &i.e &ill decide that 3ra!er is the ans&er2 $a!0e the hus0and &on(t even listen to her ver! &ell 0! this ti%e2 Perha3s he &ill reCect al%ost an!thing she tries to get hi% in a good %ood2 -s a result one or the other or 0oth &ill 0e anno!ed &ith their %ate to 0egin &ith2 Fven i. !ou are anno!ed to the li%it &ith !our %ate at this 3articular ti%e/ ) dare !ou to go u3 to hi% or her/ hold hands and sa!/ ,'od/ &ill !ou let %! 3artner +no& ) love hi% even though &e are %ad at each otherA4 and still 0e %ad &hen !ou .inish 3ra!ing2 )t Cust can(t 0e done/ 0ecause there(s so%ething a0out 'od that 0rings love into a relationshi3/ and not anger2 ). !ours is one o. those %arriages &hich has &aited longer than it should to start 3ra!ing/ Cust i%agine 'od in heaven s%iling on !ou right no& and sa!ing/ ,)(% so glad !ou(re going to start tal+ing to $e a0out !our 3ro0le%s2 )(ve 0een &aiting .or such a long ti%e .or this 0ecause ) +no& the solution2 -nd don(t &orr! a0out &hat !ou sa! to $e2 Gou don(t have to 0e clever or trained 0ecause the onl! thing ) &ant .ro% !ou is !our &illingness to call on $e +no&ing that $! love can solve the

113

greatest 3ro0le%s2 >o&/ $! child/ &hat did !ou &ant to tell $eA4 Gou see/ that(s the &a! 'od reall! .eels2 He &ants His children to 0e ha33!2 He &ants us to tal+ to Hi% so that He can give us the ans&ers to the things that 0og us do&n2 Because 'od is a giving 'od/ He longs to giveB He &ants to give !ou the s3ecial &ar%th o. His love2 He &ants to heal !our 0ro+en heart/ and give !ou 3eace2 He &ants to get rid o. the co%%unication ga3/ and all the other things that +ee3 a %arriage .ro% 0eing 3er.ect2 )t(s .utile &hen &e tr! to run our house &ithout 'od 0ecause then &e run into trou0le2 Listen to &hat the Bi0le sa!s/ ,@nless the Lord 0uilds the house/ the! la0or in vain &ho 0uild it1 @nless the Lord guards the cit!/ the &atch%an +ee3s a&a+e in vain2 )t is vain .or !ou to rise u3 earl!/ to retire late/ to eat the 0read o. 3ain.ul la0ors1 .or He gives to His 0eloved even in his slee34 5Psal% 12761/2:2 @nless the Lord 0uilds !our house !ou la0or in vain and &orr! all night long2 <hin+ o. the slee3less nights in ho%es &hich have 0een 0uilt &ithout 'od2 <o His 0eloved 'od gives slee32 <here have 0een ti%es &hen one o. us .ell aslee3 &hile the other &as 3ra!ing in 0ed 0ecause &e have 0een so 0lan+eted &ith the 3eace o. 'od it &as i%3ossi0le to sta! a&a+e2 <r! 3ra!ing .or oneness/ &ill !ouA -nd then there(s the %atter o. reading the Bi0le2 <his is an area &here the -%erican .a%il! has gro&n ver! laD/ 3ro0a0l! 0ecause o. the 3ressures o. current da! living2 We love to read the Bi0le together2 #ur daughter 8oan 3re.ers to do %ost o. 114

her reading alone2 ?harles loves to have %e read to hi%/ and it ha33ens that ) love to read/ so &e al&a!s reserve a 3ortion o. the da! .or reading the Bi0le together2 #ne o. the good things a0out this in a hus0and= &i.e relationshi3 is that as 'od reveals things to us/ &e 0oth are on the sa%e s3iritual 3lane or on the sa%e s3iritual &ave length2 )t isn(t a Iuestion o. one o. us understanding so%ething/ and the other one 0eing co%3letel! in the dar+ a0out it2 >ot onl! that/ as 'od reveals to 0oth us/ &e have a greater understanding o. &hat 'od &ants us to +no& in His 3ersonal letter to us that da!2 #nce in a &hile &hen &e are on tour/ &e %a! not have an earl! s3ea+ing engage%ent/ and so &e sta! in 0ed 0e!ond the nor%al ti%e/ and Cust &allo& in 'od(s Word2 )t(s a%aHing again &hat it does to our relationshi3 as &e discover together the things that 'od has .or us2 ) a% o.ten re%inded o. the verse/ ,Long to gro& u3 into the .ullness o. !our salvation1 cr! .or %ore/ as a 0a0! cries .or %il+4 5) Peter 262/3:2 Fat 'od(s Word E read it/ thin+ a0out it E and gro& strong in the Lord and 0e savedB Gou +no&/ the %ore ) read the Bi0le the %ore ) a% convinced that 'od gives us ever! single instruction &e &ill ever need in li.e to live the eDciting a0undant li.e 8esus 3ro%ised us2 When a cou3le is not on the sa%e s3iritual level/ so%e reall! great 3ro0le%s can ariseB <his is &h! in our s3iritual li.e &e should share ever!thing together2 Let %e sho& !ou &hat ) %ean2 When ?harles and ) &ere .irst %arried/ ) had a &hole !ear(s tours scheduled &hich/ o. course/ ) 115

had to +ee32 Because 'od gave us such short notice as to getting %arried/ ?harles didn(t have ti%e to 3re3are to go &ith %e/ so ) had to go alone2 ) &ould go o.. on %! tours/ and get on a high s3iritual 3lane2 Fven though ) &ould call ?harles nightl! and &rite hi% dail!/ sharing the %iracles that &ere going on/ he didn(t .eel a 3art o. the%2 -nd ) &ould co%e 0ac+ .ro% a tour Cust 0u00ling over &ith things to tell/ and ?harles &ould .eel ,so .ar 0ehind %e s3irituall!/4 as he 3ut it/ that it dre& us a3art %o%entaril! until &e got 0ac+ into the routine o. the nightl! 3ra!ing and Bi0le reading and sharing2 <his ha33ened in s3ite o. the .act that each tele3hone call &e have ever had has ended in 3ra!er2 We have 3ro0a0l! s3ent %ore %one! on tele3hone 3ra!ers than an!one ) +no&2 But so%eho& or other/ the .act that ) &as out there eD3eriencing tre%endous things .or 'od &asn(t hel3ing ?harles to %aintain the sa%e s3iritual level2 We reall! &ent through the .ire in the 0eginning %onths o. our %arriage/ 0ut 'od taught us so%e invalua0le lessons/ and one o. the% &as to +ee3 on the sa%e s3iritual level2 ?harles goes along &ith %e on %ost o. %! tours no& and &e share the 0ounti.ul 0lessings o. 'od together and sta! on the sa%e &ave length2 Gou 3ro0a0l! &ill not have the sa%e 3ro0le%s that &e have had 0ecause o. our 0eing una0le to 0e together on %! tours in the 0eginning/ 0ut on a di..erent scale !ou can have the sa%e 3ro0le%s E or the sa%e solutions/ de3ending on &hich &a! !ou &ant to loo+ at it2 $a!0e there(s a ,La! )nstitute .or Fvangelis%4 co%ing u3 in !our church or in !our 116

to&n2 Don(t one o. !ou go alone E B#<H o. !ou go/ &hether !ou .eel li+e it or not2 <here is nothing &orse than &hen one 3artner goes to a s3iritual 0last and co%es 0ac+ 0reathing .ire/ and the sta!=at= ho%e 3artner is cold and unres3onsive2 )t doesn(t hel3 either &a!2 $an! ti%es a &i.e .eels restricted 0ecause o. children2 <a+e so%e good advice and get a 0a0!sitter and go &ith hi%2 <he sa%e thing is true i. a good evangelist is co%ing to to n , 0oth o. !ou go together2 ). there(s a s3ecial service at the church/ 0oth o. !ou go together2 When ) see cou3les reall! having the 0eauti.ul %arriage 'od intended .or all o. us to have/ ) al&a!s .ind out the! are on the sa%e s3iritual level2 ). one o. !ou is going to &atch Bill! 'raha% on <9/ then the other should &atch also/ so there &ill 0e a de.inite oneness 0et&een !ou2 $a!0e one o. !ou teaches *unda! *chool/ and the other one has not 0een called to teach2 Well/ ) &ould do one o. t&o things2 )(d either hel3 out the one &ho teaches an! &a! ) could/ or )(d Cust 0e right in there/ 0ac+ing the teaching one u3 &ith 3ra!er2 #r %a!0e !our hus0and is on so%e co%%ittee in the church2 Listen intentl! to the &a! he shares &ith !ou the 3ro0le%s and/ i. 3ossi0le/ see i. !ou can(t get on the sa%e co%%ittee2 )n a lot o. churches there are enough co%%ittees to +ee3 cou3les a3art several nights a %onth2 -n!thing that se3arates a cou3le is not good2 Well/ !ou sa!/ one o. !ou is an eDtrovert and the other is an introvert2 'reatB Let the eDtrovert do the tal+ing/ and let the introvert do the 3ra!ing/ 0ecause 117

i. !ou let the eDtrovert go alone/ 3rett! soon !ou &on(t even understand &hat he(s eDcited a0out2 *o%e o. the greatest tea% teaching done in churches toda! is done 0! the %an and &i.e tea%s &here one is the eDtrovert and the other is the introvert2 -nd ho& do !ou read the Bi0le together &hen one doesn(t even read the Bi0leA 'et a good translation/ and let the ,reader4 read out loud to the other2 ?harles and ) have our o&n Bi0les &hich &e %ar+ se3aratel! and inde3endentl! o. each other/ 0ut &e(ve o.ten reco%%ended that the reall! interested one should start the reading Pic+ a 3articularl! eDciting 3assage and read it to !our %ate2 Jead .ro% one o. the ne& translations that are so eas! to understand and 0e sure to read one o. the reall! eDciting 3ro%ises that 'od gives2 Here is one little verse ) ha33ened to see as ) o3ened %! Bi0le right no&2 ). !ou(ve had a 3ro0le% co%e u3 during the da! and didn(t +no& the eDact ans&er/ and !ou(ve as+ed 'od to solve the 3ro0le%/ !ou %ight tr! F3hesians 1686 ,-nd He has sho&ered do&n u3on us the richness o. his grace E .or ho& &ell he understands us and +no&s &hat is 0est .or us at all ti%e24 Ho& can an!one Iuestion 'od &hen He +no&s &hat is 0est .or us at all ti%esA -nd ho& can &e 0e concerned or &orried &hen &e +no& that 'od holds our .utureA He certainl! +no&s &hat is 0est .or us at all ti%es/ so this leaves it u3 to us2 Do &e &ant to see+ His &a!A -nother verse ) Cust ha33ened to see is in 'alatians 4676 ,>o& &e are no longer slaves/ 0ut 'od(s o&n sons2 -nd since &e are his sons/ 118

ever!thing he has 0elongs to us/ .or that is the &a! 'od 3lanned24 8ust thin+ E 'od o&ns ever!thing/ and since &e are His sons/ ever!thing He has 0elongs to usB What an a0solutel! 3o&er.ul thoughtB Who could hel3 0ut reCoice at a state%ent li+e thatA )n our 0usiness li.e/ i. &e have a 3ro0le%/ &e go to the 0oss or so%eone &ho +no&s the solution2 <hin+ ho& si%3le it is in the %atter o. living to 0e a0le to go to the #ne &ho has the right ans&er to all o. li.e/ and He has 3ut it do&n so 0eauti.ull! in His Word2 ) Cust ha33ened to glance at a little note that ?harles had scri00led and 3ut in .or %e to consider and ) thin+ it(s a real ge%2 ,We never gro& tired o. loving each other 0ecause &e never gro& tired o. loving 'od2 <he %ore &e love Hi%/ the %ore &e &ant to 0e near Hi%/ and the %ore &e are together/ the %ore &e &ant to 0e together2 ) love !ou/ FrancesB4 Beco%ing divided instead o. one is an insidious little ga%e the old devil li+es to 3la!2 )t can start out so si%3l! and easil!2 We have had %an! 3eo3le &ho tr! to se3arate us .or various reasons/ 0ut &e al&a!s stic+ together li+e glue 0ecause &e enCo! 0eing one2 Peo3le in churches %an! ti%es tr! to ta+e %e to one side and ?harles to another/ and one o. the greatest eDa%3les o. this ca%e &hen &e &ere s3ecial guests at a %ilitar! .unction2 *ince ) &as the s3ea+er/ ) &as to sit &ith the co%%anding o..icer/ and ?harles &as to sit &ith his &i.e/ and no0od! at the head ta0le &as to sit &ith their %arriage 3artners2 When ) &as advised to sit neDt to the 11

co%%anding o..icer/ ?harles 3olitel! 0ut .ir%l! held onto %! ar% and said/ ,>o/ sir/ %! &i.e and ) are one/ &e don(t sit a3art24 <he o..icer(s &i.e eD3lained/ ,But this is %ilitar! 3rotocol/ !ou have to sit li+e thisB4 ?harles re3lied/ ,)(% sorr!/ 3rotocol or not/ no one se3arates %e .ro% %! &i.e24 )t so ha33ened the! had given %e the ran+ o. a t&o star general during %! sta! at the %ilitar! 0ase/ so ) teasingl! loo+ed at the co%%anding o..icer and as+ed/ ,Pardon %e/ sir/ 0ut does a t&o star general outran+ a .ull colonelA4 <he audience ho&led as he had to ad%it it did2 <hen ) as+ed/ ,$a! ) 3ull %! ran+ Cust .or tonight and sit &ith %! hus0andA4 <hen ) loo+ed at the cro&d and said/ ,) thin+ it(s i%%oral &hen the! &ant a %an to sit &ith so%eone other than his &i.e/ and ) thin+ &e ought to co%3lain to Washington/ don(t !ouA4 -nd &ould !ou 0elieve itA <HFG '-9F @* *<->D)>' #9-<)#> BF?-@*F WF *<##D F)J$ #> WH-< WF BFL)F9F E <H-< '#D $-DF @* #>FB by Charles F3hesians 5631 sa!s/ ,<hat the hus0and and &i.e are one 0od! is 3roved 0! the *cri3ture &hich sa!s ;- %an %ust leave his .ather and %other &hen he %arries/ so that he can 0e 3er.ectl! Coined to his &i.e/ and the t&o shall 0e one24 -ll the love Frances and ) have started 0! it .lo&ing through 'od and ?hrist 8esus2 <hat &as the onl! thing &e had in co%%on as &e 0egan to get acIuainted/ and &e still tal+ constantl! &hen &e are 12"

together a0out nothing eDce3t 8esus2 #ur s3iritual 0odies &ere so solidl! &elded into one even 0e.ore &e 3h!sicall! +ne& each other that &e reall! &ere one in *3irit2 <hat sa%e 0eauti.ul love Iuic+l! 0eca%e one 3h!sicall!/ and the &elding o. ever! .i0er o. our .lesh 0eca%e Cust one2 <his oneness o. s3irit and .lesh &as 0rought .orce.ull! to %! attention as Frances s3o+e to eDciting grou3s/ eD3erienced %iracles and shared this eDcite%ent &ith others as ) sta!ed ho%e to do the %ore routine &or+ o. %! 0usiness li.e2 -s she told %e o. the thrilling adventures and ho& %uch she &ished ) could 0e &ith her/ %! desire to share ever!thing &ith her &as so strong that ) even let it gro& un+no&ingl! into a .or% o. Cealous!2 What &as reall! ha33ening &as that &e &ere 0eing 3ulled a3art s3irituall! 0! good things/ 0ut nevertheless 3ulled a3art2 )t &as such a strong 3ull that %! descri3tion to Frances &as that it hurt as 0adl! as though so%eone gra00ed a 3iece o. the .lesh o. %! ar% and Cer+ed it a&a! .ro% the 0one2 *ince 'od trul! %ade us one/ the hurt &as the sa%e as a 3h!sical 3ain in %! o&n 0od!2 #ne adCust%ent that has ta+en 3lace in our %arriage/ &hich )(% sure isn(t too di..erent that in al%ost an! %arriage/ &as that Frances &as relativel! &ell +no&n in the circles in &hich she traveled and s3o+e/ &hile her 0oo+s added eDtensivel! to her gro&ing 3o3ularit!2 <hen all at once she had a hus0and &ho &as not so &ell +no&n and &hen &e &ere together she had a choice o. t&o &a!s to go2 Fver! hu%an has a strong %echanis% called ego &hich goes around hunting .or 121

recognition unless this vacuu% is co%3letel! .illed &ith ?hrist2 Frances loves her assign%ents .ro% 'od and she is ver! eDciting2 )t is %uch easier Cust to drin+ in this eDcite%ent and love &hich others so .reel! give to her/ 0ut Frances chose another &a!2 *he 0egan 0e.ore &e &ere %arried to dra& us together2 *he could have chosen to o3erate alone as one/ or she could have chosen the route she did/ to have the t&o o. us &al+ as one2 <oda! &e have an eDciting Coint %inistr!2 #ur &edding announce%ents said &e &ere ,united one in ?hrist4 and .or this reason &e 0elieve co%3lete oneness in each other and in ?hrist is the .oundation necessar! .or the ideal %arriage2 - tre%endous oneness can 0e enCo!ed 0! cou3les &ho are united in 3lanning a 0usiness together2 <he success/ .ailure/ 0u%3s and thrills can 0e a0sor0ed together to 0uild a uniIue oneness o. enCo!%ent in a 0usiness2 *o%e %en .eel that his 0usiness is none o. her 0usiness2 But it is reall! a%aHing ho& o0servant and 3erce3tive a &i.e can 0e i. the &or+ is done together as a Coint venture2 <his &or+ing together can 0e adventureso%e in seeing ho& &ell the cou3le can get along and love each other/ 0ut !ou need to &or+ at love as &ell as love to &or+2 <o succeed in 0usiness reIuires sincere/ devoted/ hard &or+2 - %arriage &ill 0e a success i. given as %uch e..ort2 ). %en &ould 3ut as %uch into %a+ing their %arriage &or+ success.ull! as the! do in their 0usiness &e &ould have less 0an+ru3t %arriages2

122

$en o.ten 3ut %one! a0ove ever!thing else/ clai%ing the! &ant to ,give %! .a%il! ever!thing/4 0ut such %one! is too eD3ensive2 )ts love can cost !ou !our souls2 Fven i. !ou clai% !ou don(t love it/ 0ut let ha0it or 3riorities cost !ou ti%es &ith !our &i.e and create a se3aration 0et&een !ou and !our &i.e/ it(s not &orth &hat it can 0u! .or !ou2

123

Be Married
by Frances >o 0oo+ can 0e &ritten a0out an eDciting %arriage unless so%e&here in the 3ages there &as in.or%ation a0out the seDual relationshi3/ the cul%ination o. %arriage2 ,*eD is the sun o. our %arital universe and .ro% it ste%s attitudes E good and 0ad/4 sa!s %! hus0and2 *ince neither o. us are doctors or 3s!chologists/ &e &ould li+e to Cust share &ith !ou &hat &e have discovered2 Fro% the .e%ale side/ ) had 0een &ido&ed .or %an! !ears/ and had a33arentl! 3ut all o. %! seD drive into 0uilding a 0usiness2 <hen all o. a sudden ca%e a love .or a %an ) didn(t even +no&/ a %an ) had never had a date &ith/ 0ut &ho% ) %arried 0ecause 'od told %e to2 We 3ro0a0l! had a lot %ore 3ro0le%s .acing us than the average cou3le 0ecause o. the uniIue &a! &e &ere 0rought together 5the .ull stor! is in My Love Affair With Charles) and !et &e had no real 3ro0le%s 0ecause &e had our e!es on 8esus2 Please re%e%0er that ) had never dated %! hus0and/ and had onl! seen hi% three ti%es in three da!s/ so%e eight!=eight da!s 0e.ore &e &ere %arried2 Because our ro%ance &as so totall! o. 'od/ &e de3ended on Hi% .or all the ans&ers2 Be.ore our %arriage/ and even 0e.ore ?harles ca%e to $ia%i .or our &edding/ ) 3ra!ed and as+ed 'od to %a+e %e the +ind o. &o%an that ?harles needed2 ) as+ed Hi% to let %e res3ond to ?harles in eDactl! the &a! he needed2 Having 0een ,%an=sh!4 .or so %an! !ears/ ) reall! had no idea &hat &as to 0e 124

eD3ected a.ter .i.t!/ 0ut all ) +ne& &as that ) &anted to 0e the &o%an that ?harles needed/ and ) as+ed 'od to %a+e it so2 ) had 0uilt a &all around %! heart %an! !ears 3reviousl!/ and ) &anted to %a+e sure that 'od too+ that &all a&a!2 -.ter our &edding and rece3tion &ere over/ it &as a0out 363" in the %orning and &e &ere 0oth eDhausted .ro% a hectic da! o. 3ac+ing and getting read! .or %! return to Houston &ith ?harles2 -s &e drove a&a! .ro% the church/ in %! co%3lete state o. eDhaustion ) al%ost 3anic+ed2 ) decided ) &as hungr! 5the usual 0ride tric+:/ 0ut there &asn(t an! 3lace o3en at that hour/ so there &asn(t an! 3lace &e could go eDce3t the hotel &here ?harles had %ade reservations2 #nce &e got inside the roo%/ ) loo+ed at ?harles/ and ) thin+ ) realiHed .or the .irst ti%e that %! hus0and &as a %ale hu%an 0eing2 ) nearl! 0olted .or the door/ 0ut ) couldn(t 0ecause he had his ar%s around %e/ holding %e tightl!2 -n!&a!/ he &as 0et&een %e and the door2 <he &all that had 0een around %! heart .or so %an! !ears gre& to s+! height in those 0rie. %o%ents2 ) &as as rigid as a 0oard2 ?harles as+ed %e i. ) &anted to sit do&n and ) said/ ,>oB4 and the &all got higher and higher and ) guess ) Cust silentl! screa%ed out/ ,#h/ 'odB4 <hen/ in the greatest dis3la! o. tender love ) have ever seen/ ?harles gentl! +issed %e again and &his3ered in %! ear/ ,-nd the %an and his &i.e &ere 0oth na+ed/ and &ere not asha%ed4 5'enesis 2625:2 <he 0eaut! o. that %o%ent &as unreal/ 0ecause 'od had s3o+en right through hi%/ and the &alls o. 8ericho ca%e tu%0ling do&nB 125

*o%eho& or other/ &e &ere all taught %odest! 5and right.ull! so: &hen &e &ere !oung/ and so%eho& or other it turns into .alse %odest! and sta!s &ith us all o. our lives unless &e are 0rought to the truth 0! 'od(s Word alone2 )sn(t it a sha%e &e do not teach our children that &ith a hus0and and &i.e/ there is nothing eDce3t 0eaut! in the &a! 'od created us2 <his one little verse o. *cri3ture did as %uch .or our %arriage as an! other one ) can thin+ o./ and 'od gave it to ?harles at 3recisel! the eDact %o%ent ) needed it2 )t &as onl! &hen sin had co%e into the lives o. -da% and Fve that the! &ere asha%ed and considered na+edness so%ething that needed to 0e covered2 <he ?hristian godl! attitude a0out seD does not need to 0e covered2 #ne o. the %ost tragic conditions that eDists in a %arriage occurs in regard to the seDual relationshi32 $an! &o%en/ 0ecause the! haven(t 0een health.ull! grounded in a +no&ledge o. seD/ use seD as a 3rivilege the! give to their hus0ands/ instead o. see+ing &hat the Bi0le sa!s a0out the .act that &hen a &o%an is %arried/ she has no right over her 0od!2 )t 0elongs to her hus0and and/ 0! the sa%e to+en/ her hus0and(s 0od! 0elongs to her/ and each o. the% should love each other(s 0od! as the! love their o&n2 )t(s ver! 3athetic &hen &e counsel &ith 3eo3le to hear a &o%an sa!/ ,Well/ he &as %ean to %e/ and so ) Cust .iDed hi%2 ) &ouldn(t go to 0ed &ith hi%24 <hen she goes on to sa!/ ,When he gives %e %! &a!/ then ) let hi% have &hat he &ants24 Jight no& ) a% thin+ing in 3articular o. a &o%an &ho had great 3ro0le%s in her %arriage2 *he had a 3articular %ania .or things2 )n other 126

&ords/ she li+ed a lot o. attractive things around her house2 Her hus0and &as a struggling !oung 0usiness%an/ and &as tr!ing to 0e ver! care.ul in his outla! o. %one! until the 0usiness reall! got on its .eet2 <his anno!ed her ver! %uch2 ?ou3led &ith this &as the .act that he ver! o.ten &or+ed late %an! nights in the o..ice and this reall! 0ugged her &hen he didn(t co%e ho%e to have dinner &ith her2 *o then she &ould 3ut on a little 3outing act/ and allo& no seD &hatsoever2 When the ti%e ca%e that she reall! &anted so%ething li+e a color television/ a ne& car/ a ne& rug .or the living roo%/ a ne& so.a/ a ne& &ashing %achine/ or so%ething li+e that/ then she &ould ver! sel.= righteousl! allo& hi% to do the thing that 'od intended as the %ost 0eauti.ul 3art o. oneness 0et&een a %an and his &i.e2 With the %aCorit! o. cou3les &ho have 3ro0le%s in this area/ the &o%an uses the seD act as a 0argaining ite%/ or a 0ri0e to get her &a! a0out so%ething or other2 ) &ould li+e to thro& this little thought in right no&2 What arc !ou reall! doing at this 3ointA )s a &o%an acco%3lishing &hat she &ants &ith her hus0andA #h/ !ou %a! get the ne& car/ or the ne& rug .or the living roo%/ or the ne& &ashing %achine/ 0ut actuall! &hat !ou(re doing is %a+ing a 3rostitute o. !oursel./ 0ecause !ou are selling !our 0od! to !our hus0and in return .or so%ething that !ou thin+ !ou &ant2 ). there &as an!thing in the &orld ) &ouldn(t &ant to 0e doing/ or 0e guilt! o. doing/ it &ould 0e selling %! 0od! to %! hus0and2 Gou %a! disagree &ith %e on that/ !ou %a! thin+ that has a0solutel! nothing to do &ith 3rostitution/ 127

0ut let %c tell !ou this/ the &o%an on the street sells her 0od! .or %one!2 - &i.e &ho is guilt! o. 0argaining sells her 0od! .or ,things24 <here is a0solutel! no di..erence2 )t(s Cust the 3rice that is di..erent E that(s allB Loo+ at ) ?orinthians 762=5/ ,<he %an should give his &i.e all that is her right as a %arried &o%an/ and the &i.e should do the sa%e .or her hus0and64 )t does not sa! that the %an should give his &i.e all that is her right/ and that the &o%an should sell to her hus0and &hat is his right2 )t goes on to sa!/ ,For a girl &ho %arries no longer has .ull right to her o&n 0od!/ .or her hus0and then has his rights to it/ too1 and in the sa%e &a! the hus0and no longer has .ull right to his o&n 0od!/ .or it 0elongs also to his &i.e24 -nd no& listen to &hat it sa!s/ ,*o do not refuse these rights to each other24 <he Bi0le sa!s/ and ) re3eat/ ,do not re.use these rights to each other24 )t sa!s to give all that is !ours to !our hus0and2 Gou +no&/ i. &o%en Cust 0elieved that/ and &ould Iuit this 0artering 0usiness &ith their hus0ands 5and that(s eDactl! &hat it is: &e &ould have a lot ha33ier %arriages2 <he interesting thing is !ou can(t 0arter &ith 'od2 Gou can(t sa!/ ,Well/ 'od/ i. Gou(ll do this .or %e/ )(ll do that .or Gou24 When !ou serve 'od !ou have to ant to give to 'od2 <hen the .antastic thing is &hen !ou ant to give to 'od/ &hat He gives 0ac+ to !ou is Cust co%3letel! un0elieva0leB <here(s no 0artering &ith 'od2 Gou have to &ant to serve Hi% .irst/ and then serve Hi% &ithout &anting an!thing 0ac+2 128

<he sa%e 3rinci3le a33lies in %arriage2 ). &o%en &ould get over the idea o. 0artering &ith their hus0ands and selling this 3iece o. 3ro3ert! &hich the! thin+ <HFG o&n/ &ell/ it(s the sa%e 3rinci3le as it is &ith 'od2 Gou can(t 0arter &ith 'od/ and !ou can(t 0arter .or a ha33! %arriage2 ) have never seen a %arriage that(s ha33! &hen the &o%an sells her seD .or a 3rice/ regardless o. &hat it is2 $a!0e it(s Cust %a+ing hi% &ash the dishes at night2 <his doesn(t %a+e an! di..erence/ !ou(re still Cust haggling a0out the 3rice/ and there(s a0solutel! no di..erence at all 0et&een !ou and &o%an at the &ell2 8esus so 0eauti.ull! said to her/ ,'o/ and sin no %oreB4 Doesn(t the sa%e thing a33l! to an! o. us &ho have &ithheld rights .ro% our hus0andsA *houldn(t 8esus 0e sa!ing to us right no&/ ,'o/ and sin no %ore4A 'ive to !our hus0and/ in love/ &hat right.ull! 0elongs to hi%/ and ) guarantee that he &ill give 0ac+ to !ou a0undantl!2 by Charles <he devil see%s to start seD education ver! earl! in the lives o. children and true seD education reaches the %ind o. a child too late2 ) can vividl! recall the dirt! stories/ sin.ul i%3ressions and i%3lications that the 0ig 0o!s used to tell us little gu!s/ and &e &ere .ull! convinced and indoctrinated that an!thing that had to do &ith seD &as sin2 )t &as told in a &a! to te%3t us2 )n s3ite o. this at%os3here/ so%eho& ) %anaged to .ind a 3urit! a0out seD and that it &as a natural 'od=given hu%an trait that &as not intended to 0e tal+ed a0out in sha%e2 12

We recentl! counseled &ith a teenage girl &hose 3arents &ere not ?hristian and a33arentl! .ought &ith each other constantl!2 Her conce3t o. intercourse &as that it &as to occur onl! .or the 3ur3ose o. having a child and no %ore .reIuentl! than that and .or no other 3ur3ose than that2 *he could onl! see a 3icture o. dirt! ger%s 0eing inCected into her 0od! and she &as deter%ined that this &ould never ha33en to her/ so she had 3lanned never to let her hus0and touch her2 -ll her 0a0ies &ould 0e ado3ted2 What a sad %ista+e &e 3arents can %a+e 0! not o3enl! tal+ing to our children at the right age a0out a su0Cect o. &hich &e need not have sha%e2 ?ertainl! the! should 0e taught that it is a %odest su0Cect &hen discussed in %iDed co%3an!2 But &h! should &e s+i3 hastil! 3ast %an! 3ages o. the Bi0le and sa! &e had 0etter not tal+ a0out that to our childrenA Wh! not s+i3 the Lord(s Pra!erA )s it an! &onder that children have an attitude that seD %ust 0e sin.ul and dirt! 0ecause the! have 0een taught to avoid tal+ing a0out it the sa%e &a! the! have 0een taught not to tell dirt! stories/ or lie/ or %urderA Frances and ) &ant to live long enough to clai% ever! 0lessing and 3ro%ise 'od has .or us/ and seD is one o. the good things2 'od certainl! didn(t %a+e a %ista+e in this area/ although %an! ti%es 0! our attitude &e act li+e He did2 Frances told !ou in another 3art o. this 0oo+ a0out the Co! and .ul.ill%ent &e get .ro% 3ra!ing together in 0ed the last thing at night &ith our ar%s &ra33ed around each other2 Wh! should seD 0e a3art .ro% 3ra!erA *ince 'od created %an and 13"

&o%an .or %ates and designed and constructed us &ith the inti%ate desires He did/ then .or us to attain the highest/ %ost 0eauti.ul relationshi3/ &e go to 'od in 3ra!er2 <he s%utt! stories ) heard &hile ) &as little see%ed to 0e a 3rereIuisite to seDual relationshi32 <he Bi0le sa!s/ ,Dirt! stories/ .oul tal+ and coarse Co+es E these are not .or !ou2 )nstead/ re%ind each other o. 'od(s goodness and 0e than+.ul4 5F3hesians 563/4:2 Do eDactl! this/ and 'od &ill 0less !ou &ith the %ost 0eauti.ul relationshi3 an!one could drea% o.2 ). !ou are 3h!sicall! sic+ and !ou 3ra! .or healing/ &h! not tr! 3ra!er .or a health! seD relationshi3 and see &hat ha33ensA -s a starter .or seD education and a &a! to have an eDciting %arriage/ Cust thin+ o. the title o. each cha3ter in this 0oo+ and see i. the! are not essential ingredients to an eDciting seDual relationshi36 Be Loving/ Be ?onsiderate/ Be Honest/ Be Forgiving/ Be Lo!al/ Be Patient/ Be ?ourteous/ Be Desirous/ Be #neB Put the% all into a %arriage &ith 8esus as the living center and !ou &ill have the %ost 0eauti.ul seD li.e in the &orld as the %ost 3o&er.ul de%onstration o. love co%3leted in a hu%an 0od!2 ) Cust read Frances( 3art o. this cha3ter on selling !our seD2 ) agree &ith her 1"" 3ercent in &hat she said a0out this 0eing a .or% o. 3rostitution2 But ) &ould li+e to add an additional %ale vie&3oint right at this 3articular ti%e2 *o%eda! !ou %a! discover to !our dis%a! that the 3rice !ou charged &as so high that !our hus0and has gone sho33ing else&here .or a 0etter 0argain2 )n case !ou are not a&are o. this/ this is a 131

characteristic o. %en and one o. the %ain reasons the! do it is 0ecause their &ives 3ut too high a 3rice on their seD2 ) &ould also li+e to add another thought2 'od %ade %an to 0e the aggressive one o. the t&o in %arriage/ 0ut even the %ost aggressive %an li+es to +no& that he is loved and &anted2 Ho& long has it 0een since you! the &i.e/ &ere the one &ho started the love%a+ing &ith !our hus0andA $en li+e to +no& the! are desired2 $en/ in s3ite o. all their 0luster! Iualities/ li+e to +no& that the! are loved and that the! arc attractive to the one the! love2 We li+e to +no& that !ou &ant us Cust li+e &e &ant !ou2 Ho& long has it 0een since !ou greeted !our hus0and &hen he ca%e ho%e at night/ &ith a +iss that said to hi%/ ,Let(s go to 0ed/ hone!/4 even i. !ou arc surrounded 0! !our children and guests .or dinner/ including his 0ossA 8ust re%e%0er that he(s not going to carr! !ou to the 0edroo% right that %inute2 But the evening is going to 0e a delight.ul one 0ecause in the 0ac+ o. his %ind all evening long he(s going to carr! that ver! s3ecial thought/ ,*he L#9F* %eB -nd she thin+s )(% desira0leB4 ) also &ant to sa! this to the &ives2 $an! &o%en have said the!(re a.raid to +iss their hus0ands or to let their hus0ands +iss the% 0ecause right a&a! the! get ideas2 <his isn(t true at all2 *o %an! ti%es &o%en thin+ this and use this as an eDcuse2 ). a situation li+e this eDists in !our .a%il!/ &h! don(t !ou loo+ at !oursel.A -rc !ou reall! &ithholding the things .ro% !our hus0and that he has ever! right to eD3ectA ). !ou eD3ect hi% to 0e .aith.ul and lo!al and loving to !ou/ then he has the 132

right to eD3ect the sa%e thing 0ac+2 >o &onder he(s reacting in a &a! that !ou %ight thin+ is ani%al E i. !ou(re not giving hi%/ and ) %ean giving! not selling to hi%/ &hat right.ull! 0elongs to hi%2 ). he .eels constantl! cheated/ then the least little 0it o. +indness or a..ection on !our 3art is going to %a+e hi% thin+/ ,-ha/ this is the night24 -nd it reall! isn(t that he(s a 0east at all ). !ou &ill +ee3 hi% satis.ied/ then !ou &ill not have this 3ro0le%2 He(ll never +no& &hether another &o%an is 3rett! or attractive or gla%orous/ or an!thing else 0ecause he(ll 0e so satis.ied in his o&n little niche that he(s not going to have ideas a0out an!one else2 *o %an! ti%es there is another little characteristic that goes along in this sa%e vein2 &i.e %a! thin+/ ,)(% not going to 0ed &ith hi% tonight24 *o the evening is s3ent either arguing and 0ic+ering or %a+ing sarcastic/ cutting re%ar+s so that he &ill have no desire .or love 3la!2 ). !ou &ant to destro! the %an &ho is !our hus0and/ this is a %arvelous &a! to do it2 $an! !ears ago a .riend o. %ine told %e that he reall! .elt he &as co%3letel! seDuall! i%3otent2 He divorced his &i.e and %arried another &o%an and he said to %c later/ ,Gou +no&/ there(s nothing &rong &ith %e at all/ eDce3t Cust the cutting re%ar+s %! .irst &i.e %ade24 <his a33lies eIuall! to %en and &o%en2 ) thin+/ too/ that .ear can cause a %an to suddenl! lose his 3re3aredness to enter into this inti%ate relationshi32 <his i%0alance characteristic in a lot o. %en and &o%en &hich results in the %an 0eing 3re3ared 5read!: 0e.ore the glands o. his &i.e 133

res3ond/ can also &or+ the o33osite2 <he %an can lose Iuic+l! the cli%aD o. his readiness 0e.ore the &i.e reaches hers2 ). this has ha33ened once/ a tenseness or .ear can cause it to ha33en again and again2 <heir 0la%e .or .ailure to have a 3er.ect/ 0eauti.ul relationshi3 can 0ounce in 0oth directions2 We are 0orn &ith a nature to 0la%e the other 3art! .or our &ea+ness or .or a situation .or &hich neither can 0e 0la%ed2 - solution o. this reIuires close co%%union and a dee3 desire to 3lease the other2 -gain/ trust 'od to 3ut &ithin each s3ouse love/ 3atience/ courtes!/ +indness and co%3lete unsel.ishness as the +e! to 3eace/ Co! and ha33iness2 -nd 'od &ill give this i. &e as+ Hi% and let Hi% control all 3hases 5including seD: o. our lives2 ). !ou reall! &ant to have a 0eauti.ul seD relationshi3/ !ou shouldn(t Cust start one %inute a.ter !ou go to 0ed E !our entire li.e should 0e lived in an at%os3here o. love2 <o the %en ) &ould li+e to sa! that i. !ou are loving and +ind all the &a! throughout the evening and throughout the da! to !our &i.e/ !ou(re creating an at%os3here o. love/ &hich is so vital and necessar! to the 3er.ect seD act2 ). !ou have 0een criticiHing her during the evening/ !ou can(t eD3ect her to res3ond to !ou/ can !ouA ). &e live in an at%os3here o. love/ then &hen it(s ti%e .or the seD act/ it &ill have 0een starred and co%3leted in an at%os3here o. love/ &hich is eDactl! the &a! 'od intended it2 )t %a! see% trite to &rite this neDt sentence 0ecause ever! %arriage 0oo+ has the sa%e thing in it/ 0ut there is so %uch truth in this/ ) &ant to 3ut it 134

do&n an!&a!2 ). a %an &ill learn to understand and res3ect the &a! his &i.e .unctions 0est as a 3artner in the %arriage seD act/ and &ill do the things that are necessar! to 3ut her in an attitude o. love/ he(ll discover there are a lot less 3ro0le%s2 by Charles and Frances We need to reall! a33reciate the .act that 'od created this 3art o. %arriage .or the ulti%ate in ,oneness4 0et&een cou3les2 'od created it in 0eaut! and love and it should 0e enCo!ed in the &a! He created it2 <he Bi0le sa!s/ ,'ive/ and it shall 0e given unto !ou4 5Lu+e 6638:2 'od didn(t sa!/ ,'et/ and then give24 'od sa!s/ ,'ive/ and it shall 0e given unto !ou24 <hat(s a 0eauti.ul thought2 Let(s ta+e it into our %arriage/ shall &eA Let(s ta+e it not onl! in other 3arts o. our %arriage/ 0ut let(s ta+e it in this %ost 0eauti.ul 3art o. %arriage2 $en/ &h! don(t !ou ta+e !our &i.e in !our ar%s right no& and Cust give her a real s&eet +ind o. +iss and sa!/ ,Hone!/ &hat are !our needsA What can ) do to %a+e our relationshi3 %ore satis.!ingA4 -nd then/ &ives/ in this sa%e desire to 3lease/ see+ to .ind &hat he considers &a!s to 0etter satis.! his needs2 Be co%3letel! honest &ith each other/ 0ut 0e loving in !our desire to 3lease2 ). &e thin+ onl! a0out serving the other one/ and &anting the ver! 0est .or our %ate/ living and loving &ill 0oth 0e eDciting2 Well/ !ou(ve read our inner%ost thoughts a0out %arriage2 We &ere 0lessed 0ecause &e 0oth 3ut 135

8esus .irst in our lives 0e.ore &e &ere %arried2 @nderstanding &hat 'od intended %arriage to 0e gave us a head start on a lot o. %arriages2 But &hat i. !our %arriage is sagging right no&/ &here do !ou start to get it &here it should 0eA ). !our %arriage ha33ens to 0e one in that categor!/ &e(d 3lead &ith !ou right no& to read this .inal 3art o. the 0oo+ together. <here are so%e Iuestions !ou need to 0e honest a0out and ans&er right no& as hus0and and &i.e2 12 Do !ou reall! &ant to %a+e !our %arriage a successA Gou %ust &ant to %a+e !our %arriage a success 0e.ore it can 0e1 Cust as !ou %ust ant 'od 0e.ore !ou can have Hi%2 HeLLLLLLLLL *heLLLLLLLLL 22 Do !ou reall! &ant to get the %ost out o. !our %arriage/ or &ill !ou 0e content to Cust ,get alongA4 ?harles sa!s/ ,Do !ou &ant to eat stea+/ or are !ou content to eat gar0ageA4 HeLLLLLLLLL *heLLLLLLLLL 32 -re !ou &illing .or a 3eriod o. siD %onths/ to do !our ut%ost to %a+e !our %arriage &hat it can 0eA 5With no reservations: HeLLLLLLLLL *heLLLLLLLLL 42 -re !ou &illing to .orgive and .orget all the things that have 0een stu%0ling 0loc+s in !our %arriage u3 until no&A HeLLLLLLLLL *heLLLLLLLLL 52 -re !ou &illing to +ee3 in %ind at all ti%es/ .or a 3eriod o. siD %onths/ the idea o. ,What can ) do to %a+e %! 3artner ha33!A4 HeLLLLLLLLL *heLLLLLLLLL

136

62 -re !ou honestl! &illing to thro& !our 3reCudices do&n the drain .or a 3eriod o. siD %onths concerning ideas that !ou have right no& &hich are creating the 3ro0le%s !ou are havingA HeLLLLLLLLL *heLLLLLLLLL 72 Do !ou honestl! &ant to 0ridge the co%%unication ga3A HeLLLLLLLLL *heLLLLLLLLL 82 ). an argu%ent co%es u3/ &ill !ou do !our 0est to see that !our s3ouse &ins the argu%entA HeLLLLLLLLL *heLLLLLLLLL 2 Will !ou let 'od s3ea+ to !our %arriage 0! individuall! and then together reading the ,Love4 cha3ters 5) ?orinthians 13/ and F3hesians 562"=33: at least once a %onthA HeLLLLLLLLL *heLLLLLLLLL 1"2 List the .ive things !ou could do .or !our %ate to %a+e hi% or her ha33ier than he or she is right no&6 HeLLLLLLLLL *heLLLLLLLLL 12 LLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLL LLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLL 22 LLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLL LLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLL 32 LLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLL LLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLL 42 LLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLL LLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLL 52 LLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLL LLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLL Begin no& 0! doing these .ive things2 ). !ou can honestl! 50oth o. !ou: sa! ,!es4 to Iuestions 1= / &e(ll give !ou our suggestion2 ). !ou cannot honestl! sa! ,!es4/ thro& this 0oo+ a&a! and go on 0attling &ith each other2 Be satis.ied/

137

then/ &ith onl! a 3ortion o. &hat 'od &ants !ou to have instead o. a ,dou0le 3ortion24 )./ ho&ever/ !ou 0oth have said ,!es4 to all the Iuestions/ right no&/ start the sa%e 3lace &here 'od starts &ith salvation2 He .orgave our sins2 *o each o. !ou as+ the other to .orgive &hatever has caused 3ro0le%s in !our %arriage/ and then 0ur! the% in the sea o. .orget.ulness2 *tart !our %arriage over right no& &ith a 0eauti.ul clean slateB

138

Be in Harmony With Gods Plan

by Charles and Frances ). &e &ere to list an! single Be attitude as %ore i%3ortant than an! other/ there &ould 0e no choice eDce3t this last one o. 0eing in har%on! &ith 'od(s 3lan .or !our li.e2 Living in har%on! &ith 'od(s 3lan %a+es hus0and and &i.e in har%on! &ith each other2 'od(s love and love 0et&een a hus0and and &i.e eIual oneness2 We o.ten loo+ at the &orld o. toda! &ith all o. its %ulti3le 3ro0le%s/ and than+ 'od &e are ?hristians and +no& the ans&er to li.e2 When a %an and a &o%an are not in har%on! &ith 'od(s 3lan/ the! cannot 3ossi0l! have har%on! &ith the%selves2 <hings Cust don(t clic+ right/ and it see%s as i. the 3ur3ose and %eaning in li.e get all %iDed u32 <he things !ou have 3lanned never see% to Iuite &or+ out the &a! the! should2 <his is 0ecause a lac+ o. har%on! &ith 'od creates a lac+ o. har%on! &ithin ourselves2 We &ere created in the i%age o. 'od and &hen &e .ail to .ill the s3iritual need or vacuu% in our li.e/ &e cannot 3ossi0l! ho3e .or the %ost out o. li.e2 We 0oth 0elieve &ith our hearts and souls that all the 3ro0le%s o. ever! %arriage could 0e solved i. 0oth individuals &ould 3ut their total .aith and trust in 'od2 #ver and over again in our travels &e see ho%es &here one or the other is a dedicated ?hristian and the second one has 0een turned o.. religion and the 3ro0le%s are nu%erous2 13

)n the .irst 3lace/ until 0oth individuals actuall! +no& a0out and acce3t 'od(s love/ the! &ill never 0e a0le to love each other to the degree that is 3ossi0le or intended &hen &e love through 'od(s love2 We are not tal+ing a0out a su3er.icial acIuaintance &ith 'od &hich &e can get through occasional church going or giving2 Jather/ &e re.er to the .ull realiHation o. 'od(s love .lo&ing through us as &e learn to &al+ %o%ent 0! %o%ent &ith Hi%2 We have .aced %an! situations in our .irst !ear o. %arriage &hich could have 0een co%3letel! disastrous had &e not 0een centered in 8esus2 >otice &e didn(t call the% 3ro0le%s2 )nstead/ &e called the% situations/ 0ecause that(s &hat all 3ro0le%s start o.. &ith2 <hen i. the situations aren(t resolved/ the! 0eco%e 3ro0le%s2 When the situations arise in our %arriage/ &e ta+e the% i%%ediatel! to 'od 0e.ore the! 0eco%e 3ro0le%s2 We &ould li+e to Iuote .ro% a section o. *cri3ture &hich &e read o.ten2 ,-nd no& Cust as !ou trusted ?hrist to save !ou/ trust hi%/ too/ .or each da!(s 3ro0le%s1 live in vital union &ith Hi%2 Let !our roots gro& do&n into Hi% and dra& u3 nourish%ent .ro% Hi%2 *ee that !ou go on gro&ing in the Lord/ and 0eco%e strong and vigorous in the truth2 Let !our lives over.lo& &ith Co! and than+sgiving .or all He has done2 Don(t let others s3oil !our .aith and Co! &ith their 3hiloso3hies/ their &rong and shallo& ans&ers 0uilt on %en(s thoughts and ideas/ instead o. on &hat ?hrist has said2 For in ?hrist there is all o. 'od in a hu%an 0od!1 so !ou have ever!thing &hen !ou have ?hrist4 5?olossians 266=1":2 14"

Fver! ti%e &e read that 3articular 3assage o. *cri3ture &e get s3iritual goose 3i%3les all over/ +no&ing that &e have ever!thing 0ecause &e have ?hrist2 Ho& could %arriage 0e an!thing 0ut 3er.ect/ &hen !ou have ever!thingB -nd &hen 'od s3eci.icall! sa!s that &e can trust Hi% .or each da!(s 3ro0le%s i. &e live in vital union &ith Hi%/ ho& could &e .ail to do other&iseA )t(s such an eas! solution to all 3ro0le%s/ Cust to give the% to 'od2 But there(s not %uch 3oint in giving the% to 'od until !ou understand that 'od &ants G#@ 0e.ore He can ta+e care o. all o. !our 3ro0le%s2 When the love o. 'od .lo&s through the %arriage 3artners/ ever! sense is shar3ened/ and this %a+es %arriage a .ar %ore eDciting thing &hen all senses are tuned to the highest 3itch2 'od has so %uch to o..er ever! %arried cou3le/ &e &onder &h! &e do not acce3t His love at an earl! age2 Last night &e read in the 3a3er that one out o. ever! t&o %arriages &ill end in divorce2 What does that sa!A )t sa!s to us that i. &e &ant to see our %arriage last &e had 0etter %a+e sure that our hands are tuc+ed in 'od(s hand/ other&ise &e &on(t have a ver! good chance o. success2 But ho& could an!one ever &ant an!thing elseA @ntil !ou +no& the 0eaut! o. 'od(s love/ !ou can never love !our %arriage 3artner to the .ullest2 We have seen %an! %arriages co%3letel! on the roc+s &ith 3eo3le a0solutel! inco%3ati0le2 We sa& the% li.ted to the highest 3lane 0ecause the! turned to 'od2 <he ca3a0ilit! o. a hu%an 0eing to love &ith 'od(s love so .ar sur3asses hu%an love there is nothing to co%3are it &ith2 'od(s love 141

gives securit!/ trust/ .aith.ulness/ co%3assion/ 0eaut!/ understanding/ 3eace/ Co!/ content%ent/ 3lus %uch %ore to those &ho &ill acce3t2 ?ou3les &ho s3end ti%e searching .or gro&th in 'od &ill never have ti%e nor attitudes .or argu%ents and criticis%2 Ho& does this relate to !ouA Where is the starting 3ointA <here(s onl! one 3lace to start and that is !our 3ersonal relationshi3 to 8esus ?hrist2 ). B#<H o. !ou are not in har%on! &ith 'od(s 3lan .or !our %arriage/ !ou can never achieve the ulti%ate/ and since 'od %ade !ou one/ !our desires in this area should 0e %utual2 ). !ou honestl! ans&ered !es to the Iuestions as+ed 3reviousl!/ thro& do&n !our 0arriers or stu%0ling 0loc+s right no& and re%e%0er !ou said !ou &ere &illing to do !our ut%ost to %a+e !our %arriage &hat it should 0e2 #ne o. the 0iggest stu%0ling 0loc+s to ever! 3erson reading this 0oo+ right no& &ith 3ro0le%s in their %arriage/ is a 3reconceived idea o. &hat ?hristianit! is2 )(% going to as+ !ou to thro& out o. !our %ind the ideas !ou have on church/ religion/ or &hatever categor! !ou &ant to 3ut the% in/ and thin+ instead o. 'od(s love2 ) a% sure !ou +no& the verse in 8ohn 3616/ ,For 'od so loved the &orld/ that he gave his onl! 0egotten *on2224 Be.ore &e go an! .urther/ ) &ant !ou to listen to the ver! s3ecial &a! 'od said it to %e/ ,For 'od so loved Frances that He gave His onl! 0egotten *on/ that i. Frances &ould 0elieve in Hi%/ she &ould not 3erish 0ut have everlasting li.e24 >o& )(% going to as+ each one o. !ou to sa! our loud this 3articular verse/

142

3utting !our na%e in the t&o 3laces &here ) 3ut %ine and see &hat 'od sa!s to !ou2 Did !ou hear the so.t/ s&eet &his3er o. 'od sa!ing that He loves you so %uch that He &ants !ou to 0e in har%on! &ith His 3lans so that !ou &ill 0e eligi0le .or all the .ringe 0ene.its that He has to o..er and &hich He gives usA $ost %en &hen the! a33l! .or a Co0 are interested in the ,.ringe 0ene.its4 and the retire%ent 3lan2 'od o..ers 0oth in a %uch greater &a! than an! earthl! e%3lo!er E .ringe 0ene.its .or dail! living/ and eternal li.e .or !our retire%ent 3lan2 Did !ou hear 'od sa! that He &ants to co%e into !our heart through His *on 8esus/ and to live His li.e through !ouA Did !ou hear the 0eauti.ul voice o. 'od sa!ing/ ,Let $c do it $! &a!4A Did !ou hear 'od sa!ing/ ,?ast all !our cares u3on $e4A He does care .or !ou2 Did !ou hear 'od sa!ing to !ou/ ,Let $e have !our li.e and !our %arriage and ) &ill give !ou rest4A E Jest .ro% the 3ersonalit! con.licts !ou %ight have/ rest .ro% the .inancial 3ro0le%s !ou have/ rest .ro% the 3h!sical 3ro0le%s !ou have/ rest .ro% anger/ Cealous!/ Iuarreling/ harsh &ords/ 0ad te%3ers/ discourage%ent/ .rustrations/ hatred/ dishonest!/ gossi3/ &orr! and .ear2 <he 0eauti.ul thing a0out 'od is that He &ants us to Iuit tr!ing to .ight our o&n 0attles and rest in Hi%2 He &ants us to 3ut our hands in His hands and trust Hi% to ta+e us through all the 3ro0le%s o. li.e2 He &ants to do it .or usB <hin+ o. the tre%endous %agnitude o. that state%ent2 'od &ants to do it .or usB He &ants us to 3ut our lives into His strong 143

ar%s/ and rest in His love2 He &ill %eet all the 3ro0le%s &e &ill ever have to .ace and then &e(ll 0e .ree2 He sa!s/ ,Ge shall +no& the truth/ and the truth shall set !ou .ree24 <hin+ a0out !oursel. right no& as a 3risoner loc+ed u3 in a Cail &ith no doors/ and no 3ossi0le &a! to esca3e2 What &ould !ou &ant %ore than an!thing elseA <o 0e .ree/ o. course2 <hat(s &hat 'od &ants to give !ou E .reedo% to 0e ha33!/ .reedo% .ro% .ear/ .reedo% .ro% 0ad dis3ositions/ .reedo% .ro% all the things that cause !ou %iser! in li.e2 Gou %ight as+/ ,Ho& is all this acco%3lishedA Ho& do ) .ind 'od(s love and 3lan .or %! li.eA4 'od is o..ering it to !ou/ and all !ou have to do is Cust acce3t it 0ecause the gi.t is .ree2 8esus has alread! 3aid the 3rice .or it2 )n Jevelation 362" 8esus sa!s/ ,Loo+B ) have 0een standing at the door and ) a% constantl! +noc+ing2 ). an!one hears %e calling hi% and o3ens the door/ ) &ill co%e in and .ello&shi3 &ith hi%24 J)'H< >#W Cust i%agine that 8esus Hi%sel. is +noc+ing at the door o. !our o&n heart/ right &here !ou arc2 He is as+ing !ou to let Hi% co%e in2 $an! ti%es &e have head +no&ledge o. the Bi0le/ 0ut &e don(t have the ,heart4 +no&ledge/ 0ecause &e have never %ade a 3ersonal co%%it%ent to 8esus/ and never as+ed Hi% to co%e into our lives2 )sn(t that a 0eauti.ul thought to +no& that 8esus ?hrist/ the onl! 3er.ect %an &ho ever lived/ &ants to live His li.e in and through !ou/ regardless o. ho& i%3er.ect !ou areA -ll !ou have to do is to reach out and sa!/ ,<his is &hat ) &ant24 144

Fven as &e &rite this cha3ter/ it is an a&eso%e thought to +no& that 8esus lives His li.e right through us2 -nd do !ou +no& &h! &e +no& He lives His li.e through usA Because &e as+ed Hi% to2 )n si%3le childli+e .aith &e Cust as+ed Hi% to .orgive our sins and then to co%e into our hearts and live His li.e through us2 >o one could ever argue &ith us a0out the realit! o. 8esus 0ecause He lives in our hearts2 Gou ans&ered the Iuestions and said that !ou &ould 0e &illing to thro& out all !our old 3reCudices .or a 3eriod o. siD %onths2 Did !ou reall! %ean itA -nd are !ou reall! &illing to tr! the onl! &a! that &ill ever end !our 3ro0le%sA <hen &e are going to as+ !ou to sa! a si%3le 3ra!er right no&/ as+ing 8esus to co%e into !our heart2 Gou can use !our o&n &ords i. !ou &ant/ or !ou %ight 3ra! the .ollo&ing 3ra!er/ re%e%0ering it is not the &ords that count/ 0ut it(s the desires o. !our heart6 Lord 8esus/ resurrected *on o. the Living 'od/ ) >FFD G#@2 ) as+ Gou to co%e into %! heart and live Gour 3er.ect li.e through %e2 Forgive %! sins2 <a+e -LL o. %! li.e and %a+e %e &hat G#@ &ant %e to 0e2 <a+e our %arriage and %a+e it &hat Gou &ant it to 0e2 We 3ut Gou .irst in our lives/ our %arriage and our ho%e this ver! da!2 'ive us love/ %ore than &e(ve ever had 0e.ore to 0e a0le to %eet &hatever co%es along in li.e2 <han+ Gou .or su33l!ing our needs2 -%en24 Where is 8esus right no&A ). !ou 0elieved &hat !ou 3ra!ed/ !ou can honestl! sa!/ ,)n %! heart24 ). !ou didn(t/ then 3ra! that little 3ra!er again until

145

!ou 7>#W 0e!ond a shado& o. a dou0t that 8esus is in !our heart2 He &ill do &hat He sa!s He &ill2 With 8esus in !our heart/ read this 0oo+ again and as+ Hi% to guide !ou into 3utting these 3rinci3les into !our %arriage and as+ Hi% to let !ou 3ractice !our ne& idea on !our ,old4 %ate 5&ho should no& 0e rene&ed:2 We have Cust realiHed a .a0ulous truth2 We +no& &h! it(s so eas! to love each other2 Because 8esus lives His li.e through us/ &e are reall! loving 8esus &hen &e love each other2 >o& that !ou are 0oth ?hristians/ !ou need to re%e%0er one ver! i%3ortant .act6 8esus lives inside o. 0oth %ates/ so &hen one o. !ou %a+es a cutting re%ar+ to the other one/ according to the Bi0le/ !ou should i%%ediatel! loo+ u3 to 8esus and sa! in the sa%e tone o. voice and &ith the sa%e attitude/ ,-nd that goes .or Gou/ too/ 8esusB4 Gou &ill onl! do that once/ and then !ou &ill never sa! an!thing cruel/ hurting or cutting again 0ecause !ou certainl! &ouldn(t &ant to sa! that to 8esus/ &ould !ouA #n the other hand/ &hen !ou continuousl! and consistentl! co%3li%ent each other &ith a loving and 3leasant attitude in ever!thing !ou do/ sa!/ or even thin+ a0out !our s3ouse/ !ou &ill 0e 0lessed &hen !ou can loo+ u3 and sa!/ ,8esus/ that sa%e thing a33lies to GouB4 ,)nas%uch as !ou did it to one o. the least o. these $! 0rethren/ !ou did it to $e4 5$atthe& 2564" >789:2 Let(s do so%ething unusual right no&/ shall &eA Let(s sa! our %arriage vo&s again2 146

Wh! don(t the t&o o. !ou hold hands/ and loo+ right into each other(s e!es/ and %a+e the .ollo&ing vo&s6 ,)/ ?harles/ ta+e thee Frances/ to 0e %! la&.ull! &edded &i.e/ to love in a greater &a! than ) have ever loved 0e.ore/ until death us do 3art or until the ra3ture24 ,)/ Frances/ ta+e thee ?harles/ to 0e %! la&.ull! &edded hus0and/ to love in a greater &a! than ) have ever loved 0e.ore/ till death us do 3art or until the ra3ture24 ,We/ ?harles and Frances/ acce3t Gour love/ Father/ and Gour .orgiveness/ and 3ro%ise to 3ut Gou .irst in ever!thing in our lives2 <han+ Gou .or giving us a 0orn again %arriage24 ,<here.ore shall a %an leave his .ather and his %other/ and shall cleave unto his &i.e6 and the! shall 0e one .lesh4 5'enesis 2624/ $atthe& 1 65:2

147

In i!"ness # In Health$ For Better or For Worse$

by Frances 8anuar! 1/ 1 7"/ at 126"1 -2$2/ ?harles and ) stood at an altar at the 7endall ?hurch o. 'od in 7endall/ Florida/ &hile the 3astor &ho had led %e to the Lord had ?harles re3eat so%e &ords %an! cou3les have 0reathed 0e.ore during a &edding cere%on!2 ,)/ ?harles/ ta+e thee/ Frances/ to 0e %! la&.ul &edded2 &i.e/ to have and to hold .ro% this da! .orth/ in sic+ness and in health222 .or 0etter or .or &orse222 We re3eated the% eDu0erantl!/ eDcitedl! and reverentl!/ 0ecause &e &ere so in love &ith each other/ even though &e had never had a date/ had never seen each other since &e %et/ 0ut re3eating those &ords 0ecause &e 7>FW in our hearts that 'od had told us to 0e %arried2 <here &as no Iuestion in our %inds that our %arriage &as .orever/ 0ut little did &e drea% ho& %uch &e &ould re%e%0er those &ords222 Jecentl! ) 0egan &ondering &hat %ost cou3les thin+ a0out at that 3articular ti%e2 *urel! as &e sa! those &ords/ &e are not antici3ating sic+ness/ disaster/ traged!/ catastro3he or relentless attac+s .ro% the devil/ 0ut are instead thin+ing o. &hat &e should 0e thin+ing a0out6 the li.e o. love and ha33iness &hich &e(ll 0e living together until 8esus calls us ho%eB 148

)(% sure that neither o. us re%e%0er the eDact %o%ent &e said those &ords/ nor do &e re%e%0er &hat &e &ere thin+ing a0out/ 0ut all &e +ne& &as that &e %eant &ith all our hearts the everlasting covenant &e &ere %a+ing &ith each other2 We &ere thin+ing a0out the 'od=love &e had .or each ocher/ &e &ere thin+ing a0out the eDciting li.e 'od &as 3lanning .or us to share the gos3el ever! da! .or the rest o. our lives together222) also re%e%0er eDcitedl! antici3ating that s3ecial %o%ent &hen his strong ar%s &ould hold %e tightl! to hi% .oreverB We &ere loo+ing into each other(s e!es &ith that s3ecial ,!ou(re the one 'od raised u3 .or %e4 loo+/ into the ver! soul o. each other and cherishing this 3recious %o%ent in our lives2 Fven though &e 0oth had lost 3revious s3ouses through death/ a thought o. sic+ness in our %arriage never entered either o. our %indsB )(ve had %an! health challenges over the !ears/ 0ut recentl! one 0rought those 0eauti.ul &ords 0e.ore %e %ore 3ro%inentl! than ever 0e.oreB #n >ove%0er 26/ 1 "/ ) had a total +nee re3lace%ent in %! right leg2 -.ter li%3ing out o. %iracle services .or !ears totall! eDhausted &ith eDcruciating 3ain 0ecause o. &al+ing ,0one on 0one/4 &e .inall! %ade a 3ra!er.ul and di..icult decision to surgicall! have the +nee totall! re3laced2 We had 3ra!ed/ &e had 0elievedB We had 3ra!ed/ &e had 0elievedB We had 3ra!ed/ &e had 0elieved/ 0ut did not see an! i%3rove%ent/ and .inall! ) could not tolerate

14

an! %ore 3ain/ so &e &ent to an ortho3edic s3ecialist and decided on a surger! date2 <his is not a tonsillecto%! or so%e other %inor surger!2 <his is a $-8#J surger! &ith a ca3ital ,$)4 ) &as su3ernaturall! 0lessed 0ecause ) had no 3ain in the hos3ital/ did not ta+e a 3ain 3ill or an inCection o. %or3hine/ even though the %achine &as there .or %e to 3ush the 0utton2 ?harles had .erventl! 3ra!ed in the *3irit .or nearl! .ive hours &hile ) &as in surger!/ and 'od i%3ressed hi% that ) &ould have no 3ain2 ?harles never le.t %eB He had a s%all/ unco%.orta0le .olda&a! 0ed in the roo% &ith %e2 He sta!ed at %! side da! and night during the seven da!s ) &as in the hos3ital2 He &as %ore attentive and 0etter than an! nurse could have ever 0een/ lovingl! ta+ing care o. %! ever! need and listening .or the slightest sound ) %ight %a+e da! or night2 Bur the real challenge ca%e the da! ) &as discharged .ro% the hos3italB We &ere eDcited even though ) &asn(t a0le to &al+/ 0ecause ) could at least get around slightl! on a &al+er2 - ,3in+ lad!4 3ushed %e in a &heelchair out to the car/ le.t us alone/ and the struggle 0eganB ) had on a chenille housecoat/ and our car has velour seats2 >othing slidesB ) had an i%%o0iliHer on %! right leg to +ee3 it .ro% 0ending/ and to get into the .ront seat o. the car &ith an i%%o0iliHer is an i%3ossi0le .eat to acco%3lish2 5$a!0e the 0ac+ seat &ould have 0een easierB: ) laid do&n/ held onto the steering &heel/ 3ulled &ith all %! strength/ ?harles

15"

&as on the other end 3ushing &ith all his %ight/ 0ut nothing %oved2 )t &as a real struggle2 -.ter &e did this .or a0out 2" %inutes &e decided to re%ove the i%%o0iliHer so ) could at least 0end %! +nee to get into the car2 When &e drove u3 to our house/ the Co0 o. getting %e out o. the car started and even though there are .ive ste3s leading into our house/ &e %ade that/ and Cust as &e arrived in the .o!er/ the .irst crisis aroseB ) too+ one .rantic loo+ at ?harles and said/ ,)(ve got to go to the 0athroo%B4 <hat %ight not 0e a crisis under nor%al circu%stances/ 0ut &ith a totall! useless leg/ it 0eco%es an i%3ossi0le .eat to acco%3lish2 <he! had given us a tall ,3orta0le 3ott!4 &hen &e le.t the hos3ital/ so ?harles said/ ,*ee i. !ou can stand u3 &ith the &al+er until ) can get this set u3B4 Finall! he acco%3lished his Co0/ ) could &ait no longer/ 0ut &hen ) sat do&n on the ne& 3iece o. eIui3%ent/ it 3inched the 0ac+ o. %! legs so 0adl! ) screa%ed and i%%ediatel! Cu%3ed u32 -nother crisis too+ 3laceA ) Cu%3ed u3/ 0ut couldn(t stand u3/ so ) .ell do&n/ got 3inched again/ Cu%3ed u3/ .ell do&n again &ith ?harles sa!ing/ ,What(s the %atter/ hone!/ &hat(s the %atterA4 <he 3inching continued2 ) &on(t tell !ou ho& &e got out o. that dile%%a/ 0ut a.ter ?harles .inished cleaning u3 things ) loo+ed at hi% and re3eated so%e &ords .ro% one o. our love letters/ ,Love +no&s no 0ounds2224 Hours stretched into da!s/ and the da!s into &ee+s2 >ights &ere an interesting 3ro0le%2 Fver! %o%ent o. ?harles( ti%e &as co%%itted to ta+ing 151

3ersonal care o. %e2 -ll through the night 0ecause o. strong diuretic %edicine ta+en at night/ ca%e an hourl! so.t ta3 on the shoulder/ ,Hone!/ )(ve got to get u3 againB4 >ot one ti%e during the entire t&o %onths and 3ossi0l! a little %ore/ did ?harles ever co%3lain2 Bro+en slee3 .or da!s u3on end could test the dis3osition o. the greatest saint in the &orld/ 0ut 0ecause o. ?harles( intense sincerit! &hen he said those &ords/ ,in sic+ness and in health/4 not one &ord o. co%3laint ever ca%e out o. his li3s or/ he said/ ever entered his %ind2 Do !ou +no& &hat it(s li+e to have so%eone sa!/ Cust as !ou have .allen aslee3/ ,?harles/ can !ou turn %! leg overA $! 0ac+ hurtsB4 )t(s i%3ossi0le to turn !our leg over .or the .irst .e& &ee+s a.ter a +nee re3lace%ent/ and an! change o. 3osition %ust either 0e done 0! so%eone hel3ing !ou or an overhead tra3eHe2 ?harles &as the one &ho ans&ered %! ever! call/ and &ithout a single %ur%ur2 We s3ent our t&ent!=.irst anniversar! in 0ed 0ecause %uch o. %! ti%e had to 0e s3ent in a horiHontal 3osition tr!ing to +ee3 the s&elling do&n in %! leg2 ) &as l!ing in 0ed &ith leg su33orted 0! t&o huge 3illo&s to +ee3 it a0ove %! heart level/ and ?harles read to %e the letters &e had lovingl! &ritten to each other t&ent!= one !ears 3reviousl!2 -s he read 3age a.ter 3age .ro% the 0oo+ $G L#9F -FF-)J W)<H ?H-JLF* 5our uncensored love letters:/ ) loo+ed at %! handso%e hus0and2 <o %e he loo+s eDactl! the sa%e as he did the da! &e %arried2 <oda! &hen he loo+s at %e/ it is 152

&ith %ore love even than &hen he loo+ed at %e and 3ro%ised ,in sic+ness and in healthB4 - sic+ness/ or o3eration/ &hichever !ou &ant to call it/ li+e the one &e had Cust survived/ can do one o. t&o things2 )t can 0ring an estrange%ent 0et&een a cou3le that can never 0e %ended2 #ne &o%an said to %e/ ,)t(s a good thing !ou(re %arried to ?harles and not to %! hus0and/ 0ecause he &ouldn(t 3ut u3 &ith itB4 ?harles didn(t ,3ut u3 &ith itB4 He did it 0ecause he loves %e and he %eant &hat he so Iuic+l! said on that &onder.ul night !ears ago &hen &e &ere %arried2 <his ti%e at ho%e under di..icult circu%stances has dra&n us closer than &e have ever 0een2 #ur Love has never su..ered 0et&een us since the da! &e 0eca%e one/ 0ut this has %ade an inti%ac! and dee3ening o. the &onder.ul love &e have .or each other2 Fver! ti%e ) have raised %! ar%s .or ?harles to li.t %e out o. 0ed/ he has 0een there/ and ever! ti%e his e!es have 0een .illed &ith love2 When ?harles .inished reading the love letters to %e on >e& Gear(s Fve 50! this ti%e it &as a.ter 126"1 &hen &e &ere %arried: he turned o.. the lights/ &ra33ed his strong ar%s around %e and &his3ered/ ,)n sic+ness and in health2224 #ur son/ <o%/ ca%e to see us during this ti%e and &atched his dad ans&er ever! o33ortunit! to serve %e2 <o% said/ ,Dad/ !ou have the 3atience o. 8o0B4 ?harles( re3l!6 ,>o/ it(s the 3atience o. 8esusB4 ) o.ten re%ar+ed to ?harles a0out this constant distur0ing o. his &or+ during the da!/ and o. his 153

slee3 during the night/ and than+ed hi% .or his untiring service to %e2 ?harles( ans&er &as si%3le2 ,*&eetheart/ ) do this 0ecause ) W->< to/ not 0ecause ) have toB4 #ur 0oo+/ $G L#9F -FF-)J W)<H ?H-JLF*/ ends &ith a .inal letter .ro% ?harles &ritten t&ent!=.our da!s a.ter &e &ere %arried/ &hen ) &as constantl! leaving hi% &ith his ?P&or+/ and going all over the nation 3reaching the gos3el2 Perha3s this Iuote o. 3art o. that letter &ill eD3lain &h! ?harles W-><FD to service %! ever! need/ da! and night/ &ith no co%3laint/ no %ur%uring even as he 3ulled hi%sel. .ro% a dee3 slee32 ,$! dearest/ dear *&eetheart/ ,Love +no&s no 0ounds and it is the %ost 3o&er.ul &ord in the Bi0le eDce3t 'od and ?hrist 8esus222 ,) love !ou &ith a love astoundingl! %ore 3ro.ound than ) ever 0elieved &as 3ossi0le/ .ull! recogniHing that this is onl! so 0ecause it is that ;'od Love( &hich reall! eDists in us and in the sa%e 3er.ect i%age o. 'od in &hich &e &ere created/ 'od gives us that sa%e PFJFF?< love He gave to -da% and Fve/ 0ut &hich &as ta+en a&a! to 0e %ade less than 3er.ect 0ecause o. sin in their lives2 Ho& 0eauti.ull! rich are the .resh treasures 'od gave us &hen He reached into His great storehouse/ o3ened the &indo&s o. heaven and 3oured the% into our 0odies/ %inds and soulsB Wh! shouldn(t &e love 'od through ?hrist co%3letel!/ and !et &e had to have a co%3lete desire to &ant 154

Hi% %ore than an!thing else in li.e 0e.ore He could assu%e total control o. our lives2224

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