Body Language and Nonverbal

Communication Communicating Without

Words
Your facial expressions, gestures, posture, and tone of voice are powerful
communication tools. Here’s how to read and use body language to build better
relationships at home and work.

What is body language?

Body language is the use of physical behavior, expressions, and mannerisms to
communicate nonverbally, often done instinctively rather than consciously. Whether
you’re aware of it or not, when you interact with others, you’re continuously giving
and receiving wordless signals. All of your nonverbal behaviors—the gestures you
make, your posture, your tone of voice, how much eye contact you make—send
strong messages.

In fact, it’s not the words that you use but your nonverbal cues or body language that
speak the loudest. They can put people at ease, build trust, and draw others towards
you, or they can offend, confuse, and undermine what you’re trying to convey. These
messages don’t stop when you stop speaking either. Even when you’re silent, you’re
still communicating nonverbally.

In some instances, what comes out of your mouth and what you communicate
through your body language may be two totally different things. If you say one thing,
but your body language says something else, your listener will likely feel that you’re
being dishonest. If you say “yes” while shaking your head no, for example. When
faced with such mixed signals, the listener has to choose whether to believe your
verbal or nonverbal message. Since body language is a natural, unconscious
language that broadcasts your true feelings and intentions, they’ll likely choose the
nonverbal message.
However, by improving how you understand and use body language and nonverbal
communication, you can express what you really mean, connect better with others,
and build stronger, more rewarding relationships—both in your personal and
professional relationships.

The importance of body language

Your nonverbal communication cues—the way you listen, look, move, and react—
tell the person you’re communicating with whether or not you care, if you’re being
truthful, and how well you’re listening. When your nonverbal signals match up with
the words you’re saying, they increase trust, clarity, and rapport. When they don’t,
they can generate tension, mistrust, and confusion.

If you want to become a better communicator, it’s important to become more

sensitive not only to the body language and nonverbal cues of others, but also to
your own.

Body language can play five roles:

 Repetition: It repeats and often strengthens the message you’re making verbally.
 Contradiction: It can contradict the message you’re trying to convey, thus indicating
to your listener that you may not be telling the truth.
 Substitution: It can substitute for a verbal message. For example, your facial
expression often conveys a far more vivid message than words ever can.
 Complementing: It may add to or complement your verbal message. As a boss, if
you pat an employee on the back in addition to giving praise, it can increase the
impact of your message.
 Accenting: It may accent or underline a verbal message. Pounding the table, for
example, can underline the importance of your message.

Types of body language and nonverbal communication

The many different types of nonverbal communication or body language include:

Facial expressions. The human face is extremely expressive, able to convey

countless emotions without saying a word. And unlike some forms of nonverbal
communication, facial expressions are universal. The facial expressions for
happiness, sadness, anger, surprise, fear, and disgust are the same across cultures.

Body movement and posture. Consider how your perceptions of people are
affected by the way they sit, walk, stand, or hold their head. The way you move and
carry yourself communicates a wealth of information to the world. This type of
nonverbal communication includes your posture, bearing, stance, and the subtle
movements you make.

Gestures. Gestures are woven into the fabric of our daily lives. You may wave,
point, beckon, or use your hands when arguing or speaking animatedly, often
expressing yourself with gestures without thinking. However, the meaning of some
gestures can be very different across cultures. While the “OK” sign made with the
hand, for example, usually conveys a positive message in English-speaking
countries, it’s considered offensive in countries such as Germany, Russia, and
Brazil. So, it’s important to be careful of how you use gestures to avoid
misinterpretation.

Eye contact. Since the visual sense is dominant for most people, eye contact is an
especially important type of nonverbal communication. The way you look at
someone can communicate many things, including interest, affection, hostility, or
attraction. Eye contact is also important in maintaining the flow of conversation and
for gauging the other person’s interest and response.

Touch. We communicate a great deal through touch. Think about the very different
messages given by a weak handshake, a warm bear hug, a patronizing pat on the
head, or a controlling grip on the arm, for example.

Space. Have you ever felt uncomfortable during a conversation because the other
person was standing too close and invading your space? We all have a need for
physical space, although that need differs depending on the culture, the situation,
and the closeness of the relationship. You can use physical space to communicate
many different nonverbal messages, including signals of intimacy and affection,
aggression or dominance.

Voice. It’s not just what you say, it’s how you say it. When you speak, other people
“read” your voice in addition to listening to your words. Things they pay attention to
include your timing and pace, how loud you speak, your tone and inflection, and
sounds that convey understanding, such as “ahh” and “uh-huh.” Think about how
your tone of voice can indicate sarcasm, anger, affection, or
confidence.
Can nonverbal communication be faked?
There are many books and websites that offer advice on how to use body language
to your advantage. For example, they may instruct you on how to sit a certain way,
steeple your fingers, or shake hands in order to appear confident or assert
dominance. But the truth is that such tricks aren’t likely to work (unless you truly feel
confident and in charge). That’s because you can’t control all of the signals you’re
constantly sending about what you’re really thinking and feeling. And the harder you
try, the more unnatural your signals are likely to come across.

However, that doesn’t mean that you have no control over your nonverbal cues. For
example, if you disagree with or dislike what someone’s saying, you may use
negative body language to rebuff the person’s message, such as crossing your
arms, avoiding eye contact, or tapping your feet. You don’t have to agree, or even
like what’s being said, but to communicate effectively and not put the other person
on the defensive, you can make a conscious effort to avoid sending negative
signals—by maintaining an open stance and truly attempting to understand what
they’re saying, and why.

How body language can go wrong

What you communicate through your body language and nonverbal signals affects
how others see you, how well they like and respect you, and whether or not they
trust you. Unfortunately, many people send confusing or negative nonverbal signals
without even knowing it. When this happens, both connection and trust in
relationships are damaged, as the following examples highlight:

 Jack believes he gets along great with his colleagues at work, but if you were
to ask any of them, they would say that Jack is “intimidating” and “very
intense.” Rather than just look at you, he seems to devour you with his eyes.
And if he takes your hand, he lunges to get it and then squeezes so hard it
hurts. Jack is a caring guy who secretly wishes he had more friends, but his
nonverbal awkwardness keeps people at a distance and limits his ability to
advance at work.

 Arlene is attractive and has no problem meeting eligible men, but she has a
difficult time maintaining a relationship for longer than a few months. Arlene
is funny and interesting, but even though she constantly laughs and smiles,
she radiates tension. Her shoulders and eyebrows are noticeably raised, her
voice is shrill, and her body is stiff. Being around Arlene makes many people
feel anxious and uncomfortable. Arlene has a lot going for her that is undercut
by the discomfort she evokes in others.
  Ted thought he had found the perfect match when he met Sharon, but Sharon
wasn’t so sure. Ted is good looking, hardworking, and a smooth talker, but
seemed to care more about his thoughts than Sharon’s. When Sharon had
something to say, Ted was always ready with wild eyes and a rebuttal before
she could finish her thought. This made Sharon feel ignored, and soon she
started dating other men. Ted loses out at work for the same reason. His
inability to listen to others makes him unpopular with many of the people he
most admires.

These smart, well-intentioned people struggle in their attempt to connect with others.
The sad thing is that they are unaware of the nonverbal messages they
communicate.

If you want to communicate effectively, avoid misunderstandings, and enjoy solid,

trusting relationships both socially and professionally, it’s important to understand
how to use and interpret body language and improve your nonverbal communication
skills.

How to improve nonverbal communication

Nonverbal communication is a rapidly flowing back-and-forth process
that requires your full focus on the moment-to-moment experience. If you’re planning
what you’re going to say next, checking your phone, or thinking about something
else, you’re almost certain to miss nonverbal cues and not fully understand the
subtleties of what’s being communicated.

As well as being fully present, you can improve how you communicate nonverbally
by learning to manage stress and developing your emotional awareness.

Tip 1: Learn to manage stress in the moment

Stress compromises your ability to communicate. When you’re stressed out, you’re
more likely to misread other people, send confusing or off-putting nonverbal signals,
and lapse into unhealthy knee-jerk patterns of behavior. And remember: emotions
are contagious. If you are upset, it is very likely to make others upset, thus making
a bad situation worse.

If you’re feeling overwhelmed by stress, take a time out. Take a moment to calm
down before you jump back into the conversation. Once you’ve regained your
emotional equilibrium, you’ll feel better equipped to deal with the situation in a
positive way.
The fastest and surest way to calm yourself and manage stress in the moment is to
employ your senses—what you see, hear, smell, taste, and touch—or through a
soothing movement. By viewing a photo of your child or pet, smelling a favorite
scent, listening to a certain piece of music, or squeezing a stress ball, for example,
you can quickly relax and refocus.

Tip 2: Develop your emotional awareness

In order to send accurate nonverbal cues, you need to be aware of your emotions
and how they influence you. You also need to be able to recognize the emotions of
others and the true feelings behind the cues they are sending. This is
where emotional awareness comes in.

Being emotionally aware enables you to:

 Accurately read other people, including the emotions they’re feeling and the
unspoken messages they’re sending.
 Create trust in relationships by sending nonverbal signals that match up with
your words.
 Respond in ways that show others that you understand and care.

Many of us are disconnected from our emotions—especially strong emotions such

as anger, sadness, fear—because we’ve been taught to try to shut off our feelings.
But while you can deny or numb your feelings, you can’t eliminate them. They’re still
there and they’re still affecting your behavior. By developing your emotional
awareness and connecting with even the unpleasant emotions, though, you’ll gain
greater control over how you think and act.

Tip 3: Better read body language

Once you’ve developed your abilities to manage stress and recognize emotions,
you’ll start to become better at reading the nonverbal signals sent by others. It’s also
important to:

Pay attention to inconsistencies. Nonverbal communication should reinforce what is

being said. Is the person saying one thing, but their body language conveying
something else? For example, are they telling you “yes” while shaking their head
no?

Look at nonverbal communication signals as a group. Don’t read too much into a
single gesture or nonverbal cue. Consider all of the nonverbal signals you are
receiving, from eye contact to tone of voice and body language. Taken together, are
their nonverbal cues consistent—or inconsistent—with what their words are saying?
Trust your instincts. Don’t dismiss your gut feelings. If you get the sense that
someone isn’t being honest or that something isn’t adding up, you may be picking
up on a mismatch between verbal and nonverbal cues.

Evaluating body language and nonverbal signals

Eye contact – Is the person making eye contact? If so, is it overly intense or just
right?

Facial expression – What is their face showing? Is it masklike and unexpressive,

or emotionally present and filled with interest?

Tone of voice – Does the person’s voice project warmth, confidence, and interest,
or is it strained and blocked?

Posture and gesture – Is their body relaxed or stiff and immobile? Are their
shoulders tense and raised, or relaxed?

Touch – Is there any physical contact? Is it appropriate to the situation? Does it

make you feel uncomfortable?

Intensity – Does the person seem flat, cool, and disinterested, or over-the-top and
melodramatic?

Timing and place – Is there an easy flow of information back and forth? Do
nonverbal responses come too quickly or too slowly?

Sounds – Do you hear sounds that indicate interest, caring or concern from the
person?
Here are few body language tips for first impression
Be confident
Be up straight
Smile naturally
Show open palms
Make an eye contact
Keep your eyes open
Keep your neck straight
Watch your tone
Speak slowly but clearly
Be an active listener
Stand with a good posture
Avoid fidgeting
Use natural hand gesture
Keep your feet pointed toward the person
Don’t blink too much
Don’t stare
Don’t cross your arms while talking
Don’t put your hands on the pocket
Don’t hunchback