MARRIAGE AND SEX

MARRIAGE AND SEX Mulepi Hirome Elly Ivan © 2016  All scriptures have been taken from the New King James Version © 1979, 1980 and 1982 by Thomas Nelson Inc. used by permission. All rights reserved. Printed in the republic of Uganda by New Eden Ministries International. All rights reserved under international Copyright Law. Contents and/or cover may not be reproduced in whole or part in any form without the express written consent of the publisher. Copyright © 2016 by Mulepi Hirome Elly Ivan. TABLE OF CONTENTS MARRIAGE AND SEX 1 FORMS AND FOUNDATIONS OF MARRIAGE 1 SMART SEX 5 SWITCH 6 SENSES 7 SHIFTING 10 SERVICING 11  MARRIAGE AND SEX Marriage is a union of two people; a man and a woman who become one flesh until death separates them. For this to be realized to fullness, it must be done in a Godly fashion. Gen 2:24 The standing of any marriage depends on its foundation. There is a difference between a marriage made by God and brought to man and marriage made by man and brought before God. The former is Gods will and the latter is man’s will. To enjoy a marriage, you refer to his form and foundation then act accordingly. FORMS AND FOUNDATIONS OF MARRIAGE; THE PHILOTIC MARRIAGE; This is a marriage which takes place between two people who have or share a common thing or interest. The idea here is that a particular thing or interest is what brings two people in an affair which ends up in marriage. To them, love developed after knowing they both shared a common interest. The foundation of this marriage is the common interest shared between this couples which becomes the basis of love. It is the interest which is stronger than the love and success of such a marriage depends on the success of the interest. If the interest was money, status, fame, education qualities, gifts, talents, beauty, faith etc., then these must be stronger every time for marriage to stand. Such a marriage must be corrected by replacing interest with love prayerfully 79% of such marriages end up in divorce, separation and prolonged conflict. THE THEOTIC MARRIAGE This is a marriage which is arranged by families. Therefore, the couple involved is made to dance to the tune of the family music. All mediation, negotiation and arbitration are done by the family. The greatest danger of this marriage is its lack of independence, over dependency and indecision which bleeds into extreme hypocrisy, dissatisfaction and temptation. Well as the organizing family can pass on its achievements to the couple, it also indirectly passes on its problems to the couple. God commanded a couple to leave their parent’s home and be united to their new home (Genesis 2:24) such kinds of marriage above do not develop a strong mechanism for conflict resolution in a home so they leave an artificial life characterized by quarrels fighting, cheating, despising each other and lamentation. To correct such a marriage, independence from parents or family must be given to the couple through prayerful counseling. THE EROTIC MARRIAGE; This marriage is built on sexual relationship. The couple enjoys each other’s sexual practice a result ends up in marriage. Often such practices results into sexual related conflicts with time because the focus of the marriage is sex yet sex a part of married couple’s love life but love is not all about sex. So this couple practices sex in full but love in part which creates lack of fulfillment hence a gap in marriage. Such a gap in marriage must be filled by correcting the impression that sex is part of love not, love being part of sex by a biblical endowed counselor. ORDAINED MARRIAGE; This kind of marriage is exactly what the Bible says about marriage. Such a marriage is typically the idea of God (Genesis 2:18-24) in it you find real commitment, a thing which is essential to a successful marriage (Genesis 24:58-60) another important thing is romance (Song of Songs 4:9-10) which beautifies marriage. An ordained marriage holds times of great joy (Jeremiah 33:10-11) also it creates the best environment for raising children (Malachi 2:14-15). It must be noted as in Matthew 5:32 that unfaithfulness breaks the bond of trust which is the foundation of all relationships yet marriage must not be treated as temporary but permanent (Matthew 19:6). Ideally, only death should dissolve marriage (Romans 7:2-3). Ordained marriages are based on the principled practice of love buy not on feelings (Ephesians 5:21-33) and remember, marriage is a living symbol of Christ and the church. It is also good and honorable (Hebrews 13:4) An ordained marriage is God’s ideal plan of a marriage and in it sex is ordained hence what is called SMART SEX. SMART SEX; Sex is a union of consenting people who exchange pleasure, emotion and feelings using their bodies and its parts. It’s acceptable before God if it is limited to marriage (Deuteronomy 23:17-18). Many Christians avoid speaking about sex yet they practice and enjoy it. About 80% of the Christians learn sex through unchristian and unbiblical means. This work will not let the world teach you about sex which is a God given thing but attempts to put in place a different sex lesson for you called “smart sex”. There are four S’s to explain smart sex and these must be understood in their order. SWITCH; This analogy is taken from the example of a switch whose functions is to turn on and off something to which it is connected to. Smart sex to begin with must be switched on in three ways; ENVIRONMENT The book of proverbs talks of a wife of noble character (31:22), she decorates her bed in other words and creates a sexual environment in her bedroom which off course switches on her husband’s sexual desire. A bad bedroom environment may contribute to loss of sexual desire. LANGUAGE A romantic language and gesture is very important for switching on smart sex e.g. in Song of Songs 4:16 the woman’s language is very romantic which inspires the man who responds accordingly in 5:1. Language can switch on or off a sexual desire depending on how it is used. DRESSING In the dream of love in Song of Songs 5:3 it shows that she takes off her robe meaning undressing is a factor in switching on smart sex. Undressing in front of a partner is crucial; it slows sex and makes it long thus enjoyable. SENSES This is the emotional and sensitive part of smart sex. It triggers off pleasure which makes sex enjoyable if done well. It involves stimulating sensitive parts of the body Song of Songs 7:6 calls them delights and they are found in 7:1-5 (Song of Songs) in part. SENSE OF TASTE; The hands are essential in triggering off sexual feeling. They must be used calmly with tenderness and organs creasing as the feeling increases. The sexual organs must be avoided initially or temporary for a moment giving room for parts like feet, legs, thighs, waist, back, breasts, chest, neck, hair, ears and fingers to be stimulated so that the skin may respond to a sexual feeling appropriately creating eventually satisfaction. SENSE OF TASTE; The organ here to be used is the tongue. Many married people refuse to use their tongues on their partner’s bodies thinking it is sin 1 Corinthians 7:4 gives unlimited freedom for body use to the couple song of Songs 1:2) says “let him kiss me with the kisses of his mouth….” The taste of the body parts or kiss is felt well with the tongue. This can be done with confidence and trust in one another. The tongue would e.g. stimulate the mouth, ears, and chest. Breasts, neck etc. SENSE OF HEARING Sound is important in triggering off emotions in sex, sound reveals fulfillment of sexual need, reaching satisfaction, climax or a passionate appeal for further satisfaction. Therefore as Paul says in 1Corinthians 7:3 let a husband and likewise a wife fulfill each other’s needs, it creates satisfaction leading to a healthy sexual relationship thus a stable marriage and consequently a strong church. SENSE OF SEEING; The eyes play an important part in smart sex, they sense and reveal emotional and physical pleasure and give rhythm to sex Song of Songs 6:5 says “turn your eyes from me; they overwhelm me”….This expresses the power of the eye. It must be used to help drive pleasure to each other but avoid to be used to intimidate or cause shame, it may disturb sexual pleasure by robbing confidence. THE SENSE OF SMELL; Song of Songs says “pleasing is the fragrance of your perfumes….” A couple must smell well, it builds more trust in sex and creates deep attraction for each other. SHIFTING The idea in Song of Songs 7:11-12 shows the importance of moving to a particular location by the lovers which introduces three things namely; POSITION Smart sex is also about the different position of sex which the couple must engage in to avoid boredom, monotony and reduction in pleasure. STYLE The major importance of having a variety of sex styles is to prolong sex in order to bring equal satisfaction to each of the couples. NOTE: Unequal satisfaction is selfishness. The difference between style and position is; a position is a particular place during the sex action, yet a style is the action of sex. SPACE A wide space may be required to do much in order to keep desire strong, enjoyment long and pleasure unforgettable SERVICING; Like a car needs servicing that is to say to change oil, the filter, fluids etc. in order to give it new life so is a sex life. In order for couples to give sex new life, attention must be given to the following: - CLEANING Smart sex is also build a round smartness and cleanness which helps to create a new image and presentation of one in a new way. This stirs up new desire which greatly contributes to continuity of sex. APPRECIATION Song of Songs 1:15-16 inspires a partner and the feeling of being appreciated created in one produces confidence and prepares one for a next sexual counter. FEEDING A good diet is very important in keeping strong and healthy; a sickness affects the body which is an important part in sexual practice. MEDICAL CHECKUP One of the most disappointing things in life is suffering from a disease you do not know. It is advisable to visit hospital on suspicion of a health problem because things like skin infection, Sexually Transmitted Diseases, bad odour or wounds on the body may affect smart sex. COUNSELING; A sexual relationship in marriage may encounter problems due to many factors. Visitation to Bible endowed counselor or sexual therapist is recommended in order to avoid getting into trouble by seeking for solutions to sexual related problems from a wrong source e.g. witchcraft, cultic churches, failures in morality, drugs, alcoholism etc. caution must be taken not to trust evil sources as a solution to your sexual problem remembering Luke 1:37 “nothing is impossible with God.” Finally sex is one of the things the devil uses to carry out his destructive plans against humanity by arousing desire in one in order to destroy them or by denying people who are entitled to having sex from practicing it in order to frustrate them and in due time destroy them (Read his plan in John 10:10) Also one of the greatest challenges the church faces today is the destruction of marriage and the greatest challenges to marriage is failed sexual relationships yet little attention is not given by the church to marriage and sex. Recent statistics in Ugandan courts show divorce cases on the increase. Church leaders are being faced by marital problems more than anything. Let alone the attack on the marriage institution by homosexual relationships, high levels of moral decay causing spread of life terminators like HIV AIDS, early marriages, abortions to mention but a few. Therefore little has been addressed on the topic of marriage and sex but consider this work as just the beginning. God bless you. 1