Effective Communication
Effective Communication
Effective Communication
COMMUNICATION
Effective Communication
Want to communicate better? These tips will help you avoid misunderstandings, grasp the real
meaning of what’s being communicated, and greatly improve your work and personal
relationships.
Effective communication sounds like it should be instinctive. But all too often, when we try to communicate with
others something goes astray. We say one thing, the other person hears something else, and
misunderstandings, frustration, and conflicts ensue. This can cause problems in your home, school, and work
relationships.
For many of us, communicating more clearly and effectively requires learning some important skills. Whether
you’re trying to improve communication with your spouse, kids, boss, or coworkers, learning these skills can
deepen your connections to others, build greater trust and respect, and improve teamwork, problem solving,
and your overall social and emotional health.
Stress and out-of-control emotion. When you're stressed or emotionally overwhelmed, you're more likely to
misread other people, send confusing or off-putting nonverbal signals, and lapse into unhealthy knee-jerk
patterns of behavior. To avoid conflict and misunderstandings, you can learn how to quickly calm down before
continuing a conversation.
Lack of focus. You can't communicate effectively when you're multitasking. If you're checking your phone,
planning what you're going to say next, or daydreaming, you're almost certain to miss nonverbal cues in the
conversation. To communicate effectively, you need to avoid distractions and stay focused.
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Inconsistent body language. Nonverbal communication should reinforce what is being said, not contradict it. If
you say one thing, but your body language says something else, your listener will likely feel that you're being
dishonest. For example, you can't say “yes” while shaking your head no.
Negative body language. If you disagree with or dislike what's being said, you might use negative body
language to rebuff the other person's message, such as crossing your arms, avoiding eye contact, or tapping
your feet. You don't have to agree with, or even like what's being said, but to communicate effectively and not
put the other person on the defensive, it's important to avoid sending negative signals.
There's a big difference between engaged listening and simply hearing. When you really listen—when you're
engaged with what's being said—you'll hear the subtle intonations in someone's voice that tell you how that
person is feeling and the emotions they're trying to communicate. When you're an engaged listener, not only will
you better understand the other person, you'll also make that person feel heard and understood, which can help
build a stronger, deeper connection between you.
By communicating in this way, you'll also experience a process that lowers stress and supports physical and
emotional well-being. If the person you're talking to is calm, for example, listening in an engaged way will help to
calm you, too. Similarly, if the person is agitated, you can help calm them by listening in an attentive way and
making the person feel understood.
If your goal is to fully understand and connect with the other person, listening in an engaged way will often come
naturally. If it doesn't, try the following tips. The more you practice them, the more satisfying and rewarding your
interactions with others will become.
Focus fully on the speaker. You can't listen in an engaged way if you're constantly checking your phone or
thinking about something else. You need to stay focused on the moment-to-moment experience in order to pick
up the subtle nuances and important nonverbal cues in a conversation. If you find it hard to concentrate on
some speakers, try repeating their words over in your head—it'll reinforce their message and help you stay
focused.
Favor your right ear. As strange as it sounds, the left side of the brain contains the primary processing centers
for both speech comprehension and emotions. Since the left side of the brain is connected to the right side of
the body, favoring your right ear can help you better detect the emotional nuances of what someone is saying.
Avoid interrupting or trying to redirect the conversation to your concerns. By saying something like, “If you think
that's bad, let me tell you what happened to me.” Listening is not the same as waiting for your turn to talk. You
can't concentrate on what someone's saying if you're forming what you're going to say next. Often, the speaker
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can read your facial expressions and know that your mind's elsewhere.
Show your interest in what's being said. Nod occasionally, smile at the person, and make sure your posture is
open and inviting. Encourage the speaker to continue with small verbal comments like “yes” or “uh huh.”
Try to set aside judgment. In order to communicate effectively with someone, you don't have to like them or
agree with their ideas, values, or opinions. However, you do need to set aside your judgment and withhold blame
and criticism in order to fully understand them. The most difficult communication, when successfully executed,
can often lead to an unlikely connection with someone.
Provide feedback. If there seems to be a disconnect, reflect what has been said by paraphrasing. “What I'm
hearing is,” or “Sounds like you are saying,” are great ways to reflect back. Don't simply repeat what the speaker
has said verbatim, though—you'll sound insincere or unintelligent. Instead, express what the speaker's words
mean to you. Ask questions to clarify certain points: “What do you mean when you say…” or “Is this what you
mean?”
Hear the emotion behind the words. It's the higher frequencies of human speech that impart emotion. You can
become more attuned to these frequencies—and thus better able to understand what others are really
saying—by exercising the tiny muscles of your middle ear (the smallest in the body). You can do this by singing,
playing a wind instrument, or listening to certain types of high-frequency music (a Mozart symphony or violin
concerto, for example, rather than low-frequency rock, pop, or hip-hop).
Developing the ability to understand and use nonverbal communication can help you connect with others,
express what you really mean, navigate challenging situations, and build better relationships at home and work.
You can enhance effective communication by using open body language—arms uncrossed, standing with
an open stance or sitting on the edge of your seat, and maintaining eye contact with the person you're
talking to.
You can also use body language to emphasize or enhance your verbal message—patting a friend on the
back while complimenting him on his success, for example, or pounding your fists to underline your
message.
Be aware of individual differences. People from different countries and cultures tend to use different nonverbal
communication gestures, so it's important to take age, culture, religion, gender, and emotional state into account
when reading body language signals. An American teen, a grieving widow, and an Asian businessman, for
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Look at nonverbal communication signals as a group. Don't read too much into a single gesture or nonverbal
cue. Consider all of the nonverbal signals you receive, from eye contact to tone of voice to body language.
Anyone can slip up occasionally and let eye contact go, for example, or briefly cross their arms without meaning
to. Consider the signals as a whole to get a better “read” on a person.
Use nonverbal signals that match up with your words rather than contradict them. If you say one thing, but your
body language says something else, your listener will feel confused or suspect that you're being dishonest. For
example, sitting with your arms crossed and shaking your head doesn't match words telling the other person
that you agree with what they're saying.
Adjust your nonverbal signals according to the context. The tone of your voice, for example, should be different
when you're addressing a child than when you're addressing a group of adults. Similarly, take into account the
emotional state and cultural background of the person you're interacting with.
Avoid negative body language. Instead, use body language to convey positive feelings, even when you're not
actually experiencing them. If you're nervous about a situation—a job interview, important presentation, or first
date, for example—you can use positive body language to signal confidence, even though you're not feeling it.
Instead of tentatively entering a room with your head down, eyes averted, and sliding into a chair, try standing
tall with your shoulders back, smiling and maintaining eye contact, and delivering a firm handshake. It will make
you feel more self-confident and help to put the other person at ease.
In situations such as a job interview, business presentation, high-pressure meeting, or introduction to a loved
one's family, for example, it's important to manage your emotions, think on your feet, and effectively
communicate under pressure.
Use stalling tactics to give yourself time to think. Ask for a question to be repeated or for clarification of a
statement before you respond.
Pause to collect your thoughts. Silence isn't necessarily a bad thing—pausing can make you seem more in
control than rushing your response.
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Make one point and provide an example or supporting piece of information. If your response is too long or you
waffle about a number of points, you risk losing the listener's interest. Follow one point with an example and
then gauge the listener's reaction to tell if you should make a second point.
Deliver your words clearly. In many cases, how you say something can be as important as what you say. Speak
clearly, maintain an even tone, and make eye contact. Keep your body language relaxed and open.
Wrap up with a summary and then stop. Summarize your response and then stop talking, even if it leaves a
silence in the room. You don't have to fill the silence by continuing to talk.
When a conversation starts to get heated, you need something quick and immediate to bring down the
emotional intensity. By learning to quickly reduce stress in the moment, you can safely take stock of any strong
emotions you're experiencing, regulate your feelings, and behave appropriately.
Recognize when you're becoming stressed. Your body will let you know if you're stressed as you communicate.
Are your muscles or stomach tight? Are your hands clenched? Is your breath shallow? Are you “forgetting” to
breathe?
Take a moment to calm down before deciding to continue a conversation or postpone it.
Bring your senses to the rescue. The best way to rapidly and reliably relieve stress is through the senses—sight,
sound, touch, taste, smell—or movement. For example, you could pop a peppermint in your mouth, squeeze a
stress ball in your pocket, take a few deep breaths, clench and relax your muscles, or simply recall a soothing,
sensory-rich image. Each person responds differently to sensory input, so you need to find a coping mechanism
that is soothing to you.
Look for humor in the situation. When used appropriately, humor is a great way to relieve stress when
communicating. When you or those around you start taking things too seriously, find a way to lighten the mood
by sharing a joke or an amusing story.
Be willing to compromise. Sometimes, if you can both bend a little, you'll be able to find a happy middle ground
that reduces the stress levels for everyone concerned. If you realize that the other person cares much more
about an issue than you do, compromise may be easier for you and a good investment for the future of the
relationship.
Agree to disagree, if necessary, and take time away from the situation so everyone can calm down. Go for a
stroll outside if possible, or spend a few minutes meditating. Physical movement or finding a quiet place to
regain your balance can quickly reduce stress.
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while standing up for yourself and respecting others. It does NOT mean being hostile, aggressive, or demanding.
Effective communication is always about understanding the other person, not about winning an argument or
forcing your opinions on others.
Value yourself and your options. They are as important as anyone else's.
Know your needs and wants. Learn to express them without infringing on the rights of others.
Express negative thoughts in a positive way. It's okay to be angry, but you must remain respectful as well.
Receive feedback positively. Accept compliments graciously, learn from your mistakes, ask for help when
needed.
Learn to say “no.” Know your limits and don't let others take advantage of you. Look for alternatives so everyone
feels good about the outcome.
Empathetic assertion conveys sensitivity to the other person. First, recognize the other person's situation or
feelings, then state your needs or opinion. “I know you've been very busy at work, but I want you to make time
for us as well.”
Escalating assertion can be employed when your first attempts are not successful. You become increasingly
firm as time progresses, which may include outlining consequences if your needs are not met. For example, “If
you don't abide by the contract, I'll be forced to pursue legal action.”
Practice assertiveness in lower risk situations to help build up your confidence. Or ask friends or family if you
can practice assertiveness techniques on them first.
More Information
Helpful links
01. Effective Communication: Improving Your Social Skills - Communicate more effectively, improve your
conversation skills, and become more assertive. (AnxietyCanada)
https://www.helpguide.org/articles/relationships-communication/effective-communication.htm
03. Effective Communication - How to communicate in groups using nonverbal communication and active
listening techniques. (University of Maine)
04. Some Common Communication Mistakes - And how to avoid them. (SucceedSocially.com)
References
01. 3aPPa3 – When cognitive demand increases, does the right ear have an advantage? – Danielle Sacchinell
| Acoustics.org. (n.d.). Retrieved May 22, 2022, from
02. How to Behave More Assertively. (n.d.). 10. Weger, H., Castle Bell, G., Minei, E. M., & Robinson, M. C.
(2014). The Relative Effectiveness of Active Listening in Initial Interactions. International Journal of
Listening, 28(1), 13–31.
https://www.helpguide.org/articles/relationships-communication/effective-communication.htm