Name :Rian Afriansyah

NIM` : 131711052
Class : 3B UTYLITY/D3-T.K.ENERGI
Authors : Lawrence Robinson, Jeanne Segal, Ph. D., and Melinda Smith, M.A.
Link

: http://www.helpguide.org/articles/relationships/effective-communication.htm

Effective Communication
Improving Communication Skills in Your Work and Personal
Relationships
sounds so simple: say what you mean. But all too often, what we try to communicate gets lost
in translation despite our best intentions. We say one thing, the other person hears something
else, and misunderstandings, frustration, and conflicts ensue.
Fortunately, you can learn how to communicate more clearly and effectively. Whether youre
trying to improve communication with your spouse, kids, boss, or coworkers, you can
improve the communication skills that enable you to effectively connect with others, build
trust and respect, and feel heard and understood.
What is effective communication?
Communication is about more than just exchanging information. It's about
understanding the emotion and intentions behind the information. Effective communication is
also a two-way street. Its not only how you convey a message so that it is received and
understood by someone in exactly the way you intended, its also how you listen to gain the
full meaning of whats being said and to make the other person feel heard and understood.
More than just the words you use, effective communication combines a set of skills including
nonverbal communication, engaged listening, managing stress in the moment, the ability to
communicate assertively, and the capacity to recognize and understand your own emotions
and those of the person youre communicating with.
Effective communication is the glue that helps you deepen your connections to others
and improve teamwork, decision making, and problem solving. It enables you to
communicate even negative or difficult messages without creating conflict or destroying
trust.
While effective communication is a learned skill, it is more effective when its spontaneous
rather than formulaic. A speech that is read, for example, rarely has the same impact as a
speech thats delivered (or appears to be delivered) spontaneously. Of course, it takes time

and effort to develop these skills and become an effective communicator. The more effort and
practice you put in, the more instinctive and spontaneous your communication skills will
become.
Barrires to effective interpersonal communication

Stress and out-of-control emotion. When youre stressed or emotionally

overwhelmed, youre more likely to misread other people, send confusing or offputting nonverbal signals, and lapse into unhealthy knee-jerk patterns of behavior.
Take a moment to calm down before continuing a conversation.

Lack of focus. You cant communicate effectively when youre multitasking. If

youre planning what youre going to say next, daydreaming, checking text messages,
or thinking about something else, youre almost certain to miss nonverbal cues in the
conversation. You need to stay focused on the moment-to-moment experience.

Inconsistent body language. Nonverbal communication should reinforce what is

being said, not contradict it. If you say one thing, but your body language says
something else, your listener will likely feel youre being dishonest. For example, you
cant say yes while shaking your head no.

Negative body language. If you disagree with or dislike whats being said, you may
use negative body language to rebuff the other persons message, such as crossing
your arms, avoiding eye contact, or tapping your feet. You dont have to agree, or
even like whats being said, but to communicate effectively without making the other
person defensive, its important to avoid sending negative signals.

1. Improving communication skills : Become an engaged listener

People often focus on what they should say, but effective communication is less about talking
and more about listening. Listening well means not just understanding the words or the
information being communicated, but also understanding the emotions the speaker is trying
to communicate.
Theres a big difference between engaged listening and simply hearing. When you really
listenwhen youre engaged with whats being saidyoull hear the subtle intonations in
someones voice that tell you how that person is feeling and the emotions theyre trying to
communicate. When youre an engaged listener, not only will you better understand the other
person, youll also make that person feel heard and understood, which can help build a
stronger, deeper connection between you.
By communicating in this way, youll also experience a process that lowers stress and
supports physical and emotional well-being. If the person youre talking to is calm, for

example, listening in an engaged way will help to calm you, too. Similarly, if the person is
agitated, you can help calm them by listening in an attentive way and making the person feel
understood.
How do you become an engaged listener?
If your goal is to fully understand and connect with the other person, listening in an engaged
way will often come naturally. If it doesnt, try the following tips. The more you practice
them, the more satisfying and rewarding your interactions with others will become.

Focus fully on the speaker, his or her body language, tone of voice, and other
nonverbal cues. Tone of voice conveys emotion, so if youre thinking about other
things, checking text messages or doodling, youre almost certain to miss the
nonverbal cues and the emotional content behind the words being spoken. And if the
person talking is similarly distracted, youll be able to quickly pick up on it. If you
find it hard to concentrate on some speakers, try repeating their words over in your
headitll reinforce their message and help you stay focused.

Favor your right ear. The left side of the brain contains the primary processing
centers for both speech comprehension and emotions. Since the left side of the brain
is connected to the right side of the body, favoring your right ear can help you better
detect the emotional nuances of what someone is saying. Try keeping your posture
straight, your chin down, and tilting your right ear towards the speakerthis will
make it easier to pick up on the higher frequencies of human speech that contain the
emotional content of whats being said.

Avoid interrupting or trying to redirect the conversation to your concerns, by

saying something like, If you think thats bad, let me tell you what happened to me.
Listening is not the same as waiting for your turn to talk. You cant concentrate on
what someones saying if youre forming what youre going to say next. Often, the
speaker can read your facial expressions and know that your minds elsewhere.

Show your interest in whats being said. Nod occasionally, smile at the person, and
make sure your posture is open and inviting. Encourage the speaker to continue with
small verbal comments like yes or uh huh.

Try to set aside judgment. In order to communicate effectively with someone, you
dont have to like them or agree with their ideas, values, or opinions. However, you
do need to set aside your judgment and withhold blame and criticism in order to fully
understand a person. The most difficult communication, when successfully executed,
can lead to the most unlikely and profound connection with someone.

Provide feedback. If there seems to be a disconnect, reflect what has been said by
paraphrasing. "What I'm hearing is," or "Sounds like you are saying," are great ways

to reflect back. Dont simply repeat what the speaker has said verbatim, though
youll sound insincere or unintelligent. Instead, express what the speakers words
mean to you. Ask questions to clarify certain points: "What do you mean when you
say..." or "Is this what you mean?"

2. Improving communication skills : Pay attention to nonverbal signals

When we communicate things that we care about, we do so mainly using nonverbal signals.
Nonverbal communication, or body language, includes facial expressions, body movement
and gestures, eye contact, posture, the tone of your voice, and even your muscle tension and
breathing. The way you look, listen, move, and react to another person tells them more about
how youre feeling than words alone ever can.
Developing the ability to understand and use nonverbal communication can help you connect
with others, express what you really mean, navigate challenging situations, and build better
relationships at home and work.

You can enhance effective communication by using open body languagearms

uncrossed, standing with an open stance or sitting on the edge of your seat, and
maintaining eye contact with the person youre talking to.

You can also use body language to emphasize or enhance your verbal message
patting a friend on the back while complimenting him on his success, for example, or
pounding your fists to underline your message.

Tips for improving how you read nonverbal communication

Be aware of individual differences. People from different countries and cultures tend
to use different nonverbal communication gestures, so its important to take age,
culture, religion, gender, and emotional state into account when reading body
language signals. An American teen, a grieving widow, and an Asian businessman, for
example, are likely to use nonverbal signals differently.

Look at nonverbal communication signals as a group. Dont read too much into a
single gesture or nonverbal cue. Consider all of the nonverbal signals you receive,
from eye contact to tone of voice to body language. Anyone can slip up occasionally
and let eye contact slip, for example, or briefly cross their arms without meaning to.
Consider the signals as a whole to get a better read on a person.

Tips for improving how you deliver nonverbal communication

Use nonverbal signals that match up with your words. Nonverbal communication
should reinforce what is being said, not contradict it. If you say one thing, but your

body language says something else, your listener will likely feel youre being
dishonest. For example, you cant say yes while shaking your head no.

Adjust your nonverbal signals according to the context. The tone of your voice,
for example, should be different when youre addressing a child than when youre
addressing a group of adults. Similarly, take into account the emotional state and
cultural background of the person youre interacting with.

Use body language to convey positive feelings even when you're not actually
experiencing them. If youre nervous about a situationa job interview, important
presentation, or first date, for exampleyou can use positive body language to signal
confidence, even though youre not feeling it. Instead of tentatively entering a room
with your head down, eyes averted, and sliding into a chair, try standing tall with your
shoulders back, smiling and maintaining eye contact, and delivering a firm handshake.
It will make you feel more self-confident and help to put the other person at ease.

3. Improving communication skills : Keep stress in check

To communicate effectively, you need to be aware of and in control of your emotions.
And that means learning how to manage stress. When youre stressed, youre more likely to
misread other people, send confusing or off-putting nonverbal signals, and lapse into
unhealthy knee-jerk patterns of behavior.
How many times have you felt stressed during a disagreement with your spouse, kids, boss,
friends, or coworkers and then said or done something you later regretted? If you can quickly
relieve stress and return to a calm state, youll not only avoid such regrets, but in many cases
youll also help to calm the other person as well. Its only when youre in a calm, relaxed
state that you'll be able to know whether the situation requires a response, or whether the
other persons signals indicate it would be better to remain silent.
Staying calm under pressure
In situations such as a job interview, business presentation, high-pressure meeting, or
introduction to a loved ones family, for example, its important to manage your emotions,
think on your feet, and effectively communicate under pressure. These tips can help:

Use stalling tactics to give yourself time to think. Have a question repeated, or ask
for clarification of a statement before responding.

Pause to collect your thoughts. Silence isnt necessarily a bad thingpausing can
make you seem more in control than rushing your response.

Make one point and provide an example or supporting piece of information. If your
response is too long or you waffle about a number of points, you risk losing the
listeners interest. Follow one point with an example and then gauge the listeners
reaction to tell if you should make a second point.

Deliver your words clearly. In many cases, how you say something can be as
important as what you say. Speak clearly, maintain an even tone, and make eye
contact. Keep your body language relaxed and open.

Wrap up with a summary and then stop. Summarize your response and then stop
talking, even if it leaves a silence in the room. You dont have to fill the silence by
continuing to talk.

Quick stress relief for effective communication

When things start to get heated in the middle of a conversation, you need something quick
and immediate to bring down the emotional intensity. By learning to quickly reduce stress in
the moment, though, you can safely face any strong emotions youre experiencing, regulate
your feelings, and behave appropriately. When you know how to maintain a relaxed,
energized state of awarenesseven when something upsetting happensyou can remain
emotionally available and engaged.
To deal with stress during communication:

Recognize when youre becoming stressed. Your body will let you know if youre
stressed as you communicate. Are your muscles or your stomach tight and/or sore?
Are your hands clenched? Is your breath shallow? Are you "forgetting" to breathe?

Take a moment to calm down before deciding to continue a conversation or

postpone it.

Bring your senses to the rescue and quickly manage stress by taking a few deep
breaths, clenching and relaxing muscles, or recalling a soothing, sensory-rich image,
for example. The best way to rapidly and reliably relieve stress is through the senses:
sight, sound, touch, taste, and smell. But each person responds differently to sensory
input, so you need to find things that are soothing to you.

Look for humor in the situation. When used appropriately, humor is a great way to
relieve stress when communicating. When you or those around you start taking things
too seriously, find a way to lighten the mood by sharing a joke or amusing story.

Be willing to compromise. Sometimes, if you can both bend a little, youll be able to
find a happy middle ground that reduces the stress levels for everyone concerned. If

you realize that the other person cares much more about something than you do,
compromise may be easier for you and a good investment in the future of the
relationship.

Agree to disagree, if necessary, and take time away from the situation so everyone
can calm down. Take a quick break and move away from the situation. Go for a stroll
outside if possible, or spend a few minutes meditating. Physical movement or finding
a quiet place to regain your balance can quickly reduce stress.

4. Improving communication skills : Assert yourself

Direct, assertive expression makes for clear communication and can help boost selfesteem and decision-making. Being assertive means expressing your thoughts, feelings, and
needs in an open and honest way, while standing up for yourself and respecting others. It does
NOT mean being hostile, aggressive, or demanding. Effective communication is always
about understanding the other person, not about winning an argument or forcing your
opinions on others.
To improve assertiveness:

Value yourself and your opinions. They are as important as anyone elses.

Know your needs and wants. Learn to express them without infringing on the rights
of others.

Express negative thoughts in a positive way. Its OK to be angry, but you must be
respectful as well.

Receive feedback positively. Accept compliments graciously, learn from your

mistakes, ask for help when needed.

Learn to say no. Know your limits and dont let others take advantage of you.
Look for alternatives so everyone feels good about the outcome.