There's Always Another Man in

Her Life
By Chase Amante

At the start of the new year,

there was a thread on the
boards with suggestions for new
articles this year. Zac
suggested one on the tendency
of women to always have men in
their lives... and that this should
never be an obstacle for you
when meeting new women.

Itʼs a curious thing for me to

think about. This concept is one
I spend zero thought cycles on
myself, and it always strikes me
as a little odd and funny when I
see men talking about it now...
mostly guys on the boards talking about their concerns about
approaching: but what if she has a boyfriend?

Not just boyfriend, though; but what about that guy sheʼs talking to?
Or, yeah, I see her by herself right now – but what if thereʼs
someone else nearby? What if she has a lover and I donʼt know it?

The fact is, EVERY woman you meet is going to have SOME guy in
her life, in SOME capacity. There is some man who is important to
her who is “limiting” her choices in men in some way.
The thing about approaching though is this: youʼve got to learn to
disregard these men as abstractions and approach away,
anyway.

Just because you donʼt see him, doesnʼt mean he isnʼt there.

From the start of my seduction career, I made it a point to come

across as completely open, accepting, and non-judgmental as I
possibly could with girls. Especially after sleeping together. What I
wanted was to learn as much about womenʼs true natures as I
possibly could... because most of what I knew was from books and
television shows, and I knew that every one of those carried the
slant of the writer.

I quickly found out that human relationships are a very messy

thing. What I expected going in as a novice was that the women I
would meet and sleep with would be:

1. Completely single, and

2. All looking for relationships

My assumption was, if a woman sleeps with you, itʼs either because

sheʼs totally single and thinks you might make a good boyfriend, or
because sheʼs totally single and you seem like you might make a
good fling.

Instead, what I learned was that there are always men of moderate
to significant importance in the life of every woman you meet.

Sometimes, women will tell you directly about these men, if you help
them to feel comfortable enough.

Other times though, these men are invisible.

God, Father, Lover, Crush

Every woman you meet has a man influencing her, guiding her
choices, and making her more inclined or less inclined to date and
sleep with other men:

Her boyfriend
Her husband
Her lover
Her crush
Her father
Her brother
Her god
 This can be an alien thing to
realize when youʼre a man
starting out. It may be the case
that you have no woman in your
life at all who is affecting your
mating choices and activities.
And, especially when weʼre
inexperienced in a thing, we tend
to fill in all the blank holes of our
(lack of) understanding of that
thing by projection of our own
selves... in this case, sexually
and romantically inexperienced
men usually assume that women
are just like them.

When you are as I was starting out, and you have no women
influencing your day-to-day life, and you donʼt otherwise have a
highly developed mental model of the opposite sex, you will find
yourself assuming that girls are like you: totally single, uninfluenced
by anyone else, every decision they make completely of their own
volition without having to take into consideration any complicating
variables.

But in fact, thereʼs probably not a woman on Earth who is

uninfluenced by some at least moderately important
relationship with a man in her life. Thereʼs just no getting away
from it.

It might be that a girl has a boyfriend (though just because she

says she has a boyfriend doesnʼt mean she absolutely does); it
might be that she has a secret lover sheʼs told no one about.
It might be that thereʼs some guy from her school, work, or social
circle that sheʼs crushing on in a major way, and dreaming about
getting married to and having babies with (or just having him come
scoop her up and give her a night of passionate, sheet-drenching
love making).

It might be that she talks to her brother almost every day, or that
she has lunch with her father every week and talks about life with
him.

It might be that sheʼs a religious girl, and her relationship with her
god is one of the most important relationships in her life.

You might find such things out, either on a date or after you first
sleep with a girl, if you both make her comfortable and have a girl
who likes to talk about herself openly and dislikes secrets.

With a great many women, however, you may well never know.

The men who are close to a woman have an assortment of different

effects on her:

They can alleviate some of her needs

They can drive her to meet men like them
They can drive her to meet men unlike them

A bit about each of these below.

He Takes Care of Her Needs

This is usually when a girl has one of the following:

A very good friend or brother who provides emotional

reassurance
A boyfriend or a husband who provides relationship security
A father or father figure who provides life direction
A lover who provides sexual satisfaction

Generally speaking, the more of a womanʼs needs that are already

being satisfied by other men in her life, the less ajar the door into
her life (or panties) typically is. Do keep in mind that womenʼs levels
of need are all over the map, depending on their emotional state at
the moment, and their emotional personality overall (secure and in
control, or insecure and crazy/needy? Someone who needs lot of
attention, or little? A girl with a low sex drive, or one thatʼs through
the roof?).

One of the things youʼll run into among girls who have boyfriends or
husbands but who are still open to sleeping with you (as opposed to
girls who have these but are uninterested in taking a lover on the
side on) is that theyʼre very often much easier to sleep with than
single women. Why? Because they donʼt have to worry about
whether sleeping with you impacts their chance to get relationship
security from you... theyʼre already getting that from their current
partner. That makes the whole “should I sleep with him or not?” call
an easier one to make.

Conversely, women who are in need of emotional reassurance

and/or direction in life in addition to sexual satisfaction can be easier
to sleep with if youʼre capable of providing these things (that is, an
emotional connection, and inspiration), though theyʼll be clingy or
needy after sex often times because you provide so much different
value to their lives that theyʼre far more afraid of losing you than
they would be had you only provided value to them in one of those
ways.

In my opinion, when youʼre looking for a girlfriend, you want one

who is not in need of emotional reassurance because sheʼs
emotionally solid herself and/or has a centered relationship with her
family or close friends.

When youʼre looking for a quick fling, on the other hand, her
needing emotional reassurance can only help your cause, but youʼll
have an easier time of things if she isnʼt looking from relationship
security from you – either because sheʼs already got it with
someone else, or because youʼve taken yourself out of the
running for the boyfriend role.

He Drives Her to Meet Men Like Him

It sometimes is the case that

a woman has a father (or
father figure), brother, or
close friend whom she holds
in very high esteem. If heʼs
her friend, she may also find
him attractive, but they arenʼt
together for whatever reason
(could be that heʼs in a
committed relationship; or,
maybe both are shy and no
oneʼs ever made a move).

As cited in the article on

doing well when meeting a
girlfriendʼs family, the research on female sexual imprinting shows
that women with positive relationships with their fathers growing up
select men who look a lot like their fathers. Anecdotally, Iʼd add that
women with strong relationships with their fathers also choose men
who resemble their fathers personality-wise, too. A similar form of
sexual imprinting seems to occur with other very close men sheʼs
had positive relationships with.

The result of this is, if you remind girls a lot of men they have
good relationships, memories, or experiences with, youʼll often
get a sort of “free pass” with them – theyʼre warmer to you, more
receptive to you right away, will test you less and comply with you
more.

In this case, you benefit most from reminding a woman of the men
closest to her, and she will be more inclined to get to know you if
you remind her of the men she cares for.

He Drives Her to Meet Men Unlike Him

The opposite scenario is that a woman doesnʼt like the men closest
to her; she has love-hate relationships with them, or even just all
“hate” ones. She ends up seeking a man who is the polar opposite
of her father / brother / friend / partner. Most women who cheat on
their boyfriends and husbands are seeking a man who is unlike their
partner, because they are unhappy with him (though in the case of
high sex drive / highly experienced women who are straying, it can
be the case that the girl is perfectly happy with her man, but just
needs a dash of novelty – in which case, she may cheat on her guy
with a guy who reminds her a lot of her guy, because thatʼs her
“type”).

Where this is the case, a woman will look for men who look nothing
like the men close to her she has bad relationships with; sheʼll look
for different personality types, although she can have love-hate
relationships with them, too... for instance, the girl whoʼs father was
negligent and rogue-ish will seek out safe relationships with stable
men, only to lose respect for these men and break up or cheat to
find negligent, rogue-ish men, whom she dislikes but sleeps with
anyway, only to leave in order to find a more secure man to pair up
with once more.

When you meet women with troubled pasts with men, youʼre usually
best served by emulating the men these women have the most
emotion with in your actions, while seeming like their opposites in
your words. This normally means being an aloof asshole body-
language and voice tone-wise, while saying lots of nice things.

You want to remind her subconscious of the man she has a deep
and painful, but familiar, relationship with, while consciously striking
her as someone totally and refreshingly different (obviously, women
with troubled pasts you want to cross off the list as potential
girlfriends – donʼt go sacrificing yourself to save some damsel in
distress).

Aside from the limited emulating of preferred character traits

mentioned above that you can do after eliciting values from a girl
about the men in her past, not that much.

You have no control over who the other men in the lives of women
you havenʼt even met yet are, or what sorts of relationships they
have.

You have no way to know that that woman walking down the street
has a father sheʼs close to, or a good male friend, or a supportive
brother, or a boyfriend, or a husband, or some fellow sheʼs crushing
on hard.

The only thing you can know is that every woman you meet has
another man in her life.

Period. End of story. You wonʼt meet a blank slate... they arenʼt out
there.

If youʼve been using the “Yeah, but what if she has X male figure in
her life?” as an excuse to not approach, youʼve got to drop it,
because every woman around you has some kind of important male
figure in her life.

Every girlfriend Iʼve had had a close male friend, men she was going
on dates with, or a family member she was close with when I first
met her. Plenty of other girls Iʼve slept with and didnʼt get to know
nearly as well as those Iʼve had relationships I never the less heard
about from them or found out about later having lovers, boyfriends,
or husbands at the time we got together, as well as men who were
chasing after them, guys they had crushes on, and the like.

Every woman has men in her life in some close capacity at all
times. There just arenʼt women that go live reclusive lives without
important male figures in them just because. Even the strongest,
most independent women youʼll meet have men in their lives.

So set this one aside, quit worrying about it, and go approach
some girls.
Yes, theyʼre all going to have men in their lives; and those men will
influence their reactions to you in some way itʼs impossible to
predict before you meet them.

And thatʼs why youʼve got to go meet them: to find out if theyʼre one
of the girls being influenced to find you more attractive, or if theyʼre
one of the girls being influenced to find you not so attractive. You
donʼt meet the former without wading through some of the latter...
thatʼs just how it goes.

Thereʼs always another man in her life. Donʼt stress it – just put soles
to pavement and go say “Hi” regardless.

You may just be exactly the kind of man sheʼs inclined to enjoy
meeting.

Chase

About the Author: Chase Amante

Chase woke up one day in 2004 tired of

being alone. So, he set to work and read
every book he could find, studied every
teacher he could meet, and talked to
every girl he could talk to to figure out
dating. After four years, scads of lays, and
many great girlfriends (plus plenty of failures along the way), he
launched this website. He will teach you everything he knows about
girls in one single program in his Mastery Package.

GET CHASEʼS MASTERY PACKAGE

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