5.

COUNSELLING SKILLS
COMMUNICATION
Communication is the process by which a message or information is exchanged from a sender to
a receiver. For example, a teacher (sender) may send a message to a student (receiver) and vice-
versa.
Effective communication is all about conveying your messages to other people clearly and
unambiguously. It's also about receiving information that others are sending to you, with as little
distortion as possible. Doing this involves effort from both the sender of the message and the
receiver. And it's a process that can be fraught with error, with messages muddled by the sender,
or misinterpreted by the recipient. When this isn't detected, it can cause tremendous confusion,
wasted effort and missed opportunity. In fact, communication is only successful when both the
sender and the receiver understand the same information as a result of the communication.
Communication is the sum of all the things one person does when he wants to create
understanding in the mind of another. It involves a systematic and continuous process of telling,
listening and understanding.
The skills required in counseling are very important for a good counseling process to happen and
these have to be reinforced both by practice and research. The counselor acquires these skills
through learning and practice.
COMMUNICATION SKILLS
Verbal communication skills: Effective Speaking as a means of communication, effective speaking
plays a vital role in people’s lives. Though everybody speaks every day and is able to express
ideas, thoughts or requests, not everybody can do it well. Some people are difficult to follow, some
explain their thoughts in a complicated manner, and some are simply boring to listen to.
Avoid these Mistakes
• Use plain and simple words unless the audience is specialized in the subject area.
• Use complete simple sentences for the message to be easier to comprehend.
• Do not speak too fast: It is difficult to comprehend information if much of it is presented in a
short period of time.
• Make pauses: Pauses between sentences and ideas will give a listener some space to think the
words over, to understand the message.
• Structure and connect ideas: Major points should be presented in a logical manner.
Otherwise it is difficult to follow the speaker. So, make sure that each next thought expressed
expands on the subject and on the previous point.
• Support ideas not only with words, but with intonation and nonverbal means of communication
as well. Proper intonation can stress certain ideas you want to draw attention to. Nonverbal
means of communication, such as gestures and facial expression, establish a closer connection
with the audience, and enhance the message being communicated.
Barriers to Effective Communication for Counselling
Effective communication is also facilitated by knowing what not to do. The following is a list of
barriers to effective communication:
1) Giving advice
2) Offering solutions
3) Moralizing and preaching
4) Analyzing and diagnosing
5) Judging or criticizing
6) Praising and agreeing: giving positive evaluations
7) Reassuring
The effectiveness of counseling is determined by the effectiveness of counselor client
communication. From the counselor’s standpoint, communication is primarily designed to
influence and motivate the client.

A. NON-VERBAL COMMUNICATION SKILLS

Nonverbal Communication refers to communication that is produced by some means other than
words (eye contact, body language or vocal cues). Nonverbal communication is more believable
than verbal communication when the two are incongruent. Therefore, individuals should
concentrate on making nonverbal behavior consistent with our desired messages.
A message can be sometimes expressed without the help of words. Nonverbal communication is
the process of communicating without the use of words. It is defined as non-word human
responses also known as “silent language.” like use of cues, facial expressions and gestures and
the vocal/perceived characteristics of the environment and spatial relationship between the
sender and the receiver to convey a message through which the human verbal and nonverbal
messages are transmitted.

Types of Non-Verbal Communication

1. Kinesics (Body Language-Kinesics is the interpretation of body language such as facial
expressions and gestures or, more formally, non-verbal behavior related to movement, either
of any part of the body or the body as a whole and any other physical movements. Every
body movement conveys a certain meaning.
2. Haptics (Touch)
3. Proxemics (Space distancing)
4. Chronemics (Time Language e.g. You reach at a party in time meaning you are punctual
5. Sign language-(e.g. thumbs up)
6. Para-Language-attributes of speaking including the pitch, tone, the volume, tempo, rhythm,
articulation, resonance, nasality, accent of the speaker collectively known as paralanguage,
we can understand mood and the situation by paralanguage expressions).
Non-verbal communication as an aid to listening Egan (1994: 91) describes what he refers to as
‘micro-skills’, which helpers can use when working with clients. These skills are summarized by
the acronym SOLER:

S-Sit facing the client Squarely. This assures the client that she or he has your attention.
O-Be Open in your posture. Do not close yourself off by rigidly crossing arms and legs.
L-Lean slightly towards the client in an attitude of interest.
E-Establish Eye contact with the client, but avoid staring.
R-Relax and don’t fidget. Try to adopt a natural posture in relation to the client
It is obviously difficult to be totally relaxed and unselfconscious, especially at the beginning of
skills training. In addition, a position you consider to be relaxed and comfortable may not be
exactly the same as that described above. Some people feel more comfortable when sitting slightly
to the client’s side. This kind of seating arrangement has the advantage of conveying strong
subliminal messages of support to the client.
In other words, it is one way of saying ‘I am on your side’. However, it may be more difficult to
maintain eye contact in this position. The important thing to remember is that your attention should
remain with the client and whatever seating arrangement facilitates this is the right one to use.
Obvious barriers such as desks and tables should not intrude between client and counsellor, and
the overall atmosphere of the setting in which counselling takes places should be comfortable,
uninterrupted and private.
We all are judged by our first impressions. People react to us just on how we look physically. This
is a type of non-verbal communication. We receive information non verbally first and foremost.
This means one does not have to use language to communicate.
Non-verbal communication skills are just as important as verbal communication. When we
transmit information to a person, the important thing is to note HOW we say something is also
transmitted in addition to what was said to them. In fact, a lot of times the receiver interprets what
we have said to them by how we have said it and not the words themselves.
If our non-verbal communication skills are less than adequate, then there is more of a chance that
the person who receives the information will misinterpret what was said. Non-verbal
communication skills include a common system of symbols, signs and gestures. Even the way we
dress conveys non-verbal communication.
People make conclusions and assumptions by the way they perceive our clothing. That is where
the term dress for success has come into being. People think if you wear suits, you look the part of
the business world. This is true but not necessarily correct. Non-verbal communication skills give
expression to our messages that we are transmitting to be received as a communication. Virtually
anything that we can communicate and receive with the senses is a form of non-verbal
communication.
Non-verbal communication involves what is called body language, which includes things like
facial expressions, hand gestures, tone and pitch of voice, smell, essentially anything non-verbal.
Scientific studies have shown that verbal communication is 7% of a verbal communicative
transmission. The other 93% is attributed to non-verbal and symbolic communication also called
listening skills.

1. LISTENING

Listening is the most complicated and hard part of the communication process. Many people are
not good listeners. Just because one does not have a hearing problem does not mean he is listening.
Listening is a skill that is also acquired. It is a trainable skill.
When one listens they have to hear the emotion in the words and read between the lines of the
words to get the full meaning of a transmission that is received. Listening consists of 5 key
elements:
1. Hearing: -The actual process of hearing is a physiological process when sound waves hit
the eardrum at a certain frequency.
2. Attending: -Attending is a filtering process. It includes filtering in and filtering out certain
messages.
3. Understanding: -Understanding happens when we interpret the message with our
capabilities
4. Responding: -Responding is acknowledging the message with the appropriate response
such as eye contact or gesture.
5. Remembering: -Remembering means we can recall the message given to us.
All these are factors in non-verbal communication skills as well. In order to be proficient with our
nonverbal communication skills we must remember we are what we look like and what we do as
well as what we say.
Our body language must match our words so the listener can receive our message correctly. If we
do not match in our non-verbal communication with our verbal communication that there is sure
to be misunderstanding between ourselves and the one, we are communicating to. In fact, this is
the reason most people do not understand one another because the words do not match the body
Active listening is a term commonly used in relation to counselling. It goes without saying that the
‘way’ something is said is just as important as the actual words spoken. This is because it is not
possible for counsellors to give clients their full attention without actively listening to them.
Attending to clients incorporates many of the non-verbal skills. It is not just client non-verbal
behaviour that we need to consider therefore. The counsellor also communicates to the client, and
much of this communication is conveyed without words. Active listening is probably the most
effective form of communication a counsellor uses, but it is also frequently underestimated by
many people. Listening is commonly regarded as a passive rather than an active skill, and you will
probably be surprised to discover just how much effort is required to develop it. Some of the
distracting factors that impede active listening are given below:
Factors that Impede Active Listening
1. External factors: -examples include noise, interruption and physical discomfort.
2. Response Rehearsal: - this happens when we become preoccupied with what we would like
to say in reply.
3. Fact finding: -this refers to the practice of searching for details and facts, instead of listening
to the overall message the client wishes to convey.
4. Being judgmental: - some listeners are concerned to make mental judgments about the
speaker’s behaviour.
5. Problem solving: -you may find that when you first practice listening skills, you are tempted
to solve the client’s problem in your own head. This is something which precludes real
listening.
6. Imposing a personal view: -this happens when the listener fails to hear the central feeling a
client is seeking to express
7. Over-identification with the client or the client’s problems: - There are many other factors
that work against active listening, including over-identification with the client or the client’s
problems. Once again, this highlights the importance of self-awareness for counsellors, since
it is only through awareness of our own areas of vulnerability and prejudice that we can hope
to avoid this kind of over-identification (which often includes sympathy).

It should be noted here that sympathy is not appropriate in therapeutic counselling. This is
because it is an attitude that tends to be superficial, requiring very little effort to demonstrate.
It is also fairly easy to simulate and is often extended in an unthinking or perfunctory way
when people are distressed.

Many clients who seek counselling have never really been listened to. Their parents may have
failed them in this respect, and later on at school or in the work situation, they may not have
been heard either. It is sometimes the case that people hide a painful secret for many years
which ‘may seem commonplace to us’ but is monumental to the owner. Such people are given
 the courage to reappraise the problem, provided someone gives time, attention and the skill of
active listening to help them do so.

Exercise on Appropriate Responses

Working individually, look at the responses (A to D) to each of the following statements. Can
you identify responses that seem appropriate and those which do not? Afterwards, discuss your
findings with other members of your group.

1. My father was often away from home when I was a child, so I never really got to know
him.
A. That must have been very hard for you.
B. It happened to a lot of people at that time.
C. He was almost a stranger to you.
D. It wasn’t your fault though.

2. A year ago my boyfriend had an affair with another girl who is actually my friend.
A. When did it begin?
B. It reminds me of something that happened to my friend.
C. You must have been devastated.
D. Would you like to talk about it some more?

3. When I had the accident with the car, everyone assumed it was my fault.
A. Nobody listened to you.
B. Were you insured?
C. You poor thing.
D. How will you manage without the car in the meantime?

4. I’m trying to balance my studies with a full-time job. The kid is at an awkward stage,
and she doesn’t help much in the house. My boyfriend says he is tired when he gets
home.
A. It feels as if everything is down to you.
B. Could you do a rota so that everyone has to chip in?
C. Why not give up the studies until later?
D. I think you are trying to do too much.

2. GESTURES AND TOUCH

Excessive use of gestures can create uneasiness between client and counsellor, so counsellors need
to minimize these as much as possible. Clients may be anxious and restless initially, but when
counsellors ‘model’ attitudes of calm and stillness, clients often become more relaxed as a result.
The issue of touch is problematic in relation to therapeutic counselling and in most instances touch
is considered inappropriate for a variety of reasons. There are, for example, clients who have
experienced physical or sexual abuse in the past and they may, as a consequence, be fearful of this
kind of contact.
Counsellors who already work with clients or patients in other settings, like nursing for example,
may use touch routinely in their work. However, in these contexts, touch is used impersonally and
is unlikely to be misconstrued by the people they help. In contrast, clients in therapeutic
counselling may misinterpret any touching that takes place, precisely because it is not, strictly
speaking, an essential or integral component of that relationship.
This is not to say that some tactile expressions of support are never extended by counsellors.
Individual counsellors vary a great deal in the way they use touch and in the ease with which they
do so.
Cultural differences are important here, too, since what might feel comfortable for one group of
people may be less so for another. All these differences highlight the earlier point that tactile
communication needs to be carefully considered before it is used and when any element of doubt
exists it is best avoided altogether.
In discussing non-erotic touch, Cooper (2008: 147–8) makes the point that though research into
physical contact is at an early stage, evidence so far suggests that it can be perceived as ‘both
helpful and unhelpful by clients’. But these client perceptions depend on the context in which
touch is used, as well as the way in which it is used. It should be added the British Association of
Counselling and Psychotherapy (BACP) (2013), makes it clear in its Ethical Framework that any
kind of sexual activity in counselling (and this would include sexual touch) constitutes exploitation
of clients and is prohibited.

3. SILENCE
In order to listen effectively, it is necessary to be silent. Just being silent is not enough, though,
since clients need to know that the counsellor is interested and paying attention to them when they
speak. This means that you need to show by your demeanour that you are, in fact, ‘with’ the clients
in everything they say. Silence is another aspect of communication you may feel self-conscious
about at first and when you are uncomfortable in this way, there is always a temptation to fill in
the spaces, either through asking questions or finishing the clients’ sentences for them.
However, you should remember that clients often need periods of silence in order to collect their
thoughts, or as a way of experiencing a very strong feeling or emotion. If they are not allowed to
do this, they will almost certainly regard any intervention as intrusive and insensitive. Clients
communicate a great deal through silence, both to themselves and to counsellors. As well as this,
clients frequently refer to silence afterwards and, in doing so, effectively clarify aspects of their
problems that may have been obscured in the past.
 4. THE COUNSELLOR’S APPEARANCE
Counsellors, like their clients, reveal much more about themselves than they think. Personal
values, and even mood, are often discernible in a person’s dress and appearance and someone who
appears scruffy and unkempt is unlikely to retain the confidence of clients.
On the other hand, an excessively glamorous or suave appearance might inhibit some clients,
especially those who experience problems in relation to body image or personal looks.
However, no style of clothing or dress has the same meaning for everyone which suggests that
counsellors should probably dress in whatever way is most comfortable for them personally. There
are, moreover, certain areas of counselling in which casual dress seems most appropriate.
Counsellors who work with underprivileged groups of people, or with those who have problems
in relation to substance abuse, often feel most at ease with their clients when dressed informally.
Probably the only hard-and-fast rule pertaining to counsellor dress and appearance is respect for
clients. Counsellors have to be true to themselves, but they also need to dress in ways that inspire
some confidence in their ability and competence.

B. VERBAL COMMUNICATION
Verbal communication often refers to the words we use in communication. It takes place directly
between people and is often known as face-to-face communication. It takes the form of talks, a
public address, verbal discussions, telephonic talks, telecommunications and other artificial media,
such as audio-visual aids speeches, holdings of meetings and conferences, lectures, social get-
togethers, training sessions or public address systems.
Some verbal communication skills are discussed below:

1. REFLECTION
The word ‘reflection’ refers to the skill of communicating back to clients that their words and
feelings have been heard.
Responding back to clients what they have said is one way of indicating that we are listening
carefully to them. In a sense, the skill of reflection is like holding a mirror in front of clients so
that they can see themselves more clearly.
Reflection, if it is to be effective, should be done unobtrusively so that the client is hardly aware
that it is happening.
The concept of empathy is closely linked to reflection, because effective reflective responses are
those which stay within the client’s ‘internal frame of reference’ (Rogers, 1991: 29).
To stay within clients’ internal frame of reference means listening to and understanding the
problem or problems from their point of view or experience.
An example is given below:

NJINE (STUDENT): My mother told me that I was adopted when I was 13 years old. After
that I went wild for a while . . . running around with a bad crowd . . . I didn’t know who I was
any more . . . my world fell apart.

COUNSELLOR: You were lost and confused.

NJINE (STUDENT): Yes . . . and it took me ages to get it all on an even keel again. Actually,
I haven’t . . . got it on an even keel, I mean. I feel dislocated . . . I still feel lost in some ways.

COUNSELLOR: There is still a sense of things not being right for you . . . of missed
connections.

NJINE (STUDENT): Parts of the story are missing . . . large parts. I want to meet my natural
parents, yet I’m terrified too . . . terrified that they might not want to know me.

COUNSELLOR: The fear of the unknown . . . and of possible rejection . . . these are the things
which cause you the most anxiety.

NJINE (STUDENT): Yes, and this fear keeps me from doing anything.

COUNSELLOR: ………………………………………………………………………………
…………………………………………………………………………………………………..
…………………………………………………………………………………………………..
NJINE (STUDENT): …………………………………………………………………………
…………………………………………………………………………………………………..
……………………………………………………………………………………………………

The counsellor’s responses to this client were framed in a way that kept the focus of attention on
the emotional/feeling content of what the client was saying. This meant that the client felt free to
express her deepest fears and anxieties, since she was aware that the counsellor respected and
validated these.
In her responses, the counsellor also focused on ‘feeling’ words including ‘confused’, ‘fear’,
‘rejection’ and ‘anxiety’. Clients are sometimes afraid to acknowledge strong feelings, in case the
listener becomes distressed on hearing them, or they themselves become overwhelmed by them.
When strong or negative feelings are validated in counselling, clients often experience great relief.
Such relief is frequently the first step towards clarification and management of the problem.
 2. PARAPHRASING
The word ‘paraphrasing’ refers to the rewording of the content of what clients say. Reflection and
paraphrasing are very similar; the difference between them being that the former is generally used
to describe a rewording of the emotional content, while the latter is mainly concerned with the
factual.
However, it is certainly not always easy (or necessary) to separate these two activities. Some
distinction is necessary though, because the two words are often used interchangeably in
counselling literature, and this can occasionally prove confusing for students.
When responding to clients, it is obviously best to do so in a way that does not simply repeat
verbatim what has just been said. It is helpful to practice the skill of paraphrasing by concentrating
on the content first, and later on incorporating the emotional content as well.
Two examples are given below.
The first example refers to an exchange between a student and teacher:
STUDENT: I didn’t get the work done because my mother fell ill last week. Then she was
taken into hospital for tests and I had to look after the two younger ones. I don’t feel so well
myself either, especially after all the stress and the extra work.
TEACHER: Other things happened at home and you were too busy to write the assignment; as
well as that, you’ve been ill yourself.
In this situation, the teacher picked up the factual content of what the student said. There is no
obvious acknowledgement of the emotional content, however.
To reflect back both factual and emotional content, the teacher might have worded her/his
response in the following way:
TEACHER: Things have been hectic and stressful at home for you, and there was no way
you could think about writing an assignment. And feeling ill, of course, made it worse for
you.
Here, the teacher picks up the stress and anxiety the student expresses, and reflects this back in her
response. It is likely that such a response will assure the student that her explanation for not doing
the work is respected and understood.
On the other hand, it should be remembered that the first response might well have had the same
effect, depending on the teacher’s tone of voice and general demeanour when she/he delivered it.
The following example highlights a conversation that takes place between a nurse and
patient.
PATIENT: I’ve never been in hospital before. What happens next? When will I
know about going home? There was a doctor here a short while ago and he took
my case notes away.
 NURSE: You’ve not had this experience before and you want to know all the
details.
Here, the nurse concentrates on the factual aspects of the patient’s communication. In the next
example, she reflects back both content and feeling.
NURSE: You’re obviously anxious about everything that’s happening, and that’s understandable.
I’ll talk to you about all the details in just a moment.
This last response acknowledges the patient’s fears and her general anxiety about being in hospital.

3. SUMMARIZING
The skill of summarizing is used when a helper wishes to respond to a series of statements or, in
the case of counselling, to a whole session. As with reflecting and paraphrasing, accurate
summarizing requires empathy and the ability to stay within the client’s internal frame of
reference.
Clients often talk at random, and they are frequently side-tracked into other related (and sometimes
unrelated) issues. This can make it difficult to monitor everything they say, and formulating an
accurate summary also requires active listening and an ability to draw all the random threads
together into a more coherent framework.
Egan (1994: 181) refers to summarizing as a ‘bridging response’ that can be used to provide links
between counselling sessions and the stages of the three-stage model (E-U-A) he describes.
The following is an example of summarizing at the end of a counselling session. A client called
Spensiosa talked about her experiences:
Accurate summarizing should:
 show understanding of what the client has said
 reflect the client’s internal frame of reference
 show accurate selection of important issues and themes
 avoid critical or judgmental statements
 be accurately timed: clients should not be interrupted
 be tentative: clients need to feel free to add to or correct what has been said
 reflect the order of events, so that clients can look again at the story as it unfolds.
 4. QUESTIONING
One of the difficulties you may find in listening to others is that your curiosity is aroused, and you
are tempted to ask questions in order to get the detail clear in your own head. Most of us probably
ask too many questions in our communications with other people, and active listening is often
diminished as a result.
Questions can be especially problematic in counselling because they tend to be prompted by an
external rather than an internal frame of reference. In other words, counsellors sometimes ask
questions in order to get the facts straight for themselves, rather than from a desire to understand
the client’s subjective experience of things.
Consider the following example:
HAMPSHIRE: My daughter and I have frequent arguments. They seem to become more
frequent as she gets older. This gives me the feeling that we are somehow losing touch.
COUNSELLOR: What age is she?
HAMPSHIRE: 15 . . . almost 16.
COUNSELLOR: And how often do you argue?
This example may seem like an extreme case of stark questioning, but it does serve to highlight
several important points. In the first place, the questions do nothing to help the client examine his
relationship with his daughter, even though this is clearly a major concern of his. In the second
place, it is difficult to see how such questions could possibly aid the counsellor in her/his
understanding of the client, or the problem he is trying to describe.
These questions, therefore, work against the client’s best interests, and they also place a barrier in
the relationship between client and counsellor.
How should the counsellor have responded?
The following is one way of responding to the client’s first statement:
COUNSELLOR: There are more differences now and greater distance between you.
CLIENT: Yes . . . I feel very saddened by it.
In this second example the counsellor responded, not with a question but with a reflection of the
client’s experience and feeling. This response encouraged him to talk in depth about his
relationship with his daughter.
However, questions do have their place in counselling, though they should be kept to a minimum.
When tempted to ask a question, it is useful to consider why you need to do so. Is it to satisfy your
own curiosity, or will it facilitate the client in some way?
When questions have to be asked they should always be as open as possible; it is certainly best to
avoid questions beginning with ‘why’, as they tend to sound interrogative, and clients frequently
respond to them in defensive or resistant ways. Also clients usually don’t really know why things
are the way they are, and it is often a desire to find out that prompts them to seek counselling in
the first place.

a. Open Questions

Open questions encourage clients to explore their problems in greater depth. In contrast to ‘closed’
questions, they require much more than a simple ‘yes’ or ‘no’ answer. They also encourage the
expression of feelings and help clients to explore issues that concern them in much more specific
ways.
he following example should illustrate the points just made:
MUTONGORIA: My sister was sent to a really good school. We lost touch for a long time,
and the school I went to was local and had a poor record. My parents always gave the
impression that I was sent there because I had no real ability.
COUNSELLOR: The separation from your sister . . . the second rate school . . . how did
you feel about all this?
MUTONGORIA: Well, for a long time I really resented her . . . my sister I mean. Later on,
I realized, of course, that it wasn’t her fault. When we were in our late teens we started to
become closer.
COUNSELLOR: So the resentment was less in your teens . . . what was it at that stage
which helped you?
MUTONGORIA: We had similar problems then . . . with my parents I mean. We both
realized that we had more in common than we thought. Also I was able to talk to her about
my feelings of being stupid. She really helped me then and was very supportive. Now I
don’t have that old resentment towards her.
In addition to closed questions, there are others which are problematic in the counselling context,
some of which are set out below.

b. Multiple Questions

Here, several questions are asked at once and the client doesn’t know which to reply to. This is
especially confusing when people are emotionally upset. For example:
CLIENT: I think I might be pregnant and I’m really scared.
HELPER: Have you spoken to your parents? Maybe you don’t want to? What about your
doctor?
 c. Leading Questions
These are questions which lead the client in a certain direction, usually in the direction of the
counsellor’s viewpoint.
Value judgments are also usually implicit in leading questions, and this is never helpful for clients,
who often find themselves under pressure to agree with what has been said.
For example:
CLIENT: I feel tired all the time. Sometimes I just want to stay in the house and never go
out.
HELPER: Doesn’t staying in the house tend to make people feel even more apathetic and
tired?

d. Rhetorical Questions
These are questions which do not require any answer. They tend to express the questioner’s
viewpoint, and if they are used in counselling, clients may feel obliged to accept what the
counsellor has said.
For example:
COUNSELLOR: How is it that things always seem to happen at once?
CLIENT: Well yes, I suppose they do.

e. Greeting Clients
Many clients find it difficult to get started unless they are asked at least one opening question. It
is important to establish contact with clients as soon as possible, and one way of doing this is by
asking a brief question.
The following are some examples:
• Please sit down. How would you like to start?
• Is there anything, in particular, you would like to begin with?
• My name is (name). Can you tell me about the issues that concern you at the moment?
• How do you see your situation at present?
• Dr. /Mr./Ms. (name) referred you to me for . . . is this how you see the situation?
• How have things been with you since you last saw the doctor?
Once contact has been established and the client starts to talk, the counsellor can then use a range
of continuation skills to encourage further exploration.
For example:
• Yes, I see
• And after that . . .
• You say you were afraid . . .
• Please go on . . .
• Then . . .
• Tell me more about . . .
• So you feel . . .
• And that felt . . .
You will probably find that once you lose your initial nervousness, your own range of responses
will develop naturally. In the meantime, it is a good idea to practice opening questions, along with
follow-up responses similar to the continuation phrases given above.

f. Probing Questions
Probing questions are meant to encourage clients to enlarge or expand on their initial response.
The following are examples:
• Can you say more about that?
• And what happened then?
• Could you describe that?

g. Focusing Questions
Focusing questions encourage clients to look more closely at specific aspects of a problem. Clients
are often vague about their problems and focusing questions are effective in encouraging them to
define issues more clearly.
For example:
CLIENT: Everybody bullies me . . . I am always bullied.
COUNSELLOR: Could we look at some of the ways you are bullied?
Timing of Questions
We have already seen that too many questions can be threatening for clients and may also have
the adverse effect of inhibiting communication generally. Timing of questions is also important in
counselling. Clients should never be interrupted, no matter how much they seem to talk initially.
It is worth remembering that many clients have waited a long time to be heard and they may have
a great deal of information they want to convey. In view of this, counsellors need to keep questions
in abeyance until the time is right to ask them.
Clients do pause to pick up responses from counsellors, and a counsellor who is truly listening will
be in tune with unspoken invitations to speak.
Another important point to remember is that clients should not be questioned when they are
emotionally overwhelmed, or when they are clearly too upset to answer.
Use of excessively probing questions can also cause a great deal of anxiety, especially when these
are poorly timed.
Asking too many, or badly timed, questions of clients is one way of avoiding real contact with
them.
Active listening, on the other hand, is a sure way of establishing real contact and understanding.

h. Challenging Skills
The basic skills of listening, paraphrasing and reflecting, summarizing, asking questions, using
silence and helping clients to focus on more specific aspects of their stories are skills used in the
first stage of the model and, indeed, throughout the whole counselling process. In the second stage
preferred scenario of the model requires the use of other skills that will help clients to develop new
perspectives about themselves and the problems they experience.

The Egan model aims to help the speaker address 3 main questions/scenarios:

1. Current Scenario (‘What is going on?’). what are the blind spots/what is the story?
2. Preferred Scenario (‘What do I want instead?’). What are the possibilities? Goals should
be SMART.
3. Action Strategies (‘How might I get to what I want?). How many strategies/options are
available.

During this stage of counselling, which Egan refers to as the ‘preferred scenario’, clients are
encouraged to identify what they need to do in order to change the situation that is causing
difficulties for them.
The skills used in this phase include the following:
● challenging,
● immediacy
● counsellor self-disclosure
● identifying patterns and themes
● giving information to clients.
Used in the counselling context, the word ‘challenge’ refers to the skill of encouraging clients to
confront their own behaviour, attitudes or beliefs. It should always be done with sensitivity and
should certainly never be rushed.
Immediacy, counsellor self-disclosure, information giving and the identification of patterns and
themes are all forms of challenge in counselling.

i. Immediacy
The term ‘immediacy’ is one Egan uses to describe the process of discussing what is actually
taking place right now in the counselling situation.
The following is an example:
CLIENT: I have been to several helpers now, and I don’t feel any more hopeful than before.
COUNSELLOR: Perhaps that’s something we should talk about now . . . is it that you don’t
have confidence that I can help you either?
In this example, immediacy was used by the counsellor in order to draw attention to the client’s
feelings about him. This is challenging for the client, because it serves to focus attention on his
belief that he is impossible to help.

j. Counsellor Self-Disclosure
There are specialized areas of counselling in which counsellor self-disclosure is sometimes used.
These include counselling for substance abuse or addiction, and in these contexts self-disclosure
is very beneficial for clients, since it serves to encourage them to persevere in overcoming
problems.
However, self-disclosure is by no means always appropriate. It can worry clients if it is done
frequently, and it can have the very unfortunate effect of making the client feel responsible for the
counsellor. Writing about counsellor self-disclosure, Yalom stresses that therapists should not
reveal themselves ‘indiscriminately’ but only reveal what is of value to the client (Yalom, 2004:
87).
On the other hand, self-disclosure is very effective as a form of challenge, as long as it is correctly
timed and carried out with the client’s best interest firmly in focus. Another point to remember is
that it is important to show interest in clients without in fact being interesting.
In the next example, a client called Gullap was worried that she would never get over her panic
attacks:
GILLIAN: Sometimes I feel that I might as well just stay in the house and at least feel safe
there . . .
 COUNSELLOR: Yes, I know that feeling . . . but when I pushed myself to get out of the
house, things started improving from there.
Through self-disclosure the counselor, in this example, challenged the client’s temptation to give
up on her problem and just stay in the house.

k. Giving Information to Clients

Information giving can also prove challenging for clients, especially when their expectations are
clearly unrealistic in some way. In the following example, a client called Mundu wanted to leave
his present relationship, in order to establish a new life with his new girlfriend:
MUNDU: I want to leave everything behind . . . I know I can do it, and I can just about
afford it. COUNSELLOR: Taking into consideration maintenance for the two children?
MUNDU: My wife is financially OK . . . that’s one thing; she has never quibbled about
money . .
COUNSELLOR: On the other hand, there is probably a certain amount you will need to
provide from a legal point of view . . .
MUNDU: Yes, I suppose you’re right.
In this example, the counsellor directed the client’s attention to the financial details he wanted to
minimize. She/he did this by challenging him with the information that there were certain
requirements which, in all likelihood, he would need to observe.

MERITS OF VERBAL COMMUNICATION

1. It is the least time consuming, is more direct, simple and the least expensive.
2. It is more communicative and effective.
3. It provides an immediate feedback.
4. Since every information cannot be put into writing, most of it is conveyed by means of
oral instructions, mutual discussions and telephonic conversations.

DEMERITS OF VERBAL COMMUNICATION

1. Verbal talks may often be distorted if there is some cause of indifference between the
receiver and the sender.
2. Due to various communication gaps, as a result of status and other physical or personal
barriers communication is incomplete.
3. Not convenient for long messages.
4. Spontaneous responses may not be carefully thought.
5. The spoken words can be more easily misunderstood than the written words.
ADVANTAGES OF NON-VERBAL COMMUNICATION

1. Easy presentation: Information can be easily presented in non-verbal communication

through using visual, audio-visual and silent means of non-verbal communication.
2. Substituting: Non-verbal message may substitute for the verbal message especially if it is
blocked by noise, interruption, long distance etc. for example; gestures-finger to lips to
indicate need for quite, facial expressions- a nod instead of a yes.
3. Help to illiterate people: This type of communication use gestures, facial expressions, eye
contact, proximity, touching etc. and without using any spoken or written word. So, it is
very much helpful for illiterate people.
4. Help to handicapped people: Non-verbal cues of communication greatly help in
handicapped people especially to deaf people. Deaf people exchange message through the
movements of hands, fingers, eyeball etc.
5. Attractive presentation: Non-verbal communication is based on visual, picture, graph,
sign etc. that can be seen very much attractive.
6. Quick expression of message: Non-verbal cues of communication like sign and symbol
can also communicate some messages very quickly than written or oral messages.
7. Reducing wastage of time: The message of non-verbal communication reached the
receiver very fast. For this reason it reduces the wastage of valuable time of the
communicator.

Disadvantages/Limitations of Non-Verbal Communication

1. Vague and imprecise: Non-verbal communication is quite vague and imprecise. Since in
this communication, there is no use of words or language which expresses clear meaning to
the receiver.
2. Long conversations are not possible: In non-verbal communication, long conversation
and necessary explanations are not possible. No party can discuss the particular issues of
the messages.
3. Difficult to understand: Difficult to understand and requires a lot of repetitions in non-
verbal communication. Since it uses gestures, facial expressions eye contact, touch etc. for
communicating with others which may not be understandable for the simple and foolish
people.
4. Costly: In some cases, non-verbal communication involves huge cost. For example, neon
sign, power point presentation, cinema etc. are very much costly compared to others form
of communication.
5. Distortion of information: Since it uses gestures, facial expressions, eye contact, touch,
sign, sound, paralanguage etc. for communicating with others, there is a great possibility in
distortion of information in non-verbal communication.