ZOO Weekly - June 8, 2015 AU PDF

TOOSEXY FOR
VICTORIA’S
SECRET!
Reckon nobody’s
perfect? You haven’t
seen Daniela Tamayo
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inside
ISSUE 479 JUNE 8, 2015
GIRLS NEWS FEATURES SPORT REGULARS THE Z LIST

Daniela Tamayo Pubic-hair beard Games gadgets Gennady Golovkin The Camaro is back Film, music, games
Risky wristy
FUNLTLAL You’ve got to hand it to the
Ukrainian nutter known as
FR Mustang Wanted. In this scene from a
PIC
UK TV doco about urban free-climbing,
he’s able to maintain his balance and a
vice-like grip on James Kingston’s wrist
over Kiev’s 115-metre Moscow Bridge.
Don’t leave
me hangin’
PICTURES: SNAPPER MEDIA
WATCH THIS WEEK’S FOLLOW ON SOCIAL ME

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ZOO
WILDLIFE
THREESOME!
Bad
gnu’s
story
South African
antelope target
of croc, then
hippo joins in
This gnu had
a day to forget
after stopping for a
drink at the Sabi Sands
wildlife park in South
Africa. First a crocodile
clamped its toothy jaws
on it, then a hippo joined
in. Here the hippo can
be seen trying to lift the
wildebeest out of the
water and break the
PICTURES: PICTURE MEDIA
croc’s grip. As hippos

are vego, it either had
the shits that its territory
was invaded or was
trying to save the
wildebeest. It didn’t.
After about an hour,
the croc won the
bruising encounter.
 INTHEZOO.COM.AU 5
TRYING TO T
CATCH HIS DRIF
ZOO
CAR 1, HELICOPTER 0!
Kiwi “Mad Mike” Whiddett and his 740kW Mazda MX-5 outgun a chopper!
While it looks as if Mad (BADBUL) was required. The
Mike’s trying to out- beast’s so powerful they had
drift a chopper, he’s actually to install wind deflectors in
trialling his rotary-engined the cabin, as smoke from the
2014 Mazda MX-5 RADBUL. tyres kept pooling there.
He needed the extra grunt to Mike qualified eighth in his
compete in the Formula Drift first Formula Drift round,
Pro series, so a step up from held in Atlanta. He admits the
his four-rotor naturally power’s taking some getting
aspirated Mazda RX-7 used to: “It’s pretty scary... it’s
(MADBUL) and three-rotor just that much faster than
turbocharged Mazda RX-8 what we’re used to.”
PICTURE: RED BULL
GET THE APP!
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Ay caramba!
Daniela Tamayo is the best thing to come out of Colombia since cheap, pure cocaine
ZOO
You can come across

all sorts of sights
travelling around
Medellin, Colombia’s
second-biggest city.
Its days of being the
world’s most violent
city belong in the past
along with legendary
cocaine narco-
gangster Pablo
Escobar, but there’s
still an edge.
Take the criminal
gangs, the Aguilas
Negras (“Black
Eagles”) — formed
from the remnants
of disbanded urban
guerillas, 3000 of
whom disarmed
10 years ago.
They’re known
to hand out fliers
declaring a campaign
of social cleansing by
wiping out prostitutes,
drug addicts and
alcoholics, which
means house parties
would be a lot less
interesting.
But Medellin offers
some plus points, as
locals found a few
years ago with a
new ad campaign
featuring Daniela
Tamayo. Latin
American women
are notably stunning
— dark skin and hair,
and hourglass
figures so hot they
set icebergs on fire.
Well, this
mamacita was all
woman, but her hair
was ash blonde and
she was so sensual
her eyes appear to be
tickling your groin
with a feather.
This billboard
campaign for a brand
of shirts was the
flawless hottie’s first
appearance, but not
the last. The camera
loved her and work
came flooding in.
Though born
in Brooklyn, New
York, she moved to
Colombia aged five,
and for the most part
treated modelling as
a hobby while she
stuck her nose in a
variety of books,
studying for a
business degree at a
Medellin university.
She’s now
graduated and runs
her own restaurant
— her favourite
cuisine’s Italian, so
Daniela’s a hot blonde
with an interest in
food. She also works
out for 90 minutes to
two hours a day at the
gym to keep that
figure so tight —
along with Tae Bo,
ZOO
technique. Oh, and
she follows soccer. If
she could turn water
into beer, she’d be
the perfect woman.
She’s got a taste
for modelling — which
is good — and wants
to travel, continue
with her business,
and probably rescue
kittens and puppies
and shower them with
chew toys and food.
According to a
recent Q&A in Spanish,
Daniela thinks her
eyes are the best part
of her body — and
then her “tail”. We’re
presuming she means
that fine booty and not
a weird appendage.
Though, to be honest,
we could overlook
anything for her...
PICTURES: JUAN FELIPE BOHOROQUEZ/LIPSTICK SYNDICATION
ZOO
ZOO
RMAL WETSUIT BE BE RD  50 CENT’S
The terror rou ’s ob rms have be

released b the US. He ’s how to bl
their recruiters’ minds th your ans
It’s hard to believe, but behind asking if you’d be willing to go on a
al-Qaeda’s mask of ruthless evil suicide mission and who they should
lies a human resources department of contact in case of martyrdom, they
ruthless efficiency. Documents the US also want to know candidates’
claim they seized during the Osama hobbies, education levels and how
bin Laden killing suggest jihadi they arrived in “the Land of Jihad”.
bureaucrats are determined to make No mention of pay or holidays
themselves useful. So alongside either, the cheap bastards.
PICTURES: THINKSTOCK
INESS IS
OMING!
50 CENT is an idiot
Daphne Joy has a body that’d make the Pope stock In hindsight, it
doesn’t make
up on condoms — and Fiddy blew it with her! any cents
It’s a safe bet that violence charge in 2013 — Joy once said she liked
when 50 Cent saw when he allegedly kicked her “somebody nobody wants Curb Your Enthusiasm and
these sizzling shots of his — has probably put paid to any to mess with. Masculinity, Pirates of the Caribbean: On
stunning ex-girlfriend chances of reconciliation. muscles and muscles”. A Stranger Tides — emigrated
Daphne Joy on a Miami About six weeks after the few weeks ago she tweeted, to the US when she was seven.
beach he gave himself an charges were dropped, Fiddy “Humility and having a heart Her ethnic background’s
uppercut so hard his teeth tweeted a pic of a male stick of gold is the most attractive Filipino and Puerto Rican,
went through his forehead. figure holding a red heart thing about a man. Period.” which accounts for her
Hip-hop mogul Fiddy, real running from a female stick Yeah, she’s gone right off striking looks.
name Curtis James Jackson, figure, who’s saying, “Stop, him. About the only thing he She confesses that her
had a three-year relationship that’s nothing to play with!” can identify with in that fast metabolism means she
with Filipino native Joy. They The man’s saying, “Shut up, sentence is “gold”. doesn’t put on weight easily.
even had a son, Sire. But you a hoe anyway!” The dancer/designer/ Except in the chest and
FIddy’s arrest on a domestic Twenty-eight-year-old actress — she’s been in both booty area, of course.
DAPHNE
JOY
TO THE
WORLD
PICTURES: GETTY, SPLASH
w an w
myself at wo
and n - n
n w
Quiksilver brings out

a range of wetsuits you
could wear to a wedding
After a hard day rooms. Available
in the office — in office smart,
any kind of day, in fact casual Friday and
— there’s nothing the party tuxedo designs,
average surfer wants the suit’s made of 2mm
to do more than smash neoprene, the shirt and tie
a few waves and unwind. from boardshort fabric.
But think of all that time The pockets are flat so they
wasted changing clothes! won’t catch the water and
That’s a thing of the past act like mini swimming
thanks to Quiksilver pools, too. And sure, they’re
Japan’s True Wetsuit line, $3200 a pop, but you can’t
which can be worn on put a price on smelling like
surfboards and in board seaweed at work.
Yes, that’s
a bloke
carrying
a minivan
on a scooter
How did this Chinese
I’m like Kim
man get it there? And Kardashian
sweet Lord, why? on wheels
Traffic police stopped

and cautioned this
driver in Yangzhou, China,
before booking a tow truck to
take the van away. And with
bloody good reason: that
PICTURE: AUSTRALSCOPE
900kg piece of “luggage”

he’s carrying exceeds the tiny
scoot’s load capacity by 600
per cent! It’s thought he was
getting the flat tyre fixed, but
why take the whole vehicle?
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The “office smart” has a

black jacket and trousers,
plus a white shirt and a
monochrome striped tie
FASHION’S
NEW WAVE!
Buck’s party
At least it’s
not bum
fluff...
PUBE BEARD
horror!
Groom-to-be gets 40 WELL
GROOMED!
blokes’ love moss
glued to his face
If you thought the
aftermath of the
buck’s party in The Hangover
was the stuff of nightmares,
have we got news for you...
Pommy bloke Mark Longley
just went through his own
stag do with the pubic hair
of 20-to-40 men glued England’s well-known looks like a bit of
to his face and ears. stiff upper lip served him a plonker,” added
The hair, which ZOO well when a mate wheeled West, who posted
hopes was free of pubic lice, Longley into a seniors’ centre, pictures and
was sent to best man Steve announced him as “the comments of
West’s house by post. But amazing pube-beard man” their adventure on
the weird bit is the fact that and walked off, leaving Facebook, where it
Longley actually agreed to the oldies to either piss predictably went viral in
the practical joke. “I was themselves laughing — less time than it takes to
honoured and thought it was literally — or die of a pube- shave off your ball ’fro.
very nice of him… but also related heart attack. ZOO’s correspondents
very silly,” noted West. Longley also had to hold in Newtown and Fitzroy
But wait — there’s more. a cabbage wherever he went report that inner-city
Longley was also duct-taped or perform forfeits, though hipsters are already
to a wheelchair wearing a Christ only knows what they copying Longley’s method
nappy and clown boots, with could be. He’d have had of “growing” a weird-
a penis drawn on his chest a better time with people looking beard, praising
along with various insults who hated him. it as an improvement
written on his body. “Personally I think he on their current styles.
Taped to a wheelchair
wearing incontinence
pants... his mum must
be so proud!
Yank names
pub after
Tony Abbott!
You don’t have to be a tool to drink
at Wanker’s Corner, but it helps
If you find yourself
with a powerful thirst
in Wilsonville, Oregon, head
for the Wanker’s Corner café
and saloon. It was named
by current owner Cooper
Maixner’s father after a
Welshman once demanded
of him: “Get me a drink, you
bloody wanker.” Pissing off the system one test at a time
Cooper’s drinking hole
even holds a wank-off
WE HAVE
tournament, involving a
stick of wood and sandpaper.
EVERYTHING YOU
The winner removes the paint
as fast as possible, and for
NEED TO PASS
once, that’s not a metaphor.
The logo’s a roo in an
apron grabbing peanuts
from its pouch plus the
slogan “Grab your nuts at the ANY TYPE
Wanker’s Corner” — and it’s
available on a T-shirt, so OF DRUG TEST!!
there’s your next Mother’s
Day present sorted.
“I’ve been asked what
a wanker is,” Maixner told
a News Limited reporter.
WEALSOSELL
“My official response is  LOCK PICK SETS  CCTV KITS  DRONES
that it’s a slacker or loader
The Wanker’s Ale is a  STASH DEVICES  SCALES  SPYWARE
that sits around and difficult sell, as is the
drinks beer all day.” pulled-pork sandwich  MONEY COUNTERS  AUDIO BUGS
And with promotions  GOLD PLATED GRILLS  SMOKING DEVICES
like Tijuana Tuesday, Stoli  TRACKING DEVICES  HERBAL FORMULA’S
Saturday and the feminist
 HERBAL INCENSE  HERBAL BLENDS
favourite Dumb Blonde
Sunday, beer’s not the  HERBAL SUPPLEMENTS
only thing that gets drunk.
However, Foster’s and
Coopers aren’t on tap any
longer, after the distributor
stopped carrying it.
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ZOO
● A bloke rocks up to a bar.

After he’s had a few he sees
as!
a gorgeous woman who’s
sitting on her own, nursing a
drink that doesn’t have a lot
of liquor left in it.
“Hey there, good-
Dog magician:
looking!” he says. “Want me Think of a
to get another of those for colour, any
you, sweetheart?” colour... is it...
grey?
The woman’s half-cut
Other dog: Oh my GOD!
and she’s heard it all before, @CornOnTheGoblin
so she replies, “Listen,
buddy. I screw anybody, If you see
anywhere, anytime. Your a kid who’s
place, my place, your car, physically
unusual,
my car, on the veranda,
be sure to
front door, back door, mention it to the parents.
standing up, sitting down, Odds are they’ve never
completely naked, partially noticed and will thank you.
clothed, by ourselves, with @notalogin
lots of people watching...

When
it doesn’t matter to me. mobsters put a
I’ve been doing it ever since murdered rival
I finished uni and I just in a body bag,
absolutely love it!” they call
themselves gangster
The bloke’s eyes go wide wrappers and laugh
with excitement and he and laugh and laugh.
shoots back, “No kidding! @sixthformpoet
I’m a lawyer, too! Which firm Margot Robbie Maddison Please get in
do you work for?”
touch if you’re
AARON, VIA EMAIL
downstream. After climbing ● I overheard a midget an idiot who
out of the river, they start to telling a copper that his doesn’t
WHAT DID make a run for it to get to their pocket had been picked.
understand
sarcasm. I’m really, REALLY
THE KID WITH clothes, when members of
their congregation come into
The concerned
policeman replied,
keen to hear from you.
@RogerQuimbly
NO ARMS view. The priest covers his “I can’t believe anyone
AND NO LEGS junk with his hands and puts
on a burst of speed, but the
would stoop so low.”
PETER, VIA EMAIL
Kid:
WAAAHH!
GET FOR rabbi covers his face instead.
MY TOY IS
BROKEN!!
CHRISTMAS? “What are you doing?”
the priest asks.
● I just found out my
cousin and her husband
Dad: Nothing
a little duct tape won’t fix...
CANCER. “I don’t know about are pregnant and Kid: mfflr...frrrr...strnnn...
@TheToddWilliams
MARK, VIA EMAIL you,” the Rabbi answers, expecting their first child.
“but my congregants They keep saying
A female
● A rabbi and a priest recognise me by my face.” they don’t know the sex, spider lays
are having a picnic on WAYNE, VIA EMAIL but I think it’s pretty safe up to 6000
a really hot summer day to say it wasn’t anal. eggs. And if
and want to dip in the river ● Did you hear about the REBECCA, VIA EMAIL just one of
them forgets Mother’s Day,
to cool off. They didn’t think woodworker who fell into she brings it up at every
to bring bathing suits, so a vat of varnish? ● Why did the pig go family event until she dies.
they decide to skinny dip. It was a terrible end, into the kitchen? @thewritertype
The river’s flowing fast but a beautiful finish. He felt like bacon.
and both men get washed ASH
ASH, VIA EMAIL LISA
LISA, VIA EMAIL
26 FACEBOOK.COM/ZOOWEEKLYOZ
the
ZOO’s stand-up comedian heckles life every week
PENSIONER’S PRINGLES BABIES:

JACQUES’
ONCE SHE POPPED, SHE COULDN’T STOP! COCK IS ON
A 65-year-old German Jaques’ Cock
mother of 13 has given birth

to quadruplets… 65 years old!
I hope your mid-morning
wank wasn’t ruined by
I borrowed a girl’s phone
the sound of your dick and took over some Tinder
screaming. Born slightly convos for her…
premature at the 26-week Unsuspecting dude:
mark, they were delivered Hello there. Would you
like to catch up for some
by C-section in a huff of
drinks and frivolity?
sirens and afterbirth that Me: What’s your definition
I assume would look of frivolity?
something like the dust storm Unsuspecting dude:
that stopped the baseball Fun times and mischief.
Me: This Webster dictionary
game in Interstellar. I just found defines it as
“when a woman endures
a man’s inane chatter long
Her current swarm of exact opposite of a miracle enough to get free meal and
a few cocktails, at which
IASSUMETHE offspring range from nine to
44 years old and are from five
is currently illegal in Germany.
I don’t know much about
point her actual boyfriend
GRANNY’SBIRTH different fathers, all departed German culture, but I do know

will call to tell her he’s got
the blow, and she should
WOULD’VELOOKED or deceased. With the they love a bit of structure come over.”
Unsuspecting dude: Whoa!
quadruplets added to the and regulation, so I guess
SOMETHINGLIKE fold, the family now have the there’s something about a
Me: Pick me up an 8?
THEDUSTSTORM precise numbers and absence doctor with a Super Soaker

Unsuspecting dude: PM?
Me: No, 8-ball, pick me up
THATSTOPPEDTHE of father figures to recreate full of jizz standing two an 8-ball. You’re killin’ me.
Hitler’s blitzkrieg of Poland. metres away from a willing
BASEBALLGAMEIN Coincidence? That’s for the grandmother in stirrups that
Unsuspecting dude: Hi.
INTERSTELLAR History Channel to decide. really soured their kraut.

Are you a fan of puns?
Me: I just shat in my nappy
It’s not all bleak news, The actual doctor was so I guess it Depends.
though, as she’s pulled up kind enough to let me make Unsuspecting dude:
You wear a nappy?
birthing stumps and donated up his responses to an
Me: I ate Indian last night...
her womb to science. In interview we never had about I give the smell of my farts
unrelated news, the lobby of the IVF process: “I switched a naan out of 10.
the Hadron Collider building off the targeting computer Dude: Ha ha. You’ll love this
in Switzerland is very excited and fired a protein torpedo one, then. What do you call
a Mexican who lost his car?
about its new protein-shake into the small thermal Me: You call immigration.
vending machine. exhaust port, just above Unsuspecting dude: No,
The IVF procedure her main port,” he quipped
PICTURES: GETTY IMAGES
LOL, you call him “Carlos”.

was performed in Ukraine, cheekily. Then I asked, “Was Me: What do you call
a guy on Tinder who
and luckily she was there it just like bullseyeing womp
thinks puns are fun?
attending a war-crimes rats in your T-16 back home?” Unsuspecting dude: What?
tribunal, so it worked out and we both laughed, once Me: A paedophile.
nicely. But this procedure/ we’d stopped vomiting.
ZOO
Clear out your social calendar — and your bank

account — and get hold of these boys’ toys
KICK-ARSE
GAME
CAPTURES
 If you’re as good at gaming
as Mick Malthouse is at losing
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show everybody. Elgato’s
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live streaming and live
commentary features.
A must if you want to start
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TELL Y R
iMAC T CRYSTAL-
SHUT TH CLEAR
HELL UP RETRO
 Keep Atama’s Sesa e GAMING
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12 hours on your wedd Retro 5 will make it happen.
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Handy for porn lovers, no?
28  FACEBOOK.COM/ZOO
GIVE
YOURSELF
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 Yes, a pair of Astro A50
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THIS LAPTOP’S TOUGHER THAN TYSON
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to play Guitar Hero will be Souls that’s been driving you you got an ASUS ROG G751, a diehard Carlton fan.
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THE RACING
SIM THAT
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 How realistic is the CXC
Simulations Motion Pro II?
Pros use it to learn courses,
thanks to its hyper-accurate
controls and movement. Like
the real thing, the steering
wheel generates 16 Nm of
force. Take your hands off
when you crash or it’ll snap a
bone or two… and you won’t
have money for a doctor
after shelling out $69k for it.
ZOO 20 GAMES GADGETS YOU NEED NOW
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Um… we think. The list of specs on-board storage, whatever
for the Cougar 600M mouse that means. We’re surprised it
includes OMRON switches, doesn’t also shoot death rays.
GAME OVER,
MAN. GAME
OVER!
 It’s the dilemma that’s
driven gamers crazy forever:
how do you show chicks that
you’re mad into gaming, but
also cool enough to hit the
EVERY piss with them? And here’s
RETRO the answer: ThinkGeek’s
range of NES cartridges that
FORMAT have been turned into hip
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flasks Thank you
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titles directly onto the unit.
THE NEXT
THING IN
IT’S PONG, VIRTUAL
BUT NOT AS REALITY
YOU KNOW IT  Pinć VR is a virtual reality
platform that straps onto
 One of the first games your face and has two finger
ever made has gone three- ring-like controllers that let
dimensional. Virtual Pong
features a ball made out of HOW TO NINTENDO you manipulate what you
see. Right now it’s focused
light that bounces off walls YOUR PHONE UP on shopping and audio-
and ceilings, and you whack visual stuff, but get in fast,
it with an electronic racquet.  Reckon the design of phone or PC via Bluetooth, and
because the possible
controllers went downhill after you can go retro anywhere,
gaming applications
the classic NES hit Oz in 1987? anytime. The battery lasts 20
are going to kick arse.
Invest in 8Bitdo’s NES30 game hours, so it’ll easily see you
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 Couchmaster’s range lets
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plumber to make their couch
into a functioning toilet, too.
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TINY B
BUT URN YOUR
MIGHTTY HONE
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 At t 15cm high, yperkin debuted the
Nanoarcade’s gaming artBoy as an April Fool’s
platforms are ssmall this year. But the device
eno to be smuggled hich turns an iPhone 6
into jail up your arse, if into a GameBoy,
needed. The jo oystick and plete with controls —
buttons are fun nctional, it’s so popular that they’re
mobile, plays Java games, ng it for real. Or maybe
and you can pimp it out. e doing it because
ention than ot death threats.
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 The Titan One is like a
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custom modifications.
Antec’s Bias Lighting strips  Rabbit Engineering’s Model belongs in a billionaire’s den. The mind boggles.
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it’s powered by the TV’s USB for the discerning gamer who spec joystick and buttons, and
port — and your optic nerves wants to play his NES games will be the first thing you save
will thank you for it. on something that looks like it if there’s a house fire.
TYPETHEARTOO-DEETOOWAY
 What could be cooler than genius bit of gear from Imp
typing on a virtual keyboard still rocks. It’s a limited edition,
being beamed out of what looks so make the jump to hyperspace
like R2-D2 after he’s gone over if you want one.
to the Dark Side? Well, rooting
Kate Upton, for one. But th
NEVER HAVE A DEAD

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Energizer makes recharge ever again. That’ll come in handy

stands for the PS4’s DualShock next time you chuck a sickie
handset and the Xbox One’s to play Call of Duty online
version so you don’t have to be for 32 hours straight.
IN THE
ZOO
WITH
evin Dill n
The Entourage star on Emily Ratajkowski’s boobs,
fighting Ronda Rousey, yelling “Victory!”
and his mum walking out of Platoon…
ZOO
that I know of. I didn’t
have many scenes
with her. Does she
usually do that?
Yeah, that’s what
she’s famous for…
Maybe. There’s
probably going
to be a couple of
boob shots but I’m
not sure if she gets
hers out or not.
Who are your
favourite cameos?
Liam Neeson was
occasionally throw
one in there. You hear
sportscasters on ESPN
are doing it now. You
on... hear people doing it on
ourite TV shows. It’s nice to
nts was have a catchphrase.
Victory!” Does it feel good now
d Canyon you’re not living in your
s? famous actor brother
t? That Matt’s shadow?
vourite Yeah, it does feel good
ma’s to fight your way out
by his of that. But then again
e’s going I fought my way out of
Grand being Matt Dillon’s
e finds out brother to being Johnny
reviews Drama — people still
t was don’t know my name
urite [laughs]. People are like,
the first “Hey, Johnny!” But it’s
“victory” alright. At least it’s a
nd the character I created.
ould say It’s better than being
U2 concert “Hey, Matt’s brother!”
ow “Happy How do you feel now
ny when you watch the
t whole Platoon scene where
. And that Bunny smashes the
he first disabled guy’s head in?
d “victory” Oh, man. It’s still good.
e by the That movie still holds
e of the up. It really does. Every
p at Comic- time I see that I think of
go, “Hey my mum. I went to the
a screening with her and
I would she was sitting right next
favourite to me. When I did that,
k you’re she got up and tried to
ere are leave the theatre. I had
ood to physically restrain
his movie. her and make her stay
flip out. and watch the rest of
eaps of it. She had a tough time
g to get with that. She’s got two
ictory!”? sons in the business
g people so she knows it’s just
y trying to a movie, but she had
, so I’ll a tough time.
Entourage is in
cinemas June 4
LERYN FRANCO
She made it to the Olympics
in the javelin throw and was
runner-up in Paraguay’s
Miss Universe comp in
2006. Not hard to see why!
RA LA -
If two-time US champ Sierra was as
good at rock climbing as she is at
modelling, she’d be able to get up
Mount Everest in 15 minutes flat.
N
When she’s finished playing
soccer for the USA she’’ll be
a walk-up start for a gig
with Victoria’s Secret.
N FE X
The winner of the 200m at
the 2012 Olympics is a dead
ringer for Rosario Dawson.
Z
GET THE APP!
MICHELLE JENNEKE
SALLY FITZGIBBONS Her dancing video’s had more than 27
million hits on YouTube. About 90 per
If women’s surfing was a beauty cent of those were from our editor.
contest she’d have won more
world titles than Kelly Slater.
W
At six feet she’s one of pro
golf’s tallest women... and
one of the best at pulling
an O face after a great shot.
TE
You’d want to have a good
pick-up line for this UFC star.
Offend her and you’ll wake
up in an ambulance.
A I
Finland’s fittest figure skater
PICTURES: GETTY, PICTURE MEDIA, AUSTRALSCOPE, SPLASH
gets 10s from male judges

even when she falls over.
SIA
Go to YouTube and enter the
pro surfer’s name followed by
“twerking”. You can thank us later...
ZO
GINA CARANO
MMA star, actress, television
personality, model... is there
anything she can’t do? Yes:
look anything other than hot.
MAR
RIA
SHARAPOVA
If you ever see the tennis
goddess do this in your
bedroom, you’re the
luckiest man on Earth.
RONDA ROUSEY
The only woman on the
planet who could turn a man
on by knocking him out.
P
Looks like a supermodel and
drives a NASCAR about as
well as Mad Max drives a
suped-up XB Ford Falcon.
E VA
Back when she was too
young to compete in MMA
fighting, but too hot to ignore,
Paige turned just as many
heads as a ring card girl.
IG
Bar Refaeli and the US pro
B-baller have something
in common: they’ve both
shot for Sports Illustrated.
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ZOO
OF THE
Yeah, it’s only June, but we
can’t see the bootylicious
LAUREN SCOTT’S
bum being bested
lauren
SCOTT
W
e can’t
find
anything
about you
on the
internet,
Lauren
— how is that possible?
Are you a secret agent
or in Witness Protection
or something?
I’m only on social media
and I’ve always been
quite reserved about
my private life — and
sins! I’m also very new
to modelling so there’s
not much about me out
there. Hopefully there’ll
be much much more
to come. Thanks to
ZOO for giving me
my big break!
The pleasure is all ours!
What can you tell us
about yourself?
I’m 21 and live in
Nottingham, UK. I’ve
“I love s
au ss ie gu y
— any
ta k e rs ?”
literally only just got into
modelling a few weeks
ago. It’s something I’ve
always wanted to do!
Well, you’re a natural.
What part of your
body gets the most
compliments?
Definitely my bum!
I guess it stands out
[laughs]. Also my eyes
— they’re bright blue and
I’m quite dark-skinned.
People often ask if
they’re contact lenses.
They’re not!
ZOO reckons we won’t
run pics of a better bum
all year. Do you hear
that kind of thing often?
I do! It makes me laugh
because people have
always joked, saying
ZOO
PICTURES: MATRIX SYNDICATIONS

ZOO
“Your bum is going to
be famous one day!”
How do you keep it
in such good shape?
I work very hard in the
gym to keep it toned and
maintain the shape. I go
to the gym five times a
week and I usually train
my bum twice during
this time. I just love it!
Who do you see as your
main competition in the
booty stakes?
I’m not competing with
anybody. Any woman
with a good body is an
inspiration to me and
makes me want to
get better myself!
Would you ever want a
massive badonkadonk
like Kim Kardashian?
No [laughs]. I love Kim K
but I don’t want her
badonkadonk!
Your hair is really long
— Is it good for doing
windmills at heavy
metal concerts?
I’m more of a hair-
flick girl...
What do you do for fun?
I love fine dining,
shopping, going to bars,
travelling and, of course,
training my bum!
Who’s your ideal man?
I’ve already found my
ideal man!
Damn! What do you
think of Aussie guys?
I love sporty, fun guys
so I reckon Aussie men
would be right up my
street. What do you
think — any takers?
Half of Australia just put
their hands up. Are you
a girly girl or do you like
hanging with the boys?
I’m definitely a huge girly
girl. Spas, massages and
facials for me, please!
What have you got
coming up in 2015?
This year has already
been amazing so far
and hopefully the good
luck will continue. Also,
I plan to go on as many
holidays as possible and
experience new things
and places. Maybe you’ll
see me in Australia very
soon. I hope so!
You’re welcome
any time, Lauren!
lauren
SCOTT
ZOO
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In
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houssing for the elderly,
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decompose. So next time saving
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their butt down the drain,
flick them down after it, too. Attention n all
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g , or
24 diabetics
diabetics: about
s: abouut
whale spew,
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peer cent of a cigarette
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resuult.
Elizabethan spy/
11 adventurer Sir Smokers spend an
Walter Raleigh brought 19 average of 18 days a 2255
pipe smoking to England year on smoke breaks, but
— and he smoked a bowl
of tobacco as a final
16
Whale vomit
get paid the same as non-
smokers. So write to your MP TOBACCO KILLS
request before being
beheaded in 1618 for
is used in the
manufacture of
and tell him or her that non-
smokers deserve an extra 18 ONE PERSON
EVERY EIGHT
treason. What an idiot. cigarettes. That’s right days of holiday a year.
His last request should’ve — when you light up,
SECONDS
been an iron collar. you’re inhaling Moby Here’s another
Dick’s chunder. 20 good reason to quit::
nicotine withdrawals make
mak
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The Geneva
17 Convention’s
time seem to pass slowe
slower.
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weeekends
international rules on the will seem like they go for
treatment of prisoners of three or four days..
war require tobacco to
be made available to The first o
owner
wner of the
prisoners. Surely beer 21 Marlbo
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did like pincushions full of
humane.
A PACK-A-DAY SMOKER the first “Marlboro
“M Man”.
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should head over to
SHOULD EXPECT TO LOSE 18
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2222
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obacco iCanQuit.com.au
OCK
THINKSTOCKK
tobacco plant’s
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was thought
thou ught to
TWO TEETH EVERY
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defence system against

PICTURES: THINKS
cure syphili
syphilis
is in mid-16th
mid-1
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6th
10 YEARS insects. It makes them

sick when they ing
ingest
m
est it.
ges
Century Europe.
how that
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won
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ZOO
PLUS: SAM KASI
The man who can

DESTROY Floyd
Mayweather Jr
Gennady “GGG” Golovkin is boxing’s reigning KO
machine, and he wants to do what Pacquiao couldn’t…
G
’day, Gennady. Floyd Mayweather. So is it your top priority to GET THE APP!
Pommy fighter Could that fight happen? clean up the middleweight

Martin Murray It’s my dream fight. Floyd is a division before looking at
gave you the great champion. He’s a smart the big-money catchweight
longest fight of your career. guy and he moves a lot. It’s a fights around you?
Is he the hardest man you’ve little bit different to my style: Yes. Right now my focus
ever shared a ring with? I prefer a big show with a lot is on 160 pounds [72.5kg,
Martin is a big guy and a strong of drama and a real fight. the middleweight limit].
guy, but it was like a practice You’ve got a cult following Absolutely, I hope for a big
fight for me. It felt good after among Mexican fans. Do fight with Miguel Cotto,
four rounds. I controlled the you model yourself on because he has the WBC
fight. I needed time for Mexican fighters? title and of course I want
practice so my coach, Abel There are a lot of great a unification fight with
Sanchez, asked me not to Mexican champions. I can Andy Lee, who is
knock Murray down. remember Julio Cesar Chavez WBO champion. NT
90.9 PER CEATE!
“Floyd’s style is KNOCKOUT R
different to mine …
I prefer a real fight”
What else do you need having a big fight every
to practice against? other month. I like the style,
I want to fight a southpaw because he’ll fight anybody
because I want to show at any time. I know I might only
everybody that I can beat have four years left, but I’m
any style. A strong guy, a tall ready for six or seven fights
guy, a short guy, anybody … a year. I’m ready for anybody!
I remember a lot of fighters Do you feel you’re the only
like Saul Alvarez and Miguel middleweight who’ll take
Cotto have had problems on all comers?
with southpaws. Why Yes. I want to fight to unify
not test myself? the titles. For me, it’s very
Lots of people think you’re important who’s the No.1
the only man who could beat middleweight in the world.
THE FIVE MEN
EVERYONE WANTS
TO SEE GGG BOX
ANDRE WARD
RECORD: 27-0
SUPER MIDDLEWEIGHT
GGG says: “I respect him. He’s
a great champion, but fighting
at middleweight is my priority.
I want a pay-per-view fight
and a bout with Andre is
not pay-per-view. It’s not
a unification fight so maybe
this is a fight for the future.”
FLOYD
MAYWEATHER JR
Record: 48-0
WBC, WBO & WBA
welterweight champion
GGG says: “This is my dream
fight and I’d absolutely move
down in weight for it. It’s not lots
of weight to lose. I walk around
at 167 pounds [75.7kg] and
came into my last fight at 158
pounds [71.6kg; the welter
limit is 66.67kg]. Look at me:
I’m not big and I don’t need
to be heavy to be strong.”
SAUL ALVAREZ
Record: 44-1-1
Light middleweight
GGG says: “Saul is young and
a very strong guy. Maybe I need
time for this big fight. It would be
a big pay-per view fight for the
fans and probably the biggest
fight out there for me. I respect
Canelo [Alvarez’s nickname,
“Cinnamon”] but right now
he needs to come up to the
middleweight division.”
MIGUEL COTTO JULIO CESAR

Record: 39-4 CHAVEZ JR
WBC middleweight champion Record: 48-2-1
GGG says: “My goal right now Super middleweight
is to fight him. He is a big name GGG says: “Julio Cesar Chavez
and has a good record. Right is my favourite Mexican fighter
now he’s the WBC belt holder and I loved the fact he’d fight
and I have the interim WBC anybody, any time. But his son
belt. I hope this will happen has a big mouth and is a load of
at some point as it’s a good talk. He’s not the right fight for
fight for both of us.” me now, so I’m not interested.”
I call this the
“wedding
tackle”
GET THE APP!
THE
Bulldogs prop Sam Kasiano is the largest unit ever
play rugby league, giving him the right to ra give
interviews. But he broke his rule for this one…
W
hen you One hundred per cent! sizes for us bi bo s
came on the Eh, that’s alright. so we can dre s u like the
scene, one Must make it hard to get pretty boys d now. I like
of the stats clothes that fit. wearing their jeans an ress
guys pointed out you were Very tough. Most of the shops shirts, for whe ou’re going
the largest human to play you go into, most of the sizes out places. An especia
rugby league at the top level. only go up to extra large. shoes. I used t have to o
One to tell the grandkids? Which is clearly not extra and buy these ugl shoes
Oh yeah, you know, they’ll enough. We understand all the time be
find out eventually, I guess. that’s why you’re now an got size 14 fee and
I didn’t even know about it ambassador for the new nothing fit me
until someone brought it bigger man’s clothing And you did a
up one day. brand Johnny Bigg... modelling ca pa n
It’s quite a stat, though… Yeah, Johnny Bigg has big for the brand ith
team-mate Frank junk food and are back in the
Pritchard. Did you get 120s — it must take an awful
the “Blue Steel” out? lot of veggies to fill you up?
That was my first time Ohhh man, I’m so jealous of
doing something like that… the boys eating Macca’s and
it was a bit of a laugh but stuff, eh. The fitness trainer’s
also a good experience. always teasing me, “Hey Sam,
They were telling us how the Subway’s over there…”
to pose but we were just These days I wake up and
laughing at each other all I just have cereal for breakfast,
the way through it. a couple of sandwiches for
Who are the fashion plates lunch, and a steak and a lot
at the Dogs? of veggies for dinner.
Josh Reynolds and Trent Does everyone want to talk
Hodkinson probably think to you about your recent
they’re the best dressed flying try-saving tackle in the
at the club. But it’s not Samoa v Tonga test match?
just them anymore. What were you doing out
We’ve caught up on the wing, anyway?
“I love to annoy
Des Hasler. He
always says,
‘We’re going to
have a fight’”
Sam (left) and team-
mate Frank Pritchard
are super-sized models
for Johnny Bigg
with Johnny Bigg… All the Samoans are loving it,
When it comes to fashion, eh. I have no idea, I just saw no screaming at everyone at the of the pranks?
who’s got no idea at the fullback at the back covering top of his lungs. Is there an Trent Hodkinson. Because
Bulldogs? and thought, “Oh my gosh”, in-between Dessie? of his rubbish haircut.
Curtis Rona. Another big but I didn’t think I was going At training I always like to How are the Bulldogs
boy. The boys give it to to make it. I just tried my play around a bit with Dessie. travelling?
him for what he wears best and it paid off. I love to scare him every now We’re not too worried yet,
some of the time. You were eligible to play and again. I just sometimes we’ve got some players
When you came on the for Queensland in Origin at annoy him and he always says coming back... we’ll be
scene you weighed in at one stage — is that all over to me, “We’re going to have a sweet in the end, mate.
133kg at one stage but now you’ve played for NZ fi ht soon, you and me, we’re
now u’ve cut out t e an m oin to ave a fight.” He’s
That’s all inished man.
I ust support Queens an
o , e loves it.
He was oing bananas in the
KING
ow. Fran ie Pritc ar as chan e om at halftime KASIANO
lways got something lined ur a ecent match…
up on Ori in ni t so we’ o We’d let in a couple of
to a restaurant or somet ri in the first half…
nd wat h it. e wasn’ happy.
ur a D ss Forwards just have a rest
Hasler is either ver at the sc um these days.
softl spoken or Do ou ss the contest?
s ’s It’s alri t [to have a
breather] but I kind of miss
t e s ng a bit, eh, a bit
a ntest for the ball.
Who’s ur funniest
am-m e? AGE: 24
Frankie itchard’s always HEIGHT: 196cm
o ing ar und and playing WEIGHT: 122kg

pran s o the boys. I like ACHIEVEMENTS: Six Tests
for New Zealand, 2012-13;
to la t em too. There’s one Test for Samoa; Bulldogs
too m ny to recall. Rookie of the Year, 2011; Dally
Wh s the target of most M Prop of the Year, 2012
ZOO
I found your
Fleshlight,
Slatts!
IN THE
ZOO
WITH
TERY ABOU T
ZOO SPEAKS TO SINGE R MAT T YOUNG AND BASSIST WAYN E “SLAT TS” SLAT
E DRY DALE
SLEEPING WITH PANTE R A’S PHIL ANSE LMO AND GOLD LOGIE WINN ER DENIS
G ’day, Matt. Was it

a spin-out hanging
at Phil’s house and
having him produce
your album?
Absolutely. I remember being
a 14-year-old kid and meeting
e
m
o
E
man. He’s a master lyricist and
a master vocalist. He’s just gott
one of those amazing voices.
Even when he talks it just
ssounds f**kin’ cool.
WWere you tempted to ask him
tto do some guest vocals?
m
d “
“Look, I dunno whether or not
we should send this to Phil…”
w
But after a couple of days we
B
tthought, “F**k it, let’s send it
tto him.” And then he read it
and said, “When do we start
a
ff**king shooting it?”
He
H should be an actor...
He’s
H forging his little acting
career,
c
that!
t
bits
people
p
that’s
t
don’t you worry about
He’s been in a few little
b and pieces. He’s got
knocking on the door,
for sure. But we’ve just
him at the Melbourne airport. WWell… ah… we didn’t really What a bloody legend!
W gotta
g stop touring to let him
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d that, but that doesn’t look
played that first show in — he was there to produce the e That’s one of the many rooms
T like
li it’s going to happen.
Melbourne at Festival Hall and rrecord. But his voice could be in Phil Anselmo’s house. He’s Do
D people grab your junk
I was probably about 13 or 14, oon there a couple of times… I’ll got a pretty rad house, man.
g when
w you’re crowd surfing?
and I’ve still got the photos. I ssee if you can pick it out or not.. Were Slatts’ lines at the start
W They
T certainly have. I try not to
actually showed them to Phil II’m not giving too much away. of your classic Shit on the
o look
lo down too much because
and I was like, “That’s me and HHow did you convince Phil Liver video scripted?
L I don’t really want to know if
you when I was 14”, and he wass tto get in bed with Slatts for NotN at all, man. Straight off the it’s
it a dude or a chick. It’s just
like, “F**k, Jesus Christ!” tthe Like a Rat video? cuff.
c Slatts is a creepy, freaky, like,
li “Well, that’s happening
Did he pass on any vocal tips? ? Mate,
M we wrote the script and clever
c dude. We love him, right
r now… I’ve just kind of
He definitely helped me a lot, I sent it to the boys and said, man.
m He’s awesome. gotta
g run with that.”
GET THE APP!
SLAT TS (LEF T) AND PANT ER A’S

PHIL ANSE LMO IN THE VIDE O FOR
KING PARROT’S LIKE A R AT
“I GO T MY FIRST BONE R OV ER DE NISE

DRYSDA LE FROM HE Y HE Y IT’S SATURDAY
WH EN I WAS 12 Y EA RS OL D” — SLAT TS
H
owdy, Slatts. tthat you actually increased W you be exploring that
Will ppersonal hygiene and really
During your Five y your energy output once character any further?
c llook after their hair. You know,
Minutes Alone in tthe lights went out? We were approached by a
W tthey’re using Pert every day. If
bed with Phil, was [[Laughs] We were the ones guy who runs a production
g tthey’re not getting into it, I like
it a Vulgar Display keeping the lights on! You just
k company and he wanted to
c tto say, “Are you saving your
of Power and was he left ttap into the bedroom and it explore the idea of doing
e hhair for the main band?” And
screaming “I’m Broken”? keeps going all night!
k a web series, which I’m not tthe wonderful smell that rises
[Laughs] Can I just say So you put the “dong”
S averse to. I’ve been offered
a wwhen people are moshing is
I totally agree with everything into
i “Ding Dong”? other weird shit as a result
o ggreat [laughs]. We also pay
you just said and I’m gonna She’s amazing. I think I got
S of that. I got offered the role
o people
p out because of their
send that to Phil. my first boner over Denise
m of Ned Kelly in the latest
o T-shirts.
T We’re like, “C’mon, Mr
Was the F**king Hostile? when I was 12 years old. Then
w Australia Day lamb ad.
A Eyehategod!
E If you’re really
[Laughs] It was — on both ffast forward to when I’m 35 Unfortunately I was overseas
U a metalhead, come in the
sides of the camp. I couldn’t and I’m living with her.
a when they filmed it.
w pit
p and have a crack!”
Walk for weeks! Did you tell her that story?
D Now Hollywood is
N Do
D they ever spit it and
Are women throwing Probably. We did get drunk…
P practically banging down
p try
t to fight you guys?
themselves at you now What are the origins of your
W your door, could you see
y Not
N me personally, thank
you’re a YouTube sensation? ? character at the start of Shit
c yourself replacing the aging
y f**k,
f because I’m pretty
Throwin’ ‘emselves off oon the Liver? Arnie as The Terminator?
A weak.
w There’s definitely
a f**kin’ bridge, more like it. TThat character actually came [[Laughs] Absolutely, mate, been
b moments when people
Look, I didn’t pick up a guitar ffrom living with a couple of bbut I’d take it in the direction have
h arced up at Youngy —
because I like music, mate, ggirls who were long-term oof a blue movie called The especially
e because he puts
and my looks probably leave ffriends. And one night I just PPenetrator. “I’ll come again!” himself
h out in the crowd.
a lot to be desired, so I’ll do pput that voice on and said, WWhat’s some of the funniest He’s
H been glassed and shit like
anything to have women ““Run up to your bedroom and d sstuff you’ve said on stage? that
t … It doesn’t happen a lot
throwing themselves at me. pput your jammies on.” And I like paying metalheads out considering
c the amount of
You stayed in an tthey were like, “Don’t f**king aabout the way their hair shit
s we throw at people.
environmentally friendly eever speak like that again!” ssmells, ’cos it’s real nice.
house with Denise “Ding AAnd I was like, “Okay, that’s MMetalheads don’t stink — Dead Set out now.
Dong” Drysdale for a week. Is s hhappening every night ppunks and rockers smell, TTouring nationally
there any truth to the rumourr ffrom now on.” bbut metalheads have great tthrough May/June
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Mate getting on it, no f**ks given.
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SCENE OF THE CRIME

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MONKEY BUSINESS
M
My little monkey by ASTEL PREDATOR
Joel Van Goor. Hello, watercolour wolf!
H
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OPTICAL ILLUSION
It’s a bald-headed custard chucker!
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VES
DRY LEA esh
fr
Autumn tree r. TTOO
ROSE TA a skull
t of the chai
ou yself
xt Just got m
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and
xt
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, vi
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She’s made a tit of herself.
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HOLY SHEET!
“A sheet of glass
fell on my arm. It
the nerve, tendon cut
and bicep, but
missed the tatt,
luckily!”
JAMIE, PORT M
ACQUARIE, NS
W
DECK HEAD
Came off my
skateboard.
Anon, via text
OPEN WIDE SLIP ’N’ SLICE

My gash from a work accident. Had a slip-up at work.
Anon, via text Anon,viatext
DOOR JAM
Copped a car door
FIGHT CLUB on my motorbike! PUNCH DRUNK
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ZOO
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T
POKER
FACE
Good news: heavily
stacked UK hottie
and PokerTube host
Natasha Sandhu
didn’t learn any tips
on the job, and sucks
at playing strip poker.
BOTTLE
BLONDE
Plastic water bottles
are bad for the
environment. If only
Marissa Everhart
pressed every bottle
against her boobs —
then no bloke would
ever throw them out!
COOLING
OFF
Sizzling Sarah from
Eastbourne, UK, has
a booty so smoking
hot she has to
regularly douse it
with cool water to
prevent spontaneous
combustion.
WEEKEND
AT BURNEY’S
We’d risk copping
some serious splinters
to spend the weekend
rolling around on the
wooden floorboards
in our undies with
British mega-babe
Francesca Burney.
TO SEE MORE
STUNNING BABES, GO TO
INTHEZOO.COM.AU PICTURES: KELLY’S GLAMOUR MODELS, SNAPPER MEDIA
GAMES
THE
LAUG
RPG
STATE OF
7
DECAY
XB1, PC
THE GIST: This Year One

Survival Edition redraws the
aging, open-world zombie
DESTINY EXPANSION II: survival horror game in
SHOOTER HOUSE OF WOLVES
PS4, XB1, PS3, XB360
7/ 1 0 1080p and bundles it with
more undead-smashing
content. It includes the
THE GIST: This first-person It also features more loot, remastered original game,
plus a new character,
space shooter by the dudes a level increase, a new strike
mission type, vehicle,
who made Halo is back with mission and story missions. unlockable heroes
enough new downloadable ZOO SAYS: Remains a fairly and weapon boosts.
content to make your ISP cry. average shooter, but it’s an ZOO SAYS: There’s no
Shoot rockets back and forth addictive meet-and-greet shortage of zombie games
out there, but surviving on
in three new 3v3 competitive spot for online gamers. The short supplies is fun, even if it
events, or try waves of aliens size and new story missions does look visually outdated.
in three-player co-op arenas. make it a worthy expansion.
BLU-RAY
ACTION TAKEN 3
[MA15+] 5/10 TRUE CRIME/
DRAMA
FOXCATCHER
[M] 8/10
THE GIST: Bryan Mills’ (Liam bodied bad guys to clear his THE GIST: A rich old fart leading him down a
Neeson) unbelievably bad run name, avenge his ex-wife and (Steve Carell) lures champion destructive path that also
of luck continues, this time save his up-the-duff daughter. wrestler Mark Schultz snares his bro (Mark Ruffalo).
being framed for the murder ZOO SAYS: Has its moments, (Channing Tatum) out to his ZOO SAYS: Slow, dark,
of his ex-wife. On the run from but following on from the ranch so he can coach him and intense and well-acted, this
the cops, he must use his equally average Taken 2, a team of wrestlers before the tragic true story will make you
lanky, aging frame to beat it’s a reminder that not all 1988 Seoul Olympics. He soon think twice about accepting
up much tougher and able- sequels are a good idea. f**ks with Schultz’s head, money from creepy old men.
FILM ZOO
Oh yeah.
How?
I can tell
you’re scared to
fight me
Er... your
turtle head is
poking out
COMEDY ENTOURAGE
[MA15+] 8
THE GIST: Vince (Adrian Turtle (Jerry Ferrara) is trying
Grenier) is making his to date Ronda Rousey, E’s
directorial debut on a film (Kevin Connolly) ex-girlfriend
that’s already over budget, is preggers and Drama (Kevin
which makes Ari Gold (Jeremy Dillon) has sex-tape troubles.
Piven) crack the shits because ZOO SAYS: It’s got everything
he’s financing it with help from fans of the show would want:
a rich Texan father (Billy Bob hot chicks, heaps of cameos,
Thornton) and his meddling massive parties, cool tunes
son (Haley Joel Osment). and classic Ari outbursts.
TV
Sorry, you
seemed much
prettier last
night DON’T
MISS THIS
WEEK
ROMANTIC
COMEDY
ALOHA
[CTC] 6/10 REDESIGN MY BRAIN 2
ABC, THURSDAY JUNE 4, 8.30PM
THE GIST: Brian Gilcrest (Bradley ZOO SAYS: Writer/director A couple of years back, Todd series. In this episode, Todd gets
Cooper) is a military contractor Cameron Crowe is the king of cheese Sampson’s science show expert help to sharpen his senses
overseeing the launch of a weapons — remember the barf-inducing “You demonstrated how our brains so he can compete in a safe-
satellite in Hawaii. He falls for his complete me” from Jerry Maguire? can be trained to achieve almost cracking competition. In next
assigned Air Force watchdog — and lays it on thick in this rom-com anything. It won the AACTA week’s ﬁnale, he has to face fear
(Emma Stone), but shit gets featuring an all-star cast (Bill Murray, Documentary of the Year award and step onto a 3cm wire 21
complicated when he reconnects Alec Baldwin and Danny McBride and is back for another three-part storeys above central Sydney.
with an old flame (Rachel McAdams). have support roles). Date night only.
ZOO MUSIC ALT-ROCK
MUSE
DRONES
SOUNDS LIKE:
After fooling
around with dubstep
/10
6
and other electro
elements, the UK prog-rock
trio attempt to strip things
back a bit on their seventh
album. Instead of self-
producing, Robert John
Lange of AC/DC fame steps in
to help take Matt Bellamy and
co back to their rock roots.
Catch us at ZOO SAYS: The album starts
Dubbo RSL off strongly with Dead Inside
next Tuesday and the stomping Psycho,
night!
but the metaphor comparing
war’s lack of empathy and
accountablilty to love soon
wears thin, as do the by-
the-numbers rock riffs, which
sound uninspired compared
to UK newcomers Royal
Blood. Epic 10-minute finale
The Globalist is a saving grace.
HIP-HOP A$AP ROCKY

AT. LONG. LAST. A$AP 8/10 HIP-HOP SETH SENTRY
STRANGE NEW PAST 9/10
SOUNDS LIKE: SOUNDS LIKE: The
Rocky’s third darling of Triple J
album features tries to shy away
collabs with MIA, from novelty
Mos Def, Kanye, Lil songs about
Wayne and even Rod bloody waitresses and hoverboards
Stewart! L$D is one weird trip. with this new, more mature effort.
ZOO SAYS: Not a game-changer like ZOO SAYS: Clever lyrics, awesome
Lamar’s newie, but another slick set Aussie flow and some seriously
from the best of the A$AP Mob. smooth, jazzy beats. Top stuff.
FLORENCE +
INDIE ROCK THE MACHINE
HOW BIG HOW BLUE HOW BEAUTIFUL 8
SOUNDS LIKE: After having a bit
of a meltdown and subsequent
trademark soaring
vocals. Elsewhere,
ELECTRONIC JAMIE XX
IN COLOUR 7/ 1 0
hiatus from recording, the fiery booming brass SOUNDS LIKE: The 26-year-old Brit Auto-Tuned Young Thug pops up
Florence Welch is back with her sections add behind The xx’s beats steps out for on with lines like “gonna ride in that
third album. The four-year flare. ZOO SAYS: his first solo album after making his pussy like a stroller” — with dark
absence seems to have lit a spark While we don’t like to encourage mark as an acclaimed remixer. instrumentals and streetscapes.
within this redhead, as tracks like rangas, Welch is proof they can Kicking off with the rad Gosh, the ZOO SAYS: Like The xx if they
Delilah, Ship to Wreck and What achieve good... as long as they’re 11 tracks mix vibrance — the upbeat traded in guitars for decks — Romy
Kind of Man are bursting with her heard and not seen. Loud Places and I Know There’s and Oliver sing on three tracks —
Gonna Be Good Times, which an but Jamie shines most on his own.
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ZOO
 A pine tree planted in
2004 in memory of dead
Beatle George Harrison died
after being infested with
actual beetles
 The three deadliest drugs
in Australia — tobacco,
alcohol and opioid
painkillers — are all legal
 Shakespeare made up the
name “Jessica” for his play
The Merchant of Venice
 Marijuana’s
potency has
soared by 25
per cent in the
last 30 years
 A secret CIA program in

the 1960s named “Acoustic
Kitty” planned to implant
6 THING
S microphones and antennae
TO SAY inside cats that lived in the
DOWN Kremlin, thereby avoiding
THE PUB detection
ABOUT.. Three of the dead were
. found in the parking  The three wealthiest
lot, four in front of the families in the world control
building and one behind more assets than the 48
a neighbouring restaurant poorest countries combined
 If swimmer Michael Phelps
Police recovered
5 over 100 weapons,
were a country, he’d rank
number 35 on the all-time
including brass knuckles,
Olympic gold medal list,
guns, knives and clubs, and
ahead of 97 nations
arrested three bikers as
they arrived, tooled up for
WACO BIKIE BRAWL revenge. They said they
were shot at by the feuding
All you need to know about the vicious Texas biff bikies and returned fire.
that left 18 injured, 170 arrested and nine dead... It’s not known how many
Picture the scene: Waco PD Sergeant deaths police caused
1 hundreds of bikers 3 Swanton told reporters
from five gangs (including trouble flared in the bathroom Police revealed
the Bandidos, Cossacks at 12.15pm, as well as outside 6 they’d asked the
and Scimitars) meet at the over a parking space, leading franchise owner not to
Waco, Texas, branch of to “a fistfight that turned into host a bike event — there
titty bar Twin Peaks a knife fight that immediately had been seven prior —
turned into a gunfight” but he’d refused, which he
Outside Twin Peaks denies. His franchise has
2 is a marked SWAT In the following been closed down. The  The eyes of Star
truck in full view, with 18 4 shitfight, nine 170 bikers face 511 pages Wars droid C-3PO
uniformed officers who Bandidos and Cossacks of affidavits and charges, were made of real
had heard whispers of were shot dead, 18 bikers and $1m bail each. Police gold to prevent
possible violence injured and 170 arrested. received death threats them corroding
The
HexHog
an off-ro is
wheelch ad RICHEST AUSSIE
features air that POSTCODES
chassis, a flexible
wh 1 2027, $177,514 av. income
all six which keeps NSW (Darling Point,
contact eels in
Edgecliff, Point Piper)
with 2 3761, VIC $148,967
ground the (St Andrews)

3 2023, NSW $143,112
Shit... I’m (Bellevue Hill)
bogged
4 6011, WA $142,504
(Cottesloe, Peppermint Grove)
5 3142, VIC $142,000
(Hawksburn, Toorak)
6 2030, NSW $139,099
(Dover Heights, Vaucluse,
Watsons Bay)
7 3944, VIC $138,800
(Portsea)
8 2088, NSW $137,647
(Mosman, Spit Junction)
9 2110, NSW $132,557
(Hunters Hill, Woolwich)
10 2063, NSW $130,801
(Northbridge)
Source: ATO
 The velociraptor screech

from Jurassic Park was a
recording of tortoises
having sex
 Russians play a modern  The furthest objects

version of Russian roulette, we can see in space are
using Tasers instead of guns. 47 billion light years away
It’s called “perm”
 Koalas sleep for an average
 Some US schools are of 22 hours a day. They need
introducing desks with this time to digest their food
pedals in order to keep
 The Apollo 11 astronauts
restless children occupied
were quarantined for 21 days  Retired New
 If the sun were the size of  You’d lose 50 per when they returned from York subway cars
a white blood cell, the Milky space in 1969
cent of your grip are dumped in the
Way Galaxy would be the
strength if you had  There are more possible Atlantic Ocean to
size of the United States
your little finger different iterations in a game make artificial
 For every human on Earth amputated of chess than there are atoms reefs for fish
there are 1.6 million ants in the entire universe
1 2 3 4 5
10
TOP
Armenian* Barbadian American Colombian English

5971 votes 4036 3402 2741 2006
6 7 8 9 10
SEXIEST
WOMEN BY
NATIONALITY
Source: MissTravel.com Australian Brazilian Filipino Bulgarian Lebanese
*Possibly explained by Kim Kardashian 1040 992 651 429 323
having Armenian heritage
ZOO
GETFACT!
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TWENTY
1600kmh Number of attacks each day worldwide using bombs
SEVENTY
Speed of a projectile as it explodes from an improvised explosive device (IED)
Number of elite bomb-disposal experts around the world
ONE
billion: dollar amount the US military
has spent in the last decade on EVERY
36 HOURS
protective clothing and armoured
vehicles to counter the IED threat I’ve got to stop
using so much
lighter fluid on
Frequency of amputations on
40kg
the barbie
US troops at the height of the
Afghanistan War, mostly
due to explosives
Average weight of a bomb

protection suit
$70K
Basic salary of a bomb-disposal expert
400 Proportion of deaths and injuries in

the US military attributed to bombs
PICTURES: GETTY IMAGES, PICTURE MEDIA, AAP
per cent
Rise in number of IEDs used in
Afghanistan between 2007 and 2010
250,000 Estimated unexploded World War Two
bombs still dormant in Germany
70  FACEBOOK.COM/ZOOWEEKLYOZ Pub Ammo “Guess Who?” answer from page 66: Cameron Crowe
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Gourmet Traveller
Cosmo TV Dolly Doctor Harper’s Bazaar TV
Restaurant Guide 2014
Full
FREE! FREE! FREE! magazine
Gourmet Fast TV Week Rugby League Week + Cosmopolitan Australia
GO BEYOND THE PAGES

OF YOUR FAVOURITE MAGAZINES
Apple, the Apple logo and iPad are trademarks of Apple Inc.,
registered in the U.S. and other countries. App Store is a
service mark of Apple Inc. *Excludes Cosmopolitan Magazine.
“That
which does
not kill me
makes me
feel like a
beer” – Friedrich Nietzsche
I N T H E Z O O . C O M . A U

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