Do you ever feel like you could change?

I remember hanging out with a friend of mine at a party, and hearing him talk about why
he loved travelling. He said that with just a bit of money, you could walk into the nearest
airport, and within a few hours, you could walk out into an entirely different place. In
just a short span of time, you could find yourself in an entirely different landscape, with a
different set of people, a different environment, and a whole different vibe.
If thats true, I wondered, could you even be a different person? Maybe, just while
youre there? Would you really be the same person if you were in a different city?
Nobody would know you, or have any expectations of you at all.
But what if instead of changing physical locations you could be in the exact same
location, and still be in a different place? What if it was your experience of that place
that made it different, instead of the physical location? What if you changed?
This would be a good time to think about it. Because like it or not, thats whats about to
happen. The place that youre about to go now is not a place that youre going to be
coming back from. So youre just going to have to deal with it.

THE BLUEPRINT
By Tyler
Hacked and leaked by KillTyler

Real Social Dynamics, 2006

Deleted:

FOREWORD
BOOK I SOCIAL CONDITIONING
BOOK II VALUE
BOOK III LOVE
BOOK IV IDENTITY
BOOK V COOLNESS AND CONGRUENCE
BOOK VI IDENTITY STABILIZATION
BOOK VII THE ABSURD STRUCTURE OF SOCIAL VALUE
BOOK VIII BLIND SPOTS
BOOK IX PILLARS OF REALITY
BOOK X ATTRIBUTION AND STATE
BOOK XI STRONG BEHAVIOURS
BOOK XII WEAK BEHAVIOURS
BOOK XIII SOCIAL VIBING AND CALIBRATION
BOOK XIV ANALYTICAL AND EMOTIONAL STATES OF MIND
BOOK XV AUTHENTICITY
INDEX

FOREWORD
What follows is a rough blueprint of social dynamics as I presently understand it.
It is a sketch of the continually evolving software that exists in my mind, having spent
years as a pickup artist.
If you wish to benefit from this knowledge read it continually, and go out and practice
every day until youve internalized it fully.
Once youve done that, put the book down and never read it again.
That way it will become not something that you do, but something that you are.
Good luck on your journey.

Tyler
www.realsocialdynamics.com

BOOK I SOCIAL CONDITIONING

Most people walk through life in a trance. A walking daze.
Understand this and it will become your base of power as a guy with tremendous social
skills.
But before we get to that, we have to start by waking you up from all the nonsense
youve been taught.

Deleted: That specific knowledge is

what
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Deleted: the
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Have you ever stopped to think about where do your ideas about sex, dating, and
relationships actually come from?
What sorts of commonly-accepted ideas can we find floating around out there?
-Guys with money get girls. If you cant get girls, go out and make a ton of money. That
way, when you talk to girls you can attract them by showing them how much money you
have
-The best looking guys always get the best looking girls. Aside from money, looks are
the most important thing
-You should continually strategize how about how to get the girl you want, so that she
can see how hard youre trying. If you can just prove to a girl how much you like her,
shell like you back
-A woman can be logically convinced to feel emotional attraction for a man. When you
first meet a girl, you should buy her drinks and flowers to convince her to like you
-If you like a girl, you need to really think through how you will act around her. If youre
careful enough, then youll be less likely to make mistakes that could upset her
-When you think youre in love, you should follow your heart and tell the girl how badly
youre pining for her. Doing this will win her heart
-Love is scarce and you should treat it that way. You have only one soul mate. You will
not find love twice
-In the same way that attractive girls dont get rejected, if youre an attractive guy then
you should never be rejected either. If you dont get the girl, its because youre just not
an attractive guy
-People are always on the look out to find guys that are trying to meet women, so that
they can laugh at them with their friends. To avoid crushing embarrassment, its best to
take your time and figure out if the girl is interested or not before you approach

-If a girl sleeps with you quickly after meeting you, then she must be a slut. But if she
waits to sleep with you and makes you work for it, then she must be hard to get and
has never been promiscuous in the past. In fact, girls that are hard to get automatically
make the best partners in a healthy relationship
-Guys always seem to be chasing after sex. Guys enjoy sex more than girls do. Thats
why guys cheat on girls more than the other way around theyre obsessed with sex
-If you dont fit in, people wont like you. When youre at a social gathering like a party
or a club, you have to drink alcohol to fit in. Actually, it might be a good idea to get a
glass in your hand right now, in case anyone is watching
-All of the guys who dance with girls are hooking up with them. To get girls at clubs,
you need to learn to dance and then go up to random girls while they're dancing with their
friends and try to cut in and grind with them. Then, when theyre really aroused from the
hard grinding, you can bring them home and get it on
-If you see a girl upset or in an argument, its the perfect chance for you to jump in and
make a bigger deal of it than she wanted so that shell see what a man you are
-Attraction is caused by pheromones, facial symmetry, and v-shaped body tapers. If a
guy doesnt have this stuff, then hes just out of luck

So all of this stuff is blatantly wrong.

Thats not to say that its impossible to attract women if you have these ideas plenty of
guys do. (The earth is quite populated, after all). But as a real understanding of what
causes attraction, these ideas just dont do the job.
You dont have to take this (or anything else you read) for granted. Go out and put it to
the test youll figure out pretty quickly how the girls respond to your overtures.
Alright, so where do these ideas come from? Who comes up with this stuff?
DEFINITION: SOCIAL CONDITIONING
From a young age, we are influenced and moulded by social conditioning. While our
ideas are learned through experiences that are our own, the context through which we
learn is heavily influenced by our interaction with society.
For that reason, we hold all sorts of socially acquired beliefs that we accept as facts,
without ever pausing to verify whether or not theyre actually true.
Most people will never really observe this massive influence on their thinking, and even
those who do will never fully realize the extent to which it shapes their perception and
interaction with the world.

Because society is not always culturally at ease with sexuality, sex has often been thought
of as having powerful qualities that have nothing to do with it.
Sex has been conceptualized as being a passage into manhood, as a way of determining a
persons morals, and even as having divine significance. The topic of sex is an emotional
one, and many people have a hard time talking about it in an intelligent way.
These days, guys find themselves in a tough position, because their ideas about attraction
are based on all sorts of socially conditioned misinformation.
And with such nonsense cluttering about their minds, they lack a core skill that every
man should have a real understanding of how to attract women.
While you might not yet realize the extent of it, your mind is continually bombarded with
ideas about what it takes to get a girl.
Whether its from movies, books, television, music, your peers, or even professional
dating columnists, the assumption is almost invariably that women dont like sex as much
as men, and that to attract a mate a guy either has to be rich or good looking or win her
over with favours.
The focus is rarely on whats actually important, but on arbitrary stuff like where to take
the girl, how to dress, how to compliment, how to impress, how to use manners, how
long to wait to make a move, and all sorts of irrelevant nonsense that basically distracts
you from what you need to be thinking about.
Why is it distracting?
The underlying assumptions with most of this stuff is:
1- If you impress her, shell be wowed and suddenly like you.
2- If you do overly nice favours for her, shell see how well youd treat her in a
relationship and start to like you.
3- If you agree with everything she says and act like you have so much in common,
then shell realize that youre her perfect match and like you.
4- If you tell her how badly youre pining for her, shell be flattered and shell like
you.
5- If you look good enough or make enough money, shell be in such awe that shell
like you.
6- If you become her best friend, then shell eventually come to see all your amazing
qualities and realize that she likes you.

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And while this stuff can be fine when its from a cool guy who she would have liked
anyway, none of it actually causes a girl to like you because
1- If you try to impress her, youre creating an underlying context where she feels
like the reason you need to impress her is that shes more attractive than you.
2- If you do overly nice favours for her, you seem boring because youre placing her
on a pedestal just like every other guy does and youre no challenge to her.
3- If you agree with everything she says and act like you have so much in common,
shell sense that youre trying too hard and that you cant be natural around
women.
4- If you tell her how badly youre pining for her, its as irrelevant as a girl who
youre not attracted to telling you how badly she wants you.
5- If you have good looks or money, it might help you but youll still lose your girl
to a guy who has a more seductive personality than you.
6- If you become her best friend, then unless youve had some chemistry from the
beginning youre usually the least sexually eligible guy she knows.

Growing up, we dont really give this stuff much thought. We just take it for granted.
So maybe we see other guys buying girls drinks, and we buy into the idea that thats how
things work.
And there is nothing necessarily wrong with buying a girl a drink. But then, theres
nothing thats necessarily right about it either.
After all, buying a girl a drink is a played-out approach that could slot you in with every
other guy. It could even place you among the hordes of guys that lay themselves at her
feet, and who cant have a normal conversation without needing something from her.
Buying a drink might conveniently open a conversation, and the girl might even turn out
to be attracted to you. But even so, the act of buying her a drink didnt actually do
anything to make her feel that way.
If anything, she ignored the played-out approach and found the good stuff beneath the
surface. She was attracted to you for you, and she would have been attracted either way.
Girls usually form their impression of a guy as theyre exposed to his personality.
So if you try to offer a girl favours before youve conveyed your personality, its more
likely that shell reflexively make a snap judgement of not interested before shes even

gotten to know anything about you. Congratulations youve just become the next
man of the night.
DEFINITION: SUPPLICATION
The act of doing something for a girl that you wouldnt normally do, in the hopes of
getting affection from her in return is called supplication. Supplication is something
that occurs when being too nice sets up a dynamic between the two of you where its
implied that she has a higher social value than you do, because you cant attract her based
on your personality. That could include performing any kind of favour-with-an-agenda
for a girl with whom youve not already had sex, from drinks, to compliments, to flowers,
to gifts, to any of the other behaviours already mentioned.
To avoid supplicating does not mean that you can never do these things.
In fact, to deliberately not supplicate as a tactic of getting a girl to like you could be
viewed as a form of supplication in itself.
Rather, to determine whether or not youre supplicating, you can ask yourself, Why
would I want to do these things? Am I having fun or just trying to get her to like me?
Wouldnt she have liked me anyway? Even if I was brought up to act this way, is it an
essential part of who I am, or am I just attached to the imagery of it?
If the answer is yes, then you are supplicating.
Not supplicating is something that must be a part of who you are. It comes from having a
clear boundary inside of yourself, as to what behaviour you will and will not accept, both
from yourself and others. It can be something that you do to challenge a woman, and to
set yourself apart from other guys. But it also must be something that you do because it
is an expression of your worldview that you dont need a womans validation to feel
comfortable with yourself, and that you dont need to do the things that other guys think
they need to do in order to be attractive.
Most guys just dont understand what makes a girl attracted. And because they dont get
it, they look to the absurd media representations in movies, magazines, and television
which leave them absolutely convinced they need to have a lot of money or good looks to
get girls.
In fact, none of these things are necessary.
When a man dwells on his wealth or his looks, it is a weakness and an excuse to
rationalize a larger shortcoming of his personality that needs to be worked out.
Of course, hell hang onto his rationalizations so he doesnt have to face the things he
needs to work out despite continually seeing all sorts of guys who arent considered
wealthy or good looking doing better with women than the guys who seem to have it all.

Deleted: that theyre continually

exposed to

The same principle holds true for old guys, short guys, bald guys, fat guys, ugly guys,
poor guys, disabled guys, and whatever other type of guy that you can tag a self-limiting
label onto.
These things do not matter.
To understand attraction, you have to let go of your socially conditioned beliefs.
Attraction, sexual chemistry, infatuation, desire and all forms of attraction are powerful
emotional responses that are caused by entirely different things.
You cant allow yourself to make presumptions on how well a man does with women
based on these things. It must come as no surprise to you when you see guys who do
well despite not having any of them.
Otherwise, youll still be thinking under the same old patterns of social conditioning, and
you wont be able to tune into whats going on beneath the surface.
So if these socially conditioned ideas about attraction arent really what are causing it,
then what is?
RULE:
Attraction is an emotional reaction and not a logical one, and what a woman logically
thinks she wants is rarely what she emotionally responds to.
To attract women, you have to communicate to their emotions, not their logic.
That is the first fundamental shift in thinking.
Beneath the surface, when you really get to the root of it, both men and women respond
emotionally to the same thing. Value.
DEFINITION: VALUE
Value or social value or status can have many forms. Many are universal, and
found in all societies. Others are specific, and found only in a particular culture or even a
particular situation.
Value can be anything that one person provides to another that improves that other
persons chance of survival or reproduction.
And beyond that, value can include anything that offers another person good emotions,
because in general, the things that trigger good emotions align with the things that
improve odds of survival and reproduction.
At the same time, our emotions can also compel us towards things that are irrational and
do not help us, and so value is imperfect, because it can include things that trigger good
emotions whether they help our chances of survival and reproduction or not.

There is an evolutionary purpose to all of this.

For the academically inclined, there is a wealth of scientific research that explains these
premises in excruciating detail. But for our purposes what we need to know is this
RULE:
Women respond emotionally to that which they perceive will produce offspring with the
highest likelihood of survival and reproduction.
Whether or not a womans prospect is a really nice guy who supplicated her has very
little to do with that. Except of course, that an unusually nice guy might be more inclined
to stick around and take care of his offspring. But theres a loophole in that, too.
Women have evolved a menstruation cycle that allows them to hide their period of
fertility from their partner, and to be impregnated by whatever man that they see fit. That
way, they have the option to enjoy what is essentially the best of both worlds sex and
the best offspring from the most attractive man, while being taken care of by the most
overcompensating caretaker.
RULE:
Typically, a woman will screen her long term caretaker logically and slowly, while she
chooses her casual sex partners emotionally and more quickly.
Women are capable of knowing if a man is attractive in an instant, but to determine if he
will be a good caretaker is something that takes more time.
There is a loophole for men as well, however.
If a man initially sub-communicates a high social value, and later after having sex he subcommunicates a high value as a caretaker, (or perhaps he even learns to sub-communicate
a bit of both, depending on what the woman is looking for), then like the woman he will
have the option to enjoy what is essentially the best of both worlds sex with many
women more quickly, while being able to shift gears into a relationship with any one of
them down the line.
All of this can seem disturbing at first, but neither gender is obligated to exercise their
options. And there is a traditional happily ever after ending for those inclined to find it,
both for the man who finds the girl that he really likes, and for the woman who enjoys the
man that is both a loving caretaker and phenomenally attractive as well.
Ideally, for the fortunate couple, there will be continued attraction, a strong connection,
lots of great sex, and less inclination towards infidelity down the line.
Now moving forward

What constitutes value for a man is different than what constitutes value for a woman.
To assume that looks are a primary form of a mans value is to wrongly project how you
perceive women onto how women perceive men.
RULE:
In society, men and women are judged by different socially established standards.
Men are typically seen as having value for their ability to accomplish and dominate,
whereas women are typically seen as having value for their appearance and social savvy.
Because humans evolved as gregarious animals whose survival and reproduction
depended upon their social success, it is natural that both men and women have
tendencies to cultivate aptitudes that increase their social value.
Their cultivation of aptitudes happens naturally, as their minds focus in on what they
perceive as being valuable to them and filters out what they perceive as unimportant.
For that reason, men commonly have aptitudes in logical or competitive areas such as
sports, mechanics, force, and learning about how they can increase their power and
security in the world. Women, likewise, commonly have aptitudes in emotional or social
areas, like beauty, body language, relationships, romance, socializing and learning about
how their characteristics affect their interaction with the world and their emotional
experience of it.
DEFINITION: SUB-COMMUNICATION
Because its more important to them, women are usually better at reading subtle social
cues than men are.
They can infer a lot about a person by observing their subtle body language, eye contact,
facial expressions, vocal tonalities, the way they move, the things they say, and the way
that they say them all in relation to the other people involved in the interaction. The
communication that takes place through these channels is called sub-communication.
In prehistoric times, if a mans status was lost within his group, then the blow to his
confidence would be sub-communicated by his subtle behaviour patterns. His loss of
social value would be conveyed to the women of the tribe. Likewise, if he moved ahead
in the ranks, his newfound social value would be conveyed to them as well.
By observing these sub-communication cues, women can get an amazingly sharp sense of
a how a man feels about himself and the world, which is typically a reflection of his
social value. And what is perhaps most interesting, is that while they may or may not be
consciously aware that theyre processing this information, they are always emotionally
feeling it from the mans general vibe.
RULE:

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A mans value is sub-communicated by the obvious and subtle behaviour patterns that
comprise his personality, and that will determine how attractive he is and how women
respond to him emotionally.
This gets interesting because it predicts that a womans feeling of attraction for a man
isnt static like a mans often is for a womans.
RULE:
Women continually process mens behaviours to assess their value, and for that reason,
their feeling of attraction can change within seconds. It happens moment by moment,
and in real time.
A womans appearance (her main social value) wont change drastically within a minute
or even a few days. But a mans behaviour patterns (his main social value) can change in
an instant.
For a man, then, its possible to become more cool, confident, and dominant and to
instantly increase the value that he sub-communicates to women. And at the same time,
its also possible for him to lose those qualities and abruptly become less attractive.
So, if a guy met a girl who was physically beautiful but insecure, he would still think of
her as attractive. But if a girl met a guy who she thought was physically attractive, and
he turned out to be insecure, shed probably feel like hes a pretty boy with no
substance and move on to someone whose personality she finds more exciting.
RULE:
The mans personality (dominance, confidence, coolness, intelligence, comfort in his
skin, humour, etc) is more important to her, because the social double standard dictates
that it is more indicative of his social value than it is for a woman.
Its her main deciding factor, and even if a guy has superficial things (like wealth or
looks) that make him initially attractive, he has to act in a way that aligns with.
These explanations dont reflect an exhaustive model of social structure. They are oversimplified generalizations to help us understand a highly detailed and complex landscape.
They serve well as a pragmatic working model for viewing male/female social dynamics,
and not as a black/white conception of what is essentially a big giant grey area.
So why look so closely at social structure and evolutionary drives?
Ultimately, we are all motivated by the drive to gain social acceptance and for some of us
even the drive to gain status and sex.
But how often are we influenced by society to use this drive as motivation to cultivate a
vibrant personality or to quash our insecurities or to stand out the very things that would
actually attract women?

Deleted: that or else he wont last

long.

Stop, and consider the images that youve been exposed to throughout your life.
Chances are, a major underlying message has been, Make people like you. Work hard
and make money so you can buy products to help you fit in.
This is neither conspiracy nor anyones bad intention. There is no society at which to
point the blame. Society does not exist as a singular entity. It is simply the blind leading
the blind.
We live in an era of never ending stimulation and instant gratification.
Things are supposed to be straightforward. Like in a Hollywood movie there is a
good guy, a bad guy, and an ending that reinforces social norms.

Deleted:

You have been raised to prefer sensationalism, gossip and drama over things that require
focus or thinking. On every corner there are magic pills and instant cures for anything
that disturbs mental atrophy, and not only do you expect them you demand them.

Deleted: any
Deleted: s
Deleted: you to

Thinking critically and pushing outside your comfort zone is not meant for you. You are
a good peon, as you were raised to be. Good peons dont like that kind of stuff.
For better or worse, that is how your interaction with society has conditioned you.
RULE:
Most people walk through life in a trance, and rarely pause to question their assumptions
or examine whether or not their life is being well-lived. For them the role of deciding
what constitutes the good life is delegated to society, and rarely considered under their
own view.
Society has in many ways evolved to maintain a hierarchical order, and structure a set of
achievable expectations that people can aspire towards and meet.
We are conditioned to believe that to attract a desirable woman we must first meet
societys superficial standards and that only once we do are we entitled to act in an
attractive way.
Our minds are programmed wrongly to think that only men with superficial qualities are
attractive, when really its the deeper qualities that we sub-communicate through our
behaviour that women respond to.

Comment: Wired implies that our

brains are biologically set ... while you
mean to say that society pushes us to
think this way.
Deleted: wired

Instead of approaching women in a way that sub-communicates confidence or

individuality, we approach with the belief that we need to supplicate and try to impress.
Or worse, we wind up not trying at all, and working to improve our superficial assets in
the hopes that someday a woman will take notice and respond.

For years we hold onto these beliefs, and instead of learning what it means to develop
ourselves authentically, we spend our time away playing unwittingly at a game that we
didnt invent or ever really understand.
But while developing superficial qualities might bring more balance or fun to our lives,
something superficial is never a part of who we are.
You might see guys with looks or money doing well with women, and make the fallacy
of thinking Thats what I need to get girls. But in reality, its was the confidence to act
attractively that the money or looks gave them that got these guys the girls.
All guys have it within them to learn that kind of confidence. It just depends on whether
or not you buy into societys standard of whether or not you deserves it. To do that, you
have to fully realize that it is the way you act that makes you attractive, because more
than anything its your behaviours that telegraph to women who you really are.

Comment: This an important sentence

but it is stated in a clumsy way in a "that
... that" structure. I think it should be split
into two sentences, but I am not sure.
You should get a second opinion.
Deleted: only

Understand that while youre trying to logically persuade a girl to feel attraction for you,
and going home at night thinking about new ways to convince her to like you even more,
a guy who is good with women knows how to attract her naturally and immediately and
without any logical persuasion. He is attractive. It is not something he does. It is a part
of who he is.
RULE:
Being attractive to women is not something that you do. It is something that you are.
This cant be accomplished just with lines or pick-up tactics. It can only be accomplished
by knowing what it really means to be yourself and to bring your best self to the table
with everyone you meet.
RULE:
To attract a specific woman you must learn to be attractive to women in general.
If you want an old girlfriend back, or if you want to be with a girl whos special to you,
you wont make that happen by obsessing over it or trying even harder.
DEFINITION: REACTIVE (I)
To do so is reactive, which means that its a short sighted emotional response that
ignores the existence of a larger problem.
Being reactive will only make you less appealing, because you are focused on taking
value from the girl instead of cultivating it in yourself. And if youve been reacting or
obsessing, then youve usually already blown it in ways that you dont realize.
Its always more realistic to find a spark with a girl youve just met than it is to back
pedal and change a perception that already exists. When a girl has formed a long held
perception of you, you are creating only a small fraction of her overall experience of you

Deleted: in the way that most people

who seek this kind of material think

with every interaction. But when youre meeting a girl for the first time, you are creating
an entirely fresh experience from scratch.
DEFINITION: PROACTIVE
So you must be proactive, which means dealing with expected challenges in advanced
by creating a web of habits that respond automatically as they come up.
That means gaining experience, meeting many new women, and practicing, so that when
you meet the right girl it will be second nature to you.
In fact, you must temporarily get out of the mindset that youre looking for the one
particular girl, and get in the mindset of evolving who you are into a guy that is good with
women in general so that when you meet the girl you want youll be somebody who is
more worthwhile.
Then, when youve come to a point where you know your own value and how to convey
it, finding happiness in another person wont be a priority. Youll be someone who
brings value to women, because youll be interested in them and not filling an internal
void.
And suddenly, youll have gone from being the guy who winds up with whatever girl is
interested, to being the guy who can choose the girl who is really his best match.
That is the truth about finding the right girl. Minus the social conditioning. Minus the
excuses for not having to try. It might not feel good. But getting this area of your life
handled has its rewards.

BOOK II VALUE
Everything that we perceive is always a subjective interpretation a squinted gaze
through a fog of emotion.
Our minds exist in a perpetual state of tug of war between reason and emotion, as the two
sides are always at odds.
We are emotionally driven towards value (that which our emotions tell us will benefit us),
but sometimes that causes us to do things that dont logically make sense (that which
were supposed to do).
DEFINITION: BACKWARDS RATIONALIZATION
In order to feel good about our emotionally-based actions, we are driven to invent logical
justifications for our opinions and behaviour during or after the fact. That way we can
feel like we thought and acted logically, even when we were emotionally compelled.
This process is called backwards rationalization.

Deleted: logic

Backwards rationalization is an ongoing process that occurs to varying degrees in the

minds of all people.
Whats important about it is that its a process that leads us to an absolutely fundamental
principle of attraction
RULE:
Our minds are naturally driven to rationalize our opinions of people (how attractive they
are, how fun they are to be around, etc) based on their value to us.
This occurs by our selective focus. While logically there is always an entire person that
we can perceive, emotionally there are always particular qualities of that person that
were compelled to focus on to rationalize how we feel.
What that means is that whenever we interact with someone, we selectively focus in on
specific qualities that we can use as our reason for how we feel about them, and then
filter out any of their qualities that would contradict that view.
Lets think about the consequences of this
If youre like most guys, you probably get so caught up focusing on the superficial details
of how you come across to people that you overlook whats often most responsible for
their reactions to you your value to them.
For example, you could be a high value guy with bad manners, and most women would
rationalize that youre a free spirit who makes his own rules. Or you could be a low
value guy with great manners and a sweet temperament, and most women would
rationalize that youre not her type. Either way, your value primarily determines the
way women respond to you.
Now a girl might think that she doesnt care whether or not a guy has social value. She
may well think that she prefers a guy who she feels a connection with or who can make
her laugh.
But most of the time, it was the guys value that framed the context where his humour
was cool and not clownish. And it was the guys value that framed the context where she
was even receptive to feeling a connection with him in the first place.
Thinking back to high school (a classic example of raging social value exchanges), you
might remember the cool kids who could say anything and have everyone think it was
funny. You might also remember instances where a girl would think she had a
connection with a guy more popular than her, who didnt know that she existed.

Building a connection with a girl and making her laugh is virtually automatic when you
have enough value. Whether you have a connection with someone or find them funny is
a very subjective thing.
DEFINITION: SOCIAL ALLIANCES
As social creatures, we are hardwired to create social alliances, especially with people
who can increase our probability of survival and reproduction or give us good emotions.
In our social environment, there are people with whom we are socially allied, people with
whom we are socially neutral, and people with whom we are socially opposed.
Because there is only enough time and energy for us to create a limited number of
alliances, our emotions guide us towards the people we think can benefit us the most. We
are generally disposed to be neutral towards most others, and will even create conflict
under some circumstances with those people who we perceive as a threat.
People create alliances for all sorts of different reasons. A relationship can be based on
status, sex, money, or just relating and having fun (anything involving survival and
replication or good emotions). But relationships come and go, and their longevity usually
depends on the value that people continue to get out of them.
RULE:
Any time a person senses that theyd benefit by directing their time and energy towards a
new alliance over an old one, their mind will seek out reasons to rationalize how they feel
about it.
People can choose to act on their impulses or not to. Oftentimes they dont.
But when they do, what happens is that the person will re-evaluate their relation to the
old alliance, by shifting the emotional focal points of how they remember their
experiences with them.
Theyll focus on the bad aspects about the person (or their relationship to them) that
theyd previously ignored, as a way of justifying themselves.
People can sustain friendships by focusing on the positive emotions that they get from it.
Thats how theyd justify that it is a good friendship.
But if investing into a new friendship is more beneficial, they can then re-focus on less
positive aspects, and justify that theyd "drifted apart."
Whereas the old focal points of their emotions might have been on the best times that
they spent together, the new focal points might be focused on the occasional
disappointments that occurred over the course of the relationship. That way the transition
will be smooth. Some people will even create conflicts with each other, to emotionally
justify an action they want to take.

Deleted: often

This process doesnt just account for how we remember our past experiences. Its a
process by which we perceive our ongoing interactions as well.
RULE:
While our minds have the ability to be aware of everyone around us, we are inclined to
filter out the people who have less value to us, and to focus in and fixate on those who
have more.
It would be tempting to rationalize this away as being snobbish, if it werent true that we
all do this to various extents without realizing it.
Alliances equal value.
When you have the most alliances, people will feel emotionally compelled to be around
you. Theyll think its a smart use of their time being around you, and theyll feel like
theyre having more fun. All of this will weave a perception that whatever you say is
more compelling, interesting, funny, and positive, than if someone of lesser social value
were to have said the same thing.
Theres an emotional difference between spending an evening with people who are cool
and people who are not. Its an actual internal emotional response.
RULE:
Like a magnet, whoever has the most value (or has the behaviours that sub-communicate
the most value) will have the strongest draw of attention towards them.
There are obvious indicators of whether or not people perceive you as having value if
your magnet is strong, so to speak.
If you interject into another conversation, do the people snap around to hear what youll
say, or are they twisting their heads to speak to you while the rest of their bodies face
elsewhere waiting for you to finish so they can turn back?
Does everyone listen intently to what youre saying? Are they pushing to impress you
and further the conversation? When you push for a change of topic, activity, or venue,
are they immediately accepting of the change? Do you dictate the energy of the group?
These indicators only scratch the surface.
Thinking back, you can probably relate this to your own experiences (even if you didnt
realize it at the time.) Have you ever been talking to a group of people, and found
yourself addressing the person whose approval you valued most? You might have even
spotted yourself doing it, but it still felt too unnatural to address everyone equally.
Perhaps youve been in a situation where you were trying to tune in an attractive girl
while your friend was telling you about his day at work, and you found yourself
struggling to pay attention. You wanted to listen to what he had to say, but you couldnt
help from trying to tune in the conversation of the girl you were interested in, or checking
her out from the corner of your eye.

Maybe youve even had a situation where you were going out with a friend who you
knew didnt make you look good. When you hung out normally, everything was great.
But when youd go out to a place where he didnt fit in, his value would change relative
to the type of situation, and you felt different about having him there.
In any of these situations, you may have felt an emotional compulsion to tune certain
people in and tune certain people out. That doesnt necessarily mean that you acted on it,
but it was an emotional response that you had at the time.
A way to think about social environment is like a pool that is warm on one end and cold
on the other. The natural inclination is to just slip in where its warm.
All of this changes, depending on the situation.
DEFINITION: SITUATIONAL VALUE
The same person that we tune out in one situation might be the person that were most
focused on in another. Social value can be very situation-specific, and in such cases can
be called situational value.
In a classroom where a professor gives an inspirational lecture, the dynamic of status
changes in favour of the professor. The same goes for the performer playing a concert.
Or the guy throwing a great party at his house. Or the DJ playing music that everyone
likes. Or the celebrity who everyone glances at and whispers about. Or the bartender and
club promoter, with continual flows of people always wanting something from them.
All of these guys benefit because of the situational increase in their value from their
environment. The increase is something that they can feel, and something that can be felt
by others.
In the case of the professor, notice that when the students raise their hands to ask
questions or give feedback, their voices are not as powerful as the professors. They
dont keep eye contact as naturally, nor are they as funny, nor do their words carry as
much weight.
The same goes for the guy throwing the great party. He walks up to a group and
introduces himself, and the guests are reasonably polite. But when they find out that hes
the host of the party everyones enjoying, they become nicer and want to make his
acquaintance. Their voices suddenly assume more submissive inflections and they turn
their bodies to face him and hang on his every word.
For these guys with high situational value, their sense of having social value is being
reinforced by the alliances that they have in their environment. They feel comfortable,
confident, and no need to analyze whether or not theyre well liked. Their value is
assumed.
But what if we were to put the host and the professor into a different situation? For
example, what if we were to bring them to the bar where the promoter and the DJ were
at?

In that case, their situational value would drop, and they might not feel the same sense of
having acceptance that they had in their preferred environments. They wouldnt feel the
same confidence, and its for that reason that most guys who do well with women in their
regular stomping grounds wont do as well in a new environment.
DEFINITION: SITUATIONAL CONFIDENCE
Situational confidence is a confidence thats reinforced by anticipated social
acceptance from having something going for you in a particular situation that
guarantees a high social value relative to the other people there.
To illustrate situational confidence, lets imagine a guy who feels insecure about his body
at a pool party. Lets say that its a swimming pool filled with children, whose
acceptance has no any bearing on him whatsoever. Now lets change that. Instead, hes
swimming at a family get-together where he knows that everyone accepts him. Now lets
change the scene once more. This time hes swimming at a party of his peers whose
acceptance is more tentative.
Visibly, as his expectation of acceptance in the situation changes from neutral to
supportive to tentative, he will experience a strong internal shift going from indifferent,
to confident, to insecure.
So going back to the guys with strong situational value that we spoke of What did they
have in common?
All of them had a high level of social proof.
DEFINITION: SOCIAL PROOF
Social proof is any external, visible demonstration of high social value or social
alliances. So for example, if you see a guy surrounded by a group of people listening
attentively to everything he says, your mind will perceive and feel his high social value
by the visible social proof from the people who are reacting to him.
What does it mean to say that people are reacting? Whats the difference between
people feeling reactive around you, versus just knowing that youre there?
DEFINITION: REACTIVE (II)
To be reactive towards someone means that your normal sense of balance is being
affected by them, so that the usual rhythm of how you think and feel and act is being
thrown off.
Being reactive is not just a specific behaviour its any behaviour that comes from a
reactive state of mind.
When people feel reactive towards you, it could be manifested in a variety of ways.
The way they feel about themselves might be tied up in your responses to them. They
might feel a sort of underlying alertness towards you, and find themselves a little bit more
tuned in and aware of you than the other people in the room. They might value your
acceptance, approval, and touch and find themselves emotionally deflated at the
possibility of losing it.

Usually theyll speak with a weaker and less steady voice than you do, and they laugh
more at your jokes than they would laugh at the jokes of others. Internally, theyll feel a
bit more analytical about infringing on your space and time, and they will consider more
carefully as to whether or not what theyre saying is important or interesting enough to
warrant your attention.
Obviously, when someone is being reactive to you they are giving you the position of
having higher value.
So how do we avoid being reactive?
DEFINITION: UNREACTIVE
To be unreactive means that on an internal level, your actions arent coming primarily
from a place where youre reacting to another person.
That doesnt mean to not act at all. To not act at all can even be reactive in and of
itself, because a guy might want to do something but not follow through because he fears
judgement from others.
Being unreactive is more about coming from a place of authenticity, where your actions
are expressing your personality without being in reaction to outside pressure of how other
people might want you to be.
Now even if a guy isnt wealthy or physically attractive, as long as he has people reacting
to him in a particular situation (or if he has behaviours that sub-communicate that people
would be reacting to him if they were around) and he remains unreactive himself, then he
will have girls attracted to him in that moment.
The only difference between him and the wealthy or good looking guys is that they have
the tangible demonstrations of their value that they convey via their wealth or looks,
which tends to give them a bit more confidence. Regardless of that though, most women
wont stay attracted any man if he doesnt project himself well.
Its for this reason that we can find all sorts of absurd stereotypes, such as the out of
shape restaurant manager who drives a run down car and lives in his parents basement,
but who still winds up having sex with half of his female staff. Despite the fact that his
social status is not unusually high in a traditional sense, he still has a value that is visible
within the confines of his environment.
In his situation, the people around him are reacting to him. Their emotional states are
reacting in relation to his approval of their work. Theyre always aware of his presence
and they feel a bit different than if he wasnt there. They pay attention to his
conversational threads, they laugh at his jokes, and they even follow his orders.
He is socially proofed in his environment, and his confidence is reinforced because of the
guaranteed acceptance. And because his acceptance is guaranteed, he feels entitled to
assume the more confident behaviours that women respond to.

RULE:
A fundamental principle of attraction is that in any social interaction, there is always a
person reacting more to the other person than the other person is reacting to them.
And this is where we introduce the absolutely fundamental principle of attraction.
DEFINITION: ATTRACTION
The person who has the most people reacting to their acceptance and who is the least
reactive in return projects the highest value and draws the focus of social energy in their
direction. On a primitive level, women observe this kind of sub-communication and
respond to it emotionally, moment by moment.
Womens emotional responses are built to pick up on these sub-communications and to
fixate on them like a magnet in real time. They feel the emotion of attraction and are
drawn towards this energy regardless of whether or not a guys value is high in a
superficial sense.
That is exactly how attraction works.
The principles applies for all the stereotypes the attractive bad boys, the popular guys
who act a bit cocky, and even the mysterious guys who convey a genuine vibe because
their indifference sub-communicates a lack of agenda.
What these types have in common is that they arent reacting to how others want them to
be, and that theres something compelling in their personalities that gets other people
reacting to them. Regardless of their overall social status, they communicate with
women on an emotional level. They dont need to have met the superficial standards of
society to feel confident drawing the flow of social energy in their direction they feel
entitled to it by their personalities alone. What they have is core value.
To think about core value, lets imagine one final configuration of our pool scenario.
Were at the same party by the pool where the tentatively accepting peers are hanging
out. Theres another guy there, whose body is actually even less attractive than the one
of our insecure friend.
Unlike the shy guy though, who seems rigid and self-aware, this other guy is splashing
around and joking with everyone and generally having the time of his life. He seems like
the coolest guy there. People are certainly treating him like it.
What social reinforcement is giving him the confidence to act this way?
Well, maybe hes the host of the party. Maybe hes friends with everyone there. Maybe
he has a bestselling book in publication. Maybe hes smarter and funnier and a better
conversationalist than anyone else there. Maybe hes a good dancer. Maybe he runs a
modelling agency. Maybe hes read a shelf full of books on sexual techniques and knows
how to use them. Maybe he has five girlfriends who are all jealous of each other. Maybe
he was the president of his fraternity in college. Maybe hes the president of a Fortune
500 Company.
Or Maybe Hes just a guy.

Some guys are just like that. On a core identity level, they feel a sense of acceptance
regardless of what situation theyre in. Theyre just cool guys, so to speak. Some people
would call them naturals.
DEFINITION: CORE VALUE (I)
Core value is a value that you carry with you everywhere because of your personality.
It comes from having a sense of acceptance that isnt predicated on the relative value that
you perceive in the people around you when your confidence comes from a powerful
sense of who you are, and not from external reinforcement.
That confidence gives you a feeling of entitlement, which allows you to assume the kinds
of behaviours that sub-communicate a high social value. Whether or not you feel an
increase in your status because of a situation, you just assume your value and have people
reacting to you regardless.
Many guys will spend their whole lives trying to build a situation that gives them
confidence. They might work for the perfect job or the perfect body or the perfect
woman. But ultimately, what theyve built are walls and limitations a prison in their
own minds.
To write your own ticket in life, your sense of who you are has to be deeper than that.

BOOK III LOVE

A poor guy has an identity crisis.
Maybe the problem starts when he gets a feeling that a girl might like him. He imagines
a connection with her and all sorts of shared experiences that dont exist yet.
He thinks that theres all this unspoken sexual tension going on beneath the surface. He
even pictures his girl when he listens to all the romantic songs on the radio. But
inevitably, he figures out that his projection doesnt exist in any shared reality that
includes the girl.
To realize that its all in his head that the girl doesnt actually reciprocate the way that
he feels or think about him while hes thinking about her
Its a hard pill to swallow.
Lets imagine instead that our poor guy already has a girlfriend. The problems start for
him when he finds out that shes been cheating.
Hed idealized the relationship. It felt good. In order to stay infatuated with his girl, he
had screened out any sketchiness and focused on her best attributes and the most fun
times that theyd had. Together, he and his girl had come up with all sorts of shared
idealizations that had made their relationship strong.

There were many things that theyd expressed to one another as a way of reinforcing their
love. They remembered the first place that theyd met, gone out, and had sex. They had
a special reason for why theyd met and were still together, that other couples didnt
have. Their thing. It wasnt something that they could get from anyone else, so they
could feel totally secure to feel their love without fear of loss. It was not replaceable.
And to make it even stronger, they had continually re-articulated to one another that it
would last FOREVER.
Whats funny is that when it ends, all of these special feelings might still be there. Its
just that there are now all of these new, bad feelings that go along with them. He wants
to feel like he did before. His reality comes crashing down around him. He reaches out
for his girl to validate their old shared reality, but she is gone from him. The girl that
existed for him no longer exists. She was a figment of his imagination. The face that he
saw was one of many faces that she had.
He doesnt realize it, but he has many such faces himself. We all have different faces for
people who have a different value to us. Are you the same person when you talk to a
pushy vagrant asking for spare change as you are when you talk to your mother? How
would a persons experience of you differ, depending on their value to you?
What he saw in her was the face that a person shows to someone who has value to them.
It is such an easy face to look at. Like looking into the mirror, and seeing the most
beautiful face in the entire world.
Wait Shes not seeing things clearly. What about our thing? Doesnt she realize
that she cant get it from him? Nobody can love her like I can. Hang on. She fucked this
new guy the first time they hung out? OK, that just doesnt make sense because she said
that she always waited three months with a guy to make it special. What?! She fucked
him on the couch where we had our first time together?! No. That was the special
couch.
Doesnt this bitch remember that that was the SPECIAL COUCH?!?!
He rationalizes that shes just confused. He wont give up on love. He resolves to win
her back. But he has gone from being her boyfriend to being more like all those other
guys from her fan club. He is everything that her new guy is not.
And she feels a little bad for him, for sure. But as she walks out the door from the one
last meeting that he begged her for, her face of pity turns into a beaming smile for her
new guy waiting outside to pick her up.
She goes on and enjoys her life without a thought. He sits around thinking about her,
pining for a girl who doesnt share his reality anymore. And though he will never admit
it to himself, deep down he sees the worst of himself in her. Because under different

circumstances, he knows that he might have done the same thing. Maybe if their
relationship had staled. Or if he had met a certain other girl.
So he mopes around for a while, until the feelings of emptiness start to subside. Then,
once hes ready, he begins the process of re-establishing himself.
He shifts his focus from his loss to superficial areas in which he can improve himself. He
focuses on his status conveying intermediaries such as his credentials, career, property,
vehicle, clothing, jewellery, and so on. Hes a together guy. Hell get it under control.
Time passes. His life improves to an extent. But he is still alone.
Through our social conditioning, we come to understand love in a way thats often
more focused towards idealism than it is towards accurately defining the phenomenon.
Writers and philosophers have long debated the meaning of the term, without ever
coming to any consensus. In some cultures, there are even multiple words used to define
love.
Many people conceive of love as having supernatural properties. They might believe that
every person has only one perfect soul mate. Or that true love will always last forever.
Or that people can fall in love only a certain number of times. They might even believe
that fate will cause love to just happen when the time is right. With faith that there are
such powerful forces at work, it isnt surprising that people will often intensify their
feelings with the belief that they are following their hearts.
Think back to the last time that you felt that you were in love. How did you know? Was
it a feeling of attraction? Was it a feeling of connection? Was it a feeling of lust? Was it
feeling of physical attachment? Was it a feeling of underlying one-ness? Was it feeling
of anxious emotional co-dependence? Was it a combination of those things?
Is love an old couple sitting on their porch, comfortable in their long established
routines? Is it two teenagers locked in passion in the back seat or their car, scrambling
for a condom? Is it a pair of newlyweds, gazing into each others eyes as they take their
matrimonial vows?
Its often said that love is self-hypnosis; a beautiful psychosis that takes hold and prompts
us to act in ways that we would otherwise not even consider. Love is not something that
is caused by another person. We cause it in ourselves. As we loop our thoughts over and
over around our concept of a particular person, our mind shifts the way that we perceive
them and finds ways to make sense of it. Suddenly, everything seems so simple. Its
love. And as it takes hold, our physical body follows suit, spinning and intensifying our
emotional chemistry until we are fully enraptured.
For some people, love can be an opportunity to have a partner on their journey. It can be
a chance for them to fully experience and understand another person, and to have that
person do the same for them in return. A loving relationship between two people can be

healthy and cultivate spiritual and physical growth. It can be one of the most pleasurable
and important experiences that a person has over the course of their entire life.
But that depends on whether or not the person is ready for it. Because the idea of love
can also be destructive. For some people, it can be a self-deception that they can focus
on as a way to avoid facing their shortcomings.
People will often rationalize that any strong emotional reaction that they feel towards
another person is a sign that they are in love.
They might have worked themselves into an infatuation with someone who doesnt
reciprocate their interest, and rationalized that its something that would make them feel
complete. They might desperately crave a persons attention, and rationalize the anxious
feeling of need for their approval as being love-butterflies fluttering around in their
stomach.
In a relationship, they might leave their partner, because they rationalize that their loss of
novel infatuation is a sign that they have fallen out of love. And later, they might have
trouble finding someone new, and rationalize that they lost the love of their life.
There are people who will fall in love with anyone who will have them. They are eager,
and in love with the idea of being in love. There are other people who fear falling in
love. They are jaded, and create emotional barriers to prevent themselves from being
hurt in the future.
Ultimately, people process their experiences through a fog of emotions, and create and
intensify these occurrences in their own minds.
As we said, a person can feel an increase in their sense of acceptance by being in a
specific situation. And in the same way, a person can feel an increase in their value by
being with a specific person.
When a persons sense of acceptance and identity is tied up in another person, they are
dependent on that person to feel good about themselves. And because of that, they
become reactive in their relationship. They focus their thoughts more towards the pain of
possibly losing the other person than on the pleasure of being themselves. Once that
happens, their behaviour becomes less attractive to their partner, and their partners
feeling of love towards them begins to subside.
Perhaps then, it is only the person who doesnt need social acceptance to feel good, who
can really appreciate being in love. Is it possible, that it is only when you dont need love
that you will find it?

BOOK IV IDENTITY

If youre inside an elevator, how do you know if youre on the penthouse or the subbasement level?
If its a glass elevator, you can know by looking outside. But lets say that youre inside
a closed-in elevator, and the indicator lights have burnt out. Until the door opens, how
can you know?
This brings us to the concept of identity.
DEFINITION: IDENTITY
Identity is a concept in your mind that relates you to, and sets you apart from your
social environment.
Alone we have an understanding of ourselves that is not contextualized. However, in the
process of interacting with others and recognizing the differences between them and
ourselves, we form a self-concept that is complete.
Your identity is a presentation to yourself and to the world of what makes you different
or unique, and what youve learned will make people accept you.
It is the sum of your beliefs about what kind of person you are and what kind of person
youre not, what youre capable and not capable of, where you stand in the social
hierarchy, and the ways that youre socially entitled and not socially entitled to act as a
result.
Though you dont realize the extent of it, you are always processing the world through
that little seed in your mind that is your identity.
As social creatures, we have the capacity to dominate and dictate the energy of any social
environment. But as a rule, it is our belief about who we are that dictates how much of
that capacity we actually use.
Identity can be thought of as a mental construct that gives you both power as well as
limitations. It can give you confidence in some situations because you know what youre
worth and you act accordingly. But in other situations it can also hold you back from
doing things that would help you, because you think Thats not who I am.
You can often recognize it when a guys identity is holding him back by the zombieglazed-over puppy dog look in his eyes, and the irrational thats not me or Im too
busy excuses whenever you talk about anything that would go beyond the behavioural
constraints of his identity. His mind is literally blocking out and rejecting anything that
might force him to take on a higher value identity than he thinks he deserves.
Identity is one of those concepts that you must recognize in yourself, because to get good
with women (or to get even better) you are continually required to evolve on a deep
identity level.

Deleted: Lets say that

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Almost invariably, what marks the difference between a guy who can only hold a
conversation for as long as hes entertaining and a guy who can really draw a girl into his
world, is his deep, identity-level sense of whether or not hes entitled to it.
Thats because a woman does not have sex with you just because of the way that you act.
She has sex with you because of who you are.
When a woman first meets you, she screens you by waiting to have sex until shes spent
enough time with you to judge your character. That is, whether or not youre really the
man who you project yourself to be your sense of value, entitlement, and individuality.
If your personality keeps her enthralled until she is satisfied that you are indeed that
attractive man, both in your actions as well as your sense of who you are, then she will
want sex. However, if she senses even the slightest incongruence, she will lose attraction
instantly and walk away.
So, if you want to be attractive, and not simply entertaining, you must evolve both your
social skills as well as your sense of who you are to a point of complete congruence.
RULE:
Your identity can be high-value or low-value, or anything in between and the value of
your identity is something that you cultivate based on how entitled you think you are to
have a dominant impact on your social environment, and how well you think you can
handle both the good and bad reactions that go along with that.
Whether you realize it or not, theres an idea in your mind about how much success you
deserve out of life or how much value youre entitled to cultivate as the guy who you
identify yourself as being. How much success you think that youre entitled to have with
women is a part of that self-concept as well.
Entitlement is a multi-layered concept, in the sense that feeling entitled to success with
women is tied to feeling entitled to success in life. Many people note that the best part of
studying to become good with women that is their drive for female companionship
motivates them to become a better person. The confidence that they develop to get girls
winds up extending into all other areas of their lives.
A guy who feels confident with women is the same guy who feels entitled to start
conversations, to say whats on his mind, to be the centre of attention, to socialize with
other charismatic people, to dictate the vibe of interactions, to set the trends of whats
cool, and to express his personality freely.
His sense of being entitled doesnt make him obnoxious or a conversation tyrant. Rather,
it makes him confident that when he takes on a high-value identity people will enjoy it
like when a musician takes the stage and everyone likes it because he offers value.

Deleted:

RULE:
A high-value guy with a strong sense of who he is basically has free run with women
(with people in general, actually). By most peoples standards, its almost absurd to see
how quickly women respond to this kind of confidence.
When a woman meets a guy who feels completely confident to talk to her, joke around
with her, tell stories, and generally lead the interaction, she responds well automatically.
Hes in.
But if a guy isnt comfortable doing these things, she usually blows him off. Thats why
the way that women respond to you (how much value you have) starts from your identity.
So where does your identity come from?
Its crucial to realize that your self-concept is always evolving through your interaction
with the world often in reaction to the social feedback that you get from other people.
Lets say that you try to take on a more high-value role and youre accepted for it. All of
a sudden, your identity is reinforced as being of higher value.
But lets say that you try to take on a more high-value role and youre not accepted for it
(maybe people make fun of you). Suddenly you realize that you shouldnt try anymore,
and your identity winds up holding you back in the future.
As human beings, we are hardwired to be social. And as social creatures, we are always
engaged in the process of eliciting social feedback, which influences us to react by
adapting our identity for better or worse.
DEFINITION: SOCIAL FEEDBACK OR PINGING
Our minds exist in a state of perpetual pinging with the people around us.
What that means, is that our minds are continually engaged in a sub-process of crossreferencing and validating our knowledge with the knowledge of others.
Through this subtle and constant process, our minds elicit social feedback, ranging
from the most exceedingly subtle sub-communications to the most blatantly obvious
responses all of which are continually shaping and re-shaping our ideas about who we
are and the world that we live in.
Whether you realize it or not, your interpretation of reality is very subjective, and
massively influenced by the feedback that you get from your social environment.
Thats why for a person visiting a foreign land, there might be an experience of what is
known as culture shock, where they feel a surreal disconnection from their
environment. And likewise, for a person isolated too long from society, there might be
lapses in sanity, where they can no longer relate themselves to the social norm.

We can conceptualize social feedback as a mirror through which the ways we act are
cross-referenced and validated.
Because of social feedback, we have an idea of how to act normal to recognize our
status and how to act in a way that aligns with that.
Through our interaction with the world, we gain some concept of the behaviours that
signify who people are, what roles they play, and their social value within a group.
On both a conscious and subconscious level, we have an idea of what a guy of high status
and a guy of low status looks like.
Weve all seen people of both high status and low status. Whether were conscious of it
or not, our minds recognize the differences and responds emotionally.
So here is why social feedback is important.
RULE:
If in the ongoing process of pinging you get social feedback that tells you your status is
increasing or diminishing, your mind will feel social pressure to react by assuming the
identity that you understand to be most suitable to the situation at the time.
As social creatures, we are adaptive. If were in an environment where we have or lack
status, we will feel it, and feel pressured to step into the behaviours that our minds
recognize as being suitable to the role.
Its for that reason that a girl from a small town where shes popular will often take on a
totally different persona when shes in a larger town where she doesnt know anybody
and pretty girls are everywhere in sight. Her confidence will change, the types of jokes
that shell laugh at will change, and the types of people who shes willing to hang around
with will change as well.
Now, before we go too far down this path, it has to be understood that all people react to
social pressure differently. Some people react very obviously while others dont react at
all. It depends on a concept in their minds called their entitlement criterion.
DEFINITION: ENTITLEMENT-CRITERION
Your entitlement-criterion is the criterion that you think you need to meet in order to
feel allowed to take on a high-value identity, and act in a way that women find attractive.
Depending on how your mind is wired, your entitlement-criterion will be made up of one
or several of the following:

Superficial social standards: When you think that youve met the typically unrealistic
standards of social conditioning (looking good, making money, having success, owning
nice things, etc)
Alliances: When you have guaranteed acceptance because of alliances (being friends
with high-status people, having a hot girlfriend, having a lot of friend around, etc)
Competencies: When you have anything that makes people want something from you
(having access to something exclusive, having knowledge or expertise that people want
to learn from, having entertaining jokes or stories or skills that engage people for a period
of time, etc)
Role-plays: When a temporary circumstance calls for you to assume a role that doesnt
reflect who you normally think you are (being the teacher in a teacher/student situation,
being in a respected or professional role, being surrounded only by people of lesser status
so filling the role of high-value by default, etc)
Identity: When you have an internal belief of entitlement as being a part of who you are.
When your entitlement-criterion is met, your mind tells you You are now allowed to
take on all the subtle high-value behaviours that youve recognized in others.
Your mind communicates this by the emotional state that it gives you. This phenomenon
is often called going into state.
Being in state is a powerful experience. Often, the thing that literally addicts guys to
improving with women is the state that they get out of it.
When youre in state, the world is your oyster. Your mind quiets, and everything you do
just works. Your humour hits, your stories rock, and people follow your lead. The guy
who is the most in state usually has the strongest magnet of attention -- so to speak.
There are different ways of thinking about why state has this impact, but a cogent
explanation comes down to this: State is a reflection of identity, and your identity is a
reflection of social value. Therefore, whoever is the most in-state must be the person
with the highest social value.
Beyond that, as a part of human nature there is inherent value in people expressing their
personality from a place of authenticity.
Your personality is a reflection of your life experiences. There is something to be learned
from that. Your choices of humour or style, for example, are reflections of the way that
you make sense of the world and the emotions that you want to evoke in it.

Deleted: ,

When youre in state, you are expressing your personality without all the impurities of
agenda. You are not trying to impress or persuade or conform. Your communication is
more real, so to speak. People value that.
Its often said that when youre in state you are most connected to your authentic self.
You arent reacting to how you think other people want you to be. Youre just
expressing your personality and sharing your energy with people, and they can feel that
youre only offering value because youre above needing a reaction from them.
For all of these reasons, being in state implies social value.
Another way to think about your state is as an emotional system that tells you whether or
not you have acceptance. After all, a reason we need to have an emotion that tells us
whether or not were entitled to take on a higher value identity, is to tell us whether or not
well gain or lose acceptance for it.
DEFINITIONS: SENSE OF ACCEPTANCE AND STATE
Your sense of acceptance is an emotion that self-indicates to you when your value
within a group is increasing or decreasing. It is feeling of validation, of being in state
or out of state, that tells you whether or not your identity is working for you to secure
acceptance.
In the same way that we feel pleasure from being accepted, the lack of social acceptance
can cause us to feel an emotional discomfort or even paralysis that is similar to a threat to
our physical safety. While in modern society its not always relevant, we are hardwired
to understand social acceptance and survival as being interrelated.
A useful way of conceptualizing your sense of acceptance is as a feeling that exists within
you at all times.
It is an emotion you experience, like happiness or sadness or any other feeling. The only
difference is that it isnt a feeling youre usually taught to recognize, so you wont be
aware of it unless it shifts significantly up or down.
Like background noise in a nightclub, it isnt something that youll tend to focus on
because its always there. It is only when the level of background noise gets louder or
quieter that youll take notice which you will immediately.
This state-fluctuation is something that youll feel depending on whether or not your
entitlement-criterion is being met.
Again, we spoke of five entitlement-criteria that can affect your state: Superficial social
standards, alliances, competencies, role-plays, and identity.
Lets look at criterion more closely.

ENTITLEMENT CRITERION SUPERFICIAL SOCIAL STANDARDS:

Think back a few years, to when you got a new haircut or shirt.
You knew that you looked sharp. Girls looked over at you and people seemed to give
you more respect. Naturally, that made you feel good and you even played up the role.
At the time you probably thought that it was the new haircut or the clothes that got you
the positive responses.
But think about it: time has passed and your style has changed. If you were to wear the
same clothes you wore a few years ago, would you feel the same confidence?
Probably not.
People would respond differently to the exact same clothes, because the way that the
clothes made you feel has changed.
At the time, you felt like youd met one of the socially conditioned criterions of
entitlement looking good. As a result, your anticipation of social acceptance threw you
into state, and your behaviours flowed from there. The way that people responded to you
was just a self-fulfilling prophecy.
Lets imagine an alien from another planet coming to visit to Earth.
This alien looks and talks just like a regular human being, except that hes only three feet
tall, bald, and flat broke.
Now whats interesting about this alien is that on his planet, being smaller is viewed as
superior because it doesnt require you to eat as much food to sustain yourself. Baldness,
likewise, is a sign of maturity and on his planet maturity is an attractive quality in a man.
Moreover, by the value-system of his planet, travelling and having a wealth of
experiences is more admired than sitting in an office all day and hoarding up more money
than anyone could need. In fact, the latter is considered to be conformist and generic.
For all these reasons (which might not make sense to some people on planet Earth) our
short, bald, broke, but well-travelled alien has had a lifetime of positive experiences that
give him the belief that he deserves only the best. So, when he arrives on planet Earth
and he sees that his only competition are these tall, hair-topped guys who brag to girls
about how much money they have, he snaps into state and thinks to himself, This is my
lucky day.
That is what a sense of entitlement based on superficial social standards is all about
feeling like youve met the superficial standards of society, and feeling confident as a
result.

ENTITLEMENT CRITERION ALLIANCES:

Lets imagine a guy who had never had a girlfriend.
He was socially awkward, a bit insecure, and seemed sort of anxious most of the time.
Eventually though, a girl takes a liking to him in spite of it and they become a couple.
Suddenly, our socially awkward shy-guy actually relaxes and even becomes a better guy
to hang out with (well imagine that he isnt the type to ditch all his friends and isolate
himself with her.)
He was previously walking around with a low sense of acceptance and it affected him on
many levels. But his alliance (so to speak) with his new girlfriend gave him some
positive social feedback, and he started to feel more confident.
The great thing about it is that other girls begin to notice it and take an interest too, which
works as an upwards spiral for his confidence. Of course, in the past, he was
experiencing a spiral effect to his confidence as well. The spiral was just driving his state
in the opposite direction.
Perhaps youve been to a party where you didnt know anyone. At the beginning of the
night you might have felt disconnected from the environment. But as the night wore on
you met a few people who reacted fairly well, and with every new person you talked to,
you started to feel more certain of yourself.
While at the start of the night you struggled to think of the perfect thing to say, by the end
of the night you were so in the zone that you could do no wrong. You could
thoughtlessly walk up and talk to people and draw them into whatever you had to say.
You could tell stories, joke around, or even pick girls up and spin them around And
everyone would love it.
That is what a sense of entitlement that comes from having alliances is all about feeling
that the people who like you give you a high value, and feeling confident as a result.

ENTITLEMENT CRITERION COMPETENCIES:

When you know that you have something that people want from you, your inclination
will be to assume a higher value identity.
Thats why girls are often in state when theyre out at nightclubs they know that there
are hoards of men who want something from them. (Though thats also why many of
these same women have a hard time adjusting to the natural changes of age).

Comment: This is a pretty convoluted

clause... took me three reads to
understand what you're trying to say.

When you have access to an exclusive party, or a guitar that everyone wants to hear you
play, or a story that everyone wants to hear, you feel more confident than do when you
dont have these things.
Lets imagine a guy who has never approached a woman in his life.
Hes too nervous to approach, because his sense of identity tells him Dont start
conversations with girls because youre not entitled to take up their time or attention.
So, to help him out, you give him what he thinks are the perfect opening lines and even a
great follow-up to start a conversation.
This gives him a lot of confidence, because even though he might not feel entitled to
approach girls, he has the lines of a guy who does. Its great, because its not him thats
on trial, but the lines. If something goes wrong, it wasnt him, but just some bad lines or
maybe his delivery.
Luckily, hes not even thinking about that. What hes focused on is his new sense of
confidence from having a competency that people want entertainment.
In fact, having great stories and lines does give him value. Theyre entertaining, and for
a period of time they will hold peoples attention.
The problem is that once the lines run out, the guys mind tells him Stop talking what
you have to say isnt good enough to be said, and he gets whats known as I-Ran-OutOf-Material-Syndrome.
Of course, he has a lifetime of experiences to talk about, as well as an ability to relate to
people. But because his state drops as soon as the lines run out, the women feel it and
lose attraction for him.
He thinks that they left because he ran out of lines (his competency), but what he really
ran out of was his state (his confidence).
That is what a sense of entitlement that comes from having competencies is all about
feeling that having something that people wants gives you value, and feeling confident as
a result.

ENTITLEMENT CRITERION ROLE PLAYS:

As social creatures, we are wired to assume the roles that are expected of us, and to take
on the characteristics of who we think people want us to be.
Something fascinating and powerful happens when you take on a role that you dont
normally play.

In the direst of circumstances disasters or emergencies there are often regular,

everyday people who step up as unlikely heroes and take charge of the situation. Their
courage comes not only from having a value-system that overrides their fear, but also
from knowing who they have to be at that moment and stepping into the role.
There are certain roles that are universal in every society the leaders, the followers, and
everyone in between. As social creatures we recognize these roles, and gravitate towards
the role that we thinks fits us best.
The problem with that, however, is that in a society where people are constantly vying for
dominance over one another, the social pressure that most people are under their entire
lives is to accept a lesser role.
Regardless of any lesser roles that might you take on though, at some points in your life
youre probably called upon to take on a high-value role.
Maybe you feel more dominant at work, or when youre teaching somebody something,
or when you have a girlfriend who expects the best from you.
If youre out at a club, and your friend isnt as good with women as you are, youll
probably find yourself taking the lead and feeling in a great state. Youll be so caught up
in playing the role thats expected of you the role that your friend is literally giving you
that you wont hesitate or second-guess yourself.
On the other hand, if youre out with a guy who has more skill than you, you might find
yourself watching what he is doing, and have a hard time playing your own game because
youre trying to keep up with him. In doing so, youll be reinforcing his state because
youre giving him social feedback that hes entitled to assume a more dominant role.
Roles are constantly being exchanged.
If two guys are talking to the same girl, and one guy has a firmer grip of the dominant
role than the other, the other guy will feel his state drop because he feels that the highvalue role has been stripped from him. His state will tell him the role he was playing
before has now been occupied by someone else, and hell react by taking on a role thats
more submissive.
People often become dependent on the roles that they play to stay in state. They need
social feedback be it from girls or their friends to feel like theyre the person who
they want to be.
That is what a sense of entitlement that comes from playing a role is all about feeling
that the social environment is placing you in a high-value role, and feeling confident as a
result.

ENTITLEMENT CRITERION IDENTITY:

The final entitlement criterion is identity.
When you feel a sense of entitlement because of your identity, certain things happen:
-You dont need to think youve met the superficial standards of society to feel confident.
-You dont need for people or friends or girls to be nice to you to feel confident.
-You dont need to have something that people want from you to feel confident.
-You dont need for other people to place you in a high value role to feel confident.
All of these are forms of situational confidence, which is an inferior and inauthentic form
of confidence.
Situational confidence can attract women temporarily, but it is never totally stable
because it fluctuates depending on the circumstances. As a woman waits to have sex
with you until shes judged your character, it is inevitable that your state will drop at
some point and your incongruence will come to the surface. And when that happens, she
will lose attraction and walk away.
When you have a sense of entitlement that comes from your identity, you have instead
what is known as a core confidence.
DEFINITION: CORE CONFIDENCE
Core confidence comes from an unshakeable conviction of who you are and what you
deserve out of life.
It is a confidence that doesnt fluctuate that holds your state steady at all times
regardless of the situation because you know that your acceptance in any particular
situation is never a threat to your overall well-being.
Core confidence can be hard to find, and its something that you cultivate by the way that
you live your life from day to day.
Most people walk through life in a trance, rarely pausing to think about the real reasons
behind their actions. They ignore the uncomfortable truths of their existence and react to
world on emotional autopilot. Instead of conceiving a crystal clear vision of how to be
the person that they want to be, they look to others to determine it for them.
Life is full of pressures pressures to act in a certain way, pressures to appear like a
certain type of person, pressures to adopt the tastes and values of other people.
There is always a temptation to be drawn in by these pressures and place more value on
what other people think of you than on what you think of yourself. But ultimately, when
you give away your power like that you sell yourself out.

You are an individual. Your value starts from there.

Core confidence comes from the knowledge that there is only one you, and therefore
there is only one person who has access to your outlooks and experiences.
You are unique, and for that reason nobody can strip you of your value. You can only
forfeit it by your own decision. And that decision is made when you succumb to the
easiness of living life as a generic and a conformist.
Your identity your entitlement, your value, your authenticity can only be determined
by yourself. Other people can pressure you with their roles and their standards all they
want, just as you can do to them. But there is nobody who can tell you who you are
unless you decide to operate on their interpretation.
Thats why when you decide that your outlook is fascinating, it becomes fascinating.
And when you decide that your story is cool, it becomes cool Its not the particular
outlook or story, but the authenticity behind them thats fascinating and cool.
People are interested to find out what you think is interesting what your outlooks and
experiences are not what you think will impress them. Your ability to express your
personality from a place of authenticity is impressive in and of itself.
RULE:
You dont need things like superficial approval or alliances or competencies or role-plays
to feel entitled. Your value lies in your ability to be unique and express it.
Value comes down to attitude. As an individual who thinks for himself, your story and
your humour and your outlooks are fascinating and worthwhile. When youve cultivated
a personality that you think is authentic and you convey this with power and conviction,
others will think so too.
It just depends on how strongly you believe youre entitled not just to play the role
but to be the guy whose identity it is to dominate and express your personality freely.
Because when you carry that kind of powerful attitude with you, your confidence projects
outwardly and draws people in.
That is how social dynamics work.
It isnt just an ideal or a way that things ought to be. Its the real way that things
actually go on between people.
Lets look at why its so important to have strong sense of who you are and an
unwavering state.
DEFINITION: FRAME

Comment: While quite common in

Latin, the adjectival noun -- especially
when preceded by an indefinite article -is less common in everyday English.

A frame is another word for an interpretation or a belief. It is a window through

which people view and interpret reality.
Your frame is your interpretation of reality. And the strength of your frame is
how fixed your interpretation of reality is the extent to which your beliefs about
yourself and the world can or cannot be affected by other people.
Peoples frames (or interpretations) are entirely subjective, and they are always up for
grabs.
As social creatures, we are always engaged in a process of pinging each other to see
whose frame of reality is more certain, and our tendency is to adopt the beliefs of the
person who projects the most unwavering certainty and the least emotional reaction to
other peoples conflicting frames.
You can think of the pinging as being a web of electric currents, and people as fuses all
interconnected to one another. The person with the strongest fuse (strongest frame) can
take the most external pressure and direct the current in any direction they please, while
the weakest fuse burns out as the current flows right through them.
Whoever has the strongest frame will usually have the most social influence the most
people reacting to their frame. That is why having strong sense of core value and
entitlement is so important.
RULE:
A strong frame is self-fulfilling. The world is whatever you think it is.
To illustrate, well consider the following.
If youre complimented and your frame is that youre entitled to it, youll probably take it
as praise. But if youre complimented and your frame is that youre not entitled to it,
youll probably take it as condescension or manipulation.
Either way, your interpretation (or frame) will determine the way you react, and people
will be drawn into whatever beliefs you have about yourself.
If they were being condescending but you took it as a compliment regardless, theyll start
to accept your frame because youre more certain of who you are than they are your
frame overpowers theirs.
Likewise, if youre teased and your frame is that you have nothing to be insecure about,
then youll probably take it as a joke and joke back. But on the other hand, if you take it
as a reminder of how bad you feel about yourself, then youll react and the people who
teased you will see that they were right.

Deleted: gives way

The funny way that all this works, is that even if the teases werent meant as a joke, as
long as you interpret it that way and joke back then youll control the frame so that
everyone thinks it was a joke anyway.
And because your interpretation acted as a self-fulfilling prophecy, it further reinforced
your already existing frame making the world whatever you think it is.
RULE:
When you have the strongest frame, you get to determine your own value and where you
stand in relation to others. You determine who you are.
Peoples frames are always conflicting with one another to various degrees. As
hierarchical creatures we are always engaged in a process of subtle frame-conflict to
determine who is entitled to assume the higher value roles, and whoever has the strongest
frame wins.
Like two people walking towards a water fountain for a drink, the person who is more
certain that its their turn will walk straight towards it and take the first sip, while the
other person reacts by slowing down to wait.
An example of a conflicting frame between you and a girl with two different beliefs
could be:
HER: Im a hot girl, and youre the next guy of the night who places me on a pedestal
and tries too hard to get sex from me. Im too hard for you to get. But feel free to
entertain me if you like.
YOU: I have no shortage of options, and Im chatting with you because women are silly
and adorable and fun to be around. If you turn out to be different from all the other girls I
already know then maybe well hang out. But for now Im just having fun talking.
These sorts of conflicting frames are unspoken.
People of value dont talk about who has the strongest frame or the higher value. They
sub-communicate it naturally by their behaviours.
You can feel who has the stronger frame, not by who says they have it, but by the
underlying context of who is reacting to the other person more?
1-Who is screening, and who is trying to impress?
2-Who is emotionally affected by other persons acceptance, and who is indifferent?
3-Who is straining to keep up conversationally, and who is setting the tone?
4-Who is losing confidence in their idea of whats cool, and who feels no change?

5-Who would be having just as much fun if the other person werent there, and who
would feel like theyve been kicked out of the warm end of the pool?
Ultimately what all of this comes down to, is who is changing the way that they act to
try to gain value from the other person, and who is being more themselves?
Some people confuse the idea of frame conflicts as being a battle of some sorts. That is
not the case at all. In fact, needing to control the frame all the time to feel good is
obnoxious and reactive in and of itself.
Having the stronger frame is not about asserting dominance over other people. Its about
asserting dominance over yourself being comfortable with who you are and not giving
away your power to gain approval.
RULE:
You only experience emotional reactions to people who you perceive as having some
kind of bearing on how you feel about yourself (often when you think that you need them
more than they need you). When you have too strong of a reaction to someone, you
situate them as having a higher value than you and give away your power.
As was said your mind has access to the awareness of everyone around you, but youll
be inclined to filter out those people who have less value to you and to focus in on those
who have more.
When you have too strong of an emotional reaction towards someone, it is a sign that that
person is such a forefront part of your reality that you perceive them as having more
value to you than you have to them. Otherwise you wouldnt have been sufficiently
aware of them to have felt a reaction.
Thats why its important to live in your own reality to never give someone else the
power to dictate your identity to you.
Your frame has to be stronger than that.
A belief about who you are or what youre entitled to thats built on superficial standards
or who you know, or who youve had sex with, or what people want from you, or how
entertaining you are, or the roles people give you, or how well people have reacted to you
on that particular day is a belief about yourself that is inauthentic.
These things are not who you are.
You will never base a solid sense of self on these things, and you will spend your life
giving away your power and scrambling to get it back.
Your power lies in your authenticity your deeper, core sense of who you are.

That is not just when people ask you about your best qualities or values and you have
some kind of logical answer like most people do. Its when your authenticity truly
clicks in your mind so that its not something you have to consciously think about, and
it becomes more a part of your ongoing and ever-present emotional reality than what
anyone else thinks of you.
It is at that point that your state stabilizes, and you can express who you are with the kind
of attitude that makes people love you for it
And it is at that point that people are drawn in by your frame because you dictate your
identity and thats something that they naturally want to make space for in their world.

--

Your identity is the seed that influences your thoughts, which influences your behaviours,
which influences the social feedback that you get from the outside world.
Your interpretation of that social feedback will influence what you feel youre entitled to,
which in turn will influence how you formulate and revise your identity, which influences
your thoughts and behaviours even further.
It is a recursive feedback loop that interfaces between internal and external reality, and
through which your overall reality is built up and reinforced over time.
VERSION2:
Your identity is the seed that determines your sense of entitlement, which influences how
you act, which influences the social feedback you get from the outside world.
Your interpretation of that social feedback will further influence what you think youre
entitled to, which will further formulate and revise your identity, which will further
influence how you act.
It is a recursive feedback loop that interfaces between internal and external reality, and
through which your frame is built up and reinforced over time.

BOOK V COOLNESS AND CONGRUENCE

There are all sorts of subtle communication channels that tell you if someone is acting in
a way that they think is in alignment with their identity, or if theyre just reacting to
pressures from others.

You can sense it in their subtle rhythms the way that their patterns of thought flow into
their behaviours. Theres a certain vibe that all people give off that tells you if their
actions are an expression of how they feel or if theyre trying to convince themselves and
the people around them that theyre something theyre not.
This vibe is called congruence.
DEFINITION: CONGRUENCE
Congruence is when your internal feeling of identity and your external ways of acting
are in alignment with each other, both on the obvious and extremely subtle levels.
When youre congruent, you get away with things that other people don`t.
At one point, you might have known someone who had the oddest of mannerisms, but
who you still thought of as being totally likeable. There was sort of natural vibe about
them that sub-communicated, Im comfortable with myself and my interaction with the
world. I wont react to how others might try to get me to be, because this works.
When people acts congruently, it places a sort of an implicit social proof that the group
accepts them for who they are. After all, they wouldnt be able to act so congruently
unless other people accepted them for the personality and roles theyve taken on, which
pressures you to accept them too.
So for a guy who likes to start conversations and meet new people or who likes to
express whats on his mind or who likes to date a lot of women because thats just
the way he is there wont be much social resistance to it because people will just sense
that its a part of his personality.
People can feel it by the way he moves, speaks, and carries himself By the way that his
voice projects and resonates, and how the things he says falls into alignment with his
overall personality.
Theres a comfort that he has with himself and the way that he interacts with others. He
has a sort of ease with the world and the way that he has reached equilibrium with it.
He might be subtly pressed or even hassled about the way he acts. But to be any other
way is just so far outside of his reality that he doesnt show any emotional response to it.
And because its not a part of his reality, other people cant get in any external
acknowledgement or ping that their questions about him have any validity which
places any thoughts of not going along with him outside of their reality as well.
DEFINITION: INCONGRUENCE
Incongruence is the opposite. Incongruence occurs when a person feels that their
behaviours are not in alignment with the identity that gained them acceptance in the past.
So because their psychology is constricting them from the new behaviour that has an
uncertain outcome, they exhibit a subtle discomfort a lack of alignment between how
they perceive themselves and how theyre trying to make others perceive them.

Perhaps theres a sort of disconnected unnaturalness to their rhythm or a lack of flow

within their social environment. Theyre trying too hard. Theyre too eager. Or theyre
not eager enough. Theres just something thats not quite right.
They might show a slight hesitance in their voice or a slight jitteriness in their speaking.
Perhaps theyre too quiet or even too loud. There might be an aversion in their eyes, a
tension in their facial expressions, or a rigid restlessness in their body.
Their movement in every aspect of their physiology reflects their own perceived value in
the situation and their resistance to it. So they might say things unrelated to the tone of
the conversation, and things that are obvious emotional reactions to their own discomfort.
Its obvious that theyre acting in a way that they dont feel is a reflection of who they
are. And for that reason, nothing that they do will impress Because whatever it is,
theyre not congruent to it.
Congruence is one of the prerequisites on which we make snap judgement. That brutally
honest gut reaction that one person makes of another within seconds of seeing them
interact...
Is he cool?
DEFINITION: COOL
The term cool is a slippery one. The definition is elusive. It is in part an attitude that
you can be yourself even when its not necessarily the norm. But at the same time, it also
means having an intriguing quality about you that draws and fixates peoples attention,
while not coming from a place where the primary focus is reacting to what other people
think.
To have qualities that stand out about you, that neither adhere nor submit, but instead
play with and edge outside the generic norm in a way thats creative and interesting that
is infinitely cool.
Congruence alone isnt necessarily cool.
A guy whos totally bland and uninteresting could be standing around and be who he
is, but the mere fact that he was congruent wouldnt automatically project outwardly and
make people think that hes cool. If a girl glanced over, his congruence probably
wouldnt fixate the focus of her attention for very long, unless there was something
appealing about him to draw a reaction.
RULE:
When you stand out from other guys women will be attracted because it subcommunicates that you have social value and that your children will stand out too.
Women are attracted to guys who have intriguing characteristics or skills, and it is always
better to be looked over than it is to be overlooked.
Many people will tell you that theyre cool for being themselves, when in fact theyre
just being congruent. Other people will naturally pick up a repertoire of characteristics,

mannerisms, and personal style that makes them stand out, and being true to themselves
is cool by default. Every person is different, and it depends on the individual.
But regardless of all the be your self social dogma, what it comes down to is this
RULE:
Congruence without coolness is capitulation to an identity of low status. Cool behaviour
without congruence is trying too hard. But when you are congruent to your cool
behaviour, you are your cool behaviour.
Being cool means having characteristics about you that project outwardly and draw
interest, while not needing to try too hard to make them come across.
That comes from experience in the world (both social experience and life experience),
and from having gone through periods where you tried new things that were incongruent
until you internalized them to a point of naturalness.
For a guy who lacks appealing qualities, he will have to stop walking through life in the
reactive trance that has gotten him nowhere, and begin to proactively put pressure on
himself to have the kinds of experiences that will make him a more compelling person.
And having cultivated those external qualities that make him stand out, his journey will
still not have ended until his internal sense of identity has caught up.
Because a guy with good looks, intelligence, style, or wit can cultivate all these things,
but he must realize his own value before he becomes cool.
RULE:
Its when you realize what youve got going for you when it finally clicks in your
head through and through and beyond any shadow of a doubt that you become the kind
of person who carries himself with the kind of attitude that immediately stands out.
Or more specifically, it is during the times that your value is actually a part of your
ongoing reality that youll project yourself as cool.
When you become cool its when you approach a girl and you are now your own
value, and you have a sense that people will have a good experience with you
(similar to how guys who can sex girls properly have more confidence).
So lets look zoom in even closer, and deconstruct what all of this means
There is an overarching principle of what is a cool thought pattern or behaviour
pattern.
In any situation, you can do one of three things. Act React Or not act at all.
A proactive pattern is strong and reinforces value automatically
A reactive pattern is weak and scrambles to deflect the loss of value
And doing nothing noticeably either way is just that nothing.

When a guy acts reactively, its usually an indicator that his sense of acceptance is being
affected by other people and that bad emotions are pressuring him to react to make the
bad feelings go away.
As non-rational creatures, a lot of what we do is more geared towards preserving the
emotional state that we desire in the moment, instead of doing what actually helps us in
the long term (especially when we were never taught what will actually help us.)
So a guy who wants his bad emotions to go away might try to impress people or convince
them to like him, instead of acting in a way that he likes himself.
Of course, to feel accepted and self-justified he rationalizes this in whatever way
necessary, which leads to more reactive behaviours and more reactive rationalizations
down the line.
To be proactive, on the other hand, means responding to outside pressure by asserting
your identity rather than adapting it.
RULE:
For the way you act to be proactive doesnt mean that its inconsiderate of other people.
It just means that its more a proactive expression of your identity than it is a reactive
attempt to gain acceptance. Its primarily focused in the present moment rather than
being focused on how people will react in the future.
When you develop yourself proactively into a person that you like, most people will like
you automatically for your unique outlook and experiences and particularly because
people respect those who respect themselves.
But when youre always reacting to how other people want you to be, it inevitably comes
across and winds up making things worse.
So why are some people proactive and others reactive?
Whether or not youre inclined to being proactive or reactive is a logical extension of
your world view.

**frames are always pressing against each other the proactive frame is always
stronger than the reactive one

If you identify yourself as the cause of your emotions then youll tend to develop a web
of proactive patterns. Whereas, if you identify yourself as being at the mercy of how
others respond to you, then youll tend to develop a web of reactive patterns.

At a core level, proactive patterns are tied to taking on an identity that is of high value,
and being an individual from whom other people base their sense of acceptance. A
proactive person will naturally assert control over the frame and reinforce acceptance in a
way that is cool, via peoples instinctive emotional responses to them.
Reactive patterns, on the other hand, are tied to taking on an identity that is of low value,
and being an individual who relies on others to keep themselves emotionally afloat. A
reactive person will pursue control over the frame and chase acceptance in a way that is
trying too hard, via logical persuasion.
You may have known a guy who should have had a lot going for him, but who pursued
more status by trying too hard to impress others. Most likely, he held a worldview that
assumed people wouldnt like him unless he impressed them with favours or his
accomplishments, and so he felt reactive and acted needy.
And you may have also known another guy who should have had less going for him, but
who naturally asserted status just by his presence. Most likely, he held a worldview that
assumed people would like him as long as he was reasonably confident and positive, and
so he felt proactive and acted cool.
Both the proactive and reactive guys patterns were designed to yield positive social
responses that would reinforce their senses of acceptance. The difference was that
proactive guys choices yielded results that were verifiable in the external world, whereas
the reactive guys choices yielded results that had to be rationalized in his mind.
Ultimately, it could be argued that as social creatures, all interactions are reactive by
definition.
But pragmatically, being proactive works far better than being reactive at giving way to
positive social feedback over the long term.
And philosophically, being proactive represent a bridge between internal and external
pillars of reality, creating a worldview that is not validated too extremely on either side.

BOOK VI IDENTITY STABLIZATION

Social pressure is something that you might experience if you feel as though your
acceptance in a social situation is at risk of being diminished. That could happen when
you feel a fear of reprisal for breaking social hierarchies and norms, or when something
happens that could reveal you as having lower value than what you are trying to project.
Conversely, you might experience social pressure when you find yourself in a situation
where you have taken on a higher value role than you feel that you can handle. Social
pressure can occur whenever you break character from the identity that has gained you
acceptance in the past.

As you mature into adulthood, you will try on and test out various different identities
until you discover the best ones for you in a various situations. Once you have come into
emotional alignment with your identities, you will learn to be consistent to them so as to
ensure your continued well-being.
Our minds are driven to be consistent to what we perceive as our identity at the
time.
Is having a low status identity really as bad as it seems? There are many people who lean
towards a low value identity. In fact, most of them will tell you that they want to be
the way they are, that they have good reasons for being the way they are, and that they
are just being themselves by being the way they are.
A low value identity does yield certain short-term benefits to the person who assumes it.
To project a high value identity could demand a higher level of charisma than the person
perceives themselves as being capable of handling. People want their identities to be
questioned as little as possible. Often, to be the most visible means to be in line of the
most criticism and few people want to risk appearing incongruent. To project a low value
identity demands very little exposure to social pressure or people trying to takeover the
role. And while it yields no substantial social advantage, it guarantees acceptance within
the group.
So for example, it is easy to understand why a person would be apprehensive about
wearing a clothing style that is less fashionable than they are accustomed to. And yet, it
would seem bizarre that many people are even more apprehensive about wearing a
clothing style that is more fashionable than they are accustomed to. But they are.
Their fear is a rational extension of their worldview. They do not perceive themselves as
having the personality that would be expected of them if they wore more fashionable
clothes. They are more inclined to stay within the range of what they are accustomed to
in terms of their style, environment, status, and other social roles, because by doing so
they ensure that people will be there to reinforce their sense of acceptance.
On some level they might resent the limitations. But they benefit by avoiding any
temporary bad emotions in the short term.
When a person enters into a new social situation, they again find themselves in a struggle
to project their frame onto others to get others to accept, react, and adapt themselves
around their identity. To project a high value identity within a group requires a person to
expend energy. They will be subjected to more attention and social pressure, and they
will have higher expectations demanded of them in order to keep their status.
It isnt unusual that people will be addicted to positive social feedback. In the same way
that a person might avoid looking at an unflattering picture of themselves or might angle
their face in a way that looks good when they look in the mirror, people will

unconsciously pick up behaviour patterns that make them feel as though they are being
perceived in the way that they want to be perceived.
An example of this could be their need to always have people around them, such as
friends, admirers, or a co-dependent relationship. Or, they might need to be dressed in a
certain way. They might even need to tell people about their accomplishments or their
social connections or their areas of expertise before it is naturally brought up in
conversation. And on a more subtle level, they might need to assume behaviours that are
thought of as proactive, such as controlling the frame, but in a way that is actually
reactive because it is too overdone and extreme.
There are people who will not go to a movie or a restaurant or a club by themselves. If
they go to a movie theatre, they might scurry in and out so that people wont notice that
theyre alone. If they go to a restaurant, they might feel the need to talk on their cell
phones or to have some work with them so that they look busy. If they go to a club, they
might drink or bop their heads when they arent in the mood. And if they want to meet
girls, then they might need friends to be there so that they can look over and get
reassurance from them if it doesnt go well.
Of course, it is healthy that people want to go out to social gatherings with their friends
and enjoy each others company. But many people cant go out alone even when they
want to. They cant tolerate the nakedness of just being there and not caring what other
people think.
What they have is situational confidence, not core confidence.
Most people will do well socially in a situation where everyone likes them. But many of
those same people will do poorly in a more neutral environment, because they feel as if
their identity is up for grabs.
A person with core confidence will not feel as though their identity is in question,
whether it is socially reinforced or not. They neither need to project their frame onto
others nor to supplicate to them in order to feel comfortable. Instead of relying on social
acceptance to feel entitled take on a certain identity, core confidence is when a person
feels a conviction about their identity that gives way to a sense of social acceptance
automatically.
When a person has a strong sense of core confidence, they will be able to take on a
situational confidence (competence) more easily, because it only requires them to assume
and internalize a few new behaviours. But when a person with situational confidence
lacks a sense of core confidence, they will often be required to completely overhaul and
internalize a new worldview.
In terms of meeting women, the guy who is strong in core confidence but weak in
situational confidence could be characterized as the guy who is comfortable and
confident around women in general, but who does not have the specific skill-set to
approach a random woman he doesnt know.

His core confidence over the course of his life has given him a set of social skills, and an
identity that is not dependent on women. The girls in his social circle like him and ask
about him, and hes had some great girlfriends. When a girl likes him, he has no problem
calling her and hanging out with her and escalating from there. But when it comes to
walking up to an attractive stranger that hes never met, he doesnt know what steps to
take.
The guy who has strong situational confidence to approach women but a weak core
confidence is more unusual. He is an anomaly for having taken time to learn the steps of
walking up to a stranger, getting her attention, attracting her, and even getting her phone
number. But in the course of his studies he never learned a strong set of social skills,
because that is something that takes a longer time to internalize.
He has situational confidence in meeting women. He knows how to get them laughing
and intrigued. He will feel comfortable in the situation as long as he sticks to his game
plan and everything goes as he expects. He will feel cool and assume the role. But his
sense of acceptance starts from scratch with every interaction. And without continual
reinforcement, he slips back into his old behaviours.
So if he approaches a girl and she likes him right away, then he will interact with her
proactively. But if he approaches and she is initially indifferent towards him, then he
might not stay congruent to the role long enough to hook her interest. He will look at her,
and all of a sudden it will hit him: She is so beautiful. Why would she choose me? He
will feel her social value and realize just how many options she really has. And because
he isnt getting the continual reinforcement that his confidence requires keep his selfdoubts at bay, he will try too hard.
Or perhaps his sense of acceptance is stable enough to make it through the difficult initial
approach. But it becomes unstable as soon as he realizes that the girl really likes him.
Ironically, he can meet and attract her competently, but as soon as he realizes she might
like him he doesnt know what to do. He feels an emotional boost because of the girls
positive reaction, but he fears losing the boost more than losing the girl. He doesnt
think he has the social skills to maintain her interest, so he leaves with her phone number
when she wanted a lot more.
And if he calls her the next day, he feels anxious because his confidence hasnt built up
steam. He gets her on the phone, but his personality doesnt reflect the guy that he was
the night before. To make things even more difficult, the girl is distracted and not as
responsive as she was the night that they met. Shes being neutral, and his social skills
arent prepared to deal with it. He chokes. And the girl decides not to meet for a second
time.
His confidence may even hold out through all the processes. But it doesnt hold up on
their next meeting. Perhaps they make plans to get together, or he bumps into her
unexpectedly while hes out. Its the middle of the day, and hes not in the same
headspace as the night they met. So as he walks up to her, his heart pounds and his palms

sweat because he doesnt think he has the social skills to handle a less outcomecontrolled situation.
The guy with strong core confidence will socialize with others more naturally. He will be
more proactive, because he simply expresses whats on his mind and others will react
around that. The guy with weak core confidence will socialize with others more
awkwardly. He will be more reactive, because his urge to satiate his need for acceptance
will be transparent and telegraphed by his needy vibe.
Unlike situational confidence, core confidence is not something that can be acquired as a
skill set. However, situational confidence can be a stepping stone that generates
temporary positive social feedback and begins an upward spiral towards it.
Every person has a fairly static level where their confidence usually stands a medium
point that it comes back to as external stimulation subsides. If a guy walks through life
with a low sense of acceptance, then he will experience a continual mild anxiety and
evolve a weak identity that is designed to guard his state. But if he exposes himself to
have new experiences sufficiently meaningful to inspire his self-concept at its core, then
his sense of acceptance will come to flow from the seed of internal identity instead of the
spiral of external reinforcement as it had before.
If a guy can learn how to get a positive conversation going with a woman, even for five
minutes, and then later ten minutes, and then later fifteen, it can give him the opportunity
to be on the receiving end of a new kind of feedback and to see that its OK.
As he grows accustomed to being treated in a new way, his mind slowly comes to
recognize the social benefit of high value behaviours and he will want to be consistent to
his new identity. He will seek out the subtleties of a high value identity in himself and
others, and he will develop an aptitude in projecting it over time. It will become
effortless, and natural. He will no longer require external reinforcement to maintain his
confidence at a high level, because his new identity will have stabilized.
You may have seen this happen in high school (a classic time for young people to testthe
waters of new identities). A nerdy kid gets accepted into a new group. At first the kid
just hangs out with them. Then maybe the kid starts listening to some of their music and
participating in some of their activities. And eventually, the kid amasses new clothing
and mannerisms that identify with the group and looks completely different than before.
It is no different for guys learning to get better with women. They test the waters of
approaching women and being more confident. They dont really know whats attractive
and whats not but if they can get a rough idea then they can have a few positive
experiences with it and ride out the short-term negative experiences. Eventually they
start carrying themselves better and looking for better clothes. They start picking up on
humour and great stories and cool places that they can share with women, and over time
they develop the subtleties and lifestyle around it.
At first its a struggle to think and act in a new ways. Youre trying out any new idea that
you can get your hands on. Some of them you like, some of them you dont, and some of

them you dont know until you try. You wind up eventually shelving most of them, but
in the process of trying new things you find sides of yourself that you didnt know
existed, and sort out your reactive qualities from the qualities that were really
worthwhile. Over time you cultivate a critical mass of attractive qualities that you really
like, and develop the confidence to be who you really are.
Change is something that is always happening to you whether you like it or not. It can be
active or passive, and you can sit back and react to it as it occurs or take a hand in
guiding it in a direction thats worthwhile. Learning to be better with women is not about
compensating for shortcomings or outstripping your lot in life. It is about expanding
your range, developing yourself on a core level, and learning how to convey it.
So lets think back to our story of the poor guy who lost his girlfriend. After losing her,
he threw himself into improving his job and his body and his material possessions. He
thought that he would attract more women. But it didnt work out.
Our poor guy cultivated situational confidence in the superficial areas of his life in
reaction to wanting acceptance from others. It was a natural extension of his worldview
that there is some sort of specific external social standards that he had to reach. But
even when he did, he wasnt congruent to all of his new stuff. The work he put in drew
positive attention and admiration, but on an identity level that wasnt him.
He wasnt this new confident guy who was comfortable with himself and who happened
to have all of these cool things that made him even more attractive. Rather, he was still
an insecure guy who did a bunch of things in the hopes of hiding behind them and
gaining admiration from others. He thought that he would become this cool guy. But
nobody bought into it. Not even himself.
Ultimately, what happened to our poor guy was that he had used his girlfriend as an
external pillar upon which he could validate his identity. She was a keystone upon which
he built an elaborate structure of reality.
Once she pulled herself out of the foundation, the structure collapsed. So he was left an
emotional wreck, as the standing level of his emotions spiralled downwards, and his mind
struggled anxiously to reach out for some other external pillar to make him feel OK.
He rationalized his emotional collapse as a result of losing his one true love. But were
his strong feelings a sign that he loved her, or an emotional reaction to the fear of losing
the sense of acceptance that her love represented? Perhaps it was a bit of both.
Whether or not he falls into another pattern of failure will depend upon whether or not he
rebuilds his identity on pillars that are more stable. And that will involve not only
improving his life externally, but also his social skills and his worldview.

BOOK VII THE ABSURD STRUCTURE OF SOCIAL VALUE

Sex is not only a source of pleasure, but a source of validation.
Lets imagine a guy walking into a room by himself. Now imagine him walking in with a
cool guy friend. Now imagine him walking in with two gorgeous girls on his arms, and
theyre giggling and giving him their attention.
Of all these guys, which do you imagine as attracting the most attention? Which do you
imagine as being the least in need of meeting the other people in the room?
In our society, there is an association between a man having a lot of women and having
power. Our culture is saturated with iconography of powerful men surrounded by
beautiful women. The football player with his cheerleaders. The business man with his
trophy wife. The rock star with his groupies. The boxer with a woman on each arm.
Why is it that when a girl finds out that a guy has other girls interested in him, she will
feel even more attracted?
A man who has the choice to be with many women will have offspring who have that
same choice as well. And while a guy can quickly assess a girl by her looks, for a girl to
assess a guys social value takes more time. So instead, she can consider how she thinks
other girls perceive him as a reliable indicator of his value.
Women are not necessarily attracted to men who are known to be promiscuous. Rather,
they are attracted to men of high social value. And because a high social value means
that a man will have many options when it comes to women, women will often be
attracted to men who convey that know how to handle the opposite sex.
Sex can be seen as a womans ultimate act of giving a man her acceptance.
When a girl gives it up to a guy, it can be interpreted as her willingness to risk lowering
her own value in the eyes of others, to gain value from him. That value could be in the
form of sexual pleasure, the validation of his acceptance, or the belief she will gain his
alliance. The expression giving it up is a phenomenon of social conditioning. It means
that when a girl has sex, she is essentially giving up her most highly valued social
asset.
Imagine a guy with a great girlfriend. Hes in love, and he invests his time and emotional
energy into their relationship. But one day he discovers an unusual detail about her
sexual past. As it turns out, she had sex with a member of the football team in the locker
room after the game. Though its not rational, he feels a bit insecure. So he probes more
deeply. And he discovers that it wasnt exactly an isolated incident.
Because his girlfriend didnt just have sex with a football player after the game. She took
on the entire team. At the same time.
He gets upset and looks for ways to rationalize how he feels. If she had sex with all of
those guys, then how can I trust her in a relationship? Of course what hes not focusing
on is that she was not in a relationship at the time. Or that what she did in the past has

nothing to do with the great relationship that they have in the present. He cant see any
of that.
All that he can focus on is that he no longer feels validated by his girl. His knowledge of
her sexual past has devalued the meaning of her sexual approval, and he doesnt get that
same emotional boost from her that he did before. Her validation is no longer meaningful
to him. If any random guy could have had sex with her without having to invest
anything, then how could she be girlfriend material?
The absurd structure of social value can be traced back to social conditioning. If a girl is
perceived as being easy to get, then she wont her validation will no longer be
meaningful to a man who is interested in her for the long term. Her social value will
decrease because men will feel as though any other guy could have her. For that reason,
most women will learn to act as though they arent attracted to most guys they meet.
They will learn to behave as though they are hard to get, to project a frame that they
have a high social value. Men, on the other hand, have no such constraints. If they have
sex with a lot of women, it will be accepted as a social norm. And moreover, because
they have their choice of women, their validation will be more meaningful to the woman.
For some people, there are insecurities at work here. The man isnt disappointed that his
girls actual physical value is lower than he had originally perceived. Rather, he is
insecure that the most passionate night of sex in her life might have been with another
man. And the girl doesnt believe that she has actually become less of a person. Rather,
she is insecure that guys might only value her if shes hard to get.
Interestingly, their insecurity is not entirely unfounded. While a person may have an
inherent value, social value by definition is a value that is both relative and conveyable to
others. In the case of the man, he wants to create the perception that he is the only one
who can give her powerful sexual experiences. And in the case of the woman, she wants
to create the perception that she is hard to get and that she is the only one who could
make the man feel so strongly validated.
This comes back to our fundamental principle, that we will only experience emotional
reactions towards those people who we perceive as being higher value than us, or who
have the capacity to increase or decrease our value. Both men and women feel an
emotional reaction of attraction towards the people who they perceive as offering the
biggest boost to their state.
When a girl has sex with a lot of guys, the sub-communication is that she perceived many
guys as having a higher value than her. So if thats the case, then she will project a low
social value and thus be a low source of potential validation to men. But when a guy has
sex with a lot of girls, the sub-communication is that many girls perceived his value as
being higher than theirs, and that he is a high source of potential validation.
When a man represents a source of validation to a woman he then becomes
attractive to her.

The attraction that the woman will feel for a man of higher value is not always exactly
the same as what she will feel for a guy who is physically attractive. When a woman sees
a man who is physically attractive, she will be physically aroused by him and feel
sexually aggressive. But when a woman sees a man whose value is high, she will be
lead by him and buy into his frame and allow his advances and feel sexually receptive.
When a man projects higher value, women will find themselves reacting to him and
taking on his frame. Their attention will be very focused towards him and they will feel a
strong emotional reaction. That reaction is attraction, which means several things.
Firstly, they will perceive him as a source of validation. Secondly, they will want to be
around him. Thirdly, they will be more receptive to his advances.
While the being sexually aggressive or receptive are distinct concepts, they can also be
non-exclusive or even causal. Either or both can lead to sex.
When a man is physically attractive he will draw a level of attention because of his looks.
If from that he derives a strong sense of confidence, then he will project a high value by
his behaviours and girls will become sexually receptive.
And whether or not a man is physically attractive, when he has a high value he will elicit
an emotional reaction from women. So because contact discharges emotions, girls will
feel a stronger physical chemistry for his touch, and will they become sexually aggressive
in response to the physical sensations that they feel from him.
The womans logical mind is conditioned by society to believe that she should be
attracted to a man who will want a relationship with her. But the womans emotional
mind recognizes that when a man who she just met wants a relationship with her, it is in
many cases a sub-communication that he does not have many options. So, we find an
irony here because the woman will not feel attraction for the very men who she is
socially conditioned to believe are her best choices.
It is amazing to watch as men will spar with each other for dominance, as the woman
stands there oblivious to whats going on. But while her logical mind is not processing it,
her emotional mind is. And when one man is determined to have a higher value, her
attention fixates onto him and the man of lower value fades out. As she walks off with
her guy, she even says to him, Wow, that guy was so weird. He was hitting on me, and I
wanted to get out of there. My stupid friends wanted me to stay.
Of course, the guy who she left with might not be the nicest guy. But there is always
something about him that she can focus on so that she can backwards rationalize her
attraction in terms of her social conditioning. Perhaps he threw his tissue in the garbage
after he blew his nose. Wow, he really respects the environment. This guy is great.
Theres definitely a sensitive side to him in there somewhere. Maybe fate brought us
together so that I can help to bring it out of him!
Ultimately, there are many women who understand and embrace their tendencies. They
enjoy dating a man who excites and challenges them, because when he is nice it
actually has meaning unlike the fake nice that is so common of other guys. They will
even talk about it openly and directly with most of the men they meet.

But it is only the men who are ready to hear it that will even understand what it means.
And those men are usually the ones who do it naturally anyway. Most men will be too
preoccupied with getting her validation. To really see the absurd structure of social value
would bare implications that they are not prepared to deal with.

BOOK VIII BLIND SPOTS

Few people can see themselves as they really are.
Lets imagine a guy who every morning wakes up and scrutinizes over his collar and his
tucked in shirt and other little details of his appearance. He gets nervous about how
people will see him, think of him, and talk about him. But deep down, what he wont
acknowledge to himself is that nobody cares. Hes invisible. Nobody even notices him,
let alone the details that he worries about.
What if something happened that made him realize that he had been wasting all of his
time and energy investing into a ritual that was completely meaningless?
He has a close female friend for whom he has a secret crush. Every weekend they get
together, and he puts on his best cologne and cleans up his room just in case.
Someday hes going to make a bold move. She always says that she wants friendship
first. And shes always complaining about how the guys that she dates dont treat her
right. But he would. Hes the nice guy shes been waiting for.
Tonight, they have a hot date. Shes been having boyfriend problems, and hes the only
one that she can trust to talk about it with. He takes her out and treats her to shopping
and dinner, and then they go out for a few drinks. Then some random guy that neither of
them ever met comes over and strikes up a conversation.
He tries to keep up with the conversation, but his girl seems to be focusing in on this new
guy and filtering out everything he says. She doesnt seem to hear him. So he buys this
random new guy some drinks and laughs at all his jokes. The new guy even rewards him
for this, by telling him how cool he is.
A few minutes later his world collapses around him, as he watches his girl making out
with this other guy. They come up for air every few minutes, to sip from the drinks that
he bought them. And then she tells him, I have to go home early, and this guy is friends
with one of my friends and Ive known him for a while and my house is on the way to his
house so hes going to drive me home. Ill call you tomorrow. Thanks for everything,
you are such a sweetheart.
He has two possible interpretations in front of him.
Interpretation number one. This guy has known her for one minute! Ive invested six
months! Shes acting like a total ditz in front of him! Whatever, Im just glad that I was

here to find out what a slut she is! This guy is a total player, and he doesnt even care
about her! Hes misguiding her and she doesnt even see it!
Interpretation number two. This guy owned me. Ive been indecisive for six months.
He came and took what he wanted. Shes attracted to him because hes more charismatic
and interesting than I am. Hes taking her on a wild ride, thats the fun of the flirt, and
shes going to go along with it.
He chooses number one. It may be years and years before he chooses number two. Or he
may never choose it. Blind spots can be a real bitch.
We do not act according to reality. We act according to what we believe is reality. Our
construct of reality comes from what society has taught us, and what we have learned
through our own experiences in that context.
A sense of psychological certainty is a part of our identity and our entire world view.
Without some sense of psychological certainty our minds could not cope with even
simple decisions on a day to day. But because psychological certainty is not always built
upon empirical facts, things can arise that threaten that certainty. And so we develop
blind spots to anything that falls outside of our world view.
Blind spots are very powerful. As we discussed, although there is always an entire
situation, we will tend to focus our perception mainly on aspects that have value to us.
And as we also discussed, that value can also be emotional value, such as any beliefs
about ourselves that make us feel good. So in the act of focusing on a self concept and
reality that makes us feel good, we will slowly accrue blind spots to that which
consistently falls outside of our focus.
If something threatens the way that we perceive ourselves, then the bad emotions will
kick in. To make the bad emotions go away, we will rationalize the threat in a way that
allows us to still see ourselves in the way that we want to be seen.
No matter how irrational it is on the surface, our way of looking at the situation will make
perfect sense to us. If our blind spots are confronted, we will tend to be immediately
dismissive or even react emotionally in order to maintain our psychological certainty.
And in future years when we look back at our old certainties, we may see things under a
different light that is so disturbing that we can hardly grasp what we once believed.
A recalcitrant experience is an experience that shatters the web of beliefs that a
person has built up around themselves as a way of maintaining their worldview.
A person has to be of a certain mindset to sense a misalignment between their
psychological certainty and their experience of the world. Perhaps they experience a
disturbance, or feeling of dissatisfaction some kind of sensation that motivates them to
question their social conditioning and see the strings behind the show.
They have to be at a point where internally the pillars of their reality are not so dependent
on psychological certainty, and where they can look at something from a point of interest

and curiosity. Or at a point where their psychological certainty has been entirely
deflated, and it has become easier to see things as they are than it is to hang onto the
beliefs that have brought them pain.
At that point, they are ready for a recalcitrant experience, and to open their eyes to new
channels of input that they had ignored before. But you cannot bring these realizations to
somebody else. They have to want to find it for themselves.
Women can be one of the most major blind spots in a mans entire psychology. For a
man to acknowledge that he could improve with women could shake his world view.
He would have to acknowledge that his identity doesnt work and that his social
conditioning about how to get a girl was wrong. He would have to think about how he
hasnt been doing as well as hes been telling himself, and about how the superficial
things he was focusing on were for the wrong reasons. And on top of all of that, he
would be putting himself in a position where he would be evolving the personality that
his friends are used to, which many of them wouldnt like.
A man could be completely fearless in every other area, and have success in every other
aspect of his life. But in spite of that, he might have a blind spot about women. As we
said, women can be to a validation of a mans value. If a man believes that he has his life
together, and suddenly a woman rejects him, it could de-validate all of that success in his
mind.
That goes especially if he buys into the socially conditioned idea that if he is a successful
man, then he shouldnt have to try. To actually make a conscious effort have it fail
would be a harsh blow. Particularly when hes never actually tried, and always just
assumed that if he did that he would be successful at it.
Fortunately, there is always a reason for him not to try. None of the girls in here are hot
enough. And look at how theyre dressed and how theyre acting like total sluts. If I
wanted them I could get them. I just dont want to.
So he waits complacently, until a woman takes a liking to him. She is the chooser. She
gives him very obvious hints, until he finally clues in and works up the nerve to do
something. Then, once he does, he rationalizes to himself that she was his first-choice
and that it was his prowess in courtship that won him his prize. Should you ask him, he
would proudly tell you he picked her up. Every time I've ever liked a girl and tried to
get her, I've gotten her.
Commonly, there are two types of guys who do well with women. The first are guys who
see past their blind spots and develop a strong sense of social intelligence and calibration.
The second are guys who have strong blind spots which they use to work in their favour.
The response generator guy sees past his blind spots, and so is in a position to
cultivate an emotional awareness of how people are responding to him. His over-

awareness makes him a bit insecure, but unlike the guys who react by becoming
introverted, he responds more proactively by developing a sharp sense of what is cool,
what appears natural, and how what hes doing is affecting his value within his
environment. His strength is social calibration.
He has learned to build value for himself in any situation, with behaviours that draw
positive responses. Rather than developing blind spots to dismiss negative social
feedback, he actually uses the feedback in an artful manner to continually develop
behaviours that get better and better results. His confidence comes from continually
positive social response, and so long as people are reacting well to him he feels great.
On the other hand, the delusional confidence guy has blind spots that work in his
favour, and so he projects his psychological certainty onto others regardless of their
response and eventually sucks them in. He believes that people who think too much are
assuming a lower value and diminishing themselves for needing to try too hard. In fact,
if he were to focus too much on calibrating himself to others, it would force him to lower
his blind spots and his entire frame would collapse (because his sense of certainty is built
on certain blind spots). It would also make him feel reactive in general. So instead of
calibrating to others, his strength comes from his ******* His strength is a
phenomenally strong frame.
He has learnt to assume value in any situation, with behaviours that project assertiveness
and dominance. Rather than developing blind spots that allow him to dismiss his fear of
approaching women, he will develop blind spots that allow him to dismiss failure as
being either impossible or as having no negative reflection on him. His confidence
comes from having intermittent success, and then continually focusing on past successes
to affirm his certainty in his beliefs.
When a man approaches a woman, there are commonly two things that will attract her:
When what a man is doing is actually cool, and when what a man is doing he believes is
cool. Usually, things work out best when there is a balance between the two.
So lets imagine a group of girls sitting in the corner table of a restaurant. They are
approached by two guys that night.
The first guy approaches, and senses that they arent interested in him. He calibrates to
the situation and changes up his approach, but still finds that they arent receptive. He is
well calibrated, but is also a response junkie, and needs their positive feedback to feel
comfortable in the interaction. So because hes socially aware enough to know that they
arent being receptive, his sense of acceptance decreases and he bows out.
The second guy approaches, and doesnt sense that they arent interested. He always
assumes attraction and is convinced that the girls like him even when they dont. The
girls arent that interested in him, but because his sense of acceptance stays strong
regardless has no reason to leave. So within a half an hour of sticking around, the girls

eventually warm to his unshakeable confidence and he winds up getting the girl that he
wanted.
Now lets imagine a second group of girls sitting in the corner table of another restaurant.
They are also approached by two guys that night.
The first guy approaches, and senses that they arent interested in him. He calibrates to
the situation and changes up his approach, and because he conveys social intelligence and
doesnt make them feel pressured, he winds up getting the girl that he wants.
Later, the second guy approaches, and doesnt sense their lack of interest. He babbles on
for a while, but because what hes doing is just too far off the mark he comes across as
being weird. Although having a strong frame can impress some people, being too far
disconnected from the reality of social feedback can also be psychotic. And because hes
so convinced that what hes doing is cool, he doesnt calibrate his approach and the girls
eventually walk off.
Obviously, there are pros and cons for both guys.
But there is a third, less common type of guy who does better than the guy who relies on
his social calibration and the guy who relies on his strong frame. That is the guy who has
both.
Some guys are able to see past their blind spots and develop social awareness, while at
the same time being unfazed by negative social feedback. They can be responsive to
social feedback and adjust their behaviours, without being emotionally dominated by it.
So they dont need a specific social response to feel confident, but they dont need to be
delusional to feel confident either. They can try, but dont feel like any act of trying is
diminishing or trying too hard. They can let a bad response roll off of their backs,
without having to conjure rationalizations to do so. They are unencumbered, and yet
socially aware at the same time.
Few people ever attain this level. And yet, it is an ideal for which all people ought to
strive.

BOOK IX PILLARS OF REALITY

In social dynamics, the first way to notice whether or not you are feeling confident or
anxious is to determine whether or not your thoughts and perception are focused inside or
outside of your head.
When we feel insecure, we will tend to focus inside of our heads and try to logically
micromanage our emotional reactions and the reactions of other people.

But when feel that our status is assured, we will tend to focus outside of our heads
because we have no reason to micromanage, and so our thoughts will be more
emotionally in the moment and pure.
Its like the sports team thats being dominated and scrambling to regain momentum the
more that they scramble the more that they wind up getting dominated. But if they regain
composure and just play their own game, then they will regain control.
The irony here is that being preoccupied with trying to affect the way that people see us is
exactly what winds up sub-communicating a lower value. When we are stuck in our
heads people can sense it, and it makes us seem inauthentic, needy, and contrived.
Micromanagement causes all sorts of physiological caps. When a guy is inside of his
head, his eyes will not keep eye contact as easily and they will avert themselves or blink a
moment too long on points where he is trying to act dominant. His voice will not be as
crisp and it will waver on points where it draws attention. His movement will not be as
fluid and he will hesitantly flinch as he goes to touch people.
When a guy is outside of his head, he will not feel emotionally reactive to other people.
He will feel as though everything that he does will be accepted, and when its not it wont
faze him. He will be focused outside of his head, and the internal dialogue that was
micromanaging everything in his social environment will be silent.
He will have a more natural voice, eye contact, and body language in relation to others.
He will converse more naturally, authoritatively, and on point. And he will be more in
touch with the vibe of the environment because he has less emotional background noise
to distract and move him away from it.
When you are outside of your head, you may tend to experience:
-Comfort being in the moment.
-Comfort with detachment from social outcome.
-Comfort listening and being attentive and an organic part of the interaction.
-Comfort taking up space, touching, and being touched.
-Comfort to tease and joke around.
-Comfort being blunt and honest about whatever is on your mind.
-Comfort to take advice from others and to make them feel good.
-Comfort in your own skin.
-Comfort in all environments.
-Comfort owning a situation and being the centre of attention.
-Comfort being laid back and taking things as they come.
-Comfort to treat everyone like good friends.
-Comfort being sexual.
-Comfort being open and letting your personality come out.
-Comfort to allow your emotions to guide you to say the best thing.
-Assumption that what you say will be accepted and add to the vibe.
-Assumption that you are cool.

-Assumption that you are admired and selected.

-Assumption that you belong, and that everyone else is cool but belongs a little less.
-Assumption that most girls are attracted, and if you find out about it its not a big deal.
-Assumption that there is an abundance of people to meet and connect with.
-Indifference to losing rapport with people.
-Indifference to approval.
And when you are inside your head, you may tend to experience:
-Feeling the need to self-monitor and view your self through the eyes of others.
-Feeling so stuck in your own mind that you cant pay attention to other people.
-Feeling that you need to fit in.
-Feeling that you need to impress and entertain.
-Feeling flustered by all of the things that you think you need to be doing.
-Feeling that an interaction must work or you may not have another chance.
-Feeling lack of deservedness, and that an attractive woman couldnt be attracted to you.
-Fear that what you have to say isnt adding to the vibe of the interaction.
-Fear that you are being judged.
-Fear that you are boring.
-Fear that you appear insincere.
-Fear of expressing passion, confidence, or sexuality.
-Fear of losing your composure because people won't like what they see.
-Fear that you need to impose your personality onto people or they wont like you.
-Fear that you need to entertain everyone or they wont like you.
-Fear that you are being judged for acting higher value than you perceive yourself.
-Fear that you are being judged for approaching women.
-Fear of breaking rapport with other people.
-Fear of rejection or failure.
-Fear that if you accept feedback from other people that you will lose status.
-Fear that people who compliment you are insincere.
-Fear that if a woman shows interest that she might be the only one who likes you for a
while and so you have to make sure it works out.
If a guy tends to be focused outside of his head, it is often because his reality is
reinforced by internal pillars and so he has no need to focus inside his head. And if he
tends to focus inside his head, it is often because his reality is reinforced by external
pillars, and he needs to focus internally because hes pre-occupied trying to make people
like him and rationalizing the times when they dont.
So what, then, are internal and external pillars?
To determine a criterion for how we should feel about ourselves, we create reference
points. These reference points act as our pillars of reality, and serve as our chosen
criteria to determine how we should feel about ourselves and the world.
If a guys sense of reality is founded on the pillar of how other people respond to him,
then he will always be comparing him self to others, and be at the mercy of their

responses in order to feel good. If someone calls him a loser, then hell think Oh no,
Im a loser, and his sense of acceptance will be diminished. If a girl rejects him, then
hell think Oh no, Im not good enough to get girls, and his sense of acceptance will be
diminished.
Hell be pushed back into his head, and his emotional state will be shot. The reality of
the other people will have become his reality, and hell take on the characteristics of a
loser by becoming awkward and shy. He wont be able to socialize naturally until
someone is nice to him or until he shakes it off, and when someone is nice to him and he
becomes more dominant, hell be at the mercy of their continued responses to keep to
feeling and acting that way.
Sometimes a guy who founds his reality on acceptance from others will actually respond
a better than the shy guys, because he is super motivated to do well. He picks up on ways
to gain admiration that are more proactive and creative than average, but he has his
downfalls because his neediness becomes tacky and transparent over time.
He will always need for the social energy to be flowing in his direction. If another guy is
dressed in a way that gets attention, hell have to make fun of it. If another guy has a girl
with him, hell have to hit on her and try to get her attention. If another guy is the center
of attention, hell have to get the focus away from him or at least talk to somebody else or
leave the room. And if hes in a monogamous relationship hell have trouble being
faithful, because he feeds on continual admiration from new girls.
A guy whose pillars of reality are too externalized will have to create blind spots towards
the external to rationalize when things dont go his way. And as new facts inevitably
arise to reveal his rationalizations as being untrue, he will have to chase after new
rationalizations to protect his reality. Over time, the internal wiring of his mind will
become so criss-crossed, that his entire thinking process will be filtered through layers
upon layers of past rationalizations.
It is ironic, because the input channels that he cauterized to avoid feeling bad are often
the very same input channels from which he could have learned to improve.
So perhaps he meets a person with great skill and expertise, and realizing how much
work it could take to replicate their level of ability he is forced to recognize his own
inadequacies. And instead of focusing on the things that he could learn from them, he
continually downplays them by seeking out their flaws or unfair advantages that he thinks
he doesnt have himself.
A guy who feels inadequate will tend to have a talent for finding others that he can
portray as being beneath him. In this way, he can create artificial reference points from
which he can derive a sense of having a higher relative value. He can rationalize, If he
is South then I must be North, so to speak.

This kind of guy is commonly referred to as a hater. His focus on the negative and the
unfair is a reflection of his belief in his own limitations. Rather than facing the complex
nature of his inadequacies, he finds comfort in focusing his frustration towards a more
comprehensible oversimplification for how he feels.
It is like the businessman who lacks a clear vision for the direction of his company. He
lacks a set or proactive habits to progressively grow his business, and policies for what he
will and will not accept. So all day he sits in his office, dwelling on the various people
who he thinks are causing him grief, and reacting emotionally to everything as it comes
up.
His mind is so caught up in the immediate reality of people abusing him or taking his
ideas that his energy for growing his business winds up expended demeaning what he
perceives as his competition. He thinks that if he could vanquish them that all of his
problems would be solved, and he even derives occasional satisfaction from the small
victories that he gains by harassing them. But meanwhile they continue to surpass him,
by ignoring him and progressing proactively over time.
Of course, some of the negative qualities he focuses on are probably legitimate. But in
the end its his own life that hes wasting by dwelling on it. Like the confident guy who
makes people react well to him just by being positive and expecting it, his bad attitude
brings out the worst in people and becomes a self-fulfilling prophecy. And what
everyone knows about him, but what he never stops to consider, is that his negative
perception of other people is a reflection of the way that he feels about him self.
The trouble with external pillars of reality is their unstable nature. Because they are
ultimately impermanent, the guy who relies on them to feel good will be left with his
reality exposed to blow around like reeds in the wind.
Like the stock broker who loses all of his money and commits suicide. Realistically, he
was a smart guy who hit a string of bad luck, and many people would have traded places
with him even on his worst day. But his reality was so founded in being successful, that
he couldnt step back from it.
Or like the guy who became obsessively depressed after his break up. Realistically, he
was fine before his relationship, and he should have known that hed be fine in the future.
But his reality was so founded on his relationship, that all he could think about was how
empty his life would be without his girl.
What these guys lacked was an internal sense of reality that was not at the mercy of
external events.
A guy whose pillars of reality are internal, on the other hand, has a wealth of things that
allow him to feel secure in adversity. His mind is wired to interpret and respond to the
world through the context that these pillars support, and they are more a part of his reality
than the inevitable floods and droughts of his life.

He trusts in himself always to find a way to get by, knows that he isnt in any real danger
whether people like him or not. He knows that even if other people dont see his best
qualities that those qualities do indeed exist. He does not delegate his concept of what is
a worthy existence to society, and determines his entitlement by a criterion that is his
own. And he believes that as a human being his life has inherent value, regardless of
whether others acknowledge it or not.
He thinks for himself, and knows that people of status, while charismatic, are fallible just
like him. He respects and even learns from them, but knows that they have their own
insecurities and that theyre presenting an image like everyone else. So while other
people may view them as being cut from a different cloth, he never fully buys into the
frame of being beneath them or anyone.
Beyond that, he might also have some fairly stable external pillars, such as the many
people who already like him (as opposed to one specific person), the social skills that will
make people like him in the future, and the superficial things like possessions and skills
and appearance that he appreciates while not needing in order to feel good.
Because like a building with several pillars, so long as they are not the key pillars that
stabilize the entire construct, their impermanence can be enjoyed so long as they are not
crucially needed. And with internal pillars in place, a guy can truly appreciate the
external pillars, without the perpetual fear of loss.
At the same time, if a guys sense of reality is determined too internally, then there can
be problems as well. Because while he might always feel secure, he may also feel
unmotivated and uninspired to achieve anything because he feels fine no matter what.
Like the guy who understands that its all a game and never feels beneath anyone, but
who takes it too far. He thinks he has it all figured out, but deep down he feels an
incongruence and bitterness for never having done anything that does himself justice.
There needs to be a balance between the two.
And beyond that, there needs to be a belief in the inherent value of actual results as being
beyond the acknowledgement of others or as they say, Doing it for your self.
Most people have pillars of reality that are both internally and externally founded. And
likewise, most people have times when they are more internal and times when they are
more external. The question is whether or not the person has found the right balance.
Both aspects of our psychology exist for good reason, and the strongest structure is
founded upon moderation not excess. Of course, few people can ever be perfect with
this. But truly, perfection is not an ideal that is ever attained, but an ideal that is striven
for by continually improving and doing as best is as possible at the time.

BOOK X ATTRIBUTION AND STATE

-focus and conditioning
-randy, geoff, woody description
-importance of positivity
-more on the THEME of ATTRIBUTION, as throughout the entire chapter
To lead a woman, you must first be able to lead yourself.
We are all responsible for our own states of mind.
A guy who is internally strong attributes himself as being responsible for his state of
mind.
A guy who is internally weak attributes the world as being responsible for making him
feel all sorts of different things.
The way that we feel internally will project outwards and have an affect on the people
around us.
Moods are infectious, and if you want people to be in a good mood around you then the
way to do that is to be in a good mood yourself.
If being centered comes from having a balanced sense of reality, then being positive
comes from conditioning yourself to feel that way in your every day life. So lets look at
how we condition ourselves.
As adaptive beings, we condition ourselves to our circumstances by learning to access
our most important states of mind. The more often that we access a particular state, the
more track is laid down to strengthen our mental pathways to it, and the more easily we
can access the state again.
Over time, the states of mind that we access the most often will become habituated. They
may or may not feel good, but they feel familiar. So we become accustomed, and to
some extent addicted, to our most familiar states of mind.
Our minds are wired so that many of our thought patterns loop.
So if were upset, our thoughts might loop on the stream of, I feel really bad. Why?
Because of events x,y,z. And because of those, probably even more things will happen to
make me feel even worse. Wow, that sucks. I feel really bad. Why? Because of
x,y,z
People will road rage for example, might be accustomed to being angry and manifest it
by putting themselves into situations where they can get mad. Logically, they know that
they that they can't control everyone elses driving. But emotionally they are familiar

with the state of anger, so they will tail people and yell at them to get out of the way,
knowing full well that when they pull up to tail the next car that it will be exactly the
same.
Workaholics can be the same. Theyre always in a rush, and somehow always have a
never ending workload on their plate that must be attended to now! Likewise, couples in
rocky drama filled relationships. They always seem to be able to find something to
bicker about. And when finally their relationship starts to go smoothly for a while, they
wind up breaking up because they don't get their fix of drama from it anymore.
Negative people will always have something to complain about to backwards rationalize
how they feel. Over and over, their conversations will come back to topics that reflect
their inner state. They will tend to talk about their problems and the problems that they
see in others, and continually gossip about all the people that they think are bothering
them.
What they misunderstand is the causality or sequence of the events. First, they have a
tendency to fall back into a familiar state, and when they do they will seek out ways to
rationalize how they feel. And second, because memory is state access dependent, they
will be more likely to access the old memories that they felt when they were in that same
state.
They believe that there was something external that made them feel that way, when in
fact they were using the thing that frustrated them in the past in order to keep themselves
feeling that way.
One of the most common states that people become addicted to is depression. They get
caught in the loop of feeling depressed by their situation, which leads to apathy and
inaction, which gives them a justification to feel even worse.
Some people will become depressed as a way of numbing themselves from feeling
helpless or abused. Depression, particularly, can work as a thought looping pattern that
drives emotions in a downward spiral to a point where they are numb and thus restabilized.
Dwelling on problems can be a way of disavowing responsibility for them. Cases of
clinical mental illness aside, depression can be used as an excuse to disavow
accountability. Life can feel much easier when something is not your fault.
A person with a little kid mentality will dwell on why it isnt fair that they didnt get
the outcome that they feel that they deserved. In doing so, theyll put themselves through
an array of emotions in order to avoid dealing with the emotions that come with
accountability.
Our upbringing can nurture our confidence as well as indoctrinate us with beliefs that
hold us back. Many of us were raised to believe that if we did our best that things would
always work out. And in an unfair world it can be difficult to reconcile the beliefs of our
upbringing to the reality that we are thrown into. It can be tempting to emotionally resist

a situation and to get caught up in dwelling on whats fair, instead of working to take
progressive action within the parameters of the given circumstance.
But to be caught up in whats fair is a little kid mentality. To let that part of yourself
go means to accept that not everything can be controlled, and yet at the same time, to
accept responsibility for your outcomes. You cannot control the situation or attributes
that you were born into. But no matter who you are, there is someone out there who
started in a worse situation than you thats out-gaming you.
When a person requires permanence and certainty to feel comfortable, they are setting
themselves up for failure and bitterness. They might feel that it is unfair that they cant
meet a permanent girlfriend right now. They complain about not being able to find
quality women, and that they cant trust girls not to cheat or break up with them. But
the man who looks for the qualities in a woman that he can fall in love with is different
from the man who looks for the qualities in a woman that he can control.
This is a default pattern of weakness of men who dont want to admit to themselves that
their girlfriends have more options than they do if the relationship fails. And what they
dont admit to themselves is that if they had those options themselves, then those things
would be the last on their minds. And their only reason for seeking permanence so
desperately was because they dont feel secure to find another girl if their relationships
were to fail.
It is easy to blame this on women. And for a born loser, there is always something that
they can blame. But in the end, our emotional states are our own responsibility. Our
capacity to be internally adaptive allows us the ability to transcend external circumstance.
A guy who believes himself to be at the cause of his life will look at the choices that lead
him to where he is in the present and look at how he can improve it in the future. He
believes that the world responds to him, so if he doesnt like it, then he can do something
to change it. The guy who believes himself to be at the effect doesnt do anything about
it, and instead looks to attribute the problem to something outside of him self so that he
doesnt have to feel any bad emotions.
The proactive guy believes that he is responsible and in control of his own state of mind.
The reactive guy blames external circumstances.
There is an entirely different thought process for people who do what they want, as
opposed to people who hesitate. People who do well will see a situation and
automatically focus on how to handle it. Or they may not focus at all, and just do it.
People who hesitate see a situation, and allow their focus to be exhausted by thinking
about everything that could go wrong and how bad that might feel.
While the guy who worries about how people will think of him just sits there, there is
another guy who couldnt care less because hes more in touch with his instincts and is
just having fun. He sees what he wants and immediately just goes in and takes it. Hes
being playful and isnt weird about it like the other creepy guys who make the girl feel
like its a big deal if she doesnt react the right way. He is congruent to it, and whether or

not the girl is receptive to it, she can tell that thats just the way that he is. So she giggles,
and even if she rejects him, on some level she finds those qualities attractive.
The guy who hesitates cant do that. Hes thinking of it as a situation, instead of just
socializing with women as a part of who he is. Hes thinking about how he could
possibly avoid the situation, or how he could handle the situation if he could just work up
the nerve. Half of his mental energy is focused on the downside, and so half of his
cognitive capacity is diminished.
At some point in his life, the reactive guy made a decision that he was not in control of
his circumstances, and that he would do whatever was necessary to avoid bad emotions.
He does not know that he made this choice. But he did.
So he does not socialize well with women. He knows that he will base how he feels
about himself by how they react to him, and he will only approach if he is assured that it
will feel good.

BOOK X STRONG BEHAVIOUR PATTERNS

Preface with beliefs, and change weak behaviours to be prefaced with beliefs, then
include mini prefaces with dashed-lists of the exact behaviours.
BOOK X WEAK BEHAVIOUR PATTERNS
Thought patterns and behaviour patterns have a relationship that is symbiotic.
Your thought patterns are always sub-communicated by your behaviours, even in the
most subtle ways. Whether you feel weak or strong, your behaviours will flow naturally
from that state. Women are sensitive to this sub-communication, and will gauge your
value based on your behaviours as well as how other people respond to you, or how she
feels that they would respond to you.
You can consciously take control of your behaviours in order to convey value. In doing
so, social feedback towards you will improve. And with improved social feedback, the
strong thought patterns that you endeavour to internalize will come to match your
experience and become your reality over time.
In social dynamics, not doing the wrong things is just as important as doing the right
ones. Among the worst social errors that a person can make to lower their value is to
qualify them selves. When you qualify yourself, you are trying to logically convince
other people to see your value, but instead create the opposite effect by inadvertently
polluting the vibe of the interaction with your insecurities.
There are identifiable patterns of behaviour that are commonly indicative of people
qualifying themselves. Looking at these behaviours is a thought exercise that helps us to
examine our own behaviours. But to get caught up in them, can lead to an over-analysis
that will do more harm than good. Because when you feel natural, natural behaviour will
be automatic. And when you feel analytical, natural behaviour will come awkwardly.

A caveat emptor is that behaviour is not a digital science, and if someone is congruent,
they could have many weak behaviour patterns and have no problems at all. The general
rule of thumb is that whatever is done from a position of emotional neediness will appear
uncool. And likewise, a behaviour that is typically needy can be cool, as long as it is
done from a position of power. The sub-communication behind behaviours has more to
do with the emotions that are behind them than the behaviour itself.
Look at other people in social situations to understand these things. Observe these
distinctions for yourself. A person who tries to just copy the mannerisms from the book
without understanding them risks looking robotic. As a rule, if you feel reactive when
you exhibit a typically weak behaviour pattern, you probably are being reactive. And in
general, if you feel fine, then you can often break the rules. It is a matter of common
sense.
There are four principle ways that guys will convey lower value. They are conveying
nervousness, conveying neediness, trying too hard to gain approval, and trying too hard
to convey value.
CONVEYING NERVOUSNESS
If you feel too much nervous energy, you might feel your heart pounding, your palms
sweating, and your mouth drying up. You will tend to discharge nervous energy through
a variety of weak behaviour patterns.
-Talking too fast. This can make you appear as though you believe that if you just says
one more thing, that you will gain acceptance.
-Moving your hands around in a weird and over-animated way. This can make you
appear as though you desperately need attention. Being animated isnt bad. Being
animated from a place of discomfort is. If you find yourself flailing your arms to
discharge nervous energy you would be better off just keeping them at you sides.
-Pacing back and forth.
-Fidgeting.
-Rabbiting around in conversation. Jumping from topic to topic, frantically trying to
keep the conversation going.
-Confined, closed umbrella body language.
-Standing with your legs sewn together. This can make you appear as though you fear
that you arent entitled to comfortably take up space.
-Not sitting in a way that is comfortable
-Holding your shoulders with tension.
-Using a cracking, feeble voice.
-Mumbling.

-Freezing up, holding posture statically, or even not blinking.

CONVEYING NEEDINESS
If you feel needy, you will tend to be unnaturally eager to have rapport with others. You
might believe that you are being friendly, when in fact, you are being overly friendly. It
can be seen in the way that you hold yourself, the way that you respond when people talk
to you, and in the way that girls walk away from you.
-Leaning in, or hen pecking. Appearing as though you are too eager in conversation.
If you find yourself too eager, you would be better to just lay back, and allow people to
lean into you. Almost all guys will tend to lean in unnaturally. You will be fine if you
lean in normally, but not unnaturally. Even if youre tall, or in a venue with loud music.
-Snapping to attention when someone speaks. Snapping your head or body around
whenever someone speaks or comes up along side you can appear too eager and reactive.
Its fine if you turn your head normally, but if you are unnaturally eager it will appear
submissive. Slow down and take your time. Feel comfortable finishing your own
sentences before jumping onto someone elses thread, and pause to allow people to wait
for your answers if you feel inclined.
-Eagerly nodding your head or constantly raising your eyebrows to acknowledge every
single thing that the other person is saying. Being friendly is not the same as being a
yes-man. If you feel more like the latter, then instead of always saying Yeah, yeah,
yeah, awesome! try pausing and saying Cool, or Sounds good, or Makes sense.
-Going too far out of your way to hear what the other person is saying. If you cant hear
the other person (in venues with loud music, for example), and you keep saying What?
over and over, you can convey too much need to have rapport. Rather than asking over
and over, you could just jump to another conversational topic and use the opportunity to
appear less needy rather than more. Or, you could reframe it authoritatively as if the
other person is entertaining you, by saying with a strong tonality, Please repeat that. I
want to hear what youre saying.
-Being too willing to reply to everything with well thought out answers, even to
nonsense. So if someone were to ask you to qualify yourself to them with something like
Why are you asking me this? its not always necessary to give a well thought out
answer. You could just say ...I'm talking, as if the other person isnt making sense, and
then keep going as if you didn't give it much thought. Even more powerful can be to just
ignore conversational threads that you arent inclined to respond to.
-Remembering too many details from past conversations. If you remember too much, it
can sub-communicate to the other person that you viewed them as having a higher value
than you. If the conversation came to a point where the person had done something that
impressed you, then that is fine. But if it was just another encounter, and the only reason
that you remembered it was because the person was particularly attractive, then you can
wind up sub-communicating that it meant more to you than it did to them.

-Getting sucked into traps of rapport seeking. Sometimes, youll find yourself talking
to someone, hoping that theyll be impressed. And if things dont go well, you may be
instinctively inclined to keep talking and talking until you feel like theyre impressed.
But the more you talk, the less theyll be impressed. If you find yourself doing that, just
stop.
-Waiting for people who arent coming back. If a girl in a club says, I have to go to the
bathroom, it often means that she isnt coming back. Even if she does, and youre
waiting like a puppy dog, your value will be lowered. It is better is to be chatting with
someone else, and have her come back and find you having fun. There is no reason that
you can't always re-initiate the conversation later. Only if you have reason to believe that
she is serious, or if she leaves you with one of her belongings, should you consider
waiting.
-Always trailing instead of leading. If you always follow somebody, then you can create
a dynamic where they expect that you will always follow, and they will take you for
granted. If you are walking somewhere with a girl, and she wanders away from your
side, don't chase her unless you believe that she won't come back. If you dont believe
that she will come back, you can go and get her because you have nothing to lose. But if
she'll probably follow, then just do your own thing and be secure that she'll come back.
However, if a girl is obviously in your frame and wants to introduce you to her friends or
drag you somewhere private, that is not a problem at all.
-Being unaware of needy body language. If a persons body language hasnt yet
conveyed an interest in having rapport with you, and your body language is more
interested than theirs, then you have created a value disparity in their favour. The
direction that you point your feet is an indicator of where you are most focused. If a
person has not shown interest in gaining rapport with you, you can turn away or even
withdraw. As you continue talking, you can say something that conveys value and hooks
their interest. Then they will re-adjust their body in order to accommodate yours.
-Chasing when people withdraw. If a person walks away from you, and you are lured to
chase them, you will drive them to pull away even further. If you say Where are you
going? or Come back! they will be even more likely to continue walking off, because
you will have slotted yourself with all the uninteresting guys have done the same thing.
Instead of chasing, you can project your voice with more volume, and continue talking as
they walk away until something hooks their attention (usually humour). As you yell, you
will see the girl scanning you to see if youll chase. If she senses that you wont, she will
turn around and walk right back. If you make it seem as though you aren't even aware
that they're walking away, it will appear as though you are not the kind of person who
people walk away from and you will have re-adjusted the value disparity. If you do
decide to chase, you must get her laughing or hook her attention quickly to recover the
value disparity.
-Giving more attention to someone you dont know than to your friends. If you are
talking to someone and your friend arrives, most guys will just frantically nod at their
friend and keep trying to talk to the other person. If you dont give your friend attention
by turning in their direction, then you will appear unnaturally desperate to gain rapport

with the person youre talking to. Instead, greet and possibly introduce your friend into
the conversation. The same goes for frantically turning off your cell phone if it rings.
However you choose to handle distractions is fine, but when you do it in a way where it
is obvious that you are scared of losing the conversation, you convey neediness. Use
distractions as an opportunity to show that you are comfortable with yourself, and the
conversation.
-Reconfirming plans over and over. If you make plans and repeatedly reconfirm by
saying, So yeah, were definitely on for Thursday, right? then you can subcommunicate that people have broken plans with you in the past. Instead, be a guy who
makes plans all the time and who wouldnt have to reconfirm.

TRYING TOO HARD TO GAIN ACCEPTANCE

Conversations have natural rhythms of give and takea relation between how much
effort each party is putting into continuing the interaction. Many of the mannerisms that
we take for granted are actually a part of that give and take. Laughter, for example, is not
only a stress relief mechanism, but also a social mechanism that indicates that a group is
vibing well. When one person is putting forward more effort than the other to maintain
the interaction two things begin to happen simultaneouslytheir feeling of acceptance
drops and their desperation to restore the vibe and regain their acceptance rises. So to try
to regain acceptance, they will try to force the give and take in a way that is unnatural and
trying too hard.
-Laughing at your own jokes. If you laugh at your own jokes, you are subcommunicating that you arent confident that other people will fulfill their end of the
conversational give and take. It is the same when someone says something that is funny,
but the vibe just isn't there-- you may find yourself saying "That was funny," even though
you didn't laugh. In that case, you were verbalizing the social give and take. And
likewise, sometimes a person starts telling a story or a joke, and the group starts laughing
before the delivery of the punch line. The person delivering the joke says, Why are you
laughing? I haven't even finished the joke yet?! and unexplainably they laugh even
more at that. When the office boss tells a joke, everyone laughs. But when someone
lower on the chain tells it, nobody laughs unless the humour is air-tight. So to fill in the
perceived gap of social give and take, they find themselves laughing at their own joke. If
you find yourself doing that, just stop. Allow a comedic moment for others to laugh so
you can laugh with them. By laughing too soon, you allow for a relief of the tension in
the vibe, and nobody winds up laughing. If you wait even 10 or 15 seconds, you will
usually get a reaction. If nobody laughs, and you dont acknowledge it, then usually
nobody will notice that you were trying to make them laugh in the first place.
-Saying "right" or "you know" after everything that you say. Doing so can convey need
for approval. You are not allowing for the other person to acknowledge what you're
saying on their own.

-Using space fillers like ummm, like, sooo, yeeeah. Doing so can convey too
much eagerness to hold attention.
-Trying too hard for verbal acknowledgement. If a person is not initially responsive,
people may try to force verbal acknowledgement to make them comfortable. They might
say, So yeah, that was funny, huh?, or, Pretty interesting, huh? instead of just
allowing the other person to say it themselves. A guy trying to talk to a girl might lose
value by engaging with something good like, I need a female opinion but when hes
not acknowledged following up with, Andummm you guys are females so I
thought that you guys would be good people to ask. Since he isnt getting nods at I
need a female opinion, he is trying to get nods at the fact that they are females. Instead,
just barrel through as if you were acknowledged, and keep the conversational content
tight until something hooks. Dont repeat or try to reframe until it hooks. Just keep
moving forward until something does. If you want a reaction, you could tell her
authoritatively what you are specifically looking for, by saying, What is your
perspective on that?
-Repetitively using the same type of humour after it stops working. A guy might try to
tease a girl or tell stories or playfully tickle her. But as soon as the girl realizes that its
not spontaneous, and that hes trying to get a reaction, it appears as though hes hitting a
one-note piano. And as soon as the girl senses that you are trying to get her reaction, the
humour stops working. Instead, switch up the type of humour. Make it unpredictable,
and dont be predictably unpredictable.

TRYING TOO HARD TO CONVEY VALUE

The act of trying to logically convince someone to like you will decrease their
emotional response to you. Socially, it is amongst the worst things that you can do. The
rule of thumb is that if you can interest someone by using powerful social skills to create
a great vibe, then the other person will start asking questions to try to gain rapport with
you. The process will create a role reversal where they want to know more. But if you
always try to impress someone by offering it eagerly, then people will be repelled.
-Name dropping, status dropping, and being too eager to offer up your verbal resume.
-Taking too many sentences to state an idea that could have been stated in less. If you
talk too much, it can convey a scattered mind. Oftentimes, if you allow a person to think
in order to process what was said, the idea will seem more profound because the
articulation was clever and poetic and allowed the realization to come from within.
-Trying too hard to reinitiate conversational threads that were cut off. This is very typical
behaviour when someone was hoping that their thread would impress the other person,
and became frustrated that it was cut off. If the thread was interesting, the other person
usually would have reinitiated it by saying, What was that you were saying before? If
a thread is cut off, try either waiting for the other person to reinitiate it, or jumping to
another topic and deciding whether or not you want to return to the original thread at a
later point. Or, reinitiate the thread with a different beginning to the sentence, and they

will never notice. But generally, it is better to be less anxious and to just let go of the
idea. Consider that if the thread was not reinitiated by the other person, it is possible that
it may not have been that interesting anyway.
-Overcompensating for insecurities. Under social pressure, people will often
immediately think about their insecurities. The social pressure will tend to push their
insecurities to the surface. It is like a tall girl, who meets a shorter guy and immediately
says that her shoes are making her taller tonight. And in the same way, if you have a low
status job, you might say something like People are so commercialistic. They're
obsessed with money. What's important is being happy with your life. Meanwhile, the
other person wasnt asking for your philosophy on lifethey were just curious about
your occupation. Other people are probably comfortable with your job. Are you? It is
like how a bald guy will make jokes about how Bald men are sexy. Theyre trying to
make light of it to cover their insecurities. In fact, they had no need to bring it up at all.
By holding the stronger frame, they could have ignored it and made it as if it didn't
exista non factor. If the issue doesn't exist to you, it won't to other people.
-Overcompensating for failures. When a person falls short of how they want another
person to perceive them, they will often try to compensate with a verbal cue to fill in the
gap. Theyll say things like, I'm tired, or I wasnt that into it. If I wanted to I could
have. Doing so only communicates that you are dwelling on what the other person
thinks about you. If you say I have better clothes at home, or I haven't had a chance to
clean myself up yet, the other person won't think Wow. I bet if he'd had those clothes
he was just talking about, he'd be pretty money!" They will only perceive that you are
insecure.
-Trying too hard to be unimpressed. When a guy feels insecure because someone is
making him feel outmatched, he will often overcompensate by making a big deal of how
unimpressed he is. He might say how easily he could do what the other person does, how
unattractive they are, or how hes done better than they have. But coincidentally, his
choice to bring it up in conversation just happens to be exactly when he feels insecure.
He anticipates that the other person probably wouldnt like him, so in his own mind he
pre-emptively downplays the other person to make himself feel better and maintain his
feeling of control.
-Responding to criticism with lengthy excuses. Some guys will take criticism poorly,
and will make themselves look insecure by trying too hard to explain themselves. If
someone criticizes you, an easy option is to pause and nod and say Cool, or Makes
sense. To control the frame further, you could tease them on what they said in a
playfully misinterpreted way, and then repeat No, really, that does make sense though.
Thanks. That way, the person will feel like you listened to them, and that you were not
putting up walls of arrogance. But, you will have still owned the frame and gotten a
laugh out of it.
-Trying too hard to demonstrate detective skills. When a person is negative and guarded,
they might feel paranoid that other people are trying to manipulate them and lower their
value. They feel a need to verbalize their suspicions because if their perceived fears were
realized, it would lower their value. So to qualify themselves, they state their fear to

prove that at least they are clever. A guy might say, I know that you wont show up for
our date! Or, an insecure girl might say, I know that was a pickup line. Dont you
have a better one? A guy who normally doesnt get stood up wouldnt feel the need to
prove how clever he is. Nor would a confident girl anticipate that a guy was trying to
manipulate her just because he came over to chatrather she might believe that he likes
her and is curious to see where it might lead.

BOOK XI SOCIAL VIBING AND CALIBRATION

Instead of qualifying yourself, a more proactive way of meeting people is to create a good
vibe around yourself, so that they will want to get to know you.
Your vibe is the emotional impact that you have on the people around you. People,
and particularly women, are attracted to people who put out a positive vibe.
The vibe that you project will tend to be a result of the way that your mind is wired.
Your thoughts are processed through emotional filters, and the behaviours that you
manifest will infect the social atmosphere with a positive, cool, confident, fun, negative,
or even creepy vibe. As a result, the vibe of an interaction will be saturated with a
particular emotion, and that will tend to determine whether or not people want to be
there.
Social vibing is when we interact with each other, not just for functional reasons, but to
enjoy each others company and mutual acceptance. We do it as a low-key way of
recharging our batteries. Vibing can include anything from joking around, to telling
stories, to discussing interesting topics, to rough and tumbling around, to breaking
rapport with each other in a playful way that demonstrates personality and reinforces the
bond.
When friends say Lets go out for a drink, they arent convening to discuss and resolve
a particular issue. That would be closer to the structured office meeting that they had to
endure earlier in the day. Rather, they hang out for the enjoyment of it, both from the
validation they get from being around people who are worth their time, and from the
positive emotions that they get from the interaction itself.
Lets think about the essence of being a nerd. What activities do we think of when we
think of nerds? Video games, fantasy role playing games, internet chat rooms, and
science projects. Why is it that these activities are stereotyped as being nerdy?
People who lack social confidence will oftentimes try to formalize their interactions in
some way or other. What nerd-activities have in common is that they can act as social
crutches that allow vibing to occur in a structured way, because the activity is doing the
work for them.
Its like the classic ninth grade study date, where the awkward young couple buries their
noses in their books, emerging only when one or the other can think of something to say.

And when the conversation depletes, they go back to their books to keep a level of
comfort until they can think of what to say next.
Why does vibing sub-communicate a high social value?
When a guy is stuck in the back of his mind, hes too focused on micromanaging to take
notice of the vibe and play with it. But when a guy is confident and focused outside of
his head, hell tend to be aware of the vibe and be an organic part of it.
Many guys would have a hard time getting their new boss to laugh at an important
interview. And most guys would find it impossible to get an officer laughing if they were
under arrest. When a guy can vibe with people in spite of social pressure, it subcommunicates a high value because it implies that he is completely comfortable with the
situation and his social value in relation to the group.
Since most people are drawn towards good emotions, a guy who vibes well will have
value in almost any situation. And with people laughing and showing interest, they
visibly offer their encouragement, acceptance, and social proof.
For that reason social skills are fascinating, in that they can give a person external value,
while being completely attributable to their internal identity unlike the superficial
things like wealth or looks or other skills which a guy may not attribute as being a part of
who he is.
So why do so many guys have trouble vibing?
The reason isnt that they have nothing to talk about their wealth of life experience is an
infinite conversational resource. Rather, its because they have a filter of insecurity that
makes them feel like what they have to say wont add to the vibe.
If a guy perceives that he has a higher value than the people around him, then hell
naturally say whatever comes into his mind. But if he perceives that the people around
him have a higher value than he does, then he may feel like nothing he says is cool
enough to warrant their attention.
Social pressure tends to bring peoples insecurities to the surface. And without enough
confidence, social pressure will paralyze peoples social intelligence and push their focus
back into their heads.
Some people will react to their insecurities by forcing unsolicited advice down the throats
of everyone around them, based on whatever topics are brought up in conversation. And
other people will jump on every opportunity to show how whatever comes up in
conversation has a correlation to their own life, and then use that as a window to qualify
themselves. And others still will interpret conversational threads as tests of their
intelligence, and respond in ways that qualify their intelligence to the people around
them.

So for example, a guys friend might say, I just bought this jacket. Pretty cool, huh?
If the guy is secure with him self then he might respond with, Yeah, nice jacket. It looks
good on you.
And really, theres nothing particularly great about his answer. But theres nothing
insecure about it either. So its a good answer. What many guys trying to learn about
social dynamics dont realize is that cool is a subtle thing, and they dont always need to
be controlling the frame to be cool.
So on the other hand, if a guy is insecure, then he might want to impose himself into the
situation by saying, How much did you pay for it? I could find you the same jacket for
much cheaper I bet. You know how to wash that thing right? Here, let me show you.
Or he might be too eager to prove himself and say something like, I saw a jacket like
that in Italy. You know, I was there last winter, and I made so much money. I was the
man over there. I was living the high life.
And going further, what if the guys friend were to say Guess what I paid for this
jacket?
The secure guy might just say, Its pretty nice man. I dont know, but it looks
expensive. Or he might just guess something high to indulge the guy, because he
understands that the conversation is rhetorical and that they were just creating a vibe. He
understands that the social interaction is not always a means to an end, but rather is an
end in itself.
The insecure guy, on the other hand, might instead interpret the conversation as a test of
his intelligence. He might think to himself, Well, if he got a great deal then it must be
cheap. Ill guess something low, so he can see that Im perceptive. So he replies with,
Id say about fourty bucks. And when his friend tells him that it was sixty dollars, he
says, Oh yeah, umm sixty. Still pretty good. So the excitement falls flat, the vibe
drops, and the conversation stalls out.
Social calibration is awareness of the social energy that is going on around you,
understanding how what youre doing affects that social energy, and ability to shift and
synchronize your behaviours to achieve your desired social outcome.
A guy with strong calibration understands that what they do and say represents them.
They understand how to convey ideas and have them effectively register with other
people. And internally, they have a sense for where they stand in relation to:
-The value that they have already established within the group.
-The things that the group already knows and presupposes about them.
-The other peoples model of the world and their social environment.

-The current emotional state and thought loops of the other people.
-The emotional effect that they are creating in real time.
-ADD: RECOGNITION OF AUTOPILOT RESPONSES
Guys who are uncalibrated will tend to make social errors stemming from their
misunderstanding of the above.
So for example, a guy might think that when he first meets someone that if he talks about
negative topics or his insecurities that hes demonstrating confidence by just being
himself. He might even be imitating other confident guys that he thinks he saw doing the
same thing. But what he doesnt want to understand is that the other guys had probably
already conveyed other parts of their personality before they acted like that.
And the same problem can happen when hes trying to flirt. He might know that teasing
and touch can be flirtatious and amplify a lesser initial attraction thats already there. But
if his value isnt already established in the girls eyes, then she finds herself in a situation
where this uncool guy is teasing her and touching her. So instead of it being something
that amplifies her attraction, it becomes something that amplifies her discomfort and
closes her off.
Are you aware of the energy of a room? Can you sense the difference between needy and
comfortable energy? Can you feel the difference in male or female energy? Can you
recognize the shift in energy as a girl comes into a room thats full of guys, or vice versa?
Can you tell who is controlling the energy? Can you see how people react differently
around different energy? Can you feel how something adds to the energy or takes away
from it? Can you look at a group and tell whether or not the energy is cool or uncool?
Can you feel what is cool and uncool, in general? Can you feel when the vibe has been
there long enough and its ready to change?
Calibration includes all of these things, and calibration includes when to chill out and
stop calibrating, which is most of the time.
Autopilot responses recognizing peoples autopilots.. not saying things that trigger
bad autopilots.. when you talk to enough people, you begin to see the patterns.. most
people say the same things all the time.. once youve heard it all, you know almost
always know what everyone is thinking.

BOOK XII ANALYTICAL AND EMOTIONAL STATES OF MIND

There is a polarity between the logical and emotional sides our minds.
Analytical/logical states of mind actually suppress emotions. And emotions, likewise,
suppress logical thought. When we get more emotional, we become less logical. And
when we are logical, we become less emotional. Emotion clouds judgement, and
judgement clouds fun.

When a guy works at an analytical job all day, it is common that he will condition
himself to thrive in an analytical state of mind for hours on end. In the process, he
becomes accustomed to focusing inside of his own head, and less accustomed to high
levels of external stimulation.
Some guys will respond by learning to work hard and play hard. But many others will
respond by developing personalities that are dry and uptight.
In a social setting, theyll feel stuck in the back of their minds and separated from whats
going on outside of them selves. Theyll feel a bit weird amidst the stimulation of the
social energy the chatter and the yelling and the music thats going on around them.
So theyll be out of synch with the energy levels of the other people, and their interaction
will be a little off because theyre filtering it through analyses. Theyll feel
uncomfortable having attention drawn towards them, and theyll feel awkward trying to
joke around or think of things to say because they arent accustomed to being in a social
state.
All of this will convey undesirable qualities about them. Analytical states of mind tend to
suppress sexuality, and for that reason, people who are too analytical in a social setting
can be perceived as non-sexual beings.
Thought of analytically, sex could be viewed as absurd and unappealing and possibly
risky behaviour. But emotionally, sex is thought of as natural and erotic and extremely
desirable. Our sexuality is based around our emotional core.
People who are more in touch with their emotional side may not possess any more
authentic sexual currency or be more worthy of reproduction than their analytical
counterparts. But their lack of self awareness gives them a stronger connection to their
sexuality, and that sexual aura makes them much more appealing.
To the many successful guys who take an analytical approach to life, this can feel very
castrating.
Their cooler friends might tell them, Man, just be cool. Chill out. Just be yourself and
have fun. But they cant wrap their heads around the meaning of it, because theyre
already being themselves (a certain part, at least), and theyre already confident in the
other aspects of their lives. They might try to relax and tell themselves to feel more
confident as their friends suggest, but it doesnt change a thing.
When their friends are telling them to just be cool and that things will come naturally,
what theyre trying to tell them is to stop analyzing everything and micromanaging how
other people perceive them. Theyre telling them to become a part of the interaction and
to enjoy it for what it is.

Often, the guys who are too analytical have addicted themselves to logical states as a way
of suppressing their unstable emotions. Their thought patterns are troubled by filters of
insecurity, and if they slow down or feel their emotions then thought loops that stress
them out will start to run amuck inside their minds.
Theyve become accustomed to being in that state, and they need the structure that it
provides to stay in their comfort zone. Similar to the negative guy who always brings his
conversations back to issues or people he thinks are bothering him, the analytical guy will
continually turn his conversations to logical topics so that he can feel comfortable. It is a
reflection of his internal state.
There is a time and a place for everything. When you first meet someone, you are both
screening, whether you realize it or not. You dont know whether you want to talk to
each other briefly or to hang out for a while longer.
The casual banter at the beginning of an interaction is what demonstrates to people that
you are really in the conversation and not using them to pull yourself up. It shows them
that you can socialize properly, that you are probably a link to other interesting people,
and that youre someone that theyd want to get to know more.
In a social setting, the people are there to have a good time. The value in the situation is
having fun and meeting cool people, and the women are screening the men to see what
emotions they can get by being around them.
The way that you first interact with a girl her is preview of how shell feel being around
you over a longer period of time whether for that night or for her whole life. If you
cant vibe with her, then shell usually screen you out. So its not the time to be too
analytical or to try to impress anyone. If you can vibe well, then people will assume that
you have other things going for you, and the girls will naturally respond.
Most guys will try to engage women with boring, interview-like topics that wont hook
their attention. Theyll do what the other guys do pressure the girl when the vibe isnt
there, show too much interest despite not knowing anything about her, try too hard to get
to know her as an excuse for why theyre interested, and come from a place of lower
value where sex would mean more to them than it would to her.
A guy who does better will tend to be more confident, outgoing, and good at creating
vibes. People will be responsive to him, which will give him status and social proof.
And when he speaks to a woman, hell know how to engage the emotional side of her
mind, show interest from a place of higher value, and sometimes even flirt by playfully
screening her as she tries to get to know him.
All of this comes naturally, and he knows what to say not because he always has the
perfect thing prepared, but because hes having fun and acting without outcome and that
makes the girl more receptive to whatever he brings up. Being outside of his head and in

the moment is what allows him to access the emotional side of his own mind, and thats
what gets him the emotional response from the girl.
To be playful is not analytical it comes from and is responded to on an emotional level.
To be playful and spontaneous you have to just let your mind vibe. You have to be
comfortable in the situation so that you feel a kind of relaxed excitement where you can
just run through all sorts of combinations and images in your mind, feel them, and
convey them. Like leading a persons mind along a certain path, and then diverting it
when they dont expect it. And when you divert it, it is your way of creating a vibe with
them. So they laugh and show their acceptance, and it is rhythmic.
Playfulness is a synergy of many emotions, connections, recognitions, and rapport. The
way you use humour is more important than your content though good content certainly
never hurts. One guy can say the same thing as another, and get a totally different
response. Your humour comes from your confidence, your conveyance of your internal
state, and the imagery that you use to play with people and connect with them.
To be playful you must believe in what youre doing. You must feel the same energy
spike that you want the others to feel. If youre giving the key piece, and for even one
second you fall back into your head and doubt that it will hit, then you will trail off and it
wont work. But if you believe in it, and you feel it the whole way through, then it will
always hit.
What does it mean to be playful? The range is pretty wide. It could include anything
that plays with the imagination, the emotions, or the social dynamics of a situation.
To joke around about imaginary situations, going back and forth and adding spins and
expansions and consequences to it that is playful.
To misinterpret in a way that spikes emotions, like making silly comparisons or
accusations or making funny impressions that is playful.
To send mix messages, cross hot and cold signals, both verbal and non-verbal that is
playful.
Like saying I hate you while smiling at the girl and touching her shoulder. Or like
saying, Youre very energetic. You could be my bodyguard. We could work something
out. Or going back and forth with teasing, letting her win and pouting so she feels bad,
and then surprising her by turning it back around when she doesnt expect it. Like a little
kid, you can just play. You can pick her up and spin her around and put her down behind
you and talk to her friends. And when she jumps back out in front of you, you smile and
say, Where did you go?
Its like when you say, Youre amazing. I cant talk to you anymore, and you turn
away so that she has to pull you back and find out why. Or when you refuse to answer
her questions, and give silly answers that make her even more curious. Perhaps you even
stay totally serious, and you wait for her to laugh first before you laugh along with her.
Or perhaps you dont answer at all but just tickle and poke her and smile.

Anything involving innuendo can be playful if its done right. Like if its done classy
and its vague and clever and imaginative and if shes not sure if youre serious. Or
even if you are, its fun and cool and you visibly wont mind whether she responds to you
or not.
Its like saying, Im so bad for you, and then describing the exciting things that youd
make her feel and how its wrong and not allowed. Or misinterpreting a question as a
proposition and rejecting it, like if she innocently asked you where you live and you
answered with, Youre really cool, but we cant do that yet. Or saying I had to come
and meet you. Theres something I just dont understand.
And of course, this all requires calibration. Because there is a time and a place for
everything and it is the emotions that you feel within yourself that are your best guide to
whether or not something will add to an interaction or mess it up.
Many guys will use being playful as a substitute to compensate for not being able to lead
a conversation or put their real personality on the line. And many guys will also try to be
playful for too long and over-talk themselves out of a good situation.
Like if the girl is bored or annoyed with the same humour or trying to figure the guy out.
Or if the guy has spent a few hours with her, and she wants to know where he lives and
he says, Sorry. We cant do that yet, and it just makes him look like he cant handle
the situation and act normal and be himself.
Like foreplay before sex, there is a time to lay-off of one thing and escalate to the next.
Because when a guy is clueless and the girl waits too long for him to escalate, it can be a
turnoff.
To be playful is childlike, because it comes from a place where there are no concerns or
insecurities or outcomes in mind. And yet, to be playful is very adult, because there are
such important things being conveyed.
You are showing each other that you are not needy. That you are clever. That you are
fun. That you have wit. That you are socially aware. That you are centered and not
easily thrown off. That you are a sexual being. That you are someone who people want
to be around. And most importantly, playfulness is a two way screening process through
which the way that you both feel about yourselves is revealed to each other.
So lets imagine two groups of guys going out to meet girls.
The first group of guys are uncomfortable going out, and theyre nervous around girls.
Because theyre nervous, theyre very analytical about it the whole thing, in the hopes of
thinking themselves through the situation.
They get to the venue, and go check the place out first. They get some water first,
and go to the bathroom first, and see if they know anybody there first, and see if
there are any girls there first. They comb the place looking needy and like they dont
belong there, and eventually they take a place along the wall where they sit with their
glasses held up protectively against their chests.

Instead of talking to each other, they gaze around the room looking for value and
stimulation from others, and speak a bit about their ways for picking up girls and the pros
and cons of their past attempts. They push themselves back into their heads, and even
make each other feel more self-conscious by giving each other criticism of how they
could do better than theyre doing.
Eventually they make their approach, but in a state where they want something from the
girls. What they dont realize though, is that if they cant create a good vibe in their own
group, then they probably wont be able to create it in the group of others. So as their
approach comes across contrived and boring. They subtly telegraph that they dont have
their own party, and their approach seems more like a pathetic request to be allowed into
somebody elses.
The second group of guys are comfortable going out and expect to have fun. They go out
to have a good time and meet girls while theyre at it.
They get to the venue, and theyre joking around and they have a playful vibe going on
naturally in their own group. Its obvious to the people around them.
Eventually they go to talk to some girls, and even as they approach the girls turn towards
them and open up because theyve noticed them earlier in the night. Its obvious that
they are the party, and the girls want to be a part of it too.
They flirt and they have their own inside jokes that the girls laugh at even though they
dont totally understand them. And the more that they laugh at their jokes, the more that
they find themselves intrigued with the guys, and the more theyre buying into their
frame.
The girls want to hang onto these guys because they know that theyre fun and that they
could go and talk to other people if they wanted to. The guys dont seem to be chasing a
reaction and everything that theyre doing seem to be cool. So when they suggest a
change of venue, the girls are all for it.
Later that night, as the two dorks sit in their sausage-fest and debrief their night of failed
attempts, the two guys that were having fun continue their night back at their house with
the girls.

BOOK XIII DOMINANCE

FRAME CONTROL:
So when the person of higher value teases the person of lower value, the person of lower
value usually wont be able to come up with as sharp of a comeback. Their subcommunications wont emphasize as much dominance because their mind will be

analyzing whether or not what they say is good enough as well as fighting through the
internal emotional shift. Their voice wont project enough dominance, and their eye
contact and body language will show a very slight visible shift. Theyll come back with
their comeback, and it will look like its trying too hard.
And while they will be doing most of the talking, their sub-communication channels will
still be less dominant than the person who they are qualifying themselves too because
what they are saying will not be adding to the vibe because they are qualifying
themselves and because what they are saying they are saying in a less dominant way.
-hoops, challenges, pressure build up and release

EC, BODYLANGUAGE
On some level the guy must have been aware of the behaviours that dominant people
exhibit, and so he is able to take them on as his sense of acceptance increases and he feels
more validated. His logical mind disengages; his emotions take over. His need to be
micromanaging his social situation fades into the background, because he feels
powerfully secure in the situation. And thus, he becomes dominant.
And because of the natural social hierarchy, people won't question what he is doing.
They will never question it, because if you are telegraphing that you are congruent to
high status through social sub-communications, it is accepted as authentic. If you are
confident with what you are doing, then it must be good. Right? If other people werent
cool with it, then you would be exhibiting at least a little bit of hesitation. Right? But
you dont. So obviously everyone else is cool with it.
When you have this quality, people will be very warm towards you. Theyll gladly step
out of your path, regardless of who was there first. If you want to go and eat, theyll offer
to join you even if they just ate. If you wear something unusual, youll be told how great
it is. When you speak, people will give you their full attention. As you make points,
theyll nod their heads continually in adamant agreement with almost anything you say.
Theyll even laugh at your jokes, regardless of whether or not theyre any good.
You will enter rooms, and the girls will all be looking at you. You will sometimes even
notice girls dropping the hands of their boyfriends as they make eye contact with you.
You can walk up to them and tease them or take up their physical space and theyll let
you. In some instances, you can even pick them up and playfully toss them around or
even make out with them (the guys girlfriend? Readers may be left wondering why
everyone is appreciative of thiswont the boyfriend at least go mental?). And
somehow, everyone will actually be appreciative of it.

A girl will be attracted to guys who project that dominant energy, and she will let him get
away with the many things that she would not allow from other guys. She doesnt
question it because she knows that if she rejects him, he wont be affected by it because
he hasn't invested anything into her reaction. And because he doesn't care, she can just
do what she wants to and doesn't have to pressured by it.
He isnt needy, so her mind doesnt have to be weighed down with all sorts of worry
about how hell interpret her interaction with him. She feels positively infected by his
energy, and can just go along with it without any concern that she needs to respond in a
certain way. She can exist in that moment with him. She can feel at ease. It's not a big
deal. There is no reason not to go along with it.
Not like every other guy that she knows, who micro-analyzes everything that she does
and judges her for it and interprets what it means in context to him. Not like her
boyfriend at home who gets jealous or who makes her listen to his problems and tries to
impose his insecurities on her with boundaries, possessiveness, and arguments. For that
reason, this kind of guy makes most other guys look like chumps. When a girl
encounters this type of guy it allows her to be at ease with her feelings of sexual
attraction.
It is almost as if the two of them look at each other, and sort of roll their eyes at the
silliness of the inhibited headspace that everyone else is in. A sort of subconscious nod
in recognition of each other that they are in the same inner place. They are both naturally
calibrated in that neither is bogged down by internal and social hang-ups. They both get
it. They will naturally vibe.
The girl likes him and will probably go anywhere with him if the opportunity is given.
Because he is cool. Because he doesnt care. Because his communications are genuine.
Because he is fun. And because it is a natural social dynamic that girls, and people in
general will be sucked into a strong frame.
For a guy of lower status it is more difficult for the girl because she is worried about
hurting his feelings if she rejects his escalations. When men are hurt they frequently
react with all sorts of unpleasant behaviours. So, as a result, her autopilot reaction is to
just avoid him. He is less in the moment, less fun, less cool, and less validating to hang
out with anyway.
So what are these dominant behaviours?
--eye contact, touch, taking up space, relaxed body language in relation to the group,
voice, decisiveness, holding court of having people qualifying themselves to you, squirrel
oak tree, visible emotional reactions and who reacts to who, being hard to get rapport
with or at least its not automatic, people get out of his way because they see no flinching
as he walks through the crowd (hes more authoritative and people are highly
responsive), being the first one to do something as opposed to looking for friends to do it

Verbals: Not qualifying yourself, pumping images that give a good energy
(intrigue/humour/sexual/etc), frame control, not hitting ASD walls, being assertive and
commanding,
Non-verbals: Bodylanguage, tonality, yelling, empathizing and connecting, sexual
innuendo, being excited, being playfully disapproving, being playfully condescending,
projecting voice with resonance that shows higher value, whispering, HAVING YOUR
OWN STYLE/HANDSHAKES/EXPRESSIONS/PEACOCKYTALKING, touching and
being touched
FRAME CONTROL: establishing this is the cool way to be. If Im out with brent I
may start to think my stuff isnt cool.. likewise a girl could accuse a guy and if he
downplays that it matters, her reality dictates that it does not matter and it deflates the
accusation.

To lead a woman, you must first be able to lead yourself.

To get an attractive woman, you must realize that it is not that hard. You must not
view the most attractive women as mystical creatures, but as girls just like any
other, who want a strong man.

-live with uncertainty

-taking up space
-relaxed body language in relation to the rest of the group
-loud voice
-decisiveness
-holding court, or having people qualify themselves to you
-having boundaries and being willing to break rapport
-the squirrel running around the oak tree
-the obvious emotional reactions, and who is reacting to who
-touching and being touched.
You are the kind of guy who doesnt settle on the first girl that he meets. You have
boundaries and standards. Your body language is relaxed, and your voice, you move a
little slower, you survey a room and people perk up, you dictate the energy around you,
you create social vacuums.

Because you have these beliefs, you actually pick up on what gives you advantage,
instead of how to tread water. Your mind catalogues stories and poses and all sorts of
stuff that will help you.
PROACTIVE SOCIAL STRATEGY, BELIEF OF WORTHINESS, IDENTITY OF
CHAMP, EXPECTATION OF SUCCESS, never picked last, never sick, etc etc
On an identity level, you must view yourself with unwavering certainty as a man of
entitlement a man of high value. You must believe that in any interaction, the other
person would be fortunate to have your rapport and your unique outlook is something
thats worth being shared.
When you project that sort of identity people will react.
There will be a few people who have a firm grip of their identity who wont show as
much reaction, but who will identify with you and respect what youre bringing to the
table. They are the most socially adept, who are comfortable with themselves,
comfortable sharing the frame, and comfortable co-existing with someone worthwhile.
Then there will also be a few weaker minded people who find comfort under the
hierarchical status quo. And a few others who are trying to be strong minded but dont
really have the substance to back it up, who will feel as though the fragile grip on their
dominant role (or often what they delude themselves to believe is a dominant role) is
being wrenched from them. These types will feel agitated and lamely snipe at you to try
to shut you down.
But the vast majority of people will be accepting and be naturally intrigued drawn to
what they can learn from you and to the feeling of safety that you represent.
They will be lead by you, and their thoughts will fall a bit out of focus as they shift
towards keeping up. They will try to respond your questions and humour in a way youll
like, joke around in the way that you joke around, tell stories in the way that you tell
stories, or nod and agree without much consideration just to keep your rapport.
The guys will perceive that youre the more dominant, and they will react by taking on
the role of wanting to be friends or even supplicate you.
And the girls will perceive that youre more attractive. Whereas other men would
normally chase them, they will chase you.
The frame might be established right away, or it may be established gradually as the
interaction progresses. And whether you hold or lose the frame in an interaction will
depend on whether or not your frame is strong enough to hold steady your own identity,
and whether or not it projects onto other people in a way where they react by adapting
their identities to accommodate yours.

And they make the UNCONSCIOUS decision of

whether or not you're a possible sexual partner
within a maximum of a few minutes of interacting
with you.
These unconscious decisions are made mostly on
the basis of body language and voice tone.
And since we know that "Attraction Isn't A
Choice", we can generalize the following:
1) If you don't know what types of body language
communicate that you're one of these "sexy beast"
guys, you're probably not doing the right things
"by accident".
2) The words you say actually don't matter much.
What matters is HOW you say them, both with your
voice and with your body language.
3) It is possible to learn how to communicate that
you're a "sexually aware, confident man" using
your body language and voice tone.
Learning this skill will make attracting women
MUCH easier.
Unfortunately, most men are too caught up in
the idea of being macho and independent to work on
this area of their life... and as a result, they
waste most of their time in "quiet desperation",
never seeing any real improvement because they
don't seek help and use the help to improve.
In short, if you don't know whether or not you
project the kind of body language and voice tone
that makes women feel that emotional jolt of
sexual attraction, then you can bet your last
dollar that you aren't. What's a guy to do?
Learn it, then use it.
When I first started learning about how to meet
women, I can remember thinking that I needed to
learn pick up lines and other tricks.
I had no idea that this stuff was basically
useless without the all-important understanding of
how body language works.
After a lot of trial and error, I started to
realize that when my body language and voice tone
were correct, I could say ALMOST ANYTHING to

women, and they would feel ATTRACTION.

Like most guys, you probably want to know WHY
this is, as well as how to do it.
Well, if you want to REALLY get a deep
understanding of this topic, I suggest that you
check out my new CD Audio Program.
I spend several hours working on the "why".
So in this newsletter, I'm going to focus on
some of the "How To"...
Here are three things you can do to IMMEDIATELY
increase your attractiveness to women:
1) LEARN HOW TO HOLD EYE CONTACT LONGER THAN HER.
If you see a woman that you find attractive,
and she looks back at you, DON'T LOOK AWAY.
Most guys become very self conscious and look
away as soon as a woman notices them looking.
This is a HUGE mistake.
If you want to communicate all the right
things, you need to show IMMEDIATELY that you're
not afraid, and that you're not at all self
conscious about the fact that you are checking her
out.
A good exercise is to walk through a mall for a
few hours and look DIRECTLY at every woman you
see.
Walk into every store, and look directly into
the eyes of every single woman you encounter...
and DON'T LOOK AWAY UNTIL AFTER SHE DOES.
Do yourself a huge favor, and don't open your
eyes really wide and smile like a serial killer
while you're doing this exercise.
Women don't tend to enjoy that.
Just learn how to hold eye contact with a woman
until she looks away...
This is very important.
2) USE CONFIDENT POSTURE.

Most men I see hold themselves in a way that

says "I am not very confident about myself or
anything I'm saying".
And most of the guys I know who are chick
MAGNETS hold themselves in a way that says "I'm
the dominant male in this situation... I own this
place".
Suck in your stomach, hold your head up and
back, pull your shoulders back, arch your back...
and generally hold yourself like you're the most
powerful person you've ever seen or heard of.
Yeah, I know this sounds dorky, but do it
anyway.
You'll probably feel strange and self conscious
at first, but not to worry.
If you continue to practice your confident
posture, you'll soon become comfortable with it.
And more important, you'll attract attention
from women.
Remember, women aren't interested in finding
another average Wuss Boy.
Women aren't ATTRACTED to WUSSIES.
Carry yourself like a manly man, and attractive
women will notice and have INSTANT positive
unconscious reactions to you.
3) USE SLOW, CALCULATED MOVEMENTS AND GESTURES.
Watch a few James Bond films. And while you're
at it, check out "Dirty Rotten Scoundrels".
Have you ever noticed that James Bond never
looks like he doesn't know how to act?
And that he never fidgets or behaves nervously?
Everything James does is a little slower than
it should be. He's just too cool.
Try learning how to turn your head slowly, how
to blink slowly, how to change facial expressions
slowly... and how to gesture slowly.

This makes a huge impact on how others perceive

you.
This kind of body language transmits the
message: "I'm so comfortable in my own skin, it
hurts".
4) USE CONFIDENT VOICE TONE.
Most people speak with weak, squeaky voices
that convey the message "I'm not confident... I
have no self esteem".
This turns women off. Big time.
If you want to attract beautiful women, you're
going to need to take a few lessons from Barry
White.
Learn how to speak with a deeper voice.
Learn to speak from down in your chest and
stomach.
Add more bass to your voice.
Also, learn how to speak slower... and how to
articulate every word better. Become comfortable
pausing... it creates anticipation. Most guys talk
too much, too fast, and feel like they need to
talk because they're nervous.
Don't do it!
Learn to lean back, relax, and become comfortable
with the tension that comes from silence.
If you work on communicating with your BODY AND
VOICE that you're a confident, sexually aware,
stud-muffinly guy, then all the techniques you're
learning from me will work TEN times better.

EYE CONTACT
You can intuit so much about a person just by their eyes.
You can sense how they feel about themselves, their environment, and the people around
them. You can sense their emotions, and you can sense their authenticity.
When a guy feels submissive, hell avert his eyes from the person who he feels is more
dominant. But when he feels dominant, his eyes will not waver or submit.

When a guy feels incongruent, hell want to avoid eye contact. In a moment where he
tries to act dominant, hell blink a little too long or try to force his eyes open a little too
much. But when he feels natural, his eyes will be just that natural.
The pupils dilate in sync to the thoughts in the mind.
You can sense how much a guy has allowed another person to enter into his reality by the
way that his pupils react to them. When he feels affected by them, he is pushed back into
his head and pupils fluctuate with the rhythm of his thoughts. But when he is completely
unaffected and in the moment, his pupils will not waver or chase rapport with other
people. His eyes will be unreactive and people will feel it.
When a man can look into a womans eyes with complete steadiness, she will feel a sort
of social pressure and unexplained excitement. Often, when a man and a woman flirt, the
woman will unconsciously stare the man down with an intensity that would push most
men back into their heads, to see if to see if his will eyes react. If his eyes are
unwavering and he holds her gaze without effort, then she will find herself attracted.
And later when she is absolutely sure of his value, and attraction becomes connection,
she will look to for a reaction to her in his eyes to see if he really cares.
Many people try to perfect their eye contact. Really though, there is no perfect eye
contact. Just natural eye contact. There is no need to avoid eye contact with someone,
nor a need to stare someone down.
VOICE
A persons voice is their greatest communicator of who they are. Within seconds of
hearing a person speak, their status, emotions, and social group becomes apparent.
You can sense how a guy feels by the emotions in his voice. You can sense whether or
not he feels authentic by his steadiness. You can sense how he perceives himself in
relation to the group by his dominant and submissive inflections. And you can sense if
he is relaxed or anxious by his speed.
When a guy feels anxious, his voice will be constricted by the nervous energy in his
body. But when he feels comfortable, his voice will be rich with resonation.
From all this, you will know whether or not people pay attention to him. If his voice
draws attention, and it seems natural because he doesnt seem to notice the unusual
attention hes getting, then people will be reacting to him and women will be attracted.
We are socially conditioned to believe that depth is the most crucial quality of our voice,
and a deep voice can definitely sound good. But regardless, women do not pickup on the
depth of a mans voice as the most important sub-communication of his value. A man
with better projection, steadiness, certainty, dominance, and positive emotions in his
voice will always take attention away from a guy who has only a deep voice. Masculine
energy is more complex than any physical attribute.

Often when you see a group of people from across the room, you will be able to hear the
voice of the most dominant guy over everyone else. A guy who uses his voice well
expects to be heard. His voice projects without any constraint or fear, and it resonates
powerfully in his chest and diaphragm without sounding deliberate. He projects naturally
over the voices of other people, but he doesnt yell. He is completely comfortable, and
when he speaks he is immediately heard.
He has a full range of expressions. He can playfully empathize or disapprove or yell or
whisper. He can be excited and grab attention or he can slow down and be sexual and
hypnotic. His projection, resonation, speed, and inflections do not react in response to
other people. His voice is steady, like his internal state.
BODY LANGUAGE
The way a guy carries himself is his physiological expression to the world of his status,
security, and emotional state.
When a guy enters the room, his body language will convey to the people around him
whether he is dominant or submissive, outgoing or uptight.
A guy who takes up space conveys his expectation that others will yield to him, whereas
a guy whose body is constrained like a closed umbrella conveys his submission.
Sometimes when a guy feels playful or a bit cocky, hell sort of dance around or throw
his hands up or do impressions, and the fluidity and rhythm of his motion will send out
signals that he is in the moment and having a good time. Hell move thoughtlessly and
without self-awareness, and the attention that hes drawing will work for him because
hes real and just having a good time.
There is no perfect body language. There is just body language that has no faults. To
have good body language means having body language that isnt reactive. And to have
body language that draws attention means to be a bit playful with it.
Having that quality is not always about consciously manipulating your body, but about
feeling relaxed and taking up space as you would if you were having a good time and
nobody was there to judge. And at the same time, by consciously taking on positive,
confident body language, you can also trigger yourself to feel relaxed and more
confident. So it comes down to whatever works for you.
TOUCHING AND BEING TOUCHED
A guy of high status is completely comfortable touching and being touched.
He is not concerned that others will not react well, because touch is a dominant quality
and that is a part of who he is. He is comfortable showing affection and making people
feel good, and he is confident moving people around. At times he may even playfully
show off his strength by carrying or moving or squeezing or tumbling around with his
friends.

When women touch him he doesnt feel strong emotional reactions, because women
touch him regularly so he is accustomed and de-sensitized to feeling that way. He
already walks around feeling very accepted so he doesnt feel a strong shift. So while he
is completely comfortable engaging touch on his impulse, he doesnt needily hang on to
it or draw it out weirdly long like most guys do whenever a girl gives them attention. He
is usually the one to pull back and disengage it, so that the girls want more.
Touching is natural to him. Hes always been comfortable with it.

DECISIVENESS (lets go! Come here! Does not scan audience for response prior to
saying whats on his mind)
HUMOUR (stuff I deleted)
ATTITUDE (unpredictable, I am the prize, I could but I wont, everybody is my little
bro/sis, the world is a fun place, abundance - lots of girls and no care to lose one person,
expectation that people will answer your questions by trying to impress you)
AN ABILITY TO CREATE A GOOD VIBE AROUND YOU (positivity reflects past
experiences)
ACTS IN THE MOMENT (speak your mind, tap a girl on the shoulder, spin her around)
UNFAZED BY WHAT OTHER PEOPLE THINK (even comfortable being naked or
getting caught farting, etc etc..)
A REPERTOIRE OF STORIES, MANNEURISMS, SAYINGS, AND PERSONAL
STYLE
A CONCEPT OF WHAT YOU WILL AND WILL NOT ACCEPT AND OF WHO
AND WHAT YOU WILL AND WILL NOT RESPOND TO LOGICALLY OR EVEN
AT ALL (not letting people run around your house, not responding to bullshit, not
accepting second class behaviour.. a willingness to walk away from unacceptable
behaviour.. NOT RESPONDING TO PEOPLE TRYING TO MAKE YOU JUMP
THROUGH HOOPS)
A CONCEPT OF WHAT THE GOOD LIFE MEANS TO YOU AND RATHER THAN
FINDING VALIDATION BY WHAT SOCIETY SAYS IS GOOD FINDNG
VALIDATION BY YOUR OWN CRITERIA
FRAME CONTROL (expectation that people will respond to your questions by
impressing you, throwing up hoops, being the judge, being able to reframe everything
people do as them qualifying themselves to you or as being weird so that theyll HAVE
to qualify themselves to you, ability to keep social energy flowing in your direction)
A WORLD VIEW THAT MEANING OF EVERYTHING IS IN HIS FAVOUR, AND A
CREATIVE ABILITY TO VERBALIZE IT(ABILITY TO REFRAME THE MEANING
OF EVERYTHING TO IMPLY THAT PEOPLE WANT HIS VALIDATION)

LOOKS LIKE HE GETS GIRLS (style that is intriguing)

NO NEED FOR ACCEPTANCE AND WILLING TO LOSE RAPPORT (more often
gets people reacting to him than bored, uncontrollable)
NON JUDGEMENTAL THIS HAPPENS ALL THE TIME ATTITUDE TOWARDS
WOMEN
DOESNT LET OTHER DRAG HIM DOWN INTO THEIR FRAME (BAD MOOD,
SUPERIORITY, ETC)

BOOK XII AUTHENTICITY

***Authenticity is an ideal. We can all have opinions, but no person can claim
decisively that their vision of authenticity is real while anothers is not. As imperfect
beings, we live our lives authentically by continually moving towards the truth, while
admitting that we will never know it in entirety.
**You dont approach people with thoughts about whether you have enough value
cycling through your head. You arent thinking about whether you meet their standards
or if you have cool enough friends or ways to entertain or a situation that gives you
entitlement. You approach completely comfortable in your own skin, because you know
that youre worth their time. Your mind simply cycles Im authentic.
** Of course, if your life has been spent living as a generic and a conformist, then your
life hasnt been lived authentically and the personality youve cultivated wont have the
same impact. But learning to communicate authentically is something that can lead to the
realization living authentically is in your best interests, because you will always gain
more status for communicating authentically than not. But the personality youre
conveying wont have the same impact whether its authentic or not because your life
has been lived authentically. But it is always better to learning to communicate
authentically can be a starting point to break out of that pattern of conformity, because
people will always respond better to it than learning to communicate authentically is a
ultimately, when youre in state people will usually snap to attention because your style
of communication is sub-communicating that others will do the same.
**When you dont do negative things to people, and you know that people have a
positive experience with you, it gives you a similar kind of confidence that sexual
confidence gives you. Because you know what you could offer, it makes you a bit more
cocky and a lot more real. My roommates are fairly confident because they are good

guys, and have no reason to feel as though people would get anything but value from
them.
Being good to people isnt about supplicating them the guys who supplicate are deep
down little little men who just want a reaction instead, you know that you dont give
away your benefits to just anybody, but that those people you do allow to enter youre
your reality have a great experience overall its totally fine not to let everyone into
your reality but you know that those people who are in it will like it, and that gives you
a cockiness where you know what youre worth.
**A lot of people do bad things, become defensive, and project people to question them
more which makes them more defensive. This is a bad cycle of reactiveness. You have
to live your life in a way that cycles in a good direction. Arguing with people or
gossiping or doing devious things might get you a result in the short run, but if deep
down you know that people have bad experiences with you then you will be doing
damage to yourself in ways you dont realize. Thats why the heaven/hell analogy
sticks to an extent, except for in your experience in this world not the next.

**Authenticity an extension of a core belief in your mind: that people DO find it

fascinating to know about other peoples experiences of the world in an authentic way. If
you have that belief, then you hold the belief that YOUR experience will fascinate
people, regardless of whether or not it is interesting in socially conditioned terms,
because it is purely interesting to see how other people tick. My ex-steph used to have all
sorts of dumb jokes, but because she thought they were funny I laughed along with her.
She was authentic. Have you ever had a friend who had a weird sense of humour, but it
was him being him. That was appealing and you laughed along with him. It was
authenticity.
**But of course, if you were to go out right now and try to do this it might not work.
Why not? Well, your identity (self concept) might be reactive in and of itself. So to do
this, you have to know where your identity comes from, and unwire it to the point where
your core is authentic, so that everything that comes from there is authentic as well. So
we have to look at where youre really coming from, so we can get to a level where we
really know who you are.
**Living your life in a way that you think is cool and worthwhile.. not coming from a
social perspective of Im only cool if Im good looking of have money because that
stuff is arbitrary and some people dont want to spend their whole lives going after that
stuff. Instead, looking at your own way of being who you are, and being proud of that.
Even just being proud of yourself for being able to bring a good energy to a room is
something that should give you confidence.
**Authenticity and dominance combined are what makes the transition from entertaining
to interesting to desirable.
**Authenticity is when you are so internally validated that you can come from a position
of offering value to someone without hopes of getting anything back, because you know

that it not their acknowledgement but your actions that make it real. You care more
about your own validation than the validation of others. And you know that no one
individual has value to offer because you can get anything you want (ie: girls meet celebs
and say he could have anyone and because of that he is so real)
**Not coming across like youre trying to take value from somebody.
**Tom Cruise bit about being at a point where youre not able to take value from
anybody anymore, so you are purely just there..
**Being able to listen to someone without judging everything theyre saying or waiting
to say your piece or viewing it through your own world view.
**It isnt the content that the guys saying thats impressive. Its his ability to
communicate with the women on a level where hes totally open, despite that this girl is
standing right in front of him. Its not his MATERIAL that shes interested in as much as
it is getting to know whats interesting to HIM.. shes interested in him, not his material.
**guys will pinch girls asses or try to take value from successful people or criticize them
because they dont identify with them. They feel like they have so much relative value
that they wouldnt be fazed by anything. But in the process of doing this, they are
reinforcing their own status to themselves, because they dont identify or relate with cool
people.
**It is not just what hes saying that draws the girls interest, but also the way that hes
able to ease out of his logical constraints and communicate in a way thats interesting to
him. A guy who can talk to a girl on an authentic level is fascinating, regardless of what
he has to say, because his communication style says so much about him. When he can
open up despite all the social pressure, it shows that hes someone of truly high value.
**When you can perfectly balance your identity, your thoughts, and who you are, you
can convey such authenticity. That requires you to consider all your old identities and
where they come from. To consider whether or not who you are is really authentic, or
just a reaction from past experiences. Like the uptight guy who cant have fun or be
sexual because he thinks hell be rejected.
**Authenticity is a dominant characteristic, because if you are inauthentic then the subcommunication is that you cant project your real personality because you have
something to hide (betaness usually). Whenever an AMOG reframes you as trying or
inauthentic, you lose value. So to be truly dominant, you have to be authentic. It is
similar to the cool/congruence dichotomy.
**Often, when people are learning to add to their personalities, they will fall into a rut of
trying too hard, and losing sight of their actual goals. They cultivate personalities that are
geared towards getting a reaction of attention, rather than interest. Many become bold
instead of confident. Think about a construction worker howling at a girl walking by. He
isn't confident. He's just being bold. He is self-sabotaging his chances by playing a
character that isn't who he really is. Nobody can say he "got rejected", because he played
a character to hedge that off. But if he really didn't care, then why did he even howl at

her in the first place? People do this all the time. They create exaggerated personas in
order to hedge off the feeling of rejection. In reality, if they'd have just been themselves,
people would have thought they were cool and not rejected them anyway. That is the
essence of playing a character. Some no-no's are:
-Being entertaining instead of interesting, and transforming from entertaining to
interesting to desirable.
-Insecurely ballbusting instead of being playfully challenging.
-Being cocky to the point of overcompensating instead of being playfully confident.
-Trying too hard to be aloof, to the point that people actually think you are arrogant.
-Trying too hard to put on a sophisticated persona. Sophisticated personas, like those
adopted by doctors and other professionals, are designed to put up walls of
professionalism that are necessary within a professional organization. Their purpose is to
put up walls, so that the personal element does not get in the way of efficiency. To bring
this attitude to your interactions with women conveys that you are uptight, not
professional.
-Being obnoxiously macho to the point of where it is obvious that you just want attention.
Give me the biggest sports jock in the bar, and I'll walk in cool and confident and
interesting. I'll have taken the female attention away from him in seconds. And when he
gets even more obnoxious, I'll roll my eyes to the girls, and they'll giggle and nod in
understanding.
-Being inexpressive, quiet, and too nice. The opposite personality of the macho guy is
also trying too hard. If you offer something to someone, and they don't show very strong
immediate appreciation, don't keep pushing it on them. They will usually just view it as
supplicating them, and it actually lowers your value. They will appreciate you less than
if you'd done nothing. If you do something nice, do it from a position where people are
appreciative. That means being a cool guy, and so that people are compelled to earn your
attention. When that's not the case, don't mention that there's something you could do but
aren't. Just avoid it altogether, and let your personality do the work in creating a good
impression. If someone is trying to use you, don't even address it. Just change the topic
or say nothing, either way as if you didn't hear them. Experiment with not
acknowledging conversational threads that you don't like, as if they don't exist.
**It is for that same reason that girls are often turned off at the idea of guys trying to
pick them up. They dislike anything contrived that is not natural and spontaneous
because they feel as though the value that he is conveying is inauthentic.

--

You dont make excuses. You hold yourself to the same high standards as the guys who
have everything going for them. You are one of those guys now. Come to think of it,
you always have been. And in order to hold your self to a standard that is in alignment
with that, it is necessary to be accountable.
Aiming for your personal best is not something that you do for social validation. You do
it for yourself, because the process of creating a life of excellence is an end of inherent
value. That doesn't necessarily mean that a person always has to feel emotionally secure.
It just means that they have made a choice to aim for their best.
Youre not the kind of guy to aim for your best to get validation from others. You do it
for yourself. You do it because the process of creating a life of excellence is an end of
inherent value. You dont need to always feel emotionally secure. Youve just made a
choice to aim for your best.
You dont need to micromanage because you dont care.
To know victory you must know defeat.
You value the many not the few.

BOOK X - AUTHENTICITY
BOOK X SEXINESS AND SEXUAL ORNAMENTATION
BOOK X SOCIAL CALIBRATION AND SOCIAL ENERGY
BOOK X AUTHENTICITY: STRONG AND WEAK IDENTITIES
BOOK X STRONG THOUGHT PATTERNS
BOOK XII STRONG BEHAVIOUR PATTERNS
BOOK XIII COMMON SENSE
BOOK ? PROGRESSIVE DESENSITIZATION: ENERGY AS BEING
INFECTIOUS AND BEING IN STATE AND PULLING PEOPLE INTO YOUR
STATE
BOOK ? THE ONLY SOLUTION
BOOK ? PROGRESSIVE DESENSITIZATION: CYCLES OF
INTERNALIZATION
BOOK ? PERILS OF THE GAME
MODERN DATING MISCONCEPTIONS:
-social conditioning:
-it takes multiple dates instead of flipping switches
-you can take a phone number and STAY THERE
-a phone number is a bridge not a close
-you dont need to spend money (you could hang out instead)
-nice gestures and how they can bring you down
-how parties lead to sex
-day time and night time are often the same girls

-madonna/whore complex (no correlation between a girls personality and

her sexual preferences and it takes a long time to learn someones
personality)
STICKING POINT: Many guys who need to build value are unable to be in the
moment or funny until the girl has heard their value building bits. Theyre funny
after the initial bits, but they cant be that way unless the person has heard their bit.
They substitute qualifying themselves with cars or money for strategized structuredvibing, but they cant feel comfortable without the other person having seen that bit
first.
Building value common SPs:
-thinking that it was just the way I ran my set all the time leads to fear when you
actually put YOURSELF on the line.
-conditioning yourself to be continually reaction seeking.
-substituting qualifying yourself and supplicating for demonstrating value more
creatively still leaves you feeling like if people dont see you as that guy who did the
cool stories that they dont know how cool you are, and without THEM to confirm it
in your mind you dont feel that way yourself.
Assuming value common SPs:
-refusal to improve.
-belief that congruence is cool.
-continually rationalizing to feel cool, eventually leading to not being willing to
approach because it could break the rationalizations.
PERILS OF THE GAME:
-social robot (thinking everyone is trying to socially manipulate you, thinking you
need to do it to others)
-thinking that everyone is a hater and rationalizing against you (you will seek it and
find it)
-thinking that all girls are state-junkie sluts (you will seek it and find it)
-becoming a value chaser yourself
-not being able to listen to people
-the pua identity and basing your validation on how well women respond
-thinking that women are replaceable, and always finding a new girl when you could
have fixed it with the other one (going too far in the other direction, since most guys
do the opposite and stay too long)
The problem with traditional dating
When you try to date her, she is the selector and you are reacting to her. Its the worst
way to spark attraction.
When your concept of reality is steady enough that other people are reacting to it, you
determine what constitutes high value in that environment and what people have to do to

feel entitlement under your worldview. You become the pillar of other peoples state
spirals, and they react and adapt around you.
Women like guys who live in their own reality.
This is why the traditional way that most men date tends to be slow and
inconsistent. When you develop feelings for one specific girl and you need her to
like you, and you try to get her by taking her to the perfect place or saying the
perfect thing, you find yourself in her reality and she can sense it.
To get the girl, you have to bring her into your world. Take her on a wild ride into
your reality. Take her to places that you enjoy, talk about things that you like
talking about, and ask her questions that satisfy your curiosity.
When you tell a story or joke around, do so to amuse yourself and because you enjoy
creating a positive vibe around you.
Assert your reality. Make what youre saying cool by believing in it. Instead of
being like every other guy, interact with women through your frame and draw them
in.
Its fine to feel attraction for a woman or to want a woman, but your sense of who you
are cannot be dependent on her response to you or anyone elses response. You have
to be stronger than that and people have to feel it from you.
You cant approach a woman thinking about how to make her respond to you and
how to feel depending on her reaction. The second she senses that youre acting in
reaction to her or conveying a personality that it not your own she loses attraction.
As long as youre in your own reality, however, her attention will stay fixated on you
and shell go along for the ride.
Attraction is not a conscious response. For her to feel attracted to a man in his own
reality isnt necessarily something that she understands or even logically wants, but
something that she emotionally responds to.
You must have conviction that your identity is cool, and draw her to react by
adapting herself around your identity so that shes excited by your validation and
not the other way around.
RULE:
On a core identity level, you must identify yourself as the guy who is selected by
women and chooses amongst them, not as the guy who is desperate to be chosen.
She has to sense that gap between how youre acting and how most other guys act.
As a guy who is already chosen by women, you dont have that anxious thought
process of getting any particular girls reaction because it wouldnt make sense. She

has to feel that theres this attractive guy in front of her, who is completely at ease
talking to her and doesnt need to take value from her by needing her reaction of
acceptance or admiration or sex because he identifies himself as already having that
value in abundance.
As we said, in any social interaction there is always one person reacting more to the
other, and when you dont react to peoples acceptance theyll usually feel a higher
value from you and begin to react themselves.
When you interact with women, you assert your identity by the way you act by
your behaviour patterns and all of the subtleties that convey your complete
confidence in who you are.