Healing Journey
Healing Journey
Healing Journey
Healing
Journey
Becoming
Authentic
Workbook
Alastair J. Cunningham, OC, PhD, CPsych
This workbook follows the three levels of the Healing Journey core
program. In Level 1, “Coping with Cancer Stress,” the emphasis was on
regaining some control by learning some basic strategies for managing
the mind. This work was continued and extended in Level 2, “Skills for
Healing,” where some more introspective work was also introduced,
designed to help us better understand how we function psychologically.
Level 3, “Steps to Spiritual Healing,” was a more detailed introduction to
spirituality and an examination of the major blocks” or mental obstacles
that stand in the way of spiritual experience.
“Becoming Authentic” is Level 4 of the Healing Journey course and
is intended for the dedicated student who wishes to consolidate the skills
learned at previous levels. At this stage we have already gained some sense
of control and some clarity on what is important in our lives. We are now
ready for the next and ultimate phase of healing. This involves, as the
wisdom traditions of many cultures have pointed out, the discovery or
uncovering of our true nature or identity.
you go about daily activities. There are two aspects to each project, which
we might call “emptying” and “filling.” The emptying is examining ideas
and behaviours that we need to let go of, and recognizing the fears that
tend to stop us from doing so. The filling is finding out what to put in
place of the old concepts.
We have learned, in Levels 1 to 3, many techniques or tools to use in
this process:
• Relaxation
• Mind watching and thought management
• Goal setting
• Mental imaging and drawing
• Reflection
• Journaling
• Meditation (several kinds)
• Using affirmations and mantra
• Consulting an Inner Healer
• Dropping resentments
• Reading spiritual texts
• Discussing with others
• Prayer (meditation on a text)
• Chanting
• The Divine Light exercise
It would be valuable to review all of these techniques and to practise
any that have become a little “rusty,” so that you can apply them as needed
to our new assignments. We will also be considering, in this course, how
to “seek guidance” (an extension of the Inner Healer idea) and how to use
symbols more deliberately.
It is important to recognize that what we aim to give up is not the
material world, our families, our bodies, but our attachment to these
ideas. And that in turn does not mean ceasing to love and care for others
or for our earthly selves. As the mystics tell us, and as I can confirm from
my own small experience, when the spiritual connection becomes more
central in our lives, we are freed up to love much more. We experience
much more peace and joy in the midst of everyday sights and activi-
ties. What diminishes is the emotional neediness or craving for sensory
stimulation, for control, for rewards in the form of money or overt respect.
For a few spiritual geniuses, the journey is completed rapidly; for most
of us, it will be a lifetime endeavour, but if we are sincere we will make
Authenticity
(right direction)
Harmony
(no conflict)
Autonomy Acceptance
(right choices) (right relationships)
Review
• Mindwatching exercises from all three previous levels
• Meditation techniques from Level 3
As Easwaran says, “We become what we meditate on,” and he points out
that this includes all the thoughts we entertain in our minds; elsewhere he
writes of the mind being like a “sponge,” soaking up everything we offer
it. The central, pre-eminent task of any personal and spiritual growth is
to learn to observe and control what we allow into our minds.
Most of us find that our thoughts are wildly uncontrolled at first (and
even after years of trying to manage them!), but it is encouraging to note
that even a small amount of awareness and control brings great benefits
in terms of peace and healing. At least some of the mental noise must be
cleared away before we can hope to contact an inner source of intuitive or
spiritual guidance. Thus our first assignment is to pursue more intensely
something that most will have done to some extent already (remember,
intensity is key to all of this work).
1. Sit quietly with the eyes closed and observe your thoughts for
at least ten minutes every day for a week or more. After doing
this each time, write down all you can recall of the main themes,
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Review
• An ideal day in the future, from Level 1
• One week to live, from Level 2
The single most constant finding from interviews of people who have
greatly outlived their prognoses is this: these people say they have learned
to live life the way they want to, rather than feeling constantly pushed
about by obligations. The first step towards this kind of autonomy, or
free choice, is to define what we want, what “turns us on.” If you haven’t
already done so, it would be very helpful to read Lawrence LeShan’s valu-
able book Cancer as a Turning Point. In the back of the second edition
there are twenty-nine exercises to help the reader define what he or she
would find fulfilling in life. The following is an adaptation of the first
exercise in this series.
1. List the activities that “turn you on,” that is, those things that
make you feel more alert and alive, relaxed, at peace with the
world, with a sense that life is interesting and worth living. Some
examples resonate with most people: walking in beautiful natu-
ral surroundings; listening to the kind of music you like; being
with someone you love; reading a book by a favourite author;
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being by the sea; eating a good meal with friends; getting your
hair done; pursuing your hobby; playing with your pet . . . the
possibilities are endless and will differ for each person. Make
your list, without reservation or fear that it might seem silly or
trivial to other people. Think about things in the past as well as
present activities.
2. Now, of course, we need to write a similar list of things that drag
us down, that make us feel less alive, depressed, overwhelmed,
fed up, burdened, bored, or disillusioned. We are not focusing
on disease or medical problems here, but on the day-to-day or
year to-year-activities that oppress us, that seem perhaps like
duties or obligations, but do not reward us in any immediate way.
Some likely examples: working out your income tax; watching
trivial TV shows; talking to a particular acquaintance or family
member; driving in traffic; thinking what to make for dinner;
getting your computer fixed . . .
3. The next step, as LeShan indicates, is to look honestly at how
much of your time, in recent months, you have spent doing things
from list 1, and how much from list 2 (depressing, isn’t it!)? Have
you made any efforts to change towards doing what you want?
4. Why is it hard to change your life towards doing what you want?
(I know, we all have responsibilities, etc.). LeShan suggests that
in framing our answers here we avoid blaming other people or
circumstances (“My family needs me to do that”) and instead
identify thoughts and feelings in ourselves that keep us stuck: “I
would feel like a poor provider if I changed jobs and earned less;
I believe it would be ridiculous for an adult to spend time at that;
I’d feel guilty if I didn’t . . .”
Now put all of this together, perhaps as lists of current versus desired
activity patterns. Note the obstacles, in your own thinking, to making
changes. Recall that to change your life towards what you truly want may
be life-sparing. Then write about what you plan to do now.
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Review
• The “garden gate” resentments exercise from Level 2
• Chapters on judgement, forgiveness, guilt, and projection in Level 3
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Review
• Do the Inner Healer exercise, from Level 2, a number of times,
using the tape or CD if you wish.
The major spiritual traditions all tell us that we have, inside, a True or
Higher Self that becomes obscured by the raucous clamouring of the sepa-
rate small self or ego. The ego voice is driven by urges for self-protection
and sensory gratification; it uses projection (blaming), rationalization,
and other defences to ensure its continuance. A person dedicated to
self-healing needs to find the Self, the true voice behind this noise of the
ego. How can we tell the difference? It is not so easy at first, but one good
indication is that the ego’s promptings are usually attended by consider-
able emotion, often negative (“you don’t need to do that; she’s trying to
blame you; this is boring”). The voice of one’s Higher Self, on the other
hand, which may register as more of a “knowing” than something verbal,
never has negativity attached; the only feeling associated with it is love
and joy.
1. As exercises to clarify this for yourself, try the following, either
sequentially, at one time, or at different times:
• Sit and watch your mind for a few minutes. Think of things
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Additional Exercise
This is an adaptation of the Divine Light Invocation, an imagery exercise
and yoga practice that was taught by Swami Radha. This is the basis of the
Light Imagery used at the end of the Healing Journey sessions. Practise
it and then write about your experiences.
Either standing or sitting, imagine a beautiful beam of brilliant white
light entering through the top of your head and flowing down all around
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your body. You can then imagine how the light fills you up, filling you as
if you were a jug or jar of bright white light.
You can then say to yourself the Divine Light Invocation:
I am created by Divine Light
I am sustained by Divine Light
I am protected by Divine Light
I am surrounded by Divine Light
I am ever growing into Divine Light
Let yourself feel the way the light suffuses you with healing energy,
at all levels of your being: your body, your mind, your heart and your
spirit.
You can then repeat the Invocation to yourself again, this time feel-
ing the Light surround you as well as fill you. This Light can also be sent
to others who may benefit from receiving Healing Light. As you repeat
the Invocation, see the person in your mind’s eye, filling up with Light
as well, helped and supported by Divine Light.
Then you can acknowledge to yourself,
Every cell of this, my physical being, is filled with Divine Light. Every
level consciousness is illumined with Divine Light. The Divine Light pen-
etrates every single cell of my being, every level of consciousness. I have
become a channel of pure Light. I am one with the Light. I am Light.*
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Review
• The exercise on an ideal day in the future, from Level 1. Do this
exercise a number of times, using the tape or CD as needed, and
write about it.
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Additional Reading
Find some inspirational reading and study and write about it. Possibilities
are books by Thich Naht Hahn, Easwaran, Yogananda, Pema Chodron,
Swami Radha, Eckhart Tolle, one of the Christian mystics, Jewish sacred
writings. Or at first you might find it easier to read some of the interpret-
ers of spiritual ideas: Hugh Prather, Stephen Levine, Ram Dass, Charles
Tart, Gary Zukav, Tom Harpur, Mathew Fox, Marianne Williamson, and
many others. Read daily, reflect, and write.
If you feel ambitious, you could try ACIM, or the Bhagavad Gita
(translations by Juan Mascaro or Eknath Easwaran are good).
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Authenticity:
Accepting Guidance
The spiritual traditions tell us that, to live a healed life, we need to cease
being pulled around by our ego, which seeks only to protect and gratify
itself, and instead accept guidance from a “higher” source. This Source
is described in various ways in different traditions as God, the Atman,
the Higher Self within, the Holy Spirit, the One, and so on. Our view of
what the Divine is (and see session 1 of Level 3) will determine the way
we think about it. But regardless, the practical issue remains the same:
am I ready to allow myself to be guided by a deeper wisdom, accessible
within myself? A Course in Miracles puts it bluntly: “Resign as your own
director”!
A first reaction to such advice is to recoil at the suggestion—after
we have lived a lifetime of self-centredness, and in a culture that exalts
individual prerogative (“I did it my way”), the spiritual search requires
that we hand over control? Our thoughts go immediately to what we
think we might lose. So this is the first part of the exercise. What am I
afraid I would lose if I tried to be guided by a Higher of Divine Power, or
by my Higher Self?
In a first pass, examples would be control over my activities, the sat-
isfaction of indulging myself with all kinds of little treats and comforts,
protection from demands by others . . .
Second pass—deeper: my image of who I am, respect and cooperation
from others, my ambitions in life . . .
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Swamp
This is the area in which we feel pulled around by strong feelings, so
that the power of choice and rational decision-making seems limited.
Somehow when we are angry, it can seem easier just to go with the anger,
rather than shake it off. We can feel the same way about fear.
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what you can and will do in future both to avoid the swamp and to escape
when you find yourself in it.
The Prairie
This is even terrain that can seduce us away from a healing state of mind
in various ways. Perhaps the most common way is to get absorbed in
“busyness,” walking fast, head down, cell phone at the ready, being very
“important”! Or some people, finding themselves on a “prairie” with no
urgent challenges, may conclude that there is nothing to be done, so that
they can simply drift, trying to forget all about healing and personal
growth—inertia, in other words. These two modes may seem different,
but they have in common the unconscious aim of avoiding what is truly
important to us.
Consider busyness first. It may be related to work, social engage-
ments, even hobbies or pastimes, keeping up with the news, or attend-
ing to others’ stated needs. If we persist we may blunder into a jungle of
engagements or responsibilities that can effectively cut us off from the
Light. The process of analyzing what puts us into this mode is much the
same as for swamp mentality.
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experiences and come to some conclusions about what you can and will
do in future to avoid busyness or inertia, and to escape when you find
yourself in these modes.
The Mountain
The self-healer would like to reside on the higher slopes for much of the
time. This does not mean that we should expect to be there always: one
of the features of this “territory” metaphor is that it acknowledges that we
will be in different places at different times, and need not berate ourselves
when we find this is so. However, as we cultivate a healed state of mind,
we will find ourselves spending more time on the mountain, less in the
swamp or on the prairie.
1. How does it feel to be on your mountain slopes? What are the
rewards? How does it affect your daily life?
2. What stops you from getting there?
3. What helps you to get there (thoughts, behaviours, techniques,
circumstances)?
4. Write a summary statement of the things you have learned from
this exercise as a whole.
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Acceptance:
Living in an Accepting Way
We have all experienced the difference between angry reaction to a per-
son or situation, and a relatively calm acceptance, doing what’s needed
without getting angry or upset. Things play out much more smoothly
and effectively when we are in the latter state. This does not at all mean
being passive or resigned; it means acting without unnecessary emotional
reaction, which, as you have seen by now, is simply the ego proclaiming
its independence and entitlement to comfort.
At the spiritual level, acceptance is sometimes called “surrender.”
The word is alarming to many in the West, because it sounds like abdi-
cation of one’s rights. The picture of the Divine that is painted by some
religions can be confusing, since the impression may be created that we
are somehow like guilty children faced with a wrathful God to whom
we must defer. A more helpful model would be to see “God” as a river, in
which we are all floating; we have the choice of fighting the current as we
try to go upstream, against the natural flow, or of gently steering as we
allow the river to carry us downstream, going with the flow. We do need
to steer—our active participation is necessary—but this works best if we
align ourselves with the much greater power that supports us. A similar
analogy is acting from a place on our “mountain” in the map of the mind
that we looked at earlier.
The ideal strategy—in spiritual life as in ordinary social life—is
acceptance wherever possible. The mentally healed state is an accepting
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I hope that you have experienced healing while going through the four
levels of this course. Whether or not any physical disease has been
affected, you will, I’m sure, have become more aware, more tolerant, and
more able to design your own life from this point on. The work you have
been doing is the work of our lives, really, although only a minority of us
are fortunate enough to be exposed to it. Having learned this from my
own spiritual teachers and experiences, it has been a natural thing to try
to pass it on.
Most of us need support to keep going on this path, “work of our
lives” not withstanding! I’d suggest that you try to find groups with
similar aspirations. They need not have anything to do with physical
healing. Body-awareness methods like hatha yoga, tai chi, and chi gong
are a valuable complement to the mental work we have been doing. Look
for organizations, leaders, fellow-travellers who belong to some well-
established tradition: examples might be yoga centres, Buddhist temples,
or meditation groups of long standing. Find out whether the leaders
exemplify what they teach in their own lives. No large sums of money
should be demanded of you. You need not feel immediately comfortable
in the setting, but you need to be sure you are accepted, that nobody is
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make that inference much less compelling. However, the common fac-
tors found among such long-surviving individuals suggest some kind of
true relationship, as I discussed in chapter 3. Could we do a more reliable
experiment of this kind, and compare the results with those of the earlier,
more impressionistic accounts?
I’m going to describe the results of current, ongoing research in
which we interviewed and analyzed the statements of 10 long-surviving
graduates of the Healing Journey program (and I acknowledge here the
skilled help of Kim Watson, psychological associate). A technical report
on this study has recently been published,1 with details on the nature of
their cancers, and duration of survival beyond that predicted by the panel,
as well as a qualitative analysis of what they said in their interviews. We
also interviewed two comparison groups. The first of these included 6
subjects who had metastatic disease, and had applied to enter the pro-
gram, but had not yet begun in it, or had done similar work elsewhere.
We expected that these people would reflect a state of mind more usual in
the population, which we were interested to compare with that of our 10
exceptional program graduates. The second comparison group comprised
the 6 individuals who were at the bottom end of our “observed/expected”
hierarchy from the experiment of the last chapter; that is, they were the
6 individuals who showed the lowest survival, in comparison with that
medically predicted, out of the 22 studied. Since all died many years ago,
we examined their home assignment writings and therapist notes from
the period when they attended the weekly group therapy sessions. We
expected that the psychological profiles of these individuals would also
contrast with those of the long survivors.
In brief, the 10 people with extended survival have, at the time of
writing, lived from 4 to about 14 years longer than predicted by a panel of
experts. They have had a range of medically incurable, usually metastatic
diagnoses: breast cancer (5 cases), and one each of colorectal, malignant
melanoma, multiple myeloma, lymphoma, and uterine cancers. The pic-
ture we will derive from this investigation applies most directly to groups
of people like the cancer patients we interviewed: all were middle-class
people, all Caucasian, and all in the age range of 48 to 70 years of age.
Nine were women. We can’t necessarily assume that other groups of sur-
vivors would show similar characteristics, although as we will see, there
was good agreement between what was found with these people and the
various anecdotal reports in the literature.
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“I certainly gave up things that I was doing because I felt I ought to,
and I think that it propelled me to a new level of self-examination
and self-awareness.”
“I don’t see it as a gift, but it certainly was cancer that made me step
back and reflect on what I want to do, and why I want to do it, and
to make better choices for myself and enjoy life a little bit more.”
“I really feel I used to put a lot of demands on myself. I used to worry
about being perfect in everything that I did. I’m still somewhat of a
person that wants to please, and I’m being very selective in terms
of what I’m doing right now.”
In 5 of the 10, the point was made that life had been simplified to
allow this pursuit of the desired way of being:
“I’ve decided not to go back to work. I’ve never really given myself
the opportunity to heal in the sense that I’m noncommittal to
anybody, that I can just devote the time to myself. In doing that,
my direction has changed.”
The self-help techniques that had been learned in the Healing Journey
program were highly valued and were used by all the long survivors,
although they tended to be employed “as needed,” that is, as stressful
circumstances arose, rather than daily:
“I’ve realized that what works for us today is a changing thing; some-
times meditation is where I need to be, sometimes it’s journalling,
sometimes it’s just quiet reflection, sometimes walking meditation.
I’ve learned to look and say, ‘Is this what I need right now?’”
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Eight of the survivors volunteered that cancer itself was now much
less important in their lives, and although all but 3 of them still had
some evidence of active disease, medical advice was viewed as only one
facet of their continuing health maintenance. They had learned to take
responsibility for their health themselves, and tended to see the cancer
diagnosis as more of a motivator than a threat:
“One thing that I have learned is how important it is to have a
sense of control about my treatment process. I need to know
what’s going on, and I need to know that what I do can affect that
and that I have a part in the decision making.”
“I seem to be telling myself it doesn’t matter what the doctors say,
you’ve got your own journey. You can’t rely on them to tell you
what you’re going to do when you really do know what you’re going
to do in your own mind.”
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I hoped, even expected, that this would be the dominant theme in our
subjects. What we did find was less elevated: people living the way they
wanted to live. However, in no instance did this mean a life of mindless
pleasure-seeking! There was evidence of a greater meaning in life, or
self-transcendence in the form of stronger relationship to something
beyond the self, which for some took the form of spiritual connection,
and for others was more aesthetic or interpersonal. Using their enhanced
knowledge of inner psychological processes, these people were able to
maintain a pattern to their days that brought peace and satisfaction. On
reflection, I see that this result, which at first appeared a bit pedestrian,
is actually hopeful, because if it is true that the approach to life that our
subjects displayed is life-sparing, then it is within the reach of almost any
motivated person. It is also, incidentally, the pattern described as healing by
the very perceptive and experienced clinical psychologist Lawrence LeShan
in his book Cancer as a Turning Point (referred to in chapter 1).
Integration of Studies on
Long Survivors
I’ve already alluded to the close similarity in results between the inter-
views of long survivors from our program and the various interview stud-
ies describing people who claim prolonged survival (chapter 3). The reader
may wish to refer back to Figure 3.1. Increased “autonomy,” meaning
perceiving the freedom to make one’s own choices in life, predominated in
both sets of analyses. The enhanced experience of joy, self-understanding,
appreciation of life and sense of its value were also common to both.
The “remarkable survivor” studies often reported that their participants
had greater self-acceptance and esteem; this achievement is difficult to
deduce from a single interview, but is an attribute we can confirm from
our acquaintance with our interviewees over a prolonged time. Greater
tolerance, and love for others, and freer expression of feelings—attributes
that are closely tied to self–esteem—were found both by us and in the
earlier reports. Substantial change, assisted by a variety of self-help tech-
niques, was almost always noted, although the “spiritual-existential” shift
remarked on in a number of the earlier descriptions of remarkable sur-
vivors, while present, was less dramatic in our interviews. It may be that
when people fighting for their lives can access a structured program, the
healing change becomes more gradual and reliable, whereas in people not
given such help, a more sudden and perhaps less common kind of sudden
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Starting Point
(often inauthentic, unaware)
Longer Survival
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Ch i ld ho o d
deve lo pm ent o f a prote c ti ve
a d ap t ati on ( t y pe C )
Ad u lt
d evel op m e nt of d is ea se
Pro ce s s of H e a li n g
( reve rs a l of u s u a l a d ap tatio n)
• in it i al op en n e s s
• d ed i c ate d wo rk
• e m erge n ce of “a u th ent ic ” s el f
Lo n ge r Su r vi va l Like ly
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Summary
While chapter 5 focused on the thoughts and actions of individuals as
they were fighting for their lives against metastatic cancer, this chapter
examines the influence of mental states on prolongation of life in a dif-
ferent way, through interviews with patients some years after they have
outlived their medically predicted lifespan. I report on our own interview
study of survivors who have taken the Healing Journey program, then
show the strong similarities that exist between what these individuals
report and the various accounts from “remarkable survivors” discussed
in chapter 3. We then put this information together with Temoshok’s
theory, that cancer is more likely to occur in those people who developed,
in childhood, a particular kind of placatory and emotionally repressed
coping style. We see that what the long survivors appear to have done is
to reverse this way of adapting to the world, claiming instead their right
to make their own decisions about how to live their lives. This enhanced
authenticity is associated with greater acceptance of others, and of oneself,
and leads to a more peaceful and meaningful experience of life. It also
appears to help people live longer, as well as better.
References
1. Cunningham, A.J., & Watson, K. (2004). How psychological therapy may pro-
long survival in cancer patients: New evidence and a simple theory. Integrative
Cancer Therapies, 3, 214–229.
2. McEwen, B. S. (1998). Protective and damaging effects of stress mediators:
Allostasis and allostatic load. New England Journal of Medicine, 338, 171–179.
McEwen, B. S., & Lasley, E. N. (2002). The end of stress as we know it. Washington,
dc: Joseph Henry.
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2. Stepping Stones
List the eight to twelve major events or stepping stones of your life (or, if
you prefer, see your whole life as a branching tree or road and identify
the major branching points). Write a brief note on each stepping stone or
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branching point, its importance in your life, and the feelings it aroused.
Speculate on what might have happened if you had taken another road
or direction at each point: do you have any desire now to pursue some of
these “roads not taken”?
4. Education History
Explore and record memories and emotions related to your passage
through school, and any higher or subsequent education and training.
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8. Sexual Development
Describe frankly to yourself the development of sexual feelings, interests,
and experiences. (This section, and any others that are sensitive, will be
kept private. You can lock your life story away, or use a code in writing
it.) Evaluate also your present sex life and compare it with what you feel
might be ideal. How important has touch been in your life?
Summarizing
Read back over your life story looking for recurrent themes, and impor-
tant ideas and feelings. You may have already made a brief summary of
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each section. Perhaps now you can draw it all together by asking some
general questions, such as, What has been the central theme of my life
to this point? What were its major stepping stones, its achievements,
satisfactions, and disappointments? To what extent have I “created” my
own world?
You will obviously have been thinking also about the most life-
affirming direction for your life from now on. This question is central
of this course, and can be best explored from a sound understanding of
one’s life in the past.
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