Justin Sane - the Joy and Pain of a Beautiful Man's Soul: A Dance with Addiction and Mental Health
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Justin Sane - the Joy and Pain of a Beautiful Man's Soul - Justin P. Dodson
Copyright © 2020 by Justin P. Dodson.
All rights reserved. No part of this book may be reproduced or transmitted in any form or by any means, electronic or mechanical, including photocopying, recording, or by any information storage and retrieval system, without permission in writing from the copyright owner.
Any people depicted in stock imagery provided by Getty Images are models, and such images are being used for illustrative purposes only.
Certain stock imagery © Getty Images.
Rev. date: 10/13/2020
Xlibris
844-714-8691
www.Xlibris.com
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CONTENTS
Blessed Are the Broken
Pain and Joy
OWNING IT
Psychoanalysis of Myself
Early Drug History
Rehab Life
Willpower
Now
Efficiency
DIFFERENT PERSPECTIVE
I Try
Seasonal Depression
Inner Goodness
Hide and Go Seek
How Are You Doing?
Drugs
It Pays
No Fear
BROKEN GROWTH
Welcome to Jail
King Heroin
Bodyboard
Thug Life
Thanksgiving
Hand of Darkness
Home Free
HOPE
Teach or Be Taught
All Lives Matter
Halloween
Suicidal Truths
Date of Birth
Drug Faith
Clones’ Lives Matter Too
MIND DREAMS
Wonder
Today I Live
Game of Life
Black Hole
Bubble
Blackout
Dreams
HIGHER LOVE
We Are God
Christmas
Equilibrium
Think
Surround Yourself with Good People
Time
ONE LOVE
Love
Good Old Gram
Love Never Dies
Withered Rose
Forever Friends
A Piece of Me Will Always Be With You
SOUL LOVE
Redemption
Sky
Light
Crown
Wisdom
Innocent Soul
Wings
Dual Diagnosis Dilemma
Acknowledgments
Dedication
One Love
Love to Live and Live to Love
These are words by my son, Justin Googles
Dodson. The writings and art are reflections of some of his blessings and curses. Being an addict and bipolar did by no means define him. He truly wanted to share himself, help the broken, and help people understand the daily battle. He loved all who reached out to him. He did not achieve his dream of publishing a book before passing away from an overdose. But with his guiding presence, many angels, and by the Holy Spirit, we have created a book from his love.
Until we meet at the sun,
Mom
Nadia%20Grace.jpgBlessed Are the Broken
The soul cannot bend to the force of time. It is affected by our grease and grime. Faith is in the eye of the beholder; it is quick to crush like a boulder.
Whatever opens your eyes to see, do not question why. Just let it be. The heart and the mind can be tricky tools and can lose you like a treasure of jewels. The broken in life are the truly blessed. They are given a quest to solve the test.
Pain and Joy
My life has been like the experience of drugs. I have had the most overwhelming rush of euphoria that your body could ever endure. I am a master of pain and pleasure in life. And to balance out the equilibrium of the body, you must undergo an immense amount of torture on your body as you come down from the drugs. You go from the highest of highs to the lowest of lows, all sometimes within an hour. This is insane on your body, mind, and soul. This is why I am the way I am. Using the roller coaster metaphor does not do justice to the truth that I attempt to explain.
My writing may come off as dark, and it would be easy to diagnose me as a depressed individual who lives with suicidal ideations on a regular basis. Thankfully though, I am bipolar, so I can live on both sides of the coin. I am a very happy guy, and I have learned to love myself, the good and the bad. My problems are the things I cannot change and have control over. I find that I must write of the horrors in my life in order for me to accept my place in the world. I have also learned not to hold things in and not to lie to myself. I understand that I may be too brutally honest, and I apologize to my loved ones. I’m an asshole, but if I wasn’t, I would be dead. Transferring emotions like pain and fear into something tangible, such as words, helps me connect the dots. It helps me change my perspective of a situation and make a positive out of a negative. From extreme lows to extreme highs, acceptance gives this awesome wave of relaxation that brings a smile to my face and a tear to the eye.
Pain and joy are both my weaknesses and my strengths. Maybe my pleasure experiences are more personal than my sad ones. Maybe I’m embarrassed at what I find joy in. Maybe I don’t want to glorify the life of addiction and mental health. Or maybe I don’t want to turn a positive into a negative. All I know is good triumphs evil no matter how much balance is needed. My life has given me more joy than pain, and the overflow from both leave streaks of tears down my face. My life has been a constant cycle of birth and death along with a continuously changing perspective of pain and joy.
SECTION 1
Owning It
Demons.jpg