Ross A Rosenberg

This chapter aims to ruffle a few feathers, go against the grain, and challenge an almost religious-like adherence to antiquated and disproven information on codependency. These pages, if not the whole book, are guided by an unwavering mandate to archeologically dig and sift through every sedimentary layer of the codependency environment to locate, isolate, gather, piece together, and most importantly, identify why the "codependency dinosaur" could not resist falling prey to the evolutionary process of extinction.

Covert narcissism is a subcategory of narcissistic personality disorder. The term pathological narcissist represents a person who fits the diagnostic criteria for either narcissistic, borderline, or antisocial personality disorder as well as an active addict. These pathological narcissists are masters of disguise-successful actors, humanitarians, politicians, clergy members, and even psychotherapists-who are beloved and appreciated but are secretly selfish, calculating, controlling, angry, and vindictive. They create an illusion of selflessness while benefiting from their elevated status. Unlike the overt narcissist who parades their narcissism for all to see, the covert furtively hides their actual intentions and identity. Covert narcissists can trick others into believing they are honest, altruistic, and even empathetic. They are successful at pretending to be a more likable version of themselves, knowing that if their actual characters were uncovered, they could not maintain the respect, status, and prestige they so desperately desire.

The worst-case scenario technique (TWS) is a defensive strategy I developed to aid people with self-love deficit disorder/SLDD™ (codependency) to be confident with the boundaries they set with severely narcissistic loved ones. It is one of many techniques developed for my Self-Love Recovery Treatment Program™ or SLRP. The predominant theme in its fifth stage, "Preparing for the Narcissistic Storm," is represented by a term I coined-predictive awareness. Success in this stage gives the codependent, which I now refer to as self-love deficient or SLD, all the abilities and tools to succeed in the next stage, "Setting Boundaries in a Hostile Environment." Predictive awareness is the proactive accumulation of knowledge and insight into one's vulnerabilities to narcissistic abuse, especially the tactics that render them powerless to protect themselves. By openly and courageously studying this critically important information, recovering SLDs get a rare glimpse of the narcissist's dark, despicable, and often hidden controlling and dominating agenda. Learning about how SLDs are rendered powerless, especially their role in losing or giving it up, becomes a crucial recovery benchmark.

Should the codependent devise an escape plan and be amply prepared and motivated to act upon it, the pathological narcissist activates their arsenal of laser-guided weapons to bring the escaping codependent to their knees. When facing the termination of the relationship from their escaping codependent, pathological narcissists react as if their oxygen supply has been blocked. Their "last gasp" attempts to circumvent, reverse, or sabotage the escaping partner's plans to terminate the relationship take many forms. All forms of emotional manipulation, sabotage, mind-control, aggression, and passive aggression are considered for returning the "escapee" to the formerly inescapable "prison." Should the codependent make a daring escape, the pathological narcissist will utilize the following potent "tricks" to reel them back into the relationship.

Excerpt from Upcoming "The Codependency Revolution" released with workbook on 11/01/23 Fortunately for science, the process of pairing creativity with skepticism promotes new discoveries while discarding outdated misconceptions. That knowledge-bearing tension seems to fall short in stimulating the mental health community's examination of codependency. Metaphorically, codependency lives a chameleon's life. What people believe or experience reveals more about the environmental background (culture, society, etc.) than the actual problem from which they suffer. Despite the numerous, innovative contributions by many, codependency still fails to be understood. Understanding codependency's convoluted history and the chronic lack of success in treatment illustrates the uphill road of discoveries I have been enthusiastically traveling on. Considering historical information, the term, problem, and treatment for codependency should be gutted. How the world defines codependency is simply incorrect, excessively simplistic, stigmatizing, and embarrassing. The lack of credibility in professional circles unintentionally enables the absence of valid and reliable resources for the problem. Most disturbing is the one-dimensional understanding of a problem that mistakes the symptoms as the cause. To that end, codependency has never been viewed as habits, behaviors, and relationship patterns. Instead, such are symptoms of more profound trauma, shame, loneliness, and relationship addiction issues that, in totality, are codependency. To illustrate this problem, imagine the fate of a person with a rapidly spreading bacterial infection whose physician mistook the observable symptoms for the actual foundational cause. The line of intervention would be to clean and bandage the wound, then send the person home with antibiotics. But what if the onset of the potentially fatal infection was overlooked, and a person who could have been successfully treated, died? Such a hypothetical tragedy illustrates the lives of hundreds of thousands of codependents. Perhaps you may now better understand the passion that has gone into writing this book. Aside from the mental health field mistaking codependency for its symptoms, no one has yet to identify and explain the undeniable attraction to pathological narcissists pattern and relationship-preference troubles. Considering the lack of established and valid explanations for the codependent's chronic pathological attraction patterns, the inability to escape harmful relationship partners, and the propensity to repeat the pattern with subsequent partners, it appears the mental health field has its back turned. Such a system-wide failure by the well-meaning but mostly uninformed professional field is disappointing, saddening, and frightening. Without intuitively sensible and psychologically valid explanations for why codependents almost always fall in love with pathological narcissists and, consequently, are subsumed by a mountain of suffering, any attempt to resolve the problem will most likely continue to fail. But don't mistake my various position as purely academic or theoretical. I have skin in this game. Moreover, as a recovering codependent, I have a personal stake in identifying codependency's theoretical, conceptual, and practical shortcomings, while, at the same time, suggesting sweeping theoretical, conceptual, and practical changes.

The worst-case scenario technique (TWS) is a defensive strategy developed to aid people with self-love deficit disorder or SLDD (codependency) to be confident with the boundaries they set with severely narcissistic loved ones. It is one of many techniques developed for my Self-Love Recovery Treatment Program. The predominant theme in its fifth stage, "Preparing for the Narcissistic Storm," is represented by a term I coined-predictive awareness. Success in this stage gives the codependent, which I now refer to as self-love deficient or SLD, all the abilities and tools to succeed in the next stage, "Setting Boundaries in a Hostile Environment." Predictive awareness is the proactive accumulation of knowledge and insight into one's vulnerabilities to narcissistic abuse, especially the tactics that render them powerless to protect themselves. By openly and courageously studying this critically important information, recovering SLDs get a rare glimpse of the narcissist's dark, despicable, and often hidden controlling and dominating agenda. Learning about how SLDs are rendered powerless, especially their role in losing or giving it up, becomes a crucial recovery benchmark.

If you've read my book, The Human Magnet Syndrome, you know I am constantly creating new concepts, examples, illustrations, or theories, especially those that relate to my Self-Love Recovery Treatment Program. This program was designed for people with Self-Love Deficit Disorder (SLDD), my updated term for codependency. Those with SLDD, according to my Human Magnet Syndrome theories, are unconsciously attracted to pathological narcissists, who in the beginning are dream lovers, but later hurt, neglect, deprive, and abuse them. Most of my theoretical, conceptual, and practical discoveries come to me during sessions with my clients suffering from SLDD. For this article, I am sharing a session with an SLD-or Self-Love Deficient client (codependent), whose real name is not Sandra. In a recent psychotherapy session with Sandra, I kept digging for a childhood history of attachment trauma caused by a narcissistic and SLD parent. Since SLDD is inexorably tied to this childhood experience, I felt it to be odd that she reported only positive memories of her childhood and family. But as I discussed with her, there had to be an early childhood trauma experience that set her up to fall in love with and stay married for 37 years to her husband, who was a covert narcissist (narcissistic personality disorder with antisocial traits). This session began with Sandra expressing confusion with my book, The Human Magnet Syndrome. She asked me if she was the exception to my theories since she had an uneventful childhood in a family that had few problems and parents who were loving. I naturally said no to

The following is an excerpt from Ross Rosenberg's upcoming Third Edition of his Human Magnet Syndrome book, From Soulmate to Cellmate. Iatrogenic trauma is the long-term suffering and distress caused by the poorly executed, mistaken, and/or incompetent treatment of any painful, limiting, or frightening mental health or medical problem. Such trauma is caused by a treatment provider's unrealistic optimism, unfulfilled assurances of relief or a cure, treatment failure, the worsening of the condition, painful complications, or the creation of unanticipated unrelated conditions. Iatrogenic trauma is also caused by systematic ignorance of a medical or mental health problem, stigmatizing and shaming labels, and the lack of effective treatment. Such iatrogenic trauma is often the result of poor judgement, laziness, and/or incompetence. Such avoidable mistakes, whether out of ignorance, accident, laziness, or willful disregard for accepted techniques, rules, and/or established guidelines, leave an indelible trauma mark on the person, which can last a lifetime.

A narcissistic injury occurs when narcissists reflexively react to perceived criticism, embarrassment, judgment, boundaries, or attempts to be held accountable. Often such a reaction takes the shape of aggravated anger or rage, a compulsion to immediately retaliate, or a covert strategy to mute the rage while planning for a more effective time to punish and retaliate. Such reactive fits of punitive rage also occur when a person does not accommodate a narcissist's insatiable need for admiration, special privileges, praise, etc. In the cases of a person with borderline personality disorder, the "injury" shows up when the perceived wrongdoing or insensitivity is greatly over-amplified while paranoid-like thought processes attribute malicious or purposeful intent.

These days, the term "delusion" or "delusional" is used well beyond its original clinical meaning. Like many of my other mental conceptualizations, I understand it according to levels of severity or gradations. In its most pronounced form, it represents a symptom of a debilitating mental illness. Its more informal version describes a person or action that is mildly upsetting or dysfunctional. A delusion is a sincere belief not questioned or adamantly held onto despite evidence to the contrary. According to the Miriam Webster online dictionary, "delusion" is "a persistent false psychotic belief regarding the self or persons or objects outside the self that is maintained despite indisputable evidence to the contrary." In addition, Dictionary.com defines "delusional" as: Maintaining fixed false beliefs even when confronted with facts, usually because of mental illness. Having false or unrealistic beliefs or opinions. Delusional thoughts or belief patterns can be a primary symptom of a painful, difficult-to-treat, and extraordinarily challenging mental illness, such as schizophrenia. On the other hand, chronic or periodic delusionality is manifested by psychological, environmental, and developmental causes. The latter explanation for delusionality represents a person who consciously expends effort to deny their reality, or, on the other hand, is prone to unconscious or dissociative avoidance, personality disturbances, drug abuse, trauma, and other more reactive and often treatable explanations. The delusions of a pathological narcissist fit the second category.

The relationship template is a foundational and indispensable concept specifically created for the Human Magnet Syndrome theory. It illustrates and explains the unconsciously experienced and unobservable psychological mechanics that bring together oppositely compatible people into a lasting intimate relationship. In addition, it accounts for relationship preferences, rules, instructions, and acceptable levels of tolerance. Like the other Human Magnet Syndrome concepts, it applies to a wide spectrum spanning from optimal to pathological levels of relational and mental health. Relationship templates are formed by a child's attachment experience with one or both parents. Whether healthy or dysfunctional, and anything in between, these templates coalesce into a "relationship guidance system" that consists of automatic/reflexive explanations, instructions, rules, preferred roles, and levels of tolerance. In the most basic sense, it serves as a "blueprint" and "instruction manual" that unconsciously and intuitively guides the development and maintenance of close and intimate oppositely compatible partners.

The pathological narcissist's core shame and debilitating attachment trauma require the restorative and almost medicinal value of the child's "giftedness." By siphoning feel-good "units" from the "gifted child," they can maintain a structurally weak sense of pseudo-self-esteem and a veneer-thin sense of selfimportance. The stakes are high for the narcissist to always keep at least one "gifted" child in the family. Failure will cause the conscious re-emergence of their core shame, which causes an unfathomable existential crisis.

As much as we would like to, we cannot avoid certain indisputable immutable facts of life: We will have to pay taxes, we will get older, we will most likely gain a few pounds, and we will always be connected to our childhood. Sigmund Freud was right, we are, indeed, creatures of our past; affected more by our formative years than by recent events and circumstances. Although genes play a significant role in determining our adult selves, how we were cared for as a child is integrally connected to our adult mental health and the quality of our adult relationships. Whether we embrace our unique childhood history, or if we try to mute, forget, or even deny it, there is no way of refuting its impact on our lives. If you were fortunate, you may have had a childhood that was absent of major trauma, abuse, deprivation, or neglect. As one of the fortunate ones, you would have had parents who made mistakes, but who also unconditionally loved and cared for you. Just by being yourself, despite your imperfections, you would have proved to your parents that all babies are perfect, and the gift of life is sacred.

Codependents cannot shake the unrealistic belief that happiness will only come if they are in a relationship. They look to other people to make them feel happy and fulfilled. Because of their Human-Magnet-Syndrome-driven relationship choices, their hope of a "happy ever after" disintegrates at the very moment their narcissist in hiding takes off his soulmate mask.

Setting boundaries is an important part of all relationships. It becomes even more important—and potentially life-saving—when you are interacting with a pathological narcissist. Those who are Self-Love Deficient (SLD), which is a new term for codependent, need to learn tools and strategies to set boundaries, even to the point of breaking up with someone.

One of the most effective techniques for setting boundaries and breaking free from a pathological narcissist is the “Of Course Method.” It may seem like a simple turn of phrase, but “of course” are two small words that hold huge power.

We’ll look here at what kind of work SLDs need to put in before adding the “Of Course Method” into their toolbox. We’ll also discuss what it looks like in practice and what the benefits of this technique are.

Because the escapee has overcome their Self-Love Deficit Disorder™ (SLDD), the updated term for codependency, they have developed enough emotional fortitude, knowledge, and courage to pull off their meticulously planned escape plan. Additionally, their ability to successfully escape from/terminate their relationship is likely because of their involvement in "Self-Love Recovery Treatment," aka a "Codependency Cure™" program.

Psychotherapists and other mental health practitioners are frequently called upon as expert witnesses in disputes involving emotional distress/trauma, mental illness, child custody disputes, and other disputed mental health-related phenomena. In such cases, their ability to provide persuasive and credible information/testimony to a judge and/or jury often determines the success of a specific legal proceeding.

Setting boundaries is an important part of all relationships. It becomes even more important-and potentially life-saving-when you are interacting with a pathological narcissist. Those who are Self-Love Deficient (SLD), which is a new term for codependent, need to learn tools and strategies to set boundaries, even to the point of breaking up with someone.

Recovery from Self-Love Deficit Disorder/codependency cannot be rushed. Many of us have lived in or currently live in a metaphorically dilapidated and dangerous home that fools us into believing it protects us from the risk of harm and danger. As much as we may want to blame another person for "building the home", making us stay inside it, or inoculating us with fear for wanting to move out of it, we must face the fact that we are also responsible. Since we are not chained inside of the house, the captor needs the captured to believe they belong in such a house. Believe it or not, the locks on the outside doors were installed by both partners. The challenge is to realize that you always carry the keys for the deadbolt locks and the password for the security alarms. This "safe house" of ours has always constricted our growth potential by not allowing us to believe it's safe to go "outside"; when in fact, we can-whether being soaked by spring's torrential rainfalls, buried by winter's knee-deep snow, or burnt by summer's scalding heat. We have been gaslit into believing the locked doors and security systems of our dysfunctional dwelling protect us from all these things. The fortified steel bolt locks that we agreed to, or were talked into installing, never actually protected us. On the contrary, they trapped us in a home imbued with the absence of self-love, where every wall, floor, and ceiling is stained with fear, negativity, and pessimism.

Like everything else in their lives, pathological narcissists need to be parents so they can feel good/better about themselves. Despite their public proclamations, everything is always about themselves, and never the child. Having a child allows them to fictionally repackage their life in which their buried core shame is replaced with candy-coated feel-good illusions.

The aim of this article is to neither shame nor blame codependent parents who participate in their family's dysfunction but rather to provide codependency recovery-specific information as well as to open up a discourse on an otherwise taboo subject.

The creation of these codependency types help people who normally are in denial about their codependency/SLDD to see themselves in a specific diagnostic “light.” It is impossible to heal codependency/SLDD if you don’t know what it is and how it manifests within you.
I wrote my Human Magnet Syndrome books to help people understand and identify their codependency/SLDD. For the purpose of healing and overcoming what was previously invisible and unknown to them.
Codependency or Self-Love Deficit Disorder (SLDD) is a problem of distribution of love, respect and caring, within close, and/or romantic relationships. Codependents give the preponderance of love, respect and caring (LRC), with the hopes of having it reciprocated. All codependents believe that their narcissistic partner will realize their mistakes and finally give them the LRC they want and need. It just never happens.

IT’S EVERYWHERE
Gaslighting is simply impossible to comprehend, identify, and permanently eradicate without an accurate understanding of what it is and how it evades detection. Because of its complex nature and apparent invisibility, it secretly lurks in the shadows while perpetuating unfathomable harm upon its victims. It is difficult for the victims of it and the many clinicians attempting to help them comprehend, identify, and ultimately resolve.

THE ANGRY BULLY PULPIT
Many of these “experts” dangerously and irresponsibly promote a pure “victim” position which blames the narcissist for the harm, while claiming complete innocence in any part of the dysfunctional relationship “dance .” Such individuals even use their online platform as a judgmental and blaming “bully pulpit” where they rage against narcissists while spewing out angry, vindictive and finger pointing vitriol, most of which is disguised as life-changing advice.

According to Patrick Carnes, the renown sexual addictions researcher and treatment pioneer,“sex addicts come from all walks of life-they may be ministers, physicians, homemakers, factory workers, salespersons, secretaries, clerks, accountants, therapists, ...

Breaking through to self-love
is the most difficult journey
for rose bud people
who are paralyzed
by their anxious fear
of the unknown.

The promise of becoming
a fully actualized flower
always seems too far away
as the long winters of waiting,
quietly and patiently
for improbable but safe opportunities,
never come.

Self-Love Deficit Disorder recovery cannot be rushed.  Many of us have lived in or currently live in a metaphorically dilapidated and dangerous home that fools us into believing it protects us from the risk of harm and danger.  As much as we may want to blame another person for building the house, making us stay inside it, or inoculating us with fear for wanting to move out of it, we must face the fact that we are also responsible. Since we are not chained inside of the house, the captor needs the captured to believe they belong in such a house.  Believe it or not, the locks on the outside doors were installed by both partners.  The challenge is to realize that you always carry the keys for the deadbolt locks and the password for the security alarms.

Although the codependent parent is harmed by their narcissistic partner, their codependency should not be considered a valid excuse for not protecting their children. Even with the all-powerful Human Magnet Syndrome, the adult codependent parent, like all other adult parents, carries the responsibility to care for and defend their children. However, the stark and most unfortunate reality is they predictably fall in love with pathological narcissists who they feel intractably bonded to, despite feeling abused, neglected and/or deprived. And when they become parents, they often choose staying in the relationship with the harmful narcissist over protecting their children. Most codependent parents sincerely do not wish any harm to befall their children. In fact, they go to extraordinary measures to stop, mitigate or buffer the narcissist's harm or abuse of the children. Despite their best intentions, they are unable to stop the resulting disregard and/or mistreatment that everyone in the family is forced to endure, except, of course, for the offending narcissist. The codependent's inability or unwillingness to shield the children co-creates a toxic family environment in which the children are harmed and their future psychological health is compromised. The codependent's compulsive desire to satisfy the narcissist's insatiable selfish needs, while also trying to control or coerce them to behave less narcissistically, results in a depletion of their energy, time, focus and emotional resources, which would otherwise be given to the children. Trying to control a person who, by definition, cannot be controlled, while unsuccessfully seeking love, respect and care from them, results in a hamster-wheel experience where their physical and emotional resources are exhausted. Tired and beaten down, they often shut down and disconnect from their parental responsibility to protect their children (and themselves). Although I am suggesting that codependents share responsibility for the harm of their children, caution must be taken when attributing blame. Codependent parents similarly grew up in a family in which all the children were held captive by the neglect and/or abuse of a codependent and pathologically narcissistic parent. They are clearly victims of their childhood environment. In addition, without their attempts to protect their children and the love and nurturing they did give them, the sum total of psychological harm to the children would be far worse compared to being raised solely by a pathological narcissist. Many a codependent client has lamented over how much they resented and were angry at their codependent parent for not protecting them and not divorcing or leaving the abusive narcissist. In fact, these same clients recall numerous occasions when they could have been protected or removed from harm's way, but were not because of their codependent parent's distorted sense of responsibility, loyalty and feelings of completely powerlessness. Adding insult to injury, their need for security, nurturing and safety was traded for their parent's fear of living alone and feeling shameful, broken and pathologically lonely.

“Relationship “Gravity is a metaphor for the psychological forces that keeps our feet planted in romantic relationships.  It’s “vertical” power, which weighs down on us and keeps us in relationships, is synergistically connected to The Human Magnet Syndrome’s “horizontal” influence, which irresistibly draws romantic partners together.  Both forces explain the long-term and committed nature of all relationships, ranging from healthy to dysfunctional.    Relationship Gravity is a constant and ever-present force that pushes against anyone who wishes to end or leave a relationship.  Such a staying force is a “good” phenomenon for healthy relationships, and “bad” for those who are inextricably connected because of their shared dysfunction, like a well-matched codependent/narcissistic relationship.

Have you been working on your online dating profile? Posing for the perfect selfie? Finding the exact right words to describe your wonderful self? Sadly, and unfortunately, all of the effort in choosing the best photographs, writing one’s personal biography, and positioning oneself in the most appealing personality and lifestyle categories is all for naught; it simply doesn’t matter. Adding insult to injury, it is futile to base your hopes for a happy relationship on the careful reading and interpreting of a potential love interest’s profile, while scanning every pixel of their pics with a magnifying glass looking for potential clues or red flags. Why? Because dating chemistry is not based on your prospective match’s face or body type, musical interests, favorite foods, political leanings, education, religion, or other criteria. Dating chemistry is based on “The Human Magnet Syndrome!”

I have to be honest, I do not like when the term " empath " is used interchangeably with " codependent. " " Empath, " which has its origins in the spiritual and metaphysical world, was never intended to be a replacement term for codependency. An empath is defined as a person with the paranormal ability to intuitively sense and understand the mental or emotional state of another individual. According to empaths I have spoken to and the information available on the Internet, they are highly sensitive to the emotional and metaphysical energy others. If, indeed, this extra-sensory phenomenon exists, it is definitely not the same thing as codependency. Since " empath " has mostly positive connotations and " codependent " does not, it makes sense why it is a preferred moniker for the more serious psychological problem of codependency. Misrepresenting codependency, or what I now refer to as Self-Love Deficit Disorder (SLDD), only adds a layers of denial to a problem that is already shrouded in shame. In addition, it casts a serious problem in a positive light, while perpetuating the myth that SLD's or codependents are victims, instead of willing participants in their dysfunctional relationships with narcissists. Who can argue that being empathetic is bad? Well, it isn't. The idea that empaths are vulnerable people, just because of a certain personality type, is an excuse, which offers no solution to the problem. Being empathic is good! However, being empathic and allowing yourself to be hurt by people you choose to be with, or are unconsciously attracted to, is not. But one could argue that being overly empathetic while choosing to be in harmful relationships with narcissists is dysfunctional and self-destructive. " Empath " should, therefore, not be a replacement term for " codependent, " When we admit we struggle with SLDD, we are honestly and courageously confessing our pain, while describing what we need to do in order to find loving, respecting and mutually caring relationships. I have worked with SLD's/codependents my whole career, and I, myself, am a recovering SLD. I have learned that we can only recover from our secret hell-our magnetic attraction to narcissists-when we understand that we are willing participants or dance partners in a very dysfunctional relationship dance. We choose narcissistic " dance partners " because we have a

Ross Rosenberg makes the critical distinction between damaging criticism and constructive input

Thanks to a recent piece of feedback, I feel compelled to say: There is little to no value in criticism. Criticism, versus constructive feedback, is almost always a statement about the criticizing person, who casts themselves as the benevolent judge desiring to help you. It is a stark and at times lonely reminder that a person who behaves as though they are your concerned friend, really has more interest in feeling good about themselves at the cost of hurting another’s feelings.

When a therapist colleague and friend recently asked me to explain what Self-Love Deficit Disorder is and how to treat it – I panicked.  Although I love talking about my latest discoveries, especially Self-Love Deficit Disorder, I paused to think of the right response.  Being fatigued from seeing six psychotherapy clients that day, I considered utilizing the therapist’s conversation maneuver of avoiding the subject by asking a similarly difficult question about a topic about which they love to talk.  My second impulse was to skirt the question by explaining that the answers are best explained in my latest seminar video – the six-hour “Codependency Cure.”

When treating trauma victims (and trauma survivors), I conceptualize trauma as a metaphorical invisible wound that is shamefully hidden from others. Many trauma victims hold onto the irrational belief that, by telling someone their story, they would be taking an indefensible risk which could have irreversible and lasting consequences. They are also terrified of the consequences of exposing the perpetrator because of real or imagined judgment, rejection from loved ones and the consequent loss of important loving and supportive relationships -- social and familial isolation.

An “emotional vitamin” is a metaphor for interpersonal and emotional “sustenance” that is given to children by their parents in order to promote healthy psychological and social development.  The most important of all the metaphorical emotional vitamins is “vitamin L” or “vitamin love.”  Just like actual vitamins, say C or D, vitamin love is critically important to a child’s developmental needs.  Or, in other words, if parents or caretakers do not provide sufficient, consistent and predictable levels of emotional nurturing, mental health problems in adulthood will surely occur.  There is no way around this stark but important fact.

Ross Rosenberg, author of the Human Magnet Syndrome: Why We Love People Who Hurt Us, explains why codependents and narcissists are highly compatible in a relationship.  By use of a dance/dancing metaphor he creates an understanding of the reflexive but unconscious attraction dynamic.

ADHD is neither a “new” mental health problem nor is it a disorder created for the purpose of personal gain or financial profit by pharmaceutical companies, the mental health field, or by the media. It is a very real behavioral and medical disorder that affects millions of people nationwide. According to the National Institute of Mental Health (NIMH), ADHD is one of the most common mental disorders in children and adolescents. According to research sponsored by NIMH, estimated the number of children with ADHD to be between 3% - 5% of the population. NIMH also estimates that 4.1 percent of adults have ADHD.

Although it has taken quite some time for our society to accept ADHD as a bonafide mental health and/or medical disorder, in actuality it is a problem that has been noted in modern literature for at least 200 years. As early as 1798, ADHD was first described in the medical literature by Dr. Alexander Crichton, who referred to it as “Mental Restlessness.” A fairy tale of an apparent ADHD youth, “The Story of Fidgety Philip," was written in 1845 by Dr. Heinrich Hoffman. In 1922, ADHD was recognized as Post Encephalitic Behavior Disorder. In 1937 it was discovered that stimulants helped control hyperactivity in children. In 1957 methylphenidate (Ritalin), became commercially available to treat hyperactive children.