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1
Sameer Mathur, Ph.D. (Carnegie Mellon University) http://www.BuddingMarkets.com
1
How to Win
Friends and
Influence
People
Marketing Professor 2009 – 2013
Ph.D. and M.S. (Marketing) 2003 – 2009
Marketing Professor 2013 –
Indian Institute of Management,
Lucknow
2
© Sameer Mathur 2
Prof. Sameer Mathur
http://www.BuddingMarkets.com
Section 1
3
Sameer Mathur, Ph.D. (Carnegie Mellon University) http://www.BuddingMarkets.com
Fundamental
Techniques in Handling
People
4
Sameer Mathur, Ph.D. (Carnegie Mellon University) http://www.BuddingMarkets.com
1. “If You Want To Gather Honey, Don’t Kick Over The Beehive”
Most people don’t respond very well to criticism,
condemnation, or complaint, so if you’re feeling such things
about someone, just bite your tongue and hold back. By doing
this, you avoid adding unnecessary negativity to a
conversation, negativity that can very easily backfire on you
by making others think less of you.
Section 1

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Sameer Mathur, Ph.D. (Carnegie Mellon University) http://www.BuddingMarkets.com
2. The Big Secret of Dealing With People
Speak positively of others every chance
you get. Think of a few positive things to
say about each person you know and then
reference those positive attributes when
you can.
Section 1
6
Sameer Mathur, Ph.D. (Carnegie Mellon University) http://www.BuddingMarkets.com
3. “He Who Can Do This Has
The Whole World With Him.
He Who Cannot Walks A
Lonely Way”
Section 1
7
Sameer Mathur, Ph.D. (Carnegie Mellon University) http://www.BuddingMarkets.com
Make the other person interested
in you by leading with the things
that are useful to them. Take a
cover letter, for example; don’t
lead with “I want this job,” but
instead with something stating
your best characteristic for that
job.
Section 1
8
Sameer Mathur, Ph.D. (Carnegie Mellon University) http://www.BuddingMarkets.com
Section 2
Section 2: Six Ways to Make
People Like You

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Sameer Mathur, Ph.D. (Carnegie Mellon University) http://www.BuddingMarkets.com
1. Do This and You’ll Be Welcome Anywhere
in essence.
Carnegie says that you should become genuinely interested in
other people, which is rather challenging for most introverts to
do. What I’ve found that works for me is that I try to internalize
what other people are saying – does this make sense in my life?
Then, I try to express what I figure out – it shows that I am taking
an actual interest in what they’re saying.
Six Ways to Make People Like You
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Sameer Mathur, Ph.D. (Carnegie Mellon University) http://www.BuddingMarkets.com
2. A Simple Way to Make a Good First
Impression
All you have to do is smile, but it’s harder
than it sounds. I generally find success
by greeting people in a positive fashion
while imagining things that make me
happy – it makes it much easier to bring
forth a smile.
Six Ways to Make People Like You
11
Sameer Mathur, Ph.D. (Carnegie Mellon University) http://www.BuddingMarkets.com
3. If You Don’t Do This, You Are
Headed For Trouble
I am very good with names – I can
recall facts about people by name
without any trouble – but I run into
issues when I see a face and try to
put a name to it…
12
Sameer Mathur, Ph.D. (Carnegie Mellon University) http://www.BuddingMarkets.com
…Carnegie suggests getting as good as you can
with it. I’ve found that if I really need to remember
someone’s name with their face, particularly before
a conference, I look at their picture online with
some regularity. This helps me to imprint their
image in my mind and then be able to recall their
name quickly after meeting them.

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Six Ways to Make People Like You
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Sameer Mathur, Ph.D. (Carnegie Mellon University) http://www.BuddingMarkets.com
4. An Easy Way to Become a Good Conversationalist
Here, Carnegie says the best way to
be seen as being a good
conversationalist is to genuinely
listen to others. I’ve always found
this part to be easy – it’s the
speaking part that I find challenging.
Six Ways to Make People Like You
14
Sameer Mathur, Ph.D. (Carnegie Mellon University) http://www.BuddingMarkets.com
5. How to Interest People
The key technique here is to translate what you hear into
talking about what interests the person you’re speaking to.
Listen for things that they are interested in that you know
something about, and then follow that point as a train of
conversation – don’t just interject your current passions
into the discussion, because they might not be shared.
Six Ways to Make People Like You
15
Sameer Mathur, Ph.D. (Carnegie Mellon University) http://www.BuddingMarkets.com
6. How to Make People Like You Instantly
If you want to build a real bond with someone else, make it
clear how important that person is to you and do it in a way that
the sincerity of the feeling comes across. I find a great way to
do this is actually by connecting two people I know together – I
introduce them to each other with a compliment to both of
them, especially if I know something that they’ll have a mutual
interest in.
16
Sameer Mathur, Ph.D. (Carnegie Mellon University) http://www.BuddingMarkets.com
Section 3
How to Win People to
Your Way of Thinking

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Sameer Mathur, Ph.D. (Carnegie Mellon University) http://www.BuddingMarkets.com
1. You Can’t Win An Argument
So, avoid arguments. If something looks
like it might be turning into one, just let it
drop as gracefully as you can and move
on. Doing this over and over again will
make you appear levelheaded and
rational.
How To Win People To Your Way Of
Thinking
18
Sameer Mathur, Ph.D. (Carnegie Mellon University) http://www.BuddingMarkets.com
2. A Sure Way of Making Enemies – and
How to Avoid It
The easiest way to make an enemy is to
tell them that they are wrong. Instead of
doing that, say something like, “I never
thought of it that way before” and ask
questions, whether or not you feel the
position has merit or not.
How To Win People To Your Way Of
Thinking
19
Sameer Mathur, Ph.D. (Carnegie Mellon University) http://www.BuddingMarkets.com
3. If You’re Wrong, Admit It
If you are revealed to be wrong, just admit it and
be very clear about the admission. Don’t try to
hide it under sulking or arrogance, because you’ll
just amplify the negativity of those behaviors
when you’ve clearly been exposed as being
wrong.
How To Win People To Your Way Of
Thinking
20
Sameer Mathur, Ph.D. (Carnegie Mellon University) http://www.BuddingMarkets.com
4. A Drop of Honey
Often, you have to enter
conversations where you’re going
to have to deliver some bad news or
a negative report. You can make this
go much easier by starting off with
the positives…

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How To Win People To Your Way Of
Thinking
21
Sameer Mathur, Ph.D. (Carnegie Mellon University) http://www.BuddingMarkets.com
…for example, if you have terrible service at an
otherwise good restaurant, don’t shout at the
manager about it – tell him the things you did like
first, then point out that some service problems may
be tarnishing the reputation of the restaurant. This
actually works really well for making the
conversation go well and it has earned me a few
vouchers, too.
How To Win People To Your Way Of
Thinking
22
Sameer Mathur, Ph.D. (Carnegie Mellon University) http://www.BuddingMarkets.com
5. The Secret of Socrates
If you’re trying to convince someone of your
argument, start off with base points that
you’re absolutely sure they will agree with and
ask them to acknowledge that agreement.
Then, when you move from step to step, keep
getting those positive acknowledgements. A
string of “yeses” is more likely to yield
another “yes”.
How To Win People To Your Way Of
Thinking
23
Sameer Mathur, Ph.D. (Carnegie Mellon University) http://www.BuddingMarkets.com
6. The Safety Valve in Handling
Complaints
When someone comes to you to
complain about something, don’t
interject and start an argument. Let
them blow off their steam and only
respond when they’re finished…
How To Win People To Your Way Of
Thinking
24
Sameer Mathur, Ph.D. (Carnegie Mellon University) http://www.BuddingMarkets.com
…Ask questions to encourage them
to speak even more. This will often
cause them to vent off most or all of
their issue, which makes it much
easier for the problem to be handled
rationally at the end of the
conversation.

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How To Win People To Your Way Of
Thinking
25
Sameer Mathur, Ph.D. (Carnegie Mellon University) http://www.BuddingMarkets.com
7. How to Get Cooperation
How To Win People To Your Way Of
Thinking
26
Sameer Mathur, Ph.D. (Carnegie Mellon University) http://www.BuddingMarkets.com
If you can, lead them to the conclusion of the argument.
Present all of the ideas up front, then state your conclusion
and ask for their approval
on it with a nice “What do you think?” Listen to what they have
to say and then try to incorporate it. In the end, they will feel
like the idea is theirs and will come out of the conversation
feeling quite positive about things. This is a great way to get a
supervisor to incorporate a change in
the workplace.
How To Win People To Your Way Of
Thinking
27
Sameer Mathur, Ph.D. (Carnegie Mellon University) http://www.BuddingMarkets.com
8. A Formula That Will Work Wonders for You
If you just don’t understand where someone is coming from,
spend a bit of time trying to put yourself in that person’s shoes.
Why would this person feel this way about the situation?
Usually, putting yourself in their shoes for a while will reveal a
few things that weren’t entirely clear to
you before and might just lead directly to a healthy
understanding and solution to the problem at hand.
How To Win People To Your Way Of
Thinking
28
Sameer Mathur, Ph.D. (Carnegie Mellon University) http://www.BuddingMarkets.com
9. What Everybody Wants
Inevitably, someone will come to you
with an untenable idea or desire that
you simply can’t approve of. In that
case, at least show approval of the
feelings and thoughts that brought
the suggestion to bear.

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The document discusses the impacts of conflict in the workplace, including stress, loss of productivity, absenteeism, and sick leave. It then provides tips for effective conflict resolution, such as maintaining composure, allowing both sides to speak, finding areas of agreement, and focusing on solutions rather than blaming. Additional resources and techniques are recommended to help de-escalate conflicts, including active listening, using "I" statements, and acknowledging others' expertise.

How To Win People To Your Way Of
Thinking
29
Sameer Mathur, Ph.D. (Carnegie Mellon University) http://www.BuddingMarkets.com
10. An Appeal That Everybody Likes
Regardless of whether or not you feel a claim is legitimate or
not, respond to it with sincerity by appealing to fundamental
societal ideas of right and wrong and fair play. Frame your
response in such a way that the person’s fundamental sense
of right and wrong is put into play when they
hear what you have to say.
How To Win People To Your Way Of
Thinking
30
Sameer Mathur, Ph.D. (Carnegie Mellon University) http://www.BuddingMarkets.com
11. The Movies Do It. TV Does It. Why Don’t You Do It?
If you have a great idea, think of how to incorporate it into
a story. Relate it directly to a human experience and tell
that story as you’re trying to tell your idea. Connecting the
concept to a tale will always make it work – that’s the
reason fables stay around for thousands of years.
How To Win People To Your Way Of
Thinking
31
Sameer Mathur, Ph.D. (Carnegie Mellon University) http://www.BuddingMarkets.com
12. When Nothing Else Works, Try This
If you can’t get your ideas and motivational speeches to work,
throw down a direct challenge. This doesn’t mean saying
something like “I challenge you…”; just do something to get
their competitive spirit going. By doing this well, you can draw
even more of their spirit into completing the objective.
32
Sameer Mathur, Ph.D. (Carnegie Mellon University) http://www.BuddingMarkets.com
Section 4
Be a Leader: How to Change People
Without Giving Offense or Arousing
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Be a Leader
33
Sameer Mathur, Ph.D. (Carnegie Mellon University) http://www.BuddingMarkets.com
1. If You Must Find Fault, This Is the Way to Begin
If you’re going to find fault in a person or an organization, start
off by stating their positive attributes and the things that you
find good about the person or the group. Then, once you’ve
established that there are positive attributes and you’re not just
railing on them, you can move onto the criticism.
Be a Leader
34
Sameer Mathur, Ph.D. (Carnegie Mellon University) http://www.BuddingMarkets.com
2. How to Criticize – and Not Be Hated for It
If you’re going to criticize something, you’re
better off criticizing it indirectly, usually by
offering a positive suggestion in another
direction. Let’s say, for example, that I were
to write a piece here that you didn’t agree
with.
Be a Leader
35
Sameer Mathur, Ph.D. (Carnegie Mellon University) http://www.BuddingMarkets.com
Rather than trying to trash the argument,
one could merely say that I could word it
differently and suggest some phrase
changes so it didn’t come off as
overbearing, thus alerting me indirectly
to some of the big flaws in the argument.
Be a Leader
36
Sameer Mathur, Ph.D. (Carnegie Mellon University) http://www.BuddingMarkets.com
3. Talk About Your Own Mistakes First
Another effective way to blunt the sting of
criticism is to tell of your own faults and mistakes
first. Let’s say you’re trying to advise someone
about debts. One way to make the advice more
effective is to talk of your own problems with
accruing debt.

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Be a Leader
37
Sameer Mathur, Ph.D. (Carnegie Mellon University) http://www.BuddingMarkets.com
4. No One Likes to Take Orders
If you need to instruct someone to do
something, instead of shouting out an order,
ask some questions about the problem and
lead them to a solution in which they can
participate. If you involve them in the
solution by asking questions, not only will
they do it, they’ll feel involved in the
solution.
Be a Leader
38
Sameer Mathur, Ph.D. (Carnegie Mellon University) http://www.BuddingMarkets.com
5. Let the Other Person Save Face
If you’ve just offered up criticism,
allow the other person plenty of space
to save face. Let them correct the
mistake if they can, or at least give
them the opportunity to do so – only
after this opportunity should you seek
change.
Be a Leader
39
Sameer Mathur, Ph.D. (Carnegie Mellon University) http://www.BuddingMarkets.com
Your belief might be to get rid of the
problem completely, but by letting the
problem at least have a chance to be
solved, you not only appear more fair to
the person or group in question, you
appear more humane and a much more
sound leader to everyone else.
Be a Leader
40
Sameer Mathur, Ph.D. (Carnegie Mellon University) http://www.BuddingMarkets.com
6. How to Spur People On to Success
Whenever someone shows any sign of
improvement, make it clear to that person – and
to others – that you notice and appreciate it. I
recall an experience in a workplace where we
had to turn out “units” every so often…

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If you are looking for scientifically proven strategies and techniques on how to get your Facebook marketing the attention it deserves, take a look at what you will find inside this presentation: You’ll learn science based psychological principles that will help your Facebook ads convert better. You’ll get lots of real life examples – you’ll learn how the biggest and best on the market do it, so you can do it just like them. As a special bonus, you will learn which specific words can trigger the right emotions in your customers so they click your ads like they are hypnotized. You’ll be surprised how theories on human behavior can help you understand your consumers and deliver on their needs through Facebook Ads. You can see the full course here -> http://skl.sh/29SLiEp

social media marketingsocial mediainfluence
What i wish i knew when i studied in UEL
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What i wish i knew when i studied in UEL

This document provides advice for students in university. It recommends being proactive by doing research, communicating results, managing relationships, and stretching skills. It also advises staying motivated by finding internal drive and inspiration from others. Students should remember their goals, envision graduation, and clarify values and direction. Prioritizing is important given many options and distractions. Problems are inevitable but represent opportunities; creativity and trying different solutions are key to overcoming challenges. Failure is part of the process and leads to learning; personal skills like managing distractions can improve chances of success. Change is essential in today's world.

wishmotivationuel
Be a Leader
41
Sameer Mathur, Ph.D. (Carnegie Mellon University) http://www.BuddingMarkets.com
…The average person on the team
was turning out eight or nine units a
day, while one person was working
steadily but only turning out five.
After talking to a supervisor about it,
he tried some new techniques and
produced six a day – and seven on
the final day of the week…
Be a Leader
42
Sameer Mathur, Ph.D. (Carnegie Mellon University) http://www.BuddingMarkets.com
…The boss made it a point to praise him at a
meeting, stating that he had cranked up productivity
more than 20%, even though he was still the lowest
producer. Eventually, he began to produce at the
level of everyone else because he now believed he
could do it.
Be a Leader
43
Sameer Mathur, Ph.D. (Carnegie Mellon University) http://www.BuddingMarkets.com
7. Give a Dog a Good Name
When you introduce someone or mention
them in a group setting, always talk them up.
Give them a standard to live up to as you
introduce them and they’ll try hard to live up
to that standard. The reverse is true; if you
don’t say much or criticize them as you
introduce them, they’ll live up to that lowly
standard instead.
Be a Leader
44
Sameer Mathur, Ph.D. (Carnegie Mellon University) http://www.BuddingMarkets.com
8. Make the Fault Seem Easy to Correct
If you’re giving advice to someone about how to correct a
problem, try to make the problem seem easy to correct. Offer up
lots of pointers that on their own seem quite easy and let that
person believe that they’re all easy and that they can do it. Making
the suggestions for correcting the fault seem difficult makes the
person think that it’s going to be very hard and they’re doomed to
failure – not an easy road to follow.

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Sameer Mathur, Ph.D. (Carnegie Mellon University) http://www.BuddingMarkets.com
• http://www.cbii.com/images/people-handshake.jpg
• http://www.personalitytutor.com/files/2012/02/How-To-Be-Positive.jpg
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Sameer Mathur, Ph.D. (Carnegie Mellon University) http://www.BuddingMarkets.com
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The document outlines a 9-step process for choosing the right conflict management strategy in the workplace: 1. Call a meeting and define the situation factually without judgment. 2. Discuss possible negative issues while emphasizing they are perceptions, not facts. 3. Encourage looking at possible positive aspects to build on. 4. Discuss various options and gain commitment to positive aspirations. 5. Generate plans to achieve listed aspirations and address remaining negatives. 6. Establish a structure to accomplish goals. 7. Discuss the costs of non-compliance. 8. Decide how to evaluate progress. 9. Summarize and reinforce the positive goals.

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Instructions: Respond to Amy Fowler post with 200 words and at least one reference. My original Post. Use for a reference only if needed. How you would manage such a person and encourage them to approach you instead of other members of management. Triangulation in the workplace more often than not triggers unintended consequences. Direct communication is therefore recommended to prevent such consequences. To encourage employees to approach me instead of other members of management, I would put several measures in place. Firstly, my department would have an open-door policy where they can walk in and talk about matters at hand fearlessly. Secondly, during orientation, I would encourage employees to address issues and complaints directly as opposed to discussing it with other people first. Thirdly, I would also give feedback to the intended persons instead of having feedback make rounds. Importantly, I would also create structured opportunities for real dialogues within the organization. I would also strive to find out why employees were making triangulations instead of approaching me directly. Lastly, I would organize a communication workshop that would refresh employee skills of workplace communication as well as sensitize them on the consequences of triangulation (Gee & Gee, 2011). Describe similar conflicts you have witnessed in your own work experience and share information as to how the problem was resolved. I have participated in triangulation in the past. The work environment did not take complaints and suggestions positively, therefore the only way to let management know was through triangulation such that the information cannot be traced to a specific employee. Another instance is when a colleague at a company I worked for could not address the manager directly since she claimed he had harassed her sexually. In the first scenario, the triangulation problem should have been resolved by the management investigating why information reached them through triangulation. Since employees were not ready to be fired or bullied for pointing out issues, the management should have stepped in by establishing better communication structures. In the second scenario, the sexual harassment matter should have been dealt with first by the human resource department. Once that matter is put to rest, then the manager and employee should find an amicable way to communicate and especially the systems put in place in the workplace. Reference Gee, V., & Gee, S. (2011). Business improv: Experiential learning exercises to train employees to handle every situation with success. New York : McGraw-Hill Professional. Instructions: Respond to Amy Fowler post with 200 words and at least one reference. Amy Fowler Post Triangulation can be tricky if you are the person being spoken about or if you are the third party that the complainer is speaking to.  I feel both positions have an obligation to stop the behavior.  “There are three general responses to tackle t ...

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(MBASkills.IN) How to Win Friends and Influence People

  • 1. 1 Sameer Mathur, Ph.D. (Carnegie Mellon University) http://www.BuddingMarkets.com 1 How to Win Friends and Influence People
  • 2. Marketing Professor 2009 – 2013 Ph.D. and M.S. (Marketing) 2003 – 2009 Marketing Professor 2013 – Indian Institute of Management, Lucknow 2 © Sameer Mathur 2 Prof. Sameer Mathur http://www.BuddingMarkets.com
  • 3. Section 1 3 Sameer Mathur, Ph.D. (Carnegie Mellon University) http://www.BuddingMarkets.com Fundamental Techniques in Handling People
  • 4. 4 Sameer Mathur, Ph.D. (Carnegie Mellon University) http://www.BuddingMarkets.com 1. “If You Want To Gather Honey, Don’t Kick Over The Beehive” Most people don’t respond very well to criticism, condemnation, or complaint, so if you’re feeling such things about someone, just bite your tongue and hold back. By doing this, you avoid adding unnecessary negativity to a conversation, negativity that can very easily backfire on you by making others think less of you. Section 1
  • 5. 5 Sameer Mathur, Ph.D. (Carnegie Mellon University) http://www.BuddingMarkets.com 2. The Big Secret of Dealing With People Speak positively of others every chance you get. Think of a few positive things to say about each person you know and then reference those positive attributes when you can. Section 1
  • 6. 6 Sameer Mathur, Ph.D. (Carnegie Mellon University) http://www.BuddingMarkets.com 3. “He Who Can Do This Has The Whole World With Him. He Who Cannot Walks A Lonely Way” Section 1
  • 7. 7 Sameer Mathur, Ph.D. (Carnegie Mellon University) http://www.BuddingMarkets.com Make the other person interested in you by leading with the things that are useful to them. Take a cover letter, for example; don’t lead with “I want this job,” but instead with something stating your best characteristic for that job. Section 1
  • 8. 8 Sameer Mathur, Ph.D. (Carnegie Mellon University) http://www.BuddingMarkets.com Section 2 Section 2: Six Ways to Make People Like You
  • 9. Six Ways to Make People Like You 9 Sameer Mathur, Ph.D. (Carnegie Mellon University) http://www.BuddingMarkets.com 1. Do This and You’ll Be Welcome Anywhere in essence. Carnegie says that you should become genuinely interested in other people, which is rather challenging for most introverts to do. What I’ve found that works for me is that I try to internalize what other people are saying – does this make sense in my life? Then, I try to express what I figure out – it shows that I am taking an actual interest in what they’re saying.
  • 10. Six Ways to Make People Like You 10 Sameer Mathur, Ph.D. (Carnegie Mellon University) http://www.BuddingMarkets.com 2. A Simple Way to Make a Good First Impression All you have to do is smile, but it’s harder than it sounds. I generally find success by greeting people in a positive fashion while imagining things that make me happy – it makes it much easier to bring forth a smile.
  • 11. Six Ways to Make People Like You 11 Sameer Mathur, Ph.D. (Carnegie Mellon University) http://www.BuddingMarkets.com 3. If You Don’t Do This, You Are Headed For Trouble I am very good with names – I can recall facts about people by name without any trouble – but I run into issues when I see a face and try to put a name to it…
  • 12. 12 Sameer Mathur, Ph.D. (Carnegie Mellon University) http://www.BuddingMarkets.com …Carnegie suggests getting as good as you can with it. I’ve found that if I really need to remember someone’s name with their face, particularly before a conference, I look at their picture online with some regularity. This helps me to imprint their image in my mind and then be able to recall their name quickly after meeting them.
  • 13. Six Ways to Make People Like You 13 Sameer Mathur, Ph.D. (Carnegie Mellon University) http://www.BuddingMarkets.com 4. An Easy Way to Become a Good Conversationalist Here, Carnegie says the best way to be seen as being a good conversationalist is to genuinely listen to others. I’ve always found this part to be easy – it’s the speaking part that I find challenging.
  • 14. Six Ways to Make People Like You 14 Sameer Mathur, Ph.D. (Carnegie Mellon University) http://www.BuddingMarkets.com 5. How to Interest People The key technique here is to translate what you hear into talking about what interests the person you’re speaking to. Listen for things that they are interested in that you know something about, and then follow that point as a train of conversation – don’t just interject your current passions into the discussion, because they might not be shared.
  • 15. Six Ways to Make People Like You 15 Sameer Mathur, Ph.D. (Carnegie Mellon University) http://www.BuddingMarkets.com 6. How to Make People Like You Instantly If you want to build a real bond with someone else, make it clear how important that person is to you and do it in a way that the sincerity of the feeling comes across. I find a great way to do this is actually by connecting two people I know together – I introduce them to each other with a compliment to both of them, especially if I know something that they’ll have a mutual interest in.
  • 16. 16 Sameer Mathur, Ph.D. (Carnegie Mellon University) http://www.BuddingMarkets.com Section 3 How to Win People to Your Way of Thinking
  • 17. How To Win People To Your Way Of Thinking 17 Sameer Mathur, Ph.D. (Carnegie Mellon University) http://www.BuddingMarkets.com 1. You Can’t Win An Argument So, avoid arguments. If something looks like it might be turning into one, just let it drop as gracefully as you can and move on. Doing this over and over again will make you appear levelheaded and rational.
  • 18. How To Win People To Your Way Of Thinking 18 Sameer Mathur, Ph.D. (Carnegie Mellon University) http://www.BuddingMarkets.com 2. A Sure Way of Making Enemies – and How to Avoid It The easiest way to make an enemy is to tell them that they are wrong. Instead of doing that, say something like, “I never thought of it that way before” and ask questions, whether or not you feel the position has merit or not.
  • 19. How To Win People To Your Way Of Thinking 19 Sameer Mathur, Ph.D. (Carnegie Mellon University) http://www.BuddingMarkets.com 3. If You’re Wrong, Admit It If you are revealed to be wrong, just admit it and be very clear about the admission. Don’t try to hide it under sulking or arrogance, because you’ll just amplify the negativity of those behaviors when you’ve clearly been exposed as being wrong.
  • 20. How To Win People To Your Way Of Thinking 20 Sameer Mathur, Ph.D. (Carnegie Mellon University) http://www.BuddingMarkets.com 4. A Drop of Honey Often, you have to enter conversations where you’re going to have to deliver some bad news or a negative report. You can make this go much easier by starting off with the positives…
  • 21. How To Win People To Your Way Of Thinking 21 Sameer Mathur, Ph.D. (Carnegie Mellon University) http://www.BuddingMarkets.com …for example, if you have terrible service at an otherwise good restaurant, don’t shout at the manager about it – tell him the things you did like first, then point out that some service problems may be tarnishing the reputation of the restaurant. This actually works really well for making the conversation go well and it has earned me a few vouchers, too.
  • 22. How To Win People To Your Way Of Thinking 22 Sameer Mathur, Ph.D. (Carnegie Mellon University) http://www.BuddingMarkets.com 5. The Secret of Socrates If you’re trying to convince someone of your argument, start off with base points that you’re absolutely sure they will agree with and ask them to acknowledge that agreement. Then, when you move from step to step, keep getting those positive acknowledgements. A string of “yeses” is more likely to yield another “yes”.
  • 23. How To Win People To Your Way Of Thinking 23 Sameer Mathur, Ph.D. (Carnegie Mellon University) http://www.BuddingMarkets.com 6. The Safety Valve in Handling Complaints When someone comes to you to complain about something, don’t interject and start an argument. Let them blow off their steam and only respond when they’re finished…
  • 24. How To Win People To Your Way Of Thinking 24 Sameer Mathur, Ph.D. (Carnegie Mellon University) http://www.BuddingMarkets.com …Ask questions to encourage them to speak even more. This will often cause them to vent off most or all of their issue, which makes it much easier for the problem to be handled rationally at the end of the conversation.
  • 25. How To Win People To Your Way Of Thinking 25 Sameer Mathur, Ph.D. (Carnegie Mellon University) http://www.BuddingMarkets.com 7. How to Get Cooperation
  • 26. How To Win People To Your Way Of Thinking 26 Sameer Mathur, Ph.D. (Carnegie Mellon University) http://www.BuddingMarkets.com If you can, lead them to the conclusion of the argument. Present all of the ideas up front, then state your conclusion and ask for their approval on it with a nice “What do you think?” Listen to what they have to say and then try to incorporate it. In the end, they will feel like the idea is theirs and will come out of the conversation feeling quite positive about things. This is a great way to get a supervisor to incorporate a change in the workplace.
  • 27. How To Win People To Your Way Of Thinking 27 Sameer Mathur, Ph.D. (Carnegie Mellon University) http://www.BuddingMarkets.com 8. A Formula That Will Work Wonders for You If you just don’t understand where someone is coming from, spend a bit of time trying to put yourself in that person’s shoes. Why would this person feel this way about the situation? Usually, putting yourself in their shoes for a while will reveal a few things that weren’t entirely clear to you before and might just lead directly to a healthy understanding and solution to the problem at hand.
  • 28. How To Win People To Your Way Of Thinking 28 Sameer Mathur, Ph.D. (Carnegie Mellon University) http://www.BuddingMarkets.com 9. What Everybody Wants Inevitably, someone will come to you with an untenable idea or desire that you simply can’t approve of. In that case, at least show approval of the feelings and thoughts that brought the suggestion to bear.
  • 29. How To Win People To Your Way Of Thinking 29 Sameer Mathur, Ph.D. (Carnegie Mellon University) http://www.BuddingMarkets.com 10. An Appeal That Everybody Likes Regardless of whether or not you feel a claim is legitimate or not, respond to it with sincerity by appealing to fundamental societal ideas of right and wrong and fair play. Frame your response in such a way that the person’s fundamental sense of right and wrong is put into play when they hear what you have to say.
  • 30. How To Win People To Your Way Of Thinking 30 Sameer Mathur, Ph.D. (Carnegie Mellon University) http://www.BuddingMarkets.com 11. The Movies Do It. TV Does It. Why Don’t You Do It? If you have a great idea, think of how to incorporate it into a story. Relate it directly to a human experience and tell that story as you’re trying to tell your idea. Connecting the concept to a tale will always make it work – that’s the reason fables stay around for thousands of years.
  • 31. How To Win People To Your Way Of Thinking 31 Sameer Mathur, Ph.D. (Carnegie Mellon University) http://www.BuddingMarkets.com 12. When Nothing Else Works, Try This If you can’t get your ideas and motivational speeches to work, throw down a direct challenge. This doesn’t mean saying something like “I challenge you…”; just do something to get their competitive spirit going. By doing this well, you can draw even more of their spirit into completing the objective.
  • 32. 32 Sameer Mathur, Ph.D. (Carnegie Mellon University) http://www.BuddingMarkets.com Section 4 Be a Leader: How to Change People Without Giving Offense or Arousing Resentment
  • 33. Be a Leader 33 Sameer Mathur, Ph.D. (Carnegie Mellon University) http://www.BuddingMarkets.com 1. If You Must Find Fault, This Is the Way to Begin If you’re going to find fault in a person or an organization, start off by stating their positive attributes and the things that you find good about the person or the group. Then, once you’ve established that there are positive attributes and you’re not just railing on them, you can move onto the criticism.
  • 34. Be a Leader 34 Sameer Mathur, Ph.D. (Carnegie Mellon University) http://www.BuddingMarkets.com 2. How to Criticize – and Not Be Hated for It If you’re going to criticize something, you’re better off criticizing it indirectly, usually by offering a positive suggestion in another direction. Let’s say, for example, that I were to write a piece here that you didn’t agree with.
  • 35. Be a Leader 35 Sameer Mathur, Ph.D. (Carnegie Mellon University) http://www.BuddingMarkets.com Rather than trying to trash the argument, one could merely say that I could word it differently and suggest some phrase changes so it didn’t come off as overbearing, thus alerting me indirectly to some of the big flaws in the argument.
  • 36. Be a Leader 36 Sameer Mathur, Ph.D. (Carnegie Mellon University) http://www.BuddingMarkets.com 3. Talk About Your Own Mistakes First Another effective way to blunt the sting of criticism is to tell of your own faults and mistakes first. Let’s say you’re trying to advise someone about debts. One way to make the advice more effective is to talk of your own problems with accruing debt.
  • 37. Be a Leader 37 Sameer Mathur, Ph.D. (Carnegie Mellon University) http://www.BuddingMarkets.com 4. No One Likes to Take Orders If you need to instruct someone to do something, instead of shouting out an order, ask some questions about the problem and lead them to a solution in which they can participate. If you involve them in the solution by asking questions, not only will they do it, they’ll feel involved in the solution.
  • 38. Be a Leader 38 Sameer Mathur, Ph.D. (Carnegie Mellon University) http://www.BuddingMarkets.com 5. Let the Other Person Save Face If you’ve just offered up criticism, allow the other person plenty of space to save face. Let them correct the mistake if they can, or at least give them the opportunity to do so – only after this opportunity should you seek change.
  • 39. Be a Leader 39 Sameer Mathur, Ph.D. (Carnegie Mellon University) http://www.BuddingMarkets.com Your belief might be to get rid of the problem completely, but by letting the problem at least have a chance to be solved, you not only appear more fair to the person or group in question, you appear more humane and a much more sound leader to everyone else.
  • 40. Be a Leader 40 Sameer Mathur, Ph.D. (Carnegie Mellon University) http://www.BuddingMarkets.com 6. How to Spur People On to Success Whenever someone shows any sign of improvement, make it clear to that person – and to others – that you notice and appreciate it. I recall an experience in a workplace where we had to turn out “units” every so often…
  • 41. Be a Leader 41 Sameer Mathur, Ph.D. (Carnegie Mellon University) http://www.BuddingMarkets.com …The average person on the team was turning out eight or nine units a day, while one person was working steadily but only turning out five. After talking to a supervisor about it, he tried some new techniques and produced six a day – and seven on the final day of the week…
  • 42. Be a Leader 42 Sameer Mathur, Ph.D. (Carnegie Mellon University) http://www.BuddingMarkets.com …The boss made it a point to praise him at a meeting, stating that he had cranked up productivity more than 20%, even though he was still the lowest producer. Eventually, he began to produce at the level of everyone else because he now believed he could do it.
  • 43. Be a Leader 43 Sameer Mathur, Ph.D. (Carnegie Mellon University) http://www.BuddingMarkets.com 7. Give a Dog a Good Name When you introduce someone or mention them in a group setting, always talk them up. Give them a standard to live up to as you introduce them and they’ll try hard to live up to that standard. The reverse is true; if you don’t say much or criticize them as you introduce them, they’ll live up to that lowly standard instead.
  • 44. Be a Leader 44 Sameer Mathur, Ph.D. (Carnegie Mellon University) http://www.BuddingMarkets.com 8. Make the Fault Seem Easy to Correct If you’re giving advice to someone about how to correct a problem, try to make the problem seem easy to correct. Offer up lots of pointers that on their own seem quite easy and let that person believe that they’re all easy and that they can do it. Making the suggestions for correcting the fault seem difficult makes the person think that it’s going to be very hard and they’re doomed to failure – not an easy road to follow.
  • 45. Be a Leader 45 Sameer Mathur, Ph.D. (Carnegie Mellon University) http://www.BuddingMarkets.com 9. Making People Glad to Do What You Want Once you know a person, you know where their points of pride are. When you ask them for something, make sure that they see the connection to things that they pride themselves on, and also be sure to compliment them on those points of pride…
  • 46. Be a Leader 46 Sameer Mathur, Ph.D. (Carnegie Mellon University) http://www.BuddingMarkets.com …Put it in a context of the bigger goals and let them see that you see even their simple piece as a vital part of the puzzle. Doing these things will make people much happier to follow your requests with happiness.
  • 47. Image Credits 47 Sameer Mathur, Ph.D. (Carnegie Mellon University) http://www.BuddingMarkets.com • http://www.cbii.com/images/people-handshake.jpg • http://www.personalitytutor.com/files/2012/02/How-To-Be-Positive.jpg • http://fc01.deviantart.net/fs50/f/2009/260/c/9/Walking_alone_by_al_fahad515.jpg • http://pad1.whstatic.com/images/thumb/6/67/Train-Someone-to-Do-Your-Job-Step-6.jpg/550px-Train-Someone-to-Do-Your-Job-Step-6.jpg • http://work.chron.com/DM-Resize/photos.demandstudios.com/getty/article/214/154/dv1080023.jpg?w=600&h=600&keep_ratio=1 • http://img.webmd.com/dtmcms/live/webmd/consumer_assets/site_images/article_thumbnails/features/_2012/07_2012/what_does_your_smile_say_ab out_you_features/375x321_what_does_your_smile_say_about_you_features.jpg • http://meganandtimmy.com/wp-content/uploads/2011/11/cant-remember.jpg • http://ronepraisehouston.files.wordpress.com/2011/09/86490082.jpg • http://blog.logmycalls.com/Portals/155740/images/argument-sales-marketing.jpg • http://lookingtobusiness.com/wp-content/uploads/2009/12/Sales-Argument.gif • http://www.european-coatings.com/var/ezflow_site/storage/images/european-coatings/home/markets-companies/nubiola-expands-its-distribution- agreement-with-keyser-mackay/508595-1-eng-GB/Nubiola-expands-its-distribution-agreement-with-Keyser-Mackay.jpg
  • 48. Image Credits 48 Sameer Mathur, Ph.D. (Carnegie Mellon University) http://www.BuddingMarkets.com • http://llbartlett.typepad.com/.a/6a00d8345202e069e2015435652465970c-800wi • http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-3pnLJuGkdp0/UR36z_OCmXI/AAAAAAAAATk/Fk4w7xY6sIU/s1600/complaining1.jpg • http://beniciaherald.files.wordpress.com/2010/02/adam-jennydress.jpg • http://comfortmemorials.com/site1/wp-content/uploads/2013/03/Comfort_1.jpg • http://blogs-images.forbes.com/susantardanico/files/2013/01/dreamstime_m_85361844.jpg • http://www.healthguidance.org/hgimages/16451Criticizing.jpg • http://commonsenseatheism.com/wp-content/uploads/2010/12/criticizing-hitchens.png • http://careers.queensu.ca/students/services/advising/advising.jpg • http://wp.streetwise.co/wp-content/blogs.dir/2/files/2013/03/leaders-wanted.gif • http://www.uh-72a.com/images/the-team/Our-Team_5-31-2013.jpg • http://pad1.whstatic.com/images/thumb/4/44/Impress-Someone-on-a-First-Date-Step-10-Version-2.jpg/550px-Impress-Someone-on-a- First-Date-Step-10-Version-2.jpg • http://www.sense.org.uk/sites/default/files/man_on_mens_shoulders_304r.jpg • http://static.guim.co.uk/sys-images/Guardian/Pix/pictures/2012/10/16/1350397525335/business-goals-010.jpg
  • 49. Over 1 Million views from more than 100 countries www.BuddingMarkets.com Prof. Sameer Mathur Over 250 presentations on Marketing Top 1% most viewed